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With her phone lit up to the highest brightness and shoved into Phoenix Wright’s disoriented face, Rayfa pressed play.
A much younger and cooler Phoenix stepped onto the screen, with hair spikes appropriately spikey for his age, not as dull as they currently were. He had his arms crossed as he appeared, and once his body was fully in frame, he thrust his arm forward and shouted one of his infamous objections.
“Hello, friends. I’m Phoenix Wright, Turnabout Terror. And..today we need to talk about something a little serious.” He dropped both his hands to his hips as punctuation. “We need to talk about drugs.”
The clip ended there, cutting to one where Phoenix was walking through a park. “Drugs are a dangerous thing, and they can ruin your life.” He flashed a smile at an offscreen child, throwing a frisbee towards them.
Another cut, this time going to a clip of Phoenix playing hopscotch with random children. “Anybody who offers you drugs is not your friend. If somebody offers you drugs, say NO!” The children yelled no along with him.
This scene featured Phoenix in a library, reading a book on drugs to a circle of first graders. “If you’re worried about yourself, your friend, or a family member, don’t be afraid to turn to a trusted adult and seek help.”
Cut back to Phoenix in the blank space he was in at the beginning. “I’m Phoenix Wright, and this is your reminder to always say no to drugs or other illicit substances.”
The screen faded to black, with various anti-drug websites and hotlines popping up on screen. Rayfa paused the video, and shoved her phone in her back pocket. Tears of horror threatening to escape her eyes, surface tension about to break, she pointed an accusatory finger at Phoenix. “You…lied.”
Phoenix, blunt in hand, blinked slowly. He did not process a single word that was just said, despite there only being two words said. “Ok, hold on, give me a second.”
His typical demeanor was nowhere to be found, instead replaced by a sad sack of nothing. Sure, he wasn’t the brightest to begin with, but this? This should be an impossible level of incompetence.
“You know that commercials aren’t real. Right?” Not that Phoenix was one to speak on what was real and what wasn’t. Sure, he was probably right outside Tem’phul Temple, but his mind kept supplying ideas of the inside of a vending machine and how comfy that would be. Just being able to sit on the chips, being very very small. And then if somebody paid, you would get to spin in that little spinny-thing. What was that called? A coil. Coil. No. No, not a coil. It’s kind of like the start of a coil. A spir–
“Yes, Phoenix, if that even is your real name, for your information, I know that commercials aren’t real. But I also know that you’re a lawyer and you told me lawyers believe in the truth and whatever THIS,” Rayfa gestured wildly at Phoenix, “is, is not the truth.”
“I mean…it’s..probably more complicated than that? I mean, it’s not like I did that of my own volition, I was paid to do it and–”
“You were PAID to LIE?” Rayfa’s eyes were essentially bulging out of her head at this point.
Phoenix’s head was pounding. He could not handle all of these loud accusations, not like this. So he had to neutralize the situation, a skill he wasn’t even good at when sober. He took a deep breath in, flattened his mouth into a thin line, and pressed a singular finger to Rayfa’s lips. This was, of course, the mature and normal route, he told himself.
Rayfa immediately bit him.
The pain didn’t register with Phoenix, but he jerked his hand away anyways, vaguely noting the blood. Blood. Red. Red like Edgeworth. What would happen if Edgeworth bled? Would it blend into his suit? Who would be able to tell? Would they have to bring a vampire in? Are vampires even real? What is—
“BARBED HEAD.” Rayfa stomped her foot on the groud like a bratty child, which made sense, considering that’s exactly what she was. “You need to answer for this horribly lawyerly web of drug induced lies you have created.”
“How do you expect me to do that.”
“I…” Rayfa trailed off, clearly not thinking this far along in her tantrum. After a minute of thinking, she settled on an ending. “Apologize. You should apologize and promise to never smoke again so you can uphold your promise.”
Phoenix sucked on his teeth in response. She glared daggers into him. He groaned.
“Okay. Alright. Rayfa, I am sorry for breaking my promise. I will never smoke again.” Phoenix held his hand over his heart as he pledged this.
Rayfa nodded, seemingly satisfied.
Until she noticed that Phoenix did not let go of the blunt.
“Barbed Head.”
“Yeah?”
“Let go of the blunt. To end your promise you have to fulfill it and let go of the blunt.”
“Mhm. Yes. Agreed.”
“That doesn’t mean sticking it in your mouth without holding it.”
“Mm. Disagreed.”