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Yaz woke up slowly, feeling inexplicably comfortable. As she drifted towards wakefulness, she became vaguely aware of an arm around her waist, and then a body pressed against hers.
Oh, right. She’d fallen asleep in the Doctor’s bed. And, if she remembered right— she opened her eyes. The Doctor’s head was tucked under Yaz’s chin, seemingly with no regard for, say, her need to breathe. And Rose’s head was buried in the Doctor’s hair, her arms wrapped fully around the Doctor. Both Rose and the Doctor appeared to be asleep— the latter softly snoring— and Yaz let her eyes slip back closed too, a smile spreading across her face. She still hadn’t fully thought through how she felt about the Doctor, or about Rose, for that matter, but for now, she was happy to lie quietly in bed, enjoying the warmth and the comfort.
It wasn’t long before she felt movement. She opened her eyes to see Rose looking up, moving her head away from the Doctor’s. Their eyes met.
“Good morning,” Rose said, her voice just above a whisper.
“Morning,” Yaz replied, still smiling.
Rose smiled back. “I forgot how much I missed this.”
“I didn’t know how much I wanted it,” Yaz said, the morning’s safety lulling her into honesty. She glanced down at top of the Doctor’s head, which showed no signs of movement. “Surprised she let me in here.”
Rose grinned, her tongue between her teeth. With her head still on the pillow, her hand idly tracing the Doctor’s side, she gave off an impression of tremendous ease. “Told you she liked you.”
Yaz smiled again, burying it a little in the Doctor’s hair. The Doctor’s arms were still wrapped around her, warm and just the right kind of heavy.
“When do you think she’ll wake up?” Rose asked. She tucked a piece of the Doctor’s hair behind her ear, her hand lingering on the Doctor’s cheek. “Suppose she needed the sleep.”
“She’s out cold,” Yaz murmured. “She’s impossible to wake up when she’s like this. I’m always finding her in the library or her workshop.”
Rose hesitated for a moment, hovering just above the Doctor. “I guess I’ll go put on the kettle,” she said. She nodded at where the Doctor’s arm was clamped around Yaz’s waist. “Seeing as you can’t exactly go anywhere.”
Yaz laughed. “Suppose I can’t.”
“Right. Be back in ten.” And Rose extricated herself from the bed and stepped across the room. Yaz heard her trying to navigate the messy floor, and then there was the sound of the door sliding open and then back shut.
And then Yaz was faced with the fact that she was now alone with a sleeping Doctor, engaged in a fierce cuddle. She had never, in her wildest dreams, imagined that this would happen. She was thrilled that it had, of course, but she was coming to the horrible realization that she had absolutely no idea what to do with herself.
She readjusted her position, careful not to jostle the Doctor too much, and experimentally, she stroked the Doctor’s hair. That felt right, under the circumstances. So she closed her eyes, letting her hand run through the Doctor’s unprecedentedly soft hair.
She must have drifted off, because she woke up again when the door to the room opened. She craned her neck, looking around to see Rose coming in holding a tray with three mugs and a plate of toast and jam. Rose got a few steps in before she stopped.
“Where do I put this down?” she hissed at Yaz.
“I don’t know.” Yaz cast her gaze around the room, looking for an empty surface. There was none, of course. “Maybe clear off the desk a bit?”
Rose did just that, pushing papers and trinkets aside with one hand to put down the tray. Carefully, she took the mugs and brought them to the bed, leaving two on the nightstand next to Yaz and one on the nightstand on the other side of the bed. And then she sat on the other side of the Doctor, picking up her tea with one hand and running her other hand over the Doctor’s shoulder.
This, somehow, is what caused the Doctor to stir. She moved just a little, and Yaz pulled her head back to see the Doctor’s eyes fluttering open.
“You’re still here?” the Doctor asked, her words slurred with sleep.
“Yeah,” Yaz said. “Is that— I mean, is that all right? We can go.” She glanced worriedly at Rose, who gave her a reassuring smile.
The Doctor’s hold on Yaz tightened. “Don’t go.”
“Okay.” Yaz kept herself very still, unsure of what would happen next. She was still waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the Doctor to freeze up and become distant again.
Fortunately, Rose jumped in. “We’re not going anywhere, Doctor. D’you want some tea?”
“Oh, love tea.” The Doctor flailed, trying to push herself into a sitting position without disturbing Yaz or Rose on either side of her. Yaz leaned away, giving the Doctor room to sit, before sitting up herself and passing one of the mugs to the Doctor and picking up the other for herself. She took a sip— it was steaming black tea with a little milk, just the way Yaz liked it.
“Thanks for staying with me,” the Doctor said into her tea, the words all pushed together. “Wasn’t sure you would want to be with me anymore, if you knew all that.”
Rose and Yaz both looked at the Doctor with indignation, their expressions nearly identical.
“Why would you think that?” Rose asked.
The Doctor shrugged. Yaz felt it against her own shoulder.
“Dunno.” The Doctor took a deep breath. “Suppose I just thought, if I don’t even know who I am, how can I expect anyone else to want me? Except I wasn’t going to know who I was whether or not I told you, so there’s not much point, really.”
“Doctor,” Yaz said. “I don’t care where you came from.” She hesitated, reconsidering. “I mean, obviously I care about what you went through, but knowing who you used to be doesn’t change the fact that I know who you are now. You’re kind. You’re caring. You’re always trying to make things right, and yeah, sometimes you do unhealthy or hurtful things— but I still love being with you. None of that has changed.” She paused. “And now you’ve told me what you were after, I understand a lot better why you didn’t say anything before. All right?”
The Doctor nodded. “I really am sorry,” she said. “For dragging you all those places. It wasn’t fair.”
“It wasn’t,” Yaz agreed. “But it’s not— I’m still not going to leave you.” She bumped her shoulder into the Doctor’s, reveling in even that small touch. “Just don’t do it again, yeah?”
The Doctor nodded again.
“And I’ve said it from the start,” Rose added. “I’m never leaving you, Doctor.”
“I didn’t know—” The Doctor was mumbling now, her face almost completely hidden by her mug. “It’s been so long for me. I’m so different now.”
“I still love you,” Rose said. Yaz envied how easily the words fell from her lips. “All of you. No matter what you look like.”
The Doctor leaned her head on Rose’s shoulder. “I don’t always feel very lovable.”
“Good thing it’s not your decision to make, then,” Rose teased.
“Suppose so.” The Doctor lifted her head. “I just worry, traveling with people. I don’t want you to get hurt. Everyone I love gets hurt.”
“We chose this,” Yaz reminded her, skating swiftly past the implications of the word “love.” “I could’ve made you bring me home anytime. I could’ve left when Ryan and Graham did.” She glanced at Rose. “And Rose chose this years and years before I did. It’s not your fault if we get hurt.”
The Doctor let her head flop onto Yaz’s shoulder now, her face turned just a little bit against Yaz’s shirt. “Maybe not.”
Yaz let her head rest against the Doctor’s, just a little bit. And then, feeling bold, she took the Doctor’s free hand, entwining their fingers.
“We’re here for you, Doctor,” she said softly. “You don’t have to go through everything alone.”
She felt the Doctor nod into her shoulder.
“And now we’ve covered that,” Yaz added, “Rose brought toast. Do you want toast?”
The Doctor’s head shot up. “Oh, with jam?”
Yaz nodded. She squeezed the Doctor’s hand before letting go, crawling to the foot of the bed before picking her way across the floor to the desk. She hesitated, then picked up the whole tray, awkwardly maneuvering across the blankets as she brought it back to rest on the Doctor’s lap.
“Marmalade,” the Doctor enthused, picking up a slice of the toast and using a spoon to drop globs of jam onto it. “You’ve got good taste, Rose Tyler.”
“I know.” Rose let her head fall on the Doctor’s shoulder, her smile evident in her voice. “‘S why you like me.”
“I like you for loads of reasons,” the Doctor replied. “But your taste in jam is definitely on the list.”
Yaz settled back next to the Doctor, reaching for a slice of toast. She gave it a thin coating of marmalade— she didn’t have quite as much of a sweet tooth as the Doctor, who had wasted no time in shoving half her toast into her mouth at once.
“I’m amazed you don’t choke,” she said.
“Special biology,” the Doctor managed to say around the mouthful of toast. She swallowed dramatically. “My throat is twice as elastic as the average human’s.”
Yaz and Rose exchanged a look.
“If you say so,” Yaz said.
The Doctor crammed the other half of her toast into her mouth. Yaz couldn’t help but laugh at the image of her with her cheeks puffed out, her hair still messy from sleep. She swallowed again, then said, “D’you know, I think having a good sleep really helped me. Haven’t had a sleep that nice since— d’you remember Ryan’s nan’s sofa?”
“Doctor,” Yaz said. “Are you trying to tell me you haven’t slept since we met?”
“I’ve slept plenty,” the Doctor corrected. “I mean, it was a little touch and go. There was that time on Tsuranga— remember?”
Yaz raised an eyebrow. “You were knocked out.”
“And then when I was in prison,” the Doctor added. “Wasn’t much to do in there but sleep. But the sleep itself was awful. Never felt like I’d rested when I woke up. ‘Course, that might’ve been because Angela was flailing all night. She was a bit nocturnal. Couldn’t exactly move during the day, see, with all the eyes on her. Not all of us got a private cell.” She stopped. “I’m rambling again. Why didn’t you stop me?”
“Not our job to make sure you stay on topic,” Rose teased.
“I like your rambles,” Yaz added. “When you’re not trying to avoid talking about other stuff, anyway.”
“When have I ever been avoiding?” the Doctor asked, her face adorably scrunched.
Yaz and Rose both gave her a look.
“Yeah, all right,” she mumbled. She picked up another slice of toast, dropping marmalade onto it and folding it over on itself before shoving the whole thing into her mouth. Yaz took a much smaller bite of her own toast, chewing slowly, enjoying the relative calmness of the morning. Not that any time spent with the Doctor could typically be called calm , but— Yaz felt calm, somewhere deep inside, in a way she wasn’t sure she ever had before.
She glanced at the Doctor, who was now leaning back against the headboard, still chewing. Rose had leaned back too, and the Doctor’s arm was around her shoulder. Emboldened, Yaz inched closer, and the Doctor’s free arm snaked around her waist.
“That hand had better not be sticky,” Yaz said, eyeing the open jam jar.
“Can't make any promises,” the Doctor chirped.
Yaz laughed. She made no move to reposition herself— if the Doctor got jam on her shirt, well, maybe that was just the price Yaz paid for falling for a three-thousand-year-old child, because she wasn’t sure there was anything that could convince her to jeopardize the tenuous reality of the Doctor’s arm around her. After three years of the Doctor barely touching her, grabbing her hand only to pull her out of danger, all the touch of the last twelve hours or so still felt surreal. Yaz still was half-convinced that the second she left this room, the Doctor would act like none of this had ever happened— so she nestled closer while she could, resting against the Doctor’s shoulder.
“What are we going to do today?” Rose asked idly. She was fiddling with the Doctor’s hand, which was draped over her shoulder.
“I hadn’t thought about it,” the Doctor said. “Suppose I probably ought to take a break from the Division thing, yeah? Could have a nice beach day.”
“Oh, I love a good beach,” Rose said.”Been needing an excuse to wear that swimsuit I got on New Venus.”
“Yeah?” The Doctor’s head shifted to look at Yaz— she was inches from Yaz’s face now. “Yaz? Beach?”
“I could do a beach,” Yaz decided.
“Brilliant,” the Doctor said. She scrambled like she was about to get up, and Rose lunged to pick up the tray before the Doctor lifted her legs and knocked it over. Yaz slipped off the bed, giving the Doctor room to slide off after her, and the Doctor jumped to her feet. “Beach day with Yaz and Rose. Amazing!” She frowned. “Although I suppose I should at least change my shirt first, shouldn’t I?”
“Let’s meet in the console room?” Rose asked.
“Yes! Brilliant!” The Doctor whirled around and pointed at Rose. “Ten points to Rose.”
Yaz gathered the Doctor’s mug and hers. “I think sleeping’s made you even more hyperactive, Doctor.”
“I didn’t know I could even have this much energy,” the Doctor said. “Honestly, it’s brilliant. Highly recommend.”
Rose laughed. “Pretty sure the average human can’t sustain it.”
The Doctor shrugged. “Your loss, really.”
“Yeah, all right,” Yaz said, smiling. “I’m going to get these mugs to the kitchen. See you in the console room?”
“Can’t wait,” the Doctor said, her tone completely serious.
Yaz stepped out of the room, still smiling to herself. Rose came after, holding the tray, and they started off towards the kitchen together.
“So, I’d say that went all right, then,” Rose said.
“I’ve never seen her like that,” Yaz replied. “I mean— she seems lighter.”
Rose bumped her elbow against Yaz. “You doing all right?”
“Yeah,” Yaz said, her smile growing. She took a deep breath. “I mean— it’s a lot, I guess. But— I’m glad it happened the way it did.”
“Yeah,” Rose said. “Me too.”
They were at the kitchen now, and Yaz set the mugs down in the sink as Rose let the tray rest on the counter. They filled the dishwasher together, and then they shared a smile, Yaz’s excitement reflected in Rose’s eyes.
“See you in the console room?” Rose asked.
“Be right there,” Yaz said.
She walked back to her room and closed the door behind her, still only half-believing everything that had happened. But when she found a swimsuit, changed her clothes, and walked to the console room, she found the Doctor and Rose there, talking to each other, and the second the Doctor heard Yaz come in she let go of Rose’s hand to launch herself at her.
Yaz grinned into the hug. Maybe it was real, then, and maybe it would continue to be real, too. At least, as the TARDIS began its wheezing, her and the Doctor and Rose all grinning at each other, Yaz couldn’t help but let the elated feeling in her stomach take over.
Today was going to be a good day.