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Dream sees George and Sapnap for the first time in over a year on a Friday night. He’s at the beach, sitting on the sand with a beer, and they’re in the water.
At first, he doesn’t recognise it’s them. Lots of people love to be in the water at night, it’s a nice place to be, especially when there’s not a lot of people there. But then, he hears George’s laugh and Sapnap’s giggles. It’s an immediate identifier.
He contemplates leaving, and he’s ready to get up and go, flee the scene, when they spot him. They both stop dead in their tracks.
Sapnap’s not really in the water anymore, it’s just covering his feet, and he’s holding a towel that he was using to dry his hair. George is still in as deep as his thighs, but Dream can’t decipher the strange emotion on his face.
Once upon a time, those were his boys.
They used to spend all their time together. It was always them, nobody else even compared. Dream really thought they were his world at one point.
It’s Sapnap that turns around, beckoning George out of the ocean with a quick hand gesture. The brunette seems to snap out of his trance, looking at Sapnap instead of Dream and doing as he says.
They seem to whisper something to each other, not intended for Dream to hear. Due to the distance between them, it was unlikely he would’ve been able to hear anything even if they spoke normally.
He takes a swig of the beer, raising an eyebrow in pure amusement. Dream doesn’t even like beer.
He manages to hear his name being mentioned, and it only causes a smile to blossom on his face, “I’m right here, y’know? At least wait until you’re home to talk about me, c’mon guys.”
There’s no way he would’ve said it if he didn’t have a couple of drinks in him. No way. Not after what he did to them.
George pulls a t-shirt on over his head, a smirk on his pink lips. It isn’t necessarily cruel, but it isn’t kind either. He hits Sapnap’s shoulder somehow gently and bitterly says, “Looks like you weren’t so quiet after all.”
The look Sapnap gives George is nothing short of a death stare. It’s as if he doesn’t want to interact with Dream under any circumstances, and he doesn’t want George to either. Fair enough.
They were always close, George and Sapnap. Sure, they argued like any other friends did, but they always, always had each other’s backs. Sapnap would do anything for George and it wasn’t hard to tell. George was the same, although he’d never admit it out loud.
It used to be the three of them versus the world. They had a special bond, and they were inseparable. Dream met Sapnap first, but George was the missing piece. And when they found him and invited him in to their group, everything just got so much better and brighter.
And then he ruined it. Of course he did.
“Let’s go , George.” Sapnap urges, tugging on George’s arm a little forcibly. George looks almost mesmerised. He doesn’t seem to be moving, his eyes locked on Dream’s. Dream hates eye contact, but he can’t find it in himself to look away.
There’s so much George wants to say. Dream can tell. And there’s so much Dream wants to say, too. But he can’t seem to work up the courage to do it. It was as if his mouth was sewn shut, and there was nothing he could do to try and open it.
Memories flood through his head. The time all three of them went to the beach, stoned out their minds, but happy. George had very nearly drowned, but they’d had such an amazing time other than that.
He remembers the moments the shared, the secrets they told, and the lives they lived. Dream didn’t hold anything back when it came to George and Sapnap. They had once known everything about him.
The one thing Dream is thankful for is them remaining friends. He knew how much his departure would effect them both, and they wouldn’t have been able to handle it alone. Some small part of him thought they might’ve left each other, too, but he’s so grateful they didn’t.
The last thing he wanted was to fuck up their friendship more than he already had.
So he watches as they leave. He watches as they trudge through the sand right up until they turn into specks in the distance. The car park was quite far away from this beach spot, after all.
Dream goes home around an hour later. If he thinks about them all night, he doesn’t tell anyone.
-
The party is thriving. There’s people here, people there, people everywhere.
Dream swore he would leave parties behind. He never could bring himself to, he enjoyed them far too much. It was something to do at night when he was bored or alone. People always wanted to socialise at parties.
Even if he never knew anyone, he would make friends. It was never difficult. Engaging in conversation came easy to him, anyway.
That’s how he ended up meeting Punz. Dream liked Punz, and thought he was quite fun to be around. He had a big smile, and he told jokes that were actually funny and got people laughing.
They were put on a team for beer pong, and they ended up winning. Punz had excellent aim, as it turned out. Dream was slightly envious.
He excuses himself to the bathroom just after midnight, squeezing past all the people dancing and having a good time. He accidentally spilt a couple of peoples drinks but he just kept moving, paying no heed to it.
His head was thumping. There was no doubt he’d had one too many drinks, but the music was incredibly loud as well which didn’t help. He couldn’t even think straight.
The bathroom door was slightly ajar, but he still knocked first before going in just incase.
“Wait!” Someone shouts from inside, over the music. A familiar voice. A British voice. George’s voice.
Dream peeks his head around the door, revealing a very fucked George leaning over the bathtub. He’s throwing up all over the bath, and he doesn’t look right at all. His eyes are dilated. Really dilated. He’s high, sure, but Dream has never seen him this bad ever.
It brings back horrible memories.
Then he snapped out of it. His headache went away and he could suddenly focus again.
“Fuck, George,” Dream curses, locking the door and rushing forward, “You stupid idiot. Where’s Sapnap?”
But George can’t get a word out. Once he stops throwing up, he slumps backwards onto the floor, his eyes rolling back into his head. Dream taps his cheek, once, twice, three times before he goes into a panic.
He also notices the way he flinches whenever Dream goes near him, but he tries to ignore it for now.
“Where’s Sapnap?” He repeats, because that’s the only person he needs right now. Dream shouldn’t be here.
“Don’t know.” George incoherently slurs. His eyes are open now, but they’re only half lidded.
Dream puts George in the recovery position as accurately as he can, “I’ll be right back. I’m gonna find him, okay? George, did you hear me?”
When he hears George hum, he bolts out of the bathroom and goes straight outside. Sapnap was never inside at parties, he always thought it was too claustrophobic and crowded.
He hates how worried he feels. He fucking hates it.
It’s a scary situation to be in. He had no idea George touched hard drugs as he always swore to stay away from stuff like that, and just stick to weed or edibles or stuff of the such. Had he maybe been spiked? That was only more concerning.
“Sapnap!” He shouts, once he spots the raven haired man smoking round the corner, “Sapnap, George is — I don’t know but he needs help. He’s in the bathroom and he needs you. He needs you. It’s not good.”
And Sapnap runs. His eyes fill with panic as he chucks his half smoked cigarette away and goes straight inside. Dream follows close behind, but he doesn’t know if it’s his place. It still doesn’t stop him.
They’re in the bathroom in an instant, Sapnap down on his knees beside George who seems to be giggling.
“I’m okay, I’m fine.” The brunette chuckles, trying to push himself up off the bathroom tiles. Someone’s knocking on the door, but Dream scares them off.
“Let me see you,” Sapnap says, cupping George’s face in his trembling hands after helping him sit upright against the wall, “Fuck, George. I only left you alone for a little while. What did you take? Who gave you this?”
George shrugs his shoulders in an over dramatic manner, “Dunno. Can we go home now?”
“No,” Sapnap shakes his head as he softly says, “We have to go to the hospital. Dream, call us an uber. Damnit Dream, call us a fucking uber. I’ll take him.”
Dream dials the number and orders it to the house next door, just to make it a little more subtle that they were at a party. It probably wouldn’t work but it was worth a try.
“Is he—“ Dream starts to ask.
Sapnap lifts George up, throwing him over his shoulder and keeping a firm grip around the back of his legs, “Thank you for getting me to him. But go away now. You’ve done your part, so let me do mine.”
Then he’s gone. Sapnap shouts at people to move out of the way, not hesitating to elbow them. He holds George as though he weighs nothing. He always had really good upper arm strength, to be fair.
Dream goes home early. He watches from afar as they get in the uber and drive away, and then he calls one for himself. He doesn’t even get Punz’s number.
He’s sick with worry all night, until a text rolls in at around five in the morning, just when he was about to drift off to sleep.
he’s fine.
It’s more than enough for him to finally relax and stop thinking about him. It’s more than enough for him to go to sleep, and not wake up until the following evening.
-
They’re never without each other, George and Sapnap. And Dream seems to be constantly running into them.
This time, he’s out for dinner with Punz. He’d found him again at another party, and made sure to give him his number unlike last time.
They’re not anywhere fancy, just a twenty four hour cafe that is pretty local to them. Turns out Punz only lives ten minutes away which was useful for any future plans they would end up making.
He had planned to stay in, what with it being a Wednesday night and all but as soon as the clock struck ten in the evening, he got a call from Punz. It would seem that Dream is very easily persuaded to go out when he’s asked to.
The cafe is lovely. Dream used to come when he was younger, no older than ten, with his family. It was convenient as it was close to his childhood house, and it did pancakes the ‘correct’ way according to his mom.
“So,” Punz says, once he’s washed down a bite of his burger with some beer, “I’m having a party at mine on Friday. The invitation is there, if you want to accept.”
It’s quiet, there’s not many people in the cafe. There’s a couple to their left, speaking with hushed tones, and a group of three at the other end. Other than that, it’s more or less dead. But it was late at night after all.
He watches a spider climb the window from the outside, thankfully not inside. It uses its web in such a particular way that he doesn’t quite understand. Dream doesn’t like spiders.
Still, he nods, just as the door to the cafe opens, “Sure. That would be nice. I don’t think I’ve ever been to one of yours before.”
It’s George and Sapnap who walk in. It was slightly obvious that it was going to be them. They’re directed to a table far too close to Dream and Punz’s, and as if things couldn’t get any worse, Punz begins to smile.
“Sapnap! Nice to see you,” He greets, “And you, George. Always a pleasure. Actually, I was just inviting Dream to my party this Friday and you’re both welcome to come as well.”
A small chuckle from Sapnap, “Sure, Punz. We’d love to come. Thanks for the invitation. I’m sure we’ll see you there, Dream.”
Dream flushes a light pink.
He plays with his food with his fork, looking down and attempting to avoid eye contact at all times. He then shovels a forkful of fries into his mouth.
George doesn’t say a word, but a small smirk plays on his lips. He smiles at Punz and gives him a half hearted wave before sitting down at their table and burying his face in the menu. Sapnap joins him soon after. They’re attached at the hip.
To be honest, he’s almost jealous of how close they are. He wishes he had that with someone (he wishes he had it when them).
Dream also notices that George still doesn’t look one hundred percent. Although he’s usually always pale, he’s really pale, but it had to have been at least a week or two after the incident. It sort of makes him worry.
He doesn’t know why. It’s really not his place. A few years ago it certainly would’ve been, but not now. Sapnap was George’s main support system, not Dream. Not anymore.
“Are you okay?” Punz quietly asks, nibbling on a fry.
His discomfort must not have been as subtle as he thought. He was never good at being discrete.
“I’m okay.” He smiles, stabbing some of his own fries with his fork and dipping them in sauce.
He really doesn’t want to talk about it. He hopes Punz will pick up on that.
And he does because he doesn’t bring it up again, not even when Dream practically sprints out of the cafe when they’re finished, merely throwing enough money on the table to cover both their meals and fleeing.
They act like nothing ever happened.
-
Punz’s party is good. In fact, it’s really good. It got such a great turn out, people filling both inside and outside the house. Dream never knew he had a proper home, he always assumed Punz was in an apartment.
Apparently, he came from some money, and managed to get a place when he turned twenty. It was lovely.
Everything was nice, too. The decor was nice, the snacks were nice and whatever booze was in the kitchen was also nice. Dream was truly impressed.
The only thing that was putting Dream off was the fact that George and Sapnap were going to be there. They weren’t there yet, and it was an hour after the party officially started which didn’t make sense. They were always on time to parties.
He can’t enjoy it knowing that they were going to turn up. He won’t be able to relax until he knows they’re here, and far away. It would be likely that Sapnap would drag George outside, and then all Dream had to do was stay inside.
However, a few moments later, there they are. And they look good, too.
Sapnaps got his hair pushed out his face with a bandana because it was much longer now, and he was in shorts, too. He had a bracelet on both arms, but the one on his right arm was matching with the one on George’s left.
George’s smile was brighter than the disco lights, and his laugh was louder than the music. He was in trousers, and he was never in trousers. For as long as Dream can remember, he only ever wore joggers. But he looked fucking amazing.
Thankfully, he also doesn’t look as ghostly white as he did. Colour has returned to his cheeks at last, and he looks a lot healthier than he did when Dream saw him at the cafe.
Taking a swig from his cup, Dream forces himself to look elsewhere. He barges into a conversation with Punz and his friend, acting as interested as he can. He laughs at all the right times, and puts in an input when necessary.
They’re quite good company. They’re also good distractions.
“Hey, Punz!” That dreaded voice says from behind him.
They exchange a handshake as Punz grins, “I’m glad you both made it. Please, help yourself to whatever’s in the kitchen, and I hope you have a nice time.”
Sapnap looks over his shoulder, before nodding and linking his arm with George’s. Dream looks away.
“Oh, we will,” George chuckles, but Dream genuinely can’t tell what statement he’s referring to, “Hey, Boomer. It’s nice to see you.”
For eighty long and dreadful seconds, the four of them make small talk. Dream feels horrible but he doesn’t say anything, he just remains silent. He’s ready to excuse himself to the bathroom, but then Sapnap tugs on George’s arm and they say their goodbyes.
Dream watches them as they walk to the kitchen, laughing all the way there, side by side.
They seem so happy together. Were they that happy when they were friends with Dream? Or are they this joyful because he’s not with them anymore? He really doesn’t know.
Why does he still think of them? Why does he care? He’s almost certain they don’t, so why does he?
“I’m going out for a smoke,” Punz announces midway through a conversation, jolting him from his thoughts, “Anyone coming with me?”
Practically jumping on the opportunity, Dream nods rather eagerly and follows Punz outside. They leave Boomer to mind their drinks.
There’s quite a lot of people outside. Most of them are smoking, but there’s a couple groups that are just dancing to the music. They all just look as though they’re living in the moment, and they’re loving it.
The pool is nearly full, too, people mostly fully clothed and wasted. It wasn’t an official pool party, which was why they were having to go in with their clothes on. Dream hated the feeling of nausea he would get if he went in the water whilst drinking, so normally steered clear.
Punz lights a cigarette and passes it between them both before just handing it over to Dream and lighting himself a full one. Smoking was a large habit he had, Dream noticed.
Once upon a time, Dream had that habit too. He’d smoke constantly, but a few months ago he cut it down drastically. Now, he was only a social smoker, and even then he only had one or maybe two. It was much better for his lungs, that was for sure.
He had started smoking when he was only fourteen. He was extremely lucky he never received any consequences such as a cough or a change in his voice, or even cancer. Nevertheless, he hated what it was doing to him on the inside.
Every so often he would promise those around him he would quit, but then the next day, he would have a cigarette in one hand and a lighter in the other.
“I’m probably seeing things,” Punz starts, lazily pointing ahead of them, “But tell me, are those birds fucking?”
And Dream laughs . It feels good, too. It feels good to have someone interested in making him smile and caring about him. When he turns to look at Punz, he realises they’re both smiling from ear to ear.
An arm, Punz’s arm, wraps around his shoulder and pulls him a little closer, “You’re gonna be alright, Dream. I’m sure of it.”
And it meant so much to him. Punz didn’t know what was going on, and yet he still was as supportive as ever. Dream hopes they remain friends forever.
-
Dream cannot find his lighter. He’s sure he brought it with him, sure he had it in his right hand side pocket, but it isn’t there. He’s checked everywhere it could possibly be on his person, but it’s not anywhere.
The amount of lighters he loses and misplaces is ridiculous. It’s probably one of the reasons he should completely stop smoking, because life would be ten times easier without the stress of trying to find one.
It’s dark in the room, what with it only being lit up with Punz’s phone receiving notifications now and then. Dream doesn’t know where anything of his is, to be honest. The last time he saw his wallet was in the car.
They hadn’t been in said car for a good few hours.
He feels slightly guilty for wanting to smoke in the first place. He had been good. He had been doing really good, only smoking at parties, but the urge was far too overwhelming.
“Hey Punz,” He whispers, poking the man in the shoulder, “Sorry to wake you, but do you have a lighter I can use? I’m going to go for a walk.”
It takes a moment for Punz to stir but he nods, reaching for his beside cabinet and yanking open the drawer. After rummaging around for a moment, he pulls out a lighter that had, ‘ I LOVE NEW YORK,’ scribbled across it.
“I’ve got others if you —“ Once Punz sees which one he pulled out, his hand wavering in mid air, a half grin playing on his lips.
Dream shakes his head with a small smile, taking it from him, “No, that’s fine. Thanks, man. Won’t be long.”
Punz mumbles an incoherent response before cozying up under the covers again, turning on his side. Dream lifts the covers off him and gets out the room as quietly as he can, allowing himself to breathe normally once he’s downstairs.
The stairs made a lot of noise.
He sits on the bottom step as he struggles to get his shoes on properly, trying to let his eyes adjust to the dark. He’s fairly quick, tying his shoelaces and then getting out the front door.
The cigarette is already lit before he’s even stepped foot outside. He’s taking draws from it as though it’s his last, long and deep inhales. It’s beautiful.
He doesn’t even have his phone on him.
It’s late though, well past midnight. He and Punz had went on a drive during the day, and then he offered for Dream to crash at his and he accepted. They’d been spending a lot of time together as of recently.
Yesterday, they had went to the movies. The snacks had been on Punz, as Dream bought them the tickets.
They got on really well. There was so much they had in common, and they just fit together as people. Dream never saw him as anything more than a friend, but he really enjoyed spending time with him.
He’s on his second cigarette by the time he’s at the bottom of the street, and he doesn’t even look both ways as he crosses. It had to be his unlucky day because a car beeps at him rather angrily as it screeches to a halt.
Usually, the roads are completely dead at night. There was no denying he was in the wrong though.
He lifts a hand to apologise, turning to look at who was driving. Sapnap. And George was in the passenger seat.
Sapnap’s shaking his head, cursing and using frustrated hand gestures to George who only rolls his eyes. The brunette looks half asleep, and very uninterested.
The car is nice, though. New, too. Sapnap used to drive a fiat, but it seems he’s upgraded. Dream doesn’t know the exact car make, he’s never been good with that stuff, he just knows it wasn’t cheap.
It would’ve been him in that car with them, some time ago. It would’ve been him shouting, him angry. He can recall the late night drives he would take George on when he was going through stuff, and the ones he’d take Sapnap on when he couldn’t sleep.
Since George couldn’t drive, sometimes he’d just sit in the car with Dream when it got too much, or he’d convince Sapnap to take them somewhere nice. It meant a lot to him.
He remembers the drives he’d take them both on when they’d run out of things to do, or the drives Sapnap would take them on where he’d take them through ‘shortcuts’ that only resulted in them getting lost.
Red flushes across his cheeks as he speeds up, walking away from them. Sapnap beeps his horn one more time before driving off in the opposite direction.
Dream hears him shout, “asshole!” out the window. He thinks he might be right, and decides not to argue.
-
Dream is far too sober for this.
He’s been at the party for sixty two minutes, and he hasn’t done anything. Not got a drink, not had a cigarette, nothing. He’s simply sat in the corner, watching everything and everyone.
Punz is nearby, he always is, but for now, he’s alone.
“Can we talk?”
Lifting his head, he looks up at who spoke. Sapnap stands there, cup in his hand and a monotone facial expression on his face. Dream distantly wonders where George is.
This is how he’s imagined it would happen one too many times. He’s approach them, or they’d approach him, and he’d tell them everything he wanted to say and he’d apologise and they’d forgive him and then —
“Dream?”
When he nods, he almost feels nauseous. Sapnap turns away and starts walking through the sea of people, and Dream follows him.
He spots Punz doing body shots right in the middle of it all with the one girl he’d always spoken about. It causes a small smile to form on Dream’s lips. Good for him. He’s sure he’ll hear all about it later on.
Unsurprisingly, he’s led outside. It’s then he spots George, jittery hands taking long inhales from a cigarette. He jumps when they approach him, but it’s subtle and Dream thinks he’s the only one that’s noticed it.
There’s only two seats, but Sapnap drags another one over and motions for Dream to sit down on it. He does.
There’s so much he wants and knows he should say, but he doesn’t know where to start. An apology, maybe? An explanation? He owed them that much.
He wants to tell them he hasn’t touched drugs since.
Sapnap sighs, a sad and tired sigh, “We just want — I don’t know, closure maybe? An explanation? Something that will put us at ease.”
“I can give you one. If you’ll listen.”
The brunette to his right remains completely silent. He looks exhausted, and his shaking hands are making Dream worry. Sapnap rests a hand on George’s thigh for a moment, as an act of comfort, before removing it and nodding in response to what Dream said.
“I don’t even know if there’s an explanation that excuses it, to be honest, but I’ll try. I wasn’t doing great and decided that, um, drugs would help. I very clearly took too much,” Dream slowly explains, shame seeping into his tone, “And I was just angry? Hurt? It wasn’t even you guys I felt frustrated with. But it was you guys that I took it out on, and that wasn’t fair of me.”
It’s a horrible start, but he really wants them to know he’s trying. He’s thought of what to say a hundred times over, but every sentence has turned to mush and he’s having to start from scrap.
They remain quiet.
Dream clears his throat, “So I, uh, left the party. I tried to call you guys to get a lift home but none of you answered and it only made me angrier, I suppose. I walked all the way. I was still really high, I couldn’t see or think straight whatsoever. When I got to our apartment, and I saw both of you laughing and having a great time in the living room, I just lost it.”
After a small pause, he goes again, “And I ruined everything. Smashed everything. I’m really sorry for destroying your car, by the way, Sapnap. I know how much you saved up for it. And for everything else, of course. For, um, for hitting you, George. It was a blur and I swear I would never have laid a hand on you if it wasn’t for - um, you know. I’m sorry.”
It’s not enough, and he knows that. If it had been the other way around, he wouldn’t have accepted the apology.
The bruise he left on George will forever haunt him.
He never fully knew what drug it was he had. He just knew it was expansive and horrible for him, causing him to do things he should never have done. He’s never forgiven himself for what happened.
The amount of money he must’ve cost them and the amount of pain, too. He smashed both their phones, the television, Sapnap’s car and sentimental items, as well. He also scared them. George was trembling and Sapnap was standing in front of him in an attempt to protect him. It hadn’t worked.
It’s George who breaks the uncomfortable silence, his voice slightly scratchy when he speaks, “You know, all we ever wanted was an apology. And you could never give us one. You just ran.”
“I’m better now. I’m sorry now, too. I’m really sorry for what I did to you, George. Honestly.” Dream insists.
“Are you?” Sapnap half whispers, half asks. His voice is difficult to hear, but Dream knows he said it.
“Yes.” Dream is confident with his answer.
The two share a look between them. Sapnap looks concerned for George, and George looks concerned for Sapnap. Dream feels horrible.
“We missed you, Dream. And we never stopped missing you. Even after all you did.” Sapnap confesses, and it’s as if all weight has been lifted off of Dream’s shoulders. He feels better knowing he wasn’t the only one who actually missed being with them.
“I missed you guys, too.” He says, honestly, looking from Sapnap to George, afraid to let them out his sight incase they just suddenly disappeared.
“And — And I don’t know if we can forgive you right now, but when we’re ready, we’d like for you to be apart of our lives again, Dream.” Sapnap says.
He looks to George.
George only nods, “We both want that. Not just Sapnap.”
It’s all the confirmation he needs. He’s unable to stop the smile spreading across his face, “Yes. Yes, please.”
All three of them are smiling, even George. His smile is smaller than theirs, but it’s genuine, and that’s enough for him.
“Can I get you something to drink?” George asks, standing up and holding his own hands, “I think we’ve got a lot to catch up on.”
And Dream realises that he is happy.
He just can’t wait to tell Punz.