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“Well, I don’t think any ribs are broken,” Todd said, and Black tried not to make a sound as Todd prodded far too hard into the darkening bruise on the side of Black’s chest. “But I’m not a doctor, or anything.” Todd was pissed, Black could tell from his frigidly cheerful voice, and rough hands. Black was sitting up on his bed, with his shirt off and Todd leaning into his space, and it should have been comfortable, familiar. After all, they’d been here many times before, but instead all Black could feel was cold. He blamed the ice pack Todd was holding up to his left side. He saw Todd’s eyes fall on the goosebumps raising on his arms, and Todd smirked.
“Getting chills? If being close to me still affects you like this, you know, we could—”
“Shut up, Todd,” Black snapped, pushing him away. Todd’s eyes went frosty, as he stepped away from the bed.
“You don’t have to be a bitch about it,” Todd said.
“You know we don’t do that anymore,” Black responded, picking up the discarded ice pack and pressing it against his bruise himself. “If you don’t like it, you can leave.”
Todd grit his teeth. “I came over to help you, cause I was worried about you, you bastard. You’re always getting hurt with these new friends of yours, and—”
“It’s none of your business.”
“None of my business—!” Todd’s voice jumped in volume, and then he shuttered his face, hiding his rage behind a cold mask that Black couldn’t see behind anymore. He’d been getting better and better at that, and it chilled Black. Todd smiled instead, and Black had to look away.
“Fine, it’s none of my business,” Todd said. “Pardon me.”
Black thought that Todd would leave then; he had before, but instead he shoved Black’s legs aside and lay back on Black’s bed, his head by Black’s hip. Black watched as Todd, his oldest friend and basically ex though they’d never put a name to it, stared at the ceiling with blank eyes. He had no idea what Todd was thinking.
This was part of why he’d ended the physical stuff in their relationship. He knew Todd, he trusted him, but sometimes… he didn’t anymore. Whether it was surprisingly callus comments about Todd’s own father and how he was dying soon, or how they no longer got into passionate discussions about politics that they’d like to change, something was different with Todd. He was quiet on topics that he used to talk about. And when he did speak, he said surprising things. Black knew he was studying Economics, but he talked like he actually believed in the system, in capitalism, in all that was wrong. Black tilted his head and looked at his friend laying flat on his bed, and wondered what who he was becoming.
Meanwhile, Black was learning so much from Gumpa, learning how to make real changes, how to run, and fight and win. But Todd… he wanted nothing to do with it, except to nag at him whenever he had so much as a bloody nose.
When they were younger, it’d been so different.
Black remembered, vividly, only a few years ago. Them both in their too expensive school clothes, the ones Black took pleasure in tearing and staining as much as he could, just to piss off his mae. Black’s heart pounding as Todd grabbed his hand and they ran from the teachers, ducking around corners and hiding behind the fence by the school kitchen entrance. Their first kiss, tentative and exploring, had been right there by that smelly dumpster at fifteen years old.
Later kisses were much more consuming, two years later and still in those awful school uniforms, as Todd pressed his back into the fresh spray paint of their recent vandalism. Black devoured Todd’s mouth, his lips sore and tingling as he let Todd jam his tongue into his mouth. The rawness from where Black had chewed on the inner lining of his cheek hurt in such a good way. The yellow paint got in his hair, and didn’t come out for ages, giving away their crimes. Both their parents paid off the school in lieu of expelling them, which pissed Black off and relieved Todd.
If it had been even two months earlier than now, the way Todd was laying beside him on the bed would have been an invitation that Black wouldn’t have hesitated at. He would have leaned down, and bit Todd’s neck, or maybe just pressed a soft kiss to his nose. He would have put a knee between Todd’s thighs and ignored the pain of his bruised chest, where he’d missed a practice jump in Gumpa’s parkour course and slammed into the side of a storage container. He would have grabbed Todd’s hands and wrapped them around his waist, letting Todd drag him closer than seemed possible. He did none of those things.
Todd didn’t move his eyes from the ceiling when he spoke next.
“Your staring is giving me mixed signals, Black.” Todd’s voice was calm, flat, cold. Black huffed, and took his ice pack and mashed it into Todd’s face instead, which made him squawk, and swat at his hands. The chill between them evaporated and for a moment they were fourteen again, and only unhappy with the world in a hazy angry way, rather than rapidly ending up on opposite sides of an ideological argument that neither could win.
Todd laughed as he rubbed warmth back into his face, where the ice had chilled him, and then gave Black a playful look.
“Rude.”
“You know this about me,” Black said, taking the ice pack back and pressing it to his injury. It was tender; but numbing.
“Wanna watch a movie?” Todd said, and Black rolled his eyes cause he knew that Todd would pick some stupid American comedy, the kind that was a total waste of time to even watch without logical story, good acting, or meaning of any kind.
“Sure,” Black agreed anyway. And they settled back on Black’s bed, with his laptop on both their legs, and Black let Todd lean his chin against his bare shoulder, as the ice pack thawed slowly on his bruised heart.