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The second that Thomas "Tommyinnit" Simons eliminates Ranboo -Ranboo, the male he's been crushing on for far longer than he's comfortable admitting to- he is immediately hit with a mountain-sized wall of regret.
The feeling only intensifies once he hears from Ranboo himself that he had chosen "Love" and had that information confirmed by Austin.
He wanted to scream, to screech, to wail. Instead, he only managed a choked-off noise and a baffling question of "you chose Love?"
After admitting to the hurt every time Ranboo failed to flirt back, this was what he least expected. Hearing his reasons for choosing Love did nothing to diminish the small flare of hope in his chest at the idea of Ranboo liking him back.
He knew he should control his facial expressions, his reactions, and yet the crushing feeling of regret was all that he could focus on. If he had insisted more, kept at it, kept pushing, if he had kept Ranboo to the end, he would've had the chance to flirt with him, to woo him, to show him even if it was being streamed to hundreds and thousands of people that his feelings were real, were truth.
He couldn't help but be distracted during the one-on-one interviews, trying desperately to keep his mind away from the idea of going out on dates with Ranboo, being able to hold his hand, flirt with him and get a positive response back.
The mere idea of Ranboo flirting back with him was enough to send his heart into cardiac arrest, and still, he knew he was a man of business. An entertainer determined to see this through to the end and give an enjoyable finale to something that for him had stopped being entertaining the second he realized he had possibly lost his chance with the man of his dreams.
The one-on-one date with Alli only reminded him of his mistake, not being able to put on a pleasant face for more than a few seconds at a time. He gave him up, for the one girl he knew he wasn't going to choose.
Hasan rubbing salt in the wound wasn't helping, reminding him over and over that Ranboo had been insulted and Tommy hadn't been able to actually snap back, and had chosen Love and basically been rejected.
"My tomboo crumbs, is that-is that a thing?"
"Allium duo, it's Allium. It's fine though. Not that I- not that I pay much attention to it but it's allium duo, and you can follow Allium Duo Updates if you want more of us."
He couldn't help it, he needed the chance to brag, to show off, to go "look, look, it's us. It's just him and me, just us and no one else. It's the one place where it's only us", to display some form of possessiveness that he never felt justified to have. That update account was only of them. No one else, just him and the one he had been crushing on since before he first saw his face on Tubbo's extension.
After the cameras were off he groaned, messing his hair up and desperately trying to keep the frustration at bay. The temptation to grab his phone and call Ranboo, to actually confess, was pressing against his chest and he was scared, terrified of the idea of actually being rejected this time.
All the hesitation coiled deeply inside himself once he saw an audio message from Billzo waiting for him on his DMs. With shaking fingers he pressed play, only to be shocked silent by the content of the audio.
"-actually disappointed?"
"Bill, shut up. It's stupid, I know."
"No, but I don't understand, mate!"
"Because I've been half in love with him since I was nothing but a stan and I know he's just joking!"
"You don't fucking know that, Ran!"
"Why the hell would he even look at me that way?! He's straight Bill, no matter how suspicious he acts, he is still straight!"
"Ran, mate, there's no way he's straight."
"It's whatever Bill, I managed to just, convince him that it was because I didn't want to stream again."
"But you hoped..."
"Of course I hoped! I figured I'll finally get the courage to flirt back during our date, but of course not! Nothing goes my way and I'm exhausted, Bill. I'm tired. You gonna be okay entertaining yourself?"
"Dude, no, come on Ran! You're a catch! You know I have a crush on you."
"Bill..."
"I know, and I respect that you don't like me back, but what I'm saying is that it's impossible that he doesn't like you back."
"He isn't you Bill, plus he met me during my even more awkward phase. He's seen me being a wreck. You meet me after my face stopped being... Like it was, I guess. He knew me before I matured."
"If you think he'll care-"
"Bill. Enough."
The audio ends there, leaving Tommy desperately clutching his chest. He wants to grab his keys and wallet, to run towards Ranboo, to grab his face and kiss him and destroy all the doubts that have been plaguing his head. But he can't, he's stuck, trembling with feelings he has no outlet for.
He knows this is Billzo giving Ranboo up, probably more than fed up with neither of them making a move, this being his way of forcing a situation. One part of Tommy is thankful, the other part is sure Ranboo is gonna be either mad or disappointed.
He calls Bill, gasping for air.
"Deep breaths, that's it, I'm sorry, that audio probably startled you."
"Bill- Ran-"
"Is in love with you. And you are in love with him."
"I am, I swear I am, Bill-"
"Tom, I'm gonna leave in half an hour to go camp out at Aimsey's house, if you aren't here by that time then consider all your chances with Ran gone. I'll steal him from you, and if you hurt him I'll kill you."
"Thank you, Bill, Thank you-"
"I'm amazing, I know. Now, run!"
Bill hangs up, and Tommy takes a second to try to wrestle his heart rate to a decent tempo, a beating that is not suffocating. He's still terrified, but hearing Ranboo says he's been in love with him for far longer than they've been friends, and that his feelings had continued to be there even after being friends, after dealing with his clinginess, his childish behavior, his mess, after getting to know him as a person instead of an idea behind the screen, he couldn't help the butterflies in his stomach.
Ranboo knew him, he had dealt with him when even Tommy himself couldn't deal with his own shit. He had stayed by his side even when Wilbur or Phil had gotten fed up, had enabled him to do dumb things in public, and had been by his side doing them too.
Ranboo had been there always, with soft and warm eyes and an encouraging hand on his shoulder.
Tommy had had no reason to believe he was different in Ranboo's eyes, considering the taller male looked at all his friends like he was a little in love, like he admired them and respected them, like he'll give his life up at any second if they so asked. How was he supposed to notice that it was different with him?
The uber came to his apartment and he ran out, not sure if he turned off his lights or locked his door, his mind only focused on getting to Ranboo, on kissing him, on begging him to realize that Tommy had been in love the second they first talked off-camera and Ranboo had laughed off his apology, had admitted he didn't mind, had given him full permission to be as harsh as he wanted because he knew Tommy was just pretending.
Even with his older friends, Tommy had to apologize from time to time, but Ranboo always waved off his apologies and reassured him. Ranboo was always reassuring him, enabling him, agreeing to his dumb ideas, and agreeing to be there when he needed someone to fill for the last second when someone else fell out.
Ranboo was always there, and the Uber moved as slowly as he could, the seconds passing through his fingers and feeling like an eternity. He refused to give Ranboo up this time, he refused to give what could be his happiness up for someone else. This time he was gonna show Ranboo how much he meant to him.
When the Uber finally reached Ranboo's house Tommy jumped out, paying more than what he should, and ran towards the house, calling Billzo on the phone and panting as he ran.
"I'm here, I'm here, please open the door."
"It's open, just get in here, I'm leaving in five minutes."
He pushed the door open, haphazardly kicking his shoes off and making a beeline towards the kitchen.
"Hold still." Tommy froze. "Before I let you date the dude I'm crushing on, tell me why I should?"
"Billzo-"
"I mean it, Tom. Why should I fucking step aside?"
"Bill, Bill, I love him."
"I could grow to love him, he's not hard to love."
"He's mine! He was mine first!"
"Lower your voice, he's probably still awake!"
"Sorry, sorry. Just, Billzo- I already gave him up once-"
"And that ended oh so well for everyone involved-"
"You met him thanks to that!"
"I know, I'm disgustingly aware."
Tommy took a step back, finally looking at Billzo instead of seeing through him only to see him with red-rimmed eyes, with annoyance on his face, with resignment.
"I know you like him, I know you have a crush on him. I've seen you flirting with him."
"Yeah, I've never denied it."
"Bill, I can't imagine myself without him anymore. I'm in love with him, so much that it feels like it consumes me when we aren't around, so much that I need to see him at least once, that I'm not scared of giving up on the whole token straight shit. Billzo. I promise you, I swear to you, I'll try to keep him happy. Please."
Bill groans, resigned, and steps back to go grab his backpack. He sighs, staring at Tommy with challenge in his eyes before huffing and cracking a smile.
"You fucking better, prick. If he cries because of you I'm stealing him."
"Thank you, Bill, Thank you."
"Yeah, yeah, I'm off to Aimsey."
Billzo leaves, and Tommy is faced with the challenge of finally facing Ranboo. He takes a deep breath, leaves his phone on the counter, and makes his way to Ranboo's room.
He knocks on the door and waits for a second, hearing the muffled noises of Ranboo moving on his bed.
"Not up for it Bill, sorry."
"Can I come in?"
"Tommy?!"
There's the sound of something falling on the floor, followed by a scrambled of noises as Ranboo stands up after having apparently fallen before the noises stop in front of the door.
"Tom? What're you doing here?"
"Ran."
Whenever they are around each other, Tommy can't help but feel like he's a magnet, constantly trying to be close to Ranboo like it's completely out of his control, like he can't help it. He can't help but feel like the ocean being pulled by the moon.
He throws himself at Ranboo, hugging his neck and desperately hiding his face against his chest, grabbing at whatever part of the older boy he can touch. He fists one hand on the fluffy strands of hair, while the other clutches at the back of his shirt, trembling like a newborn fawn and choking on tears he didn't realize were ready to fall.
"Toms? Oh sunshine, what's wrong?"
"Ran-"
"Shh, hey, I'm here. What happened, my Allium?"
He choked in his own sobs, shaking his head before nuzzling against Ranboo's neck, the taller one rubbing circles on his back while his other hand softly played with his hair, a pole of strength holding all of Tommy's weight, unwavering and always giving in his affection.
"Ran- Ran, I'm, you-"
"Hey, shh, shh, breath with me first, yeah? Give me one of your hands Toms."
He untangles the hand holding Ranboo's hair, probably pulling with more strength than he should've but without hearing any complaints or noise from Ranboo, the taller one just taking the weight of his desperation. Ranboo holds his hand gently, with care, softly stroking his knuckles before pressing Tommy's hand against his chest.
"That's it, follow my breathing." Tommy tries, having to restart time and time again. During all of it, he keeps softly stroking Tommy's hair. "You're doing great, sunshine. You're fantastic."
Once his breathing is finally under control, he slumps against Ranboo even more. The dried tears sting against his cheeks, but he can't help the warm feeling in his chest as he nuzzles against Ranboo's neck.
"You feeling better, Tom?"
"Mhm, thank you."
"Of course, anytime."
"Ran?"
"Yes, Tommy?"
"Can you... call me sunshine again?"
"Umh, you-you heard that?"
"Shouldn't I have?"
"I figured you'll be too out of it."
"I like it when you use pet names or nicknames with me."
"Yeah? You like being called my sunshine?"
"Mhm, makes me happy."
Ranboo chuckles, impossibly fond, and Tommy feels like his heart will burst out of his chest. With reluctance he slowly puts some distance between them, his hand still pressing against Ranboo's chest and the hand that was holding on to his shirt moving to rest on his shoulder. Ranboo just moves both hands to Tommy's hips, marveling like always at the fact that his hands almost overlap one another. Tommy is as thin as he's tall, and it's always baffling that for as much as he eats, he doesn't gain weight.
"Are you feeling better Tom? Can you tell me now what happened?"
"'m feeling better. Just. I needed to come to see you."
"Yeah?"
"Ran, can we sit down?"
Immediately, Ranboo's hands drop away from his hips, Tommy trying to repress a whine of disappointment. He knows they have to talk about this, but that doesn't mean he wanted Ranboo to stop hugging him.
In a moment of bravery, he holds one of Ranboo's hands and walks into his room like it's his own, Ranboo huffs with a small laughter and follows him, sitting at the edge of his bed while Tommy drops to his side, staring up at the taller one.
"What's up, sunshine?"
"I'm in love with you."
He didn't mean to blurt that out, his plan was to talk, to let Ranboo understand that he wasn't joking, that all the bits had more than a little bit of truth in them, but instead his traitorous mouth just had to doom him.
"Tom-"
"It's not a bit, I'm not joking, there are no cameras. Ranboo. Mark, I'm in love with you." He tries to take a deep breath in, terrified. "I've been in love with you for a while."
"Tommy-"
"You can reject me, it's fine, I understand. I know I'm a lot Ran, but I-I wanted - I needed you to know that I was never joking about crushing on you. Since the moment I first met you-"
He's silenced by soft lips pressing against his own, his eyes opening in shock after having been closed in fear of seeing the other's reaction. With a muffled whine he grabs onto Ranboo's shirt, trying to close every possible space of distance between each other.
The kiss is all the repressed feelings they've been keeping under lock and key for a bit over a year, all the adoration and endearment they've had to cover under jokes.
When Ranboo pulls back to catch air into his burning lungs, Tommy tries to follow after his lips, eyes glazed over and lips bruised.
"I'm in love with you, Tommy, that's why I never flirted back."
"Makes no sense, Ran."
"Mhm, but how could I dare to flirt with the sun, darling?"
"You-you don't- I-"
"Aw honey, are you flustered? My little allium, my most precious."
"Ran-"
"I'm gonna kiss you again, okay?"
"Please."
Tommy allowed himself to get lost in the feelings of lips against his own, of one hand in his hair and another at his waist, on the feeling of gentle affection, of kisses pressed against every inch of his face, the feeling of words of adoration whispered against his ears. He held onto Ranboo's neck, pliant and satisfied at finally getting to be with the man he'd fallen in love with at first sight all those months ago.
When they parted for air, Ranboo pressed their foreheads together and Tommy took his time to catch his breath.
"Are you gonna take me on a date to get more Legos now?"
"Well, it's almost three A.M., but we can go on a date later on, okay?"
"M'kay."
"Oh yeah, Tom?"
"Mhm?"
"Be my boyfriend?" Tommy couldn't help the delighted laughter that followed the question.
"Okay, Boo. As long as you're my boyfriend."
"Yeah, I wouldn't mind."