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Imaginary giggles filled every space in your mind as you hugged yourself and dug your nails into your skin, creating deep indentations. Many eyes in your room bore into your figure incessantly, watching you grit your teeth to silence the sobs from your throat. The shadows in the corner of your eye jeer at you, their gangly fingers pointing at the ground of which your source of failures are seen.
Heavily scribbled out papers were strewn across the monochrome diamond-patterned floor where you laid in writhing agony. They were a mix of your attempted written potionology assignments and your test results from the same subject. One moment, you were focused to write the make-up assignment, and the next, your magic pen in your hand had trembled as tears stained the paper, rendering you unable to continue.
Failure, failure, failure, every single time. You take in shallow breaths and laugh in-between, your shoulders achingly moving up and down. It's to the point manic laughter and pained wails fill the room. In the mix, the giggles, the eyes, the jeers, the shadows — they all follow along with you, encouraging your pathetic display. It all becomes a disastrous cacophony, one that only you can witness.
The academic pressure is getting to you so badly that your weakest subject, Potionology, is taking an even deeper plunge. Professor Crewel wasn't lenient in the first place, and he didn't let you go from the lab until he's drilled the concepts into your head while you slightly shake under his pressuring gaze, trying to control your emotions then and there. He might get mad if you were to cry. He might remind you that you're already a teen and that crying doesn't suit someone your age.
Your mind was supposed to take in the educational information for the assignment he had given you, however all it took was so much pressure and humiliation that it gave in and broke down. What's worse is that you forgot to recite a suppression spell you utilize to keep your anxieties at bay earlier.
Regardless, it's already too late. Your magic pen that's a few inches away from you is already stained with blot which amplified the ghastly ridicule around you.
You don't even recognize where you are anymore as the walls, the floor, and the ceiling are distorted with an inky black color that is covering everything around you like a disease. It's getting worse. A dark tendril wraps around your throat as you wail and laugh even harder, reminding you in a sultry whisper of the word 'mistake' as a mocking laugh comes after.
You sluggishly sit up straight, barely alert, to look at the mess before you. Many eyes from the walls and the ceiling had their pupils constricted intensely, observantly watching you scoot backwards which made your back hit the leg of an eyeless shadow who towered over you, a sickening grin on their mouth. They open their mouth and uttered out many hateful phrases, mocking you as well. The ones around them follow, some laughing spitefully at you in different pitches.
Forcing yourself away from the surrounding shadows, you crawl to the middle, trembling, "Stop... Stop... Stop...." you collapse into a fetal position as dreadful whimpers escape your throat until it descends into shallow breaths like from earlier. You're hyperventilating badly and every being around you relishes that fact. They poke and prod at your weakness with no apologies, only cruel mockery.
'This is why Mother hates you. You just can't be by yourself because what can you even do?'
Curling yourself into a ball, you shake your head repetitively and keep on repeating the word 'no more' as you breathe harder.
'Father... Always with the underhanded comments and even insults, undervaluing you. He isn't wrong though.'
'Quit crying, you pathetic oaf. What if they see you like this? Will they take you again to that wretched hospital?'
Your breathing momentarily faltered hearing the word 'hospital'. All the memories of leather binds restricting your limbs and stomach as you thrash and cry. You.... you don't remember much, however you knew your parents told the psychiatrist that you're quite violent as if they don't know what you were truly going through and simply generalized your illness in the worst and the most vague way possible. You're not... you're not violent.
You didn't know much as the psychiatrist forced you to sit down on the reclining chair. Your heart had beat faster when they'd prepare the binds for you to completely sit still, your glossy eyes watching your parents leave the room without looking back at you. They've abandoned you again.
'How unfortunate of you. Truly, I pity you, but it can't be helped. Suck it up and focus on not being useless, if you will.'
'My, my, you can't even lift yourself to continue with that assignment of yours? How hopeless of you! Continue on being like that and you'll be gone in this world before you could even turn eighteen.'
"P-Please... just stop," in a ragged tone, you begged as you dig your nails into your face, clawing at it to find a semblance of relief.
They giggled, practically denying you the peace you really wanted and needed. To cruelly mess with you even further, the shadows that were once stuck near your walls have now circled around you. They all open their mouths to let out incoherent chatters that revolved around you as you heard your name being thrown around. No doubt it's gossip.
'Why should I stop? At least I have a purpose of constantly reminding of what little worth you have and are just a mere eyesore. I bet even your teachers are already at their last straw of patience with you.'
As if in cue, the shadows laughed together, some even pointing at you like a cornered animal.
'Hahaha!! They all agree with me too! For someone who's nothing but a waste of space, you really don't fail to amuse us with how worthless you are.'
They messed with your emotions again, causing your breathing to falter, your body shaking. Erratically, you shake your head and begin to scratch the floor, not caring if your nails will break under the pressure you're forcibly exerting.
'Worthless, worthless, worthless.'
'How could a parent ever love you when you're their main source of problems?'
'They're probably so relieved and the only time grateful for you when you left the house to attend this college.'
"(Name)?"
A knock on the door drove your tormentors out as they fade away, leaving nothing but a scar to you. The eyes that observe you had gone away too as they closed their lids shut permanently before fading away just like the shadows. And that awful voice simply expressed its annoyance before disappearing.
Still, you don't budge from your position, having to deal with the aftermath your hallucinations had tormented upon you. You don't answer the person outside, but by the fact you can actually somewhat breathe easy now, you're... grateful, you suppose.
But you know you shouldn't be getting used to it. That has to be a one-time occurrence. No one will save you the second time.
When you're still silent — save for a few sobs and sniffles — the person from the other side finally decides to open the door himself, revealing Lilia Vanrouge whose expression is contorted to a look of concern. Stepping inside, he inwardly gasps when he sees you on the floor.
He ignores the mess of papers as he approaches you and squats down to meet your fallen form. He chuckles sadly, "My, I was going to call you to invite you for a Diasomnia dorm dinner gathering... But ah, this is certainly a turn of events," he frowns when your shaking wouldn't cease, "What's wrong, my dear junior?"
'Lilia...?' finally having your mind to yourself without a voice that keeps on degrading you, you questioned as your body turned rigid. Of all people it's Lilia...? You know there's a reason for his visit as he already stated it, but...
Like a hesitant animal, you turn your head around from the position you're in to meekly look at your senior. When you do, he simply waves at you with a small smile, not wanting to physically press your boundaries immediately so to not startle you.
Right, he's asking for your well-being. That's weird. No one's ever done that to you, really.
You return to your original position and answer him, "...I-I'm just tired... Too much h-happening... T-Too much to deal with," your voice wavered, much to your annoyance. You're really trying your best here to not tear up again so he wouldn't have to see another pathetic display of yours.
"Oh, you poor thing..." Lilia expressed his sympathy as his gaze flits to your magic pen that's near to you. His eyes widened in realization, "Did... you overblot?" negative emotions and high levels of stress equates to a full-on overblot. Sensing that something more had happened earlier, there's no denying in his head that you have just overblotted. The fact it may have went under his radar...
Not being able to take it, you cried in pain remembering what those awful beings have done to you, "I-I don't even k-know, senior!" you bawled out as you curl into an even tighter ball, "A-All I remember w-were those sh-shadows, the eyes, a-and a v-voice..." you're shaking again.
Lilia acted fast and changed his position to fully sit on the floor, his hand rubbing circles on your back to calm you down, "Hush. You needn't force yourself to explain, young one. I'm sorry for asking," he apologized in a solemn tone.
"I-It's—" "Shhh, shhh..."
Your breath hitched when you feel your position and view shift as two firm arms wrapped around your figure. He's... hugging you...? Your chin is propped up on his shoulder and your body is completely limp in his hold, much to your growing embarrassment. His big coat is also wrapped around you like a blanket. This is a new experience to you. It feels so odd.
Not knowing what to do, you quietly ask him, "What're you doing...?" you hear him hum, his hug not close to ceasing.
Lilia giggles at your question, "Simply comforting you, (Name)..." he sighs to himself, "In all honesty, I am very worried for you. It is true I know nothing of you all that much, but please, if you can, tell me what you're going through," he smiles, not that you can see it, unfortunately.
His eyes exceptionally softened as he hugs you a bit tighter, "...I cannot bear to see someone suffer. No one, especially someone like you, deserve such torment."
'Especially to one who had just overblotted,' his thoughts continue. He would rather not mention that for now as it might be a stress trigger.
"...!" you were stunned as you take in his words.
He cares about you...? Someone is concerned for you? Your heart clenched in denial. That can't be right... However it also feels wrong to be stuck in disbelief if you're being extended kindness. You'll try to accept it, out of respect or need for it, you don't know.
You let out a shaky breath and try your hardest to smile, "Th-Thank you, senior. I'll try to repay you..." you murmured, dreading the debt. Not everything is free, right?
Lilia chuckles, "I'm afraid I'm not looking for any repayment. Just don't think of those things, okay?" he runs his fingers into your hair, combing it.
"S-Sorry—" "Ah, ah, ah, you shouldn't apologize because there's no need for it!"
"Oh, uh, I'm not sorry then?" you say in an unsure tone, at the same time, inadvertently making a humorous statement. You didn't know it though.
He stifles an amused laugh, "Hehe, sure, sure, (Name). I totally believe you," he pets your hair which made you unintentionally melt, much to his delight.
Unbeknownst to you, his eyes are full of regret.
/ /
There in the common room lies a familiar, yet daunting group of four: the Diasomnia dorm leader, his caretaker, and retainers. They're all spending their after classes hour discussing and reporting various topics as a way to bond, so to speak. It's mostly Lilia and Sebek, however, as Malleus is thinking to himself in deep silence while Silver is off to dozing like usual.
The green-haired first year is off to rambling his observations during classes and club meeting with the moxie of a rambunctious child. He never fails to show his pride for Malleus, of course, noting to the group he always reminds his other peers to respect the Great Lord himself.
Though he may be annoying and overbearing, there's an unspoken appreciation for him as he fills the silence between the group. Lilia doesn't feel like continuing or adding to the conversation anymore as his gaze always land on the dragon fae, worried. Usually his silence is because of a previous tantrum to show his unwavering stubbornness, but that didn't happen. Nothing of that like had occurred recently.
It's really concerning as the older fae fears that the Diasomnia dorm head may be thinking of matters that may concern life or power... whatever that means.
"Lilia, I have decided," unexpectedly, Malleus starts and turns to face the older fae, catching the attention of the two retainers, "I'd like if we can host a dinner party for all of Diasomnia dorm," despite his stoic expression, his tone sounds adorably earnest.
Lilia looks away from his phone and gives the dragon fae a surprised look. Is that what he was thinking about...? "A dinner party?" he smiles, relieved for a moment, "What may be the reason for that, Malleus?" he asks in a teasing tone as he idly waved his phone around.
The dorm leader huffs to hide his embarrassment, "It is to celebrate our dorm's success," he stated as he averts his gaze and crosses his arms, "And I guess to host a party that I was always invited to..."
"Aww, that's so adorable!" the vice dorm leader snickered teasingly, much to the other dark-haired male's chagrin. In the end, he hums, very much liking the idea of a dinner party. He is also pleased that the future king might end up socializing after all.
"AND I SUPPORT THAT IDEA, LORD MALLEUS!!" Sebek's voice boomed throughout the room, like an amplified megaphone. He's positively beaming with pride.
Silver, shaken up by the green-haired's loud voice, stirred awake and tiredly glares at the first year, "Sebek, be quiet... Were you ever taught to use your inside voice...?" he pauses and thinks over his own question, "Now that I think of it, you never did when you were young," he stifles a yawn nonchalantly.
"SHUT UP, SILVER!!" Sebek yells at the second year with the same volume of tone.
"Hm, but Silver is right, though, Sebek," Lilia humored with a good-natured smile, "I remember Silver telling me you yelled his ears off when the two of you hung out together when you were wee children."
Sebek clicks his tongue, embarrassed, and finally decides to lower his voice, "If you say so, Master Lilia. But!! The two of us weren't hanging out!! We were training!!!" he whisper-yells out instead.
Lilia quickly cleared his throat to dissolve a developing one-sided fighting, "Anywho, Malleus, can I be part of cooking duty? The dorm students will simply love my dishes!" he confidently exclaimed.
"No, old man. Your dishes reek of war crimes on a plate," Silver bluntly interjects with closed eyes, wanting a wink of sleep again.
"Silver—! How could you—!" the vice dorm leader clutched his chest as if he were wounded.
"You can call the students instead, Lilia. I'd appreciate a messenger," Malleus suggests, already thinking of the shock students would feel if he were literally right in front of their doors. Safe to say, he isn't good for that job.
"Hm! Even better, then!" Lilia, having already forgotten his sadness, smiles, "I can charmingly invite students with my boyish looks~!"
"You do you, old man," Silver pipes up again with a drowsy tone. He's about to fall asleep again.
"Well, I shall do what I must quickly!" the older fae winks at the group before magically transporting himself out of the room.
/ /
Walking along the dull hallway to reach the dorm students' living quarters, Lilia hums a tune, feeling excitement in his chest. For one, he's very happy that Malleus is doing something he's never done before. A party or gathering that he's hosting despite the fact he's never been invited to one? Now that's something the older fae is proud of!
Second, it's been a long time since their dorm got united. The last time was during the Magishift Tournament which, even then, isn't exactly "unification" because Malleus had basically carried the dorm. Afterwards, it's all been mellow since the students do their own stuff. There was a Diasomnia study group that he wants to propose when it comes to upcoming exams, but he realized that students already have study groups. They have their own cliques among themselves.
Although he may relate with them seamlessly as he's already adapted with new technology, trends, and what have you, he can't say the same for the dorm leader, the one he urges to make friends. If the dragon fae's future coronation comes around, at least there'd be a few guests or even more! It would also be a diplomatic display to show that he's friendly with humans, too!
Halting in front of the first room, Lilia knocks on it, hoping for a response. Lucky for him, the door clicks open, revealing a blond Diasomnia dorm student. He seems to startle upon seeing the vice dorm leader, however.
"V-Vice dorm leader L-Lilia! Do you n-need something?" the nameless student asks, his apprehension clear as day. His fingers are itching against the doorknob as the palm of his hand kept twisting it.
"Now, now, don't be nervous!" Lilia waves his hand cheerily, "I'm just here to tell you you're invited to a dinner gathering the dorm leader will be hosting," he smiles.
"O-Oh? Um, okay?" the student slowly nods and contemplates if he should get back in his room or not.
"I trust that I will see you there, hm~?" there's no mistaking the intimidating glint in his eyes. He giggled when the student's face visibly paled.
"Then, farewell for now," with that, Lilia skips off with a satisfied grin. Oh how he loves scaring the living daylights of his dear underclassmen! They make such adorable reactions!
"Hmm..." he looks off into the corridor, observing the many doors he needs to knock on.
One down, a lot more to go.
/ /
Lilia admits he's quite bored now. Quite frankly, there's a limit in his head on how many fearful expressions he wants to incite from people. Sure, there were other students who showed neutral expressions (and the rare delighted expression) to his invitations, but either way, he's still bored. It would have been much better if he was preoccupied in the kitchen, making a signature recipe on the spot, his true specialty.
Entering the next floor of the dorm, he walks forward a bit before pausing, realizing something. If teens these days use phones, then... he... he could have just texted them all. This was the weirdest and dumbest epiphany of his that he's stuck rooted to the ground with an irked smile. He got excited seeing his fellow dorm mates that he's forgotten e-communication exists! Ironically!
Sighing, the vice dorm leader pulls out his phone, opens it, and taps the Magicam app. He taps on the Diasomnia dorm group chat which is... unfortunately barely touched. The last text message was a random string of incoherent letters from Malleus himself. Apparently, Malleus slept with his face pressed on his phone's open screen which resulted to that and the fast drainage of his battery. After that, he strongly declared his unwavering puzzlement towards technology. He doesn't hate it, however.
"Poor, poor Malleus," Lilia chuckled to himself as he types something in the chat with an '@everyone'. That way, the students' notifications will blow up.
After pressing the send button, he hears whimpers coming from the room nearest to his position. He lowers his phone, opting to approach the door in curiosity.
His eyes widen as heavy pained sobs emit from the door akin to someone writhing in pain... How concerning.
"P-Please, just stop..."
'That voice! ...An underclassman?' Lilia frowns worryingly and thinks while pocketing his phone, 'A meek child they are... Why are they crying and pleading?'
He hears rapid breathing — hyperventilating. No, no — something will happen if he dares to continue to stand idle and eavesdrop and do nothing.
Quickly, his knuckles knock against the door, "(Name)?" he calls out, clear and soft.
Fortunately, the hyperventilating gradually slowed, however the sobs wouldn't stop. He frowns and promptly opens the door which reveals a very messy room. His eyes focus on you, curled in a fetal position, shaking like a leaf caught in a breeze. He approaches you and meets your fallen form by squatting.
Pity courses his mind. In truth, for all the years he's lived, he has never seen a scene quite like this. Human emotions are... complicated. He is aware this is what they call a "breakdown", and he feels the air tense as if it were a string under tension, ready to snap any moment.
And he doesn't know what to do. He doesn't even know you much besides your name and surface personality. He isn't your friend.
What's worse is he can tell an overblot had occurred by your stained magic pen. Very intense negative emotions can lead to overblot no matter what. It... saddens him. You were a simple and unassuming student to others and even to him, but this is the present now. He suddenly feels slight obligation to watch over you. Call it his "paternal instincts" kicking in.
A sad chuckle left him as he briefly explains the reason of his visit — an inconsequential white lie for the best, he supposes. He guesses you might feel ashamed if he were to say he heard your loud sobbing and was concerned.... He is trying to navigate through the complex network of emotions. He sees you as a shy student and an overthinker, so his guess shouldn't be that outlandish, right?
In the end, Lilia resorted to physical comfort. He's great at it — even better when it comes to calming children! Although you aren't one yourself in terms of human years, he did a good job distracting you.
However, he didn't really do a very good job of distracting himself to the reality that he's hardly the best when it comes to situations like these.
All he's good with is soothing a child's crying fit or tantrum.
/ /
You look around the Diasomnia common room in slight awe. It's been changed to a banquet room for this dinner gathering. The long table is draped with midnight black silk with three candelabras on top that is placed a good distance away from each other. The chairs are draped in silk as well with green bows behind each chair.
At the very end of the long table is a fancy-looking tall chair. It has intricate carvings on its sides that look to be like thorns. You assume that's where your dorm leader will sit, but you wonder if he'll be comfortable since, well, there are thorns.
"Come, come, (Name)," Lilia snaps you from your thoughts with a gesture of his hand, beckoning you to follow him. He smiles when you trail behind him and leads you to a seat that is quite near the tall chair. In fact, the chair is simply one chair away from it!
"Why...?" you ask as he pulls the chair and gestures you to sit. You tilt your head to the side once you're seated, questioning him again.
"Oh? Do you not want to sit next to me?" although he uttered that jokingly, you vehemently shake your head, denying it.
"Ah... no! Of course not...! I'm just curious, senior," you defended frantically, "S-Sorry," you added an apology.
"Oh dear, there is no need for you to be so stiff," Lilia drops his joking tone and assures you with a pat to your shoulder. He pulls the seat from your right and sits there.
He turns to look at you, "Enjoy yourself here! Forget your worries in the moment!" he smiles softly — almost sadly, "...Please? For your sake, (Name). I'd hate to see my dearest underclassman sad."
'I don't know how to make you feel better,' his thoughts say, 'We're mere acquaintances, but I just cannot leave you like that,' melancholy floods his mind together with pity — pity just seeing you, remembering your dreaded tears.
You're merely young, too, at the age of 17. You haven't experienced the full extent of your life, yet you're being hindered greatly. That in it of itself is saddening to Lilia. No soul deserves such fate.
You breathe in, "Okay. I'll do it," you give him a smile as your muscles relax gradually.
Lilia returns your smile, "Thank you, then. Really," he knows he's being uncharacteristic now, and he really wishes that weren't the case.
Right now, his main priority is to see you happy. He can't settle for you to be simply pleased or less. What kind of senior is he if he were to let that happen?
"Who is this human, Master Lilia?" Sebek arrives and sends a scrutinizing gaze your way making you feel uncomfortable. He doesn't seem to notice that you're shrinking in your seat.
"Sebek, calm down," Lilia starts with a testing tone. Even if the first year is oblivious or is too prideful to notice things around him, Lilia won't hesitate to chide him this time.
"..." the green-haired male said nothing, opting to seat himself across you. He sent a few questioning glances your way but gets easily distracted anyway by the apprehensive students, clearly voicing to them his displeasure towards their hesitation to the gathering hosted by Malleus himself.
"I apologize for him and his behavior," Lilia whispers to you on behalf of the stern first year.
"Huh?" blinking away your fixated gaze directed at the first year, you quickly face your senior, attentive this time, "Oh, it's fine. The first years in general are a different breed altogether," you attempted humor with a low-sounding giggle following after.
"Hm," Lilia snorted — no, not because of the joke, but because of how you thought of one in the first place. It's endearing, actually. Not even Sebek could say a joke in fear of his dignity and the 'perfect student' image he built for himself.
"Ahaha! That is quite true, if I say so myself," the third year laughed for a bit. Call it a delayed or fabricated reaction, but at least the ends of your lips tugged up.
"Right? I had to deal with the infamous first year duo once one time," although you complain, you can't fight the fond smile in your lips, "Babysitting is what I call it. The Headmage made me do it."
Lilia's expression crinkled in slight amusement, "Did you like it?" he asked, curious. He knows who that "infamous duo" is, though.
You pondered for a while and eventually shrugged, "In the beginning, I couldn't stand one of the two as he's always a complainer. The other student is fine, however he's quite... of an airhead," you hum and say your final thoughts, "In the end, though, they're really nothing more but siblings to me — they remind me of younger brothers. It may not be the most fun experience for me, but I am glad I met them."
"My, that's cute!" the dark-haired male gushed out with an infectious grin.
You smile and nod eagerly, "Mhm. Maybe I might see them again some time..." you trailed off.
Lilia gives you an odd look, "Whatever do you mean by that?"
Shrugging, you directed your gaze to something else, specifically a familiar silver-haired male entering the room, "I rarely go to the cafeteria or any commonplace where all students from all grades gather. I don't even catch them in the halls," you smile a bit, "This time I wanna try reaching out to them. Those two are kind of my friends!"
'Aww,' his heart clenched in delight on how cute you sounded. He's also glad to know you at least have some friends around.
He closes his eyes briefly, 'How odd. I want to protect them all of a sudden. I wish for them to smile more often, too,' he opens his eyes and observes you looking curious at his adopted son who is now approaching the spot where you and him sat at.
"(Name)?" Silver inquires, sharing the same sentiment of curiosity that you have towards him. He looks surprised in a good or neutral way.
"Ah, hi, Silver," you nod amicably to your classmate who mimics your gesture back.
"Yes, hello to you too," the male's gaze sweeps over the third year next to you, "Fa— Lilia, what have you done this time?"
"Nothing you should concern yourself over, Silver," Lilia gives him a terse smile, trying his best to look light-hearted, "Let's just say I've made myself a friend, if you will."
Silver blinks, very much confused. His serious face hides it very well, however, "If you say so then," he turns to you again and gives you a brief nod before moving and sitting next to Sebek who is now fuming over him.
"Friend...?" you murmured and give the vice dorm leader a lost expression as if you weren't expecting that.
"Kufufu~ that slipped out from my tongue! I apologize," his smile is straining him greatly. He remembers the two of you are just acquaintances. No doubt you'd feel weirded out hearing that he considers you a friend so quickly.
"It's fine. I think you'd make a great friend, though, senior," you look down at your lap, oblivious to his sudden blank expression and uncharacteristic silence, "You helped me a lot, you know? Even if you and I barely know each other, you still made an effort to comfort me. No one has ever done that to me... Thank you," a tear rolled down your cheek — a contrast to the sincere smile you put up.
Humans... He cannot truly fathom them. They're wonderfully complex. Emotions are complex. You're complex to him.
He's lost. He pities you.
And he feels warm the most. Oddly warm.
No doubt this is what they call "adoration", is it not? ...Or is it something else?
/ /
"...My biggest problem right now is Potionology... I try my hardest to study and concentrate, but it never ends well," tears of frustration are threatening to spill over, but you try and mask it by sighing, "...I-I don't know what to do, senior. Professor Crewel might snap at me... and... and..."
Lilia frowns and puts a hand on your shoulder to calm you, "I see that an issue present here is that perhaps you've no tutor. You struggle even more without someone to guide you," a smile suddenly breaks out on his face, "And that "someone" shall be me, of course. I'll help you through, so don't you worry."
It's been a week since that very fateful day, and now you're spilling all your problems to him. It felt so worthwhile knowing that you trust him — that you consider him as your closest companion. The way you confide to him is akin to a dam cracking and water from the other side rushing in, creating a tsunami. Despite that, he soaks in the information like a sponge while his thoughts decipher it even further.
From what he gathered, you have a very difficult home life. You have neglectful parents which, by their neglect, made you grow into a forced-independent person with your emotional and mental health spiraling down. You confessed to him that you mimicking others when you were younger was your only building blocks in life as your parents barely taught you any skills. You mimicked other people's social behavior the most.
Had you not put those imitations to use, you would have become a crying mess when first stepping in the college. You probably wouldn't even be standing where you are now.
And in his head, he's really proud of you for making it this far, albeit a bit concerned.
"Thank you, Lilia, for everything. Again," you rub your tearful eyes, desperate to dry them.
"Why of course! Anything and everything for you, (Name)," he gives you a closed eye smile. You don't even question his implications as you're busy pulling out your textbooks and other learning material from your shelf.
'And I do really mean it.'
"What is even happening to me....?" Lilia mutters under his breath as he watches you write something down on your notebook.
He notices the little details of you that he has never really stopped to look at before. The way your face adorably scrunches up as you concentrate on the page, how the light complements your hair well, and how you bounce your leg to relieve yourself from tension.
He's lived a long life compared to everyone in the college, and he questions how someone like you captured his attention like none other.
You're just someone he helped out of the goodness of his heart. You're just a mere mortal, and yet he's becoming strangely attached to you.
If Silver were to find out, he'd be completely bewildered.
/ /
Why hasn't your crying stopped? He thought he's done enough for you such as helping you, but you're always hunched over in a fetal position either on your bed or on the floor. He has seen it many times, observing — watching you in a corner of your room, silent as ever, unwilling to get caught by you.
It's strange, isn't it? How he has to put you under surveillance with his own eyes. He wanted to see you more as meeting you everyday isn't exactly enough, but all he witnessed is you in the same depressive state, over and over again.
His heart breaks at the sight, but at the same time, frustration manifests so easily. He deduced that whatever he does for you is merely a temporary fix. He always wants to catch you smile and be happy that he forgets whether or not it is disingenuous. He falls for it every time.
He cannot be the solution to your problem.
Lilia knows the damage your past had brought you is something he can't fix, but he remained adamant that he can do something in the present. Seeing you smile more and cry less in front of him and in public is like a step to the right path — that he thought.
Really, you've become great at hiding how you truly feel. He was none the wiser which is the greatest insult to him. Ah, if he only studied more on human psychology then he would have known better.
Night has fallen, and you're lulled to sleep in your bed. Deep red eyes — his eyes — watch you. Lilia is shrouded under darkness near your door, and he observes you to see if you have completely fallen asleep.
Once he knows it's safe to emerge from the shadows, he approaches your bedside by materializing next to you in order to avoid unnecessary footsteps. He looks closely at your face, noting how peaceful you look compared to your tearful face from earlier as you draw in and out calm breaths this very moment.
...
His fingers hover above your cheek, really tempted to hold it. Similarly, his face is close to yours, but he dares to not do anything. No, no, he can hold it in. With a discontent sigh, he forced his hand to move up and hover over your forehead.
He doesn't want to do this, but he has to. He really has to.
A soft and quiet chant spills from his throat which made his fingertips glow a bit. The light transfers to your forehead, and as quickly as he chanted it, it disappears, leaving nothing behind as if nothing ever occurred mere moments ago. There are no notable changes, yes, but something will happen the next day as you wake up.
Despite the results he awaits for tomorrow, there's no changing how his heart feels doing something that will alter you. He feels dirty, really dirty.
In the end, it's a small sacrifice for a great thing. The end justifies the means as they say.
Tomorrow you'll feel lighter than ever before, as if something heavy that's been dragging you down is gone. Tomorrow you'll forget a certain part of your past.
And he can't wait for it.