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The first time you kissed me I was high out of my mind, I’m still not even sure it was real. I had pushed myself past my limits, unknowingly, I would tell everyone at that party—the truth I would barely even admit to myself until years afterwards. I had wanted to get high, wanted it to alleviate all my issues, and when it wasn’t what I wanted, what I needed, I slunk away to find a corner to wallow in.
You found me there, Potter, much to my secret delight at the time and utmost dread now. You found my little private corner, and me on the floor, petting the carpet and talking to a houseplant, I’m sure. You sat in front of me and we had some conversation I had no chance of remembering and something about that conversation made you think you had permission to kiss me and Potter I will never understand what was running through your head.
It seems I have a bit of a track record because the second time you kissed me I was wasted on too many tequila shots and stumbling out of a bar I now can’t stand the sight of. The Golden Child in you thought it was necessary to follow me, to make sure I got home safe or some bloody romantic shit like that. No matter what your reasoning was, you hailed me a taxi and kissed me good night. Soft and sweet, like it was a normal thing we had been doing for years.
The third time you kissed me I was completely sober and I really wish I wasn’t. I would have made myself feel better, say that you were drunk, that you weren’t thinking straight, but you stopped drinking months ago. The third time you kissed me was after I finally admitted to myself that I had a crush on you. And then the next day you got married.
Fair enough. If, when you invited me to that bar, you had told me it was your stag do, I probably wouldn’t have come. And then who would have pulled me into a dark corner on my way to the bathroom and kissed me until I was weak at the knees? Who would have mumbled ‘I’m sorry’ against my lips and left me with tears running down my face?
You’re the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, Potter, and I’m hopelessly in love with you.