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'Jihoon, he woke up! My son woke up!'
Eight words.
Eight words that repeatedly rang in Jihoon's ears. The words he heard over the phone call were enough to lead him into a frenzy.
Jihoon, in his pajamas, immediately grabbed his keys and sped to the hospital. He couldn't care less about his appearance. All he knew is he wanted— no, he needed to see him.
"Slow down! I'm sure he can wait to see you," his friend, Junkyu, who's sitting in the passenger seat, assured him.
'No. I need to see him now.'
Junkyu could only look at the guy with worry.
The rest of the drive went by silently, no more words were uttered. The car radio trying to drown the deafening silence Jihoon and Junkyu planted since they entered the car.
As soon as they arrived in the hospital parking lot, Jihoon wasted no time. The man quickly got out of his car and asked his companion to park it, to which Junkyu readily complied.
"Go. Don't worry," The latter reassured the former, "I'll take care of it."
Junkyu looked at Jihoon's figure slowly disappearing from his sight and proceeded to park the car, an indecipherable expression masking his face.
Inside the hospital, an anxious Jihoon impatiently waited for the elevator. Upon seeing the machine take its time, Jihoon couldn't wait any longer and rushed to the nearest emergency stairs. He ran up seven flights of stairs just to see the man he longed for.
He couldn't even feel the exhaustion anymore, only a single thought cycled his mind.
'I want to see him.'
His steps mindlessly brought him in front of a room. A room he's so familiar with as he used to spend days at a time tending the room's occupant. The nervous man opened the door and saw a middle-aged woman smiling from ear–to–ear.
"Jihoon! You're here!" Hyunsuk's mom welcomed him. "He's waiting for you."
Jihoon, who was still standing by the door, was hesitant to enter.
'What should I say? Will he be happy to see me? Does he even want to see me?'
Countless thoughts ran through his mind before he finally gained the courage to step inside.
"I'll leave you two, alone, to talk," Hyunsuk's mom pats Jihoon's back before exiting the room.
Jihoon's eyes got teary almost immediately after seeing the man he wished to see awake for years.
"Hi, bub! I missed you," the frail man said, a weak smile plastered his face. "Why are you still standing there? Come closer."
Jihoon tried hard to keep his composure but, eventually, burst into tears when he heard the man speak.
Three years.
Three years since he last heard Hyunsuk's voice. Three years since he last saw the smaller man's smile. Three years since he last felt Hyunsuk's arms around him. Three long years since he started praying for the man he loved to open his eyes again.
Jihoon abided by the former's wishes and went closer, keeping some distance between them. He cried his heart out. Words couldn't explain the vast emotions he was feeling at that moment. He gently held Hyunsuk's hands and caressed it softly.
"I missed you more than you know it," The taller man started, "but—"
He couldn't bring himself to continue. The guilt was eating him up. He knew he had to say something, but his words wouldn't come out.
"But what, bub?" anticipation was evident in the weak man's face.
Seeing that look, Jihoon's guilt doubled. He wept harder, wailing even.
"You don't have to tell me now," stated Hyunsuk. "Tell me when you're ready."
"Thank you…"
Both their attention were stolen when the door swung open. Junkyu entered the room and ran to engulf Hyunsuk in a hug.
"Are you okay now? What did the doctor say? When are you getting discharged?"
"Woah, slow down." Hyunsuk chuckled at his friend's continuous questioning. "I'm fine but the doctor ordered me to stay for a few days to gain some energy."
"That's a relief." Junkyu exclaimed.
Junkyu glanced at Jihoon who was only staring at Hyunsuk. A dejected smile flashed from Junkyu's lips.
Of course, Hyunsuk's sharp eyes didn't let that expression go unnoticed. In fact, he knew what it meant. He also knew what Jihoon hesitated to say a few moments ago…
He knew because he was listening.
"I'm sleepy," The frail man apologetically added. "I'm sorry, but can we continue our conversation tomorrow?"
"Sure!" replied Junkyu. "We can come back tomorrow morning. For now, just focus on resting."
Up until the very last step out of the hospital, Jihoon was unable to say another word.
"I supposed you didn't tell him yet, am I right?" Junkyu faced Jihoon.
Jihoon only nodded as his tears were starting to fall once again. The friend comforted him with a hug until the former could calm down.
"It's alright. We can try again tomorrow," Junkyu consoled, "together this time."
—
The next day, as they promised, Jihoon and Junkyu came back to the hospital. Together, they entered Hyunsuk's room and placed the fruit basket they brought to the table. The two exchanged greetings with Hyunsuk's mom who was getting ready to leave to take care of some hospital papers.
"Hi, we brought your favorite fruits for you!" Junkyu grinned.
"Thank you, I'll be sure to enjoy them!"
Hyunsuk was grateful for the gift the two gave him. He was also able to excitedly greet his friends after gaining much energy after the long night's sleep.
However, nothing can match the uneasy tension in the room. Behind their smiles lies a secret to unveil.
Junkyu nodded towards Jihoon to give him a sign. A sign to unravel what they started. To confess what they did against the man sitting in the hospital bed.
"Suk," Jihoon started, tears already flowing down his face, "We have something to tell you."
Hyunsuk's smile vanished. He knew where this was going. He wanted to run, to go away, to escape. But no, he knew they would have to talk about it someday. He just didn't know that someday would be today.
He took a deep breath and looked at the taller man.
"Jihoon, you don't have to tell me. I know," Hyunsuk tearfully confessed. "My eyes may have been closed but I was listening."
Just like that, Jihoon felt his whole world collapse. He was weeping. He kneeled next to the bed and pleaded.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I stopped visiting. I'm sorry for disappearing so suddenly. I'm sorry for breaking my promises. I know I promised you forever but I gave up too soon. I'm sorry for failing to accomplish my promise to spend the rest of my life with you. I'm sorry I gave up waiting. I'm sorry for falling in love again."
"Junkyu and I, we—" Jihoon paused, "we spent a lot of time together, talking about our memories with you. We bonded over our shared pain of missing you. And before I— no, before we knew it, we found comfort in each other. I'm sorry. I know I'm wrong for finding home in somebody else. I know I did you wrong. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please forgive us. No, you don't have to forgive me. Please just forgive, Kyu. Please forgive—"
"Ji, you don't have to apologize." Hyunsuk interrupted. "I'm actually glad you found someone else to give you the love you deserved that I couldn't give while I laid on this bed. I'm glad you found comfort in one another."
Jihoon's heart broke hearing his ex-fiancé’s words. “I’m so sorry, Suk,” It was the only thing he could mutter.
“I already accepted your apology the first time you said it, bub. That day you came to give my mom your wedding invitations, you apologized to her. You sat next to my bed and poured out your emotions, your apologies for failing to protect our promise of spending our lives together. I heard all of it, Ji. I wanted to get up and hug you so badly, tell you it's okay and that I will always forgive you, but my body wouldn’t allow me to. All I could do was listen.”
That was also the last time Hyunsuk heard Jihoon’s voice.
"And, Junkyu, I hope you know I forgive you too. After you two revealed you were dating, you never missed a day to tell me you were sorry. I'm thankful you still made time to come alone late at night, even if you were busy the whole day, just to tell me you're sorry. Even after your marriage, you still came here to apologize. I listened to you, Kyu. The whole time, I listened to your apologies. I hope you know that I never and will never blame you for falling in love."
Hyunsuk looked at Jihoon’s husband who was silenty sobbing in the corner. He gestured the man to come closer. Junkyu stood next to Jihoon and looked at Hyunsuk, guilt running through his face.
“Please don’t look at me that way, you guys look at me like a second nose is growing out of my forehead,” Hyunsuk tried to lighten the mood.
“But seriously, I want to thank you, Kyu, for accepting Jihoon. Thank you for teaching him to love again, for helping him mend the pieces of his broken heart,” Hyunsuk smiled. “Thank you for loving the man I love most.”
The couple listened to Hyunsuk’s words, hearts somehow finding peace with every sentence that the smaller expressed.
“You know, I would be lying if I say I wasn’t hurt when I heard you both tell me you started dating. My fiancé dating my best friend. To be honest, I felt betrayed. I mean, who wouldn’t be right?” Hyunsuk bitterly laughed. “But every week, you both kept telling me stories of how your dates went and I could hear the happiness and love radiating from your voices. That’s when I thought ‘They both love each other so much, who am I to disprove?’ Little by little, I started enjoying your company and your stories, like that time you both went to an amusement park and Junkyu vomited because he couldn’t handle the spinning ride.”
The three laughed while reminiscing about the moment.
“My point is, I already accepted your apologies before you two could even say it. Actually, you didn’t even have to apologize at all. Like I have always said before, we don’t choose who we love, love chooses that person for us. We can’t control it, we can only embrace our feelings. So I hope you can rid yourselves from any guilt you’re feeling and love each other freely. I can’t blame nor get mad at you two for falling in love. You’re both special to me and will always be.” Hyunsuk glanced at Jihoon.
“And bub, I know it may seem weird to be saying this in front of your husband,” Hyunsuk chuckled, “but thank you for loving me and for letting me love you. Even though we both didn’t achieve the promises we made each other, it has been an honor to spend a part of my life with you, Ji.”
The bed-ridden man smiled at his best friend. “And Kyu, please love him with all your heart, more than I did,” Junkyu nodded.
“I have always loved you, Suk,” Jihoon faced to look at Hyunsuk, “I have and will always treasure the moments we spent together, but now I have another person to spend my life with."
“I know, Ji, I know.” replied Hyunsuk.
'I know because I have always listened but I guess it’s time for me to let you go, my greatest love.'