Archive of Our Own ^beta

Maryse’s hand gently guides him up the steps into the house he’s going to call home. The building is huge, so much larger than the cabin he’d had with his father. Jace looks around and suppresses a shiver as his skin tingles, echoing his feelings of not belonging.

The stairs to the second floor curve slightly and then it’s a short walk down the hallway to the left. “You’ll be staying in this room,” Maryse says and opens the door, gesturing for Jace to enter. “Isabelle is just over there, should you need anything.” She points across the hall, a few doors diagonally down from his door.

“Thank you,” he mumbles, careful not to forget his manners. Father always said Jace had to hold a respectful tone; if not, there were consequences. As he glances around his room with the soft looking bed, shelves lined with books and new clothes hanging in the closet, Jace isn’t sure what he’ll have to do to keep it all.

“Do you need anything?”

“No, thank you.”

She cups his cheek and looks at him sadly. “I know this is a lot, but we’re happy you’re here.”

Not knowing what to say, Jace nods and watches her leave the room. He takes a moment to look around again, trying to identify anything that might tell him what the Lightwoods are expecting of him, but there’s nothing.

A soft knock at the door interrupts his thoughts. A girl, shorter than him with very black hair, stands there hesitating before entering. This must be Isabelle.

“Hi,” she says shyly. “How old are you?” Her eyes flick down to his arms where a few runes are visible.

“12. I got my Shadowhunter rune last year.”

“I’m 12 too. I’m set to get my rune next month.”

Jace nods. His eyes flutter around the room again while his mind runs through the stories of Shadowhunter families his father told over dinner. His father used to stress how important it was for Jace to know the families; better to anticipate weaknesses or manipulations. It’s then he remembers there should be a son with the Lightwoods. “Where’s your brother?”

Isabelle’s face darkens and she glances toward the hallway before answering, “He… he’s out at the family cottage. We don’t talk about him anymore.”

“Why?”

Before she can answer, they’re called for dinner.

Six months. Six, very boring, months of living with the Lightwoods. Izzy is great. Jace finds himself smiling in her presence more often than anyone else, even enough to forget about his father’s death for days at a time. She’s not a good sparring partner; he’s too advanced for her. He’s sure one day she will be, but right now he feels like he’s beating her up instead of practicing his skills.

Maryse partners him with some of the other junior members of the New York institute but quickly moves him up to opponents several years older because he was kicking everyone’s ass. Nothing makes Jace happier than defeating someone older and bigger than him; it’s even better when Maryse or Robert are there to smile proudly.

He likes the feeling it gives him, knowing he did a good job. So far the Lightwoods haven’t threatened him or punished him or even raised their voices. Jace really thought things would change once they got sick of him, but that isn’t happening. He knows his father was tough, but part of him assumed all parents were like that: screaming when he had bad form, hitting to bring home a lesson and even withholding food if Jace failed at a task several times.

Now, Jace isn’t sure what to think. Maybe it’s not normal.

A week later he’s reading a book when he hears sniffling pass his door. Listening, he trains his ear to follow the near silent shuffle of feet down the hall toward Izzy’s room. Putting his book down, he leaves the room to investigate. He can certainly play the role of doting brother since Alec is … missing.

Jace taps his knuckle on the door. It takes a few moments before it opens a few inches to reveal Izzy’s tear stained face, hair pulled back. “You ok?” he asks.

Izzy shrugs. “I miss Alec. I was looking at the stars and moon… and I just miss him.”

“Can I keep you company?”

She pushes the door wider for him to enter. They walk over to the window seat, taking opposite ends, and stare out the window. Jace can see the full moon, surrounded by twinkling stars, peppering the sky. “Do you want to talk about him?”

She hesitates.

“It can be our secret,” Jace promises.

Nodding, Izzy starts telling Jace about how Alec was the best big brother, until Jace of course. He gave the best hugs, read stories, trained with her and insisted their parents gave her time to play. Jace listens and builds a picture in his head of Alec, how tall and noble he must’ve been, always doing right by his sister.

No one can live up to the image Izzy paints, but there must be some realistic truth in it because otherwise Izzy wouldn’t love him so much.

Jace doesn’t ask about why Alec isn’t around since he wants Izzy to keep smiling as she tells him stories. The subject of Alec is never talked about, although sometimes Jace hears whispers among the staff, but never from Robert and Maryse. If he didn’t know better, he would think Izzy is an only child.

For years, there’s nothing special about his life as he shuffles from the Institute to Idris and back again. The Lightwoods treat him like their own. Izzy is fantastic. His studies are… well, he’s passing, that’s all that matters.

Every couple of months he’s assigned to tag along on a mission, real field time; it’s the one thing he looks forward to at the Institute.

Now, at 14, he’d still rather be alone than work at getting along with others. The pull to be alone outweighs being social. Plus, he doesn’t need anyone. He has himself and if he’s ever feeling lonely, Izzy always welcomes him.

He still spends most of his time on his own, so it’s normal to find him out practicing his agility and speed runes. And after treating the Lightwood grounds like his personal training area, Jace would brag that he knows each and every corner.

Father always said he had to be aware of his surroundings at all times.

Which is why Jace startles when fat drops of rain hit him in the face. Blinking, he wipes his face and looks up, then around and realizes he’s far from the main house. The sky flashes with lightning and, wincing at the boom of thunder, Jace spins, trying to identify something to tell him where he is.

How did he not notice the sky getting so dark?

Anger builds in his chest; this is his fault, how could he be so focused on how fast he could run and hopping from boulder to tree to the ground, that he lost sight of everything? Now he’s lost in a storm where he can barely see his hand in front of his face.

Taking a deep breath, he concentrates on the landscape and tries to find a place for shelter. Noticing a clump of trees ahead in the next flash of lightning, he starts in that direction.

Finding temporary shelter from the pelting rain, Jace can see a light in the distance and decides it must be some sort of building. He pulls his phone from his pocket but there are no bars and the battery is at ten percent. Of course.

Squaring his shoulders, he takes a last look around before leaving the semi-protection of the tree. Ignoring the nervous tingle that speeds up his spine, he starts forward; he’s not afraid, yet … his heart races. He’s confused, but also amazed, that in the years of treating this like his personal playground, he’s never found this before. Jace ignores the thumping of his heart as he moves forward, not allowing himself to be distracted by his fear.

He tells himself that it’s excitement that has his heart racing with every squishy step that brings him closer to the unknown building, even if he’s lying a little. The unknown is less upsetting than having to make his way back to the main house in weather like this.

Jace’s breathing speeds up as he reaches the door; the rain is too loud to hear anything but there’s a soft glow around the window’s edge. Twisting the doorknob, he pushes the door open and carefully enters, looking to his right. It’s quiet except for the soft pop and crack from his left, signaling a fireplace.

He closes the door almost silently and takes a deep breath, holding it a moment, before exhaling and focusing his hearing on picking up any kind of movement. Taking a few steps forward, he searches the hallway and room nearest him, leaving the space with the fireplace at his back.

It’s then he notices a quiet shuffle, like something sliding against the floor. Jace tenses to turn but freezes at the feeling of a pointy object right between his shoulder blades.

“Who are you?” the voice asks from behind.

Jace doesn’t answer.

There’s a sharp pain as he’s jabbed with the sharp thing and the young sounding voice demands again, “Who are you?”

Rolling his eyes, he answers, “Jace.”

“Why are you here?”

“It’s pouring.” That should be enough, but Jace is feeling generous. “And it’s cold.”

Whatever is against him shifts as his captor does. “But no one’s supposed to be out here.”

Jace sighs. “Don’t know what to tell you.”

Several moments pass until Jace gets frustrated with the waiting and demands, “Are you sending me away or tying me up?”

“What?”

Taking advantage of the distracted tone, Jace spins and tries to grab the weapon. The kid steps back quickly and raises his arm and Jace realizes it’s out of his reach because the dude is tall.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” the giant says and raises his hands in surrender. Jace notices that the weapon was an arrow. A single arrow. His face burns in embarrassment; his father would be so angry.

“Then why attack me?” Jace challenges, crossing his arms.

The, clearly grew too much to be a regular kid, looks confused. “You came into my house. I don’t know you.”

Rolling his eyes, he sticks out his hand, “I’m Jace Wayland. And you are…”

“Alec. Uh, Alec Lightwood.” He replies, shaking hands; his cheeks tinge red.

“You’re the brother.”

Alec crosses his arms and squints at him. “Why are you here? And why are you talking to Izzy?”

Protective brothers are so predictable, he’d be a liability out in the field if paired with his sister. “I’m staying with the Lightwoods. Izzy is really great.” He adds so that Alec knows he’s more friend than foe.

Silence reigns again, so Jace pushes, “Are we gonna stand here all night? Or can you give me something dry to wear?”

Alec startles like he hadn’t thought of that and splutters his way through an apology while rushing toward the back of the cabin by disappearing down the dark hallway. He comes back with a pile of clothing and points him toward the bathroom.

The replacement clothes are huge, not a surprise being they’re Alec’s. The shirt falls halfway down his thigh and he tries to roll up the sweatpants but that looks ridiculous, so he ends up folding the waistband a few times. He feels small, and embarrassed, but he’s not taking it personally because Alec is a tree. It’s not normal.

Returning to the main area, he finds Alec leaning against the stones around the fireplace, staring into it like it has the Angel’s answers to life.

Jace clears his throat and offers, “Thanks.”

Alec startles. “You really shouldn’t be here. If they find out – “

“The Lightwoods?”

He scowls and growls, “Yes.”

Jace shrugs, drops his soggy mess of clothes on the kitchen tile, which was the darkened room to his right earlier, and flops onto one end of the boring brown couch, putting his bare feet on the coffee table as though he doesn’t have a care in the world.

“Are you trapped here?”

“Yeah.”

“How?”

Alec shrugs.

Jace cocks his head. “Not very talkative, huh?”

A shrill ring breaks the great conversation and Jace stands up and pats his thigh until he finds the pocket with the phone. Maryse, great. Of course the phone works now. “It’s your mom.”

Fear laces Alec’s tone as he rushes to say, “You can’t be here.”

He huffs. “Where the hell else can I be?” He waves his arm wide, “Not a ton of places out here.”

Jace thumbs the phone to answer politely. Clearly Alec is afraid of his parents; none of this makes sense.

Maryse is worried. He’s been gone a long time and the weather is dreadful. She needed to know he was ok and that he should return. He mumbles that he’ll start back once the rain begins to slow. Jace isn’t sure she believes him when he says he found some shelter among the trees, but she doesn’t push it. Watching Alec’s pale face and the way he holds himself makes him want to end the call as quickly as possible.

Once the call ends, the quiet is unnerving as Jace flips the phone from one hand to another.

“Listen. I don’t know what’s going on, but I do know what it’s like to be stuck in a cabin without any friends. She didn’t ask about you, so I think it’s safe.”

Some tension bleeds out of Alec as he nods and whispers, “Good.”

“But I’m coming back. Maryse and Robert really don’t care how I spend my time. As long as I do my work and whatever else they tell me.”

Alec steps toward him and while his words are negative, his eyes seem to light up with the idea of company. “You don’t have to.”

“I know.” Jace looks around the small living room, the small kitchen and hears the rain pounding against the window panes. “This place isn’t very big.”

“Not really, no.”

“Feel like you’d need more space, considering you’re a giant.”

Alec chuckles, ducking his head in embarrassment. “I spend a lot of time outside. The bedroom is upstairs.”

“Where’d these come from?” Plucking at his sweatpants.

“The laundry.”

Jace gasps loudly, replying in mock outrage. “You gave me dirty clothes?!”

Rolling his eyes, Alec sits in the chair on the other side of the coffee table. “No, they were in the dryer, I do have manners.”

“Says the guy that stuck an arrow between my shoulder blades.”

“You were not invited; I didn’t know who you were.”

The silence is awkward, but Jace can tell the rain is starting to let up, but he asks anyway, “What do you do for fun?”

Shrugging again, Alec twiddles his fingers in his lap. “Train. I do a lot of exercising outside. I read.”
In Jace’s opinion, that’s not much of a life. He briefly wonders how he’d handle the isolation as a teenager and if it would feel different than it did when he was 8 or 10.

The rain is barely trickling against the window and Jace sighs, standing up and heading towards the kitchen to pick up his still very wet clothes.

“Well, I’ll be around more, so it will give you something new to do.”

Without waiting for a reply, he goes back into the bathroom and works the truly horrific, cold, wet clothes back on. It takes four times longer than it did to peel them off and he’s so uncomfortable he can’t help but grimace as he walks down the hallway.

Alec grins when he comes tiptoeing into the room. Jace points a finger at him, “It’s not funny.”

“It kinda is.”

Jace gives him the finger. “Thanks for letting me stay. I’ll see you later.” He doesn’t wait for a reply because the rain stopped ten minutes before while Jace was still squirming into his pants. He needs to get back to avoid any more questions of where he’s been. He wants to be able to visit Alec and the best way of making that happen is to keep Maryse and Robert as happy as possible.

After two years of sneaking around, Jace has it down to science. There is a nagging voice in his head telling him he’s naive to think Maryse doesn’t know. How can she not? He disappears for hours at a time whenever he and Izzy are here in Idris.

She says nothing, so Jace’s overconfidence drowns out any negativity.

For the first several visits, things are rocky, but then they exchange cell phone numbers and begin to text often. Alec admits that it makes him feel less alone now that he can talk to someone that isn’t his sister.

Jace is just happy to be around someone that doesn’t either pity him or think he’s the second coming. Even if he is a better fighter than most others his age, and many that are older as well, he doesn’t like the pressure that puts him under.

While it’s been years, he’s not able to visit as often as he would like, considering he spends so much time in New York per the Lightwood’s orders. The last visit, he and Alec counted how many times they’d seen each other and they estimated it was about two months worth of time spread out over several years.

For Jace it feels so much more than that, it’s like he found a partner in everything. Like he and Alec have been friends forever.

Part of Jace is still stunned that Alec keeps letting him in. Alec’s so easy to talk to, seeming to know when to stay quiet or when Jace wants to talk. He just wants the company and Jace is more than happy to give it to him.

Maybe that’s why Jace feels so comfortable with Alec.

They start regular sparring sessions after the first couple of visits because Alec says he misses it, explaining that he’s kept up with the exercises and routines, even the studying - which is more than Jace would do on his own - but mastering anything is easier with a partner and not just from a book. Jace loves to spar, it’s what he’s best at, so he offers to workout with Alec.

The first couple of sessions aren’t great; Alec is on the ground more than upright. Jace sees that he knows the motions and steps but he lacks practice. While Jace convinces him to start at the beginning, they move through the lesson book rather quickly. Alec’s a quick study and soon his movements are fluid and smooth; Jace finds himself distracted watching the way Alec’s forearms shift or biceps bulge as he wields his weapon of choice.

The hardest thing for Alec is to fully let himself go and trust that his body and mind will get the job done. He’s too uptight for that and Jace struggles to figure out why.

The wooden staffs crash into each other and Jace tightens his grip to counter the vibration; Alec spins quickly and swipes at Jace’s feet, but Jace jumps over the swing landing behind Alec and poking him in the shoulder.

Huffing and wiping his face, Alec turns toward him. “How do you do that?”

Jace shrugs. It’s not something he can explain, as most of his reactions are second nature due to the regimen his father put him through, reinforced by the Instructors at the Institute. At Alec’s blank, but somehow still disappointed face, Jace thinks he should try and use words.

He walks Alec through some sight drills, how to keep focus on your opponent while still seeing what moves in the shadows. Jace stands next to Alec and talks him through how to look ahead but feel what’s around him. It’s more than just peripheral vision, of course, Jace understands that some of it has to do with rune activation, but some is training.

They pick up their staffs again and this time Alec remains upright and almost stabs Jace in his side. They both grin in triumph and by unspoken agreement decide to end the training there. It’s almost time for Jace to return anyway.

Picking a bottle of water up from the ground, he empties half of it before asking, “Why don’t you have more runes?”

Alec freezes mid-swallow and stares at him. He pulls the bottle from his lips and replaces the cap. Jace watches him lick his lips and ignores the zing in his stomach. “My parents sent me here because they’re ashamed I can no longer be a Shadowhunter. I can’t carry on in the Lightwood name and duties.”

“But, why”?

Alec bends, picking up the various weapons they used before walking to the small storage shed next to the cabin. Jace follows because he’s tired of waiting for Alec to confide in him, he needs to fully understand why he’s been … exiled.

Jace catches up to him as Alec throws the staffs, bows and swords into storage and closes the door. He grabs Alec’s arm to keep him from running off. “It’s been months… years man, you can tell me.”

“I don’t want you to have to lie for me, or … have your opinion of me change.”

Stepping back, Jace’s brow furrows. “Why would my opinion change? Did you murder someone?”

“No!”

“Then tell me.”

Alec remains silent and crosses his arms.

“I asked Izzy and she refused. I hinted around the subject of you once with your parents, but they just… refused to say anything. Like you don’t exist and it made me mad.”

Pain flicks across Alec’s face and he sighs. “They’re consistent.”

“Look, I want to know, but… I’m not going to force it.” Jace shrugs and backs away, “Just know I’ll listen.”

Alec nods and just like that it’s forgotten as they head into the house to find something to eat.

Jace tries again over the months to get Alec to open up. He doesn’t, of course, because Alec is just that stubborn, but Jace watches. He listens. He takes notice of what the Lightwoods say or what Izzy doesn’t. When it becomes apparent that some unknown event happened that caused Alec to be forgotten, Jace focuses there. If he can figure that out perhaps he can finally know what Alec’s hiding.

He brings up the topic, as subtly as possible - which means not at all because he doesn’t roll that way - with other Shadowhunters but they know nothing. In some cases they don’t even know Izzy has a brother, which is both disturbing and sad. Alec is someone that should never be forgotten.

In the end, Jace stumbles into an explanation because of a patrol he and Izzy are observing. They are assigned to the Alpha squad as a reward for being the last ones standing during a friendly competition with others at the Institute. And by friendly it was vicious and cutthroat, just the way Jace likes his activities.

They’ve been on patrol before. They’re seventeen and assignments will be announced soon and he can’t wait. But normally they only get to go out within a half mile radius from the institute. Tonight’s assignment is far enough away that they took a van, which is lackluster and, quite frankly, embarrassing, but it’s a several mile trip. They park on what seems like a quiet side street, spilling out onto the sidewalk and gathering at the corner.

Freeman, their leader, points across the main road; Jace follows the line of sight and sees a bookstore. There’s nothing out of the ordinary about it. An event seems to be taking place as there are some two dozen people milling about inside.

“We’re here to talk with Tobias Devlin, the owner of Ying Yang Books. The Institute believes they’re hiding a rogue wolf accused of attacking a mundane.”

Izzy tenses next to him, but Jace scrutinizes the shop more closely. The logo is black and white and at first glance just seems like the standard ying/yang symbol but it’s really the heads of two wolves curled around each other.

“What kind of details do we have of the attack?” Jace asks as he takes in the larger building, trying to determine all the possible entrance and exit points.

Freeman looks at him like he’s stupid, which Jace hates, and Freeman sneers, “I don’t know. The details don’t matter. We were told to apprehend the suspect…”

“Possible suspect,” Jace emphasizes.

Turning to stand fully in front of him, which Jace knows is so Freeman can stress his size, he pushes a finger into Jace’s chest. “Are we gonna have a problem here?”

Jace opens his mouth to report they already have a problem, but Izzy grabs his forearm in warning so Jace shakes his head and steps back beside Izzy.

They’re told to stay by the van and just watch because the Institute doesn’t want them to be part of the team entering, which is fine with Jace. This will hopefully be one of the last times his orders will be to just watch and learn.

As the group disappears into the shadows, he turns to Izzy, “What’s up?”

Izzy shakes her head and refuses to look at him. He feels her tremble slightly before letting go of his arm. She takes a deep breath and any hesitation that was there before, is gone.

It’s not long before shouts and curses are heard from the bookshop and moments later Jace can make out the glow of seraph blades.

The sound of glass breaking is loud in the still of the night as two Shadowhunters follow a werewolf through the store window into the open street. Jace moves himself and Izzy against the building so they aren’t standing in the open.

It’s over quickly; the two soldiers overpower the wolf and bring them down. Five minutes later they’re loading into the van with a tranquilized wolf and heading back to the Institute.

Jace studies the wolf and wonders who they are and what their life is like.

His foot is kicked and he looks up and meets Freeman’s eyes, “You feeling sorry for him?”

“No. If he broke the law, he needs to face the consequences.”

“Good. Can’t have you new recruits all soft for the Downworlders.”

Jace rolls his eyes for lack of anything to say. The rest of the return trip is spent in silence. As soon as the van is parked within the Institute’s garage, Izzy practically runs away but he doesn’t immediately follow. Instead he checks in with Command as per the protocol, and then goes to find Izzy in her room.

She’s staring out the window and doesn’t turn around when he enters. “Any chance you can leave it alone?” she asks.

“I think you know me well enough to know that I won’t.”

Izzy turns and sits on the neatly made bed and waves him over. Sitting down next to her, he places his hands in his lap, mirroring the way she’s sitting.

“A few years ago, Alec and I were out. There was a group of us. I can’t remember what we were doing, but suddenly there was a feral werewolf and Alec, he… he jumped in front of me and was attacked.”

Izzy’s eyes fill with tears and Jace doesn’t know what to do. He knows he should comfort her but… hand holding is his limit. He doesn’t know what to do with tears, but he tries and lays a hand over hers and squeezes gently. A few minutes pass before he asks, “And he was turned?”

Werewolf. Alec is a werewolf and Jace never suspected. What the hell?

Izzy nods. She grabs a tissue and scrubs at her face before explaining, “Our parents said that… that there was nothing they could do. They said without his runes, he’s not… They just locked him away.”

“But he still has runes.”

Izzy’s stare snaps to his. “What?”

He shrugs, he never thought anything of it before. “We’ve gone swimming in a nearby pond after sparring sometimes.”

“My mom said they were gone after his turning.” She pops off the bed, heading for the door.

He catches her as she pulls it open, “Where’re you going?”

“She has to tell me what’s going on.”

Jace reaches past her and pushes the door closed until it clicks. “You know that won’t work.”

“Then we do our own research.” Sounding determined.

Nodding, Jace slips past her and grabs the doorknob. “Your family has books. We can start there; we go to Idris tomorrow.”

It’s lucky that the Lightwoods are called away to another Institute, which means that he and Izzy have the run of the library. However, research is not what Jace would call fun, so after two hours they’ve found nothing useful and he’s had enough.

He texts Alec to let him know he’s going to stop by but receives a quick reply telling him not to. Jace looks up a calendar online and confirms that tonight is a full moon. Rolling his eyes, Jace is tempted to go anyway because being a wolf is nothing. The fact that Alec has some runes is cool because Jace has always been taught that if you’re infected by a Downworlder, you cease to be a Shadowhunter and it seems like that might not be completely true.

“So, you’re a werewolf,” Jace states, arms crossed, as soon as Alec opens the door. He’s had days to think about it, Alec being a werewolf is a surprise but he’s… still Alec.

Alec freezes and stares at him.

Rolling his eyes he says, “Why didn’t you just tell me? All this secrecy was stupid.”

“It’s not something I”m proud of.” He says walking away from him, arms crossed in front of his chest. He seems to shrink in on himself.

“So? I’ve been coming here for… years at this point. Did you think I’d stop?”

Shrugging, Alec admits, “Yes.”

Jace scoffs, he shuts the door and heads into the living room flopping onto the couch. “I’ll try not to be offended.”

Due to the Lightwoods extended trip, he’s able to visit Alec more often over the next several weeks. He doesn’t push Alec to talk about it, but Jace notices little things now that he knows the full story. The way Alec tilts his head if he hears something, the way he wrinkles his nose over the slightest smell and the truly concerning number of headaches he suffers through as though he deserves the pain.

Jace isn’t sure how he missed it; the way Alec holds himself and fights, it’s such a combination of honed skill but also an energy he couldn’t explain. Now that he knows, he has ideas on how Alec can use his senses to his advantage.

Izzy is more open with him now too, talking more freely about Alec and her research, even though she’s always known about Jace’s visits. She never admits to visiting her brother, but Jace knows she does, as though his successful sneaking around gave her the courage to rebel against her parents.

Alec is less careful with him too, which Jace loves. Their sparring sessions go longer and harder, leaving them both breathless and covered in sweat with the occasional bruise. Jace always feels so invigorated after, like he imagines those chasing the high of yin fen.

Lying in the grass, enjoying the soft breeze, Jace confides to the clouds overhead, “I don’t need a stele to activate my runes.” Blinking, he’s not sure why he said that and has immediate regret, his heart tripping over itself in his chest. It’s been his secret for years and he knows it’s unheard of, but… he knows Alec’s secret.

Jace isn’t sure what he felt the need to be honest. It’s just one of the many emotions he feels around Alec anymore that he doesn’t know how to process. He’s never felt a connection like this to anyone and doesn’t know what to do about it. Jace is always confident and cocky but with Alec he feels… vulnerable; he doesn’t like it.

If he’s being honest with himself, it's more like he’s afraid of it, so he twists it until he doesn’t like it. That doesn’t mean he hasn’t noticed how his heart races when Alec lifts his shirt to wipe his face. Or how he stares just a beat too long when Alec walks out of the pond, water running down his body, disappearing into his shorts.

Normal teenage feelings. That’s what Jace keeps telling himself, except it doesn’t feel like it does with anyone else he hangs out with. Alec is different. Special.

Turning his head, he finds Alec leaning on his elbow with the rest of him laid out, long and graceful. “Show me,” Alec says, staring into his eyes.

Jace’s heart stutters in his chest and he loses his breath. This doesn’t feel like just sharing his secret. It feels more than that.

Licking his lips, he thinks of the precision rune which is easily seen on his left arm as he’s propped up on his elbows. He concentrates and knows when his eyes glow gold because Alec’s eyes widen as he sucks in a breath. Alec’s gaze is drawn down to the rune coloring in with gold before their eyes meet again.

“How?”

Jace shrugs. “I don’t know. You’re the only one I’ve told. I’m afraid…”

“That they will test you?”

“Something like that,” he grimaces.

With a self deprecating smirk he shares, “I like to think that’s why my parents sent me here. Afraid a Shadowhunter, bitten by a werewolf, but keeping his runes, would be too much for the Clave to overlook.”

“Maybe,” Jace agrees and Alec huffs, seeing through his lie. Jace is on his back again, the sky still mostly clear. “What do you know about parabatai?”

“Two people that come together to form a deeper bond, allowing them to fight better and be there for each other more so than anyone else. It’s for life.”

The silence feels heavy after that, as though Alec wants to ask more but doesn’t. Jace wants him to ask, mainly so he can stop thinking about it, but Alec remains quiet and he can only imagine asking Alec to be his. What would that feel like? To trust someone so implicitly?

His eyes fall shut as he relaxes into the soft, cool grass, his hearing focuses on the chirps of birds and rustle of leaves in the wind. Jace is sure he’s fallen asleep. Then his eyes pop open at the sound of Alec’s voice, picking up the conversation as though it hadn’t stopped.

“I always wanted one. Thought it would be cool to have a best friend with me always; I’d never be alone.” He chuckles mirthlessly. “Just a dream though because I’m destined to be alone.”

Jace rolls onto his side and looks toward Alec. “You would be the perfect parabatai for me. Balance out my crazy.”

Alec smiles, eyes bright, the sun making them seem lighter than they really are. “True. We’d both bring something undesirable to the bond. Me, a werewolf; you an adrenaline junky with no self preservation.”

“Why can’t we?”

The smile drops from Alec’s face as he sits up, looking out into the trees. “It’s not possible. Let’s just drop it.”

“You have runes, there’s no reason you can’t get more.”

“You don’t know that. We don’t know if they would even function.”

“You’ve never tried?”

“I don’t have a stele, my parents… didn’t leave one.”

“So, we can test it out. Just the two of us.” Jace sits up, grasping Alec’s arm. “That’s all we need.”

Alec turns, the anguish plain on his face, and removes Jace’s hand.

Confusion runs through Jace and he says, “If you don’t want to be my parabatai –”

“No. I do.” Licking his lips, Alec continues. “I would. In a heartbeat. But. There are rules. They would never allow the ceremony because I’m contaminated.”

“I don’t give a shit about that.”

Alec picks the grass at the edge of the blanket. “Did you research anything? Like, the laws?”

“Not really. That’s what you’re for, you’re like a walking search engine.”

A smile quickly rolls across Alec’s lips and Jace feels a zing of excitement but his gaze is drawn to the steady plucking and pulling of the tiny blades of grass. Alec clears his throat. “The first known parabatai –”

“Cliffs notes please,” he says quickly, before Alec can get on a roll.

“Right. Parabatai are bonded for life. They’re connected. If one is physically hurt, the other can feel it. They say the death of a parabatai is excruciating. And the pair can’t be… romantic.”

Jace tenses. “What kind of rule is that? Doesn’t a bond signify a deeper kind of love or connection?”

Alec shrugs. “I’m giving you bullet points,” and looking at him slyly adds, “facts you should already know if you paid attention to the lessons.”

Rolling his eyes, Jace lies back down with his hands under his head to stare at the sky. The silence is heavier than normal and Jace wonders… Why would Alec need to mention romance? His pulse thunders through his veins at the possibility that Alec feels… whatever Jace is too afraid to name.

Jace goes to Alec again the next day even though the Lightwoods are returning in the late afternoon because he can’t stop thinking about the runes.

Alec is waiting for him as he jogs up to the cottage, arms folded across his chest, wearing a black tank top which shows off his arms. Jace pushes the thought from his head; he’s not here for that.

“What’s so important you’re back already.”

“Can’t I just want to see you?” Jace replies, winking. He chuckles when Alec blinks and his cheeks turn pink. Jace files that reaction away for later.

“Not when you’re secretive in your text. I know you want something.”

“I want to draw a rune on you.”

Alec’s arms fall by his side as he stares in shock. He starts shaking his head but Jace starts talking. “Yes. We’re doing this. What’s the worst that can happen? It doesn’t take?”

Chewing his lip, Alec’s hands rest on his hips; he looks defiant but Jace knows he’ll give in. He always does.

It only takes a few minutes of staring before Alec reluctantly nods. But Jace doesn’t want to force him, it still has to be something he wants. Grabbing his upper arm he asks, “Are you sure? I know I’m pushy, but if you really don’t want to…”

Alec sighs. “It’s just… if it fails, it’s like all hope is gone.”

“Hope?”

“Being a Shadowhunter again.”

Squeezing his arm, Jace meets Alec’s eyes when he says, “I don’t think you can be. But you can be you, Shadowhunter and werewolf. Things are changing in many Institutes and it’s only a matter of time until the Clave has to change as well.”

“But I’m never going to be accepted.” Alec says sadly.

“Not by everyone. But more than you think.” Jace slaps his arms and steps back. “Me and Izzy, obviously, but many more our age as well. We aren’t just blindly following orders anymore. We’re questioning.”

A lazy grin stretches across Alec’s face. “Oh, the Clave hates that.”

“Yes they do. But I have been talking to others, about their openness, to … unconventional Shadowhunters. And the results are about 50/50.”

“Oh, well 50/50, can’t not do it.” Sarcasm dripping off the words.

Jace claps once. “That’s the spirit!”

Rolling his eyes, Alec turns and enters the cabin; Jace follows behind chuckling softly. “Have you given thought to which rune you’d do?”

“Yes, and I blame you. Putting these thoughts in my head,” Alec says with a small grin. He sits on the edge of the couch cushion, hands clasped between his knees. “Calm anger. Here,” he gestures with his left hand to the middle of his back.

“Why am I not surprised you picked something huge?” he replies, shaking his head slightly. He’s really not surprised as Alec does seem bent on being a martyr and feeling like he deserves the pain, especially if it does work. But Jace knows it will work, he doesn’t know why he’s so sure; call it a feeling. He also wishes they had tried to activate one of the runes Alec already has and he’s not sure why it never occurred to him to suggest it.

Jace gestures to Alec to turn around, so Alec strips off his tank top, twisting so Jace has better access to his back. Pressing his left hand to the top of Alec’s shoulder, he steadies himself as the stele hoovers over the smooth skin. “Ready?” he asks gently.

Alec nods, taking a slow breath in, and as he exhales Jace draws the rune that takes emotional turmoil and enhances the wearer’s fighting skills. A rune that seems so Alec since it’s practical and in Alec’s eyes why not benefit from all the shitty emotions his family has put him through.

In seconds it’s finished, Alec barely flinching through the drawing. Jace watches as the sparkle of a newly drawn rune fades into solid black. He laughs and slaps Alec’s shoulder exclaiming, “I knew it! Told you it would stay.”

Alec turns trying to see it, causing Jace’s grin to widen because he can’t. He pulls out his phone and takes a photo, turning the screen so Alec can see. Alec’s eyes are filled with disbelief but there’s a huge smile lighting up his face. Jace’s heart skips a beat knowing he made Alec happy, giving him something he thought lost forever.

Suddenly Alec lurches forward and hugs Jace tight to him. Jace squeezes in return, aware of the skin under his fingertips and the way Alec’s head rests against his own as his hands press and cover so much of Jace’s back. He barely suppresses a shiver before Alec pulls back.

“Thank you,” Alec says with so much feeling behind it, Jace blushes before he can stop.

Jace clears his throat. “Here, try.” He hands Alec the stele.

Their fingertips brush as Alec removes the tool and Jace has enough self respect to internally scream at himself to get it together. Moving the stele over the angelic rune, they both watch it shimmer as it’s activated.

The grinning continues as they discuss which runes should be next, both agreeing not to overdo it right away.

For the next several weeks Jace and Izzy are forced to remain at the Institute, as ordered by the Lightwoods. They returned from their extended trip in the worst moods Jace has ever seen and the orders weren’t up for debate.

Noone talks where Jace can overhear but the Institute is buzzing with rumors about everything from new leaders at the Clave to a small, but influential, group talking about partnering with the Downworld. Jace hopes for both and that the new leaders have more of the mindset of working together instead of the constant warring he’s seen over the past few years.

Knowing he can’t get back to the cabin, he texts Alec daily. Izzy complains that it’s more like hourly, but it’s not. Usually. He does have patrols to complete. He and Izzy are teamed up with Silas and Kendra who are both good warriors, a couple years older. More importantly, they aren’t total dicks like Freeman.

He misses Alec, more than any other time before, and he’s looking forward to the weekend when he isn’t scheduled for anything so can do what he wants. In their downtime, he and Izzy keep researching how Alec’s able to use angelic runes and Shadowhunter tools when he’s a Downworlder. Either this has never happened before in the history of Shadowhunters or historians actively chose not to document it for fear of contaminating the pristine angel blood.

Izzy agrees with him that it’s probably the second option, which just pisses Jace off. Choosing to pretend it never happens means that when it does happen those people are left alone with no resources and basically no future. He’s thankful Alec has him and Izzy because otherwise he would still be wasting away in isolation.

Jace’s thoughts are broken when he hears his name. Maryse is at the end of the hall, outside of his room here at the Institute. His steps falter as she’s never come to him before; she’s always summoning Jace to her office instead.

“Maryse,” he says kindly. “Do you need me for something?”

“I’d like to speak to you about something, if you have a moment.” She inclines her head towards his door.

He tries to read her face but there’s nothing giving her away. Shrugging, he opens his door. “Sure, come in.”

Jace walks across the small room, before turning to lean against the desk; Maryse only comes in far enough to close the door behind her. Jace’s eyebrows raise as this keeps getting stranger.

“I wanted to talk to you about choosing someone for the parabatai ceremony. You are a strong warrior and could only benefit from such a union.”

He hopes his face is neutral because he freezes, it feels as though his insides have stopped; he’s barely breathing. Jace looks Maryse in the eyes and suspects she knows about his visits to Alec. Somehow. Was he being followed? Surely, he would’ve been able to tell. She doesn’t talk to Alec enough and Izzy would never...

“I’m not interested in one.”

Folding her hands together in front of her, she seems to stand taller. “I think you need to give it some thought. Start looking at people with that in mind.”

Jace folds his arms across his chest. “That isn’t needed. I’ve already thought about it and there isn’t anyone here I’d want to bond with.”

It’s not a lie; Alec’s not here. Jace takes some satisfaction in watching Maryse’s eyes narrow. As though she knows, and maybe she does. Maybe that’s why she’s trying to get in front of it or force a confession out of him.

“You shouldn’t discount it. It gives you more power.”

“Not going to happen.”

She sighs. “You might not have a choice.”

“Are you threatening me?” he asks, standing upright. He’s not sure why he’s so surprised, they did banish their own son and pretend he doesn’t exist. What’s a little forced bonding?

“You’re one of the best Shadowhunters we have. The Clave wants you at your best and –”

“And they’re willing to force me to bond with someone?” Jace shivers because that is not going to happen. Ever. “Are you talking to Izzy as well?”

Maryse pales slightly, so maybe she’s not totally on board with this. “No, not right now. Just think about it; it will go a long way to appeasing the Clave.”

Jace chuckles unkindly, “You already know my feelings on what the Clave wants.”

“Yes, you’ve made that clear.” She turns and pulls the door open but looks over her shoulder and says, “Don’t make your life harder by those you associate with.”

She walks out, leaving the door open. Jace listens to the clicking of her fancy shoes fade down the hall, then takes a deep breath and pushes his hair back as he kicks the door shut. He pulls the phone from his pocket and texts Alec:
Your mom knows
Maybe the Clave too. They want me to bond with someone
She made it sound like it didn’t need to be voluntary
Afraid to talk here. I’ll come to you this weekend

It takes five minutes for the response to appear. That is not going to happen

He sends back: You can’t promise that

Immediately, he receives You can’t bond with someone if you’re already bonded

Jace’s heart beats wildly in his chest as he types You asking? He wants to be parabatai, but he doesn’t think he’s willing to give up the possibility of a relationship with Alec.

Didn’t you already ask me?

Smiling, he sends back, Smartass. See you in a couple of days And just like that he feels the dark cloud leave. Alec has his back.

The next few days pass quickly as Jace is either on patrol, sleeping, preparing for patrol, eating, debriefing from patrol or hanging with Izzy. So it’s a huge surprise when Freeman appears in the doorway of the armory while he and Izzy are stowing their weapon.

“Ms. Lightwood has requested your presence in her office,” he says to the room.

In Jace’s defense, there are half a dozen people milling around cleaning or putting away weapons and Freeman didn’t say who, so he ignores the summons and puts his last boot knife back on the rack. Perhaps it wasn’t smart to poke the asshole, but said asshole is a terrible person and is annoyed Jace isn’t on his squad anymore to push around.

Jace prides himself on predicting people’s moves during battle, so he’s disappointed in himself that he didn’t just assume Freeman would skip right to physically enforcing the summons. He jerks in surprise when Freeman grasps his elbow and starts dragging him toward the door.

He pulls his arm away harshly and skids his boots against the tile, stopping his forward motion. “What the fuck? You meant me?”

“Who else is the Lightwood’s pet?”

Freeman reaches for him again and Jace sidesteps the grab and moves toward the door himself. “All you had to do was ask.” Not wanting the conversation to devolve into a fight, he doesn’t wait to see what Freeman does next, just makes his way toward Maryse’s office.

He’s nervous. Jace hasn’t seen or spoken with Maryse since she talked to him about choosing a parabatai. He’s gone out of his way to avoid her, even changing direction if he hears the telltale sign of her expensive shoes against the floor; there’s no need to tempt fate. But here he is being called to appear.

Taking a deep breath, he knocks on the door jam and enters her office. He comes to parade rest in front of her desk, hands clasped behind his back and waits for her to finish writing before he says, “You wanted to see me.”

“Are you still planning to return to Idris with Izzy today?”

“Yes.”

She nods. “The Clave has announced that all top Shadowhunters are to find a parabatai as soon as possible. They feel the number of pairings has decreased in recent years and want to see the number rise.”

“This isn’t something they can force.”

“They aren’t forcing people together. They are strongly suggesting that more Shadowhunters embrace the tradition.”

Jace’s arms fall to his side and he balls his fist in anger. “Why are you telling me?”

Maryse stands and leans on her desk, meeting Jace’s eyes. “Becoming part of a parabatai pair will only increase your status and talent.”

Shaking his head, he steps back from the desk. “You know I don’t care about that.”

“You would do well to choose those you associate with wisely. While it may not be your preference, it will affect the way the Clave and other families see you.”

“I will… associate with whoever I like. People can’t be put into boxes and it’s time the Clave understands that.”

Turning, he strides for the door but her voice stops him. “I can’t protect you if it comes to that.”

Jace looks over his shoulder and takes in Maryse standing behind the large wooden desk, arms crossed over her chest looking every bit the powerful women she’s worked hard to achieve. “You mean you won’t. And I don’t need you to.”

He doesn’t know how to interpret this conversation with Maryse; is she warning him off of seeing Alec? Is she giving him notice that the Clave will force him into a parabatai bond? Or was this just a scare tactic to get him so twisted that he stays in New York?

It could be any of them and Jace isn’t sure which is the worst scenario. If Maryse hopes to confuse him and make him doubt Alec, it’s succeeding and he’s pissed at himself for allowing it to work. Detouring to Izzy’s room, hoping she can be a solid voice of reason, he’s surprised when the door only opens several inches, as though she’s hesitant to face whoever's on the other side.

“Jace!” She exclaims, grabbing him by the front of his shirt and pulling him into the room, slamming the door behind them.

“What’s going –” he stops talking, taking in Lydia Branwell and Aline Penhallow standing there. “Am I interrupting?”

Lydia steps toward him, face serious. “Izzy says you’re one of us. People that want the Clave to step into this century.”

“Yes.”

“What about Downworlders?” adds Aline.

Tilting his head, he glances between them quickly before finding Izzy’s eyes; she nods slightly so he answers, “I think we need to partner with them. The constant war is not helping anyone.”

Both Lydia and Aline look at Izzy who shrugs, “I told you we could count on him.”

“Well, if the great Jace Wayland is with us… how can we lose?” Aline says sweetly.

Jace smirks. “You know it.” He crosses in front of them to the bed and hops on it. “What exactly are we winning?”

The weather is perfect as he walks to Alec’s cabin the next day; the sky is clear with groups of white fluffy clouds here and there. Jace doesn’t normally notice the weather, unless it’s inconveniencing him, otherwise it just is. Today though, he takes his time walking through the woods, detouring here or there to sit by a small creek or check out a fallen tree.

He’s not doing it to appease a newfound love of nature; instead, it’s to see if he’s being followed. He’s still feeling suspicious after his conversation with Maryse and while Izzy talked him off the ledge, he doesn’t want to bring anything, or anyone, to Alec’s doorstep.

Jace finally arrives an hour later than normal, thanks to all the sightseeing, and he’s looking forward to unwinding and getting some space from the craziness of New York and what’s to come. Opening the door to the cabin, he finds Alec pacing and Jace can’t help thinking of a caged animal; he’s angry.

Remaining quiet, Jace carefully enters the room and leans against the wall, giving Alec space across from him, the couch between them. He keeps his hands open and arms hanging loosely by his side. Jace waits for a sign that Alec knows he’s there, but it never comes. Cocking his head, Jace starts wondering if he should approach when Alec stops.

He can’t help it but his heart rate spikes when Alec’s head snaps towards him. Then Alec’s eyes glow gold and his nails start to lengthen.

Jace has never seen Alec in wolf form; they talked about it but Alec isn’t into parlor tricks. Now he wishes he forced the issue so that he has a frame of reference for what’s about to happen.

Concentrating, flicking his eyes to the floor to hide what he’s doing, he activates his strength and agility runes but he remains still. Alec drops to the ground behind the couch and Jace loses sight but he can still hear the bones crunching and breaking. He swallows down his fear and waits. It’s still Alec.

A handful of moments tick by but it feels like an eternity before front legs appear. The fur is mostly brown but Jace can see some tint of red, as Alec pads forward. The rest of him… he’s big. Which isn’t a surprise, but when you’re looking into the eyes of a wolf whose head comes up to your chest, it’s overwhelming.

Plus side, Alec doesn’t seem angry anymore. Negative side, Jace isn’t sure what his move is, so he remains still and watches as Alec shakes his head and snuffs. Jace marvels at how gorgeous he is; his body is made up of shades of brown but there are hints of white on his right flank and a spot of white on his chest. It’s his face that captivates Jace the most as the fur around his eyes and nose are more black, with the center of his head and ears dark brown.

In wolf form, Alec’s eyes are still candy brown but seem to have a yellow tint to them. The eyes are bright, holding so much intelligence that he’ll never forget it’s Alec.

Claws click against the wooden floor as Alec pads over until he sits in front of Jace expectantly. Jace cocks his head just watching and the wolf mirrors his action. It startles a huff of laughter from him and in that moment Jace forgets that he’s unsure and reaches out to lay his hand between Alec’s ears. The fur is soft and Jace rubs his fingers just the smallest amount. Alec bows his head and bumps into Jace’s stomach.

“You ok?” Jace asks, not sure if Alec can understand or communicate. He doesn’t have a ton of experience talking to a werewolf in wolf form.

Alec presses his head harder so Jace runs his fingers from his ears down his back as far as he can reach. “Alright, so, I’ll wait for you to come back before figuring out what triggered this.”

Growling starts and the vibrations travel through his clothes, bringing a chill to his skin. A reminder that, while it’s Alec, a wolf is also a very dangerous predator.

After a few minutes of standing, Jace nudges Alec toward the couch mumbling, “I’m tired of standing.” A part of Jace is surprised Alec allows himself to be handled so physically. Jace sprawls on the couch like he normally does, legs loose in front of him, crossed at the ankle.

He startles when Alec pops up onto the couch and puts his head in Jace’s lap. Jace freezes; he expected Alec to lay on the floor, not get all cozy. Alec seems to pick up on his reaction and freezes, cocking his head. Jace quickly pats his thighs and then opens his arms in invitation. He’s not going to miss out on being close to Alec, even if he is a bit more furry than usual.

Jace idly drags his fingers softly through Alec’s fur and over his ears. He detours once, dipping down behind his jaw but Alec growls softly and Jace shifts his hand back to Alec’s head, being sure to keep between the ears and back.

“Let me tell you about the meeting I had with Lydia, Aline and Izzy before coming here.” There’s just a sigh in response so Jace proceeds to give Alec the abridged version. “The newer generation of Shadowhunters are not taking the Clave’s shit about relationships, parabatai and Downworlders. So they’ve been organizing and trying to figure out who wants to change things and who are still good little soldiers.

“Seems like we have enough to cripple each Institute if we walk out. Refuse all orders. Aline says it’s something the mundanes do when they want to make a change and the people in charge are old fashioned assholes. She went into detail about factory jobs and work hours and successes? I think I blanked out the details.”

Jace wiggles until he slides down enough until his head rests against the couch. “There’s some big meeting at the London institute and we’re going to crash it, with the help of some warlocks portalling us in. It’s all coordinated, which sounds like a nightmare to organize, so I’m happy all I have to do is show up when I’m told.”

It’s dark outside the window and Alec’s weight and warmth, even just across his thighs, helps pull him under into sleep. He leaves his hand resting against Alec’s belly and marvels at the level of trust Alec is giving him. Jace doesn’t know what he did to deserve it but he will fight to never lose it.

A short time later Jace blinks awake, aware of cooler air ghosting across his exposed skin where his shirt rode up during the nap. He catches a glimpse of a very pale ass as Alec streaks around the corner and down the hall, presumably to find clothes. Jace moves, putting his back against the arm of the couch, pulling down his shirt. He draws his left leg up to rest his forearm on; the other is flat on the floor leaving room for Alec at the other end.

Alec returns in a shirt that’s too big even for him; sleeves covering most of his fingers and showing off some collarbone. So dramatic, as he hesitates by the edge of the room.

“What? Am I only good enough to share the couch when you’re furry?” Jace says good naturedly.

Alec folds his arms over his chest looking at once both annoyed and unsure. “I just wasn’t sure how you felt about the… wolf thing.”

“The petting didn’t give it away?”

“Whatever,” Alec replies lightly and sits across from him.

“That ever happen before?”

Alec shrugs. “It’s sometimes hard for me to shift back.”

“Do you practice?” At Alec’s far off look over his shoulder he continues, “I think you need to find a pack.”

Alec’s look is sharp. “What pack would have me? I don’t belong anywhere.”

“Just so happens that I know a werewolf who is very open to interspecies Downworlder groups.”

“It just so happens?”

It’s Jace’s turn to shrug. “While Izzy and I were researching we kept finding news articles that referenced the same police detective, Luke Garroway. We followed him and he’s the Alpha of a pack out of the Jade Wolf.” At Alec’s bank stare, he adds, “It’s a Chinese restaurant.”

“Why are you so sure he’d… take me in?”

It hurts Jace to hear Alec sound so small when he knows Alec is huge; his intelligence, his fighting skills, his heart. Everything about Alec is top tier and Jace is sure Alec doesn’t see it for himself.

Clearing his throat he replies, “Because I’ve already talked to him. I explained your unique situation and he wants to meet you.”

Alec looks skeptical. “He doesn’t want to poke me, does he?”

“No. You can trust him. He’s actually a former Shadowhunter.” At Alec’s noise of surprise, Jace adds, “But without runes.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Jace figures that’s the best agreement he’ll get from Alec and it’s better than a flat refusal. Switching gears, he asks, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really. But…” Alec’s hand clasps his opposite wrist so tight his fingers turn white. “Mom stopped by. I hadn’t seen her in months. She came to remind me that I have to keep to myself. That I should tell you to stop coming.”

“When was she here?”

“A couple of hours before you. She didn’t think you’d take the hint.”

“You know how hard headed I can be,” he says just to see the flash of a grin appear on Alec’s face.

They fall into silence and Jace almost bites his tongue to stop himself from talking. He can see that Alec is working himself up to something. Jace struggles with stillness, especially when his eyes drift to Alec’s bare collarbone and how far down the v-neck dips. His mind runs continuous ideas about what the skin would feel like or how Alec would smell.

Jace blinks several times, staring at the couch like it’s responsible for all the dirty thoughts running through his mind.

Finally the silence ends when Alec softly clears his throat. “What do you want from me?”

This is not what Jace was expecting. “What do you mean?”

“Just – ” Alec cocks his head to the side before taking a breath. “Am I a project for you? You love defying orders and what better fuck you to everything, than me. A werewolf who is somehow still a Shadowhunter.”

Jace’s heart stops. Is that what Alec really thinks of him? He’s been a supportive friend, one with a crush so huge he can barely breathe sometimes, but a friend who only wants the best for Alec. His heart starts racing, trying to make up for the seconds it failed to beat. Blinking away the burn behind his eyes, he stands up pointing a finger at Alec and snarls, “Fuck you…”

Turning on his toes, he takes a step toward the door before Alec grabs his arm and spins him around, crushing Jace to his chest. Confusion drowns the fury that was building as he hears Alec repeat “I’m sorry” over and over into his hair.

Carefully Jace brings his arms up and presses them into Alec’s back. The quiet mantra stops and they stand, holding each other, their heavy panting loud in the room.

“I had to be sure,” Alec admits, leaning back. “Mom got me twisted and I needed to be sure.”

“Sure about what?”

“Your intentions.” Alec smiles, his eyes crinkling. “Your heartbeat doesn’t lie.”

Jace drops his head to Alec’s chest and exhales, relaxing further into the embrace. Just a few moments later Alec mutters his name and pushes him back.

“One more thing,” Alec whispers, moving quickly to press his lips to Jace’s.

Jace blames the emotional whiplash of the last few minutes for freezing; he blinks, momentarily bewildered. To Alec’s credit he waits. Jace admires how sure Alec seems of himself while Jace’s brain is still working through from what he thought was Alec’s betrayal, all the way to Alec kissing him.

Some of Alec’s bravado fades and his eyes squint as though he’s about to apologize. Jace doesn’t want there to be any confusion, so he leans forward and up on his toes, dammit, and crushes his lips against Alec’s. An amused breath pours over Jace’s chin and their grins meld together as Jace swipes his tongue across Alec’s bottom lip.

Alec’s grin disappears as one hand sinks into Jace’s hair, holding his head steady while his tongue dives into Jace’s mouth. Their tongues slide against each other as Jace pulls Alec closer with his fists in Alec’s soft shirt. The kiss is insistent and wet, long overdue.

Jace shuffles them sideways so they can sit on the couch, because it’s more comfortable and not because he was getting a crick in his neck. Stupid boy as tall as a tree. They shift and roll; sometimes Jace is on top and sometimes it’s Alec. Jace loses himself in the softness of Alec’s hair, the strong muscles of his arms, the way Alec's hips push against his before jerking away.

They kiss and touch and rub and grind for what feels like hours. Alec shifts until he’s wedged against the back of the couch, laying his head on Jace’s chest. Jace automatically buries his fingers in Alec’s hair and rubs his head, pulling his fingers through the mess. Alec rubs his face against Jace’s shirt and Jace smiles.

Alec, in any form, likes his head rubbed; Jace files that away for later.

“You trust Luke?” Alec asks softly.

“Yes. He’s proven to be a good guy.”

“Can we go now?”

Jace tilts Alec’s head back to meet his eyes. “You sure? Thought you might need time.”

Shaking his head, Alec answers, “There’s nothing for me here. The life I want is out there.”

“Then we can go tonight.” That sounds more definitive than he feels, but Jace is going to be whatever Alec needs.

Pushing himself up, Alec kneels above Jace. “Help me pack and close up the cabin.”

“Wow, I should’ve kissed you months ago if this sure-of-himself-Alec was waiting.”

Laughing self-deprecatingly, Alec says, “I’m terrified but I feel like we can handle it together.”

Jace smiles but his heartbeat spikes and Alec’s eyes flash bright in the dusk filled room. “That’s going to get annoying. Stop listening. A man has to have secrets.”

“Not many, you’re dating a werewolf now,” Alec cheekily responds, before walking out of the room.

Jace doesn’t know exactly what’s fueling Alec’s confidence, but seeing him take control of his life and wanting Jace by his side, fills him with happiness. Life isn’t going to be easy but if he’s able to make Alec’s life better, and those like him that straddle two worlds, Jace doesn’t care how hard it is.

Heaving himself up off the couch, he follows Alec down the hall to help him pack whatever it is he wants to take, as they start the next stage of their life. Together.

The End