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Christmas lights glistened, decorating the hotel in a borderline tacky manner, but reflecting within the bubbles inside the champagne glasses. Tim couldn't help but keep his eye on the door, a bundle of nerves forming in the pit of his stomach. This whole party had been his idea, the reason why - the real reason, that is, was the same one that kept him checking the door - making his heart skip a beat every now and then. He would never dare to say it out loud. Just thinking about it made him jittery. She would be arriving anytime now, smiling like the big kid he knew she was.
He would see Olivia.
Trying to keep his mind busy, Tim took another look in the mirror, his blue eyes glimmering like a child's at Christmas. He felt a bit silly for a minute. He felt his cheeks burn as he adjusted the light blue buttoned-up shirt Jen had begged him to wear, and the green and floppy Santa's Helper hat that kept trying to escape his head. Of course, the idea of dressing up for the occasion had been his; a fruitless attempt at making the islanders – or rather, former islanders – feel a little bit of that Christmas magic and love the movies always promised.
But many of them didn't want to join in on his Hallmark Christmas Rom-com in the making, coming to the party empty-handed with nothing but a fancy dress or party outfit. The nerve, right? Luckily he had brought some extra props to distribute to his friends. They were celebrating Christmas after all, goddamn it!
"You look anxious," he heard Jen's shrill voice saying next to him.
He hadn't noticed her approaching. He wondered if she'd noticed him blushing at his reflection. Perhaps it was cruel to say so... but he hadn't noticed her at all lately. It was unfair and ungrateful. But his head was completely absent from it, and it was only getting worse as time went by. He could easily say it was because of their frequent arguments, a lingering consequence from the day he had met her parents and everything went south, but that would be nothing but a poor excuse. Ever since they'd first gotten together, it'd never really felt right. Real.
And how could it be when their relationship was nothing but a pair of spares? Jen had spent the majority of the season trying to make something happen with Levi while Tim was pining after Olivia, hiding his emotions behind the veil of friendship. When Levi and Olivia became the toast of the Nation, there was no choice for Tim and Jen besides becoming their own thing, picking up their broken hearts and building a relationship out of the shards and shattered pieces.
Somehow, Jen had always managed to seem confident in herself and their relationship, never letting on that she had anything but faith in them. From interviews to their day-to-day life, she smoothed things out so he wouldn't feel the impact. If she believed they could make a go of it, even if it was hard, then Tim was happy enough to try and make it work with her as well. What wasn't there to like? Jen was pretty. A good girl. A little bit needy for others to take her seriously... but that was ok. Tim could deal with that. He could get over the flaws. Hers and his. He could iron a shirt, wear a tie, and shake some hands if it meant having a real shot in love.
And he would've been able to keep pretending for as long as it took for it to be true. If it wasn't for one small detail.
Olivia was single now.
"Nah, just wondering if everyone's having fun!" He smiled at her in the mirror, trying his best to cover the nerves that were building inside him.
While all the boys from their season seemed to be falling over themselves to score a chance with Olivia, Tim had given up the fight way before it started. Within a few minutes of meeting, the two of them had become close friends; a connection so strong that it would be better for Tim to just pretend it was just friendship. After all, Liv had too much going on with Mason, Levi and Jake to ever look at him as anything more than that. Mates. The best of friends.
But there was this feeling Tim couldn't shake. The memory of lazy days spent in daybeds, tasting oranges and laughing at bad lines that would haunt his dreams. He might've been able to pretend it was innocent for the rest of his life... if he hadn't so obsessively memorised every detail of how she looked in those moments, and all the emotions he felt whenever he allowed himself to relive them.
But he felt them. He knew her like the back of his hand. Like he knew the way home. Those feelings were too strong for him to try and ignore. A million bubbles tingled in his throat whenever she hummed her favourite song. He could never hide his smile whenever he heard the jingle of her jewellery from her loud gesticulations. How the sound of her giggle being muffled by her hand as it covered her mouth always made his heart melt.
She lingered on his mind like a bad 80s song. And every time she just smiled at him, god only knew what he was capable of.
"Ah, she's here!" Jen exclaimed. His face turned to the door once again.
Standing at the door, Olivia looked like a work of art. Not like the Picassos or Dalis or Goyas he'd spent so long pointing at from a distance; she was an art style all her own. The kind of beauty no painter could ever truly capture. Her blonde hair fell perfectly down her back, as usual. Her dazzling eyes scanned the room with a shyness that juxtaposed the scandalous, thigh-high slit she had on her crimson red dress. As soon as she clocked Tim, her bashful look melted into a big smile. And he couldn't help but beam back at her.
Tim didn't even spare a look at Jen before he started walking straight to Olivia. He could see her eyes calling to him, pulling him closer to her, studying him as if she was trying to commit every part of him to her memory. He did the same, trying to find a piece of her that he didn't already know. But he recognised every single detail of her, from the tiny tattoos sprinkled across her skin to the way she played with her necklace. He knew it all.
After what felt like ages, she snapped her eyes back to his and smiled, warmth dripping from her expression and radiating from her, across the room and into his body. She almost spoke, but his hands were faster than her lips. He grabbed her hand, and held it up, wrestling-crew style, he faced the other islanders that were dispersed around the hotel they had rented for the day. He could feel his cheeks burn with enthusiasm as his smile grew on his face.
"Ladies and gentlemen," he announced with a voice like a boxing match narrator. "The winner of this year's Love Island!"
The room erupted in applause that came from everywhere, even from Allegra who was awkwardly sitting on a couch. Olivia's cheeks were pink now and she was staring at her own feet. Tim frowned a little, wondering when she got so shy.
"It's so great to see everyone," Olivia said, her voice echoing through the walls in a beautiful melody. "The villa feels like forever ago. I can't wait to catch up with all of you."
There was another quick round of applause before the group dispersed and chatter filled the room again, leaving Tim and Olivia to settle into their own little bubble again.
Back in the Villa, being next to Olivia was a curse and a blessing. Thanks to their friendship, the quiet days never really were quiet – not when they could spend it together or doing some silly shit with the rest of the rap crew – and the drama days were filled with mockery and heart-to-heart chats. He had many reasons to cherish their friendship. But being so close also meant having to be so distant when she was with Levi, her real partner. Being her friend, being so close to her, knowing her so well, having her right at his fingertips, yet never being able to call her his...it was torture.
And now… He couldn't even bring himself to say something. Should he ask her about the breakup? Should he tell her that he and Jen were planning to move in together? Should he ask her if she had seen the beach hut confessions where he talks about his crush on her?
Should he tell her that he was only a word away from leaving his girlfriend if she asked him to?
Maybe it was better if he just told her nothing at all. Why complicate things? Plus, she was his girlfriend’s friend, one of the closest she had from the Villa. Pouring unwanted feelings on Olivia would be no good at all. He had to just leave it alone. And he was about to when he noticed it: they were still holding hands.
His eyes immediately fell to their linked hands and laced fingers – her red nail polish gently resting against his pale skin – before they lifted to her face, searching for hers. He watched her eyes follow a similar path to his, before meeting his eyes with a glimmer of mischief. They were daring him to make a decision; to decide whether to stay or let go, but not doing anything herself. She held on, he held on.
The air around them shifted. All at once he could feel the overwhelming electricity between them. Had it ever been that strong? He could feel it in the hairs on the back of his neck. He could feel the tiny waves of shock hitting his chest coming all the way from his fingertips that were pressed against the palm of her hand.
What was this? What was she doing? Did she feel this, too?
It was as if she could hear his thoughts, because she silently confirmed them. She squeezed his hand, carefully caressing the back of his hands with her thumb before their eyes met again. A big grin involuntarily showed on his lips, followed by a bit-down smile and pink cheeks.
Friends don’t look at friends that way.
"So…" Olivia said, shattering the silence between them. "What's the big announcement you've invited everybody here for?!"
"Oh! It's not time for it yet. I don't wanna spoil it." He answered in a way to do his best not to show his disappointment. "Catch you in a bit, Liv!"
Feeling like his heart could escape his chest at any given moment, Tim fled the scene, turning on his heels and moving to whatever group was close by. Next to the fireplace and near the laptop where the music was playing, Talia, Jake and Rohan were hanging out, the group laughing loudly.
"Big T," Talia smirked at him when she saw him approaching. "Is Olivia coming over here to see us?"
Tim gave her a half-shrug as one of the waiters offered him a drink. “Who knows?”
“You should know, you were all cosy back there,” Rohan remarked, drinking from his glass.
"What?" Tim frowned. "No, we were just catching up, you know, it’s been a long time since we spoke face to face.”
“Are you blushing?” Talia asked, raising an eyebrow and smirking at him.
“No!” He gasped.
Jake narrowed his eyes at him humorously. "So, nothing's going on with Liv?"
"No, that's…" Tim sighed, staring at his feet. "I have a girlfriend."
Talia let out a dry laugh. "And she had a boyfriend. And guess what? They broke up," Talia said, half-shrugging. "People break up all the time."
Tim shook his head, his lips quivering upwards. "Doesn't matter. We're…"
"Just friends." She cut him off. "You know, there's a compilation on twitter of you saying that. I should send it to you."
“Funniest thing I’ve ever seen, man,” Rohan said, hanging his head back.
"Yeah, so funny, hardy har." He rolled his eyes. "I'm going to check on Jen."
“Good luck with the wife!”
Tim left the group, hearing them roaring with laughter at his expense. Bunch of arseholes, he thought to himself while he contemplated why the fuck he'd become friends with them anyway.
He found Jen hanging next to the Christmas tree in the other room, her back turned to him as she spoke with someone. Tim craned his neck, trying to get a glimpse of who it was and, of course, it was Olivia.
Fuck, he thought, sighing and leaning on the wall next to the door before he could hear the conversation.
“… I’ve seen the papers but I couldn’t actually believe it!” Jen’s voice filled the nearly empty room with echoes.
“Yeah, he’s actually fucking Cherry,” Olivia said, a giggle in her voice that didn’t sound sincere. “Once a cheater, always a cheater, I guess.”
“I’m so sorry, hun…” Jen said, in a tone that Tim recognised as her trying to show sympathy, but doing a terrible job of it. It made sense, Tim guessed. At the end of the day, Jen would always be smitten with Levi. He'd always be her second choice.
“It’s ok, I’m over him anyway.” Olivia smiled.
“So, does that mean you are ready for some action tonight?” Jen squealed.
“Maybe… ?” Olivia chuckled. “I mean if the right guy shows up.”
“Oh, don’t forget to tell me who it is! Unless…” Suddenly, Jen’s voice dropped. “Unless it's Tim. Just remember who your girlfriends’ boyfriends are, ok?”
Olivia cleared her throat. “Sure, Jen.” She added quickly. “Why is Erikah looking so down?”
Tim let his body relax and let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. He leaned against the wall, letting his head fall back, staring at the ceiling. His nervous hands fumbled around in his pocket... and his fingers found the packet of cigarettes he'd slipped in there just in case.
He took a look around, finding the door to the smoking room only a few steps from him. He bit his lower lip, wondering how pissed Jen would be with him if he smoked one last time – probably real pissed. But he could no longer even pretend to care.
The cold air of the evening surrounded his body as soon as he stepped into the balcony. He could hear the sounds of London screaming below him, but it was like silence compared to the volume of his own thoughts. He took a deep breath as he flipped a cigarette from the pack, lighting one by muscle memory, gained through years of experience. The sharp, familiar sting of the cigarette smoke mixed with icy-cold air was delicious to him. Why had he let Jen convince him to quit?
“Here you are,” Tim heard the sweet voice curl around him like it was her he was inhaling. “I thought Jen made you quit?”
He turned, finding Olivia with a grin on her face, leaning against the wall. She looked a little more upset than she had before, the glimmer in her sky-blue eyes missing.
A single conversation with Jen was able to do that to her?
Same, he chuckled to himself.
“She said I had to stop smoking weed. Tobacco's a plant, not a weed.”
She clicked her tongue. “I really don’t see why people call you funny.”
“Really?” Tim snickered. “I see why people call you a slag, though.”
She snickered, rolling her eyes and shaking her head as she pocked her tongue against one of her cheeks. “Prick.”
“You started it,” he said with a half-shrug.
The silence enveloped them again as Tim stared at the dark sky. The day had barely ended but the evening were devouring the sky, as if the sun had never touched it. He felt Olivia getting closer, resting her arms crossed against the balcony’s handrail as the breeze blew through her hair. He glanced at the side of her face, and saw a tiny silver earring hanging from her ear. He wondered who'd bought it for her? He pictured being the one to buy her gifts like those. He shook the thought from his head, his confidence in himself growing thinner and thinner – this feeling wasn't going to go away, was it?
Normally, when she looked at him, her eyes looked like coming home and her warmth felt like safety. But it was like the fireplace had smouldered to ash. Something inside her was unlit.
"Are you really moving in together?" She asked him, her voice so small he could barely hear it.
He frowned, not understanding what she was talking about. It took him a while to realise she meant him and Jen. Fuck. He should’ve said something before. But what was the point, after all?
"Yeah,” he swallowed hard. “Why?”
"No, nothing." She shook her head, giving him a bashful smile. "It's better if I let this be, then."
He tilted his head, throwing his cigarette into the ashtray beside him. "What?"
Olivia looked him right in the eyes, as if she was trying to build courage. But she looked down almost immediately, her shoulders slumping. "Nothing, Tim."
"Liv… please say it."
"It's not gonna make any difference now."
"Say it anyway."
She took a deep breath, turning her whole body toward him, as if she knew she had to be fully present for what she was going to say. Her eyes looked up, then down, then back at his, as she swallowed hard. He could hear the cogs in her head turning and clicking, her mind trying to stop herself from saying what she was about to say.
"This is… this is really hard for me,” she started before swallowing hard. “But in the end, I think you deserve to know the truth. Out of everyone from the Villa, you're the one I regret not giving it a go with. It could be just 'cause we're, like, best mates but… something changed– no. I think… I think it was always like this I just… I just couldn’t see it at the time.
But I know it now. It’s clear as day to me, and it makes me so fucking mad, ‘cause if only I'd figured it out sooner... I feel like I’ve lost time chasing boys that didn’t want me when I had something so much better I could've been cherishing the whole time."
Tim's eyes were wide, feeling like his heart had stopped. But instead of letting the revelation sink in so it could restart, Liv took a deep breath, and continued.
"I’m not asking you to do something about it. Because now you have Jen, and I’m sure you’re happy as someone can be. But… Tim, I just… you see, every time I get a text from you my heart skips a beat. You make me so happy. I just think…”
Tim could feel tears pricking in the back of his eyes, his mind spiralling in a rush of thoughts. It was everything he ever wanted. It was exactly what he never had the courage to say.
"Yes?"
"I think we should give it a chance."
"Me too."
He watched her eyes – her beautiful eyes – widening in shock.
"Really?"
“Listen, Liv,” he could see a smile showing at the corners of her mouth, and it made his heart start pumping furiously, knowing he was the one putting it there.
He tried to hold back his own, tried to bite down, but he was just so happy. His heart had hit the gas and his hands were sweaty in a way that, for the first time, meant excitement. “There’s no one that gets me like you do. I… I’ve felt the same way for a long time. I've been crazy about you since the minute I laid eyes on you. The minute you stepped into the Villa. We have to do this. You and me."
She giggled, throwing herself to him, the two of them sharing an embrace. Their bodies intertwining as London’s loud night served them as music. She looked at him, resting her forehead against him. She was so small. "Yeah, we should do this."
"Wait for me outside of the hotel. I'll tell Jen we're over."
Her face twitched in concern. "Are you sure? Aren’t you gonna regret it?"
"The only thing I regret is letting you be the one to say it first." He chuckled. “What kind of dickhead does that?”
“Yeah, total dick move,” she nodded, her voice splashed with humour like champagne.
A silence filled the room again. But this time it wasn’t awkward, or delicate. It was comforting, warm, nice. So different from anything he had ever experienced before. For a minute, he worried about what the others would say – what the public would think. But as he stood there, worrying about things he couldn’t control, Olivia kissed him.
If he'd thought there was electricity between them before... this was a bolt of lightning. The others could say whatever they wanted. This? Kissing her, feeling her hair in his hands? The pressure of her body against his? That was right. The rightest it could ever be. It would be ok. They would be ok.
He broke the kiss, biting his lip and staring into her eyes. They smiled at each other like a pair of idiots. A pair of idiots that were in love with each other. She caressed his cheek with her thumb and cupped his face.
"Tim?"
"Yeah?"
"You're my best friend."