Chapter Text
Sakusa had known for a while about his attraction to men for a while now. He supposes he realized it when he first met Ushijima Wakatoshi in middle school. A “gay awakening” as some would call it, but Kiyoomi hated that term. An awakening is something sudden and unexpected, like a lightning bolt. What Ushijima did to him was not sudden. Kiyoomi would say that the act of meeting him was like the lightning. The realization of his sexuality was the roar of thunder that came after. It was something expected. He finally understood that piece about himself. But with that understanding, came another: no matter how much he desired him, Kiyoomi couldn’t be with Ushijima.
Ushijima was quiet. He was stoic. Clean and polite. He was large and imposing and awkward and the only thoughts he had were about volleyball. To Kiyoomi, he was perfect. But together, they would never work. Ushijima Wakatoshi would never feel the same towards him. Another strike of lightning. So, Kiyoomi had to get over him. And he did. A roar of thunder.
With that out of the way, Sakusa’s sexuality never got in the way of his daily life. He only had one serious crush since, on his captain Iizuna. But it was rare for him to be attracted to anyone to the point where he wanted to be around them. To be fair, being around other people was never Kiyoomi’s strong suit. He could barely manage Komori and they were related . But, because of that, Komori was able to adjust to most of his cousin’s quirks. Once people had a grasp on Kiyoomi’s boundaries, it was easier to get along with him. Not a lot easier, he was still incredibly blunt and not the best conversationalist, but easier nonetheless.
In fact, Komori Motoya was the first person to find out about Kiyoomi’s sexuality. It had just slipped out casually, during a training camp last year. Komori was drying his hair when Kiyoomi mentioned it. Sakusa wasn’t one to care for others' opinions on things, especially things that were out of his control. But he thought it was something important enough for his only real friend to know. Yet there was still a part of him that was scared that his cousin would betray him.
But, of course, Komori reacted positively. He supported him well, with just a large smile, Kiyoomi knew he would never have to worry. No hand reached out to pat his shoulder, no indications of a hug. Exactly what he wanted.
His first year came and went. He hadn’t really made any new friends, although he tried his best to get along with the rest of the team. His skills only got better and better as time progressed, and in just his first year Itachiyama was able to win nationals.
As his second year started and his popularity in the volleyball world skyrocketed, Kiyoomi found more and more often to be the object of people’s attention. His school was constantly finding new schools to challenge, to Kiyoomi’s utter dismay. Travel was one thing he despised. But luckily, their next practice match was going to be at home.
Against Inarizaki High, probably their greatest opponent.
“I wonder why they came all the way here, huh,” Komori said as he laced up his shoes.
They were in the locker room now, they had a few hours before they were supposed to play, but their regular practice still came before. Kiyoomi was already dressed in his training clothes. He liked to show up before everyone, or else it got too crowded.
“They’re a high level school. There’s a lot of high level schools in Tokyo,” Kiyoomi responded.
“I guess you’re right,” Komori chuckled. He stood up and opened the door for Sakusa, who quickly ducked out.
Sakusa hadn’t had time to do any research on the current Inarizaki team. He remembered their ace, Aran Ojiro, from last year. He wasn’t sure how different their starting line up would be, since he couldn’t really remember any of the players on the sidelines. Of course, the memory of the Miya twins was burned into his brain. Very talented players, sure, but Kiyoomi couldn’t stand them.
They were loud, yet they hated the cheers coming from the stands during games. They bickered with each other, even on the court. He will admit, he doesn’t know much about Osamu, but if he’s anything like his brother, then there was a pretty good idea of what he was like. Atsumu, for whatever reason, loved to pester Kiyoomi. Throughout their game last year, constant stares were thrown his way. Taunts and smirks and weird jokes that Kiyoomi barely understood. After the game had ended and they met in the bathrooms, Atsumu had made a declaration that he would be fun to set for. Sakusa said something along the lines of “I would rather die” but the specifics were hazy.
He and Komori arrived at the gym early, as always. They began their stretches alone until the rest of their team poured in. About halfway through their practice, they were interrupted by a loud shout at the front of the gym. Inarizaki was bowing at the entrance.
There were a lot of familiar faces, but the boy standing ahead of the rest wasn’t one of them. He had soft white hair, with black at its ends. An easy smile sat on his face as he raised from his bow. From his demeanor alone, Sakusa knew this was their new captain. Which was odd, because he couldn’t recall anything about him.
Itachiyama greeted them back, some of the underclassmen rushing to get the training jerseys ready. As the other team started their warm ups, Sakusa started to watch them closely. He always made sure to study his opponents. Komori would say that he’s overly observant, that people have complained about feeling watched by him. But he obviously didn’t do it to make people feel comfortable.
With warm-ups winding down, the players began getting in their practice jerseys, getting ready for the first set. Sakusa had his own, he didn’t like wearing the ones the club had, even if they were constantly washed. There was always the moment of peace before a game started that Kiyoomi used to get into the zone; it was important for him to be in the right headspace. He had to forget all his typical worries and focus on the one thing he loved doing.
In the midst of his thoughts, however, he was disrupted by a hand on his shoulder. Anyone on his own team knew better than to touch him, especially right before a game. That means it could only be…
“Miya Atsumu,” Sakusa scolded. He turned and was greeted by the exact head of blonde hair he was expecting. “Lose the hand.”
“Sakusa come on, can’t you at least humor me a bit?” Atsumu asked, his hand still lingering.
Kiyoomi didn’t really have the patience to tell him off, so he settled with backing away from his touch. Atsumu didn’t try to reach back at him, he wasn’t that stupid. But he still stayed, the smirk on his face only growing the more annoyed he saw Kiyoomi getting. The two had only spoken a few times at last year’s nationals. Based on their performances it seemed that they were both candidates for this year’s national youth training camp, which meant that they were both going to have to get used to each other. A prospect that didn’t interest Kiyoomi in the slightest.
“Hey! Atsumu. Leave him alone, we’re about to start,” a voice from the other side of the gym called. Inarizaki’s captain.
Sakusa expected some sort of remark back, in typical Miya fashion, but was surprised when there was nothing. Just a nod and a jog back to his team. Of course, not without a final wave to Kiyoomi, but still. Whatever power this captain had over Atsumu, Sakusa needed to borrow it.
The sets came and went; they played five in total. Itachiyama won three of them, making them victorious in the end. The captain that captured Sakusa’s interest had played in only two of the sets, which led him to believe that he wasn’t in their starting lineup. It was rare to see a captain who wasn’t a regular, this only served to intrigue Kiyoomi more. What was it about him that made him captain over someone like Ojiro? Everyone on the team listens to him extremely well, but he isn’t intimidating in the traditional sense. His playing itself… Kiyoomi could only describe it as dependable. He wasn’t a stand-out player, but he very rarely made any mistakes.
Now sweaty and exhausted, his analysis was over. Sakusa could hardly think straight. He was ansty to get into a shower and some warm clothes. He crossed the gym to a more secluded space. There were only two other people nearby, but sadly those two people were the Miya twins.
“Ah! We should go sightseeing after this ‘Samu,” Atsumu said, not noticing the new edition in their corner.
“Hmm… I heard there’s a really good restaurant ‘cross from the inn we’re staying at…” Osamu responded.
The twins continued their conversation as they did their cool down stretches. Eventually they noticed Kiyoomi, but only bothered him to ask for restaurant recommendations.
“You two should focus on getting some good, nutritional food and a good night’s rest before you worry about sightseeing.”
The three of them look up to see Inarizaki’s captain standing above them.
“Ah, Kita… Of course,” Atsumu sputtered out.
“And a shower, I can’t have you two out being sweaty and smelling bad,” Kita said. He handed water bottles to each of them before walking away.
And that was it. Sakusa could feel his heart rate increasing, despite being in the process of cooling down from an intense match. His heart felt like it was being pulled in all directions as the memory of Kita’s gentle smile stained his mind. It was a feeling that he hadn’t felt in a long time. In fact, it mortified him once he realized the last time he felt this way. When he met Ushijima.
Sakusa had the unfortunate revelation that he might have a crush on Inarizaki’s captain.
He turned to the twins, who were starting to pack up to leave with the rest of their team.
“Hey. Miya,” he called out before he could change his mind.
Both the twins, bewildered, turned to look at the black haired boy who called out to them.
“Atsumu- Miya Atsumu, sorry,” Kiyoomi clarified.
“Um, I’ll catch up with ya and the rest of the team later,” Atsumu told his brother.
Osamu had a weird smile on his face as he picked up his bag and walked away. Kiyoomi wasn’t sure what to make of that.
“I need to know about your captain…” Sakusa started. He knew the questions he wanted to ask but was having a hard time stringing them together.
“What about him?” Atsumu responded, seeming a little bored now that he realized the direction the conversation was going.
“Well…” Kiyoomi wasn’t sure where to start, there were a lot of things he wanted to know, “why isn’t he a starter on your team, why pick him as captain, how long has he been playing, does he like men, what’s his full name?” His questions were barely coherent based on how fast he spoke. As he looked down at Atsumu’s blinking eyes, his face astonished, Sakusa wasn’t sure he understood. But he noticed a blush creeping up from his neck.
“Um… he isn’t a starter because we have a lot of great players this year. He’s captain because he manages to keep everyone in line-” Atsumu stopped. If Sakusa had to guess, he would say that he looked embarrassed. “I’m not sure what he’s… attracted to. Oh, and his name is Kita Shinsuke.”
Sakusa took a moment to absorb this information. Not only the details of Kita, but also of how Atsumu was acting right now. Beyond strange, even for him.
“Why are you acting like that,” Sakusa asked.
“Do you… like Kita?” Atsumu’s voice wasn’t judging, it was something else. If Kiyoomi had even a little more knowledge about human emotion he might be able to pin it down. But, alas, sympathizing wasn’t something he excelled at.
“I don’t know. Why?”
“Well- I’m not saying that’s wrong! You can like whoever ya want, it’s just…” The strange, flustered Atsumu from earlier was gone. He was back to the sly, over-confident boy Sakusa had grown to dislike. “Well… it’s unexpected. But don’t feel bad, I think everyone on the volleyball team has had a crush on Kita at one point. I mean I did for a while, too.” Atsumu chuckled.
“You… what?”
Sakusa was having a hard time understanding. With Kita, the practice match, the fact that he hasn’t had a proper shower, and now Atsumu, he was a little overwhelmed. This whole day has been too much for him, he really had to get home. So he left wordlessly, ducking back into the changing rooms to get his things. Atsumu probably said something as he walked away, but he couldn’t hear him.
Sakusa was usually the first person to get to the locker rooms after practice, but today because of his extended conversation he had to change while everyone else was in there. It wasn’t the changing that bothered him, it was the crowd. He tried to avoid direct contact with everyone as he headed towards his locker. But his cousin approached him, concern in his eyes.
“How come you’re late? Or… on time? You okay?”
Sakusa had to take some time to process everything. He was okay. He wasn’t sick, there was nothing physically wrong with him. Even the conversation he had with Atsumu shouldn’t have been weird. Yet, something was clawing at his brain, demanding his attention. Maybe the fact that Miya Atsumu had practically come out to him. But that shouldn’t bother him either. Sakusa thought of himself as a very perceptive person, so to have someone he thought he had completely dissected suddenly flip the switch on him was, well, bothering him.
“I’ll talk to you in our room,” is all Kiyoomi said before turning back to put his team jacket on.
The two finished changing in silence, and started down the path to their shared dorm. A few moments of silence passed before someone spoke.
“I think my life is a lie,” Kiyoomi said finally.
“Ah…”
Komori could hear the beginning of a Sakusa Monologueᵀᴹ incoming. Sometimes, out of nowhere, Kiyoomi would go on long tangents that barely related to the topic at hand. When they were younger, he would listen very carefully to everything that came out of his mouth, but as they got older Motoya learned to half-listen.
To summarize: Inarizaki’s new captain is exactly his type (Sakusa won’t admit it directly), Miya Atsumu is annoying (Komori thinks there’s a lot more to unpack in that statement but he doesn’t have the energy for that right now), and Kiyoomi wasn’t as good at reading people as he thought. Finally, they arrived at their room, Komori turning the knob to enter.
Komori said he was going to try to get some snacks for them, so Sakusa was left alone. He had regained his footing, thanks in large part to his cousin. But now he was left to try and solve his own problem. The first thing on his list was to find out about Kita Shinsuke.
After putting away all his practice stuff, Kiyoomi turned to his phone, hoping to do some research on Inarizaki. Upon unlocking his phone, he was greeted by a message from an unknown number.
[Unknown 19:21]
hey Sakusa, it’s miya atsumu
sorry for texting you out of nowhere
your captain gave me your number
Why Iizuna was giving out his number was beyond him. It was too late to get mad now, he had a blonde nuisance texting him. Kiyoomi wanted so badly to lie and say he had gotten the wrong number. But there was no real reason to do that (yet). However, he was perfectly capable of ignoring the messages for the time being.
Kiyoomi could’ve responded. He probably should’ve. But it was a Friday night and as pathetic as his social life is, he didn't want to spend it texting Miya Atsumu. Instead, he chose to help himself to some of the food that Komori had brought him. He thought he could start on his essay, seeing as his cousin was sitting on the other side of their room, typing away. But he got another buzz before he could make a decision. Responding wouldn’t kill him.
[Maybe: Miya 19:55]
i know you read my messages
come ooonn talk to meee
[Sakusa Kiyoomi 19:57]
What do you want
[Miya A. 19:58]
dont be like that
any news about the youth camp?
my coach just told me i got in
Kiyoomi wasn’t sure what he was “being like,” exactly. How Atsumu could tell his tone by four words alone surprised him.
{Sakusa Kiyoomi 20:05}
We don’t know yet.
There was no response after that.
He had the rest of the night to do school work and get his nightly routine done. All that takes him until past midnight, and leaves Kiyoomi exhausted. The last thing he expected as his head hit the pillow was another message from Atsumu.
[Miya A. 00:41]
hope to see youbthere;)kdsmcos,c cxl, cx
Kiyoomi had promised himself last night that he would block Miya Atsumu’s number. He had promised himself that he would only talk to him when absolutely necessary. But Kiyoomi also told himself that he would stop falling in love with every boy who practices normal hygiene, so he clearly doesn’t keep his promises anyways.
When he opened his phone the next morning he had another text. Actually, he had a lot of texts from Atsumu. And against his better judgement, Kiyoomi had forgotten all about what he told himself in bed last night.
{Miya A. 07:14}
sorry about last night lol
this sounds fake but my brother took my phone…
haha anyways we don’t leave until later.. thought you’d wanna come over to our inn
i’ll introduce you to Kita ;)
A small part of him wanted to take him up on that offer. But the logical part of him knew that it would lead him nowhere. He didn’t want to be walking across town to meet a boy while being surrounded by other boys he barely knew. He responded with a simple “no thanks” and headed to the showers.
It wasn’t until he was drying his hair back in his dorm that he got another message. He ignored it for a while, thinking it was just Atsumu again, until Komori shouted from the top bunk.
“HEY! We got into the National Youth Training Camp!” Komori said, practically throwing his phone at Kiyoomi.
He glanced at it before checking his own phone. Sure enough, a message from their coach saying that they were to attend. Kiyoomi smiled, which was a rare occurrence. He didn’t like to show it but it was always nice to see his hard work pay off. There was no practice this weekend but their teammates stopped by their room to congratulate them. He even got a text from Atsumu, but by now Sakusa knew to expect it.
The next coming days were less practice and more paperwork, the managers getting their heights and highest reaching point. He wanted to get moving again. The training camp would introduce him to new opponents, new challenges, and new potential allies. What he was possibly most anxious to learn about was the team that defeated Shiratorizawa. But there were still two more days.
Yet those two days proved to be more than enough to get ready. He had packed and then triple checked his things. Komori packed lightly compared to his cousin, who had at least two more bags than him. The place they’d be staying wasn’t too far from Itachiyama. But Sakusa’s hatred of public transport would make them walk. They checked in with the lodging only to find out that their roommates were assigned. Kiyoomi thought there was no need to worry, they were the only two coming from Itachiyama so certainly they would be placed together.
It turns out that Kiyoomi should have worried. There it was, plain and simple: Room 2-108 Sakusa Kiyoomi (Itachiyama), Miya Atsumu (Inarizaki). And of course he complained. He asked the officials if there was any chance of a change. Even Komori tried to talk to them. To no avail. The only hope they had is that both Atsumu and Komori’s roommate would be willing to trade.
So he found himself in an empty room, meticulously disinfecting every inch he could get to, just to end up sharing it with Miya Freaking Atsumu. The whole while thinking about how he could possibly convince him to trade rooms.
It was another hour until that certain blond walked into the room. He looked tired, his hair was flying all over the place. That didn’t stop him from breaking into a giant grin the second he saw Sakusa.
“Ah! So it’s true, I almost didn’t believe it, Omi,” Atsumu said, tossing his bag onto the floor next to him. Sakusa’s face contorted at the nickname.
“Trade rooms with Komori,” Kiyoomi said. He saw no point in drawing this out longer than it had to be.
“Aww c’mon Omi, I thought you might want my help with a certain… someone?” Atsumu wiggled his eyebrows. He was sitting in a chair on the opposite side of the room now, leaning on a desk.
“What the hell are you talking about,” Sakusa asked. He had an idea of what he was saying, but he really hoped that wasn’t the case.
“I know you must like my captain, Kita. I’ve been friends with him for two years now. If you wanna have any hope, then you need me around.”
Sakusa considered this. The thought of talking to Kita made his mind break down just a little bit. But at the cost of having Miya Atsumu as a roommate?
“I could talk to him fine on my own, but thanks,” Sakusa responded. He was lying, both to Atsumu and himself.
To this, Atsumu laughed. Out loud.
“YA THINK. Wait hold on- hold on,” Atsumu laughed, trying to catch his breath, “Omi yer the most prickly person I’ve met. No offense, but even with Kita, one of the most patient people on the planet, you would struggle.”
Kiyoomi didn’t know what he meant by “no offense.” Anyone would take offense to that, he thought. But he didn’t bring it up. Because he kinda had a point. Look at how he treated his past two crushes. With Ushijima, he settled on declaring an unspoken life-long rivalry. With Iizuna, he distanced himself so far to the point where even Komori didn’t know what was going on. He didn’t want a repeat of either of those.
“Then I will visit your room with your new roommate.”
An unreadable expression settled on Atsumu’s face, but as quickly as it appeared, it vanished.
“Fine, but that better be a promise,” Atsumu said.
As Atsumu left the room to go talk to Komori and his roommate, it was Sakusa’s turn to be confused. He really didn’t expect it to be that easy to get Atsumu to trade. All for what? For the prospect of getting to talk to him? A tiny part of his brain wondered if it was some elaborate scheme, but no. Komori walked in with his many bags and started getting settled in. His cousin began talking about his old roommate, a short guy, but Kiyoomi wasn’t fully listening. The day had worn him out. He figured now was a good time to get some rest, tomorrow was shaping up to be a harder day and not just because the actual practice was starting.