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“Fuck,” Hawks hisses, he inhales sharply and screws his eyes shut. He opens his eyes and begins to apply the product to his scar again.
His doctor had recommended applying aloe vera on the scar every night before he went to sleep. He was also instructed to take vitamins and moisturize daily. On top of the physical therapy, he has to engage in every day because of his wings, Hawks’s self-care routine became quite a hassle.
The burn scar was still rather fresh, so applying any sort of product to it caused that part of his face to sting for a few seconds. He still couldn’t believe his pretty face and wings would be ruined forever, no thanks to Dabi.
Or, well, he should say Touya Todoroki, son of the number one hero, Endeavor. To think that Hawks had such close ties to Endeavor’s presumed dead son and didn’t even have a clue. If only he had figured it out sooner, if only he was smarter, faster, all of this could have been prevented.
There was no man in the world that was faster than Hawks. But now it seems that Hawks has become faster than himself, and he can hardly keep up.
Hawks finishes applying the aloe to his scar and washes his hands. He looks up at himself in the mirror, notices how the tips of his hair are singed and wonders how long it will take to regrow it to how it once was. He avoids looking at his wings because every time he remembers the same thing: his wings will never be restored to their full glory and he’ll have to use prosthetics to aid him in battle.
And every time he looks at his wings, he always remembers Dabi. He remembers the heat of Dabi’s flames, the way his boot crunched into his face and left permanent scars. He remembers Dabi’s monologue about how hero society would fall beneath him, how Hawks’s life meant nothing to him.
Hawks grits his teeth. He should hate Dabi. He should want him dead. He should find Dabi and throw him into jail, get him some help, let him return home to his family, and refuse to ever see him again. Hawks should hate Dabi.
But he doesn’t. Instead, when he remembers how Dabi ruined his life, he remembers how Dabi was also the realest person he’s ever met. From the very beginning, Dabi knew the truth about Hawks. He knew Hawks’s darkest secrets, the things he said he would shove down and forget about. He knew about all of it, and maybe it’s true Dabi knew everything between them was a lie from the beginning, but Dabi never looked at him any different.
He saw past the disguise, past the role of hero Hawks plays every day. He saw through all of it. But he never looked at him any different.
When he remembers Dabi, he remembers bright, blue eyes watching, observing him at all times. How Dabi and Hawks could be in a crowded room but Dabi would always be looking at him. How Hawks would meet Dabi on the roof of an abandoned building and they would sit in silence until Dabi offered his cigarette to Hawks, and he would politely decline.
But he had still offered. Since when had Dabi ever offered anyone anything?
He remembers how Dabi tasted like smoke, like there was an entire forest burning in the inside of his lungs. He remembers how Dabi’s hands would slip under his shirt, how his skin would feel like it was on fire. How Dabi’s rough and deep voice would whisper about how pretty he was in his ear, making his face heat up and making him feel impossibly hotter.
Hawks shakes his head. He shouldn’t be thinking about that.
Their entire relationship had been built on lies, distrust, and hatred. And yet… Why did it feel like Dabi understood him better than anyone else?
Hawks shakes his head and bites his lip. No. Dabi was a villain; he couldn’t understand Hawks. Dabi murders people and Hawks saves them. Dabi’s philosophy was built off of destroying this society, even the people within it, while Hawks’s was protecting people no matter the cost. They were entirely different people with entirely different beliefs surrounded by entirely different lines of work.
Hawks should hate him, he should despise him.
But I don’t. I’m in love with him.
The thought crosses Hawks’s mind before he can stop it and he almost wants to throw himself out the window for even thinking like that. He wasn’t in love with the enemy. Dabi didn’t understand him. Hawks’s mission was to gain his trust and get granted access into the League, nothing more, nothing less. Now, he busied himself with finding Touya so that the Todoroki family could finally get some closure.
Hawks didn’t even have time for things like love. He had people to save and not enough time to do it.
Besides, Dabi ruined his life. The public’s trust in him has deterred dramatically and his quirk will never be as powerful as it once was. And if given the chance, Dabi would probably do it all over again.
Nothing existed between them except lies and hate. It would stay that way.
Hawks flexes his wings out of habit and winces, forgetting that they were still in the process of healing and would take weeks to properly grow back. He cleans his face with cold water and dries himself off. He walks out of the bathroom and makes his way into the living room, where the fireplace is lit and there’s some sort of romantic comedy playing on the TV.
It’s late, probably sometime past midnight and Hawks realizes how tired he felt. His entire body felt heavier than usual and he wanted nothing more than to spread out on his bed and fall asleep. After all, his mind couldn’t think if he wasn’t awake.
Hawks turns in the direction of his room and before he can start walking that way, he hears a quiet knock on his door. If his senses like sight or hearing hadn’t been heightened ever since not being able to rely on his quirk, Hawks wouldn’t have heard it at all.
Who the hell could be visiting Hawks this late at night?
If it wasn’t Endeavor or Best Jeanist there to inform him of a hit they found in the Touya case, Hawks was going to be really mad. He couldn’t risk bags under his eyes from tiredness along with the ugly burn scar on his neck and jaw.
Hawks heads in the direction of his front door instead. He doesn’t even bother looking out the window to see who’s standing outside; he’s already got a good idea that it’s probably either Endeavor or Best Jeanist informing him about Touya, or maybe even Mirko who was probably out clubbing too late at night and needed a nearby place to crash.
He unlocks and opens the door. When he sees who’s standing in front of his door, his jaw drops so fast that he doesn’t even have time to collect himself.
It was fucking Dabi. Of all people, of course it had to be Dabi.
Hawks’s heart drops in his chest. It wasn’t the fact that he was face to face with the same man who tried to kill him a few weeks prior, no, but the fact that Dabi was cradling his side with one arm, the other supporting himself on the door frame. He was covered in blood - whether it was his own or someone else’s, Hawks couldn’t tell - and Hawks could hear his ragged breathing.
When their eyes met, Hawks noticed Dabi’s eyes were foggy and they weren’t as sharp and observing as they usually were. Dabi is looking at him like he’s lost, like Hawks is the only thing he knows. Dabi’s chest moves up and down slowly like every breath may be his last. Blood trickles down from his forehead and his white hair is matted with blood and dirt. Hawks couldn’t see the wound due to Dabi shielding it with his arm, but Hawks knew that if it wasn’t addressed soon, he would probably bleed out. His signature coat is ripped in a few places and hanging off of his shoulder.
Hawks doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know what to do. Should he arrest him and call the cops or Endeavor? Should he help him inside and address his wounds and then handcuff him? Should he yell at him and ask him why he had the nerve to come here?
All of those ideas fall flat in Hawks’s mind and he opens his mouth to say something in an attempt to break the silence between them. “Wh- what… What are you…” he trails off, the words not coming to him properly amidst the panic in his head.
“Miss me?” He croaks, swaying slightly and gripping onto the doorframe tighter. Hawks isn’t sure how Dabi is still able to curl his lips into a sinister smile, but this night has had a lot of surprises in store for him.
Hawks could force him to the ground and bound his hands together with something long enough for the police to get here. Hawks should take advantage of this situation where Dabi is extremely vulnerable and end everything here and now. Hawks should and could do a lot of things right about now, but he’s still standing there in pure shock.
“What are you doing here, Dabi?” Hawks hisses, his hands balling up into fists at his side. He should restrain Dabi and force him to stay quiet, but without the help of his wings, he feels just as powerless as Dabi.
Dabi doesn’t answer. His eyelids seem like they are trying to close and he’s trying to keep himself from passing out. It’s like he’s moving in slow motion and Hawks, still faster than him, won’t do anything about it.
“Mmh.” Dabi hums softly, his eyes almost completely closing. Hawks tilts his head to the side, watching Dabi closely. He flinches when Dabi suddenly stumbles forward, Hawks being quick to extend his arms out and catch him. Dabi doesn’t move, but Hawks can hear his slow and steady breathing. Being this close to Dabi again, he can smell smoke and fresh blood.
Yeah, Hawks should probably help him.
Hawks adjusts their position so that Dabi’s arm is hanging off his shoulder, Hawks’s arm holding onto Dabi’s waist to support him. Hawks elbows him in the stomach slightly to get him to wake up. He couldn’t let Dabi fall asleep in this condition.
Dabi stirs, his eyes fluttering open slowly. He looks at Hawks and allows himself to be nearly carried in by him, growing limp in Hawks’s grasp.
“It’d be great if you helped out, just a little bit,” Hawks grunts. Dabi mumbles something under his breath and Hawks doesn’t even try to understand.
When they make it into the living room, Dabi is still swaying from side to side. If Hawks wasn’t holding onto him, he would surely fall flat on his face.
“Didn’t have… anywhere else to go…” Dabi says, coughing up blood after he finishes his sentence. He’s leaning into Hawks so much that he finds it challenging to keep his balance.
Hawks’s heart wells up in his chest unwillingly, and he hates himself for it. Why was he feeling so much sympathy for Dabi right now just because he showed up bruised and bloodied on his front doorstep? Dabi ruined everything he had ever worked for - he should be kicking him to the curb and leaving him to die.
But then Hawks remembers the League and he wonders why Dabi didn’t go to them instead. Surely, the League has someone there that’s more qualified in first aid than Hawks is. Besides, the League wouldn’t let anything happen to Dabi due to the price on his head because he was the number one hero’s son.
Why not go to them instead? Why choose him?
Hawks helps Dabi sit down a short distance from the fireplace. He makes sure Dabi is sitting up properly before he goes off to find all the medical supplies he has. First aid kit, bandages, antibiotics, bandaids with cartoonish-looking cats on them… Yeah, that should be enough to address the wound, right?
When Hawks comes back, he sits cross-legged across from Dabi and sets his supplies down. He looks up at Dabi to see that his eyes are closed again.
“Hey, wake up,” Hawks says. “You can’t go to sleep.”
Dabi’s eyes open slowly and when he sees all the stuff Hawks brought with him he snorts softy. “My hero,” he grumbles, planting one of his hands on the floor as if to ground himself.
“Take your shirt off,” Hawks demands, opening the first aid kit and looking through it. Damn, he really should have paid attention during his first aid lessons.
“Moving a bit too fast, aren’t we?” Dabi slurs, attempting to shrug off his coat but stopping to curse under his breath. Could he not even remove his clothes without the wound causing him pain?
Hawks rolls his eyes and helps Dabi out of his coat first, setting it to the side and debating whether or not he would clean his clothes for him. Sure, Hawks was being generous with offering his hospitality and all, but doing his laundry? Dabi didn’t deserve the luxury.
His shirt comes off next, it being a little harder to take off because the blood and sweat made it stick to his skin. Hawks sticks out his tongue in disgust and wipes his hands off with the rag he brought with him.
The flames from the fireplace light up the area around them enough that Hawks can see the wound more clearly with Dabi’s clothes discarded. It looks like a stab wound; there’s a deep cut at the bottom left of Dabi’s torso, blood consistently dripping from the wound. Dabi’s hand against it had slowed down the bleeding a little bit, but now, nothing was covering it, so the blood was flowing out faster.
Hawks would have to patch up this wound fast if Dabi had any chance at survival. He was in no state to fight back, so after Hawks addressed his wounds, he would call the cops and end this once and for all. Maybe once Dabi was locked away for his crimes, there wouldn’t be any room in Hawks’s mind to sympathize with him anymore.
Hawks begins by cleaning the area around the wound with water and a soft cloth. He takes saline solution from the first aid kit and applies that to the cut. Dabi is more or less quiet at Hawks works, wincing every once in a while. Hawks begins to patch up the wound by taking sterile gauze and applying pressure. He reaches to the side of him to find the medical tape when he catches Dabi staring at him.
The observing look returns to Dabi’s eyes, watching him carefully. It was like if Hawks made one wrong move or hurt him slightly, he would burn him to ash. Hawks didn’t even know if Dabi could use his quirk in this vulnerable state. Hawks meets his eyes for a split second before looking away, grabbing the medical tape and beginning to secure the gauze in place.
“I should arrest you,” Hawks spats, moving his head to the side so his shadow doesn’t cast over the wound he’s trying to address.
“You should.” Dabi sighs. Hawks sees his fingers twitching from anticipation out of his peripherals.
“You shouldn’t have come here.”
“Maybe not.”
Hawks wants to rip out his hair (what’s left of it, anyway). Even when he’s knocking on death’s door, Dabi is still teasing. Hawks grits his teeth and stops himself from saying anything more. He finishes patching Dabi up, the blood now staying inside of his body. He begins putting all the supplies back into the first aid kit, then stops abruptly.
Dabi is watching him again. Hawks rolls his eyes.
He takes another clean cloth and takes Dabi’s hand so he can wipe off the blood and grime. Dabi’s eyes don’t stop observing, but Hawks tries not to let it deter how he was working. Dabi lets him clean his face and Hawks is careful to avoid applying pressure to his burn scars. Hawks knows that Dabi is more than likely numb in these areas, but he wasn’t going to take that risk to find out.
He tries to clean the blood and dirt from Dabi’s hair, running his fingers through it to prevent it from matting up. Hawks finds that Dabi’s hair is a lot softer than it was when it was black. Dabi hums softly and closes his eyes. The only sound between the two of them was the crackling of the fireplace.
When Dabi is mostly patched and cleaned up, Hawks sits back and this time, he’s the one observing Dabi. Shockingly enough, this is the most peaceful Hawks has ever seen this man. Usually, Dabi has a wild look in his eyes and a sinister smile on his lips. His words would drip with venom and everything he said sounded like he was mocking Hawks in some way. Now, even though he had almost died, Dabi looks at peace in Hawks’s presence.
He looks at the scars on his face, his chest, and his arms, remembering how they were byproducts of his quirk. He notices how the scars on his jaw and under his eyes are connecting, like it was some sort of indication that Dabi wouldn’t be alive for much longer. He remembers how it hurts Dabi whenever he controls his blue flames, how he only keeps going to spite his father. Beyond the scars, Hawks tries to imagine what Touya would have looked like, all grown up.
But now, he’ll never know.
“What happened to you?” Hawks asked. He isn’t sure if he’s asking what exactly happened to Touya or if he’s asking about what had attacked him earlier that night.
Dabi opens his eyes. He doesn’t respond immediately and just shrugs. His ragged breathing seems to have slowed with having his wound properly patched up. “Just… walking around the neighborhood, you know? Some scary-looking dude is on the other side of the street…” Dabi recalls, looking over at his pile of clothes. “Can you hand me my cigarettes?”
“You’re not smoking in my house.”
This time, Dabi rolls his eyes, but he lets it go just as quickly as he brought it up. “Anyway, I’m not even bothering the dude, and I guess he recognized me. He came up to me and started spouting bullshit about how I should be ashamed of myself, how people have died because of me, blah, blah, blah… He had some sort of knife quirk - stabbed me. I didn’t even have time to react before he ran off.”
Hawks doesn’t say anything.
“…your place was the closest,” Dabi murmurs, as if to justify himself for showing up on Hawks’s front door.
But hadn’t Dabi shown up here because he had “nowhere else to go”? Was Hawks’s place really the closest?
Neither of them says anything. Once again, the crackling of the fireplace is the only source of sound between them. Dabi’s gaze shifts from the flickering of the flames and back to Hawks.
“What do you want from me, Dabi?” Hawks breaks the silence between them. He had been wanting to ask the question ever since Dabi appeared on his doorstep.
“And here I thought we were on a first-name basis.”
Hawks glares at him. “What do you want from me?” he asks again, this time, with an edge to his voice.
“I want you…” Dabi trails off, his eyes searching for Hawks’s gaze. “I want you to never stop looking at me.”
“More than Twice… More than anyone… You should’ve been keeping both eyes on me.”
Hawks’s eyes widen at the similarity of those two statements. What was with this guy and always wanting people to look at him?
“I don’t want you looking at anyone else,” Dabi adds.
Oh. So, when Dabi asks other people to look at him, he wants the recognition he deserves, he doesn’t want to be forgotten. But when he asks Hawks to look at him, he means…
He doesn’t want Hawks to ever love anyone else.
He feels the heat rising to his cheeks, deciding that he’ll just blame it on being too close to the fireplace if Dabi points it out. Dabi and Hawks are still looking at one another intensely, like if Hawks dares to even look away Dabi will try and kill him again. Dabi’s eyes are always looking for him, always searching like he might find out Hawks’s deepest secrets if he looks hard enough.
Hawks didn’t even love him. He didn’t know why Dabi expected that much out of him. Maybe if Dabi keeps looking at Hawks, he’ll figure that out.
Hawks goes completely still when Dabi inches closer and one of his hands reaches out to caress the side of his face. His heart is beating fast in his chest and he dares not to breathe when Dabi’s thumb strokes over the burn scar he gave him. The touch is shockingly comforting, and Hawks doesn’t make an effort to shove him away.
This is wrong. He shouldn’t be indulging Dabi like this. He should be calling the cops, kicking him out if he doesn’t have the heart to arrest him. Get the man who ruined his life away from him as quickly as possible.
But Hawks doesn’t. He lets Dabi move impossibly closer, his hand moving from his jaw and down to his neck where the scar extends.
“I think you look a lot prettier like this,” Dabi says, his voice dropping to a whisper. His gaze has grown softer like he’s no longer watching but just enjoying himself in Hawks’s presence.
Hawks’s face turns red. He won’t be able to blame this on the fireplace. He should stop this. He should tell Dabi to stop before it escalates further. He should. But he doesn’t want to. Especially when Dabi’s touch feels more comforting than anyone who’s ever touched him before. Hawks’s breath hitches.
Dabi doesn’t let it go unnoticed. He smiles teasingly. “You like it when I compliment you, pretty bird?” Hawks doesn’t move away when Dabi leans closer.
“You could say it’s a bit of an ego boost.” It’s Hawks’s turn to smile this time. Dabi is moving closer, but their eyes are still locked.
“You really didn’t miss me? Not even a little bit?” Dabi murmurs, so quiet Hawks would have missed it if he wasn’t so invested in what was going on between them right now. If he tilted his head just slightly, their lips would meet. He doesn’t have to, though, he has a feeling Dabi will close that gap between them eventually.
And Hawks was willing to let that happen.
Hawks hums. “Hm… Not really.” It’s a lie. They both know it. Dabi could easily see through him, it was no different now.
Dabi takes Hawks’s chin between his fingers and tilts his head up, finally kissing him properly. Hawks closes his eyes, breaking the intense eye contact between them. Between the heat from the flaring fireplace and the red traveling to his ears, Hawks felt impossibly hot.
The kiss was slow and gentle at first. This is shocking to Hawks because they had never kissed this intimately before. Slow and gentle weren’t words he would even think to describe Dabi with. Maybe it was because he was injured. It absolutely could not be the fact that Dabi secretly cherished Hawks and wanted to preserve this moment between them.
But Hawks was an optimist, so he wouldn’t completely rule out that possibility.
Dabi kisses him harder, more desperate, like this might be the last time he might ever kiss Hawks. Hawks’s hands find themselves in Dabi’s soft, white hair, and Dabi’s hands find themselves resting on Hawks’s hips. Hawks’s heart is beating so fast he can hear it in his ears.
Dabi pulls away so that he can kiss Hawks’s neck instead, especially at the burn scar. Hawks had just applied the medical product to that spot a little less than thirty minutes ago, so he knew Dabi could taste it, but he didn’t stop. It stung slightly, but this type of pain he would welcome anytime.
“Mm. Touya,” Hawks mumbles, tilting his head to the side to give Dabi more room. He realizes then that this is the first time he’s addressed Dabi by his real name. He decides he likes the way the name Touya tastes on his tongue.
“I like it when you say my name,” Dabi says, breathing softly against Hawks’s neck. “I wish you were the only one who was allowed to say it.”
Dabi kisses him again, and Hawks can briefly taste the aloe on Dabi’s lips. He can also taste the smoke that’s always there whenever Hawks kisses him. He sighs softly and he wants to climb onto Dabi’s lap, but he decides against it since Dabi is still injured. He ends up getting a little carried away and pushes his chest against Dabi’s, causing Dabi to wince.
Dabi pulls away again, looking rather ashamed. He holds his side gently. “We’re not getting any farther than kissing, birdie. Sorry to disappoint.”
“Sorry.” Hawks’s face flushes, suddenly feeling embarrassed. He stands up and extends his hand toward Dabi. He takes it, slightly unsure, and Hawks helps him get to his feet. Dabi wobbles slightly when he stands up, leaning into Hawks to leverage himself.
“What, you kicking me out now?”
“What kind of host would I be if I didn’t offer my patient a place to sleep?” Hawks teases, holding onto Dabi’s waist to further support him. Hawks leads them in the direction of his room, going slower than usual to accommodate Dabi.
“How sweet.”
When they reach his room, Hawks opens the door and lets Dabi walk in first. This isn’t the first time Dabi had been inside Hawks’s room, but it feels a lot different walking in here after everything that happened between them. Dabi tried to kill him out of rage, he shows up at Hawks’s doorstep a bloodied mess, Hawks patches him up, and now Hawks was going to let him sleep in his bed. What a love story for the history books.
Dabi wastes no time making himself comfortable in Hawks’s bed. He turns his head to look over at the balcony, his eyes catching on the millions of stars in the sky. He could watch the stars all night if given the chance.
Hawks climbs into bed with him, being sure to keep his distance so he doesn’t cross any boundaries. Sure, they had just made out in the dim light of the fireplace and it was super romantic, but he wouldn’t lie physically close to Dabi unless he wanted to. As if he could read his mind, Dabi opens his arms in an open invitation. What’s left of Hawks’s wings flutter excitedly and he comes closer to Dabi, laying his head on his chest. Dabi is still without a shirt, so Hawks can feel his warm skin.
It’s been a long time ever since they were in a bed together at all, and never has it been so intimate like this. Hawks let his heart get in the way of his morals, and now he was cuddling with Japan’s most wanted villain and the same man he was supposed to be hunting down. He was offering hospitality to the same man who ruined his life without thinking twice.
Hawks couldn’t deny it anymore. He was down bad. He was in love. He had harbored feelings for Dabi for a long time, back when he was still a double agent, back when he would do anything to get the job done, even if it meant sleeping with the enemy. He had always excused it by saying it’s what he had to do for the mission, but looking at it now, he just wanted to have Dabi in any way he could take him.
He was stupid. Truly, utterly stupid. This was probably all a game to Dabi. Maybe he only messed around with Hawks just to be entertained for a short while.
But Hawks can hear Dabi’s steady heartbeat in his chest, and he remembers how this is the most at peace he’s ever seen Dabi. And he wants to think that he can have something good in his life, even if it’s just this once. Even if it’s just for this one night, being held in Dabi’s arms after nearly saving his life, he wants to keep this for as long as he can.
“You don’t have to go back. You can stay here with me,” Hawks whispers. He’s stupid. What’s he saying?
Dabi’s fingers start to thread themselves through Hawks’s hair. “Tempting offer, but I still got a job to finish.”
Hawks can feel his heart constrict in his chest. He’s referring to killing Endeavor, to making himself seen one way or the other. And if Dabi truly goes through with it, chances are, he’ll end up killing himself in the process. Hawks wants to stop him, he wants to cry and beg for Dabi - for Touya - to stay with him and he can help him turn around, change his life. He wants to say something that will change his mind about everything, but he stays quiet.
“Besides, the League needs me,” Dabi continues. “I can’t leave them to change hero society on their own. They need someone competent, like me.” He laughs.
“What about me?”
Dabi doesn’t respond immediately. His hand falls out of Hawks’s hair and he holds him even closer. “You’re a bad habit, Keigo.” His voice is soft, gentle, a huge contrast to the mocking tone of voice he usually uses. “I can’t seem to get away from you no matter how much I want to.”
Hawks bites the inside of his cheek to keep himself from crying. He buries his face in Dabi’s chest and holds onto him tighter, more than likely causing strain on Dabi’s wound, but he can’t seem to let go. When he wakes up in the morning, he knows he will have to.
Neither of them says anything after that. Hawks can feel his eyelids drop and he remembers just how tired he was before Dabi came knocking at his door. He feels safe and secure in Dabi’s arms, and he knows it’s wrong, Dabi is a villain content on bringing hero society down, but he’s never felt this much comfort in the presence of someone before.
Before he drifts off to sleep, he can feel Dabi’s fingers stroking his hair again, and he can feel his heartbeat slow. Hawks sighs and leaves the repercussions of his actions to deal with for tomorrow.
~
When Hawks wakes up in the morning, Dabi is gone. He expected as much, for he never got to wake up next to Dabi whenever they slept together. He reaches for his phone on the nightstand and the only notification is from an unknown number.
“thanks for the hospitality. i’ll be sure to come back when i get a paper cut or something.”
Hawks smiles.
He’ll see Dabi again soon.