Work Text:
Thor Odinson was many things: he is a god, an avenger, and a widower. He had lived many lifetimes and yet the last five years had been the hardest. Watching his wife turn to dust before him took away his senses, it felt as if his heart had been ripped out of his chest. He couldn’t breathe, and even five years later, he still hadn’t caught it.
His grief was an invisible fire. It burnt down everything in its path, but its terror couldn’t be seen until all that was left was rubble. The fire ripped Thor apart and he was powerless to stop its burn. The fire left Thor as a hollow shell and a lifetime of scars.
Thanos had taken away his last form of love. He had lost his father and mother, but the Titan had taken his brother and his wife. Their loss was left behind in a universe full of grief and a void which would never truly be filled. Even now, with the possibility that he may get her back, he couldn’t fathom ever feeling the joy he knew five years ago.
He almost found it funny that he could’ve saved her. He could’ve stopped all of this from happening; children wouldn’t have lost their parents, sisters would still be with their families and the world, the universe would never had known such suffering. If only he had gone for the head.
But he hadn’t.
And now he faced the possibility of gaining back everything that he had lost, as well has giving the universe a second chance. But he also couldn’t face the possibility that he could lose more. He was thankful that Stark, Banner, and the others had survived, they were some of his closest friends, despite their troubles with each other. He wouldn’t know where he would be if it weren’t for them. Although they had spent many years apart and divided, they were brought together once more by an indescribable loss.
But even surrounded by the few people who cared for him, he had never felt more alone. He had lost everything he held dear, and in doing so he had lost himself. He had stopped caring about himself, he stopped caring about his appearance and started drinking. It was the only was the stop the everlasting numbness.
Thor closed his eyes, thinking back to his youth. He thought about (Y/N) and her grace. The way the sun used to warm her skin, the way her cheeks used to darken when he would complement her. The way they used to love each other, the way that Thor does still love her. Even if all was lost in this damned universe, all he wanted to do was to hold her one last time. But he doubted that she would, if his (Y/N) saw him now, Thor doubted that she would even recognise him. It was a chance, he would however, have to take.
Thor Odinson had been described as many things across his life: he had been named a hero, he has been called charming, loyal, and brave but he no longer resonated with those things. If he had been presented with the opportunity to save his (Y/N) five years ago, he would’ve done so immediately. Today he hesitated. He had never hesitated, and he would never do so again, not after he saved her.