Work Text:
Jeonghan is finally home.
Matapos ang isa’t kalahating taon ng pagtatrabaho sa London, nakauwi na rin siya sa wakas sa Pilipinas. His one year and 6 months contract has ended, and his company allowed him to take a vacation first habang pinag-iisipan pa niya ang contract extension.
If he’s being honest, wala na talaga siyang balak mag-renew pa ng kontrata. He prefers to stay in the Philippines for good. Ayaw na sana niyang bumalik pa roon ngunit malayo na ang narating ng career niya sa London. His boss actually offered him promotion before he left. In a short period of time, he managed to impress his superiors at work kaya naman isa siya sa mga empleyadong nabigyan ng pagkakataon na ma-regularize.
Past Jeonghan would grab that opportunity, with no hesitations, without even asking any questions. That job pays well, and for someone who has been living through his father’s financial support, this opportunity is such a big deal for him.
Ngunit ang Jeonghan sa panahon ngayon ay may iba nang priorities sa buhay bukod sa kanyang career. He can’t make this decision alone. He has a major reason to turn it down. A major reason to settle back to what he had in the Philippines.
The reason why he was so excited to go home. The reason why he left the country and took the London job in the first place. The reason why he decided to change his outlook in life (he went from being a happy-go-lucky reckless guy to someone who is so passionate about his craft).
His reason for almost everything since 3 years ago.
Seungcheol.
***
Matapos ang isa’t kalahating taon, makikita at mayayakap nang muli ni Seungcheol ang kanyang boyfriend. Bago siya dumiretso sa airport, dumaan muna siya sa mall para bilhan ito ng welcome gifts: isang box ng Mary Grace ensaymada at isang bouquet ng purple roses. The same exact gift he gave him during their first anniversary.
Some things never change.
Nang makarating siya sa may arrival exit, he quickly checked his phone just in case his boyfriend informed him kung saan siya aabangan.
Bay 8, love. Can’t wait to see u~~~ :*
Agad namang napangiti si Seungcheol kaya naman ay dali-dali niyang tinawagan ang minamahal na nobyo habang patuloy na nagmamaneho patungo sa eksaktong kitaan nilang dalawa.
“Hey, love,” malambing na bati ni Seungcheol sa jowa.
“Seungcheol! Nasaan ka na, love? Traffic ba? Excited na akong mayakap ka.”
“Hindi naman masyado halata na miss mo ako, ‘no?”
“Kailan ko ba tinago?” Seungcheol chuckled at that. Cheeky talaga.
“Sabi ko nga, ‘e,” Seungcheol replied as he stepped out of his car to approach a blond man in a black hoodie.
“So, nasaan ka na nga? Malapit ka na ba?”
“Lingon ka,” at nang lumingon na nga ang lalaking naka-itim na hoodie, Seungcheol gave him a soft, dimpled smile. “Welcome home, Jeonghan.”
***
Nang makita niyang muli ang mala-anghel na mukha ni Seungcheol, agad itong niyakap ni Jeonghan nang mahigpit.
“Namiss kita, love,” bulong ni Jeonghan sa tenga ni Seungcheol habang mahigpit pa ring nakayakap dito. Hindi talaga sang-ayon si Jeonghan sa desisyon nilang mag-LDR, to the point na nagdulot pa ang diskursong iyon sa matinding away noong nasa London pa sila pareho but Jeonghan had to compromise kahit gaano pa ito kahirap. Harsh words were thrown here and there, and when they finally cooled down, they both decided na working on their own careers is the best path to take even if it means na kailangan nilang mawalay sa isa’t isa for the meantime.
Seungcheol hugged him back and kissed the side of his forehead. “Namiss din kita.”
Matapos ang ilang minutong yakapan, Seungcheol lead Jeonghan to his car, isang itim na 2019 Land Rover Range Rover. “Wow, nice car,” manghang-manghang komento ni Jeonghan.
Proud na proud namang tumango at ngumiti si Seungcheol. “First purchase ko with my patent money. Who would’ve thought di ba? Parang dati lang, ako lang ang prof sa department na nakakasabay ng mga estudyante sa jeep. Ngayon, naabot ko na ang dream car ko.”
Lumawak naman lalo ang ngiti ni Jeonghan dahil dito. Pangarap lang ni Seungcheol ‘to dati, tapos ngayon naabot na niya. “Ang ganda. Pero akala ko ba Audi R8 ang dream car mo?”
Bago sumagot, sinimulan muna ni Seungcheol ang makina. “Wala, eh. Nagbago na ang pangarap ko.”
***
Matapos kumain ng pananghalian sa bahay ng mga Choi, agad na nagtungo si Seungcheol at Jeonghan sa Daranak Falls gamit ang motorsiklo ni Jeonghan. Ito kasi ang perpektong oras para magtampisaw at maligo sa talon.
Nang makababa sila sa motor, agad na naghabol ng hininga si Seungcheol. “Kahit na madalas mo akong iangkas sa motor mo, hindi pa rin ata ako masasanay.”
“Sorry na po, senyorito. Wala po kasi akong magarang kotse, pagtiisan muna natin ang limousine ko,” pang-aasar ni Jeonghan sa kasintahan.
Natawa na lamang si Seungcheol sa kapilyuhan ng nobyo kaya sinakyan na lamang niya ang trip nito. “Di bale, love. Kapag nakaangat na ako mula sa laylayan, makakabili din tayo ng magarang kotse. Para na rin hindi na ako makasabay ng mga estudyante ko sa jeep.”
“Sports car ba ‘yan?”
Seungcheol nodded. “Pangarap ko talagang makapag-drive ng Audi. Hindi space-consuming pero sexy. Kapag na-promote talaga ako to full professor status at inaprubahan ang patent applications ko, iyon ang una kong bibilhin.”
“Basta ako ang una mong pasahero, ha?”
Napa-bungisngis naman si Seungcheol dahil dito. “Oo naman. Sino pa bang isasakay ko roon bukod sa’yo at sa pamilya ko?”
Jeonghan wrapped his arms around Seungcheol’s neck. “Dapat lang, ‘no! Bibinyagan natin yang magiging sasakyan mo,” suggestive na bulong ni Jeonghan na may kasama pang kindat. “Kahit pa mabalian ako ng buto.”
Wala namang ibang nagawa si Seungcheol kundi ang matawa at mamula sa suhestiyon ng jowa niya kaya naman ginantihan na lamang niya ito gamit ang isang halik sa labi at isang maalindog na bulong sa kanyang tenga.
“Excited na akong makamit ka, dream car.”
***
Tahimik lamang na binabagtas ng magkasintahan ang kahabaan ng Taft Avenue. Ni hindi man lang nag-patugtog o nagbukas ng radyo si Seungcheol. The silence is deafening Jeonghan’s ears kaya naman nang mahinto sila sa tapat ng isang pamilyar na establishment, agad niyang sinubukan na basagin ang katahimikan.
“Love, tingnan mo oh,” Jeonghan pointed to a tattoo parlor across the street. “‘Yong tattoo shop ni Wonwoo.”
Napatingin si Seungcheol sa itinuro ni Jeonghan. Ah, Inkantadia.
The tattoo shop where Seungcheol and Jeonghan had their couple tattoo.
A very simple ring tattoo on their left ring fingers.
“Diyan pa rin ba siya nagtatrabaho?”
Seungcheol nodded his head. “Hindi naman niya iiwan ‘yan. Buhay na niya ‘yan, ‘e. Pero ang alam ko nasa bakasyon siya ngayon kaya temporarily closed muna ang shop niya.”
“Ah, ganoon ba. Mabuti naman at nakapagbakasyon siya,” medyo ilang na tugon ni Jeonghan. Hindi niya maintindihan kung bakit nahihirapan siyang kausapin si Seungcheol. His Seungcheol na takbuhan niya sa hirap at ginhawa, his Seungcheol na una niyang pinagsasabihan ng lahat.
He wanted to talk about a lot of things with his boyfriend but for some reason, he did not feel like he was on the same page as him. He assumed that maybe it was just awkward because it has been a while since they last talked but deep inside, he knew that it was way more than that.
Jeonghan, mag-isip ka pa ng topic, please. Huwag mong hayaang tumagal ng isang minuto ang katahimikan, panenermon ni Jeonghan sa sarili.
Madami siyang gustong itanong, madami siyang gustong linawin ngunit sira ata ang bibig niya ngayong araw kaya walang lumalabas na matino mula rito. Baka jetlag lang ‘to, pangungumbinsi niya sa sarili.
Susuko na sana siya sa pag-iisip ng topic na pwedeng mapag-usapan nang mahagip ng mga mata niya ang kaliwang kamay ni Seungcheol.
Kumupas na ang tattoo niya. Napatingin tuloy si Jeonghan sa sarili niyang tattoo, specifically the tattoo on his finger. Pati rin pala ‘yong akin, pakupas na.
Jeonghan decided to break the ice once again. “Your ring tattoo has faded already. Hindi mo na pina-retouch, love?”
Seungcheol shook his head. "I did once, though. Baka ganon talaga, it just fades over time. Mapapagod lang din akong ipaayos nang paulit-ulit kaya hinayaan ko na lang.”
Napabuntong-hininga si Jeonghan. Tama naman, nakakapagod nga naman magpabalik-balik kung kukupas at kukupas lang din. I should have mine retouched, though. Kailan kaya sila magbubukas ulit?
Jeonghan was about to ask kung kailan muling magbubukas ang Inkantadia when Seungcheol jokingly added, “Hindi ata maganda yung quality ng ink ni Wonwoo.”
Natawa na lamang sila pareho. Baka nga.
***
Nakapagdesisyon na si Seungcheol. Pagkatapos ng mga klase niya ngayong araw, sasabihin na niya kay Jeonghan ang naging pasya niya.
Desisyon niyang tuluyan nang manirahan sa condo ng kasintahan.
Noong nakaraang buwan pa siya niyayaya ni Jeonghan na tumira na lamang sa kanyang condo dahil walking distance lamang ito sa unibersidad na tinuturuan niya. Dalawang jeep pa kasi ang layo ng inuupahan ni Seungcheol sa uni, kaya medyo hassle talaga ang biyahe niya papunta rito. Anim na buwan na rin naman silang mag-jowa so Seungcheol thought na hindi ito isang masamang ideya. Makakasama pa niya gabi-gabi ang boyfriend niya.
“Talaga, love? Sa condo ka na uuwi from now on?” Hindi mapagkaila ang excitement sa boses ni Jeonghan nang ihayag na sa kanya ni Seungcheol ang mabuting balita.
Halos mapunit na rin ang labi ni Seungcheol sa labis na pag-ngiti. Ramdam na ramdam din niya ang excitement sa pagtira sa isang bubong kasama ni Jeonghan. “Bukas na ako officially lilipat since weekend naman. Tulungan mo ako mag-impake.”
Jeonghan gave him a big grin and a peck on the lips. “No problem, love. Konti na lang din naman ang iimpake mo kasi halos nasa condo ko na rin naman lahat ng gamit mo.”
“Well, at least hindi na tayo mahihirapan,” Seungcheol kissed his lips back and added teasingly, “Pero love, umamin ka. Sinadya mong ipaiwan sa condo mo ang mga gamit ko, 'no?”
Natawa naman si Jeonghan sa pambibintang ng kanyang kasintahan. “Hmm, ano naman, Sir? Hindi ko naman dinedeny. May problema po ba tayo doon? O gusto mo rin naman?”
Imbis na sumagot agad, niyakap muna ni Seungcheol si Jeonghan at saka bumulong. “Siyempre gustong-gusto. Ang saya ko, love.”
“Ako rin. Sobra. Excited na akong makasama ka sa bahay araw-araw, gabi-gabi. The only face I'd love to wake up to everyday,” Jeonghan softly whispered back.
And because Jeonghan was over the moon, he and Seungcheol impulsively decided to visit Inkantadia, a tattoo shop owned by their mutual friend, Wonwoo.
Jeonghan has a personal tradition: sa tuwing may nagpapasaya sa kanya, no matter how big or small, as long as sumaya siya because of it, he gets a tattoo that symbolizes it. A small tattoo to represent the thing or the person that made him the happiest for a certain month. He started this tradition a year ago. He has 12 tattoos as of the moment, and now he's getting his 13th with Seungcheol.
Nang pabirong nag-aya si Jeonghan na magpa-couple tattoo, Seungcheol was too ecstatic to say no. On a regular day ay takot talaga siya sa karayom, but the happiness he felt that day overpowered his fear of needles. Karayom lang 'yan, masaya ako, ika nga ng kanyang konsensya.
“Wow, Seungcheol. Ikaw? Papa-tattoo? Sigurado ka ba talaga? Anong pinakain sa'yo ni Jeonghan?” pang-aalaskang tanong ni Wonwoo. Nahampas tuloy siya ni Jeonghan.
“Wons naman! Huwag ka nang mang-asar. Baka mag-back out pa,” paninita ni Jeonghan sa tattoo artist na may kasamang mahinang pambabatok.
Seungcheol laughed at the exchange. “Don't worry, love. Sure na ako dito. Wala nang atrasan ‘to.”
“Sigurado ka ha? Seungcheol, hindi lang ‘to basta henna o sticker. This one’s permanent. Baka pagsisihan mo.”
Seungcheol held his thumbs up. “Sure na talaga, love. Final answer.”
Jeonghan kissed Seungcheol's left hand to express his gratitude and support. Alam niya kung gaano katakot si Seungcheol sa karayom kaya big deal ang pagpayag nito for a couple tattoo.
Wonwoo coughed a little to interrupt the lovey dovey atmosphere. In love na in love talaga ang mga gago.
He grabbed his tools and started preparing the inking session. “Okay, love birds. Mamaya na kayo maglampungan.”
Tinaasan siya ng kilay ni Jeonghan. “Wow, bawal ka magreklamo. Ikaw ang nag-reto sa aming dalawa.”
Binalik ni Wonwoo ang irap kay Jeonghan. “Kung hindi dahil sa high quality match-making skills ko, wala ka sanang ka-momol gabi-gabi kaya please bawal mag-PDA sa harap ko parang awa. Respeto na lang sa mga single.”
Jeonghan held his middle finger up to Wonwoo's face so Seungcheol had to interfere before they start bickering. “Simulan na natin please bago pa maubos ang tapang ko.”
Kinuha ni Wonwoo ang sketchbook niya. “Ano bang ipapagawa niyo?”
“Simpleng ring tattoo lang sa ring finger naming dalawa. Walang kahit anong design, just a simple band.”
***
Na-stuck sa traffic ang magkasintahan nang abutan sila ng rush hour. Jeonghan can't take the silence anymore so he decided to take a nap instead. He was about to close his eyes when Seungcheol's phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Mr. Choi?”
“Dean Kang, napatawag po kayo?”
“Your paper about stem cells is nominated for OSPA.”
“What?!”
“You heard me right. Plus Ma'am Kim also told me that the department agreed on nominating you for OYS too.”
Seungcheol was shocked. Nagising din ang diwa ni Jeonghan sa mga narinig. Hala, umabot na sa homerun ang goal niya.
“Seryoso po ba 'yan?” Hindi pa rin makapaniwala na pagkaklaro ni Seungcheol.
“Since when did I joke about this, Mr. Choi? Sa October 5 ang ceremony pero may pre-awarding conference pa sa 4th. If free ka rin ng 4, pumunta ka na rin that day.”
Halos maiyak sa tuwa si Seungcheol. This is his first abot-matang ngiti for the night. His smile wasn't even that big when he saw Jeonghan at the airport.
“Wala po akong plano sa 4. Buong araw po akong free.”
Jeonghan was just eavesdropping. Masaya siya para sa boyfriend niya, especially when he is now slowly reaching his dreams and fulfilling his life goals.
But, October 4?
That's his birthday. He was looking forward to it pa naman dahil namiss niya ang mag-celebrate kasama si Seungcheol pero mukhang hindi man lang ito naalala ng kanyang boyfriend.
Or maybe he did remember, but he has no plans of celebrating it at all.
Habang nakadungaw siya sa bintana ng sasakyan, doon napagtanto ni Jeonghan na kahit anong gawin niya ay mangyayari't mangyayari talaga ang kinakatakot niyang mangyari ngayong gabi. Kahit pa doon naman talaga patungo ang lahat ng ito in the first place. Nasa London pa lang siya, alam na niya na kung anong mangyayari pagbalik niya sa Pilipinas. He already prepared himself for the worst, but there was a tiny window of hope in his heart, especially when Seungcheol greeted him lovingly at the airport just half an hour ago.
Keyword: lovingly.
Baka nga guni-guni niya lamang ‘yon.
Nang ibaba ni Seungcheol ang tawag, Jeonghan was already fidgety but he tried his best to hide it. “Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa akin na member ka na ng NAST3? Hindi ba members lang ang pwedeng ma-nominate sa ganoong awards?”
Nakatutok lang si Seungcheol sa daan ngunit sumagot pa rin naman siya. “Hindi ka naman nagtanong, love.”
Jeonghan took a deep breath. “Do I have to ask about everything? Akala ko ba walang secrets between us?”
Seungcheol craned his neck bago mahinahong nagpaliwanag. He is trying his best to keep his cool because the last time they talked, wala silang ginawa kundi mag-bangayan. Nagpadala lang sila sa init ng ulo. “Naka-cool off tayo noong natanggap ko ang balita. Hindi mo ako kinakausap no'n, di ba? Ni hindi mo nga sine-seen ang messages ko.”
He's right, Jeonghan's konsensya whispered. Nag-iinarte ka noon when he received the news kasi nagseselos ka sa co-worker niya.
“I'm sorry,” iyan na lamang ang nasabi ni Jeonghan. His mind started to create a whole montage of the two of them and their memories in London and their early days as a couple. Good ‘ole days.
“I’m sorry din, love,” mahinang sagot ni Seungcheol with a faint smile that did not even show a glimpse of his dimples.
***
Starbucks P. Noval
7:58 PM
Matapos ang ilang oras na byahe nang dahil sa traffic, napagdesisyunan n’ong dalawa na tumambay at mag-usap muna sa Starbucks branch kung saan sila unang nagkakilala. Halos lahat ng importanteng kaganapan sa buhay nila ay nangyari at napagdesisyunan sa kapihang ito.
They were both 28 when they first met. Jeonghan was still working as a barista in that same coffee shop, while Seungcheol was a newbie professor in the nearby university. Madalas tumambay si Seungcheol sa kapihan na iyon to cram his lesson plan and grading sheets, and Jeonghan was just there silently watching as the poor prof accidentally falls asleep in the middle of his third Americano. If it wasn’t for Wonwoo asking Jeonghan to give Seungcheol a ride home, hindi pa sila makakapag-usap at hanggang pasilay-silay lang sila. Both of them were painfully torpe na akala mo’y mga hayskul.
They were both 29 when they celebrated their first anniversary. Sinurpresa ni Seungcheol si Jeonghan in that same cafe after his shift. He was extremely busy noong araw na iyon dahil sa isang research congress but he still managed like the perfect boyfriend that he was. With a Mary Grace ensaymada na pakain sa congress in his left hand, and a bouquet of purple roses on his right na fresh na fresh pa from Dangwa, he was able to give Jeonghan something he actually loved. Jeonghan, in return, cooked him his favorite pasta dish kahit na hindi naman talaga siya magaling magluto. He practiced cooking for a week with the help of his friend Dino. It was a very simple celebration but it was a memorable one dahil pareho silang nakatanggap ng magandang balita regarding their careers on the same day. Seungcheol was given a chance to further his research studies in Melbourne, while Jeonghan was scouted by an art firm in London. They were happy about it, not until they realized na kung tatanggapin nila ito pareho, kakailanganin nilang maghiwalay. They decided to talk about it the next day instead, para lamang hindi masira ang kanilang espesyal na araw.
They were both 30 when Jeonghan had to quit his job as a barista to prepare for their departure to London. Oo, hindi kasi kaya ni Seungcheol na mawalay sa piling ni Jeonghan, and Jeonghan was the same too. Jeonghan was about to turn down the offer and just fly with Seungcheol in Melbourne but his boyfriend beat him into it. Madami pa akong next time, Seungcheol insisted back then. Nakonsensya naman si Jeonghan dahil sa laki ng sakripisyong ginawa ni Seungcheol ngunit mas nangibabaw ang saya niya na hindi na nila kailangan pang maghiwalay. Everything will be alright as long as I am with you, panatag na sambit pa ni Jeonghan sa kasintahan noong gabing iyon.
Now, at 31, muli silang nakaupo at nakatambay sa madalas pwestuhan ni Seungcheol noon.
“Naalala ko pa n’ong bago tayo ipakilala ni Wonwoo sa isa’t isa,” panimula ni Seungcheol. Medyo nagulat naman si Jeonghan na si Seungcheol ang unang bumasag ng katahimikan. “Ramdam ko na palaging may nakatingin sa akin. Kahit na gustuhin kong tumingin sa’yo pabalik, feeling ko magiging bato lang ako.”
Natawa naman si Jeonghan dito. “Ano ako? Si Medusa?”
They both chuckled at that. Both of them trying to make the atmosphere lighter after an hour of awkward silence in the car.
Matapos ang tatlong minuto at apat na segundong katahimikan (hindi naman sa binibilang ni Jeonghan pero, can you blame him?) matapos ang saglit na tawanan at kamustahan, Seungcheol dropped the first bomb.
“Love, what if ituloy mo na lang ang kontrata mo?” Napatigil si Jeonghan sa pagsubo ng cake. “Ha? Dalawang taon akong hindi makakauwi sa Pinas n’on, love. I have to stay there for 2 years straight before I earn my overseas vacation.”
Ginamit ni Seungcheol ang straw niya para i-swirl ang kanyang inumin at para na rin makaiwas sa mga mata ni Jeonghan. “Ang akin lang naman kasi, sayang ang opportunity. Bihira lang ang tulad mo na na-promote agad. Bukod sa promotion, regular employee ka na rin. Kung dito ka sa Pilipinas magse-stay, anong gagawin mo dito? Babalik ka ulit dito as barista? O sa print shop ni Dino? Triple ang kita mo doon, love. May career gro—”
Jeonghan interrupted kung ano man ang sasabihin ni Seungcheol by raising his hand. “Love, please. Napag-usapan na natin ‘to. Hindi na ako babalik ng London kung hindi ka kasama.”
Ibinaba ni Seungcheol ang kamay ni Jeonghan at tsaka ito hinawakan nang mahigpit. “Love, alam mo naman na masaya na ako dito sa Pilipinas. Masaya na ako sa takbo ng career ko rito. Going to London again will just reset everything I have worked for. Swerte ko na nga lang at tinanggap ulit ako ng research academy noong bumalik ako sa Pilipinas. If I leave them again, I don’t think they’ll grant me another chance.”
Jeonghan sighed heavily. “I know that, and I’m sorry for bringing it up again. Akala ko lang may chance pa ring magkasama tayo. You looked so happy when you received that call from your boss and I don’t want to take that smile away from you again.”
Seungcheol caressed Jeonghan’s face. “Thank you, love. Alam kong mahirap ‘to para sa’yo and ganoon din naman sa akin but sometimes, we just have to put an end to something that clearly isn’t working anymore.”
Hinawakan ni Jeonghan ang kamay ni Seungcheol na nakahaplos sa mukha niya. “Alam ko naman na dito matatapos ang gabing ‘to but before we officially end things here, can I ask you two questions first?”
With a warm smile and a dimpled cheek, Seungcheol replied softly. “Of course, love. I can never say no to you.”
Huminga muna nang malalim si Jeonghan bago niya muling tinitigan sa mata si Seungcheol.
He still has that soft and warm look in his gaze pero hindi na makita ni Jeonghan ang sparks na dati’y naka-reserve lamang para sa kanya. Napundi na ba ang sparks sa mata niya sa tuwing nakikita niya ako?
“Itong unang tanong ko, dapat in 5 years ko pa itatanong sa’yo pero mukhang hindi na ako parte ng buhay mo in two years kaya ngayon ko na lang itatanong,” panimula ni Jeonghan na may konting nginig na sa boses niya.
“Ano ‘yon?” mahinang bulong ni Seungcheol.
“Masaya ka pa ba?”
Seungcheol pursed his lips and held Jeonghan’s hands again. “Masaya ako ‘pag magkasama tayo. Masaya ako pag nakikita kita. Pero ‘pag mag-isa na lang ako, love, nare-realize ko kasi na hindi na ‘ko masaya eh.”
The second hard pill to swallow of the night. Walang ibang masabi si Jeonghan kundi, “I’m sorry, love.”
Seungcheol shushed him. “Don’t be. It’s not your fault. Siguro nasa magkaibang page lang tayo sa buhay ngayon and it gets harder to be in sync. Wala kang kasalanan, love. Nag-iba lang siguro talaga ang disposisyon natin sa buhay and that includes our definition of happiness.”
Napapikit ng mata si Jeonghan to stop himself from crying. “This isn’t my second question for you pero gusto ko lang itanong, naging masaya ka ba with me? Were you really happy with me as your boyfriend in those three years?”
Pinahiran ni Seungcheol ang luhang pumatak sa mata ni Jeonghan. In this relationship, Seungcheol is the actual cry baby but Jeonghan is really putting his heart out in his sleeves tonight. Cute pa rin kahit umiiyak, Seungcheol muses fondly.
“Of course, my love. Those three years were the happiest three years of my life. Walang araw na hindi mo pinaramdam sa akin kung gaano mo ako kamahal, and I am grateful for that. You were my pillar, my strength, my escape. And I am afraid na kapag tinuloy pa natin ‘to with all our unresolved issues involving our careers, baka masira lang lalo. I don’t want to part ways with you na contaminated na ang relationship natin because I do not want to resent you,” mahinahong paliwanag ni Seungcheol na medyo mangiyak-ngiyak na rin. “I want to end this on a good note, so we can always come back to our happiest memories without feeling angry or bitter.”
Jeonghan understood that. Seungcheol knew na ayaw rin ni Jeonghan na malamatan ang magaganda nilang alaala especially when Jeonghan’s life improved for the better when they got together. Selfless pa rin talaga siya.
“Thank you rin, sa lahat, especially for always believing in me. Siguro kung hindi ka dumating sa buhay ko, baka palamunin pa rin ako ng magaling kong tatay hanggang ngayon,” maluha-luha ngunit natatawang ani ni Jeonghan.
“Whatever happens, ako pa rin ang number one believer mo, even from afar.”
Jeonghan tried his best to hold the dam when Seungcheol said that. It felt nice to hear those words still.
Nang masiguro na ni Jeonghan na hindi na babagsak ang luha niya, he caressed Seungcheol’s face with his left hand and held his hand with his right before asking the second question.
“Love?”
“Hmm?”
“Mahal mo pa ba ako?”
The second bomb of the night. Seungcheol stared at Jeonghan’s tear-streaked face for a minute before replying, “I do. I still love you. It may not be the same love as before, but I still do. And I don’t think it’ll ever go away.”
Napatungo si Jeonghan sa sagot ni Seungcheol. Ang dami na talagang nagbago.
Kagaya ng ginawa ni Jeonghan kanina, hinawakan din ni Seungcheol ang kamay niyang humaplos sa mukha niya. “Ikaw ba? Mahal mo pa ba ako?”
Jeonghan nodded slowly. “Of course, I do. Mahal pa rin kita. Pero kagaya nga ng sinabi mo, the Seungcheol and Jeonghan of now are not on the same page anymore. I love you pero feeling ko stuck na lang ako sa pagmamahal sa Seungcheol of yesterday. ‘Yong Seungcheol na ako ang unang hinahanap, ako ang palaging iniisip. ‘Yong Seungcheol na hindi nahihiyang sumandal sa akin kapag kailangan niya. And I think I am in love with that Seungcheol in my head. You’re not that person anymore, and I can’t do anything about it. You’ve become the Seungcheol that you were supposed to be, even without me.”
Jeonghan’s tears officially broke the dam. “And it might hurt like hell to admit that, but this version of you is the version of yourself that makes you happy and fulfilled with life and because of that, masaya na rin ako para sa’yo. After all, iyon lang naman ang gusto ko. For you to find your own happiness kahit hindi na ako ‘yon.”
Kinuha ni Seungcheol ang kaliwang kamay ni Jeonghan at hinalikan ito sa may tattoo niya. “I don’t know if I can ever love someone as much as I loved you. You’ll always be a part of me, Hannie.”
“Likewise, Seungcheol. Likewise.”
You know the greatest films of all time were never made.