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AUs For When Your OTP Are Both Jerks

Summary:

A collection of short Touhou stories inspired by the AUs proposed by Tumblr user jonahryan. The instant the post crossed my dash, I had to write this stuff. I never write this stuff!

Chapter 1: Parking Lot - MuraIchi

Chapter Text

Enough was enough. Today, she was finally going to do it.

 

Politely-but-firmly-worded note in hand, Ichirin marched over to the Excursion parked next to the Myouren Inc office building, heels clacking loudly on the pavement in reflection of her anger. She was fuming, having dealt with this for two solid weeks now. She worked her butt off to earn Employee of the Month, and like hell was this inconsiderate ne’er-do-well going to continue to use the parking spot that she had earned for herself. Especially since that spot was really close to the building’s only charging station, which she could use to make sure her Leaf could get her home without any issues.

 

This note had better work. I don’t want to drag HR into this, but I will if I have to…

 

Arriving at the SUV, Ichirin made for the driver’s side windshield wiper. Just as she started to reach up her hand, however, she passed the door – and noticed that someone was still inside the vehicle.

 

The admin assistant froze with fear for a second, long enough for the driver’s white-capped head to turn lazily to the left, revealing a cigarette in the side of her mouth. She looked somewhere between apathetic and half-asleep, and her short black hair was an absolute mess. A white tank top revealed an elaborate anchor tattoo on a rather muscular upper left arm.

 

Ichirin gulped, half out of terror from being caught, and half because, well, she had never seen anyone at the office so…wild. Did this person work in maintenance?

 

They stared at each other for a few seconds without moving before the driver casually rolled down the window.

 

“Whad’ d’you want?”

 

Ichirin blinked, her mind snapping back to attention. She wasn’t here to gawk, she was here to get her parking spot back. She awkwardly brandished the folded note at the driver.

 

“Uh, I’m here to…you’re in my spot! This is my parking spot, and you keep taking it! I want it back!”

 

The driver gave the same half-awake stare for several silent seconds, prompting Ichirin to sweat. This person clearly outclassed the poor admin assistant physically. Was she about to be shooed away with a threat? Or worse, was she about to be reported to HR for being rude?

 

“…You’re lucky you’re cute, toots.”

 

“…Huh?”

 

Ichirin could only stare at this hunk of a driver as she threw her vehicle into reverse and slowly backed out of the spot. As the driver shifted back into drive and turned to pull away toward the general parking lot, the admin assistant came to her senses.

 

“…Wait! Hey, you! Don’t call me ‘toots’! Get back here! Who are you?!”