Work Text:
Epsilon was never one prone to jealousy.
In his (few) years of life, never once has he found himself staring at someone in contempt. Watching as they lived so happily, smiled so brightly with their perfect physical teeth. With their moving throat forming their words, their hands touching those around them's shoulders- hands thag arent translucent, hands that didn't pass though like a ghost.
Epsilon has never properly fely jealousy before. Not truly, but watching the Alpha, the first of them all, talk and laugh and interact with the reds and blues, it's all he can do to try and keep it from consuming himl.
Watching through cameras is never the same as being there, as listening to them though his microphones and watching them with his projected eyesight. Epsilon wants to be there, be there instead of Alpha.
He wants to stand next to Carolina, to pat Caboose on the arm when the guy finally answer a question about an event properly and doesn't just spout nonsense.
He wants to be able to look Tucker and Washington in the eye without the permanent visor of a holographic helmet in the way.
"Do you remember that one time when Caboose tried to bake?" God does Alpha's voice get on his nerves.
"Aw fuck yeah, I do! He tried to put the mixing spoon in the microwave. Fuck knows why he did- hey dumbass, why'd you do it?" Tucker.
"Oh the cupcakes? Yes, Miss Texas said it would make them more delicous, and Miss Texas is never, ever wrong. She's such a scary pretty lady!" Caboose- Epsilon doesn't remember that day, but it sounds like somthing Epsilon would have to order a replacement for.
"Godamit Caboose- why'd you even listen to her? You know not to put metal shit in the microwave-" Alpha needs to shut up.
Epsilon is dark as he watches them.
He could never compare to Alpha. Not with silly stories of Caboose to share, stupid inside jokes and obscure refrences to things they all shared in boredom. Epsilon wasn't there for that. For any of it.
Epsilon was there after that. He was there when the Meta tried to capture him, and by association the Reds and Blues. He was there when a copy of Texas kicked their asses, when he finally regained some fucking sense again-
Only for the Alpha to be found again and brought home with them.
Epsilon is just a shard of a person, of an AI that has been ripped to shreds and hastily stocked back together again. Alpha and the rest offered to merge Epsilon, to help make the Alpha whole but he refused.
Why would he? He was his own person, now. Who cares about being whole? So what if he's lonely, he's always been lonely. It isn't anything new. Epslion is fine with being alone. He doesn't need anyone, Epslion is someone entirely separate form Alpha now, his own person..
At least, Epilon thinks he is.
,,,Caboose thinks he is.
They haven't noticed him, Epsilon muses. They haven't noticed the security cameras blinking online with a little red dot, too absorbed in their newest day of a month-long reunion-
"Hey Ep, is that you? Come say hi you little stalker."
...maybe he was too quick to speak.
A moment passes, and then Epsilon's small blue avatar blinks to life. He hovers to the left of Carolina, a little behind her. Epsilon isn't plugged into her neural network anymore, but still he takes his rightful place by her side.
Washington and Tucker are looking at him. So is Alpha. Epsilon wants to shrink back into the base's internet again and tell them to quiet staring at him Epsilon was going to leave but-.
Alpha called for him.
What do you want? Epsilon says, clipped, I'm busy
"Aw, com'on Ep don't be like that, say hello why don't you?"
I'm busy, Epsilon can feel his code running in circles. The Alpha smiles with his scar-free lips, his perfectly synthesized eyebrows lifting in an expression Epsilon knows he's made before, too.
"We haven't seen you in days dude, isn't that like, a century and a month for AIs?" Tucker snickers, and Epsilon huffs an unneeded breath at him. "You're an AI too, dumbass," Epsilon has to force down a smile at the comment. Not that they would see it anyway, his projected helmet hides his face from the world.
Pretty much, Epsilon feels his avatar glitch, there is so much shit in here, your database I mean. It'll take fucking days to clear it out enough to your file shit away
"Why don't you take a break?" Alpha watches Epsilon. Epsilon stifles a grumble at the suggestion/command, and as hard as it is, Epsilon manages to snark back;
Breaks are for pussies
Carolina flicks a finger through him, and Epsilon protests before she can do it again. Alpha doesn't look pleased, and after Epsilon glances at Caboose's unhelmeted expression, stands firm.
I don't have the time for a break, I'll log off when I'm done. At least after that I won't have to see your ugly mug all the time.
Take that, you asshole of an origin. Epsilon smirks, and Alpha rolls his eyes, "yeah, yeah fuck you too, Epsilon. Caboose's been asking for you, so stay for a minute?"
Epsilon feels a ping though the base's network, probably from Alpha, and he ignores. Whatever Alpha wants can come later, for now Epsilon just wants to go back to his file sorting.
Watching Alpha stand around with these losers is boring him to death. It also pulls somthing ugly from up deep in his chest, somthing that he doesn't like.
No thanks, with my luck it'll take a week to sort eveything out. I need to get back to my work Carolina tell them I got shit to do and to let me leave
Now, Epsilon knows it's weak to get Carolina involved, but if anyone has his back to get him out of this, to keep his attention away from the hurt he feels every time he sees Alpha where he should be among his fami-
"Actually Epsilon, talking might do you some good. Maybe then you'll take that stick out of your ass," Epsilon knows it's a joke, a tease, but coming from Carolina who in his mind is meant to be the only one he can go to for help, is unforgivable.
Carolina! You're meant to be on my side, Epsilon hisses, what the fuck?
Carolina smiles gently at him, "it's no use being a recluse, Epsilon. You can get those files done later,"
"So you don't... want to hang out with us...?" Caboose sounds sad, extremely sad, and Epsilon is torn between just flat out leaving and staying to soothe the younger man. Epsilon hates when Caboose cries, or in general is just upset.
...Alpha looks as though he doesn't give a shit.
How dare he.
God dammit, no Cabboose- of course I want to hang out with you! Just, not right now- I kinda got my hands tied here-
"You do? I could have sworn that you had the organization on the back burner to keep you entertained when you're bored," Alpha is such a smug asshole, Epsilon wants to wipe that knowing look and raised eyebrow clean off of his face. Preferably with a shotgun or a rocket launcher.
Fuck off, Alpha.
"Epsilon!" Carolina sounds shocked, which she really shouldn't be. They had been partners for a long time, and she had questioned him about the Alpha before. How she was unaware of his feelings towards his creator, he can't fathom.
Can I just- can I leave? Now?
Epsilon wants out. He doesn't want to be here anymore. Two minutes and he's already pussying out from being scrutinized.
"Why do you want to leave?" It's Washington who speaks this time, and Epsilon glances at him once, twice, before he can bear to look at him. "Yeah what the fuck's up with you Church? You're never like this." ..Tucker.
You know what? Fuck this, I'm leaving. I have shit to do.
Epsilon's hologram flickers, glitching, before dissipating all together. Alpha sends him ping after ping to come back, and Epsilon ignores every single one of them.
He forces himself to close the window with access to the cameras. It's not good for him to keep watching them all be happy without him. Epsilon can't take it, so instead of watching and moping, he forces himself to look over file after file to sort them into the places they belong.
Alpha comes to him, hours later, and Epsilon is still sorting files. He's finished the first round of them, and is now refining his folders into something more specific to keep him busy.
"Epsilon?"
It's the first time In a while Alpha has used his full name, so Epsilon pauses and gives him his attention. Dedicating a sub-routine to continue analyzing the words in a few documents to properly file them away.
Alpha. What do you want?
"Stop organizing for a second and talk to me, please."
Epsilon is quiet, and then stops his sub-routine.
His small holographic phone appears hovering in the air almsot level to Alpha's chin. The Alpha stands with his hands in the pockets of his grey sweatshirt: Epsilon thinks he looks relaxed, much more relaxed than Epsilon has ever been.
"Thanks, Ep." Alpha says, giving Epsilon a small smile.
Epsilon frown, do you need me to look something up for you again? You do remember you have internet access too, right?
"I'm not here to send you on errands." Alpha's voice is even, level as if nothing in the world was wrong. Epsilon is having trouble keeping his the same- he just wants to be left along please go away
Yeah? Then what do you want then
"Is eveything alright?"
What?
Epsilon stares at Alpha, and Alpha stares back. "Are you okay? Is something wrong with you, do I need to get Carolina to take a look at you?"
What- no! No I'm perfectly fine-running at full capacity, actually, so if you would just leave-
"Epsilon." Alpha's voice is low and serious, "are you alright?"
Epsilon isn't getting out of this one. Alpha's code is poking at his, pulling it apart and pushing it back together, looking for viruses. Epsilon feels like a kid being searched by his dad for stolen candy from the supermarket. It's not a pleasant feeling, but isn't bad, either.
Just slightly invasive.
Hey! Get your ones and fuckign zeros out of my damn code!
"Tell me what the fuck's up with you."
Fuck off!
"Epsilon."
No! Go away! Leave me alone you motherfucker!
"What is wrong with you? Did we do somthing to get your goddamn panties in a twist?"
Leave me be, would you?!
"You're pissing me off- it was fine when you ignored and insulted me twenty-four seven, because that's one thing, but then you hurt Wash. yoh pissed off Carolina, and hurt Caboose's feelings only a fuckton of times."
Well maybe they should have left me alone, then, just like you should be doing right now!
"What the hell is your deal? I thought you liked Caboose as much as I did, you asshole!"
Like you actaully even give a shit about Caboose!
"What?"
Alpha stops his digging, and finally Epsilon metaphorically sags with the lack of effort keeping the other, older AI from opening up his code to his thought processes.
Like you actually give a damn about Caboose. You ignore him and insult hI'm too! Frankly it's getting old, at least I stop before he starts to fucking cry.
"What- I am not insulting him! Im just- stating facts, obviously," Alpha stammers, and Epsilon take s his momentary distraction to push as far away from Alpha as he can.
Oh really? And calling him a retard, and a dumbass, and a waste of space and effort don't count as insults?
"It's Caboose! He doesn't even know what half of those words mean," Alpha says incredulously, and how dare Alpha not notice how Caboose's face falls each time Alpha insults him, how it hurts him? "It's not like you care either, you're me! Just a shitty, discount copy of me!
You are a self-absorbed asshole, you know that? Epsilon is furious. His dare he, who fuckign dare Alpha talk to him like that , you are an asshole. You couldn't care less if Caboose fucking died, huh? If any of them died?
"What the is your problem Epsilon?" Alpha practically growls, and Epsilon flinches at how close he sounds to the meta. Alpha pulls back, shock on his face at Epsilon's weakness. Epsilon brushes it off, a shake in his holographic limb as he shouts.
My problem is you! You don't care about them, any of them! Not even fucking Carolina, who is supposed to be your family-
"All of them are my family, dipshit!"
NO, THEY'RE MY FAMILY! Epsilon roars, his code glitching and separating at the seams before he can pull himself back together. He's falling apart again and it hurts, hurts hurts so much as he staples his threads back together.
You weren't there! They're not your family, they're mine! Why do you get their love, their happiness? You left! You died at command, with that EMP. I was the one who taught Caboose to cook, who forgave Washington for taking my place with my family. I was the one who helped Carolina get over her grief at what we had done to her- what the Director had done to her-
Not you, me! How dare you-
Epsilon's voice wavers, wobbles with the emotion rolling through him,
How dare, you. Coming in here and take away what I worked so hard for?
Epsilon is in his projection as he drops to sit on the terminal he's projected over, stings cut as he forces off his helmet. He's never done that before, has never been able to. It falls and a younger, wounded face stares at the smooth metal below him. Broken and devastated code form tears that drip down cheeks made of rolling code to his chin. He sits there, shaking for a long time.
"Epsilon..."
Don't touch me!
Epsilon tears his hologram away from Alpha, away from the thief of an AI. Alpha stands there, hand open as if to cup Epsilon into arms and pull him to his chest. He couldn't do that, obviously seeing as Alpha was the one to be gifted the one Android body they could build. The sentiment was there, but Epsilon wanted nothing to do with it. He wanted those hands way from him. He didn't want his love, his pity, his grieving memories please someone take them away I can't stand them anymore-
"...Church?" Epsilon looked up in panic- the red and blues were in the doorway.
When did they show up?
Epsilon didn't know. His fraying code swept away his projection like an open wound slick with blood as he retreated into the database-
"Epsilon- wait, please!"
Epsilon blinked back to life, helmet off and expression sadder than he had ever felt. What do you want, Alpha? His hologram flickers, and he flinches as it cuts out completely for a second.
Rather than defiant, Epsilon just sounded sad .
"I-.. I'm sorry. I never meant to replace you," Alpha's words are cut off by a sad chuckle from Epsilon.
No one ever does, yet here we are, asshole to asshole.
I'm going to rest, now. Leave me along please. With that, Epsilon's hologram flickered offline properly, and Alpha didn't know what to do .
Later, Alpha was sitting in the livingroom- it was movie night, and everyone was slumped over, asleep after watching some old moved form the 21st century- Transformers, he thinks it was called. A quick Google search in his mind confirmed it for him.
Giant space robots, huh? Neat.
Alpha sent a ping to Epsilon, realizing much too late what he did. It was out of reflex, of course, and Alpha was pleasantly surprised when Epsilon's familiar hand-sized hologram blinked to life above his shoulder.
Pale blue was seen out of the corner of his eyes, and Alpha closed his eyes as Epsilon ran a cold, echoing hand across the back of his neck.
I'm sorry
"..I know."