Chapter Text
Slaine stared up at the clouds slowly moving in the sky through the barred window of his cell. This particular one was in the shape of some exotic animal that he couldn’t exactly place a name on. He was sure that he must have known about it at some point, but for the life of him, the word was not coming up in his mind no matter how hard he tried.
He had gotten dull. Both in mind and spirit.
Someone like him was never suited to be in a position to teach anyone. He considered it a blessing that he would never impart his incorrect knowledge on anyone else ever again. There were enough wrongs in the world without him adding another to the pile.
Another cloud passed by, but this time, Slaine recognized its shape.
A seagull.
The birds that he had first taught the Empress about. The birds he had longed to show her, to see with her. Another dream that went unfulfilled.
She had already seen them with another. She had probably seen them more than enough during her propaganda trips to Earth. She didn’t need him to show her them. She didn’t need him to fill her head with useless trivia.
Honestly, what had he been thinking back then? Teaching her useless information like flora and livestock. Did he expect her to impress the Terrans with her knowledge of animals that they all already knew about? Such things were unnecessary for a diplomat of Vers. He had not helped her in the slightest.
For the time that she had spent learning about chicken and cattle, she should have spent it on learning about the cutthroat politics of the Court and the class structure of Vers. Maybe then she could have been taken by the plight of the lower classes instead of birds on an enemy planet half a galaxy away. Maybe then she could have devoted her time and influence into helping them. Maybe then the seeds of war would have never sprouted and hundreds of millions of lives would not have been lost.
Slaine did more than fail her. He had taken away her ability of choice from the very beginning. He had, though unintentionally, blocked away the potential paths that she could have treaded upon with lies of cooperation and fairytales that he himself did not even believe in.
Only now does he see how selfish he had been. Those lessons were not for the Princess’ sake. They were for his. He had wanted a way to be of use to her. He had wanted to prove his worth. He had wanted to show that he was able and allowed to stand by her side.
And it all led to this.
He leaned his head back onto the cold, concrete wall and shut his eyes. It was deathly silent.
There were no guards right outside his cell like how it had been for the first year of his incarceration. He remembered the glass cage he had been in for the first couple months and while he loathes this cage made of steel and rock, he prefers it over that aquarium tank, though he guesses he has no right to complain. A criminal like him.
It had been...four years? No, six?
He honestly wasn’t sure. Nor did it matter, he mused. He would stay here for the rest of his days so what difference did it make.
Yes, that’s it.
What difference did it make?
All the murders on his hands, all the lies he made without batting an eye, all the people’s hearts he had to trample on to inch one step closer to his goals. His goals themselves.
What did it all matter?
The Empress fixed everything. She cleaned up after his mess and brought peace to both planets. Even if he had done nothing at all, she would have done everything by her own power. She did not use nor need his help. His hand had no part in the building of the new world she would lead. Rather, he had been the biggest force responsible for delaying its eventual arrival. Preventing an era of peace from arriving. Preventing a world where no one needed to be hurt for the sake of another.
His struggle had been meaningless.
His efforts had meant nothing.
There had been no point.
Just like the lessons on Earth he gave the young Princess so many years ago, his actions had led to nothing but ruin. It would have been better if he had just never tried. He shouldn’t have tried. Someone like him was not suited to try to change the world.
He didn’t matter.
He buried his head into his knees and took in a deep breath. His hand grasped wildly for his pendant and when it found it, it grasped around it so hard his knuckles went white. His heart was pounded in his chest and his head started to hurt. He felt like he couldn’t breathe and for just one moment, he wished he couldn’t and that caused a rush of guilt to overwhelm his senses. He couldn’t forgive himself for even thinking about betraying the Empress’ wish one last time. If he did, then everything he had ever done really would have brought nothing but misery to her. He felt the corners of his eyes grow hot, but his vision remained clear. He had no tears left to shed, but even if he did, they would not be allowed to fall. He would not allow them to.
The sound of the cell being unlocked caused him to peer up, startled.
“Get up, Troyard. Someone’s here to see you.”
Slaine couldn’t move. Someone was here to see him? There could only be one person who would visit someone like him and he hadn’t bothered coming in over a year. He shouldn’t be coming back ever again. But who else would go out of their way to meet a dead man like him? Or rather, who else knew he still existed in the world?
Seeing as how he was still staring blankly at him, the guard sighed before walking in and pulling him off the bed. He had not used much strength, but because of how bony Slaine’s wrists were and how overall weaker he was, a stroke of pain still ran through his body. It hadn’t been the guard’s fault, it was Slaine’s fault for being weak.
The guard clicked the handcuffs on and walked out of the cell, motioning for Slaine to follow. Without a choice—he had given that up a long time ago for everyone’s sake—he slowly stepped out of the cage and realized that since there had been no one to visit him in over a year, he hadn’t been out of it for that long.
It gave him a small feeling of freedom.
He wanted nothing more than to give it up.
“You look well.” Those were Inaho’s first words to him when Slaine was placed in the chair opposite of the table that they had used so often before.
As Slaine expected, the visitor was none other than Kaizuka Inaho. Of course, he thought darkly to himself.
Kaizuka Inaho. War hero, savior of Earth, genius child, ace pilot, UEF’s golden boy, the man responsible for “killing” Count Slaine Saazbaum Troyard. The man who watched the birds with the Empress. The one who really showed her dreams of prosperity and peace. The one who selflessly supported her pursuit of harmony between Terran and Martian. The embodiment of it. The one who she had gave her utmost trust to. Her true ally throughout it all and her greatest friend.
The one who Slaine had desperately wanted to be.
Inaho was everything Slaine was not and it was not the first time that Slaine had wanted to strangle him, bring him down to his level, when he stood in front of the expressionless man.
He wanted to hate him.
But it was hard to care when you hated yourself the most.
Slaine was unable to tell if the other man was being sarcastic or not. He wasn’t particularly vain, but he knew that he probably looked awful. He had difficulty keeping down the food he ate so he presumed he was probably drastically underweight and the lack of nutrition also contributed to a ghostly pale complexion that was no longer white and more like dead. His hair was probably unkempt and wild from lack of regular haircuts as well. He attributed Inaho’s faulty vision to the fact that he only had one eye now, courtesy of himself.
“As do you.” He drawled back before turning his gaze to a random corner. He refused to look at the man. Their previous meeting should have been their last.
“I should have brought some scissors, your hair looks uncomfortably long.” The other man did not seem put off by his attitude, but Slaine remembered that he was always like this. Always moving forward towards his goal with no care for what others thought. Always rational. Always so efficient. Always two steps ahead.
“I will now politely exercise my right to refuse.” Slaine spat out. “With your lack of depth perception, you’d probably end up lopping off a chunk of my hair. I might have no one to impress, but even I would like to remain looking human.”
Unfazed by the jab, Inaho mused thoughtfully. “You’re not going to question my hair cutting skills, depth perception ignored?”
“...Tell me now. Is there anything you can’t do, Major Kaizuka?”
His eyes locked in on the new badge sitting on the left side of Inaho’s jacket. The man hadn’t had it the last time he saw him so he must have been promoted within this year. He wasn’t exactly sure how old Inaho was, but it was clear that probably another page in UFE record books was marked with his name on it. He assumed that over half of it was filled with Inaho’s name alone by now and that estimate was out of an effort to be polite to the other normal people of the Terran military.
It didn’t surprise him that the other man had climbed the ranks so fast, probably faster than his own ascent amongst Vers’ military. He was probably UFE’s poster boy for propaganda and by pasting his face all over the news, they could give Vers a constant reminder of the cause of many of the Orbital Knights’ defeat. A warning to tell them to not even think about starting anything.
Slaine didn’t take Inaho to be the type to care much for promotions though. He should know that with higher rank brings in more responsibilities and more obstacles courtesy of the lovely thing known as bureaucracy. Considering the other man’s penchant for ignoring protocol and disobeying superiors, he didn’t think he would willingly allow himself to be chained down by more rules and regulations.
But then again, this was Kaizuka Inaho—savior of Earth. If there was anyone who could get away with just about anything, it was probably him and Slaine hated him for it.
Inaho chose to ignore Slaine’s pointed stare at his badge. “Of course there are. I’m running into things I can’t do every day. It’s refreshing.”
“Then you’re blessed to be able to think that way.” Slaine scathes. He wished he could be confronted by his own inability and not loathe himself for one more thing his hands could not grasp.
“True.” And he said no more. Only silence remained in the cell as Slaine still refused to meet those red eyes straight on and Inaho did not tire of just staring at the blonde’s inevitably useless struggle.
Slaine wanted to demand what the other man was doing here. Things should have been settled between them already. That is why he had finally attained peace from the man after that meeting a year ago.
Yet, here he was again. Always a thorn on his side.
He was a genius. A genius at irritating Slaine.
Assumedly growing tired of the silence, Inaho directed his attention to his bag and brought out two wrapped objects from it. He carefully placed one in front of himself before inching the other one towards Slaine.
“You haven’t ate yet, correct?”
Slaine’s blue eyes slowly moved from the corner he had found just fascinating moments before to the object pushed in front of him.
Another lunch box. Orange in color, Slaine noted with distaste.
For all the strange things Inaho does, this was the one that Slaine could never understand. About two years into his incarceration, the other man suddenly started bringing homemade food with him every single time he visited. He initially refused to touch anything that the other man made, but Inaho kept babbling out reasons like his health and weight, complete with more than enough information of the link between one’s diet and the immune system, before he gave up and ate it just to get him to shut his mouth.
He would never admit it, but...it was good. Though the emptied lunch boxes probably spoke volumes more than he ever could.
Inaho opened his own box and started pointing out what each entrée was, its amount, and nutritional value. Slaine had learned to tune him out quite early on.
He stared blankly at the precise movement of Inaho’s chopsticks as it moved from portion to portion. Textbook definition of how to hold them unlike Slaine’s which was still a clumsy imitation after many failed attempts. His eyes moved from the chopsticks up and to Inaho’s hands. They widened.
“You got married.”
Inaho paused his explanation and raised his eye from the lunch box to look into Slaine’s. He could not see himself in those deep red eyes.
“...Yes. Just last month actually.”
Slaine’s throat felt parched. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the ring sitting on Inaho’s finger. It was of simple design without any expensive jewels to decorate it. The white shine indicated it was probably made of either platinum or white gold. Probably platinum, a much stronger and durable metal which would be able to withstand Inaho’s profession. It was a metal that would not wear away even if it was damaged, much like the man himself.
Kaizuka Inaho. Married. It was almost like an oxymoron. He almost couldn’t believe it, but the ring was more than enough proof.
Pieces started falling in place in Slaine’s mind. He remembered their last couple of meetings and the subsequent year long absence of them after. The young hero’s behavior suddenly started making a lot more sense to him.
Inaho had moved on.
Slaine forced a smile onto his lips. “...Congratulations.”
“I did not expect you to congratulate me.” Inaho responded without changing expression. What did he expect from him? To curse his new life?
“It’s for the sake of your wife. I’m not as petty as to wish misfortune upon someone completely innocent, much less a lady.” Inaho’s wife had nothing to do with their feud. It would be wrong to wish such awful things solely because of the grudges he held against her husband. Every bride deserves all the happiness the world can offer her.
“How gentlemanly of you. I’m sure she would be happy to hear.” Inaho looked almost relieved and it bothered Slaine.
“She knows about me?” Wouldn’t it be a breach of security to tell your wife about the greatest lie of the decade?
“It would be difficult for her not to know.” He ignored Slaine’s piercing gaze, pressed his hands together before expressing his gratitude for the food he made, and began eating.
Slaine begrudgingly did the same motion, a practice he had picked up because the other had insisted on it. The words felt foreign to his tongue after so long.
Taking one of the sausages that had been cutely cut into an octopus shape into his mouth, he continued to stare at Inaho.
Difficult for her not to know. That either implied that Inaho’s new wife was in on the secret from the start or she had found out somewhere along the way when Inaho had still been visiting him. He didn’t look like the type able to continually lie to someone he held dear each time he disappeared to visit the supposedly dead Count.
Slaine shook his head. What did it matter? If Inaho had allowed her to be in on the secret and go as far as to even marry her, he must trust her a great deal.
He couldn’t help but wonder. What type of woman was the one who tied down the famous hero of Earth? Or rather, what type of woman could stand promising her future to that insensitive man?
He recalls Lemrina when she had proposed an engagement between him and “Princess Asseylum”. While it was a marriage for power and legitimacy, what was really being put down on the line was Lemrina’s life and freedom. She was allowing him to steer her future. She would stay with him through it all and that she did. That’s what marriage meant to the lonely girl who could not obtain the happiness normal girls dreamed of.
His thoughts strayed from Lemrina to the Princess. He remembers the beautiful smile that spread across her face when she saw the image of birds flying across the sky in the garden he had made for her. It was a precious memory to her. So precious that her heart still remembered it even while her mind did not. It was a memory that she shared with Inaho.
They were probably in love, Slaine thought.
And he was the reason they could not be together. The Princess was now the Empress, married to another. Inaho had now also moved on and found someone else to spend the rest of his life with.
His heart ached with the weight of yet another sin he had committed. Apologies danced across his tongue but he could tell that Inaho would not accept them.
It only further cemented the fact that everything Slaine had ever done brought only suffering. He had taken away the Empress’ freedom, stepped over her dreams of peace, stolen away a fledgling love that had blossomed in her chest. Just how painful must have it been for her to cast it aside for the greater good of both the people of Earth and Vers?
He looked at Inaho who was still focused on eating. He had wronged him too. While the Empress’ situation was a series of quick decisions and overwhelming sense of duty, Inaho’s was completely different. It had probably been a love without a happy ending in sight from the start, but it must have been devastating to see the girl you love abandon you for the happiness of all. That much could be seen by how long it took the man to move on.
It had been...four? No, six years? And only now was the other man allowing himself the ordinary. He had found someone else to protect. He had found someone he wanted to walk together with.
The guilt was still ebbing away at him.
Before he could stop himself, he opened his mouth to speak and immediately regretted his words. “.......Is she like the Empress?”
What an awful thing to ask. He could not berate the other for being insensitive now.
How could he ask if his wife was like his past love? When he was the one responsible for tearing them apart. When if it hadn’t been for him, they might have had a chance at a future where they could laugh together, smile together, be together.
It was a horrible thing to ask. To the Empress, to Inaho, and to his wife.
Inaho’s chopsticks stopped in their tracks. His mouth was open to welcome the food but now he was frozen in that position. If the situation wasn’t so serious, Slaine might have laughed at how silly he looked.
His red eye betrayed no emotion. Slaine found that no matter how much he wanted to look away right now, he could not. Inaho would not allow it.
Neither of them spoke a word.
Finally, Inaho sighed and neatly set down his chopsticks on a napkin he had set out before. He pushed the box forward and leaned his cheek against his hand. All while never breaking eye contact with Slaine.
Slaine felt a cold sweat break out on his back. It had been a long time since he had felt this way in front of Inaho. It had been so long that he had almost forgotten. Willed himself to forget.
Kaizuka Inaho was many things. A genius, a war hero, an ace pilot.
But most of all, he was incredibly frightening.
His sister would say he was the kindest boy she knew. His friends would all unanimously agree. Same with his old comrades.
Slaine would laugh at them.
That red eye that so easily ensnared his own did not belong to a “kind” person.
“What do you think?” Inaho asked.
He struggled to talk. He couldn’t possibly tell him he thought that maybe Inaho had chosen his wife based off of how alike she was to the Empress. In the first place, there was no doubt that Inaho already knew what he had thought. He had just chosen to ask him anyway to corner him even further.
Narrowing his eye, Inaho sighed again. He absentmindedly stroked his eye patch, ignoring Slaine’s discomfort. “...It’s not what you’re thinking of, if you’re so curious to ask. It would be rude and I wouldn’t be able to face her parents if I married her for such a reason.”
He let out the breath he had been holding in. One and two. Good, he was able to breathe. But at the same time, he could not feel completely relieved.
“So you married her out of love?”
Do you properly love her? Are you happy?
“I didn’t say that.”
“Excuse me?”
Inaho was the one to look away this time. Slaine jaw dropped and his temper flared. The fear from earlier was gone.
“You can’t just—! You don’t—She—Don’t you feel—My god...Inaho, you...!” Words were coming out but they were all jumbled up and made no sense. His mind was in a mess. “You don’t love her!?”
“No. Not at the moment.”
It was infuriating how honest he was.
Slaine flopped back onto his chair and ran both of his hands through his hair. This was not a landmine he wanted to tread upon. It was not his business nor did he want it to be.
“Is it so wrong to marry someone you don’t love?” Inaho wondered out loud. “Yuki was also against it.”
“No surprises there. You’re tainting the common dream of women with your nonsense.”
This was Inaho he was talking about so if he didn’t marry out of love, he must have married with a different objective. Maybe it was a political marriage as well. Now that the UFE’s common enemy, Vers, was gone, the various countries that made it up had no reason to keep playing nice with each other. It was possible that Inaho had married some diplomat’s daughter or one of similar status to strengthen Japan’s position in the world, especially after the mass destruction it had undergone during the second war.
“Am I?” Inaho looked almost astonished. Well, if you could consider a raised brow “astonished”.
“Yes, you are. But more than that, she probably just wants you to be happy.” Feeling uncomfortable under Inaho’s gaze suddenly, he picked up his chopsticks again and started playing with his food. “Marriage is for forever even if you eventually separate. A vow between two people who love each other to live as one.”
He could easily picture the image of Yuki overjoyed about the news of her precious younger brother’s engagement. Only to be disappointed and enraged when he tells her he doesn’t love the girl. He didn’t say it, but Inaho’s sister’s rage probably also partly came from indictment for the poor girl’s sake. No one deserves to be trapped into a loveless marriage.
Inaho cocked his head. “Then, I am fulfilling the conditions of a successful marriage. I fully intend on staying with her.”
“Yes, everything except the loving one another part. The part that is not in the ‘sufficient but not necessary’ category.” You dumbass, he seethed internally. Who knew the day would come when he would be calling Inaho an idiot? Not to his face, but still.
“I do not believe that’s really necessary, especially with our circumstances. And I’m positive she understands.”
Slaine looked at him with disbelief. “And you believe her? She’s obviously just trying to make you feel better.”
“No, I really am positive about this.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“I just am.”
Slaine’s head was starting to hurt. Inaho said he fully intended on living the rest of his life with his wife, but from what Slaine could tell, their marriage was not going to last even a year.
“Is it really so wrong to marry someone you don’t love?” Inaho repeated his question from earlier. “You stated that marriage was about promises and I’m inclined to agree.”
Slaine perked up at that.
“A promise of a future where you can laugh with the other. Where you can be happy with the other. Where you can turn your head and they will always be right there.” Inaho’s eye captured Slaine’s once more. He fingers were stroking the ring absentmindedly. The caress was so gentle that Slaine could not help but believe in Inaho’s words. “I can see that when I’m with that person. So why is it necessary for me to love them from the start? It’s not a part of it, correct? Can it not develop as we go along?”
It was warped logic. It shouldn’t make sense, but coming from Inaho, it somehow did. Slaine didn’t know if that was because of Inaho himself suited such a crazy view on what used to be a simple thing to him.
“...Normally, those sorts of promises are ones you’re able to make because you love the other person.”
Inaho was doing it backwards. He could imagine a future with his wife so he says he’ll eventually fall in love. It was honestly outrageous, but Slaine felt like he would do just that. There was nothing that Kaizuka Inaho could not do, after all.
“I see. Well, nothing that can be done about it now.” Inaho remarked as if that was that, end of story, and Slaine burst out into laughter.
He felt more lighthearted than he had in a long time. From what he just saw, he had been right.
Inaho had moved on. He had put the past behind him and Slaine was glad for him. He really was.
They had met and fought as enemies. They had both devoted their life to the Empress. They had both failed to reach her. Despite that, Inaho had found the power within him to move on and forgive. It was a testimony to human strength and to the endless possibilities of the future.
Jealousy, hatred, fear, disgust, pride. He had felt it all towards the other man of Earth. Some days he felt like the other one was so much better than him that he didn’t deserve to live. Other days he was glad for his imperfections after seeing someone technically “perfect” and came close to almost loving them. Slaine had never met someone who could make him feel so filthy yet clean at the same time and he probably never would again.
Hey, isn’t it amazing?
He genuinely wished for Inaho to find happiness.
His heart swelled with joy and the corners of his eyes that had gone dry for so long ago felt hot.
Even someone like him could possess such a pure feeling that was not tainted with selfishness or greed. Not everything he was made of brought suffering. Not every action he took was one that would hurt others.
He had finally done it after all these years.
Wiping a tear of laughter from his eye, he looked up to see Inaho had stopped eating and was staring at him instead.
Red of Mars met blue of Earth.
“Congratulations on your marriage, Major Kaizuka.” It felt so easy to smile at him. See? He could act for the sake of others. Was there a better way to repent than this?
Inaho took in a sharp breath, but remained as expressionless as ever.
It did not matter to Slaine anymore. He had imparted him with his hopes for the future. Inaho would leave this prison for good with it on his shoulders.
There was no one left behind with Slaine.
He was finally alone.
Feeling relieved, Slaine deepened his smile and he leaned forward on the table to rest his chin on his hands. “Tell me about this lady who captured the great Kaizuka Inaho’s heart. What made you think that she was the one? What made you think ‘you could fall in love’?”
It was such a juvenile question, but he couldn’t stop himself. He needed one last piece to put an end to this final chapter.
With this, he could be free.
And then, he could give up that freedom for good.
“Her face.”
“...Pardon me, I didn’t hear that correctly.”
“Her face.”
“...”
There was no doubt about it. He would have to see Inaho’s face again in a year’s time.
This time, pointedly, without a wedding ring.
“You look well.” Inaho repeated the words he had first said in their last meeting.
It had been a month since then. Slaine had refused to talk to the other man the rest of their previous meeting following the ‘face’ incident. He still finished the lunch box Inaho had prepared him, much to his embarrassment.
“And what are you doing back here?” You should have stopped coming after that, he thinks to himself. “Wait, don’t tell me. She divorced you, didn’t she. This fast? God, Inaho...I knew it.”
“No, she did not and such speculation is unwarranted. There is no danger of divorce.” Inaho looked almost annoyed by the accusation. “I’m here on official business today.”
“Official business? What kind of official business can you have here?” He was the only person here and he had nothing of use to give to UFE.
Inaho walked over to his side of the table and placed a folder with the UFE logo on the cover in front of him. He took the folder into his hands and gingerly opened it.
Briefing papers for a mission.
“As of 12:00 of November 28, 2024 to 12:00 of November 30, the custody of Slaine Saazbaum Troyard belongs to me.”