Archive of Our Own ^beta

Eddie doesn't know how long he sits there on the floor, dead walkie held loosely in his hand as he looks up at the dark, infested ceiling. His head is tipped back so far it makes the part where his neck and spine meet ache, but he doesn't even care to move it. Why would he? In a place like this a sore neck is the least of his worries.

He doesn't have anywhere to go or anywhere to be so it's highly likely he won't even move it ever again. So he's just been sitting here, waiting for it to be over and done with.

Eddie has never been good at that – waiting. It's one of the things that would piss his teachers off when he was younger, the fact he could never sit still . He was always moving, always had to be moving whether it be bouncing his leg, tapping his fingers on a table, wriggling in his seat.

It's why he likes playing guitar so much because it keeps his fingers occupied and if his fingers are occupied then so is Eddie. He feels calm running his fingertips along the strings and he never grows frustrated pouring hours into learning complicated riffs that cause those same fingertips to trip over one another. It keeps his mind steady and clear.

But now? Now Eddie sits as still as the lake he dove into only hours before. His thumbs don't twirl around each other, his feet don't shake from side to side impatiently. He doesn't even hum to himself to keep himself occupied. He just… waits. For what? He doesn't know.

It had grown quiet a while ago, whatever had been outside obviously got bored and decided to find something else to do – or that's what Eddie guessed anyway. Maybe it was stupid enough to forget Eddie was in here, although something about the so called "Upside Down" doesn't feel very stupid. It's like a hivemind, everything inside this place is connected to one another – one living breathing creature in one living breathing dimension. It hasn't forgotten about Eddie.

It'll be back.

He's oddly calm about that, the whole monster coming back thing. Or maybe he's not, not really.

Because Eddie is sitting still it allows his mind to wander and that's the whole reason why Eddie has to always be occupied in the first place because Eddie doesn't like his mind wandering. It conjures up fucked up shit on a good day, nevermind after watching his classmates get pulverised in front of him by some creep in another dimension.

He thinks about the fact that he's completely and utterly alone – and that's a fact. However far this place goes, whether it's just his shitty little town in the middle of fuck nowhere or the entire country or even the entire world – Eddie is entirely alone. There's no one to keep him company or also hiding away from the things lurking outside, there's just Eddie – and that's scary.

No one will see him go or hear him scream or maybe if he decides to go off on a whole entirely dramatic monologue before he gets eaten or broken to bits no one will even be there to listen to it. No one will bury him.

There will just be Eddie, here on his own in the Upside Down, and then there won't be anyone at all.

He'd cry if he could but he’s already gotten all of that out of his system when he turned the walkie off earlier, not being able to stomach the others scream and shout at him after he told them he wasn't coming back after all. Were they so stupid to think he would really make it out? Wasn't it entirely obvious his plan was a suicide mission?

He blinks slowly, tiredly, barely feeling his own chest rise and fall since his breaths are so shallow. It's not like he's struggling to breathe or anything, more like he's switched off. He's completely calm but it's that kind of calm that comes from trying to ignore all the bad things going on. Eddie's good at that feeling.

He would close his eyes, try to sleep maybe and hope that when it happens he's too out of it to even notice. But he can't, he can't sleep and has barely slept in days because every time his eyes slip shut he sees their bodies mangled and bloody. So he just keeps them open instead and waits.

It's really quiet, too quiet, almost to the point Eddie gets a little worried he's already dead and nothing is actually going to come for him. But then, as if this place knew what he was thinking about, there's a rattle at the door that prompts Eddie's head to lift up. He lets out a small hiss at the dull pain that shoots up his neck, his muscles contracting after so long spent in the same strained position.

He composes himself almost immediately as he watches the door handle wiggle and turn, placing his hands firmly palm side down to the floor, his legs brought up to his chest so if he needs to he can run. Eddie doesn't think he has the energy to run anymore though, there's nowhere for him to go even if he did.

Eddie swallows hard, a nervous thrum fluttering through his veins as the handle continues to jiggle and jolt around. It makes Eddie kind of glad that in the end, the place he picked to hole up in during his final moments had a sticky door handle, although at the time he attempted to get in himself it was more of a curse than a blessing.

But it won't hold for long, he reminds himself of that when the rattling is suddenly joined by a loud thumping sound. Clearly whatever is trying to get inside is now just throwing itself at the door, hoping the sheer force will budge it open instead. It will eventually of course, because that's how Eddie got in here in the first place.

One, two, three. Three thumps is all it takes for the door to burst open, whatever has come for him spilling into the room too, kicking up dust and those weird spore things that float around everywhere. Eddie squints his eyes, a natural reflex to stop the flecks getting into them, so much so that they almost completely shut, his vision non-existent for a few seconds.

The door slams back shut as Eddie is rubbing away the dust from his face and he lets out a sharp cough when he inhales a mouthful. He tries to adjust his eyes as quickly as possible, searching through the specks in the air that slowly begin to settle. He blinks four times in total, the anxiety riddled through his body that had been preparing himself to be killed in some most likely entirely gruesome way suddenly dissipating, his eyes unbelieving.

A monster hadn't burst through his door only seconds ago ready to feast on his corpse, instead what stands there in the entryway is Steve Harrington, incredibly out of breath and sweat soaked. In disbelief, Eddie just sits there, his brain completely scrambled as he tries his best to understand what's going on.

Perhaps his mind is playing tricks on him, the stress of sitting in here all this time with no one but himself making him see things. Maybe he died when the door opened, maybe it was so quick Eddie didn't even notice it happen and this was his… weird fucked up… heaven? Or maybe it's hell since he's still somehow in the Upside Down.

He's Eddie Munson. Definitely hell.

Steve continues to try and catch his breath, his body heaving with each intake of air before he lets out a very ragged, "Oh, shit!"

Eddie raises an eyebrow. Okay , Heaven after all for Eddie Munson?

But then Steve falls onto his knees and Eddie finally has the decency to get up and inspect what the actual hell is going on. He walks over tentatively because who knows, maybe this is all some illusion to lure Eddie in and then suck out his soul or something, but the closer Eddie gets, Steve still remains Steve.

Eddie stops only a few steps away from Steve, who seems to have not even noticed him approaching. He leans backwards in case he needs to make a quick getaway and reaches out with his pointer finger, poking Steve's shoulder rather hard a few times, shoving him each time he does.

Steve doesn't like this. "What the hell?!" he exclaims, looking up at Eddie with a rather sour expression.

Eddie pulls his finger away quickly, holding both of his hands to his own chest much like a startled raccoon would probably do when it has just been caught rifling through someone's trash. Eddie's just guessing that though, he's never actually seen a wild raccoon… not close enough anyway, too afraid of catching rabies or something. Robin's fear is valid.

"I was checking if you're real," is all that comes out of Eddie's mouth, his hands still held close to him.

Steve, still trying to catch his breath although not quite as frantic as before, makes a confused face, "Of course I'm real!"

Eddie isn't quite convinced but he lets it go for now and allows his arms to fall back down to his sides as he tries his best to shrug off his nerves. Eddie's quiet for a bit, letting Steve compose himself as he just stands there a little awkwardly, wrapping his arms around himself when a cold draught of air blows through the crack under the door.

A sudden thought hits Eddie and he's almost immediately sent back into a panic.

"Why the hell are you here?" Eddie's voice is a little bit shrill which is kind of embarrassing but he doesn't have much time to dwell on it because Steve is still here in the Upside Down when he's supposed to be out of the gate by now and back in Hawkins.

Steve's mostly got his breath back at this point so he looks up at Eddie, one knee pressed to the ground as he rests himself against the other one. He doesn't say anything for a few seconds, clearly lost in thought before he simply shakes his head, "I don't know…"

Eddie doesn't know how to take it because Steve doesn't seem all that convinced by his own words and the way he says them makes Eddie's chest feel a bit heavy inside. He stands there for a bit before he holds out his hand, offering it to Steve.

Steve is snapped out of whatever he was thinking about, the solemn expression on his face disappearing all at once when Eddie's hand comes into his view. He takes it, holding onto it firmly as he allows Eddie to haul him back up onto his feet. He wobbles for just a moment, steadying himself before he slowly lets go of Eddie's hand. It tingles so Eddie looks at it and then wiggles his fingers a little bit until the feeling goes away.

"I got lost."

Eddie tears his gaze away from his palm to instead look up at Steve, a little confused by what he meant, "Huh?"

"I got lost," Steve repeats, meeting Eddie's eyes for a moment before he averts them away just as quickly, embarrassed, "I'm here because I got lost."

It's a ridiculous answer, so ridiculous that Eddie kind of prefers 'I don't know' over it. "You… got lost?"

Steve looks at him again and keeps eye contact this time, his hands resting on his hips as he idly stands in front of Eddie, "I got lost."

It doesn't sit right with Eddie so he narrows his eyes. How the hell could Steve get lost when he was with a whole group of people? Not only that but a whole group of people who also had a clear path to the gate out of here? And even if he somehow got cut off from the others, this place is essentially a creepy and exact replica of Hawkins – he should know exactly where to go.

Eddie was going to say something about it but just at that moment something smashes through a window next to them, writhing on the floor in the shattered shards. Without a thought, he takes Steve's hand into his own and tugs him behind him.

They both stare at the ground, now aware that what had broken through the window was in fact one of the bat creatures from earlier. It struggles on its back before it finally flips onto its front, crawling over to the pair in a crazed state.

Eddie stumbles backwards a few times before it finally sets in, reaching back to shove at Steve. "Go!"

Eddie almost trips over his own feet but Steve keeps him upright with a gentle nudge against his back, all the while continuing to scramble backwards down the hallway behind him. The bat only gets closer, screeching wildly and bleeding onto the floor as it scuttles across it.

Eddie opens his mouth to tell Steve to hurry up, that tight feeling returning in his chest as he grows anxious, but what comes out instead is a terse shout that gets stuck in his throat. His eyes squeeze shut, his entire body going rigid as the bat on the floor jumps up and sinks its teeth into his side.

He thinks he blacks out for a moment or something along those lines anyway because everything becomes very quiet and very still. It's like his body isn't even there anymore and it's just his consciousness floating around somewhere, anywhere. He thinks for a moment that maybe he's died and that even though Steve survived being chewed on by the bats earlier, maybe this one had injected some sort of lethal venom into him or something.

But it slowly comes rushing back. The feeling of ground beneath his feet, static between his fingertips, the sound of his own screams in his ears.

When his eyes reopen Steve is next to him, the creature that had been attached to Eddie now held tightly in his grasp. Steve doesn't waste any time in throwing it to the ground, stomping on it until it stops spasming, squealing as he does so. It's much easier to kill than the others earlier and Eddie assumes it's because it was already injured from breaking through the window before. Whatever, he's just glad it's dead.

"Thanks," Eddie manages to force the word out, not because he's an impolite dick or something and finds it hard to say, but because the bite on his side burns like hell. It's merely a puncture wound and luckily it doesn't seem to have torn through anything important, however it is deep enough that a fair amount of blood begins to well up and spill over onto Eddie's t-shirt. The sight makes him feel queasy.

Steve looks over at him, holding his gaze for a little bit too long for Eddie's liking before he eventually breaks it, his focus drifting down to the tear in Eddie's t-shirt. The white fabric is now stained red and has a hole shredded into it from the bat's razor sharp fangs. Eddie feels a little sad that his beloved hellfire club shirt is now torn up and bloodied when he really did try really hard all this time to keep it in good condition.

"Shit…" Steve's eyes widen as he says it, a worried grimace forming on his lips. His knuckles graze against Eddie's for just a moment, making Eddie realise that's where the static feeling is coming from as he holds his breath, only letting it go when Steve's hand drifts away once more. It's a simple action, a mistake that often happens when people stand too close to one another, but Eddie feels every hair on his body standing on edge.

Eddie forces a smile but it doesn't quite reach his eyes, "It'll be fine." It's not quite true of course, but he isn't sure what else to say in a situation like this. Whether it's to reassure himself or Steve, Eddie doesn't know. Steve gives him an unconvinced glance, jumping when he's startled by the sound of more screeching outside.

One moment Eddie is standing there unsure of what to do, the next his hand is grasped tightly into Steve's once again who pulls him down the rest of the hallway hurriedly, "It's not safe in here anymore." Just as Steve says it, two more of the so-called 'demobats' appear at the end of the hallway they just came from, clambering along the walls towards the pair.

They burst through the door at the end of the hallway, stumbling into the small room it leads to and slamming the door shut behind them before the bats can get inside. Steve looks around in a panic, stopping for a split second when he finds what he's looking for. He lets go of Eddie's hand to make his way over to a chest of drawers and Eddie flexes and releases his fingers afterwards, an uncomfortable lump sat in the bottom of his throat.

Steve doesn't ask for help and Eddie can't even offer any before he begins to push the drawers on his own with a small huff of effort, the furniture moving across the carpet almost seamlessly. Steve stops once he reaches the door they came through, effectively barricading the door and stopping anything from entering – easily that is, anyway.

It's obvious the bats wouldn't be able to break their way in, too small and fragile to do so, but god knows what else is hanging around in this place. Eddie is hoping he never has to find out.

Now that they're sealed away, safe for now, Eddie has a moment to breathe and collect himself. The momentary burst of adrenaline slowly fades, bringing back that deep ache in his side.

Against his better judgement, Eddie looks down at the bite wound again and is hit once more with a wave of nausea at the sight of it. He can't help but stumble back a few steps and he lets out a soft noise, blinking his eyes as his vision grows a little bit dim around the edges. Steve notices this of course because he was watching him the very moment he was done with blocking the door. Concern draws his eyebrows together and he rushes over, holding his hands out in front of him but not daring to touch Eddie.

Steve stands there helplessly for a moment, his thoughts running in circles around his mind as he tries his best to figure out what to do. Meanwhile, Eddie just stands there, teetering on the heels of his feet until Steve finally decides to just put his hands on his shoulders and gently push him down. Eddie complies easily which he probably wouldn't ordinarily do but he's in a weird in-between state of half conscious and half unconscious that makes it hard for him to quite realise that Steve Harrington is manhandling him. It's probably a good thing he doesn't.

It's clumsy but still gentle when Eddie hits the floor, his legs crossed and back resting on something pillowy and soft behind him. Steve mutters, "Wasn't really asking you to sit there but alright."

Eddie wants to tell Steve that he didn't actually ask him to do anything but Steve plops down next to him and pulls up the bottom of Eddie's t-shirt and every single coherent word stuck on the tip of Eddie's tongue gets lost. Eddie feels his skin prickle all over, the back of his neck heating up along with the tips of his ears and Eddie is so, so grateful that his mess of hair covers up what he's certain is currently blushing pink.

Eddie's sobered up enough now that his joints aren't so stiff, the clouds fogging his mind quickly blown away so everything is absolutely crystal clear. He can't quite tear his eyes – which are wide open by the way in what Eddie can only describe as sheer gay terror – away from Steve who's fortunately too busy looking at the bite mark to notice. Eddie's elbows are behind him, hooked over what he now knows is a mattress, his body pushed as far back into it as he possibly can, as if he could just melt into the bedframe and away from Steve's prying eyes and hands.

Steve's fingers are cold when they graze against Eddie's abdomen which is unsurprising because the Upside Down is pretty much freezing, an empty sort of chill occupying the air much like an early morning where the dewdrops on the grass are frozen and you can't see what's in front of you for the thick fog. Eddie can't stop the shiver that runs through him and he curls his fingers into his palms to try and distract himself, his blunt fingernails cutting into the soft flesh there he clenches them so tight.

Steve looks up at him then and Eddie has to hope the way his cheeks burn isn't obvious from the outside. He presses his lips together in a tight line, uncomfortable from his still bleeding wound and also him and Steve being in such close proximity. Eddie could count every single eyelash of Steve's in this position, he thinks, noticing how long they are.

"You alright?" Steve asks a little bit wooden, clearly feeling quite odd in the situation he's currently in, playing nurse.

Eddie has to swallow down the snarky response of, “ if you wanted to take my clothes off so bad, Harrington, you should've just asked,” because there is no way in hell Steve would ever find that funny. Instead, he nods shakily, "Just cold," which is a lie of course but Eddie has been doing a lot of that since he became acquainted with Steve.

Steve's eyes stay on him, staring at him in a way that makes Eddie feel bare, as if he has been stripped of everything until he is nothing but bones. He shrinks in on himself slightly and glances away, feeling like the air in the room suddenly got a little bit intense.

That's one thing that pisses Eddie off about Steve Harrington, the way he seems to have everybody wrapped around his little fucking finger. Eddie wanted to not like Steve – like, really badly wanted to not like him. He remembers that back before Steve graduated from high school so many girls would talk about him to the point it was unavoidable for Eddie to not overhear things whilst walking through the hallways.

Steve's hair this, Steve's eyes that. Jesus fucking Christ it made Eddie want to be sick. He swore to never like Steve right then and there because what could there be to like about some popular guy who has everything he ever wanted and every girl at Hawkins in the palm of his hand? Guys like Steve did not appeal to Eddie and they never would.

But then Eddie saw Steve for the first time when he was heading home from school and he immediately got it.

Steve was- is perfect, and back then that was just Eddie going off of his looks alone. Being known for his hair is so stupid but it is also so understandable because Steve's hair truly is a sight to behold. The first thing Eddie noticed about it back then was how soft it looked, how neat, and how much he wanted to plant his fingers in it and run them through every single silky strand.

His eyes are deep and warm, like little puddles of hot chocolate that keep you cosy on a blustery day. Eddie never got to see them up close back when Steve was in high school of course, but now he can't seem to get away from them. He's constantly been shoved into situations these past few days where he's had no choice but to share his personal space with Steve.

And his smile – his smile does funny things to Eddie's heart. It's crooked in the best way and incredibly endearing, so much so that Eddie can feel his heart beat a little bit faster every time he sees it. Eddie thinks if Steve ever asked anything of him whilst smiling then he wouldn't be able to refuse, well and truly eating out of the palm of Steve's hand at this point.

But those are just his looks. The only things Eddie ever knew about Steve's personality before their world's ultimately collided was that he was arrogant, rich, and oftentimes downright mean. It's lucky he was so pretty because his personality was enough to put Eddie off for life, that sweet taste in his mouth becoming nothing but a bitter aftertaste. It's precisely why Eddie made sure to stay the fuck out of his way because he was most definitely a target for guys like Steve and it would be even more damaging to get shoved around by the boy you have a secret crush on.

It's also precisely why he got jealous about the fact Dustin likes him so much because why was Dustin, a nerd like him, such good friends with a guy like Steve Harrington? Maybe Eddie would've found out the truth sooner if he actually properly listened to Dustin when he went on his rambles about Steve rather than mostly blocking them out so he didn't have to listen to his friend gush on and on about the guy.

But then Eddie met Steve – was forced to finally face him after all these years, much like when you have a nightmare and stop running from the monster to instead turn around and take it head on. Eddie met Steve and his whole world changed because the guy he built in his mind – an arrogant, pompous prick who only cared about himself and his reputation – didn't actually exist at all.

Steve is nice, kind, and safe . He's everything Eddie didn't think he would be and more. He honestly wonders how someone like Steve went from picking on their classmates to having a whole crowd of misfit kids following him around like little puppy dogs. Eddie thinks it probably has something to do with Nancy which honestly makes his stomach turn and his skin crawl.

But jealousy isn't the point, the point is that Steve is a really good guy – the best Eddie's ever met actually, well, aside from his uncle. He feels comfortable with Steve, well and truly, like he can be himself with as little filter as he can risk and the guy won't judge him too hard. He still has to be careful obviously, still has to keep some walls up, because like he said before – his uncle is the best guy Eddie's ever met and he's the only person Eddie can truly- can only let everything down around. No matter how good Steve is, he'll never be that good; Eddie isn't wasting time even dreaming about it.

Steve's also fucking funny too. He's not cracked many jokes around Eddie, mostly because of the situation they're all in, but the banter he's seen between him and Dustin as well as the snide comments he whispers under his breath for his ears alone have Eddie secretly giggling, yes giggling , to himself. 

Also, even though Steve comes from a family with money and he lives in a nice house with a big pool and he wears the latest trends – he doesn't think he's better than anyone else for it and that's so refreshing to Eddie who's been looked down on his entire life for his upbringing.

It's embarrassing really because Eddie thinks he could go on and on gushing about Steve all day just like those girls he swore he'd never become would do at school between their classes. But Steve really, honestly is great. Maybe it's presumptuous but he thinks he deserves to gush over Steve way more than those girls ever did anyway because they only liked Steve for superficial reasons. 

They liked Steve because he's hot and rich. Eddie likes Steve because he's hot too obviously – but he also likes him for those tiny little moments no one else is lovestruck enough to catch. Lovestruck? Is that what he's calling it now? Well, he supposes if you let a crush fester for long enough without resolving it, the moment you're forced to spend almost every waking moment with the guy it's going to overgrow.

Those moments he mentioned are like now where Steve sits in complete concentration, his nose scrunched up slightly and his eyes distant, his head clearly somewhere far, far away. He looks younger when he's distracted, almost like the boy he had been when Eddie first laid eyes on him – babyface, fluffed up hair, big brown eyes.

It's weird because when Eddie finally became acquainted with Steve all those days ago now, he still had a small resemblance to his teenage self. He still looked pretty and tidy, clearly still committed to leaving a positive impression on others. He looked like the boy you would take to meet your grandma – sickly sweet and handsome.

But the Upside Down has brought out something in Steve that Eddie hasn't seen before. He looks mature, a glimpse into the kind of man Steve will become – or would have become anyway. Right now he's sat here in front of Eddie and he's covered in sweat and grime, blood caked onto his skin so thick that Eddie can see the way it has begun to peel away. Once, Steve was soft and – for the lack of a better word – dainty. But now he's all roughed up and hard edges, carved like stone.

It's infuriating, Eddie thinks, how he's managed to remain his type all these years, somehow always changing alongside Eddie's tastes. 

Or perhaps it's just that to Eddie, Steve Harrington is perfect in every way and that's what hurts, because perfect people aren't for Eddie Munson.

Eddie can't stop the frown from forming on his face and he feels the corners of his lips droop down before he can even try. 

Eddie is entirely imperfect. He's jagged and strangely shaped and doesn't fit anywhere, much like an odd puzzle piece. Why would life have any kind of perfect partner planned for him? Any partner at all for that matter?

Eddie has always been a romantic at heart and a hopeless one at that. He would daydream about boys like Steve, about their soft hair and their plush lips and he would imagine kissing them, holding them in his arms and never letting them go.

Eddie had his first taste of real romance – mutual feelings, not just a one sided crush – when he was eighteen and it sobered him up quickly, leaving a lingering taste in his mouth. Love isn't what the movies make it out to be. It isn't airy or light or fluffy, it crushes you completely until you can barely walk on your own two feet. Maybe that's just for people like Eddie though.

Eddie wishes to be loved softly, kindly, freely. He wishes to be looked at the same way Steve and Nancy look at eachother, like two halves of a whole slotting together finally, perfectly . But Eddie has only ever been loved harshly, held in strong hands and pulled and squeezed until there's nothing left of him anymore, no halves to make a whole since he's been completely shattered.

It has hardened Eddie, made him realise that love isn't for him – not because he doesn't want it, crave it , but because he can't have it . How can a man like Eddie ever truly be allowed to love?

Eddie goes to bars and meets men twice his age who pick him apart until he feels like there's nothing left of himself anymore, rotten and bruised. There is no highschool sweetheart waiting back at home for Eddie, no young lovers story waiting to bloom. This is all he has and all he ever will.

It's strange because Eddie doesn't think he has ever truly been himself and it's exhausting. For as long as he can remember he's had to wear a mask, different ones for different occasions, making sure it never ever falters and the amount of energy that takes is astronomical.

At school he's Eddie the freak; the guy who wears torn jeans and has wild, scary eyes and is way too loud with fake confidence so nobody would even dare take a step in his direction – not even the guys like Steve (or more like who he used to be) or Billy Hargrove. At bars he's a stranger from a small town somewhere; all long, curly eyelashes and pretty bowed lips with a heart locked up tight and reserved only for soulless nights with guys who have no business knocking around someone Eddie's age.

Even at home with his uncle he doesn't let it slip. His uncle says Eddie's fine, his uncle says Eddie's okay and he's not too much at all and that the talking and the tapping and the music and liking men are all okay and he doesn't have to pretend to be someone he isn't around him because he's his uncle and he loves him more than anything in the world. Eddie believes him, he does, but Eddie's also scared because if he lets it go, if he lets all of his walls down instead of just a few, he might actually be way too much for his uncle to handle after all and he'll be thrown out again, this time with nowhere else to go.

And that's the difference with Steve and Eddie. Perfection and imperfection.

"You alright? You've gone pale." Steve's voice pulls Eddie out of his thoughts, his eyes focusing back in to find Steve staring at him closely. When Steve looks at him like that it's hard for Eddie to not lose his head and he sways slightly, feeling woozy and lightheaded.

Eddie wants to tell him no, he isn't alright, because Steve feels safe and Eddie wants to just pour out everything he's bottled up over the years to him because he has that soft look in his eyes that makes Eddie absolutely head over heels. But Eddie can't do that though so he just cracks a broken smile, "I'm alright."

Steve stays like that for a few seconds, just staring. His eyes flit down for a moment, contemplatively, and it's purely coincidental that they land on Eddie's mouth but it still makes Eddie's skin burn like a wildfire. He trembles lightly, a shaky sigh falling from between his lips that he plays off as pain in his side. It causes Steve to come back to himself, blinking a few times and shaking his head gently.

Steve glances back up at Eddie's eyes and clears his throat, "You don't seem alright."

It's a weird conversation, entirely unexpected to take place between the pair of them. There aren't any theatrics, no sarcasm, no tone that would be warranted between two people clearly from different spectrums of the highschool hierarchy. They barely know each other, still only just acquaintances, but there's an odd sense of familiarity between them, a friendliness.

Maybe it's the bond of shared trauma or perhaps the shared fear of impending death – but they feel close now, a lot like friends, even though they're clearly not and they don't know much about each other at all outside of all this supernatural bullshit. Eddie wants to laugh at that because he never thought in a million years he would ever consider Steve Harrington a friend.

Eddie cracks a bit, doesn't even notice he has until he says, "Then, I'll be alright." Which is true because Eddie will be dead soon and he won't have to deal with any of it anymore.

It's the smallest shred of vulnerability, a miniscule, cathartic release, enough to lessen the years worth of building pressure threatening to spill over and break him completely. It feels nice, an addictive kind of rush almost and his heart races in his chest – either that or it's because Steve still sits so close to him.

Steve's eyes really are like hot chocolate, melty and warm around the edges as he watches Eddie's face. He doesn't seem to really like the answer Eddie gives him but he doesn't say anything, looking back down at Eddie's stomach which prompts Eddie's own attention.

He regrets looking immediately, squeezing his eyes shut squeamishly and shivering, the feeling of bile rising in the back of his throat. He hears a small chuckle from Steve and manages to pry open one eye, looking down at him, "What?" he can't help but sound offended.

"Nothing," Steve mumbles, a small smile on his lips. Eddie makes a disgruntled face but doesn't pry any further, turning his head to look away. It's quiet for a while and Eddie feels his nerves slowly fade away, relaxing against the bed frame behind him.

"You're a fucking hypocrite y'know?" The air grows a little heavier when Steve says that, his tone oddly sad. Eddie turns his head once again to look back at Steve whose eyebrows are knitted together tightly. It’s not unusual for him to hear Steve swear, Eddie has heard it a lot these past few days, but the f-word was new.

"What?"

Steve frowns, straightening his back so he's no longer hunched over looking at the injury the bat left behind, "All that shit you said earlier in the woods about how you always run away. You're a hypocrite. You didn't even try to run away after your guitar stunt."

If Eddie listens hard enough it almost sounds like Steve cares about him. He considers his answer, rolls it around in his mouth for a bit before letting it out slowly, carefully , "Guess you could say I've had a change of heart."

Steve doesn't look at him again and instead just stares at the ground, his gaze distant, somewhere else. He sighs, "Yeah well… thanks. For saving everyone." It's sincere but also quite defeated.

It's concerning that the first thing that pops into Eddie's head is I didn't do it for them.

He thinks it's technically untrue, maybe, because he did like the others and of course he adored the kids… but he's ashamed to admit they weren't at the front of his mind through it all. He could only think of Steve stuck in that shitty house covered in dust and spider webs with Nancy and Robin and how he'd probably end up getting himself killed just to save either – or both of them – from whatever the hell was lurking inside when they tried to get out.

While Eddie played his guitar he could only think of Steve, of keeping Steve safe. It felt like hours that Eddie served as a distraction for them all as they grouped up and got ready for going back through the gate, playing until his fingertips began to sting. Dustin hadn't wanted to leave Eddie behind and Eddie told him (lied) that he would be right behind him, that he would be right there. But of course, that didn't happen. It was never going to happen.

Christ, the poor kid probably feels like shit right now, not only because of Eddie but also because of Steve…

Which reminds Eddie – he had played for Steve but it didn't matter in the end because here he was, stuck in some shoddy house with him in the Upside Down surrounded by monsters who want to and will eventually probably eat them. He feels a little bit empty inside and so, so ashamed.

The sound of fabric tearing grabs Eddie's attention and he finds Steve with the bottom of his t-shirt held between his teeth, his hand gripping the rest of it tightly as he rips away the bottom half. Eddie has to push some kind of reaction down that bubbles up inside of him because Steve, with his shirt between his teeth, looks absolutely animalistic and it's not something Eddie should be focusing on but unfortunately he does.

It's reminiscent of when they all came out of Watergate and they fought the bats for the first time, how Steve – pumped full of adrenaline and the need to survive – had been unstoppable, covered in blood and sweat and bruises. It was wrong even then for Eddie to be into it, to admire it, but he couldn't stop it just like he can't stop it now.

Eddie's voice falters, his gaze fixed on Steve's exposed stomach for a few short seconds, "W-What are you doing?"

The rest of the fabric tears off completely leaving Steve with only half a shirt, the lower half of his abdomen exposed while his chest remains covered with frayed and torn cotton. He stretches out the strip of material in his hands slightly, trying to make it go as far as it could.

"Making sure you don't bleed out."

Eddie doesn't think he would bleed out from one bite wound no matter how deep it is, not that it even matters in the end. “I’m gonna die anyway.”

Steve doesn’t respond to that but Eddie notices the way his shoulders tense up, the nervous flutter to his eyelashes. Right… Eddie needs to remember not everyone quite shares the same dark humour he has.

“This’ll probably hurt a lot,” is all the warning Steve gives him, not even waiting for a reply before he presses the fabric against Eddie’s skin. Steve was right, it does hurt a lot, and Eddie can barely keep down the scream that forces its way through his clenched teeth. He breaks out into a cold sweat, feeling faint all of a sudden as Steve wraps the strip of cotton tight around him so it puts a comfortable pressure onto his side.

“Almost done,” Steve tries his best to comfort Eddie as his hands fly up into his hair – a bird’s nest his uncle affectionately calls it – his dirt-covered fingers tangling into the knots and pulling until his scalp itches.

“Shit, shit, shit!” Eddie’s vision goes a little bit black as he hisses, every single muscle in his body tensing up which fortunately prevents him from moving and possibly making Steve’s task even harder.

Steve finally ties the ends of the torn t-shirt together, “That good?”

Eddie lets out a hoarse sound, “If by good you mean fucking hurts? Yeah,” he blinks away the tears that had begun to well up in his eyes, coming a little more to his senses as he catches his breath. That was a little rude of Eddie honestly and now he feels a bit bad. “But uh, yeah it’s good. Thanks. Sorry.”

After a final glance over Steve moves to sit beside him, leaving a comfortable distance between them, “It’s fine. I get it. I was in the same situation earlier so…” his voice trails off, perhaps the heaviness of their predicament finally setting in as his eyes wander around the room slowly. Eddie’s luckier than Steve he supposes – after all, Eddie only got bitten once and he also has most of his shirt left intact to keep warm.

“You were an idiot getting yourself bitten like that.” There it is again, that weird tone from Steve that sounds almost fond. Eddie is beyond offended at this point, turning his head with his mouth agape in disbelief.

“ Excuse me? It’s not like I asked it to bite me ,” Eddie huffs at the end, blowing a few stray strands of hair out of his face. Steve just lets out an irritated hum so Eddie looks down at the makeshift bandage around his abdomen to occupy himself instead, the air between them a little bit awkward suddenly.

He pokes at a few stray threads, wincing when it sets off a dull reaction in his wound. His gaze flicks over to Steve's stomach that was now exposed due to ripping off the bottom half of his shirt, Nancy's t-shirt still wrapped around his own injuries. He taps his feet that are stretched out in front of him together contemplatively, purses his lips before saying, "Hey, it's kinda like we've got matching tattoos now."

Steve looks at him from the corner of his eye, seemingly annoyed. Almost romantic, ain't it, dies on the tip of Eddie's tongue along with his smile.

Eddie tips his head back like he had done earlier before Steve came along, staring up at the ceiling. He blinks slowly, eyes heavy and sore from days of not sleeping. It probably also has something to do with his still bleeding injury.

The minutes tick on silently and Eddie feels that ever present boredom sitting within him beginning to fester, growing bigger and bigger until it's almost physically painful. He rocks his head from side to side, trying his best to not cause a nuisance and keep himself somewhat entertained because Steve clearly doesn't feel like talking all of a sudden.

"Do you ever sit still?"

The question hurts more than Eddie would like to admit. It hurts mostly because it's coming from Steve. He puts on a false smile, feels his eyelashes get a little bit wet, "You sound like my parents."

Eddie doesn't dare look at Steve but he hears the rustle of the bedsheets behind them as Steve looks over at him instead. Eddie swallows hard. Steve doesn't say anything for a few seconds, "Ah shit… sorry, man."

Eddie shrugs his shoulders, "It's fine."

Steve's quiet then and even though Eddie can't see him, he can tell he's thinking about something. "My parents are shitty too."

Eddie has the balls to finally peer over at him and the way he does it is almost shy, looking through his eyelashes and studying the glazed over look in Steve's eyes. Eddie is initially surprised at the revelation that Steve's parents suck but when he ponders it a little further he decides it checks out that shitty rich people would in turn be shitty rich people to their own kids.

Eddie chews on his bottom lip, "Sorry."

"It's whatever. I don't see them much anyway. It's almost always just me at home and stuff." It's clear it bothers Steve in some kind of capacity but he's just trying to shrug it off. It's sad really how parents can behave like total fucking dickheads without recompense and it still continues to affect their kids even into their adult years. Thick skin only goes so deep.

There's something very miserable thinking about Steve Harrington living in his big house all alone for god knows how long. Steve eating his dinner on his own most nights, Steve going to bed without a single goodnight, Steve watching episodes of the latest shows on TV with no one to talk to about them afterwards. Eddie's heart hurts with empathy.

So Eddie clears his throat and does what he does best to try and make Steve feel a bit happier, "'s that why you throw all those parties?"

Steve raises an eyebrow, "I don't throw parties anymore."

"No," Eddie agrees, nodding his head slowly, "but you used to. You never invited me to any of them either. You broke my heart, Steve…" Eddie presses a hand to his heart for effect and for a moment he thinks of Chrissy and how he did something similar to make her smile.

There's a hint of a smile on Steve's lips, "You would've scared everyone away," he seems to realise what he's said and adds a quick, "no offence."

Eddie laughs, soft and low, "None taken. Scaring people's like, my favourite hobby y'know?" he absently picks at his fingernails, hands resting in his lap, "Besides, I think I could've taken your parties to another level."

Steve actually considers it and nods, "Probably. Somehow all the most popular kids at school ended up being the most boring people to be around."

Eddie grins to himself because why that fact is even a surprise to Steve is beyond him, "That checks out." Of course popular kids are boring. They're too busy confining themselves to the same boxes as everyone else and looking down on the people who don't that they don't even have the time to develop their own personalities or interests.

A thought lingers in Eddie's head and he lets it sit there for a minute, rolling it around as if it were clay in his hands, warming it up so he could mould it. He bites the bullet.

"I don't think you're boring though."

Their eyes lock and Steve gives Eddie a weird look that he can't quite figure out, his cheeks seeming to be a little bit red underneath all the blood and muck. His skin must just be irritated is all, nothing more.

"Thanks," Steve mumbles, giving him a lopsided smile that's not quite a smirk but something much more bashful instead. Eddie's heart skips a beat.

God, if the monsters don't get to him first then just being here with Steve is gonna be the death of him.

"Sorry… for being a bit of a dick before," Steve genuinely seems apologetic, moving his head to look down at his lap. He sits much like Eddie, his legs stretched out in front of him. He seems to struggle with something in his mind, "It's just… like… the thing is…"

Steve stops talking then and Eddie waits patiently for him to continue but he never does, too busy clearly stuck in his own head. Eddie hums, "It's cool. I get it. Shit's rough down here."

It's like Steve doesn't entirely agree or he wants to say something else or something because he gives Eddie a hard look, his lips pressed together like something might come spilling out. He finally nods, "Yeah. It is."

Eddie's heart races for some reason. He brings his knees to his chest, letting out a small groan when it puts pressure on his injury. He lets out a long exhale when he finally gets comfy, closing his eyes as he focuses on the slowly dimming pain in his side. He can feel Steve staring at him.

"I'm good," Eddie forces out from between his teeth and it's not very convincing but it is, however, true. Steve stays silent for a moment before he lets out a quiet noise of affirmation.

The silence continues and it's nice for a short while, calming almost, but Eddie begins to feel that itch in the back of his head. He turns the rings on his fingers slowly, sleep threatening to pull him under but each time it starts he's suddenly wide awake again.

He doesn't know where it comes from, "Dogs or cats?"

Steve's obviously confused, "Huh?"

Eddie leans forward to rest the side of his head on his knees. He opens his heavy eyes, "Which do you like most? Dogs or cats?"

Steve seems stunned, sitting there frozen as he stares right back at Eddie. He comes back to himself not too long after though, clearing his throat, "Cats, I guess. I've never had a pet before. There are a lot in my neighbourhood."

It's strange because at first glance Eddie would've thought Steve to be a dog guy. He doesn't know why, he just looks like one and kind of acts like one – if that even makes sense. But when he thinks about it, yeah, he does kind of strike him as a cat guy now. He can imagine Steve petting all the cats in his neighbourhood and talking to them in a silly voice, rubbing their bellies as they roll over for him.

"Now you ask me a question."

Steve scoffs, "Really? We're playing this game?"

Eddie nods, humming in a sort of sarcastic way, "Mhm, mhm, yeah really, I'm bored. Go on."

"Bored…" Steve mutters it like it's absolute madness which it is to be fair because who the hell gets bored waiting to be eaten by monsters? Eddie Munson, that's who.

The house is completely still as Steve thinks about it, tapping his finger against his knee, "Alright. What's your favourite colour?"

Eddie groans, "Aw, c'mon man don't ask me boring stuff like that, this is supposed to be fun …"

"You literally asked me about cats and dogs," Steve retorts as he raises an eyebrow in an amused way.

"Yeah but like, that was just to start things off. Get the ball rolling."

Steve rolls his eyes and huffs deeply but he thinks of something else regardless. It takes him a while to come up with another question but he lets out a small hum once he does.

"How did Eddie Munson become Eddie Munson?" Steve gestures his hand over to Eddie at the end, to emphasise his point, "The hair, the tats, the music. How?"

Eddie lets out a strained smile. Now he wants to eat his words. He supposes it's his own fault though, he did urge Steve to not ask safe questions.

He taps his feet nervously against the ground, his head bouncing along with them due to his chin resting on his knees. Fuck it.

"My parents were assholes. They didn't ever really give a shit about me. I was just some annoying kid who never shut up and was always making some kind of noise or causing some kind of trouble." The way Eddie says it so casually is quite concerning honestly and he would say it's because he's over it but he's not, no one ever gets over shit like that, not from your parents.

He clears his throat, "I tried for a while. To be normal. I was quiet, I was still, I didn't get my clothes or shoes dirty… but it was tiring and it wasn't me."

Eddie's eyes light up then and this is where he doesn't exactly lie but he doesn't exactly tell the truth either. "But there was this guy who lived across the road, he was in high school, and I thought he was the coolest fucking person in the world."

It's true, Eddie did think he was the coolest person in the world – but he was also completely and utterly infatuated with the guy. He doesn't tell Steve that obviously, deviating from the full truth, and he hopes that the look he has while saying it all comes across as just awe.

"He would wear torn jeans and he had sleek long hair and he would play his music so loud it would piss off everybody else on the street but I would sit on the curb and listen to it for hours…" Eddie reminisces with a smile on his face, "I finally got the guts to ask him one day what music it was he listened to and he invited me in to show me all his records – which y’know honestly? Not the smartest thing I’ve ever done, just going into some stranger’s house."

The way Steve watches him ramble on so patiently makes Eddie's heart flutter in his chest, heat rising to his cheeks. He manages to continue. "There was a chaos to it I liked, it made me feel whole, like it was a part of myself I was always missing almost. I didn't give a shit anymore about what people thought of me, not even my parents, because I finally had something that made me feel good and that would be there for me no matter how shitty things got."

Eddie scoffs, "My parents were pissed naturally because I started ‘acting up’ again and god forbid your fucking kids have their own personality. I liked the form of expression it gave me but they didn't, they said I looked scary – like I gave a shit…"

His smile from earlier fades away, "They realised it had something to do with our neighbour and they ‘had a word with him’. I tried talking to him the next morning but he said I wasn't allowed to speak to him anymore. I got really mad about it and had a total meltdown. My parents had finally had enough of me and sent me to live with my uncle so I've been there ever since."

The full story is a little bit darker than that and involves Eddie learning the hard way that most people, even the people you idolise, might accept you for one thing but not the other. Your first heartbreak always sticks around.

Steve blinks slowly, taking it all in. He looks a little bit tired which is understandable after everything that's happened today. Eddie’s pretty tired too. A couple of minutes pass before he speaks, "I've never thought about it that way…"

Eddie raises an eyebrow, intrigued, "About it what way?"

"About it being a part of you, like an extension of who you are. I never considered that,” Steve admits, his hands playing with the frayed bottom of his t-shirt as he talks, “I thought it was just something you liked but I see it’s not that simple now.”

It makes Eddie realise that the simple question Steve had asked him resulted in an extremely personal and lengthy retelling of a core part of Eddie's life. It's weird to spill your guts out to someone you barely know, especially someone who's seemingly the polar opposite of you. Eddie doesn't know, talking to Steve is just… easy.

"You don't have something that's like an extension of you?" Eddie asks curiously. It never really occurred to him before that maybe not everyone else does. Even if Steve doesn't right now, Eddie thinks maybe one day he will. Steve is interesting.

The question causes Steve to think for a while, "Robin."

"Robin?" Eddie laughs a little bit, the answer amusing him, "I meant like a hobby or a TV show or a book series or something."

Steve thinks about it again, his fingers pulling on stray threads thoughtfully before he repeats, "Robin."

It makes Eddie narrow his eyes, a playful smile on his lips, "You sure you're not into her?"

A single laugh bubbles up from Steve's chest, something fond sparkling in his eyes as he seems to be reminiscing about something , "Absolutely positive."

"With a capital 'P', I suppose?" Eddie asks.

Steve rolls his eyes but he grins big and bright anyway, turning to look back at Eddie in a way that leaves him breathless, "With a capital 'P'."

Neither of them move for a few seconds, Eddie mostly because he's struggling to get the air back into his lungs. He finally manages to tear his eyes away, sitting up a little bit so his head was no longer resting on his knees.

"Go on then," Steve breaks the silence and when Eddie glances at him he's got a sleepy little look on his face, "ask me a question."

Eddie had forgotten they were playing some kind of question game in the first place, his mind had wandered far after telling his long story. It takes him a while to think of something to ask, mostly because Steve had initially asked him such a safe question that Eddie feels bad asking him anything too saucy or deep. Eddie's fine with wild and crazy but Steve might not be and Eddie respects that.

Eddie clears his throat and rests the side of his head on his knees, his arms still wrapped snugly around his legs. "Are you… in love with Nancy Wheeler?" Eddie bats his eyelashes comically and lets out a shit eating grin after it. It's an incredibly easy question for Steve to answer but personal enough that Eddie won't get called out for going easy.

And yeah, maybe Eddie is a glutton for heartache because Steve is obviously going to say yes and gush about her and it will be very, very sad and very, very heartbreaking – but that's kind of the point. Steve is trapped in here with Eddie and they're not getting out, their fate sealed. Steve deserves to get that shit off his chest because he can't tell Nancy now and if Eddie is the one who has to listen to it then so be it.

Steve sits there and ponders it for a while, long enough that Eddie's amused smile begins to fade. Steve shuffles uncomfortably from where he's sat on the floor, staring into nothing, his fingers that had been mindlessly pulling at the threads of his shirt now completely still. Eddie doesn't expect the reply.

"No."

There's a long stretch of silence after Steve's answer. It sounded completely sincere, no hint of deceit in it, but Eddie can't quite believe it. Eddie lets out a confused laugh, furrowing his eyebrows sceptically, "No need to be coy about it, man. Just… get it off your chest or whatever. Die without regrets sort of thing."

Steve shifts uncomfortably again, bringing his own knees to his chest like Eddie. They mirror each other almost perfectly as Steve presses the side of his head to them, hugging his legs tightly. There's an almost sad look to his face but he doesn't hesitate when he says, "I'm not in love with Nancy."

Eddie is shocked – utterly bamboozled if you will. Steve Harrington is not in love with Nancy Wheeler? Preposterous. All the little glances they've shared, the small, fond comments, the desire to protect one another – how is he not head over heels in love with her? The signs are all there.

"What?" is all that Eddie can scrape up from his incredibly simple mind, a completely bewildered look on his face. He forgets that this could be considered prying too far, that he could actually make Steve uncomfortable by prodding it and he might just turn around and tell Eddie to piss off – but Eddie is just so confused he can't help himself.

Steve shrugs his shoulders, "I dunno," he mumbles, staring into a dark corner of the room absently, "I guess I thought I was at first. I saw her and I just felt a lot of feelings and if I'm being honest I've never really been good at those, y'know? Feelings. "

Eddie thinks that's weird because Steve has dated so many girls so surely he should know feelings better than anyone else; but then it hits him that maybe that's the point. He's never considered that maybe Steve has dated so many girls, has had so many short lived relationships, because he doesn't really understand how he feels.

Eddie's a little bit jealous of that because he has always been all too aware of his own feelings. Eddie feels so hard – it's like his emotions weigh down on top of him, crushing him beneath them. He feels so strongly and so easily that it's unbearably painful.

Steve continues, "There's history there obviously and there was a time of course where I was absolutely in love with Nancy," he lets out a little sigh like maybe he's disappointed about it, "but the past couple of years, I dunno, I guess I've been kind of stuck, not really known what I've wanted or what I've been looking for, and then Nancy was there and it was just easy to latch back onto that."

Even though he's never experienced a relationship before, Eddie thinks maybe he can understand what Steve means because sometimes when Eddie is tired and can't sleep, he finds his mind wandering to that guy who lives in his old neighbourhood. It's a first love kind of thing, he thinks.

"I mean, me and Nancy are great, we understand each other really well and we've been through a lot together – it's not quite the same as me and Robin but it's similar," Steve smiles a little bit, "I love Nancy but not like that. I got my wires crossed, which wouldn't be the first time honestly…"

Eddie wants to ask about it not being the first time but he has a sneaky suspicion that Steve's referring to Robin so he decides to not pry any further than he already has. Eddie's not really that interested about it anyway (except he really is). It's unfortunate to be cursed with being so nosy.

"I think…" Steve starts and then he stops abruptly, thinking over his words, "I think I know what I want now. I know that I don't want Nancy. Not like that."

Eddie supposes it doesn't really matter even if Steve does because he's stuck down here. Whoever Steve is talking about is a lucky girl although it's pretty sad to think of her out there, somewhere, possibly waiting on Steve to give her a call but it'll never come.

"I'm sorry, man," Eddie mumbles and gives him a sympathetic smile. Steve looks away.

It's still weird to be talking to Steve like this when Eddie really thinks about it. Who would've ever thought he'd be spilling his guts out to Steve Harrington? Who would've ever thought he'd be dying beside Steve Harrington?

Neither of them say anything after that for some reason and Eddie's mind begins to wander. It doesn't really go anywhere in particular, just kind of bouncing around from one insignificant thought to another like, where did that bracelet he lost two years ago actually go? And did Mike ever return to him his copy of The Hobbit?

The silence between them is broken when Eddie yawns and it's unexpected, taking Eddie by surprise because he hadn't really realised quite how tired he was until now. His eyes droop heavily, slipping further and further shut until they're closed completely. He tries his best to open them back up but it's like his eyelashes have been glued together and it's impossible to pull them apart.

It's weird because these past few days he hasn't even been able to sleep or even indulge in the blissful rest of simply closing his eyes for a few moments because of the terrors he would see behind them. He would hear the sound of Chrissy's bones cracking, see the way Patrick's eyes got devoured. But for some reason with Steve by his side he isn't haunted by anything. He can rest.

"Hey," Steve's voice sounds like it's coming at him through a wall of water and his hand is on Eddie's cheek, ice cold and startling him back awake. Eddie inhales sharply through his nose, his eyes blinking open quickly as Steve slaps his skin gently – it's a bit unnecessary, Eddie thinks, but he's too confused to complain.

He doesn't remember the moment Steve started touching him and it confuses him because surely he would remember something like that, especially when his hands were so cold. It dawns on him then through his disorientation that he had probably fallen asleep, his blurry vision and dampened hearing only validating his suspicions. He yawns again, a bit louder this time.

"Stay with me." Eddie really tries not to but the concern in Steve's voice makes him laugh a little bit. He shivers with each one, his eyes struggling to remain open and focused due to his exhaustion.

But Steve really does look a little bit frightened so Eddie manages to get himself to shut up, a softer smile taking the place of his amused one, "'m not dyin' Steve… just tired."

Steve doesn't look all that convinced and gives Eddie a quick glance up and down before pressing the back of his hand to Eddie's forehead. It's surprising, the tenderness in the action, and it causes Eddie to blush. Thank goodness the room was pretty dark.

"You feel warm…" Steve mumbles, quiet enough that Eddie can barely hear it. He hums and reaches up to grab Steve's wrist gently, pushing it away from his forehead.

"Your hands are just cold," Eddie tells him although he flashes him an appreciative look anyway. He turns to the side so he's facing Steve and lets his head fall back against the mattress behind him, getting into a more comfortable position to rest in.

Whether it is just Steve's hands compared to his own body temperature, Eddie doesn't know, but it also doesn't really matter anyway because a fever is the least of his worries. His eyes droop shut again and he forces them back open for Steve’s sake. He can't really think of the last time he slept for more than a couple of hours or even the last time he slept in a bed.

Steve is staring at the corner from earlier again, looking like he might fall asleep himself. Eddie yawns as he watches him and it sets off a reaction in Steve who yawns too which makes Eddie laugh. That giddy feeling takes over Eddie as it often does when he's half awake, his small laugh turning into a snort and then a stream of giggles that he can't stop no matter how hard he tries.

"What are you laughing at?" Steve tries to ask seriously, clearly confused, but the end of his question lilts upwards slightly when he sees the look on Eddie’s face. It’s a common reaction for someone to yawn when somebody else yawns but for some reason right now, to Eddie’s brain that was addled from sleep, it was the funniest thing in the world. Steve smiles, amused, “What?”

Eddie’s laughter continues, forcing its way through his teeth as he tries his best to stop it by biting down on his bottom lip. He giggles until his stomach begins to hurt and he rests his hands on it tiredly, taking a few heaving breaths to calm himself down. It works gradually, his chuckling coming to a slow stop until it's only a few giddy aftershocks sneaking out. His eyelashes are wet, “Nothin’.”

As the seconds pass, Eddie sits there and watches Steve closely. It must be so obvious, he thinks, as Steve stares back at him with a strange expression. It makes Eddie feel a bit sad inside and he wishes deep down for a moment he was born a daughter because then he could kiss any boy he wanted without any repercussions. Steve’s lucky overall even though he’s been unlucky in love because at least he’s been on dates and loved freely, openly. He’s had experiences Eddie’s only ever dreamed of having.

It’s kind of pathetic really how his mood shifts so suddenly. Only a moment ago Eddie was giggling away, having the time of his life, and now he is utterly miserable, stuck deep in a rut. It kind of reminds him of when he gets drunk – one moment he can't stop the smile on his face and the next he's screaming into his pillow. He sighs and allows his heavy eyelids to finally drift shut, resting his head against the bedframe with a deep frown.

Eddie sniffs and it's embarrassing that his eyelashes only get wetter. He can only hope Steve doesn't pay any mind to it.

"Eddie," Steve asks and his voice is gentle, "what's the real reason you didn't run away?" His question is hesitant, as if maybe he didn't really want to know the answer. It's one of the only times Eddie can recall Steve calling him his name and the tone he uses on top of it makes his heart melt, reluctantly dragging him out of his slump. How could Eddie not answer when Steve asks him like that? 

Eddie moves so he isn't sat on his side anymore, instead returning to the position he was in earlier, his back resting against the bedframe and his legs stretched out in front of him. He looks up at the ceiling that is shrouded in darkness, "What do you mean? I already told you."

Steve shifts, clearly feeling a little bit uncomfortable, "You were really vague about it."

Eddie feels a little bit uncomfortable too and picks at the hem of his torn shirt, "What's vague about it?" Their eyes meet for a split second before Eddie averts his away.

"I dunno. People just… don't typically have changes of heart."

Steve is treading a little too closely to guarded territory and it causes Eddie to tense up, his hand coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose. He squeezes his eyes shut and thinks about it. He can't tell Steve the truth even if he wants to, needs to so he doesn't die with such a burden on his shoulders. But he can't.

Can't bear the look Steve would give him.

So, Eddie tells a half truth again because he's good at those and he's already told Steve so many already.

"So, I lied," and shit, Eddie's voice is wobbling, "kind of." A lump forms in his throat, blocking him from talking any further about part of the reason he stayed down here.

Every time Eddie tries to form the words they won't come out because they're so utterly depressing he's embarrassed to even say them. He lets out a frustrated noise from between gritted teeth and then laughs, feeling his eyes begin to burn. 

Eddie dares a glance at Steve and finds that he's just sat there with a soft look on his face, patient and hanging onto every word Eddie says. Eddie doesn't think anyone has ever quite listened to him like this before.

The knots in his tongue all unravel from that simple look Steve gives him and Eddie struggles to turn away from it. His chest tightens, painfully, the way it always does before he's about to cry. He offers Steve a broken smile and begs the tears to stay in his eyes, "I was never getting out of here, Steve. I've always known that, I knew it before we even came back to this place."

Steve's expression falls and it almost looks like he's about to start crying himself. A pause, "What?"

Eddie can't bear to stare at him any longer so he looks down at his legs instead, swallowing hard as he finds something to do, running his fingertips along the chain on his jeans. He shakes his head, upset, "I can't get out of here, Steve. I-I-I can't go home . You think the police are just gonna stop coming after me? ‘Course not…"

Steve is stunned into silence, reduced to just watching. Eddie's lower lip quivers and he feels like shit but there's also a release from finally talking about it – not a full release of the pressure on his shoulders but it's a small one at least. He rests his head back against the mattress and bangs it a few times, his lip caught between his teeth as the flood in his eyes spills over onto his cheeks. Embarrassing.

For some reason Eddie turns back to Steve, whether it's for comfort or what he doesn't really know. He does know however that he must look like a fool so he wipes at his face with his grubby hands although it doesn't help much, fresh tears falling back down almost immediately. He turns away again, ashamed.

His fingers tangle into the bottom of his shirt, pulling and tugging and stretching at the fabric as if that could make it all better or something. He sniffs loudly, the back of his throat beginning to hurt, "I can't go back. Everyone thinks I'm some kind of freak cult leader. They all think I killed Chrissy and Patrick and Fred. There's no way I can live a normal life there again even if I got my name cleared somehow – which is impossible, they're all convinced I did it and they'll all whisper about how I did it–"

"I won't let them." It's the first thing Steve says and it catches Eddie by surprise, so much so that the tears stop for just a second. The way Steve says it, without hesitation and full of conviction makes Eddie believe him wholeheartedly. It makes Eddie believe that somehow he, Steve Harrington, only one man, could take on an entire town's worth of people and completely change the way they think.

Eddie takes a deep breath and when he exhales it shakes, his whole body trembling with it. His heart bleeds with the words, his body feeling as though he was falling down a deep and dark hole.

Eddie is so in love with Steve Harrington it's going to kill him, crushing his lungs and stealing all of his air.

He's exhausted and halfway delirious so he smiles through his crying like someone who's lost their mind and maybe he has because words slip off his tongue before he can even think about them, "Don't say those things like that…"

"Why?" Steve's voice is so gentle, barely there, and Eddie's heart flutters.

"Because…" Eddie's eyes only well up more, his smile suddenly fading as somewhere deep inside his gut churns sickeningly. Because I love you , is what he wants to say. "Just… Just because."

Eddie's focus drifts back down to his hands that are still wrapped up in his t-shirt and he rubs away at some of the dust caked onto it with his thumb although it doesn't do much to make it go away. He sniffs and then clears his throat, the back of it feeling a little bit thick and congested.

He thought that all this time, maybe he was ready to die – but instead he's realised that he was just accepting that he has no other choice. The realisation honestly sucks.

"Yeah well…" Steve nibbles on his lip nervously, "it's the truth." His voice is sincere and Eddie hangs onto it tightly, his heart holding it close and refusing to let it go. If only he knew the effect of the things he's saying had on him, how they make him feel warm yet cold all at the same time.

Eddie's never felt so cared for before. He's probably looking too much into it because this is Steve, they're practically strangers who are somehow having an odd heart-to-heart because they have no one else but each other for company – but Eddie's never felt so considered from somebody other than his uncle. No wonder Eddie can't stop crying even though most of his tears have come to a stop, only a few slowly dribble down his cheeks now whenever he blinks. He's completely overwhelmed by it all but it's strangely comforting at the same time.

He's absolutely drowning, suffocating, because Steve is so nice and that's all it is but his stupid, stupid heart is falling head over heels for it and won't stop going down, down, down. Eddie sighs, tries to shake off the fuzzy feeling in his stomach and busies himself with checking the half of Steve’s shirt that’s wrapped around his abdomen instead. Fortunately the bleeding seems to have stopped now, only a small stain on the cotton being the only indication that he had been bleeding to begin with.

A sound from outside startles them both, making them jump up onto their hands, ready to make a run for it if they need to. The seconds tick by agonisingly slow, both of them waiting with their breaths held. It’s only when a full minute of silence passes they begin to relax, sitting back onto the carpet fully, Steve’s hands returning to his lap as he exhales. Eddie’s palms remain firmly planted on the ground however, his eyes refusing to leave the window, staring anxiously into the darkness outside. He trembles.

Steve groans, running his hands over his face in frustration, “I’m sorry you got caught up in all this bullshit, man.”

It’s a welcome distraction that Eddie takes, finally pulling his attention away from the fogged up window to look over at Steve instead. He looks completely worn out and it makes Eddie’s heart ache. Steve’s been keeping Eddie’s spirits up all this time, even if he’s completely unaware of it – Eddie owes him.

Eddie smiles the best he can, putting on that false confidence he’s so accustomed to wearing around Hawkins, “Well, I mean, it wasn’t all that bad,” he replies, laughing halfheartedly at the end. There’s something about talking about everything in the past tense that makes it all feel so… final.

Steve’s confused, obviously. He furrows his eyebrows and mimicks a half smile like Eddie’s without even realising it, “What?”

Eddie shrugs his shoulders but there’s not much energy in it. He realises his eyes must have run dry at some point. “I mean, I literally saw the depths of hell and watched my classmates get obliterated right in front of me,” he winces, a shiver running up his spine at the memory. Okay, maybe it’s still a little bit too fresh to attempt to cope with humour right now.

Eddie rests his head back and chews on the inside of his lip before continuing, “But I dunno…” he absently pulls on a few stray threads along the edge of the shirt wrapped around him, peeking over at Steve shyly, “at least I managed to make some friends my own age for once. Friends that gave me a chance when no one else did.”

It seems like it takes a while for his words to hit Steve who just sits there, mouth slightly parted for several seconds. He blinks once, twice, and then he gives Eddie a small smile, "So we're… friends?"

Eddie tilts his head, looking at Steve fully now. There are butterflies in his stomach, fluttering around wildly, but he manages to squash them down just enough so he doesn't start squirming. He grins wider and this one is genuine, not just some fake bullshit facade he wears to keep people happy. He lets out a laugh but it's more like a breath than anything, "Aren't we?" he asks, hopeful, cocking his head like a damn puppy.

Steve just stares at him, searching for something, anything. His smile grows then, matching Eddie's, and he looks down bashfully, "Yeah…" he nods, biting down on his lip for a split second, "Yeah, we are."

Then Steve laughs and it's bright and it's special and it colours Eddie's whole world something wonderful.

Eddie's heart stops, he swears it does and the only thing that makes it start again is the glassy look in Steve's eyes when he raises his head again. He's still laughing but he's also crying and Eddie has to stop his whole body from lurching forward. Eddie would cry too, he thinks, but he's all dried up.

And it's weird because they're adults. They're two grown men sat in some fucked up dimension in some fucked up room but deep down Eddie thinks maybe that they're still kids – kids who care about if someone's their friend, kids who are scared of monsters and the dark and their own damn parents. He looks at Steve and he just sees a kid .

Maybe if things were different, if the world was kinder, he and Steve could have been friends for longer – maybe even forever – because it's strange how the high school hierarchy consumes everyone and everything, like it's the only thing in the world that fucking matters because at the end of the day it couldn't matter any less. He and Steve could've been friends forever. But now they only have tonight.

So Eddie laughs because it's all fucked and Steve's laughing too so what else can he really do? They both just sit there, giggling like maniacs, and the tear tracks on Steve's cheeks cut through the grime and blood smeared across them to reveal his skin underneath that's flushed and clear.

Eddie wants to touch it honestly, just put his hand there and somehow try to make things all better. He doesn't even know what's wrong and it's scary because Eddie hasn't ever felt so scared before over somebody just crying.

For some reason, without even thinking, Eddie unties the handkerchief around his head and yes, it's probably not the most hygienic thing to do but they're also covered in thick layers of sweat and dried up monster guts. He scrunches it up in his hand and considers it for a moment, his fingers curling into it nervously before he brings it up towards Steve's face.

Eddie wipes at Steve's wet cheeks clumsily because he has the motor skills of a bumbling toddler but thankfully it makes Steve smile a little bit wider, his laughter growing a little bit calmer. "Why are you crying?" Eddie asks, his words running into one another in a quiet rumble.

Steve stares off somewhere far away as he thinks, letting out a soft sigh when he returns his gaze back to Eddie, " Nothin'. " He mimics the way Eddie had said it earlier and something about it sets off a fire within him, filling him with the urge to just reach over and kiss all the tears away.

Eddie doesn't, obviously, somehow managing to find the restraint to keep his affections to himself. Most of his affections anyway. He dabs at Steve's face, clearing away spots of the grubbiness that covers it each time he does. His handkerchief is going to be absolutely filthy after this, definitely ruined, but Eddie doesn't mind all that much because it's worth it for Steve.

He moves to Steve's eyes and wipes them a little bit heavy handedly, so much so that it makes Steve scrunch up his nose and squeeze his eyes shut tight. A remnant of Eddie's sleepy giggles from earlier slips out and Steve follows him, a laugh that was bright and loud bubbling out of his mouth.

Eddie, too focused on cleaning up Steve, doesn't notice Steve's hand moving upwards to gently wrap around his own until it's too late. He freezes up, his heart pounding in his chest so hard he can hear it in his ears. Steve stares at him with watery eyes, big and warm and round and brown. His tears have finally stopped. Eddie swallows hard.

Time seems to stretch on forever as Eddie can do nothing but stare back like a damn deer in the headlights, his entire being feeling like it was carefully being unwrapped simply from the way Steve looks at him. Eddie thinks he gets that whole staring into each other's eyes thing now.

Somehow, Eddie manages to rip his eyes away from Steve's, letting go of the handkerchief that Steve was clearly seeking. He clears his throat, feeling oddly raw and sore inside, "You can uh, you can keep it," he mutters, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "It's all gross now anyway," he adds quickly.

Steve continues to stare at him and Eddie only knows this because he risks a swift glance back up, "Thanks…" Steve's voice is barely a whisper, more like a breath. It makes Eddie think of the way he thanked him on the boat and how it had made him itch for a damn cigarette. He wishes he had one right now too.

Eddie just nods quickly, wiping his damp palms dry on his jeans. Just like a fucking kid…

He crosses his legs, feeling fidgety, only to jump when his knees knock against Steve's thigh. Since when did they get so close? He gulps, becoming entirely focused on the spot where their legs meet, on the way Steve's body heat seeps into Eddie's chilled bones. Eddie's foot bounces, his fingernails picking at his cuticles.

He would move away but he doesn't want to attract any more attention than he most likely already has, so instead he presses his lips together to stop himself from screaming. Is it dramatic? Absolutely, but Eddie is nothing if not dramatic.

"Eddie," and oh God this is it, he thinks, this is where Steve figures it all out and hates him or kills him before the things outside can – or both . Now Eddie really wants to scream. There's a long stretch of silence because Eddie doesn't trust himself to speak without letting out some kind of garbled noise – and even if he did he can't move his mouth anyway since his jaw is locked tight. " Eddie." Steve says it again, like Eddie didn't hear it the first time.

"Mhm?" it takes all of Eddie's strength to force it out, still not trusting himself to speak. His eyes look anywhere but at Steve, darting wildly around all the corners of the dark room. 

Whatever Steve wants to say he struggles to say it, stopping every time he starts. He sighs, "Look, you told me the truth before so I'm just gonna come out and say it." That intrigues Eddie enough to risk peering over, only to find that Steve is focused only on the dirtied handkerchief, running his thumbs across the silky fabric absently. The expression on his face is vacant.

Eddie gets a bad feeling for some reason, but not the kind of bad feeling he had just before. This feeling was heavier, sicklier, and it finds a home in the pit of his stomach.

Even though Steve said he was “ just gonna come out and say it,” he seems to struggle to spit it out. Eddie can see the way he chews on the inside of his mouth. His lips part and he takes a breath, "I… came back for you."

Eddie's blood runs cold, his jaw going slack, "...What?"

Steve squeezes his eyes shut and chews on his lip, "You told me the truth before, I basically prodded you for it, so I felt bad and thought I should tell you the truth too," he explains and Eddie supposes it makes sense but also not really because Steve didn't prod him for anything. "I didn't get lost, I came back."

Eddie can barely breathe, his lungs feel like they are on fire and his heart hammers against his ribcage painfully. He sits there, unmoving, before he finally speaks, "Why?" his voice cracks, raising a little bit higher in pitch, "Why would you do that?"

This wasn't supposed to happen. It's already bad enough that Steve is here but to know now that Eddie is the reason he's here when he did all that he did to make sure Steve got to stay alive and safe in the real world and not rot like Eddie in this godforsaken place? Eddie wants to be sick, his heart breaking right down the middle.

Steve turns to look at Eddie finally and watches as he shivers. His hands tremble in his lap, his cuticles beginning to bleed because he pulls at them so harshly. Hot tears burn his eyes, he gasps for a breath, " Why would you do that? Why would you come back? "

Steve just sits there for a moment before he speaks up, "I couldn't just leave you here." He says the words so simply, so casually, as if they don't tear deep down into Eddie's flesh and pull him apart piece by piece.

Eddie can't quite believe it or he doesn't want to believe it so he shakes his head adamantly, "Yes, yes you could! In fact, that's exactly what you should have done, you should have left me here. I caused the distraction for you, so you could get out of here safe and alive and now you're fucking stuck in this piece of fucking shit fucking place with me!"

And Eddie has said too much. His mouth that had run away with him suddenly snaps shut, his eyes wide and body tense. Steve is a mirror image of him.

Eddie's heart is beating so fast it doesn't even feel like it's beating at all. He's so terrified, acid burning the back of his throat as he's filled with the urge to throw up. He tries his best to calm himself down, telling himself that what he said doesn't mean anything – that there is surely a very reasonable and very platonic excuse out there for the word vomit he just spewed out. However, as time stretches on Steve remains silent and that dreadful feeling from earlier only festers, growing like mould along Eddie's insides.

When Steve finally speaks Eddie wishes he hadn't.

"I didn't want you to be alone," Steve's voice is quiet, defeated almost. His own eyes water again, his bottom lip wobbling, "I didn't want you to die alone."

For some reason that makes Eddie mad or maybe it's just that his anxiety hits an all time high leading him to have an explosive outburst, "So you thought you'd die here too? So that I wouldn't be alone? Who the hell does that!"

Steve doesn't react for a moment but then he frowns, a crease settling deep in his brow when he does. Now it seems like Steve is mad too and Eddie is a little bit taken aback by the sight because it's dark and doesn't suit Steve at all. "Like you have room to talk! Sacrificing yourself for a person that you barely even know? Who the hell does that!"

Eddie's heart bleeds, "I do that!" he announces like it's something he should wear like a badge of fucking honour. It would go something along the lines of, "this award goes to Eddie Munson for willing to just up and die for the first man who ever bothered to look his way and show him a shred of decency.". Always the damn dramatic.

Steve clenches Eddie's handkerchief in his fist, his knuckles turning white from the force of it. He looks hurt, almost, " Why would you do that ? "

It's childish but the one thing Eddie hates above everything is when people copy him. Dustin does it all the time and right now the fact that Steve keeps reflecting his own questions right back at him is really grating on his nerves. And yeah, sure, Eddie probably deserves it because what kind of person has the audacity to be mad at someone, to hound them with questions, simply for coming back to be with them so they wouldn't have to spend their last moments alone?

Eddie's knee bounces, his eyes slipping closed as he pinches the bridge of his nose. His mind is going crazy, buzzing loud with a million thoughts as if a swarm of bees had made their home right there in his skull. It's all too overwhelming – the situation, Steve, the ever present clock in his head ticking down, down, down . Something snaps, Eddie hears it.

"Because I love you!" it's out before Eddie can  stop it. He stops breathing once he realises what he's said, his body going rigid. Steve doesn't say anything at all, only staring right back at Eddie with wide open eyes, the same shell-shocked expression on his face.

It's like the whole world around him has become a vacuum, all the air being sucked out of it and Eddie can't even take a simple breath. He's ruined everything. Steve just tried to be a nice person, just tried to make sure Eddie was somewhat okay, and Eddie had to ruin it all by opening his damn mouth.

Perhaps deep down Eddie was deluded enough to think that maybe, maybe , if they would've been able to get out of here, one day he could have had a small chance of Steve being safe enough to tell. Safe enough to tell him that he doesn't like girls even though he wasn't going to get his hopes up like that because he was a coward on top of the fact that it was a small chance no matter how comfortable Eddie felt around him.

The point is Eddie wasn't going to tell him. He was going to just carry the burden of it deep inside him to his grave. But even if Steve is safe to tell he likes guys, even if luck is on Eddie's side for once, there is absolutely no way Steve is safe enough for Eddie to tell him he likes him.

It's one thing for someone to accept someone is gay, nevermind accept that someone is gay for them. Yet Eddie's just blurted that out and it's stuck there in-between them, as if it was a physical object.

As always, Eddie had something good going for him – he was friends with Steve Harrington – and now he's gone and ruined it because he couldn't keep his mouth shut or his emotions in check. He's a fucking idiot, everyone was and always will be right.

Steve still doesn't say anything and Eddie isn't sure if he prefers that or if he'd rather him turn around and hurl the nastiest of words at him after all. They don't look at each other anymore, Eddie's gaze firmly stuck on the tips of his worn shoes. For some reason his life feels more over now than it ever did when he accepted he was going to be eaten.

"Shit…" Eddie doesn't even have the energy to throw one of his usual tantrums, the word just slipping out of his mouth defeatedly. He sighs, bringing his knees back up to his chest and presses his forehead against them. He's so fucking stupid.

He would cry if he could and he desperately wants to but the tears don't come. It's as if they're stuck behind his eyes, refusing to break past the barrier. His throat is all choked up nonetheless. Eddie squeezes his arms around his bent legs before letting them fall uselessly to his sides, the rock in the pit of his stomach weighing him down heavier and heavier. If only the ground would swallow him whole.

Time stretches on for what feels like forever, every second that passes causing Eddie's nerves to reach new, impossible heights. He swears he's going to have a heart attack, his chest in physical pain because his heart beats that fast. He feels woozy.

"Eddie," Steve finally speaks up and Eddie almost passes out, wishing that this was all just a dream – a nightmare . Steve clears his throat, his voice raspy, "Eddie, I don't know how to say this…"

Eddie cringes, a full body recoil running through him at the words. He prepares himself for the rejection and the inevitable onslaught of utter disgust. His own voice is emotionless, "Just get it over with."

Steve grows quiet, deciding to not say anything at all. Eddie's fingers curl anxiously into the carpet beneath his palms and he closes his eyes, takes a deep breath to try and calm down just a little bit before he ends up throwing up everywhere. Something touches Eddie's finger and he jolts upright, his focus suddenly glued to the point of contact where he's sure to find some kind of otherworldly beast ready to feast on his flesh.

But that choking feeling in his throat only grows, effectively blocking off his airways because Steve is touching him – not some bat, not some vine, but Steve. It must be an accident , he thinks but when he looks up Steve is staring right at him and it's such a heavy gaze .

This is dangerous. So very, very dangerous. Eddie manages to finally get a shaky breath out. He's ashamed to admit he shivers, unable to look away, "Hah…" it's an awkward attempt at a laugh, a nervous reaction he often has to high tension situations. He feels like he's about to get his lights knocked out but he's not quite sure in what way. He refuses to get his hopes up.

Steve glances down at where his little finger is still pressed up against Eddie's and swallows hard, pausing for a moment to think about it before he ever so carefully wraps it around Eddie's. Eddie doesn't dare move, his brain effectively shuts down right then and there. If he thought his heart might stop before, it's definitely going to stop now, his pulse roaring in his ears like a wildfire.

Steve licks his bottom lip quickly, a nervous look settled deep in his eyes, "Eddie…" he whispers as if it was something sacred, "I want to kiss you."

And that'll do it.

Eddie's brain officially collapses into mush, all thoughts ceasing to exist. His mouth falls open, cheeks flushed and sweating. Steve wants to kiss… him? Surely not. Surely he's misheard…

But he hasn't because Steve is staring at him again and there is such a deep need in his dark brown eyes. A tingle runs down Eddie's spine and settles in his gut, the tips of his ears getting hot. His toes curl a little bit in his shoes and the hair on the back of his neck begins to prickle. Oh, Eddie is so fucked.  

He wonders how Steve could just say things like that, does he not know the effect he has on Eddie? How even just the simplest of words he says set him alight nevermind him talking about how he wants to kiss him.

Why does Steve even want to kiss him anyway? Steve is all radiance and bright colours and charming smiles meanwhile Eddie is all hopelessness and darkness and jitters. He's not the kind of person made to be kissed by Steve Harrington. Eddie is also very much a guy.

"Don't play with me," Eddie mutters after the realisation. Steve likes girls, it's undeniable.

Steve's little finger tightens around Eddie's, tugging gently, "I'm not." Then Steve sighs, "Eddie, I don't really get it. I just know… hell, I just know that I like you and I haven't liked anyone like this in a really long time…"

Eddie would like to say he doesn't believe him but the scariest part is that he actually does. Everything that's been said since Steve got here suddenly makes sense, clicking perfectly into place like a puzzle. He doesn't love Nancy, he doesn't want Nancy, he knows what he wants. He came back for Eddie. It's all a little bit overwhelming.

Eddie's never had his feelings reciprocated before and he's never planned on it so now his emotions are all over the place – big and strong and overpowering. He doesn't know what to say. What do you say in a situation like this?

"Oh." That's all that Eddie's mind can conjure up, squeaking past the rock lodged in his throat. He's scared, really scared, and he hates that. Without even thinking, his little finger wraps itself around Steve's in return so they're interlocked, squeezing onto it tight like it was a comfort – which it honestly was. It grounds him, the noise in his ears clearing up a little bit.

He feels like a little kid after being scolded or something, all full of nerves and electricity. He hopes that Steve doesn't notice the way his hands tremble but who is he kidding? Of course he does. Eddie looks down at where their fingers are knotted together, the sight of it making him blush like a schoolkid.

Eddie uncurls them which catches Steve's attention and he hovers his hand above Steve's tentatively. For a moment he thinks about it, still anxious to do something even though Steve has admitted to feeling the same. Eddie finally swallows down his worries, stops overthinking, and gently lowers it, covering the back of Steve's hand entirely with his own. He takes a breath before wrapping his fingers around it, firmly holding onto it. He's moving so slowly, they're adults for god's sakes and yet he's acting like a lovesick child…

But Eddie has never been offered a chance to be like this. He's never had a chance to be tender or soft or gentle. Romance before has only been hard and rough for him, no space for kindness. Steve moves and Eddie is worried he's changed his mind for a moment only for him to flip his hand over so his palm is pressed against Eddie's, intertwining their fingers.

Eddie's eyelashes flutter as he looks up through them at Steve and finds him looking straight back. He swallows, his focus shifting to Steve's lips and then back up to his eyes that are warm and waiting. Steve seems a little bit scared, especially with the way his tongue swipes out across his lip and Eddie gets it because this is a first for him. It's not a first for Eddie but he's also just as terrified – probably more terrified than he was for his first.

He pushes past his own anxieties to try his best to make Steve feel better, or at least not as nervous. Eddie manages to huff out a small laugh, "You gonna kiss me or what?"

It works, somewhat. "You look like you're about to piss your pants," Steve bites back but there is the barest hint of a smile on his face which makes it worth it for Eddie.

"Yeah," Eddie can only agree, dumbly, because he does in fact feel like he's about to piss his pants. Steve just laughs.

It grows quiet, the atmosphere changes. The room that was previously uncomfortably cold was now warmer, the air that had weighed heavily around them now a little bit lighter. Eddie lets out a short hum, his thumb stroking the side of Steve's palm absently.

Their shoulders bump together and Eddie wonders when they had even started moving. They're so close that Eddie can see each faint freckle on Steve's face and he counts every perfect imperfection on his skin. Eddie lets out a lopsided smile, his deep brown eyes glittering as he edges closer, enough that their noses almost touch. He stops, waits, and they just breathe the same air for a while.

Steve's eyelids are half closed as he sits there expectantly, his arm flush against Eddie's. Eddie finds it all very charming, especially when Steve flashes him a bashful smile. Steve is waiting for him to take the first step, Eddie can tell, but he is nothing if not a gentleman. It's totally not because he's shitting himself.

Eddie lets out a deep hum and traces the tip of his index finger along Steve's, "Ready when you are."

Maybe he doesn't truly believe Steve wants this still or that he's going to change his mind so he's just giving him a way out if he needs it because you know, this stuff is kind of terrifying the first time. Things are not going to be the same for Steve after this and Eddie knows that because he's been there and he's hoping that he can at least give Steve a somewhat better and safer experience than he had.

So, even though they're close enough to feel each other's every breath, Eddie is giving Steve all the space in the world to step away if he wants to and if he doesn't want to then Eddie's going to be here and he's going to make sure it's all okay no matter what.

"Yeah…" Steve's voice shakes like he's psyching himself up and Eddie only continues to smile, his fingers trailing across Steve's so carefully. It's like his brain is on autopilot, like he was made for tracing every small line and every little bump of Steve's hands.

His heart flutters. This is it, he can feel it, electricity prickling at his skin and making every hair stand up. It's the make or break moment – whether they'll sink or swim. Eddie will understand if Steve walks away, he gets it and he'll try his best to keep a straight face even though he doesn't trust himself to do so.

Eddie forces his smile wider and feels his heart already begin to tear just a little bit in the middle because who is he even kidding – nothing ever goes the way Eddie wants it to. He manages to stay patient nonetheless, waiting and agonising for what feels like forever. His confidence wavers and his eyes close, the smile on his face faltering for just a second nothing more.

And then everything goes warm and soft but his cheeks are shrouded in ice.

It takes him a few seconds to realise that the tickling against his cheekbones are Steve's eyelashes and that the warm breath against his lips is from Steve's mouth pressed against his own. It's a barely there kiss, just the faintest brush of lips before Steve pulls away so only their noses bump together.

Eddie's brain feels fried. He's been kissed until his lips have bruised, until he's ran out of air, until he's choked on his own spit – but none of them have left him quite as shaken as this. With an exhale he brushes his nose against the side of Steve's, his eyelids finally fluttering open to find Steve staring right back.

Eddie reaches up and wraps his fingers around Steve's wrists where his cold hands hold Eddie's cheeks in them. His lower lip trembles, tingling, "How are you feeling?" he whispers, his thumbs tracing circles along the back of Steve's hands.

Eddie doesn't get an answer, not a verbal one anyway because Steve leans forward again, pressing his lips back onto Eddie's without hesitation. It's more persistent this time and Eddie, who was unprepared for it, almost falls onto his side. A small, surprised noise forces its way out of the back of Eddie's throat and he keeps his eyes open for a few moments before letting them fall shut once more.

He squeezes Steve's wrists gently, pushes himself against him because Eddie wants this so badly – he needs it . They fit together so easily, perfectly, like a puzzle finally being completed and it drives Eddie absolutely crazy. Steve's hands move from Eddie's face not long after but it's alright because they tangle into his hair instead, gripping onto the knotted strands like a lifeline.

They sigh together and it's sweet and sickly and somehow everything that Eddie has ever wanted. He smiles against Steve's mouth, his hands somehow finding their way to Steve's chest and he just keeps them there, right over Steve's heart so he can feel the way it races a mile a minute.

They also started moving at some point without Eddie really realising because his head hits the wall to the right of him with a gentle thunk and he lets out a sharp huff through his nose, his fingers curling tight into the front Steve’s t-shirt as he laughs. It makes Steve laugh too and their kisses lose the fire that was beginning to smoulder in them, now becoming something more clumsy and silly. It makes Eddie’s head spin, dizzy with giddiness, and he has to reluctantly pull away for just a second so he doesn’t end up bashing their teeth together when he breaks out into a dumb grin.

Steve who, for lack of a better word, is relentless, manages to stop himself from diving back in and allows Eddie to catch his breath. He presses their foreheads together, his hands now clasped together at the back of Eddie's neck, holding him as close as he possibly can. It's tugs at Eddie's heart, the toothy grin on his face turning into something softer.

"You alright?" Eddie doesn't really think about it when one of his hands flattens against Steve's chest, rubbing soothing circles across his sternum. It's a silly thing really, something his uncle would do to him when he was upset as a kid to calm him down. It always somehow worked though.

Steve nods the best he can without knocking their heads together and takes a deep breath himself. "I'm alright." The words of confirmation ease Eddie's worries and he finds comfort in Steve's eyes when he opens them, his irises somehow twinkling in the dark.

Eddie swallows hard as he watches him. "You sure?" he asks but he's pretty sure he means it in a different way. Insecurities creep up on him, dread festering in the bottom of his belly. Are you sure you want to do this?

Somehow, Steve must hear it in his voice. "I'm sure," he whispers and places a kiss on the corner of Eddie's mouth for good measure. Eddie can't look at him anymore and averts his eyes down, something that feels like electric shocks running through his heart. It's painful but pleasant all the same.

He's never felt wanted before – not in this way anyway. Nobody has ever looked at Eddie – truly looked at him – and thought, "That's the guy I want.". And yet, somehow, Steve has.

It makes his heart feel like it's being gripped in a vice, squeezing it tight until it's ready to burst open. It hurts so badly and it's like there are a thousand little pins lodged deep into his lungs every time he breathes. It's such an overwhelming feeling to be wanted, so agonisingly painful.

Eddie lets out a sheepish smile, "Alright." He struggles to say it since his throat is tight, his voice a little bit wet. Steve's hands move from the back of his neck and back to where they had been on his cheeks, his thumbs coming up to wipe underneath his damp eyelashes.

Eddie manages to let out a soft laugh. "I'm just tired…" he lies, embarrassed to admit he's crying again and especially because of his own insecurity issues.

Steve just hums, obviously seeing through his bullshit, and places his hands on the back of Eddie's head, cradling it carefully before he pushes it down gently, only stopping when his forehead finally hits his shoulder. "Yeah," is all that Steve says.

It's nothing like Eddie has ever experienced before. He's been hugged before obviously, mostly by his uncle or other members of the club – but he's never been embraced. Steve is all around him; his hands are in his hair, his scent is in his clothes, his nose is pressed up against his scalp. Steve is everywhere and Eddie has never felt more safe or cherished in his entire life.

He turns his head into Steve's neck and it's kind of gross because they're both coated in blood and sweat and they definitely don't smell good but there is also something within it that smells distinctly Steve . Eddie presses further into him and practically crawls into Steve's lap while doing so, nosing at his skin until he finds the cut around his neck.

So much has happened today that it feels like a lifetime ago they went through the gate in the lake. He remembers being petrified when he saw Steve on the floor being attacked by those things, sure that they had lost him. They didn't, luckily, and it turns out the bats weren't all that scary after all since he'll have his own scar to prove it.

It's incredibly sappy and Eddie is kind of embarrassed to do it but he swallows down the nerves and leans over to kiss the parts of the mark he can comfortably reach, feathering his lips across the sensitive surface. One of his hands that is balled into Steve's t-shirt comes up to cup the other side of his neck, his thumb affectionately stroking along Steve's jawline. 

There's nothing to it, nothing sexual anyway because if Eddie had the time he would kiss every single scratch and every single bruise on Steve's skin right now until they all fade away. He stops when he reaches Steve's throat, his lips pressing to his adam's apple gently before he returns to Steve's shoulder, resting his head against it.

Steve swallows hard, "Thanks," he whispers, his voice wobbly.

Eddie huffs out a laugh, tucking his face into the crook of Steve's neck. "Yeah," he mumbles, a copy of Steve from earlier.

The sleepiness from earlier suddenly comes back heavier than ever and hits Eddie hard when Steve's fingers card through his tangled hair, the soothing sensation making Eddie's eyes droop shut. His grip on Steve's ripped t-shirt loosens, the hand on his neck slipping down to his shoulder instead.

It's like Steve is some sort of… sleep wizard or something and he's doing some kind of magic spell on Eddie right now because he can't even move, his body completely boneless as he leans against Steve. Eddie murmurs something completely unintelligible and he doesn't even know what he had been trying to say to begin with honestly, his brain completely fogged up with exhaustion.

Eddie doesn't think he's ever felt this calm before, not a single nerve in his body on edge. His mind is clear of any and every thought and his muscles are relaxed, none of his usual fidgeting or twitching keeping him wired – well, not quite as much of it anyway since his fingers still play with the collar of Steve's t-shirt.

Everything is quiet, almost like the entire world begins to melt away, and his fingers slow down until they simply rest against Steve's collarbone. Steve's hand that wasn't in his hair trails down Eddie's back, he can feel it through his jacket, before he wraps his arm around his waist tightly, pulling him closer until Eddie's chest is flush against his side.

He's floating somewhere in space where he can feel his body but he can't at the same time, the warmth of Steve's touch being the only thing that ties him down like balloons at the fair. There's a deep rumble in his ear reminiscent of thunder through a thick glass window. He realises just before he slips under that it's Steve saying something to him although he doesn't hear what. It must be something nice, he thinks, because he plants a kiss into Eddie's hair and that makes him smile.

There isn't anything in Eddie's dreams, it's just darkness, which would be upsetting for most but it's welcome for Eddie. These past few days he's seen nothing but the darkest of horrors from the deepest parts of his mind replayed over and over and over again whenever he's managed to fall asleep for just a few minutes. But now his dreams are peaceful and quiet, nobody occupying them but himself.

It would be nice for him to stay there forever, away from all the stress and worries his life has to offer. Here, time is non-existent – minutes feel like hours and hours feel like minutes, stretching on forever. Obviously though, he can't stay there forever and it all has to come to an end at some point.

There's only so much hiding away from monsters and demons he can do, only so much time he can spend away from bad thoughts and nightmares. They slip into the darkness for just a moment; the ominous slither of a vine, the distant batting of leathery wings but there's a light that keeps them at bay, the protective shine of a torch that gets closer. Fingers curled into his hair, a palm against his spine, soft whispers in his ear.

"...ddie… Eddie?" It takes Eddie a few seconds to get his bearings, completely disoriented as he blinks away the blurriness from his vision. The world around them slowly rushes back to him, fading in like a lightbulb that takes a little bit too long to warm up. The upside down, the bats, being bit, Steve, kissing Steve.

“Huh?” Eddie pulls away from Steve, eyes half open and entirely dazed as he looks up at him. His mouth hangs open, his mind still fogged up from his vacant dreams. He doesn’t know how long he was asleep for but it was for an hour or so at least, he thinks.

Steve stands up now that Eddie is no longer leaning against him and brushes off his pants, giving the room a quick glance around before offering his hand to Steve, “C’mon.”

Eddie blinks slowly, confusion making him hit a blank wall for a moment. Tentatively, he reaches out and takes Steve’s hand, allowing him to haul him up onto unsteady feet. He wobbles and Steve puts his hands on his shoulders, holding him close. Eddie feels warmth radiating from him and he wants to dive into it, let it consume him and keep him safe from the cold. He catches himself drifting forward.

“Eddie,” Steve whispers and it’s now that Eddie notices the panic in his voice. It sobers Eddie up just a little bit, his eyebrows furrowing in concern as Steve’s hands move from his shoulders to instead cradle his face in them. 

“What’s wrong?” Eddie’s question is more of a murmur than anything, waking up a little bit more with each second that passes. He leans his head to one side, nuzzling his skin into Steve’s frozen palms.

“We’re going,” Steve tells him. It doesn’t make Eddie any less confused and he presses his lips together, his deep brown eyes boring into Steve’s own.

“Going where?” Just as Eddie asks that question he hears the sound of shrieking outside, a distant growl making the ground rumble beneath his feet slightly. When Eddie had fallen asleep it was quiet outside but now a ruckus is beginning to start, the monsters nearby clearly ready to return for them. He shivers.

But even if they are coming their way, there’s nowhere to go – that’s why they were holed up in here in the first place. Outside is crawling with nasties that have every intention to kill them, they’re not going to just let them slip by while they find somewhere else to hide. Besides, isn’t it just delaying the inevitable? It’s not like Eddie wants to die and he especially doesn’t want Steve to die either – but won’t running just make it all that much more painful when it comes down to it?

A sudden crash of thunder outside catches Eddie by surprise and his head swings around on reflex, eyes wide and searching, his nerves completely shot. Steve’s hands are still on his cheeks however and he pulls him back, commanding his attention as he tries his best to meet Eddie’s wild eyes. It kind of works in a way, Eddie’s erratic breathing coming to a slow calm as he forces himself to focus on Steve and Steve only. The slope of his nose, the length of his eyelashes, the curve of his lips.

“We’re going home,” Steve tells him and there is a finality to his words. Eddie wants to tell him it’s impossible, that there’s no way they can get home through a gate safely – but with the way Steve looks at him it’s hard to argue against it. Steve is absolutely sure of himself, like the pair of them getting home to their Hawkins is an absolute fact written in stone.

Eddie, dumbfounded from Steve’s declaration and the remnants of sleep that still refuse to let go of him, simply nods. “Alright.”

Steve also nods, “Alright.”

Steve lets go of him then and the warmth that had seeped through Eddie’s clothes dissipates almost immediately, leaving him cold. He watches Steve as he walks to the door and begins to push the chest of drawers from earlier until their measly attempt at protection is completely out of the way, the door now easily accessible once again.

This is really happening. It’s all happening so quickly, Eddie was just asleep and now he’s having to kick his ass into gear and evacuate.

Eddie tries his best to show complete faith in Steve’s “plan” which there isn’t really one honestly, mostly because Eddie doesn’t think Steve’s put too much thought into it because if he does then he’ll realise it’s very likely to fail. He lets out a shuddery huff of air regardless, a nauseous feeling grabbing at his insides as his anxiety spikes and he feels bad because he wants Steve to know he trusts him.

At the door, Steve seems to be rethinking the whole thing, a distant look on his face as his mind is clearly somewhere else. He looks nervous too, all too aware of the odds not being in their favour and Eddie hates that – he hates that Steve can’t even trust himself so he walks over to his side and grabs onto his hand, squeezing it gently until Steve glances over to him.

Eddie doesn’t want to die but being holed up in some crappy infested house isn’t going to do them any favours at all. If running through this shithole gives just Steve a chance to get home safely then Eddie will take it – this place can take Eddie kicking and fucking screaming if it means Steve gets to go home which had kind of been his plan to begin with before Steve came back for him.

So Eddie looks at the door and then he looks back at Steve, “Let’s go,” he says with confidence he doesn’t have but damn, he’ll fake it if it means it gives them even the smallest of possibilities to get out of here.

Steve stares at him for a few seconds before he smiles weakly and Eddie realises now that he looks so, so tired. Then Steve surges forward and kisses Eddie and it’s firm and present and filled with a thousand words and meanings. He pulls away and takes a deep breath, squeezing Eddie’s hand in return, “For morale,” he says but Eddie knows what he really means, his stomach churning sickeningly.

Eddie smiles back at him and maybe his heart breaks a little bit when he does, “For morale.”

They allow themselves a final moment to collect themselves, both of their palms sweating as they press together and maybe it’s gross but it’s also grounding to know they’re both scared shitless but at least they’re scared shitless together. Whatever happens, they’re not going to be alone.

It’s Steve who reaches forward with his other hand and grips onto the door handle, hesitating for a split second before he pulls it and pushes the door open.

“Let’s get out of here.”