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Kris stopped in front of a miniature castle, hearing whispers and mutterings of all sorts from within, until…
A Darkner resembling a goat monster popped out of their miniature castle, wearing a mismatched outfit consisting of a verdant green suit like that of a butler, with a droopy pointed light green hat three sizes too large, casting a shadow over their entire body. Needles the size of Kris’ sword were stabbed through its chest, seemingly giving it no trouble at all.
The goat carefully adjusted an acid-green bowtie before they began to speak, their murky pink and yellow glasses shining in the dark blue light of the alleyway.
“HOWDY ALL!! IT’S ME, YOUR BEST [[HEY BUDDY]]!!” The goat produced a pearly white grin that twinkled in the dark. “CYBER CITY’S BEST AND BRIGHTEST DARKNER [[Divination Diviners The Movie (©1997)]]!!”
“PR
“PRINCE
“PRIN
“PRINTTON ‘D.R’ PRINTTON!! URA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!”
“FINAL e-LY!! YoU’-RE HERE!!” The doll seemed almost relieved, despite Kris not knowing who it was. “LIG^HTNeR!! I KNEW [One day…] YOU’D FINALLY ARRIVE [[On A Saturday Night]]!!”
“[[Have you heard of any of the following brands?]]” Printton pointed directly at Kris.
“FRIENDS [[Dropping this, 2 out of 5 stars]] YOU BECAUSE OF [Manic Visions]?” He held out a hand to Kris.
“CONSTANTLY [[Looking To The Future]] AS [[Time flies by when you’re having fun!]] AROUND YOU??” It became increasingly obvious that Printton was projecting, as his held-out hand was immediately balled up into a fist.
“[[Having trouble sleeping?]] FROM [24/7 Around The Clock] [The voices, they’re-!] THAT ARE [[I’m with you in the dark…]]!?” He trembled in place, seemingly speaking two lines of words at once as they muttered to themselves while talking.
“LIVING WITH ONLY YOU AND THE GODLESS VOICES IN AN ETERNAL ECHO CHAMBER???” Printton’s business face crumbled as their miniature castle disappeared in a shroud of shadows, with only the snap of his fingers. He looked almost enraged.
“NOT TO WORRY!! I HAVE A PROPHECY FOR YOU WITH A [[99.99% Removal Of Harmful Germs]] GUARANTEED [[Chance Of Success: 0%]]!!” He pointed to himself with two thumbs and a grin. “[[Now introducing the all new]] ME!!”
“[[I will help you achieve your goals.]], BUT YOU HAVE TO [Do me a solid!] FIRST!!” He held up a finger, as if to stop Kris from making any moves. “[Scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours.], ALRIGHT??”
“NO MORE [Bleat]ING AROUND THE BUSH, NO MORE WANDERING [[Alone In The Dark]]!!!” He threw his arms in the air with seemingly authentic joy. “IT’LL BE JUST YOU AND ME, [[KRISS Vector]]!!”
“YOU, ME, AND THE”
“[[Prophecy]]!”
Printton’s body seemed to expand upwards like an inflatable balloon man, gaining a foot in height.
“[[PROPHECY]]!!!”
Another foot in height, nearly reaching Kris’ upper torso.
“[[PROPHECY]]!!!!!”
Printton seemed to become almost as tall as Kris as they screamed about their prophecy. The little green voodoo doll cackled to himself under his oversized hat, his new height immediately disappearing afterwards.
“YES, MY [Knight In Shining Armor]!! THE [[Prophecy]] IS WHAT WILL HELP US BOTH [[I will help you achieve your goals.]]!!”
“IT’LL LEAD US ON EVERY…” The puppet began to walk towards Kris, every word bringing them a step closer, the sword-sized needles in their chest shifting with every movement.
“SINGLE.”
Another step.
“STEP.”
And another.
“TO”
Until…
“[[Hyperlink Blocked]].”
The little green voodoo doll leaped back away from Kris, cackling to himself as his glasses twinkled with light.
“URA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! YOU KNOW YOU NEED IT, LIGHT^NeR!! I NEED IT, THE [Voices] NEED IT!!” He grinned at Kris. “WE ALL NEED [The Smooth Taste Of] [[Hyperlink Blocked]] IN OUR DAILY DIET, ALL [A part of a balanced breakfast]!!”
“AND THE FIRST STEP OF THE [[Prophecy]] IS TO [Prove Your Worth!].” Printton pointed directly at the SOUL in Kris’ chest. “YOU’VE GOT THE [[Light inside your soul]], BUT THAT’S JUST ONE PART OF [The promise in our hearts]]!!”
“THE OTHER PART…” He raised one finger in the air.
“IS TO [[Prove yourself… Prove to me you are strong enough to survive.]]”
Limb-like scarves erupted from Printton’s back, seemingly as sharp as blades.
“URAHUAHAEHEAHEHA!!”