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“It was a dark and stormy night…”
“It wasn’t.”
“Heavy gray clouds painted the sky above; a cold wind chilled the very hearts of the students of Bellbrooke Elementary.”
“In fact, it was unseasonably warm that day.”
“Our brave hero stood in front of his peers, alone and frightened.”
Phoenix crawled onto the living room floor and splayed out on his knees, his hand draped across his forehead, eyes cast down.
Edgeworth scrubbed his hand across his face. “You just said you were standing.”
“Alas and alack!” Phoenix said, his voice trembling. “Whatever am I to do? For I, a tender-hearted young lad, have been wrongfully accused. Sure, I may not be a perfect child. I’ve been known to crack wise. I’ve popped a wheelie or two, gorged myself on fiddle faddle. I once pulled a fast one on old Mister Mulligan down by the mill. But thievery? I would never. I could never.”
Phoenix turned his eye on the couch. Trucy was trying to hide her laughter behind her hands. His husband looked very, very tired. He pushed himself off the floor.
“And our teacher! She towered over me, 7 feet tall AT LEAST.”
Phoenix drew himself up as high as he could and raised his arms menacingly.
“PHOENIX WRIGHT!” he screeched. “You nasty, hideous boy! How I’ve loathed you from the moment you crossed the threshold of my classroom! And now, at last, I’ll have my revenge!” His shoulders relaxed as he glanced at Edgeworth. “Feel free to stop me if any of this sounds off.”
Edgeworth groaned and leaned into the couch, the back of his head hitting the wall with an audible thud.
“The other children pelted me with pencils and rulers, their laughter ringing in my ears like a chorus of cackling wildebeests.” Phoenix sniffled and wrung his hands. “Woe! Oh, misfortune! Won’t anyone come to my aid? A young man with a just and noble heart, perhaps?” Trucy let out a sharp giggle. Phoenix thrust his arm in Edgeworth’s direction. “And then, a lone voice in the crowd shouted out…”
Edgeworth stared at him.
“Shouted out…” Phoenix said, nodding in his direction.
Edgeworth pushed his glasses up and turned to Trucy. “The teacher decided to hold a mock trial because Phoenix had been accused of stealing money. By that age I’d had more than enough exposure to real criminal justice to know that the methods being used were illogical, inappropriate and unjust, so I decided to point out-“
“Really?” Phoenix said. “You’re just gonna strip all the magic out of it? Look, Trucy’s a performer. She doesn’t just want the facts, she wants a show. Isn’t that right, Truce?”
She was snickering too hard to answer.
Phoenix walked over and held his hand out. Edgeworth stared at it, rolled his eyes and reluctantly took hold of it. Phoenix led him to the middle of the room and grabbed his shoulders, positioning him so he was facing the couch, and then stood back.
Edgeworth remained silent and raised his eyebrows at him.
Phoenix sighed. “Tell your story!” he exclaimed.
Edgeworth grumbled and shuffled his feet. “I…”
Phoenix nodded encouragingly.
“What happened next, papa?” Trucy asked, leaning forward in her seat.
“That is, I…um…” Edgeworth rubbed his neck, his cheeks flushed.
“Hey, come on. Just think of it like being in court,” Phoenix said gently. “Imagine I’ve just fallen into one of your dastardly traps and you’re about to throw my whole argument out the window with a condescending rejoinder.”
Edgeworth tilted his head and a fire came alive behind his eyes.
He cleared his throat. “You’re wrong,” he said.
Phoenix opened his mouth but Edgeworth kept going before he had a chance to interrupt.
“To condemn someone without proper evidence…” He clenched his fist. “Someone with no representation, no allies to confer with! This isn’t a search for truth, this is a witchhunt!” He pointed fiercely at no one in particular. Phoenix bit his lip, his eyes moony and sparkling. Trucy drew her legs in, her hands now clamped around her mouth as she rocked with glee. “This mock trial is a mockery! Of a trial!” He instinctively looked for a surface to slam his fist against, and finding nothing close by he settling for perching his hands on his hips.
Phoenix clapped vigorously, his features softened with genuine emotion.
“Okay, now for Larry,” Phoenix said softly. “Larry, Larry…aha!” He pointed to a tall plant in the corner of the room. “There he is.”
Phoenix stood silently, watching the plant.
“Daddy…” Trucy said after a while.
“Shh,” Phoenix replied. “He’s still talking.”
Trucy and Edgeworth looked at each other with concern as Phoenix pretended to wipe a tear from his eye.
“That was beautiful, Larry. Thank you.”
Trucy snorted.
Phoenix faced his daughter squarely and puffed his chest out. “And with that was born a friendship that would stand firm against the ever-raging sea of time.”
He took a deep bow. Then he grabbed Edgeworth’s hand and bowed again. Edgeworth sighed but inclined his head very briefly.
Trucy laughed and cheered. “So, did they ever find out who stole the money?” she asked.
Phoenix turned to the corner and narrowed his eyes at the plant.
Trucy laughed uncomfortably. “N-nevermind.”
Phoenix grinned at her. “In the end, it’s not a big deal. Cause after that, I met my wonderful daughter.” He slid his arm around Edgeworth’s waist. “And then I married the love of my life.” He gave Edgeworth a gentle, lingering kiss.
“I think you may have skimmed over a few details,” Edgeworth whispered.
“Naw.” Phoenix’s eyes crinkled. “Nothing important.”
They looked at each other, leaning in closer and closer until they heard Trucy get up from the couch.
“Well, I think that’s my cue to go to bed.” She stood on her tip toes and gave each of them a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks for the show, daddy,” she said to Phoenix. “I’ll get papa to tell me the real story tomorrow.”
Phoenix gasped and clutched his chest as she smirked and walked away.
He nuzzled Edgeworth’s neck and sighed. “Everyone’s a critic.”