Chapter Text
“Kaeya, I’m closing the bar. You have to leave.”
Angel’s Share was empty cept for the two men. Diluc wiped down the main counter, skirting around where the knight's head was laid down flat, unmoving except for the slight rise and fall of his shoulders with his breath. The older man sighed. He had gotten in too late, Charles already having served the knight a drink too many what Diluc would’ve, not as attentive to a certain Cavalry Captain’s physical and mental state as the wine tycoon. Diluc regarded Kaeya with a sort of masked animosity, something almost akin to embarrassment. He might not have had a full conversation with the man in over 3 years, but that didn’t mean he was going to let the boy drink himself to death on his watch. Unfortunately, Charles hadn’t learned to walk that fine line between what Kaeya could and could not handle. And now, Diluc was left with a very drunk Cavalry Captain, half-passed out on the counter he was trying to clean.
He continued idly scrubbing glasses clean for a while longer, keeping a close eye on the knight, before he finally gave up and deemed it necessary to help Kaeya get home. Moving around from his side of the bar, he placed a hand on his shoulder, trying to shake him awake from behind. “Kaeya,” he stated firmly, a tone that none would easily protest in a more sober state. “You really need to get up. Come on, I’ll help you get home.”
Kaeya groaned incessantly at the shaking, trying to shoo Diluc’s hands away from him as he heaved himself upright in his stool, turning to face the other man. The blue-haired man definitely looked hammered. He was sweaty and, despite the ruddiness of intoxication not often showing on his dark complexion, noticeably redder than usual. His single eye was dilated and unfocused. Diluc wondered if he even knew where he was. Gods, he should make Kaeya pay extra for this type of in-house service. The man seemed to attempt to study him intently, unable to keep his eye fully focused on his face.
“What…” Kaeya began to slur, head lolling to the side a bit. “What day is it?” Diluc hardly forced down an incredulous laugh. He would really have to talk to Charles about this. Kaeya and unhindered drinking did not go well together, and oftentimes Diluc was the one who had to clean up the mess. Even if that usually meant pawning him off to Rosaria or Eula when they were around. Of course, it was coming up on 1 a.m, and both women were actually reasonable enough to go home, smart enough to know roaming the streets at night, even in a city as peaceful as Mondstadt, was an absolutely terrible endeavor to embark on while this threateningly inebriated. Diluc hoped the church could heal liver failure as easily as they could heal flesh wounds with the state this damn city was in.
“It’s the 30th of June. Now get up. If you’re this drunk, you really need to sober up and get to bed. Now, come. I’m not waiting here all night.” Kaeya sat still, clearly still processing Diluc’s words through his alcohol-ridden brain. Slowly, his eye widened in realization, only to be forced back down by a down-turned eyebrow, giving Diluc an immature pout.
“Diiiillluuuucccc,” Kaeya whined, dropping his head heavily to his chest. The wine tycoonist sighed dramatically at the spectacle. He wasn’t going to get much sleep tonight. “Can’t go home tonight.” He continued, words long and pouty. “Need to go to Bedo’s. ‘S important. Ya’ know where Albedo lives?” The slurring of all of the s’ in the sentence almost made it incomprehensible, but Diluc thought he understood. Well, there were a lot of things about this situation he didn’t understand, but at least he could attest to the Chief Alchemist at least being trustworthy . He didn’t expect Albedo would be liable in engaging in some kind of late night drunken hook-up with the Cavalry Captain, and Kaeya being taken advantage of in this state was his main concern allowing him to walk alone at night. That, and he would just get lost. But the Chief Alchemist is responsible, possibly more capable than even Diluc himself, and he would be relieved to pawn off the nuisance drunkard to somebody else for the night, if only so he could actually do his fucking job and not babysit a twenty-something year old manchild until daybreak. He motioned for Kaeya to try to stand up on his own.
“Fine, yes, I assume he dorms somewhere within the Knight’s headquarters, yes? I can take you there at least, but you’ll either be on your own from there or you’ll have to guide me the rest of the way.” Kaeya hummed and gave a sloppy nod in response, eye still closed as the redhead was afraid the knight would just pass out then and there. Bracing himself on the counter, the man heaved himself up onto his feet, meeting a bit of resistance at the top as he tried to regain his balance. Swiftly, Diluc threw the man’s arm over his shoulder, hoisted him up by the waist, and began practically dragging him out of the tavern and into the streets of Mond. He couldn’t say years of training and fighting with claymores didn’t give him anything. If anything, Kaeya was just a bit of deadweight off his shoulder, nothing he couldn’t and hasn’t already handled.
The walk through Mond wasn’t terrible, though it was slower than Diluc was hoping it’d be. Turns out it was actually quite hard to carry a full grown man on your shoulder, especially when this man had no control over his body and allowed his weight to shift with every corner they took. Making it up to the gates of Headquarters, he was met with the most shell-shocked look he’d ever seen grace human features as the two knights on night-watch took in the sight of ex-Cavalry Captain knight-anti turned wine tycoonist carry an incredibly intoxicated now-Cavalry Captain disowned adopted brother with a drinking problem through the heavy wooden doors and into the great hall inside. In their shock, they didn’t even think to stop them.
Diluc shook the blue-haired man on his shoulder a bit, shrugging violently to try and jostle the man awake. Upon receiving a startled grunt of recognition, he annoyedly whispered into the silence of the hall, refusing to try and speak to the man directly and get a face full of his rat-tail. “Now, where’s Albedo’s room? Second floor? Do I have to haul your ass up some stairs?” Kaeya, still practically unconscious, only gave a small hum of approval in response, his carrier rolling his eyes in annoyance at the action and bracing for the trek.
Diluc was unfortunately familiar with the layout of the Knights of Favonius Headquarters, especially the dorm layout. There were bronze nameplates adorning each door, relatively few and far between as the second floor main building dorms were apartment style, saved for higher-ranking members of the Knights. As he perused the floor, he passed by a surprising number of names he didn’t recognize. Amber, Lisa, Noelle (note: she’s a high ranking member because i fucking say so), Klee. Albedo’s was the next door down, and he was still a name the redhead was most unfamiliar with. He had never actually met the alchemist, only heard of him in passing and gossip, as apparently he had shown up in Mond while he was away. Despite his hatred for the code of the Knights, and the manner in which they conduct themselves, there was a certain burn in his chest at the amount of unfamiliarity in these otherwise familiar halls. Halls he roamed so frequently before. Things have changed so much. Was change as good a thing as he had hoped?
Moving to Albedo’s door, Diluc gripped onto Kaeya’s hip more firmly in order to free one of his hands to give a polite rap on the door, making sure to be discernible to the man inside without waking up his neighbors. A small bit of shuffling could be heard inside before the door was opened. In the doorframe stood a bleach-blond haired man, only coming up to about Diluc’s sternum, staring up at him with big, blue eyes. This was Diluc’s first time actually seeing the alchemist and, honestly, he was a freaky little thing. When Albedo noticed him, he could briefly recognize a flash of emotion graze the man’s face, though he set himself back into a neutral position so quickly he could hardly tell what it was. He stood unnaturally still, regarding him blankly as he took in the situation at hand. It was almost inhuman. Hand still propping open the door, not having moved anything cept for the angle of his chin since revealing himself to the tycoonist, Albedo tilted his head up to finally address the man.
“Master Diluc, welcome. I see you’ve brought Sir Kaeya with you.” He stated matter of factly, passing his gaze over Kaeya’s limp, half-unconscious body leaning heavily on Diluc’s side. “I’m sorry if he caused you any… trouble.” Albedo lowered his lids a bit, regarding the bartender with more critical skepticism instead of harmless curiosity. “Though, I do thank you for bringing him here. It’s pertinent for Sir Kaeya’s health that he actually shows up to these appointments.” Leaving the other man no time for questions, Albedo steps to the side, looking expectedly to the redhead to follow him inside. Diluc does as he’s told, dragging the knight into the other man’s apartment. It looked almost… sterile. The living room at least truly had no personality to it, in fact, Diluc doubted the alchemist had even actually changed anything from the default positioning and atmosphere to the apartment. It was all blank, white walls and shiny, spotless countertops. It didn’t look lived in. It looked manufactured. On top of all that weirdness, what was wrong with Kaeya’s health ? The man was sickly as a child, badly enough that it could be deemed concerning, but Diluc was certain his constitution had improved as he got older. Sure, he may be completely compromising that with his drinking habits, but Albedo spoke like this was a regular occurence. And, as far as he knew, it wasn’t as if Albedo were a healer, either. The entire situation; being in the new dormitories, encroaching upon a situation he knew absolutely nothing about (even though he probably should ), Diluc was beginning to feel all kinds of uneasy.
The redhead followed Albedo as he led him to the couch, gesturally instructing him to deposit Kaeya there as he then left to another room, most likely to fetch whatever he needed for this… ‘appointment.’ Should Diluc still be here? Albedo hadn’t told him he should leave, per say, but the man also didn’t indicate anything socially. He sort of just… left Diluc with things and expected him to fill in the blanks. No wonder he got along so easily with Kaeya; he’s learned, since he got back, the man has gained quite a charisma, usually taking a natural lead in any social situation. Very different from the shy, socially-awkward boy he knew in his youth. But, many aspects about Kaeya are different now than back then.
Albedo eventually came back into the living room with two rolls of bandages, a cream of some kind, and a vial of thick, cherry red liquid. Appraising the foreigner in his apartment as he made his way to the couch, Albedo did not stop in his stride even as he addressed the man. “Do you plan to stay, Master Diluc? I would expect this to be most upsetting to you, considering the circumstances.” Diluc was fully confused now. He had absolutely no idea what was going on and his stomach churned uncomfortably at the thought of learning what it was. There was no good ending to this conversation. Keeping steadfast in his approach, he met Albedo head on.
“What do you mean? I’m sorry to say, I have no idea what’s happening here. Kaeya told me to bring him here in his drunken state, and I wasn’t exactly keen on letting him loose in the Mondstadt streets when he could barely stand up on his own.” Albedo paused his preparation, surprise clearly painted on his porcelain features and for the first time this entire night, Diluc could actually discern what the man was feeling. Though, he didn’t exactly know what in particular he had said to cause such a reaction. He had come to terms with the fact that there were many things he did not know while inside these walls.
“Oh, I apologize for assuming. I had just… thought you would’ve realized. Injuries this severe require long-term treatment, and the nuns at the Church can’t exactly heal Kaeya’s afflictions. His wounds have been healed, yes, but there is still a process one must go through to return to his previous level of health and comfort.” The bartender was anxious now. Serious injuries? Long-term treatment? How was it that he knew so little about his brother’s life? Sure, he had been gone for three years, but could things really change this fast? His little brother had new friends, new people helping him, caring for him, people that Diluc didn’t know about . And now he was suffering from an injury? He isn’t stupid, he knew things could never go back to the way things were before between him and Kaeya. But, he didn’t expect to be this badly affected by the changes taking place. His brother was healing. He was making friends and living a new life and yes he was still struggling because of him but part of him wants to believe that some part of Kaeya is at least a little happier now. Maybe he didn’t deserve to be in his life anymore. He forced himself to swallow his self-reservations.
“What, um… What injury?” Albedo was untucking Kaeya’s shirt from his pants, having since stripped him of all his fanciful overcoats and accessories to leave him in one of his many plain white dress shirts. Diluc thinks it might’ve actually belonged to him, once upon a time ago. The alchemist looked at him from where he was working, sorrow and regret and something that looked disgustingly like pity shining in those big, blank blue eyes. His mouth was curved slightly downwards. And as Albedo unbuttoned the drunkard’s shirt, Diluc felt his heart stop in his chest.
“The burns, Master Diluc. I’m referring to the burns.”
He felt like he was going to vomit. Of course, he could never forget the events of that night. The hatred that he felt, the betrayal, the anger… the fear in Kaeya’s eyes. All of it was permanently etched into his memory, terrorizing him whenver rain began to pour. However, he never saw his traitorous brother directly after the fact. Upon his brother receiving his vision, a great wall of ice was created around him, shielding him from Diluc’s view. He thought that it too shielded him from his attack. Unfortunately, he was wrong.
The majority of the right half of Kaeya’s torso was covered in raised, red scar tissue, his skin looking irritated and stretched. It wrapped in thick ropes around his chest and right bicep, appearing to reach up to his back as well. Diluc stood stock still as Albedo snapped in the man’s face, trying to get his attention as he experimentally moved the afflicted arm up and down, seemingly testing its movement ability. A cold chill ran down the redhead’s spine, and, clearly, it was noticed by the alchemist as well.
“I would assume you especially would be aware of the injuries. I apologize for the shock this revelation may have induced, and Kaeya may be quite upset when he wakes up in the morning, but it can’t be helped. Now, would you mind helping me apply the salve? Kaeya usually helps me in the places he can reach on his own, it makes the process much quicker. Seeing as he still needs to go home, I would assume you won’t be wanting to stay here any longer than you absolutely have to.” The blond conversed with Diluc matter-of-factly, as if his whole view of his situation hadn’t just been flipped on its head due to the realization of the extent at which he had injured Kaeya. The extent at which he had injured his little brother . When he left three years ago, Diluc swore he would never refer to Kaeya by that term ever again. But now, seeing him here, hurt by his hand, it was the only term that felt appropriate. The only term that could convey just how the tycoonist felt about the situation. Slowly, prying himself out of his guilt-ridden trance, he shifted to get closer to Kaeya. Albedo took a scoop of thick, white cream from a capsule he had placed on the coffee table and wiped some onto Diluc’s hand, already getting to work rubbing it into the burnt scar tissue of the man’s arm. Finding the sight just as unbearable as he did when he was first introduced, Diluc decided to work on the man’s back. The depersonalization was necessary if he were going to actually complete his task without having a complete mental shutdown. As the two men worked, he figured it optimal to get some of his questions answered by the alchemist while he was here. Gods knew Kaeya wasn’t going to answer them when he woke up.
“So…” The tycoonist had never been the social butterfly, and he cursed himself for it now. He needed to find the right words in this situation. He knew Albedo wouldn’t hold his faults against him, he suspects the man doesn’t fully grasp the social implications of their current scenario. However, Diluc found he needed to tread lightly, if not for anyone but himself. “How long have you been doing… this ?”
“For the past two and a half years or so, I suspect. It wasn’t long after I got to Mondstadt, I recall that much. I found Sir Kaeya alone in his office suffering acute respiratory distress, which I later learned to be due to blood poisoning caused by the untreated burns. Ever since that day, I’ve forced him to come to me every month on the 30th. I help him with his mobility, apply this salve to the places he can’t reach, and wrap his burns so that he may allow them to properly alleviate themselves overnight. Of course, he absolutely refuses to allow himself to be bandaged for any longer, which is, in part, one of the reasons that Sir Kaeya’s recovery has taken so long. With burns so severe, however, the prolongation is inevitable. Unfortunately, however, I cannot help with the nerve damage.”
“ Nerve damage??” Diluc stressed incredulously. After tonight, he would seriously consider a drink. Or maybe he would request an extra dose of sleeping medication from Adelinde tomorrow. He needed respite from this hell.
“Yes, nerve damage. Your flames burnt through both his epidermis and dermis in some areas. That is to say, you burnt through multiple layers of skin in such a large area that some of the nerve endings are completely fried. I suspect Sir Kaeya is unable to feel any sensations on about half of this scar tissue. Though, rest assured, that also means he did not feel pain at the original infliction. However, the burns that didn’t destroy his nerve endings would have had to have been quite painful, given the sheer intensity of the flames, the increased proximity and the fact that he walked about a mile before he was able to get any sort of relief.” If any of that was supposed to be comforting to Diluc, it really wasn’t fucking working. Most of what the alchemist said went over his head, and he wasn’t embarrassed to admit it. The man in front of him was a genius, that much was obvious. However, he did understand what was absolutely crucial: he put Kaeya in a lot of fucking pain that night. And then he left him to die. And, at the time, he thought that was what he really wanted, expressing such to his sweet little brother. He was an asshole.
Eventually they were able to cover all of Kaeya’s scar tissue with the cream, and they then moved on to wrapping him with thick bandages for the night. This was something Diluc unfortunately had apt experience in performing, what with his time hunting the Fatui on his own for three years, and with a total of four hands working, the job was done quicker than Diluc would have hoped. Part of him wanted to stay sat on this couch, silent cept for the intelligent ramblings of the socially inept alchemist, Kaeya unconscious and unaware that the man he most likely despised the most was gleaning in on his secrets, secrets that wouldn’t have to be secrets if Diluc wasn’t so cruel and actually had a control on his temper. Albedo dressed Kaeya back into his shirt, handing the other outer garments to Diluc for him to carry along with the still unconscious knight. Heaving the man back onto his shoulder, cautious of the fresh wrappings that lay under the plain dress shirt, he began heaving Kaeya back to the entry of Albedo’s apartment. Before he could move to open the door, the alchemist placed a small hand on his shoulder to stop him.
“I appreciate you doing this for him, Master Diluc.” Albedo began, staring so intensely into the bartender’s own eyes that he felt himself begin to sweat at the attention. “I doubt you will be able to receive the same sentiment from Sir Kaeya himself, his sense of self-preservation is… unnervingly dulled,” Diluc’s heart lurched at the mention. “But I can at least attest that I am personally happy to see that Sir Kaeya has other people around him that care for him. He needs a reminder of that sometimes.” A reminder. Kaeya needed someone to tell him Diluc cared for him. Diluc needed to tell him that he still cared for him because, despite his incoherent musings and rationale he devised for himself in his absence that convinced him Kaeya didn’t want anything to do with him after the fight, Diluc went so far as to leave his brother half-dead and alone that night. He needed to be reminded that Diluc cared for his well being because now, three years later, Kaeya is the only one harboring physical scars from their fight. Because while Diluc sulked in his depression about losing all the family he had that night, the same went for Kaeya. A constant reminder of the other’s demonstrated hatred and animosity.
Realistically, Diluc knows it shouldn’t have taken revealing Kaeya’s physical trauma from the fight to clue the bartender in on how detrimental their fight really was to Kaeya’s health, both physical and mental. He remembers all too clearly the feeling of tearing into his brother's soft skin with his claymore, tension giving away as he was able to slice through layers of skin, just the sensory memory enough to make his stomach lurch and his skin crawl. Though he tried not to think about it, he was ultimately the one enabling Kaeya’s drinking problem. Sure, it probably would’ve been worse if Diluc wasn’t there to cut him off every once in a while so he couldn’t drink himself into a stupor like he did tonight, but it hurt all the same to know that Kaeya was able to hurt himself by Diluc’s own hand. There were plenty of signs his little brother wasn’t coping well, visible to Diluc even after three years had gone by since that day. But the winery owner was famously thick-headed and stubborn. He’d convinced himself he’d make it worse, that Diluc was the last person Kaeya wanted comforting him. Maybe he was disgustingly wrong.
Nodding his thanks to Albedo, Diluc took to dragging Kaeya back to his apartment, which was luckily just down the hall. Kaeya was completely unconscious at this point, having fallen asleep sometime between getting to Albedo’s couch and Diluc helping treat his brother’s wounds. He knew that even with what little shreds of consciousness Kaeya would have had, he would have fought the elder’s help vehemently. Taking the key from the knight’s jacket pocket he had slung over his arm, the red-head was successfully able to open the door and maneuver Kaeya inside without accidentally hitting him against a wall. His apartment wasn’t much better than Albedo’s, to Diluc’s dismay. He had hoped that since leaving his childhood home, Kaeya would’ve at least been able to make a new one. However, the apartment he stood in was just as barren, if not moreso, than that of the alchemist, who Diluc knew to spend little to no time in his apartment. The only decoration was the spattering of empty wine bottles next to the sink and a crudely drawn picture hanging on the fridge, seemingly made and given to him by a child. Upon closer inspection, it was of three stick figures; the smallest in red sported pigtails, who stood hand in hand between a yellow stick figure with a lab coat and long hair and a blue stick figure with an eyepatch. ‘For Kaeya’ was written below the figures, the writing so shaky and spaced out that the few words took up most of the bottom of the paper. A soft smile graced Diluc’s face, soaking in the brief moment of peace and relief the picture was able to provide him. At least Kaeya had a few good people.
Shoving his way into the adjacent bedroom, Diluc was finally able to deposit the drunk onto his bed. The man flopped bonelessly on top of the covers, head searching blindly for his pillow as he slept. Having completed the job he had set out to do tonight, Diluc suddenly felt at a loss. What exactly was he supposed to do with the information he learned today? On one hand, it’s been almost a year since the elder’s return, and this is his first time hearing of the burns Kaeya incurred that day; clearly, the man didn’t want Diluc to know about them. At least, he didn’t go out of his way to tell him explicitly, but Albedo did mention his little brother wouldn’t be thrilled at the new information. However, it’s not as if Diluc could possibly just leave his little brother alone after all he learned, least concerning of which being the physical injuries, because at least Diluc knew he was actually receiving treatment for those. No, Albedo had dropped a lot of hints regarding Kaeya’s mental and emotional wellbeing that still swam around in Diluc’s head.
“Of course, he absolutely refuses to allow himself to be bandaged for any longer” Why wouldn’t Kaeya allow himself to go through the process of healing from those wounds after almost four years? What was stopping him?
“I can at least attest that I am personally happy to see that Sir Kaeya has other people around him that care for him. He needs a reminder of that sometimes.” Did Kaeya truly believe that there was no one out there who cared for him?
“His sense of self-preservation is… unnervingly dulled.”
Why did Albedo have to cryptically tell Diluc that Kaeya was borderline suicidal?
…How borderline was it?
Mind suddenly flooding with worst case scenarios, Diluc threw open the bedroom door in search of something to write with. He couldn’t force Kaeya to talk to him, he wouldn’t , because Kaeya was the one that was actually good at talking and if he refused to do it, it’s not like the red-head could carry a conversation. Plus, it would only serve to make the situation worse. Diluc didn’t want to force his brother to vent out all of his insecurities and frustrations just to quell the other’s guilt. However, he wasn’t just going to leave after this. He spent the majority of a year pussyfooting around any actual conversation with the knight, interactions consisting of Kaeya ordering a drink and Diluc cutting him off. Who knew when the tycoonist would actually work up the nerve enough to reach out to Kaeya again? He needed to do something , and he needed to do it now, before it was too late.
Finding a Knights of Favonius notepad (and being subsequently impressed that they actually have branded merch apparently) and a pen, Diluc set to writing a note that he then placed atop Kaeya’s nightstand, along with two aspirin and a glass of water that would most likely be lukewarm come morning, but it didn’t matter. Hopefully, the man would read the note before coming out of his bedroom. That was the plan, at least. Heart-racing in his chest, Diluc was suddenly very aware of just how tired he actually was. His previous excitement and panic having dulled to passing thoughts and a dull nausea, the man was able to sit himself on Kaeya’s couch, and slowly drift to sleep.
When Kaeya woke up, it was to a note on his bedside table.
Kaeya,
I suspect you don’t remember much of last night. You all but passed out drunk, only after telling me you had to go to the Chief Alchemist’s apartment for the night. My plan was to drop you off with him, however, he informed me of the nature of the visit, and I was inclined to stay and help. I won’t lie, he told me about the burns, and I saw them for myself. Nothing could have prepared me for that. I won’t pour all of my feelings regarding the situation into this note, as I would reason that you are reading this after just having woken up, most likely with a disgusting hangover. However, I do need you to know that I’m deeply appalled with myself, and, while this may be long past overdue, I am sorry. I want to talk to you, but I also want you to know that you can choose to completely bypass this conversation if you’d like. I want to try and set things straight between us, which I know is a bit hypocritical coming from me, and I would completely understand if you chose to ignore this, and decide it would be better for your own wellbeing if I were to stay out of your life. However, I do want you to know, regardless, that I care about you. I got you back to the apartment at around 4 a.m, and frankly could not find it in myself to leave you alone after what I had learned, so I’ve most likely fallen asleep on your couch. I hope you don’t mind. If you decide you don’t want to talk, you can completely ignore my presence, and I will take that as a sign to leave. I won’t force you to do anything you aren’t ready for.
-Diluc Ragnvindr