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YTTD&D

Summary:

What if instead of the Death Game there was a more regular game, maybe once or twice a week, with elves and magic and stuff?
AU oneshot where the participants and dummies are two tabletop RPG groups.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

"Quite the little group we've got here tonight!" Keiji glanced around the table, elbow raised as he scratched the back of his neck. "Your friendly gamesmaster is going to have a little trouble keeping track of everyone, so go easy on me!"

Those at the table numbered twelve, including himself. Well, tables, pushed together and displaying a large gameboard in the middle. The community centre had attracted a real crowd when he and his old gym buddy Kurumada tried getting a tabletop RPG group together, and while the initial split had been fairly even he now had by far the larger adventuring party questing under his guidance.

"Sorry about bringin' the little tyke, Keiji." Q-taro patted the head of the boy wearing the orange cat hood and a facemask, who seemed. "I told Gin here about our game nights and he wanted in. Long story short, couldn't send you a warnin' cause you never check your texts!"

Joe grinned at the redheaded man. "Didn't know you had a son! He's got your eyes!"

Q-taro barked a laugh. "Yeah, real funny, Joe!" He clapped his other hand on the gelled-up hair of the gaudy boy, mussing it up a little too. "It's the whole Big Brother program. Gotta give back to the local kids! Can't forget my roots, ya know?"

Joe spiked his hair back up as Mishima - the eldest of those gathered - offered handkerchiefs to both him and Q-taro. As stylish as Joe's appearance was he did overuse that gel a little, and nobody really wanted sticky hands all over their dice.

"Well! It appears our dear Miss Kanna has competition for being the youngest member of our party, aha!" The professor gave him a smile, pushing up his near-opaque glasses. He, himself, had been playing a succession of Wizards since his college days, which somehow everybody knew at a glance. "A warm welcome to our new friend, Gin!"

"Meow! Thanks, old guy!" Though his mask covered his mouth, Gin's closed eyes gave the impression of a big grin. He had even taken his hands off his dear Mew-Chan, letting the cat-faced cushion rest in his lap as he waved to the assembled gamers with gloves that resembled cat paws.

Nao practically squeed over the newcomer. "Aw, cute outfit!" She glanced at Q-taro. "I didn't know you had such a big heart!"

"Ahaha, what can I say! Maybe don't go judgin' a book by its cover!" Q-taro's good cheer was always infectious. The big guy took up fully a side of one of the tables by himself, but more than that it was the sheer presence of the aspiring baseball star that sometimes made it feel like he was filling up far more of the room. He "I'm the party's healer, after all!"

"Healer with a plus three mace," muttered Sou, stacking his dice in an awkward polyhedral tower.

Nao glanced aside to the loner guy. Though he was a couple of years older than her and wildly antisocial, he usually fit in pretty well with the group. She eventually realized just what was making him sulk. "Oh, you never did get a new weapon!"

"I did, but Keiji's not letting me wield it," he grumbled in response, folding his arms. With the floppy beanie, bulky scarf and ratty jacket he looked like little more than a particularly large wet cat. "I stole it fair and square."

"You're not even a rogue, you don't need to steal," pointed out Nao. Her own Druid and her accompanying squirrel animal companion often had to help Sou's Wizard out of scrapes, pointy hat, starred cloak and all.

Keiji was saving the reveal that Sou had actually been playing a warlock all along for whenever it would have the most impact. The pair had talked it out months in advance, though Sou's ears had turned red when questioned as to why his otherworldly patron was, also, named Sou.

Everyone else just assumed he had no knowledge of the rules, and didn't call him on casting spells a Wizard should not possibly have access to. Still, he had found his own role in the group, being surprisingly charismatic when he felt like it - both in-game and out of it.

"It feels more like it belongs to me, okay?" A mean little smile crept onto Sou Hiyori's face. "Besides, not like Alice has managed to steal anything better, and he IS a rogue!"

The former juvenile delinquent, long-estranged from his sister but recently reunited by the wonders of tabletop gaming, clenched a fist in the air. He closed his eyes as he tilted his head down to it, the knuckles a mere inch from his forehead. "Tch! As if I'd put my points into something as petty and useless as pickpocketing!"

Reko tugged at his character sheet, pulling away as he opened his eyes and tried to claw it back. Her other hand was on her brother's face as he flailed ineffectually and gave an oddly high-pitched whimper of complaint. "You don't have Stealth, you don't have Pickpocket, what do you... aw shit! You dumped your points in Perform again?!?"

"Language!" chided Mishima gently, wagging a finger in the air. "There are children present!"

"He does it every damn time! Why even play a Rogue?" Reko tossed Alice his character sheet, the man grumbling as he smoothed it out against the table. "We can have two Bards, you idiot!"

"Perform AND Animal Handling!" countered Alice.

"We have two Druids for that!" Reko yelled back, somewhat amused by the defence.

"Um, I think it's really nice Alice cares about animals too," interjected Kanna. Aside from Gin, the green-haired girl gently smiling at the ever-bickering musician siblings was the youngest of those at the table, a shy girl who had really come out of her shell over the course of sessions playing as an elven maiden. Mostly, she kind of liked the plant magic more than the creature summons, but they were still a cute idea. "He's always welcome in our magic garden tea parties."

"Oh wow, hear that?" teased Reko, elbowing her brother lightly in the ribs. "Mom would be so proud."

Sara gave a soft smile to the green-haired man. "Sou, you know you can't even use that."

"That's right! Only a Paladin like Sara can wield a Holy Avenger! Woosh, zing!" Joe made silly noises as he waved his hands through the air in the manner of someone wielding an invisible sword. Gin laughed, joining in with opposing motions of his giant paws and beginning a mock swordfight with the older boy, the clash of unseen blades against each other's immaterial forms.

"Not my fault I wasn't blessed with the stats for a Paladin," Sou replied. "Or the alignment, Miss Lawful Good."

Sara's eyes narrowed just a little, more amused than annoyed. "It's not about the stats, Sou. It's about being true to yourself." She waved a hand in the air. "It's not like I'm exactly Lawful Stupid either, I just do what I think is right. Speaking of..."

She pulled a pair of foam swords out of her backpack, handing them to Gin and Joe. The pair thanked her profusely, eyes lighting up with mischief as their mock-fight intensified.

"Thanks, Big Sis Sara!" said Gin, bopping Joe over the head with the soft sword and making the other boy perform an exaggerated and drawn-out death scene that would put any Shakespearean production to shame. "Take that, woof!"

"Now now, heh." Keiji had both his hands raised, the policeman gesturing for those at his table to settle down just a little. "Gin'll need a character... maybe a cat to go with your outfit, huh? Whaddya think?"

Q-taro laughed, picking up the tiny boy and setting him down in a chair. "C'mon, kiddo! If you want to play, you can roll up a character and join in! We've got a real heckuva campaign going!"

"So, last we left off, our friendly Paladin-"

"Saradin," Sou butted in.

Sara rolled her eyes in mock exasperation as she corrected him. "Sir Aiden," she said, putting on her character's voice.

"Sir Aiden," continued Keiji, without missing a beat. "Well, he's in hot water with his father, who has made an alliance with the king of the goblins to invade the kingdoms of his enemies. And when he said 'Sir Aiden, I denounce you and your weak resolve!' you folks all banded together to stop his reign of terror!"

"Is it possible for Miss Sara to usurp her father?" asked a pale man sitting across the table, long tress of dark hair giving him an eerie appearance. "Ah, I mean in the game."

"Oh hey, Kai, when'd you get here?" asked Q-taro.

Kai's expression was as unreadable as ever. "My apologies. The master of the house was arranging a particularly important meeting tonight. Company business, of course."

Sara shared a knowing smile with him (well, he didn't smile back, but the sentiment was there). "Kai's still getting used to not hiding out from us," she said, somewhat apologetically.

"Oh yeah, Gin wouldn't know! Kai only joined a couple of weeks ago!" Joe put his hands on his hips as he got into the right mood to hype up one of his friends. "We didn't even know he was Sara's housekeeper until just recently, but he's the best artificer we've ever seen!"

"Shame he sucked at RP to begin with," added Sou.

"Hello. This is Kai's character," said Joe, by way of imitation. The table erupted into giggles, and even Kai seemed amused by the accuracy of the take on his early roleplaying efforts.

Keiji continued narrating the events of the campaign thus far, dropping into character voices whenever one came up. Soon, Gin was enamoured by the game, the group cheering along his Fighter's first successful combat (with some help from Joe's bow-wielding Ranger and Sara's Paladin).

Though across the hall, in the room opposite theirs, the envious eyes of Ranmaru Kageyama fell upon the group.

***

Naomichi Kurumada slammed the table behind his DM screen with an open palm. "Alright Dummies, listen up!" The motion caused the tables to judder, making the miniatures of those closest leap an inch in the air. Most landed safely, with only Ranmaru's falling over. "You're out of the woods with the bandits, but those mercs the Shadow Lord sent after you are hot on your trail, and you ain't got the time for a full rest, so you've gotta plan out your next moves real careful!"

Dummies. The name had been given to them as a teasing jab from Keiji, but Kurumada had leaned into it enough that it had become just another way for the Convertible of Destruction to refer to his new friends. Well, if he could call the five gamers before him friends - it's not like he had hung out much with Mai or Shunsuke outside of game nights.

Ranmaru, the fluffy-haired kid who often got distracted staring over at the other gaming group in session, was the first to pipe up. "Raev'yyn Zex is a good enough healer-"

Anzu, that hoodie-wearing kid who had (apparently seriously) professed dreams of becoming a circus clown, interrupted him with a teasing smile on her face. "Who's Zex?"

"What's Zex?" asked the much-younger Hinako, with a smirk plastered across her own.

Ranmaru sighed, rubbing his temples. "Okay, Raev'yyn Zex or - as the party better know him after Anzu stepped in - Gerard Way II, is completely good enough at casting his cure spells while on the move."

"Well, ah, my character... that is, Blandicus would suggest a fighting retreat, with Gerard healing when he has free actions."

Ranmaru grimaced slightly. "Not you too, Shunsuke!"

It had been three sessions since Shunsuke Hayasaka had rolled his human Fighter, named Blandicus the Unknown at Anzu's suggestion. By now it had passed the point of a joke he simply didn't get and became just another part of the background lore. As much as any of the Dummies were loathe to admit it they had all grown attached to the latest hero played by the often-meek salaryman, and Hinako's preposterously muscled orc berserker, Big Gertrude, had taken more than one near-lethal hit to protect him.

With the smaller party afforded by Kurumada's somewhat antagonistic gaming style, they had hit a strange equilibrium of actually being unbelievably fond of their own characters, despite the hilariously high turnover. Only Hinako's Gerty survived of the original lineup, the girl's 8 foot tank of a player character proving simply too tough to kill.

Anzu's own Bard, a humanoid cat named Socks, played a rousing tune on her fiddle in support of the party's fighting retreat. Raev'yyn Darkness Ebony Way - as Anzu was now, already, calling him - alternated ducking between cover and throwing out his healing magic on those who needed it. Hinako's alarmingly well-specced orc sometimes WAS the cover. Blandicus led the way, his unassuming leadership nonetheless inspiring all. And as for Mai's character-

"Oh, we don't need to bother!" interjected Mai. The smiling woman always smelled pleasantly of baked goods, some of which were piled up in the middle of the table - she was generous with the food from her bakery, near-expired as it was. "I've got all my daily spells left over."

"All of them?" asked Shunsuke, showing some significant surprise behind his specs. "Well, we're in much better shape than I thought."

"Man, what? Get outta town!" Their gamesmaster clenched a fist. "That's gonna wreck my whole campaign - Again!"

"Great job not helping at all in the last fight, I guess!" Hinako looked practically on the edge of breaking into a giggling fit, as she did whenever someone blindsided the boxer.

Shunsuke awkwardly tried to defend Mai's play. "She did land some sling bullets, but..." he started, before trailing off, trying to calculate just how many spells she could conceivably have brought to bear earlier. He reached for his own set of rulebooks, beginning to cross-reference already.

Some terse negotiation of rules later - Shunsuke contributing numbers and facts, Mai contributing the raw passion of debate and Hinako bringing an endless avalanche of snark - left the leader of the mercenaries charmed by Mai's Mage, Maiganna LeFay.

"Heeheehee... Can't blame me for keeping something in reserve with Killer Kurumada running the show!" she teased.

The boxer gave her a smirk. "Killer Kurumada... I'll have to remember that one." At least it'd be a story to trade with Keiji next time he was spotting the cop.

"Really upped her game since the days of sweet-talking goblins close enough to give them a Burning Hands hug," said Hinako, the tiny girl's long pinkish hair pooling on the table in front of her as she leaned forwards to grab a leftover danish pastry Mai had brought.

Ranmaru looked fondly upon the group of misanthropic adventurers and their surprisingly hardcore DM. Despite everything, he wouldn't trade these game nights for the world.

"Hah, maybe this group's what I needed after all," he murmured, trying to forget how he had almost been in a campaign alongside Sara Chidouin, the girl he kept finding himself stealing distant looks at. Talking with his friends here, sharing their triumph and despair at the gruelling designs of a dungeonmaster, had kind of given him a bit of perspective. Maybe he should just go talk to her, instead of hanging around and hoping she suddenly returned his feelings.

"Hey, beats the crowd I usually have to hang around with," Hinako replied between bites of her snack, giving him a sidelong glance while kicking her legs back and forth under a too-tall chair.

She did wonder, sometimes, what their secret weekly meetings entailed that needed her out of the office...


Gashu stared out across the conference room table. Those who he had chosen to partake in his game, the ones who called themselves floormasters, surrounded him, summoned to hear his private words.

This most solemn and holy game was about to start, and none would interrupt.

"You are in a tavern," he began. "Where Astamolas the Silver Sorcerer awaits the return of his forbidden tome, that you broke the seal of the demon lord's mausoleum to retrieve. He sits, wrapped in his cloak of mystery, his agéd and weary form invisible to the eyes of all save those he has summoned to do his bidding."

His narration was crisp and clear, as if he were performing for an audio recording of the great works of Tolkein. "What say you, brave travellers?"

Miley and Meister exchanged a silent grin, gazes locking as if in unspoken negotiation. Finally, Meister removed the unlit cigar from his mouth and leaned forwards on an elbow, knuckles against his bandaged face as he looked towards the gamesmaster with that same smile.

"I burn down the tavern."

Notes:

There were a lot of notes that didn't make it into the actual text since they'd break the flow, so here's some details like what the Floormaster's characters are:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1kwQHltaWO3pFrwEBFeP_ut4y3WUAti2mVXw8Jd5Hq88/edit?usp=sharing