Archive of Our Own ^beta

Being an older brother had a lot of responsibilities, especially when your mother was known for making irrational – and maybe life-threatening – decisions.

Leon didn't think twice when his mother asked if he was able to care for Hop. She wasn't able to with how her life was right then. Ever since she got back with their alcoholic father, her mental health has gone even more downhill. His mother made choices he didn't like and he would try his best to try and show her that these choices were bad, but his mother was stubborn – or doesn't know better. His mother didn't have a great childhood and she never got her trauma resolved or wanted to seek help. She thought she “turned out fine.” 

Leon grew up having to be his mother's caretaker, as she was often high, drunk, or both even. He grew up with the abuse and mind games his mother tried to play on him. He moved out as soon as he was eighteen, running straight to his loving boyfriend's – Raihan’s – arms. They planned Leon's escape when they were fifteen, and it was successful. Obviously, his mother was upset, but Leon needed to get out and be free. 

Despite how much he disliked his mother, he never was able to block her off. While there was more bad than good in his childhood, he still held onto the good and tried oh so hard to believe that that was his entire childhood. When his mother told him she went to rehab, he tried to let her back in, never seeming to ever let go. While she did go to rehab, Leon didn't think it helped at all. She was still the same. He’d get the occasional text asking how he was, calling him love bug, sweetheart, and other names. He always answered, his hopes always going up when he thought she was better. 

Then he learned about his father being in the picture again. Leon couldn’t think of ever going back. 

Until his mother was pregnant with his little brother. 

Leon didn’t know how to feel. There were many sleepless nights where he would sob for hours thinking of someone else going through the pain he went through with their father in the picture now. No matter how tight or soft Raihan held him, it never got rid of his insomnia. He was happy to have a brother, he's always wanted one but never said a word about it once he learned his life was full of abuse and hurt rather than comfort and joy. Though, he broke thinking of what could happen to his new brother. 

He almost convinced his mother not to have him, begging that she wasn't mentally able to and that having another kid would just hurt her more than making her happy. 

But Leon’s mother was stubborn. 

He, of course, came when his brother was being born. He came with Raihan and sat in the waiting room as he couldn't stand being in the same room with his father. He remembered biting his nails until they bled and how numb his legs felt from bouncing so much. He remembered the migraine he gave himself from the shallow breaths and intense furrowing of his brows. He remembered how his eyes burned from crying and his chest hurt from the amount of anxiety he had. He remembered the multiple panic attacks he had and how Raihan tried his best to comfort him through them. 

Though, all of that didn't matter to Leon when he saw his brother for the first time. He was crying, both out of fear and excitement. He was so overwhelmed by all the mixed emotions but the main thought in his brain was that he was finally an older brother, and the urge to protect him no matter the cost.

The euphoria was, of course, short-lived. The drive home was a nightmare. Raihan drove, as Leon was not mentally able to. Leon had so many negative thoughts, all about what might happen to his brother. 

As weeks went by, Leon got more and more depressed. All this stress was killing him to the point he passed out one night from “forgetting” to eat or drink anything for a few days. Raihan didn’t know exactly what to do, all he knew was that Leon needed help. He didn’t want to send him to a hospital where he’ll be alone and lectured all day on why he should stay on this planet, so Raihan tried his very best to find someone who wasn't lazy enough to send him to a psych ward. 

Months of therapy turned into years. Which was great, but Leon thought he wasn’t getting better.

He felt himself relapse into old habits every visit to his childhood house. The only reason he visited was so he could see his little brother. He’d offer to watch him while his parents went out and drank their bank account away. 

He’d often spend days, the most being a week and a half, watching his baby brother. If anything, it was almost therapeutic to him. Taking care of his brother made him feel better. It’d constantly make his worry about becoming his mother wither away. He’d spent so much time learning how to care for babies so he could try to give his brother a good life. Of course, he couldn't always be there, but the moments he was there gave him extreme feelings of exhilaration. 

He’d constantly contact his mother asking if he could watch his brother and while some attempts weren't successful, more attempts than there probably should’ve been were successful. He’d bring Raihan along just so he wouldn’t have an episode as the house alone caused so many emotions to erupt in Leon. Though, with his brother being there, he almost associated the house with the joy his brother brought him rather than the trauma. 

His brother was almost four when his mother complained that he was being more of a parent than she was. It caused an argument that eventually involved his father. Leon felt hopeless, but Raihan was always there to support him, and even if his father threatened to hurt him, Raihan never stopped fighting for Leon. 

It got too close to becoming physical, so they left before the police had to get involved. It didn’t surprise Leon when his mother cut all contact with him, yet it still hurt him. The thought of not being able to be there for his brother hurt, and was probably the only thing that hurt him about this whole situation. Not the fact his father almost cut him when throwing a beer bottle at him, not his mother calling him slurs and gas lighting him, not when both of them were screaming about how they regretted having him. No, it was the fact he saw Hop’s eyes peeking from the stairs and how unbothered he looked. It gave him the worst pain he's ever felt. The thought of his brother already being used to the screaming hurt him more than anything. 

Leon relapsed badly, but it wasn't as bad as it could’ve been since Raihan was by his side the whole time. 

Still, Leon couldn’t ever get over seeing his brother in a situation like that. It just caused another load of trauma to develop in his already wounded mind. It caused more months of therapy. Leon felt as if all the progress he made in the past years was gone due to this one argument and it irritated him. 

No matter how many times Raihan and his therapist tried to tell him that it wasn't just an argument, he didn't believe them. Why?

Because you’re as stubborn as your mother. 

The thought popped up in his mind one night, it scared him almost half to death. Being anything like his mother was his biggest fear and it was coming true. Well, in Leon’s head it was coming true. Any similarity was enough to make Leon freak out. Even though the thought was far from true, it pushed Leon to try his best to trust his loved ones.

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After another year, he was able to at least not cry whenever he thought about the situation. He also received a call from his mother.

He wanted to answer it, but he was scared, he was scared that she might start something and cause Leon to relapse. Raihan offered to be there during the call, having it on speaker, and the moment his mother said anything out of place he could quickly take the phone and take care of it. 

The call was… unexpectedly going well.

His mother apologized, but Leon knew deep down it was just false words to try and make herself feel better. Leon said thanks, not feeling bad for not being truthful as his mother wasn't being truthful either. 

Then it went downhill.

Leon never forgot what his mother had said before she asked if he was able to care for Hop, but the feelings always focused on when she asked the question.

“Can you take Hop? I can’t do this anymore I might just-”

“Yes!”  

He didn't need to think twice. He and Raihan talked about it one night. Raihan had suggested that he could ask his mother if they could care for Hop, but Leon never did as he felt like a helpless kid whenever he was around his mother. 

Leon didn't dare to ask “are you sure” or make sure she wasn't doing something rash again. He knew his mother had moments where she made big impulsive decisions and this one seemed to be one. 

After the phone call, he planned what to do with Raihan. They’d turn the spare room into Hop's room and they’d try to get full custody over Hop while his mother was in this state. 

Is it cruel? Taking advantage of my mother while she's in this state?

Leon would get the thought a lot, but he didn't care. His brother's life was at stake here. His brother was more important to him than his mother will ever be to him. This one thing could never compare to the amount of trauma this caused him and now his little brother. 

Raihan never seemed to think of it like that, or if he did he dismissed it as well. He never liked Leon’s mother, nor will he ever.

They ordered stuff for Hop’s new room, and even though it’d take a few days to weeks to get there, they picked Hop up the same day as the phone call. They’d have him sleep in their room for now, as Hop probably needed to have extra attention.

Due to his mother smoking and drinking and doing god knows what while she was pregnant, Hop had a lot of health issues. He knew his mother didn't care to help him with it, so whenever he’d come over, he'd spend however much he needed to get Hop the things he needed. He bought the hearing aids Hop needed when he was born, he paid for most – if not all – the medical bills his parents had, he paid for the surgeries Hop needed growing up, and he paid for so much more. He didn’t ever care about how much he spent to make sure Hop could at least have a semi-good life. 

They tried to get to Leon’s parents' house as fast as they could, not knowing how long it would take before his mother changed his mind. 

The door was unlocked and pretty much open, which scared both of them. They walked in, the house being horrifyingly silent and oddly cold. 

Leon thought of the worst thoughts, but Raihan comforted him, telling him that they don’t know for sure unless they check.

The first place Leon checked was Hops room. They were both shocked to see there was a dresser in front of the door. It didn't take too much to move it luckily since Raihan was strong. Leon hoped Hop wasn't in there but when they opened the door, they saw him standing in a crib. His mother never seemed to upgrade Hop’s stuff when he grew up, so this five almost six your old was stuck in a bed that was meant for a newborn. 

Leon remembered how bad the room smelt, he remembered the soiled diaper Hop had on for god knows how long. He felt sick, but not from the smell just from the state Hop was in. Leon tried to bathe him but ended up having a panic attack from how overwhelming it was, plus being inside the house didn't help either. Raihan cleaned him up while Leon sat outside of the bathroom, trying so hard to forget what had happened in there when he was a kid.

They tried to find clothes for him but they were all too small or smelled bad, so Raihan draped him in his hoodie, and on the drive home they’d pick him up an outfit. Leon took some of the few toys Hop had, a stuffed sheep and a chew toy that probably wasn't needed anymore, but he took it anyway just in case. He didn’t think anything else was needed, as it was either stuff for a newborn or it was broken.

Leon sat in the back with Hop while Raihan drove to a nearby store to get a temporary outfit for their new kid. He remembered holding his brother's hand and how small and cold it was. Hop was underweight and much smaller than a kid his age should be. It hurt him a lot, but he tried to think positively by telling himself he was going to get better now that he was in their care.

The care ride was mostly silent aside from when Hop would ask questions. 

“Where going?” 

Leon smiled softly at him. “We’re going home, your new home.”

He felt his chest hurt when he heard Hop's broken speech. He didn't start talking till he was four and even then it was difficult for him. Leon tried to tell his mother that Hop needed speech therapy, but of course, she didn't care. Whenever Leon was over, he tried to help Hop learn how to talk, and he was able to make some progress but not enough before his mother cut him off for that year. Something he also tried to help with was potty training Hop, as his parents never did for him. He never seemed to have enough time to succeed though, as every time he’d come back, Hop would be at square one. He never gave up though, but again, the year break didn’t help. 

“Home?” Hop pointed behind him.

“No, not that home.” Leon tried to think of how to explain this to him. “A better home.”

Hop didn't seem to understand, but he stopped asking questions. 

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The first few months of having Hop live with them were definitely new to Leon and Raihan. They never hated it though, both of them loved having the bundle of joy around. Despite how neglected Hop was in his mother's care, with some help Hop was very close to meeting the goals regular kids his age achieved. 

“I’m big now!” Hop exclaimed happily, jumping up and down with his arms in the air. 

Leon and Raihan looked back at him, they were both on their couch relaxing before Hop ran up behind them. 

“Oh yeah?” Raihan asked, turning his body to face the little boy.

Leon copied his position. “How so, Hopscotch?”

“Look, Look!” He pulled at their hands, seeming to not be able to stop giggling. The two older boys both pretended to act like Hop was super strong, causing them to fall off the couch.

“Oh wow, you are super strong, Rabbit!” Raihan said, acting like he just had the wind knocked out of him. 

Leon played along, panting. “Jeez, I think you knocked me out, Hop!” then dramatically sticking his tongue out with a ‘blah’ sound. 

“AHH!” Hop screamed and started jumping again. “No-No! Look! Pleaseeeeee!!” Hop tried to drag them by their feet, but it was hard to pretend to be dragged when you’re flat on your back.

So, they got up and giggled, making Hop giggle as well. 

“Okay, we’ll come and see.” Raihan helped Leon up before they both followed Hop.

Hop, however, wasn't too happy with how slow they were walking, so he went behind them and started pushing the back of their legs. “Fast!”

They giggled and walked faster, Hop quickly going back to his place in the front. He pushed the bathroom door open and hopped on the scale they had in there. 

“Look! I’m thirty-two!” Hop was fidgeting and stimming on the scale so much that the number kept going higher and lower.

Leon smiled and hugged Hop. “Stay still, buddy!” Leon let go and Hop stood still, looking at the number starting to steady itself. 

Once the numbers blinked 32.8 lbs, Hop got off and bounced again. “See! Big!”

Raihan and Leon smiled at how happy Hop was and that he was finally a healthy weight now. Lee picked Hop and squeezed him, feeling Hop shake his head and kick his feet as a stim. “Good job, buddy!” Lee said, kissing him on the cheek.

Raihan grabbed one of Hop’s free hands and held it up, shaking it as if he had just won something. “Such a big boy, such a big boy!” He chanted, making Hop even happier, “We’re so proud of you, Hoppip!” 

Hop squealed when Raihan hugged him from the back, causing him to be sandwiched between him and his brother. He squirmed around, but not to get free. He was happy and he just needed to stim and let it out. 

They got ice cream and McDonald's that night, per Hop’s request. 

It took almost half a year to finally get the paperwork to adopt Hop, but sadly that was enough time to make their mother change her mind about all of this. 

It was a process, but neither Raihan nor Leon cared for how long it would take.

The first step was trying to terminate their mother's rights, which they could do either by having her willingly give them up or by proving she hasn't been in the picture for a certain amount of time.

They tried the first option and it didn't work, so they just had to play the waiting game.

They waited a year but she reached out every once in a while pretending to care for Hop since she knew what they were doing. It was frustrating, but they were far from giving up. 

“Lee! Leeeeee!! Leeeeeeeeeeee!!!” Hop shook the door of their room. Leon and Raihan were talking to a lawyer over the phone about everything that was going on. 

Leon muted himself real quick, “Can you get Hop?” He unmuted before Raihan could answer. He nodded and slowly opened the door, trying not to make a sound. Hop tried to rush in, but Raihan’s leg stopped him. 

“Hey!” Hop tried to push his leg out of the way, grunting in frustration. 

“Sorry, Hop, Lee’s a bit busy right now. What can I help you with?” Raihan hated not being able to give Hop what he wanted, but with every kid, you have to say no at one point.

“Not you! I want Lee!” He pushed more against Raihan’s leg, but he didn't budge. He actually moved his leg forward, shutting the door.

Hop whined and glared up at Raihan. “I want Lee!” He repeated. 

“I know, Hop,” He kneeled down to his level, “but he’s not able to help right now, maybe in a little bit, okay?” 

Hop didn't like that answer. He started crying and tried to push Raihan out of the way. Raihan sighed and tried to calm Hop down, placing a hand on his back to soothe him. 

Wrong choice, as Hop had bit his shoulder and hit against him. “No touch!”

It didn't hurt when hop hit him, but the bite was definitely something that made him flinch. “I'm sorry.” He tried to take a deep breath as he felt himself growing more and more anxious. The whole situation was overwhelming and it didn't help now that Hop was having a tantrum. Raihan told himself that he can't take out his feelings on Hop and that Hop didn’t understand what was happening.

“We don't bite or hit though, okay? Only words.” He stood up, as being on Hop’s level was only going to cause him to get hurt.

Hop was stomping his feet now, mumbling incoherent things while he rubbed his face. He was sobbing and Raihan hated seeing him sad, but he knew the only thing right now that would calm Hop down was going to be Leon. He heard the sliding door in their room open and close, Leon probably went to the backyard since the crying and stomping were getting loud. 

Hop seemed to notice too. He started to dash to the other sliding door in the house that led to the backyard. Raihan started running after him once he realized he was going to run outside, but by the time he processed that and started running, Hop was already opening the door and running outside. 

“Lee-! Ah!” Hop squealed as Raihan picked him up from behind. He tried to walk back inside while he had an angry Hop kick and scream at the top of his lungs. 

“Hop, please don’t scream! I told you Lee’s busy, he’ll be with you in just a few seconds- Ow!” Hop bit him again, almost making him drop the kid. 

“Let go, let go, let go!” Hop sobbed. Raihan put him down gently but grabbed him up again when he ran to the sliding door.

He let out another squeal while Raihan walked to Hop's room. “Let’s try to calm down in your room, okay?”

He tried to ignore the protests and the fits hitting against his chest. He was getting overwhelmed and started to run out of ideas, so he thought trying to calm Hop down was the best idea. If that didn’t work then he didn’t know what he was going to do.

Raihan put Hop down and shut the door behind them. Hop only glared at him, sniffling as tears ran down his face. He tried to make himself look scary, and in any other situation, Raihan would have found it cute. 

“Let's take deep-”

“No!” 

Raihan blinked and cringed. 

“Hop-”

“No!” Hop stomped his foot down, crossing his arms.

Raihan was getting annoyed, but he tried to keep up with a calm attitude. “Hop, I don’t like it when you interrupt me.” he almost fumbled on his words since Hop screamed ‘No!’ at every word.

“I don’t care!” Hop fell to the floor and cried into his legs. He rubbed his feet on the carpet and shook his head. That's when Raihan finally thought that he might be overwhelmed. He felt stupid for not thinking of that till now.

So, Raihan sat there and waited until Hop seemed a bit calmer. 

“Are you overwhelmed, Hop?” Raihan asked softly, hoping it wasn't too early to ask.

Hop sniffled and shook his head. “I just want Lee! That’s it!” He choked out another sob.

Raihan took a deep breath, again, trying not to let his feelings out on Hop. “You can go to Lee when he's done with his call, okay? It’s an important call and he needs to be on the phone answering questions and stuff.”

Hop whined but didn’t do anything. He stayed with his head in his legs, trembling from how he felt. 

After about five minutes of Hop sobbing into his legs, Raihan spoke. “You wanna take some deep breaths with me?” He offered, again being cautious and quiet. 

Hop sniffled before lifting his head and nodding, looking at Raihan with glossy eyes. Then, they started taking deep breaths together. Ever since Hop was in their care, they always tried their best to teach Hop healthy coping mechanisms so he wouldn't end up hurting himself or doing something unhealthy. 

Raihan opened his arms, silently asking for a hug. “Do you feel better?”

Hop nodded and crawled over to Raihan, nesting himself against his chest. “Hold me tight, please.”

He did just that, embracing Hop and holding him tight just like he liked it. “I’m sure Lee will be done soon, I’m sorry.” 

Hop shook his head. “I’m sorry for biting and not using my words,” Hop said, genuine pain in his voice.

“Thank you, I appreciate the apology.” Raihan ran his hand through Hop’s hair, feeling him go almost slack against him. 

“Can you help me?” Hop asked, fiddling with Raihan's shirt.

Raihan nodded. “Of course, what do you need?” 

He felt Hop slide himself out of the hug, standing up and shuffling to his bed. Raihan got up as well and walked behind him, slightly confused when the boy was playing with his hands and nervously looking up at him and then back down to his bed. 

“Don’t laugh…” Hop muttered. 

Raihan reassured him, “I won't!” 

Hop still stood there, looking embarrassed. “I feel… not happy” He groaned and rubbed his feet on the carpet. 

“Are you embarrassed?” Raihan guessed, being grateful he's able to read him.

“Yeah,” Hop whined. Before Raihan could answer, Hop pulled back his blanket, showing a wet spot on the sheets. 

“Oh,” Raihan said, placing a hand in Hop’s hair, “Do you need help changing your sheets?” 

Hop only nodded as he started to nibble on his thumb. 

“You don’t need to be embarrassed, Rabbit!” Raihan tried to cheer the boy up, but it didn't seem to help.

“Lee always helps me…” He said. That explained why he was only wanting Leon earlier. It was true, the first time it happened Leon was the one to help and every time after that Hop only wanted Leon, so it made sense.

“Well, can I help you this time?” 

Hop nodded.

He proceeded to help Hop change the sheets on his bed, cleaning the mattress underneath and having Hop choose out what new sheets he wanted. He made sure the texture was approved by Hop before putting the sheets on his bed. He also took the blanket sheet off his comforter to wash it, just in case. 

“All done!” Raihan exclaimed, “Do you need help with anything else?” 

Hop nodded, nibbling on his thumb again. “Lee makes me a bubble bath.”

“Do you want me to make you a bubble bath?” 

“Yes please,” Hop smiled and reached out to grab Raihan's hand.

Raihan walked to the bathroom, keeping the door open. He started the shower to get all the small debris out of the bathtub before putting the bath back on. “Tell me if it's too hot or cold.” He said as he adjusted the temperature. After a bit of tweaking, they found a good temperature.

“What bubbles do you want?” 

Hop looked at all the bottles that surrounded the bathtub rim. “Uh… Lee uses a blue one.” 

There weren't any blue bottles in the bathroom. 

“Ah, well, uh…” Raihan thought, trying to think of what Leon might have used. After some thinking – and after Hop made it obvious that he was getting impatient – he thought of a new idea. “How about I make you a different kind of bubble bath?”

Hop scrunched his face in confusion. “What does that mean?”

“I can make you a one-of-a-kind Raihan bath! It’s extra special since it's made by me!” He put a hand on his chest and put on a big smile.

It made Hop giggle, which is what he was trying to achieve. “Okay!”

“Cool!” Raihan started to walk out, “I’ll be right back, I gotta get the stuff from our bathroom.” He saw Hop nod before he left.

He had bought some bath bombs a while ago with Hop in his mind. They were for sensitive skin or at least claimed to be. He hoped they were because the last thing he wanted was for Hop's skin to get irritated after hyping up his super awesome amazing bath. It cost more than the average bath bomb so he was hoping since the price was higher it actually meant it was made with quality materials. There were three, each being a different color. He brought all three of them back to Hop’s bathroom.

“Which color do you want?” He held them out in front of Hop.

The boy hummed as he thought. “This one?” He pointed to the red and yellow one.

“Here,” he pushed them so that Hop's hand was on the one he chose, “Put it in the bath and see what happens!”

Hop took the bath bomb and hovered it over the bath, looking back at Raihan. He nodded, which made him drop it in the bath. 

“Ah!” Hop squealed as he watched it start to fizzle and make the bath water a different color. “It’s orange! It’s like orange juice”

“Mhm, I guess it is like orange juice!” Raihan couldn’t help but giggle at his excitement.

After the bath got full and the bomb finally disintegrated, Raihan left to let Hop enjoy his bath. He let out a long sigh after closing the door before yelping when he saw a certain purple-haired man staring up at him.

“What was that about?” Leon asked, putting his phone in his pocket.

“What was what about?” 

“Hop needing me?” Leon tilted his head.

“Oh!” Raihan chuckled nervously, “He wet the bed, and since I’ve never helped him with it before he was embarrassed to tell me and ask me for help.”

Leon nodded and let out a sound as he looked at his lover's shoulder. “Did he bite you?” He pointed to the bite mark on his shoulder. 

“Uh, yeah… A few times,” Raihan cringed thinking about it again. 

“A few times?”

“Well, it wasn't his fault. I didn’t realize he was overwhelmed till much later and I kept picking him up so I’m sure he didn't know how to react. I told him once he calmed down that we use our words and we don't bite and he apologized.” Raihan moved his shirt to try and stop Leon from touching the mark.

Leon took the hint and put his hands on Raihan’s arms instead. “You okay?” 

Raihan nodded, “Oh yeah, I'm fine. We took deep breaths together ‘cuz, uh, I was getting overwhelmed too…” He normally didn’t have a problem with telling Leon when he was overwhelmed, but whenever it happens in situations where he's parenting Hop, he gets embarrassed. 

“I meant about the bites,” Leon said lightheartedly, “but that's good that you recognized you needed to calm down too.” 

“Oh.” was all Raihan said. He looked away, more embarrassed now.

“It’s okay, Rai! Parenting is never easy, it's okay to get overwhelmed or mad or annoyed,” Leon could tell that he was getting embarrassed, so he stood on his tip toes and kissed his cheek. “Don’t be embarrassed, love.” 

“Well, you calling me love is gonna just make me flustered.” He mumbled out, pouting playfully.

Leon snorted, making the other man giggle. 

After what felt like forever – and not hearing from his mother in a while – they got some news.

His mother went missing. 

Now, when he begged every night that she’d just leave them alone, this isn't what he meant. Even though his mother was known for making impulsive decisions, her going missing for a few days still seemed out of the ordinary. 

They waited it out, as they thought maybe she was having an episode and just didn't tell anyone where she was going. Though, after two weeks then three weeks, and now a month has gone by, Leon started to get worried. He scolded himself for getting worried, but it never seemed to make him less anxious.

Even if Raihan was there to comfort him,

“Rai, I-I don't understand why I’m so fucking upset about this- I-” He cut himself off with a sob.

“It’s okay to be upset, love. It's okay, I promise.” His boyfriend was holding him close, rubbing his hand through his hair and gently rubbing his scalp.

“But-! S-She-!” He didn't know what he was trying to say. “She hurt me… S-She hurt Hop-! Why am I upset…?” He held Raihan tight, trying to stop himself from taking his emotions out on himself.

Raihan held Leon tighter as well. “Shh… let it out, hun.”

He never seemed to ever feel better.

It wasn't much longer till his mother was announced dead.

Leon didn't know how to feel. He wanted to cry but at the same time, he was almost relieved. He didn't process it at first, but Raihan was there for him through all of it. He was there when Leon processed it; when he was upset, angry, overwhelmed and confused about it. 

On the same day, his father was also announced dead. Turns out he killed her and hid her body, almost getting away with it until they dug into the case more. When they suspected him, he took his own life. 

So selfish of him.

Leon never seemed to be as upset by that as he barely knew his father. He never grew up with him, aside from the few visits he’d make. He only knew him from raising Hop, really. He was quite glad he was dead actually, as he just caused everyone more pain. He was just an alcoholic jerk while his mother was someone who never healed from her trauma. His mother could’ve been helped but he couldn't have been. 

Even though they never kept his mother and father a secret from Hop, they decided it was best to tell him later, maybe when he was older. He was doing well with his progress and they didn’t want to interfere with it. Maybe it wasn't the best decision since they’re technically lying to him, but they thought this lie was the best decision at the moment.

It was rather easy to adopt Hop after all that. Leon tried to think that maybe this was the only way this would’ve happened to make himself feel better, but most of the time it just made him feel worse. 

They were happy now, though.

“Oh, Hoppip!” Leon called, “We neeeeeeed youuuuuuuuuu!”

Hop opened his door and rushed down the stairs, excited to see what his guardians needed from him. 

“I’m here! Are you recording?” Hop asked, seeing Raihan hold his phone.

“Can I? I just wanna see your reaction.” Raihan asked. He always asked and Hop appreciated it. 

“Reaction to what?” He asked. 

“You’ll see.”

Hop shrugged and walked over to them, “What do you guys need?”

Leon and Raihan looked at each other with huge smiles on their faces before handing Hop a paper. 

“A paper?” Hop asked, tilting his head just like Leon would.

“Read it!” Raihan said, trying his best to contain his excitement until Hop understood.

Hop looked down and skimmed over it, reading the words out loud to himself. “This is confusing… So many words, can you guys just tell me?”

“Read the top of the paper, buddy,” Leon said.

“Certificate of adoption…?” He looked a bit more confused before he read it to himself again. He gasped and looked up at them. “You guys were able to adopt me?!”

Raihan stopped recording and almost threw his phone on the counter from how happy he was. He picked Hop up and spun him around. “Mhm!” He couldn't contain his excitement anymore.

“Hey! Let me hug him too!” Leon complained, giggling at both of their ecstasies. 

Raihan stopped spinning around so they could sandwich Hop. They all giggled and stimmed together for a few moments before they put Hop down. 

“We need to celebrate!” Leon said, “Where do you wanna have breakfast, Hop? We’re gonna make this day all about you!”

Hop started bouncing with his arms in the air, “IHop! I want smiley pancakes!”

“Go get ready then, we’ll leave when we’re all dressed,” Raihan said, he couldn't help but ruffle Hop's hair.

“Yayayayayayayayaya!” Hop squealed all the way to his room. They could even hear him with his door shut.

Raihan looked at Leon before engulfing him in a big hug, nesting his face in the man’s hair. Leon hugged him back, squeezing him and bouncing on his tiptoes. Raihan picked Leon up, making him yelp and wrap his legs around his hips. 

“I love you so much,” Raihan said softly, rubbing his cheek against Leon’s like a cat. 

Leon snorted, thinking it was adorable. “I love you too,” He grabbed Raihan's face and moved it so they could kiss.

“Ew!” 

They looked over and saw Hop cringing. They chuckled and decided to kiss more just to make him have a bigger reaction.

He was covering his eyes and shaking his head. “Guys! We have pancakes to eat so please stop making out!”

“I guess… Since you asked so nicely,” Raihan put his lover down, pretending to sound upset. 

Hop let out a loud, overdramatic sigh of relief while Leon and Raihan only smiled. 

They could finally call Hop their own.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Hop was ten now, he was still shorter than the average ten-year-old, but that was something they couldn’t help. 

He’s improved a lot since they found him stuck and malnourished in the crib all those years ago. They were proud of him, and they always tried to let him know.

“Good morning, Hopscotch!” Raihan called out, picking the boy up and spinning him around. The squeals and kicking of joy made Leon smile as he was making breakfast. He was making Hop’s favorite, strawberry pancakes with eggs.

“Morning, Raihan!” Hop giggled back, holding onto him tight. “How’d you sleep?”

“Absolutely amazing! What about you?” Raihan set him down, moving out of the kitchen to give Leon his space to cook. 

Hop shrugged. “Meh, it was okay. I had a weird dream.”

Raihan sat at the island, Hop following along. “Oh yeah, what about?”

“I don’t remember, it was that weird.”

They both giggled, which made Leon giggle to himself. 

“What’re you making, Lee? It smells so yummy!” Hop bounced in his seat.

“Your favorite,” He put a pancake and some eggs on a plate before putting it in front of Hop. “Straw-”

“STRAWBERRY PANCAKES AND EGGS!” Hop screamed, accidentally interrupting Leon. He stood on the chair with his hands clutching the edge of the island. Raihan had to push the chair back down because Hop was about to fall off of it.

“Careful,” Raihan said, but he doubted Hop heard him through his excitement. Leon put the rest of the pancakes and eggs on two plates for him and Raihan. 

He sat down next to Hop and rubbed his back. “Eat up, but please don't scarf down your food.”

Hop only nodded, starting to cut into his pancake. “Why’d you make my favorite?”

“Am I not allowed to make food that you like?” Leon teased, starting to eat his own food.

“I didn't say that!” Hop stuffed his mouth with the piece of pancake he cut, “But usually you don't make breakfast unless something special happens.”

“Well, we’re just really proud of you,” Leon said, moving his hand from his back to his hair.

Hop swallowed and looked up at him, confused. “For what?”

Raihan answered this time, “You’re doing amazing in school and speech! You’ve gotten so strong and we can tell that you’re pushing yourself to do better every day and we just wanna let you know that we’re proud!” 

Hop started cutting his food slower now. “I mean… I’m doing fine in school. I’m still behind my classmates.”

Leon and Raihan could feel the mood shift. 

“That’s okay, you’re still improving from last year!” Leon said, trying to cheer him up.

“Not really…” Hop mumbled, now just poking his food with his fork.

“What makes you think that?” Raihan asked.

Hop sighed and looked down. “The kids at school always laugh at me whenever I ask questions in class… And sometimes my teacher is mean too. She says that sometimes my questions are dumb since we already learned about it or that the answer was obvious.” 

Raihan and Leon looked at each other, this was the first time they were hearing about this.

“And the kids at school say my face looks stupid and deformed and they laugh at me when I trip and say that I look like a baby trying to learn how to walk… Sometimes they make fun of me because I can’t hear that well and they always try to take my hearing aids out and sometimes it hurts.”

“Hop-” Leon tried to say.

“And I try to tell them that it’s not my fault my-” He paused, “my mum drank when I was in her tummy… But they say mean things and it hurts my feelings.” He started crying, dropping his utensils and sobbing into his hands.

He felt two bodies press against him, making him feel slightly better. They held Hop as close as they could, softly comforting him and telling him that what the kids said wasn't true. 

They’ve worried about Hop getting bullied when they put him in school, but every time they ask him how school was going he would always tell them positive things. They always worried since Hop had Fetal alcohol syndrome which caused both physical and mental disabilities. They thought that they got lucky with the school they put him in, but turns out that wasn't the case. 

“Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Raihan asked. Leon could tell by his tone that he was trying not to cry.

Hop sniffled and coughed. “You guys always worry about me a-and I feel bad- Y-You guys weren't supposed to take care of me, my-”

“Shh, don’t say that Hop,” Leon said, already knowing what Hop was going to say. 

Raihan kissed him on the cheek. “Don’t ever feel bad, Hop. We want what's best for you. We never want to see you hurt, we’d rather know if you’re hurt so we can put a stop to it because no one has the right to make you upset. Your feelings matter too, Hop. Don’t worry about us, okay? It doesn’t matter if we originally weren't supposed to care for you. What matters is that you’re safe with us and that you’re okay.”

Hop coughed some more, trying to desperately dry his eyes. “I’m sorry,” He wept.

Leon hushed Hop, “Don’t apologize, love bug. Just know from now on that you can always come to us, okay? Never ever feel scared that you’ll bother or annoy us. As Raihan said, we want what's best for you. Seeing you hurt will only make us hurt too.” He went back to rubbing his back.

They stayed close together for what felt like ages to Hop. He didn’t mind one bit, however, he loved how warm he felt and how comforting this was. 

“Do you feel any better?” Raihan asked, giving him another kiss on his cheek.

Hop nodded and squirmed a bit. They let go of Hop, but each kept a hand on his back and hair. “Can I go to another school? I hate that school and I hate everyone there.” He blurted out, crossing his arms and kicking his legs.

“Rai and I were actually going to ask if you’d be interested in being homeschooled. We were gonna ask when the school year ended but I think we can start that now if you’d like.” Leon said.

Hop gasped and nodded, “I can do school in my room? In my jammies?!” He flapped his arms, head tilting like a puppy.

“If that’s what you’d like, Rabbit!” Raihan said, ruffling his hair. 

Homeschooling went better than they thought. They told Hop some expectations like how he can be playing around while doing school work and that he needed to pay attention to his online classes. They expected him to have some bumps in the road here and there, especially since it's new and a big transition, but they only had a few problems. Hop got accustomed to the new schooling style and actually thrived in it. 

Leon and Raihan were more than happy that Hop was able to find something that fit his needs.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

For Hop’s eleventh birthday, they decided to get him something he's wanted for a while now.

“Pleaaassssseeeeeee tell me where we’re going! I can't take it anymore!” Hop whined.

He was in the back seat of the car. Leon and Raihan practically had to force him in the car since he was refusing to get in till he knew. But Raihan was much stronger than him, plus, Hop was a little curious. 

“You’ll see when we get there, bud! Just past this light.” Raihan said, turning when the light turned green.

Hop’s face was glued to the window, trying to find a hint of where the heck they were taking him. However, he became more confused when they pulled into a parking lot of a big building.

“Are you guys taking me to Lee's boring work!” Hop whined.

“What? No? You didn’t see the sign?” Leon said, giggling.

Hop shook his head and felt his stomach drop as the car turned off. He really thought this was some boring building that makes people do adult things.

“Don’t be scared, I promise you’ll like it,” Raihan said, unbuckling Hop and giving him his noise-canceling headphones. “It might be a bit loud in there, so wear these.”

Hop only nodded and hopped out of the car, putting the headphones on. He held Leon and Raihan's hands while they guided him to the front of the building. Hop saw a fenced-off area with a fake grass mat and a few toys scattered around. 

Maybe they’re taking him to daycare and leaving him there forever.

Before Hop could ask, they were already at the front desk talking to a lady. He didn’t really hear what they said because of the headphones, but also because he was focused on the smell. It smelt clean but like animals. 

“You ready, Hop?” Leon asked, pulling his hand slightly.

He nodded and let Leon guide him to wherever he was taking him. Raihan was behind him and every time he looked back, he saw a big smile on his face. 

Then they entered a room full of cages. Hop was initially confused, but once he heard numerous dogs bark, he lit up.

“Are we getting a doggie?!” Hop almost screamed. 

“Shh, inside voice,” Leon reminded him, “and yes, we’re getting a dog! You’ve said you wanted one for a while now, and you’ve been doing amazing in school and everything else!”

Hop started jumping and flapping his arms. He’s always begged the two for a dog ever since he saw Bluey – which was when he was nine. 

The lady there with them seemed to giggle at Hop’s enthusiasm. 

“What doggie are we getting?!” Hop asked, still stimming like crazy.

“That’s for you to decide, Hopscotch!” Raihan said.

Hop covered his mouth, trying so hard not to squeal from how excited he was. 

Once he was done stimming, he took the lead and started wandering down the walls of kennels. Each dog he saw was so cute, and he couldn’t help but say ‘they’re so adorable!’ to every single dog he passed by. 

But a certain dog piqued his interest.

“It’s Bingo!” Hop almost screamed again, pointing to a Red Nosed Pitbull.

“Shh, Hop! Remember, inside voices.” Leon reminded him again.

“It’s Bingo, it’s Bingo, It’s Bingo, it’s Bingo, It’s Bingo!” Hop couldn’t seem to stop repeating himself.

“I guess it does kind of look like Bingo,” Raihan said.

Leon and the lady both seemed confused. 

“Who’s Bingo?” Leon asked.

“From Bluey!” Both Hop and Raihan answered.

It made Leon giggle, “I love how you responded almost instantly, Rai.”

He huffed, “Well, Hop and I are just pretty big fans!” 

Hop giggled and nodded, “Yeah! Yeah!” He went close to the kennel, looking at the very excited dog inside. “Can we pleaaaasssssseeeeeee get Bingo?! Pleaaaaaaasssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeee!??!?!” He begged.

“Can we hang out with this dog?” Leon asked the lady.

The lady nodded. “Of course! She’s been here for a while and we’ve always called her Shortcake, but I think her name is Bingo now,” She said cheerfully. 

Raihan picked up Hop as the lady put a leash on the dog, walking them to a smaller room. Once she let go of the leash, Hop almost threw himself out of Raihan's arms to go to the dog. He let Hop down, watching his run to the dog and hug her.

“He seems to really like her,” Leon commented. 

Raihan nodded, “Yeah,”

They watched as the dog and Hop played together. They watched as Hop’s face got covered in dog spit from the constant licking and the sound of the dog's nails tapping against the floor whenever Hop threw a toy for her.

“I think we’ll adopt her,” Leon said, looking at the lady and then back at Hop and – now – Bingo.

They didn’t know how much Hop’s new present would impact him throughout the years.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Being a teenager is scary to Hop. So much happening in his brain and his body going through puberty. So many new feelings that he’s never felt before. 

And now a newfound curiosity he didn't have before.

For some reason, when Hop was thirteen, he got incredibly curious about his mother and father. He never asked Leon nor Raihan for answers to the questions he had, as he didn’t feel it was appropriate. He thought it’d be almost disrespectful. They saved him from them. How would it sound if he just started asking millions of questions about the people who betrayed him? Besides, Hop knew that his brother Lee had PTSD from his mother, and he didn’t want to see Lee cry. 

He made sure to set himself the rule of never asking Lee about it, as it would just be mean.

So, he decided to do as much research as he could on his own. When Raihan and Lee would go on dates, leaving Hop home alone, he scavenged through their room to see if he could find anything . 

He’s found a few things this way. 

First, he found a few journals that seemed to be written by Lee. Hop only skimmed through them, as he got overwhelmed by the paragraphs written in there, but most of it seemed to be Lee venting about their mother. 

Second, he found an old picture of what looked like a younger Lee and their mother. Hop barely remembered what his mum looked like, as he was young when he came here, but he still remembers her somewhat. 

Lastly, he found Lee’s old phone. It was dead, but after finding the right charger for it, Hop plugged it in and waited. When it turned on, he found several photos of text logs between him and their mother. 

Hop wished he didn’t see that. He wished he didn’t snoop that far. His whole body felt tingly and numb when he read the things his mum said about him to Lee. Sometimes it makes him wonder how Lee survived eighteen years there, plus the countless years after that when he was born. 

Even if he felt like he invaded too much into this, the same question still remained in his head.

Why did she let them adopt me?

It sounded stupid to Hop when he said it out loud, but it was a question he still wanted an answer to. With all that he's seen and heard from Lee, it doesn't make sense to him why all of a sudden his parents decided to let them adopt him.

It got overwhelming at one point, causing Hop to break his one and only rule.

Hop walked into Lee’s room, as the door was open. 

“Lee?” 

Lee looked up from his phone, smiling when he saw Hop. “What’s up, love bug?”

When Hop saw that Raihan wasn't in the room, he felt a bit more relieved. “Can I talk to you about something…?” It felt weird coming off his tongue.

He put his phone down and sat up. “Yeah, of course! You wanna sit?” He patted the bed in front of him.

Hop nodded and closed the door, taking the space offered to him.

Lee couldn’t help but get anxious when he saw Hop like this. It wasn't often he wanted to have talks, but as Hop grew up, he tried to prepare himself for moments like these. 

“Is something wrong?” Lee asked, he could tell Hop was nervous. 

“Uhm… No? I don't think so… I just-” He paused and sighed, “You said you would answer any questions I had about… mum and dad, right?” He winced, he didn’t like saying their names.

Lee’s face changed, seeing where this conversation might go. “Yeah.”

“Uh, w-well…” Hop looked down and fidgeted with his hands, “C-Can I ask some questions and can you promise you won't get upset at me?” He rushed out.

“I won’t get upset, Hop.” He leaned down to kiss him on the forehead, “I promise. Ask whatever you want.”

Hop nodded and took a deep breath. 

“Why… W-Why did mum let you guys adopt me…?” He asked, quickly realizing that might have sounded rude, “N-Not like that! I-I mean I’m happy you guys a-adopted me, I-I’m just curious! ‘C-Cuz you said s-she was really stubborn and- and-” Hop stopped talking when he couldn't think of anything else to say.

“Shh, Hop,” Lee wrapped his arms around Hop and pulled him close to him. Hop leaned into him, trying his very best not to cry. “Don’t feel bad for wanting to know. You don’t need to explain yourself.”

Hop nodded and let out a small whimper. “S-So…?”

Lee sighed, the saddest one Hop’s ever heard in his life.

“We didn’t want to tell you till you asked, w-we didn’t know if it was the right time to tell you when it happened-” 

Lee stuttered. It made Hop shiver and the pain in his chest grow.

“Mum died… Which made it easier for us to adopt you since… well…” Lee hoped Hop knew what he was implying.

“Oh.” 

Hop didn’t expect that, but it made sense. After what he saw his mum say about him in the text logs, he couldn’t think of any other way she would’ve allowed this. They stayed close together for what felt like forever. Just embracing each other. 

“What about dad…?” Hop asked quietly, “Is he dead too?”

Leon only nodded; he felt like his throat closed up on him. 

Hop sniffled. He didn’t want to cry. Why was he about to cry? He's not upset about them being dead… right? 

“How…?” Hop asked weakly.

Lee hesitated. He thought of how to say this in his head numerous times but the moment it happens it seems to disappear.

“Dad killed mum, then when they got suspicious of dad he killed himself.”

Hop flinted and looked up at his brother, eyes wide. “Dad killed mum?!” 

“Hop-” He let out a shaky breath, “I-I don’t know the details- I really don’t. I-I wasn’t told much, nor did I really want to know. I’m really sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I-I was scared of this happening-”

“I-It’s fine, Lee,” Hop said, resting his head against him. “I just didn’t expect that… Even if dad was a jerk… I just didn’t think he…”

“I was shocked too,” Lee assured him. 

As some silent hugging went by, Hop’s mind was full of so many questions on why . Why was he so shocked? Why did he kill her? Why were they so mean to him? 

Why did they have me?

“Hop?” Lee asked softly, noticing how tight Hop started to hold him. 

He tried and tried and tried oh so hard to hold his tears back.

“W-Why am I upset, Lee…?” 

His voice broke and that was the last thing holding Hop together. He unraveled and became a sobbing mess on his older brother's chest.

“Oh, Hop…” 

Lee sniffled as well, which scared Hop. If his brother started crying he didn’t know what he’d do. 

“I’ve asked myself that same question so many times.” He confessed, resting his head on his little brother while comforting him.

“What’s the answer?” Hop managed to whimper out.

Lee almost smiled at how innocent Hop was.

“I still have no idea,”

Again, moments that felt like an eternity passed, and Hop barely calmed down. He was just grateful Lee wasn't crying.

“Lee…?”

“Yes, Hop?” He answered, listing his head of his brother.

“Lee, was I… did mum want me?”

Leon looked down at his little brother, having a sorrowful look on his face. 

It was a matter of time till the question popped up.

“In all honesty, Hop, I don’t know. But it doesn’t matter, okay? You obviously were meant to be here if you’re here right now. It shouldn’t matter whether you were planned or not.” Lee said without thinking. He never wanted Hop to feel like he wasn't supposed to be here. It broke his heart to even think of it.

Hop sobbed more, all that time to calm down went to waste. “I-I’m sorry, L-Lee… I-I just-!” He couldn't finish his words. He couldn’t stop crying and coughing.

Lee hated seeing his brother hurt like this. He was trying his best not to cry with his brother, knowing it would only scare Hop.

But seeing him break down and ask if he was wanted broke him.

He let out a shaky sigh as he felt warm tears run down his face. He rested his head on his brother again, trying to both comfort him and himself.

“L-Lee…? Are you crying…?” Hop asked, trying to move to see his brother's face.

“Shh, don’t worry about it. I’m not upset at you, I’m just upset that they hurt you. I'm upset that I couldn’t be there for you sooner. I’m upset that it took so long to tell you. I-I’m-”

“Please, Lee…” He choked out, “please… d-don’t say that… You were there for me, you were there as much as you could.”

Both brothers sobbed onto each other for a while. They didn’t keep track of time, nor did they care. Right now they just need each other. Only they shared the same pain. Only they knew how hard it was and how painful it was. Only them.

“I-I remember when mum gave me i-ice cream for the first time…” Hop said randomly, chuckling sadly. 

“Yeah?” Lee sighed out, a bittersweet smile on his face. “Tell me more…”

Hop sobbed some more before continuing, “I-I don’t remember well, b-but I just remember we were outside a-and she gave me a cup full of ice cream a-and… and d-dad was there too… a-and they were getting along…” He stopped there, the last part hurting him. It was the only time he remembered seeing them be happy with each other.

“I remember when mum scratched my back for the first time,” Lee said softly, “we were watching a show together, and I was laying on her and I remember how calming her heartbeat sounded and how nice her nails felt against my back…” 

“T-That sounds so nice,” Hop commented, smiling but still crying. 

Even if they both hated their parents, the good moments still had them holding on. 

“W-Why do I miss them, Lee…?” Hop gasped out, trying to steady his breaths from sobbing. “They were so mean . T-They hurt us…!”

“I don’t know why, Hop. I haven't found the answer to that yet either…” Lee wished he could tell hop exactly why he was feeling this way, but Leon never found the answer out for himself even with the years of therapy.

Hop clutched the back of Lee’s shirt and rubbed his face against him. “I-I hate them so so much… B-But I’m still sad…? I hate this!”

“I know, Hop, I know… I hate this too… I really do…” He couldn’t help but cry again. 

If anyone understood Hop’s frustration the most it was him. No one would be able to understand how confusing and frustrating it was other than him. He was forever grateful he was able to help Hop not live a life like he did, but almost every day he wishes he saved him sooner. 

They stayed close together – not seeming to be able to let each other go – for another hundred years and counting. They only needed each other right now.

“I love you, Lee,” Hop managed to say without stuttering. He was mostly calm now, with the occasional hiccup and sniffle.

“I love you too, Hop. More than anything in this entire world.” Lee said, squeezing him hard.

Hop giggled, wiping his eyes and sitting up so he could look Lee in the face. “That’s not true.”

“Excuse me?” Lee said, chuckling in hopes that he was kidding.

“You love me more than Raihan?” Hop raised his brows, smiling knowingly. 

Lee snorted, “Don’t tell him,” 

Hop gasped and instantly got up, “I'm telling him right now!” He ran to the door and opened it, “RAIHANNNNNNNN!!!”

“Hop!” Lee laughed and ran after him. 

It was appalling that they were sobbing just two seconds ago and are now chasing each other across the house, but at least Hop knew the truth and hopefully won't be scared to talk to him in the future about their shared pain.

He was glad Hop felt safe enough with him to let it out.

He was glad he didn't end up like his mother and he was glad he was able to successfully protect his brother as he was meant to do.