Chapter Text
The day after you said goodbye
All I did was lay in bed and cry
“Are you sure, absolutely sure?”
“Yes, mom. Go to sleep, get your beauty rest,” Rory assured her, waving her away with a feigned smile, from the bottom of the stairs.
She walked back to her bedroom, stopping right at the door frame, awaiting the sign that her mother was asleep. The door upstairs shut. Just the one she needed. The two said their goodnights but Rory was sure she wouldn’t sleep. Not tonight, not tomorrow. Not any day soon.
As she tucked herself into bed, her eyes fell on the moon hanging outside her window. A moon, anyone could be watching. Not that she wanted to think about a specific someone watching. Her mind was buzzing awake, refusing to just shut down and let this horrible day end. However, of course, it just couldn’t be over already.
A deep ache caved into the pit of her stomach that she locked away so no one else could see. It was for and her only. Rory tossed and turned. She rearranged her pillows about fifteen times but there just wasn’t much she could do to not let her mind linger back to him.
It was inevitable, how could she have not seen? He wasn’t a schedule following, planning, stick around type of guy. She thought she saw something there, she knows she did. Rory felt angry, at him, at herself. At the ‘I told you so’ that creeped every so often in the back of her mind. It sounded an awful lot like her mother at the moment, but then it turned into Dean the next. His venomous, almost proud voice that used to sweeten her with his words. Not even Dean lasted for a second before another voice appeared. It resembled his , but there was shame laced in his tone. Rory closed her eyes tight, shutting out all of them. Except, there was one that slipped out. It was her’s.
Tears welled up, daring to spill out, as she turned onto her stomach. Her hands wiped them away furiously. There was no way she was going to allow herself to cry. To wallow. Absolutely not. That little voice left a sting she didn’t want to face. Sitting up toward the bookcase a few feet away, her watery eyes fell upon a particular book. Her lips trembled as she stood up and grabbed it. There was something heavier about it, whether that was just Rory’s imagination or the actual book, she couldn’t say. Her thumb tenderly brushed across the front page. A memory flashed, just for a second.
“Well, aren’t we hooked on phonics?”
“Oh, I read a lot. Do you read?”
“Not much.”
She blinked once, a solid tear hit the page. One turned to two, two into three, and the counting stopped when Rory’s tears lulled her to sleep that night. The first of many. Alone.
But after one month, I started to move on
And after two, I felt alright
“Mom, I need another one!” Rory called out from her nearly empty bedroom, one hand was holding down the flaps of a box while the other taped it shut. Her sigh was light, relief fluttered in her chest. Only one more to go. The most highly anticipated as well. Her books.
Rory hadn’t gotten the time to look through them, reminisce and get one last look before they're tossed in some car to be dropped off again. To organize too, she added.
A small grin was on her lips as she sat on the floor beside the first pile of books. Not too big but it shouldn’t take very long to get through. Her hand gently picked up the first book of the stack, We The Living by Ayn Rand. Next came Arrowhark, Ed Cline . Howl, Allen Ginsberg. Rory felt her smile falter. Why? Why was she letting this continue to affect her? It was just some book! That’s it. Trickles of past hurt feelings rose up, her chest tightening.
“Ok, after the excruciating journey I just went through to get this box, it better- Hey, are you alright?” Lorelai spoke, peering in by the door, her breathing was a bit heavy as she walked in. Rory nodded absentmindedly as she put the book down. “Yeah, yeah. It just hit me that I’m leaving Stars Hollow. For a while, it feels like a long while.”
Lorelai smiled sadly, moving to sit beside her daughter. “You know, just say the word and I’ll get out my portable mattress. I’ll stay with you in the dorm, help you settle in. Go to the parties and see how many mistake us for sisters. I’ll bet that they’d think I’m the younger one”
“Oh yeah, definitely.” Rory chuckled, wrapping arms around her mom. She let herself relax into the hug when her mom fiercely returned it. A bitter-sweetness settled in that day. It was time for a new place.
Then three months in, you were off my mind
And month four and five, I was living my life
College was something different, alright. With new people came new lessons, new experiences, new feelings. “Ace” soon turned into one of her favorite words to hear when she met the initially frustrating yet charming, Logan Huntzberger. He gave her a rush, just from the smallest look. Just from the way his dimpled smile sent her stomach into back flips. The feeling felt like a coin flipping whenever she caught the same treatment for a different girl. It hurt, no, stung .
Having whatever agreement they had wouldn’t suit her. It was simply foolish when it hit her that this wasn’t her. ‘Just friends might be better’ was what she wanted to attempt to explain when she went to go see Logan but when she walked out of that room, she left as Logan Huntzberger’s girlfriend. It felt right.
I was better and didn't have to try
Not to think of you, 'til you reached out
And said, "Remember that night?"
Shock. Nostalgia. Happiness. Excitement. Pride. Not enough words could describe how Rory felt when Jess handed her The Subsect. Her own copy, in fact.
When he left, she plopped herself onto the perfectly ironed, done bed. Her hands were itching to turn the first page and read it. To read this incredible work that he created. That he wrote with his ideas, thoughts. A small smile sprouted on her lips. I knew it.
Rory set the book down briefly, glancing around her room. She exhaled irately, the dress her grandmother chose catching her attention. She gazed at, almost analytically, as her hands gingerly picked it up. Why? felt like the most appropriate word in her mind at the moment. Why this dress, why the DAR, why did she waste the nights out when she should’ve been on campus, why does this girl living here not feel like Rory Gilmore, why-
She put the dress down. Her head pounded from the overwhelming thoughts. Too much to handle, right now. She stepped out of her room, tip-toeing as quietly as possible past her grandparents’ room. The house was dark. Eerily silent as well, which Rory still wasn’t used to considering there were maids roaming around, keeping it in pristine condition. Every crevice, corner, hall was perfectly kept yet it didn’t stop the creaking when one passed by. Rory’s breath hitched as her foot pressed on just that floorboard, a short noise breaking the quiet. She stood, frozen, waiting on a response.
When none came, she continued. Her mind didn’t specifically consider where she was going when stepping out but the kitchen seemed to be the place to go. As she dug through the refrigerator, her eyes found a little box of hidden takeout Indian food. It was tucked behind some frozen vegetables and meat. She took it out, the tips of her mouth quirked up. Grandma, Grandpa, and takeout food didn’t seem like words that belonged in a sentence together. Rory didn’t take much time to think about who could’ve brought it before she re-heated it up.
For the first time in a while, that first bite of food felt like some type of normalcy. Of home, nostalgia. She continued quietly eating. The silence sent shivers across her arms, a hollow feeling settling in as her mind drifted. Echoes of laughs, and pop culture references, and trashing movies on the couch, ‘til someone drifts asleep. Sipping coffee by the window, playing 1,2,3. She felt a shift in her heart, warmth and butterflies in her stomach. Driving around again, a gentle hand intertwined with her’s. Brown eyes, with the prettiest flecks of gold and ambar. Kisses that sent heat running to her cheeks, lazy crooked grins that she used to live for.
We went for a drive, 2:30 in the morning
“That was an okay movie, I’ll admit,” Rory shrugged. She purposely turned away from Jess, to avoid his victorious expression. She quickly added, “Don’t say it. Please, let me save some dignity.”
“Alright, you’re off the hook this time,” he said, proudly smiling.
“Thank you, I greatly appreciate it,” she glanced at him, with a neutral expression. Her eyes glistened in amusement as he pulled the classic ‘yawn-arm-over-the-shoulder’ move. She leaned in, going along with the trick. “That was so old-school,” Rory smirked, her head settled against his shoulder. He shrugged, pressing a soft kiss to her lips.
Her hand trailed against his jaw, to the back of his head, mindlessly playing with his hair. It was soft and fluffy, and her mind was foggy. A giddiness sprouting in her stomach, the butterflies beating stronger every second–
Ring! Ring!
The two jumped away. Her heart beat spiked. He exhaled, with pink tinged cheeks. Their eyes met, equally shaken. Breathless , seemed to be mutually agreed yet unsaid as well. She quickly hopped up from the couch to pick up the phone. “...Um, okay. Are you sure, right now? Okay.”
Rory set the phone down and turned back to a now confused Jess. “That takeout we ordered needs to be picked up, I guess.”
“Midnight drive?”
“Pretty much. Except, it’s more 2:30-ish,” she replied, tossing his keys at him.
“Perfect timing.” He rolled his eyes, catching them as the two slipped out of the house.
~~~~~~~~~~
The drive back was almost too much for Rory to handle, as the food’s aroma filled the car. Her stomach grumbled, looking down at it. Jess frowned too, glancing every so often. She decided to play some music to distract them, however that only erupted in a debate over the superior Nirvana song.
Rory lowered the volume. She leaned against the headrest, “Whatever you say, Krist Novoselic. I’m right and you know it.”
“Well, how trustworthy can your taste be, Miss. Political Nut fanatic?” He asked, raising his eyebrows daringly. She scoffed, “Okay, we are so not getting into that again–”
The conversation was cut short when a sputtering noise erupted from the car. Jess groaned, as it slowed. He pulled over, looking at Rory guiltily. “Looks like we’re stuck for a bit.”