Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Knock knock knock … knock knock knock knock

“Emm… Hi, I’m from fencing club, there’s this file about fencing club’s history.” A girl carefully entering the broadcast club.

Another girl with loose hair take a look at the visitor, “Heedo ya…”

“Oh, Seungwan ie is here. I don’t know that you’re in broadcast club.”

“Yeah.” She said, take a closer look, “Ah, from your coach. I’m waiting for this.” She accept the file in red map, “Thank you.”

“Is this broadcast club? Can I take a look?”

Seungwan nod, “You’re not busy?”

“No. I just got on important match earlier, and I finally got a chance to go around the school.” Heedo take a look at the various things in the broadcast studio.

“How is it?”

“Fine. I think I can do well in this school. Most of all I’m happy that I can fence again.”

She sincerely smiling at Heedo, “That’s great!

“Wah, there’s so much broadcast tapes in here. Even from 1991 too. You must take a good care of these tapes.”

Seungwan only smiling while secretly looking at the broadcast live station in front of her. Finding another occupants looking between the script and warily look at the newcomer. She check on her wrist watch and gasp, “Oh shoots, Heedo ya, I’m sorry I have to go back to class, I promise to help Moon Jiwoong with his new project. When will you go to class again?”

“Maybe tomorrow after lunch break. Alright, bye Seungwan!”

“You still can take a look around, alright? Bye!” She wave for the last time leaving Heedo still curiously looking around between the shelves. She still doesn’t realize that she’s not alone. The door that separate the broadcast studio and general room is opened, a tall lanky boy with cue set in his hands entering the room where Heedo is still deep within the shelves.

“Seungwan ah, I thought you go the class already?” Heedo said with her voice muffled. She doesn’t hear any responses and come out from behind the shelves only to find a boy rummaging through file in the desk, he look at her.

“Ji Seungwan’s classmate?” He ask

Don’t know what to do, she look everywhere but someone that is clearly her sunbae, “Yes.”

He nod simply. She doesn’t know what to do as he look like another member of the club. So she just shuffling her feet to the exit door.

“You know, you still can look around, you look interested.”

“Ah, yes. I just never come in to any other club.”

“You can even join us.”

“Ouh no no no, that will be disastrous. I just find it interesting, but I’m sure got many stories related to broadcast that I think I’m fine of not knowing any for the rest of my live.”

He raise his eyebrow, “My mother work in broadcast station.” She explain.
He nod.

“Then, I’ll go back to my fencing club. Bye.” She look the last time at the boy, and find a huge bloody bandage in his elbow. Gasping audibly, she approach him, “I know this hurt like hell, and you’ll likely will be sore for the next couple of days. Wait, I know just the treatment for this.” She run to the small clinic near the broadcast club and bring back a first aid kit and an iced water. “This, you should need to clean in with cold or even iced water. So that it will heal easily.” She snatch his elbow forcefully giving him no time to fend her effort that remove the bloodied bandage and start to clean it with iced water. “I know, I hurt my elbow a lot. And it hurt like hell and will be hard to heal as we always move our elbows constantly. But a cool bandage and iodine at the end of the day will help it.” She clean the wound expertly and apply the iodine thoroughly. “You can remove the bandage after one or two days, just until the scape formed.” Heedo then lining the wound with gauze neatly and tightly, he flinched, “Hurt? Bear with it for a bit.”

“No, its not hurt at all.”

“Lies, and with this big wound too. You’ll likely not get any modelling gig any sooner.” She giggle while still working on bandaging the wound.

“I’m serious.”

She look up at him, find a pair of clouded eyes.

“There is more things that hurt.” He said.

She silently finishing her dressing up the wounds, satisfied with her work, she smile and look up, “Even more so, you need your way to heal it. One at a time. There is no need to just keep it wounded and bloody when there’s way for you to help it heal quickly. There, it’s as neat as I can manage.” She tidying up the first aid kit and ready to leave.

“Why you help me?”

“I don’t like seeing wounds. As I know how hurt it is on myself.” She smile the last time at the boy and leave.

And he is perplexedly aware that her words tug a string in his heart.

***

She sigh looking at the again wounded boy that hunching in the side of the soccer field.

“Was that how you got your wound the other day? Now your lips too?”

He silently looking up at her figure that cover him from other people’s view.

“I don’t know what kind of sin that you did that make yourself thought you deserved all that.” She rummaged in her fencing bag, looking for her own first aid kit. She find the alcohol swab and her kitty plaster. She dab his lip and cover it with plaster, “I don’t have any boyish style plaster. But that will do until you can actually cover it yourself.”

“Why you always help me when I don’t even know your name?”

“A simple thank you is really enough, but if that’s how you ask someone else’s name okay then, I am Heedo. Na Heedo. What about you? Just politely ask since it’s how society works.”

“Baek Yijin.”

“You’re The Baek Yijin?” She raise her voice.

“Yes. Why?”

“I heard a lot of girls giggling and even swooning when they mentioning your name. I heard this in lunch break when you did your broadcast live. I thought you’ll be swarmed by them at your down hour.”

He ignored some of her teasing, “Was that the only thing you hear?” He look up at her, “You’re the new student that Yurim talked about. The new fencing team member.”

“Ko Yurim mentioning my name? Shocking. But, well yeah, I’m new.”

“That’s why you don’t know and still coming close in my vicinity.”

“But even if I’m not new student here, should I just go when I see a wounded person?” She sighing and sit beside him, leaning her hands behind her back and looking up at the moon that slowly hanging in the darkening sky. “I don’t know your story. But I don’t think you should just accept and give up on thing that is beyond your responsibility. Not everything can be solved, some needs time, some cant be solved at all. At least you should try instead of just accept everything and hoping that it will get better. You know, like try to find other means to do something? I learn that much you know, in case you ask.” She take a quick glance at him who look at the ground, “You don’t look like a bully, or any kind of delinquent, instead you look like those honor student with your broadcast club and fans everywhere thing.” She shrug and continue to observe the half-moon above.

He look sideways on her face. Seeing a seriousness in her expression, but it was her eyes that reflecting the moon shine that catch him off guard.

“And what’s yours, Na Heedo?”

“I have many, if you have time you can hear one by one.”

“Try me.”

“My father whom I love so much left this world when I just still a little kid, make me lose hope for a while, cant even get me finding happiness even through fencing that I always shared with him. I lost and lost and lost again, and I got home finding everything always cold, always dark, the keys still beneath the flower pot every single time. I got myself my own consolation through fencing again even though I’m in never ending slump, through my father’s memory that I sometime can conjure inside my home. But then time flow, and I got better even the wound of losing him is sometime gaping wide enough to make me break.”

“How you can find a way to continue your way?”

“Dreams, my dreams. That is the only one that I think I can do while I’m still living.”

“I don’t think I have a dream anymore.”

“Why?”

“Time took out everything from me, dreams, family, and even friends.”

She understand what he means, “Time nearly took my dream too. I wont let it tho.”

“How?”

She look back at him, “What do you really want, Baek Yijin?”

“I don’t know. It’s hard, that’s what I only feel these days.”

“Make new one. Dreams. Get yourself up. As long as we live we can do whatever that we want.”

“I don’t think it will be that simple.”

She chuckle, and smile at him, “No. Just make it simple, do one by one. Oh maybe that’s how I do things, since you see, I’m not really good at studying. I’m really bad at math, that’s my story too.”

He chuckle and exhaling a long deep breath. Relaxing a bit after another hard day.

“If time make you lose your friends, if they wont be with you just because they think you’re in different place, have different circumstances, they’re not a friend. Friend will stick together.”

“You’re right.” He straighten his back.

“Dream? Lets make new one. I’ll make new one with you here if you willing to do that too.”

He think for a moment, “That I really need time to think, I cant just blurt it out now, can i?”

She giggle, “You’re right. That’s silly of me.”

“No. Thank you.”

She nod, “Let’s get back up together, Baek Yijin.”

“Okay, let’s do that.” He smile at her, cringing at the sting in his mouth, “But don’t you think you ought to call me sunbae like normal kids?”

She look at him and laughing making her eyes shine brighter, she say in cheekiest tone that she can muster, “Who wants to be normal if you can be uniquely yourself?”

***

“Hi!” She said cheerily.

He smile and his eyes following her sitting in front of him. “Lunch break?”

“No, I need to finish my assignments that due after this.”

“Okay. Tell me if you need my help.”

She simply nodding grateful for his offering and get furiously flipping through her book for sometimes until he hear an audible small cheer and a thud of book being closed.

“What did you do before this that you couldn’t finish that?” He point with his jaw.

“I need to catch up on training, there will be team competitions lining up starting in September.” She look at the strewn leaflets in front of him, take one and read it. “You try to get scholarship?”

He nod, “Between that or start to get more part times job.”

“What did you want to do before?”

“NASA, I want to work there.” He look at her blank expression, “Don’t tell me you don’t know what it is?”

“I know of course, that’s where you make plane to go to space right?” She raise her voice slightly inviting glare from other library occupants, “But isn’t that in America?” She gasp, “You must be really smart, not everyone can dream to work there.”

He shake his head incredulously at her, “Not anymore though.”

“What you need to study to work there?”

“Well, anything really, but I really wanted to study Aeronautical Engineering.” He look again at her expression, “That’s where you study about how to develop a plane, an aircraft. I still want to do that, but that will be like dancing salsa in front line of war. No, I need more logical option, the one where I can find stable work as soon as I graduate.”

She listen to his explanation while looking around the leaflet, reading one by one and one catch her attention, “What about this?” She thrust the green leaflet in front of him.

“Military Academy?”

She nod, stand up and sit beside him, pointing at the pointed option, “There’s government grant, and here, you can be an engineer on it, there’s even that your Aeronautical thingy. An officer with lieutenant rank upon graduating. They even got pension upon retirement, just like athlete who got gold medal for nation in international match. It will stable enough, don’t you think? Beside you don’t need to go to your military service too. It will be faster than any options here.”

“This is hard, Na Heedo. Like the possibility 1000 to 1.”

She snatch the leaflet, reading thoroughly, “What’s your rank in school?”

“1st rank.”

She shockingly put both her hands in her mouth while her eyes popped open so big, she cleared her throat, “Sport?”

“Basketball.”

“Club?”

“Broadcast Club and Band Club.”

“Foreign Language and how fluent?”

“English, I’m fluent.”

“No illness?”

“No.” His answer with more sureness with each question. A hope flare in him.

“That’s enough. But you need to prepare for this like this is your new single destination of life if you want to enlist this December. And I believe you can do that, Baek Yijin.”

“You think I can do this?”

She nod with so much conviction, so much trust on him even though they only know each other for mere 2 weeks. “Yes. If anyone can do that, it’s you Baek Yijin. Let’s get that 0,001 possibility.” He still look doubtful, “If you’re smart, you have something that not everyone have, Baek Yijin. How you use that smartness is up to you, but don’t you think if you work for people, it will more beneficial not just for people, but also for your country? That’s what my father told me.” She chalantly shrugging.

He stay silent, weighing his option and his possibility on getting to the military academy, “But even if I have chance, don’t you think I need to prepare for every possibility?”

“Prepare this like your life depend on this, Baek Yijin. I’m not saying that you don’t have any other possibility in other thing. But you can do this, I know you can do this.”

“But----

“Alright, you can think this through, I just hope you don’t pass this chance, Baek Yijin. You have huge potential. Your dream, you can make it.”

He look closely at her who fiercely defend a dream that’s not even hers. No one has ever believe him just for who he is like this, no one has ever make their support this palpable before. He want to understand why she, a stranger just a less than month ago can make him dream again. He nod, controlling himself, he want to do this, “What should we do first?” He ask, ready with his pen and note.

She think with a frown in her forehead as if this is her future too, “If it were me, I will see what things that I lack, I make journal everyday, you see. Wait.” She looking something in her bag, pull out her decorated thick diary, “Look, I will record my practice everyday, and see what I lack that day and what I can upgrade. You can do it like this. Studying is a must, you need to be get on 0,01% rank in region at least by this end of this summer. And then you need to get your body ready for physical examination, and I think I can help you in that.”

He take a note in his book, but Heedo thrust a new journal that still covered in plastic, “For you, to start this. My support for you and congratulation on starting something new!”

“Thank you!” Beaming at her, he look at the simple yellow journal in front of him like it’s a national treasure, “I think enough, this will be my new dream Na Heedo!”

“Let’s do that, Baek Yijin!”

***

“I get chance to compete in National Athlete selection this September.” She said while panting heavily from fencing club to broadcast station, looking at a single person who beam as bright as the sun, as bright as hers. “Congratulate me!”

He thrust his hand in front of her, “Congratulation, Na Heedo.” She slap hard at that hand and still smiling blindly at him.

“We can do the training together, Baek Yijin!”

“Alright, when do we start Heedo ya?” They look at each other as if there aren’t any members of broadcast club that still hanging out in the station.

***

Gasping for air, bending over he put 5 liter cans beside his foot, “This, I tasted hell.”

“I know, right?” She said while still running in place with her own 5 liter cans in both of her hands.

“This is an athlete’s training, I was reckless for agreeing with you.”

“This can only make your stamina higher, you’ll feel it after sometime. I feel it already. I feel lighter yet stronger. You know what I mean?”

“What I know is hell is closer than I thought.”

She chuckle, “Let’s go again before the sun rising too high!”

Bracing himself, he take his own cans and start to move again with her beside him, running side by side, sometime competing, but always supporting each other.

***

“Hi!” She said with jingling bell above the convenient store’s door. Heedo smiling to Yijin who manning the counter before she reach a cold beverages refrigerators. “One plus one, right?” He nod while scanning her snacks, “For you.”

“Let’s go outside, I was bored before you came.”

“Not studying?”

“Already dying from it. I want a 5 minutes of fresh air. Let’s go!” He sit under the parasol that installed in from of the convenient store he worked in.

“You okay?”

“Still okay, ask again next week.”

Heedo laugh slightly but touch the cold beverage to his cheek to cool him down. “The weather will be colder next month, we can start the morning routine slightly later. How about it?”

“Yeah, okay. You still look okay, though.”

“Hey, I’m an athlete, I’m used to this kind of training. Though I’m not used with someone else running beside me every morning.”

He laugh, the first laugh after they got split up in school this morning, “Heedo ya, you don’t actually telling me what is your new dream. I tell you everything already.”

Heedo smile sheepishly but slurping her orange juice, “I’m still thinking about it. I mean, I know the big picture, but I don’t know if I can achieve it yet, I don’t have any clue on how to achieve it. So, I don’t want to fix on it yet. I’ll tell you when I know how.”

He curiously looking at her, “You have the big picture of it, but you don’t have a way to achieve it? Why don’t you tell me, I may could help you.”

“You definitely can. It’s just I need to find it myself in this. It’s not like your dreams on attending Military Academy, it’s more vague, like you know figuring a feeling? That kind of thing.”

“Don’t make it hard on yourself.”

“Oh no no, I’m sure it’s will be fun figuring the answer.”

“As long as you’re sure.”

“I am. Thank you for asking anyway, it make a bit of clarity.” She smile, stare at him who stare her back.

***

“You got the basic. You only need to focus on your opponent, and the distance between too. You’re tall, make that as your advantage.” He look up at her, listening to every word she said, “Practice more. I read in that leaflet, there will be fencing club too, you can continue practicing there.”

“Why you trust me even more than I do myself?”

“Because I’ve seen you, and you deserved that more than any other person I’ve ever met. I can ask the same question too, Baek Yijin.”

“It’s simple, you have that ability to make not just yourself but other people to do their best too. You make me hope again, you make me have a new dream again. That’s why I want more for you too.”

She beam at him, “Tomorrow I’ll do my best.”

“That will be without a doubt.”

“I will do that for myself, but I really want to do that for you too, for our effort so far.”

His eyes shine brightly and nod, “Good Luck! I’ll wait for your big news!”

“Thank you, Baek Yijin!”

He nod again and ruffle her bangs cheerily.

***

“Congratulation. I’m sure you killed it!” He hold the phone as if he want to reach the caller instead.

“Thank you!” One can surely hear elation in every breath that she take.

“I’ll wait for you tomorrow in front of your house.”

“Why?”

“Find it out yourself!” He said mysteriously.

***

Panting after running a bit uphill towards her house, she find Baek Yijin waiting for her still in his school uniform and a plastic bags in his right hand. He raise his hand and smile brightly.

“You really wait for me here.”

“Of course. I promised you, didn’t i?”

She nod enthusiastically, “Let’s go inside for now. There must be something to eat. I’m starving actually.”

“I brought tteokboki and fish cake from Yurim’s.”

She smile and accepting his gesture though that name still make her sting a bit. She get the keys from beneath the flower pot doesn’t realize that her simple action tugging on his heartstring because he remember her story from months before.

“Not much, but wait there, I’ll wash up and we can eat in a bit.”

***

“Wah, I’m feeling alive now. I was rushing to get back home, the first time ever you know?”

He tidying up dirty chopsticks, spoon, bowls and plate, smiling he said, “Because you thought I’ll prank you or something?”

She nudge his arm, “That will not be the first time. But yeah. I thought you’ll come much later, but I should know that with your personality so far, you’ll come 5 on the dot.”

“Actually 5:05 because the bus was running a bit late.” He reach the plastic bag and take out the canned paint. “You said you want to paint your sabre blue? Let’s do that since the sun is still shining.”

Her eyes brighten, “Really? You brought that for me?”

“Always a tone of surprise.”

***

“It’s the first time I wait something happily in this chair.”

“Hmmm?” He look up at her from his crouching position inspecting their work to dry up in the last sun ray of that day. Understanding her implication, “Then it can be your first time of many.”

She nod with eyes catching the sun’s reflection on her window pane, “Thank you, Baek Yijin. No one ever does something this much for me.”

He make himself comfortable in one of the small chair, but he found out that the chair actually were well made and quite strong despite it’s rather decaying appearance, “You can count on me on that. Your dad sure knew how to make a chair, didn’t he?”

“He did. He’s always good with his hands. I remember, his hands were actually this big.” Comparing her small hand to medium sized terracotta pot with baby’s breath on top of the small table in front of them, “And he would hold me front behind, surprising me everytime even though he did that everyday at least until he was hospitalized that last time.” Her eyes looking closely at the pot, “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to make you hear my woe again, it’s just being National Athlete is always part of my dream and somehow I want to share it with him too.”

“I’m sure he know, Heedo ya. The people who left this world always know as long as the people that left behind still cherishing them, so don’t ever forget him.”

She smile while looking at him with so much gratitude that he ever felt before in his life. It warms him but also make him questioning everything that he have before.

“Congratulation, National Athlete Na Heedo.” He thrust his hand waiting for Heedo that still in awe of his gesture. She accept his hand, squeeze it slightly, “This time make sure to achieve your dream. The road ahead of us will be rough. Let’s be stronger together.” Her eyes shimmering, “I will support you, I will make sure my support will reach you as well. Just like what you promised me months ago.”

“Thank you.” She nod, squaring her shoulder, “Let’s go up together, Baek Yijin! This time, it will be ours.” They let go of each other only to feel the burning of each other stronger through their gazes, “Only, can you do something for me? One more thing?”

“Of course.” He said simply, because he will get the moon for her if he can do that. Only for her because he’s sure that she’ll do the same for him.

She stand up and back to her house, and come out minutes later bringing what’s look like a recorder and cassette, “Record a message for me, only for me. Your voice somehow always comforting when you talk to me or when you do your lunch broadcast.”

He accept the recorder and cassette and put that safely in his bag, he’ll have to think on what he should say to her. Not the broadcast club writer’s writing that not always convey on what he wanted to say, or Seungwan’s direction on how to present the broadcast. This, he will make with her as his only purpose.

“Okay.”

***

“Listen to that when you need my support the most, Heedo ya. You’ll start something new, but I know that you’ll excel it. Just do your best in your own way. Make the world bow down to you, Na Heedo.”

“This is really our time, yeah?” He nod, “I’m sorry I wont be able to be there when you take the exams, but make sure to send pager everytime you’re able to, I’ll wait for it.”

“You do enough for me. You do the most for me.”

“That’s what we do for each other, right?”

He nod again, but before he hesitating for too long, he reach for her small body and hug her tightly because they don’t know when will they can see each other again. He stroke her hair and back, softly he say to her, “Take care, Heedo ya. Let’s meet again with our better self. I know we can do this.”

He hear soft sniffle from her, she push lightly, “You too, take care, Baek Yijin. See you again.” He erase her tears from her face.

“See you again.” He smile, believe that someday they can meet each other again. He will make sure to do so, because he’s sure that she’ll do that too.

Chapter Text

1999, 3, 13

Dear, Baek Yijin

Congratulations! I feel like I want to shout it to you again for a hundred more. I’m just so happy. I know, I know we talked in phone, but let me say that again. Congratulations! Now 99 more.
I’m writing in the plane bound to home from England for Championship. You ask me what I got? I got bronze! The first ever international match! I’m so happy, I hope I can keep this up so that I qualify for Asian Games this summer. There’s one more competition to determine whether I can compete individually in Asian Games or not, next month in Turkey. I hope I can hear from you before then. I’m sure this letter will reach you after you finished your basic training.
How are you? What about dorm life? Your friends? The food? The classes? Tell me everything as long as you can write, all right? I want to hear it all.
I don’t know what to do with Ko Yurim. She always snipping at me, throw me insult here and there. But then she’ll get angry when I won against her in a bout. What you told me about her was just too different from what is in front of me. I wish that she can be herself and not too burdened too much, because I cant think of anything that match other than that for the reason why she’s likely hating on me.

Sincerely, Heedo.

***

“Hi, Heedo ya. I’m sorry I don’t reply your letter yet. It surprised me because it was the first private letter that I receive in my life. Thank you again. I’ll say that to you 99 more times too. That much is how I’m grateful to you.” He take a breath, “I’m so happy with your achievement. By this time you must be so busy with your training, yes? Don’t strain yourself too much, don’t be too stressed! You’ll do great, I believe it.” Looking around his new neighborhood while smiling contently, “The school’s better than I expected, I enjoy that so far, I got friends too, one roommate, he’s from Daegu with thick accent and he’s 2nd in test result, but he’s great and so chill. Looking back, I was like him too before bankruptcy. I’m grateful that I got a roommate like him. There are 23 more students in my class, and they’re great, only one girl though, we don’t know how to treat her, really. It’s too awkward, with her also tip toeing around us, boys. I’m sure the courses and everything in front of us will make us more unite though. Oh, and the sunbaes are great even though they yell alot. But they’re not too bossy and actually chill in recess. I joined the broadcast club and fencing club. But I also already sign up for more classes next semester, so that I can join my class in graduation but also be a certified military engineer faster. I hope I can do that really. That’s why I don’t go back to Seoul or even go to Gyeongju to meet you in this summer. I’m sure you’ll understand. We’ll meet again someday, I’m sure of it. I’ll try to write to you too, I think it will be fun writing letters. Don’t worry too much about Yurim ie, she’ll warm up to you. Everyone will warm up to you, the difference is the time. Good luck, Heedo ya!” He put off the phone finishing his recorded message on her and jogging back to his dorm happily.

***

1999, 6, 05

Heedo ya,

I hope this letter will be in your hands before you have to go to Gyeongju. Do well! Focus on your dream, it will be just 2 or 3 more steps. You’ll be there in the end of Asian Games, I’m sure of it. You reach so far in the short time already, but don’t forget to enjoy the process too. I’m sure many things can be picked for a good memory in the future. Enjoy every second of this, I’m sure you already know, just make sure that you don’t forget about that too.
This is silly, but I want to tell you anyway. The stipend that the school gave me was a lot, more than I imagine. I was shocked about that, I sent some to my aunt and Yihyun. But I want to buy something for you too. I hope you’re cat person rather than dog. You can bring this everywhere as your support charm from me. Remember that I will always support you, alright?”
Do well! Focus and Break a leg Na Heedo!

From Your Endless Support Machine,
Baek Yijin

***

She read again the letter from Yijin that she got one day before her departure to Gyeongju. This letter, with his handwriting is a new treasure for her. Somehow she can feel his warm hand dancing in the paper, him looking up into the air and thinking occasionally on what he should write while frowning. Her heart rate slowly going back to normal after bag switching accident with Japanese athlete, even his letter able to calm her. She squeeze the knitwork little cat from him and feel his presence and support even more. He’s right, this come handy to her in this kind of situation.

Snorting, of course Yijin is always right like 95 out of 100 things anyway. Though that’s the last thing that she’ll say to him.

“Sir, faster please!” She ask politely to the taxi driver who take her back to the stadium and satisfied that she’ll still got few minutes to spare. The taxi speeding knowing that he brought a vip passenger.

***

1999, 7, 01

Hi, Baek Yijin!

Again, I write from Gyeongpodae in Gangneung. I’m here in documentary related activity with Ko Yurim, Ji Seungwan and Moon Jiwoong. I’m so happy that I can spend time with my friends and in the beach at that, the reporter, his name is Seo Junghyuk got us to the beach to get mini school picnic. We played in the beach all afternoon, I got a slight sunburn too. And now I’m writing alone beneath the starry sky, how wonderful is that? Well at least it is wonderful for me.
How are you and your summer classes? I hope you’re not too stressed out too. I know you can be too much when you’re driven by something. Just like what you said to me in your last letter, don’t forget to enjoy yourself. I’m sure you can sometime go around the school or air base to just enjoy different neighborhood from Seoul. I hope you always eat well too, I know the food is great, but you really need to enjoy that to so that you can be happier. Happy tummy happy person. Well that’s me too. Hahahaha.
I attach my photos and some beach photos. I hope it will not be too weird, but like your little cat (I named her Ruby), I wish you can feel my support through that too. But if not, my photo like myself can always scare cockroaches that may got too close to your dorm room, you know since my presence is strong in that photo. Hahahahaha.

Your friend who got big presence,Heedo

***

He put the photo in the newly bought frame in his beside table under the lamp. He look at her smile and he sure feel her strong presence here. Sometime he can even imagine her laughter that ringing inside his head if he’s focusing enough.

He really want to say that he miss her so badly. Sure phone session and letter can at least quench that thirst of her presence, but it still different from looking directly at her eyes that most often than not able to contain all the stars in the universe so that only them can enjoy it. He wish not for the first time that he’s in front of her, saying that directly to her and see her blinding smile.

“That smile, you really fall harder for her, Baek Yijin. Say that to her, no one in right mind will reject you, and especially her.” Said his roommate, Choi Jihoon with his thick Daegu accent.

He try to ignore him, but his words keeping him from sleep that night. Tossing and turning in the dark, inspecting his own self. He only have one conclusion.

He really fall for her. He might as well be in love with her already.

***

The saying of time will run faster the least you expected it, is sure true. Na Heedo would send letters and sometime attaching her doodling, while Baek Yijin most often than not will call her, or send a recorded messages. Even time and space can’t really do much to separate them. The longing, the desire to meet each other, the picture of each other in their minds when things got tough likely always accompany them in their waking moment or even in slumber.

It’s the summer, a year later.

A man in blue Air Force uniform standing upright with clothes bag in his right hand and gaze directed at the entrance of the NTC, waiting for someone.

That someone who walk side by side with another man while exchanging funny story with their laughter start to get louder nearly make him falter, retract his step and meet her when they have agreement to actually meet, not like this. Did he just so presumptuous with her that she’ll keep her support and friendship with him? Or he just so hopeful that she somehow, like him will only wait for each other?

It’s then when their eyes meet through the distance and she stop her track the he know whatever it is, she feel the same as him.

She put her hand in her mouth shortly before surely running towards him. He smile, waiting in his place.

She halt before she crash the man in blue uniform, “Baek Yijin?” She breathlessly say his name. Not because of the running, after all she’s a seasoned athlete, but it is because of his surprise reappearance.

He nod, smiling down at her. He know that his heart might burst in million pieces if he just say a word before he’s ready to. She’s looks the same, healthy, her eyes stays bright and she looks happy too.

“What are you…” Looking around, understanding dawning on her, “You’re in holiday?”

He nod again.

“How can you surprise me? Why didn’t you tell me?”

He look at her, still smiling. Taking deep breath to control his wildly beating heart, “I’m just think that I want to see you.”

“I could be home, I could also be in school, or more likely will have night training and you’ll have to wait for nothing.”

“Do you forget? Tomorrow will be your father’s death anniversary. So I thought you’ll catch 6 pm bus and back home.”

She gasp, forgetting why she actually have to go home tonight, “You’re right.” She stare at him, noting the differences, “God, Baek Yijin can someone be even taller and broader? Just what you did back at school?”

“You’re right, I’m taller by an inch and broader too I think.”

A man in his sport garb catch the two, looking a bit sullen of being forgotten, “Ya Na Heedo how can you just bolted and forgetting about me?”

“Sorry oppa, I just.” Still breathlessly looking at the man in front of her, and realizing her mistake quickly, “Ah, Baek Yijin this is my sunbae in training center but also a team mate in college fencing team, Kim Junho. Oppa, this is my sunbae from high school.” Looking again at Baek Yijin, her lip going upward, and he know she’ll add cheeky thing before she done it, “Also my closest confidant and punching bag.”

The two men exchanging their quick handshakes, “Na Heedo that’s the taxi, still going with me?”

Heedo shake her head, “Sorry oppa. I’ll treat you next time, but I’ll go with him.” Cocking her head in Yijin’s direction.

“Okay then. Well, see you in Tuesday then.”

She nod and waving at him without realizing Yijin’s gaze on her, “Oppa? And I’m only Baek Yijin? That’s really a discrimination of century.”

She nudge his arm while ignoring his comment, “How long your holiday will be?”

“I plan to be back at my aunt for a day and then visit my mother the day after tomorrow, it’s been more than 2 years I didn’t see her. Hopefully father will be there too.”

She nod, “This call for celebration, yeah?” She start to pull him, “Let’s go! We never drink together, right? You can drink right?”

“I need someplace to change clothes though if we want to go drinking.”

“I know just a place.”

***

“I’m so happy!” She walk beside him in the raised wall street, balancing her step, “I still cant believe that you surprise me.”

He watch her step, clearly a bit drunken, “I just thought that I want to see you before going to my aunt. See how you fare and everything. You look really happy that I think someone bound to smile just by looking at you. Are you usually like this or because you’re a bit drunk?”

“No, I’m just happy that I can meet you.”

His heart skipped a bit. Looking back at her who smiling at the same level on him. He think that she mature greatly. Her baby cheeks are a bit slimmer which make her face look a bit more defined, still cute but there’s promise of a really beautiful grown woman.

She falter but able to hold on his shoulders for balance, her face come closer. “I really miss you, Baek Yijin. Like missing your companion, missing all of this. I keep imagining that if there’s chance I want to visit you there when I miss you the most, when I nearly broke down because of Yurim’s move to Russia, when I feel so much lonelier after not having her in the dorm or you not be there with me, but I also miss you when I hold the medals, wishing that somehow you can see me.”

“I can always see you, Heedo ya.” He steady her in her waist, torn between wanted to be closer or widening the gap between them for the sake of his sanity. He look at her face that shining with something he cant name yet, but find it familiar somehow. The leaves rustling around them, for eternity he want this moment to never pass. “I miss you too. I miss you so much.” He said that, he finally said that.

She look a bit surprised but smiling again before she direct her gaze down to his lips. She hesitated for a bit, fear that she’s too reckless. But as always, she just do whatever her mind put her into. And lately her mind is full of him, of missing him.

She kiss him.

He’s too shocked to move but feel her soft lips on him, enclosing his own, so warm, so soft, so right.

She pull back and look at him, observing his reaction. She thought for a second that she misinterpreted everything between them but Baek Yijin give her an answer, erase her every doubt.

He kiss her back.

***

“So…” She said. They’re already in front of her house.

“Yeah, so…” He said back. Both of them chuckling.

“What will happen? What will happen to us?”

“I don’t know. But I’ll take what you offer.”

“Let’s see for a while, what will happen with us.”

He hold her hands, smiling, “Alright. If this is too hard for you, just say. Anytime, anyhow.”

“Okay.” She pull her hands from his to link around his shoulders, “Can we meet again, before you have to go to Pohang? Maybe in bus terminal or something.”

“I’ll try. I’ll call you, maybe I’ll get late night bus tomorrow.” He hold her waist, put his forehead on hers, “I’ll miss you. I miss you already.”

“We can do this, right Baek Yijin?” She bit her lip in hesitations. Fear, doubt, but also all this that feels right to her.

He smile, his eyes shining with an unbridled trust and steadiness that she always find constantly reassuring in him, “As long as we have the same heart, I guess.”

Tightening her linked arms in his shoulders, she don’t want to let him go, “You’re right.” But she know that it is impossible.

For now, she let him bid her goodbye, she let him go, because she want to go herself and promise herself that she wont look back even at his shadow. This is enough for them confirming their feelings toward each other.

But she’ll continue waiting for the right time to come for both of them. Because she’s sure that he will be too.

***

“You’ll do great, Heedo ya.”

“But what if I need to win against Yurim ie?”

“Then you’ll know that winning that will always so much bigger than your own personal feeling towards her. And I’m sure she’ll know it too. She’ll know that you will still love her and regard her as your best friend. Because that what will you do too. Remember what you said to me years ago that friends will stick together no matter what? At the end of this your friendship with Yurim ie will be much stronger.”

“Yeah. I hope I remember that.”

“That’s my Heedo.”

“Your Heedo?” She blush fiercely, “We’re not meeting each other for about a year and you can make me blush.”

“I did? Well, I’m glad then.” He look at his friends who pointed in his wrist watch that he already exceeding the allotted time. “Heedo ya, it’s already Jihoon’s turn. We’ll talk again when you come back home, alright? Hopefully with new shining medal. I know you can do it.”

“Thanks for the pep talk, Baek Yijin. I hope you’ll stay healthy and alright. Don’t strain yourself too much.”

“Okay. Bye Heedo ya.”

“Annyeong, Baek Yijin.”

***

“And the winner for the Woman Fencing is Ms. Na Heedo of South Korea.” The announcer declare in the middle of joyful celebration around him. He watch her in awe but when she take off her mask, he nearly broke down in tears with her. She open her arms and Yurim hug her tightly. Both girls are crying in earnest now, many of students in school who watch in dorm auditorium with him fall silent, stunned at the raw emotion that both fencers exude after amazing fencing match. Some are openly sniffling. When both girls are crying and laughing at the same time and when they announce her winning for second time, they shout again.

“I cant believe that’s your girlfriend, Yijin ah.” Jihoon said casually.

“Who is whose girlfriend?” Their only girl classmate, Lee Mirae quipped. His other classmate turn their heads casually.

“Athlete Na Heedo.”

“Whose girlfriend?”

“Baek Yijin.”

“What?” More are interested in their conversation, while Baek Yijin’s eyes still glued in the big screen in front of them.

“Athlete Na Heedo is Baek Yijin’s girlfriend.”

“The girl that always sent you letters and her doodling is Athlete Na Heedo? The one who make you always hog the phone is her?”

“That’s right.”

“You should make her visit you here, Baek Yijin. She is like my idol.”

Baek Yijin turn his head to his curious friends who swarmed around him like a moth to a flame, “Don’t talk nonsense!” Said him simply while get up and start running to reach the phone to send her congratulatory message. His heart soar to the sky, he feels like a firework that burst in night sky with its many colors. He want to reach her, want to hug her, cry with her, but he also want to reach a rooftop and shout with her.

***

“Baek Yijin, Ya Ya Ya Baek Yijin!” Min Jikyung, another of his classmate come running to the common room panting, “Ya!!! You don’t say that Athlete Na Heedo is visiting you! She’s in lobby.”

“What?” He stand up abruptly, leaving his half eaten kimbab. The others who hear that also stand up and try to follow him. “Leave us, at least for a while, please.”

“Nooo….” Said many of them in chorus.

***

She already beaming when his figure approaching. He wear his leisure clothes since it’s the weekend, “Hi! Did I surprise you?”

He doesn’t reply back but hug her tightly, kissing her head, “I miss you like crazy. Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve pick you up in terminal or train station. Or wherever it is.”

“That’s not how surprise works, Baek Yijin.” She hug him back as fiercely.

He pull back to take a look at her, smiling widely, “I don’t know that winning a gold medal can make someone more beautiful?”

“What?” She said in surprise, happy that nothing has changed between them.

“Congratulation for gold medal, athlete Na Heedo!”

“You already said that twice.”

“But not in front of you!”

“That’s right.”

“How long you’ll be here? What you want to do? Take a tour around the school? Tour around the neighborhood and then dine in my favorite restaurant?”

Listening his barraging question, listening his voice while seeing him, enjoying his presence and his warm body that tightly still hugging her, this is what she miss, this is seems good payment for those tears in nights of missing him, “That’s sound wonderful.”

“Let’s go then!” Beaming so wide, he take her hands and sling her red fencing bag in his shoulder.

***

“The school is much bigger than I expected.”

“Yeah. When we’re in 4th year we have to move south though. Easier access to the aircraft and all.”

“You look really happy and content.”

“I do. I love it, Heedo ya.”

“So, it’s worth it, right? All those running and late night cramming?”

“Definitely. I want to do my best here.”

“I’m sure you already do.” The corner pub door open with boisterous group of students, they look around to find empty table and perking up when they see Yijin and Heedo talking quietly in the corner table. They come to the table, excited to meet Heedo.

Some even already take up the chairs and sit around with them.

“Oh my god, Athlete Na Heedo in flesh. I’m your fan. Will you sign for me? I’m in fencing club with Baek Yijin, and I’m your fan since before your Asian Games. I just love all of your techniques. You’re just the best!” Said Kim Doyoun.

“Ya, don’t crowd her.” Lee Mirae push him and then thrust her hands, “Hi, I’m Mirae. I don’t know that Baek Yijin is your boyfriend. I hit on him last year. He just friendzoned me. Now I know the reason. If I knew, I wouldn’t dream on hitting on him.”

She look at him, smiling, “He told me.” She take her hand, “I’m Na Heedo, Heedo.”

“You came from Seoul?”

“No, actually I had tournament in Suwon. And because it’s close I decided last minute to come here.”

“Wow.” Many of his friends swoon. “Is that your fencing bag?” Kim Doyoun ask.

She’s smiling and nodding, “Yes.”

“Oh my god, this might be crazy. But will you have a game with me? I could ask for sunbae to open the fencing training center. I’m sure they will agree if they hear about you.”

“Ya, she just had game. She didn’t come here for another game. Don’t stress her, beside she needs to be back home.” Said Yijin, he had enough with his friends.

She touch his hands, “It’s okay. It’s still early. I can catch night train.” She smile.

His friend already bolted to get permission to open the training center.

“Are you really okay? I’m sorry, they’re just so enthusiastic when it comes to you, and many of them join fencing also because of you.”

“I’m okay. They’re your friends. And you seems to like them too. If anything I want to do this for you.”

He beam at her and sling his arm in her shoulder leisurely, “I do. I just don’t like them when they’re like this.” Glaring at the remaining friends that still crowd her. They ignore him and continue to swoon and asking her questions.

***

The clap thundered in inside the training center, many people turn to look at the bouts with an Olympian.

She thrust her hand, “Great match.”

“What? You basically finished me in 3 minutes.”

She laugh heartily, “You don’t say you want a match with me and expect something less.”

“That’s right. That’s really really good. Thank you, athlete Na Heedo, it was an honor for me.”

She smile and approach Yijin who sit beside her fencing bag. “He’s right, you basically make him a plaything before you finished him.”

“Well… he asked for a match and I gave him one.” She drink from her bottle. “It’s great here. The facility is really great. I’m really happy knowing that you’re thriving here.”

He hold her hand to make her sit beside him, “I’m really happy. I have great friends too. It was just so much different from high school. From my friends of before.”

She pat his hand affectionately.

“It will be great actually if Mr. Number One here be one of the pilot candidate. He just downright refuse it, Heedo ya. I can call you Heedo right?” Mirae said, make herself comfortable beside her. “Instead he insist on smelling with oil and machinery every single weekends. He excel in it though. Still, it will be great if he’s one of the pilot too.”

“You are pilot candidate?” Heedo ask in wonder.

“Yeah. I worked so hard for that, and I’m proud that I can be number two in class.”

“That must be hard, working with the standard of men.”

“Yeah, it’s. And we women, apparently need to prove more if we want to be a pilot.”

“I know, right?” She rummaged in her clothes bag, handed her a tin of nail polish and lip tint, “Yijin told me a lot about you, you know? I feel like I know you already. Be the only woman in your year. I can imagine the toughness of it. Though I always have training with another female athletes, we still need to prove more than our male counterpart too. But because of that, I know one thing. I don’t want to forget that I’m a woman. This things will seems insignificant and shallow if you just see it in a glimpse. But at the end of the day, when I had hard day training with my male coach and teammates, I will remove my shoes and see the pink or red or blue or whatever nail polish that I have that day painted in my toes and grateful that I’m a woman. Don’t forget that just because you’re surrounded by male species, yeah?” She put the new nail polish and lip tint into her hands.

Mirae look at her in awe, her eyes shimmering. She control herself and look at Yijin who listen to their conversation quietly, “Baek Yijin, this one is a catch. Don’t ever let go of her.” She hold the nail polish and lip tint tightly and look back at Heedo, “Thank you. No one really understand that here, just pressure and pressure. And they treat me like a doll too sometime. But then I beat them up in score and everything and they got shocked and treat me like one of their brother. No in between. I got along well, but no one really understand me. Thank you so much for reminding me. I’m glad that I can meet you today.”

“I’m glad too. If Yijin treat you less than what you deserve, just smack him, really.”

“Oh, anyone but Yijin. He always have a good head in his shoulders. That was why I hit on him.”

***

“Seems my friends are fond of you.”

“They’re?” They walk hand in hand to the train station.

“Yeah. They’re practically gushing about you. Well, you know not because gold medal in your neck, but because you own self.” This is the time they dreaded the most, the last minutes for them before they have to walk separately in their own path again. Every step is heavier than the last, clock ticking by knowing they have to bid each other goodbye not knowing when they can meet each other again. Yijin look at the big clock in station tower. 20 minutes before her train. 20 minutes more he can be with her. “Heedo ya, is this too hard?”

She bit her inner lips controlling herself to not cry in front of him. She promise herself that she will not expect anything when she decided to visit him today, but it’s impossible. Her wish for always being with him who is a new constant in her life come crashing down. The reality slap her right in the face, that by this point it’s impossible. She know for sure, that it is not the time yet. Still, she’s only a human, he’s too. And it’s been hard for them.

She nod, cant seems to hide something from him, he will know it anyway. “But I wont have any other way. I know. I know that this is right for us.”

“I don’t mind if you stop waiting for me. Living your life to the fullest. Date anyone who likes and adore you, and also respect you.”

“Do you really?” She tug their joined hand and look at him, a fear searing in her, a fear that she will be weak enough to actually tempt to do that, that he will let her do that, but most of all that he will stop waiting for her too. He stare back at her, reading her pained expression. A single tear shedding from her eyes. “Do you really don’t mind?”

He mind it, he cant really imagine her being with any other person, what will he feels if she actually loving other person. But he know, that if she chose so, he will happily let her. Its her happiness that matter the most for him.

“Do you really don’t mind if I stop wishing for you? Stop waiting for you? Stop calling you?” Her tears streaming down steadily now. “Tell me, Baek Yijin. Tell me. But don’t chose for me, I can chose for myself.”

“And what is your choice?”

“Enduring. Waiting. Hoping for the time when we can be together for real.”

He stunned, speechless.

“This is hard. This is harder because of my own fear. But I’m willing to endure it, I’m willing and learning to overcome it. I know, we already choose our own dreams for now. I know too, that there will be time when we can expect more from each other. But this is our realities now, and I myself is okay with that.”

“We’re still so young, Heedo ya. I don’t want you to tie yourself waiting for me. I want you to be happy, to experience many things that life offer you.”

“I could say the same for you, Yijin.”

“I’m okay.”

“Then why don’t you let me be okay in my own choice?”

He don’t expect her to be so blunt tonight, but who is he talking? Of course Heedo will be anything but reserving herself in front of him.

10 minutes. He tug her to enter the empty station. Buy her ticket bound to Seoul. He don’t let her go for a second even if she grow stiff as the clock ticking by. He look at her, find her bowing her head down, hiding herself between her thick hair, sniffling softly.

Yijin take her to sit and the crouch down in front of her. “Heedo ya. Look at me.” She stubbornly refuse his plead. He touch her face tenderly, guiding her to look at him. “What you want from me? Tell me.” He said softly, erasing her tears.

5 minutes

“I want you to wait for me. I want you to let me wait for you.”

His breath hitching, he should expect this. This request from her both exhilarating and terrifying for him. “Okay.”

“What you want from me?” She asked back with voice so small unlike her.

Everything. He want to reply to her. Everything that she offer him.

“What you feel for me? What do you think we’re?”

All passenger to Seoul in Train number SO235, please wait in the line for the train.

He hug her small body, enveloping her completely.

“For you to be happy. For you to reach your dreams. For you to call me and tell me everything that you want to tell me. For you to start living your live to the fullest.”

She sniffed harder, looking at him through her tears. She should know that he will ask her this.

“Do you love me?”

The sound of the train start to be audible. No time to waste anymore. They should know that they have a very limited time.

“I love you. I’m loving you will all of my heart. I don’t need any rainbow, I don’t need any rain. I love you with all of my being.”

The train coming, approaching fast.

“Say that.” She said while start to stand up and hitching both her fencing bag and clothes bag, “Say that.”

“Wait for me.”

She smile slightly before running to the train. Her figure who look back at him both with smile and tears through the train window nodding and mouthing okay.

He look until the last of the train hidden by the dark tunnel and let himself shed tears too. He miss her already. He hope that it is right, that it is the best for both of them right now. Waiting for each other.

Chapter Text

The following time after their train station separation is maybe the hardest both of them need to feel. Heedo who try her best to train and to compete throw herself like she’s possessed or something, she doesn’t give herself enough room to think or to second guess everything that she already choose, because she’s afraid that she’s not that strong to be sure if her demon of the past will not coming and make her doubt everything and eventually give up.

She dread the time when she needs to put off the phone to Yijin and start training again, bracing herself for the things that she feels each day passing thinning into a single thread of reason for her to actually be strong, not just pretending to be strong. She talk as much to Yijin, telling him everything she able to put into words, be it in the phone or in the letters.

She’s scared of missing him too much.

But lately she’s also scared of missing out of her live as well. To actually be able to live as a young woman. So she put off her letter writing tools inside her drawer and instead put on her pretty clothes to hang out with her friends. No, she never think they’re her friends, just people that she like to accompany her and vice versa to play, to have fun, to just forget about heavy things for a while.

And she drink alcohol, dance and party with them, and then she’s back home, nursing her hangover and feel everything that she put aside for hundreds times harder. Crying and questioning why she done this to herself, but then she played the record that Yijin gave her before they separated that first time. By that point, she already memorizing it word per word.

erhm, erhm, erhm, test, -him taking a deep breath is audible-, Hi, Heedo ya, Na Heedo, this is Baek Yijin or better be Yijin sunbae you should call me. I’m thinking what I need to record in this harder than I’m studying, you know? Yeah, that’s because you’re the first reason why I voluntarily studying and torturing myself with your exercise routines, why I have more bruises that I ever have for 19 years of my life and more importantly why I dream again. That’s funny, because before you came along in my life, that torturous 6 months after everything crashed down in my world I’m ready to let go of everything, including my dreams that I cherished since I could ever dream. Thank you, thank you, Heedo ya. You’re the reason.

-He take a deep breath again- So that’s why I want you to reach your dreams, making new ones as you go as well, because you’re that person. A person who can make someone else do better for the right reason. You don’t know this, right? Don’t sell yourself short, you’re the best person that I’ve ever known in my life. Not just because you make me dream again, but because you’re so strong without you even realizing it, a person that’s so brave, so honest, so selfless.

I want more for you, that’s how I can do more for myself.

I don’t know how it may sound, but seeing you go hard to reach your dreams, making me want to reach mine as well. That’s beautiful feeling, that is. How you do that to me? I don’t know, but I’m sure I want someday to know why. Heedo ya, let’s dream and reach it. You with yours, whatever it is though you never tell me what is your new dream. And me with mine. I promise you I will do my best in this path that I choose because of you. Let’s be a better person together, let us be not only a dreamer but also among those chosen who’s able to reach it as well. And let us meet again someday.

I will always make sure my support reach you, Na Heedo.

And then she sleeps, welcoming a dream about him and dreaming about a day when they can be together, smiling while facing each other.

***

If the rain can make people less sad, there will be many more people who willingly dancing, prancing, or welcoming rain as if it’s the salvation. But no, of course no. Some people find it soothing, some people find it bothering.

Baek Yijin find it both painful and freeing.

Painful because it make him thinking about a girl hundreds miles away from him, who at one point laughing freely while running beside him and told him about her love for the rain, describing fiercely why with her rain soaked body, laughing when she found a particularly huge puddle and proceed to splash on it with all of her might. An unbridled happiness of those people that just never forget a blissful period called childhood. He smile when he remember it, but it also make him want to reach her, hug her, kiss her and never let her go again. Not just because she’s his first ever true love, but because he just feel complete seeing her happily laughing.

Freeing because he can absolve all the pain from missing her, filling him with this warm, cozy feeling that he associate with her. But also, he can scream and cry for her or because of her without everyone else’s judgments. He can shout to the world how much he want her as much as he want without burdening her. He can spent his pent up energy, leaving him a heart and mind that ready to be filled again with everything that life throw at him.

And then he just go back to his dorm, and sleep without dreaming of her at least for one night.

***

“You sighed for fourth time today.” He said, clutching a payphone in his hand.

“You were counting?” She snort, “Of course you’re.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t know. Just tired, I guess.”

“With Asian Games preparation?”

“That too.”

“And?”

She bit her inner lip for a second before answering, “I miss you.” She said in smallest voice she can ever muster.

“Yeah? I miss you too.”

“Why is it so easy for you to say it?”

“Because I miss you.”

“I know. I miss you too, but sometimes it’s hard just to say it.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. You make me confused sometime.”

“Tell me.”

“You said you miss me easily. Is it because you never second guessing my feeling towards you, or you’re just selfish to say it without even considering my feeling?”

He gasp, he know that telling her that he miss her in front of her is easy because he always feel it, saving, relishing that feeling and then when he meet her, it’s like he relieving himself of that feeling. She’s right, he never considering her feeling.

She’s right too that he’s a selfish bastard.

“Why is that?” She ask, pausing for a second before adding, “Say sorry if you’re regret it, don’t say sorry if you’re not feeling sorry towards me.”

“I --- I always miss you, that’s why. I just want to say it directly to you, never in letter, because then I can at least take a breath. Missing you, it’s something that I always feel, I didn’t know how heavy that feeling is, until I can say it to you, and then I feel better about saying it. I don’t know if I should say sorry or not, but I don’t feel any regret at all having this feeling with me every single day. But if that effecting you too much, I mean in a bad way, I will say sorry.”

“Then don’t. It effect me. Definitely.” She take a deep breath, “When will do you think we’ll be okay with this before one of us say, ‘fuck it, I don’t want it anymore?’”

“I don’t know. I don’t know, Heedo ya. What I do know is, I’m enduring this, we’re enduring this. I can feel this, I want to feel this because it’s you.”

“You still waiting for me?”

“I’m always waiting for you. Will always waiting for you.”

“There’s nothing that’s forever, Baek Yijin.”

“Yeah I know. That is why I can endure this, because this is not forever. Someday, we will be together, I’m sure of it.”

“Why?”

“I want to. That’s my new dream.”

“Since when?”

“Since that day in football field.”

She’s choking for too much of emotion that she feel towards the young man in the other side of the line, “How are you so sure of everything?”

“I don’t. I’m sure of this though.” He chuckle bitterly.

“Baek Yijin,” Heedo keep the phone away while she take another lungful of breath, “I miss you. I wish you’re here with me.”

“I wish that too, Heedo ya. I miss you so much that now telling you this not relieving any, but making me want to be with you even more.”

“Do you still think we can do this?”

“I’m. And you?”

“Me too, Baek Yijin. Me too.” She now understand, that she really want this too. No reasoning thread that is thinning at all.

***

They didn’t call or send another letter for each other for some months as they get busier than ever. Heedo throw herself completely for Asian Games preparation, aiming another gold medal. While Baek Yijin cramming with dissertations and research that he conduct with one of his military engineer senior for his graduation in the fall. He hopes for application for his mastery in Aeronautical engineering in Seoul University to be passed and then he can apply for a scholarship while also serving his required 5 years service as military officer. He became as possessed as her, sleeping only for 2 – 3 hours a day, spending his free time not just in library but in military laboratory or in plane hangar to conduct his research about flight mechanics engineering. His friends in the same year only see him for a bit each day between meals, before he has to rush to wherever he is required. They worried for him, but seeing him still looking positively happy make them decide to look from afar and will meddle when things turn sour.

***

“I’ll go home alone. Thank you coach for the offer!”

“But, Heedo ya. Will you be okay?”

“I will try to.”

“Don’t force yourself to do anything straining, just take a few days for holiday before you go back training again.”

“Yes. Of course, thank you, coach!” She walk away with her suitcase, her red fencing bag slinking in her right shoulder. She just got back from winning her second gold medal in Asian Games. Heedo feel a bit more relieved to win it before she felt feed up with training and all of the preparation. She’s almost sure, she’s depressed and everyone slowly realizing it thinking that it is because of the high amount of pressure from the federation for her to win again. That too, of course, who say winning anything at all ever easy? But most of all, she miss Baek Yijin too much, with him also busy with whatever he’s doing in the farthest south of the peninsula with often poor signal receiving she can only hope that he’s okay.

Like conjuring her imagination, she raise her head and find a man in blue air force uniform standing 100 yards away from her in the busy airport, also watching her. She grow stunned, not believing her eyes. Why would he be here? In the middle of Incheon Airport in the mundane Friday afternoon clad in his uniform? He should be down in the south, working on his project with his training clothes covered in machinery oil or something. Not this.

And then he smile as if i this is any normal meeting between lovers who cant even meet each other for nearly 2 years. Or that last view of each other desperately clinging and crying for the circumstances they’re in. Or the last phone call where they said they will always support each other no matter what as if it will be the last of it all.

He steadily take long strides after another towards her who still think this is all her usual creative imaginary.

“Hi!” He said softly while looking down on her. She doesn’t even realize that she breaks into tears hearing his voice directly in front of her. Yijin then softly erase her streaming tears and still smiling. His eyes are so bright, so captivating for her who stare at those without blinking afraid that he will vanish into thin air. “Congratulation for gold medal, Athlete Na Heedo.”

“It’s you.” She said after a moment of eternity.

“It’s me. I’m here.”

“You came.”

He doesn’t answer her with words, but with his warm hug to her small body. She break down on tears even more in his broad chest and he sooth her back in circle while saying repeatedly that he’s here. That it is real.

“Why? How?” She choked on few words that she can utter.

“I took an air force cargo plane last Saturday to do something in Seoul. And I remember that you will back home today, so I watch out for you after coming from my errands.”

“When will you need to go back to the south?”

“Monday I have to report on my professors.”

“Okay. Okay then.” She said while finally smiling at him. At least now they have time, “Don’t go too far from me.”

“That’s what I plan to do too.” He pull up her carriage easily with his left hand and holding hers with his right hand, “Let’s get you home for now. It’s not unbecoming for national athlete who just won a gold medal to cry and looked puffy in the middle of the airport.”

She chuckle, “That’s because of you.”

“Then I will make it up for you.”

***

“Read this.” He thrust a big brown envelope with Seoul University stamped on it. It looks so official that she hesitated for a bit. There are many of more official looking documents inside, but she chose a small white envelope first addressed to Baek Yijin. She look up at him and he nod to urge her to open the documents. She scan the documents carefully, and with each words she grew more elated. It says that he’s eligible for mastery degree on Aeronautical Engineering in Seoul University, starting next spring. “And this too.” He produces another envelope that is stamped with Air Force of South Korea emblems on it. She read that and shriek when she processed what it is about.

She link her arms in his neck, “Really?”

“Yeah, starting right after my graduation in September.”

“You’ll move to Osan?” She ask with her eyes full of hope

“I’ll serve my duty there while doing my mastery in Seoul U. I’ll be an officer for the engineering division, so at least I can chose to live in the military dorm or outside.” He look down at her and reaching her waist to steady her.

“That will not too far from here, from Seoul. Only 30 minutes away with commuter line, and like 20 minutes away from the university.”

“I know.”

“So?”

“So, I propose to you if you still want to be with me? Of course you’ll have to wait for another month to actually have me regularly in your life. But isn’t this much better than anything we ever have so far?”

“Yes. Of course yes.”

“Yes?” He look down on her face hopefully, oh how he want this moment forever.

“Yes.”

And he kiss her like he never does before, spending all of his pent up feeling of missing her in his every waking and dreaming, his love for her that he couldn’t contain anymore. He softly mapping every inch of her lips and fixing it in his memory. Urging her to do the same with her still new in this. She is a fast learner of course and soon he dare himself to bit her bottom lip making her a bit taken aback which give him opening to explore her more thoroughly with his tongue. He hear a small gasp and moan with her body slacking in his lap. Yijin feel his heart might burst when they come up for air. He look down at her. Even when she sit in his lap, she’s still smaller than him. He rest his head in her forehead. “I love you, Na Heedo. I’m loving you so much.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Thank you for waiting for me.”

She smile, her eyes glazing again, “Thank you for waiting for me too. For enduring and for all those steadying presence in my life. I love you too, Baek Yijin.”

***

A thundered applause from all that attending graduation ceremony followed with standing up from the graduates when Baek Yijin as the valedictorian making his way to the podium to receive the first diploma and flowers from the professor.

“Good morning for the professors, staffs, the family and all that attending this ceremony, also my fellow graduates from class 2003 of Air Force Academy.”

Heedo who attend the ceremony standing in her rear balcony seat along with all those that invited, including Baek Yijin’s parents and brother who come together. She look at them happily, after all these years, Yijin’s dream on reuniting his family finally coming true. They chat happily while continuously holding on each other hands as if they don’t want to be separated anymore. Yijin who’s busy since morning haven’t make the introduction between her and his family, so she patiently took a rear seat and watch Yijin through a huge monitor in the side of the balcony. She's proud of him, not just for being a valedictorian, but for all of his effort to raise from the gutter to be who he is today, a man that standing high with all his integrity as their nation’s soldier.

“Lastly, let us say thank you in the top of our lungs for our own pace makers, whether it is our own selves, a diary book, a small charm from our hometowns, or a person who literally setting us and making us believe in ourselves to start and again to finish this journey. Thank you!”

A deafening cheers heard from all the corners of the hall that unforgettable morning.

Meanwhile, Heedo’s smile can probably light up the room, sending all of her love for the man who’s standing proudly in the podium with his right hand punching the air.

***

“Mom, Dad! Yihyun ah! You all came!” He said running towards his completed family in one room for over 5 years.

“Of course. How could we not?” His mom pat his cheek affectionately.

“We’re proud of you, son! You making us so proud and thankful that you can reach your dream even when things don’t go in your way.”

“Thank you too, Dad.” He catch Heedo’s eyes who’s shining with pride from a side of the room looking at the exchange between his family. He approach her, pull her hand which isn’t holding huge bouquet of flowers to his family.

“Dad, Mom, Yihyun ah, this is Heedo, Na Heedo.”

She thrust her bouquet to his hands instead and thrust her hands to shake with his family one by one.

“I’m questioning myself, why would she come here, who invited someone like her.” Said his mother in unveiled tone of awe.

“Baek Yijin also invited me today.”

“As?” Ask Yihyun curiously, his mother nudge him for his impertinent manner, “I mean, my hyung is not someone who can just ask someone like you to come here. Well not anymore apparently.”

They both laughing for his blunt question. Yijin look down at her, “She’s my girlfriend.” And he met with literal jaw drops from all of his family members. Heedo smiling contently at him, hugging his waist with her right arm, “My pacemaker.”

“Really?” Ask Yijin’s mom carefully.

She look up at him before looking at his shell shock family, “Yes, I am.” And they smile.

***

EPILOGUE

“Once again, thank you for all of the support for more than 10 years of my career as National Athlete.” She bow in front of a room full of reporters and fans who crowd the stadium for the last time.

“Any particular plan after this, Athlete Na Heedo?”

Heedo smile sheepishly and hug the huge bouquet of flowers tighter in her arms to control her nervousness, “I’m going to devote my life to support someone that I love for more than 9 years and who always does the same for me.”

Many of the journalist smiling between them scribbling in their notes, “Congratulation in advance for you and Captain Baek. I heard he will do an exchange program for the engineer in NASA this fall, making him the first South Korean Man who’s ever making the cut.”

Heedo smile, “Yes and we’ll move temporarily to Texas for the duration of the exchange program, so you will probably wont hear about me. I plan to go old without ever giving an interview ever again.” The raucous laugh ringing in the stadium, “So now, probably will be the right time to announce my wedding to Captain Baek Yijin in two weeks. Unfortunately for you, it will be a private one, as there will be military ceremony, so there will be only our closest family and friends in attendance.”

A surprise come uniformly from all the people inside the stadium except for one who look at her adoringly from the balcony. General people know about Heedo and Yijin love story that caught people with storm two years ago after they were caught kissing goodbye publicly in the military air base for the deployment of the army to the middle eastern. After that many of them dig their story from people who know both of them and find a heartwarming tale of young people who preserve their love while pursuing their own dreams.

A thunderous clap following the announcement go on for more than a minute. “Thank you. I think that’s all that I want to say. This all for me, right now still athlete Na Heedo, but when I exit this stadium for the last time, I will be just Na Heedo. Again, thank you so very much.” Heedo smile and wave her bouquet of flower before exiting the announcement site.

“Congratulation for the retirement!” Yijin hug her from behind, lifting her few centimeters away from the ground and add a bouquet of white rose in her hands that already full. “So very proud of you, my little national hero.”

When she touch the ground she mockingly salut him, “Yes, thank you Captain BAEK YI JIN!” and she kiss him in the cheek, “Only, I’m not that little anymore, you’re the one that keep on growing, Captain.”

He chuckle, “Ah, it will be better though if you call me with another thing instead of always teasing me with that since last month.”

Heedo laugh, “Like what? Husband? You will need to wait two more weeks for that though.”

“Promise?”

“Yes, I promise if you promise to call me wife!”

“Call!”

“And then we can have little honeymoon in US.”

“You mean in Texas? In the middle of desert? Yeah sure. I will be very much enjoying my skin get burned and all.”

“But aren’t we already enjoying hell and heaven together, what’s desert?”

She smile brightly, “Yeah, I know. A desert just a mere thing for us.”

“It is.”

“We have time now, yes?”

“Yes. And I really really hope there’s forever for the first time.”

“Even in hell?”

“Oh with you, nothing’s feel like a hell.”

“What a sweet tongue.”

“I know.” He take a deep breath, “I’m so in love with you, Na Heedo.”

“And I, also so in love with you Baek Yijin.”

FIN.