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By some sort of luck, Luca has been seated next to the window since the first day of highschool. It is the spot he considers the best because whenever he finds himself bored, a ninety degree turn of his head will reunite his eyes to the sky, the large field down below, and then he can start imagining figures on those large canvases.
Seated next to him is Shu Yamino. Despite being quiet, most of their classmates have already recognized him since day-one. Apparently he won a silver medal in a regional taekwondo tournament during his middle school days, successfully making a name for himself among his peers.
So, he won a silver medal in taekwondo, right?
Then why did this guy pass out after a hundred-meter run in P.E?
“Kaneshiro, you go carry Yamino to the infirmary,” instructs the teacher.
“Sure!” One of the cons of being the biggest kid in class is that you will be made to do all the physical labor. But Luca doesn’t mind it. After all, there’s no way he could leave this boy out here dying under the sun. With a swing of an arm, the unconscious boy is rested against one of Luca’s shoulders, effectively carried around the school like a rice sack.
Shu regains consciousness just a few minutes after he was laid on the bed. Luca is sure it’s probably the summer heat that got him instead of exhaustion.
“You okay?” Luca asks while the boy rubs his eyes and tries to make out the situation. “You passed out on the field by the way; like, you literally dropped to the ground like someone just snatched the soul out of your body.”
The last part was unnecessary but Shu recognizes Luca as one of the most talkative people on earth, so he does not find it all too weird. “I figured,” He responds with eyes still halfway open, “So you carried me all the way here?”
“Yeah!”
“I see. Thanks.” Shu smiles. The pride and enthusiasm in Luca’s voice was cute, and Shu realizes this is probably the longest conversation he ever had with Luca.
“By the way, can I treat you to lunch?”
Next moment, Shu learns that Luca has a megaphone for a throat.
~*~
There are not a lot of people that can understand Shu’s sense of humor, yet Shu sometimes finds himself in Luca. Whenever they crack a joke, it is as if they have some sort of telepathic power; they would know what the other is thinking when prompted with an innuendo, and they would reveal their thoughts by saying something similar in nature before laughing together.
Sitting next to each other only gives Luca more chances to interact with Shu, even during classes; like throwing folded notes full of his doodles, a joke he just thought of, or random thoughts that present themselves in his mind when he is too distracted from lectures.
I just found out that capybaras and guinea pigs are related!!
Eyyyyyy good for you Luca! :D
Shushushushu wanna partner up for art?
Sure! c:
POOOOOOOOGGG
Luca knows Shu draws well, judging through the doodles he often puts on their exchanged notes, but that is not exactly the reason he asks Shu to partner up with him for art.
In fact, there is no reason at all. Luca just thinks it’s natural that Shu and him should be partners in everything—Because they’re best friends! And their minds are always in sync. Besides, Shu is smart and reliable, he has unique ways of thinking, and everything he does is impressive— Okay, shit, maybe there are reasons after all.
And for today’s class, they are asked to sketch their partner’s face. Usually, when faced with tasks he has no confidence in, Luca would just go with his number one method—“Pog through it!”—, and laugh at his own mistakes later.
Yet, somehow he finds his fingers trembling and he has been chewing on his lip so many times while trying to get Shu’s hair right on his sketchbook.
Meanwhile, Shu just looks calm with the same perpetual friendly expression on his face. Occasionally he giggles to himself, but Luca doesn’t ever think of asking Shu about it since he is in too deep with his own work.
They are revealing their sketches at the end of the class. Luca is quite impressed when he found that what Shu essentially did was just doodling a chibi version of his face.
“Well, they don’t tell us what kind of style we should draw with,” Shu says, satisfied with the surprise on Luca’s face. “But wow , you were really trying to draw me in realism..”
“Oh, god— Don’t look, that was embarrassing!”
“What do you mean? I think you’re doing great!” Shu argues, trying to take a better look at his likeness despite the death grip Luca has on his sketchbook. “I know you tried really hard, you know. Like, I saw you making a lot of faces when you were drawing me.”
“No…”
For the first time ever, Shu witnesses the shame in Luca’s face in a form of red cheeks and downturned lips. He doesn’t understand what was going on, but he decides not to press on it further.
“Alright, you can keep the drawing to yourself,” Shu says as he gently pats Luca’s shoulder. “Let’s go grab lunch together.”
Luca is painfully aware that he doesn't draw all that too well, yet he still wants to be able to capture Shu’s likeness, hence he spends a lot of time sneakily doodling Shu on his notebook, recording his various expressions; the way Shu slightly scrunches his nose when he is thinking hard, the way his eyebrows raise when he opens his mouth to eat, and the little pout on his lips when he focuses on something.
And Luca doesn't understand what has gotten into him. The words "I like you" just appeared next to his drawing of Shu and he didn't even realize when exactly he wrote it. Panic rises sharply to his chest, and spews out through his lips in the form of a loud yelp. “Ack–!”
“What’s the matter, Kaneshiro?” The teacher looks up to the blond boy from his textbook.
“Um.. Nothing, Sir!”
Everyone in the room bursts into laughter, but only Shu’s voice rings clearly in his ears. It reminds him of a windchime swaying to the gentle breeze.
~*~
As they get closer throughout the semester, Shu finds himself having a lot of sleepovers at Luca's house. Luca would have Shu on the backseat as he rode his bicycle home, laughing together as they sped up because they cannot wait to try the game he just purchased.
Falling in love with Luca, apparently, isn't fireworks blasting in his chest, nor is it the nervous churn in his stomach. Rather, it's like taking a nap under the warm sun and opening your eyes to see the night sky full of stars; it's mesmerizing, and fills you with wonder.
As stupid as it is, Shu realizes the existence of such emotion in him while they are playing Smash Bros. They’re clearly losing against the other two players, yet their bellies are hurting from laughter.
The game takes them to the waiting room at the end of the round, and their voices slowly dissipate. By then, they become aware that they have been looking into each other's eyes a little longer than usual.
Shu wonders if they have the same shade of purple in their eyes.
Luca wonders how Shu's lashes would feel to touch.
At that moment, they feel like they should inch closer to each other, maybe kiss and finally end their own pining.
The night falls and still, nothing comes out of it.
Maybe another time , they say to themselves.
~*~
Maybe another time , they tell themselves as they walk together under the rain, shoulders pressed against each other under the tiny umbrella.
~*~
Maybe another time , they tell themselves as they danced together at the end of the annual school festival.
~*~
Maybe another time , they tell themselves as they only have the courage to give each other giri-choco during Valentine's day.
~*~
Until one day Shu comes to school to see a vase of flowers on Luca's desk, he knows that there is no longer "another time" for them.
It was this morning's car accident, they say. Luca saved a kid from getting ran over by a car.
And that is typical of him. Luca has always been selfless. He probably thought he could take the hit, and everything would be just fine, and then he could come to school with just a few flesh wounds, then he would tell proudly everyone the entire chronology with loud noise and a stupid grin on his face.
Shu wishes it could be that way. But alas, his wish stays a wish.
~*~
Shu graduates highschool, moves away for college, eventually finds a job and settles somewhere near the countryside. Since that summer in the second year of highschool, all the seasons of his life were spent without Luca.
He thinks he is okay. Everything that has happened, happened a decade ago. Besides, highschool crushes are fleeting where emotions and hormones take control before logic. Shu believed that at some point, when they mature and found their own dreams, they would separate. It is bound to end up that way, regardless of whether or not Luca was there.
Still, the thought doesn’t comfort Shu.
On one noon of a winter day, someone rang the bell of his house. Shu comes out to see a tall man at his door, wearing a thick coat and scarf that covers the lower half of his face. Despite it, Shu can immediately tell the person’s identity; the bright yellow color of his hair is not hard to miss.
"Sonny?" Shu steps out to greet Luca's cousin, who used to be their underclassman during highschool. "Gosh, long time no see! How have you been? What brings you here?"
Sonny seems to have grown even taller through these years. Unlike Shu’s excitement upon seeing an old friend, Sonny’s demeanor remains calm as he tugs down his scarf, revealing a gentle smile. "Long time no see, senpai . I'm glad you seem to be doing well."
Shu was about to let Sonny into his house, but the younger one politely rejected.
"I won't be here for too long, there's just..," Sonny shoves a gloved hand into his bag, stirring it around to search for something. "There's just something that I found when we were tidying up Luca's belongings. And.. I think that you should keep it."
On Sonny’s hold is a notebook with “Maths” written in bold. Shu can see Luca’s handwriting of his own name on the cover, along with a doodle of a weird-looking fish that he once named “Pogfish”.
As he takes hold of the book, Shu can hear echoes of Luca’s laughter, his loud singing, and his voice calling out for Shu’s name.
“But why?” Shu looks up, confusion apparent in his face.
“Uhh..” Sonny’s eyes shift to a corner before he starts giggling. It is a little out of nowhere that the younger becomes self-aware and quickly regains his composure, clearing his throat. “Sorry. But senpai , I think you should read it later when you’re on your own.”
Sonny leaves after exchanging numbers and a brief parting, refusing to get inside and sit down for a bit even to the last moments. The way he made his exit convinces Shu that Sonny was really eager to have him read the contents inside Luca’s yellowed notebook. Everything seems off, but at least, Shu is glad that the younger one promised to visit again someday.
He is once again alone when he closes the door behind him; just him and the notebook in his hands. Somehow, there is still an uncomfortable squeeze in his chest when he thinks of Luca again. Maybe after all, the weight of his regret hasn’t cleared away completely.
His heart starts to thump faster as he sits down on the couch and settles the notebook on his lap. Shu doesn’t even notice that he is holding his breath when he starts on the first page, sighing softly when all he sees are just rows of formulas and equations. Luca was still quite diligent at the time since it was the beginning of the semester.
Then, he notices that the handwriting gradually becomes more messy; Luca had lost all the motivation to understand these conundrums that he had no longer bothered highlighting the formulas that would be used in the exams. A few doodles start to appear as Shu flips further into the notes. More pogfish, a sandwich and the words “I’m hungry..” underneath it, a can of cheddar cheese Pringles, the backside figure of their math teacher, the shape of the clouds, then a few drawings of anime characters that Shu recognizes to be Luca’s favorite.
The smallest giggle that comes out of Shu echoes in his living room, but it halts when his eyes catch something on the next page.
“I like you.”
And surrounding those words are drawings of Shu with clumsy lines and way too many strokes. There is also a neatly folded piece of paper that Shu unravels to see an attempt at a realistic sketch of his own face. It takes Shu back to their art classroom, to Luca’s avoidance, and the stumble in his voice.
They’re not perfect. Luca had trouble keeping a regular handwriting let alone drawing a decent sketch of a person’s face.
They’re not perfect, but it still brings tears to Shu’s eyes. Because there is the mole on his left ear and the subtle shade lining his eyes drawn with a red pen. All of them reveal to Shu that there is truth to Luca’s words, and that for the longest time, he had been looking at him, memorizing his features like no one else would.
Shu slams the book shut and sets it aside; the amount of tears on his face is alarming and he does not want them to ruin the last traces of Luca that was granted to him.
They used to joke about how the universe had arranged them to meet, hence why their minds were always in sync, referring to their similar taste of humor, even to their feelings towards each other.
And Shu feels so blessed, but at the same time so hurt to know that they had apparently felt the same, loved the same amount, and yearned just as painfully. With the price of having been each other’s mirror, they had also stayed a coward, locking away their own affection while naively thinking they had time’s patience.
It is all too late. Shu would never hear the three words “I like you” from Luca’s moving lips, and Luca too, is no longer alive to listen to his earnest confession.
But what the young man can do, is to finally be honest to the universe. That includes to himself, and to the spirit of his highschool sweetheart that may reside somewhere on the corner of this world.
So Shu will bring a bouquet full of flowers that Luca said he loved when they walked past a flower shop one spring, and he will kneel before his gravestone while facing the picture of a boy whose smile resembles the comfort of morning sun. Then, he will finally say the three words that he had been holding back for years.
“I like you, Luca.”
Luca doesn’t need to be alive for Shu to know that upon hearing those words, he would have the widest grin on his face as he welcomes Shu into his warm embrace, and finally muster up the courage to kiss him. After all, he had been waiting for it. It doesn’t matter if ten years have passed, or if this feeling would cease after he conveys it. Shu knows Luca would still accept it.
Because Luca lives forever in his youth and for him, Shu will not let this part of him grow old.