Archive of Our Own

But that worked in your favour. Yelena had brought Fanny over for a play date recently, and though you thought you could leave her alone with Jeff, it had turned particularly destructive, even for them, and much of your living room was left wrecked. So you and Natasha were on your way to IKEA in order to refurbish the room.

Another part of Jeff that people rarely saw was his hatred of being left alone. If either of you went anywhere, he assumed he would be going too; which became an issue when many places classed him in the same category as dogs, not allowing him into certain shops. You hadn't tried bringing him to IKEA, but knowing they didn't allow dogs, you and Natasha had decided it was best not to risk it with Jeff.

You would only be gone for a few hours, a short enough time that Jeff would be fine on his own, but it meant you would have to leave in silence, before Jeff woke up and begged you to bring him with you.

You and Natasha did your best not to disturb him, but it was of no use. Even half-asleep, Jeff kept track of your positions through sound alone, but he intended to prolong his nap as much as possible, trusting you to wake him up when the time came. 

But that time never came.

Instead, Jeff heard you approach the front door, shuffling and some muttered conversation happening as you put your shoes on. He sat up sleepily; you always came to get him before this stage, otherwise you'd have to walk back through the house in outdoor shoes.

Jeff tried to confirm his ears weren't playing tricks on him, but he only knew for sure when the distinctive click of a lock preceded the opening of the front door. Jeff could wait for you no longer. Instead, he rushed up as fast as he could to race out of the door, stopping only to jump and grab his modified seatbelt on the way out.

He made it out just before Natasha could pull it fully shut, instantly running past her to where you stood. You had one hand on the passenger door when Nat spotted Jeff; a few more moments passed before you registered the reason she'd called for the land shark. You'd opened the door, and your eyes widened when a small grey blur pushed past you and hopped onto the seat.

"Jeff?" The land shark tilted his head at the mention of his name. You turned to Natasha. She still stood by the front door, holding it open marginally and watching you expectantly; she wanted you to tell Jeff to get back in the house.

"Mrrr" Jeff said, and your attention was back on him.

"What? no we didn't- we didn't forget him, right Nat?" Jeff was your weak point, it was a struggle to say no to him, and to tell him that you didn't want him to come just seemed plain mean. Natasha, however, rarely had such qualms when talking to the land shark, probably because she couldn't understand the hurt replies he'd shoot back with. You looked to her for help, but she was unrelenting; she wouldn't do this for you. Not this time. 

It was difficult, Jeff looked up at you with such eager eyes, and his seatbelt hung loosely from his mouth; but you had to tell him no.

You glanced back at your girlfriend one last time for support, then turned back to Jeff, looking into his eyes... "okay Jeff you can come, we didn't forget you, we just knew you'd come by yourself," you blurted out.

"Y/N..." 

"oh. Okay, uhhh, well you have to sit in the back seat, Jeff. This is my seat."

Jeff mrrr'd in agreement while Natasha gave another "Y/N..." You ignored her as Jeff hopped down from the front of the car and in again through the back door you held open for him. At the same time, Natasha shut your house door properly and came to your side while you strapped Jeff in safely. 

You shut the door before you said anything, not wanting Jeff to overhear and potentially get his feelings hurt. 

"That's not what my 'Y/N...' meant and you know it." Natasha said first.

"I know, but did you see his eyes? and hear his mrrr? how was I meant to say no to that?"

"Just say the word 'no'. It's all it takes"

"It takes more than that with Jeff. He's too hard to deny." With your words, you turned your head towards the car window, Natasha doing the same. A flattened Jeff face met you both in return. The land shark had tired of being left in the car alone and had decided that pressing his face into the glass would be ample entertainment. 

It worked for you because even Natasha broke into a smile at it. She walked round to get to her side of the car shaking her head, but grinning and relenting nonetheless.

Right before she opened the door, Natasha crossed her arms upon the car roof, leaning up so that she could see you over it. "Remind him to keep out of sight and he can come. I've trained him. He should do it well."

You shot her a thumbs up, then, synchronously, the two of you pulled the doors open, sliding into your seats. Jeff's tail thumped on the seat when you got in, his excitement to see you again evident, even if it had only been a few seconds. Your head tilted lazily to the side, letting your eyes linger on Natasha; her focus remained towards the front, checking all the mirrors, but you noticed the hint of a smile at Jeff's antics, one that grew upon catching you staring. 

"Tell him the rule" she mouthed, so you finally turned around completely, looking at Jeff in the back. He grinned.

"So, Jeff, we're going to IKEA to pick up some things, but they don't allow dogs and they may not allow land sharks, so you'll have to keep a low profile, okay? Nat says she's taught you some skills, so use them, that's your mission to prove yourself today. Can you do that?"

"Mrrr" Jeff agreed, punctuating it with a nod. Natasha caught the action in the mirror; it was time to set off.

—————————————————

"I think a celebrity land shark walking around might draw some attention," Natasha complained. She'd stood back to watch you as you unclipped Jeff and set him down on the ground. 

You looked back at her, "you said it, he's a celebrity, that means he should be allowed into the store anyway"

"Celebrity dogs don't get a pass"

"That's because they're not one of a kind like Jeff is. But if you want I'll carry Jeff, he can pretend he's a stuffed toy, right Jeff?"

He nodded, falling back to sit on his hind legs. When you lifted him up, he stayed perfectly still; til he caught Natasha's eye at least. When that happened, he broke into his broadest smile to see if she was proud of him.

"We're Avengers and also pretty famously Jeff's family. That's not going to fool anyone," she huffed. 

"You're the spy, what's your idea then? A Jeff sized cap and sunglasses?"

"It works, okay?" Natasha defended, "but no." Instead, she walked over to the trolley rack, pulling one out and pointing at the lower half: the small section for flatpacks underneath the main body of the cart. "Not many people will look down here, and even if they do, IKEA sells shark toys, Jeff can just pretend he's one of them."

"Mrrr" Jeff nodded again, clambering onto the trolley and lying down flat, his limbs stretched out. He was ready for his ride around IKEA to start.

Jeff enjoyed the first part of the trip; you sped through the showrooms and took the corners tightly, forcing Jeff to hold on tightly or else risk flying off of the trolley. It was all the fun he could ask for. 

The second part? Less so.

You'd reached the section you needed; Natasha and you started a conversation about which coffee tables and sofas would work well in your house, and which ones would survive Jeff. 

What you didn't notice as you talked, was that Jeff hopped off of the trolley. His legs needed a stretch and he was bored.

Your instructions had been vague anyway; just don't be seen. Only Natasha had told him to stay on the trolley, but it's not like she spoke land shark, so if either of you asked, he’d say he hadn’t understood.

He looked back at you both, still deep in conversation about something that didn't involve him. Neither of you were checking back on the trolley either, so it was the perfect opportunity for Jeff to look around. 

Sofas and table legs and people legs obscured much of his view, and climbing onto furniture wasn't an option because then he'd be seen, and that would mean failing the mission you and Natasha had set him.

A small crack of colour caught his attention, marking a change from the wooden tones of the frames and the greyscale fabrics. Slowly, Jeff crept towards it, crawling under furniture and hiding behind walls until he made it into the new section. He wouldn't fail his mission.

Jeff jumped.

A sudden chorus of jungle sounds (or so he assumed from the nature documentaries he'd seen) startled Jeff and set him on edge. As he braved through the hallway, the sound only got louder, but all the land shark could see were white barred boxes either side, fabrics of varying colours and patterns poking out from their confinement. He tried to look above the boxes, but even stood up on his hind legs, they were just too high.

He remained cautious until the end of the hallway, who knew what was in those boxes, and if it was making that sound...it might even jump out at him.

Jeff peeked around the corner, only to check there was nobody there to see him, but what he did see startled him even more. Another crate, this time with shades of stone blue fur poking out. But from the distance he could see what was stacked on top: a bundle of sharks, their mouths hanging open and their eyes blank, devoid of life.

A chill ran through Jeff's small body, his land shark instincts kicking in immediately and forcing him to look big and threatening, all while crouching and leaning backwards, in case he needed a quick getaway. His lips peeled back, exposing his current front row of sharpened, serrated teeth. Jeff's low growl was a warning, he was afraid of the sharks, of why you and Nat would bring him to a place that treats sharks like this, and he was afraid of what might happen to him if someone caught him.

Voices came from the other side of the shark pile, forcing Jeff to retreat back into a miniature alcove, from which he could see his potential attacker, yet remain hidden from them. A shriek cut off the conversation, leaving Jeff trembling in his hiding spot even more, he wished he hadn’t left you and Nat. 

A child came running up to the stack, and Jeff wondered if he should expose himself, just to warn them, but then the child screamed, and he realised that was the noise he’d heard earlier. They clambered up the crate and pulled the top shark down from the stack. Jeff tilted his head at the way the shark flopped, then let himself fall to the ground; it certainly wasn’t the same, his body would never move like that.

The child ran back to their mother, showing her the shark they had acquired. Jeff heard snippets of the conversation, but only one word stuck out: ‘toy’. 

Suddenly it all clicked for him; Natasha had mentioned that IKEA sold shark toys, and you had asked him to pretend he was one. These were the toys.

Jeff cocked his head again, analysing the sharks closer. It would explain why they had fur; he didn’t have fur. He still didn’t understand why they had been modelled with eyes facing outwards and sad looking mouths, nor why they didn’t have legs. When Jeff had heard there were shark toys, he expected they would look like him and his plushie, Jeff Jr. 

“Mrrr,” Jeff shrugged, he supposed it was good that all sharks were getting representation, he’d done his research and knew a lot of sharks tragically had no legs, unlike him. 

Either way, they looked soft and Jeff assumed he would have to wait a while for you and Natasha to get around to this area. If you ever stopped discussing non-Jeff related things. 

There was only one thing Jeff could think to do, excitedly running at the crate and leaping. He landed right in the centre of the sea of sharks, already relaxing with how soft and cuddly they were. The next step was for Jeff to paw at the sharks, nudging and digging into the pile as he circled, getting it ready for him to sleep on. As he spun, he began to dig deeper, until he was comfortably buried and able to settle down for sleep.

—

Another load of conversations woke Jeff up from his nap, and he grumbled sleepily at the interruption, rolling over to be flat on his back, since the sharks could comfortably support his fin. There was some shuffling above him and a shark was removed, exposing Jeff’s face to the world above. Someone stared down at him, eyes locked on his, and Jeff stared back. 

Neither Jeff nor the person moved for several seconds, only staring at each other, then Jeff leapt out, needing to hurry back to you since he’d been spotted. One of the plush sharks fell to the floor due to the Jeff eruption, and the person who found him stumbled backwards, off balance from the speed needed to avoid a faceful of Jeff. 

Although he had started to run, the land shark felt bad for the chaos he’d caused and double backed. He went to prop the man up first, giving him a nudge so he wouldn’t fall, then ran back to the shark toy. The crate was too high and the plush was too big for Jeff to throw it back, and if he was being honest, he really wanted to take one home. He had to make the decision quickly, so he clamped his jaws around one side of the plushie and began to run, dragging it with him. 

The stuffed shark was large, roughly the same as Jeff width wise, but longer than him in length, so it proved difficult to sprint; the faster he tried to run to get back to you and Natasha, the more frequently he tripped. On one occasion he even managed a perfect forwards roll over his new shark friend. But he never let it stop him, simply re-grabbing the plushie as soon as he was back upright, and continuing with his journey.

He’d almost reached you, he could see the both of you. Your backs were turned but he kept running.

Then someone stepped in his way.

Jeff stilled in his tracks, only skidding slightly from the speed he had been going. He released his shark and stiffened, looking up slowly but otherwise remaining static. The man in front of him was facing the other way, but he looked back suddenly, spotting Jeff and his toy on the floor. 

“Why would someone carry a Blåhaj so far only to drop it right here?” the man sighed. Jeff guessed he was an employee, based on the uniform, and nametag, and the fact that he was bending down to pick up Jeff’s friend, Blåhaj, as the man had called him.

But instead of grabbing the plushie, as Jeff had expected, the man’s hands grabbed Jeff’s torso, beginning to pull him up. He had been so close without being spotted, and he didn’t want to lose now; as he was lifted, Jeff let his mouth drop open slightly and moved his eyes, so each one was looking in the outwards direction. 

It was difficult for Jeff to see the employee when his focus was on keeping his eyes like that and not blinking, but he caught a raised eyebrow from the corner of his eye, and heard a sigh. “I just wanna go home,” he muttered, lifting Jeff to be carried under one arm, and Blåhaj under the other and dumping them right back where they started, in the plush shark crate. 

Jeff stayed still until the employee had walked away, then clambered right back out, bringing his Blåhaj with him. Blåhaj endured a fair share of grumbled ‘mrrr’s on the way back, with Jeff both proud of getting away with being a toy and offended that all his progress getting back to you and Nat had been reset. Eventually, they made it, and saw you had progressed a few sections in the meantime.

“Jeff!” you smiled upon seeing him, “I was wondering when you’d be back. Who’s the friend?”

“Wait, what? Jeff?” Natasha turned. She shook her head immediately at the sight, then checked the base of the trolley. It was clear she hadn’t noticed Jeff had gone. In fairness, it was hard to see while pushing the shopping cart, especially with everything stacked in the top half. “You knew he was gone?” she asked you.

“Yeah, he left, sometime in the sofa section, right Jeff?”

He nodded, then dropped his toy at your feet, sitting and looking up at you expectantly. Then explaining the journey with a series of ‘mrrr’s. You tried your best to listen, but Natasha was also talking to you at the same time, about how you should have told her Jeff had disappeared, or what if he’d gotten lost.

“It’s a one way system, Jeff can work his way back to us without getting lost”

“Clint got lost here”

“Yeah but that’s Clint. Jeff managed it fine.” You caught another sentence from Jeff. “Oh, he managed it two times.”

Natasha huffed. She leant over the cart with closed eyes. You were having a conversation with Jeff that she couldn’t understand, only hearing snippets from your side and ‘mrrr’s from Jeff in return. She heard your scandalised, “Who picked you up?”, only to be followed by a cheerful, “Hey, Nat, Jeff passed as a toy perfectly!” She loved the two of you, and found it adorable, though confusing, to watch you interact, but she could see your team-up coming and needed to brace herself to say no. You didn’t need the giant shark. 

“Of course we can get a Blåhaj!” you told Jeff, lifting him so that he could drop the toy into the cart.

“No, we’re not,” Natasha sighed. She’d prepared herself, but she still didn’t like saying no, not when it came to you. You’d explained it earlier in regards to Jeff, and she’d disagreed, but if she were being honest, even Natasha had a hard time saying no to Jeff, and an even harder time saying no to you, so when you teamed…

“Love, Jeff likes to sleep in our bed at night; him and Jeff Jr already take up so much space, you really think a metre long shark isn’t going to make things even worse?”

“We can survive, or just tell Jeff to sleep in his own bed; he has several.”

Natasha rolled her eyes, “Hasn’t worked the last few times we’ve told him that, has it?”

“I’ll try harder for these two, just look at them!” At that, you held Jeff up with straightened arms, so he was at the level of Natasha’s face. He then grabbed the sides of the Blåhaj with his own hands, extending it even further into her view, before peeking his head around the side of the toy, grinning at the spy.

“We– I like sleep”

You sensed Natasha’s resolve weakening with the act, “it’s cute, isn’t it?” you prompted, tilting Jeff, and therefore Blåhaj, side to side until their tails began swishing. A small smile crept into your girlfriend’s features, so you carried on, until she eventually cracked. 

“Okay, okay, we’ll get the shark, drop it into the cart Jeff and get yourself back on. We need to get ourselves out of here before we can buy anything else.”

The three of you (plus Blåhaj) sped through the rest of the sections, realising that there was a shortcut straight to check out just after the children’s section. 

“Hey Nat, look at that bear” you pointed out in the final part of the walk. A collection of large, sagged brown bears, about the size of Blåhaj, sat at the end.

“Another time, Y/N.” Natasha sighed, though she couldn’t hide the amusement in her eyes from your antics. “A giant shark is enough for today.” 

—————————————————

Jeff was free to come out of hiding once you’d gone through the checkout, so you lifted him up and onto the child seat for the final stretch, and settled Blåhaj on his lap, which he happily cuddled with. Though the walk to the car wasn’t long, it had been a tiring day for Jeff, and a break to his usual routine of sleeping all day, so it wasn’t too much of a surprise when you turned around at the end and saw him slumped over his new toy, happily dozing atop it. 

You took a photo quietly, ready for a social media post once you’d gotten Jeff’s permission, then you softly roused him. Natasha began unloading all the shopping. Meanwhile, you unloaded Jeff, lifting him up and strapping him into his car seat, securing Blåhaj in the seat next to him, complete with its own seatbelt.

You started the car up as Natasha returned the trolley. A soft smile fell onto your face as your attention switched from your sleepy land shark nodding off against his own shark, to your girlfriend climbing into the passenger side.

“What are you smiling about?” she laughed, her body language already mimicking yours as calm fell upon the car.

“Nothing,” you teased, the grin only spreading wider, “I just enjoyed today.” With a glance at Jeff in the rearview mirror, you continued, “maybe we should come to IKEA more often.”

Natasha nodded, following your line of view from the napping land shark to meeting your eyes. She smiled, and nodded again, this time with more determination.

Another few seconds passed. “Was this about the bear?”

“So his name is Djungelskog-”