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There is a name for when you know you are dreaming, but Jaehyun won’t call what he is feeling in that dream as artificial.
He and Taeyong are sitting side by side on top of a hill as they watch the sunset emblazon hues of orange across the horizon while the wind blows gently, making the grasses sway around them. Tens of feet below is a vast green field dotted with little scattered huts. Taeyong rests his head on Jaehyun’s shoulder through the quiet peace occasionally broken by chimes of chirping birds near thinning clouds.
Jaehyun takes Taeyong’s hand and lets utter contentment wrap them in a tight embrace while he drinks in the sight of the golden bands around their fingers.
“Kiss me?”
Turning his head, he looks into the most breathtaking pair of eyes and sees happiness swirling in them. Taeyong can ask for a kiss every second of the day and Jaehyun will never tire of giving it, will always feel like it’s the first time.
Before he can press their lips together, he is woken up by a gentle hand on his arm and a fragrant, mouth-watering smell coming from the tray of breakfast spread on the desk.
As if knowing he’d been in a deep sleep, Taeyong cheekily grins at him and puts the tray on the bed. “Good morning, baby! I made us breakfast!”
Sitting up carefully so as not to topple the food, Jaehyun yawns and rubs the sleepiness away. “That looks great, sweetheart.” He looks at each plate—there is five of them, not counting the bowl of fried rice, with a gradually blooming smile. “You made all of my favorites.”
Only wearing his husband’s black button down shirt and nothing else, Taeyong joins him in bed and sidles up against him. “Mhm! Consider this as our last grand breakfast feast in this apartment since we’re moving out tomorrow.”
“You didn’t have to, baby…”
But Taeyong had always cooked him breakfast, and Jaehyun knows regardless of the occasion, that Taeyong will wake him with a satisfying first meal. “But I wanted to! You’ve been so tired working on the relocation process. Want me to feed you?”
Chuckling at the obvious teasing, Jaehyun tugs Taeyong close and plants a kiss on the beauty’s forehead. “I’m not a baby. I’ll feed you.”
“That’s right. You should, because I’m your baby.”
Scooting back to the headboard, Jaehyun transfers the tray to his right so that Taeyong can settle in between his legs instead, with the latter’s own draped across his thigh. He keeps one arm around Taeyong’s waist, quite possessively, as they begin filling their stomachs.
Taeyong holds a piece of bacon with both hands as he takes in the nearly bare bedroom. Almost everything has been boxed and are stored in the living room, waiting to be fetched by the movers. “This apartment has been ours since we got married. We’ve been living here for five years, Jaehyunie.”
Using his thumb, Jaehyun wipes the grease off of Taeyong’s cheek. His husband, despite being 30, has always been a messy eater. It’s adorable, though. Taeyong looks cute with puffy cheeks filled with food. Like a human chipmunk, and Jaehyun constantly fights the urge to bite him. “Are you gonna miss being here?”
Nodding, Taeyong stirs their shared coffee. “But I’m also excited to move to our new house in Busan. It seems quieter there.”
“Good thing we found it. You’ve always wanted to live in a suburban village, but our jobs kept us from fulfilling that.”
Taeyong feeds him an apple slice. “I liked it here too, you know. But when we went to the village to house-hunt, I instantly felt like we’re home. The houses are so pretty and the doors are painted differently from the others.”
“And what do you call houses with cute doors?”
“What?”
Jaehyun has to bite his lip to keep himself from laughing at his own terrible joke. “They’re adoorable.”
His husband giggles anyway. “No, you won’t make me laugh out loud today.”
“Is that a challenge?” He combs fingers through Taeyong’s silky hair and gets a whiff of the strawberry shampoo that Taeyong insists on only using at night. “Alright, since we’re already at the topic of houses, I’ve got another pun for you. Our new house is a bungalow, right?”
“Ahuh?”
“Bungalow houses are known to have been haunted by ghosts. It’s got a strange house-story.” Silence follows the joke as they stare at each other, simultaneously taking bites of their hotdogs, before Taeyong gives up and falls over giggling, elbowing his chest. “What!”
Taeyong’s laughter rings in the apartment. “Where do you even find these silly puns?”
Jaehyun shrugs, inwardly guffawing at his husband’s reaction.. “From the sitcoms you keep making me watch, baby. I can’t believe you don’t remember any of them.” Taeyong then goes on an enumeration spree of the sitcoms they have already finished, as well as the jokes that sounds dumber the more they get mentioned.
But Taeyong still finds them hilarious, snorting like a piglet and laughing even louder at how he sounds, as if Jaehyun didn’t tell him the same jokes at least three times.
One of the million things he will always love about Taeyong is the sound of his happiness. Jaehyun’s all-time favorite music is Taeyong’s carefree laughter that if it were an song on Spotify, he’d stream the hell out of it. Taeyong’s laughter has numerous variations—from cute, shy giggles to straight-up boisterous guffaws where his mouth is stretched wide open. But rather than turning him off, Jaehyun believes Taeyong gets even more beautiful when he doesn’t care about how happy he can be. And Jaehyun is just as delighted to know that he’s the one that always makes Taeyong smile.
He picks up a sunny side-up egg and hums as the runny yolk spreads in his mouth, licking his lips. It’s not too salty and the sides are crispy, just the way he likes it. Taeyong found out this specific preference of how he wants his eggs during their first year as boyfriends, and until now, Taeyong never forgets to keep them in the pan a little longer.
Heart fluttering at the thought, Jaehyun presses a kiss to Taeyong’s cheek. “I love you.”
Taeyong looks at him softly, eyes gleaming as he taps the tip of Jaehyun’s nose. “And I, you. Always.”
Once they finish eat, they bring the plates to the sink and wash them together, with Taeyong singing adorably while they playfully nudge hips like an old, married couple in a cozy house. They even giggles at their own antics.
Jaehyun’s gaze drops to Taeyong’s bare, slender legs while waiting for another plate to dry. His already small husband looks even tinier in his button-down shirt that Taeyong turned years ago into his pajama. “I dreamed of us watching the sunset on a hilltop. The sky was a mix of orange and red, and the clouds were thin. Like puffy lines of smoke that airplanes leave in their wake. I don’t know why we were there, but it felt nice just being with you.”
Cheeks dusted pink, Taeyong peeks at him through his lashes and nudges his hip again as a new plate finds its way in his hands. “Just say you’re still so in love with me and go.”
He can’t help looking at Taeyong with palpable fondness. Who can blame him? Jaehyun is a simple man—he was born to love Taeyong until his last breath.
The blush on Taeyong’s cheeks deepens. “Well, I can’t help having powerful charms,” he says before turning off the tap and tiptoeing to kiss Jaehyun on the forehead, then scurrying to the living room to organize the boxes.
Jaehyun reminds him to be careful of the shoe tacks at the side, momentarily watching his husband with a dull ache in his chest that comes from a strong emotion that has been residing in his heart since seeing Taeyong for the first time. Smiling to himself, Jaehyun continues to wipe the last plate.
“I am,” he whispers, listening to Taeyong talk about his socks in the background. “I am still very much in love with you.”
His Batman collectibles are the last to be packed, wrapped and held like a newborn baby as they are stuffed in a corrugated box. Daniel Caesar’s Blessed plays from his phone as they finish their packing at 10:30pm. “And yes I’m a mess, but I’m blessed to be stuck with you—”
Taeyong plops on the floor with a huff, the tape rolling towards Jaehyun. “I’m hungry.”
“Hmm? What do you want to eat? I’ll make it for you.”
Jaehyun looks up from taping the box close as Taeyong remains quiet while fiddling with the drawstrings of his sweatpants. He finishes his task quickly and crouches next to his husband, pecking Taeyong’s cheek. “What does my baby want to eat?”
“…Spaghetti gummies.”
He grins, knowing all about Taeyong’s favorite snack. “Spag gummies. Those can only be bought at the convenience store, right? I think the one two blocks down will have some. Does that mean this husband of yours won’t be able to make something for you himself? I’m a useless spouse.”
Taeyong clicks his tongue, pinching his nose. “Don’t talk like that. You can learn about making gummies next time. I know it’s already past 10, but can we please go out for a bit? I promise we won’t take long!”
“Of course, baby. Anything for you.” Exhaustion from his work as well as the processing of relocation papers settles deep in Jaehyun’s bones. He and Taeyong could make use of more sleep before they leave tomorrow, but Jaehyun won’t be able to bear saying no to those sparkly boba eyes. “Wait here, I’ll get a jacket for you.”
Retrieving one from their suitcase, Jaehyun helps put it on Taeyong as the latter wears his outside slippers.
They walk down the empty street towards the nearest convenience store. Jaehyun’s face is starting to hurt from grinning widely as Taeyong walks ahead of him, making silly poses with his shadows. “What are you trying to be this time?”
Taeyong spreads his legs and bends his knees, arms folded like a pair of wings and wiggling while staring at his shadow. “A lizard, can’t you tell?”
“I don’t know, I’m bad at recognizing animals. I could’ve thought you were a Pterodactyl, though.”
His husband pouts. “A dinosaur? Do I look like one?”
“What if I take pictures to send to your nephew and let him decide?” Fishing out his phone, Jaehyun happily snaps photos of Taeyong mimicking different creatures—a frog, a butterfly, an elephant, etc.
Jaehyun films Taeyong childishly hopping from side to side, avoiding the lines on the ground. Seems like his husband is trying to dethrone his nephew as the cutest human being in the world. And without bias, Jaehyun thinks that there is a big chance Taeyong will take the crown soon.
His chest warms with affection. This is why he fell for Taeyong in the first place—because Taeyong is not afraid to be himself, not afraid to be real. He is made of purity, his heart molded from gold, capturing Jaehyun effortlessly.
It has been nine years since. Four years of dating and five years of marriage. And even now, Taeyong still makes his heart stutter. Jaehyun never got used to Taeyong’s force. It still feels brand new, like a storm never been seen before, a magic spell freshly brewed.
Taeyong doesn’t even have to do anything for Jaehyun to fall down to his knees and offer him lifelong loyalty and adoration. When they wake up in the morning, limbs tangled, hearts beating right against each other, extricating himself is the hardest challenge that Jaehyun always has to grudgingly complete. He wants to keep holding Taeyong like he’s never done before, like it is the first time they’ve fallen into bed together. Like his heart will be torn in two if he so much as peels himself from Taeyong for a minute. And it sure does hurt like that when they have to part to work, only mended by reunion.
‘And after all this time, you’d think I’d be used to the pull of your gravity.’
‘You just keep me on the edge somehow.’
Taeyong keeps the fire in him blazing with just a smile, and he doesn’t have to do much to keep the excitement thrumming in Jaehyun’s veins, for Jaehyun to always crave him. Taeyong is a raging inferno and Jaehyun is a moth. He’s always meant to be pulled forward without rescue. Taeyong is salvation. His fire dances and Jaehyun is always on the edge of his seat, compelled and mesmerized.
And it will always be that way ‘till their last day. Taeyong’s whole existence is refreshing, and each day that Jaehyun rouses with Taeyong in his arms, it feels like a new chance to fall in love. He has been steadily freefalling since the day he met Taeyong, into the bottomless pit of his grace.
Jaehyun lets Taeyong take anything he likes as they get to the store, knowing Taeyong’s love for snacks. He looks at their basket as they raid each aisle. “You only got one spag gummy packet?”
Pouting, Taeyong takes a box of choco pie. “They only had one left. I don’t think they’ve restocked yet.”
“I’m sure there will be more in the other stores. Or we can just get a box from the supermarket. Even online?”
“What if I get cavities? Will you still kiss me if my new breath smells like the death of my morning breath?”
Jaehyun smirks and steals a kiss from his husband’s pouty lips. “I’ll kiss you even if you taste like spoiled, fermented fish.”
Disgust crumples Taeyong’s face. “That’s gross. But I suppose I can’t blame you since you’re head-over-heels for me. Love kills all of your senses.”
“Love heightens my senses and allows me to absorb everything of you like a starved man in a dessert, baby.”
After a petty mehrong, Taeyong heads to the counter so they can finally pay. A teenage boy then comes in the store and heads to the snack section, only to grumble about the missing spag gummies.
Jaehyun pockets his wallet and takes the paper bag from the cashier. “Ready to go?”
Appearing to be contemplating, Taeyong side-eyes the sulky teenager before fishing the gummy packet out of the bag and tossing it to the kid who stumbles to the floor trying to catch the catapulted packet. “It’s already paid!”
The kid gawks. “Are you serious?”
“Mm. Take it. My husband will get me a whole box of it anyway.” Shrugging, Taeyong grins as he ruffles the boy’s hair before leading the way out of the store.
“Babe, that snack was why we went out.”
“But he looked really sad. I think he even snuck out just to get it. It’s already 11.”
“You were craving, too.”
“It’s okay,” Taeyong says with a smile. “You promised me you’d get me more.”
“Did I?” Carrying the bag with one arm, Jaehyun wraps the other around Taeyong’s waist as they walk back to the apartment, dropping a kiss to Taeyong’s crown. His husband loves those gummies—maybe even more than Jaehyun sometimes. Taeyong never liked sharing them, and he just gave away the last packet to a kid they don’t even know. “You never fail to surprise me.”
“I can sacrifice my gummies once.”
“You have a knack for sacrifices. You sacrificed your job just to be with me.” Guiltily, Jaehyun squeezes Taeyong’s waist. “I know you’ve been telling me not to worry, but Taeyong, you love teaching those kids. You love your job. And you resigned just because I’m being transferred to another branch.”
Taeyong gives him a look that says he cannot believe that Jaehyun thinks it was a bad idea. “I didn’t resign just because you are being transferred to another branch. Baby, Busan is far. I can always find a new job, but I can’t always come back to an empty house with no husband. I will always be wherever you are. I will always follow you wherever you go.”
‘You’d think for all the days I’ve known you, that I would have memorized you by now.’
Jaehyun stares at his husband for a moment, and then to the road ahead as he brings Taeyong’s hand to his lips. So he thought he knew Taeyong. But every time, Taeyong shows another side of him that reminds Jaehyun why he holds Jaehyun’s beating heart in the palm of his hands. Jaehyun wants more. He keeps wanting more.
Arriving to the apartment, he lets Taeyong spread the snacks on the counter as he stands before their Love Chalkboard hanging on the wall of the hallway. It is divided in two sides—Loving Taeyong Time that Jaehyun fills up, and Loving Jaehyun Time that Taeyong writes on. They began the tradition of writing down the reasons why they love each other every day so they won’t forget the vows they made.
Picking up the chalk, Jaehyun writes in his side. Selflessness. Taeyong will always put the others first before his own happiness.
A week has passed, and all the relocation process, as well as adjusting in the new office is taking a toll on Jaehyun. He feels dead, shoulders heavy with fatigue. Pitching season is on a Rolland he’s fighting for his life for a promotion to make this new setup for him and Taeyong worthwhile.
Parking his truck at the driveway of their bungalow house, Jaehyun loosens his tie and takes a moment to collect himself. Most of their neighbors have turned in already even though it’s only 10, but the village, as they have observed, values rest. Good for them. They shouldn’t be as workaholic as him.
He glimpses their tiny garden as he walks to the front door. It is the house’s selling point for Taeyong, gushing over planting vegetables together. Jaehyun has no choice but to indulge his husband in exchange for Taeyong coming to Busan with him.
Taeyong is wiping his Batman collectives on the shelf when he comes in, kissing his husband sweetly on the lips. “My baby’s still awake.”
“It’s not even 11, yet. Welcome home, though! Hope you don’t mind I kind of switches your Batman stuff around ‘cause I didn’t know what else to do while waiting for you and I got bored watching TV.”
Multiple bowls on the dining table are covered with plastic to keep the food warm. “You made a lot?”
“It’s just enough for us two.”
“…You haven’t eaten yet? Baby, it’s way past our usual dinner time.”
“Eh. I wanted to wait for you to get home so we can eat together.” Putting the rug away, Taeyong pulls him to the kitchen and unwraps the bowls one by one. “Tadah! Rice and buttered chicken, green onion kimchi, and mangoes. I reheated them already.”
Jaehyun wonders how long it took Taeyong to finish cooking. “Alright. Thank you, baby. Let’s eat now? I’m pretty sure you’re starving.” Hearing the sudden growling of his husband’s stomach, Jaehyun chuckles and pulls out the chair next to his for Taeyong to sit on.
His husband then goes on to talk about his day, eagerly cleaning the meat off of the bones of a chicken wing. Jaehyun refills Taeyong’s plate with the green onion kimchi and plucks the grain of rice sticking to Taeyong’s cheek.
“So I had my last consultation with my former students. One of them bawled their eyes out when I said I won’t be coming back even after three days.” Taeyong sighs, picking up another butter wing. “That kiddo with the coconut hair and dimples is my favorite because he looks so much like you when you were a toddler. He has a talent for landscape painting, you know.”
Taeyong is an assistant facilitator at an art school, mainly teaching kids as young as five years old alongside a senior mentor. He loves his craft—but the love he has for it could not keep him from quitting as soon as he learned about Jaehyun’s company transferring him to the Busan branch. Regardless of the space that painting occupies in his heart, nothing will weigh more, and be bigger than what Jaehyun takes up in it.
Jaehyun sincerely listens as Taeyong talks animatedly about his former students. His husband always gets passionate when the topic is his beloved job. His voice gets pitchy, like a boy going through puberty, face so expressive, showing how he feels. His eyes shimmer when he recalls the praises he gets from his students. Every little thing captivates Jaehyun like a helpless creature in the sea falling into the trap of a pirate. Taeyong can detain him, and Jaehyun will not fight for an escape.
‘The sweetest stories fallin’ from your lips, and I hold on to every word like it’s the first one that I’ve heard.’
He loves listening to Taeyong’s stories because he can feel just how genuine they are, and Jaehyun can tell that it matters to Taeyong when he lends an ear. So he nods, and responds appropriately, validating Taeyong’s thoughts and emotions. He records every word and sticks them in his brain like colorful post-it notes, even if he’s heard of them before. Taeyong is so, so sweet like this, sharing about his day with Jaehyun without fail, and Jaehyun treats it tenderly.
They clear the table together as they finish. Taeyong then tells him that he will be showering before bed, but not before they update their Love Chalkboard.
Hardworking and attentive are the things Taeyong writes on his side. “Because I know you are doing your best at work thinking of our future, and because you always make me feel seen and heard.”
Jaehyun takes the chalk and writes Passionate and thoughtful as the reasons to love Taeyong today. “You know what you want in life, and I know that you will not stop from achieving them. You never do things without considering me.” Cupping Taeyong’s cheek, he leans in to smooch the other man’s nose and grins as the skin around it reddens. “I love you always.”
Arms wrap around his neck to draw him. Taeyong matches the kiss, stamping one on his nose too. “I love you always, and in all ways.”
‘And after every sunrise holding you, after all the crazy we’ve been through, every day and every minute, it’s something new.’
Jaehyun rouses to the gentle sunlight streaming in the bedroom through the window, glancing down to look at the serenity of Taeyong’s sleeping face. He relishes the moment with kisses on the man’s face, again and again, before Taeyong wakes up.
As a boyfriend, Jaehyun thought the greatest dream to have was to greet a new morning next to Taeyong. He’s been given that privilege; Taeyong put his guard down and trusted him, and since then, such a scene has never gotten old. Jaehyun never gets tired of seeing Taeyong first thing in the morning, and despite the near decade of being together, he still yearns for this kind of lazy days with him.
Gently, he rests Taeyong’s head on his chest. “Baby, we got something to do today.”
His husband groans, stirring awake. “How important is it for you to ruin my sleep? It’s not even 7am…”
“Actually, it’s already 8:45.”
“Still too early!”
“I know. I’d let you sleep in, but I remember you telling me yesterday that we should start tending to the garden. You got the seeds, right?”
Upon hearing the word garden, Taeyong springs up with a gasp, bed hair wild and chin sporting a dry track of drool. “Right! We should plant the seeds early and follow the guidelines I found on Naver.”
Having no idea how to garden, Jaehyun decides to just follow his husband. They leave the bed, and Taeyong scurries to his still desolated garden as Jaehyun fixes them a bowl of fruits and glasses of juice. He brings them outside, finding Taeyong crouched next to one of the garden beds, inspecting the different packets of seeds. His husband is so excited he didn’t even comb his hair. Jaehyun puts the food on the nearby table and pats Taeyong’s hair. “What do we have here?”
“We have radish, cucumber and carrots. But I’m thinking of going back to the market tomorrow to get more. Should we plant lettuce too? And green beans. These five are among the easiest vegetables to grow.”
Jaehyun makes his husband eat first, occasionally being fed some as he rakes the garden beds looking for more rocks and clay under the soil. Eventually they start planting the seeds properly.
Taking the scissors, Taeyong digs the soil with it to make a wider room for his seeds, and accidentally nicks his finger as he pokes around the holes. He hisses, brushing off the soil as his index bleeds.
Seeing the trail of blood, Jaehyun drops his trowel and grabs his husband’s hand to check the wound. “What happened?” He glares at the scissors and sighs. “This isn’t for digging, baby.”
“It’s just a shallow cut…”
“You’re still hurt. Why don’t you let me plant the rest of the seeds?”
Taeyong withdraws his hand. “I don’t want to. This is my garden, remember?”
Keeping his mouth shut, Jaehyun retrieves a pack of wet wipes and fusses over his husband as he cleans the blood away, even blowing on it. “You’re not allowed to touch the scissors for a while.”
“Oh, you’re panicking for nothing. It’s not like that small wound is going to get infected. I won’t die so you can stop glaring at the scissors now.”
Wrapping the wound with a band-aid, Jaehyun squints at his giggling husband. “Are you laughing at me?”
Taeyong flicks his forehead. “You’re getting so worked up because I nicked my finger!”
“What if I wasn’t here, baby? What if you hurt yourself far worse than this? Do you even know the ambulance hotline?” Grumbling as he gets laughed at, Jaehyun grabs Taeyong’s jaw and kisses the man hard. “Don’t give me a heart attack.”
Pretty pink coats Taeyong’s face down to his neck as they part. “You’re overreacting, Jaehyunie. And it’s really cute. Baby, I’m going to be 30 soon!”
“Doesn’t matter whether you’re 20, 30, 40 or 100. I’ll still worry if you get hurt.”
“I’m fine, I promise. See, I already have a Batman band-aid and I’m not gonna bleed to death, all thanks to my superhero.” Taeyong blows him a kiss before getting distracted by an earthworm. “Oh my God, aren’t earthworms useful to the soil? They increase soil aeration, infiltration, structure, nutrient cycling, water movement and plant growth!”
Amused, Jaehyun playfully bites his husband’s shoulder. The earthworm wriggles over the garden bed as if wanting to flee from their attention. “Someone did their gardening homework.”
“Ahuh. What grade do you think I deserve?”
“A B+.”
Taeyong glowers. “What?”
“You gotta earn that A from me, baby.” Winking at his stupefied husband, Jaehyun gets up to take an old poster from the storage room, as well as wires and his trusty tool box. Two more earthworms have emerged when he returns. “Let’s make a small house for them so they won’t get away.”
Quietly, he builds a miniature house the size of a mug’s box to protect the worms from the light rain that the weather forecast reported. After perching the house made from the sturdy poster, he sprinkles decaying leaves for the worms to chew on.
Taeyong is hiding something behind his back when Jaehyun takes the bowl and glasses inside. The sky darkens gradually, warning everybody of the upcoming shower. “What’s that?”
“Well, since I’m yet to find a new job, I busied myself with painting! I would paint while you were at work, and clean up when I knew you were about to come home.” Giddily, Taeyong unwraps the gift and hands it to him.
His idyllic dream stares back at Jaehyun. Paint dry, he runs his fingers over the image of him and Taeyong on the hilltop watching the sunset. It is exactly as he had seen it in his sleep—the flock of birds, their shadows over the swaying grass, the faraway field. “I love it, baby. It’s beautiful.” Jaehyun sighs fondly, giving his husband a kiss. “You’re so talented.”
“Stooop, or I’ll have a crush on you.”
Jaehyun has no problem with that. He hangs the painting right above the Love Chalkboard. It’s perfect, adding personality and color to their living room. He picks up the chalk and writes softhearted. “I’ve never seen anyone be so happy finding a bunch of earthworms.”
“I like earthworms, Jaehyunie. They’re so cute.” Taking the chalk from him, Taeyong writes indulgent. “I know we had a budget for the new house, and a wider area means more expensive. You could’ve looked for another house, but you immediately bought this because I wanted a garden.”
“You couldn’t plant back in Seoul. I’ll give you anything you want, Taeyong.”
“I love you a lot, I swear—” Squeaking indignantly as he gets thrown over a shoulder, Taeyong pounds his fists halfheartedly on Jaehyun’s back. “Put me down! What are you doing!”
He simply heads to the bedroom, kicking the door close as Taeyong’s giggles turn up a notch. Words come to Jaehyun slowly; he’ll just fervently show Taeyong how much he is loved.
‘I still reach for your hand because I need it, and your kiss is still the spark that lights a fire.’
His twisting and turning pulls Taeyong out of sleep in the middle of the night.
“Love?”
Brows furrowed, Jaehyun curls up against Taeyong and immediately gets enclosed in a warm hug.
“What is it?” Taeyong asks through the stillness of the night.
“I can’t sleep.”
“Mm. Tell me why? If you don’t wanna talk about it though, then it’s okay. But…we’re husbands. And we promised to lean on each other during the hard times, right? Will you allow me to help you feel better?”
How is Taeyong so damn good to him? Jaehyun slots his face in the crook of Taeyong’s beck, breathing him in. “I need the bosses to give my proposal the green light, baby. They’re counting on me for this. And…and it’s getting stressful. I don’t know if I’m doing enough, if I’m good enough.”
Hearing the doubt in his tone, Taeyong pats his arm comfortingly. “You’re the smartest person I know. I stayed up with you during your all-nighters and when you came back with a smile because your research got approved. I was there with you when five different companies tried to bite each other’s head off to hire you. Baby, they know your worth. I know your worth so I hope you believe in yourself more. You can do it, hm?”
“What if I can’t? What if I mess up?”
“Then you will get another chance to do better. Mistakes happen. Things cannot always go your way. The sea isn’t always calm, and a storm might capsize your boat. But you just keep swimming, or floating until you arrive to the right destination.”
“Will you swim with me?”
“I will hold up your raft so you won’t drown.”
Jaehyun prides himself for being mentally and emotionally tough. However, moments of vulnerability aren’t new to him. And whenever they come, it’s always Taeyong he seeks, it’s always Taeyong’s touch that calms his mind. He will always reach for Taeyong, count on him to be his guide.
His husband takes him to the living room to play Mario Kart as a way to distract him, even calling for a late night chicken delivery. And it effectively chases his worries away as Taeyong purposely loses each round just to make him laugh. The tension loses its grip on him, ebbing from his heart.
He checks the time as Taeyong yawns thrice in a row—3:12am. Jaehyun puts the controller down and gathers the chicken bones in the box. “Let’s go back to bed?”
“But we’re still playing…”
“I already feel better, baby.”
Taeyong smiles a bit, squeezing his hand. “You promise?”
“Just having you here is enough. You’re my vitamin, baby. You heal all of my pain.” Ignoring his husband’s mock gagging, Jaehyun kisses the man’s forehead and lets Taeyong go back to bed first as he disposes of the chicken bones, and turns everything off in the living room leaving only the hallway lights.
The Love Chalkboard demands new writings. Jaehyun gives in, noticing the traces of yesterday’s updates: good cook, warm hugs, sweet kisses, eats well. He writes over them, starting the new days with a new reason to love Taeyong—the anchor that gives me strength and keeps me from breaking, my no.1 fan.
They tend to their garden on a sunny day that will end up with another downpour according to the news. Taeyong waters the soil while Jaehyun adds more rotting compost to attract earthworms. “I’ve done my earthworm research, sweetheart. Do you know that there are thousands of earthworm species? Britain has 26 of their own.”
“And the most prevalent in the UK are the tiger worms who like hanging around decomposing leaves and some organic matter,” Taeyong follows.
“That’s right! Also, the common earthworm can tunnel down to a depth of three meters. Can you believe that? The largest common earthworm was also found in the UK.”
“Is that the 40cm earthworm? Gosh. Imagine that. It’s almost like a baby snake already.”
Looking at the worms he is feeding, Jaehyun can’t help the shiver down his spine. “Well, I hope we are not about to break that record.”
Taeyong puts down the sprinkler and stuff his cheeks with a chocolate bread. “Don’t you think it’ll be cool to find a giant earthworm in our garden? Like out of all the countries, it chose to exist in Korea. Out of all the cities, it appeared in Busan. And out of all the gardens, it was found here! Finding a snake will be awesome, too.”
“Baby, I hope we never find a reptile in our garden.”
Taeyong washes down his food with water. “Are you scared, Jaehyunie? Don’t worry, I will protect you. Unless you’re just scared of me finding out you like snakes—those that bite and suck your blood—”
“That sounds very much like a vampire,” Jaehyun chimes in and drops another piece of rotting banana peel for the earthworms.
“—rest assured that even if we don’t find that kind of reptile, I can act like one and suck you—”
“Taeyong.”
His husband laughs, brows wiggling. “Okay, no more teasing! Aw, Jaehyunie, you still get so shy easily. Anyway, all animals are precious. I wonder why we never adopted a pet.”
His husband’s tone changes. Jaehyun can’t pinpoint it, but he anticipates. “Because we’re both busy and we can’t take care of them.”
Picking up a wooden stick, Taeyong squats beside him and gently pokes the wriggling worms. “When you’re at work, I take a walk around the village and there’s this ginger kitty that always loiters near a lamp post. It doesn’t have a collar but maybe its owner lives nearby, hence I always find it at the same spot.”
“Would you like to adopt a pet now?”
Taeyong shrugs and pushes the banana peel closer to the worms.
Jaehyun drops the subject. He tells Taeyong that he’ll be making them more snacks, and goes in to make a tall stack of sandwiches. He hears the distant sound of thunderclap, expecting Taeyong to conclude the gardening. Jaehyun takes his time to make the sandwiches, not wanting to half-ass anything he makes for Taeyong. The drizzling has just begun when he gets done, going out again to call his husband. “We can continue that next time, love. Come in—Taeyong?”
His husband has become a bubble, disappearing with a pop. The stick is on the ground, and the neglected earthworms are squirming towards more compost. The gate is open. Did Taeyong go out without telling him?
Not like he needs permission from Jaehyun if he wishes to go somewhere, but a head’s up would be nice.
Jaehyun goes out and looks around the street, seeing a grandma bring a kid back inside the house as it continuously drizzles. With no sign of Taeyong, Jaehyun worriedly tries to call his husband’s phone, only to hear the ringing coming from inside the house.
He is grabbing his keys, ready to drive around the village to look for his missing husband, when Taeyong rushes inside, hair a little damp as he clutches the pocket of his hoodie. Tears are welling up in his eyes.
“Baby—” Dropping the keys on the floor, Jaehyun cups Taeyong’s cheeks and scans him for an injury. “Where did you go? What happened? Why are you crying?”
“I got worried and thought—what if the kitty really doesn’t have an owner and is just waiting for someone to take it home? It got scared when a boy blew its bike horn, so the cat would be scared of thunders, too. And—and I simply couldn’t sit still and do nothing, so—”
Jaehyun’s eyes widen as Taeyong reveals the kitty from his pocket. He picks it up, and it’s so small that Jaehyun feels afraid of holding it tightly. Seeing his husband wipe his eyes dry, Jaehyun sighs and kisses Taeyong’s cheek. “I’m glad you took it home, baby. It was probably abandoned. Should we adopt him?”
Taeyong’s hair bounces as he nods eagerly. “Let’s name it Orenji.”
A smirk settles on Jaehyun’s face as he brings the kitty to the sink to look for a basin. “You’ve been thinking about it. Okay, Orenji. Your new papa just brought you home. You’re gonna be a good kitty baby, right?” He fills the basin with warm water and hands the kitty to Taeyong, scared of accidentally hurting the orange fluff ball.
Orenji doesn’t resist as Taeyong gently washes him. “Oh wow, you’re not like the other kitties, are you? Do you like water? Or are you just letting me wash you because you’re too lazy to clean yourself? Is this how cats manipulate hoomans into thinking they’re obedient, but the truth is we are wrapped around your little toes now, right?”
Animal lover materializes on the Love Chalkboard. A person who loves animals possesses great empathy and compassion, and Taeyong overflows with it.
Hugging his husband from behind, Jaehyun drops a kiss on Taeyong’s neck and watches the docile kitty close enjoys its bath. How many more surprises does Taeyong have in store? Jaehyun needs a bigger heart for all the love that is now struggling to stay in its confinement. Sigh, Jaehyun is so, so weak to the deadly combination of Taeyong’s cuteness and kindness.
Parking at the driveway, Jaehyun grips the wheel with cold hands. If he stares hard enough, he’ll find them trembling still even though it’s been an hour since he ended his presentation at the company.
He can’t believe it—after a month of revising the proposal, brainstorming with his teammates, he finally got the go signal. The chance of getting promoted to a higher position just ballooned to 70%.
Excited to share the good news, he gets out of the truck and walks in on Taeyong playing with Orenji in the living room.
“Welcome home—oof!” The cat leaps off of Taeyong’s lap as he is hoisted to his feet before a pair of lips block the words from his mouth. He’s breathless, dizzy to the point of buckling legs when Jaehyun spares his mercy. “Oh.”
“Baby, they liked the proposal. I daresay they even loved it!”
Taeyong brightens up, pecking all over Jaehyun’s face. “See?! I told you! Congratulations, baby!”
Happiness spreads in Jaehyun’s system, together with utmost appreciation to his number one fan. He holds Taeyong’s hands and kisses the knuckles, vaguely aware of Orenji clawing at the hem of his pants. “Thank you for believing in me.”
“I will always believe in you, baby. You’re my husband and I love you! By the way, I thought we should dine out tonight so I didn’t cook. And your successful presentation calls for a celebration, yes? I’ll treat you! Let me just get changed! We’ll leave Orenji some food.”
Still reeling from his small victory, Jaehyun picks up the orange cat and nuzzles its head as he follows Taeyong to their bedroom. “Baby, it’s a Saturday tomorrow. I’m thinking we should visit the maritime museum.”
“Wait—that maritime museum? The one that looks like some outer space establishment?”
“Yup. You love sea animals too, right? I thought you’d wanna have a look at the aquarium.”
Taeyong buttons up his shirt, eyes already shining with glee. “Oh, there’s a lot to see! Can we really go? You have nothing to do? Do we have to get tickets online?”
“Relax,” Jaehyun chuckles, caressing Orenji’s fur. “I already got us tickets earlier.”
“I’ve been meaning to visit, Jaehyunie, but I wanted to go with you and you were always busy.”
Regret sizzles in Jaehyun. He smiles apologetically, dropping a kiss on Taeyong’s shoulder. “Sorry, baby. We can go tomorrow. And we can even take Orenji with us.”
They leave the cat in its bed with bowls of food and water nearby before leaving to have a quick dinner at a nice restaurant 20 minutes away.
**
Since it’s a weekend, a lot of people, especially families are at the national museum. Several floors boast history and artefacts, with the aquarium and the wooden ship replica used in Korean missions to foreign countries being the highlight.
The couple goes around the exhibition hall extending to the fourth floor displaying stories of traditional maritime industries as well as information on deep ocean exploration.
Taeyong snaps a few pictures. “Baby, should we go check the children’s museum?”
“Back on the second floor? Why not?”
“Well, we only have Orenji with us and he’s not exactly a child.” As if protesting, the cat meows aggressively from the kitty bag that Taeyong is carrying. “The exhibition is mainly for families.”
“I’m sure we can still look inside. Come on.” Jaehyun leads the way back to the second floor, fingers interlocked with his husband’s. Several families have flocked inside, and they certainly won’t be able to enjoy it with children causing ruckus. “Maybe we should wait for some of them to leave. Orenji might get irritated.”
Taeyong, thankfully, isn’t disappointed. Jaehyun wants his husband to have fun today more than anything. “You’re right. Our kitty baby doesn’t seem to like other people. He hissed at the ahjumma that dropped by to give us her baked cookies.”
Jaehyun raises a brow at the hissy cat, then turns towards the crowd behind them. A quiz bee is about to commence for those interested. The prize being a slide projector perfect for watching short sea documentaries.
“That’s so cool,” Taeyong murmurs, patting Orenji’s bag. “We can watch the slides in the bedroom when the lights are off.”
“Sounds fantastic, doesn’t it? Okay, I’ll get it for you.” He’s already heading towards the group when Taeyong asks if he’s serious. He’s dead serious. He’ll win that projector for Taeyong.
Jaehyun takes one of the pamphlets to review for the last five minutes. “Where did your faith in me go, baby? Sit back and watch. We’ll take the projector home.”
He is given a tiny whiteboard and a pen. They are to answer 10 questions about the maritime facts in the pamphlet and the one that scores the highest will receive the best prize.
Answering the questions is a piece of cake to Jaehyun but he still gets two of the items wrong. His competitive ass gets pissed because someone else shares the same score with him. He focuses on the tenth question, thinking about Taeyong’s twinkling boba eyes as he watches the sea animals on their bedroom wall.
“It is the collected works of Admiral Yi Sun-sin produced by Yu Deok-gong in 1795 by royal order. The main part is made up of six volumes and eight books, with addenda in two additional volumes of six books. What is it called?”
Jaehyun scribbles the answer before the five seconds are up.
“Okay, raise your boards! We have two players who have the same score. So this is going to be a tie breaker for them. Don’t worry if you don’t win, you will still get a consolation prize.”
The presenter scans their answers, smiling as they check Jaehyun’s. “Oh, only one got it correct! The answer is YichungmugongJeonseo! We have a winner!”
Thrilled to be the one to get the main prize, Jaehyun quickly signs off his name and takes the brand new slide projector, turning to look for his husband.
Right before he wonders where Taeyong has gone off to, the latter is running back to him waving two shirts with a cartoon turtle in front. Orenji doesn’t look too happy being jostled in the bag. “Baby! Look what I got from us! No, I won this! I’m sorry I wasn’t there to cheer for you, but I heard there was another contest and I don’t usually like drawing thoughtlessly but they said we could take these shirts if we could draw the model turtle as it looks! Aren’t these cute? We can wear them together!” Taeyong’s eyes bulge as he sees the projector. “Oh, you won! Congratulations!”
“And you won too, baby.” Jaehyun laughs as Taeyong bounces on his heel excitedly, marvelling at the turtle shirts. “Ah, what do I do with you? You always win. You’ve been winning me over ever since. And today, you didn’t pass up the chance to win my heart again.”
“So cringe-y.” Taeyong snorts, and gives him his shirt before grabbing the slide projector.
‘Still wanting, still all-in, I’m still fallin’.’
Jaehyun lets his husband pull him towards one of the vacant seats, and watches the man turn the projector box over to read the texts. He smiles at Orenji, making a mental note to add finding joy in the simplest things on the Love Chalkboard.
The thing that Jaehyun is probably the proudest about himself is how he has never made Taeyong cry—except on their wedding day. And just like Taeyong who finds joy in things that most people don’t care about, Jaehyun is the happiest when he sees Taeyong wear a gorgeous smile.
It’s already dark when they return from their date. Jaehyun and Taeyong wanted to have a picnic at the local park, and followed it with a lazy stroll after that ended up with them pigging out on street food.
Limbs aching, Taeyong soaks in the tub filled with soapy water as Jaehyun sits on a stool massaging his legs with eucalyptus oil. “Does it still hurt?”
Bubbles cover the surface of the water. Taeyong hums, closing his eyes as he slides further down until the water reaches his clavicles. “It’s more manageable now. I don’t know why I’m aching these days, and I get easily tired even when I’m just playing with Orenji.”
“He likes making a mess of the yarn ball. I’d get tired cleaning up after him, too.” Done kneading Taeyong’s legs, Jaehyun then takes one of his arms and massages it. “Penny for your thoughts?”
His husband’s eyes reopen and redirects towards his, lower lip jutted out. “I received an E-mail earlier about a job interview at an art school.”
“Oh, that’s great. When will it be?”
“Tomorrow morning. The position needs to be urgently filled, but the thing is it’s just a reliever position. They will only need me for five months and then I’ll be jobless again.”
The exhaustion must be from the stress brought by Taeyong’s unemployment. Jaehyun’s gaze drops to Taeyong’s knuckles. “They might offer you a new position after that. Make you a regular employee. Is it a teaching position?”
“Mm.”
“…But you don’t think you’ll take it. It’s okay, baby. Don’t rush. Do whatever makes you happy. I’ll be right beside you to offer my support.”
Smiling, Taeyong tugs at his hand to get a kiss that he gives easily. “Thank you.”
Taeyong looks like a sleepy angel under the warm, yellowish light. Jaehyun kisses the tip of his nose, earning a giggle. “Do you still remember when we first met? There was an exhibition in the hall, and we were required to visit it for extra points.”
“Ah, yes. I saw you first! You looked like you’d rather eat a roach than be there. You weren’t a huge fan of art.”
“Not until I stumbled upon your painting. I had no idea about it and it was embarrassing to ask you to explain. But patiently, you broke it down for me one by one, so clearly that it felt like I was the one who painted it. We majored in completely different courses, our interests polar opposites, but I instantly fell for your works. Not only because they were magnificent, but because I saw, heard and felt how much you love what you do. And I admire that a lot about a person. You don’t always meet people like you. You’re hard to find, Taeyong.”
“There are like—millions of painters in the world.”
“But there is only one who has the kind of heart that you have. My admiration for you has never waned. It keeps getting stronger. You’re gifted, baby, and I will not get tired telling you how marvelous you are.” Jaehyun runs his thumbs over Taeyong’s slipper knuckles. “And you deserve so much better than this.”
“What do you mean?”
He takes a deep breath, dragging his stool closer to the tub. “What if we go back to Seoul? Maybe they haven’t found a new teaching assistant, yet. Have you talked to your students again?”
Frowning slightly, Taeyong sits up and dries his hand with a towel before cupping Jaehyun’s cheek. “I don’t know if they already found someone to replace me, and if they haven’t yet, I don’t care. I’m not going back to Seoul without you.”
“But I’ll go with—”
“No, Jaehyunie. They sent you here because they need your excellence, and they know you will thrive here. You won’t get that promotion in Seoul. I want you to grow in your career, so I told you to grab the chance. Why would I let you go back? We have a better house now, and we have a garden. And I know we’ll be happier here.”
Jaehyun sighs, pressing a kiss to Taeyong’s palm. “But I want the same thing for you. You really loved those kids. You were so happy every time you came back from work even though you were covered in paint and it was hell to take them off your clothes.”
“I’ll eventually find a work that suits me best, okay. Please don’t worry too much about it. We are yet to explore all of Busan, and I already feel at ease here. Moving constantly is bad for the baby.”
“What baby?”
“Me, I’m the baby.” Taeyong grins, brushing their noses together. “Let’s stay a bit longer.”
Momentary silence stretches between them before Jaehyun nods, smiling at his husband. “Okay. We’ll make new memories here.”
Soon, he is helping Taeyong rinse and dry. Jaehyun hands him the robe, trying a ribbon in front before draining the tub and bringing his husband to the bedroom where a pair of boxers and the clean, button-down shirt are already waiting in bed. Taeyong quickly puts them on, and asks Jaehyun if they can check the slide projector tomorrow.
“I’m really tired…”
“Alright, baby. We’ll sleep now.”
Pulling the blanket up to their waists, Jaehyun warms Taeyong in his arms and holds him dearly as Taeyong dozes off, and he remains wide awake.
‘Still fallin’, still chasing, still nervous, still reeling, dreaming about this.’
He was riddled with anxiety about moving, thinking Taeyong might not fall in love with Busan. And Jaehyun doesn’t wish to make his husband miserable after Taeyong quit his job. Taeyong is unbelievably generous, and Jaehyun swears to do anything to make up for Taeyong’s sacrifices. He is relieved to know that Taeyong likes their new life, that he enjoys gardening. Orenji is also making the hours feel like they merely fly by.
Jaehyun’s lips press against Taeyong’s forehead, inwardly promising to chase more of Taeyong’s love by doing right by him, by doing his best to be a husband that Taeyong deserves.
His heart beats faster as he closes his eyes, and the darkness only amplifies the feeling of his unstoppable fall for the man that gave up a bit of himself just for them to stay together.
Jaehyun forgets whatever he was dreaming of the second he gets woken up by Taeyong insistently shaking his arm. “Baby?” He asks immediately, seeing the frown on his husband’s face.
“I’m hungry.”
It’s half an hour past 2am. “…Okay. What do you wanna eat? I’ll make something for you—”
“I want pizza.” Taeyong crosses his arms, huffing as exhaling the stress. “And I want to eat it under the stars.”
Jaehyun sits up as well and rubs his eyes. “Seriously?”
“Yes, baby. Does it look like I’m kidding? It’s literally 2:30.”
Looks like Taeyong woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Not wanting to push the other man’s buttons, Jaehyun gets off the bed even though he has to be at work in less than six hours. “Then let’s get pizza, okay? What else do you want?”
“…Fanta,” Taeyong says softly, looking a bit embarrassed. “Are you not mad?”
“Why would I be mad?”
“Because I woke you up in the wee hours of the morning just to—” Boba eyes shake in uncertainty in the dim bedroom as Taeyong fidgets anxiously. “I’m suddenly craving pizza and I’m getting more irritable the longer I don’t get it. I’ll just call for delivery—”
“No, it’s okay.” Jaehyun drops a kiss on top of Taeyong’s head. “We’ll buy pizza together. Do you really think I’d let you sit outside to stargaze alone?”
“Um…actually, can we go somewhere we can overlook the city?”
There’s nothing Jaehyun won’t do for the man that holds his heart safe. “Of course, baby. Why don’t you look up a perfect place we can do that, hm?” He takes out their coats since it’s chilly, and then a thick blanket to spread over the back of the truck for later. Jaehyun then makes sure that Orenji will be fine while they’re gone. Taeyong soon comes out of the bedroom to show him a nice place to eat their pizza.
“Okay, let’s get your pizza and Fanta now.”
They head to a parlor, and since there are no other customers, it was a quick affair. Jaehyun puts the box of pizza and Fanta cans in the backseat before driving towards their next destination, entering a highway.
He turns on the stereo and lets the opening lyrics of PDA fill the vehicle. Taeyong rolls the window down and gasps as the wind breezes inside.
“It’s so cold!”
“Then close the window, baby. And button up your coat.”
“I’m not complaining. I actually like it! I feel like a bird.”
Jaehyun chuckles, focusing on the road for a moment before glancing at his husband once again. “If you were to have a superpower, what would you like?”
“Hm, to be able to fly, and be invisible. What about you?”
“To be able to live for a long time so I can love you endlessly.”
Taeyong bites his lip, looking at his side profile. “No matter how long or short a life we’re given, I am sure you will love me for the entirety of it. I just know. I see it in your eyes when you look at me.”
‘But after flying so high for so long, who would think I’m still learning, still burning, still fallin’.’
Jaehyun swallows the lump in his throat as he rests an elbow on the side of the door, clenched fist pressed gently against his mouth. He doesn’t want to be emotional right now.
But when he looks at Taeyong again as the lights flash across his husband’s face, his chest automatically squeezes. Taeyong looks like a painting that came to life as he smiles at the sky with the wind blowing through his hair, and Jaehyun can only quietly admire him because no words can accurately encapsulate everything he feels for Taeyong.
He briefly wonders if there is someone else who yearns for another person the way he does. If they have found their own Taeyong, and how exactly they manage to stay intact with the influx of affection that burst within them at the mere sight of their other half.
He has already forgotten what it feels like to not be in love, and he doesn’t wish to be reminded of it. For Jaehyun, he lives every day to love Taeyong, to cherish him, to treasure him, to be devoted to him. One lifetime is not enough; he needs to be reborn so he can find his way back to Taeyong and give him his heart all over again.
The area is desolate when they arrive, as expected. There are no trees but the ground is covered by soft grasses. Benches are present nearby, but since Jaehyun brought a blanket, he lays it over the back of the truck instead. He helps Taeyong up, and gives him a slice of pizza. “Here you go, baby.”
“You don’t have to do every little thing for me,” Taeyong says when he takes the food, expression softening with amusement. “I can pick up my own pizza slice.”
“Yeah, but it makes me feel happy when you let me take care of you even in the smallest ways because I want to let you know how much I love you by making things easy for you. I could carry you all the way back home if you want.”
“That’s not exactly making things easy for us.” Taeyong giggles and takes a bite of his pizza, leaning his weight against Jaehyun’s side. Stars, a gazillion of them, blink overhead, with the addition of an airplane’s radiant lights. “Thank you for indulging me again, Jaehyunie. I knew it was irrational to suddenly ask you to take me here at an ungodly hour.”
“And I’ll keep telling you that I’ll do anything for you.” Jaehyun kisses Taeyong’s forehead and takes a sip of his Fanta. Now, he’s 100% certain he won’t be able to get a bit of sleep when they get back home, thanks to the caffeine. One sleepless night is worth seeing Taeyong happy. “I have a lot of plans, baby. Wanna hear some of them?”
“Mm.”
“I want us to have a nice house in Spain. Why Spain? I don’t know either, but I want us to have a house there. Let’s go on a world tour like we’re singers, and make memories in each country we visit. Also, I’m thinking since working corporate won’t last forever, maybe starting a business will be good. How about a pet clothing store? Or anything that has to do with animals. Maybe gardening, too. I’ll let you pick out the name since you’re good at it.”
Taeyong lifts his head and looks at him. “Baby, that all sounds great. But do you not notice anything? Every single one of your dreams include me. Don’t you have something planned for yourself alone?”
Jaehyun shakes his head, meeting his love’s gaze. “I want you in every step of my life. I want you in every chapter of it. You’re like…a stone on my pathway, and without it, I’ll be slipping. A page in a book that will be incomplete if you were torn apart. It’s no longer just me when I married you. It’s you and I. I can no longer do things on my own. You can say it’s a little too dependent of me, but baby—you’re my life. Without you, I’m nothing; I’m going nowhere.”
“…Don’t say that, please. You’re your own person.”
“I still am, but I choose to live my life with you every single day. Because I love you.”
Thin, cold lips press against his, shivering at the slightest.
‘After every late night street light drive, every “love you”, “miss you,” kiss good night, your name is still my favorite.’
As the dam breaks inside of him, Jaehyun pushes Taeyong down and hovers over him. Food and drink pushed aside, forgotten in exchange for kisses—languid and frantic, touches—hands slipping underneath baggy shirts. Fingers press against freezing skin like branding iron.
Taeyong gasps as Jaehyun nips on the side of his neck. “We’re outside—”
“No one can see us, baby.” Rolling up Taeyong’s shirt, Jaehyun sends his husband a look before ducking his head to peppers kisses all over Taeyong’s chest, hands nudging Taeyong’s legs open so he can slot himself perfectly in between. Mewls worm inside his ears; he likes it most when Taeyong is helpless under him, toes curling from bliss.
Jaehyun warms the night with his mouth, pushing down their pants dexterously. He strokes Taeyong, drawing out gasps and whimpers at every tug of his damp hand. Taeyong wants more, and Jaehyun will give him anything he asks for. “I love you—”
Trembling, Taeyong grasps the front of his shirt and pulls him even closer, eyes glazing over with pleasure. “Baby—”
“Tell me, baby. Tell me what you want.”
“You, please—please, Jaehyunie, just hold me—”
Jaehyun captures Taeyong’s lips in a passionate kiss, hoping to convey his feelings through it while rocking their hips together. Hands now interlocked, he breaks the kiss for them to get some air, and pants against Taeyong’s ear as he gently nibbles the lobe. Underneath, Taeyong quivers like a leaf at every push of his hips.
“I’m profoundly in love with you, Taeyong. Do you know that?” Jaehyun whispers with a slight hitch in breath, belly churning. “Do you even know how much? I’d give you the world—I’d give you anything. I’d open up my chest and tear my heart out if you ask for it.”
Taeyong’s hips stutter, legs buckling. “Jaehyun—”
His mouth descends to Taeyong’s chest again, lips grazing puffy nipples. “I still fall for you with every waking moment, wanting to get to know you, to discover more—you’re a treasure, sweetheart. I’d dig the earth forever if it meant having the best and worst of you.” Jaehyun pants, peak surging fast. “I’ll never—fuck—I’ll never get tired of falling in love with you, of getting drawn to you. I’ll love you in my next lives. You’re the only one for me, Taeyong. I love you too much—”
His husband spasms violently against him, his name falling from Taeyong’s mouth like dignified prayer. Jaehyun follows soon after, thrown over the edge with a cry of Taeyong, a duet of his two favorite songs.
They remain in that position for a while, limbs wrapped around each other like vines until Taeyong squirms uncomfortably, complaining about their drying mess.
“And you’re actually heavy, do you—” Taeyong stops, feeling hot wetness dribbling down his neck. He pulls Jaehyun’s face away from his throat, eyes widening. “Why are you crying?”
Tears trickle down Jaehyun’s flushed cheeks. “What did I do to deserve someone like you? You’re immaculate. Out of all the people that want you, why did you choose me?”
“Because you’re it for me, baby…”
“I’m so—” Jaehyun chokes on his own silent tears, blinking rapidly to clear his gaze. “No amount of praying could thank the heavens enough for giving you to me. I’m so lucky you chose me. You always make sure I’m comfortable—cooking my breakfast, preparing my things, cleaning my figures because I’m always too tired to do it. You quit your job to be with me. You’re so good to me and I hope you realize that. I have—I have too much love for you and it erupts like this because I can’t hold it in for too long. I’m just a man, Taeyong. And you’re out of this world.”
Taeyong sighs, wiping his tears. “Nothing comes close to my love for you, okay? Not even my love for painting. Stop feeling guilty over it. Quitting was my decision. You gave me a choice, and I gave you my answer. I will always choose you. So stop crying now, big baby. How could you cry after what we just did?”
Hearing his husband’s teasing giggles, Jaehyun suddenly feels hot with shame. He peels himself off of Taeyong with a scoff, and reaches for the wet wipes in the back seat.
“Talking about praying to gods with our cocks out—”
“Taeyong!”
Laughter ripples in the emptiness of the place as Taeyong sits on his lap and kisses his lips. “I love you so much. And nothing will change that.”
Likewise.
Jaehyun steps out of the shower in a towel, pausing in his tracks when he hears Taeyong talking to someone on the phone from the living room.
“Ah, should I go to the clinic later? But I don’t have an appointment. Are you sure…?”
Curiously, he approaches his husband and kisses Taeyong’s cheek, snorting in amusement as the latter flinches and looks at him like he’s been spooked in Halloween. “We’ll be out once I’m done,” he mouths and heads to the bedroom to get dressed.
Deep inside, he’s jittery. It’s Taeyong’s birthday and he’s taking him out to see his present. Jaehyun is not sure if Taeyong is going to like it; he only wishes to please him, hoping he did the right thing.
Taeyong stands by the doorway, shyly smiling at him as he crosses his arms. “Hi.”
The tension in his shoulders dissipate. “Hi, baby.”
“Where are you taking me?”
“I told you it’s a secret.”
“Are you going to make me wear a blindfold?”
“There’s no need.” Jaehyun zips up his jeans and rolls his sleeves to his elbows. “Who were you talking to?”
Taeyong purses his lips, gaze darting away. “My new dentist. I’ve been eating way too many spaghetti gummies for a week straight and I really don’t wanna risk getting cavities. You say you will still kiss me anyway, but I don’t want us to reach that point.”
His husband is truly too cute for his own good. Jaehyun grabs his keys as Taeyong picks up their kitty baby. Orenji is going to be celebrating with them.
They drive for a little over half an hour, parking at a four-story commercial building five minutes away from Jaehyun’s company.
“What are we doing here?” Taeyong unbuckles his seatbelt and gets off the truck, gazing up the establishment. “Are we gonna get a massage?”
Jaehyun fondly rolls his eyes as they walk past the massage parlor on the first floor, and leads the way to the third. He stops before a closed commercial space and rips off the “Rented” sign on the door.
Taeyong confusedly tails him inside what looks to be a studio space. “Um…”
“There is a centralized aircondition system here. A sink, a bathroom, and we can install an internet connection. We are free to add anything necessary. The best thing about this studio is the view of the beach, and the fact that we can meet each other for lunch. We can also go home together, but that depends on your schedule. I know you’ll finish early, and if you don’t mind waiting, you can go to the company.”
“What…is this my gift?”
Jaehyun nods, rubbing the back of his neck in nervousness. “I think you can put around 15 easels here. But it’s up to how many students you’ll take per class. Before we work on the enrolment though, we should finalize all the necessary permits for you to run your own painting course for kids.”
Taeyong is speechless. He lets Orenji roam around the studio, walking up to the floor-to-ceiling glass window that opens to a small balcony. He moves to open it, but drops his hand just as he’s about to touch the handle.
“I’m…going to have my own little painting school, that’s what you are saying.”
“Baby, you’re way too good to just be a teaching assistant. The kind of talent you have deserves to be recognized by your own students. You deserve to be the one they look up to. I don’t know if this is what you want but I couldn’t ask you first since surprised don’t work like that, though…I think it’ll be great for kids to love painting because of you and not anyone else.” Jaehyun hugs Taeyong from behind, kissing the side of his head. “I believe in you as much as you believe in me, baby. You deserve this.”
Sniffing, Taeyong turns around in his arms and takes in the whole studio space.
“Do you like it?”
Taeyong nods, clutching the sleeves of his shirt. “Thank you. I needed that push. I—I turned down the interview because I didn’t want to be another substitute. I want to facilitate my own class, to hone these students’ skills by myself and…and you made it possible. Jaehyunie, you don’t know how happy I am right now.”
The worry in his heart vanishes, replaced by high spirits. “Happy birthday, babe. I’m glad you liked it. I’ll assist you in everything you need to do, okay? Step by step.”
Taeyong briefly stares at a spot behind him, cheeks erupting in flames as he finally looks up. “I wasn’t talking to a dentist. I—I took a test three days ago, when you were at work, and I got a call from the doctor. I’m pregnant, Jaehyunie.”
His jaw drops quite literally. Jaehyun looks down at Taeyong’s stomach, then at Taeyong’s face, and back down at the still flat belly. “Is that…is that why you’ve been aching all over, craving food in the middle of the night and eating nothing but the spaghetti gummies in the past week? Oh—” Jaehyun’s heart rate picks up. “You’re pregnant.”
“Mhm. We’re going to be daddies.”
Jaehyun can’t breathe. He looks up, studying the blank ceiling as he fights the urge to cry, and wraps his arms around Taeyong again. Not an inch of Taeyong’s face is left un-kissed. “I love you so much, my bubu. I love you, I love you, I love you. What do we have to do?” Panic rises as it sinks into him that there will soon be a human being in Taeyong’s tummy. “Should we go to the doctor today?”
“That’s the plan. I want you to go with me…”
“Of course!” Orenji hisses at his exclamation. “I’ll go with you at every appointment, I promise. You won’t do this alone. We’re pregnant, Taeyong.” Jaehyun nervously touches Taeyong’s belly, chest full of love. “We’ll figure it out together. You love it here, right…? I mean—I don’t think it’ll be good for the baby to constantly move—”
“I like it here,” Taeyong assures him, pinching his cheeks. “I love it here. Wherever you’ll be, I’ll be present. Because you’re my address, Jaehyun. You’re my home.”
It’s not Jaehyun’s birthday but it feels like one, as he receives the greatest blessing of all. Once again, Taeyong has given him a reason to keep loving. To keep learning, to keep burning, to keep falling. And he will be going through the cycle with Taeyong forever, hand in hand.
Phone pinched between his shoulder and ear, Jaehyun hunches over the computer and scrolls through an open document. “Yes, I already noted that—”
“Jaehyun! Where is the milk I asked you to get?!”
“Shit— oh, fuck, sorry, sir. No, that’s not for you. That’s for my husband. No we’re not fighting, thank you for the concern but I really need to get off the phone now. I’ll send you another E-mail as soon as possible.” Jaehyun hangs up and sprints towards the kitchen to heat up the milk bottle. “Sorry, baby!”
Taeyong huffs, taking the ball of yarn from their 10-month old son and gives it to a pissed Orenji. “Don’t say sorry to me. Say sorry to Haneul. He’s so hungry he’s starting to eat Orenji’s yarn.”
Scratching his head, Jaehyun takes the milk to his husband and joins the trio on the floor, smile splitting his face in half as their son crawls towards the milk bottle in Taeyong’s hand. He grabs Orenji and scratches the cat’s chin. “Now why are you letting Haneul eat your yarn? You’re supposed to tell your brother what’s right and wrong.”
The toddler settles on Taeyong’s lap, hands gripping the bottle as he hungrily gulps his warm milk. As Haneul grows, his features are starting to mimic Taeyong’s more and more. When he smiles, twin dimples pop out of his chubby cheeks.
“Don’t scold Orenji. It’s your fault you were so slow.”
Jaehyun kisses his husband’s lips. “Sorry, sweetheart. I will do better. What time are moms and pops coming over?”
“They should already be here at 4.” Taeyong wipes the milk droplets off of Haneul’s chin with the orange bib. “Help me give our baby a bath, please?”
“I’ll give him a bath. You do what you need to do. Take a rest for a long as you want, I’ll just wake up when they arrive. Do you need me to do anything else?”
Taeyong shakes his head. “That’s all, baby. Thank you.”
“No problem. I’ll get the washing machine running for now.” Jaehyun puts Orenji down, asking him to look after Taeyong and Haneul before kissing his husband and son, and making his face to the laundry room.
But not before updating the Love Chalkboard.
He picks up the tiny chalk and writes.
— For giving me the most beautiful family I could’ve hoped for.
‘I’m still a fool for you, and there’s a million reasons why.’