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The next morning, Oswald woke to noises in the kitchen, and a soft voice humming as something sizzled. He lifted a hand to rub his face, his aching body reminding him to take pain killers, and his empty stomach reminding him that it was, indeed, still empty. He forced himself to sit up with a grunt of pain, his hand lifting to wrap around his bruised middle.
“Morning, sleepy head!”
His eyes popped open. That wasn’t the voice he was expecting…
“Making some breakfast, if you’re hungry. Take your time, wake up, wash up, all that good stuff.” That woman could talk so fast, it was a miracle he could keep up with her. Especially this early.
“What?” Apparently he couldn’t.
She giggled though, damn her. “Nothing, Oswald. Just saying good morning.” She corrected, then she went quiet again, the sizzling stopping for a moment before starting again.
He decided to move past it and get himself standing, then made his slow way to the bathroom. Once he used the facilities and washed his face and brushed his teeth, he returned to the main area, and saw she was still at the stove, humming under her breath again. Whatever she cooked smelled… Really good. Maybe he was just hungry.
She noticed him as she started plating, and smiled at him. “Awake at last?” She asked, her voice a teasing lilt.
He gave her an empty smile. “Good morning, Miss Young. Where did Ed run off to?”
“He had to get in to work early this morning.” She shrugged lightly. “Normally we carpool, but I guess there was a body found and he needed to go scope it out.” She smiled, a dreamy looking thing, “He works so hard, honestly.”
“Mm.” God, why did Oswald feel like this? If Ed can love her, he can at least try to like her, right? Ed is his friend. He can make a friend of his girlfriend, too. “What are you cooking?”
“Oh! I made grilled cheese!” She grinned, and brought the plates over. “Made you one, too. There’s also tomato soup, if you like.” She brought over a bowl of red liquid and set it next to her plate. “What do you want to drink?” She went over to the fridge, opening it and peering inside.
She… She cooked for him? He didn’t even ask her… He felt the iciness dissipate, if only slightly. “Whatever you’ll have will be fine, I’m sure.” He murmured, and took a seat at the small table. “Thank you, Miss Young. I appreciate the meal.”
“Ah, no worries.” She waved off his concern as she poured them both some juice. “I was cooking anyway. Just hope you like them!”
“I do, very much so.” He lifted half of the sandwich, noting it was cut into two triangles. “I haven’t had a cheese toastie in years…” He bit into it, and God so many childhood memories came to mind.
She giggled as she put a glass of juice before him. “Cheese toastie? Spend some time across the pond, huh?” She asked, a smile on her lips.
He lifted his eyes to look at her finally. She was wearing Ed’s clothes, obviously. A too big t-shirt and pajama pants, and her hair was loose over her shoulders. A drastic change from the two-piece suit he saw her in last night. “My mother… It’s what she called them.”
She didn’t have pity in her eyes. Did she know? “Oh, that’s cute.” She smiled, and tucked in as well, lifting a sandwich half and munching on it.
“... Thank you again, Miss Young. It’s delicious.”
“No trouble, Oswald. And please. Call me Kayley, hm?”
Kayley decided to wear her green suit today: a white shirt, a black tie, and an olive green waistcoat and pants. Her hair was put up in a quick, tight bun, and with a goodbye to Oswald, she headed off to work.
When she reached the GCPD, she made sure to do her usual greetings, nodding to the mail staff, the beat cops in the bullpen getting a smile and wave, until finally, she reached where she wanted to be. Upon seeing her favorite man hunched over his desk, she grinned, and stepped over to him. When she was behind him, his attention still firmly placed into the file before him, she rested her hands on his back. When he shot upright, she leaned to his ear, and whispered a riddle,
“I’m a liquid but I’m not water
I’m sticky but I’m not glue
I’m sweet but I’m not melted chocolate
I’m found in a comb but I’m not hair
I’m created by an insect but I’m not a web,
What am I?”
He instantly relaxed, a soft sigh leaving him, and he gently spun his chair around to face her. “Honey.” He sighed out, a smile on his face.
“Hello, darling~.” She cooed, and kissed his cheek. “How are we, hm? Whose body did you discover this morning?”
“Oh, my dear, it was fascinating!” He grinned, eager to tell her. “Look at these, it’s astounding!” He turned again, and she leaned over his back to read the files he had. It was the body of a monk, according to the files. No foreign drugs in his system, no alterations to his body, but a lot of his injuries were self inflicted. “This level of self flagellation… What makes a man do this to himself?” He sounded awed, the human mind always able to fascinate him.
“Jinkies…” She murmured to herself, her brow furrowing as she skimmed through the report. “That’s… Intense…”
“Miss Young!” A feminine voice caused them both to lift their heads. Dr. Thompkins smiled at them both as she stepped over. “Mr. Nygma! Nice to see you both.”
“What’s up, doc!” Kayley grinned at her, raising herself off of Ed’s back. “Always a pleasure to see the other Lee.” She went around Ed to give the good doctor a hug.
Lee Thompkins laughed and hugged her back. “Thought you didn’t go by Lee, hm?”
She shrugged. “I mean, what people call me is their own business, I suppose. Lee, Leels, Kayley…” She shrugged again. “Ah well.. So what brings you to our neck of the woods, hm? Just coming to say hi?” Her eyes narrowed. “You aren’t here to steal glances at my man, are you?”
Lee couldn’t help a giggle as Ed blushed. “No, no, I know he’s spoken for, you don’t have to worry, Kayley.”
“Good.” Kayley huffed, and went over to Ed to hug him tight. “Cuz he’s all mine.” She squeezed him tight, and even as Ed flushed in embarrassment, he had a goofy smile on his face as he hugged her back.
“Yes, dear.” He dutifully agreed, breathless.
Lee giggled once more, before clearing her throat lightly. “Um. No, actually. I wanted to let you know that, um… Your neighbors were found this morning. The Lindens?”
The couple felt a bolt go down their backs.
“You… You found them?” Kayley asked, breathless. “Are they…?” She swallowed.
Lee sighed and shook her head. “Unfortunately, they were found buried in the woods… They’re both dead.”
The records keeper gasped, her hand coming to her mouth as Ed stood and wrapped his arms around her. “What…” He was just as shocked as she was. “How did they…”
“I’m performing the autopsy now. So far, it seems to be blunt force trauma to the head and neck. I am so sorry.”
Kayley shuddered, her eyes squeezing shut. “... I was going to… Give her my apple pie recipe…” She sniffled, and turned to Ed, burying her face in his chest. “I use an orange glaze…!” She sobbed quietly into his shirt.
The good doctor sighed, and stepped over to the couple as they grieved. “I know this must be really hard on you… Are you going to be safe at your apartment?” She asked, looking up at Ed.
Ed nodded, his eyes shining with unshed tears. “Yes, we’ll… Um… We’ll be alright. I have pretty tight security for my door, and we’re always… On alert…” He cleared his throat and removed his glasses. “Um, Doctor Thompkins, would you mind…?”
“Of course, of course… If either of you need to talk, I’m here, okay?” With a comforting rub on Kayley’s back, she stepped away, and out of the office.
“... I-Is she gone…?”
“Yes, she’s gone.”
Kayley sighed, and pulled away from Ed, rubbing her face as she sniffled. “God, I always hated crying on stage… Now I’m going to look so puffy all day…”
“Do you really have an apple pie recipe?” Ed asked, pulling his handkerchief from his pocket and handing it to her.
“It’s not mine, it’s my sister-in-law’s…” She pat her face dry, and wiped her eyes. “Ugh… Do you think I sold it?”
“Darling, you were magnificent.” He praised, and kissed her forehead. “You should have kept up your acting, you could be in the movies.”
She giggled and kissed his cheek. “Flatterer.” She teased. “... You don’t think… She knows, do you?”
He paused, thinking, before shaking his head. “No, I don’t think so. You expertly held her off.” He kissed her again, causing her to giggle.
Kayley stood at the door to Ed’s apartment, giving him a final, sweet kiss goodbye. “I’ll see you in the morning, okay?” She smiled up at him.
He sighed softly, and nodded. “I will see you in the morning, my love. I wish you could stay, but…”
“I know, Ed honey, I know.” She sighed. “I wish I could, too… But Lilith kind of… Needs me right now.” Her roommate, Lilith, was going through some trouble with her family, having received a call from one of her abusive sisters. Lilith claimed she would be okay, but Kayley didn’t trust it. So she was going to pick up some ice cream and talk it out with her.
“Alright then.” He kissed her forehead, and forced himself to step away. “Be safe. Call me when you’re home.”
“I sure will.” She winked. “Don’t miss me too much, huh?”
He snorted, and shook his head. “I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”
“I’ll see you. Bye, love.”
“See you, darling.”
He watched her walk down the hall to the stairwell, the elevator having been out for some time, and saw her pass by his neighbor, Mr. Linden. He felt a darkness slide over himself as the older man eyed her up, turning to stare at her backside.
When she was out of sight, Mr. Linden turned to face him instead, and gave him a vile smirk. “Better keep an eye on that one, chief.” He said. “Never know if someone might just…” He made a grabbing motion. “Snatch her up, off the streets!”
“I would appreciate you not talking about her that way.” Ed ground out, his eyes narrowing.
The other man held up his hands defensively. “Easy, bean pole. I’m jus’ sayin’. Especially that nice looking?” He gave a low whistle. “Might want to trade up one day, y’know?”
“That’s enough.” He snapped, and slammed the door to the apartment shut. He heard the old man’s laughter as he entered his own apartment.
Better keep an eye on that one, Eddie…
The voice… It’s back?
I never left, Eddie. It warned, but continued anyway . He needs to be watched… Keep him away from our girl…
He agreed with the voice… He needed to be kept an eye on…
-
Kayley hummed as she climbed the steps to Ed’s apartment, eager to see her boyfriend. Even if he had an eccentric new roommate, she was always happy to see him. Once she reached his floor, she saw his neighbor, Mr. Linden, and his wife heading down the hallway beside her. She gave them both a smile as they approached; it was only well received by Mr. Linden, who gave her a wide grin in return. Mrs. Linden, however, gave her a dark scowl and turned her head away. What the hell? Okay, sure. She let her smile fall as they walked by each other.
A sudden hand on her ass made her jump, and she spun around and tried to smack the hand away. Mr. Linden gave her a wink, and hurried along after his wife.
She felt her brain short circuit. What… What the hell…?
She dimly made her way over to Ed’s apartment, and used her key to let herself in. She didn’t even hear Ed’s greeting, all she could say was, “Holy shit…”
Ed’s brow furrowed, and he walked over to her. “Kayley? What’s wrong?”
“Mr. Linden just kinda… Grabbed my ass…” She reached behind her and rubbed the offended cheek, looking over her shoulder at the door. “... Why did…” She didn’t finish her thought.
Ed’s eyes went dark, and he straightened, before turning to look at Oswald. “Mr. Penguin, I’ve decided on my first target.”
Oswald grinned as Kayley blinked out of her reverie. “Wonderful. We’ll begin tonight.”
“What? Target for what?” Her bubble of confusion popped, her brow furrowing. “What are you going to do?”
“What you should have done, dear.” Oswald gave her a patronizing smile. “You say you’re a fighter, but can’t handle a passing by grope?”
Edward gave him a warning glare, but she frowned as well. “Wait… You’re right.” She turned towards the door and started marching. “What the hell am I doing? I’m not some fucking little–”
“Wait, wait wait.” Ed quickly grabbed her by her middle, lifting her feet off the ground as she writhed. “Mr. Penguin, please don’t tempt her.” He admonished, before looking down at his squirming girlfriend. “Easy does it, my little hellion, no going out picking fights.”
“Ed.” She growled, trying to push his hands away. “Let me go! I’m gonna go whoop his ass! He doesn’t get to touch me and just–!”
“I know, darling, I know.” He set her down, and turned her to face him. “I know.” He rested his forehead on hers, looking into her eyes. “I’m going to handle it. Okay?”
She frowned at him. “I’m not some victim to be saved, Eddie.” She growled. “Not anymore.”
“I know, darling.” He repeated. “But who am I? Hm?” He asked her, his eyebrow lifting.
“....” She pouted at him.
“Hm? Who am I, darling?”
“... My hero.” She grumbled.
“So let me save my girl, huh?”
“... Fine.” She huffed, folding her arms over her chest. He kissed her forehead and she stuck her tongue out at him. “Hmph.”
Oswald, having had enough of the couple, rolled his eyes and cleared his throat. “Well then. If you two are quite finished? Shall we set this up, hm?”
Ed nodded, and the two began planning. Kayley added in her two cents every now and again. ‘If you’re doing one, do both, no survivors to press charges’. ‘Burn the bodies, no evidence, no crime’. ‘Don’t do anything flashy, c’mon, this isn’t some crime drama’.
Oswald’s eye had begun to twitch, so Ed asked if she could maybe order some food, or make some tea.
Kayley understood the dismissal, and pouted even as she did as asked.
“I thought you burned them, honey.” Kayley whispered to him. “You promised no one would–”
“I know, I know!” Ed whispered back, sounding frantic. “But burning them would attract too much attention, the smell alone would bring people flocking! Not to mention the risk of wildfire!”
“Honey, if they connect you to this–”
“They won’t, darling.” He gripped her shoulders, and looked into her eyes. “I promise you. They won’t. Trust me. Okay?” He assured her.
She sighed gently, quietly. “Hm… Okay…” She nodded. “Okay, Ed honey.”
He gave her a smile, and hugged her tight. “We’ll be fine. Okay?”
She nodded and hugged him back. “Yeah… We’ll be fine.”
“Kayley?”
Kayley lifted her head, and smiled as Dr. Thompkins stepped into her office. “Lee! What’s up, doc?” She asked softly.
“I just wanted to check up on you… You look like you’re doing better…” She gave the younger woman a sad smile.
She sighed and nodded, “Mmhm… It’s gonna… Take me a minute, but… If wishes were fishes, hm?”
Lee sighed, and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Kayley, don’t be hard on yourself. You couldn’t have known they would be murdered.”
“I know, I know… I just…” She scrubbed her face with her hands. “It sucks, Lee… It isn’t fair…!”
“I know…” She wrapped the woman in a soft side hug. “... But I actually… Came to ask you something, too.”
“No you can’t have the recipe, too.” Kayley blandly told her from behind her hands, causing Lee to laugh.
“No, no, not that.” Lee waved her hand. “I just… Wanted to ask. Has Ed been… Odd lately?”
Kayley arched an eyebrow, slowly lowering her hands from her face. “In what regard?”
“Like, has he been… Shifty or something? Like he’s… I dunno… Hiding something?”
“Hiding something…?” Kayley immediately frowned. “You don’t think he’s cheating on me, do you?”
“No, no, I don’t think that.” The good doctor shook her head. “It’s just… He seems so… Off these past few days, I can’t explain it. Like he’s… Changed… Somehow…”
Kayley felt dread settle in her stomach, but didn’t let it show on her face. “Well… I mean… We’ve been talking about moving in together lately…” She leaned in to whisper, a secret between friends.
Lee raised her eyebrows. “Really?”
Kayley smiled. “Mmhm! We’ve been talking it through, y’know, whose apartment would we share, what about my roommate, how would we split bills… Y’know, just table talk every now and again.”
“That’s a little fast, isn’t it?”
Kayley shrugged with a smile. “The heart keeps its own time…” She sighed gently, lovingly.
Lee looked at her for a moment, before sighing gently. “... Kayley… Leels…” She rested her hand on the young woman’s shoulder again. “Just… Be careful. With Ed. Okay? I know there’s something… Off about him. I can’t place it, but–”
“Hey, I like ‘em a little crazy.” Kayley grinned. “Makes the sex better.”
Lee burst into laughter, and shook her head. “Honestly, Leels.”
“What?! It’s true!”
“Mr. Penguin, I have a favor to ask.”
“Oh you do? What is it, Ed?”
“Dr. Thompkins has been asking me a lot of questions about… Certain things. The neighbors. Dougherty. I need my file cabinet cleared out.”
“Okay, I knew you had the badge, but did you actually keep something from those two others?!”
“I wanted a keepsake! Something to remember my first planned–!”
“Ed, honestly–”
“Just! Get rid of them! Please! Dr. Thompkins is asking too many questions… She’s even questioning Kayley. Please.”
“... Fine, Ed.” He clicked the phone, and glared at it. “Amateurs.” He growled at it, and tossed it on the couch. He went over to the file cabinet in the back of the room, and found what he was looking for: the badge, a pair of glasses, and a small bible. Honestly, was Ed even religious? Why a bible for God’s sake?
Then he remembered that he didn’t care. So, he gathered them up, and went about destroying them.
He burned the bible, dimly hearing his mother’s scolding words in the back of his head.
He broke apart the badge, bending the metal just enough to flush it down the toilet without it clogging.
And he was left with the glasses, when a knock was at the door.
The glasses were crushed in his hand. Galavan… Was free.
“So, wait, wait, wait…” Kayley held up her hands, her voice a whisper, not wanting to wake the other fugitive in the apartment. “You… You’re going to go after… Galavan… The mayor, Galavan. Because… Okay…” She inhaled, then slowly exhaled. “Oswald, are you sure–”
“I know what I want.” He cut her off with a snap. “And I know what I’m doing.”
“... Okay.” She nodded her head. “Alright.” She looked at Ed, “Are you going along?”
Ed shook his head. “We agreed it would be better if I ‘hold down the fort’, as it were.”
“Alright…” She looked at Oswald again. “Do you need me?”
Oswald… Felt his heart thud a bit at that. “You would join me?”
“Of course I would.” She agreed. “I like to consider us friends, Oswald. Friends do for friends. If you need me, I will be there.” She nodded her head.
His heart definitely thudded then. “... Thank you, Miss Young… Kayley.” He gave her a little smile. “But I couldn’t ask that of you. Just as I couldn’t of Ed, I know you are needed in the precinct… On the opposite side of the bars.”
“...” She sighed lightly, and nodded her head. “Alright. If you need me, Ed has my number, okay?” Speaking of Ed, she turned and leaned over to give him a kiss; him being seated on the piano bench and her standing allowed her to be a smidge taller than him. “Call me later. Keep me informed.” She took a glance over at the unconscious Gordon on Ed’s bed. “And make sure he washes his wounds. Neosporin and band-aids can only do so much.”
“Rodger dodger.” Ed agreed, and kissed her again. “Be safe out there?”
Kayley smiled at him. “Of course. You, too.” She turned to the other man, and gave him a smile as well. “Be careful.” She warned him softly. “... And give Galavan a sock from me, too, huh?” She punched the air lightly. “He always had that smarmy look on his face, just… Looks so punchable.”
Oswald chuffed a laugh, and nodded his head. “Very well. I will certainly give him a hit from you.”
“Thank you.” She gave him a hug, causing his eyes to widen, but she pulled away before he could reciprocate. “I’d better head out. Lilith and I are planning a movie night, I gotta stock up on snacks.” She blew Ed one more kiss, and was gone.
“... You have… Quite the lady, there, Ed.”
Ed smiled dreamily at the door. “I do, don’t I…?”
“... Play it again, Ed. Please.”
“Of course.”