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No matter what, all Weisz could do was toss and turn. He was tired, and wanted nothing more than to be able to relax, to fall asleep, but the thoughts buzzing about in his head would not allow it. The dark and quiet room may have been tranquil, but the thoughts inside his brain were relentless and overwhelmed him.
Too many what ifs regarding the future, and too many upsetting memories dredged up from the past. Broken trust. Abandonment. Manipulation. Fear.
Death.
Images of his mother swirled around in his head - the way she kneeled down to meet his gaze and wipe his tears when he was scared, or the proud smile she wore whenever he brought home a school project. No matter what, they were always together. She was always there whenever he needed her. Until she wasn't.
He felt his eyes well up at the frustration of not being able to go back to that time. It wasn't fair. If only she were still here, perhaps she would know how to calm his mind, the cure for his restlessness.
And every time he thought of her, it made things worse. The emotions became unbearable.
He turned his head to look at a fast asleep Shiki, clutching a spare pillow tight to his chest as he had floated into a seemingly peaceful sleep. Weisz was envious.
He didn't want to wake him. Shiki did enough for Weisz as it stood, and he worked plenty hard for the rest of his friends too, so he really deserved undisturbed rest and the sweetest of dreams.
But in that, a sense of loneliness surrounded Weisz, nearly suffocating him.
As he was now, he was nothing but a burden.
He screwed his eyes shut and took a shaky breath. Gently lifting the blanket and slipping out of bed, he grabbed his hoodie and snuck out to wander the ship alone for a bit.
By these late hours it was no surprise the ship was all but silent, save for the low humming of the engine and the odd creak that Weisz was more than used to by now. It wasn't the first night he was out and about due to sleeplessness and knowing his track record, it sure wouldn't be the last.
He wanted to be someplace where the others didn't have to see him at his weakest, a place where he could be alone with his insecurities. Out of sight, out of mind.
The ship's observation deck was far enough from their personal quarters, and Weisz considered it a hiding place of sorts. He carefully hid a piece of himself here, with only the stars above to witness his unease.
Rubbing his tired eyes, he leaned onto the railing, peering into the deep abyss of space. It was endless, and isolated. Certainly fit the mood.
He himself was floating aimlessly within that void. While the others had their own aspirations for the future, making an effort to move forward - Weisz felt stagnant, helplessly bound by the ghosts of his past.
He closed his eyes and tried to breathe, but somehow it was never that easy. His lips trembled with frustration.
They don't need you. Not really.
You're replaceable.
If you can't even keep your own emotions in tact, what good are you?
Nothing but a burden.
You're pathetic, Weisz.
Weisz-
"Weisz?"
His eyes flickered open at the familiar voice. Normally he would feel some relief in Shiki's presence, but his body was burning with shame. He bit his lip and remained quiet, unable to make eye contact.
"Are you…alright?" Shiki pressed, his voice coated in genuine concern. "I went to hold you, but you weren't there. And when you weren't in the bathrooms either, I got a bit worried."
"I'm okay."
There was a long pause before Shiki took Weisz's hand in his own. "I may not be the smartest person on this ship, but somehow I know that's not true."
His heart raced. Shiki may have hit the nail on the head, but regardless, Weisz's mind was overflowing with a thick, impenetrable fog that he himself couldn't even navigate through. What kind of person would submit the person they cherish most to that?
"Don't worry about me. Just leave me alone."
But that's not what he wanted, deep down.
Shiki's grip got tighter, "You can't tell me not to worry."
Weisz shrugged. He didn't know what else to say.
"Listen, I don't know what's wrong," Shiki spoke softly. "But I can't just leave you alone when I can sense that you're hurt."
There was a sudden pang in his heart, but it wasn't enough. "Just drop it. I can take care of myself."
But he couldn't.
"Why," his captain's voice wavered as he spoke. "Why do you always insist on doing things alone?"
"That's the way it's always been-"
"But you're not alone anymore!"
Shiki's voice had become erratic and emotional by now and it pained him even more. If it weren't for Weisz, he would still be lying comfortably in his warm bed instead of getting all worked up on the cold tiles of the observation deck. His cheeks became hot and his eyes watered no matter how hard he tried to bite it back.
"I deserve to be. You're better off without me, Shiki."
"Weisz…do you really believe that?"
He didn't answer, which apparently spoke volumes to Shiki as his hand slipped away from him.
"I'm sorry," Shiki sniffled, and by now it was obvious Weisz had made him cry and it was like being shot directly through his chest. "If you really believe I don't need you - if I've made you believe that I don't always want you by my side - then I'm not a very good boyfriend."
"W-what are you saying?"
"I don't want to sleep in peace while you're up here suffering and if you think I do, I haven't been clear enough about how much you mean to me. How much I love you, Weisz."
His eyes widened, and he turned to look at Shiki. The Demon King's deep violet eyes glistened, and tears streaked his pink cheeks. His words were full of resolve, which shook Weisz to his core.
"You don't deserve to bear it all alone. If you ever need to cry, I want it to be in my arms."
It was at that moment, everything that had been dammed up inside him came bursting through the gates. His lips were shaky and his vision went blurry as hot tears began streaming down his face. He couldn't help but dive into Shiki, hiding his pitiful face in the crook of his neck.
Shiki's arms cradled him, keeping him safe and close to his heart. Hands slowly running up and down his back, as if to say " Don't worry, I'm here with you."
For the first time tonight, he didn't feel alone.
They held each other in quietude, and Shiki gave Weisz all the time he needed to release all the tears that had been built up over who knows how long. When he could finally breathe once again, there was one thing at the forefront of his thoughts.
"I'm sorry," fragile words he whispered against the skin of Shiki’s neck, hoping his sincerity would carry. “for trying to push you away.”
Shiki pressed his lips to the top of Weisz's head, kissing him gently. "I get it. I know you're not used to being so open about things, but I just wanted you to know I'm not about to leave when things get a little tough. I'm here through thick and thin. I want to be."
Weisz clutched at Shiki's t-shirt. Putting trust in others - being comfortable enough to let his vulnerabilities show - was still rather new to him, but each passing day things got a little easier. He owed Shiki so much for being so patient.
"I was just having a bad night," he sheepishly confided. "I couldn't get out of my head and it was impossible to sleep."
"Do you feel comfortable talking about it?"
"If I knew how to put it all into words."
"There's no rush," Shiki pulled away so he could look Weisz in the eyes. "I may not have all the right words, but I will always listen and do what I can. I want to understand all of you, if you’ll let me."
The blonde nodded. His body filled with warmth as Shiki raised a hand to wipe the remaining tears from his eyes. Suddenly, a light broke through that thick fog in his mind. It didn't entirely disappear, but he gained some clarity - a way forward.
Shiki was here. Always here when he needed him most. He beamed with pride at all of Weisz's accomplishments, but he was also willing to trek through rough terrain hand in hand as well.
He wasn't alone anymore
Heart beating like a drum, Weisz leaned forward and planted a chaste kiss on his lips.
"I'm grateful I have someone like you in my life, Shiki."
"Same here! I'm glad we found each other.” Shiki’s smile was full of kindness as it had always been, and Weisz found himself falling in love with the Demon King all over again as he leaned in for one more kiss.