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There's a lot Barry Allen didn't understood about college, specially those things that he didn't consider would be part of the experience. Get there, study hard, become a criminologist. That was the plan, piece of cake! And that part was indeed easy, he was a smart kid, at least Joe told him that all the time; Iris called him a dork, and he chose to think it was the same principle at least. But yes, there was so much going on that just eluded him, and he just felt adrift in an ocean of the people that keep pouring in his life. Which was weird, because people tended to stay away from him, away from the weird kid whose dad killed his mom. And as disheartening as growing up accustomed to living in the fringe was, it seems as hard to let people in now.
First he met Cisco. He was a lot like him, both nerdy and geeky, but with no sense of shame of self consciousness. At first Barry, being Barry, kept him at arms length. But with Cisco being Cisco; and being his room mate, there was little Barry could do to keep the rising tide that was Cisco Ramon out of his life. Soon he realized he didn't want to. This new roommate, almost vibrating with an energy Barry was sure could power a small city, always after the pretty girls, even when his track record was not so good to support that zeal, but he didn't let it deter him. Barry kept wondering why he wanted a girlfriend so bad, and Cisco seemed flummoxed by this “Why wouldn't I want to get laid?” Cisco had said, as if Barry had sprout a second head. Barry really didn't understand the need for a girlfriend to have sex. He understood wanting to be with someone... like that. But still if sex was a thing that he was looking forward to, someday, he didn't think a relationship was necessary for that. When he told that to Cisco, he had responded by tilting his head “Damn Allen, I never though you were the kind of guy to go around dipping your pickle without commitment”
Barry had flushed tremendously “I, I am not, but I just don't think sex is a reason to be in a relationship. I want to be in a relationship because I like spending time with a person, not because I just want to have sex. If I want sex, just sex, I think that'd be different” Cisco admitted to see the point. It didn't change his need to get himself a girlfriend.
“I guess most people want it to be special Bear” Iris had told him on Skype later that night.
“I too want it to be special, but I don't want to be on a relationship to get some” And he did the air quotes, making Iris laugh.
“You can do both” Iris kept laughing then frowned. “I hope so. But then how do you want it to be memorable then?” Barry let his mind wander.
“I don't know Iris” He smiled shyly “It is too cliche to say I want to be swept of my feet?” Iris agreed with that, although she did agree with it being a cliche. In truth Barry wasn't sure if he was ready for a relationship if he wanted one -would someone even want him with all his insecurities and awkwardness?- He had grown so used to be just him, Joe and Iris, that he didn't even knew if he could let someone else in. And despise Joe always been so firm in his believe that Barry was special and the sweetest kid, he could never buy the idea someone would want to spend time with him, specially a lifetime. Joe and Iris were just too good. Anyway, it just all seem like something for future Barry to figure out.
That night, Barry dreamed he loved someone so hard, that his chest hurt when he woke up, how can you miss so much someone you loved only in a dream?
He then met Caitlin and her boyfriend- fiance, Ronnie. How could someone so young be so ready for that step? Caitlin was Cisco's friend from high-school, when the two of them had banded together to survive their AP classes and high-school itself. Caitlin had met Ronnie on her completely out of character -according to Cisco- getaway to Hawaii with some friends. Said friends had disappeared a day into their adventure -according to Cisco, they actually had just went to the beach and Caitlin had stayed under her gigantic hat back at the hotel pool- so she was left all alone. Until she met Ronnie "The most gorgeous man I have ever met! Something came over me, and I just had to go talk to him, as if letting that chance go would be the worst thing ever, even flirting with a guy way over my league” Caitlin had explained as they ate in the cafeteria. Ronnie told him that Caitlin was awkward as hell in her flirting, and that's why he fell for her. They had spent the next week together, so wrapped in the bubble of love Caitlin missed her flight back home. Barry could not deny Ronnie was gorgeous, so it was hard not to fall for him. The way he looked at Caitlin though, it actually made Barry's heart ache. Would someone ever look him like that?
“So yeah, Ronnie is going back to Coast City College, just hoping long distance thing works!” Caitlin said shrugging, like this was all what she had managed to figure out so far. When he met her, Barry thought her too reserved, almost cold, but when Ronnie was around, her coolness became breeze, and her eyes sparkled for Ronnie.
“I only have two semesters left back there, then I'll move back here” He said smiling at Caitlin; so warm, so hot “I do hope you don't fall for someone else while I am gone”
“You never know!” She said comically big, and Ronnie just kissed her. They all picked up their trays, Cisco bumping with a blond guy as the walked away, but Ronnie and Caitlin where still in their own little bubble of love.
“You think they'll last?” Iris asked as she treated herself pancakes for dinner, because why not. Barry sighed, wistfully, and she smirked. “Well, someone is jealous”
“I do wish I could have that” He said, tapping his finger on the desk. He looked around his dorm room, Cisco was still on his mixer du jour, trying to score. Barry was sure he just liked to talk to people more than anything, and he smiled. But the room was so empty, and he wished that someone kept him company. As if predicting, Iris voice came soothing.
“Do you wanna have dinner together?” He smiled brightly, taking his sandwich from the wrapper, and heating some water for his ramen. “You know, you could go with Cisco to one of his mixers. Get to know people, it'll do you good”
Barry wanted to say no, but why? Cisco kept offering to tag along to his almost endless list of college parties, mixers and gatherings, and even if Barry kept politely declining, Cisco kept casually inviting him. That guy was not into giving up. Barry appreciated that. It took a while for Barry to believe Cisco actually liked to hang out with him, even when they had so much in common -comic books, movies, tabletop games, all the nerdy things that made Iris' eyes glass over -except Ticket to Ride, Iris loved Ticket to Ride.-
One Friday afternoon that found them both free and binging on Full Metall Alchemist, Cisco's phone -an entity onto itself, always beeping with new info and dates and just stuff- rang. “Hey! Do you wanna go to a swanky party, Barry?”
And Barry decided that maybe he wanted.
“I don't think this was a good idea” For some reason, Barry was expecting a quiet get together on the AV club or something. Maybe eat some snacks and have some punch. But Cisco's plans where vastly, surreptitiously, different. They had ended on a frat party on the fanciest house on campus -so fancy Barry had no clue which one it was- heads had turned their way, as if their presence was unfathomable.
“Pshhhh, don't sweat it Barry” Cisco said hi to a cute blond guy that looked at them like a deer caught in the headlights, probably asking himself who the hell these were, and Barry was sure they were going to be kicked out. But before anyone showed up to vanish them through the backdoor, Cisco let out an excited call “Magician!” which was responded by a bellowing “Disco Cisco!”
That's how Barry met Tommy Merlyn,
Behind, he saw someone even he -out of the celebrity loop Barry Allen- recognized, sitting on a couch with a girl that actually seemed to want to kill him. “Did you go fuck yourself today Ollie?” she said.
“Twice” He smiled brightly at her, and she just leaned on his shoulder and laughed.
And that's how Barry met Oliver Queen and Laurel Lance.
Cisco did not waste time presenting Barry around, as if he was the rarest, most precious find. Barry's ears felt warm. Everyone seemed nice and having a good time, not even caring about the part going on beyond the doors of the study; although there were some things that caught his attention.
One, he wasn't sure if Laurel wanted to kill Oliver or not. Two, he was sure Tommy wanted Laurel to at least hit him. Three, Oliver was a flirt to everyone.
Almost everything that came from Laurel's mouth was slightly vitriolic to Oliver, and almost everything that came from his was slightly condescending. At first it was jarring, because Tommy just sat between them as their banter made him the happiest person in the world. As the time passed, he noticed how tactile Oliver was with both Laurel and Tommy, and for some reason it made him sad -When was the last time someone had touched him?-
Laurel was the first one to sit with him after Cisco just had to get up to dance, followed by Tommy. “So, are you going crazy yet?” She asked, and her smile was so sweet and genuine, that Barry had no idea what her relationship with Oliver actually was.
“No, no” He knew he sounded awkward, he was awkward, all stiff and hands in his pockets. He tried to relax, and Laurel chuckled. “I'm, I'm actually having a great time. It's been a while since I have been to a party” Like, forever. Did his birthday partied with Joe and Iris count?
“I get it” Laurel said, laying back in the couch. “I'm not much of a party person either. Just with this two morons, and my sister- When we are not trying to kill each other” Her eyes had a hardness behind, and Barry dared not to ask what it might be.
“You three seem to be tight, I like it” And Laurel wanted to say something, but she must have seen something in his face, because she just smiled, and leaned her head on his shoulder, just like he had done with Oliver earlier.
“For better or worse, I can't get away from them”.
It didn't take long for Tommy to decide this party was a bust and drag his friends -that now included Barry, apparently- and made their way through as many parties they could hit. From then it all became a haze. Weed made a surprise appearance, and Barry -adopted son of a cop that he was- wanted to clutch his pearls. He was offered once, and passed. Laurel procured two wine bottles from her bag, so apparently, it was the time for some underage drinking. Now, Barry did not consider himself a law breaker, but Barry had a thing for wine -he remembered reading so many times the catalogs her mom had brought from her trips to Europe- and that was some really good wine. The bottles run empty after the second luau, and Laurel pouted on her lei. Soon after Oliver appeared with two more, and she excitedly called him a piece of trash. They hugged. After a weird neon light party where Laurel and Cisco did an intricate and improvised dance routine that garnered applause, and a barbecue on a parking lot that ended with Tommy ordering thirty pounds of burgers to the cheering of the crowd. Barry wasn't sure how they all ended back on his dorm, smoking weed and drinking wine -now an even more expensive red wine-
“You are very comfy” Laurel said to Cisco as she practically kneaded him to rest more comfortable. Both Tommy and Oliver side eyed her. She took notice of this “If you think I'm doing this to make either if you jealous, I am sorry for you two” She pointed at both of them, a bit wobbly “Been there, done that. Not going for seconds”
“I don't know Laurel, they seem like good guys” And Barry was so amazed by Cisco's confidence -because Oliver Queen was hot, and Tommy Merlyn was hot too- he had just started to play with Laurel's hair, and she had giggled, her cheeks red from the wine.
“Oh they are. They suck at relationships though. Oliver here cheated on me with my sister, and Tommy never had the balls to ask me for a date because I was “Ollie's girl”” She frowned at Tommy “fuck that noise”
Barry was almost dreading things going to the crapper with their little soiree, but Tommy and Oliver had just shrugged.
“It's true” Oliver had said
“No lies there” Tommy responded, and they nodded to each other, solemnly.
Laurel looked up and her eyes met Cisco's, who only now looked vulnerable and unsure “We have been friends since we were kids. I'm not going to loose my best friends because they are a couple of morons. I love them”
“Awww, we love you too Laurel!” They said at the same time.
As the night died out, and Barry lied on his bed, and had heroically resisted the fabled peer pressure of smoking weed all night -not the wine, he loved wine so much- Cisco, Laurel and Tommy slept on a... evocative heap on Cisco's bed. Before Barry could wonder where Oliver was, he felt his bed dip under a weight.
“Hey... hey Oliver. How.. how are you?” Barry's voice sounded so fragile, like glass spun by little ants.
“Don't get weird Barry” Oliver spoke, and he could feel the heat of his breath on his neck. Barry had tried to avoid touching Oliver, because his mind kept going there, It had become harder when Oliver had started to become touchy with him during their night. Barry wanted to say he minded, but he didn't, He so didn't.
“I'm sorry” Barry apologized, trying with all his might to not fantasize about Oliver. It was really hard with the length of his body pushing against his.
“If you want, you can put my hand in your junk; but I'm beat so I won't be much of a ride” Oliver's voice was thick and sleepy, and before Barry could even answer -not that he even had a coherent answer- he could hear snoring beside him. Barry sighed, not sure if Oliver meant what he had said. When he felt something hard on his butt later that night, he didn't put much effort in moving away -he kinda pushed closer-.
The next morning, the sound of the door woke him. He could see Tommy walking out, followed by Laurel, after giving Cisco a kiss on the cheek. “Hey” He felt Oliver's voice on his ear, so low he wanted to let out a whimper. “Come find me, if you wanna take me up in my offer. I really liked your butt” Barry could only respond with a pathetic okay. After that Oliver laughed and bounded out of the bed, closing the door behind him.
“I think I'm in love” Cisco said before starting to sing in Spanish.
“Do you know who Oliver freaking Queen is!!” Iris yelled at him through the call, and he could feel his ears bleed through his earphones “I didn't know he was bi! The magazines don't mention anything about that” And she literally pushed a magazine against her camera Playboy Billionaire Heir Again Caught in Camera Romancing a Blonde!! All the Deets in page 36! “Maybe he is in the DL? Oh Barry, I don't want you to be in the dl, not even for that ass” Iris got lost on a picture of Oliver Queen, her finger tenderly caressing the surface.
“I, I'm not going to pursue that. I think. He's too much for me. He's a great guy, but, but he has been with a lot of people, really a lot”
“Don't shame him for his sluttiness Barry, he is a gift to us!” Iris hugged the magazine, and he could almost see actual tears in her eyes.
“I don't mean it like that!” Barry started to play with the cord of his earphone “I dunno, I wouldn't want to disappoint. Even if he is the sweetest guy, I would keep thinking I'm doing something wrong”
“Self sabotaging is your thing” She was right. “Well, he did lack the 'sweep me out my feet' thing, so, even if he is DTF it's not exactly what you want, is it?”
Laurel had said, Oliver sucked at relationships. But that was okay, cause Barry wasn't looking for that, right? He kept thinking about Ronnie and Caitlin, and he could not deny he wanted that too. Barry always said he just wanted something casual, but staring at Oliver, feeling him against. It was more than just attraction; that it would definitely be more if anything happened, Barry realized in his reverie that maybe he wasn't the sort guy to just hit it and quit it, as Cisco said.
The following week, Laurel and Tommy dropped on his room a couple of times. Barry realized it was fun to have friends. So he let them close, as he had with Cisco. Laurel talked a lot about her classes; she had planned everything up until becoming ADA. She promised to shred his expert testimony in court if it ever came to that. Barry laughed because he knew she would. When Tommy came around, he talked about everything, literally, half of the time Barry had no clue, but he still listened intently, asking questions once in a while. Tommy was just so happy and confident, and when he was around, Barry felt a little happier himself.
Maybe life could be more.
“Maybe I do want a relationship” Barry said out loud, later the following week on his bed, lying on his bed face down.
“Uh?” Cisco's face shot up, his glasses lit by the screen of his phone.
“I had the... opportunity, to 'get some'?” And even as he said it, he could totally see why people called him awkward. “But I dunno, I just don't wanna fall for someone that's emotionally unavailable? Cause I do think, that I'd fall hard I mean. So I guess my theoretical opinions didn't account for that?” Barry craned his head and faced his friend.
“Oh, you mean Oliver?” Cisco answered offhandedly, and Barry froze. Cisco went back to typing and when he lifted his head again, Barry was in the exact same uncomfortable position. “Uhm, Barry, are you okay?”
“Yeah... are you?” Barry squeaked.
“With you being gay? Yeah?” Cisco kept looking confused why this was a thing “Oh! Are you not gay? are you bi? Pan?”
“No no, just gay. Garden variety gay” Barry shuffled in his bed and looked up. “I guess I thought this conversation was going to be more... intense”
“After I introduced you to Ronnie, I kinda guessed” Cisco offered. Barry still was underwhelmed by the nonchalant reception of his coming out. “That's why we hung out with Tommy and Oliver, in case you wanted to get your freak one with some chill dudes; specially Oliver, that kinda looks like Ronnie” Cisco's mind got lost for a bit “He looks a lot like Ronnie”
“I wasn't looking at Ronnie like that because I was lusting after him” Seriously, 'lusting after'? Apparently Cisco's raised eyebrow agreed. “I just, the way he looked at Caitlin... I think I do want that”
“Ahhh” Cisco typed in his phone some more. “But you still want sex without being on a relationship?”
“I...” Barry sighed, trying to make his thoughts have sense. “I just thought, sex, casual sex... would be easier. I do want a relationship, but I don't think anyone would have me... I don't think I'm ugly, but, I have never had many people that cared for me, as a person, and, I dunno, Cisco.” Well, that sounded too self defeatist. “And now I don't think I'm the kind of person that can have sex without emotions. I have been thinking about Oliver ever since, even when I know that's not what he wants”
“Yeah, and that ship sailed” Cisco informed him.
“Oh?” Barry asked his interest piqued, and defeated.
“Yeah, Laurel told me he has been hanging out with a girl named Felicity -who by the way, it seems to be girl, blond you- and I'm told Oliver has never looked so smitten. Laurel hates it, because, and I quote 'If he gets married, I will lose a bet against Tommy, and I was holding on that cash to retire young'” Cisco laughs “Apparently, we are talking about triple digits. As if she'd ever retire, half her texts are about how much she loves her pre-law courses, the other half is bitching about Oliver and Tommy. I think I really love her”
“So” Barry cleared his throat “Did I literally miss my chance?” Cisco didn't know what to reply.
Well, that sucked.
“Hey Caitlin, can you tell him to stop eating ramen all day?” Iris voice was teasing, but Barry could sense the undertone of I really want you to eat good Barry, you are skinny as hell.
“It's like he inhales it” Caitlin said actually surprised. “I did bring him a mixed salad, so at least he will get some greens”
“Bless you Dr. Snow” Iris saluted her through the camera, and Caitlin nodded proud.
“You know she wants to major in Biology, not Medicine, right?” Barry, ruefully, picked the salad. He could get his ramen fix later.
“Nonsense! I have already named her the family Doctor. I already have her on escrow” Iris said matter of fact, and Barry only lifted his brow.
“And how are you paying her?”
“With photos of baby Barry!” And for the next hour, Iris and Caitlin kept going through his photos and giving him commentary. Barry tried to sound grumpy, but his smile betrayed him five minutes in.
Apparently, things weren't perfect between Oliver and Felicity. According to Tommy -who's love of stopping at Barry's had become a love for eating his ramen, despise the fact he was a millionaire- Oliver was still ways to go to be boyfriend material, so there was lots of scornful stares between he and Felicty, and now Laurel had to spend her nights consoling Felicty telling her how Ollie was a good guy, flaws and all, and then yelling at Oliver for continuing to be such a fucking moron; it was all very exhausting. That was part of the reason Tommy kept popping over more often.
“I do think they are going to work it out. Eventually... But they both seem to like angst so eh, good for them”
Barry didn't want a part of him to be relieved, but he was. He had met Felicity, and he could totally see why people compared them, it was eerie. But she was also different, much tougher than Barry felt, unflinching and ready to stand her ground when Ollie was being a shit -cause apparently Laurel was right, Oliver was a little shit so much of the time with his 'I don't want to hurt you, we should stop seeing each other' followed up five minutes later with 'I think I'm falling in love with you' He was a mess. They were a mess. Last thing Cisco had told him, it was that they had sex on the TA office, after Oliver had told her he was dropping the business class they had together, it had been so dramatic she had tried to re-enroll him, and then they fought, and ended up doing it. Tommy agreed with Felicity, the only reason Oliver was in college was because he will take over Queen Consolidated someday, and if he is ever going to fulfill his dream of rebuilding Starling City's Glades, he can't quit now.
“I don't want him to lose his purpose. He has been a better guy since he decided he wanted to use his family's fortune to help people”
“That's really complex” Barry supplied, realizing Oliver's life was indeed, complicated.
“Oh, so I got you a surprise. Nothing serious, just a friend I want you to meet. I think you guy's will hit it off” Tommy's smile became ravenous.
“I dunno Tommy... I'm not ready for dating anyone” That was true, simplified, but true. “But thanks” Barry sighed inwardly, at the end, it was only about one thing; fear. Of not being enough, of not being wanted. All his life people had pushed him away, so now, it was hard to believe someone would want him close.
“Dude, you know we all like you, right?” Barry lifted his head, his eyes big. “Hey, I am intuitive” Tommy said slurping another noodle out of the cup. “You are not the weird kid we hung out with because you are Cisco's roommate. You are fun, clever, and good to us; Hell, people have called Oliver, Laurel and me toxic, but you always are just happy to see us, and you have never tried to get something from us.” Barry smiled weakly, as if tanking him halfheartedly, but Tommy continued. “You are a good friend. When Cisco brought Caitlin and she looked like she'd rather jump out the window that be with us, it was you who made her enjoy herself” Barry remembered that day, Cisco was worried she wasn't going to mesh with the rest, and he was right. But Barry wasn't going to let her have a bad time, he knew about that. So when everyone was at the pub laughing their asses off at karaoke night, he was glad Caitlin got to loosen up and forget a bit the lack of Ronnie that was getting her down. I had a great time, thanks Barry Allen, she had told him “You are a good friend Barry”
“Uhm. Thanks?” Barry nodded, and finally smiled genuinely “Thanks, Tommy”
“No problem Bear” At this, Barry's head spun so quickly it almost came off “Oh, I didn't tell you, I got Iris' Skype” Tommy smiled, that shit eating grin.
Sometimes when things are good, they get bad. Sometimes, they get better.
Barry was sprinting through the courtyard, hastily typing “OMW”, soon the response from Laurel came “Sure. Felicity says you won't make it” The AV club was showing a marathon of Red Dwarf, which immensely excited Barry, Cisco and Felicty, meaning Laurel had to being dragged. Though Barry was sure she enjoyed their nerdy-episodes, even if to just look at them squee. Apparently, Laurel was the sort of person that delighted in nerdery, specially her boyfriend's. She had given up trying to drag him to fashion shows, but now she had both Felicty and Caitlin for that, so Cisco now could spend more time missing Laurel.
Barry was ready to reply “almost there” -which he wasn't- when he hit something so hard he felt his head spin. Opening his eyes, he could only see the blue sky above; it was only when he sat up that he saw the blood trickling down his face. He had literally hit a lamp-post -Oh, Joe was going to feel so vindicated. You are going to hit a post if you keep running without looking Barry!-. He didn't feel concussed, but he just sat there for a moment waiting something to happen, and feeling embarrassed.
“Are you alright?” Someone said next to him “Here, lemme” and he felt the pressure of something soft on his temple. “I think you should go to the infirmary” The voice said. “Do you want me to call them?”
“No, no. I think I can walk there on my own, I don't feel dizzy” Barry said, still not wanting to move his head, for some reason fearing it would make things worse, but he really though it hadn't been that much of a hit.
“I'm going with you, I don't want you to drop midway there” The voice said, no contest possible. Barry nodded, and he was relieved bothing happened. “Do you want help standing up?
“Yeah sure -You don't have to walk me there, I'm fine” Barry said as he was being hoisted by an arm, a very strong arm; a guy's arm.
“Nope, I'm going with you” And when Barry was finally on his feet, he could finally put a face to that voice. He was slightly shorter than him, but a bit broader. Not as much as Oliver. His smile was so bright, his hair so blond, and his eyes so damn blue. On their own, those characteristics were not things that Barry necessarily considered hot, but on this guy, all of that just looked so perfect. “Are you getting dizzy now?” The guy asked, only then Barry realized he had been staring. He flushed averting his gaze. It was then when he realized.
“I have seen you before! On the cafeteria once, and in that frat house. You don't look like a frat boy.” And there was Barry again, being awkward. But the way the guy started to blush, Barry though he might not been the only one acting weird.
“Y... Yeah. I didn't think you'd remember me” The guy didn't let go of him as they started to walk across the campus.
“Wait, you know who am I?” Barry was pleased when the guy become even more flustered.
“Yeah... yeah. I have heard of you, I asked about you after I saw you on the party... I mean, I though you were cute, but I had to go, but then I asked Tommy and he said you might be into... I'm sounding like a total creeper” The guy's face was now beet red, and Barry could not help but smile.
“Don't worry, it's funny when I'm not the one rambling” Barry smiled, and the guy responded, his smile even wider. “Oh! You are the guy Tommy told me about!”
“I guess so? I mean, yeah, it's cool. Tommy told me you were doing you for now, that's cool” And the guy scratched his face, breaking eye contact. He had the shortest scruff, and Barry wanted to bite him right then.
“I could do you” It took Barry a second to realize how inappropriate that sounded. He pushed himself away, apologizing profusely. “I mean, I am open -willing, well, not willing; it's not like “ugh fine whatever” I mean, I have been thinking, and it's time, I'm so ready! Not for that, precisely, well, maybe, but that's too soon? I – I don't know what's your name” If the guy hadn't been beaming at him with those blue sparkley eyes, Barry would have probably just ran away.
“Eddie. Eddie Thawne. And wow, you do ramble”
It didn't take long for the nurse to tell him he was all right, no signs of concussion whatsoever, bust a cut. He put a small band aid on Barry's forehead and sent him on his way. Eddie was waiting for him sitting on the steps outside, and he looked almost timid as Barry approached.
“So, all good?” Barry gave him double thumbs and a wide smile, and Eddie just laughed in response. Barry wanted to come closer to him, and thank him. But Eddie was just so handsome, and Barry still had trouble believing his attraction was reciprocated. As neither dared to move away or closer, they stood there awkwardly for what seemed ages. “I... I have a class now. But, it was really great finally meeting you” He was already leaving? Barry deflated a bit, but he still smiled at Eddie, if albeit less bright.
“It was really great. I hope I didn't disappoint much!” Barry said self deprecatingly. Eddie raised an eyebrow, almost playful.
“Don't sell yourself short, the whole 'banging your head against a lamp-post' is a great way to meet guys, so you obviously know what you are doing” Barry wanted to reply something clever, but he was so out of his depth. This guy was gorgeous, attracted to him and he liked how he was. But Barry just couldn't act. Why if I am not enough? It was Oliver all over again.
“I, I don't think I know what I'm doing” Barry finally said, scratching the back of his head. Eddie gave him an understanding look.
“Well, you know how to find me. Maybe I can teach you what I know? It's not much, But it can be fun” And he winked, and Barry felt that he was going to melt. After that, as much as he didn't Eddie to leave, he was grateful of watching him leave. Nice.
“Well, for someone that missed the best episodes of Red Dwarf on the big screen, you certainly look happy” Cisco said as he sat down in the cafeteria next to Barry, a huge pile of food on his tray. He waved to Laurel and Felicity coming out of the restroom and soon Barry's table was full. He smiled.
“I think Cisco finally found a sci-fi show for me to love. I wanna be Kochanski for Halloween. That red suit hot damn” Laurel said dipping a french fry on a milkshake. Cisco's eyes widened, shimmering with excitement.
“Por favor pajarita mia, por favor, hazlo” He said so quickly Barry could not get any, but Laurel just smirked coquettishly at him.
“And you, will make an awesome Lister” She gave him a peck in the lips, and Cisco flushed as he licked the salty milkshake out of his lips. Felicity smiled as she drank her own juice.
“What happened Barry? I mean, I made 20 bucks out of you, but yeah; you missed one hell of an afternoon” Only then Felicity noted the small patch on Barry's hairline. She quickly reached over “Are you alright?”
“Oh, yeah, just a bump. I'm glad I got it” Barry replied smiling, the rest of the table just stared at him. “This guy helped me get to the infirmary... he was cute. And apparently the guy Tommy wanted to set me up with” His three friends looked at him with diverse reactions. Felicity was beaming, Laurel less excited, and Cisco actually frowning as he started to type in his phone. “Something wrong?”
“Well” Laurel said to Barry, but searching for Cisco's eyes “Eddie Thawne -his father is a very, very conservative Senator, you know?” she looked at him apologetically. “The last thing I knew about Eddie is that he wasn't out. So you might wanna consider that” Barry nodded, thanking her.
“Then how do you know he is gay?” Felicity asked, a confused pout on her lips. Laurel bit her lip, her head slightly twisting away from her; that lasted close to then seconds. Since Laurel wasn't in any rush to respond, Cisco interjected
“We all here know that Oliver is bi, right? So, yeah... before you. Felicty, he had a thing with Eddie.” Cisco, and Laurel behind him, took a moment to see Felicity's reaction.
“Oh. I mean, yeah, I knew he was into that; I mean, when I met him he was making out with Tommy. That was hot” She, Laurel and Barry all nodded at the same time; Cisco didn't appeared contradicted by the idea. “He never mentioned an Eddie, and you know how Oliver never shuts up about his past conquests. He thinks it's foreplay.” Felicity scrunched her nose, and sipped her juice.
“But you do like that “Laurel supplied.
“Only when he talks about other guys, not the girls! Well, some of the girls” The next look Felicity and Laurel shared was so awkward they had to look away from each other.
“Well, it is a little weird” Barry finally said, putting his burger down. “But, don't everyone here agrees this whole group is kind of... incestuous?” Everyone agreed with that. As far Barry was aware, this was how it followed. Laurel had dated Oliver, Oliver had cheated her with her sister, her sister, Sara. Sara apparently wasn't as straight as previously thought, because now she was dating this girl named Nyssa, that had actually dated Oliver. But Nyssa was actually gay, it was all her father pressuring her, so while she dated Oliver, Nyssa got to date with Sara. Technically, Oliver was still with Nyssa, that was weird to Felicity, who was Oliver's girlfriend. Laurel had slept with Tommy once or twice, but it didn't go beyond that. Tommy slept around, maybe even more than Oliver, and even when he didn't considered himself bi, he wasn't straight either. Apparently he and Oliver slept with each other more than once. Tommy now kept Skyping with Iris -which was both kinda cool and horrible for Barry- Thankfully Cisco was only dating Laurel, and Caitlin was all about Ronnie – Although when she met Oliver, her eyes went all googly “He looks so much like Ronnie” She had spent the rest of the night talking about that.
“I just hope you don't get weirded out by that” Laurel said pensively “Tommy seems to like him, but I just wanna be sure you know”
“I do wonder why Oliver didn't mention him” Felicity pondered, peeling away a cupcake.
“I know that!” Tommy's voice came from the door and he made his way to the table. He high fived Cisco and sat right between him and Laurel. They had become very touchey with each other, Barry just noted, and when he saw Laurel's smirk leveled at them, he though it might be time to add another layer of weirdly incestuous. “Apparently, nothing actually happened”
“Like, did he got all weird because he started to think a bout Jesus or something?” Cisco seemed not to mind Tommy's arm around his shoulder. Laurel really didn't mind, if anything, it made her look... hungry.
“Nope, though that would have been kinda fun. Ollie would have made sure he prayed thanking heavens for the ride" Tommy laughed at his own joke since no one else did "Eddie just changed his mind, and Ollie, you know, he kinda sulks when people turn him down” Tommy grabbed one of Laurel's fries, and she swatted his hand.
“Well, Ollie would not be Ollie without is easily bruised ego” Laurel said rolling her eyes, and Felicity could only agree.
“Eddie did tell me later why, but I feel that was confidential, so I'm not telling any of you” Tommy said triumphantly. Felicity pouted and Laurel swatted at him again. “And you Barry, you are going to have to find out by yourself” Tommy reached out his hand over the table and grabbed Barry's phone. “And it's only up to you now” New Contact: Eddie Thawne.
“It is really up to you now Bear” Iris told him, her head resting on her propped up hand in the desk. “At the end of the day, you can't expect to be swept of your feet; you have to go get it. Be proactive” She told him, confident.
Barry kept staring at the number in his phone. It was really up to him. Success, Failure. Neither possible without trying. It was in that moment, that Barry realized that if things didn't work out, he would just have to try again. He would still have his friends, his sister and his dads. And though it might have taken him a while to realize he was worthy of love, that was now a knowledge he held in his heart.
“Well. There's no time like the present” And Barry grabbed his phone and hit send.
“I'm glad you messaged me” Eddie spoke, his voice gravely and wistful, his lips reddened by the chill of the air. They had got together almost an hour ago, and spent the whole time just talking. Eddie was a huge sports fan Even if I don't live there anymore, I belong with the Keystone Cougars; I will parade by myself if I have to when they defeat Central City. Cause you know, they will, and his face lit when he talked about his favorite teams; almost about as much as when Barry started to talk about his love for Stargate. Eddie seemed mesmerized by Barry, like everything coming from his mouth was worthy of being recorded and savored. He also noticed how Eddie stared as his lips, and Barry could not deny he started to lick them more often. Barry feared that Eddie might be conceited at first, but soon it was easy to see that Eddie had a lot of the same insecurities. He used to be chunky, and people hated him because his father was kind of a dick as a politician. It was when he took up boxing that he started to gain confidence, and apparently, become a hottie. It was easy talking to Eddie, and Barry felt his heart swell when he realized he could do so for the rest of his life. But he was getting way ahead. They walked down a track in the park, not a lot of people around, and Barry could feel his palms sweat at certain thoughts. But he was not really aiming for that, not today.
“I'm glad I did” Barry loved how Eddie always seemed to return his smiles. “I, want to tell you something” Well, there it went.
“Can I go first?” Eddie said suddenly, his face expectant. Barry just nodded, certainly curious. He had been so wrapped in his own thoughts he didn't consider how momentous this might be to Eddie himself. “I guess you know that my dad is, very traditional.” Eddie swallowed, sadness edging itself on his face for a second. “We are not in good terms”
“I'm sorry” Barry wanted to reach out, but he didn't know it was appropriate.
“It's his fault. I know that” Eddie lifted his chin, but he couldn't hide the sting of pain. Barry did reach out this time. Eddie's hand was cold, but his smile was warm. “What I wanted to tell you, is that.. I have spent a lot of time doubting myself. And I don't want to anymore” And his voice was so hopeful that Barry's heart broke just a little. “Is it weird we are having these sort of conversations on a first date?”
“Oh, I like to think this is our second date” Barry chimed in, gleeful “You were very gallant when you took me to the infirmary”
“You might think I'm a creeper because I was actually staring at you” Eddie's eyes fell down. “Ever since I saw you in the cafeteria, and then at the party; I just keep thinking about you. And I don't really know why Barry” And Eddie seemed actually confused, as if it was a question he couldn't answer. “The only thing I know, is that I want you” And although Barry had came in with plans of being emotionally honest and explaining himself, he realized that it didn't matter, not right now. Eddie wanted him, apparently, for a while now; and it didn't had to be complicated, maybe Barry just needed to allow himself to feel. To feel wanted, to feel desired. So it was really on him, to allow someone in, someone like Eddie in, and let him see the jagged little pieces inside for himself. So he kissed him. It was long and calm, taking the time to really let that sink; he was kissing a gorgeous man, a gorgeous man that wanted to kiss him, and it felt like the most important thing in the world. What else did it matter when he could have this? And Eddie was oh so lovely, his lips reddened and soft under his, and Barry thought he might pass out. Maybe it was a really long kiss.
“I need to catch my breath” Eddie said, breathless indeed.
“You do that” And Barry took Eddie's hands into his, and it just felt right. So right that when he looked up and saw Eddie's eyes, so sparkling and blue. Barry could not even deny he was falling hard. “You know, what I was going to tell you was a lot alike. I have always had trouble getting even along with people. I'm used to be by myself. But I have met some good friends this year. So I have been lucky.” Barry gulped. “But looking at you, I have never felt so luckier, Eddie”
“I think I'm the lucky one. I just wish I had go after you sooner”
“Then we'll have to catch up”
Later that night, the both of them curled in bed -clothes on- Barry finally asked.
“You know, I have been told that you actually turned Oliver Queen down” At this, Eddie laughed.
“Maybe I shouldn't have” Eddie said sleepily, but with a smile in his lips.
“You know, I too could hit that” Barry protested and Eddie just laughed.
“Dunno. I mean, Oliver is hot and all, but his “So you wanna do it” thing is not for me. I guess I'd rather be, taken by surprise in the moment. Like, swept of my feet or something. It sounds really dumb” Eddie snorted in Barry's chest, and Barry could feel his heart swell.
“I kinda agree” And Barry smiled to himself as he felt Eddie, so warm, so gorgeous, fall sleep in his arms. All he had to do now was to pay attention for when that moment came.
Two weeks later, when the moment came, the only regret he had was not closing Skype after talking to Iris that night.