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Part 3: Rebuilding a Home
The first thing that Sam noticed as he regained consciousness was that his body felt unbearably heavy- weighed down. The second was his brother’s face.
“De-?” he rasped.
It seemed that Dean had been dozing for he jerked as though electrocuted, “Sam? Sammy?”
“Dean.” This time it was a sigh.
The elder Winchester smiled, “You’re awake.”
“Wha-?”
“You were out cold for a week, Sam. Had all of us frigging worried.”
“Your face...Wha-?” He asked, watching the multi-hued colouring and swelling that marred his brother’s beautiful features.
“It’s alright. Getting better now...Our son saved us, Sammy. He saved us.”
By now Dean was almost close enough to touch and Sam gave a weak smile in response to the tears shimmering in his brother’s eyes. He tried to reach out; wanting to trace the swelling on his brother’s face but something was holding him down. He glanced down in confusion; surprised to notice the manacles circling his wrist and ankles.
“Sorry, we were not sure if you would go through withdrawal again.”
He nodded. He was dangerous now, he understood that.
“Sam; no!” Dean’s voice was firm.
The younger hunter looked up in confusion.
“You’re not dangerous.”It appeared that Dean had added mind-reading to his talents; “And scared for you, maybe; but we are definitely notscared of you.”
He scoffed, refusing to believe.
“Sammy, look at me-please?”
He looked, unable to deny the plea in his big brother’s voice.
“We are not scared of you kiddo... It’s just that the last time you went through withdrawal; you were seizing hard enough to nearly snap all your bones before we managed to restrain you. We- we just didn’t want to risk that again. Here, I’ll release you now; if you want.”
Sam nodded.
“Jesse!” Dean called.
“Coming! Is Papa awake, Dad?” The reply was hollered back.
“Yeah, get the keys, will you?” Dean shouted back. He grinned sheepishly as Sam winced at the volume.
The younger man couldn’t help but smile back. This was his family.
“So... umm- want to tell me what happened?” Sam asked; settling in to wait for his son to fetch the keys.
“You don’t remember?” Dean questioned softly.
“No...Not really.”
“Hmm... so dude let me tell you this; our kid is awesome!”
Sam smiled, remembering Dean beginning his explanation about Dad’s hunting the same way.
“Yeah?” He asked quietly.
“Hell yeah! He totally kicked ass, man... I mean, Michael- the big douche; wanted to continue the apocalypse but our son shut him up. And then, when Lucifer started waxing poetic about how nice it was to see him sticking up for his friends- I mean, can you believe the nerve of that bastard? Jesse said-”
“You hurt my daddies; I’m not your friend.” Sam finished, remembering.
Dean nodded, grinning widely. “And then he ordered- can you believe it, our seven year old son ordered two of the most powerful beings in the universe to go back to where they came from. And- and they obeyed. It was fucking amazing man...”
Dean’s voice was filled with awe and truthfully, Sam could relate. Their son; their stuff toy- loving-seven-year-old-son had banished not one but two archangels-Had saved the world. It was more than a little overwhelming.
“Papa!” The joyful shout broke through his contemplation as the youngster came running down the stairs to Bobby’s panic room. It was only then that Sam noticed their location and realized that at some point during his week-long coma he had obviously been moved from the Stull cemetery to Bobby’s house.
“Careful, Kiddo; Papa’s still not firing on all cylinders, okay? Go easy on him.” Dean advised.
Jesse nodded vigorously before throwing himself on Sam. The younger Winchester laughed – Dean’s warning was obviously not being heeded as Jesse tried to crawl into his arms and he tried to hug the boy back, but was inhibited by his shackles.
“Hey, Champ...” Sam wondered when he had started using Dean’s nickname for the kid- “Do you think you can manage to release me first?” He tried reasoning when the boy failed to respond, “I’ll be able to hug you better if you release me, Jesse. Yeah?”
That at least yielded a response as Jesse looked at Dean to confirm that he could indeed release Sam’s shackles before unlocking the cuffs. Once done, he crawled back into Sam’s lap; wrapping his arms around his neck and burying his face against his chest- delicate shivers wracking his slight frame.
Sam was slightly taken aback by the sudden change of emotion and glanced at Dean askance.
“Is he crying?” Dean mouthed.
He nodded. What should I do?
“...”
Sam sighed, sticking out his tongue at Dean’s idea of ‘help’.
“Shhh...hey, kiddo- come on, it’s alright. Don’t cry, Jesse...come on- please?”
“You wouldn’t wake up, Papa... you wouldn’t- and Daddy was so scared. He refused to move from your side- he was so scared. And- and I thought we were going to lose you and Daddy would be all broken and sad if that happened and I was- And I was so scared, papa... You weren’t moving!” The words left the boy in a rush and Sam had to blink back his tears as he listened to his son. He could imagine all too well the terror the boy must have faced- remembering all those times when he was a kid and Dean or Dad had been injured. He glanced at Dean and the elder Winchester’s eyes were suspiciously wet too.
He tried stroking the boy’s back but the boy continued to sob brokenly and unable to make things better he looked to the one person in his life who had always known how to help him. Dean read the plea in his eyes and moved to sit on the cot with Sam; wrapping his arms around his little family.
“Shh... it’s alright Kiddo... we aren’t going anywhere. Your Papa and I are right here- we are not going anywhere, Jesse. We are right here with you...”
Jesse pulled back, sniffled once and looked directly at Dean, “You mean it; you’ll not leave me again?”
Dean glanced at Sam who nodded in confirmation, “Yeah, we promise. We’ll always be there for you, kid. Always”
*
Bobby watched the three Winchester men as they wrapped themselves around each other as though they believed that could become one if they managed to bury enough of themselves in the other two. The two boys he had watched grow into the men were holding on tight with their little Anti-Christ of a son trapped between their bodies. All three had their eyes closed as they continued to cling to each other like the last safe port in the midst of a hurricane; and he wondered if his analogy was a bit too accurate as far as the Winchesters were concerned. Sam and Dean had grown up relying only on each other and young Jesse seemed to have found his safe-haven with the two boys. In their own way, they had built themselves a family that anybody would be lucky to be a part of.
He smiled, surreptitiously wiping at a tear as he went back to his books; they would find him when they were ready.
∞∞\∞‡∞/∞∞
Sam learnt later that Castiel had used himself as distraction to ‘molotov’ Michael away from Lucifer so that Dean could use those precious few moments to try and reach Sam. And though his memories were hazy, he briefly recalled wrenching back control from the Devil when he began pulverising his brother’s face with Sam’s hands. And he had tried to jump back into the pit; except that Michael had turned up again, allowing Lucifer to regain control.
Till Jesse had come (apparently, being the Anti-Christ came with certain perks: one of them being the ability to simply wish himself someplace) and commanded (again, another perk of being the Anti-Christ) both Archangels into the Pit.
And it would have been a complete success (which it was, even tinged with grief as it now was); except that Castiel had paid for luring Michael away from Sam/+ Lucifer with his life.
Apparently the Devil was as possessive about his older brother as Sam was about his; and hadn’t taken kindly to Castiel using a crude holy-oil bomb on him.
∞∞\∞‡∞/∞∞
“Dude, tell me you’re not already looking for a hunt!” Dean’s annoyed voice exclaimed as he tried to snatch the newspaper out of his brother’s hand. Sam looked down at the folded page he had been studying only to realize that he had indeed idly circled the suspicious obit in Bobby’s newspaper, even though he was fully aware that they would not be following that particular hunt, or any hunt, really; at least not until he was fully recovered from allowing the Devil to wear him like a dress to prom.
“Come on man; today is just the second day you’ve managed to crawl out of bed without help. Give yourself time to heal...I wouldn’t mind some time off either” The elder brother added casually- as if he could deny that Dean himself needed some recovery time.
Now that his bruises had faded from lurid blues and purples to mottled greens and yellows, his brother had been walking around looking like some live demonstration of the colours of the rainbow. The swelling had gone down enough to return vision to both eyes. But looking at Dean now; no one would call him ‘devilishly handsome’; he looked more like some poor idiot who had gone ten rounds with Dr. Banner while he was all hulked out.
“Besides,” Dean continued as though Sam needed more convincing, “I think we should allow Jesse some time to recoup as well, Kid was terrified he was going to lose both of us in one fell swoop.”
Sam had to look away at that, Dean never spoke of what it must have been like for him to get pummelled by something wearing his baby brother’s face. [That shape shifter back in St. Louis had given Sam enough experience to know what that felt like.] And now that the memories were coming back it was becoming increasingly plain that Lucifer hadn’t been planning on letting Dean live.
In the brief silence that followed, the staccato beat Dean’s fingers were playing on the table had him glancing up- something was on his brother’s mind.
“What?”
Dean shook his head, even though his fingers repeated the beat incessantly.
“Dean-”
His brother let out a whoosh of air before looking up, biting his lips in a sign of obvious nerves, “Nothing, just-”
Now Sam’s interest was piqued, Dean rarely-if ever- looked nervous about something. He raised an eyebrow.
“I-was-just-wondering-what-you-wanted-to-do-now?” Dean said in a rush.
It took a moment for Sam to work out the words but when he did, they still didn’t make more sense than before, “What?”
Dean shrugged, “I mean, we got the Yellow-eyed bastard...and you stopped the Devil, Sam. Averted the literal apocalypse... And no deals are looming in the future either...So... now what? Do you- uh... Do you wanna go back-to-school?” Again the last few words came out together, but this time Sam had no trouble deciphering them.
“No,” He picked at the label on his beer-bottle; briefly allowing himself the fantasy of a regular life; but knowing Dean and Jesse wouldn’t be a part of it; it was no longer something he wanted, “You said it yourself; Man... there’ll always be shit to hunt.”
“There’s nothing holding us-you back anymore, Sam. No Azazeal, no deal... no friggin’ apocalypse...We can quit if you want-” Dean whispered.
Sam couldn’t tell him that he wasn’t prepared to give up his family a second time. Though it hurt some, by now he had almost accepted that a part of Dean would always anticipate the other shoe to drop and for Sam to just up-and-leave him; even if he’d stopped being that hot-headed eighteen year old with blinders a long time ago. After all, some scars never healed.
He shook his head, “I’m not that Kid anymore, Dean...”
∞∞\∞‡∞/∞∞
Sam let out a muffled whimper as he regained consciousness. Even with eyes closed, he could tell that he was in a hospital- the familiar smell of disinfectants sharp in his nose. Mildly surprised not to feel Dean’s fingers squeeze his hand already, he lay still; trying to categorise his injuries.
His ribs felt bruised, and he could already feel the stiffness of the plaster on his left arm. Inwardly grumbling at the drugs which made his surroundings feel muffled he gradually opened his eyes.
“Hey there, look who’s awake!” A chipper voice greeted from his right.
He tried to shift towards the sound, “D’n?”
“Is that the man who brought you here?” Warm brown eyes crinkled in concern as they tried to make sense of his slurred words.
“I- thin’so...” he managed to whisper; his mind already reeling in the different possibilities for Dean’s absence- they never allowed the other to awake without being the first thing to be seen when returning to the land of the conscious.
A straw touched his lips, “Drink, you’ll feel better, sweetie”
He obeyed
The nurse helped to prop him up on the pillows. “So you were enquiring about your-?“
“Partner” Sam mumbled
The elderly nurse suppressed a smile, “I figured as much”
Sam eyebrows jumped- hadn’t Dean given the same story?
The nurse- ‘Anita’; according to the tag on her lapel; seemed to read his mind. “He said you were brothers”
“Oh, I mean yea- we- We’re business partners”
“Don’t bullshit me, honey; I’ve got a son and son-in-law of my own; well almost...you know how it goes... I think I know the difference between fraternal and other varieties of love”
Sam blushed “So; uh- where is he?”
“He’s been in the paediatric ward; sitting up with his boy-”
“Shit, Jesse! How is he?”
Anita raised an eyebrow, “Still unconscious, last I heard.”
“Oh God” he couldn’t help but moan.
“Your brother has been summoned; he had requested he be contacted the second you awoke-”
“Sammy!” Dean appeared as though on cue.
Sam categorised the deep purple bags under his brother’s eyes and the pale countenance under ginger scruff as Dean approached his bed. He suspected, at this point, of the two of them; Dean looked the worse off.
“I’m sorry-” the ‘for not being here when you awoke’ remained unsaid.
Sam shook his head, “Dea-”
But his brother cut him off, “How’re you feelin’?”
“How’s our son?” Sam countered, even as he nodded in answer to Dean’s question.
Dean shot a glance towards Anita-the nurse.
“She knows”
The elder Winchester simply nodded, “Not too good, I’m afraid.”
Worry spiked, and the myriad monitors didn’t shy away from making it public knowledge; starting a chorus of beeps and high pitched screeching as they recorded the sudden jump in his cardiac output. But before Anita could rebuke him, Dean was already running a hand through messy bangs, muttering a soothing stream of nonsense which (unsurprisingly) worked their usual magic of bringing down Sam’s erratic heartbeat to acceptable levels.
*
“I’ll get us a room”
“You didn’t-?”
Dean gave a tired smile, “didn’t exactly leave the hospital, Sammy”
You look like it, Sam thought; but kept the words to himself.
After a beat, he followed Dean inside just in time to hear Dean’s request for ‘two queens’.
“Actually, make that a king.”
Dean’s back went rigid at that but he didn’t counter Sam’s revision.
Sam expected opposition but was surprised when Dean seemed to retreat even more into his shell once they stepped into the room, not speaking a word as he headed for the shower and to clear the scruff from his face.
After a long minute, when there was still no sound from the bathroom, Sam pushed the door open to find Dean braced against the sink. Their eyes met in reflection and the elder whirled around, “Jesus Christ, Sam! Our son is in the fucking hospital and you-” the rest of the words were lost in the hard shove. Sam knew the instant his actions registered with Dean as the furious look melted into horror followed closely by concern; while simultaneously the hands which had pushed at him turned, sliding around his wrists to grab at them, stopping his backward momentum with a sharp yank. Pain jolted through his sinews at the jerk, but he instinctively knew that it would have hurt way worse had his bruised back come into contact with the wall like his original trajectory had intended. Dean’s quick reflexes had saved him from that; but even then he could see the remorse flooding his brother’s expression.
Even as apologetic as Dean was, Sam knew he would never come out and actually, verbally apologise.
“I never meant to insinuate-”sex... Sam whispered. True, they had pretty much been ordered to vacate the hospital premises after Jesse’s surgery (successful, thankfully); and he knew that were both high strung at the moment, but-
“I know... I uh- I overreacted... Not exactly firing on all my cylinders at the moment...”
And that was the closest to an outright ‘sorry’ as Dean would ever get.
He pulled at his brother’s hand, guiding him to the bed before sitting beside him, both trying to regulate their breathing. And then Dean slumped, burying his head in his palm; “I don’t think I can do this anymore, Sammy”
Sam jerked. Do what? He wanted to ask.
“Are-are you breaking up with me?”
Dean’s head snapped up, “What?” Then his eyes cleared, a soft smile tilting the corners of his lips into an upward curve, “No- no...Uh- I was talking about hunting. .. I- I can’t anymore, okay?” Desperation brimmed in those jewel toned eyes, “Can’t watch Jesse fight for his life... can’t lose you again, Sammy. I just- I can’t. I’m sorry”
Sam stared back wordlessly, not knowing how to comfort him.
Dean slipped forward, and for the fraction of a second Sam was afraid he was going to fall off the bed; but then he controlled the motion to turn and land gracefully on his knees before the younger brother.
“Look, I- I know I don’t have any right to ask you for anything... but Sammy, please... I want you to- hell, I need you to stop hunting, Sam. You can do anything else you want to- go back to Stanford; live an apple-pie life. Anything... Just don’t make watch helplessly as you fight for your life again. Please... please Sammy-”
And something in Sam broke as he watched his invincible older brother on his knees, begging. He cracked out a wrecked ‘I can’t’.
Dean looked back at him, his expression shattered before the shutters came down and the mask snapped back into place. He moved to get off his knees with a nod, but Sam stopped him.
“It’s not that I don’t want to... it’s just- we’re fugitives at best and legally dead at worst; Dean. How-”
But Dean was already on the move, reaching for his duffel as he searched for something. After a moment of rummaging he handed over a thick folder.
Glancing askance at his older brother Sam opened the folder to find papers- documents inside. Birth certificates for all three of them, Jesse’s listing Dean as the ‘father’. There were driving licences and school certificates. His old transcripts were all there too.
“I got our names cleared while you were recouping at Bobby’s” Dean offered in explanation, “Our records are clean... and these-” He nodded at the pages strewn over the bed, as Sam flipped through them “- will stand under any kind of scrutiny. You can do anything you want”
Sam looked up, feeling the first stirrings of something like hope flare in his chest, “How?”
“Bobby had this friend- Frank; he’s really good at this stuff. Paranoid bastard; not that I blame him, but a real fuckin’ genius. He helped me-”
Now that he was looking closely, Sam noticed a discrepancy; “You changed my name to Campbell”
Dean gave a half-hearted shrug, “Wasn’t sure you’d want to keep hanging ‘round now that the apocalypse was behind us.”
Sam’s heart clenched, knowing that there was probably always going to be a part of Dean that expected Sam to just up and leave.
“Besides, Campbell was Mom’s maiden name. Thought you might like to have something of hers”
Sam felt himself tear up, as he looked closely at his ‘new’ birth certificate to find a ‘Mary Campbell’ listed as his mother but the space for the father’s name had been left blank. Conversely, Dean’s listed both ‘John Winchester’ as his father, and ‘Mary Winchester’ as his mother. It stung a little but he knew that it was true. Well, Almost.
John had never really been a ‘father’ to him. He wondered if he could convince Dean to let him use his name in the ‘father’ spot later on. Forcing himself to get back to the matter at hand and focus on the brighter side of it; he turned to Dean with a smile on his lips; “You know, this solves another problem”
“UH-huh? And what might that be?” Confusion evident in his tone
“We can become domestic partners now. Since you’ve already claimed Jesse as yours; I could adopt him. We can be a family for real, Dean!”
Dean’s eyebrows jumped nearly to his hairline, “You sure you want this, Sammy?”
“Hell yeah, and I suppose you already know that I’m going to take your name, right? I wanna stay a Winchester, Dean”
A soft smile blossomed on his face as he went over to his bag once again. “You ever go through my duffel, Sammy?” Dean questioned absently as he poked around the worn carrier.
“No”
“Not even when I was-?”...Dead/ in Hell?
“Began to sort through on a couple of occasions, never made it beyond the first couple of over shirts” Sam admitted.
Dean grinned, tossing something he had fished out from the depths of the bag. Sam reached for it, but didn’t anticipate its tiny size, missing the catch as the object slid into the sling supporting his arm in its heavy cast.
Running a finger through the soft folds he pulled out the... ring?
“Marry me, bitch”
Sam stared at the gold wedding band in his hands, his brain not connecting Dean’s words to what he was seeing for a moment though it made the first logical connection without difficulty, “It’s too small for my fingers”
Dean’s smirk faded, “It was Mom’s...”
Sam gulped, remembering how he had never found the missing wedding band in his Dad’s possessions when he had prepared him for cremation... Now he knew; it was ‘Coz it had been with Dean all this time.
He rolled it between his fingers, bringing it up to his eyes to read the inscription on the inside – My Haven; My Heaven.
“The words inscribed... I think they fit you perfectly too.” The elder brother added self-consciously.
“I- thanks” Sam didn’t know what else he could say. But he had to know, “Umm... ‘Haven’?”
“Well, you are the one I come home to...” Dean shrugged, clearly uncomfortable.
“No; I know... I meant, why did dad say that? That Mom was his Haven?”
“He’d just gotten back from ‘Nam at that point... so I suspect it was his way of saying he felt safe around mom... I dunno, I never asked”
Sam nodded, that made sense. “So... how’s it that you’ve mom’s ring?”
“Dad had forgotten my birthday that first year-”
He rarely remembered it in the later years either, Dean... Sam thought; but kept the words to himself.
“When he finally remembered, it was already bedtime. He’d found me uh- he’d found me missing mom as I tried to find sleep... so he gave me her ring. Told me she’d have wanted me to have it”
“So it’s been with you since you were five?”
“Yeah” Dean shrugged, “That night when I came back, I’d actually come to give it to you to give Jessica. I mean... I knew you were serious about her and had been considering-”
Sam nodded, hiding behind his bangs to cover for the sheen of tears that filled his eyes even now at the mention of his dead girlfriend. And overwhelmed by the knowledge that Dean had actually meant to give him the ring, “But you ended up saving me instead”
“Yeah...”
“Is that why you never said-”
“...Anything? Yeah; didn’t want to rub in how friggin’ much you’d lost; Kiddo”
Sam nodded, “Thanks”
“Guess it finally found its way to its real owner, huh?”
“What?” Sam looked up, confused.
“I figured I’d ne’er settle down by the time I was in my teens, man... I mean, introducing a wife and possible kids to this life?” Dean shook his head, “Thank you very much... so I pretty much knew I’d hand it o’er to you ... just never figured that you would be the one wearing it.”
Sam laughed, “What makes you think you’ll be the ‘husband’ in this relation?”
“Oh come on, isn’t it obvious? I mean I’m not the one with the pretty hair and love for girly drinks...”
“Yeah yeah... very funny; but I’m taller, jerk”
“So? I can take you any day”
“Wanna bet on that?” Sam smirked, raising up on his knees and flexing his un-injured arm like a body-builder.
“Nah, wouldn’t want you to claim I only got the better of you ‘coz you were injured”
“Face it, dude; that’s pretty much the only time you’ll be able to best me. Wouldn’t want you to lose your chance”
“I’m so going to kick your ass for that comment when you’re better!” Dean warned, though the purported threat was nullified by the huge grin he was sporting.
“I can think of better things for you to do with my ass” Sam waggled his eyebrows, his voice dropping to a rumbling purr. Laughing uproariously at the two spots of colour that had appeared high on his brother’s cheeks at the innuendo
Dean caught on quickly, pouncing on him in a move Sam remembered from his childhood when wrestling with his brother at the drop of a hat was the norm. However, the split second that it took him to register his brother’s move proved costly when Dean managed to put him down far too easily to soothe Sam’s ego, whispering “Gotcha, Bitch”
Deciding to turn the tables a bit more unconventionally than was custom during one of their bouts, Sam stretched languorously under the precariously upheld weight of his brother, his sling-free hand coming around to grasp Dean’s tee shirt clad back firmly to pull him down over himself.
Dean struggled, warning “Sam, you’re hurt...”
“You won’t hurt me, Dean.”
His brother smiled slightly at that but still shuffled over till he was curled around Sam rather than on Sam.
The younger brother nuzzled closer, “I think I’m gonna enjoy being your wife; Dean... Thanks”
The elder huffed out a laugh, “That’s good, because I don’t have Dad’s ring to offer you. Sorry”
Sam stiffened, “Ummm... about that; do me a favour?”
Dean raised his head, squinting adorably, “Uh-huh?”
“Bring out the li’l pouch in the side compartment of my duffel? The right- hand side one.”
“Open it... it’s for you, Dean” when his brother brought over the miniscule navy blue velvet string purse.
Dean obeyed wordlessly, staring at the gold band resting in the centre of his palm when he upturned the pouch on it. “It...It’s Dad’s”
“Yeah”
The elder brother looked up, eyelashes clumped together in wet spikes, “I- thanks. Thanks, Sammy”
Sam extended his hand, “Can I have it back now?”
Dean looked up again from where he’d bent his head to stare in wonder at the ring again; eyes glimmering with hurt; but he wordlessly handed it back without a word of protest.
“That’s it? You’re not going to say anything?” Sam demanded, suddenly furious again that Dean never seemed to learn to stand up for himself.
“What d’you want me to say Sam?” Dean sighed; “You finally realized that you can do better-” He shrugged, “Great, I want better for you. Not going to stop you”
Can do better?
God, but did his brother really think so low of himself?
Perhaps he did- a voice whispered inside his head, gleefully rubbing salt in wounds yet to heal.
He did sell his soul for you, didn’t he? Accepting an eternity of torment so that Sam could have one measly ‘life’; what kind of self-respecting man did that?
The kind that loves his brother enough to jump in front of every bullet, every knife launched at him; he replied to the voice, silencing it. Aloud he said, “And what if I want you to fight for me, Dean? Fight for what we have?”
But his brother was already shaking his head, “Not going to make you choose, Sammy. You’ve had enough crap dealt to you; made enough hard choices. Not gonna add to that... You want to try out greener pastures? Go ahead. You want to try out other options before you commit? Even better...‘Coz I’ll tell you this, Sam; I’m not Dad. I’ll never tell you that you aren’t welcome back. I’m here and I’m always gonna be here. You can come home anytime you want. You won’t have to choose.”
Sam blinked away tears, “Good, because I’ve already made my choice, Dean. I told you before; and I’ll tell you again- I choose you. Always”
The tips of Dean’s ears turned red, but he forced himself to look Sam in the eye. “You still want the ring back?”
Sam ducked his head, “Yeah” But reached out to cover his brother’s hand when he extended his had to turn it over, “But only because I want our son to be present when we exchange rings... besides I was thinking it might buy you enough time to get Mom’s ring resized so that I can actually wear it.”
∞∞\∞‡∞/∞∞
Jesse’s reaction to finding out their intention to put down roots was the one-eighty degree opposite of Sam’s elation at being able to return to school. Knowing their son’s penchant for objecting to anything remotely academic; it had been decided that Dean should be the one breaking the news to the boy about their plan to enrol him at a regular school again. Sam smiled to himself as he heard Dean broach the subject towards the end of his tutoring session.
“I don’t have to study...I’m going to be a hunter anyway, so what’s the point?”
Sam suppressed a smile at the petulant note in the child’s voice; Jesse’s resentment for books made even Dean look like a nerd next to him... and his permanent campaign against studying gave him a headache every time he had sat down to teach the boy-which had turned out to be rarer than even he had expected...
It hadn’t taken long for them to realize that only the elder Winchester had the ability to ignore the boy’s whining and the responsibility to home-school Jesse had naturally fallen upon him. How Dean had the patience to listen to the same complaints every day and hold on to his calm was something Sam marvelled at.
“You can’t know that, kiddo... maybe one day things will settle down... What’re you going to do then? I- we just want you to have the option; you know...You can always become a hunter, but you should have the option to be able to choose this life-” Dean’s negotiating tone sounded put-upon.
“You‘re a hypocrite!”
Sam stilled, glancing back at the table only to see Dean jerking back at the accusation. “What?”
“You dropped out of school yourself! Sam didn’t...And- And he’s okay with me not studying!” Jesse’s voice was accusing.
Sam’s breath locked inside his chest. Even though they had already decided that Sam would complete his incomplete degree, his years at Stanford was such a taboo between them that they rarely spoke about it and for Jesse to drag those memories to the surface...? He wondered if keeping the kid would end up being the reason to split them apart.
“Yeah? And who do you think taught Sam the stuff he needed to be eligible for college, huh?” Dean’s rejoinder was instant.
“Your parents?” Jesse sounded like that should be obvious, and Sam had to wonder at what it said about his childhood that ‘parents’- his Dad - had not been the safe-haven for him...ever.
“Think again, genius!” Dean’s voice was mocking- a goad and a challenge all rolled into one.
“But- but you didn’t go to college!”
“I chose not to attend college, Jesse. There’s a difference.” At the child’s disbelieving gaze, Dean explained, “It’s not like I didn’t get accepted anywhere; more of me rejecting the offer letters in favour of hunting.”
“If you were going to reject them anyway, why did you bother to apply in the first place?”
By this time Sam was paying enough attention to the ongoing discussion to hear Dean’s soft sigh. “I applied because I wanted to know, Jesse... I wanted ‘hunting’ to be my choice, not something that I had to do because I couldn’t do anything else.”
Sam inched closer, ever since they had ‘adopted’ Jesse; he had been learning new things about his big-brother: things that Dean normally never spoke about, but revealed to the youth in their care if he deemed necessary. And the very fact that Dean was willing to push down his own walls- revealing every vulnerable spot in the armour- just to help the little boy who was called the anti-Christ told Sam how far Dean’s willingness to help others at his own cost went.
“Where did you get accepted?” The boy’s voice was alight with curiosity, oblivious to Dean’s reluctance.
“Quite a few places” Dean evaded.
But the boy was adamant, “Such as?”
“MIT”
Sam sucked in a sharp breath; Dean had been accepted to the Massachusetts fucking Institute of Technology???
Knowing he had given away his position, he met his brother’s gaze squarely; a silent promise of we will talk about this later.
Dean gave a curt nod.
When Sam walked out to meet him on the hood of the car later, Dean was in a lazy sprawl belying his discomfiture about the impending conversation. He shook his head- People should learn posturing from his big-brother.
Deciding that tackling this beast head-on was the way to go, he greeted Dean with a salute of his beer bottle, “So, MIT... huh?”
Dean spared him a brief glance, “You believe me?”
And Sam recognised the out for what it was- he could shake his head and Dean would never bring it up again: an easy escape if there ever was one. He shook his head, “I believe you.”
Dean nodded as though he had not just offered Sam the escape he had. “What do you want to know?”
“Why didn’t you go?”
“I never meant to leave the family, Sammy. Applying was exactly what I told the kid- a way to ascertain that I could have a different life, if I chose...”
“So it was Dad, huh?” Sam rejoined, homing in on the key phrase- ‘leave the family’.
Dean gave a mirthless laugh, “You won’t accept that I never wanted to go?”
“You wouldn’t have applied in the first place if you didn’t.”
Dean gave a barely perceptible nod to acknowledge the truth in that, “Dad gave me the same choice as he did you, Sammy... and I- I just couldn’t.”
And Sam had nothing to say to that.
“I had it all planned out, you know?” Dean made a soft self-deprecating sound; taking a long pull of the beer to suppress the emotions churning within him. “And I really meant to come back... I-I liked hunting, Sam. Liked knowing that what I did saved lives. Still do... And I had so many ideas, you know? About how we could be better, except, I didn’t have the know-how to implement them. And you were already complaining about the constant moving... I- I thought if I went to college, I could pick up the technical knowledge I needed to materialize my ideas; and you would also have a steady... well, not ‘home’ exactly, but- ... “
Sam felt the tears suffocating him. Dean had planned for them both. “It sounds like a good plan.”
Dean nodded, taking another swig. “I just- I wish Dad had been able to see that.”
“You could have left anyway- not like you were underage or anything, right?” Sam knew why Dean hadn’t; but it felt like something that he needed to point out.
His brother shook his head. “Wasn’t going to leave you behind; Sammy.” Not like you left me; went unsaid.
Sam choked, it’s not like he hadn’t understood Dean’s motivations... but to be so bluntly told that he was the reason Dean never followed his dreams...
“It’s not like it was all bad though, you know?” Dean’s voice interrupted his silent recriminations against himself. Damn, but how did his big brother do that?
“I mean,” Dean continued, “Dad did allow me on more hunts after that... and nothing beats practical experience, right? -especially in our line of work”
“So ...why don’t you go back now?”
“Huh?” Obviously caught off guard
“For all intents and purposes, we’re giving up hunting now. Why don’t you go get your degree now?”
“I don’t know if I even recognize any of that stuff anymore, Sammy”
“You can always try, right?”
“Yeah, but-”
“But what?”
Dean shook his head, “Nothing. I-I’ll think about it, alright?”
“No” Sam was adamant, Dean had given up enough- he would see to it that this was something that wasn’t taken away from his brother too. “I want you to promise me that you’ll try. And give this a fair chance, please- For me?”
“Sam-”
“No, Dean. Promise me, please?”
His brother looked at him for a long moment, Sam could only hope he found what he’d been searching for in his face, because at long last he nodded, “Okay; one condition though”
“What?”
“You finish school first.” He held up his hand to stop Sam’s objection, “We can’t afford it otherwise. And you’ve just got a year to go. So yeah, I’ll try. But I want you to finish your degree first. If I get in somewhere after that; I’ll consider it.”
Sam thought it over, fairly confident that Dean would be selected; “Okay, deal.”
His brother nodded, sipping his beer; gazing at the stars overhead.
“Do we seal it with a kiss?” Sam asked; eyes wide and innocent like he didn’t know what he was implying.
Dean nearly choked, “Sam!”
“What? A demon was okay for you to plant your lips on; and I’m not?”
Dean groaned, “Really Sam? Of all the things you could have thought to bring up; you want to talk about my deal?”
Sam leaned in, resting his head against Dean’s shoulder; “Actually I wanted you to know that this deal is as impossible to get out of as-” his voice trailed off; “Too soon?”
“Yeah, but that’s okay.” Dean laughed, hauling him up by his collar and planting a messy wet one on his forehead.
Sam wiped away the spit and beer from the imprint Dean had left on his forehead, “EW, Dean; gross!”
His brother just cackled, “Kinda the point there; Sammy. Deal-sealing kisses are always gross”
Jerk
∞∞\∞‡∞/∞∞
“Our next speaker is-” the teacher consulted her notepad, “Jesse Winchester”
“Should we bail him out?” Sam whispered to Dean as they sat next to each other in the crowd of parents.
It had been a hectic month as Sam settled into the routine of going back to school and Jesse adjusted to his new classes. Dean appeared to be the only one who wasn’t bothered by the shift from Hunter to Mechanic as he spent his days at the local garage, quickly proving himself to be more than a competent authority on cars and their affairs.
And yesterday their son had announced that there was an event at school where parents were invited and could they both please attend?
Neither had had the heart to decline
“I dunno,” the elder whispered back, watching as their eight-year-old confidently marched up next to the teacher’s desk, “He looks prepared.”
“Did’ja know about this?” Sam inquired.
“No” Dean hissed back.
“But it’s a frigging Mother’s day celebration, Dean!”
“I know. I’d forgotten too... now quiet, let’s see what our son has to say-”
“Good morning.” Their brown haired, green eyed son began; eyes scanning the audience of parents till he located them and brightened perceptibly, “My Mom is the tallest person I know”
“Is he... talking about the demon?” Sam squeaked, loud enough for the parents next to them to glare in disapproval in his direction.
Oblivious, Jesse continued; seemingly happy to hear the hushed laughter that greeted his inaugural statement, “No, it’s true! He’s taller than even my dad. Dad calls him ‘Sasquatch’... at times. Mostly though, he calls him Sammy; although ‘Mom’ always corrects him and says it’s ‘Sam’”
Sam wanted to die of mortification as the realisation sank in that he was the one being described so eloquently as Jesse Winchester’s ‘Mom’.
“Did you put him up to this?” He growled at Dean.
Dean shook his head earnestly, his lips pressed together to keep the laughter that wanted out. “I didn’t. I swear, Sammy. This- This is completely on your son.”
“He prefers for me to call him Papa; but he’s still my Mom...I know that because he does everything a Mom does.” The boy nodded to himself, as though confirming his deduction, “He prepares my lunch and helps me with my homework. And bakes pie! Dad and I love Papa’s Pie! They’re really good. And though Dad pretends to make all decisions himself; he always asks Papa.”
“Way to make me sound henpecked, Kid” Dean murmured, sinking low in his seat.
“But that’s ‘coz Papa’s real smart. Dad says he’s the smartest person he knows. And Dad knows a LOT! Sometimes, he even calls him ‘Geek boy’”
“Great, I’m never coming to his school again” Sam muttered, slouching so that he was level with Dean in the next seat.
Dean gave a half-hearted laugh, “Me neither, he can walk home by himself!” Equally mortified at having their family dynamics spilled before the crowd of smiling parents so blatantly.
“Papa’s real cool too; and brave. I love him very much.” Jesse concluded, pausing for effect before confidently running into Sam’s arms, whispering “Happy mother’s day; Papa”
Sam had to blink back his tears at that. Grateful that the kid had not spilled their hunting secrets; and moved at the open acceptance that he’d never believed he would have.
*
It was only later, when they were leaving and more than one parent came up to him asking if he was Jesse’s ‘Mom’ and congratulating him for having such a bright and open-minded kid that Sam realised that maybe he shouldn’t have been so quick in his forgiving.
∞∞\∞‡∞/∞∞
“Daddy got accepted!” Jesse announced the second Sam walked in from class.
“That’s great!” Sam smiled, although he could tell that something was bugging his brother. He turned to their son, “Are you done with your homework?”
The boy scowled, but went to his room without protest. Sam claimed a spot opposite his brother on the table, “Now do you wanna tell me what’s wrong?”
“I can’t accept this, Sammy”
His eyebrows flew up, “Why not?”
“Jesse’s just getting settled in at his new school, Sammy. And you still have nearly a year to go before you get your degree-”
“So?”
“I can’t uproot you guys!”
“And I’m not asking you to! Let Jesse finish out his year here. And you’re right; I can’t afford to take off now. So I’ll stay as well... but it’s less than a year, Dean. Barely seven months if you discount the holidays. The two of us can move in with you after that. Till then you can go ahead of us and set things up”
But Dean was already shaking his head, “You’re talking about setting up two independent establishments, Sam. How are we supposed to finance it?”
“We can scrimp a little, Dean. It’s no big deal... Besides, they’re offering you a scholarship too, right?”
Dean nodded.
“So if I get some part-time job for the time being, it shouldn’t be too hard”
“We’re looking at Jesse’s school fees, two accommodations, travel expenses, food, and clothes-”
“We’ll manage, Dean” Sam assured.
“You’ll be worn down; if you take a job- even something part-time, you’ll be home late and with me gone the whole burden of cooking dinner and maintaining the house will be on you-”
“I can always ask Jesse to pitch in”
Dean nodded, but looked away; clearly the idea didn’t sit well with him.
“Come on man, you were responsible for dinner for me and Dad at eight, Dean-”
“Yeah, doesn’t mean I want the same for my son”
“And it isn’t; I’m not gonna make him cook meals and watch o’er his kid brother; Dean. He’ll just be helping me, that’s all. I swear. He won’t lose his childhood. Besides, it’s not like its forever. In a few months we’ll be moving; so it’s just a temporary solution”
“Hmmm” Dean gave a non-committal sigh.
“Dean, you can’t keep sacrificing your dreams to take care of me-us” Sam caught the slip quickly but not before Dean noticed.
“What if something happens?”
“You trust me, right?”
The elder brother nodded.
“Then please believe that I’m not going to let any harm befall your son”
“Or you”
“Or me” Sam confirmed.
“We’re going to be okay, Dad. Don’t worry” A soft voice chimed in and Sam had to smile. Their son had been listening in.
∞∞\∞‡∞/∞∞
[WARNING: Sibling incest in the following section, possible dub-con. For those of you for whom this is a *squick*, please scroll down to the next section and you should be safe]
Sam decided they were ready for the next step one balmy evening the next week when Jesse was having a sleepover at one of his new school friends’ house and he and Dean were just shooting the breeze. He watched his brother move around the kitchen, preparing their dinner as he pretended to pore over a textbook.
Subtle had never worked for them, so he decided to go for the shock and awe strategy; announcing ‘I need to get laid’ to the room at large
Dean chuckled, “Told ya your celibate monk attitude was gonna cause you grief, Sammy. Wanna hit the bar?”
“Really... Dean?” Sam frowned; resting his head on his left hand so that his ring was clearly visible when Dean turned.
His brother’s mouth opened in an adorable ‘o’ (not that Sam was telling him that); before he closed it with an audible snap. They fumbled to bed feeling all sorts of awkward, but both too proud to retreat.
Sam was left in his undershirt and boxers by the time he climbed on the bed, although Dean remained fully clothed; pressing against Sam’s back as his hands stroked over the younger brother’s upper arms, sliding over his muscled chest and a flat abdomen that quivered at the touch. He tried to turn in the embrace but Dean stopped him with a gentle kiss at his nape and a murmured plea of ‘like this, please’.
Sam acquiesced.
He was already light-headed with arousal when Dean’s hand slipped inside his boxers, eliciting a pleased gasp. He was vaguely aware of his brother’s forehead pressed against his shoulder as Dean began to move his hands, causing his hips to push into the motion. He leaned back against the solid shelter of Dean’s chest, hips pumping up into his brother’s hold as he felt the elder’s thick lashes fluttering against his nape as squeezed his eyes shut.
Soon after, he lost his bearings as Dean worked him to completion; his head still buried against Sam’s back so that he had to work by touch alone.
Sam was still recovering from the high and contemplating the best way to return the favour when he felt Dean wrap the dohar-blanket around him and leave the bed. Blinking hazily he just caught a glimpse of the anguished expression on his brother’s face before the door closed behind him.
Sam felt like he’d been sucker punched.
Dean spent the remainder of the night outside, hunched over the steering wheel of the Impala- although he didn’t even bother to start the ignition.
When he stepped back inside the next morning; Sam silently pushed a steaming mug of coffee towards Dean.
Neither spoke, but they both knew that one was apologising and the other accepting.
∞∞\∞‡∞/∞∞
Both Winchester’s jumped when their seven-year old tossed a piece of sausage off his plate with a ‘here, Fido’ and it disappeared mid-air. In the pin-drop silence that followed their son’s actions both could make out the clacking of invisible nails against hardwood floors as something made its way back to Jesse.
“Get rid of it” Sam’s voice was icy as he broke the quiet.
Jesse glanced up horrified, “But, Papa-“
“Either you get rid of that hellhound, or I’m going to blow it right back where it came from, Jesse” He repeated, his tone not leaving any room for argument.
Their son’s liquid green eyes filled with tears, but Sam held to his argument. Dean sighed, realizing he’d have to resume his role a moderator during family arguments once again (as though he hadn’t done enough of that during Sam’s teenage years already), “Sammy-”
“I’m not allowing those blood-thirsty killing machines anywhere near my family, Dean. Now ask your son to show his pet”, his voice gave away his scorn for the creature,“to the door right now or I swear it’s going to end up in more pieces than he ever wanted to see Fido in”
Dean closed his eyes, realising that Sam wasn’t going to budge in this instance, “Jesse, do as your father says”
“But-but he’s so cute!”
“I know, and he’s just a pup; right?”
The boy nodded.
“Excellent, then he wouldn’t have any problems learning to survive on its own. Get rid of it, Champ. Unless you really want your father to bring out his shot-gun”
“But-“
“No buts, Jesse. And you should have asked us before taking him in as a pet”
“But dad-”, the child pleaded
“Son,” Dean’s voice was firm, “You want to be grounded as well?”
“No” came the meek answer.
“Good, I thought not. Now let the puppy out and finish your dinner”
The boy pouted and tears glimmered in his limpid eyes as he stomped away reluctantly to follow orders, but obeyed nonetheless. Sam shot a grateful smile towards his brother, only relaxing when their son was back on the table- this time without the accompanying sound of invisible nails on the hardwood floor.
∞∞\∞‡∞/∞∞
A month found them standing at the gate as Dean prepared to make the long drive to his university.
“You’ll call?” Dean questioned.
“Twice a day” Sam replied, smiling slightly.
“Lock the doors-”
“And put down salt lines and double check the sigils; I know” Sam finished, remembering their Dad going over the same rules with his brother when they had been younger and he abandoned them at motels in favour of a hunt. “But most importantly- take care of Jesse” he added, mimicking JohnWinchester’s tone to perfection.
“No!” Dean denied vehemently, something undefined glimmering in the depths of his emerald gaze, “No,” he repeated, “You take care of yourselfand Jesse.”
∞∞\∞‡∞/∞∞
Dean drove back in honour of Jesse’s first birthday with them in the first week of June. And although the drive was long and left him struggling to stay awake; the smile that bloomed on their son’s face when he opened the door to find him waiting was well worth the exhaustion.
He discovered that Sam had arranged for a party in the evening with all of Jesse’s classmates and a few of his neighbourhood friends. Even Bobby drove up to wish the boy for turning another year older.
Dean was busy deftly organising the kiddy plates when Sam sidled up next to him, “Hey”
But his brother was distracted, “UH, Dean; you know who that guy is?”
Dean looked up where his brother gestured and felt his colour drain.
“Jesse hopped on his lap calling ‘grandpa’” He added.
“That’s Death”
Sam’s brows furrowed, “The horseman?”
“One and only”
“And Jesse called him grandpa”
Before he could reply someone else’s shadow fell on them and they paused the conversation only to find Bobby leaning against the wall, smiling at them, “What’s got you boys looking like death warmed o’er?”
“Death” They replied in unison
“Huh”
Sam whirled around, “huh- that’s your reaction?”
“Well,” Bobby answered, “He did say he was Jesse’s grandfather at their last meet”
Sam narrowed his eyes as he turned to Dean, “You took my sonwhen you went to meet the horseman?”
Dean raised his hands in a warding off gesture, “Hey, where was I supposed to leave him, huh? The city was swarming with reapers man! You wanted me to leave him alone?”
Sam’s shoulders slumped, “Yeah, I guess you’re right”
Marge- their next door neighbour came over to the group at that point, eyes alight with curiosity; “Hey guys, good to see you after a long time, Dean”
The elder Winchester nodded.
“So, whose dad is he? I mean, no offense; but neither of you look like Jesse’s grandfather”
Sam shot a panicked look at his brother, but Dean had a bland-if slightly pained smile on his face.
“He’s actually from Jesse’s mom’s side”
“Oh” the woman backed off, “Awkward”
“Yeah” Dean agreed, giving her a conspiratorial wink.
“But he’s okay with Sam? I mean he doesn’t mind that you’re-” she trailed off uncertainly.
“I’m perfectly alright with Sam” came the soft, cultured voice from behind her.
“Oh, that’s- that’s great. I mean not everybody is so understanding” Marge babbled, clearly taken aback.
The Horseman smiled, “The boys are good for each other. And for my grandson” he said dismissively, clearly waiting for her to move away before he faced the Winchesters again.
“I’m glad you held true to your word, Dean”
Dean flushed, “Sam was persuasive”
The smile, once more; “And he more than justified your faith in him, I would say”
“Yes,” Dean agreed without hesitation, “Yes, he did”
“If you don’t object, I would like to pass on a little token for Jesse, seeing it’s his birthday and all”
“Of course”
Death handed the small brown paper packet to Sam before turning to leave. When they opened it later, it was Dean’s turn to gasp, “Sammy-”
“Dad, didn’t you have one like this?” Jesse questioned, fingers tracing the horns of the amulet.
Dean gulped a shaking breath, eyes never leaving Sam’s; because he could see the recognition there. The knowledge that this was the same amulet, “Yeah, yeah I did”
The younger brother reached out to squeeze his hand softly, eyes forgiving as he granted permission silently.
I never meant it as a rejection of you- of us; Dean wanted to whisper, but looking at Sam as he twisted his wedding ring ‘round his fingers, staring contemplatively at the amulet, he understood that Sam had never misunderstood him in the first place.
∞∞\∞‡∞/∞∞
“Fido got run over by a car” Sam informed his brother over one of their diurnal phone calls.
“Shit, how’d Jesse take it?”
“He’s your son, Dean; how do you think he took it?” Sam asked viciously.
“Sam-”
“No, Dean; I’m sick of this alright?”
“Look; I get that you’re pissed-”
“Our son had a frigging hellhound as a pet, Dean – and mind you; that’s despite me clearly telling him he couldn’t; and I find out from his teacher about it! Damn right I’m pissed. I’m friggin’ furious!”
Dean’s sceptical voice crackled over the static, “His teacher?”
Sam sighed, “Yeah, Jesse wrote some essay about his amazing invisible pet who got run over by a car because no one else could see the poor puppy. She was concerned about the morbidity of the subject. Normally, when kids have invisible friends, they have amazing adventures with the child; they don’t get run over by cars. So yeah; she was a li’l worried”
“And you immediately figured that it was that damn mutt that Jesse was talking about before I left?”
“I suspected, so I asked Jesse why he hadn’t said anything to me about it”
“And?” Dean prompted
“And he told me it was because I didn’t like Fido. Dammit Dean, when were you going to tell me that a hellhound was following our son around?”
“...”
“You weren’t” Sam realized, “God Dean, you got torn to shreds by those creatures. It didn’t bother you that one was following your son around?”
“Kid’s the fuckin’ Anti Christ, Sam. And you’re the purported Boy-King of Hell. I thought between the two of you you’d be able to handle one hound; if the need arose.” His tone clearly implying that he thought it improbable- before confirming it verbally, “Besides, hellhounds are loyal creatures; I was fairly certain you guys were safe.”
“Hellhounds are loyal? Dean, are you even listening to yourself? You’re describing the very things that killed you! And maybe you don’t remember it, but I sure as he-” He paused, “I sure remember what you looked like once they were through with you.”
“I know, Sam. But they also protected me-” Dean’s jaw audibly snapped shut when he realised what he’d given away.
A beat
Then-
“Protected you...from what?” Sam questioned softly.
Dean’s resigned sigh was clear over the air waves, “Alistair”
“Dean?” Sam’s voice was barely more than a whisper, begging him to explain.
“Sometimes, they brought the hounds in... while I was on the... well, you know? At first, I didn’t like them; hurt like a bitch when they tore ... but after a while, I realized that they were not malicious, you know? They’re just dogs... and they were hungry; so I started to feed them-”
Sam made a choking noise, only too aware what Dean must have used as ‘dog-food’ down under; but otherwise said nothing.
“I would play with them; when I could. Other times, I just scratched the thick fur-”
Sam gave a pained smile, imagining his tortured brother petting the huge head of a hellhound; aware that his brother couldn’t see him.
“And I guess they hadn’t seen much affection, because hello? Hell here... Anyway, soon they switched loyalties. They’d curl up with me when... when Alistair was done with me for the day and I was waiting to be healed before the next round... but then they started protecting me; growling at anyone who came towards me. It wasn’t too bad, ‘cause usually they’d be busy claiming some other soul when they weren’t with me; but-”
Sam heard the wet sadness in his brother’s voice, “What happened?”
“One day they tried to get between Alistair and me. Bastard killed them instantly; well not exactly, it was a slow process as he carved them up like- likes”
Sam said nothing, imagining how it must have felt to Dean, who even now spoke of the vicious creatures like beloved pets. And he supposed they had been; why else would they have tried to protect his brother?
After a moment, Dean continued; “I learnt my lesson; never let myself grow fond of something after that. Not while I was down there, at least.” Dean finished.
“You should have told me earlier, Dean”
“I know; I’m sorry... It’s just- I thought it would be good for Jesse, you know? He’d learn responsibility... and Fido would have kept him safe, atleast in our absence. Besides, Hellhounds are pretty much immortal, you know? So I figured he wouldn’t have to go through the hurt of losing him-”
“Except you didn’t count on a driver running over our son’s invisible pet” Sam finished for him
“I-Yeah... so, what’d you tell his teacher?”
“That I would speak to him”
“Uh-huh”
“I did, you know? Just, not in the way she expected me to, I guess” Sam laughed, picturing the look on her face if she could have overheard their current conversation.
Dean must have done the same because he chuckled too, “Yeah... hey, uh- you guys are still coming over next week, right?”
Sam perked up, “Why? You miss us?”
“More than you know” Dean admitted, and Sam could imagine him stretched on his bed, the phone pressed to his ear as his fingers played idly with the sheet tucked around him.
“Me too, jerk”
Soft laughter filled his ears, “Goodnight, bitch”
∞∞\∞‡∞/∞∞
A week later, Sam stared at the white-picket fenced house and re-checked the address Dean had given him; he needn’t have bothered though, because his brother had been lured outside by the unmistakable rumble of the taxi’s engine. And Jesse was already out of his seat flying into Dean’s arms.
Sam paid the fare and got out their bags from the car carefully; keenly aware of watchful eyes as his brother went through his usual checking Sammy thing-y. Dean ambled slowly towards him; their son perched on one hip as he tilted his head up to accept a kiss- epitome of the ‘normal’ Sam had wanted so desperately as a teenager.
“We’re outside” Sam whispered, pulling back as the thought struck him.
“It’s an open neighbourhood, Sammy. And they accept home owners of any race, religion, colour or...” He paused eyes twinkling with mirth as he finished, “Sexual orientation”
“Sexual orientation” Sam chimed in; laughing as he too remembered that hunt about the cursed land from what seemed so long ago now when they’d been mistaken repeatedly for a couple.
“But a white picket fence Dean; seriously? I thought the whole manicured lawns and ‘How was your day, honey?’ freaked you out.”
“Yeah, but this is the Winchester version of normal, Sammy; I think I can deal with that”
∞∞\∞‡∞/∞∞
“But Sam-”
“What?
He felt Dean stiffen as he pushed back into the curve of his body, “Sam-”
“C’me on, Dean; please”
*
It had been an uphill task convincing Dean that he wanted to share a bed with him, especially given the awkwardness between them since-
Since
More so because the house Dean had rented had three bedrooms (along with the tiny, but very much there front yard) and was close to the Elementary School Dean had already spoken to about Jesse’s admission. It wasn’t very far from the hubbub of the city; close enough for Dean to attend his classes and for Sam to work and make the daily commute; but far enough away to afford some peace and quiet.
Earlier in the evening, Sam had noticed that most of the rooms were bare, barring the one which Dean had obviously set up with their son in mind; Sam peered into the other rooms and smiled when he realized that Dean had anticipated them taking a separate rooms.
His brother had looked up startled when Sam had unceremoniously plonked his bag in the middle of Dean’s room.
”What?”
Sam shrugged, “Nothin’; just brought my stuff in”
“You want this room? I-I can take the other one-“
“You mind sharing?”
“Sharing?”
“Yeah, I mean traditionally ‘Mommies and Daddies’ share a room, you know...”
Sam smiled as he remembered the awkwardness of ‘getting ready for bed’ when they were both extra-aware of the other’s presence. Somehow, although they had shared on numerous occasions- more so over the last few months since Jesse had joined them; the concept of deliberately sharing a bed despite the presence of other options had them both jittery.
Surprisingly the strangeness of the situation had disappeared the second they actually made it to the bed; both rolling towards the other out of habit.
*
Now, his brother didn’t move away, but Sam could feel the tension rolling off him in waves.
“Please” He repeated, reaching behind him for Dean’s hand and bringing it to rest on his stomach, his own fingers entangled in them.
If possible, Dean tensed even more at that; no doubt recalling their last encounter.
“Just this, Dean...no more”
He held still, allowing his eyes to slip shut as he felt the tension seep off his brother’s tense form gradually. And he had a sudden image of Dean rolling him over to-
A warm gust of breath tickled the short hairs at his nape and he realised that that was probably never going to happen. But then the warm weight of his brother’s body relaxed against him as Dean began to drift off and Sam figured that if he could have this, it wasn’t a bad trade-off.
∞∞\∞‡∞/∞∞
Sam smiled as he heard raised voices come from the living room. Again
As much as the pair adored and doted on each other; they were at loggerheads equally often. In an odd way it was a juxtaposition of Sam’s own relationship with their Dad; except that Jesse never called Dean ‘Sir’ and his brother was way more openly affectionate towards their adopted son than John Winchester had ever been.
This particular argument would blow over like all the others preceding it. Already he could hear Dean’s placatory tones as he attempted to reason with the boy. And Sam could remember all the times Dean had used those pitches on him. It was disconcerting at times to see his own relationship with Dean during their formative years mirrored in Jesse and Dean’s interactions. And for Sam; watching the elder Winchester soothe a hurt or bolster the youngster’s confidence with adult eyes gave Sam a new perspective on their own childhood.
He was not particularly surprised to realize that his brother had taken on an adult’s role when he had barely been more than a child himself; but what surprised him had been his newfound knowledge about how frequently Dean had had to act as the adult. Not just with outsiders but with Sam himself as well.
On being questioned Dean vehemently denied regretting it or even having done something extraordinarily different to what most people his age would have done; but Sam could not help wondering what it had cost his brother to shoulder that kind of responsibility at that tender age.
Vaguely, Sam wondered what this particular argument was about; considering that it was taking so long for it to be resolved.
“You’re not my Dad!”
Sam froze as Jesse’s voice pierced through the sudden silence from the living room. Hastily discarding the case file he had been reading; Sam jumped to his feet- the chair tilting forgotten to the floor as he rushed to the arguing pair.
He barged into the living room just to see the leather arm of Dean’s jacket pull the door closed behind him. Dean didn’t bang it shut; permitting it to close after him with a gentleness that allowed the soft snick of the locking mechanism to reverberate through the house. And somehow, the finality of that sound was so much worse.
Jesse looked as startled by Dean’s abrupt retreat as Sam felt, staring wide eyed at the closed door in abject confusion. And Sam felt an irrational bout of anger overwhelm him.
Glaring at the petulant teenager, he growled; “Next time, use a gun. It would be much kinder.”
He marched back to the study without another word, trying to calm himself before he said or did anything that he would regret forever.
Part of him wanted to race after Dean; and comfort the elder Winchester; but he had heard the loud growl of the impala’s engine and knew that logically it would be difficult-if not impossible; to find his older brother right now. And then; there was always the fact that Dean would strongly object to any form of comfort in the state he was in right now.
And as much as he loathed waiting; Sam understood that for now, waiting was the best he could do until Dean returned.
*
He lay in bed wondering if Jesse would come knocking, a habit he’d appeared to have successfully broken for about two years now, but if anything was going to send the boy back into nightmares that he needed to be soothed from, it would be today.
A nostalgic smile graced his lips as he recalled how Jesse used to knock and then stand at the door in wide-eyed terror every time some nightly terror woke him till one of them got up to carry him to their shared bed. And after that first time when he’d slept between them the day Walt and Roy had kidnapped their little boy, the brothers Winchester had quickly realized that the child’s kicking limbs could turn out to be a major hazard and relegated him to one side- usually Dean’s; who on most such occasions found himself buried under a Sammy-blanket on one side and a kid sized Jesse-blanket on the other.
Now at twelve-nearly thirteen, Jesse no longer came to them after his nightmares; which should have been a relief, but sometimes Sam missed the little kid that the boy vehemently claimed he no longer was.
Although every now and then he would catch a glimpse of that child in the adolescent boy Jesse had grown into.
Sam sometimes thought that he and Dean should be so damn proud of themselves for having successfully preserved some (or most, actually) of Jesse’s innocence, something that neither of them had. And he supposed it said a lot about his brother who by his own confession had never been a child since the fateful fire that had torn their family asunder; but persevered to protect that childhood in his little boy (and in Sam, if he was being honest)
Which brought him right back to wondering where Dean was now
He laid in the darkness, straining his ears for the familiar roar of the Impala’s engine; and then he heard it. Anticipating the smell of alcohol, smoke and (he hoped not, but-) cheap perfume on his brother; he was slightly taken aback when the door eased open soundlessly to reveal a stone-cold sober Dean.
He waited silently till he felt the bed dip before rolling to his brother’s side, “Hey”
“Hey yourself”, Dean’s voice was low, raspy.
“Did ‘cha check on Jesse on your way in?”
Dean didn’t answer, but Sam felt the movement as he shook his head.
“Where did you go?”
“Library”
Sam barely restrained himself from asking ‘why’, knowing Dean was liable to clam up on being questioned.
It was another couple of minutes before the older man spoke again, “I found them.”
“Them?” He questioned, a sinking feeling in his gut telling him that he wouldn’t like the answer.
“Jesse’s parents...They’re still in Alliance, Nebraska... If we start early, we can get Jesse back to them soon enough. Kid’ll have to see if he can undo Cas’ mojo and return their memory; otherwise I’ll need you to do an angel summoning spell- I think Balthazar may be convinced for help.”
Sam felt his breath hitch, Dean had apparently been planning to- he couldn’t finish the thought.
He heard Dean swallow next to him and put a tentative hand on his chest, feeling the steady (if slightly fast) thump of his heartbeat beneath his palm.
“How- how are you planning on explaining having the kid for all these years?” He managed to ask.
“I’ll confess to being delusional, I guess... I thought Jesse was my son, tried to convince myself that if I wished it long enough it would be true. And Jesse- well, he was just a kid when I picked ‘im up, right? So he was too frightened to do anything other than play along. You- you had no reason to doubt me, ne’er thought me capable of something like this, so you believed me when I told you he was my son. And no, you ne’er saw me doing anything untoward with the child- at least, not in your presence.”
Sam felt his throat close, “I’m not going to just throw you under the bus Dean-”
“You must. You will deny all culpability, Sammy. It’ll be professional suicide for you otherwise-”
“And the same doesn’t apply to you?” Sam asked incredulously.
“I won’t have a profession to talk about. Not after this... At best, I’m looking at wrongful detention of a minor, at worst Child abuse. You’d do better to distance yourself from me”
Sam was furious- Damn Dean for his martyr’s complex!
Instead of honouring Dean’s request with a reply, he rolled on his side facing away from his brother and tried to find sleep.
Next morning, it was almost physically painful to see the hopeful look on their son’s face when he saw Dean at the table, “Dad”
Dean stiffened, but pretended not to hear.
Jesse’s face fell.
The older Winchester finished his morning caffeine fix before turning to face the youngster, “I- I think I may have found a solution to your problem, son” He winced at the slip, correcting himself almost immediately, “-Jesse. I located your parents- the ones who adopted you at any rate; so if you pack your stuff, I’ll take you back-“
“You’re sending me away?” Jesse’s voice was broken, traitorous tears spiking his lashes; “Daddy, please... I’ll be good, don’t- don’t send me away-”
“Whoa, kid! I thought you wanted this?” Dean interrupted, abruptly realizing that his plans were having the opposite reaction of what he’d anticipated with his son.
Sam smiled in satisfaction. He had been hoping that that would be the case, but without being cent percent sure, he’d held back from telling Dean as much.
“I don’t want to go.”
“You don’t want to be with your family?” Dean asked -his voice unconvinced.
“I am with my family, Dad. My family’s right here- with you guys” Jesse confirmed, walking up to the older ex-hunter and climbing into his lap in a gesture reminiscent of his childhood when he’d clambered onto their laps at the slightest provocation. He nuzzled against Dean, burying his face against the adult’s neck, “You are my Dad”
Epilogue
Sam glanced up from the grill as Dean joined them on the porch with his guitar.
It had been originally been for Jesse when he was going through his ‘Rock star’ years. Not wanting to hold back their son from anything, Dean had been enthusiastic enough to get Jesse and himself enrolled in guitar classes.
After a fortnight, it became obvious that Dean would be the only one attending those classes.
Surprisingly, the elder Winchester didn’t mind. And it was soon obvious that he had some inherent (though latent, until this point) musical talent as well.
For his part, Sam just loved the smile on his brother’s face as he strummed the guitar strings- relaxed and happy.
He looked over where Jesse was bent over a book with Alice. The two had started dating awhile back, and though they were still in high school- it at least seemed as though it was serious. And Alice had accepted their unusual family without reservations- not that she knew the part about him and Dean being siblings; but still.
Naturally she protested when Dean began calling her ‘my future daughter-in-law’ and Jesse went beet red; but neither objected to the sentiment.
She grinned up at him when he went to hand over their burgers, reaching for the plates with a casual ‘thanks’ before curling back up on the blanket with Jesse.
Glancing up, he caught Dean’s smile; the sunlight glinting off the gold-rimmed glasses that he wore now... looking the same and yet so different. He had always maintained that being a ‘hunter’ was what he’d always wanted to be; and yet watching him now, the much sought after ballistics expert who could also serve as an classic car expert in a pinch- healthy and no longer with the weight of the world on his shoulders; Sam could not help but acknowledge that while Dean had adapted to being a Hunter with remarkable aplomb; normal suited him infinitely better.
The elder Winchester shifted automatically to accommodate him when Sam went to sit next to him on the stairs with their plates, their knees grazing as their bodies aligned to each other with the same instinctive complementation that they practiced on their hunts.
Sam looked up when he caught sight of a flash of blond out of the corner of his eyes as he sat; Jessica stood in the far corner of their yard- next to the poppies and peonies in full bloom (What?- contrary to popular, or atleast Dean’s opinion; men could garden. It was meditative). She was still in the same white dress as she had been the last time he had seen her-burning on the roof over his bed; although, thankfully, both the blood stain and the fire were gone.
She smiled at him.
And, Sam smiled back.
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The End.
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