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Rain drummed rhythmically on the metal roof of your car as you gripped the wheel. It was fittingly drab and dreary; this was the first rain Hawkins had seen since the fight against Vecna a week ago, and the suffocating gray of the rain clouds intermingled seamlessly with the storm that seemed to be brewing over the interdimensional cracks left in the battle’s wake.
You really should have been preparing with the rest of the group--the threat was still there and it was very real--but you needed this. You’d felt a pull towards Eddie’s memorial that gnawed at you all morning. The thought of going back felt too raw, like salt on a wound, and you had hesitated, but when it had started to affect your concentration on literally anything else, you knew you needed this. Needed the extra closure.
So here you were, driving through the rain and feeling no more mentally present than the motion of your windshield wipers sliding back and forth across the glass.
The tires crunched over the dirt and gravel as you came to a stop. You slumped down in your seat, heaving a huge sigh in preparation of facing the memory of what happened. It felt like someone had your heart in a tight vice and you felt the sting of tears in your eyes as you swallowed hard and slipped on your rain jacket before exiting the car.
It wasn’t terribly late in the afternoon, but the cloudy skies darkened what little sunlight might have filtered through the trees, so you flipped on your flashlight and squelched through the mud as you made your way to the small clearing.
The memorial was nothing extravagant. It was a product of love and lost times, with polaroids taken of the Hellfire club, his collection of guitar picks, the dice set you’d gotten him a few years ago, and many other mementos gathered hastily by yourself and Dustin. You two had been rushed at the time, seeing as there was far too much to do to help the survivors at the shelter and plan your next move, so few words were exchanged.
You knelt down, picking up a twenty-sided die in your hand as you traced the grooves of the numbers with the pad of your index finger. The tears formed fully now, hot on your cheeks as they trailed through the raindrops on your skin.
“Eds,” you began, voice cracking slightly and barely above a whisper in comparison to the deafening rain, “I came back to see you.”
Your voice caught in your throat, a sob threatening to take its place. You gulped it down, knitting your brows together as you continued, “I’ve been trying so hard to keep going.” You shut your eyes for a moment, trying to cage the freely flowing tears. “Everyone else just moved right past it. It’s not that they’re acting like it never happened, it's just…” you trailed off, clutching the die in your palm as you shook your head.
“Dustin’s taken it the hardest, I think. He’s a tough kid, and we’ve been looking after each other,” you smiled softly as you continued, “but obviously, he didn’t exactly have the same relationship that we did. At least, I sure as hell hope you didn’t.” You chuckled, and swore it was almost like you could hear him laugh with you for a moment. “You’d be proud of him though. I know you would. Sometimes, it’s like I see a little part of you in him.” The corner of your mouth twitched in a smile, “There’s a little bit of Steve in there too, but I’d never give him the satisfaction of telling him that.”
The rain was softer now, still pitter-pattering on the soaked ground as the scent of petrichor began to fill your nostrils.
Your smile faded. “You deserved so much better,” you murmured, swallowing hard. “When you were with me, I felt invincible. It felt like nothing in the world could stop us,” you reflected with a sigh. “Even when this mess started, and we were on the run, I always felt like we could do it. I always felt like everything would be okay.” You wiped your nose on the sleeve of your coat, wincing when you realized it was just as soaked as the rest of you.
“Now,” you started again, “it feels like I’m living in a trance. I barely feel like my own person,” you whispered, eyes downcast as you admitted it both to him and yourself. “There are times where I can barely function. Like a weight is holding me down, pinning me to my grief. I’ve tried distracting myself by helping around town, but even then…”
“It’s so hard to help them while they still blame you. I’ve tried convincing people that it couldn’t have been you, to look at the ground and explain how you could have done this,” you vented, voice exasperated, “but I guess I’ve become something of a pariah myself for being with you.” You shook your head quickly, “Not that I care! I… I wouldn’t trade the time we had for anything,” you reassured, feeling a fresh pang of emptiness in your chest mix with the overbearing ache of your heart.
“I would give so much to have you back, even if just for a moment,” you lamented. “To feel your skin on mine, to hear the sound of your voice.” You allowed yourself a chuckle, “I’d give anything to hear you play guitar like that again. That was the most metal thing you’ve ever done.” The corner of your mouth lifted slightly, your lip still trembling from crying. “Even when we were just friends, you always knew how to make me laugh. You were always there for me when I couldn’t go back home, or when some stupid guy rejected me.” You rolled your eyes at yourself with a chortle.
You were lost in your thoughts, but for the first time in days they were good thoughts. “Do you remember the day we first met?” you asked into the air as your gaze turned skyward, “It was the first day of eighth grade. I was new, and utterly lost ,” you laughed at yourself. “You found me in the hallway, and I was nearly crying from frustration. You took me under your wing immediately and accepted me into your group.” You paused, feeling the tears well up again. “It was the first time I’d ever truly felt accepted. And…” You sighed. “I think that was the day I fell in love with you. I know, I know, it took me long enough to say it, but I didn’t know it at the time.”
The rain had all but stopped, skies still gray but far more silent than it had been minutes before. You stood up, brushing off the leaves and twigs that had stuck to your jeans. You inhaled deeply, eyes glued on a picture of the two of you together after Corroded Coffin’s first gig at the bar.
“I love you, Eddie. I love you so fucking much. You knew how to make people feel truly special.”
You brought the die to your lips and gave the 20 a kiss before replacing it on the box. “I just wish you were here,” you whispered softly. You stood there silently, unable to quite steal yourself away from that spot. “What I’d give to see that handsome face again,” you sighed as you chuckled sadly.
A minute passed when you heard the sudden whoosh of leaves as a strong wind blew behind you. For a split second you were ready to dismiss it as some freakishly strong breeze, but you swore you saw dark black particles follow it out of the corner of your eye. Your stomach dropped; those particles looked far too familiar. Regret welled in your mind and you felt incredibly stupid for having come here alone. All of your muscles were tensed and you readied yourself for an attack, fingernails digging into your palms as you clenched your hands into fists.
A deep chuckle resounded behind you, echoing ethereally off of the surrounding forest. Your breath hitched in your throat at the sound--that definitely wasn’t your imagination, or if it was, it meant you were truly far gone--and your eyes darted around at the trees as you tried to stay still. You swore you felt a presence behind you and you let out a soft whimper, shutting your eyes and preparing for the worst.
That is, until you were startled by the feeling of a hand coming to rest on your shoulder. You were still frozen in place, too scared to turn around and see who it belonged to.
“Good thing flattery works with me.”
Your eyes flashed open, tears threatening to form again as the familiar voice hit your ears. You whipped around and the black mist and particles coalesced until he stood right in front of you, looking just the same as he had a week ago.
“Ed… Eddie?” you whispered in disbelief. Your hands were on him in an instant, cupping his face and gripping at his tattered jacket and Hellfire shirt, looking for any sign that this was real. His skin was oddly cold, as if he’d been standing in the rain for far too long. He snickered as your trembling hands continued, and you turned your gaze to his face, looking him in the eyes.
You pulled him down to you, crashing your lips into his own as he grunted out in surprise, grabbing you fervently by the waist as his hand snaked around your neck and he kissed you passionately. Tears ran down your face again as you reveled in the feeling of his soft lips pressed against you, and you clung to him desperately as if he would dissipate into mist again if you let go.
You finally pulled away, gasping for air as you held his head in your hands and brushed his cheek with your thumb.
“Nice to see you too,” he quipped, smiling softly and running his hand through your hair.
“How--?” You shook your head and blinked your eyes several times as if you were clearing your vision.
He held you to him, arms wrapped around you as he laughed. “It’s a pretty cool story,” he replied. “ Very metal.”
You curled an eyebrow at him as he grinned down at you, and that’s when you saw it. “Eddie, are those fangs? ”
His grin grew wider. “Like I said, very metal.”
A mortified expression overtook your features, “Oh my god… we left you in there. I… we thought you were dead. If I had known, I-”
He placed a finger on your lips with a “shh”, and shook his head. “You’re safe, right?”
Hesitantly, you nodded.
“And Dustin?” he asked, watching as you nodded again with more vigor. “So, my plan worked. And, for the record, you weren’t wrong.” He paused for a moment, his face turning more serious. “I did die.”
You looked at him in confusion, furrowing your brow as you tried to process what he was saying.
“It was so dark,” he began, and you felt his fingers grip you tighter, “suddenly it was like… like my blood turned to ice. Like this flash of cold coursing through me.” Eddie visibly shivered as he recounted the memory. “When I woke up, I was alone. I… I was scared.” He stared into your eyes, “All I could think about was you. Being with you again…” he trailed off, cocking his head to the side.
“I needed to see you. And the stronger that feeling got…” he stretched his arm out, and you watched as it began to fade into black particles and mist before reforming again. “It was terrifying at first. I couldn’t fully control it. I was stuck as this weird shit for days just wandering around trying to reform myself and find you.”
He brought his hand back to caress your cheek. “And then I heard your voice.” He chuckled, “I heard all those nice things you said about me.”
“I’d say you weren’t supposed to hear that, but well…” You snorted, leaning into his touch as you looked up at him through your lashes. “You… you’re real though, right?”
He dipped his head down with a laugh. “As real as I’ve ever been, sweetheart.”
You glanced warily at the recent additions to his smile. “And you’re not gonna bite me or anything?”
He chuckled, the rumble in his chest warming your heart. “No more than I would have already.”
You rolled your eyes and giggled, burying your face into his chest. You breathed in the scent of him, of his lingering cheap cologne and the metallic tang of dried blood clinging to his clothes, and hugged him tighter.
You held each other in silence for a long moment as the rain had stopped completely, giving way to the beginnings of birdsong and chirping crickets. You never wanted to let go.
“Please… don’t ever leave me again,” you begged, and his heart melted as you whimpered into his shirt.
He inhaled deeply, eyes squeezing shut for a moment as he kissed the top of your head. “I’m not going anywhere, baby.”