Work Text:
The crash of the waves seems to sync with the beat of his heart. The rise and fall of the water aligns with the push and pull of blood through his veins. Sasuke allows himself to relax into the connection he has with this place. The place he’d finally said goodbye, leaving their names etched in the sand for the waves to devour.
Sasuke takes a deep breath, allowing the salt air to burn in his nose. The sting fills his lungs, brimming and spilling over, filling the empty hole in the center of his chest. While the wound aches constantly, Sasuke has to admit that it shrinks a little bit now that he’s here. The breeze on his cheeks feel like Naruto’s caress. The warmth of the sun feels like Naruto’s embrace. The shriek of the gulls will always remind Sasuke of the times Naruto would terrorize the poor birds, chasing after them and squawking loudly.
The memories pull a chuckle from the dark haired man. Despite the anguish eating away at his soul, the blonde can still make him smile. Then again, Naruto had always been able to entice Sasuke to smile. Even in death, he never ceases to calm Sasuke, ground him. Sasuke takes another deep breath, letting it out slowly through his teeth. Dark eyes fall shut as he enjoys the sun beaming down on him. A part of him wants to stay here, standing next to the car clutching a long unused cane and a bouquet of dandelions.
Instead, Sasuke tips his head down and opens his eyes. Watching his feet, he takes one slow step and then another, and another, and another. Until he’s walking toward the sand, toward the crashing waves and salty air and toward him. Toward Naruto.
The sand is soft under his shoes; he walks slowly to allow each step to sink into the grains. He finds he prefers this to the crunch of snow and ice under his heels. Sasuke thinks about being here together, playing in the surf and doodling in the sand. Kissing under the warmth of the sun while their toes dig into the sand. One of Sasuke’s hands brushes over his pocket, feeling the treasures stashed inside. A hard thump of his heart makes his steps falter. He closes his eyes and takes another deep breath through his nose. Counting down from ten, Sasuke lets the breath out his mouth and slowly opens his eyes. A little stab of pain lances his heart when, once again, Naruto isn’t standing in front of him. A part of him is starting to accept that it will always be like this. That hope will never allow him to fully accept and heal.
Pushing past the ache, Sasuke continues along the beach. It’s a short walk to his destination, only a few hundred yards from his car. The Uchiha half expects to see their names in lines through the sand, messy and crooked. The sand is smooth though, the waves eroding the writing and leaving everything blank. The dark haired man can’t decide if he’s bothered to see his writing gone, vanished the same way Naruto had. He decides not to think about it now, instead kneeling down in the sand. Sinking to one knee, Sasuke sets the cane down in front of him. The flowers get laid on top of it, petals and stems seeming to wrap around the cane. Slow fingers reach into his pocket, withdrawing a small square box and a little silver tube.
Dark eyes look down at the tube adoringly, gaze soft and sad. Vulnerable in a way that Sasuke only allowed himself when they were together. His voice is lost for a moment, throat constricting too tightly for him to speak. Giving himself a moment, Sasuke brings the silver to his lips and squeezes his eyes shut.
“I had different plans for this,” Sasuke admits, voice coming out as a croak. Distantly, he can hear Naruto giggling. Teasing him for losing his ‘cool guy facade’. The idea prompts another laugh, quiet and trembling.
“I was going to take you to that ramen place you love. All you can eat. Suggest a walk on the beach to watch you chase the birds. Get dow-” A sob rises up Sasuke’s throat, cutting off his voice to tumble past his lips, “Get down on one knee and tell you to ‘turn around, idiot’. Watch you make that fucking adorable gobsmacked face you make when you’re surprised.”
Sasuke pauses, eyes fluttering open to blink the tears from his eyes. He points them toward the sky, watches fluffy clouds linger over him. Witnesses to his despair, silent and impassive. Sasuke’s mouth falls open and he can taste the tears on his lips.
“You were supposed to say yes,” he whispers, blindly opening the small leather box to reveal a simple silver band, etched with the kanji for ‘fire’. A matching band, etched with ‘wind’, already adorned Sasuke’s left hand. “We’d try to plan a small wedding and you’d invite everyone we’ve ever met.”
The wind tickles the back of Sasuke’s neck, rustling his hair persistently. It tickles, sending a flash of goosebumps down Sasuke’s arms. For a moment, he’s sure he can hear Naruto.
Don’t be a downer, who doesn’t like a big party?
“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Sasuke quickly replies, knowing full well that he’s talking to himself. It’s hard not to give into these moments though, when Naruto feels close. As if he’s still right here. Thin fingers shake around the little silver canister. “I would have given you everything you wanted.”
The breeze swirls around him again, through his clothes and along his cheeks. Sasuke can hear Naruto sigh, quiet and fond and exasperated.
You did give me everything I wanted, in every moment we were together.
“We should have had more time then,” Sasuke snaps before he can think, hunching in on himself. Shoulders curling and spine bowing, clutching Naruto’s ashes to his chest. He can hardly feel it when a gust of air brushes the back of his neck.
Well, we’re here now, so are you gonna do it or not? There’s a familiar, playful edge to Naruto’s voice. Competitive without being harsh or distant. Sasuke relaxes after hearing it, continuing to ignore the fact that this is all just a delusion. It’s too familiar, too comfortable not to give into. Anything to close the distance between them. Straightening up, Sasuke looks down at the treasures in his hands.
With careful movements, Sasuke extracts the ring and fits it slowly around the tiny canister. The metal slides smoothly until the band is wrapped snuggle around the center of the tube. The Uchiha had the small urn custom made to the dimensions of the ring, ensuring that they would fit together perfectly.
“Naruto Uzumaki, you make my life messy and chaotic and unpredictable. You never cease to surprise me. Will you do me the honor of becoming my husband, so I can spend the rest of my life being amazed by you?”
The gulls cry and the waves crash and the wind sends a gust that scatters dandelion petals through the air and along the sand. Sasuke strains his ears, searching for any hint of Naruto’s voice. The seconds pass and the world becomes quiet. Sasuke takes a deep breath to quell his disappointment, knowing that he can only pretend for so long before reality is bound to catch up.
Kissing the small urn one more time, he tucks it safely in his pocket. Dark eyes scan the area for a moment before Sasuke spots a small stick. Plucking it from the sand, he turns to sit next to the cane and flowers. With slow, purposeful movements, Sasuke starts to draw. The stick drags through the sand easily, leaving curving lines that become a neat heart. He writes Naruto’s name first, reverent and deliberate to shape each character perfectly. After etching his own name, he sets the stick aside to grab the flowers. Gentle fingers touch the bundles of petals delicately before Sasuke sets the bouquet on the heart.
Dark eyes gaze down at his handiwork, hands clenched into fists on his knees. The tide had started to come in as he sat, the waves dancing closer and closer to his heart. It’s easier to stand up this time, one hand holding Naruto’s cane and the other buried in his pocket clutching Naruto’s ashes.
“We’ll be together again,” he promised quietly, watching the ocean start to erase his writing. “I love you.”
Sasuke turns, walking purposefully through the sand toward his car. The urge to make a stiff drink and lay in bed hurries his steps. He can feel himself spiraling, grief wrapping its hands around him to drag him down. The echoing of his breathing tells him that he’s hyperventilating, but he can’t get enough air in to stop. He’s nearly running now, desperate for the privacy and safety of the car, and the promise of oblivion at home.
Just as his feet meet the asphalt of the parking lot, a powerful push of wind knocks against Sasuke’s back. He wavers in his steps, head whipping around to look back where he came from. A deep, shuttering breath rattles into his lungs and he lets it out as a trembling gust. The breeze continues to rustle around him, swirling against his face and through his hair. Sasuke continues to breathe deeply, feeling his heart rate slow down and even out.
I love you, I do. Soft and fond and everything Sasuke loves most about Naruto.The Uchiha looks down at the ashes in his hand, slowly curling his fingers around them. The steady, calm march of his heart feels like it echoes Naruto’s name. Every beat for him, always.
“We’re never really apart,” Sasuke whispers, tucking the ashes back into his pocket. As he unlocks his car and slides into the driver seat, he sets his GPS to take him to Naruto’s favorite ramen shop. Now that the panic had calmed and some measure of peace had been found, Sasuke wanted to remember the times they were happy. Laughing and smiling and so wrapped up in each other that no one else in the world mattered. A time when anything was possible, when they were happy because they were together.
Pulling out of the parking lot, window rolled down to let in the sea air, Sasuke is sure he can hear Naruto’s voice in the distance.
You better bring me some next time, bastard!