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“Isn’t it funny that this whole thing started because of Chaiki?”
“Nags, I don’t… I don’t really see how that’s funny,” Hajime added, trying to be gentle with his wording. He, truthfully, wasn’t very good at it.
“Ah, well—“ Nagito mumbled. “Sorry, I guess that makes no sense within the context of this conversation.”
Hajime noted how formal Nagito was speaking. He only spoke like that when he couldn’t formulate the correct words to explain his feelings. In other words, he completely blanked on what to say, but didn’t want to show it. But Hajime didn’t mind, he liked Nagito’s voice, not matter what form it was in.
“No, no, it does, go ahead.”
“Well, I guess I was trying to say,” Nagito said, pausing to think for a moment before he spoke again. “That, had it not been for Chiaki, we would have never met, and, well, never would have dated.”
“Maybe we would have,” Hajime said, pulling his gaze away from Nagito to look up at the sky, if only for a moment. “I like to think we would have met in any universe out there, but maybe you’re right, maybe we wouldn’t have.”
“I’m glad we met,” Nagito said, settling his hands into his lap. “I’m not quite sure what I would’ve done had I not met you.”
“I’m not sure either,” Hajime added. “I—, well, what I would’ve done, y’know? Ah, sorry.”
Nagito chuckled softly, “Yeah, I get what you mean.”
They both turned their heads towards each other, for a moment, before turning back towards the sky. It was a brilliant blue and clear of all clouds, something that wasn’t very common these days. Nagito always spent every moment outside when it was like this, it gave him time to think.
“I don’t know—well, I—, I’m not sure how I would have pieced myself back together after the Neo World Program,” Nagito said softly, turning towards Hajime and waiting for a reaction.
“I’m sure you still would’ve gone to the psych ward, and you had Sonia and them, you would’ve been fine, I think,” Hajime said, not quite sure of how to respond.
“I don’t know, honestly,” Nagito mumbled. “I used to think that was the case, but, now? Not so much.”
“What made you think about…all this?” Hajime asked, a complexed look forming on his face.
“I was, ah, going through my journals the other day…the ones from when I was in the hospital,” Nagito said nervously. “I wrote about you a lot, honestly, I’m starting to think you were the only thing I wrote about.”
“Huh, interesting.”
“Hajime!” Nagito yelled jokingly. “That’s not how you respond to that sort of confession!”
“Well, how am I supposed to respond?!”
“I don’t know, but not like that!”
Nagito and Hajime looked at each other for a moment, still laughing. This was a common occurrence these days, the two of them, hanging out in the most mundane of places. Today’s location was a park bench. Sure, they’d been together for almost four years now, but this was nothing like how they were when they were seventeen. Though, really, nobody was the same as back then.
Nagito took a deep breath to calm his laughter down before speaking once again, “As I was trying to say before, you were like the only reason I went through with that program.”
“I was?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?” Hajime asked. “I wasn’t really much back then, sort of? Boring, I guess? I was really boring and… kind of stupid, mind you.”
“I think, because I cared about you?” Nagito replied. “I cared about how you perceived me, and how you treated me, and maybe, well, how I acted around you?”
Nagito continued, “I was kind of a dipshit, y’know? Literally falling apart at the seams. And, I think, I just? I didn’t want you to have to see that part of me forever? Because I’m so so much more than that, maybe?”
Hajime stared at him, wide-eyed in amazement. He’d never heard Nagito talk so highly of himself in his life.
“Ah, sorry, that sounded like complete bullshit.”
“No, no, it was good bullshit, it was really good bullshit.”
“Y’think?”
“Definitely, no, yeah, I definitely get that.”
Nagito sighed happily, letting a smile smile form on his face. He was glad he was here, right now, still with Hajime. He’d always wondered where he would’ve ended up if he hadn’t continued.
“Geez, sorry, I guess I made this whole conversation super sappy,” Nagito said, cringing internally.
“You’re good, Nags,” Hajime said, sending a smile Nagito’s way. “It was nice.”
“You’re right, I guess it was.”
Hajime scooted across the park bench, just a little closer to Nagito than he was before. He tapped his hand lightly, asking for permission, before taking it into his own. He enjoyed this little routine they had.
They both sat on the bench in silence for a while before Nagito spoke up, “We should probably head back soon, Sonia and Chiaki are coming over tonight, remember?”
“Oh, shit, yeah, you’re right,” Hajime said, sitting up a little. “I guess we should head back, we’ve been here for, what? An hour?”
“That’s quite a long time,” Nagito said, a small chuckle escaping his lips. “Sorry I made you hang around for so long.”
“Mm, not your fault,” Hajime mumbled, poking Nagito’s nose with his index finger. “But we need to head back, otherwise we’ll keep them waiting.”
Nagito hummed a small reply before helping Hajime get up from the bench. He may only be twenty-three years old, but he had the knees of a sixty year old, much like Nagito. They usually had to help each other get up, Hajime with his knees, and Nagito with his cane.
“Oh, make sure you grab the cake from the fridge when we get back, I told Chiaki she could have it since I didn’t want it,” Nagito said.
“The one from Kaz’s party?” Hajime said, laughing a little.
“Yeah, it tastes like shit.”
[ 1003 WORDS ]