Archive of Our Own ^beta

Harry wakes a few minutes before his alarm and turns onto his side, expecting to see his husband fast asleep next to him before he remembers, remembers that his side of the bed has been empty for far longer than Harry wishes. The familiar ache blooms in Harry’s chest immediately; Harry misses when he never knew what that feeling was. He rolls out of bed before he can let himself wallow; it’s been over a year, he can get through waking up on his own now, he has too.

“Daddy?” A familiar voice calls as their - his - bedroom door opens revealing Autumn clutching her favourite teddy bear, curls matted and thumb in her mouth, bundled up in her green pyjamas.

“Morning pumpkin.” Harry smiles, rubbing his eyes as he pads over to his little girl, placing her on his hip when he reaches her. “You’re up early.”

“’eard the ringing.” Autumn mumbles, burrowing into her father’s chest as they pad downstairs, both ignoring the family photos on the wall that have been far too painful to look at in a while.

“Was a bit loud today wasn’t it?” Autumn just hums as Harry places her on the sofa. “What would you like for breakfast today? You can have anything you want.”

“Anything? Anything in the world?” She asks, eyes wide and sparkling, just like her papa’s used to.

Harry laughs quietly, “Well not in the world. I’m not a king or anything but I can make you breakfast fit for a queen if you like?” He asks, knowing she understands what he means.

“Pancakes!” She cries.

“Yep! Do you want to sleep for 10 more minutes or watch a little bit of TV whilst I make them?”

Autumn’s eyebrows knit together for a few brief moments before nodding slowly, “Cartoons daddy. Cartoons please.”

“Of course.” He smiles, placing a kiss on her forehead as he stands.

“Papa said you were the king of kings of, of pancakes.” Autumn mumbles just as Harry moves towards the kitchen. He stops walking and turns to his daughter who’s fixed on the TV.

“You – you remember that pumpkin?” He asks, voice catching slightly.

“Course daddy.” Autumn nods, attention leaving the TV briefly to smile at her dad.

“Oh.” Harry whispers before moving into their kitchen, setting out to make pancakes almost mechanically. It shouldn’t surprise him that his five year old still remembers things her father would say but it does; it throws him every time because she was so young when Harry’s world fell apart. She had just started pre-school and never missed a day, her world just beginning as both her fathers’ ended. She cried and screamed for her papa but adjusted slowly; they both did, but it still catches Harry when she mentions her papa.

“Daddy!” Autumn calls, interrupting Harry’s thoughts, making him notice that his mobile phone is ringing upstairs.

“Can you go and grab it for me please darling?” He asks, hearing the patter of her tiny feet run through their small house seconds later.

“It was Uncle Ni!” Autumn grins as she runs into the kitchen, his phone clasped in her small fist, just as Harry puts the stack of pancakes on the kitchen island.

“Was it?” He grins as he picks her up, placing her on one of the chairs surrounding the counter, “Why do you think he’s calling this early? It’s not like anything important is happening this week is it?” Harry says, scrunching his nose up as Autumn giggles.

“Hey!” Autumn whines between giggles as Harry calls Niall back via. Facetime, placing his phone on the dock so Autumn can see her uncle. “It’s my birthday on f-friday daddy! And Uncle Ni loves me lots and lots and lots!”

“That I do princess!” Niall yells through the phone.

“Uncle Ni!” Autumn squeals, “Uncle Ni!”

“Hello my queen, how have you been? Wait- are those pancakes?” Niall gasps overdramatically and wide eyed making Autumn laugh.

“Pancakes!” She squeals at her uncle before taking a large mouthful.

“Not too much.” Harry and Niall say at the same time making her giggle. Harry watches as Autumn scoffs down a pancake and half, plus two strawberries whilst talking to her uncle about her first day back at school and her birthday on Friday. Harry knows he wouldn’t be half the man he is today if it wasn’t for his daughter, his absolute world.

“Why don’t you go and watch another 10 minutes of TV before we get you dressed so I can have a little chat with uncle Ni yeah?” Harry asks when Autumn loudly states how she may explode because of all the food she’s eaten. She waves goodbye to her uncle with a large grin before being helped down from the table after her face has been washed.

“She’s a carbon copy of him.” Niall states when Harry turns the phone around to him as he drinks his tea.

“Hm, don’t I know it? Caught her putting sequins in my bed yesterday – told me she thought papa would have found it funny. He would’ve but I didn’t last night.” He laughs slightly, pointedly ignoring how Niall’s face has softened at the mere mention of his husband. “She’s a terror.”

“And a treasure.”

“You don’t deal with the tantrums.” Harry says, even though they both know it is a lie. Niall and the other boys dealt with them when Harry couldn’t, when Harry was at breaking point. Harry pushes those memories away. “Anyway, why are you calling us at seven am?”

“Wanted to see how you are.”

“’m fine; tired but fine.” Harry shrugs.

“You going today? Gems and I will pick Autumn up from school if you want.”

“No, no, it’s her first day back. I’ll pick her up. I’m, eh, going to go as soon as I’ve dropped her off because I’m only popping into the bakery to make sure Barbara’s okay so I’ve got most of the day. I won’t be there long anyway.”

“Haz you can be there as long as yo-“

“No. No I can’t. I’ve gotta start cutting down. Can’t spend three hours just sitting there quietly can I? It’s been 18 months.”

“You love him.”

“Yeah, I do, but I’ve gotta let go.” Harry says, throat tight even as he says it. Niall sighs and Harry already knows what’s coming.

“Harry it’s-“

“Daddy! Come on! School!” Autumn yells as she runs into the kitchen, jumping on the spot. Harry swears he can never remember being this happy about going to school.

“Ni, I’ve got to go. I’ll see you tomorrow yeah? You’re all coming over aren’t you?”

Niall sighs, frown etched onto his face. “Hm, yeah. We’ll be over with Li and Zayn at 6. Love you both.”

“Love you.” Harry mumbles as Autumn yells it excitedly, making Harry winces as he ends the call.

“Inside voice please.” Harry pleads as he leads her upstairs, ignoring the vibration of his phone in his joggers pocket knowing it’s Niall or his sister worrying already.

~

“Hey Lou.” Harry whispers after being sat with him for 10 minutes. “Nice day today. You would’ve liked it – rare clear skies and only the wind making it cold. Bit like the day we got engaged honestly, but not as cold.” Harry chokes, willing the tears away because he shouldn’t be crying yet, he’s only been talking for 30 seconds.

“Autumn’s first day back at school today – bloody excited for it as well. Had pancakes and the works today; her special hair clips and your old rucksack for school. Y’know those shitty sparkly pink ones you always moaned about your sisters having? She bloody loves them right now, won’t leave without them in her hair. Her hair is so long now, wavy and as dark as mine. Just how you always said you wanted it to be when I was pregnant with her all those years ago.

“Can’t believe it’s been six years since I had her on Friday. Can’t believe we never had more. She would’ve been a great elder sister, would’ve babied a younger sibling just how you did when yours were born. Fuck, I remember you staring at Niall when he held Doris for the first time, scared he’d bloody drop her. When we used to babysit them – Doris and Ernie – I used to watch you play with them, how happy and wonderful you were and I always thought I wanted a large family with you. Four. Four seemed like a good number. Guess I should’ve expected less considering your job.” Harry laughs miserably, wiping his eyes as the tears run down his cheeks. He needs to start coping better, he thinks, it’s been 18 months.

“When I got pregnant at 21 I thought I knew we’d have the big family I always wanted; a nice house and stable jobs with many kids. Four years later, we were ready for another then, then.” Harry sniffs. “I miss you a lot Lou. So does Autumn, even quotes you somehow. How she remembers things you’ve said, I have no idea because she was so fucking young when we lost you, when she lost her dad. God.”

“Autumn hasn’t cried herself to sleep in over a week. It’s progress. We’ve been taking baths right before she goes to bed to make her sleepy so she doesn’t cry for you to read her a bed night story. Fingers crossed I’ve cracked this. God I hope I have.” Harry laughs wetly, “I feel like ‘m being watched right now and I hope that means you’re here, listening because I need to think you are. I need you with me, especially this week. You’re- you’re not gonna see our baby turn six and it’s hard for me to comprehend. I – I got absolutely hammered last year once she fell asleep whilst Zayn sat with me in the bedroom to make sure I was alright; I don’t want a repeat this year.

“W-what I want this year is for her to have a lovely day with her school friends and her uncles and aunts and grandma’s, and for her to not cry when she wakes up because her dad isn’t here, like last year. Fuck, that will always haunt me Lou. Our baby girl screaming for her papa, clutching at my chest yet kicking my stomach because she wanted her papa on her birthday morning. She- she gets like that sometimes, not so much now compared to a year ago, but where she gets so frustrated because you’re missing that she’ll cry and scream until she falls asleep or we calm her down. Gemma’s good at calming her down. Autumn only cries if she wants a bedtime story now or if she hurts herself. She’s such a fucking gift to us Louis. You’d be so proud.” Harry hears some murmuring near him and turns to look behind him, seeing no one.

“Hello?” He calls but gets no reply.

“Think some other people may be coming so I’m going to go. Gonna pop into the bakery and make sure everything is okay before picking up the last gift for Autumn. Probably have a little cry too because y’know, when do I not cry now?” Harry laughs slightly, attempting to dry his cheeks as he does. “It’s pathetic how I still cry Lou. You’ve been gone for 18 months but I can’t, can’t get over you.” Harry takes a deep breath as he stands, brushing the dirt off of his jeans before placing a hand on the grey marble tombstone reading ’Louis William Tomlinson. Devoted husband, father, son and brother. Always in our heart too.’ “I love you. I’ll love you until the end of time. I hope you’re okay up there and watching over our princess.” Harry whispers, staring at the tombstone before walking back to his car with his arms around his waist and sobs breaking free.

“Ni.” Harry sobs when he sees his best friend waiting for him at his car.

“Come ‘ere.” Niall sighs, pulling Harry into his chest.

“I miss him, I miss him, I want him back. Please.” Harry sobs. Niall rocks him slowly, shushing him quietly wishing Harry could have what he wanted so badly.

~

“There’s this big case I’ve been working on, y’know the one?” Louis mumbles into the early morning air as he and Harry sit in the closed bakery making most of the quiet as Autumn has been with her uncles for the night.

“The big drug ring right?” Harry says as he sips his tea, cuddling further into Louis’ chest.

“Yeah, that one. They think, think that as an experienced detective I should go undercover again for a week, max. Use my old cover from last year and try and get in. We’ve got enough to bust them, enough evidence, and the gang think I was locked up so it’ll look natural when I return.” Harry’s gone stiff in Louis’ arms as he processes what his husband’s saying to him.

“W-what will you be doing?”

“Just hopefully gaining their trust then tagging along with them for just enough time that everyone back at the office can get a location and what they’re doing. Then we can move. Shouldn’t be more than a day really. I’ll be fine.”

“They’re dangerous people.”

“I’ll be fine.” Louis repeats, tightening his arm around Harry.

“Is this the case that you’re working on with Liverpool forces?”

“Yeah. I’ll be under cover in Liverpool as well because that’s where their base is at the moment.” They’re silent for a while as they sip their drinks, both mulling over what is to come.

“Promise me you’ll be safe. Promise me I’m still going to have a husband afterwards.” Harry demands softly into the silent air; the same demands he’s asked every time Louis has told him he’s going to be doing something slightly dangerous at work.

“I promise. I promise. I’ll always return home.” Louis whispers. “I’ll always be safe for you.”

~

“I shouldn’t still be like this 18 months after his death, should I?” Harry asks Niall as they sit in the unmoving car.

“I think the love of your life died and you can mourn him for the rest of your life if you want to. I don’t think there is a time period on how long you can miss him Harry.”

“I was doing so much better until this week.”

“It’s a tough week.”

Harry lets out a humourless laugh, “It should be an amazing week, celebrating my daughters sixth birthday. Celebrating that I gave birth to her and that she is healthy and safe. We should be celebrating it, happily, together. This week shouldn’t be tough.”

“It was always going to be.”

“Don’t I know it.”

~

“’m just going to put these bags in the car then I’ll be back up to finish my tea before we hit the road alright?” Louis called from the kitchen of their flat.

“’m nearly ready!” Harry replies as he stares at himself in the mirror, plain white t-shirt and plaid shirt still on their bed as he runs his hands over his flat stomach with a soft grin. He’s having a baby. He’s officially having a baby according to the doctor’s results he received yesterday. He and Louis are going to be parents.

“Hello pumpkin.” Harry whispers, aware that the baby is only the size of a pin head but still. “’m your daddy and I’m going to keep you safe for the next nine months, then afterwards so will your papa. Your very brave papa. I know you’re only a tiny, tiny thing in me right now but I’m very excited to meet you in nine months.” Harry giggles to himself, “God, ‘m going to have a baby bump.”

“H, you done?” Louis calls as he re-enters the flat.

“Yeah – shit – be there in a sec!” Harry calls at he quickly shrugs on his shirts before making sure all electrical appliances are turned off and that he has the most important present he’ll ever give his fiancé in his hands. He does.

“You look excited today.” Louis smiles as Harry enters the kitchen.

“I am. You’re now the very old man of our relationship for the next five weeks again and ‘m seeing babies later. I’m very happy.” Harry grins as Louis laughs.

“Hey! That’s not nice.”

“You’re my favourite old man babe.” Harry smiles as he kisses Louis.

“’m not old.” Louis mumbles as he tugs Harry into his lap. “What’s this?” Louis asks when they stop kissing, noticing the cream envelope in Harry’s hands. Harry smiles nervously as he clambers off Louis’ lap to sit on a stool next to him before sliding the envelope over to him.

“First present.”

“Yay.” Louis whispers excitedly as he picks it up and rips into it quickly, tugging the card out. He gasps when he sees ‘Happy Birthday daddy’ written on the front. “Haz-“

“Read the inside.” Harry instructs quietly. Louis nods and flips the card open.

‘to my lovely fiancé.

our baby is only the size of a pin head currently but they’re still ours.

you’re going to be a papa

love you forever lou

harry xxxxxx’

“Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“We’re having a baby?” Louis asks looking away from the card to his fiancé. “You’re pregnant?”

“According to my blood sample I am. About five weeks.” Louis stares at him for a few seconds in awe before kissing him, a hand resting on Harry’s stomach as soon as he’s pushed his shirt out of the way.

“Oh my god, oh my god. We’re going to be parents.” Louis grins, kissing Harry in quick succession. “We’re having a baby Haz. A baby, holy shit. I love you, I love you. A baby! Fuck, best birthday ever.”

~

“I saw papa today.” Autumn grins half way through dinner the next night making everyone at the table stop momentarily.

“W-what Autumn?” Zayn asks, almost choking on his food.

“I saw papa earlier. When at school. We were talking about my birthday.” She grins as she chomps on her food. “He was saying how a football match would be a good idea if it wasn’t raining because football is the best and how daddy should make me pancakes on my birthday morning because they’re the great great greatest!”

“When at school baby? When did you see him?” Harry asks because he’s heard this before; when she was at school last year and when she was at a summer programme when Harry had to work in the holidays. He’s heard this before.

“Just before nap time! Nap time was great today!” Autumn beamed at her father as he smiled slightly.

“Why don’t we finish our dinner, then we can talk about school yeah?”

“But will I see papa on my birthday this year?”

“N-no baby. Y’know how last year he couldn’t be here b-because he was with the angels?” Autumn nods and Harry can already see her bottom lip trembling. Can feel his eyes already starting to feel wetter than they did a few seconds ago. “Well he’s been with them for the past year as well hasn’t he?” She nods again. “And that’s what he’s going to be doing as well on Friday. But he’ll be watching over you, making sure you’re happy and that it’s the best birthday you’ll have.”

“But, but I want papa to be there please. He said he may c-“

“Hey, Autumn? Why don’t we go and look at some old pictures of you and papa when you were just a baby yeah? Have you looked at them in a while?” Gemma asks, distracting her niece from the impending tears.

“N-no. Can we go look now please?” She asks quietly. She looks so sad, Harry just wants to bundle her up and never let her face this reality every day. He doesn’t know how a five year old processes her father dying because he’s 28 and hasn’t processed his death yet.

“Course you can darling.” Harry smiles, kissing her forehead before she grabs her aunts hand and tugs her upstairs.

“It baffles me how she remembers him so well.” Harry mumbles to his best friends once he hears her bedroom door close. “’m not complaining just – dunno.”

“What the hell was that about seeing him?!” Liam asks.

“She dreams about him. She did during nap time last year and used to tell me about seeing him when she was at that summer programme she went to whilst I was working. First time she told me I thought she was insane but then I realised – threw me for six though. This year they stop nap time after the first month, once the kids have adjusted to being back at school, so her seeing Louis at school will stop soon I guess.”

“Jesus fuck.” Niall whispers, pushing his hand through his hair.

“It’s okay. Everything’s fine.” Harry smiles, finishing his glass of wine quickly. He doesn’t see the others raised eyebrows.

~

The knock on the door comes at just after 4pm and somehow he knows. He knows that whoever is behind the door is going to change his life. The flashing blue lights visible through the window confirm it.

He opens the door to Liam. He knows it’s bad.

“He’s in surgery. He was stabbed. You’ve got to go now.” Liam rushes.

“Autu-“

“I’m staying. Zayn will meet you there.” Harry nods numbly, grabbing his jacket and wallet before pressing a kiss to Autumn’s head. The journey passes tediously slow, despite the police sirens, because it is still rush hour. The officer driving him has told him how Louis was hurt but he couldn’t listen, couldn’t bare to think about his husband lying on the ground, bleeding out. He stopped listening after the first mention of a stab wound. When he gets to the hospital he’s rushed immediately through to where Zayn is sat, staring blankly into space covered in blood. Harry wants to be sick.

“What the fuck happened?” Harry asks angrily, making Zayn jump as he storms up to him. “Lou said you and Li would keep him safe. That he’d be fine! What – what the fuck happened?!”

“Harry calm - He- he got found out as we raided the place. They fucking guessed or some shit and, and stabbed him just as we raided. Someone must ‘ave tipped them off. We’ve got a fucking mole and, and Lou was - we got him here as soon as we could but there was so much blood. So much. I –“

“Mr Tomlinson?” A doctor asks as they walk into the waiting area in scrubs.

“Yes?”

“I’m so sorry-“ Harry doesn’t hear the rest because his world is ending in those few seconds.

~

“Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“Why- why haven’t we been to papa’s stone in a while?” Autumn asks as Harry’s driving her to school on Wednesday morning.

“I thought we could go Saturday, see him after your birthday if you want?”

“Please!” Autumn smiles, “The big grey stone is so pretty and has papa’s name on it; I like putting flowers on it!” Harry smiles as she talks about all the colourful flowers she wants to take on Saturday; she doesn’t have a firm grasp on what the headstone is and in a way Harry is thankful because she’s only five, nearly six, she doesn’t need to know that her father is lying in the ground underneath it.

“What if we wear flower crowns as well? To match?”

“Please! Pretty please can we buy some?” Autumn squeals at the prospect.

“We’ll buy some Saturday morning before.”

“Yay!” Autumn claps as Harry pulls into the car park, reciprocating his daughters grin.

“C’mon pumpkin, let’s go to school!”

“I can’t wait to see Evan and Alessia and Parker and Dan and, and Lucy today! We’re going to paint and I’ll see papa and-” Autumn rambles about school as they make the short trip from the car into the school playground where other parents are saying goodbye. When Autumn was attending pre-school Harry used to love chatting to the other parents but since Louis died, after he started receiving the sympathetic looks from everyone, he rushes to leave once he knows his daughter is safe.

“Gimme a kiss then you can go yeah?” Harry smiles as he crouches down in front of Autumn who places her chubby hands on his cheeks and kisses his nose which makes him giggle.

“I want a kiss too daddy!” Autumn pouts. Harry kisses her nose and forehead making her beam.

“Love you pumpkin, have a good day.”

“Bye daddy, love you!” She waves before running up to a friend and entering the building. Harry watches her go before sighing and leaving the school grounds, ignoring the never ending sympathetic looks.

~

“Who identified the body?” Harry asks five days later as he watches his little girl sleep on his chest, red face and thumb sucking. He knows he should stop her habit but she needs every bit of comfort right now. Four and a half and one of her parents is dead. She’s going to need comfort forever.

“I-I did.” Zayn mumbles. Harry nods but doesn’t look away from his daughter. She’s all he’s got now; he doesn’t have a husband and he’ll never have another baby. Autumn is all he’s got and he’s all she’s got.

“I’ve got to st-start planning the funeral.” Harry whispers.

“It’s okay. Jay is doing it, no one expects you to-“

“No. I will help her. I’ve got to, got to do something for him.”

“Harry-“

“No, I’ll help her. I’ll plan the fucking funeral that will probably be like every other fucking detectives funeral and then I’ll attempt to build us a life w-without him because I can.” Harry snaps, glaring at Zayn.

“No one is saying you can’t.” Zayn sighs. Harry can tell he’s been crying too.

“She’s four Zayn and he’s dead. She won’t, won’t remember him. She won’t remember how he used to read her stories every night, how he’d take her to the park for footie every Saturday so I could sleep in, how he’d play with her hair, how he’d do anything she asked him too. In five years’ time she won’t remember any of that because she’s so, so fucking y-young.” Harry sobs, rocking his daughter slightly. “He c-can’t do this to us.”

“I’m so sorry Harry.”

Harry falls asleep with his daughter in his arms. He sees his husband dying multiple ways for the next year.

~

“Do you ever regret letting me buy the bakery?” Harry asks Barbara later that day before he has to pick Autumn up. “Like since Lou died, do you regret selling it to me because you’re still doing all the hard graph?” It’s something he’s always wondered since his husband died, whether Barbara wishes she’d never sold the bakery to the Tomlinson’s three years ago.

“Never!” She says astonished. “God, Harry, never have I regretted selling this place to you.”

“You haven’t?” He asks, lip pulled between his fore finger and thumb; a nervous habit.

“No darling, I never have. Why, why would you think that?” She asks baffled. Harry shrugs sheepishly.

“When you sold it to us you expected shorter hours, no early mornings or late evenings, and that’s what you got for a while. Then- then Louis died and I couldn’t balance the early mornings and being a single parent. Lou would do the school run before heading to the station and I’d leave for the bakery at 6am. It worked. Now you’re still coming in at 6 and running the place b-because I can’t. It’s not what you signed up for.” Sometimes there were days when Niall or Gemma would take Autumn to school if Louis couldn’t but it usually worked, until it didn’t. Until Harry’s other half was gone.

“Harry.” Barbara sighs, placing her hand over his. “Yes it isn’t what I expected when I signed over the bakery but this is still such little stress compared to what I had before and what you’re going through. You still have the accounts to do and orders to make, a young daughter to raise and a life to try and continuously fix without your husband. I love this bakery, it’s no chore keeping it running for you.”

“I just feel so bad because this was your time to relax and enjoy life more with your husband and grandkids but, but you’re still here.”

“Hush Tomlinson, I like being here. I know this isn’t permanent, I know in a few years Autumn will be old enough to walk to school herself and you’ll be able to open the bakery yourself and she’ll probably help you. You’re both family Harry and so is this bakery.”

Harry sighs, “’m sorry I just – bad week. Would really like my husband to be here honestly.”

“Want to talk?” Barbara asks. Harry’s known her ever since he and Louis moved to Manchester when he was 18 - Louis for the force and Harry for the University. Since she first offered him a Saturday and Wednesday job at the bakery she’s been a part of their family, a rock Harry needed when he was stressed, ill, extremely happy or mourning.

“I just – it’s Autumn’s birthday Friday and I remember how hard it was for her last year. She asked last night if he’d be here this year, said in her dreams he said he would and I’m just scared for the fallout. I can’t get it out of my memory how distraught she was last year, crying so hard she was nearly sick. It was terrifying and soul destroying. I – I just wish he was here because she needs him and god knows I do.

“I was doing alright y’know? Waking up, making sure she was okay and happy through her summer off whilst I worked here or from home. Made sure she saw you, her uncles, her aunts, her friends, her grandparents a good amount of time throughout; made sure she was happy and in that time I became happier. The ache and want of him fading slowly, manageable. I h-honestly thought I was getting there finally. Th-then when I was at his grave Monday I just could feel someone watching and it hit me that he’s going to be missing her sixth birthday. She’s only six and she’ll never have any siblings or a second parent and I- I can’t comprehend that.”

“You’re doing so good Harry. She is happy. She adores you. Yes, she’ll never have her papa again but she’s always going to have her daddy isn’t she? She’s always going to have you, me and her family. She’s strong for a six year old, whether she knows it or not.”

“She’s never going to see him again.”

“And neither will you, but over time that will become something that is almost manageable, as you said earlier.”

“She says she sees him when she’s having nap time at school. Well that finishes soon and I’m just hoping she’ll continue to see him when she’s sleeping at night because otherwise it may hit her that she’s lost her papa all over again.” Harry says, speaking a worry he’s had ever since the school informed Autumn’s classes parents what their programme is concerning nap time.

“Does she dream about him at night, when she’s at home?”

“She’s n-never said.” Harry shrugs. “It only started a month before she finished school last year and throughout the summer when she was at those summer school classes when she couldn’t be home. I guess she does.”

“Maybe seeing him helps her? Helps her remember him.”

“I hope so because I don’t want her forgetting him.”

~

“Kick it to the side Autumn! The side and we’ll win!”

“Okay okay!”

“No!” Harry cries as he drops to his knees dramatically as the ball goes around him and into the makeshift goal.

“And the dream team win again!” Louis crows picking Autumn up and swinging her around as she giggles at her fathers.

“Daddy get off the ground!” She yells at Harry once she’s settled on Louis’ hip.

“Yeah daddy, get up!” Louis grins as Harry slides his phone out to take a picture of his family.

“But I lost.” Harry mockingly pouts making both of them laugh.

“T-that’s because we’re the goodest.” Autumn stumbles making both boys laugh.

“Yes we are, aren’t we baby?” Louis grins, kissing her forehead. “Why don’t you go and grab your teddy and then we’ll get some ice cream, how about that?”

“Yes!” Autumn squeals, clumsy running across the small pitch as Louis helps Harry stand.

“God, she’s bambi just like you.” Louis grins making Harry laugh as he wraps his arms around his waist.

“Hey!”

“Well, actually she is only four. What’s your excuse babe?”

“You’re such a little shit.” Harry laughs, kissing Louis quickly before making sure Autumn is okay as she stumbles over to them.

“God, ‘m gonna miss you both this week.”

“Only a week at the most though, right?” Harry confirms.

“Never going to leave you both longer than a week.” Louis says, kissing Harry’s neck before pulling away to drop to his knees so he can pick his daughter up as she runs over to her parents.

“You better not.” Harry smiles, an itch of doubt creeping in.

“Promise!” Louis grins, “Now let’s get ice cream!” Louis yells before him and Autumn are off, Harry not far behind them with a wide grin on his face matching that of Louis’.

That photo has been Harry’s lock screen ever since. Harry’s never forgotten the promise which Louis made then broke.

~

Waking up Friday morning is nothing like how he woke Monday, or how he woke last year on Autumn’s birthday. This year Harry wakes to a small body jumping on Louis’ side of the bed, screeching “Daddy, wake up! It’s my b-birthday!” repeatedly making his heart warm and a wide smile spread across Harry’s face. “Daddy! You’re awake!” Autumn squeals loudly again before she crawls onto his chest and puts her chubby small hands on his cheeks. “Morning daddy, it’s my birthday today which means s-school and party and grandma Jay and A-Anne!” She beams, stumbling over words with excitement.

“Happy birthday pumpkin! Yes, your grandmas are coming over and so are you aunts and uncles and friends after school! But what does that also mean?”

Autumn’s eyebrows knot together as she thinks, a small pout exactly how Louis’ was spreading across her face. “I-I don’t know.”

“It means presents!” Harry grins, sitting up so that Autumn slides from his chest into his lap.

“Presents!” She squeals. “Can I have one now pretty, pretty, pretty please?” Autumn grins and Harry cannot believe this is the same girl as last year on her birthday.

“Sit on papa’s pillow and I’ll grab them for you baby.” Harry says, kissing her forehead before sliding out of bed and into the walk-in closet, listening to Autumn’s excited babble as he grabs the few things he bought her.

“And Evie said she’ll bring b-bubbles as well!”

“Really? Bubbles?!” Harry grins, sitting in front of her.

“Yes!” She squeals before eyeing the three gift bags. “Yay!”

“I love you very, very, very much daddy. T-thank you very much.” Autumn grins, kissing Harry’s nose once she’s opened her gifts, making a lump form in his throat. “Can I wear these today please?” She asks, holding her new clothes under his nose.

“Of course you can, but first pancakes!” Harry announces, making Autumn beam as he picks her up so that he can carry her downstairs.

~

“Papa said he was coming today!” Is the first thing Autumn says when she runs into Lottie’s arms when she and Harry collect her from school. Harry thanks god he remembered to explain to everyone that she’s been dreaming about Louis otherwise he could imagine Lottie would probably be having heart failure currently.

“I think he may have meant you seeing him at school, not later darling.” Harry says, trying to not butcher her ever-lasting hyper mood.

“I hope not.” She pouts as Lottie places a kiss on her cheek.

“Happy birthday Queen Autumn.” Lottie says kissing her cheek repeatedly until Autumn is giggling and squealing for her to stop as they leave the school grounds, Harry waving politely to a few parents he knows he’ll be seeing at the bowling alley in an hour.

“A-are you here for my party?”

“Yes! So is aunt Phobs and Felicity!”

“Is Grandma Jay as well?”

“Yes, and Grandma Anne!” Harry and Lottie grin as Autumn claps her hands happily.

“Everyone looks significantly happier now than when I left.” Harry comments when they arrive home as he kicks his shoes off, receiving a kiss for his mum. “Have you and Jay been crying?” He asks bewildered, accepting the hug his mum offers as he watches Jay talk with Lottie in the lounge.

“We’re just… happy Harry. Look at her, she’s a ball of sparkling energy today and that’s because of you darling. You’re doing so well with her on your own. ‘m so proud of you, we all are.”

“Doesn’t feel like it sometimes.” Harry grumbles, hugging his mum tighter.

“I know baby but that’s parenthood darling.”

“Daddy can I put my fairy dress on now for the party please?” Autumn calls from Robin’s arms. Harry pulls away from his mum, kissing her cheek as he replies.

“C’mon then, let’s go!”

“Hey Lottie, can you help me in the kitchen please?” Zayn says as Harry and Autumn leave the room.

~

“Fuck, Lou.” Harry breaths as Louis unties his hands from above his head, kissing over Harry’s face as he goes.

“Good?”

“Good. Amazing. Out of this world.” Harry grins, cupping Louis’ face once he can, kissing him softly and slowly, savouring the memory for the next week apart. “Trying to give me something to remember you by?”

“Basically.” Louis grins, pecking his lips. “I’m just gonna grab a cloth alright?”

“Alright.” Harry sighs watching his naked husband pad to the bathroom and back with a soft smile on his face. “Dunno what I’d do without you, y’know?”

“I love you so much.”

“Guess that’s why you married me then?” Harry grins watching as Louis wipes his stomach clean, then tossing the cloth into the bin.

“Married you for your big cock as well.”

“Oi!” Harry laughs loudly. “You’re gonna make me wake Autumn.”

“She’s gonna get so big whilst I’m away.” Louis pouts, tracing Harry’s swallow tattoos.

“You’re gonna be gone a week Louis, not two years.”

“It’ll feel like two years though.” Louis sighs, placing a kiss over each tattoo.

“Yeah, it will.” Harry sighs as well, “Think we may have attachment issues.”

“I wouldn’t say this was an issue as such, just love.”

“You’re disgustingly cheesy in the morning.” Harry grins, running his fingers down Louis’ bare back softly.

“Must’ve got it from you, never was like this before.”

“What an inconvenience.” Harry laughs.

“Apologise for making me have emotions Styles.”

“Haven’t been a Styles in a while pal.”

“’m pretty sure ‘m not just a pal either.”

“Guess not.” Harry grins, “C’mon let’s get Autumn up so we can have breakfast before you leave.”

“The last supper.”

“It’s breakfast Lou.” Harry says with a raised eyebrow as he slides out of bed.

“Semantics.” Louis waves from where he’s still laid in bed.

“You coming for a shower or are we having them separately? Thought you wanted to make me come from just your fingers?”

“Okay – fuck – ‘m up.” Louis says, immediately leaving the bed making Harry laugh. “I love that we renovated the bathroom so we could have joint showers.”

“I bet you do.” Harry giggles as Louis wraps his arms around his waist.

“Papa do you have to leave?” Autumn pouts an hour later from Louis’ hip as Harry grabs his last bag from the house, setting it in the car as Louis says goodbye to his daughter.

“’m afraid so baby, but I’ll miss you and daddy lots and I’ll try to be home soon okay?”

“You w-won’t be gone too long?”

“Nope, I’ll be back before you know it princess alright? Will you be good for daddy and let him read you bedtime stories every night?”

“But he talks so… slo…wly.” Autumn mimics making Louis laugh.

“Hey!” Harry protests.

“Sorry babe but she’s got you there.” Louis grins, kissing Autumn’s cheek. “Love you lots and lots like jelly tots.”

“Love you lots and lots like jelly tots papa.” Autumn repeats, kissing his cheek twice before he plants her on the ground so she can run and sit in the back of the car like she always does when he leaves for a few days.

“Hey.” Harry says quietly once they know Autumn is preoccupied with a book in the car for a few minutes, “Really bloody love you y’know?”

“I really bloody love you too H. So much.” Louis grins softly, wrapping his arms around his husband’s waist. “When we get back we’ll start trying again yeah? Have that big family we’re always talking about yeah? She’d be a good sibling.”

“She’d be an amazing sibling. You sure this is your last time going undercover?” Harry asks, chewing his lip anxiously.

“Definitely. It’s unusual for detectives to go undercover so next time they want one too I’ve already told my superiors it will never be me again.”

“Bet Ben loved that.”

“Ben can fuck off if he didn’t.” Louis says with a small grin. “Promise me you two will be safe yeah? No wild parties and hipster boys over whilst I’m gone.”

“Never really been into hipster boys honestly.” Harry says with a smile, kissing Louis quickly. “More like the handsome and rugged type.”

“Damn right.” Louis says, tugging Harry into a heated kiss, knowing it’ll be their last proper one for a while.

“Ew!” Autumn squeals from where she’s sat in the car, making them pull away as they start laughing.

“Maybe you could grow some stubble though. I’d definitely like that.” Harry smirks as Louis rolls his eyes at both his babies.

“I’ll have a think but-“

“You’ve got to go.”

“Yeah. I love you loads you know that?”

“Be safe yeah?” Harry pleads, can feel the tears welling up already.

“Of course. Hey, babe, don’t cry. ‘m always safe for you guys.”

“I love you.” Harry whispers millimetres from Louis’ lips.

“I love you too. Always in my heart.” Louis replies, closing the gap.

“Daddy! Papa!” Autumn whines, making them laugh into each other’s mouths.

“And I love you too pumpkin!” Louis grins, moving so he can pick up his daughter. “So much!”

“Love you too papa!” She grins, kissing his nose before he hands her to Harry.

“Be safe.”

“I will.” Louis smiles, kissing him one last time before kissing Autumn’s head. “You too.”

“Bye papa!” Autumn waves as Louis gets into the car. Louis waves to them as he drives out of the driveway, Harry rocking Autumn softly as he watches his husband go with silent tears running down his face.

~

“Did you have a good party baby?” Harry asks as he unbuckles Autumn when they return home from the bowling alley.

“The bestest daddy! And now we get more cake?” She asks excitedly, wide eyed making Harry and his mum laugh as Anne grabs the bags from the front of the car.

“Just a small slice yes? You’ve got bed soon.”

“Daddy.” Autumn whines as he locks the car with her on his hip. He notices how much heavier she’s getting, how soon he won’t be able to have her on his hip anymore.

“You can stay up until half 7 because it’s your birthday, so that’s half an hour extra alright?” Harry gives in, knowing she’ll pass out beforehand anyway.

“Yay!” She giggles as they enter the house, Louis’ sisters, Gemma, Barbara and Jay already making tea and cutting cake whilst the boys and Robin discuss something with them.

“Grandpa can we go and play with my new toys please?” Autumn asks when Harry puts her on the ground, shrugging his jacket off and putting the keys on the table.

“Can we play too?” Zayn asks, grabbing Liam by the elbow.

“Don’t be silly Uncle Zee, of course.” Autumn beams before running into the lounge. Harry smiles as the four of them trek off happily as Phoebe, Felicity and Gemma move into the lounge to open up the buffet food for the adults.

“How you doing darling?” Jay asks snatching his attention from elsewhere as she takes him by the shoulders, his mum and Lottie watching them with soft smiles.

“Exhausted. Happy. Very tired though.” Harry smiles as Jay runs her hands through his hair.

“Sleeping any better?”

“A little. The nightmares aren’t every night now usually, but this week they have been.” Harry shrugs, “It just hit me y’know? Because she’s six and he’s never going to see her grow up.”

“You’re doing so good though Harry. She’s such a credit to everyone.”

“’m glad.” Harry says softly as he’s tugged into his mother-in-law’s arms, accepting the comforting hug. “I really fucking miss him sometimes.”

“I know baby, we all do.” Jay whispers, running her hands through his hair as she holds him.

“Daddy, someone’s at the door!” Autumn yells.

“Shit – we’ll get it!” Niall calls as he and Zayn walk past the kitchen.

“Alright?” Harry laughs as Lottie squeezes his shoulder, telling him she’s going to see how Autumn’s doing. “Which tea is mine?” Harry asks moving from Jay’s arms to where the multiple cups of tea are.

“The grey mug, hon.” Jay says squeezing his shoulder then leaving the room as well. Harry notices when he looks around the kitchen that his mum has also left. He takes a deep breath and just listens, listens to the flow of conversation and laughter in the other room and Autumn’s happy squeals which are louder than anything else in the house.

“God I wish you were here Lou.” Harry whispers, resting his head back against a cabinet.

“I am babe.” A voice says from the kitchen door way and Harry knows that voice. He knows that voice. His head whips around so fast it hurts.

“W-What the fuck.” Harry says, heart rabbiting in his chest as tears slip down his face. “What t-the fuck.”

“H-“

“Fuck, I’ve gone insane. Fuck.”

“H. It’s me. You’re- You’re not insane.” The figure – Louis – replies as he edges into the room.

“No- No I am, yo-you’re dead. You’re dead. Fuck.”

“I’m not. I swear I’m not dead.”

“What the fuck, what the fuck have I taken? What the fuck.” Harry mumbles, tears slipping down his face.

“H, it’s me.” Louis insists, advancing towards Harry.

“No, no, don’t. Oh g-god, oh god what’s going on?” Harry sobs, “What is happening? Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“I-it was a cover up for our safety and-“

“S-shut up! No. What the fuck, what the fuck. He’s not here Harry, he’s not here, he’s not real, he’s a dream.” Harry repeats to himself, closing his eyes and pinching his arm.

“Hazza, it’s me. I promise you it’s me, ‘m alive.”

“No, no, you’re dead. You died.”

“Babe, ‘m not. I- I swear to you I’m not dead.” Louis says, crying as well.

“No, no you are.” Harry sobs, clutching the edge of the counter. “You are. Y-you were stabbed and- and I attended the funeral. Y-You’re dead. You’ve been dead for over a year.”

“H. It’s me, I promise you baby.”

“No!” Harry sobs, wrapping his arms around his waist. “It’s not, it’s not, it’s not. Fuck I’ve gone insane, I’ve literally gone fucking insane!” Harry cries as he moves towards the door which leads to the garden.

“No, Harry, it’s-“

“No it’s not!” Harry hisses. “Because you died, you fucking died. I – I have the stupid fucking death certificate that says it! Zayn saw your body. There’s a grave, with you in! I’ve mourned you fo-for a year. Jesus, fuck, what is-“

“Harry listen to me!” Louis demands, grabbing his shoulders to look at him. He can feel him. He can feel Louis’ hands on his shoulders.

“I-I can feel your hands.” Harry sobs, “Th-that’s never h-happened before in a dream.”

“Baby. Jesus, baby, I- I didn’t die. It was a cover up, I was in a witness protection programme, I promise you you’re not dreaming or drugged or insane. I am here. ‘m here on our daughters sixth birthday, standing with my husband in our kitchen whilst our friends and family are playing with our daughter and making sure she can’t hear us. That’s where I am, this is where I am. I’m alive and well and fuck, I’m not dead baby.” Louis pushes Harry’s hair away from his soaked face, stroking his thumb over the lip Harry is biting into so hard he can taste blood. It’s silent for minutes; they can both hear the music which was turned on after Louis walked in and the sound of laughter as Harry stares at Louis. Louis.

“Yo-you’re not, dead?” Harry whimpers eventually, unable to stop crying still.

“Baby, ‘m here.”

“You’re n-not leaving again?”

“God, never again my love. I love you so much Harry. ‘m so so sorry.” Louis whispers, thumbing away the unstoppable tears.

“Lou.” Harry chokes, breaking down completely as he grabs at the back of Louis’ shirt, falling into his chest as he loudly sobs.

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you, ‘m here darling, right right here.” Louis murmurs as he rocks his husband softly. “I love you, I love you, I’m here baby.”

Once Harry’s sobs have subdued, minutes later, he pulls away and punches Louis straight in the arm twice. “That’s for fucking getting stabbed and that’s for letting us believe you were dead. And this is because I fucking missed you.” He says angrily before pulling Louis into a kiss, melting into it immediately because it’s been eighteen months since he’s kissed his husband and it’s the best bloody kiss he’s ever had.

“What the fuck Lou, what the fuck, what the fuck.” Harry mumbles as they pull away. “You’re – what the fuck?!”

“We need to talk.”

“Need to- Need to talk?! Need to talk?!” Harry says exasperated, “We need a fucking seminar on what the hell is going on!”

Louis stares at Harry for a couple of seconds before whispering, “A seminar?” making them both start laughing. “God, I love you.” Louis laughs before kissing Harry again. “But, but we do need to talk. Autumn is staying at Zayn and Liam’s house until tomorrow afternoon so we can talk because we need to, we really need to.”

“Is – is everything okay?”

“Yeah, it is now otherwise I, I wouldn’t be here. But I’ve got to exp-“

“Wait.” Harry interrupts, moving away from Louis. “D-Did you say Zayn and Liam know? You- You’ve spoken to them. Oh god, did everyone know? W-was I the only one who d-didn’t know you were, were-“

“No, Harry, No.” Louis interrupts, cupping Harry’s face. “Don’t you dare think that H. T-the only people who knew were Zayn and Liam – well Zayn knew because he was at the raid and Liam knows because Zayn broke down a few months ago, but that’s it. I promise no one else knew. No one else was allowed to know because that could’ve jeopardised the case, me, you two. When you and Lots picked Autumn up, Zayn and Liam sat everyone else down before smuggling me into the house for half an hour, then I went back to their house for a few hours.”

“Louis, what’s going on?” Harry whimpers, tears streaming down his face.

“Baby, I’ll explain but you need to stop crying.”

“’m sorry that I just found out that my bloody husband isn’t fucking dead.” Harry glares, wiping his cheeks.

“You go and spend some time with Autumn a-and I’ll stay in here until Zayn and Liam leave with her alright?” Louis sighs, kissing Harry’s cheek.

“D-do you not want to see her?”

“God, I do, more than anything right now but we also need to talk and we won’t if I see her now because she won’t want to leave and I will refuse to let her. We’ll pick her up tomorrow, then I’ll get to hold my little girl.” Louis grins.

“She’s getting heavy.”

“Doesn’t matter.” Louis says as he plays with Harry’s hair. “God I really fucking missed you.”

“I’ve never felt pain like the pain I constantly had the past 18 months, and I gave birth to a child.” Harry mumbles.

“I’m so sorry baby.”

“I don’t want to leave you.”

“I’ll be in here. ‘m not leaving I promise. You’ll be in there for a little while until she gets tired and then we can talk.”

“Don’t leave.” Harry pleads after he’s splashed some water on his face and Louis has brushed his fingers through his curls.

“I promise you I won’t princess.” Harry kisses him before leaving the room, immediately missing Louis’ warmth – but it’s not so painful now because he’s alive, alive and in their kitchen probably grimacing over the fact Harry stopped buying Yorkshire teabags because it was something which brought back too many painful memories.

“H-hey.” Harry coughs when he walks into the lounge, everyone’s eyes immediately jumping to him except Autumn who is sat babbling to Gemma in Niall’s lap. “Now I get why everyone’s been so happy today.” He grins tearfully making everyone laugh as Anne crosses the room to pull him into a hug, Jay, Lottie, Phoebe and Felicity slipping out of the room to see Louis he presumes.

“I’m so happy for you darling.”

“Mum he’s, he’s.”

“I know my love, I know.” Anne whispers, kissing the side of his head multiple times before he hears his daughters voice.

“Daddy? What’s wrong daddy? A-are you sad?” Autumn asks. Harry pulls away from his mother and wipes his eyes before crossing the room to pick her up from Niall’s lap, tugging her into his chest so her legs are wrapped around his waist. “Don’t cry please daddy, it’s my birthday.”

“’m not sad princess, I’m very very happy.”

“Because it’s my birthday?” She asks, a grin spreading across her face.

“Yes darling, because it’s your birthday and it’s been a brilliant day hasn’t it?”

“The bestest daddy!”

“I’m glad pumpkin, now guess what?”

“What?” Autumn gasps wide eyed at her father.

“Do you fancy a sleep over with uncle Zee and Liam tonight? Because it’s your birthday.”

“Yes!” She gasps, “Yes please daddy! Please, please, please.” She chants.

“Of course angel.” Harry grins, kissing her forehead. “Why don’t you and Barbara go and grab your pyjamas and teddy whilst I talk to your uncles, yeah?”

“Okay daddy, thank you!” Autumn squeals before running upstairs, Barbara following her after placing a kiss on Harry’s forehead. Once Autumn is out of sight Harry turns to his mum, the only person now in the room other than Robin and Liam.

“Mum.” He whimpers.

“I’m so proud of you Harry. So proud of you and you deserve this new happiness yes? The past few months have been absolute shit for you and her and now, now you’re going to have him back. You’ve got your boy back but you’ve got to listen to what he has to say okay? And don’t get mad or anything because that boy, that boy has been through hell and back as well.”

“Mum, he’s not, not.” Harry cries, viciously wiping the tears away.

“I know.” Anne smiles, “I know baby and I’m so glad.”

“M-me too mum.” Harry smiles through the tears, being hugged by Robin as soon as he’s released from his mums grip.

“I’m so glad for you son.” Robin murmurs.

“T-thank you. Me too, god, me too.” Harry laughs, wiping his eyes when they pull apart just as Liam wraps an arm around his shoulders.

“’m sorry.”

“I want to castrate your husband.”

“Please don’t.” Liam giggles as Harry relaxes into his chest, watching his mum and Robin wander off to see their other son.

“He’s alive Li.”

“I know Haz. Are you happy?”

“I- I’m relieved honestly. I’m over the moon and confused but mostly relieved because I didn’t know how I was going to get through the next 50 years without him. I felt sick thinking about it, let alone having to live it. B-but he’s there. He’s alive. He’s breathing and healthy and n-not dead.”

“He’s breathing and alive and healthy.” Liam repeats, squeezing Harry.

“God, yes he is.”

“Harry!” Jay calls as she walks into the lounge, Liam releasing him as she pulls him into a hug. “Our boy, he’s-“

“Safe and alive.” Harry murmurs, holding her tightly. “Are you okay?”

“I’m so, so happy Harry.” Jay whispers as she pulls away from the hug, pushing Harry’s hair out of his face, “God Harry, my son’s alive and is going to see his daughter grow up and hopefully have more grandchildren and you’re not going to be alone. I’m ecstatic. I kind of want to punch him in the arm, but I’ve got my son back. My first baby back.”

“I’m so relieved Jay.” Harry whimpers.

“Me too Harry, me too darling. Are you okay?”

“I hit him, twice, in the arm, broke down in his arms and kissed him. I think I’m doing alright.” He grins, “But I don’t think I’m ever going to stop crying.” He laughs, wiping the tears from his cheeks.

“We can cry as much as we like today Harry; he’s back.” She grins, squeezing his elbow. “Louis is back.”

“Uncle Zee! Uncle Liam!” Autumn yells as she is carried down the stairs by Barbara, “Can we go home now please? I love your home!” She giggles as her uncles enter the room in their coats, followed by her aunts all to say goodbye to her. Once she’s said goodbye to all the family she runs over to Harry, hugging his legs happily.

“You okay pumpkin?” He asks with a grin as she looks up at him.

“Thank you for the best, best, best b-birthday ever daddy.”

“That’s okay darling.” Harry laughs as he picks her up. “Was it good enough?”

“It was the goodest birthday ever daddy, ever. Even better than papa said it would be!”

“Papa?” Harry asks as everyone in the room watches them.

“Yeah! I s-saw him at school today! He said it was going to be good but I didn’t think t-this good daddy! You’re the best! I love you very very much daddy.” Autumn grins, kissing his cheek as he smiles at her, everything clicking into place in his head. Autumn wasn’t dreaming her papa up, her papa was visiting her at school and summer school. “Papa? Can I go to uncle Zee’s and Li’s now please?” Autumn asks quietly, wiggling in his arms.

“O-of course pumpkin.” Harry nods, kissing her forehead. “I love you lots and lots A-“

“Like jelly tots!” Autumn giggles happily, “That’s what papa would say!”

“I love you loads baby.” Harry laughs, “Have a good time with your uncles yeah?”

“Love you too daddy!” She grins as he hands her to Liam.

“Call us when you’re on your way over yeah?” Liam says, pressing a kiss to Autumn’s forehead as she waves at her family.

“Will do.” He smiles before they leave the house.

“Harry-“ Zayn starts as Harry hugs him. “I’m so sorry.”

“I want to cut your balls off right now but I’m going to listen to what Lou says then decide if I still want to, alright?” Harry whispers. Zayn chuckles slightly, pressing a kiss to Harry’s head.

“Have a good night H.” Harry closes the door behind them and sighs, resting his forehead on the cold wood before he feels a gentle hand touch his shoulder.

“Babe?” Louis whispers.

“Yeah?” Harry replies, turning his head to look at husband.

“I love you loads.” Louis smiles as his thumb gently strokes Harry’s cheek.

“We really need to talk.”

“We will.” Louis says, pulling Harry into a hug.

“God I’ve missed you.” Harry whimpers, clutching at Louis’ body as they stand in front of the door.

“Boys?” Anne calls, making them pull apart to see their parents, siblings, Niall and Barbara all wrapped in their coats ready to leave. “We’re going to leave you two to it now.”

“Oh, erm.” Harry stumbles over words as they leave, hugging and kissing them goodbye, promises to visit in the next week or so and to Skype soon. The house empties out until it’s just them with Niall, Gemma saying goodbye to her parents as Niall makes sure they’re both okay.

“You need anything call me yeah?” He says, a hand on one of their shoulders.

“Ni, we’ll be-“

“Pizza, Chinese, vodka, condom, lube –“

“Ni!” Harry cries.

“Anything, and I’ll go and get you it alright? Ju-just, fuck don’t get stabbed or some shit please?” Niall says, squinting at Louis as they both laugh. “Too soon?” Niall says when he notices Harry’s frown.

“Too soon. Now leave before my sister murders you.”

“She wouldn’t murder her fiancé.”

“I dunno about that Ni.”

“Yeah, true.” Niall grins as he steps out of the house before stopping again. “’m really happy for you two, y’know that?”

“Course we do Ni.” Harry smiles, “Have a good night.”

“You too.” He salutes before walking to his car. Harry watches him go, Louis slipping off to do something, leaving Harry on his own for a minute. When he closes the door and turns to look at the living room it isn’t occupied by just him or Autumn for the first time in 18 months. Louis is there, tidying Autumn’s presents into the corner that Harry likes her toys to be kept in. Harry heart aches at how familiar this sight is. He takes his first proper look over Louis’ body, noticing how the hoodie he’s wearing is one Harry wore when he was in the early stages of pregnancy (he’s surprised it still exists) and how Louis’ thighs are still as muscly as they used to be, how his fringe is longer and swept to the side under his grey beanie and how he’s now got stubble.

“Y-you have stubble.”

Louis stops what he’s doing and looks up at Harry with a soft smile, “You said you wouldn’t mind me growing some didn’t you? Changed your mind?” Harry shakes his head instead of talking because he’s afraid he’ll start crying again when he’s only just stopped. “Let’s order some food and sit in bed whilst I tell you everything yeah?” Louis suggests as he pads over to Harry, holding out a hand. Harry nods, taking Louis’ hand as he leads him up to their bedroom. The sight of Louis in their bedroom for the first time in 18 months makes a few tears fall down his cheeks again. He’s back, he’s back, he’s here, he’s back.

“Does that Chinese place on the corner still deliver?” Louis asks as he sits on the bed with a soft smile.

“Y-yeah, same people still ‘nd everything.”

“Should we get some food from there then?” Harry nods as he falls on the bed, watching Louis stand and leave to grab the menu. Nothing’s changed in the house except from the people and memories. Once the food has been delivered half an hour later they’re both sat quietly against the headboard of their bed, legs tangled when Louis sighs.

“When, when I got to Liverpool they told me that there was a chance of this going wrong, which I knew of course – it’s standard briefing or some shit I guess – and I had to discuss a witness protection contract in case it did go wrong. Wh-when they asked me if I’d take you and Autumn with me I said, no.” Louis sighs. Harry goes cold, in shock or because of the sudden urge to be sick, he’s not sure.

“Lou-“

“Listen a sec H.” Louis pleads, taking Harry’s hand in his. “I- I was so sure it would be alright and knew, knew we couldn’t do that to our families. They c-couldn’t believe we were all dead. If it were just me they’d be told it was a stabbing whilst on duty, whereas if it were all three of us the lies would spin out of control. Autumn was happy at pre-school and we had just got the bakery as well, the house is beautiful a-and I knew, if it came to it, I couldn’t take you both down rock bottom with me, so I said no.

“It – fuck – it was the worst agreement I ever made. I was so sure it wouldn’t be needed that when it came into play, when I woke up in a hospital bed in fucking Brighton, I, god I fell apart because I knew, I knew I’d lost my family. I’d lost my career, my mum and siblings, my daughter and the love of my life. I – I was inconsolable. I moved into a safe house and become some fucking recluse, only leaving for food and to wander the beach at night. My phone was returned to you and the only photo I had was a photo copy of one from my wallet of the two of you. It’s a shitty photocopy in a cheap, shitty frame but I couldn’t function without seeing it every day.

“I had to keep returning to the hospital because of the stab wound-“

“Are you okay?” Harry interrupts.

“Yeah baby, ‘m all better. Did lose a lot of blood but ‘m alright now. All recovered.” Harry nods, satisfied. “I was constantly under police watch b-because I was needed to give evidence in the trial of the drug ring. T-that’s why this shitty situation happened, because I was needed for fucking evidence.” Louis says angrily, tears falling down both his and Harry’s cheeks as he attempts to explain. “The trial was k-kept out of the media’s attention because I needed to remain anonymous; the ones who survived thought I was dead.”

“So- so why are you back?”

“I’ve been in Manchester since June-“

“I know, you were visiting Autumn.” Harry says making Louis freeze slightly.

“I – yeah, she told you?”

“Hm. Thought she was seeing you when she had nap time but I realised earlier when I said goodbye to her that she wasn’t, she was really seeing you. But never get her to lie to me again please.”

“I won’t, god I won’t. I hated trying to make her not tell you, felt so disloyal to you. It was shit.”

“So, how comes you’re back, back here, with me?” Harry mumbles, watching Louis closes his eyes for a second.

“Even after testifying I knew I wasn’t going to be allowed to come home, I was never going to be allowed to come home and I had to try and accept that s-somehow. God, I couldn’t accept it though. Tried so hard but couldn’t, couldn’t live without you two, fuck.” Louis sniffs, wiping his eyes. “I stayed up here in a hotel half an hour away, drowning my sorrows most of the summer because I couldn’t come home but had to fucking testify. They all got life sentences – hooray – and I still couldn’t come fucking home.

“Th-then I got this phone call three weeks ago from Ben, informing me the ones who weren’t extradited out of the country had all been found dead, two hung and one with slit wrists. They think it was a pact suicide but there’s an investigation going on at the moment. He demanded that I met him at a safe house the next day to discuss coming home. I rung Zayn that night and sobbed down the phone, mumbling how I was going to see my daughter and husband and mother again. Zayn came with me to see Ben a-and yeah, ‘m home. Not going back to the force and got to lay low b-but there’s no threat, they’re all either out of the country in jail for the rest of their lives or dead.”

“Holy shit.” Harry whispers, pushing away his plate to sit cross legged next to Louis. “Holy shit.”

“Yeah.”

“’m mad at you, mad as hell at you but you’re – you’re alive. You’re here, in our bed, with me a-and not dead Lou. You’re n-not dead.” Harry grins through a sob.

“God no I’m not dead.” Louis grins, kissing Harry as he cries.

~

When Harry wakes up on Saturday it’s to sunlight pouring into their bedroom and the sound of familiar snuffling sounds. Harry grins as he rolls onto his back, turning his head to see his husband asleep for the first time in 18 months. Nearly two years. He’s still as beautiful as he remembers, even more so, stubble and a small pout, his nose scrunching every now and then as he moves a little. Harry’s eye catches sight of the new, raised scar on Louis’ stomach and it makes him feel slightly sick so he diverts his attention to Louis’ face again. Harry feels like he’s going to explode he loves him so much.

“Stop watching me.” Louis mumbles making Harry giggle into the quiet air.

“No. Haven’t done this in a while.”

“Can we have pancakes this morning? I haven’t had them in nearly two years.”

“Anything for you.” Harry whispers, kissing Louis’ shoulder before leaving the bed, happiness blooming in his chest.

~

“Daddy!” Autumn squeals, running out of her uncle’s home and into Harry’s arms with a wide grin on her face.

“Hello baby, have a good night?” He asks as he lifts her onto his hip, waving at the boys as he walks towards the car, watching Louis climb out just outside of Autumn’s line of sight.

“Yes! It was so good! We watched films a-and had sweets and, and had ice cream with lunch daddy! It was so much fun!” Autumn grins.

“’m glad you had fun baby.” Harry smiles, kissing her forehead as he rests her on the floor.

“Well, ice cream doesn’t sound too good at lunch does it?” Louis says, making Autumn gasp and drop her rucksack as she turns to look at him.

“Papa!” She cries, running into him.

“Hello princess.” He chokes out, lifting her into his chest. “God, hello pumpkin.” He says, burrowing his head into her shoulder. “How I have missed you.”

“You saw me yesterday silly.” Autumn grins, pulling away from his chest to cup his face. “Papa, don’t cry. I missed you too.” She says, kissing his nose twice. “Are you coming h-home with us? Please come home papa, daddy misses you so much!” Autumn pleads as both of her father’s laugh through their tears.

“Does he pumpkin?”

“He does! He always looks sad when I talk about my papa and u-used to cry. He was very sad. Mostly w-when we visited your stone the angels made!” She says before whispering, “You make daddy the happiest person ever, ever. I think you may be the king of everything and he the king of just pancakes.”

“He’s the king of everything and pancakes, especially whilst I was gone.” Louis smiles, kissing her forehead.

“I love you.” Harry says because he can’t stop himself after watching his husband and daughter interact.

“Love you too.” Louis grins as Autumn hugs him tighter again.

“Please come home papa, don’t leave again!” She pleads.

“Yeah papa, don’t leave again.” Harry repeats.

“Never, ever again. I promise you that.” Louis says directly at Harry as he presses a kiss to Autumn’s head, “And that’s a promise I’ll never break.”

“Yay!” Autumn squeals as Harry and Louis wipe their tears away, “So, can we go and play some football and beat daddy please? He’s not got a-any better papa.”

(Louis never breaks his promise this time.)