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Paris is quite possibly one of the worst places to be in a zombie apocalypse. This is a well-documented fact, based on all the skulls in the catacombs. You've seen them. There isn't anything for the virus to infect, but it's one part virus one part magic. This place is old and has a shitton of history. You're going to need all the help you can get to evade all the dead bodies coming out of their graves right now.
You don't know why anyone would do this. That doesn't matter. What I need you to do is stay calm. Try not to think about the existential horror of it all.
I still can't believe that monster thought kickstarting the zombie apocalypse was a good idea. I hope he's dead now. I hope his creation turned against him, like it did against Victor Frankenstein. It'd be poetic justice, really, for a man who constantly uses emotional manipulation. He can't manipulate zombies.
This used to be out of my wheelhouse, but Chat Noir and I have a lot of experience fighting zombies now.
This is my guide of how to survive in these times. I'm leading you to water in a desert.
It's your time to drink.
Lesson one: Even with this guide, there's still a good chance you won't survive this.
Of course, no one lives forever. But I don't think this will truly stop until humanity is eradicated, so make of that what you will. It's only one part magic. There's only so much I can do. I'm sorry.
Lesson two: Get comfortable with the inevitability of death.
I'm only spending my time writing this instead of fighting because I know someday I'm going to fail. Someday I won't be able to save the day. I've accepted this. I still hate it. You can do that. It's normal to hate the idea of death. But I want people to keep going, to outlive this.
The Cure isn't healing the world, it's just killing the zombies faster. Doesn't help when the virus is one part magic.
Lesson three: Killing yourself won't help.
This is going to get graphic, so brace yourself.
A companion of mine killed themself after realizing the inevitability of their death. They wanted to do it themself before the zombies got to them. I saw it. I found their body and the note they left.
I also saw them rise again.
The virus doesn't transfer to living people unless you get bitten...but it is still in the air.
Dead bodies are reanimated very quickly. I shot them with the gun they used to kill themself. It was the worst thing I've ever done for the sake of this fight.
Lesson four: Keep your friends close.
Your companions are your assets. Don't split up. Don't let go. I know it probably sounds tempting to be a loner, but that is a shitty lifestyle. Don't do it. It's not worth it.
You aren't going to live any better because you abandoned your fellow humans to die and become zombies next.
I know these are coming at you quickly, and lesson three was kind of a doozy. But I need to make this quick. It's only a matter of time before my next big fight, and I want to be able to distribute this to as many people as possible. It's a survival guide.
Lesson six: If any of your friends become zombies, kill them ASAP.
Remember that story in lesson three? Yeah? I'm telling you if you are the one finding the body, as soon as it rises again, make CERTAIN it goes down.
I know it's hard. It is incredibly difficult. But...
Lesson seven: You cannot befriend zombies.
Not even the ones that used to be your friends. The way the virus works -- it only thrives inside the brain. Given enough time, the virus will consume the host. It is parasitic by nature. As it eats at the gray matter, the magic in the virus takes over more and more. It keeps the body animated. When the virus runs out of brain in itself to consume, it starts to consume the rest of the flesh. This is...very bad. For it.
The zombie will eventually consume itself if it finds no prey. It is a slow, painful death -- not that they feel any pain, since their brains are gone.
Easier to just kill them. Faster.
Lesson eight: Stick to ranged weapons.
Stay out of biting range. Ranged weapons are the best for this. Guns, crossbows, hell even slingshots if you have nothing else. But seriously, you need to stay out of biting range. That is the only way zombies can transfer the virus to those still living.
Lesson nine: You are alive. They are not.
Skeleton zombies don't stay animated as long because virus doesn't cling to bone as easily, but the magic still tries.
I know some of the recently dead will probably look like still alive people, and will act like still alive people -- until the virus consumes their cognitive functions, that is. Watch out for declining brain function and the tendency to attempt biting others. If you see a wound that should have been deadly, they're probably a zombie. Don't waffle too much about it.
This is meant to keep you alive, after all.
Lesson ten: Try to stay positive.
We might all be doomed, but we've always been doomed. This is just accelerating it. We can at least try and keep an upbeat attitude about it.
Have fun, where you can. Take pleasure in the little things. You're going to need it, after all. Those happy memories are a high like nothing else when you feel like shit.
That's it! Those are my ten tips for surviving the apocalypse. I know it isn't comprehensive. This isn't meant to be comprehensive. I didn't write this to be complete. I just needed this to be done and out in the world.
I wish you the best of luck in surviving the apocalypse. You're going to need it.
-- Ladybug
(P.S. Try not to care too much about tomorrow. I meant that title and that summary. You might not live to see the sunrise. Take every day you live as though it will be your last -- because it just might be.)