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Ennoshita stared out the front windshield of Tanaka’s car, barely feeling himself breathing at all. Maybe he wasn’t, his breath was stuck in his throat, stuck as he stared at the tree in front of them.
His hands tightened on the steering wheel as it finally processed what just happened and he took a shuttering breath in, taking his foot off the pedal, tears welling up in his eyes.
“Oh my god,” he gasped out.
“Chika-“
“Oh my god,” he repeated again in a weak whine.
“Chika, hey-“
“Oh my god,” he whimpered this time, suddenly letting out a weak cry.
“Chikara!” Tanaka exclaimed, quickly pulling Ennoshita over to himself, hugging him tightly over the console.
“Oh my god, oh god, I-“ Ennoshita breathed out again, sobs starting to wrack his body violently and Tanaka just said his name again, hugging him closer. All he could do was grip at Tanaka’s arm, burying his face into his boyfriend’s chest as tears obscured his vision, gasping out apologies frantically.
“Hey, hey listen to me, it’s ok, everything’s ok,” Tanaka told him sternly to which he started crying harder, shaking despite his best efforts to calm down.
Ennoshita pulled back just a little, a sob leaving his mouth at the hard look of concern on Tanaka’s face before his lower lip quivered slightly. “Are you mad at me?” he whimpered out weakly, chest constricting at the thought of that, everything in him screaming that it’s completely and absolutely what Tanaka’s feeling past the worry.
“Chikara, no, everything’s ok, we’re ok,” Tanaka reassured and hugged him close again, pressing a hard kiss to his hair. Ennoshita couldn’t help himself from not believing the answer considering he’d just driven Tanaka’s car into a planter only a few minutes ago, but Tanaka kept him there for a moment before pulling away. “Ok, put the car in reverse and back up,” he said as calmly and steadily as he could to which Ennoshita shakily nodded and did so.
As he pressed on the gas pedal, they weren’t moving at all, Ennoshita hearing as the tires spun hopelessly before he lifted his foot off the pedal.
With a sigh, Tanaka got out of the car and looked at him. “Put it into neutral, I’m going to see if I can push it,” Tanaka told him and he once again followed his boyfriend’s instructions, watching through teary eyes as Tanaka went to the front of the car, pushing his hands into the hood. After a couple tries, Tanaka stood up and breathed out, rubbing a hand over the back of his head, walking over to the passengers door and ducking his head in. “Just put it into park, ok?”
Ennoshita once more did as was asked as Tanaka sat back in his seat. Another light sob left Ennoshita’s mouth as he then took his foot off the pedal, to which Tanaka pulled him in for another hug.
“Hey, Chikara, seriously, it’s ok, we’re ok. Neither of us got hurt,” Tanaka said before pulling back and cupping his cheeks, brow furrowing. “Are you hurt?” he asked worriedly as he looked him over, at least now looking half as distressed as Ennoshita, a feat in and of itself.
Ennoshita shook his head though, staring up at Tanaka, tears still spilling out over his cheeks.
Tanaka’s expression softened at the response, and he nodded, kissing Ennoshita’s hair lightly. “Alright, alright good, that’s all I could ask for, that’s all you need to be worried about, we’re ok.”
“I know,” Ennoshita whispered, though he didn’t believe his own words at all. He bit his tongue to keep from telling Tanaka sorry again, it eating at him as he held it back, but he knew Tanaka wasn’t going to let him apologize so he kept his mouth shut.
“I think it’s a good idea for you to get out of the car, yeah? You’re ok, get some air, just breathe.”
Unbuckling his seatbelt, Ennoshita opened up the car door, stepping out shakily. He watched as Tanaka shut the passengers door and moved over to sit behind the wheel, trying again to back the car up, but it still didn’t result in anything, Ennoshita seeing as the tire could barely touch the ground, not giving it nearly enough traction to move the car.
As he took the scene in from outside of the car, he choked out a cough, collapsing to the ground as he started breathing heavily. The car door shut and Tanaka quickly dropped in front of him, trying his best to calm him down. It was 10 minutes before he was able to get Ennoshita calm enough to sit him down on one of the concrete planters next to the one his car was currently stuck on.
“Everything’s going to be ok, I promise, we’re alright.” Ennoshita could only stare up at him with a frown. “Hey, I’m not worried about this, honestly what I’m worried about is that this is going to scare you off from driving forever,” Tanaka admitted to him, squeezing his hands with a sigh.
Ennoshita nodded frantically and shut his eyes, keeping a sob down. “I know, I’m trying to not let it get to me, I promise I’m trying..” He grit his teeth as he shook a little, leaning his forehead into Tanaka’s. “That was terrifying though, I’m really scared right now.”
“Yeah, I know, I know baby, it’s a scary thing. But we’re safe, no one got hurt, these things just happen sometimes. Please try not to let this get to you too much.”
“I wish it didn’t happen at all,” Ennoshita quickly replied, voice breaking.
“I know, but it’s happened, I’m not mad at you, not one bit. I love you, Chikara, ok?”
“I love you too,” Ennoshita could barely say but it seemed to be enough for his boyfriend as Tanaka pressed a kiss to his forehead.
“Do you want to be left alone right now?” Tanaka asked him to which he frantically shook his head, frown deepening as the tears came back. “Alright, ok baby, you’re not gonna be alone, I promise. Stay here for a second, I’ll be right back, ok?” At Ennoshita’s nod, Tanaka walked over to the car and grabbed something from the front.
Ennoshita looked over at the car, staring at it blankly as he heard Tanaka start talking to someone on the phone when they picked up.
“Hey man, what’re you up to right now?”
“Yo, what’s up!” a familiar voice exclaimed from the speaker but Ennoshita felt too freaked out to make any attempts at identifying who it was. “I was just about to head out for the day actually!”
“Oh damn, sorry, is it a bad time for you then? I don’t want to intrude on anything.”
“Well wait, is something up? If it’s something serious, I can stay, it’s all good!”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, I’m always here for you! What’s going on, dude?”
Tanaka’s voice suddenly lowered a bit but Ennoshita could still manage to make out what he was saying, not having anything to do but to hear the conversation going on right now, even if he wasn’t exactly processing any of what was being said in it. “We went out for driving practice today and Chikara got into a bit of an accident..”
“What!? Holy shit, is he ok!?” the voice shrieked from the phone’s speaker and Tanaka jumped a little. Ennoshita pretended not to notice.
“Yeah yeah, he’s fine, he’s ok! Neither of us are hurt, everything’s fine, but he’s really shaken up right now, I just helped him through a panic attack a few minutes ago,” Tanaka frantically reassured the person to which they let out a loud and exaggerated sigh of relief. “I know it might be asking a lot but do you think you could keep him company right now? He doesn’t want to be alone and I want to keep him company but I also need to make some calls to get everything figured out with the car and I don’t think he wants to have to hear about that kind of stuff right now.”
“Dude, yeah, you don’t even need to ask! I was just going to do some things I can do at pretty much any other time, this is more important.”
“Thank you so much, it means a lot, man.”
“It’s no problem, friends come first, no way I’d refuse.”
Tanaka then walked over to Ennoshita again and knelt down in front of him, smiling softly. “Hey, sweetheart, Noys wants to keep you company while I make some calls so we can get you home, are you ok with that?” he asked softly, rubbing a thumb over Ennoshita’s cheek. Ennoshita gave him a small nod so he pressed a kiss to his forehead and gently handed him the phone. “Alright, everything’ll be ok, we’re not gonna leave you alone.”
When Tanaka made sure Ennoshita was really ok for him to leave, he walked back over to the car, standing where he’d just been a bit ago so Ennoshita lifted the phone up, looking at the screen.
“Chikara!!!” Noya yelled out, Ennoshita noticing that his eyes appeared to be startlingly glossy.
“Hi,” Ennoshita muttered out softly, smiling weakly despite the futility of the action. Nothing would be able to hide how bad he was doing at the moment, but Noya didn’t seem to care about him not being able to hold up any semblance of a facade.
“Dude, thank god you’re ok! What happened?” Noya asked him, looking extremely sad and worried, the sympathy completely superseding everything else in Ennoshita’s mind and he found it to be a bit of a comfort. Noya always did have this really soft, sweet side when it came to his friends, and to be on the receiving end of it right now made this all feel a little less all-consuming.
“I sort of drove into a concrete planter,” Ennoshita laughed out shakily, tears once again filling his eyes as his lip quivered and he held back sobs, not willing to keep crying on and off like he’s been doing. It was a surprise he still had tears left to do so at this point, but they just kept coming back.
“That’s scary, huh?” Noya asked rhetorically but Ennoshita still nodded in agreement to the question. “I know it’s kinda ridiculous if I ask if you’re ok but still, how are you feeling? Want to talk about any of it?”
“I’m terrified,” Ennoshita whispered, putting a hand to his mouth and closing his eyes for a second.
Noya just waited for him, letting him just get through the wave of panic crashing in.
“I’m trying to calm down, I know nothing really bad happened, but I crashed the car into a planter, Noya! I could’ve sworn I’d moved my foot over to the brake as I was parking, but I didn’t and now the car’s stuck,” Ennoshita said, feeling his stomach tighten as he looked up at Tanaka pacing around the car, on the phone with someone. “And he said he’s not but I’m pretty sure Ryuu’s mad at me and I can’t blame him because I did something so stupid and I don’t even know how much it’s going to cost to get this fixed,” he trailed off as he looked down at his lap now instead, mouth pressed into a thin line.
“There’s no way, Ryuu’s not mad at you,” Noya rebutted, voice in that same stern kind of one Tanaka had used earlier. “He’s worried about you, he really doesn’t care about anything except that you’re ok right now.”
“But still…”
“Nope, he wouldn’t have a reason to be mad, this kind of stuff happens and you’re still learning, right? Ryuu knows that, he knows that things can go wrong and that you’ve never done this before, that’s the whole part of learning!” Noya explained, smiling brightly when he got a nod. “You probably don’t believe this but really, it even happens to people that’ve been doing it for ages! A couple months ago, I drove into a stop sign in a residential neighborhood, you know that? I’ve been doing it for 5 years already, and I still managed to do that! Me, the great Nishinoya Yuu!”
As bad as it is, Ennoshita found himself laughing and smiling a little at that, helped a bit by the fact that Noya was absolutely playing up the drama of the situation like he always does.
“I mean, I guess…” Ennoshita relented slightly.
“Oh oh, and did you know that when Asahi was learning how to drive, he got into one? He was making his turn so slowly that the other dude thought he was stopping and tried to pass him but nope! Ended up turning straight into the guy! He was worried too, no doubt about that!”
“Well both of us are equally as terrified of driving, so…” Ennoshita shrugged.
“I ran over a trash can once,” Noya only said, seemingly set on making what just happened feel inconsequential, not giving Ennoshita a chance to drown himself in the guilt and shame. “Trash everywhere, tons of people saw me, I put everything back before I felt like I could justifiably drive home! Super embarrassing, super gross, but it’s something that happens and I got through it just fine, only a little of my pride was hurt!”
That got another slight laugh out of Ennoshita and he sighed, smiling a little at Noya. “Thanks, I… needed to hear that…”
“For sure!” Noya told him with a bright smile. “But I get it, it’s still really freaky, dude. It’s chill if you still have a hard time feeling ok with it right now. But I promise, Ryuu’s not mad, he loves you and just wants you to be ok, just like he always does.”
After thinking over things for a moment, Noya just sitting with him in silence, Ennoshita quietly told him, “Sorry for pulling you away from your own plans.” Of all the things Noya could be doing, he was keeping him from freaking out even worse than he already was, when there were better uses of his time. Looking at Noya in the screen, it was clear he’d just about gotten ready to leave the house when Tanaka had called him. He knew Noya was going to try and wave it off, even though he-
“I pulled me away from my own plans, you didn’t make me do anything! I make my own decisions and I like them!” Noya gave him an aggressive nod, looking at him expectantly for another protest and Ennoshita unfortunately couldn’t find himself able to subvert those expectations.
“But you chose to because I’m falling apart over here and can’t handle this like I should.”
“Like you should? What, alone?”
Ennoshita nodded and Noya frowned, nose wrinkling in distaste at the very notion. None of his friends could ever just let him take the blame for things, could they? He’s never been able to get away with it a single time.
“Humans are social creatures!” Noya exclaimed loudly, throwing his arms out to emphasize his point, before hitting his hands down on his desk, staring directly at the camera and at him. “That’s what you told me one time when you took all of those psychology classes, right? We need support in order to function, and this is me giving support!”
“I won’t be able to convince you otherwise, huh?” Ennoshita mused slightly, frowning a little as he hugged a knee to his chest, staring at Noya on the phone screen.
“Hey Chikara, would you say Ryuu was weak if he was crying right now?”
Ennoshita blinked. “What? No, of course not.”
“If he was having a panic attack?”
“No, he has the right to be scared, no one can dictate that for him.”
“Well he was just a passenger, right? You were the one controlling the car, you had more stress put on you because you had to stay alert. Doesn’t that mean that you’re in an even scarier position since you were already worried about being careful?”
He just sat with that for a moment and really, it made a lot of sense the more he allowed himself to think about it. I mean, his anxieties in general aside, a stressful event would cause even more alarm to someone who was already on edge and running off of higher levels of adrenaline, cortisol, and norepinephrine than someone who had been at a base hormonal level, and it would be even easier to reach the threshold of when it became overwhelming, especially considering that the amount of stress was higher than normal to begin with. It stands to reason that Tanaka’s faring better than him and that Ennoshita’d be the one so shaken up about it instead. Getting into an accident, even one as tiny as what just happened, probably wasn’t even on Tanaka’s mind at all, while it’s most certainly been on Ennoshita’s.
When Ennoshita finally snapped himself out of his thoughts, he looked at his phone to see Noya with a smug grin on his face and he raised an eyebrow. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked slowly.
“Nothing, nothing at all!” Noya waved it off, not even bothering with making the lie look convincing.
Ennoshita didn’t get a chance to intimidate the details out of him as Tanaka’s footsteps walked over to him, and he looked up, watching his boyfriend bend down to meet his eye level.
“Hi,” he muttered out softly, still feeling some of the guilt but Noya’s words didn’t let it get very far, Ennoshita able to believe somewhat that Tanaka really was just happy that neither of them were injured.
Tanaka smiled and reached a hand out to rub his thumb over Ennoshita’s cheek, smile widening a bit as Ennoshita couldn’t keep himself from leaning into the contact, pressing his cheek into the comforting warmth of Tanaka’s hand. “Hey you, Noys taking good care of you over here?”
Ennoshita gave him a nod, looking down at his phone for a second to make eye contact with Noya. “Yeah, yeah he is.” A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth which had Noya beaming back at him.
“Good, knew I could count on him,” Tanaka said, laughing as Noya let out a whoop upon hearing that. “Anyways, the car should be towed in a few minutes and I already asked someone to come pick us up so we can head home after figuring out what to do with the car, that sound ok to you?”
“Yeah, thank you.”
“Of course, everything will be ok.”
“Who’s coming to pick us up?” Ennoshita asked, just as a car pulled into the parking lot, the driver not even bothering with parking in an actual spot as the car was braking. Tanaka took a step back from him, standing up and looking towards the car as two people hurried out, slamming the doors shut before sprinting over to him.
Kinoshita and Narita threw themselves at him, nearly knocking him over as they hugged on to him tightly without so much as a single word. Ennoshita looked helplessly at his phone still on call in his hand for a second before Tanaka gently took it from him as if understanding his dilemma, freeing it up for Ennoshita to wrap both arms around his friends tightly, letting out more sobs still into Kinoshita’s shoulder. At the sound, Kinoshita and Narita only made comforting noises, pulling him closer into the hug between the two of them, trying to cocoon him as much as they possibly could, Narita rubbing his hand soothingly over his back and Kinoshita nuzzling gently into his hair, letting him bury his face into the crook of his neck.
They held on to him as the car was towed off the planter, not even considering saying anything until he was ready for it. As the three of them and Tanaka headed over to Kinoshita and Narita’s car, Ennoshita gave Noya the permission to get back to whatever he had planned, finding himself letting out a teary laugh as Noya made him promise that if he needed anything, anything at all, after they hung up, Ennoshita shouldn’t hesitate for even a moment to interrupt whatever it was he’d be doing, because Noya would do it in a heartbeat. After saying their goodbyes and hanging up, the four of them then got into the car, Kinoshita and Tanaka up front, Ennoshita and Narita in the back, Narita letting him lean his head on his shoulder, talking to him quietly.
Half an hour later, with everything involving the repairs (which were minimal as Ennoshita only ended up tearing up the bumper a bit, none of the mechanisms of the car itself damaged whatsoever in a sheer stroke of luck) taken care of, Kinoshita finally turned to the backseat when he and Tanaka had gotten back, grinning at him. “I’m thinking we get you some food and get you guys home, how about that?” he asked nonchalantly, the utter satisfaction at being given an excuse to look after Ennoshita and take care of him evident, because his friends are apparently dorks like that.
“Yeah, I’d like that, thank you,” Ennoshita told him quietly, nodding as he hugged on to Narita’s arm tighter.
“Awesome!” Kinoshita exclaimed, Tanaka letting out a chuckle to showcase his own approval of Ennoshita’s answer too. Narita patted Ennoshita’s hand comfortingly.
Kinoshita and Narita dropped him and Tanaka off a few hours after they had gone out for driving practice that morning, and Ennoshita took a deep breath in as he unlocked the door to their apartment, sitting down on the couch in the living room. Tanaka followed, sitting down next to him, and Ennoshita let him wrap an arm around his shoulder, leaning into it easily.
Turning his head to press a kiss to Tanaka’s cheek, wrapping his arms around Tanaka’s waist, he hummed before looking up to catch his eye. “You’re really not mad or upset or disappointed?” he asked quietly, unable to stop himself from asking at least once more.
Rather than scoff or scold him, Tanaka pulled him close to sit on his lap, hugging him gently and leaning his head on Ennoshita’s. “Not at all, baby, not one bit. If you need me to keep reminding you of that, I will, I don’t want you to have to fear for a second that anything comes before my concern for you.”
“Not even wrecking your car?” he joked weakly, tears just barely pricking at the corners of his eyes, but luckily he didn’t start crying this time.
“Not even wrecking my car,” Tanaka reassured with a gentle smile. Ennoshita knew that the guilt was still evident on his face when Tanaka leaned in to kiss his temple. “I won’t ever care about how much it might cost to get something like that fixed or what I need to do to get everything taken care of, ever. A car’s just a thing, Chikara, things can be replaced if worse comes to worst. There is nothing that could replace you though, no one would be able to take your place as my boyfriend or my best friend no matter how hard they tried.”
Ennoshita took a deep breath in and out, nuzzling into Tanaka’s hold with a nod. “All that you want is for me to be safe,” he murmured, trying his best to believe it as he said it.
“Nothing else matters,” Tanaka confirmed, holding him close. “Come on, it might be a good idea for you to take a nap, yeah?”
Ennoshita wrapped his arms around Tanaka’s neck as he was lifted up, Tanaka heading to their bedroom. “Will you stay with me?”
Tanaka kissed him softly, smiling at him and Ennoshita managed to smile back. “Of course, I’m not going anywhere.”