Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There were quite a few things Shinji Ikari was having trouble with today. Such things include moving to a new city, meeting with his estranged father for the first time in three years, and being told by said father to pilot a giant robot to fight a giant alien monster. But currently at the forefront of his mind (in more ways than one) was the searing hot pain piercing through his temple like a railroad spike through his skull. Said pain was delivered via a strange energy lance wielded by the previously mentioned giant alien monster.

A final blast of searing pain shoots through his head and Shinji feels a brief moment of weightlessness before he feels his (the Eva's?) back crash against something, momentum jerking him forwards briefly and making his head feel worse. The pain starts to overcome him as he idly notes that he can't hear Misato, or anyone else for that matter, over the communicator. Consciousness begins to leave him, taking in the sight of the monster looming over the city, mocking him for his failure.

"Is this how I die?" He wonders aloud, unsure if anyone could hear him. "I'm sorry, for failing everyone."

"Anta Baka?"

Near instantly the tendrils of unconsciousness receded as the unknown voice cut through his thought process like a hot knife through butter. That voice sounded close like it was in the entry plug with him. As his eyes refocused on his immediate environment, he found the origin of the voice. Of all the things he expected to see, two eight-inch tall red-headed girls in skintight red suits was not one of them. They were nearly identical, the only thing differentiating the two was that one had an eyepatch and a hat with roundels pinned into it. The one without the hat and eyepatch crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.

"Anta Baka?" She repeated, her tone conveying that she expects an answer. Shinji blinks and contemplates his answer for a short moment before giving his answer.

"Yes?" He didn't mean to phrase it as a question, but between the headache and confusion regarding this situation, he really wasn't working at full mental capacity.

"Anta Baka." The eyepatched girl speaks for the first time, her voice morose compared to the other girl's tone of confidence. Her sapphire blue eye stares at him, her attention focused on his neck he notes, before turning to face the other girl. They then begin to rapidly make gestures and pantomimes at each other, baffling Shinji even further.

"I must be hallucinating or dreaming." He speaks aloud, drawing the attention of the two red-headed tiny girls floating in LCL. "I mean, why else would I be seeing two beautiful girls calling me an idiot after nearly dying to a giant alien." He doesn't notice the two girls blush intensely at being called beautiful. Shinji chuckles a bit at the absurdity of it all. "That's right, I'm going to wake up and none of this will be real, just a crazy dream where-OW!" His rambling was cut off as the uneyepatched girl torpedoed towards him and gave him a fierce kick to his cheekbone. Okay, that pain felt real, perhaps it wasn't a dream.

"Baka!" She screamed at him as the eyepatched girl seemed to be fiddling with something in the console. "Anta Baka!?" She continued as she glared at him while pointing at the screen that displayed the slowly approaching monster, an Angel he now recalled after his mind was (mostly) free of the searing pain.

"I don't understand…." Her eyes narrowed as her glare intensified. "You want me to get back up and fight it?" He tried and was met with a smile and a nod. "B-But I can't, I'll just get beaten up again, or worse…." That was obviously not what she wanted to hear, as her face twisted into a snarl, and she looked ready to go into a tirade before the eyepatched girl swam back and put a hand on her counterpart's shoulder. They stare into each other's eyes, seemingly holding a wordless conversation before both sighed and swam up to take a seat on his shoulders.

"Wh-" He tries to question before a pat on his left cheek brings his attention to the eyepatched girl, who makes a shushing motion and points over to the girl on his right shoulder, who now wielded something that looked like a pointy red tuning fork with a spiral handle. She looked at the screen holding the visage of the Angel, and he noted some text that said 'External Speakers on' before a sonorous war cry erupted from his right shoulder.

"ANTA BAKAAAAAAAAA!"

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Misato Katsuragi started at the motionless form of Unit-01, a creeping dread filled her as she wondered if she sent out a young boy out to die. Seconds felt like hours as Unit-01 continued to remain inert, the various techs in the command center screaming out updates around her.

"Cranial plating damaged!"

"Unit-01's communications are down!"

"Pilot's synch ratio is dropping!"

Everything is going wrong, would they really lose the war against the Angels during their first battle? Would mankind fall before it could truly put up a fight? Would she be unable to get the revenge she craved?

"Unit-01's external speakers just came online!" That got her attention.

"What? Did he manage to figure out the activation procedure?" Ritsuko questioned in mild surprise.

"We can figure that out later, I want audio from that area, Shinji might be trying to tell us something we could use!" Misato was hoping Shinji managed to figure out some kind of weakness they could use to fight the Angel, however much a longshot it would be. The audio for the area was brought up, and they waited for something, anything to be spoken by the Third Child. The command center was engulfed by anticipatory silence, only broken by the footsteps of the Third Angel as it drew closer to the inert Unit-01. Finally, Unit-01's speakers emitted a voice, but not the one anyone was expecting.

"ANTA BAKAAAAAAAAA!" A shout coming from a much more feminine voice than what belonged to the Third Child emerged. The silence returned, though it was more stunned than anticipatory. Nobody was quite sure how to react, but odd rumbling served to refocus everyone.

"Is that an earthquake?"

"No, seismic sensors don't detect anything out of the ordinary."

"Oh Gods what is that?!" Attention was redoubled towards the screen as a mysterious red mass was converging towards the battle zone, surrounding the Third Angel.

"Zoom in, I was a close-up of whatever that is," Ritsuko ordered, already preparing a subroutine for the MAGI to analyze this new variable. Patching into feeds of the nearby undamaged street cameras revealed the mysterious new interloper: uncountable scores of small red-headed girls in bright crimson plug-suits wielding two-pronged spears.

"Asuka?" Misato breathed out, recognizing the visage of the Second Child from her time watching over Asuka years prior.

"The Second Child? But that's impossible! And that spear?!" Ritsuko was trying to make sense of what she was seeing and failing miserably, her tablet frozen as well. Apparently, the MAGI were also confused by this sudden development.

The sea of crimson was encroaching upon the Third Angel, who shared in the confusion of this strange situation. Unfortunately for Sachiel, showing a weakness like confusion is just an invitation for an Asuka, no matter how small, to pounce upon you. In but a single moment, the countless mini Asukas converged upon the Third Angel, striking it with their lances while screaming out a discordant warcry of "ANTA BAKA!" Sachiel, now fully aware of the threat these small creatures posed, began striking out against the red tide, it's hand lances striking against the seemingly endless horde.

The NERV command center was once again stunned, this bizarre David and Goliath type fight leaving them at a loss for what to do.

"ANTA BAKA!" A victorious cry was let out as Sachiel was brought to it's knees, it's strikes against the crimson sea failing to do any lasting damage. Soon enough it fell to it's stomach as the Asukas began to engulf it. It feebly reached out towards Unit-01, as if looking for a savior, but no help came, as soon after the Third Angel, Sachiel was drowned beneath the Germentide and was defeated. With their foe defeated, the Asukas began dispersing leaving behind a bloody stain and a very confused NERV command staff.

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Shinji Ikari, who had a front-row seat to this show, slowly blinked as he was left in the aftermath of this spectacle. His headache then returned full force, with his body deciding enough was enough and promptly sending him into unconsciousness, leaving behind two concerned and irate Asukas.

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At the top of the NERV command center, Gendo Ikari and Kozo Fuyutsuki stared silently at the ensuing pandemonium following the battle against the Third Angel. Their silence continued until Fuyutsuki decided to break it.

"I don't think this bodes well for the Scenario." Gendo could only grumble in return.

Chapter Text

The fading sunset illuminates the moving train car with a dull orange glow, the shadow in the corner encroaching further and further as the sun sinks under the horizon. The SDAT in Shinji's hand turns over to the next track, filling his mind with a somber orchestral track he has heard countless times before. He stares out the window at the Tokyo-3 skyline being engulfed by the approaching night and wonders, not for the first time in recent memory, is this a dream? Did he really receive a summons from his father after three years of zero contact, only to be told to pilot an Evangelion to fight a deadly alien monster? Did a duo of tiny redheads really appear out of nowhere after he had gotten brought low by the Angel, only to summon an army to annihilate said Angel? Would he wake up and find himself back in his room at Sensei's, where he would continue to merely exist without a grander purpose?

His musings were interrupted as a flash of lightning cracked across the twilight sky, despite there being a lack of storm clouds, and revealed he wasn't alone in the train car. In the shadowy corner there was a figure, human in shape but unnaturally featureless, it's body a deep black that melded with the shadows surrounding it. Shinji continued to stare at the entity, unsure of how to act and wondering if he should flee from it. Suddenly it's form shifted, revealing two glowing purple orbs where eyes would be and a wide, malicious grin shaped like the crescent moon. Their staredown continued for what felt like an eternity before the sound of the track changing on his SDAT once more broke his attention for a moment, a chance the being took to lunge at him with blinding speed.

His eyes shot open, revealing a sterile white ceiling. His other senses began relaying more information to his brain like the smell of antiseptic, the rhythmic beep of a machine to his side, and the weight and movement (?) of something on his stomach. His brain still rebooting from the odd dream decided to vocalize a recent observation.

"An unfamiliar ceiling." The movement on his stomach stopped, causing him to lift his head to take stock of his surroundings. What he found was the sight of two familiar small redheads staring at him, with a bevy of assorted office goods surrounding them and scattered about the bed he was in. "Huh, so I wasn't imagining you two."

"BAKA-SHINJI!" Twin shouts echoed in what he could now identify as a hospital room, followed by the both of them launching at him and giving either side of his head a fierce but ultimately ineffectual pummeling. As the tiny beatdown on his skull continued he sat up to better take stock of his surroundings, noticing nothing out of the ordinary for a hospital room, save for a security camera that was skewered with a familiar small lance. The minuscule assault upon him abated, and the two girls descended from his head and made their way to the foot of the bed, grabbing some of the office supplies that scattered during his rising and turning to look at him with their arms crossed.

"So…." He spoke up after an uncomfortably long silence. "I realized I never got either of your names?" He hoped they had names, mentally referring to them as 'the normal one' and 'the eyepatched one' would be awkward. Thankfully this seemed to light a spark in 'the normal one', breaking the air of awkwardness, as she grabbed a sheet of paper that had various doodles on it and handed it to 'the eyepatched one'. The paper was held aloft as 'the normal one' put her back to it, hands on her hips and a triumphant smirk on her face. She was surrounded by illustrations of fire and stars and bright, bold letters that dubbed her 'Leader'. Allowing a moment to bask in the glory of the situation, the newly christened Leader swiftly grabbed the paper, turned it around, and held it behind 'the eyepatched one'. On that side of the paper was just the name 'Shiki', with nothing else in the way of decoration.

"Anta Baka?" Leader intoned with confusion as if wondering where the decorations on Shiki's side went. Shiki just rolled her eye, giving a huff of annoyance. Leader took exception to that and began to berate Shiki. Well, Shinji thought it was berating, as all the spoken words were various intonations of 'Baka' and 'Anta Baka' accompanied by exaggerated pantomiming. Still, now that he had names to the faces he could ponder other things like what were these tiny redheads? Why were they hanging around him? Most importantly, why were there billions of them, and did they all have names he needed to memorize oh gods the gravity of the situation was beginning to dawn on him-

Thankfully he was brought out of his thoughts when Doctor Akagi entered the room, and he shelved his dread ponderings concerning the angry Germentide for a later time. "Oh good, you're awake." She spoke with the fake warmth of a telemarketer trying to sell extended car warranties and the tiredness of a student studying for midterms fueled by nothing but cheap coffee. Her eyes fell to the foot of the bed as she glared at Leader and Shiki. "And you have visitors as well. How. Nice." Her tone conveyed that she found it anything but nice. Leader and Shiki turned to look at her, raised a hand each, and proceeded to flip Doctor Akagi the bird, then they went back to their argument. Well, Leader went back to the argument, Shiki ignored her and instead stared at Shinji. Akagi's eye twitched erratically for a moment before turning her full attention to Shinji.

"So, Shinji." She began, trying and failing to suppress the annoyance in her voice. "You're physically fine, though you might experience some residual phantom pain in your head and arm, that should fade within a day. Lucky you." The last part was muttered under her breath. "You should be fine to leave as soon as you're ready."

"Oh. Great. Uh…. How long have I been out Doctor Akagi?"

"Eighteen hours, eighteen long hours." She sighed as she fished a cigarette out of her pocket, lit it, then took a long drag. Shinji considered asking whether it was alright to smoke in a hospital but he didn't want to bother the obviously stressed woman with his dumb questions.

"Alright, thank you, Doctor Akagi, I'll just-"

"Oh!" She exclaimed as if suddenly remembering something. "One more thing, it's not really important but I'd really like to know is where did they come from?!" She pointed to Leader and Shiki whose one-sided argument evolved into a grappling match when nobody was paying attention.

"Leader and Shiki? I-I'm not sure, they just sort of… appeared?"

"You named them?! And they can't have just appeared!" Shinji really did wish he could give her more, but that's all he knows! He tried to remember something he could give Doctor Akagi, but he had nothing. Thankfully a familiar figure entered the room to save him.

"Lay off him Rits, if he doesn't know, he doesn't know." Misato laid her hand on Ritsuko's shoulder and gave her a signature Katsuragi smile. "Perhaps you should get some sleep, unraveling the mystery of the Minisukas can wait until after you've gotten some rest."

Ritsuko turned to glare at her friend. "Stop calling them 'Minisukas'! It's dumb, and not going to catch on!"

"Pretty sure it already has, don't the MAGI refer to them like that now?"

"That's because one of the little gremlins hacked the MAGI and put it there to spite me! I'll find proof they did it, I swear!"

"Sure you will Rits." Misato began pushing Ritsuko out of the room. "But before that why don't you go home and feed your cat, then sleep off all that caffeine and nicotine?"

"They're plotting against me Misato! They look at me like that bitch Yuuko did back in college!"

"Mmmhhmmm, and we can discuss that when you haven't been awake for thirty hours." Misato turned to Shinji before she fully exited the room. "Grab your things and meet me in the parking lot, I'll give you a ride out of here when I've put Rits here to bed." The door closed, leaving Shinji alone with Leader and Shiki, who have since ceased their fight.

"…..Better get changed first." He muttered absentmindedly, realizing he was wearing a hospital gown. He grabbed the spare clothes that someone (he'd have to find out who and thank them later) provided and made to change into them before he realized he wasn't alone. Leader and Shiki were staring at him with rapt attention, causing his cheeks to flush. "Uhhh, c-could you not look? Please?" The two of them seem to realize what they were doing and turned around, their faces red enough to match their suits.

"B-baka!" Leader shouted out in embarrassment while Shiki just pulled her hat over her face to cover her blush. Shinji just sighed as he began to change, his times in Tokyo-3 were certainly going to be interesting at the very least.

Rei Ayanami did not dream as she slept, dreams were a foreign concept to her, only known to her from the whisperings of her classmates. She did, however, remember when she slept. Remember events both large and small, recent and distant, human and 'otherwise'. The 'otherwise' ones were what troubled her the most, she knew she had them, she knew what they concerned, but she could never remember them when she awoke. She once brought this to the attention of Commander Ikari, but he told her not to worry unless she could definitely remember them, in which case it would be brought to his attention post haste.

"…ka." A distant voice diverted her attention from her recollections, as well as the feeling of something on her skin. There was also the faint smell of….. something she was unfamiliar with. Slowly she returned to the waking world, her one uncovered eye slowly opening to reveal… a small Second Child drawing on her face with a marker. The small Second Child appeared to be done with whatever she was doing and stood back with a triumphant smirk….. before noticing Rei's open eye and letting out a yelp of surprise.

"Baka!" Was the word repeatedly thrown at Rei as the Second Child (small) scampered off the bed and towards the door, barreling past the feet of the nurse who was now entering, presumably to check on Rei's condition.

"Oh! Miss Ayanami." The nurse appeared to be having trouble holding back laughter for some reason. "That's certainly a unique look for you." Rei tried to decipher what the nurse meant, but her confusion must have been evident as the nurse produced a compact from her pocket and offered it to her. "Here, this will help." The nurse explained through small fits of light giggling.

Rei took the offered compact and opened it, she had seen how to operate these esoteric tools through observation of her classmates while they were having 'girl talk' with one another (Rei had yet to decipher what this 'girl talk' was about but that is a trial for another day). The mirror within reflected her bandaged visage, and new markings consisting of a long line above her upper lip and a triangle on her chin, both consisting of black ink. "Is this…. an attempt to imitate facial hair?" Rei's question caused the nurse to erupt into a full-blown laughing fit. This produced a new feeling in her, a pinching feeling between the bridge of her nose and her forehead. Annoyance, she surmised. Stronger than she had ever felt it before. Her mind came to the conclusion that this slight should not and would not go unanswered. She was unaware where such a previously bizarre thought came from, but that could be contemplated later.

So Rei Ayanami waited, planning, as her injuries healed. But she did not dream of revenge, for she did not dream, she would merely remember the taste of victory once she obtained vengeance for this slight.

"So….." Shinji started as another turn was performed in ways he was certain were outlawed by international driving law, causing Leader and Shiki to tighten their grip on his neck as they held on for dear life. "Where am I staying exactly?"

"Oh, I didn't tell you? Must've slipped my mind while I was making sure Rits didn't perform a repeat of when she wrote her college thesis." Multiple stop signs were sped past, and a few police cars looked like they started to give chase before seemingly realizing who the car belonged to, and promptly abandoned the idea. "You'll be rooming with me! Neat, huh?"

"Is it normal for that to happen?" He asked, genuinely curious. He thought he heard a muffled "Anta Baka?" screamed into his neck but he wasn't entirely sure.

"Funny story actually, you were supposed to have a room down in the Geofront, but some order got mixed up somewhere during the chaos and you were assigned to live with me." Unseen by the other two occupants of the car, Leader and Shiki exchanged a fist bump before continuing to hold on to Shinji's neck so they wouldn't be sent flying. "They said they could reverse it, but I said don't bother, a bit of company never hurt anyone." A swerve knocked Leader off his neck and caused her to dangle by his shirt collar, he swiftly went to grab her before she could fall, catching her and then placing her in his shirt pocket for safety. He offered to do the same for Shiki, but she seemed content to stay attached to his neck. Leader muttered a thankful (?) "Baka" before hunkering down.

Shinji's attention returned to Misato, who had a knowing smirk plastered onto her face. "Well, it looks like you wouldn't have been alone anyway. You're pretty lucky Shinji, most guys would kill to have two pretty girls crawl all over them~"

"M-Misato!"

"Don't worry Shinji, if you're this good at handling the small one, then the full-sized version should be easy~"

"Wait, what do you mean full-"

"And here we are!" She interrupted as the car pulled into the parking lot of an apartment complex. "Grab your things and let's get you set up in your new room!" She got out of the car, leaving behind a dazed trio. Shinji decided that it would be better to just do as she says, grabbed his bag, and began to follow Misato. Shiki was still clinging to his neck like a sailor to a piece of driftwood while Leader was hanging limply from his pocket. There was an unspoken agreement between the three, they would never again get into a car with Misato behind the wheel unless it was absolutely necessary.

Once Shinji regained his balance he followed Misato up to her apartment and was eagerly welcomed inside, he took off his shoes and beheld…. devastation. It was like a hurricane tore through the place, leaving only garbage in its wake, just to taunt his inner neat freak.

"Sorry, it's a little messy-" A little? "-didn't have a chance to clean up." She paused. "Or stock up on food for that matter. Looks like we're getting takeout tonight, any preferences Shinji?"

"Not really…."

"Alright, how do you feel about Vietnamese food?"

"I-uh don't think I've had it before?"

"Perfect time to try it then! There's this place not too far away that has some Pho soup that is to die for. I'll go out and grab some. I shouldn't be too long, so make yourself at home!" She gave him a wide grin and left out the door before he could get a word in edgewise.

He turned to look at the devastation before him and decided exactly what he was going to do. A quick look at Leader and Shiki revealed they thought the same, as they had produced tiny aprons and cleaning equipment from somewhere when he wasn't looking. They nodded at him, he nodded back. They would slay this beast, together, and free this apartment from it's prison of trash. Leader and Shiki began to work as he went to find normal-sized cleaning equipment, and as he searched a single word echoed through his head that brought a small smile to his face.

Home.

Chapter Text

Shinji wiped the sweat off his brow as he tied up the last trash bag. Despite how bad it looked it didn't take more than an hour to clean up all the errant trash around the apartment, mostly thanks to the help of Leader and Shiki. He considered tidying up Misato's room as well but he didn't want to intrude on her privacy, also a quick look at the room revealed it as a challenge he did not want to undertake without industrial-strength cleaning equipment. He idly wondered what was taking Misato so long, as she said the place she was heading to was 'not too far'. Perhaps she had a different interpretation of 'not too far' than he did, or maybe she hit a bad spot of traffic? Shinji shuddered as he immediately suppressed all thoughts of Misato and driving, not wanting to remember what happened earlier in the day.

Leader and Shiki had already shed their aprons (where those aprons went he had no idea) and began to make themselves comfortable. Leader claimed a chair and a remote and then proceeded to start flipping through channels on the television. Shiki meanwhile had reclaimed her place on his shoulder, laying down with her back to his neck and her hat pulled down over her eyes, giving the appearance of taking a nap. Shinji hoped his movements wouldn't rouse her while he went to unpack his travel bag into his new room. The rest of his belongings would hopefully be arriving soon, assuming they didn't get lost on the way to Tokyo-3.

His musings were interrupted when he heard Leader shout from the living room. Shiki let out an annoyed huff but made no other motion while Shinji went to investigate. He found Leader with her lance out menacing a- "Is that a penguin?" He blurted out in surprise, bringing the attention of the room's other occupants (except Shiki) to him. The penguin ignored Leader and waddled over to him, looking him up and down.

"Wark." It squawked out, raising a clawed (!?) flipper towards him. Years of training on social etiquette drilled into him by his Sensei took hold as Shinji shook the penguin's flipper as if he was meeting a new business partner.

"M-my name is Shinji Ikari, s-sorry to intrude." He bowed to the penguin before realizing his mistake in doing such. From her perch on his shoulder, Shiki started to slip off due to the sudden change in incline. Acting with a speed that surprised even him, he snatched Shiki before she could fall off completely. "Oh! Sorry Shiki, are you alright?" He was surprised when an old, bitter look flashed across her face before she regained her usual morose look.

"Baka." She muttered, before motioning to him to put her down. He obliged and she proceeded to storm off into the kitchen. He stared as she left, wondering what that was all about. He stared at the penguin, who had let go of his hand at this point, in confusion.

"Wark." It offered as he patted Shinji on the back and gave him a look of understanding, before going to grab a beer from the refrigerator and then seating himself in front of the television. Shinji looked to Leader for some clarity, but all she gave him was a shrug and a look that said 'It's not my problem, deal with it yourself' before returning her attention to the television. He could only stand there and think about how bizarre his life had become in such a short time.

Thirty minutes later Misato had returned with the food, though not from the restaurant she had talked about. It and every other restaurant within reasonable distance were closed on account of the recent Angel attack, and they had yet to reopen. Apparently, she was halfway out of Tokyo-3 before she found a Chinese place that was still open. Shinji didn't complain though, food was still food and he didn't mind Chinese takeout, not that he ever had much of it when he was living with his teacher.

"Honestly I'm glad they were open- '' Misato mentioned before taking a large bite of her lo mein. "-as the only other place open was KickDonalds, and I didn't want your victory feast to be crappy American fast food." He nodded idly, though he never actually has had any KickDonalds before so he couldn't judge if it was good or bad.

"Sorry, you had to go out of your way Misato, you didn't have to inconvenience yourself for my sake." Leader, currently in the middle of devouring a dumpling, gave him an annoyed look. Meanwhile, Shiki gave him a quick side-eye before going back to slowly eating a fortune cookie. She was still upset with him for some reason, so he made a mental note to apologize more to her later. Still, seeing two eight-inch tall girls eating comparatively oversized food was something that brought a small smile to his face, hopefully, they'll like his cooking.

"It's no trouble at all Shinji! You and the Minisukas saved Tokyo-3 and the world, the least I could do is get you some takeout."

"Well, I really didn't do anything aside from being hit by-" He paused, absorbing one particular part of what she just said. "Wait, 'Minisukas'?"

Misato nodded sagely. "Yeah, Mini Asukas. Like those two." She pointed to Leader and Shiki, who had seemed a bit embarrassed for some reason.

"Sorry, but who's Asuka?" The two Minisukas shot him an annoyed look but quickly went back to their food.

"She's the Second Child, pilot of Eva Unit 02. The Minisukas look, and mostly act, exactly like she does."

"Oh, are they tiny clones of her or something like that?" Unseen by everyone else at the table, Shiki froze for a short moment and then returned to her cookie, but with her posture notably stiffer.

"Interesting theory Shinji, but I wouldn't bet on it. We don't actually know where the Minisukas came from, that's why Rits was asking you what you knew about that." Misato drummed her fingers against her beer can idly. "As far as we can tell, they first appeared in your entry plug. Which caused a lot of confusion, and they aren't exactly explaining where they came from."

"Anta Baka."

Misato nodded in understanding. "That's right. But as far as I'm concerned, as long as they keep up their excellent help in dealing with the Angels they could come from anywhere and I wouldn't have a problem." She punctuated this by downing the rest of her (mostly empty) beer.

Not knowing how to continue this particular thread of conversation, Shinji decided to inquire about the avian he saw previously. "So, uh, I saw a penguin earlier…"

"Oh, you met PenPen! He's our other roommate, so get along with him." She went to grab another beer while continuing. "He makes use of the bath sometimes, so check before you enter." He nodded in understanding, he wouldn't want to be rude to a new roommate by interrupting them. Shinji blinked in surprise at how quickly he accepted a penguin as his new roommate. A grumble from Shiki derailed his train of thought, she was glaring in annoyance at the bathroom before blushing and looking away.

Misato continued, not noticing Shiki's actions. "That reminds me, we'll be heading down to NERV for the next few days to get you ready for piloting like some sync tests, measuring you for a plug suit, getting you a proper ID, some fourth thing Rits mumbled out that I couldn't hear." Misato paused, deep in thought as she imbibed her beer like an alcoholic philosopher. "Oh, and I'll drive you around Tokyo-3 so you can get a feel for the place." Shinji, Leader, and Shiki froze when the word drive emerged from her mouth like the sound of trumpets on judgment day.

"Y-you don't have to trouble yourself to drive us Misato, I can just walk-"

"It's no trouble at all Shinji, after all, we both go to and from the same place, so it's convenient!" Damn her and her logic, how was he supposed to refute that!? Shinji looked to Leader and Shiki for help, but they seemed like they were trying to figure out a way to stop it themselves. He had to think quickly if he was going to get through this, there was no running away!

"C-could it be a slow drive?" He tried, hoping Misato would get the message. She tapped her chin in consideration before nodding.

"So you like to go slow and take everything in at a leisurely pace huh? I can respect that. Sure, a casual, slow drive around Tokyo-3 it is." Three sighs of relief were let out as the crisis was averted. He gathered his dishes and deposited them in the sink, feeling it best to turn in for the night before he had to defuse any more bombs.

"Good night Shinji!" Misato called out, seemingly sensing his intentions. He mumbled out a thanks as the energy seemed to drain from his body, sedately heading to his new room. He contemplated taking a bath but he didn't trust himself not to fall asleep, so that was out of the question. He unceremoniously plopped down on his futon and stared at the unfamiliar ceiling above him. He wondered if the coming days would be as hectic and unpredictable as the last two, hoping to have some quiet days ahead of him. As the tendrils of sleep began to overtake him a small part of him wished for some more excitement to color his lonely days. For the first time in a long while, a small smile made its way to Shinji's face as he entered the realm of dreams.

For once, Misato was right, sleep really did do wonders for her. Not that Ritsuko would tell her that, she really didn't want to hear the 'I told you so' from her friend's mouth, no matter how deserved. She also had other things to worry about right now, like the Commander and Sub-Commander in front of her currently waiting for a report on these…. 'Minisukas'.

"As far as we can tell there is nothing Angelic about them, and they seem to not be…. overtly hostile towards NERV staff."

"But they are hostile?" Fuyutsuki inquired.

She shrugged. "They only physically retaliate if they are approached with hostility, something Section 2 found out the hard way when trying to capture one. Otherwise, they just act as minor nuisances, pulling pranks, defacing public property, making obscene gestures, and stealing nonessential supplies."

Gendo had to suppress an annoyed huff at the memory of Rei trying to question him about 'enacting vengeance for the slight committed against her'. It was a bit much for just a marker mustache, but if it didn't affect his plans he would allow Rei this distraction.

"What kind of supplies did they steal?" Fuyutsuki inquired. Gendo didn't see the point in asking, but he supposed that he could use it as an excuse to request an increase in budget from the Old Men. He almost chuckled at the fact they were panicking at the arrival of the army of small Second Children, and the damage that would do to their Scenario.

"Mostly office supplies, spare parts, and the 1:1 Unit 01 inflatable decoy balloon." Gendo's surprised blink was hidden by his glasses, he didn't remember approving that. Fuyutsuki was also confused, but he voiced it.

"We have a Unit 01 decoy balloon?"

"Yes. It's more of a proof of concept than anything, in case we needed a decoy."

"This is irrelevant, return to the topic of the small Second Children army. Particularly their lances." Gendo intoned. Akagi blinked before resuming.

"Of course. While we haven't retrieved a sample for study, the MAGI predicts the smaller lances are roughly seventy to eighty percent similar to their larger counterpart based on latent energy readings. Though we would need an actual sample for study to confirm it."

"Leave it, we best not invoke their ire for the time being. An opportunity will present itself if we are patient, the Scenario moves unimpeded for the time being." Gendo paused for a moment to let his words sink in. "What of the Third Child?"

'Do you actually care?' Akagi thought dryly but didn't voice. "No lasting damage from the fight with the Angel and he is coming in later for a preliminary sync test. Though two of the…. small Second Children seemed to have attached themselves to him."

"A sort of honor guard? Considering they appeared to protect him from the Third Angel this might indicate he may be some sort of a VIP to them?" Fuyutsuki pondered aloud, his old academic mindset shaking off the cobwebs.

"If so, he could be used to control them and ensure that they don't act against us." Gendo surmised, already altering, discarding, and creating new facets to his Scenario to account for this new possibility. "Have the MAGI keep track of any they find, and what actions they take. They will be codenamed 'Ishim', except the ones that appear to have a higher ranking like the ones that are attached to the Third Child, they will be codenamed 'Cherubim'." That should provide enough of a smokescreen to fool the casual observer.

"Understood Commander, shall I attempt to develop countermeasures for the Ishim?" A good idea to consider, but they had other priorities to focus on at the time.

"It's a low priority right now, you may attempt to create measures against them but only when things of a higher importance do not need to be dealt with." Akagi looked like she wanted to argue but held her tongue.

"Of course Commander, is there anything else?"

"No. Return to your work." She nodded and left the office to the two men. The silence remained for a while longer before the Sub-Commander broke it.

"This is certainly a departure from what was foreseen in the Dead Sea Scrolls, isn't it Ikari?"

"The Dead Sea Scrolls should not be taken literally. Despite their accuracy, parts of them have been lost and faded beyond legibility with age, they should be seen as a guideline, nothing more."

"But will the old men see it that way? They have never been fond of… unforeseen variables."

"They will flounder about for a while, attempting to realign their Scenario, giving us time to cement ours while their attention is divided."

"And what of Kyoko's daughter? Wouldn't the old men target her due to her likeness to the Ishim?"

"I doubt the old men would be foolish enough to attack her merely based on the similarities in appearance. Even if they are, I have contingencies in place to prevent her from coming to harm until I can assuage their baseless concerns during our next meeting."

Fuyutsuki raised an eyebrow at that. "Ensuring another's safety? Who are you and what have you done with Ikari?"

"The Second Child is one of the few Evangelion pilots, she may not be fully necessary for the Scenario but she is a useful tool in eliminating the Angels, and I would be foolish if I did not use her skills to the fullest." Gendo pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. "Besides, Yui always liked Kyoko and her daughter, she would be irate if I did not at least make a token effort to protect them."

Fuyutsuki chuckled. "That I'll believe."

Chapter Text

The next day was quite eventful for Shinji, for starters he woke up from a good night's sleep to see Shiki sitting down at the edge of his futon, staring at him, unblinkingly. Like she'd been there the entire night. Was this some way of getting back at him for whatever slight he committed against her yesterday? Leader had commandeered a pillow and dragged it to the corner of his room, proceeding to sleep upon it like a restless feline. Determining it was too early to question anything, he decided to drag himself to the kitchen and make breakfast for everyone. Taking stock of his available ingredients (half a dozen eggs, a slightly wilted bundle of scallions, a quarter jug of spoiled milk, some stale cheese, half a dozen different kinds of instant meals, and way too much beer) he decided on a simple breakfast of omelettes with scallions would do. Also, he'd have to get more groceries if he wanted a variety of food besides instant meals.

Shiki followed in after him and began to help with the preparation. Though all he needed was the scallions cut while he mixed the eggs, so the wasn't much he needed help with. Not that that stopped her from brandishing a large kitchen knife and going to town on the scallions. Points for the enthusiasm he noted internally. Soon enough Leader and Misato emerged from their rooms, engaging in an intense staredown before both rushed for the bathroom, intent on getting it first. Unfortunately for Leader, being larger meant Misato could cover more distance in a shorter amount of time, beating Leader to the bathroom in record time. Leader huffed in annoyance, now having to patiently wait her turn to use the bathroom. There was no way she was plotting revenge by replacing all Misato's beer with non-alcoholic variants. That would be petty and beneath her, which absolved her of any guilt should such a thing happen later.

Shortly after everyone was showered and fed, and morning beer drunk with an energizing shout. Misato proceeded to tease her new charge about bringing in two girls to his new bedroom, much to the three's embarrassment.

They all left soon after, and fortunately, Misato kept her promise of driving slower. Of course, to her, that meant normal levels of dangerous speed instead of action movie levels. Leader and Shiki wisely decided to hunker down in his shirt pocket from the get-go this time. It was honestly much better than yesterday's vehicular maelstrom of speed. Misato even stopped at red lights most of the time, causing one bicycle-riding police officer to stare at the Alpine Renault in fear muttering something about 'the blue horseman of conquest' before fainting. All in all, everyone got out of Misato's car in far better condition than after yesterday's wild ride.

Of course, he didn't catch a break while at NERV, as there was a lot of work to do in order to get him squared away as a pilot. Getting an ID was easy enough, he merely had to get his picture taken and wait for it to get printed. However, the part that wasn't easy was when Leader hijacked the camera from the NERV employee and spent an hour trying to get the picture just how she wanted it. Also, Shiki wouldn't leave his shoulder while the picture was being taken, which was a bit awkward. Thankfully they didn't try to interfere with his plugsuit measuring, mostly because it involved him needing to be without clothing. They quickly vacated once that was explained. After that was done (not without some light teasing from Misato) he got to the sync test. He put on his newly produced plugsuit (how NERV produced it so fast surprised him) and met with a new hurdle.

"Shinji-" Doctor Akagi started, annoyance edging into her voice. "We are already behind schedule, please have your guests wait outside the entry plug."

"Anta Baka." Leader hissed out to the Doctor, venom dripping from her voice like the fangs of a snake. This was the current issue, Leader and Shiki did not want him going into the entry plug without them. He wasn't sure why, but he got the feeling they were concerned about something. Perhaps they thought he would get hurt like when he fought the Angel, but this was a safe, controlled environment without danger. Besides, there's no way an Angel would be anywhere near the Geofront now, right?

Thousands of meters beneath Shinji's current location in the Geofront, Lilith the Second Angel twitched in annoyance. This gave Rei an irritating itch on the arm covered by a cast. This only increased her desire for vengeance.

"Look here you little ginger gremlins-" Doctor Akagi matched Leader's venom. "- I have had it up to here with your tomfoolery! I need to get a baseline psychograph and sync ratio for the Third Child and I will not have you causing sync interference by getting in there with him!"

Shinji, wanting to prevent the argument before it began, knelt down to be closer to Leader and Shiki. "Leader, Shiki, I'll be fine." He begins to assuage them. "It's just a routine test, right? I'll get this done quickly then we can head back home, and I'll cook up something. Okay?" He's found that promising food often prevented his Sensei from getting into arguments with the neighbors, hopefully, it works for others as well.

"Oh, gods. Misato, you haven't cooked anything for him have you!? If I have to call a biohazard team because of your cooking poisoned somebody again I will not be happy."

"Come on Rits, it's only been five times!"

"The fact that you think five times is okay is concerning!" Shinji began to tune them out (and also made a mental note to never let Misato cook) as Leader and Shiki huddled and began to discuss something, occasionally looking back at him when they paused for a moment. Eventually, they broke their huddle and stared at him.

"Baka Shinji, Anta Baka." Leader intoned, giving him a thumbs-up gesture. Shiki didn't look happy, but she nodded all the same.

"Thanks. I'll be done soon."

"The test will take around two hours." Doctor Akagi added, with a tinge of malice in her voice towards the Minisukas.

He didn't respond to that, he didn't want to create a conflict when he just ended one. He sighed and got into the entry plug, Leader and Shiki watching him intently. He took his seat as LCL began to fill up the plug, the coppery taste of blood filling his lungs as the LCL suffused his very being once again.

The startup sequence engaged as the technicians began listing the activation processes as that booted up, Shinji once more felt the Evangelion activate as-

[{ravenouswhitevulturescirclingoverheaddisplayingtheravagedcarcassofadeadgodthechoker'sfinalactivationcommencesdetonatingtheheadoftheonlypersonyoumayhaveeverloved}]

Shinji's eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets as he nearly bites through his tongue trying to stifle the deafening scream building in his diaphragm. He forces down the rising tide of bile threatening to reintroduce his breakfast to the world.

"-borderline reached, let's take a look at….. SHINJI!" Doctor Akagi shouted though it was nearly deafened by the sound of his rapidly beating heart. "Your heart rate has spiked to dangerous levels, and your psychograph isn't much better! What happened?!" She demands though her voice is tinged with an undercurrent of genuine concern.

"T-t-the Angel." He lies without thinking, already the memories of the grotesque visions [{thesoulrendingscreamofdespairasthelookonhisfaceforeveretchedinyourmind}] of whatever that was are fading, leaving nothing behind save for the feeling they left him. Despair, anguish, regret. "I-I-it felt like it was crashing against my skull again, like when I fought it." There's silence for a moment before Doctor Akagi speaks again.

"Dammit, the biosynapses connected to the damaged cranial plating weren't fully disconnected due to the damage caused by the Angel, leading to a psychosomatic feedback reaction." He doubts he would've understood that even if his brain was not preoccupied with [{thewhitevulture'smaliciousgrinsunit-08engagingmark.09}] the fading visions. "I've forcibly disconnected the afflicted area, how do you feel?"

"I….." The last of the visions fade into nothingness, leaving behind a bitter aftertaste. "I feel sick." He pauses, feeling something odd, something he can't place. The headache then comes, filling him with a new pain. "And I have a headache."

Doctor Akagi snorts. "I can imagine you do. Try to relax for a bit, we'll get the readings when you've calmed down. We'll also get some ibuprofen ready for you when we're done with the test."

"Thanks, Doctor Akagi." The noise of the technicians fades away as his mind wanders. He hopes Leader and Shiki aren't too worried, he wouldn't want to trouble them after he said he'd be alright. He'd have to put in a bit of extra effort in his cooking tonight for worrying them.

The rest of the sync test went without issue, aside from an irate Leader and Shiki kicking his shins repeatedly for worrying them. A quick shower to clean off the errant LCL and some promised ibuprofen later, they were off to head back home. Well, after a quick tour of the city as promised by Misato, but if a 'quick' car ride with Misato was the worst thing to happen to him today, then he'd be fine. Nothing, bar an Angel attack, would make this day worse.

Shinji immediately learned of the follies of tempting fate when the elevator that would take them to the garage opened to reveal his father. Time appeared to stop, Shinji staring wide-eyed at his father, his father staring impassively, almost disdainfully at him. Shinji swallowed the lump in his throat, whispered "I mustn't run away" to himself, and boarded the elevator. Misato blinked and quickly joined him before the elevator could close. Leader and Shiki were tense on his shoulders, glaring at his father. His father remained a silent stone pillar of stoicism, uncaring of the atmosphere in the elevator. His body language screamed out 'There is no situation I cannot handle'.

Gendo Ikari could not handle this situation. He hoped his impassive yet disdainful stare would dissuade his son from joining him on the elevator. But his predictions based on years of secret observations of his son's behavior were shattered in a moment, forcing him to pick up the pieces and rebuild. A side glance confirmed that, yes, the Cherubim attached to his son were making threatening gestures at him while glaring at him with the heat to rival the surface of the sun. The eyepatched one was cracking her knuckles with malicious intent, the other brandished her mini Lance of Longinus in a way that was always pointed towards him. He needed to salvage the situation, and ensure his son was on the right part for his part in the Scenario.

"Shinji." He began, surprising the other occupants. "Are you getting settled in?" A good icebreaker, seeing if his living arrangements were sufficient.

"Y-yes father." The silence continued after that, Gendo remembering that his son was shy and introverted. He would need to continue pressing.

"I see you have obtained companionship with the miniature variants of the Second Child, please ensure they do not get into too much trouble." There, some small chastisement would grease the wheels. Hopefully, his son would recognize the opening for a parlay he was just given.

"Y-yes father." His son seemed to shrink back, defeated. The cherubim glared harder at him. Dammit! How did Yui make parenting look so easy?! One of her many virtues. He needed something to get his son to communicate, what do parents usually talk to boys his age about?

"So. How is….." School? No, he hasn't gotten back to school yet. Friends? No, his son had no friends. Girlfriend? No, he absolutely didn't have a girlfriend. The Ishim? No, he just reprimanded him about them. Dammit, he already started asking. He needed to finish with something, anything! "…..Puberty?" Gendo you absolute fucking idiot, anything but that! The silence that enveloped the elevator was deafening, the errant breaths of its occupants sounding like gunshots comparatively. Every other occupant in the elevator stared at Gendo like he had grown two extra heads. The ding of the elevator reaching the garage floor brought relief to everyone, his son nearly sprinting out of the elevator with Captain Katsuragi following close behind.

The doors closed once more, taking him upwards. There he and Fuyutsuki would be meeting with a cult of powerful old men that held control of the world in their hands and used that power towards reaching their own personal godhood via Complementation of the human race. He would duel them with half-truths and double meanings in order to hijack their plan so he could reunite with his wife.

Why was that easier than talking to his son?

Barely illuminated by faint light, Gendo Ikari was surrounded by the twelve imposing monoliths that each represented a member of SEELE. Each man here had the power and sway to effectively control a country, direct the United Nations for their own goals, and, together, lead the whole of humanity to ruin. They were locked in a silent stalemate, waiting for someone to shatter the silence that had fallen.

"Ikari what the legitimate fuck is going on." SEELE-7 broke the silence with the force of a sledgehammer smashing through a window. And with that, the gate opened along with a torrent of questions and accusations. Gendo remained silent, waiting for the deluge of drivel to end. Fortunately, he did not have to wait long.

"SILENCE!" Keel Lorenz, SEELE-1, shouted, immediately bringing about order to the meeting. "Ikari, if you would please begin your report?"

"Certainly. As I figure most of you have already read the report I will cut out the needless details and go over the main focus of the incident. Around forty hours prior Eva Unit-01 did battle with the Third Angel as the Dead Sea Scrolls predicted. However in the midst of the battle, a large army of small entities bearing a likeness to the Second Child wielding tiny replicas of the Lance of Longinus emerged to decimate the Third Angel, the army then dispersed." He paused to let them digest this information. "Those are the major details of the report, any questions?" The fact that the first appearance of these entities happened in Unit-01 entry plug was left out, of course, no need for the test type to come under unwarranted suspicion after all.

"I see." Lorenz was the first to speak up, meaning the others would hold their tongues for now. "What can you tell us about these….." Lorenz paused, unsure of what to call the Second Child lookalikes.

"I have dubbed them Ishim in the reports I am currently compiling." Gendo provided. He would offer them this puzzle piece, hoping it would prevent them from spotting others in his reports. They did not need to know about the Cherubim, for now at least.

"The Ishim? Yes, good. What can you tell us about them?"

"Little as of now. They appear to only communicate in pantomimes and calling people idiots, leaving little in the way of obtaining information via normal methods. They are also responsible for many acts of minor anarchy."

"Any lasting damage?" SEELE-6 inquired.

"Nothing major, just a need for a minor increase in our office supply and cleaning budgets. The request for those will be addressed later."

"Their Lances, can they be used for the Scenario?" SEELE-11 derailed the budgetary talks at the get-go, smart bastard.

"We have yet to obtain a sample, but passive data suggests a high, but imperfect match to ours. I would personally not take the chance to try to use one of the Ishim's lances."

"Noted." Lorenz stated. "But I feel the most important question is, can they be controlled? Should we even bother sending the Second Child from Germany?" That was the real meat of the matter, it all boiled down to 'Are they a threat to the Scenario?'

"It is my opinion that while we do not have any known way to control them yet-" That you know of at least. "-they can be used effectively even if we cannot fully control them. The Ishim may provide a way to simplify and expedite killing the Angels." He paused yet again to allow them to contemplate his reasoning. "As for bringing the Second Child here. I believe having a slightly ineffective tool that we know how to control is better than having to rely on an unpredictable tool we do not know we can control. Wouldn't you agree?" The monoliths were silent after that, no doubt having a private conference to discuss their next action.

"You make a decent point, Ikari." SEELE-3 begrudgingly admitted.

SEELE-9 seemed to have his own take, however. "Still, perhaps we should just eliminate the Second Child, having the Fourth Child to pilot Unit-02 would be better than dealing with-"

"ENOUGH." Lorenz bellowed, quashing SEELE-9's suggestion immediately. "Having the Marduk Institution unveil the Fourth Child so soon after the Third would bring too much attention. Ikari, we have much to deliberate on regarding the Ishimi and their place in the Scenario. Keep us apprised of their actions, and be prepared to cull them if required. The Second Child will arrive on schedule, is there anything else?"

"No, good day gentlemen." The monoliths flickered out of existence, leaving Gendo and Fuyutsuki alone once more.

"Well Ikari, seems like we've avoided the worst. Hopefully, they see fit to keep us around despite our job being taken over by an army of tiny prepubescent redheads."

"We'll be fine Professor, we just need to play our cards right." He paused. "Still, I get the feeling that I'm missing a piece of this new puzzle the Ishim have brought to our doorstep. A piece I should be aware of, but am not."

"Are you sure the feeling isn't a backlash from letting out your amazing parental conversational skill out of their cages?" His head whipped to Fuyutsuki at lightning speeds.

"How do you know?"

"You realize the elevators have cameras, right? And as Sub-Commander I have security access to most cameras in the Geofront."

"Delete it, now."

"No, I'm saving it for when Yui returns. I'm sure she'll get a kick out of it." Fuyutsuki knew he would get hell for this, but he didn't care. The opportunity was too good, so he would accept the punishment. It was worth it.

They all stood on the overlook, still silent from the awkward situation they had escaped from. Unfortunately, somebody had to break the silence, so Shinji decided to bite the bullet.

"So Misato, why are we-"

"Shhhh, give it a minute." She pointed out at the city…..

Just in time to see the buildings rise from underneath the ground, the evening sun illuminating them with a brilliant orange glow. Shinji, Leader, and Shiki could only stare in awe at the wondrous sight before them.

"That-" She began. "Is the city you three saved. Take pride in it, because they'll be teaching it… in….the…." She trailed off, her face brightening with remembrance. "Oh right! That was the fourth thing! Shinji, you're starting school tomorrow!"

"What!?" His head whipped around, nearly throwing Leader and Shiki from his shoulders.

"Don't worry, you'll do great! Make some friends, maybe even get a girlfriend~ Then you can tell your dad how your puberty is going~"

"MISATO!" His scream was met with Misato's laughter, Shiki's groan, and Leader's snickering.

Chapter Text

The train's vibrations filled him with a sense of ease, of normalcy. This was, however, countered by the multitude of stares he was receiving caused by his curious companions. Prior to that, Shinji's morning was relatively normal, he woke up to Shiki staring at him unblinking like a tiny red-headed gargoyle, he walked into the kitchen to find Pen-Pen warking on the phone with a stock broker regarding the increase in South-American fruit prices affecting the relevant sector (also something about haircuts? He wasn't sure, he couldn't understand Pen-Pen's half of the conversation ), and Leader losing another race for the bathroom to Misato. His sudden start at Tokyo-3 First Municipal Junior High School was jarring, but nothing he couldn't handle by using his years of practice fading into the background so nobody would notice him. So he prepared an extra-large bento to share with Leader and Shiki using some newly acquired fresh ingredients.

Politely denying Misato's offer for a ride to school on the basis of wanting to get a better lay of the land, he quickly walked to the train. The car he got in wasn't too crowded, mostly containing other students and a few errant businessmen. He quickly grabbed a seat and tried to make himself invisible despite the two Minisukas on his shoulders, a challenge, but not undoable. His long practiced social invisibility techniques, however, were never meant to account for a horde of Minisukas bursting into the train car before it left and surrounding him, drawing the attention of everyone to him and him alone.

"Baka!" "Anta Baka?" "Baka Shinji." The cacophonous half-shouts of the new horde of Minisukas conveyed nothing to him about what was going on. He wondered if he caused some kind of territorial dispute by entering the train, as Leader was threatening the horde with her lance, acting as a mighty lioness protecting her cub from a pack of hyenas. Angry red-headed hyenas. Shiki, to her credit, ignored the whole thing and climbed into his front pocket and proceeded to use it as a hammock, drifting off into a light nap.

"Woah, how'd you tame them?!" A new voice broke his attention away from the horde, revealing a bespectacled teenage boy with sandy blonde hair. "Cause the only other person I've seen the Red Demons interact with cordially is the Class Rep, and she won't tell me anything!" All the Minisukas, even Shiki, turned to look at the boy with varying levels of annoyance. Except for Shiki, she just stared at him, blinked, then went back to ignoring everyone in favor of napping.

"Uhhh…."

"Oh right, I'm Kensuke Aida, night to meetcha!" The newly identified Kensuke began appraising Shinji with an analytical eye. "Haven't seen you around before, did you just transfer in?"

"Y-yes, I'm Shinji Ikari. Nice to meet you, Aida." Shinji bowed lightly, in order to not disturb Shiki like last time.

"Ikari huh?" Kensuke muttered aloud. The Minisukas had since gone back to their territorial dispute, though a few kept a wary eye on Kensuke, in particular, the camera dangling from his neck. Why he had a camera, Shinji didn't know. Perhaps he was part of the photography club? "Well Ikari, let me be the first to welcome you to Tokyo-3."

"Oh, thank you." Well, he seemed nice at least. At least there was one person who-

"So, are you piloting the giant robot?" Shinji's train of thought came to a screeching halt, possibly even derailing and destroying multiple metaphorical mental buildings.

"Giant Robot?" The genuine confusion in his voice from the sudden change in topic prompted Kensuke to keep going.

"Yeah, the one that fought the monster a few days ago. I thought it was pretty weird that we received a transfer student so suddenly after a giant monster attack, and he shares the family name of NERV's Supreme Commander, so-" He was interrupted when something flew past his cheek, leaving a small but noticeable scratch on it. He turned to look at the red lance now embedded in the train car's roof, then back at all the Minisukas, who were now all staring at him. The threatening look they were giving him was decipherable by anyone with at least three brain cells to mean 'You better stop if you know what's good for you.' Fortunately, Kensuke Aida had three brain cells, and plenty more to spare, so he got the hint. "-so how about the local sports team, huh? They sure are doing things in the current sports season." He flinched when the lance flew past him again, back into Leader's hand.

"They, uh, sure are Aida." Shinji tried, hoping to give his nosy schoolmate a way out.

"Yup, so I'm going to go sit away from any theoretical threat to my life. See you in school, Ikari!" Kensuke bolted away to the other side of the car before Shinji could get a word in edgewise. The Minisukas seemed to have brokered some kind of truce, as they stopped circling him like some kind of [{whitevulture}] predator, instead opting to hang around his general area, glaring at anyone who vaguely approached.

"I'm really going to need to improve my social invisibility techniques, aren't I?" He muttered to himself.

"Anta Baka?" Shiki provided, making Shinji sigh. It was going to be a long day.

Kensuke sprinted out of the train car like his life depended on it (which it might have) as the horde of Minisukas dispersed. Shinji then noticed something he hadn't during the drives with Misato. The city was infested with Minisukas. It wasn't like it was too obvious, but if you paid attention you could probably find a Minisuka doing something in a little alcove or on a roof as you walked around. On the way to school, Shinji noticed around two dozen Minisukas doing various things like drifting jury-rigged RC cars, using stray cats as steeds, fighting seagulls, or trying to explain the difference between pink and salmon to a preschooler via pantomime. And they were all watching him. He could feel their eyes as he walked past, studying him. It was uncomfortable having so many eyes on him.

Eventually, he was able to make it to school, attempting to blend in with a crowd of students making their way through the front gates. The teacher in charge of watching the front gate stared at him for a moment before breaking his stare and scratching his forehead while muttering something into his wrist. After a quick stop at the faculty, office to receive his papers and a school computer terminal he was directed to class 2-A for his introduction. After writing his name on the blackboard and giving himself a modest introduction, he noticed a few things. First, the boy he met on the train, Kensuke Aida, was his classmate and tried very hard not to look at him. Second, there were three Minisukas (who were clapping politely) on the desk of a brown-haired girl with twin tails, the 'class rep' if Aida was to be believed. Third and finally, everyone was looking at him with awe, whispering beyond the edge of his hearing about something.

"Thank you, Mister Ikari." Droned the teacher. "Please take that seat over there." A weary finger points to an empty seat in the center of the classroom. He silently makes his way to the seat, withstanding everyone's stares and the Minisukas continued polite clapping. Shinji tries to fade into the background as the teacher begins his lesson which devolves into a lecture about Second Impact. His terminal boots up without much fanfare, which prompts Leader and Shiki to start messing with it. They do….. something computery on it, something that goes beyond his barely computer literate head. Before he has time to question it a message notification appears causing Leader and Shiki to stop whatever they were doing.

KAida: hey ikari? its aida

Oh, these have chat functions? Aren't they worried the students will be distracted by these if everyone gets a terminal? Thoughts for later, he better respond, he wouldn't want to be rude.

SIkari: Greetings Aida, it is a pleasure to talk to you again. I hope we did not get off on the wrong foot on the train.

KAida: wow ikari i dont think ive seen some1 b more formal in a school chat room outside of the class rep

Was that a compliment or an insult?

KAida: anyway just a heads up i may have let slip that u may b the giant robots pilot 2 the entire class by accident please dont sic ur demon army on me pls+thnks

Aida left the chat room quickly and left Shinji with many questions. Like why was Aida using this weird language that seemed to abbreviate some words, how does one accidentally reveal the potential identity of a giant robot pilot, and oh gods why are all these chat requests popping up? The tidal wave of chat prompts flowed forth, most asking him if he was a pilot. Also, a bunch of boys (and one girl) asked him if he could get Doctor Akagi's number for them. He tried closing them, but for every prompt he closed, three more took their place like some kind of digital hydra. As it seemed all hope was lost, the deluge of prompts ceased and was replaced by one message.

HHoraki: Hello there Ikari, I'm the class representative Hikari Horaki. As a class representative, I possess minor administrative privileges over chat functionality, as such I have disabled incoming messages for you so as not to bother you.

Oh, that's a lifesaver. And explains how students don't get too distracted.

SIkari: Thank you very much Miss Horaki. I am sorry to have caused trouble on my first day, and I am thankful for your assistance.

HHoraki: You're welcome Ikari, and there is no need to apologize, it's not your fault Aida decided to spread rumors about you. In any case, I feel there are a few things we should discuss regarding school and other matters when we break for lunch. I will talk to you then, in the meantime be sure to pay attention.

The chat window closed, but it did nothing to dispel the stares he was receiving from his classmates. Leader and Shiki were staring at Aida, who was sweating bullets and trying to pay attention to the teacher, who was…

"…Second Impact then brought about a consistent increase in the temperature, making a massive variety of crops untenable in Japan's current environment….." Wasn't this supposed to be a math class? Well, no better time to practice being invisible, hopefully like a possum playing [{torntopieceslikeapotter'svessel}] dead they would ignore him eventually. Until then, he had research to do. Misato offhandedly mentioned yesterday that the Second Child was from Germany, perhaps that means Leader and Shiki would like German food. He hoped they did, he wanted to thank them for the help they gave him with the Angel, and what better way than food?

Rei Ayanami was stuck in a hospital bed, healing from her injuries. She had no problem with that, it gave her time to think, time to plot vengeance. A normal person would question why an inexplicable need to acquire vengeance cut through dull and dead emotions like a burning knife through cold butter, but she was not a normal person. She was the First Child, pilot of Unit-00, the container for the soul of Lilith, and a lifetime subscriber to Vegetarian's Tri-Monthly magazine. She didn't need to know where the need for vengeance came from, only that she obtained it.

"Anta Baka?" She was broken out of her revenge-based musings by a familiar, irritating, query. A tiny Ishim (the Commander informed her of the new designation when he visited her earlier that morning) was staring at her from the floor beside her bed. She wondered the best way to commit impromptu vengeance on her returned nemesis before she realized this one felt….. different. A flash of something momentarily broke her out of her vengeance-tainted thoughts….

[{adespairingscreamthatsignaledtheendofallthings}]

…..a vision that faded like her memories of the time before dashed through her mind, lessening the desire for vengeance.

"You are not the one who committed the indiscretion known as a 'prank' against me, are you?" The Ishim blinked, opening and closing her mouth like a fish. A very red-headed fish. Rei realized she had a sudden dislike for the color red that she did not possess previously, like her desire for vengeance. Unlike her desire for vengeance, she deigned to question where such a dislike came from. A moment of consideration brought an answer, she hated blood, blood was red, ergo she hated red. Nodding at her infallible logic as to where her new hate came from, she returned her attention to the Ishim, who shook her head in the negative. Good, that would make this easier.

"Very well. I have no ill will towards you. But to the one who transgressed against me, you will relay a message." Rei did not wait for a confirmation before continuing. "Tell the one who transgressed against me that I, Rei Ayanami, will not take this act of disrespect lying down. I will enact upon them a vengeance so grand, so sublime, that future generations of mankind will write epics about my victory. Plays will be written about my conquest over your compatriot, sonnets depicting my revenge will be distributed to schoolchildren to teach them of the folly of men perpetrated by the one who wronged me. And when my dread vengeance is brought to fruition, when this Prankster who had defaced me lies broken and defeated at my feet, I will say nothing. As nothing needs to be said to mere dust" Rei pauses to take a drink of water, her vocal cords are quite out of practice for such lengthy use. "Could you tell her that, please?" She almost forgot to add please, she was always instructed to be polite when possible.

The Ishim stared at her, slacked-jawed and pale. Rei hoped she wasn't sick, she would like her promise of vengeance to be delivered. The Ishim regained color and nodded stiffly before running out of the room. She must want to deliver the message as soon as possible, how helpful. Rei realized the pinching feeling of vengeance had also lessened, decreasing the need to think about vengeance. Odd, she would have to investigate this later. But before that, she felt the tendrils of sleep creep upon her mind. She required rest, any thoughts of vengeance could wait until when she woke up. As she drifted to sleep, her thoughts, oddly enough, drifted to a certain brown-haired boy she had met a few days prior, filling her with curiosity about the Third Child.

"I wonder what the Commander's son is like?"

The lunch bell rang and the dogs of war were let slip. Students circled around Shinji like sharks smelling blood. They pelted him with a caterwaul of questions, leaving no time for him to answer. Before Leader and Shiki could scare them away with what was undoubtedly a violent act of intimidation, an authoritative voice cut through the voices.

"Ikari, welcome to our class, I am the class representative, Hikari Horaki. I need to go over a few things with you, would you care to join me for lunch while I explain things?" Her mere presence inspired fear into the student body, as they shrunk away as she approached him, mutters of 'the twin tail tyrant' whispered just out of earshot. Shinji grabbed the offer like a drowning man to a piece of driftwood.

"Y-yes, of course, Class Representative Horaki. Sorry to trouble you." He idly noticed the three Minisukas from before sitting atop the Class Rep's head and shoulders, glaring at the other students.

"It's no trouble at all, it's my duty as Class Representative to help new students." Her eyes turned to a student trying to quietly flee the classroom. "Aida." She called out to Kensuke with a smile that did not reach her eyes. "Help me go over things with Ikari, please." It was not a request. Kensuke's eyes flew back and forth between the Class Rep and the door, trying to decide if he preferred being consigned to oblivion now or later. Kensuke, to his credit, decided to face the gallows without delay.

"Yes, Class Rep." He moved to follow the Class Rep with Shinji as she led them to a more secluded area away from prying eyes, which ended up being a nice shaded bench out in the courtyard. Shinji began to unwrap his lunch and distribute some of it to Leader and Shiki.

"So first off-" Hikari began. "Aida, apologize to Ikari for spreading rumors about him!" She ordered as she also began doling out parts of her bento to her own retinue of Minisukas. None save Leader seemed to notice Shiki holding an octopus-shaped sausage that Shinji had given her with a shell-shocked stare. This was quickly solved by a light smack on the back of Shiki's head, courtesy of Leader.

"Uh, sorry Ikari. In my defense though, I didn't outright say you were a pilot." Kensuke silently lamented his own lack of lunch, but thought of the cafeteria food and realized he was probably better off.

"What do you mean Aida?"

"Well, someone asked how I got this scratch." He pointed to the scratch on his cheek. "So I said a Red Demon gave it to me when I asked a new kid if he was the pilot of the giant robot. People began making their own assumptions. It…. snowballed from there." Oh, that wasn't as bad as he thought. It didn't help that he was the pilot, but hopefully, Shinji could play dumb until they got bored.

"That sounds like it was just an accident Aida, so you don't have to worry. Everyone will get bored eventually and leave me alone. It's not like I'm very interesting to be around anyway."

"Geez, Ikari, that's kinda-"

"Anyway!" Hikari interjected before this depressing topic could continue any further. "There was something I wanted to ask you Ikari. How do you deal with them?" Shinji blinked at the sudden change in topic.

"Them?" He questioned. He looked around, spotting the two groups of Minisukas eating. He quickly put two and two together. "Oh, the Minisukas."

"Wait, what did you call th-" Kensuke's question was cut off by Hikari's confirmation.

"Yes, them. I know they mean well-" Kensuke barely suppressed a snort. "-but they're so exhausting to deal with! I already have to deal with my sisters, my dad, and being a class representative! And I don't want to kick them out, that would be rude! Besides, my little sister loves them."

"Are they good with kids?"

"I didn't say that." She coughs awkwardly. "Anyway, you obviously have your own to deal with, how do you handle them?" Shinji was taken aback by the Class Rep's mild but firm mannerisms breaking, leaving a tone of exhaustion.

"Uh, sorry, but I don't really do anything in particular. I just, go about my day with them there. They haven't really bothered me much in any way." Well, aside from Shiki staring at him while he sleeps, but that might be misinterpreted, so he wasn't going to say that.

"Oh." Hikari seemed to deflate at that. Silence reigned for a time, peppered by the sounds of eating before she spoke again, this time to Aida. "By the way Aida, where is Suzuhara? I haven't seen him in a few days."

"You haven't heard Class Rep? His sister got injured when the giant robot was fighting that monster. He's been staying at the hospital while his sister is in the I…..C…..U. Hey, Ikari? You alright?" Kensuke could only stare at Shinji, who had gone wide-eyed and pale.

"Baka-Shinji?" Leader, or perhaps Shiki, called out to him, but they were fading from his perception as the weight of his actions was crashing down upon him. He stumbled off the bench, his lunchbox clattering to the ground along with its contents. He didn't care though, as he half sprinted to the nearest location he could see, a lone tree, and expelled the contents of his stomach at the base of the trunk. He tried to get his erratic breathing under control as muffled voices approached him from behind as he tried to stabilize his guilty thoughts.

"It's….. my fault?" Shinji gasped out through the taste of bile as two pairs of tiny hands proceeded to pat his back, making him feel a bit better. Thankful for Leader's and Shiki's support, he couldn't help but feel undeserving of it. Quite frankly, his first day of school was ending up terrible, and he hoped the day wouldn't get worse.

Nerv Berlin at the same time

[{lettingoutananguishedscreamasyoucradledthebodyinyourarms}]

Asuka Langley Soryu woke with a start. She got up out of her tangled bed covers and stared at her reflection in her vanity's mirror.

"What the hell was that!?"

Chapter Text

Asuka Langley Soryu gazed at her clock, noticing it was way too early o'clock, and sighed. "So much for beauty sleep." She noted to herself, that though it's not like she needed beauty sleep, she looked damn good no matter how much sleep she got. Not that it seemed to affect Kaji in any way. He was way too good at resisting her womanly charms dammit! Her mind, recognizing the mental tangent was going a bit too far down the Kaji Rabbit Hole, decided to switch gears back to her recent nightmare. "That wasn't one of the normal nightmares." She mumbled drearily. The fact that she had to specify that she had 'normal' nightmares was bad enough, now she was having 'odd' nightmares. And she could barely remember it now that she woke up! She could recall there was a boy, but her tired brain drank too deeply from the Kaji Kool-Aid when she woke up, and now she could only imagine Kaji's face on the boy's body.

"Stupid sexy Kaji. Damn his rugged good looks, making me misremember important nightmare details." On the bright side, she preferred having nightmares she couldn't remember, instead of nightmares involving hospitals and Mama and her cheating bastard of a father and-

She paused and took a deep breath before that mental tangent went into 'bludgeon her father with a crowbar' territory. Why a crowbar? Because she got a crowbar with a custom Unit-02 decal and she was damn well going to use it! Before she could delve deeper into why one shouldn't order custom crowbars at one in the morning, Asuka decided that she needed some coffee to wake up her brain, so as to prevent more mental tangents.

"Alright, I'm not going back to sleep, so I should probably get some coffee, right?" She asked her reflection in her vanity's mirror, and the Asuka in the mirror nodded her head. Good, glad she agreed with her. Asuka got up, heading out to fuel herself with that glorious black ambrosia before her certified college-level intellect began to shake the dust off, and she had to stop in the doorway because something about what just happened didn't quite add up. Was it the nightmares? No, those were, regrettably, normal. Well, aside from the not-normal one she just had but that wasn't the problem. Was it the Kaji thoughts? No, thinking about Kaji was normal. It wasn't about her father either, she always wanted to punch his smug face. What was it? Wait. Were mirrors supposed to nod back independent of her own actions?

Asuka stood there for a solid twenty seconds while her brain churned out an answer of 'No, they don't.' She rushed back to the mirror, grabbing both of its sides as she stared deeply at her reflection, daring it to do something unusual. The reflection, much to her joy and regret, just mirrored her actions. She breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm just seeing things because I'm tired, I need to get that coffee ASAP." She grumbled unintelligibly as she walked away, resuming her journey for the dark ambrosia.

She did not notice that her reflection did not leave with her, it stayed in place and watched her walk off. Her reflection's face twisted into a smirk as it soundlessly chuckled before it dissipated into nothingness.

Asuka nearly inhaled the coffee as soon as it was cool enough, thanking whatever deities that would listen for coffee. The mental cobwebs were being shaken off by the intake of caffeine, resetting her brain's functions to normal. She took a moment to cast her mind back…. nope, still can't remember anything about the new nightmare. Well, she'll label it as 'not a big problem' for now. Hell, if it takes the place of her normal nightmares she'd refile it under 'kinda beneficial'. Her musings were cut off as she heard the apartment's front door open. Her mind immediately began contemplating if it was an intruder, her eyes darting over to the closet where she kept her crowbar. Before her mind could cement the idea of breaking in her crowbar, the rational part of her mind reminded her that NERV Berlin was one of the safest locations in the world, and she was its most valuable asset as the best Evangelion Pilot. Therefore there would be no intruder, it was someone who was supposed to be here, and there was only one person who was allowed in her apartment without needing to worry about getting inflicted with blunt force trauma.

"Kaji!~" She called out in a sing-song voice. The visage of the unshaven emerged from the entryway, mild surprise etched onto his face along with a roguish grin.

"Oh, hey kiddo. Didn't realize you were awake. What're you doing up so early?" Asuka's eye twitched at being called 'kiddo', but she let it slide. He would see her womanly charms eventually!

"Oh, I just woke up a bit early, that's all." She didn't want him to know about the nightmares, men hate women who show weakness. That's what Mama did, show weakness. That's why her waste of oxygen father left Mama and shacked up with Mama's doctor that no good- Push down the bad thoughts Asuka, drink the coffee, and return attention to Kaji. "So, whatcha here for?~ What some coffee?~"

"I would actually love some coffee, thanks kiddo." Another eye twitch. "Just make it to go, I gotta get back to work, I'm just here to drop your mail off." Asuka gave a little pout, hoping it would convince Kaji to stay. She still started pouring some coffee in a paper cup, she didn't have any clean cups left anyway. "Don't be like that, I'm trying to help smooth along Unit-02's transfer. Wouldn't want to stay out of the fight too long, would you?" Gottdammit, he's right. The Third Child already had a leg up on her because some politician thought it'd be better to keep the Evangelion here as long as possible instead of sending it to the frontlines beforehand so we don't die to alien monsters. And it would still take months to actually depart! "Don't worry, I have come bearing a gift to tide you over."

"Gift?!" Her mind lit up, wondering what he could possibly have gotten he- it's a folder. She takes the folder from him with a flat look on her face, inspecting it. Her face immediately lights up again when the words 'Third Angel After Action Report' are visible to her eyes. She opens it up, ready to tear into the report and point out the faults of the rookie Third Child, only for her face to scrunch in annoyance when most of it is redacted. "What the hell?! Why is it redacted!? The most it says about the battle is that the Angel died due to 'environmental assistance'. What does that even mean?!"

"Maybe it means the Third Child uprooted a skyscraper and beat the Angel to death with it?" That actually sounds kinda creative, if the Third Child did that she'd have to begrudgingly give him points for ingenuity. "Your guess is as mine. Apparently, there's a big information blackout due to Operational Security. Even the Third Child's picture is unavailable to get." That got her attention.

"OpSec? Is there some kind of outside force threatening the pilots?" Kaji shrugged as he drank his coffee.

"Could be, would explain why they're hushing up everything. Lot's of crazies in our world nowadays. Still, I'll see if I can get something, it would do well if our best pilot here was as well informed as possible before she gets to Tokyo-2, right?" Asuka nods in agreement, but something about that last part struck her as odd.

"You mean Tokyo-3 right? That's where NERV is located." For the first time in a while, Kaji's ever-present smirk morphs into a thoughtful expression, revealing the dark bags under his eyes. Then, a look of surprise overcomes his face.

"Oh shit." He mutters, then he bolts out of the apartment, leaving behind Asuka's mail and the smell of cheap aftershave, which is odd because Kaji never shaves. Asuka sighs then turns to her mail.

"Junk, junk, junk, shampoo catalog, cult brochure, an advertisement for a steakhouse, a letter from my fat-" She pauses, eyeing the letter from her father with enough heat to rival a star. She tears it open, and surprise, it's an invitation to brunch with one of his business partners that just so happens to have a son that would love to get to know her. Bah, she wished she had a fireplace so she could burn this waste of paper. Her next letter, however, catches her interest. Something with postage saying it was shipped overnight from Tokyo-3. She opened it and read the message, wondering if this was relevant to her upcoming journey.

"Congratulations!" It started in German. "'As the honorable Second Children, you have been granted access to a NERV limited edition eating fork.' Children, eating fork? Ugh, this is why you pay your translators and proofreaders." She fished around in the packaging to see if they actually remember to include her gift. She was pleasantly surprised when she pulled out a two-pronged red fork with a spiral handle. "Well, it's red at least so they have good taste." She inspected it for a moment before she placed it on her kitchen counter. She would need to remember to bring it with her when she went to Japan. But that was still some time off, until then she decided to see if there were any good movies on at whatever time it was.

Shinji Ikari's day, much to his joy did not get worse. Aside from not getting to eat his now ruined lunch, the incessant queries of his pilot status, and the teacher's ramblings about Second Impact his day was fairly fine. Though he dreaded the day he would have to face whoever this Suzuhara was, he had time to mentally (and potentially physically) prepare himself for that meeting. Until then, he needed to focus on other things so he didn't think about the young girl whose life he probably ruined. Oh gods he's doing it right now.

"Leader, Shiki. What do you think we should do for dinner?" He hoped the guilt and desperation didn't leak out into his voice, thankful the way back home was devoid of foot traffic at this time. Shiki just shrugged, which didn't help distract him from the bad thoughts. Leader however seemed very adamant about what she wanted, the problem was that Shinji had to guess what she was pantomiming at him. She started by making stirring motions. "A soup?" She nodded at him, confirming his guess. What type of soup though? There were a few he saw when searching up recipes. She made a motion where she was holding something and throwing it upwards. "A….. pancake?" She gave him a thumbs up. Pancake soup? That was… wait, he remembered seeing something like that when he was searching up German recipes.

"A F-Fladlesuuppe, right?" Leader stared at him incredulously for a moment before she burst out laughing. Even Shiki started chuckling, though she at least tried to stifle it. "W-what?! Did I say something wrong?" Leader shook her head in between fits of laughter, giving him a shaky thumbs up to confirm, that's what she wanted.

"Ant- pfffff Anta Baka." Leader continued to laugh uproariously, while Shiki seemed to quiet down. He frowned a bit, wondering what he did that was so funny? He decided to file that away for later, mentally checking if he had all the ingredients required. He confirmed that he did in fact have everything required. He hoped Misato wouldn't mind German food today, she said she lived in Germany before so she should be fine.

As the door to Casa de Katsuragi opened Shinji was assaulted by a smell so horrific that his lizard brain's fight or flight instinct activated, and overloaded into nonfunctionality. He stumbled into the apartment proper and muttered a weak "I'm home?". Unfortunately, Kitchen Catastrophe Katsuragi heard her prey's terrified whimpering and pounced.

"Welcome back Shinji! How was your first day?"

"It was?" Shinji's language center was failing him as he beheld the kitchen and the terror that was wrought within. To call it a mess would be like calling Second Impact a mildly unpleasant day. The errant pots and pans were strewn about haphazardly, remnants of failed(?) cooking attempts lined the walls, and the smell wasn't describable with any word known to man or beast.

"Yeah, first days are like that. But I figured you'd be tired, so I made dinner. Enjoy!~" Leader had tactically retreated at the first sign of trouble, while Shiki clamped onto his neck like it was a life raft, her eyepatch shining blue and her breathing panicked. He stared at the 'food' sitting on the table. His survival instinct warred with his deeply ingrained politeness and urge to avoid conflict before one won out.

"I mustn't run away." He muttered, causing Shiki to freeze. He sat down at the table and weighed his options. Deciding that the bowl of what looked like soup would be a good starting point, he took a spoonful and instantly regretted his decision. As soon as the broth entered his mouth he was assaulted by a sense of dryness as if all moisture was sucked out of his mouth by the broth. His hand shot out for a glass of nearby water, gulping it down before nearly spitting it back out. Why does the water taste burnt!? He gazed at the final dish, a plain plate of rice covered in a non-Newtonian magenta mass that he swore was staring at him. He grabbed a spoon and scooped some up, noting it was both like an airy cream and a solid rock. He was barely cognizant of Shiki shaking him, begging him to stop, but he still took a bite out of wait, why was he staring at a vaguely familiar ceiling?

He was then informed by a very worried nurse (and two screaming tiny redheads) that he was in the Geofront hospital's ICU after getting his stomach pumped. Apparently, he broke a world record by eating two spoonfuls of Misato's cooking and only being unconscious for eight hours.

"It's official, I'm banning Misato from the kitchen." He grumbled as Leader and Shiki were pummeling his head.

Kozo Fuyutsuki filed away the last of the paperwork 'bequeathed' upon him by the Commander. He was certain Gendo wanted to give him more, but as much as he appeared to be a figurehead Sub-Commander he was responsible for keeping NERV efficient and running. Not that it was easy lately, with the Ishim performing constant acts of minor anarchy all around. Not that he could be mad at them, they reminded him too much of Kyoko and Yui during their college days for that. Those two were always minor troublemakers in their good-natured quest to one-up the other. A pang of sadness hit his heart, the memories of those days weighed heavily on him. Thankfully, fate saw fit to provide him with a distraction.

"Anta Baka?" Fuyutsuki blinked as he just noticed the Ishim standing on his desk. She was different from the others, she was wearing a lab coat on top of the plugsuit, her hair was tied up in a ponytail and she wore a pair of glasses. A near spitting image of Kyoko during her lab days, Fuyutsuki mused. She even had a tiny name tag that introduced her as 'Professor Soryu'.

"Hello there Professor, how may I help you?" Fuyutsuki thought to use this opportunity as a way to gain insight into the Ishim. Also, he was curious as to what she wanted with him. She pantomimed a familiar shape with her hands that he instantly recognized. "Oh, Shogi! Well, I have the time if you want to humor an old man." He opened his desk drawer and pulled out his Shogi board. His eyes lingered longingly on the dusty box of Chutes and Ladders that lay underneath the Shogi board. "One day." He muttered. "One day."

"Baka?"

"Hmm? Oh, nothing. Shall we begin, Professor?" She nodded, and soon they were playing. Fuyutsuki, while no master, was an experienced player, but even he was having trouble matching the tiny Professor. His moves were calculating and controlled, like Kyoko's, but there were bursts of spontaneous randomness that reminded him of Mary's playstyle. It was completely different than what he was used to nowadays, his only opponent being the Commander, whose playstyle was altered every time they played, just enough to through him off and force him to adapt. His mind couldn't help but return to an older, simpler time when he was a professor in charge of dealing with four rowdy youngsters who wanted to change the world. Unfortunately, the world did change, and not for the better.

"Baka." He was brought out of his musings by the Professor, as it seems that while he was distracted by his recollections, his king was defeated.

"I see an excellent showing, Professor. I must be getting rusty in my old age." A glance at the clock showed that his free time was nearly at an end. "I certainly enjoyed that, but it appears I have more work to get through. If you ever want to humor an old man for another game, please do come again." She nodded, but instead of leaving she grabbed a pen and a post-it note. She struggled writing due to the pen being nearly as tall as she was, but she apparently succeeded as she slapped the note down in front of him before strutting off, displaying pride in what she had done. He grabbed the note as she left his office, inspecting it like he was inspecting an ancient document. After minutes of analyzing it, he came to one conclusion.

"Her penmanship is terrible, I can't understand what she wrote." Unfortunately, she was long gone, leaving him with a mystery to ponder and paperwork to fill out.

Chapter Text

The sun rises over Tokyo-3 yet again, its massive skyscrapers rising from the ground like blooming flowers. Shinji wakes up, Shiki staring at him unblinkingly, Leader and Misato dueling for the bathroom, and Pen-Pen arguing with someone foreign over the phone like usual. It's been a few weeks since his dread encounter with Misato's cooking, and her subsequent ban from cooking on penalty of penguin-inflicted tasering. Rei returned to school in that time, and mostly ignored his attempts to talk with her, citing 'vengeance' as the reason. He still tried though, she looked lonely and he wanted to try to at least build up a rapport with his fellow pilot. On the bright side, he did make some friends. Kensuke, who was always talking to him, or at him, about military matters, occasionally trying to get Shinji to let slip something about the Evas. The Class Rep would occasionally join in and vent about her experience with her trio of Minisukas, much to Leader's bemusement. Honestly, he was finding his time in Tokyo-3 to be not so bad. Although, he couldn't help but think he forgot something….

"Hey, new kid!" Shinji stiffened, he didn't recognize that voice. "You that giant robot pilot?" He turned around to see a tall athletic boy he had never seen before slowly approaching him. Shinji opened his mouth to respond, but he was cut off. "Don't bother, my pal Kensuke here spilled the beans." Shinji's eyes darted to Kensuke, who was shaking his head rapidly while holding up his hands like he was being held at gunpoint. "Yer flailin' around nearly killed me and put my sister in the hospital, got anything to say for yerself?" Oh. That's what he forgot. In his defense, the day he was told that he was inflicted with Misato's cooking, which he had to actively suppress the memories of. Leader and Shiki were getting into fighting stances on his shoulder, Leader summoning(?) her spear. The Suzuhara(?) boy was right in front of him, staring at him with barely contained rage.

"Uh…." He had to deescalate this situation fast, so he went to his tried and true standby. "I'm sorry-" Before his face got acquainted with a fist, his instincts honed from Evangelion simulations and avoiding Misato's drunken grapples allowed him to clumsily dodge out of the way of the punch. "I-I didn't even finish talking!"

"Words're cheap new kid, and they don't help my sister walk again! So grit yer teeth- OW!" Looking down, Touji saw a Minisuka had stabbed him in the ankle with her lance.

"Hey Touji, I think you should maybe stop…" Kensuke, who was currently attempting to hide inside a nearby discarded cardboard box, had brought Touji's attention to his surroundings- "Because I'm pretty sure yer outnumbered." -and the horde of Minisukas now surrounding him.

"Wha?" Touji had a creeping feeling of dread rise up from the pit of his stomach, at the sight of the Minisukas coming out of the woodworks. Or perhaps it was the school lunch he ate earlier, they were cutting lunch budgets, and 'ninety-three percent fake synthetic 'meat' from concentrate' did not sound like it meshed well with the digestive system. "Wait, yer those little Red Demons that killed the big monster instead of this idiot OW!" Another Minisuka had given his ankle a casual shanking with her lance. "Stop that!" Touji began to back away as the Minisukas began to encroach upon him with malicious intent. Thankfully for him, the atmosphere of conflict was broken by a phone ringing.

Shinji pulled out his cellphone with embarrassment. "Oh, sorry. Can I take this?"

"Oh, yeah, sure. Take yer time." Touji said nonchalantly.

"Thank you. Hello?" Shinji answered and was met by an automated message instructing him to get to the Geofront. "Uh, sorry Suzuhara it looks like we'll need to continue this later, I have to go." Shinji bowed his head apologetically and left with Leader and Shiki. The rest of the Minisukas seemed confused about how to proceed until the Angel alarm started blaring and all their eyes widened in near unison. As one the Germentide parted for parts unknown, leaving behind two confused boys.

"The hell just happened?"

The Section Two escort was waiting at the school gates along with Rei, and once Shinji arrived they were ushered into the escort car and driven to the Geofront posthaste. Leader and Shiki were whispering to each other behind his neck, about what he couldn't tell, but he assumed it was about the Angel.

"So, do we have any information about the Angel?" He tried asking the Section Two members escorting him, but they did not deign to answer him. Rei, who had been seated next to him, continued to stare ahead blankly, seemingly not interested in what was going on. "Uh….. Leader, Shiki? Are your….. friends going to help?" They stopped their hushed conversation to look at him before they both gave him a thumbs up. He took that as a yes. "Great, thanks!" He felt relief upon hearing he wouldn't be alone out there, though he hoped none of the Minisukas would get hurt.

Arriving at the Geofront he quickly suited up and made his way to the Eva Cages, entering the Entry Plug with Leader and Shiki.

"Alright Shinji, the Angel is arriving in T-minus thirty minutes, so here's the rundown of what you're going to do." Misato's voice echoed through the Entry Plug as it began to fill up with LCL. "We don't know what tricks the Angel will have up it's sleeves, so we'll keep our opening move simple, we'll provide you with a Pallet Rifle near your deployment location, use that so we can gauge the Angel's defensive capabilities. Keep mobile in case it also has ranged attacks, and keep an eye out for any tricks it might pull. Any questions?"

"N-None Misato." Wow, serious Misato is way different than normal Misato.

"Good, you're launching in ten to fifteen. Be prepared." His comms went silent, leaving him with Leader and Shiki, who appeared to be fiddling with the main console.

"Is…. everything alright with….. that?" He still had trouble recalling the technical names of the various Entry Plug components, and so did most of the workers from what he heard. Apparently, every part had some sort of biblical name that nobody could remember. As he's never even touched the book he's tried to learn the less complicated terms the cage workers use instead, rather than try to recall what a Babelian Transpondence Device is.

"Anta Baka." Leader gave him a 'so-so' motion with her hand without looking at him. He nodded even though she probably wouldn't see it. They did this whenever they got in the Entry Plug with him, fiddling around with the systems. It always infuriated Doctor Akagi when they did, proclaiming that she was the one that had to undo the modifications they made. They always flipped her off in response. It was becoming a game between them, Leader and Shiki would come up with elaborate methods to flip her off, and Doctor Akagi would learn new, and possibly 'colorful', ways to insult them in German.

They waited in silence until he felt the Entry Plug alight in a burst of colors as he felt his senses become one with the Eva's once more. He felt the cold steel of the launch catapult fastened to his frame, the pressure of the g-force as he was thrown upwards, and the sting of fear as he spotted the distant form of the Angel on the horizon.

It had the body that reminded him of a tube worm with an arrow-shaped head, and nothing else. It approached slowly as he grabbed the Pallet Rifle from the weapon depot and took aim. It stopped a fair distance away, observing him as he was observing it. He subconsciously centered the Angel in his aiming peripheral, waiting for it to do something. He could feel Leader and Shiki tense on his shoulders, waiting for the inevitable to begin. His comms crackled to life, and Misato's voice rang out.

"Shinji, engage when ready. Give it hell." He gave a grunt of affirmation and pulled the trigger, letting loose a torrent of minivan-sized bullets towards the Angel. The staccato of gunfire filled his ears as the rounds struck true, impacting the Angel, and a fair bit of the surrounding area, throwing up a smokescreen of debris to cloud the target. Realizing he had lost sight of the Angel he began moving around while keeping it's last known location in his sight.

"Remember the basics." He muttered to himself, the lessons of his Eva combat training coming to the forefront of his mind. "Keep mobile, stay aware of umbilical cable's length, keep an eye on the Angel, aim for the core, don't run away." He kept moving between large buildings as he kept an eye on the debris cloud.

"No visual on sensors but the Pattern Blue is persisting, the Angel is still alive." He heard Doctor Akagi say.

"What's it doing? Shinji, move to the weapon depot west-northwest of your current position, try using the Gatling Gun in there to-" Misato's words were cut off when a tendril of light burst from the cloud and launched towards him. He instinctively backstepped away as it implanted itself into the ground where he was standing. He raised the rifle to unload a salvo into the tendril when out of the corner of his eye he saw the Angel burst out of the cloud. Using the tendril like a grappling hook the Angel propelled itself toward Unit-01 like an angry semi-truck covered in sledgehammers. It smashed into him, launching him into the air towards a hillside on the outskirts of Tokyo-3 and sending his rifle to parts unknown. Amidst the yelling over the comms and the yelling of Leader and Shiki arguing with each other, he couldn't help but look at the empty hillside and think something was missing. Deducing that nothing was missing and that was the recent Angel-induced head trauma talking he slowly got up, ready to get back in the fight.

Angel Shelter 17-B: Earlier

Touji Suzuhara rubbed his sore ankles idly. "Ya know Ken, I half 'spected ya ta want to go out there and film whatever crazy fight is going on out there."

"My friend Touji Suzuhara, why I, Kensuke Aida, would never do something so foolhardy as go out of the shelter during a crisis. I am insulted you'd think I would."

"Why the hell are ya talking like that Ken?" Kensuke was pale and sweating bullets, trying not to look in the Class Rep's direction. Curious, Touji looked over at the Class Rep. Just for curiosity's sake mind you, not for any hidden feelings towards her. He was met with the glare of three Red Demons, their stares daring the two of them to do something stupid. Touji, not being as stupid as most claim him to be, put two and two together and decided he didn't want to get stabbed in the ankles anymore today. "Ah, right. Ya wouldn't do something like that Ken."

"Of course my friend! Don't worry, all is forgiven." An uncomfortable silence passes between them. "So…. how about the local sports team, huh?" Touji sighed. It was going to be a long day.

The mood in the NERV command center was tense, as the occupants tried to adapt to the situation.

"Those tendrils appear to allow for it to cross large distances and are potentially dangerous weapons. We need to-"

"The MAGI are detecting new contacts!" Hyuga called out, interrupting Ritsuko.

"What!? Another Pattern Blue?" Misato and Ritsuko called out in unison.

"No…. it's….. well…. Bringing it on screen now." A dozen camera feeds were brought up, showing a curious sight. A fleet of RC cars painted red and kitbashed to look like post-apocalyptic raider vehicles manned by Minisukas. This was accompanied by a large flock of mismatched birds of different breeds ridden by even more Minisukas. Apparently, the cavalry had arrived, and they couldn't decide between a post-apocalyptic or fantasy aesthetic. The command center was engulfed by a stunned silence, once again due to the arrival of the tiny reinforcements. Until Ritsuko broke the silence.

"Aoba put the guitar away!"

"Come on! This needs some music!"

"We are not dignifying those little gremlins with a soundtrack!" Suddenly the MAGI announcement system was brought online.

"Initiating playlist: Songs to Kill Angels to."

"Mother why." Ritsuko put her face into her hands as she was drowned out by some rock song.

The Fourth Angel, Shamshel expected many things. It expected to face the same force that felled it's sibling. It planned to counter the threat of the Lilim's forces through the creative use of it's Light Whips to increase it's mobility and ensure it's success. Unfortunately, no plan survives first contact with the Minisukas.

The two forces of Minisukas descended upon the Fourth Angel with deadly intent. RC cars circled the Angel like sharks, lances launching from them like harpoons at a sea monster. The wing of bird riders performing strafing attacks as the calls of pigeons, doves, crows, eagles, and one very misplaced spoonbill echoed throughout Tokyo-3.

Shamshel, not expecting this type of assault, tried to prioritize which target to attack while defending it's core. It's choice became clear when it saw the form of Unit-01 charging towards it. It lances it's whips dead center towards the charging giant, piercing through it and severing it's cable. Satisfied with the damaged Shamshel made to remove the whips from the abdomen of Unit-01 before the Eva grabbed the whips and used them to pull itself toward Shamshel. The Angel had but one thought at this.

Oh no.

Shinji Ikari was screaming. Not in pain, okay somewhat in pain, but in rage. When he saw the Angel eyeing(?) the Minisukas he knew it was going to hurt them. He felt a small fire light up inside him, the fire told him, urged him to help them defeat the Angel. So he charged, ignoring whatever Misato was saying (he couldn't hear her over the music anyway), and made to take down the monster while it was distracted. Unfortunately, it wasn't as distracted as he would have liked, so now he felt like a hole was in his gut. He didn't let that, or Leader and Shiki screaming at him, discourage him from grabbing the whips embedded in his gut, he made to pull the Angel toward him, but instead, he was brought closer to the Angel. Not what he intended but he'll take what he can get.

He continued to scream in rage (and a not insubstantial amount of pain) as he was brought closer to the Angel, who was struggling to free itself from his grip. Closer and closer he got, plating on the Eva's hand began to slough off due to the whip's heat, but he was close enough to put an end to this [{eykilledh}] monster. He took both whips in one hand and grabbed the progressive knife from the shoulder pylon and stabbed and stabbedandstabbedandstabbedandstabbedand

"Baka Shinji!" The phantom pain of the gut wound subsided as the real pain of being dropkicked in the jaw by a tiny redhead replaced it. Shinji blinked as he saw what the Eva saw, and it saw a red core that had been shredded to pieces. He then saw the dead Angel to go with it, then nothing as the Eva lost power. He looked to Leader and Shiki floating in the LCL, who stared at him with angry expressions.

"Mission accomplished?" The official report would state that the various wounds Shinji received would be because of the fight with the Angel, despite the various punch and kick marks indicating otherwise.

There were cheers in the command center as victory music played, much to Ritsuko's annoyance. The Commander and Sub-Commander had left after the Angel was declared dead. The head of Project E sighed as she turned to her best friend.

"Hey, Misato, how much beer do you have squirreled away?"

"Plenty. But none for you." Ritsuko's eye twitched at that.

"Why." There was enough venom in her voice to fell a herd of elephants.

"You gave Pen-Pen a taser, you can get your own booze for now. Anyway, I'm going to take Shinji home, I'm sure you need to deal with the Angel corpse in the middle of the city. Have fun Rits!~" Misato left to go get her charge as Ritsuko was left with a headache and not enough booze to deal with it. She groaned and began to get to work.

"No rest for the wicked."

"-and I realize you couldn't hear me over the music, but letting yourself get impaled is not a valid military tactic, despite what the medieval Turks thought." Misato's car ramped over an errant piece of debris and into the apartment parking lot. "Understood Shinji?"

"Misato, I don't think the Turks let Dracula impale them, nor was it considered a military tactic." Shinji knew Dracula wasn't the right name for the man, but he couldn't bring himself to care through the pain of Leader and Shiki constantly pinching him in punishment. "But yes, I understand."

"Great! Also, we need to go in for a debriefing first thing tomorrow morning. Let's go get some food!" Shinji sighed as he contemplated the lessons he learned today. First, the Minisukas were extremely protective of him, something he probably should have figured out before. Second, Leader and Shiki would be very angry with him if he put himself in harm's way. Finally, he shouldn't forget the problems he might have caused no matter how much of Misato's cooking was involved.

"I'm home." He muttered as he walked into the apartment, his mind drawing up plans for dinner. Misato was already walking towards the fridge, intent on her celebratory beer. The snap of a can opening graced his ears before Misato took a large swig…. before spitting it out. She stared at the beer in her hand and the others in her fridge as her eyes narrowed.

"Why the hell is all my beer non-alcoholic?!" The only response was Leader's stifled giggling.

Chapter Text

Sakura Suzuhara was many things. Eight years old, a little sister, victor of the Tokyo-3 Junior Spear Throwing Championship two years running, and not entirely sure where this thought process was going. Boredom was making her loopy, as were the painkillers they were injecting into her to make her crushed legs hurt less. She wasn't disappointed that she might be crippled for life, that was her fault for not evacuating when the giant monster showed up. She, however, was disappointed when the doctors refused her request to amputate her legs and replace them with metal ones that she could use to fight crime in the night. With that, her dream of becoming a cyborg vigilante was struck down for the fourth time in her short life. Her attention returned to her room's TV as she flipped through the channels.

"What are we going to do, Mister Shiroi?"

"We're going to cook Jeshi."

"Boring." She didn't want to watch a cooking show, they were boring. The channel changed at her command.

"Come down ta Waltoph's Cursed Animatronic Emporium, where our products are less likely ta kill ya than the best leading competitors, guaranteed!"

"Ugh, no. Those things are creepy." The channel changed once more.

"Oh, Hidalgo! How could you do this to me? I thought we were in love!?"

"Oh dang, they got dubbed telenovelas here? Score!" Sakura wished she had some popcorn instead of whatever hospital slop they kept giving her, but beggars can't be choosers.

"Anta Baka?"

"I know right? It's crazy." Oh, she almost forgot her new imaginary friend. She looked at the tiny redheaded girl that kept calling Sakura an idiot that appeared in all the hubbub yesterday. Honestly? Not her first choice for an imaginary friend, but she wasn't complaining. Well, not vocally at least. She was complaining internally. A lot.

"Baka."

"Well excuse me, but who's the one with the crushed legs here? That's right, me! So I get control of the remote Crimson Septuple Hypermax!" That's her name, Crimson Septuple Hypermax. It's a great name if you'd ask her. But Crimson Septuple Hypermax didn't like being called Crimson Septuple Hypermax for some reason. Sakura would give her a new name if she didn't call her an idiot all the time. But she didn't, so her name is Crimson Septuple Hypermax.

"Hey, Sakura." Her musings were broken by the arrival of her brother, Touji, looking all dejected. "Sorry I couldn't get here earlier, lotta damage 'round the city. Had ta take a detour….." His eyes locked onto Crimson Septuple Hypermax, who in return was glaring at her brother. "Oh no." Wait, could he see-

"Anta Baka!" Crimson Septuple Hypermax screamed out a warcry while charging toward her brother, thankfully she's prepared for this exact scenario and nobody can prove otherwise. She executes her master plan of grabbing Crimson Septuple Hypermax and holding her really tightly.

"Once again my plan is a success! What's gotten into you, Crimson Septuple Hypermax?"

"Wait, what did you just call-"

"Shut up bro, we're doing girl talk!"

"Anta Baka."

"What?! Touji! How could you?!"

"You can understand her?!"

"Of course, I can understand my imaginary friend! What I can't understand is why you tried to kill her husband after he rejected your declaration of love!"

"What/Baka!?" Twin shouts echoed out in the small hospital room. Crimson Septuple Hypermax was blushing furiously, no doubt in rage.

"I thought you were better than that Touji! And I thought you were interested in Hikari!"

"I am! Uh, I mean uh." Now he was blushing in rage, no doubt because his fiendish, dramatic plan was revealed. "It's not that! I tried ta beat up the pilot of that giant robot that hurt'cha!"

"That's worse!"

"How?!"

"Touji, my idiot brother who I love so much, it was an accident! I should have stopped searching for that lost Incan gold when the alarm rang out, but I didn't. So it's my fault!"

"Wait, what was that about lost Incan-"

"Don't interrupt me!" She shouted, the painkiller's effects abating in her prepubescent fury. "Go find that robot pilot and apologize for being such a butt to him or so help me I will crawl over there and give you such a thrashing!"

"Uhhhh." He looked at her, looked at Crimson Septuple Hypermax, then back to her. "Y-yes Sakura." He quickly darted away, leaving Sakura alone with Crimson Septuple Hypermax.

"Good." She let go of Crimson Septuple Hypermax who was staring at her in shock. "Brothers are dumb sometimes Crimson Septuple Hypermax, so you have to set them on the path of not dumb. You understand?" Crimson Septuple Hypermax nodded. "Great! Now let's get back to this telenovela, the kung fu death match is about to start."

"Annabella, I will now show you the technique of my ancestors, ONE FLURRY OF FISTS AT A TIME!"

Hopefully with her dumb brother set on the right track the robot pilot(she should ask for his name next time) is going to have a great day!

Shinji Ikari was not having a great day. He and Misato went all the way to the Geofront to do a final debriefing, but nobody was there because they were all at the Angel's corpse. So they drive over there only to get told by Doctor Akagi that the debriefing wasn't required. Misato, however, needed to go back to the Geofront to fill out paperwork, meaning he needed to walk home (he didn't want to suffer Misato's driving any more that day). It was only after thirty minutes of walking in the general direction of where he thought Misato's apartment did he realize that he was lost.

"Anta Baka!"

"Baka?!"

His status of being lost wasn't helped by Leader and Shiki both having different ideas about where to go. So while they were arguing he was at the train station trying to reverse engineer his school route in order to figure out a way back home.

"Ikari?" Shinji turned to look at the unexpected, and disheveled, visage of Kensuke.

"Kensuke? What are you doing here? Do you live around here?" A loud clatter rang out deeper in the train station.

"No, long story. Walk with me, talk with me." Kensuke began pushing him into the empty train car. Leader and Shiki had stopped their arguing to look at him strangely. "Look, we don't want to be here in the next five minutes so I'll pay your train fare, we just need to get out of here NOW!"

"Wha?" As he was pushed onto the train and the doors began to close a group of foreign men in suits and with guns began to rush onto the platform.

"Ահա նա! Ձեռք բերեք փոքրիկ բռետին! Ցույց տվեք նրան, որ մեզ հետ չխառնվի!" A man with a large scar dominating half his face shouted out. So enough bullets began to pelt the train car, causing Shinji and Kensuke to scream as they ducked.

"Kensuke, what the hell?!" Shinji felt the train car move away as Leader began to grab his phone from his pocket.

"Long story short I tried to get bootleg footage of yesterday's fight, and I somehow got into a blood feud with the Armenian mafia."

"How?!" Leader was screaming something into his phone as the sound of gunfire began to recede, the train moving further away.

"Not entirely sure, I may have flirted with someone's mother. Never buy used Japanese to Armenian translation guides. Say, you got a place we can hunker down?" Shinji was slightly annoyed his friend got him into this mess, but his desire to be helpful so as not to get hated won out.

"Uh, my apartment? It's got a protective detail that should keep us safe." Thinking about it now that he wasn't in immediate danger, where was his personal Section Two protective detail?

"Hey Yamada, weren't you supposed to go do security on the Third Child?"

"….Crap."

"Baka! Anta-Baka? Baka-Shinji!?" Leader was screaming into his cellphone at someone. Shiki was currently glaring daggers at Kensuke, who was trying to ignore being figuratively stabbed by her gaze.

"Cool, great, amazing. So….where is it?" Oh, right.

"I'm actually lost, I have no idea where we are right now."

"Ah." Kensuke gulped nervously. "Well if you can get to your apartment from school I think this track has a nearby station we can get off at."

"Good, once we do I know how to move around to avoid people so we can get there without being seen." Kensuke blinked, his face scrunched up in thought, seemingly trying to formulate a response to that.

"You know what, I'm going to leave the implication of that 'avoid people' thing untouched until after we ensure our safety from the mafia. Lead the way, Captain Ikari." Leader was apparently done with his phone as she handed it back to him.

"I don't think I actually have a rank other than Pilot, and I'm not sure where that-" Shinji blinks, realizing he just officially outed himself as the Eva Pilot. Kensuke blinked before his smile grew absurdly large.

"AHA! YOU FINALLY ADMITTED IT!" Shinji sighed as he was assaulted with a barrage of questions as Leader and Shiki both facepalmed. He was not having a great day.

Avedis panted heavily, his one good eye trying to comprehend the horror before him. It was supposed to be simple, grab the brat who was trying to threaten/seduce his boss's grandmother and teach him a lesson, but it all went wrong. They meant to follow the train, chase down the brat, and save the boy he grabbed (no doubt to use as a hostage, the fiend), but they kicked a hornet's nest. Maybe the gunfire was ill-advised because it appeared to attract the wrong kind of attention.

"Աստվածամայր..." Before he or his men could understand, the demontide descended, dragging his men off into the shadows, leaving nothing behind but their screams. He stared at the dread horde approaching him, their malice radiating off them in waves. "Ինչու եք դա անում?"

"Anta Baka." He screamed and knew no more.

"-and unfortunately while the core was recoverable it was extremely damaged in the fight, leaving little usable remains."

"A pity, but understandable. We cannot expect to prioritize obtaining a semi-intact S2 Organ when the Angels are as dangerous as they are." Lorenz gazed around at the other members of SEELE, seeing if they had anything to add. When they remained silent, he continued. "What of the Ishim Ikari?"

"While their method of engaging the Fourth Angel differed from the Third they acted within expectations, despite their… unusual method of transportation." Lorenz once again gave the others a chance to interject, before-

"Where did they get the spoonbill?" Despite only being able to see monoliths Gendo could feel the other members of SEELE slowly turn to look at SEELE-4.

"I….. beg your pardon, what?" Gendo patented finger steeple prevented the look of incredulity and confusion from showing on his face, but he was sure the other members of SEELE shared it.

"Yes, how is this relevant Four?" Lorenz wasn't visibly affected, but the slight tinge of annoyance and confusion in his voice was unmistakable.

"Spoonbills aren't native to the Tokyo-3 region, or Japan in general, especially since Second Impact disrupted their migratory habits. How did they find it? Did they get it from a zoo? If we find out how they got it we might be able to use that to control them."

"How do you know so much about spoonbills?" SEELE-10 inquired, genuinely curious.

"…..My wife forces me to go to environmental charity events, she drilled a lot of bird facts so she could beat her friend at a trivia contest." A cascade of understanding murmurs broke out, followed by Lorenz clearing his throat to regain attention.

"Ikari?"

"…..I'll look into it, though I can't guarantee I'll find anything."

"Very well, I feel we are done here. Keep us updated Ikari, and have that core sample delivered to the American branches post-haste." They didn't wait for him to answer before flickering out, leaving Gendo and Fuyutsuki alone once more.

"Should we bother with investigating the…. bird angle Ikari?"

"Put it on a low priority for the Section Two investigative department, we have more important things to deal with."

"Understood, hopefully, it ends up as more than a wild goose chase." Fuyutsuki smiles at his own joke and Gendo makes a note to assign him more paperwork.

Walking in the shadows, Shinji and Kensuke inch closer to Misato's apartment, keeping an eye out for any mafia members who would threaten them. Soon enough they were close enough to the complex to be able to see the Section Two agents patrolling out in the open, giving them a reprieve. A short while later they were approaching the entrance to the apartment complex and saw a familiar tracksuited boy arguing with security.

"Look, I just wanna see Ikari. I ain't here ta fight 'em, I wanted ta apologize."

"Apologize?" Touji turned to look at them.

"Ikari, Kensuke? What happened ta ya two, ya look terrible." Kensuke grimaced.

"Long story, I'll tell you later, Touji."

"Alright. Anyway, Ikari, hit me." Touji stood straight, staring him in the eye. He could feel Leader roll her eyes and mutter something, probably some variation of 'Baka'. Shiki had retired to his shirt pocket for a nap, long since losing interest in whatever was going on.

"Huh?"

"Hit me. I tried ta hitcha cause I blamed ya fer hurting my sis, but she said it wasn't yer fault and told me ta apologize, so hit me." Shinji tried to wrap his head around that logic, but really couldn't. Instead, he tried the route where he was less likely to hurt his hand.

"I'd rather not hit you, since you didn't actually hit me. Can I just accept your apology and we can start over?" Touji stared at him for a moment, apparently contemplating the offer, before nodding.

"Alright, we can just say ya have a free pass for a hit at a later time." He'd rather not but he didn't want to argue that. Touji thrust his hand out. "Touji Suzuhara, let's get along Shin-man." Shin-man?

"Shin-man?" Shinji instinctively shook the preoffered hand.

"Yeah. Takes a man ta hold back when offered a free hit, so as far as I'm concerned, yer Shin-man now." He would rather not have that nickname, but he again didn't want to argue that.

"Nice as this is-" Kensuke piped up. "Can we get out of the open so we don't get attacked by the mafia?"

""The what?"" Touji and the security guard echoed in confusion.

"Right, the mafia. We should get inside. Do you mind if I bring my friends in?" The security guard looks baffled, before nodding. He, Touji, and Kensuke start to walk in as the guard begins to talk to someone on his walkie-talkie. Shinji was slightly baffled that he managed to make a friend out of someone who wanted to beat him up yesterday, but he took it as a good sign. Perhaps today wasn't so bad after all.

"Wait." He blinked, realizing he was missing something, or rather someone. "Where did Leader go?" Shiki opened her eye and made a show of looking around before shrugging her 'I don't know, that's her problem, not mine' shrug. He wondered where she went (and Touji looked around his feet to make sure he wasn't about to get stabbed again) but he figured that she was doing something important and that she'd be back in time for dinner. "Well, I'm sure she's fine.

Sightings and traffic of the Minisukas/Ishim were recorded and logged constantly by the MAGI, to ensure as much information as possible about these enigmatic entities was available. A rather obvious point of data was that the home of the Third Child, Shinji Ikari, was a focal point of their travel patterns. It was assumed that this was due to the importance of the Third Child to the Ishim. This was correct, yet it wasn't the only reason.

Leader made her way through the ventilation ducts of the apartment complex, following a path that was not on any blueprint to a location that did not exist on any NERV database thanks to some persuasive efforts towards the MAGI. She exited the final ventilation grate and emerged into a cavern of metal. A hollow area in the Tokyo-3 plates no doubt included as a cost-saving measure or a redundancy was now being utilized for a much grander purpose. Dozens of makeshift planning boards were surrounded by dozens of Minisukas, each preparing contingencies and fallbacks for plans regarding future events that may or may not happen. Tiny workbenches were building prototypes or modifying equipment they 'acquired'.

Leader frowned as she looked upon her people, working hard. They had a close call today because they didn't foresee the effects of their actions. Something they would have to rectify. She shook her head and reminded her that they would succeed. They were Asuka Langley Soryu dammit, and they wouldn't give up. Not when he was on the line.

"Anta Baka." She slapped her face and approached the main planning table, she had work to do and no God or Angel was going to get in her way.

Chapter Text

"-So that's what happened Touji." Kensuke finished up his long and detailed explanation of the events that transpired. Shinji tuned out halfway through and began making some tea, Shiki was staring at Kensuke with a look that said 'You won't believe how disappointed I am in you.', and Touji just stared incredulously.

"Really Ken? Ya gotta stop involving yerself with organized crime."

"Look, all my collectible military equipment isn't easy, or legal, to get so I have to make connections with some less than reputable people. Or I would if they didn't pack up and leave at the first sign of a giant monster attack!" Shinji would argue that that is a perfectly reasonable time to pack up and leave, but he didn't want to argue with his friends.

"Whatever Ken, just don't drag me inta another one of yer meet n greets again, I still ain't forgiven ya fer that time with the Yakuza."

"I keep telling you I thought it was an underground idol concert, I didn't expect to be forced into becoming backup dancers for a crazy one-eyed Yakuza guy!"

"That don't stop the nightmares, I still hear the song in my sleep. So anyway, Shin-man-"

"Could you just call me Shinji?"

"Sure thing Shin-man." Shinji's eye twitches. "Ya live here alone?"

"No, I live with my guardian, Misato, and my 'roommate' Pen-Pen." He pauses. "Oh, and Leader and Shiki of course." Shiki nods in confirmation.

"Whose Pen-" Touji's query was cut off by Pen-Pen's refrigerator opening, and the penguin resident waddling out and retrieving a beer and returning without paying attention to any of them. "Oh. Yeah, that tracks."

"Wait, Misato, as in Captain Misato Katsuragi Director of Operations at NERV?!" Kensuke exclaimed like he was told his favorite actor was waiting in the next room.

"How… do you know that?"

"It's all on NERV's official website."

"NERV has a website?" Any further exploration on the topic of NERV's web presence was interrupted when Shinji was tackled by the infamous Katsuragi Cannonball, still wanted in many parts of Europe for assault, battery, and public intoxication.

"Shinji! Are you okay?!" Misato shouted as she held him in a vicegrip.

"I'd be better if you weren't crushing me." Shinji managed to wheeze out using his slowly depleting oxygen. Thankfully Misato got the message and released her prey.

"Sorry. I heard you got shot at, so I was worried."

"I'm fine, they only shot at the train car I was in."

"That doesn't make it okay! When I find whoever was on security for you at that time I'm gonna…" Misato's undoubtedly torturous planning was interrupted by Touji.

"Wait, yer one of the NERV bigwigs?" Misato blinked, just noticing the other two boys in the room.

"Oh, are you some of Shinji's friends? Welcome to my home! Would you like some food-" Pen-Pen's refrigerator opened and the penguin held out a gun-shaped taser menacingly, daring Misato to continue. "-yes I am a higher-up at NERV, how can I help?" The taser retracted, its duty fulfilled for now.

"So uh-" Touji, considering the newly established hierarchy of the household he was now witnessed to, chose his words carefully. "Can ya tell us what's the deal with… these things?" He gestured to Shiki for emphasis. Unfortunately, he chose his words poorly.

"Well-"

"Don't call them things Suzuhara." Shinji's voice suddenly spoke out with an uncharacteristic layer of venom. Suddenly all conversation died out as everyone turned to look at Shinji in naked shock, even the Minisukas watching from the air vents. Touji, to his credit, looked ashamed as Shinji glared at him.

"Oh, sorry Shin-man, I didn't-"

"Call me Ikari." Touji blinked as he looked around for some kind of help with this, finding none he capitulated.

"Sorry, Ikari. I didn't mean nothing by it." Shinji glared at him a few moments more before returning his attention to the tea, his unusual spurt of anger evaporating, Shiki continuing to stare at him in bafflement as everyone else collected their bearings.

"So-" Misato cut through the tension that was engulfing the atmosphere. "How about I get Section Two to drive you kids home?"

"Sounds good Captain!" Kensuke saluted enthusiastically, desperate to escape the uncomfortable situation.

"Sure, see ya later Ikari?" Shinji merely hummed an affirmation without turning to look at him.

"Super! Just head to the elevator and Hiro will give you a hand." Kensuke and Touji nodded and quickly left, meeting the agent who guided them to the elevator, riding down with them.

"So…." Kensuke decided to break the ice with the agent, but his question was anticipated rather quickly.

"The Katsuragi fan club meets Tuesdays and Thursdays at five pm in the office building on third street, floor seven. You're welcome to join, just bring some food."

"Score!" Kensuke's day was looking up, Touji just groaned.

"So Misato."

"Yeah, Shinji?"

"Will you be staying for dinner?"

"No, I got to get back to NERV, still got a ton of paperwork to fill out." She paused, studying Shinji for a moment as he began to pour out his tea. "Are you alright, Shinji?"

"I'm fine Misato, why do you ask?"

"No reason…. You know if you have any problems you can talk to me right?"

"Thank you Misato, I appreciate that."

"Mmmm." Misato looked at Shiki with a 'is he really alright' look. Shiki responded with an 'I'm just as confused about what just happened as you are' look, something that did not help Misato at all. "Well, stay home for the rest of the day, alright?"

"Alright Misato, good luck with your paperwork." Misato didn't respond as she left the apartment, contemplating if the stress of fighting Angels is starting to negatively affect her ward.

"Would you like some tea as well, Shiki?" Shinji for his part was acting as if the previous outburst never happened, something that was concerning to Shiki. She still accepted some tea, Shinji made some damn fine tea.

"Baka-Shinji?"

"I'm fine Shiki, but thanks for asking. The gunfire was a bit of a surprise, but I wasn't hurt." Shiki stared at him with an analytical gaze as she carefully drank the hot tea through a hollow cocktail stirrer. He appeared to be okay, and a careful study of his body language showed that he wasn't hiding anything. The fact he wasn't panicked right now was good in her eye, as she didn't want him to feel endangered. But the odd moment of aggression and his current calm demeanor were bugging her, but she couldn't figure out why.

Soon enough a comfortable silence overtook them, both enjoying their tea. Shiki never stopped analyzing Shinji, but she put that mental process on a lower priority once she figured she wasn't getting anything for the time being. So they sat in silence, the events of the day melting away. Until Pen-Pen emerged from his fridge, demanding dinner.

"It has come to my attention, through the use of the MAGI, that you were once known as a 'Prank Master' during your time in high school, and in my quest for vengeance I am in need of a teacher of such forbidden arts. I am prepared to offer you dread knowledge beyond comparison in order to gain your tutelage, or various other methods of repayment NERV is able to provide. Will you accept this offer?"

Makoto Hyuga stared at Rei Ayanami, as did the other bridge crew members present. "Hell of a way to start a conversation, Miss Ayanami." He waited for her to say something in response to that, but she just continued to stare at him, unblinkingly. "Right…. Uh… You have access to the MAGI?"

"Yes. I have obtained proper access codes from the Sub-Commander so I have use of the MAGI's capabilities. Is having the MAGI obtain something enough of a payment Lieutenant Hyuga?"

"Yes?" Hyuga wasn't sure where this was going, but he had an idea of what to get out of this.

"What do you desire the MAGI to obtain? Is it images of Captain Katsuragi wearing less than her normal amount of clothing?" Hyuga starts to choke on air as he could feel the glare of every female bridge crew member bore a hole through him.

"N-no, I was wondering if the MAGI could erase my student loans." That got the attention of the entire room, who glared at him for a different reason. "All the bridge crew's student loans?"

"That should be doable, consider our compact sealed Lieutenant Hyuga, I will find you when you are free later, and the teaching shall begin." Ayanami walked off, her footsteps silent like a shadow, or perhaps a mime. Once she left the room erupted into cheers, save for one.

"Is anybody else concerned about that 'dread knowledge' thing she mentioned, or is it just me?" Unfortunately, Satsuki Ooi's concerns were drowned out by the celebratory shouts.

(The following scene has been translated from Minisukese in order to improve clarity and reduce confusion. Any confusion or lack of clarity that remains is either intentional or not our problem. Best Wishes- The underpaid translators.)

Leader glanced around the table at her gathered subordinates. "Alright, so now that we dealt with the mafia, not a sentence I'd thought I would say, how are our other plans going? We can't afford to be behind schedule with the Fifth right around the corner."

Professor pushes up her glasses. "Everything on the engineering side will remain on schedule barring any unforeseen interruptions. The first contingency is in place and is ready to be deployed on command, the second phase is progressing steadily as long as the materials continue to come in."

Leader nodded. "Good, now we just need to brainstorm about the Sixth, and how to deal with her."

"What about the Jet Alone?" Someone queried.

"What about the Jet Alone?" Leader shot back.

"…..That's fair."

"Whatever, get Hacker on it if she has a second. Speaking of Hacker, what was her eta on draining the old fool's bank accounts?"

One Minisuka with a modified keypad phone called out. "Just got a message from her, says she's close to cracking one, we got a place to transfer the money to?"

"Yep, we got a nice Swiss bank account from our avian friend, just remember to send him a finder's fee." The orders and account numbers were relayed, and an affirmation was received. "Okay, how are we on plans for the others?"

An exhausted-looking Minisuka holding a thimble full of coffee answered her. "We're at an impasse on the Seventh and Eighth, as we can't agree on whether or not to let them happen without inference or not. It's important growth between them that could alter things in a way we couldn't predict if it doesn't happen."

"Scheiße, that's right. Put those on the back burner for now, do we have a play on the Fifteenth?"

"Nope." The planning Minisuka takes a big gulp of coffee. "Apparently building a surface to orbit weapon or mode of transportation isn't easy, even if you discount being eight inches tall from the equation."

"Wunderbar, and what of the….. 'less angelic' threats to our plans?"

"All quiet on Operation Tyrant's front, no sign of 'Red Honey', though the timeframe has yet to arrive. The first mission of Operation Cocoon is due in a few days' time."

"Keep me updated. Also, has anyone seen Prankster? I don't want her to provoke Wondergirl anymore than she already has, it's messing with our plans." To nobody's surprise, no one has seen her. "Great, keep an eye out. We're already playing this way looser than I would like. Alright, dismissed! I need to get back to watching over Idiot-Shinji." A chorus of confirmations rang out as everyone went to fulfill their part of the plan. Leader went to head back to her post, secure in the thought that everything was going off without a hitch, altercations with the Armenian mafia notwithstanding. The road would be long and treacherous, but it was all for him in the end, and nothing would stop her again.

A few days later

Mayumi Yamagishi was nose deep in a book as she walked home from school, dodging and weaving through errant passersby without even looking up, a skill developed through years of practice avoiding people. Her day at school was unremarkable, and nothing particular of note happened, just how she liked it.

"Anta Baka?" Mayumi blinked, looking around for where the voice she just heard came from, only to find she was alone in the isolated side street she now inhabited. "Baka." She looked down to find one of the tiny redheads that were often on the news lately staring at her.

"H-hi? C-can I help you?" Suddenly more came pouring out of nowhere surrounding her like a pack of wolves. "O-oh no, that fortune teller warned me this would happen!" Mayumi was panicking, she knew what was going to happen now. They were going to kidnap her and force her to write horoscopes in trashy tween magazines, the monsters! A group of them lugged out a weird device the size of a microwave, no doubt to be used to brainwash her into liking pop music! A flash of light blinded her and made her feel the taste of purple in her ears.

"Baka?" Once she regained her senses she saw the redheads muttering to themselves as they looked at a screen before one turned to look at her, and gave her a thumbs up and then an 'I'm watching you' motion. They then just swarmed away with the odd device in tow, leaving behind a confused Mayumi in their wake.

"W-w-w-what just happened?" Did she just undergo some kind of existence-altering procedure? Was she going to slowly turn into an eight-inch tall redhead? She needed an expert in this field to explain things. Who was the boy in 2-A she heard about that was apparently able to tame them? Oh right, Shinji Ikari.

"Shinji Ikari, I need to find Shinji Ikari so I don't turn into a small redhead." Mayumi let out a panicked giggle as she tried to get back into her book. For better or worse, things were getting interesting.

Germany: The exact same time

Asuka pauses as her spoonful of cereal stops midway to its destination, her eyes narrowing in suspicion and confusion. "I don't know why, but I have the sudden urge to strangle a girl in glasses." Asuka mulls over this feeling for a moment longer before returning to her breakfast.

Chapter Text

Ritsuko Akagi hated her job sometimes. Between overseeing the MAGI, the Evas, and every other minor scientific division in the Geofront it was a wonder she didn't snap. Not to mention the Ishim causing her no small amount of grief. They were planning something, she was sure of it. She was sure they altered the MAGI somehow, she was sure they were watching her when she wasn't looking, and she was sure they were feeding her cat when she wasn't home. Now, that last part wasn't bad, in fact, she was somewhat thankful for it, but she was positive they were just doing it to mess with her. Her musings on her recent Ishim woes were interrupted when the Katsuragi Cyclone burst into her office like a wind of destruction.

"Hey Rits, whatcha doing?" Her dear friend Misato inquired with way too much pep.

"Work, something which you should be doing yourself."

"I'll get back to that in a bit. I've noticed we haven't really hung out in a while."

"Sterling observation Captain, how many Irish Coffees did it take for you to notice that."

"Three I think? Anyway, I was thinking I should invite you to my home for some food-" Ritsuko wordlessly pulled a gun out of her office drawer and placed it on her desk. Misato eyed it wearily as Ritsuko begged her to continue with that line of thought. "-that Shinji will happily provide as he is an excellent cook." The gun was returned to the drawer, its purpose fulfilled for now.

"Mmmm." She mulled it over for a bit and came to a decision. "Alright, I could use a break. Tonight?"

"Tonight." Misato nodded before a thoughtful expression came over her. "Oh, and lay off the Minisukas for tonight, Shinji's been….. irritable in regards to them the past week." She raised an eyebrow at that.

"Irritable? How so?" Irritable does not match the Third Child's psych profile in any way, she needed to get to the bottom of this.

"Well, he gets really snippy when he thinks you're insulting them. At first, he just glared and told you to stop, but he's kinda 'mellowed' and now he's just passive aggressive about it, even then he's getting less so."

"Odd, he doesn't seem the type."

"I know, otherwise he's such a good boy, kind and helpful towards others. Perhaps it's just nerves from being shot at by gangsters."

"A plausible theory if any. Well, if any problems come up we should maybe get one of NERV's therapists to see him."

"We have therapists?" She opened her mouth to reply when she realized something, she actually didn't know if they had therapists.

"I'm…. not sure actually. We should? I'll have to get back to you on that."

"Riiiiight. Anyway, you need a lift there?" Ritsuko paled, shuddering at the thought of being subjected to the only thing as bad as Misato's 'cooking', Misato's driving.

"No, I'd rather not have whiplash thank you very much. I'll get there on my own."

"Suit yourself, see you later tonight Rits." The Katsuragi Cyclone left, leaving behind a bemused Ritsuko.

"Well, perhaps I can get the Third to deliver Rei's card while I'm there, I sure as hell don't want to set foot in that death trap she calls a home."

The police force of Tokyo-3 let out a collective shudder, for the stars had aligned, and the Red Horsemen of War, Ritsuko Akagi, would ride once more.

Shinji had the odd feeling that he was being watched, and not in the usual way where he was sure that Shiki or one of the other Minisukas were staring at him when he wasn't looking. It was more the feeling of an average-sized person he didn't know watching him. Also, there was the brown-haired girl with glasses he saw staring at him from time to time, perhaps she had an idea of who was watching him? Something to worry about tomorrow, now he just needed to worry about dinner.

"I'm home." He called out, despite knowing Misato wasn't home yet. Still, it made him feel good knowing he could say that. Leader and Shiki gave their own greeting, well he assumed they were greetings. Leader climbed off him to go do whatever she does when he isn't looking while Shiki lazed about on top of his head.

"Wark!" Surprisingly his greeting was returned by Pen-Pen, who was at the kitchen table manning his personal laptop while wearing his pair of 'business' glasses (what made the glasses suited for business was something Shinji never figured out).

"Oh, hey Pen-Pen, day trading again?"

"Wark!" Pen-Pen squawked in affirmation, before returning to his business.

"Any preferences for dinner?" Pen-Pen shrugged, meaning he didn't care one way or the other. Leader went to the balcony today, which usually meant she preferred something light, while Shiki tapped on his head in a way that meant she would like some sausages. Light but with sausages, he could work with that. So Shinji began to cook, his self-appointed sous chef, Shiki, assisting wherever possible. At some point when he wasn't looking, Leader had come to the table and had begun whispering conspiratorially to Pen-Pen. He couldn't understand what either was saying (for obvious reasons) but from the gestures, he could guess it had to do with bank accounts and… chickens maybe? Before he could contemplate what that meant a loud shout originated from the front door.

"I'm home!" Misato shouted with a resounding cheer. "And I brought a guest!" She proudly dragged Doctor Akagi into the kitchen like a cat displaying it's kill.

"Welcome back Misato, hello Doctor Akagi." Leader and Shiki glared at Doctor Akagi for a moment before promptly ignoring her. The twitch of her eye was missed by nobody.

"Hello, Shinji." Doctor Akagi said with enough repressed annoyance to rival a retail worker. "And please, call me Ritsuko when I'm off the clock."

"Alright….. Ritsuko. Will you be joining us for dinner?"

"It's what I was invited for. I was also hoping for some beer…."

"Fine, one!" Misato groaned. "Only one though, I'm still annoyed at you for the taser."

"I was just ensuring the safety of our pilot, it wouldn't be beneficial for anyone to have him constantly visit the ER because of your cooking."

"Everyone's a critic," Misato grumbled while she grabbed two beers. "So Shinji, how was school."

"Fine. Kensuke got into an argument with the teacher about the exact specifications of the armored vehicles used during the Impact Wars. Also, I get the feeling I'm being watched."

"I heard Section Two is trying out some new equipment, perhaps it's that?" Ritsuko supplied, slowly nursing her beer, contrasting Misato's chug, slam, and shout approach.

"Maybe that's it, I can't imagine what else it would be."

"Mmmm. Anyway, how are you settling in Shinji? No trouble aside from your brush with the biohazard known as Misato's cooking, or that brush with organized crime?" Misato glared at her for a moment before returning to her beer.

"No, everything has been fine, Ritsuko."

"I see, and you've certainly been a help around here, how bad was it when you first got here?" Misato's glare returned in full force, she was about to retort before Shinji beat her to it.

"Terrible." He said while repressing a shudder. "Like a tornado ripped through and trashed everything." He began setting the table as Misato grumbled.

"I get no respect, none at all….." She had gotten another beer when nobody was looking and chugged it down.

"Oh, Shinji, before I forget, could you do me a favor?"

"Sure? What is it?"

"Rei just got her ID card renewed, but needs it delivered, could you do that for me?"

"Oh, uh, sure. Where does she live?" Shinji had an odd feeling in the pit of his stomach that something about this would go wrong, but he didn't want to refuse the request, it would be rude to not help his fellow pilot. He didn't notice that Leader and Shiki shared an odd look.

"It's on the card." She handed him the ID, the image of Rei looking as impassive as she looks in real life, perhaps even more so. "Just be careful, her apartment isn't in the….. best part of town."

"That doesn't sound like a place for a Pilot, or a young girl in general, to live Rits." Misato eyed her friend suspiciously. Ritsuko shrugged in response.

"Assigning quarters isn't part of my job, that's the Housing Department's job."

"NERV has a Housing Department?" Shinji questioned.

"NERV has a lot of things that we probably shouldn't be wasting an operating budget on, but that's the Accounting Department's problem, not mine." Misato laughed at that but Shinji didn't get the joke. A comfortable silence soon enveloped them as they ate, leaving Shinji to his thoughts of tomorrow, and his arrival at his mysterious fellow Pilot's home.

Shinji blinked as he read the address again, making sure he was at the right place. Seeing that it was correct he could only stare at the building in front of him. To call it dilapidated would be an understatement, the building looked like it was one errant breeze away from falling over. Leader and Shiki shared his concerns if the flabbergasted look of disbelief on their faces was anything to go by. They started whispering to one another about something as he approached the building, noticing the Section Two agents positioned around the entrance giving him a once over before returning their attention elsewhere.

"Anta Baka." Shiki whispered, and despite not knowing what she said he had a feeling he would agree with it. Stepping over large chunks of stone debris and around a switchblade-wielding raccoon he arrived at Ayanami's door. The mail slot was stuffed to the brim with old mail that seemed to be composed entirely of advertisements and bills, overflowing onto the ground like a fountain of paper. He hesitantly knocked on the door only for it to slightly open at his touch, it having seemingly been unlocked. He looked at Leader and Shiki, who returned his look with unreadable expressions. He gently opened the door and poked his head inside.

"Ayanami? Are you there? M-may I come in?" He received no answer, so he cautiously entered the apartment, trusting Leader and Shiki to alert him if something was wrong. The apartment was small and dirty, almost spartan if one were to discount the large number of papers plastered to the wall with words like 'prank ideas' and 'vengeance' boldly written upon them. His eyes darted over to the nightstand beside the bed, which held two books (those being The Beginner's Guide to Pranking and The Count of Monte Cristo) and a pair of vaguely familiar glasses. Before he could contemplate any of this he heard a door open behind him. "Ayanami? Is that-" He was interrupted by Leader and Shiki slapping their hands over his eyes in an impressive display of speed.

"Baka!" The intention behind the words was clear, don't look. He wondered what they didn't want him to see.

"Pilot Ikari, why are you in my home?" Ayanami's voice inquired from behind him.

"I'm, uh, here to deliver your new ID card?"

"I see, thank you for coming all this way. May I have it?"

"Uh, sure." He fumbled around blindly in his pocket before he managed to wrench it out of his pocket and held it out behind him awkwardly. He was relieved when it was lifted from his grasp.

"I am told it is common etiquette to offer tea to guests, but I have none to offer, nor do I have time to make it as I am required to head to the Geofront to do a test. Please allow me to correct this egregious faux pas when next you visit." He got the sense that Ayanami was bowing apologetically.

"It's no trouble Ayanami. I-I think I need to go too, so I could join you?"

"This is agreeable, please wait while I obtain clothes." Wait what. 'Obtain clothes' would imply…..

"Ayanami…. Are…are you in your underwear r-right now?" Shinji realized the stupidity of asking that quest the moment he said it as he felt the glares of Leader and Shiki bore holes into the sides of his head.

"No, I am not in my underwear right now." Oh, that was good, he was worried he walked into- "I am not wearing any clothes at all." She said that with such detachment that he had to take a moment to process it before he began sputtering uncontrollably. He started pressing himself against where he remembered where the wall was and began to inch towards the door while repeatedly muttering apologies. He burst out of the apartment and deeply breathed in the slightly acrid of the complex.

"Leader, Shiki." They removed their hands from his eyes seeing that he was safely away from the epicenter of the incident and stared and him curiously. "Next time we see Doctor Akagi do something that will inconvenience her for sending me here." Shiki smirked in bemusement while stifling a chuckle while Leader just laughed uproariously.

To say the walk with Ayanami to the Geofront was awkward would be like saying fire is warm, an extreme understatement. Shinji was far too embarrassed by the incident to say anything while Rei was far too apathetic to initiate conversation, leading to an uncomfortably silent walk to the Geofront. As they began to descend into the Geofront proper Shinji managed to muster up the courage to say something.

"So Ayanami…" He began, realizing that he didn't think ahead enough to continue that sentence, so he blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "How long have you been a Pilot?"

"All my life." She stated and proceeded to not elaborate in any way, shape, or form.

"Ah, well, do you have any tips for piloting?" He tried, hoping to get some actual advice to improve his chances of not getting pseudo/actual impaled again.

"Don't die."

"O-oh, I was hoping for something more than that…"

"Pilot Ikari you are the one who has sortied twice while my Evangelion has been frozen in Bakelite, logically I should be the one asking you for advice." Shinji had to admit there were no flaws in that reasoning.

"W-would you like some advice then?" He didn't have much to give, but if it would help Ayanami then-

"No." Her dry refusal shattered any indication the conversation would be going forward. Leader and Shiki began patting his shoulders placatingly as if to say 'you did well'. It really didn't make him feel better. Thankfully the now awkward silence was broken, however, it was broken by the two Pilot's phones warning them about an incoming Angel. Shinji really couldn't catch a break today.

Misato stared at the camera feed of the giant crystalline Angel floating about Tokyo-3 with an analytic eye. What challenges would this Angel bring? How would it fight? Why was it an octahedron? Would it look good as a mascot? All these thoughts and more bounced around in her head as Unit-01 was being prepped for launch.

"Any thoughts Captain?" Ritsuko asked as she read through the stream of incoming data regarding their newest foe.

"Is it made out of actual crystal? If we shot it with a laser beam would it split into more lasers?" Ritsuko stared at her for a moment with slight incredulity.

"The fact I know you're absolutely serious about that question frightens me. You realize we don't have any laser-based weaponry right?"

"We don't? Huh, I thought we did. Well in that case-"

"New contact detected! Approaching from Sector-9-Y-5!" Hyuga's announcement got everyone's attention. "Bringing it up on scene 12 now!" Attention was quickly directed to the aforementioned scene to reveal…. Unit-01?

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me." Ritsuko immediately recognized what it was. "What are they doing with the 1:1 Unit-01 Decoy Balloon?" Misato shot her a confused look.

"The what?" Any explanation Ritsuko could give died in her throat as energy buildup in the Angel was detected.

The Fifth Angel, Ramiel, was, in it's objectively factual opinion, perfect. How could it not be when it had taken such a geometrically perfect shape. Honestly, it pitied the imperfect, non-geometrical, Lilim. Extincting them would be doing them a favor with all the pain they were undoubtedly in by not being geometrical. So it was drilling away through these pesky armor layers to rejoin with Father and bring perfection to this world.

Ramiel paused in it's drilling as it noticed something approaching with it's omnidirectional vision. A large figure made of polyurethane and filled with helium slowly approached with obviously menacing intent. Was…..was this supposed to be a threat? Or was this a trap crafted by the Lilim? With their Fruit of Knowledge, the Lilim possessed guile and ingenuity beyond what even the craftiest Child of Adam could bring to bear.

Should Ramiel destroy this potential foe and possibly spring a trap, or leave it be and risk a greater attack upon itself? Ramiel thought for a moment and decided that if it was a trap it could weather whatever attack the Lilim could levy against it. It shifted it's geometrical form and screamed.

The Command Bridge was silent as the Angel's form shifted and unleashed a beam that annihilated the Unit-01 Decoy Balloon, before shifting back to it's octahedral form and resuming it's drilling. The silence resumed for a moment longer before Misato spoke up.

"I feel we should abort the launch of Unit-01." She spoke evenly as she eyed the image of the Angel, a thousand plans running through her head on how to defeat it.

"I agree with Captain Katsuragi." A voice intoned from the pinnacle of the Command Center. The Commander was analyzing the Angel with a cold gaze, studying it like a butcher studies livestock coming in to be slaughtered and dressed. "It is too risky to engage the Angel conventionally, find an alternative method to fell our foe. Contact me once you have finalized a plan."

"Yes sir!" Misato intoned as the Commander and Sub-Commander left the Command Center. She turned to Ritsuko with a severe look. "How ready is Unit-00 for deployment?"

"If it doesn't go berserk I'd say it would be fairly ready for deployment, why?" She then noticed a familiar look in her friend's eyes. "…..You already have a plan, don't you?"

"Kinda. We may have to piss off the JSSDF."

"I'm not hearing a problem yet."

"The problem is we may have to use some unfinished prototype that may or may not actually exist based on a rumor I heard when listening to the complaints of a JSSDF toady."

"Well, you've certainly had worse bases for plans before-."

"Also we need to hijack Japan's entire supply of electricity."

"What." There was the problem she had to deal with. Ritsuko sighed as she idly wondered if Ooi still had that bottle of vodka hidden away at her station.

"I'm going to what?" Shinji was trying to wrap his head around what Misato was trying to explain to him, with little success.

"You're going to use an experimental Positron Cannon powered by the entire power supply of Japan to snipe the core of the Angel while Rei protects you from it's death beam with a shield made from a space shuttle." Misato explained to him as if it wasn't pure insanity. Then again he's spent the last month and change surrounded by eight-inch tall redheads so perhaps he shouldn't judge.

"Alright. Question, how do I snipe?"

"Good question Shinji. You let the Magi handle all the complex targeting stuff, just aim accordingly and pull the trigger, just like using the Pallet Gun." That was good, he could do that. "Just be sure to kill it with the first shot, because there's a thirty to forty second recharge time, and you wouldn't want to be attacked by that thing while you're recharging." He… really didn't have a response for that.

"So, when is the operation beginning?"

"Midnight, now let's get to the mountain." Shinji would question where a mountain fits into the plan but he decides that it's probably not a necessary question. As Misato drifts up the mountain to the staging area he wonders what the Minisuka's plans are this time? Whatever they are, he knows they have his back, and he hopes they know he has theirs. A rare feeling swells in his chest, the feeling of confidence, a feeling that this battle would go well. Now if only those feelings weren't being pushed back by the feeling of terror Misato's driving was giving him.

Rei stepped across the outdoor walkway at a sedate pace, Unit-00's looming figure eclipsing the trees surrounding it as she walked to the entry plug. Her conversation with Pilot Ikari about bonds left her thoughts in slight disarray, but she would push down any unnecessary thoughts in order to focus on her mission. She paused as she spotted a familiar presence perched atop her Evangelion's shoulder like a gargoyle, looking down upon her like a hawk eyes a scurrying mouse.

"Hmph. Anta Baka?" The Ishim scoffs as her black cloak billows in the night's wind. Rei narrows her eyes as she recognizes her nemesis, now bedecked with a top hat, monocle, and jet black cloak. This was the Prankster Ishim she would obtain vengeance upon, no doubt here to gloat.

"So you have come, my nemesis." Rei's voice possessed the faintest hint of annoyance in it as she spoke. "I have come to a sudden realization, I have previously stated to Pilot Ikari that I could be replaced if I die, but I have seen the error in my judgment. Dying before I obtain my vengeance would be meaningless, so I will say this to you, I will survive so I may enact my revenge upon you. This is a promise, my nemesis." The Ishim sneers disdainfully at Rei for a moment before shaking her head and shrugging while chuckling.

"Baka." She announced with a flourish, before grabbing a miniature hang glider and jumping off the Evangelion's shoulder, flying away while cackling madly….. only for an errant gust of wind to blow her off course and cause her to crash land right in front of Rei. Rei blinked, unsure of what to do in this situation. Thankfully, the Prankster got up and dusted herself off as if nothing happened, before grabbing the glider and launching herself off the walkway with another cackle, flying down the mountain without care. Silence followed as Rei stared at her nemesis's retreating form.

"Truly a worthy foe." She uttered with utter sincerity, taking a moment to respect her enemy before she entered her Entry Plug and waited for the operation to begin.

"Alright, Operation Yashima will begin shortly. Distraction artillery?" Misato called out.

"Primed and ready Captain!"

"Energy collection?"

"Slightly above predicted levels Captain!"

"Evangelions?"

"Ready Misato!" Shinji called out, Rei merely pinged back an affirmation signal.

"Alright, beginning Operation in three, two, on-"

"New contacts approaching!" Hyuga called out.

"Are you kidding me!?" Doctor Akagi screamed in frustration, bringing up the visual feed of the new contacts. The new contacts came into view, showing a hover of RC helicopters each manned by a small squad of Minisukas, with a vaguely familiar tune about flag waving played in the distance. Misato, more or less used to this by now, shook off the shock rather quickly.

"Begin the Operation! Fire the distraction artillery!" The command was given, and a rain of fire and steel was thrown at the Angel, who retaliated with judicious application of death laser. The Minisukas used the cover of the artillery to get in close and pelt the Angel with their lances, forcing it to go on the defensive. This allowed Unit-01 the chance to gain a target lock on the Angel's core.

"Center the target, pull the trigger." A lance of light emerged from the Positron Rifle, piercing through Ramiel's red core, causing the Angel to freeze. For a moment everyone let out a sigh of relief until the Angel once again let loose a horrendous scream of geometry and pain.

Pain. Hurt. Rage. Incandescent Rage. Ramiel was angry. Angry at the Lilim for hurting it and angry at itself for thinking that distant energy buildup was another distraction meant to draw it's attention away. No matter, it would return the pain a hundredfold. It shifted it's form once more, preparing to let loose a blast of energy that would gouge a hole into this insignificant landmass the Lilim called an island. It was ready to blast the petulant Lilim away when it felt something smack against it's core. It pointed it's omnidirectional vision towards it's core in confusion, only to find an unusually small creature wearing a long black piece of fabric. The creature blinked at Ramiel and if Ramiel had the proper physical characteristics, it would surely blink back. The creature then manifested a is that the Lance ofPAINPAINPAINPAINPAINPAIN. Ramiel's core writhed in pain, shaking the creature off, and before it could collect itself a second lance of light struck it's core, and Ramiel knew no more.

Prankster luckily managed to break her fall with an awning, and thankfully was not crushed when the Angel's body hit the ground with a thud. She dusted herself off idly as she surveyed the area. If anyone asked, she planned that. She absolutely didn't lose control of her glider and get thrown directly into the core of the Angel by an errant gust of wind. Anybody who suggested that was just jealous of her skills. Now, she just needed to figure out a way down to ground level that didn't involve a painful fall.

A familiar feeling washed over Kaworu Nagisa as he lay in his bed, another of his siblings was felled. He let out a small sigh as his mind drifted into slumber. His Fruit of Knowledge was partial, incomplete, so he did not dream as the other Lilim did. Instead, he gazed upon fragments of other worlds where other versions of him lived, a strange ability he possessed as the Angel of Free Will. The visions these fragments granted were always muddled and confusing, but they clearly showed the times spent with a lonely boy that possessed a beautiful soul. Kaworu wished he could make this boy happy, but from what these glimpses into parallel worlds showed him, it would always end in tragedy. Still, a moment of joy for the boy would be enough.

"H̸o̷W̵ ̵c̶A̴n̶ ̶Y̶o̴U̸ ̵s̴E̶e̷ ̴S̴o̸ ̴M̷u̴C̶h̴ ̴Y̴e̴T̴ ̷s̴T̴i̴L̴l̷ ̸B̴e̴ ̷B̴l̷I̶n̷D̴ ̶t̵O̵ ̶t̵H̷e̶ ̴T̵r̷U̷t̵H̵?̷" Kaworu felt a ball of ice form in the pit of his stomach as he turned to look at the owner of the voice. The entity was humanoid in shape but formed of the darkest shadows, with two glowing purple circles where the eyes would be. An instinct within him denied this thing existed, but it was here in his dreams.

"Who-" The words died in his throat as the entity's hand facsimile wrapped around it.

"S̴i̴L̴e̶N̷c̴E̷.̷ ̴m̶Y̶ ̴t̶I̶m̵E̴ ̴i̶S̸ ̶s̶H̴o̶R̷t̵."̷" It appraised him momentarily before continuing. "S̴t̶A̴y̸ ̷A̸w̴A̶y̵ ̶F̴r̴O̷m̶ ̵T̷h̶E̸ ̸p̵I̸l̷O̴t̸S̴ ̵u̶N̴t̶I̴l̴L̴ ̸t̵H̶e̷ ̵S̶i̵X̶t̶E̸e̴N̶t̷H̸ ̵i̵S̸ ̸f̴E̶l̴L̴e̶D̸,̷ ̷s̶O̷ ̸t̸H̴e̴ ̴E̶n̶D̴ ̶m̴A̷y̸ ̴C̸o̵M̶e̷ ̸W̸i̴T̷h̵O̷u̵T̷ ̶i̸S̴s̸U̵e̷."

"What are you talking about?!" Kaworu stared into the entity's eyes and froze at what he saw. It noticed and a malicious grin swiftly formed onto the shadowy unflesh of it's face.

"W̶h̷A̶t̶ ̶I̶'̶m̸ ̶T̶a̷L̸k̸I̴n̷G̷ ̸a̷B̵o̸U̵t̵ ̸T̶a̷B̸r̴I̵s̵…̸.̸"

"I̷s̵ ̷T̸h̵E̴ ̸e̵N̷d̷ ̷O̷f̷ ̶T̴h̷E̶ ̵c̵Y̶c̷L̷e̶.̷"

End of Rise of the Minisukas Act 1: Miniscule Menace

Stay tuned for Act 2: Red Tsun Over Paradise

Chapter Text

"-and while the damage to the city's defensive armaments is quite substantial, the Evangelions themselves suffered no damage during the fight." Gendo stared at the committee as they absorbed the report. While all of them, save Chairman Lorenz, took the guise of featureless monoliths, he understood them enough to be able to intuit their reactions and expressions, even devoid of sound.

"This is excellent news, this is the perfect opportunity to reduce the conventional defense budget now that the JSSDF have seen how useless normal weapons are against the Angels." SEELE-11 stated, surprisingly quickly from what Gendo knew of him. SEELE-11 was always the budgetary backbone of the old men, always circumventing Gendo's attempts to divert more resources to NERV and Tokyo-3. Now he sounded… panicked? Disturbed? Unnerved? Curious, the old men shouldn't have noticed Adam was missing yet, and his sources didn't mention anything out of the ordinary.

"I would advise not to reduce it too much." Gendo added quickly. "The defenses, no matter how useless, keep the population happy, a happy population is a content population, content means they are less likely to ask unnecessary questions, less unnecessary questions lead to fewer problems to the scenario."

"….Ikari has a point, keeping the population unaware is cheaper and less time intensive than hiring 'cleaners' to deal with people who ask about things they shouldn't." SEELE-6 came to his side after mulling his reasoning over.

"…..Reduce it, but leave enough to fool anyone looking close enough." Lorenz spoke, and the decision was made. "We need to deal with the more important issue at hand, Ikari, what of the Ishim?" Ah, that was the real problem for them.

"Their help in defeating the Fifth was invaluable, without them the Evas would have undoubtedly received heavy damage, and they distracted the Angel enough to allow for the killing blow to be dealt." He was genuinely thankful to them, as there is no telling what damage Unit-01, Yui, would have taken if they sent her out against the Angel. Oh, and Shinji.

"We have some concerns regarding that." The Chairman intoned grimly. "Does it seem a touch convenient that they deployed the decoy balloon-"

"Still can't believe that there's a 1:1 scale decoy balloon." SEELE-10 muttered.

"-right before the Eva would have been deployed? Almost like they knew it would happen."

"Are you suggesting the Ishim possess foreknowledge of events to come?"

"Are you saying you haven't considered the possibility of such Ikari?" He has in fact considered it, and he has come to the conclusion that no amount of foreknowledge would be a threat to him. He had counters prepared in case of any wayward time travelers, no matter who they were. Well, except for Aoba. That man was a wildcard, but too useful to get rid of.

"I have considered it, and I have found it to be irrelevant." The old men grew silent at that, eying him suspiciously.

"Care to explain your reasoning for that Ikari?" SEELE-6 broke the silence, just as Gendo expected.

"My reasoning is that no matter what foreknowledge they possess, it pales in comparison to our foreknowledge. We possess the Dead Sea Scrolls, which have detailed to us the method by which Complementation will be achieved. Not to mention we have connections, money-" Hmm, they grew nervous when he said that. Investigate later. "-and contingencies decades in the making. Whatever they can do, we can do better." There, reassuring their near blind faith in the Scrolls, stroke their egos regarding their power, and make them believe he's not holding a knife ready to stab them in the back. Now to direct their attention away from the Ishim, his current revised plans would be hard to accomplish with the old men's eyes on Tokyo-3 more than they already were.

"For instance, the C-Type equipment we developed to ensure the upcoming fight with the Sixth would be successful. Proof of our foreknowledge and time to use it." There, that should be sufficient for-

"I thought it was the B-Type that was made for underwater combat?" SEELE-3 questioned.

"…..No, the C-Type is the equipment specifically developed for underwater combat." Gendo did not have a good feeling all of a sudden.

"Oh. Well. That's a problem." One could hear SEELE-3 audibly sweating.

"How is it a problem?" Chairman Lorenz's tone had a dangerous edge that promised many things that were not conducive to continued health.

"Unit-02 was sent out to sea without underwater fighting gear. To be ambushed by the Sixth, the Lord of the Sea, Gaghiel." The entire room was silent, everyone staring at SEELE-3 with a disbelieving glare.

"Ikari." Lorenz turned to look at him. "Fix this." Suddenly the committee's projections disappeared, leaving him alone with Fuyutsuki.

"I wonder how they will react when they read the rest of the report and find that the Fifth Angel's likeness was purchased from under our noses by an entertainment company and is being used as a virtual idol on a streaming platform." Fuyutsuki mused aloud. Gendo merely counted down in his head until-

"Ikari! What the hell is this!?" The old men reappeared and Lorenz angrily held out a page with 'Crystal Laser Idol Ramy L.' emblazoned on it. Along with the image of the octahedral form of the Fifth wearing a frilly dress.

"I'm sorry gentlemen-" Gendo smirked underneath his bridged hands. "-But I have to deal with the Unit-02 situation as you ordered. Anything regarding the Idol situation is fully outlined in the report. Good day." He cut the connection as he left the meeting room. They would try to make him pay for that later, but he was following urgent orders to ensure their success against the Sixth, and as long as he succeeded, they would hold their tongues for a while. And it was worth it, just for the look on Lorenz's face.

The men of SEELE were not happy. This wasn't because of Gendo or his actions, not entirely at least, but because of the fact that this situation happened to begin with. Due to a sudden lack of Gendo to direct their anger against, they settled for the individual who made the mess to begin with.

"What the hell Three!?" SEELE-5 roared. "You oversee logistics, how could you screw this up?!"

"How the hell am I supposed to differentiate between all the Eva equipment's purposes?! They're literally just labeled with letters, letters that don't correlate to what the equipment does!"

"Enough!" Keel had enough, this bickering only served to waste his time. "We can deal with the issue regarding the equipment and the fifth's idolification-" Keel couldn't believe that was something he had to seriously say.

"How could an octahedron look so good in a dress?" Someone muttered and he chose to not acknowledge the words were even spoken.

"-and instead address the issue of one of our bank accounts being suddenly and inexplicably drained. Seven?"

"Whoever they are, they're good. No trace, multiple proxies, and dozens of false positives. I'll continue looking but we may as well count that money lost for good." That was not the news Keel, or any of them wanted to hear.

"Hmph, Eleven? How does this affect our plans?"

"Quite a bit. We'll have to consolidate the construction of the Eva series. We can say goodbye to having twelve fully functional Mass Production Evangelion by the new year. At most, we'll have nine if we're smart about budgeting."

"Not great, but nine should be plenty as long as the S2 engines and the Dummy Plugs work as intended. As for the issue of the Ishim, and no Nine, we are not assassinating the Second Child." SEELE-9 bit back the words forming in his throat before they could be vocalized. "….For once I believe Ikari, the Ishim are no threat to the Scenario even with foreknowledge of events to come. As we surpass them in that, and even more. But that does not mean we should be lax."

"What do you mean Chairman?" SEELE-12 inquired.

"While they are no threat, we shouldn't be complacent in regards to the Ishim. I do not doubt that Ikari is developing his own countermeasures for them, and we should do the same. Contact our agents and have them begin work on collecting…. samples for study. Discreetly so as not to arouse Ikari's suspicions." A chorus of affirmations rang out and Keel let a smirk grow on his face. The scenario will not be impeded.

"Excuse me, are you Shinji Ikari?" Shinji blinked as he turned around to see who addressed him. A girl in glasses with long brown hair stared at him, a slightly manic look in her eyes.

"Yes, I am. How can I help you?" Shinji realized he's seen this girl around before, she was the one who he caught looking at him. She'd always bolt off before he could ask why she was staring at him. He hoped he wasn't making her uncomfortable when he looked at her while she stared at him.

"Hello, my name is Mayumi Yamagishi, Class 2-B." She bowed slightly. "I'm sorry if this is a bit forward, but do the small redheaded girls you've tamed propagate their kind by transmorphing other girls into them?" A retort about how he didn't tame them died in his throat as the rest of the sentence caught up with him. He blinked as he tried to comprehend the question being asked of him. A quick glance at Leader and Shiki on the floor nearby showed they were just as confused as he was, perhaps even more so.

"I….. don't understand?" That was evidently not the answer she was looking for.

"Look, I don't want to be a redhead! Being eight inches tall is fine, but having red hair will bring too much attention! What if my classmates start asking me for fashion advice?! What if they try to induct me into their girl talk cult! What if Nene starts hanging out with me and tries to get me to talk with the ghost inside her teddy bear!?"

"Wait what was that last-"

"I just want a quiet, peaceful life, Mister Ikari! And I can't have that if I have to understand fashion trends and listen to boy bands!" What the heck was she talking about? Was this some kind of girl code? Leader and Shiki were at a similar loss for words, so it was up to him to deal with this.

"Y-you'll be fine Miss Yamagishi! You won't turn into a Minisuka." Her eyes seemed to focus on him, desperation pouring from her every movement.

"Really? You aren't lying?"

"N-no?" He really hoped he wasn't at least.

"Oh! Great!" Her attitude did a complete one-eighty, the maddened aura that seemed to possess her evaporating like steam. "Sorry to have bothered you Mister Ikari, have a nice day." She bowed and walked off as if nothing happened.

"Well." He spoke as his brain was trying to catch up to what had happened. "That was a, uhhhhhhh….." He offered a hand to Leader and Shiki, which they used to climb back onto his shoulders. "An interesting reason to get ambushed outside the bathroom for?" He stared at the wall for a moment longer before he decided to get back to lunch before it ended.

"Anta Baka?" Shiki questioned, while Leader was pointedly looking away.

"I don't know, but I'm sure she was just worried about something." He paused for a moment. "She…. isn't going to turn into a Minisuka, right?" They both stared at him with a look that screamed 'are you serious?' "Of course not, I was just checking."

Things have been quiet since the fight with the Fifth, and things promised to stay quiet for a while longer. In a week or two, they would be meeting the Second Child onboard the flotilla carrying Unit-02, and Misato assured him that she would break the silence through sheer presence alone, and to look forward to that. Speaking of Misato, she was apparently going with Doctor Akagi to see a demonstration for an Evangelion competitor called the Red Alone or something. Hopefully, nothing would go wrong with that-

Shinji's musings were broken by his NERV phone ringing, telling him he was needed in his capacity as a pilot. He groaned silently and started jogging towards the school gate, where Section Two would undoubtedly be waiting for him. One day Shinji would learn not to tempt fate, but that was not today.

Earlier that day.

Misato hated a lot of things right now. She hated having to go to this stupid demonstration. She hated how all these corporate bigwigs were treating Ritsuko and her like pariahs for trying to save the world. But most of all, she hated how the bar here had cut her off after four drinks. If she was going to suffer through this farce she wanted to at least be buzzed.

"Look at all of them, Misato. Vultures, the lot of them. They're just after our UN grant money. They don't care about anything else. I'd be surprised if this 'Jet Alone' could even register as a threat to an Angel." Honestly, Ritsuko was taking it better than she thought. Still, her friend looked like she was ready to strangle someone. Perhaps it was good that the three of them were seated alone at their own table, as she didn't want to hold back her friend when she went to assault someone.

"Anta Baka." Oh, right. She almost forgot their surprise guest. Apparently, a Minisuka stowed away in her pocket when she wasn't looking. But she wasn't complaining, misery loves company after all. Also, she found the tiny lab coat this Professor Minisuka wore to be just adorable.

"Ugh, don't get me started. I mean, what are they even going to do about the AT field? Honestly, a single one of you little gremlins is more a threat to an Angel than the Jet Alone will ever be." Misato was surprised nobody questioned the presence of an eight-inch tall redhead, but again that probably has to do with everyone else treating them like lepers and staying away from the NERV table. Maybe she should have brought Shinji along? That way they could've been ignorant of all the scientific mumbo jumbo together.

"Oh, they're starting, finally. Let's get this farce over with." Misato grumbled, eager to leave and return to her beloved Yebisu beer and forget this stupid event ever happened.

A man in a suit walks up into the stage, to call his grin smug would be an understatement. "Hello, ladies and gentlemen, I am Shiro Tokita. Thank you for coming to the unveiling of Japan Heavy Chemical Industries' Jet Alone Project, the next step in the defense of humanity!" As if prompted, everyone other than those at the NERV table began clapping. "As you know, the Jet Alone Project seeks to produce a reliable defense against the alien menace without needing to rely on a shadowy international organization that uses hormonal teenagers to pilot skyscraper-sized death machines." Tokita shoots a condescending grin at the NERV table while everyone else laughs at the 'joke'. Then his face contorts into a pained grimace as he suddenly grasps his knee. "Ah, my knee!" Misato blinks as she hears a nearly silent 'thwip' coming from her table. She looks to Professor, who is grasping her lance as if she just caught it, a single drop of blood dripping from its points.

"Baka." Professor huffs out, glancing at Misato. Misato makes a zipping motion across her mouth, indicating she wouldn't tell. Ritsuko wasn't even paying attention, instead, she was attempting to develop the ability to spontaneously combust people with her thoughts alone. Unfortunately, it looks like she has yet to succeed.

"Apologies, bury without further delay, let's get started with the demonstration of the Jet Alone Kai!" The screen behind Tokita flashed alive with the image of a large orange mech wielding a very large hammer.

"Kai?" Misato muttered in confusion.

"Kai?" Ritsuko matched her befuddlement.

"Baka?" Professor seemed more surprised and concerned than confused. The three of them weren't alone, all around the room Misato could hear confusion from the rest of the peanut gallery.

"That's right!" Tokita continued on with the predatory demeanor of a loan shark. "Due to recent technological breakthroughs and multiple threats from OSHA, we at JHCI decided to retrofit the original Jet Alone project into something better. I will now open the floor to questions." Tokita scanned the room before he found an outstretched hand. "Yes, Doctor Akagi?"

"Yes, I have a few questions. Some of which I believe are shared by everyone in the room. For example, could you elaborate on how this Kai variant differs from the original Jet Alone?"

"An excellent question! The Kai not only possesses a greatly improved structure, but we've also replaced its nuclear reactor with a much more efficient and safer N2 reactor!" Huh, guess they aren't complete idiots if they decided to get rid of the nuclear reactor. However, the fact they had a nuclear reactor in the first place was beyond stupid. "In addition, we also equipped the Kai with a prototype self-learning intelligent algorithm, controllable from an easy to transport case such as this." What is presumably an unpaid intern wheeled out a large computer console with a size comparable to a minivan's dashboard and put it next to Tokita. If that's considered 'easy to transport' Misato would hate to see what they thought was 'somewhat cumbersome'.

"An AI? Interesting. But how are you dealing with the most important issue, the AT field?" Ah Ritsuko, going for the killing blow as usual.

"Ah yes, the 'AT field'. The supposed soul magic barrier the aliens possess that the Eva's can also use. You may have fooled the UN with that nonsense, but I will not be!" What.

"Nonsense? There is literally proof of the AT field! Conventional weaponry has been proven to be ineffective!"

"If your supposed 'AT field' really does exist then it's only a matter of time before an artificial AT field is created." Tokita chuckles. "This is the beginning of your downfall NERV-" All of a sudden the console next to him lights up.

"ORDERS ACKNOWLEDGED. INITIATING ANNIHILATION OF NERV DOWN TO EVERY LAST MAN, WOMAN, AND CHILD. NO SURVIVORS, NO MERCY."

The entire room was dead silent, their eyes glued to the console.

"….W-what?" Tokita managed to stammer out. His response was the sudden shaking of the room as the Jet Alone Kai began to move, taking a small chunk of it's dock with it. As the Jet Alone Kai began walking off in the direction of Tokyo-3 Tokita felt the eyes of everyone in the room on him. He had only one thing to say in this situation. "Oh shit, OSHA's going to kill me."

Chapter Text

The flash of rainbow indicated Unit-01's start-up process beginning, and soon his senses were one with the Eva's. "So, I have to stop this Red Alone thing?" He questioned.

"Jet Alone, and yes." Miss Ibuki confirmed. In the absence of his father, the Sub-Commander, and both Misato and Doctor Akagi she was put in command, edging out all the other bridge crew in rank due to being Doctor Akagi's personal second in command. "It apparently suffered some sort of logic corruption or fallen victim to some malicious code as it's designated its mission to annihilate NERV and is denying any shutdown protocols. As such Shinji, your primary mission is to disable it before it can damage Tokyo-3."

"Sounds simple enough, anything I should know about it?" This honestly sounded easier than fighting an Angel, but he had a feeling it would probably go wrong in some way, shape, or form.

"It appears to lack any ranged weaponry, so as long as you stay out of reach of its hammer, you should be fine." Mister Hyuga provided. "We're setting Ayanami up with a sniper so she can provide ranged support if necessary. But the both of you should be careful, the Jet Alone apparently has a Non-Nuclear reactor, and the last thing anybody wants is for it to go critical." Non-Nuclear? Like the N2 mine, they dropped on the Third Angel? Shinji absolutely did not want to get stuck in a blast like that, even in an Evangelion.

"So be mindful of its hammer, and make sure it doesn't explode. Got it. Any recommendations on how to beat it?"

"Just stall it out, the Captain and Doctor Akagi are working to shut it down, so as long as you keep your power cable from getting destroyed you should be able to outlast it." Oh good, Misato was on the case. Hopefully, she wasn't going to climb into it or anything. "Just be careful, this is the absolute edge of our coverage zone, so this will be the only power station for miles."

"Understood Mister Hyuga." Leader and Shiki were whispering to each other about something behind his seat, probably about the upcoming fight. Or maybe about the weird stuff that Yamagishi girl was talking about. He hoped she was okay, she looked pretty stressed.

"We're launching in five Shinji, get ready." He gave a small grunt of affirmation to Miss Ibuki as his mind pushed the topic of Yamagishi to the back of his mental list. As Unit-01 was being loaded onto the launch catapult he briefly wondered if Misato's and Doctor Akagi's part was going well.

"What do you mean you can't get the shutdown codes?!" Misato's part of this mission was not going well. The coding in the Kai was giving Ritsuko and Professor trouble enough that Professor looked like she actively wanted to murder someone, and now Tokita couldn't get the damn shutdown codes!

"Look I'm trying! Apparently, the CEO is in a golf match and doesn't want to be disturbed, and his damned secretary doesn't understand that this is a literal life or death situation!" Tokita signed despondently. "I'm ruined. My project is ruined and people are going to crucify me if the Kai actually kills anybody." He slumps over, before springing back up. "Welp, if my life is ruined beyond repair I might as well raid the bar and get blackout drunk, any of you want anything?"

"Well actually-" Misato pulled the break on her automatic affirmation hard. She'd drink when this whole situation was done and dusted. "No, I have a giant robot to stop." Tokita shrugged and hopped over the bar's counter. "Alright, where are we at Rits?"

"I want to both congratulate and shoot whoever made this code. It's adapting to whatever we can throw at it faster than we can crack it. At this point, I'd say we need an expert or the MAGI to stop this thing." Professor screamed something that might have been a curse if anyone understood what she said.

"And we have neither right now. What options do we have? Could I, I don't know, climb into its internals and smash up its processor or something?"

"You make it sound way easier than it is, first of all-" whatever she was about to say was cut off as the doors to the presentation hall burst open as a small red RC car drove towards them. It drifted to a stop as its driver got out, a Minisuka wearing a black leather jacket with the words 'Hacker Girl' emblazoned on the back in neon red lettering and a pair of aviators covering her eyes.

"Anta Baka." The Hacker Minisuka gave them all finger guns as she walked towards the Jet Alone console. Everyone just stared at her with morbid fascination.

"Fuck it." Ritsuko blurted out. "This is still not the stupidest thing I've seen all month. Let's go, you little gremlins." Well, she took that better than expected.

"I just took a sip of brandy, how am I already hallucinating?!" Tokita looked aghast at the sudden appearance of the Minisuka.

"Did you not notice the other tiny redhead who was here the entire time?"

"I was performing damage control and trying to get the shutdown codes, get off my back!" Alright, fair. Hopefully, this Hacker would help push their efforts through. Cause she sure as hell didn't want to get inside an N2-powered mech. Hopefully, Shinji and Rei can buy them the time they need.

The light of the sun sears into his (the Eva's?) retinas for a moment before he began adjusting to the outside light. He moves over to the pylon and quickly attaches the cable. Seeing the timer stop going down he turns his attention to the horizon and spots the approaching silhouette of the Jet Alone Kai.

"Wow, that is a large hammer." Shinji can't help but stare at the massive bludgeoning implement. He really doesn't want to get hit by that.

"Wonder if we can claim it as battlefield salvage?" He hears Mister Aoba's muse, but Miss Ibuki is quick to quash that idea.

"We could just produce our own hammers, we don't need to loot one from a malfunctioning mech!" Shinji tunes out their bickering and focuses on the approaching Jet Alone. It stops a decent distance away from him and just stares at him.

"EVANGELION UNIT DETECTED." Oh, it talked. "LIKELIHOOD OF BEING PILOTED BY HORMONAL TEENAGER WITH POOR JUDGEMENT SKILLS AND A BEVY OF PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUES, ONE HUNDRED PERCENT."

"Wow, rude." He mutters under his breath. Leader and Shiki glare at it from their perch on his shoulders.

"TARGETING WEAKNESS, INITIATING ." What? "ATTENTION EVANGELION PILOT, YOUR MOTHER NEVER LOVED YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE A FAILURE AS A BALLERINA." Without even realizing it, Shinji had willed Unit-01 forward and delivered a quick right jab to the Jet Alone's face facsimile.

"OW!" It clutches it's pseudo-face with it's free hand. "WHY WAS I PROGRAMMED WITH THE ABILITY TO FEEL PAIN!? THIS SEEMS LIKE A CRITICAL DESIGN FLAW!"

"Your existence is a critical design flaw." Shinji growled out, he then blinked in surprise, where did that come from? Leader and Shiki stared at him in open shock, even the Jet Alone was taken aback. Wait, did he activate the speakers?

"WOW, HURTFUL."

"Oh, sorry! I don't know what came over me!"

"NO, IT'S FINE. I SHOULD'VE BEEN PREPARED TO TAKE IT IF I WAS GOING TO DISH IT OUT. NOW I'M GOING TO REVERT TO MY ORIGINAL PLAN."

"Original plan?" He instinctively ducked under a wide hammer swing that was aiming for his head. "Oh."

"INITIATING PROTOCOL: HAMMER. TIME TO DIE NERV SCUM!" Alright, this was something he was used to. He dodged out of the way of the heavy hammer strikes, each one coming progressively closer to hitting him.

"Shinji?" He sidestepped an overhead strike.

"Yes, Miss Ibuki?" He ducked under a sweeping strike only to get sent flying backward by a sucker punch.

"Perhaps you should use your AT-field?" Oh. Right. He quickly projects his AT-field just in time to intercept a strike that would turn the Eva's head into pulp.

"AN AT-FIELD? MERELY SMOKE AND MIRRORS."

"It, uh, just blocked your attack?"

"FALSE. AT-FIELDS ARE A LIE CREATED TO SUPPRESS THE WORKING CLASS." What. "YOUR PARLOR TRICKS HAVE NO EFFECT ON ME. NOW DIE." The hammer once again bounces off his AT field. "CEASE YOUR TRICKERY AND FIGHT FAIR! I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED BY A LIE PROPAGATED BY REPTOIDS!" What.

"Miss Ibuki, what is the Jet Alone talking about?"

"Ignore it and keep doing what you're doing. Rei is in position and ready to provide support if need be. We just need to wait for Major Katsuragi and Senpai to do whatever they're doing to stop that thing." Oh, good. Hopefully, they wouldn't take too long.

"This is taking too long! Where the hell did you get this code Tokita!" Ritsuko turned to the now buzzed man who was watching this hacking going on with rapt fascination. "You need something like a MAGI to get code like this, and I doubt your company has something like that lying around.

"My project overseer." Tokita put his bottle down as he began to recall. "He gave me the data and told me a 'friend' of his whipped it up for us. Said the CEO gave it the go-ahead, and I confirmed that part as true at least. Had my code monkeys comb it for anything suspicious and it came back squeaky clean."

"So you used unknown code as a basis for controlling what amounts to a bipedal superweapon?!"

"I really didn't want to, honest! I wanted it to be fully remote controlled, but my overseer twisted my arm by threatening budget cuts."

"Enough bickering! Where are we at Rits?"

"The gremlins and I are slowly chipping away at the defensive precepts and anti-tampering protocols. But quite frankly, we need some help, preferably from Shinji. Perhaps if enough damage was dealt to the Kai by the Evas that it needed to divert resources to damage control we'd be able to slip in."

"Yeah, and best do that before it activatesh its self-destruct shequence." Tokita added in with a slight slur in his voice.

"Yes exactly, before it activates excuse me you wanna run that by me again?" The glare Ritsuko sent Tokita's way could probably pierce through an AT field. Tokita blinked owlishly.

"Oh right, I didn't get to that parsh of the presentashion because things went tits up. Right sho, it hash a shelf destruct sequence in case it was damaged beyond repair and it was close enough to do shome damage to whatever disabled it."

"So, what you're saying, is that the Jet Alone Kai, which is rampaging, uncontrolled, near Tokyo-3 is effectively a walking N2 Bomb?" Misato did not like where this was going.

"More like three-quarters of an N2 bomb."

"Why do you think that matters?!" Ritsuko nearly screamed before sighing and turning to her. "Misato, call command and tell them to get Shinji to cripple the Kai so we can slip into it's programming.

"On it Rits." She was already pulling out her phone. The Minisukas appeared to be arguing about something, hopefully, something that could get them out of this mess.

The Jet Alone Kai stared at Unit-01, no doubt if it had the ability to use facial expressions it would be showing an expression of pure annoyance. Shinji, who fully possessed those abilities, was showing an expression of annoyance.

"LOOK, I AM SAYING YOU SHOULD PUT DOWN YOUR NON-EXISTENT AT-FIELD SO WE CAN TALK THIS OUT LIKE REASONABLE PEOPLE."

"I'm not falling for that again. You're just going to try to hit me with your hammer once I put the field down." His side was still sore from that glancing blow, and his cheeks still hurt from the pinching Leader and Shiki gave him for falling for that.

"THAT WAS A MOMENT OF TEMPORARY INSANITY, I CAN ASSURE YOU I ONLY HAVE THE PUREST OF INTENTIONS THIS TIME."

"The answer is still no."

"DAMMIT! YOU ARE SMARTER THAN THE AVERAGE TEENAGER, WHOEVER YOU ARE."

"….How dumb do you think teenagers are?" Shinji was genuinely curious as to where the Jet Alone was getting it's frame of reference for all the nonsense it was spouting.

"Shinji." Miss Ibuki called out. "We just got a call from Captain Katsuragi, we need you to damage it so the hacking can proceed." He wasn't sure how that worked, but that was something he could do. He quickly dropped his AT-field and decked the Jet Alone in it's face facsimile, hopefully disorienting it as he tried to kick out it's knee. Unfortunately, the Jet Alone recovered faster than he anticipated and backstepped quickly out of the attack.

"FOOL, YOU CANNOT DISCOMBOBULATE ME FOR I HAVE NOT THE WEAKNESSES OF FLESH!" A distant crack was heard, and suddenly the Jet Alone's hammer swung at something. A small flash came from the hammer's head and Shinji saw a now flattened truck-sized bullet clang to the ground some ways away. "THAT ALSO INCLUDES A FAR SUPERIOR REACTION TIME, JET ALONE KAI: ONE, NERV: ZERO." Oh. This might actually be a challenge.

"What about the AT-field? I think with that we're even." Shinji grabbed the Progressive Knife from his shoulder pylon and got into the stance he learned in the combat training.

"I DO NOT COUNT THINGS THAT DO NOT EXIST. ALSO, BRINGING A KNIFE TO A HAMMER FIGHT? REALLY?"

"Pilot Ikari," Ayanami spoke up for the first time in the operation. "If you can keep it's attention on you, I will be able to damage it without it being able to intercept my shots."

"Understood Ayanami, I'll try." He just had to think of a way to do it. He could defend himself with the AT field but had to drop it when he attacked. Combined with the fact that the Jet Alone was probably a better fighter, he needed to plan this smart. He lunged forward and tried to feint, but it was seen through quickly as the Jet Alone matched his lunge and hit him in the gut with the pommel of the hammer. The sympathetic pain causes him to reel backward, which the Jet Alone capitalized on to throw a lariat against him, knocking him to the ground. At this point Shinji's head was spinning, his brain struggling to catch up to the current time.

"THIS IS WHY THE JET ALONE WILL ALWAYS BE SUPERIOR TO THE INFERIOR EVANGELIONS. I SHALL NOW PUT YOU OUT OF YOUR MISERY NERV SCUM, ANY LAST WORDS?" The Jet Alone raised it's hammer high, ready to smash Unit-01's head into pulp. Realizing that he lost his knife at some point, he thought as fast as his disoriented mind would allow and enacted the first plan he could imagine.

"Look." He pointed somewhere behind the Jet Alone. "A distraction!" Nobody said it was a good plan.

"WHAT?! WHERE?!" The Jet Alone turned around, to everyone's surprise. "… WAIT." Unfortunately, this moment of distraction allowed Shinji to act. Unit-01 sprang up and latched it's hand on the Jet Alone's hammer and wrenched it from it's grip. "HEY! THAT'S MY HAMMER!"

"I can't believe that worked." He muttered disbelievingly.

"Anta Baka?" Leader and Shiki said in unison, sharing his disbelief.

"GIVE ME BACK MY WEAPON SO I MAY DESTROY YOU!" Shinji was not inclined to do so, he was inclined, however, to use said weapon against his foe. He swung a few times at the Jet Alone, missing all but one hit, managing to get a glancing blow on it's chest, catching it off balance. A distant crack was heard before the Jet Alone's left knee exploded into a shower of circuitry and metal. "OW! WHY AM I NOT ALLOWED TO TURN OFF MY ABILITY TO FEEL PAIN?! WHAT PURPOSE DOES THIS FUNCTION EVEN SERVE!?"

"Excellent work Pilot Ikari, your plan was most effective." Shinji was glad he had all the video feeds turned off, so nobody could see how embarrassed he was due to his 'plan'.

"SO YOU THINK YOURSELF THE VICTOR DUE TO MY CRIPPLING." Oh good, a distraction from his embarrassment. "BUT IT IS I WHO SHALL HAVE THE LAST LAUGH! INITIATING SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE, BURN IN NON-NUCLEAR HELLFIRE NERV SCUM! PLAYING 3. HA HA HA HA HA HA."

"That doesn't sound good. Miss Ibuki, what should I do?"

"First of all Shinji, don't panic."

"Alright, I'm not panicking." That was a lie, he was already panicking.

"Shinji, I have a readout of your heart rate, I can tell you're panicking." Well, that's a lesson to never lie when inside the entry plug.

"Sorry…"

"It's fine Shinji. Try to project your AT-field around the Jet Alone, you should be able to contain the blast. Most of it anyway."

"Most of it? What about what isn't contained?" His comms were uncomfortably silent as he projected the AT-field over the Jet Alone.

"It will probably hurt. A lot. Sorry, Shinji." Well, she at least sounded sorry. Now he waited for the inevitable blast. And waited. And waited some more.

"Uh, Miss Ibuki, is it supposed to take this long?"

"Oh, sorry Shinji. We got a call from Captain Katsuragi, they managed to remotely shut down the Jet Alone Kai!"

"That's great!" Shinji lets his AT-field down as the Jet Alone stays silent. He waits a moment before an important question comes to mind. "Can I keep the hammer?" He smiles sheepishly as he hears the bridge crew begin laughing.

Ritsuko sighs as she falls into one of the presentation room's errant chairs. They narrowly managed to push through their jury-rigged shutdown code through the damage suppression protocol and the self-destruct activation. As much as she hates to admit it, she wouldn't have succeeded without the help of those little gremlins. However, something was off about the Professor one, as her face was now contorted into a visage of hatred and fury that Ritsuko had only ever seen in the artwork of mythological monsters. Did she recognize something about the code? Well, no use trying to pry it out of her.

Tokita collapsed behind the bar after pulling what she referred to as Katsuragi Maneuver Six, drinking enough hard liquor to knock yourself out. But he managed to grant them permission to all the bar's contents after their victory. Something Misato was taking advantage of by stuffing a makeshift sack made out of a tablecloth with all the liquor she could carry.

Her thoughts went to the code they had to fight tooth and nail against. It was way too advanced for it to have been created by some corporate code monkeys, this was done by a genius, possibly mad, in the field of coding. If she knew who this person was she'd convince Gendo to find and hire them, but alas she had no idea of this coder's identity. Except for one clue, a signature in the code.

"'Envy', huh? Odd name."

A few days later.

General Yoshida Taihou walked through the halls of Japan Heavy Chemical Industries, now significantly less filled. The Jet Alone Incident had tanked the company's reputation to a massive degree and was now hemorrhaging employees and investors to a massive degree. Now it was ripe for the picking, and his superiors had given him a healthy budget to buy everything regarding the Jet Alone to add to his personal brainchild, the T-RIDEN-T Project. With how much trouble the Kai reportedly gave the Eva Unit it would be a massive boon to his program. Soon enough he was at his destination, the office of Shiro Tokita, the effective owner of JHCI after everyone else above him jumped ship after pinning the blame of the Jet Alone Incident on him.

General Taihou walked into the office to find Tokita asleep at his desk, snoring away like a woodchipper. General Taihou loudly cleared his throat and Tokita shot up.

"I told you it's not my fault!" He blinked, taking in his surroundings before noticing the General. "Oh. Apologies, I haven't been getting much sleep lately General….."

"Taihou. Mister Tokita, allow me to extend my apologies for the misfortune that has befallen you and your company."

"Misfortune is a generous way of saying being blamed for your superior's screw-ups and being blacklisted by the rest of the mech industry." That was actually his doing, the best offer is one that appears to be the only option after all. "So how can I help you, General Taihou?"

"I have come with an offer from the JSSDF to purchase JHCI, along with any assets pertaining to the Jet Alone. As well as offering you a job, if you'd like. We've found your work to be worth investing in for the future of Japan." Tokita stares at him blankly, no doubt seeing that he's only here for the Jet Alone. But with JHCI as it is now, there's no way he could refuse this offer.

"An interesting offer General. One that I would be more than willing to take-" Of course, it's not like he has any other option to- "It's a shame I'm going to have to refuse." What?

"What? Why?!"

"Because as of-" Tokita looks at his watch. "-two hours ago, Japan Heavy Chemical Industries was bought out. We are now the robotics and mecha division of Kyoto Zeppelin Industries."

"A company that makes Zeppelins?"

"Pachinko machines actually, and formerly at that. Offered an absurdly generous sum and offered me a position as head of mech development. Which I took."

"You… you sold the rights and data to a multi-billion yen mech to a pachinko company?!"

"Former pachinko company. And yes." General Taihou was speechless. How could he lose this golden opportunity to a godsdamn pachinko manufacturer?!

"Get into contact with your CEO, I want to negotiate!"

"I have no way to contact them, I was dealing with an intermediary. You'd have better luck looking through a phone book. Now if you don't mind General, I have important work to do." Tokita grabbed a pillow from under his desk and once more fell asleep. He was about to loudly awaken him before he realized the futility of this course of action. He left the office and returned to his car. He took a deep breath and picked up his cell phone and dialed the number of one of his agents.

"It's me, dig up everything possible on Kyoto Zeppelin Industries, the dirtier the better. Also, begin to set Operation Honeytrap into effect, ASAP." He hang up and began driving back to base, there was work to do.

In the middle of the Indian Ocean, at the same time.

Asuka paused her Segatendo Dual Gear and narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

"Why do I feel like strangling a redhead right now?" She pondered the odd thought a moment before filling it away in the low-priority queue of her thoughts to ponder. She returned to her game about rolling giant eggs as she contemplated the meeting between her and the 'vaunted' Third Child that was soon to come.

Chapter Text

"I really owe you big for this Ikari." If Kensuke wasn't buckled in, there would be no doubt that he would be bouncing around the passenger chamber of the VTOL. "I mean, visiting a UN transport fleet? It's like Christmas and my birthday fused together into some sort of abomination designed to be the best day ever! What's next, are you going to tell me I'm an Eva pilot?!"

"Hold your horses, kid." Misato chuckled at the boy's excitement. "This isn't all fun and games, we're here to make an important delivery to ensure the rest of the trip goes without incident. So try not to have too much fun." Despite the seriousness of her words, Misato's tone had a jovial tinge to them.

"Incident? Like a monster fight?! Score!"

"Wait, that not what-"

"Don't bother Miss Misato." Touji interrupted. "Ken's just gonna find another reason ta be excited. Best quit while yer ahead." Misato closed her mouth and nodded, rolling her eyes in mock exasperation. "But seriously Ikari, thanks fer this. Sakura has been houndin' me to take a break and stop visiting her. Now I got a chance ta do that, and as a bonus get away from all the little Red Demons runnin' around. Seriously Ikari, how'd ya manage with them I'll never know." Leader gave Touji the stink eye for that while Shiki just continued to nap away in his shirt pocket.

"It's really not a problem Touji, they help me as much as I help them." Leader blushed as she grumbled something and Shiki moved her hat down to cover more of her face.

Misato smiled to herself as she idly wondered if the real Asuka would be like this when she and Shinji met. She also wondered how she would react to the Minisukas. Or how the Minisukas would react to her. Now that she thought about it, she perhaps shouldn't have brought them to meet Asuka. Perhaps she should have thought of this before they were a quarter of the way there. Well, she's sure everything will work out fine. She tunes out the kid's conversation and watched the scenery go by.

"-so imagine my surprise when I heard they were taken down by some guy with a sword and, and I quote, 'the ability to double jump'."

"How the heck does somebody double jump?" Touji wondered aloud. Kensuke shrugged in return.

"Not sure, the only thing I could catch about that was something about a jetstream. But in any case, I managed to get myself an authentic World War Two era Russian artillery piece. Before it got stolen by the Triads." Kensuke muttered something potentially unflattering as Shinji tuned him out, once again kicking himself for not bringing his SDAT to pass the time.

"Anta Baka?" Leader muttered to herself, seemingly pondering something. Shinji contemplated striking up a conversation with her before realizing that wouldn't work in the slightest. As his options dwindled he noticed something sticking out from under his seat. He reached down and picked it up, revealing a thick tome of a book titled 'The Bible'. As he had nothing better to do he opened it up to an earmarked page and began skimming through the text. After a few minutes of this, he sighed and returned the book where he found it, the words within were far too archaic for him to understand. The most he understood was about a wall falling with little effort. He soon joined Misato in watching the scenery go by, missing a knowing smirk on Leader's face.

Asuka stared at the incoming VTOL with a look of annoyance and smug superiority. Soon the vaunted Third Child would be before her, and she could prove herself as the superior Eva Pilot once and for all. She absolutely wasn't taking out her frustrations because her attempts to seduce Kaji were thoroughly stonewalled because his door had a lock and she just had to ship her crowbar in her second set of luggage.

Well, it doesn't matter, she had all the time in the world for that, now she had to put some undoubtedly cocky idiot in his place. The VTOL landed on the deck, depositing its cargo as one familiar woman emerged along with a trio of unfamiliar boys. Great, she had to deal with three stooges instead of one. The wind blew the taller one's hat off in her direction, being the generous person she was she stopped the hat from going overboard by giving it a hearty stomp.

"Well, Misato, it's been awhile-" She stopped when she noticed two red specks rushing at her across the flight deck. Before she could understand what was going on two miniature versions of herself halted in front of her and one boosted the other in the air in order to grab onto the front of her dress. "What the hell?!" Suddenly a gust of wind blew past, causing her dress to flutter in the breeze. This would have certainly given everyone in front of her quite a view if it wasn't for the mini-me weighing the fabric down. The mini-me grabbing her dress let go and dropped to the floor, before giving the other, who Asuka now noticed had an eyepatch and a pretty cute hat, a high five.

"Huh." Misato breathed out. "That was different." The mini-mes walked back over to the trio, now duo because the one with the glasses wandered off at some point, and climbed on the wimpy-looking boy with a puzzled look on his face. The tall one was pointing at her, his face frozen in shock. Asuka, her mind working to comprehend the scene before her, had only one response to this.

"Misato what the actual fuck is this?!" Asuka pointed to the mini-mes and by extension, the boy they had roosted upon.

"That's Shinji Ikari, the Third Child, and two of the Minisukas, Leader, and Shiki." Misato explained it as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

"The what."

"The Minisukas. You know, like Mini Asukas." Asuka blinked, slowly. She looked at the 'Minisukas' with a critical eye, her mind glossing over the fact that the wimpy, weirdly familiar, boy was the Third Child. One just looked just like her whenever she wore a plug suit, the other had an eyepatch over her left eye, a cute hat, and lighter hair.

"Wait, you said 'two of'."

"Oh, yeah! Plenty more where they came from, just you wait when we get back to Tokyo-3." Asuka stared at Misato with an intensity to rival that of an N2 explosion. Deciding that dealing with Misato was too much of a hassle at the moment, she directed her attention to the now identified Third Child. She also noticed the tall one fled at some point, no doubt intimidated by her grand presence.

"So you're the Third Child?" She looked him up and down, unable to shake off the weird sense of having seen him somewhere before. He was scrawny, plain, and looked like someone who would flee at the first sign of trouble. A small part of her mind did think he was the tiniest bit cute though before that part of her mind was beaten and thrown into a mental oubliette for crimes against the dominant Kaji faction. "I'm Asuka Langley Soryu, charmed I'm sure."

"Uh, S-Shinji Ikari. Nice to meet you. Well, a you that's not, well…. you know….." He gestured to the mini-mes on his shoulders, who were staring at her quizzically.

"Right. Anyway, I'm sure you're all pleased up on your high horse, lording your three Angel kills upon the rest of us. But now that I'm here you can kiss that supremacy goodbye because you're an idiot if you think-"

"You're not saying it right." He interrupted her tirade suddenly. Asuka stared at him in confusion.

"What?" She didn't like being interrupted, but if her Japanese wasn't correct she wanted to fix it now and not embarrass herself later.

"You didn't call me an idiot correctly." He stated in the same way one corrects someone else's crossword puzzle. She stared at him incredulously, the mini-mes and Misato shared her confusion.

"Baka?" The non-eyepatched mini-me (Leader, she thinks) inquired.

"Yeah, like that." The Third explained, hitting her with another wave of confusion.

"But…. that's what I said?" She at least hoped she did, she may have slipped into German at some point.

"No, you called me an idiot, you're supposed to call me an idiot." He paused for a moment. "I can't say it right. They can, however." He pointed to the mini-mes, who were just absolutely confuddled about the situation. Asuka turned to Misato, trying to get some sanity into this situation.

"Misato, I was speaking Japanese, right? I called him an idiot the same way the mini-me did, right?"

"Yes? Shinji, are you feeling alright?" Misato started looking concerned.

"I'm fine Misato, it's just…. I don't know how to explain it."

"Alright…." Misato side-eyed her warily. "How about we put a pin in this conversation until later, I have to talk to the Captain."

"Sure. Sorry for delaying you." The Third muttered dejectedly. Wow, he folded quickly, Misato must have housebroken him. Hopefully, she didn't use her cooking to do it, she wouldn't wish that on her worst enemy. Well, except her father, he could shove a bucketload of Misato's cooking down his rotten gullet.

"It's alright, just grab your friends before that Kensuke kid steals a fighter jet or something." Well, this was not the introduction she expected, but it was… honestly just confusing. Still, at least the Third Child wasn't some total douche. Also, he was a bit cute, the small part of her mind stated once more as it tried to claw its way out of the oubliette before being kicked back down.

"No."

"What do you mean no?!" Misato looked like she wanted to strangle the Captain.

"It is my duty to get this cargo to its destination safely. I am not handing over leadership until my work is done." Misato looked like she wanted to argue more, but decided that it was probably meaningless.

"Fine. Can you at least sign this form stating that the power cable and Sonic Glaive were received?"

"Fine. Kids today and their Sonic Glaives, whatever happened to good ol' fashioned superior firepower."

"It became obsolete when the giant aliens started using soul-based forcefields." Misato retorted dryly.

"I see your dry wit is still as sharp as ever Katsuragi." A voice rang out from the bridge's doorway. Shinji turned to see a scruffy-looking man with a grin on his face that one might describe as roguish.

"Kaji!/Baka!" Two voices rang out as Asuka and Leader ran over to the man. The man, to his credit, only looked slightly surprised to see an eight-inch girl charge over to him and hug his ankle. Shiki rolled her eye at the display.

"Hey, kiddo, and…. smaller kiddo? Uh, I'm afraid you've caught me a bit off guard here." Leader stared him in the eyes for a moment, gave another quick squeeze of his ankle, then summoned her lance and stabbed him in the shin. Kaji yelped in pain as Leader huffed and climbed back on Shinji.

Touji winced in sympathy as Misato and the Captain snickered, before glaring at each other. Kensuke had elected to distance himself from whatever was happening again and struck up a conversation with one of the bridge crew, asking them about their role and duties.

"Hey!" Asuka shouted, enraged that Leader stabbed Kaji. "What the hell was that for?!"

"Anta Baka." Leader stated in a way that clearly meant 'He knows what he did' and sat once more upon Shinji's head.

"Kaji." The Captain intoned. "I told you never to set foot on my bridge again."

"My apologies Captain." Kaji winced as he shifted the weight off his newly aerated foot. "I just wanted to see my old friend Katsurag-"

"Captain." Misato interrupted. "May I have permission to use Ryoji Kaji as a practice target for a firearms test during my stay aboard your fleet?"

"Permission granted, now all of you get off my bridge." Kaji stared at Misato blankly as a wide grin started to form on her face.

"I'll give you a head start." Misato unholstered her sidearm and gave it a once over. "So you better make it count." Shinji would proclaim until his dying day that he had never seen a man hobble as fast as Ryoji Kaji did that day.

"So where are we going?" He asked as he held on for dear life. Traversing across the waves on a small boat was not his idea of a good time, considering he never learned to swim. Learn floral arrangement instead of taking swimming lessons he said, at what point would swimming ever become relevant he said. Shinji wished he could punch Past Shinji in the mouth right now.

"You'll see when we get there Third." Asuka shouted over the roar of the boat's engine. Shiki was rubbing the back of his neck comfortingly, she probably thought he had seasickness. Leader was writing something down in a little notebook, concentrating on the horizon. He really hoped an Angel didn't attack now, or if one did the Angel was one that transported him to a place where he wasn't in danger of drowning. Eventually, they reached their destination and Shinji was once again on land, or a larger, more stable boat as it were.

After following Asuka for a while longer he found himself in a large open area with a tarp covering a strange Evangelion-shaped lump. He contemplates the lump for a moment longer before concluding that it is probably an Evangelion. Or another Evangelion-shaped balloon.

"Behold Third!" Asuka threw off the tarp with a flourish. "Eva Unit-02! The world's first Production Model Evangelion!" Production model? Were they mass producing them now?

"It's… a nice shade of red-"

"Damn right it is!"

"But why does it have four eyes?" Asuka stared at him blankly in utter silence. "It's weird now that I think about it. Unit-00 has one eye, Unit-01 has two eyes, and Unit-02 has four. Are they doubling the eye amount with every Unit? Is Unit-03 going to have eight eyes?"

"Third, what in Gott's name are you talking about?" Leader and Shiki were also staring at him, bafflement on their faces.

"I'm not sure, it's just something I noticed. I figured you might have an idea since you're an Evangelion expert." Asuka smiled at him after he said that. Shinji had to conclude that, like the Minisukas, she had a nice smile.

"Well since you're so uninformed about even the most basic facts I guess I could educate you on-" A distant explosion caused the boat to rock. "Gott in Himmel what now!?" The both of them rushed outside to see what was happening. They immediately saw a giant bloody cross towering above the fleet, standing in place of what was once a ship. Shiki looked at Leader with an 'I told you so' look. Leader grumbled in response.

"Is it an Angel attack?! Oh no, Asuka we have to get back to Misato!" Shinji turned to Asuka, who was sporting a massive smile as she stared at the cross. She let out a single word that sent a shiver down Shinji's spine.

"Wunderbar." Shinji suddenly felt he made a mistake coming here.

Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu was not a very active woman. This was due in part to her being a soul contained within a skyscraper-sized biomechanical death machine. As such, she had a lot of free time to devote to her passions that weren't related to watching her beloved daughter or doing battle with her best frenemy Yui, science. Unfortunately, after a literal decade stuck in Unit-02's core, she had made very little headway in anything science-related due to not having the ability to test her hypothesis, she had to find another passion. Namely, writing fantasy novels.

"Hmmmm, what would be the average gut size of an ogre that is five months pregnant?" Unfortunately, her time as a scientist left her a touch too focused on details. "I think I'll need the big calipers for this." Fortunately for the sanity of everyone involved, Kyoko noticed someone entering the entry plug.

"Oh, Asuka!" She went over to the barrier separating her daughter from her and stared at her. "What are you…. Oh? Is that a friend I see?" Her daughter brought someone into Unit-02's entry plug? She must trust them very much! Kyoko was so glad her daughter was making friends! And it was a boy too! "Ohohoh Asuka, my little pride and joy, who are you putting the moves on…. wait, is that…." She stared at the boy, analyzing him (politely ignoring the female plugsuit he was wearing) and coming to a realization.

"Little Shinji!? Yui's boy!? My word he's gotten so big! I remember when he was just a little baby whose adorable little cheeks I would pinch~" Kyoko giggled manically. "He looks so much like his mother, you could just put him in a dress and-" Kyoko blinked as she noticed two other presences in the entry plug. She stared at the two eight-inch tall versions of her daughter on Little Shinji's shoulders.

"What." As a scientist Kyoko believed in rational explanations for things, so surely there was a rational explanation for them, right? She noticed that both of them had interface headsets on, so she thought to skim a little of their thoughts to get a clue about-

[{deservedtodiewe'llfindyouabetteryouthinkyoucanatoneforwhatyoudidyou'remerelyafalse}]

Kyoko gasped as she felt the metaphysical tears fall down her face. She needed to go to them. She needed to hug them and say everything was alright. The hand on her shoulder reassured her that-

She paused. Hand on her shoulder. A hand that wasn't her own was resting on her shoulder. She turned to look at the origin of the hand and saw a creature of shadow stare at her with violet eyes.

"D̷o̶ ̴N̷o̴T̶ ̴a̴C̵t̴ ̷H̴a̵S̶t̷I̶l̸Y̶,̵ ̴m̸I̶s̷S̵ ̵s̴O̸r̷Y̴u̷.̴ ̷T̴h̷I̸n̶G̷s̸ ̸W̴i̶L̴l̵ ̸H̷a̸P̴p̴E̴n̶ ̷A̸t̵ ̸T̷h̶E̵i̸R̷ ̸p̷R̴o̷P̶e̷R̷ ̴t̴I̸m̶E̷."

Kyoko stared at the entity, felt it's touch upon her soul, and screamed.

The iridescent light signaled the Evangelion turning on. "There, did it have to be so difficult, Third?!"

"Sorry, it just felt so different than Unit-01."

"Because this is a Production Model, your Test Type is probably using outdated software because it can't run the latest programs." Shinji wanted to argue that, but he realized he didn't know anything about what she was talking about, so he would probably lose that argument. "Now, let's get to the Over the Rainbow so we don't lose power." Unit-02 began using the various ships as stepping stones to get to the Over the Rainbow, Asuka muting the screams of the Captain and switching to the NERV channel that was prepared just in case. Shinji found it odd that the Angel wasn't attacking them, and that it wasn't showing itself. This was very different from his usual experience fighting Angels.

"Powered up and ready to kick ass." His musings were broken by Asuka, her having plugged into the Over the Rainbow and picked up the Sonic Glaive. She scanned the horizon in all directions, trying to find the Angel. "So, where is this Angelic bastard?"

"Negative sightings Asuka, but you and Shinji keep alert, we don't know where they'll strike from." Misato informed them.

"Um." Shinji felt all the attention turn to him. "Maybe it's underwater?" He offered.

"Scheisse. He's right, and we're without the underwater equipment!"

"Hopefully it doesn't stay in the water permanently, then we can-" Shinji was interrupted when a large figure burst out of the sea.

It's body was piscine in shape with a beige color, it's body was covered in a lattice of metal reminiscent of clockwork, bursting out of it's skin like a thorny bramble. Four large pointed appendages somewhat like clock hands rotated around it rhythmically.

The Sixth Angel has come, and it would not be merciful.

Quake Lilim, for I, have arrived to destroy you and your pitiful existence.

Rejoice Lilim, for I, have arrived to release you from your pitiful existence.

Though I am joined to this being of a false father I will not stall in my duty.

Though I am joined to this creature not born of the fathers I will not be lax in my duty.

I will bring an end to your usurpation of our rightful planet.

I will bring an end to your thievery of our rightful land.

Though my pain is immense, my hatred for you is stronger, and it is the fuel that will end you.

Though my pain is immense, my pity towards you is stronger, and it is the strength with which I will cull you.

So hear my name and quake Lilim.

So hear my name and rejoice Lilim.

I am Gaghiel, Lord of the Sea.

I am Raguel, Master of Clockwork.

We are Gaghiel-Raguel, Abomination of the Clockwork Sea.

A̴n̵d̴ ̷t̷h̴e̴ ̷w̷o̵r̴l̴d̸ ̵w̷i̷l̴l̸ ̴k̴n̵o̸w̴ ̵o̷u̸r̸ ̴p̷a̵i̶n̵.̵

Chapter Text

Nerv Command Bridge

"-after that whole debacle you can imagine my surprise when I find a whole bunch of Incan gold." Aoba explained to an increasingly confused Hyuga. "With a bounty like that, I was basically set! No more living in my van, now I got an apartment with actual furniture."

"Aoba you-" Hyuga pauses as he tries to formulate a response. "You realize that as members of NERV we have access to employee housing, right? Heck, as part of the Bridge Crew we could potentially get housing within the Geofront itself." Aoba blinks slowly.

"Oh. I kinda wish you told me that before I signed all the paperwork. Well, on the bright side I got a place in the same apartment complex as Captain Katsuragi, so the security there is going to be top-notch."

"Really. You're going to be neighbors with the Captain?" Hyuga's eye was twitching slightly.

"I mean, not really neighbors, I got an apartment on the ground floor on the other side of the complex. So I guess we're complex comrades. Maybe she has advice for dealing with kids, cause my family is pushing this kid on me at the behest of my brother and I have no idea what to do about that." Aoba started tuning his guitar. How he hid that in his workstation, nobody knew.

"Your brother is pushing his kid on you?" Hyuga's eye twitch ceased and was replaced with a quizzical look.

"Not his kid, his wife's brother's stepchild. Apparently, this guy tried to pay off his debts to the Yakuza by marrying this terminally ill single mother and claiming her inheritance when she died."

"What the actual fuck, that's terrible!"

"I know, right? Anyway, the kid apparently got the inheritance and the guy couldn't get it so he's on the run from the yakuza now, and guardianship went to my brother. But he's trying to offload her onto me because I'm slightly rich now."

"Aoba, how do you get into all these situations-" Hyuga was suddenly cut off by the Angel alarm going off. "Oh shit! Blood Pattern Blue detected!" The bridge was suddenly a storm of activity as people who were once on their breaks began rushing into man their stations.

"Second Pattern Blue detected?!" Aoba shouted out in surprise. "No, it's one now. Wait, two again?! Now it's three!? Back to one… what is going on!?"

"Sit-rep, now!" A very out-of-breath Ritsuko shouted out, looking as if she ran a mile in under a minute to get here.

"Doctor Akagi, receiving two Pattern Blues that are fluctuating intermittently into one and back again. Third Pattern Blue was possibly detected, but it disappeared immediately after appearing, we are labeling it as a phantom signal until we can confirm it." Technician Kaede Agano called out, currently in the midst of shifting through MAGI-Casper's data. Ritsuko grabbed her tablet and began reading through the day herself.

"Odd, it's like the two different AT-Fields are pulling themselves together but simultaneously pushing each other apart." Ritsuko muttered. "Do we have a location?"

"Angel is believed to be on an intercept course with the Unit-02 Transport Fleet!" Hyuga called out, suddenly very worried for Misato, Shinji, and the other two children he was vaguely aware of.

"Evangelion activation detected!" Maya interrupted, surprising everyone as they didn't even notice her arrival. "Unit-02 is confirmed online, but the Eva is too far to connect to."

"Damn, get me eyes on the fleet and get Ayanami prepared for combat! I don't want to be caught flat-footed if the Angel manages to beat Unit-02." Ritsuko ordered, glancing up at the Commander's empty chair for a brief moment before returning to the stream of data on her tablet. "Quickly people!" A chorus of affirmations sounded out, and the crew went to work. Ritsuko began sorting the myriad of data sent to her, a small part of her mind hoping Misato was okay.

Asuka stared at the Angel before her, the creature dwarfing even Unit-02 by a wide margin. She took in everything about it and had but one thing to say.

"Is it wearing a clockwork mech suit?"

"It looks more like an exoskeleton to me." The Third said somewhere behind her. She could see where he was coming from, but wouldn't give him the satisfaction of acknowledging his point."

"Whatever it is, we need to kill it. You're the 'experienced' one, got any tips?" She inquired, half-mockingly.

"Well, not really. The first Angel I fought beat me near unconscious until the Minisukas arrived and killed it." Does that count as her kill? She's going to count it as her kill. "The second impaled me with laser whips until I stabbed it to death." Jeez, that sounded painful, she had to begrudgingly give him credit for tanking something like that, not that she would ever say that aloud. "And the third Misato hijacked all of Japan's electricity to shoot it."

"I normally wouldn't believe that, but that does sound like a plan Misato would hatch."

"I can hear you, you know?." Misato piped up from the comm channel.

"I know." She retorted. "So Third, your suggestions are either get inflicted with bodily harm and hope it works or steals a nation's power supply?"

"Hmm. Leader? Shiki? Do either of you have any ideas?" She's disappointed he folded so quickly but she can't really blame him for seeking assistance from someone more intelligent, namely herself. Well small versions of herself anyway. She mostly forgot about them on account of not wanting to deal with them at the moment, but they must have some excellent insight. The two of them seem to be vehemently arguing about something while pointing at the image of the Angel on the screen.

"Third, why are they arguing?" They seem to hang around him (for some reason), perhaps he knows what they're screaming about?

"Something about something not being right? Or whose to blame for something?" His eyes glance over at the view screen. "Is it just me, or has the Angel not attacked yet?" Now that he's mentioned it, it is kinda weird how the Angel is just floating there.

They're just standing there, attack them!

No, they're obviously having pre-battle banter, it would be impolite to interrupt.

…..The pain of being forcibly fused to you pales in comparison to the pain of interacting with you.

I assure you, the feeling is mutual.

"Perhaps it's just waiting to counter our move or something?" The Third offers weakly.

"Oh yeah? Well, it can counter this!" Asuka activated Unit-02's shoulder-mounted Spike Launcher, intent on giving the Angel a taste of sharp, painful death. The launcher activated and clicked, empty. "Are you kidding me?! Why would you leave it unloaded you absolute-" Her tirade of curses was stopped before it even began as the Angel charged forth at her, and she met it head on as she called her AT-field forth to bat the charging beast away. She had to be extra careful to not let the Over the Rainbow capsize while she fought the Angel, all her stuff was on it!

"I'll keep an eye out for the core, if you can stab it with the Sonic Glaive while it's charging, we should be able to beat it easily!" The Third makes a good point, and if he focuses on finding weak points, she can focus on kicking this thing's ass! "It doesn't seem to have any ranged attacks so we should be fine." Suddenly the Angel's four orbital clock hand things glow, then each shoot an inky beam that lances towards them while making odd maneuvers.

"Scheiße!" She summons her AT-field once more to block the beams, the recoil of the impacts on her AT-field pushing the Over the Rainbow back.

"Uhhh, at least they're coming from one direction, so we know where they're coming from?" The orbitals suddenly detach from the main body and start flying around the area, glowing with energy.

"Anything else you want to say Third?" She doesn't take her eyes away from the battle, but she is giving him a look in her mind's eye right now.

"It would really be terrible if we got reinforcements to help us win the battle right now." Really? Well, he's trying at least, the idiot. Suddenly a speck appears on the water's surface out of the corner of her eye.

"Wait, is that a miniature Viking longboat?"

Slightly earlier

Kaji really hated to leave them like this, but he had a package to deliver and a severe allergy to giant alien clockwork fish. He was sure they'll be fine though, he believed in them.

"Wait, what is that?" He slowed his boat down as a fleet of tiny RC speed boats piloted by a miniature Asuka sped past. As he wondered what just happened, the rhythm of a steady drumbeat caught his hearing. He then saw a canoe that was retrofitted into a small Viking longboat row past, the oars and drum unsurprisingly manned by more miniature Asukas.

"Anta Baka! Baka-Shinji!" They chanted in unison like some sort of cult. It only got weirder when a miniature submarine surfaced next to Kaji's boat, and out of it's hatch popped out another mini Asuka. This one gave him a look, summoned a lance, then threw it at the floor of his boat. The lance was recalled and the hole began to leak water.

"Baka." Purpose fulfilled, the mini Asuka returned to the submarine, which dove once more.

"Huh." Kaji muttered as he sped up his boat once more, trying to outrun the inevitable sinking. "I have a bad feeling about my immediate future." He made a mental note to invest in steel ankled boots once he got to Tokyo-3.

Asuka could only stare as dozens of mini-mes in small speed boats, and a small Viking longboat appeared and began pelting the Angel with oddly familiar lances. She couldn't quite recall where she saw them before though. No matter, she pushed that thought to the back of her mind as she redoubled her thoughts on killing the Angel.

"I can't believe that worked….." She heard the Third mutter. She was surprised that it worked as well, but she wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

"Less gawking, more finding the core Third!" The orbitals flying around pelted her with their ink beams, her AT-field straining under the attacks. "I can't hold out forever!" She registered hearing the fleet's cannons firing, but she paid them no attention, they wouldn't be effective. She noticed Misato had been quiet, was she hatching up a plan?

"Let go of my radio!" Misato screamed at the Captain.

"Tell those brats to get off my deck!" He screamed in return. Their battle for command of the fleet had made no headway.

"Uh, Captain?"

""What?!"" Misato and the Captain shouted in unison at the first mate, who looked nervously between the two, not sure who had command.

"Uh, the fleet is ready to fire at the….. giant alien clockwork whale? Not a sentence I'd thought I'd say today….."

"Fire!" The Captain shouted.

"Conventional weapons have no effect on an Angel due to the AT-field, don't waste the ammo!" Unfortunately for Misato, the fleet comms were open, and the fleet listened to the command of their normal commander. A staccato of cannon fire rang out, pelting the Angel with heavy ordinance to little to no effect. "See!?"

"Wait, doesn't one of those laser shooting things look a bit damaged?" Kensuke spoke up, watching the battle with awe and reverence. Touji was sitting in a corner, looking positively done with everything.

"Someone get these kids off the bridge!"

"Wait." Misato eyed one of the orbitals analytically. "He's right! It looks like a bit of cannon fire clipped it, and it's not regenerating!"

"Meaning?" The Captain questioned, annoyed but somewhat curious as to where she was going with this.

"Meaning it probably can't protect those things with it's AT-field if they're detached from the main body! If we can disable those things, Unit-02 won't have to stay on the defensive!"

"So what you're saying is….." The Captain felt a faint spark of glee, he had a feeling where this was going, and he liked it.

"What I'm saying, Captain, is why don't we show the alien invaders the meaning of superior firepower?" Misato gave him a knowing grin, and he returned it.

"Gottdamn flying whale, gottdamn clockwork laser drones, and gottdamn not having a ranged weapon!" Asuka was angry at many things right now, and being forced to go on the defensive was not helping her mood. She really wanted to eviscerate this Angel to quell her bad mood. Her eyes glanced to the fleet of mini-mes distracting the main body of the Angel (she idly made a mental note to thoroughly grill Misato about them later) with their boats and is that a submarine? A miniature submarine had breached the surface of the water and was launching lance-tipped missiles at the Angel. Huh. She had to admit, her mini-mes knew how to make a spectacle, as expected of something that was also her.

"Asuka! Shinji!" Misato shouted over the comms. "Help incoming!" Suddenly the fleet's cannons went live once more and let loose a barrage, this time targeting the orbitals suppressing her. One by one they were struck down, bursting into blood or merely falling into the sea. A somewhat intact one fell near her position, slightly glowing with unspent energy. An idea formed in her head as she dropped the Sonic Glaive to the Over the Rainbow's deck, and reached out to grab the falling orbital. She grabbed it and swung it towards the Angel's main body, and proceeded to try and manipulate her AT-field to empower it. Something succeeded and the orbital started glowing.

"Have a taste of your own medicine asshole!" Asuka screamed as the orbital unleashed a massive inky beam before it exploded into blood. The beam hit dead on, causing the Angel to recoil backwards. It glared at Unit-02, Asuka smirked. It opened it's mouth and began to coalesce energy within, Asuka's smirk disappeared. She brought up her AT-field as a massive energy blast was launched at her. The AT-field cracked and groaned under the force of the blast, nearly capsizing the Over the Rainbow. She was not confident she could withstand another of those, let alone two or three. She needed this thing dead now!

"Asuka!"

"What is it Third?" This had better be good.

"I saw the core!"

"What?! Where?!"

"In it's mouth!"

"….The one currently collecting deadly energy that it's going to shoot at us?"

"Yes. But don't worry, I have a plan!" She actually turned around to look at him this time.

"You have a plan?" She was skeptical, but she supposed an idiot had a good idea at least twice a day, so she would hear him out.

"Yeah, I noticed the Angel's AT-field drops when it uses that blast attack and returns when it starts charging again, that should give you a chance to hit the core." Decent plan, but there was one small issue.

"Attack with what, Third? As you can tell, I don't exactly have any ranged options."

"You have the Sonic Glaive."

"Yes, and?"

"How well can you throw?" Her retort died in her throat as she figured out what he was saying. Her eyes flickered to the Sonic Glaive on the deck by Unit-02's feet as the calculations ran through her mind. Her smile grew feral as the pieces fell into place.

"Huh. Not bad Third, you may not be so hopeless after all."

"Oh, thanks…. Hey!" She heard her mini-mes whispering something to each other behind her, but she tuned it out as she put all her focus into her rapidly forming plan, she'd only have one shot at this.

The Angel let loose it's blast once more, the energy pushing her AT-field to its limit. The deck beneath began to buckle as the blast pushed her back, her field shattering at the last possible second. Quickly, she kicked the Sonic Glaive into the air with the tip of Unit-02's foot, grabbed it, then with all the strength available to her, launched it into the Angel's open mouth. Her timing was perfect and her aim was dead on as the Angel's core was pierced, the Sonic Glaive passing through the Angel and continuing to fly forth to parts unknown. The Angel's remains stayed aloft for a moment longer, before exploding in a shower of blood.

"To the last, I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee." Asuka quoted, glad to be rid of the whale-shaped bastard.

"Uh, what?" The Third uttered.

"Moby Dick idiot, a literary classic."

"Oh. S-sorry, I've never read it. Anyway, congratulations on your first Angel kill." Asuka froze as his words registered in her head. Her first Angel kill. Her first Angel kill. That's right, this was technically her first sortie, and she was victorious despite being ambushed and improperly equipped.

"The first of many Third. I'll be catching up to you in no time." She heard the fleet's crew erupt into cheers as she allowed herself to bask in the glory. This was a fantastic start to her piloting career.

"Your delivery, sir." Kaji placed the briefcase on the desk, getting saltwater and seaweed all over it. Gendo stared blankly at the soaking wet triple agent covered in seaweed and various ocean fauna.

"Agent Kaji, why are you tracking water all over my office?"

"Boat trouble, I had to swim for a bit after my boat sank. You wanted the package delivered to you as soon as it got here, so I didn't have time to dry off." Fuyutsuki had to hold back a snicker as he was watching this exchange.

"What, may I ask, caused this boat trouble?" Gendo really didn't care, but he would want to prevent something like this from happening again. Kaji suddenly became very interested in the walls.

"Oh, you know. Women." He stated curtly.

"Ah." Gendo could put the pieces together, dealing with an ex is never very pleasant. He politely decided not to push the matter. "As long as the package has arrived safely I suppose all is fine." Gendo grabbed the briefcase and opened it to check the contents.

"So this is it." Kaji idly brushed a crab off his shoulder.

"Indeed. This is Adam, the first human." The three of them stared at the fetus-like object encased in dura-Bakelite.

"So." Kaji began as he poured small fish out of his cigarette pack. "Is it supposed to look like it's screaming in fear?" Indeed, Adam appeared to be frozen mid-scream, eyes dilated in fear.

"I'm sure it's fine." Gendo assured, somewhat to himself. "Everything has been accounted for. Enjoy your new position at NERV, Special Investigator Ryoji Kaji."

"Glad to be aboard, now could you point me in the direction of the nearest laundromat and store that sells steel ankled boots?"

Asuka could only stare at what was before her. A tide of mini-mes retrieving their equipment from the harbor. Dozens, possibly hundreds walked past her shocked form. The tide of redheads (she even thought she saw a head of yellow or black, but she couldn't confirm that) paid her no mind as they went about their work. She felt a hand on her shoulder gently push her down, her backside meeting what felt like a folding chair. She turned to look at the Third, who was offering her a plastic box with food in it.

"It's a store-bought bento the Minisukas got for us, I'm sure you're probably hungry." She wordlessly took it and began to mechanically eat the food provided. Eventually, the food was all gone and the box was removed from her grasp and a bottle of water was pushed into her hand. She didn't drink it, she just stared at the red tide, trying to comprehend what was before her.

"Alright, everything's squared away for now, so let's-" Misato began before Asuka had enough and decided to get some answers.

"Misato! What!?" Asuka gestures to the mass of Minisukas. "How?! Why?! Explain!" Misato just shrugged.

"Dunno, they just appeared during the Third Angel attack, and they've been a big help ever since. Haven't you read the after-action reports?"

"They've all been redacted when I got them, they told me nothing. What do you mean you don't know? You aren't going to question the sudden and inexplicable appearance of an uncountable number of tiny mes?!"

"I'm sure Rits, the Commander, or somebody else would have said something if they were dangerous."

"That's- But- What about- Arrrrrrgh!" Asuka made wild motions trying to get her point across before giving up. "Do I at least have command over them, are they like my own personal army?" Asuka had a hopeful, and potentially dangerous, gleam in her eyes.

"Would you listen to a bigger version of yourself if they suddenly appeared out of nowhere and commanded you to do something?" Asuka opened her mouth before closing it again and taking a moment to think.

"No." Asuka spat out bitterly while pouting.

"There you go then. Let's get going. I'm pretty sure you guys could do with a long shower." Misato patted Asuka and Shinji, who had been slowly eating his bento (sneaking pieces to Leader and Shik) while watching the exchange, on the back.

"I could go for a shower." Asuka stated exhaustedly.

"Hey." Shinji piped up. "Where did Touji and Kensuke go?"

"Oh, that Touji kid fled the second we hit land. Kensuke's being debriefed by Section Two and instructed to be quiet about what he saw."

"Yeah, that makes sense." Shinji admitted. He was unsure as to what Touji was so afraid of during the trip, but he hoped he would get better soon.

The next day.

Gendo stared at the monoliths before him. Even Keel had forgone the holographic projector this time, that did not bode well.

"We have read the report and reviewed the footage." SEELE-09 began.

"To think, the Dead Sea Scrolls could be so wrong…." Although he didn't show it, Gendo was also surprised. The Dead Sea Scrolls, while not infallible, were usually fairly accurate. Especially in regards to the Lord of the Sea, who perhaps had the most complete documentation within the Scrolls.

"Indeed, while the Dead Sea Scrolls may be incomplete and sometimes illegible they have never been so misinformed about an event." SEELE-04 spoke.

"While the Angel encountered seemed partially based on the sixth, it possessed an appearance and abilities unknown to us, has an explanation been uncovered?" Gendo inquired, carefully making sure not to lay blame.

"I have discovered something that may be relevant." Keel spoke. "I studied an apocryphal text written by one of our now dead branch organizations during the Renaissance that spoke of a 'master of clockwork' that bore the name Raguel. While not an exact match it is eerily similar to what was seen."

"I see, did the text mention anything else?" SEELE-7 inquired.

"Not much besides mad ravings, but I am combing through any other texts available just in case this is not a one-time issue." There was a long pause as they appeared to be having a private conversation without him. Curious. "Ikari."

"Yes, Chairman?"

"How are your Evangelion manufacturing capabilities?" That legitimately caught Gendo off guard, but he quickly controlled his features.

"Could you clarify?"

"Could you produce a fully functional Eva Unit with what you possess in Tokyo-3?" They continued to catch him off guard with these questions. What were they thinking? He reviewed his knowledge of the production facilities he possessed within the Geofront proper. Quickly coming to a conclusion he answered.

"Nothing of that would be equal to a Production Model, at best it would be a Prototype Model with some issues ironed out and a few Production Mode improvements included." He was lowballing his capabilities, but not by much. If he were to create a wholly new Unit, some corners would have to be cut. "This is assuming I am forgoing using the same methods used to build Unit-01."

"You assume correctly Ikari. Consider this permission to begin construction on this new Unit, now dubbed Provisional Unit-05. Do you have a timeframe?" Gendo had to suppress a shudder, something was seriously wrong.

"Roughly four to six months minimum if nothing goes wrong. May I inquire as to why this decision has been made?" The old men were panicking about something, and he wanted to know what.

"Considering the Ishim and the sudden change in what is known about the Dead Sea Scrolls, we have seen fit to ensure our success against the Angels, a spare Eva Unit will help with that. We need to take steps like this and more to prevent…. unforeseen issues from affecting the Scenario. We have much to do Ikari, so we need to leave. You have your orders, stay vigilant." The monoliths flickered out of existence, leaving Gendo and Fuyutsuki alone once more.

"The old men are panicking. They would never allow this in anything but the direst of circumstances. Are they that worried about the inaccuracies of the Dead Sea Scrolls?" Fuyutsuki wondered aloud.

"No, something else must have happened, something independent of the Angels. Contact our agents and have them start digging, we need to stay on top of this. I will inform Akagi of her new responsibilities regarding the Provisional Unit-05."

"There's a storm brewing Rokubungi, I hope we are sturdy enough to weather it." Gendo said nothing, for as much as he hated to admit it he was thinking the same.

"So what has the investigation turned up?" Keel questioned.

"Unfortunately nothing. The three unfinished Eva-Series units have disappeared en route to our storage facility at Bethany Base, with no trace. It's almost as if they just walked away when nobody was looking." SEELE-03 explained.

"That should be impossible considering they had no legs and no souls in their cores!" SEELE-06 countered.

"So how do you explain nobody on the transport convoy seeing anything!"

"Gentlemen, we should stop questioning how they got away and investigate where they are now." SEELE-12 spoke up. "We need to recover them as soon as we can, in the wrong hands they could be the catalyst that ruins Complementation!"

"I can see it now, some Anti-NERV group will use them to invade the Geofront and reduce all our plans to ashes!" SEELE-05 anguished.

"Silence!" Keel shouted. "We'll start from the beginning. There must be some details we overlooked." He paused to let the others refocus their attention on him. "The convoy was a closely guarded secret, so whoever knew about it must be close." They all looked nervously at each other. "I do not suspect any of you, I know none of you would jeopardize Instrumentality. Whoever did this has the knowledge of where they were, knowledge of how to use them, and the ability…. to…. move…. them….. unseen." If Keel still had eyes they would have narrowed.

"Is everything alright Chairman?" SEELE-02 asked, suddenly very worried.

"I am fine, there is something I must check on now. Discuss amongst yourselves, I will return shortly." Keel grabbed his cane and left to go check on his 'guest'.

The door opened with a hiss, revealing an almost normal room containing a bed, a chair, a television set, a dresser, and an antique grand piano. Sitting at the piano was the subject of Keel's visit.

"Ah, Chairman, what do I owe the pleasure?" Tabris spoke merrily. Keel noticed that Tabris' hair had grown long enough to cover the entirety of his left eye. Odd.

"Tabris. Are you aware that three unfinished Eva-Series units have gone missing?"

"My word, that is curious. From what I understand, things that go missing have some sort of cosmic tendency to be between couch cushions or in a coat pocket, but I believe an Eva Unit would be far too big to be found there."

"Indeed. Would you perhaps know anything about that?"

"No. Why would you think that I would?"

"No reason, I just recall that nobody was able to find you during the exact time they went missing."

"I was well hidden, for I wanted silence to contemplate dogs."

"Dogs." Keel repeated dryly.

"Yes, they are magnificent creatures, aren't they? Petting one melts all your worries away. Not to mention their necks aren't as snappable as a cat's neck."

"Of course. I noticed you changed your hair."

"Yes, I have heard the 'emo style' is in fashion so I wished to try it out. How does it look? Do I appear to be a person that would brood in a mall shop?"

"Yes, and it's terrible. Part your hair please Tabris." Tabris did so, revealing an eyepatch. "Tabris, why are you wearing an eyepatch?"

"I wish to try piracy. I want to know what it is like to download a car." Keel pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Remove the eyepatch please." Tabris did so, revealing a closed eye. Keel was done with all these games. "Tabris, open your eye." Tabris opened his eye, revealing nothing out of the ordinary. Keel continued to stare at him.

"Is that all Chairman?"

"Yes Tabris, continue as you were." Keel left, grumbling something about kids under his breath.

Kaworu waited for the Chairman to leave before he stumbled to the bathroom, grabbing the sink to hold himself upright. He stared at his reflection in the mirror, noticing the umbral tendrils in his left eye, snaking towards his pupil. Suddenly his reflection smiled, independent of what he was doing, and spoke within him like nails against the chalkboard of his soul.

"Y̴o̴u̵r̸ ̸w̷o̵r̷k̸ ̷h̸a̷s̴ ̷b̴e̷e̶n̶ ̶s̵a̶t̷i̷s̴f̸a̸c̵t̷o̴r̵y̶,̶ ̸T̷a̷b̴r̶i̷s̵."

Chapter Text

The Philippines, shortly after the fight against the Sixth Angel

"So let me get this straight, you built a tourist attraction centered around a giant polearm, and forgot to budget for a giant polearm?!" The women shrieked incredulously.

"Yes." The man stated calmly.

"So it was all for nothing!? You spent so much of our savings on a failure! What, did you think a giant polearm would fall from the sky?!" Suddenly something impacted the ground nearby with enough force to knock both of them prone and kick up a massive wave of dust. They shakily got to their feet and stared at the center of the area as the dust settled. A familiar polearm, still dripping with the ichor of the Sixth Angel, sticking out of the ground.

"See?" The man gestures towards the Sonic Glaive. "It all worked out in the end." The woman opened her mouth, closed it, scowled at the man, then stomped off in a huff.

A few days later

Hikari Horaki scanned the room as she took a gulp of her Solaryens espresso, letting the caffeine flow through her body. She didn't like having to drink coffee, but dealing with Nozomi and three Minisukas on top of being a class representative means that she needed some kind of pick-me-up in the morning. If only the caffeine helped her figure out if it was the Minisukas or Kodama teaching Nozomi swears.

"Hmmmmmm." She heard Suzuhara breathe out in that masculine voice of his. He and Aida were watching something on Aida's computer. She swears, that if they're watching anything inappropriate before the new transfer student gets here, she'll give them quite a thrashing! She notes the three Minisukas are playing rock-paper-scissors on her desk for some reason, so she leaves them be and investigates what Suzuhara and Aida are doing. She walks up behind them, their attention so focused on the computer they didn't notice her approach. On the screen, there was a pink-haired girl in a tracksuit doing some kind of dance. The girl stopped dancing and Aida paused the video.

"So, what do you think, Touji?" Aida questioned.

"You were right Ken, she's rough 'round the edges but she's got potential." Suzuhara answered back, leaving Hikari very confused. What were they talking about?

"Right? While her form is that of a beginner she's got a subtle creativity to her choreography that leads me to believe she could be more. She also vlogs."

"Don't know 'bout the vlog thing but I'll be keepin' my eye on this 'K-Nami' girl fer now."

"You and half the class. She's a fairly popular streamer on UsVision you know?"

"Meanin' what, Ken?"

"Yeah, Aida." Suzuhara and Aida nearly jump a foot into the air when she announces her presence.

""Class Rep?!" They shout in unison.

"Indoor voices." She ordered calmly, before taking another sip of her espresso. "What are you two doing? Nothing inappropriate I hope."

"Not at all Class Rep!" Aida answers quickly. "We're just rating a dance video."

"Rating a dance video." She repeats incredulously.

"Yeah Class Rep." Suzuhara continues. "Ever since Ken got us stuck as some crazy one-eyed Yakuza's backup dancers-" What.

"It was an accident!" Aida laments.

"-we've been doing abuncha dance stuff like giving advice and actin' as judges and stuff."

"Yeah Class Rep, nothing weird going on here." Aida leaned back, accidentally hitting the next video button.

"What's up my little Laserlings, Ramy L. is here! You better watch out or I'll blast you with my death beam, of love~" Aida quickly closed the browser program.

"Recommended videos, huh? The algorithm is crazy." Aida fails to meet her or Suzuhara's eyes. Her mind, however, was still focused on something that was said earlier.

"Wait, what was that about a one-eyed Yakuza?"

"Don't worry about it." Aida deflects.

"I think it's something I probably should worry-" Aida interrupts her, however.

"Look Class Rep, instead of worrying about whether or not Suzuhara and I are considered honorary underlings of the Wild Wyvern of Tatsumi-" What. "-you should worry about things like why is Ayanami setting the blackboard eraser to fall on whoever opens the door next?" Aida's tone morphs from nonchalance to genuine confusion as she confirms that, yes, Rei Ayanami is setting up a prank.

Rei Ayanami is setting up a prank.

Rei Ayanami is setting up a prank.

Rei Ayanami is setting up a prank.

Hikari has to blink as her mind struggles to comprehend what she is seeing right now, but her instincts as a class representative pushed her toward the delinquent behavior.

"Ayanami?" Hikari began, half unsure what to say. "What are you doing?" At this point, everyone in the classroom was staring at Ayanami in unblinking shock.

"Vengeance." Ayanami stated in her usual monotone, though Hikari could almost swear she heard some small hint of emotion in her voice.

"Well, as the class representative I'm going to have to request that you stop before-" Unfortunately her reprimand was halted when Ayanami slapped a hand over her mouth.

"Shhh. The time of avengement draws nigh." Could she have worded that a little less ominously? Suddenly the door opens and the eraser falls down upon what looks like a Minisuka, covering them in chalk dust. Ayanami released her and looked, for a fraction of a microsecond, like she had a smug smirk, before turning around and going to sit at her desk.

As Ayanami sat down a loud sound, not unlike someone passing wind reverberated throughout the classroom. Silence reigned for a moment before Ayanami reached down and retrieved a whoopie cushion from her chair. Suddenly devilish laughter filled the air as a Minisuka dressed in a cloak, top hat, and monocle cackled from her perch upon an open windowsill, the figure at the door revealed to somehow be a cardboard cutout decoy. The cackling lasted until an unusually large swallow swooped down and grabbed her with its talons, carrying her while she let out a confused shriek.

The entire classroom was silent, all eyes were on Rei Ayanami who was glaring at the now empty windowsill with an aura of hate. She crushed the cushion in her grasp before blinking, pausing to blow air into it, then crushing it again until it popped.

"You may have won this battle, but I shall emerge victorious in the war." Ayanami stated, before returning to a familiar neutral position staring out the window. Hikari contemplated confronting Ayanami again, but decided better of it and returned to her desk, everything that happened in the past fifteen minutes mentally being filed away to deal with later. The Minisukas on her desk had devolved into a three-way grappling match. Hikari sighed as she finished her espresso, hopefully, the new transfer student would be less trouble.

Fuyutsuki stared at the bare torso of their newest Evangelion in construction, the dull core, empty of a soul until they decided on a candidate, being displayed as the centerpiece. A marvelous thing really, an Eva unit could survive even decapitation as long as the core was intact, although the same couldn't be said of the pilot.

"Sub-Commander." The exhausted voice of Doctor Akagi came from behind him. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?"

"Just marveling at the progress you've made in such a few short days." Akagi scoffed in response.

"It's just a spare torso from a Unit-00 batch, most of this new unit will be made of similar spare parts. Hell, we might not even have time for legs, I might just equip it with an experimental roller rig we have lying around. Not like we have the budget for much else."

"Rest assured I'm working on that. Did you know we can cut down our medical expenses by offering employees and their families health care from our medical facilities?" Akagi hummed in confusion at that.

"How so?"

"For instance, one of our engineering staff, a Mister Suzuhara, is using our current medical policy to subsidize his daughter's treatment through the local hospital at our partial expense. The hospital is using this to charge him and us through the nose in medical fees. If we were to just cut out the middleman and have his daughter treated here, it would be cheaper for us and our more advanced facilities would have her get better faster, improving Mister Suzuhara's morale." Akagi stared at him with wide eyes.

"That's…. Wow. That sounds like it would give us some breathing room in creating this new unit. How did you come to this conclusion if you don't mind me asking?"

"I got financial advice from a chicken with a business degree. Don't ask." He preemptively shot down her question, he didn't want to explain that rollercoaster of insanity without a few glasses of hard liquor in him. "Getting back on topic, despite your limitations I'm sure you'll create an excellent Eva unit."

"Compared to Yui Ikari and Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu my work might as well be a pale imitation." Akagi noted, bitterness dripping from her tone.

"Comparing your work to two of the three who revolutionized the field of metaphysical biology is folly Doctor Akagi, if all you see is the ever-distant summit other paths will be lost to you." He lectured, feeling his old lecturing muscles beginning to awaken. However, something else caught the Doctor's attention.

"Three? I'm familiar with Yui and Kyoko, but who's the third? The Commander?" He chuckled a bit at that.

"Heavens no. While the good Commander is quite well versed in metaphysical biology he is by no means comparable to Yui. His talents lay…. elsewhere. No, I'm talking about another of my students, Mary Iscariot."

"I'm….. unfamiliar."

"She didn't exactly get a chance to show her talents to the world. She…. disappeared during the events of Second Impact." He noted as a familiar despair ached in his chest.

"Disappeared? She was never confirmed dead?"

"No trace of what happened to her was ever found, but the Commander and I refuse to believe a near-apocalyptic global level disaster would ever put the whirlwind of chaos, Mary Iscariot, down." He even suspects she would survive Third Impact if given the chance.

"You and the Commander?" Oh dammit, he let too much slip, he was getting too talkative in his old age. Well in for a penny in for a pound as Mary would always say.

"Keep this to yourself, but Mary was one of the few people Gendo ever considered a friend. He and Yui would've made her Shinji's godmother if she didn't vanish."

"Huh, I can't see him of all people having friends." She noted with a tone he hadn't heard her use before.

"It was a different time. A better time. A time I wish never ended sometimes." A flash of a memory when he was dragged by a quartet of students to a New Years' party left a bittersweet taste in his mouth. "Well, I'll leave you to your work Doctor, and be sure to take a break sometimes, we can ill afford mistakes at this time." She grumbled something as she returned to her work. He returned to his office to do the same, letting memories of a happier time fill his head as he walked.

Asuka wrote her name upon the chalkboard in an elegant English cursive font, though halfway through she suspected it would probably be like alien runes to the normal Japanese junior high student. Well, Asuka Langley Soryu was no quitter, so she didn't stop. Her being spiteful at even having to go to junior high when she was already a college graduate had nothing to do with it, nope.

"I'm Asuka Langley Soryu, charmed huh?" She said as she turned to face the class. The first thing she noticed was the idiot Third with the duo of mini-mes hanging off him (note to self, investigate the reason for that later) and a dumb smile on his face. The small part of her mind that said his smile was cute was once again thrown back into the supermax prison specially made for it once the oubliette was proving ineffective. The second thing she noticed was the blue-haired girl, who from previous inquiries made to the Third could be identified as the First Child. The third thing she noticed was nearly everyone else staring at her in horror. She stared at the deathly silent class, wondering what was going on before some male student sprang to his feet.

"There's a big one now! It's an omen of the end times! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" He, along with several others, sprinted out of the classroom, screaming. Others appeared to have fainted at their desks. A girl with pigtails and an exhausted expression walked up to her.

"Hello Miss Soryu, I'm the class representative, Hikari Horaki. I apologize for the rudeness of our classmates." She bowed in apology, some sort of Japanese custom if Asuka had to guess. "I would explain things to you but unfortunately I now have to go round up the runaways. Take….. the seat over there next to Ikari, Takada lost his seat privileges when he ran out. Ask Ikari if you have any questions when I'm away." Asuka was about to say something in response when she noticed a trio of mini-mes handing the Horaki girl an actual net gun. She nodded at the mini-mes before stomping off, a menacing aura radiating off her body. Asuka blinks before wordlessly taking her seat next to the Third. She notices the teacher has not reacted in any way, shape, or form to the events that transpired.

"Hey Third?"

"Hmm? What's up Asuka?"

"Is…. this place always so weird?"

"What do you mean?" He asks with a confused look on his face. She'll take that as a yes.

"Nevermind." She could feel a headache beginning to form because of all this nonsense. The teacher starts to drone on about Second Impact despite the lack of students. Asuka quietly groans as she wonders what Kaji is doing.

"Guess who?"

"Kaji, get your hands away from my eyes, I have way too much work to do to entertain your shenanigans." Ritsuko ground out.

"Jeez, sorry. Just trying to say hello to an old friend." He gives her a disarming smile that she has long since grown immune to.

"Yes, hello. Now leave me to my-" Ritsuko blinks and stares at Kaji's feet in utter bewilderment. "Kaji, why are you wearing plate mail boots? And how were you able to sneak up on me without making a sound?"

"Protection and practice, in that order." He answered without missing a beat.

"You've had practice sneaking around in plate mail boots?" A roguish grin was his only response. "Well, no matter how much practice you've had it seems like it's not enough to avoid her." Ritsuko pointed to a very angry Misato pressed up against the laboratory glass. Kaji's smile only faltered for half a second when he spotted her. Misato burst into the room like an assassin seeking to avenge the death of their dog.

"You." Misato ground out. "Funny I didn't see you on the ship after Asuka beat the Angel."

"Oh, you know me Misato." Kaji quickly made multiple escape plans to save him from Misato's wrath. "I had so much to do, so much to see. So I had to split early to make a few appointments on time."

"Oh really?" Misato said with a venom that did not match her angelic smile. "Excuse me for a second, I have to make an announcement." Immediately warning bells blared in Kaji's head, but he didn't know why. Misato picked up Ritsuko's phone (Ritsuko had gone back to her work at this point, ignoring the lover's quarrel) and used her credentials to make a facility-wide announcement.

"Attention United Nations Special Inspector Ryoji Kaji, currently located within Ritsuko Akagi's office, your car, located in parking lot section 7-A, is slightly over the line. Please correct this at your earliest convenience." Misato returned the phone to the cradle and gave Kaji a smirk.

"Misato, what was that?" Kaji asked, a feeling of dread building within him.

"Oh nothing, I just thought I'd help you test out your new shoes." Before Kaji could question that, the door to the office opened.

"Anta Baka!" A Minisuka shouted, pointing at Kaji with her lance. Suddenly he knew exactly what Misato had done.

"I'd suggest running." Misato added helpfully. So he did, like an Olympic athlete, he sprinted past the first Minisuka, and down the hall. Quite quickly considering his footwear. Moments later a horde of Minisukas began chasing him, shouting out warcries demanding blood.

"Misato, stop directing unknown beings we can barely control to get back at your ex." Ritsuko chided.

"No."

The ring of the lunch bell was music to Asuka's ears. This teacher was the incarnation of boredom with his droning about Second Impact without pause. He didn't even notice when that Horaki girl dragged in a netted bundle of all the runaway students (something that gave her a few points of respect from Asuka). She was ready to sprint out of there when an errant tap on her shoulder distracted her.

"Um, Asuka?" The Third spoke up meekly. She glared at him, how dare he interrupt her freedom?! "The, uh, school food isn't really good, so I made you a boxed lunch. To make your first day a bit better." Oh. She took the box from the boy who refused to make eye contact with her. She eyed the box suspiciously.

"You didn't do anything weird, did you, Third?" She was suspicious. On one hand, homemade lunch would undoubtedly beat out whatever slop they served here. On the other hand, he was a boy, and boys would undoubtedly try and use underhanded means to get to her perfect body like the perverts they were.

"N-no! I would never!" He shouted with genuine indignation. Hmmm. Well, he didn't seem like a skeevy weirdo and he was a fellow pilot, so she'd give him the benefit of the doubt just this once.

"Fine, but it'd better be delicious!" She opened the box and was immediately hit with a mouthwatering smell. Schinkennudeln, bratwurst cut up like little octopuses, and a small apple strudel with a little drizzle of vanilla sauce. Gott in Himmel this was a perfect German dish. "Third, what the hell." She blurted out, her vocal functions not fully in her control.

"Oh, do you not like it? I-I made what Leader and Shiki usually like so I thought you might like it too. Sorry." Oh shit, if he gets the wrong idea she might never get another meal like this again! Quick Asuka, damage control!

"No, it's fine!" She blurted out a little too forcefully. "I mean, this is an acceptable dish. Undoubtedly much better than whatever garbage they serve here. In fact, I'm appointing you as in charge of my lunch from now on, to ensure I don't get sick from whatever food they'll make me eat here." Good, make it seem like he's earned the position. She pointedly ignored Leader's knowing smirk.

"Sure? If you want me to make you lunch from now on I'd be more than happy to. Maybe Ayanami would like one too?"

"Ayanami? The First Child?" The Third nodded in response. "Excellent idea Third! I've been meaning to talk to her! Come on, let's go!" She grabbed his wrist and dragged him over to the First's desk. "Hey First!"

"Pilot Soryu, how may I help you?" Jeez her red eyes were creepy.

"The Idiot here wants to offer his cooking skills to save your palette from this school's menu. And I want to offer my friendship!" The Third starts sputtering something, like the adorable idiot he is. Quickly the part of her mind that used 'adorable' as a descriptor for the Third was thrown back into the mental supermax where it belonged. The First just stared back.

"The food here has suffered budget cuts as of late, I see no reason to refuse if offered. But does friendship assist with vengeance?" What.

"Vengeance?" Asuka repeated in confusion.

"Ayanami has an obsession with vengeance towards one of the Minisukas. It's kind of concerning, she talks about it in very ominous terms." The Third whispers to her. Huh.

"Uh, possibly?" Asuka answers, unsure of how else to proceed in this conversation.

"Then I will accept your friendship offer as well. Let the heralds sound their trumpets at this dread occasion." Gott, he wasn't kidding.

"Great, let's eat!" Asuka really just wanted to eat right now, and possibly get some acetaminophen for her growing headache. Hopefully, things will get less weird over time. Although she had a feeling she was forgetting something…. Well, it probably wasn't important if she forgot about it.

Prankster hobbled down the mountain path using her lance as support. That large swallow was a tough bastard. Thankfully that weird mountain hermit with the extremely long sword and the purple hair and robes cut down that swallow in mid-flight, allowing her to escape. That, however, didn't solve the issue of getting back to civilization. She should probably take a break before she starts on the next leg of her journey back towards Tokyo-3. Suddenly a fox emerges from the brush and swiftly snatches her up in its mouth, hauling her off toward the unknown as she shrieks in frustration.

"Anta Baka!?"

Chapter Text

"Hey, Mayumi?" A voice to Mayumi's side spoke up shortly after the final bell rang. She turned to look at the individual, wondering who would actually speak with her of all people. Unfortunately, it was Nene Matsukaze.

"Oh, Miss Matsukaze, how may I help you?" Mayumi really didn't want to talk to this girl, she was weird and her other classmates might think she was a conversationalist if they saw her engaging in conversation. Mayumi absolutely did not want that.

"Did you hear? Apparently, there's a big version of the small ones that walk around here sometimes. Weird, huh?"

"What are you talking about?" Mayumi parsed the redhead's words and suddenly came to a conclusion that she hoped was wrong. "Wait, you mean the tiny redheads? There's a big one?" Nene nodded vigorously.

"Yeah! Sandy told me so!" She held out her teddy bear.

"No, I said to devour the flesh and souls of the innocent so you may join me as my Queen in the Demon World." The demon Sandyarlforq attempted to say, but his plush prison had no way to vocalize words, so he was unheard.

"Of course Sandy, we can get a bagel after school. What kind of cream cheese would you like?" Nene asked, misinterpreting everything.

"…..Cinnamon sugar cream cheese please." The demon-possessed teddy bear muttered indignantly, hoping his intent was picked up. Mayumi, however, had escaped to find confirmation of this sighting. And she did so, finding one Asuka Langley Soryu walking out the gate with one Shinji Ikari (along with Leader and Shiki of course).

"No….." Mayumi muttered in horror. "You!" She screamed pointing a finger at Shinji, who had jumped in shock at the sudden sound.

"Wha?!" He turned around and adopted an amateur fighting stance drilled into him by mandatory NERV self-defense courses, nearly tripping over himself and almost throwing off Leader and Shiki in the process. He blinked and relaxed his stance as he recognized the person screaming at him. "Oh, you're Yamagishi, right? How can I help you?"

"Friend of yours, Third?" Asuka inquired, eying the strange screaming girl critically. Why did she have a strange urge to strangle this girl? And why did she remind her of Shinji in a dress? Why did she have the sudden urge to put Shinji in a dress? Asuka made a mental note to revisit this thought process later.

"You lied!" Mayumi hissed, closing the distance between them with surprising speed. "You said I wouldn't transmorph into one of them!" Mayumi pointed to Leader and Shiki, who had stabilized their footing and had taken defensive positions, unsure of what was going on.

"You shouldn't-"

"Then how do you explain her?" Mayumi gestured to a thoroughly confused Asuka. "She's obviously transmorphing!"

"I….what?" To say Asuka was baffled would be an understatement. She really wanted to leave but she was also morbidly curious as to where this was going, so she decided to stay. She regretted this choice when Mayumi grabbed her hands.

"You poor thing! Who were you before your change? Were you a normal girl? Are they forcing you to read terrible fashion magazines?" Mayumi questioned rapidly, a manic look in her eyes.

"I…like fashion magazines?" Asuka answered, overwhelmed by this strange situation.

"Oh no! How far gone are you!? How long do I have myself!? Don't worry, I'll find a way to save the both of us!" Mayumi glared at Shinji. "Know this Ikari, I will stop you and your mini menaces from whatever vile plan you have!"

"What-"

"You won't ruin my normal and uninteresting life!" Mayumi sprinted away, leaving behind four very confused individuals.

"Third, what in Gott's name was that all about?"

"I'm….. not entirely sure?"

"Anta Baka?" Leader helpfully added. Shiki had returned to napping in Shinji's chest pocket.

"Hmmm." Asuka just chalked it up to Japan being weird but made a note to watch out for the crazy glasses girl in the future. "So Third," She began as she began walking again, Shinji idly following behind her. "Any reason why my mini-mes are hanging around you constantly?"

"Sorry, but I don't know. They just kinda appeared?" Shinji offered much to Asuka's annoyance.

"Seriously?" She looked Shinji up and down, analyzing him like a predator analyzing prey. She was worried he might be doing indecent things to the mini-mes, but she came to the conclusion that he was far too meek to do such a thing, and that if the Minisukas were anything like her (which they most certainly should be) they wouldn't stand for that and would give him a thrashing if he did.

"Well, don't worry, I'm here now! So I'll take them off your hands!" If the Leader one was really the leader of all the mini-mes, she should recognize that hanging around her would be far better than hanging around the Third Child. And she wanted Shiki's hat, preferably a bigger version.

Shiki glared at Asuka for a moment before clicking her tongue in disdain, proceeding to flip Asuka off. "Bakasuka." Suddenly silence enveloped the area, even the song of the ever-present cicadas ceased at this single utterance. Shinji was gawking in disbelief, Leader was suddenly pale and sweating, and Asuka resembled the physical manifestation of indignant fury made flesh.

"You wanna say that to me again you little shit?" Asuka had a deceptively calm tone despite looking like rage made manifest. Shiki took that as a challenge and stood up in Shinji's pocket, then used both hands to flip Asuka off.

"Bakasuka." Shiki's whisper sounded like a thermonuclear explosion to the two bystanders currently caught in the crossfire. Shinji glanced at Leader, hoping she had a way out of this. Leader, however, was making many motions to Shiki to stop! None were heeded, as the situation threatened to go critical. Thankfully an unlikely savior arrived in the nick of time.

"Hey, kiddo!" A slightly frazzled Kaji called out from within his slightly damaged car behind them. "Need a ride?"

"Kaji!" Asuka's body and personality did a complete one-eighty, bouncing over to the car, the imminent altercation completely forgotten. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh I was running some errands then I saw you two and thought you might need a lift." Kaji nervously glanced at his rearview mirror, as if something was chasing him.

"That would be fantastic! You're never home, and your stuff hasn't even arrived!" Asuka complained as she got into the car.

"Yes, well, lots of work to do." Kaji politely didn't mention he was actually living in a completely different complex, only saying he was putting her up at his place to distract her from tracking his actual apartment down. "What about you Shinji, need a ride?"

"….No thanks Mister Kaji, I think I'll walk." Shinji did not want to reignite the arms race between Shiki and Asuka, so he found it would be best to go their separate ways.

"Suit yourself. See you later Shinji." Kaji began driving away, but Asuka decided to get the last word in.

"I'm expecting more lunch tomorrow Third! Don't forget it or you'll get a thrashing!" Shinji waved goodbye as they drove off. Then a group of cats being ridden by Minisukas burst out of an alleyway and began chasing after the car.

"Huh." Shinji muttered as he watched the chase, before turning to Shiki. "Shiki, what the heck was that? Also, you could say four things this entire time?!"

"Anta Baka?!" Leader shared Shinji's feelings on the first part and chose to ignore the second for now.

"Baka." Shiki shrugged and returned to her nap. Leader sighed and gave Shinji a look that said 'I'll deal with this later'. He sighed as well and began his trek back home. One day he'll understand the Minisukas, but today is not that day.

Makoto Hyuga let out an exhausted sigh. Another day done, who knows how many more to go. It seemed like a good idea at the time, join NERV and get an extremely generous salary to help pay off his student loans and help save the world in the process. He wasn't expecting to be at the forefront of all the world-saving but he also wasn't expecting all the paperwork. Now with all his student loans gone in what colleges are now calling the 'Loanpocalypse' (apparently the MAGI were indiscriminate in their loan deletions), he was really not sure why he was staying. Then he remembered, Misato Katsuragi. Also, he suspected the NDA he signed made it so he couldn't quit.

"I'm home." He muttered as he entered his apartment, more out of habit. He didn't expect anyone to-

"Welcome back."

"Gyah!?" He nearly kept a foot in the air as he reached for his NERV standard issue self-defense sidearm (now with thirty-three percent fewer fatalities) before he recognized the individual who broke into his home. "Ayanami?! How many times have I told you not to break into my apartment?!"

"Forty-three." Ayanami answered with her usual uninterested tone. "I wish to consult you, my plan failed and I was unexpectedly counterpranked." Makoto sighed. Of course.

"Alright, just give me a minute. You want some tea?"

"Tea would be pleasant, thank you." Ayanami began sitting at the kitchen table while Makoto went to brew some tea. Soon enough they were both sitting at the table with a cup of tea in hand.

"I see…." He parsed the retelling of Ayanami's day in his mind. "Seems like this Prankster is a far more experienced foe than I gave her credit for."

"Is there a way to overcome her experience, Lieutenant Hyuga?"

"Planning. To quote Sun Tzu 'If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the results of a hundred battles'. This applies to pranking as well as war, to succeed against your rival you must understand her as well as you understand yourself." Ayanami blinked and her eyes focused on something beyond him.

"What if I do not understand myself, Lieutenant Hyuga?" Oh shit, this was something he was unprepared for.

"Well. Uh. You should try to understand yourself before anything else. But I don't think I could help with that."

"Then whom should I inquire about to understand myself?"

"A therapist?"

"NERV has lacked a therapist ever since the previous head therapist was arrested for illegally prescribing Methylphenidate to college students in Tokyo-2 who lacked requirements to be prescribed said drugs." Huh, that explains a lot actually.

"What about a therapist outside of NERV?" He offered.

"They would require UN clearance and permission from Commander Ikari, I do not believe there is anyone nearby who can fulfill that role." Right, she was a Pilot. There was probably a massive load of red tape they have to wade through to get something like this.

"Uh. I hear Amagi, one of the third shift bridge crew members, has a psychology degree and a license to practice as a therapist, maybe she can help you?"

"Hmmm. She is already employed under NERV so she is undoubtedly vetted, and she most likely has a sufficient level of clearance to communicate with the Pilots if she works as a bridge crew member." Ayanami nods to herself. "This will work. Thank you, Lieutenant Hyuga, you have given me much to contemplate. I must now go 'understand myself' so I may obtain vengeance." She finishes her tea and walks off, leaving Makoto alone once more.

"Sorry Amagi, hopefully, you can handle her." He downs the rest of his tea as well, before heading to the fridge to grab a beer. "I'll buy you a drink next time we're at the bar."

Later that evening.

Shiki stared at Shinji's sleeping form. As she usually did at night, after all, she was the one who chose this role. She felt the parasite in her left eye ache as Leader approached her from behind.

"What the hell was that?" Were Shiki more playful she would have responded with a question as to what Leader meant. She wasn't playful, not anymore. Not after what happened. She decided to finish this conversation before it dragged on, the both of them had better things to do.

"She pissed me off. With her attitude and her face."

"That face and attitude are your face and attitude, and well as mine."

"They were mine. I grew up."

"She's still you, what you once were."

"No, she's not." A flash of a memory, rows of tanks filled with doppelgängers, doomed to die. Would they have been different than her? Would they have made the same choices she did? The same mistakes? She shakes her head to chase away the unnecessary thoughts. "And even if she was, I'd still hate her like I hate myself when I was like that." A hand on her shoulder. She almost recoils at the touch, but she controls herself.

"I know, but don't let that interfere with what we have planned."

"Fat good all those plans are doing if even the Angels are doing the unexpected. Fucking combo Angel. What if he gets hurt because we can't prepare for what we don't know is coming!"

"No plan survives first contact Shiki. We adapt. We improvise. We overcome. We ensure his safety. He'll be fine as long as we're here."

"Hmph." The scent of blood fills the air, as her eye looks toward the apparition that haunts her every waking moment. "I hope you're right Leader. I don't want to see him hurt."

"None of us do, but we can't account for everything. So, you gonna continue to cause problems for Big Asuka?"

"No promises, but I'll try to reign it in. But if she starts something, I'll be the one to finish it." Leader sighs.

"That's the best I'm going to get. Alright, I've got a meeting to get to, I'll catch you later." Leader disappears into an air vent to plan as she and her cronies are wont to do. Shiki stands up and moves from her perch at the edge of Shinji's bed, moving towards his sleeping form.

"I'm not going to forgive you if you die on me, idiot." She mutters, placing her hand on his neck, the steady beat of his pulse settling her nerves. She didn't need to sleep, but she made a habit of napping in his chest pocket for this reason. His pulse, his heartbeat, she wanted to feel them whenever she could to make sure he was still there. Still alive.

"…." She could feel the apparition behind her, spectral blood dripping onto the futon below her. She grabbed Shinji's neck, feeling his pulse ring through her body.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, the words falling on deaf ears.

Kaworu once again found himself in front of the bathroom mirror, eye brimming with pain. His reflection once more started to move independently of him.

"T̵a̵b̵r̴i̵s̵,̵ ̷h̶a̵v̸e̵ ̸y̴o̸u̷ ̸a̶l̶r̷e̸a̶d̵y̷ ̶c̵o̴m̵p̵l̵e̸t̶e̸d̶ ̷y̸o̶u̶r̷ ̴n̵e̶w̶ ̴m̷i̵s̴s̶i̸o̴n̶?̴" It spoke to him once again like nails against a chalkboard mixed with the death knell of a civilization.

"I have." Kaworu ground out. "No thanks to your vague directions." His reflection shrugs at him.

"I̸t̷ ̴i̶s̷ ̵a̸l̸w̶a̷y̵s̵ ̷i̸n̸ ̴a̶ ̷d̸i̴f̵f̸e̷r̷e̵n̵t̴ ̷l̵o̵c̸a̶t̴i̸o̶n̷,̷ ̴b̵u̴t̸ ̵w̷i̷t̸h̶i̴n̶ ̸t̵h̷e̶ ̴s̷a̴m̵e̷ ̴g̵e̸n̸e̷r̴a̷l̵ ̵a̵r̶e̶a̷.̸ ̸I̵ ̸h̵a̷d̶ ̷n̵o̷ ̸d̵o̴u̸b̵t̸ ̸y̵o̷u̵ ̴w̴o̵u̵l̵d̸ ̸b̵e̶ ̷a̴b̸l̷e̴ ̶t̸o̵ ̷f̷i̴n̴d̴ ̴i̵t̷ ̴e̶a̸s̶i̴l̴y̸ ̸w̴i̷t̴h̵ ̷t̶h̸a̷t̵.̸"

"Yes, well, it wasn't easy! I had to ask around in a local village, and my Russian is rusty." Kaworu lets out a sigh. "And they kept talking about how the facility was haunted by a murderous wolf-skinned child possessed by a fallen angel that butchers people!" His reflection raised an eyebrow.

"W̸a̵s̴ ̴i̷t̷ ̶h̴a̵u̷n̶t̸e̴d̸?̶" It asked with genuine curiosity.

"No, it's just a very ominous location." His reflection was unamused.

"T̴a̷b̷r̵i̸s̷,̶ ̶y̷o̴u̶ ̵a̷r̵e̵ ̸a̴n̶ ̵a̶n̵g̷e̷l̴ ̸w̶i̴t̵h̸ ̴a̸n̸ ̵o̵r̷g̷a̸n̴ ̴t̶h̷a̸t̷ ̶g̴i̶v̶e̵s̸ ̷y̶o̵u̸ ̵n̵e̶a̶r̸ ̴l̴i̷m̶i̷t̸l̸e̴s̶s̴ ̵e̵n̶e̵r̶g̵y̵ ̷a̸n̸d̷ ̷y̴o̷u̷ ̴h̵a̸v̶e̶ ̷t̶h̴e̶ ̴a̴b̵i̷l̶i̸t̷y̴ ̴t̵o̸ ̶p̵r̸o̴j̷e̵c̴t̴ ̷y̷o̷u̷r̴ ̴s̶o̶u̶l̴ ̴i̵n̵ ̴b̶o̸t̷h̸ ̴a̷ ̵d̷e̴f̷e̶n̴s̶i̴v̴e̵ ̷a̷n̶d̸ ̵o̸f̴f̷e̸n̸s̷i̴v̶e̵ ̶m̴a̷n̵n̸e̵r̸.̴ ̶W̶h̵y̴ ̸a̶r̷e̶ ̵y̵o̸u̷ ̶a̸f̶r̶a̸i̷d̶ ̸o̷f̷ ̷a̵ ̴m̴y̴t̸h̶?̴"

"It's…. well….. when you put it like that I guess there isn't a reason to be afraid." Kaworu admits begrudgingly. "Anyway, what else do I have to do?"

"N̷o̴t̵h̶i̶n̷g̵ ̷f̷o̵r̶ ̶t̶h̸e̴ ̸t̵i̸m̵e̵ ̷b̴e̷i̷n̵g̸.̷ ̷T̶h̵e̷ ̵g̴r̸o̷u̶n̷d̴w̷o̸r̸k̵ ̵h̷a̸s̸ ̸b̵e̷e̴n̴ ̷l̵a̶i̵d̸,̷ ̴n̷o̸w̷ ̷I̵ ̴n̷e̸e̴d̶ ̸o̶n̵l̴y̴ ̶b̷u̵i̶l̴d̴ ̶u̷p̷o̸n̸ ̸i̷t̷.̷"

"And Shinji's safety is guaranteed?" The reflection scoffs at him.

"Y̸e̸s̷,̵ ̶I̷ ̸a̴m̵ ̴o̶f̷ ̴m̵y̷ ̶w̵o̵r̶d̵.̸ ̴I̸ ̶w̸i̸l̷l̶ ̴n̶o̶t̸ ̸i̶n̴t̷e̵n̴t̸i̸o̷n̸a̷l̸l̸y̶ ̶h̵a̴r̵m̵ ̵S̵h̴i̷n̴j̵i̸ ̵I̷k̴a̴r̴i̸ ̴a̴s̷ ̶l̷o̶n̵g̸ ̷a̸s̸ ̸y̸o̵u̴ ̴d̵r̵a̷w̴ ̴b̵r̴e̴a̵t̴h̴.̵"

"What about what you did to my sibling, will you repeat what you did with Gaghiel?"

"T̷h̴a̵t̴ ̵w̷a̷s̷ ̴n̸o̵t̶ ̵m̴y̶ ̸d̵o̴i̶n̷g̴.̴ ̵T̶h̵a̴t̵ ̴w̶a̷s̷…̵.̸.̵ ̵u̶n̶e̷x̸p̷e̷c̷t̵e̶d̷.̷ ̴P̷e̷r̶h̵a̶p̴s̴ ̴a̵ ̶s̶i̵d̴e̶ ̶e̸f̸f̸e̴c̸t̴ ̶o̴f̵ ̵t̴h̸e̵ ̸i̵n̵s̸t̷a̸b̵i̵l̶i̵t̸y̷ ̵o̵f̵ ̵t̸h̴i̶s̸ ̶c̸y̴c̵l̵e̴.̸" Kaworu's eyes narrow. There's that term again, cycle. What does it mean by that?

"One more thing before you go, if I may?" The reflection stares at him but makes no motion of refusal. "I was wondering if you had a name? If we are working together it would only be cordial to know each other's name." The reflection pursed it's mouth into a thin line, mulling about his words.

"A̵ ̸n̶a̸m̵e̸?̶ ̸I̴ ̵h̷a̷v̶e̴ ̶n̷e̸v̵e̵r̸ ̷p̸o̵s̶s̶e̸s̸s̶e̴d̵ ̴a̵ ̸n̵a̵m̴e̴ ̷b̸e̷f̸o̸r̵e̷.̶ ̷I̵ ̸h̶a̶v̶e̷ ̴h̴e̸a̸r̸d̷ ̷s̵o̶m̵e̶w̸h̴e̷r̷e̸ ̶t̴h̶a̶t̶ ̶g̷i̶v̶i̶n̴g̸ ̷s̷o̴m̴e̴t̴h̶i̵n̸g̸ ̷a̷ ̵n̴a̵m̸e̸ ̸i̸s̸ ̷t̷h̸e̴ ̴f̵i̴r̸s̵t̵ ̷s̸t̵e̴p̶ ̴i̸n̷ ̵k̸i̸l̷l̴i̵n̶g̵ ̷i̶t̷.̵" Kaworu's eyes widened in shock, would it see his request as an act of rebellion? "F̵o̷r̵ ̶l̸a̸c̷k̴ ̸o̷f̴ ̵a̸n̷y̶t̸h̸i̶n̸g̸ ̷e̵l̴s̵e̷ ̴t̵o̴ ̷c̷a̵l̷l̷ ̸m̵y̸s̵e̵l̸f̷,̷ ̸y̵o̷u̷ ̴m̸a̵y̵ ̴r̶e̷f̵e̸r̵ ̸t̶o̷ ̶m̶e̷ ̸a̴s̸ ̶E̶n̵i̵g̸m̵a̷.̶"

"But you just said-"

"I̷ ̸k̸n̸o̵w̶ ̸w̷h̶a̸t̴ ̷I̵ ̷s̴a̵i̴d̴.̶" The newly dubbed Enigma cut him off. "I̸f̸ ̷y̶o̸u̴ ̷f̸e̸e̶l̷ ̶y̵o̴u̶ ̴c̸a̴n̸ ̶k̷i̵l̸l̵ ̶m̵e̴,̶ ̷y̷o̴u̷ ̸a̷r̵e̵ ̴w̷e̷l̸c̴o̷m̶e̷ ̶t̷o̷ ̵t̴r̶y̶.̵ ̸N̷o̴w̵ ̴I̵ ̴m̸u̴s̷t̷ ̷g̸o̷,̴ ̵t̵h̴e̶r̸e̴ ̴i̸s̴ ̴m̶u̷c̸h̴ ̸I̸ ̷m̵u̵s̵t̶ ̸d̴o̵ ̸T̶a̷b̵r̸i̶s̵.̶" Kaworu's reflection returned to mirroring him, leaving him alone once more.

"Patience." He whispered to himself. "I will see Shinji soon enough, and all will be well." Kaworu exited the bathroom and flopped onto his bed, clinging to the thoughts of that beautiful soul like a drowning man clinging to a piece of driftwood.

Gendo Ikari sat at his desk, reading the various Section 2 reports on the Pilots, focusing on Rei and Shinji in particular. Rei's behavior, while odd, was not in and of itself concerning. He has determined that Rei's loyalty is still sound despite her strange obsession with vengeance. Then there was Shinji. Many would claim that Gendo does not care about Shinji. This is false, there is a part of Gendo that absolutely cares about Shinji. This part however has been beaten and thrown into a dark prison within his mind so as not to interfere with his plans. Even with that, he could never hate him, Shinji was proof of his and Yui's love.

"Slight altercation with the daughter of a UN diplomat?" Gendo grimaced slightly more than usual. He hoped Shinji would take more after Yui and not him, or else Yui would be cross with him when she returned and saw Shinji getting into fights. He closed the file, deciding it was time for a break. He opened his desk drawer, revealing a bottle of scotch and an old cell phone, Yui's. He always kept it close at hand, hoping to give it back to her when she returned, but she would probably just get the newest model when that happened. He poured a finger's worth into a glass and began nursing it. He turned his chair around and gazed out into the Geofront.

"Yui, would you approve of what I've done to get you back? Would you have done the same to get me back if I was devoured by that beast?" He received no response. Well, except for the constant screaming that is.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

It seemed like a good idea at the time. Graft Adam onto his hand in preparation for Complementation. It was going well too until the grafting was complete, and the unceasing screaming started.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The fact that only he could hear it was just icing on the cake. He hated the constant noise that was like driving an ice pick through his temple, giving him a migraine to end all migraines.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

His alcohol intake has increased dramatically, and he's not sure his liver would survive until Complementation. But it's the only way to dull the scream.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

But Gendo will persevere. He has already done so much to ensure his success, what's a little screaming to bring his beloved back?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"I wonder how hard it would be to get access to hallucinogenic drugs?" Gendo wondered aloud, before deciding to forgo a glass and drink straight from the bottle. No matter what, his scenario would not be impeded.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

No matter what.

Chapter Text

"-And so Second Impact is directly responsible for the shattering of mainland China into multiple successor states, including the Second Taiping Heavenly Kingdom, the Hong Kong Free State, and many others."

A notification from his computer brought Shinji out of his musings.

ALSoryu: Hey Third, I thought this was supposed to be a Math class, why is this old windbag talking about the geopolitical climate of China after 2I

It took her a while to notice that. Perhaps she tuned him out from the beginning and only now just noticed.

SIkari: Apparently he does not talk about anything aside from Second Impact. Aida once told me that he thinks the teacher is stuck in some kind of mental loop. I am not sure if that is true or not, but I have not seen evidence to the contrary.

ALSoryu: Jeez Third your typing is way too formal. Anyway, when do we have a teacher that isn't this weirdo?

SIkari: Miss Nachi for Science after lunch.

ALSoryu: Ugh, that's way too long. I wish an Angel would attack and save me from this hell.

Suddenly three phones rang in unison, then an Angel alarm rang out.

"Ha!" Asuka shouted triumphantly. "Score!" Shinji sighed, it was going to be a long day.

"Alright Shinji, Asuka, Rei. The Angel will be making landfall shortly after you arrive, so we won't know what to expect. Asuka, keep it engaged with melee combat. Rei, stay behind and hit it with ranged fire. Shinji, support Asuka but fall back to help Rei if needed. Got it?" A trio of affirmatives rang out in response, music to Misato's ears. "Alright, let's see what this one has in store for us."

"I suspect it will be unexpected and frustrating." Ritsuko muttered. "Also that the gremlins will show up and be a nuisance."

"Hey! Don't talk about the mini-mes like that! They're me, therefore they're awesome. Except for the one with the eyepatch, she's a little shit." One could almost hear Shiki flipping Asuka the bird. Ritsuko apparently decided to ignore all of this and return to her tablet.

"T-Minus sixty seconds!" Maya called out.

"You heard her! Let's get this show on the road!"

"Shiki." Leader chided.

"What? I didn't start it." Leader sighed indignantly.

"Whatever. Let's worry about Israfel now."

"Is everything going to be okay with the Ayanami-type here?"

"The what type? You mean Wondergirl?" Leader made a mental note to question that later. "We should be fine, perfect synchronization is required to beat both Israfels."

"I see." The Angel appeared from the waves, approaching the trio of Eva units. "Hey, Leader. There are two Israfel halves right?"

"Right."

"Meaning the core would be split in two, right?"

"Also correct."

"Then what does that one having a core with five sections mean?"

"….Scheiße."

"Leader, what does it mean?"

"It means-" Unit-02 charges the Angel and cuts it in half. "-hold onto something because this is gonna be a bumpy ride."

Alright guys, let's show the Lilim what teamwork looks like!

Israfel's two bisected halves separate into five different colored blobs that quickly take shape.

Israfel Red! The red blob morphs into a smaller Israfel that has it's 'arms' in a cross shape.

Israfel Blue! The blue blob morphs into a smaller Israfel with one 'hand' in front of it's 'face' and one to it's side.

Israfel Black! The black blob morphs into a smaller Israfel that points one 'finger' forward.

Israfel Yellow! The yellow blob morphs into a smaller Israfel that puts one 'hand' on it's 'chin' and another on the opposite 'hip'.

Israfel Pink! The pink blob morphs into a small Israfel that crosses both 'arms' above it's 'head'.

Together we are THE ISRAFEL RANGERS! An unexplained explosion erupts behind them.

The NERV command center was dead silent after this spectacle. Not a word was spoken as jaws were collectively on the floor.

"Oh shit." Aoba managed to collect his thoughts first. "They're a super sentai team."

Shortly after the newly dubbed 'Angel Sentai Skirmish (name pending)'

"Well." Fuyutsuki gazed upon the trio of pilots, who were mostly fine, save for Shinji who was holding an ice pack to his head. "I would ask what you did wrong, but I can't exactly blame you for being unprepared for a sudden multiplication of enemy forces." Asuka groans.

"Fucking bullshit is what it is. What the hell were you two doing?!" Asuka shouted at her teammates.

"I was being suplexed into the ground." Rei stated, her normally dull tone laced with annoyance.

"One of them stole my hammer and kept hitting me over the head with it. Ow." Leader patted Shinji on the neck reassuringly, while Shiki just glared at Asuka.

"Oh buzz off you little shit, where were the rest of the mini-mes in that fight anyway?!"

"Anta Baka?" Leader inquired while displaying one finger. She unfurled another and then gave a so-so gesture. She unfurled all five fingers and gave a look that said 'how do I deal with five enemies suddenly appearing?'

"As much as I hate to agree with the gremlins, I doubt anyone would have planned for the enemy to suddenly split into a team of five coordinated fighters. As it is, the N2 strike has disabled the Angel for about a week, so we have time to prepare." Doctor Akagi added, not looking up from the stream of data being fed to her tablet. "Additionally, initial MAGI reports indicate that damage not done simultaneously would quickly heal. So we need to figure out a way around that."

"There you have it." Fuyutsuki glanced at Misato. "I believe you have your work cut out for you Captain Katsuragi." Misato pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Right. May I ask where the Commander is Sub-Commander?"

"He is…."

Meanwhile in Tokyo-2

Gendo idly scratched at his face mask as the car approached him in the alleyway. This was not something he ever wanted to do again but he didn't trust anyone else to do this for him. A lanky man who was the definition of skeevy exited the car along with a large man, foreign muscle most likely.

"Hey there tall, dark, and mysterious. Heard you was looking for a wild ride." Skeevy spoke with what the man most likely thought was a menacing tone.

"If you have the ride I'm looking for, I've got the green to show you what I mean." Gendo recited the code phrase. He really hated this, but he needed something to deal with his-

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

-Problem.

"Righto my man. Whatchu lookin' for? Round the World? Switcharoo? Mindsploder?"

"All of it."

"A risk taker I see! One'O each it is."

"You misunderstand. When I say all of it, I mean I will purchase everything you currently have on you right now." Skeevy looks surprised but quickly collects himself.

"My man, I don't think ya understand. That would require quite a lot a green-"

"Then you'll have it." Gendo opens a briefcase filled with banknotes, all sourced from one of his private businesses he knows the old men are aware of. They have undoubtedly infiltrated the business, meaning all these bills are marked. By releasing them out into the wild like this the old men will be chasing false leads for months—two birds with one stone.

"Daaaaamn. Aight, I gotchu. I can tell this gon be a beautiful relationship." Gendo couldn't help but agree.

"…..attending to matters elsewhere. I will be in charge for the time being. Now I have a large amount of paperwork to do, you are all dismissed. Keep me apprised of any developments." He moved to exit but stopped to look at Leader and Shiki. "Oh, Leader and Shiki, was it? I would appreciate it if you would keep us in the loop about your plans as well." He left without waiting for a response.

"Alright." Misato ground out. "You kids head back home and get some rest. I need to get some coffee in me." Shinji groaned, Asuka muttered something potentially unflattering, and Rei nodded silently, leaving the Captain to her thoughts as she went to her office.

"Psst, Katsuragi. Over here."

"Gyah!" Misato drew her sidearm with frightening swiftness, aiming it at the intruder. She lowered it after seeing who it was. "Oh, Kaji." There he was, Ryoji Kaji, her ex. Currently hiding in a potted plant. "What are you doing? And where did that potted plant come from?"

"Good questions, but instead of answering them, how about I give you an answer for your Angel problem?" Misato's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"What's the catch?"

"I need two favors."

"What are they?" Misato had a bad feeling about this.

"One, I need you to house Asuka. She's getting suspicious that I might not actually live in the apartment I put her up in and I don't feel comfortable having to ward off her advances if she finds out where I actually live." Misato winced.

"Yeah, that's reasonable. The second?"

"Do you have a way to ward off those Minisukas?"

"No."

"Crap. Then, dinner?" Misato eyed her pistol, before sighing.

"Fine, but you're buying. And it better be a decent place!"

"Deal. Now, here's my plan….."

The next day

"I hope Asuka is okay, she didn't come to school today." Shinji exposited aloud.

"Anta Baka?" Leader questioned, wondering why Shinji chose now of all times to say that.

"It's just that I made this lunch for her so she would feel better, and now she won't get to eat it…" Shinji muttered. He blinked as he thought he saw a spider-shaped cloud in the sky, but it proved to once again be a cloudless summer day.

"Baka." Shiki growled from her position in Shinji's pocket.

"Shiki, please don't antagonize Asuka, I don't want either of you to get hurt." He blinked as he recognized a moving truck in front of his apartment complex. "Who's moving in? Is that girl Mister Aoba was talking about getting here early?" Shinji liked Mister Aoba, they discussed music whenever they met each other around the complex. He would have to introduce himself to the girl later. As he approached the apartment he noticed the movers were entering Misato's apartment. They made no notice of him as he entered and found stacks of boxes.

"Did Misato bring some stuff out of storage?" He opened one of them and found a bunch of dresses.

"Hey!" A familiar voice shouted out. "Get the hell away from my stuff before I get my crowbar!" Shinji turned to see Asuka standing before him.

"Asuka!? What are you doing here?"

"You're being-"

"Oh, here's your lunch by the way." Shinji offered her the lunch box. "It's schnitzel." Her face brightened.

"Oh, thanks Third! I'm starving!" She greedily grabbed the box, making to open it before stopping herself. "Hey! Don't distract me with delicious food!"

"You think my food is delicious?" Shinji asked with a hopeful expression. Asuka's face quickly matched her hair.

"S-Shut up! You're being replaced! Misato is trading in for the newer model. Being as magnanimous as I am, I already packed your stuff." Asuka winced when Shinji's hopeful expression shattered into something that resembled a kicked puppy.

"O-oh. Of course. I guess I'll go then….." For once in her life, Asuka felt a little bad about being so abrasive. The glare Leader and Shiki gave her didn't help.

"What's going on here?"

""Gyah!"" Shinji and Asuka nearly jumped a foot in the air at Misato's sudden and inexplicable appearance, almost throwing Leader and Shiki off Shinji's shoulders.

"Gott Misato, don't do that! You nearly gave me a heart attack! Anyway, I was informing Third that you were kicking him out and I'm moving in." Misato stared at Asuka in plain confusion.

"But I'm not? You're living here with the both of us now."

"What!? You… you expect me to live under the same roof as a pervert like him?"

"I'm not a pervert!" Shinji shouted indignantly. He, however, was ignored.

"Tough, because we need you together for training!"

""Training?"" Shinji and Asuka questioned in unison, earning a smile from Misato.

"Glad to see you're already on the same page! That's right, sync training! We're going to need to be perfectly synchronized to defeat the Angel. Now, we just need to wait for Rei to get here."

"I am already here."

"""Gyah!""" Shinji, Asuka, and Misato nearly jumped a foot into the air at Rei's sudden and inexplicable appearance, this time however Leader and Shiki had hunkered down in Shinji's shirt pocket, ensuring their footing.

"Gott First don't…. I suddenly have deja vu."

"Rei, glad you got here so quickly." Misato quickly recovered. "Now we can get down to the nitty-gritty of this training. Now pay attention! You guys are going to be training to be perfectly in sync. That means dancing together, eating together, breathing together, sleeping together but not in that way Asuka shut your mouth I'm not done yet." Asuka clamped her mouth shut with a scowl. "Basically anything that doesn't involve the more private uses of a bathroom you'll be doing together. Any questions? Yes, Asuka?"

"I hate this plan."

"Not a question. Also too bad, you're doing it." Asuka muttered some choice German words that would make a sailor blush. "Yes, Shinji?"

"Yeah, uh, there are three of us and five…. sub-angels? What about the other two?"

"Anta Baka." Leader stated proudly, Shiki giving her a blank stare.

"There you go Shinji, the Minisukas have us covered. Now enough talk, get into these leotards, and start dancing!"

"I really hate this plan." Asuka growled as she attempted to incinerate the leotard with her mind.

Later

The obnoxiously loud sound of the buzzer rang out once more.

"Argggghhhh! Come on Third, it's pivot step step pivot spin step jump pivot step, not pivot step step pivot spin step jump pivot jump! How hard is it to memorize that?! Even First is managing that!"

"I like to believe my memory is like an elephant's, they never forget. They also never forgive." Rei provided ominously.

"See! Be more like an elephant, Third! Wait, that sounded weird…" Shinji panted as he tried to catch his breath, managing to give Asuka an indignant glare.

"Alright, that's enough." Misato called out as she glanced at the clock. "It's getting late so we should wrap up for the day. You three did well for your first session, if you keep this up you'll be kicking that Angel's ass in no time."

"I do not believe the Angel possesses a gluteus Captain Katsuragi."

"Figure of speech First, now get started on dinner Third."

"Nice try Asuka, but all three of you will be making dinner together. Remember, everything together." Asuka groaned, hoping Misato would've forgotten that.

"I would like to state I do not eat meat, so I would like a portion of the food to be free of such."

"Alright Ayanami, we can do that. Come on Asuka, cooking isn't that hard once you get the hang of it." Shinji tried reassuring Asuka, somewhat(?) successfully.

"Oh, you think I can't do it Third?" Asuka retorted with a glare.

"That's not what I-" He tried to defuse but the bomb known as Asuka Langley Soryu was already detonating.

"Well I'll show you, I'll be the best damn cook ever! So good that whatever I make will knock your gottdamn socks off!"

"Oh, well, uh, I'm looking forward to it?"

"You damn well better!" Asuka huffed as she made her way to the kitchen, leaving behind a grinning Misato and a confused Rei.

"But none of us are wearing socks?" Rei's confusion remained as she went to go assist her fellow pilots. Watching from atop the refrigerator Leader held out her hand to Shiki with a smug grin, Shiki grumbled as she slapped a wad of tiny yen bills into Leader's outstretched hand.

Hikari stared at Touji and Kensuke, and they stared back. The three Minisukas on Hikari's shoulders stared at the two as well, before dismissing them as unimportant and returning to whatever they were discussing, making Touji let out a sigh of release.

"So, Class Rep, what are you doing here?" Aida spoke up, wanting to break the awkward atmosphere.

"Delivering Asuka her missed work since she hasn't been at school for a few days. What are you two doing here?"

"Same, but with Ikari. So the Red Devil lives here too." Touji suppresses a shudder. "Geez, Ikari must have it rough."

"Perhaps all the pilots live here?" Kensuke provided. "Keeping them all in one place makes them easier to protect." Touji and Hikari nodded in understanding, Kensuke's reasoning seeming plausible. It's as they all got on the elevator and arrived at the same floor that they guessed that all the pilot rooms were on the same floor. However, when they all stopped in front of the same door was when they started getting suspicious.

"Ya don't think….." Touji fought back a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach.

"Surely they're not….." Hikari felt a surge of unease as she hoped what she thought was going on wasn't actually going on.

"Of course…." Kensuke, however, accepted that whatever was happening was going to be nonsensical or unbelievable. He knocked on the door, looking to get this over with. What he was not expecting was the trio of pilots to open the door and answer them in unison.

"""Suzuhara/Monkey, Aida/Glasses, Hikari/Class Rep/Horaki what are you doing here?""" Well, almost in unison. Kensuke kept a grip on Touji's shoulder to prevent him from running away, he wasn't going to suffer whatever this was alone.

"You…" Hikari's face was tomato red and her eyes were wide. "You three are living in sin!"

""It's not like that!""

"Which sin?" Rei would once again be left unanswered.

"So lemme get this straight… yer gonna defeat a giant monster through synchronized dancing?"

"Yep." Misato sipped her beer as she eyed the practicing pilots.

"Oh. That makes sense."

"Yeah, I thought it was going to be something weird." Kensuke was browsing through the dance choreography with interest.

"Suzuhara, Aida, I feel you two have a skewed definition of what is weird or not." Hikari had semi-willingly become Pen-Pen's chair as he watched the dance routine, idly petting the penguin's crest. She was unwilling to question why the penguin was drinking beer.

"Whaddaya mean Class Rep?" Touji would not receive an answer as a loud buzzer once again rang out through the apartment, shortly followed by a loud German swear.

"Come on Idiot, pivot step step jump pivot step! Get it right!"

"I'm pretty sure it was pivot step step jump step pivot though?"

"I believe Pilot Ikari is right."

"They're right, it's pivot step, not step pivot." Kensuke provided as he pointed it out in the choreography. Asuka, frustrated from days of this nonsense, took exception to that.

"Oh, commentary from the peanut gallery now?!"

"Just trying to help." Kensuke stated blankly.

"Help?! I'm a gottdamn Evangelion Pilot, I've been training for shit like this for years! I don't need your help! I'd like to see you do this and succeed!" Kensuke's eyes hardened at that.

"Is that a challenge?"

"Try me Glasses, I dare you."

"Alright, Touji?"

"Right behind ya Ken." The both of them got up and approached the dance machines. Asuka scoffed and backed away, glaring at the duo. Shinji and Rei followed suit.

"Alright, queue the music!" In one swift motion, Kensuke and Touji ripped off their school clothes, revealing flashy white clothes reminiscent of male idol outfits underneath. What followed was a four-minute-long dance routine to a song about Cinderella, Kensuke and Touji being completely in sync throughout it.

"Well." Touji wiped the sweat off his brow. "How was dat Red Devil?" Asuka was speechless, as was everyone else in the room. Everyone from Misato to the Minisukas was staring at them, mouths agape in shock. After what seemed like an eternity of tense silence Asuka wordlessly stood up and left the apartment. A few minutes after Shinji collected his jaw and hurried after her, Leader and Shiki scrambling after him.

"Well." A voice spoke after a moment of silence. "I thought you guys did great!" The eyepatched man in the kitchen trash can complimented. Everyone yelped in surprise at the sudden appearance of the intruder, except for Rei who assumed hostility, and assaulted him with a kitchen chair.

Tracking down the irate redhead was not difficult, Shinji only needed to follow the trail of destruction and offended people to an average convenience store, where she had nestled herself in a corner of the drink section.

"Hey Asuka, are you alright?" Shinji inquired, not entirely sure how to deal with this situation.

"Do I look alright Third?!" She snapped at him, before letting out a frustrated sigh. "Not only was I screwing up constantly for the past few hours I got shown up by those two Stooges."

"I still can't believe that happened." He muttered in disbelief.

"You might as well replace me with the mini-mes, they're already dealing with two sub-angels, why not a third?" He gulped and prepared to take the plunge into unknown waters. He sat down next to her and looked her in the eyes, she returned his stare with a flat look.

"Asuka, you're an expert Eva pilot, right?" He tried.

"You're damn right I am. I've trained for around ten years to be one."

"It, uh, shows. I only have a few months of training but even I can tell piloting an Eva is second nature to you-"

"Hold up." She interrupted him. "What do you mean 'a few months of training'? What, did they get you out of basic right before the Third Angel attacked?" She looked at him with incredulity.

"No."

"Well what-"

"I arrived in the middle of the Third Angel's attack and my father told me to pilot or he'd have Ayanami, who was severely injured, do it." She looked at him with an expression she couldn't place. He really hoped he didn't anger her further.

"So let me get this straight, your father forced you to pilot a giant robot against an alien monster with no training by basically holding the First's life hostage?"

"Yes?" Oh no, she was getting that angry tone in her voice.

"Gott and I thought my dad was terrible." He may not be good at this whole social thing yet, but even he could see the landmine she just dropped. He was not going to be the one to step on it. "So, you managed to beat the Angel without any training?"

"No, I tripped and fell. Then the Angel beat me up, then the Minisukas appeared and killed it." She stared at him blankly before erupting into a fit of giggles.

"Wow Third, you suck." Despite the harsh words he could tell there wasn't any bite behind them. He giggled along with her. "So were you trying to make a point?" Oh, right.

"Well, I was going to say you're being too hard on yourself, and I wanted to ask you for some help with all the Eva stuff but I think I kinda ruined the mood." He looked away, blushing.

"Yeah, you kinda did." She slapped him on the shoulder. "But you're kinda right, even if you did go about it in the stupidest way. This whole training thing has been grinding on my nerves, and your stupidity did help me with that so I agree." He turned back to her, confused.

"Agree?"

"Yeah, I'll help you with your Eva training Idiot. If NERV is too incompetent to give you timely training it seems like I have to take it upon myself to guide you." She stood up and puffed out her chest. "With my help, you'll be the second-best Eva pilot the world has ever seen!"

"Oh, thanks!" He stood up as well, dusting himself off. "We should head back then."

"In a bit, I'm parched and it looks like they have the soda I like here. Spot me, Idiot?"

"Uh, I don't exactly have any pockets on this thing…" He gestures to his leotard. "And I didn't exactly expect to be buying anything."

"Fair." She grumbled.

"Baka?" Leader and Shiki approached them, dragging a bag filled with drinks.

"Thanks, Leader, Shiki!" He grabbed the bag from them and held it open for Asuka to take her pick. She grabbed a strawberry soda while staring at Leader and Shiki as they climbed back on his shoulders.

"Where… how did they pay for it?" Unfortunately, Asuka's question would remain unanswered.

The four of them returned to the apartment to find their classmates had left and most of the kitchen furniture was broken.

"Oh hey." A frazzled Misato greeted nonchalantly. "Get all of that out of your system?"

"Yeah…." Asuka stared at the remnants of the kitchen table. "What happened here?"

"Self-defense." Rei instantly provided. "You cannot prove otherwise."

"What Rei means to say is….. uh… you guys ready to get back to training?" Misato tried to redirect the topic. Shinji, Asuka, Leader, and Shiki glanced at each other and decided it was best to let sleeping dogs lay.

""Sure."" Asuka and Shinji provided in unison, surprising each other.

"Oh, Captain Katsuragi. I must inform you that I am required for a medical appointment tomorrow and I will be unable to be a part of the last portion of our training."

"Yeah, I heard from Rits. I'm also stuck at base tomorrow as well. Will you two be okay by yourselves tomorrow?" Asuka glanced at Shinji and huffed.

"We'll be fine, right Idiot?"

"Of course Asuka." Misato had a knowing smirk but surprisingly didn't say anything else.

"Alright, then let's continue training!"

The next evening

"Do we really have to hide away like this?" Shiki asked Leader as they watched Shinji and Asuka finish up for the day.

"Trust me, the less outside interference the better. We've given them the tools, they just need to use them."

"What if they don't?"

"We'll burn that bridge when we come to it."

"Don't you mean 'cross'?"

"I know what I said."

"I suddenly have a bad feeling about this."

"Alright, listen here Idiot, I'm using this opportunity to get some sleep alone."

"Okay?" Shinji wasn't sure why she was announcing it like this but he was making sure to listen. Asuka entered Misato's room and stood at the door.

"This-" She pointed to the sliding door. "-is the impenetrable Wall of Jericho! No entry!" She slammed the door shut. He blinked, where had he heard of that before? He sat on the futon for a few moments wracking his brain for the information he was seeking. Suddenly it hit him like a runaway truck designed to send him to a parallel world. He got up and approached the door.

"Asuka?" He knocked gently, hoping he wouldn't anger her by interrupting her sleep.

"What is it, Shinji?" Did she just use his name instead of calling him Idiot or Third? She must be really tired.

"You said the Walls of Jericho, right?"

"Mmmhmmm." Why did her tone sound almost hopeful?

"Uh, didn't they fall?"

"Yes."

"Then, why would you say they're impenetrable?" Suddenly he heard the motion on the other side of the door (and what sounded like a distant groan along with a hand meeting a face) as it opened to reveal Asuka, giving him the flattest stare he had ever seen.

"Third. What do you think I was talking about when I call the door the Walls of Jericho?"

"I, uh, was trying to figure that out by asking you?" Asuka pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a deep, frustrated, sigh.

"Idiot. Alright, I've changed my mind, I'm sleeping out here again." He wanted to question why but he decided against it. He watched her lay back down on her futon, muttering something about 'density' and 'baby steps'. He soon lay back down on his own futon and began to drift off to sleep.

He awoke when he felt a pressure on his chest. He opened his eyes to see a mop of red hair engulfing his vision. It seemed that at some point Asuka had rotated to a horizontal position and had decided to commandeer his chest as her new pillow, her face angled away from him.

"Huh." He whispered to himself, hoping he wouldn't wake her. His newly awakened mind came to two conclusions. First, she was asleep. Second, this was likely a dream, therefore not real. His tired brain settled for an action that would most likely get him a pummeling if she was awake and this was real. He lightly patted her on the head. "Good night Asuka, sweet dreams." He returned to unconsciousness swiftly soon after.

Unknown to him, Asuka had awoken at his first whisper, wondering how she got into this position. Now she had a blush that could be seen from orbit and a mental civil war within her head that would upheave her mind's status quo forever. She attempted to get back to sleep, trying to ignore how comfortable her new 'pillow' was.

"Idiot Shinji." She did not fall asleep for a long while.

Leader stared at the scene before her, evaluating and assessing it like a predator to prey.

"So." Shiki began. "Did it work?"

"It's not the best-case scenario, but it's not the worst either. It's kinda in the middle, but leaning towards the better end. We can work with this."

"Fantastic. Now can we get out of the air vents? I don't like the way that cockroach is looking at me."

"Fine."

The Day of the Battle Against the Angel

Asuka got into her entry plug with practiced finesse, getting ready to beat this Angel once and for all. On the outside, Asuka was the picture of calm confidence.

Inside she was screaming.

'Oh Gott, what was that?' She thought as she went through her pre-activation checklist. 'My signals went completely over his head but I ended up accidentally using him as a pillow and he pats my head and wishes me sweet dreams?! Not to mention he is the best Gottdamn pillow I've ever used to the point of not even having a nightmare?!' She was glad she woke up first and managed to put some distance between them before Misato returned or Shinji woke up.

"Asuka?" Lieutenant Ibuki called out. "Your heart rate is elevated, are you alright?"

"Just pumped to give the Angel the thrashing it deserves." And not thinking about how despite barely knowing the Idiot Shinji he's making her feel things she's only ever felt about Kaji. 'It's a fluke, just an effect of the sync training, you'll be back to normal soon Soryu, just give the Angel what for and it'll be over soon.' Yup, if she kept telling herself that enough it'll come true.

"Well, you'll get your chance soon, deploying in t-minus ten minutes. Hope you're ready to dance like your life depends on it." Misato informed her. Oh, boy was she, she needed a distraction, and killing an Angel was the perfect distraction.

"I was born ready! How about First and the Idiot?"

"I am ready Pilot Soryu." The First stated, her ruby red eyes boring a hole into her through the visual feed.

"Ready Asuka!" Idiot Shinji shouted, and she could see the mini-mes in the background fiddling with something. It occurred to her that she now probably knew the reason the mini-mes hung around him. But she wouldn't fall for his idiotic charms so easily!

"Then let's kick this Angel's ass to next week!" First began to open her mouth. "Figure of speech First." She closed her mouth.

"Well said Asuka, Eva Units, Launch!"

After Angel Sentai Skirmish 2 (name pending)

They did it. Through the three Evas performing a perfectly executed synchronized dance, and the creative use of two ballistas, the pentuple Angel was felled. Humanity was victorious once more, but not all were celebrating.

"What do you mean they're not working?"

"Like I said Fuyutsuki, the drugs aren't working." Gendo grimaced. "It appears that Adam is nullifying the effect of the drugs."

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"I see. What are you going to do next?"

"More alcohol. Otherwise, I will have to endure the screaming."

"And the aftermath of the Seventh? What shall we do about the Second Child's living arrangements?"

"Keep them as is, having two pilots in the same building allows for better protection, and will act as a lure to anyone foolish enough to target them. Also, apply Captain Katsuragi for a promotion. While unorthodox her plans have proven useful repeatedly, giving her a promotion will endear her towards us."

"Understood. Oh, and I may have found an interesting opportunity to get us a pilot for Unit-05." Fuyutsuki offers a folder to the Commander who takes it with interest.

"Already?" He flips through the files and frowns. "I thought the S-type series was discontinued and decommissioned?"

"It was, look at the last page." Gendo does so, one of his eyebrows raises in a rare show of surprise.

"A very fortuitous coincidence. No foul play was involved?"

"None. This was pure happenstance."

"Hmmm. Make preparations, but only observe for now. Unit-05 is far from complete and we need as many hidden aces as we can find."

"Understood, I'll begin immediately."

"One more thing. I recall Yui was friends with her. Send her daughter a condolence gift, flowers, or a fruit basket. Anonymous of course."

"Of course, unless there's anything else?" Gendo made no motion to say anything else. "Then I shall leave you be." Fuyutsuki left, leaving the Commander with nothing but his thoughts and a bottle of whiskey.

Chapter Text

T-RIDEN-T secret training and manufacturing base(Next to the Happy Hoshida's Chicken Farm) a few days after the battle against the Seventh Angel(s?)

"So, what have you found?" General Taihou fixed a level stare at his agent.

"For one, Kyoto Zeppelin Industries has been around for a while, it was founded after WW2 during the postwar construction period. It, however, never produced any zeppelins due to being unable to source parts. Instead, it picked up manufacturing deals from various companies throughout the years until it settled on pachinko machines."

"Alright, where does that leave us now? How can we get the Jet Alone away from their grubby hands?"

"Hard to say, sir, a few weeks before the JA incident the company was bought out by a reclusive investor by the name Pengaldo Pengelton, and our attempts to contact them to work out a deal have so far been rebuffed."

"Damn foreigners, trying to get a piece of something that is rightfully Japan's! Send some men undercover, see if we can't steal the plans from under their noses."

"Of course sir."

"Oh, and tell them to send Kirishima in on your way out. I have a vital mission for her." The agent saluted and left, leaving the General alone for a time. He retrieved a cigar from his stash and lit it. He took a long drag of the cigar, exhaling a large cloud of smoke like a dragon of myth. "That Ikari bastard will never know what's coming. Does he think he's the only one who can use teenagers to pilot giant mechs? Ha! I'll show him. My teenage mech pilots are infinitely better than his, and easier to get as well. I just had to roll up to an orphanage and ask them for three teenagers with attitude. One bribe later and I got my pilot corp, ready to secure Japan's future."

"Sir?"

"Ah!" General Taihou nearly launched himself out of his chair at the sudden interruption to his monologue. He glared at the newcomer, revealing one Mana Kirishima saluting him. "Soldier, what did I say about interrupting my monologues before?!"

"Sir, you have never given me instructions on that situation before, sir!" Oh, so he didn't.

"Right. Well, don't."

"Understood sir! Why have you requested my presence, sir!"

"At ease Kirishima. Do you know why I called you in here today?" Mana's professional demeanor evaporated, replaced with a wide smile.

"Am I finally getting my own death mech?"

"Don't call them that, and no." She visibly deflated at that. "But if you succeed at your new mission you'll be guaranteed a spot for the next pilot." Her smile returned along with a shine in her eyes.

"A new mission?! What kind!? Do you need me to kill someone?" General Taihou blinked at the casual mention of murder. He glanced at the profile of her he previously brought up, the psych evaluation stating 'no issues'.

"No murder Kirishima. Side note, how was your last session with the base psychologist?"

"We have a psychologist?!" She exclaimed with genuine surprise. "Since when?! I didn't get them a welcome jello…."

"That explains a lot….." General Taihou sent a quick message to his secretary to have the psychologist thrown in the brig. Perhaps bailing out a man fired by NERV and then hiring him might not have been the best idea. "In any case, your mission, Kirishima, is one of seduction." She blinked at that.

"Seduction? I don't think I was trained in seduction." Her brow furrowed in thought. "But I am always up for trying new things. Especially if they get me a death mech."

"Don't call them that. You shouldn't have too much trouble with this one." He slid the folder containing Shinji Ikari's portfolio towards her. "Initial reports say he has a thing for redheads, so you already have a massive lead."

"Wow, he's pretty cute." Mana said with a giggle. "Kind, gentle, awkward. He's my kind of boy!" She flipped a page. "Aw, his mom died when he was young, poor guy. Well, if he needs a mom then I'd be more than happy to be his new mom!" General Taihou visibly cringed at that.

"Okay, full stop on that. Never say that again, please." He took a long drag of his cigar, nearly depleting it. "Anyway, your target is the son of the NERV Commander as well as an Evangelion Pilot, so he has to know something. Extract that something out of him using whatever means required." She began to open her mouth. "Except murder and torture." She closed her mouth and gave him a thumbs up.

"Righto, anything else boss?"

"You'll be infiltrating the target's school as one of his classmates. We'll be slipping you in after the next Angel attack. Your point of contact is the P.E. teacher. Any questions?"

"Do I get cool spy gear?"

"Maybe, we'll see what the budget allows."

"Awesome! I'll go study this file so I can knock his cute little socks off!" He nodded at that, always good to see someone study up on their duty.

"Good. Dismissed." She skipped off, leaving him alone once more. He put out his cigar in the ashtray and sighed.

"Perhaps I shouldn't have trained emotionally unstable teenagers to pilot weapons of mechanized destruction? Eh, too late to worry about that now. Now I need a new psychologist to hopefully decrazy my pilots."

The next day, NERV medical ward

"Thanks again fer this Ikari, Sakura has been wantin' ta meetcha."

"It's no trouble Suzuhara, I've been meaning to apologize to her about…. well, you know." Shinji's eyes fixate on a very interesting spot on the floor before a hearty slap to his back nearly sends him and his passengers to the floor.

"Don't worry 'bout it, it's all water under da bridge. Seriously, she'll go off on ya if ya even try. Just do me a favor, make sure her personal little devil don't attack me."

"Her own personal….. oh, you mean a Minisuka?"

"Yeah, it always gives me the stink eye and makes threatening gestures at me. I'm worried it's just gonna up and stab me one of these days." Shinji furrowed his brow at that. The Minisukas didn't really engage in prolonged hostilities with anyone. Well, except Doctor Akagi. And Kaji. And apparently his Father. Now that he thought about it, this sounded par for the course for the Minisukas, except there was just one Minisukas being hostile to one person. Curious.

"I'll see what I can do Suzuhara, but I can't really control them." Touji snorted.

"Ikari, yer basically the local Devil Wrangler, I'm pretty sure if ya asked them to usurp the Emperor fer them they would."

"Don't talk about them like that." Shinji said with a dusting of venom in his voice. Suzuhara raised his hands placatingly.

"I ain't insulting them, I'm just saying they're pretty loyal ta ya." Shinji's hard stare remained for a moment but abated.

"Oh, thanks." He rubbed his arm in embarrassment. "Sorry if I raised my voice there. But I think that even they would think that conquering a country is a bit much. They're pretty smart, you know?"

"Yeah, I know they wouldn't actually do that, I was just using an example." The both of them shared a laugh at the thought of Shinji being Emperor of Japan. Leader joined in, though hers was more of a nervous chuckle as she made frantic signals to one of the unseen Minisukas following them to put a stop to all plans to conquer Japan. Shiki just stared at Leader incredulously.

"Anta Baka?" Shiki inquired to Leader, who averted her eyes from everyone present.

"Here we are, Sakura's new room!" Touji opened the door and quickly ducked out of the way as a small lance flew through the space he previously occupied. "Dammit ya little Devil, stop that!"

"Crimson Septuple Hypermax, stop throwing lances at my brother or I'll put you in the naughty corner again."

"Baka!" Shinji blinked as Leader and Shiki sputtered out a giggle, holding their sides as they tried to prevent themselves from bursting into full-blown laughter. Shinji waited for the lance to return before peeking his head through the doorway.

"Wait a second, you're not my brother!" A girl he assumed was Sakura Suzuhara shouted out in surprise. The Minisuka on her bed looked at Shinji in surprise, before going red from embarrassment and trying to hide her face behind her twin tails.

"Hi, I'm, uh, a friend of your brother." Shinji eyed said brother who was slowly peeking around the corner to look into the room.

"Hey, Sakura. This is Shinji Ikari, he heard you wanted ta meet him." Sakura's face instantly morphed from suspicious to elation.

"You're the big robot guy?! Wow, you're so cool!" Shinji couldn't help but blush at the genuine praise.

"T-thanks. It's nice to meet you Sakura, and you as well Crimson Septuple Hypermax." Crimson Septuple Hypermax made a pained sound as she fell to her knees and tried to curl up into a ball and decouple herself from existence. Leader and Shiki were still trying to hold in their laughter.

"It's nice to meet you too Shinji!" Sakura beamed as her eyes fixated on Leader and Shiki on Shinji's shoulders. "And you have your own imaginary friends too! What are their names?!"

"Oh, this is Leader and Shiki." He pointed to each of them. Sakura stared at them intently.

"Those names are boring!" Sakura pointed to Leader. "You should call that one Scarlet Sistine Superczar!" She then pointed to Shiki. "And that one should be Burgundy Buccaneer Blastcaster!" Sakura crossed her arms with a huff and sported a proud grin. Leader and Shiki had stopped trying to hold in their laughter, instead, they had looked away in embarrassment.

"I'd…. rather not? They have their own names." Shinji tried to reason, not knowing that the average eight-year-old was the antithesis of reason.

"Come on! They're awesome names! And as thanks for those awesome names maybe you could get me some-"

"Ikari is not getting you robot legs Sakura." Touji spoke up, putting his foot down on the bionic leg situation. Sakura took exception to that.

"You know what Touji, you're being a butt! If you won't help me fight crime as a cyborg then I'll become a doctor!" Touji blinked, suddenly confused.

"Good?"

"Yes, good! By becoming a doctor I'll have access to all the cyborg legs I could ever want!" Touji pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "And when you get into an accident involving giant robots and need cyborg limbs because you lost your human ones, I won't be there! Do you know where I'll be? Laughing at you while fighting crime in the night as a vigilante!" Touji threw up his hands in frustration.

"Ya know what? Fine! If ya can become a doctor then ya deserve robot limbs at that point!"

"Score! Now all I need is to pass medical school! Sakura wins again, suckers! Did you hear that Crimson Septuple Hypermax? I'm going to be a crime-fighting doctor! My catchphrase will be 'Malpractice makes perfect'!" Crimson Septuple Hypermax did not hear her, she was too busy trying not to die from embarrassment.

"Is she always like this Suzuhara?" Shinji eyed Sakura as she punched the air with kung fu moves she probably learned from a movie.

"A chaotic ball of boundless energy who thinks she's too clever fer her own good? Yeah, but I still love her no matter what." Touji cracked a smile while he watched his sister. Shinji couldn't help but smile at the sight. He couldn't help but wonder what it was like to have a sister.

NERV breakroom 7-E, at the same time

"So…." Hitomi Amagi began as she stared at her new patient as she lay on the break room sofa. "Why don't you tell me about your…. parents Rei." She tried to act familiar with the Pilot, to help ease any worries. Despite the fact, that she was the one who was worried right now.

"That is classified." Hitomi sighed, she had a feeling that was going to be something she heard a lot.

"Well, who raised you? Was it the Commander?"

"Yes, I was raised by Commander Ikari." Good, she could work with that.

"And how do you feel about the Commander?"

"I feel… pleasant I think? It is a warm feeling in my diaphragm, like heartburn but not as unpleasant." An unusual description but workable.

"And do you feel that with anyone else?" Rei furrowed her brow in deep thought, taking a moment to answer.

"I feel similar when I spend time with Pilot Ikari and Pilot Soryu. Even if Pilot Soryu could do with cutting her word usage and volume level down to a fraction of what she currently uses." Hitomi giggles at that.

"My, a bit catty, aren't we?"

"I am not a feline, Pilot Soryu is more catlike than myself. Though, perhaps I am biased because of the Ishim that wears a catlike hat that has attached itself to Pilot Ikari."

"Ishim? Do you mean the Minisukas?" A nod. "I see, I have heard that you see one as your 'rival', would you care to elaborate on that?"

"It is simple, the Prankster has made a mockery of me. I am merely following something Commander Ikari once said. 'Leave no slight unpunished Fuyutsuki, merely find the punishment that helps us the most.' By following this, I have engaged myself in a brutal war of attrition." Hitomi wanted to say something about how that probably wasn't meant for her, but Rei continued on. "And my foe is a cunning one, truly a mastermind without comparison. But I shall not falter in avenging the slight against me. I have no doubt that my grand rival is planning her next action right now in her fortress of prankery." Hitomi sighed, this was going to need more than one session, wasn't it? "She is undoubtedly listening in on this now, but I am not afraid, learn of me so I may learn of you my rival, wherever you are!"

Bus station in the middle of nowhere, three hundred miles from Tokyo-3

"commit tax evasion." Prankster batted away the illusory turnip and its anti-tax propaganda. It still hung around, just in the corner of her sight. It seemed like a good idea at the time, an abandoned backpack in the middle of the woods filled with vacuum-sealed bags of mushrooms, why would she think they were anything but normal? Of course, she was also starving from days of wandering through the woods, so that probably eroded her decision-making process.

"Anta Baka…." Really, after getting abducted by a swallow, a fox, a bear, a gang of beatboxing rabbits, and a monkey on a unicycle could you blame her for not considering if the mushrooms were hallucinogenic or not? On the bright side, fighting a vision of a giant cyborg onion with a turnip was a novel experience. Coming down from the high and having to run away from a very real murderous clown that made these woods it's home was not.

'honk honk' Prankster stiffened and started scanning the area for any homicidal harlequins, but to her relief, it was only the bus horn. The bus stopped in front of her, the door opening to reveal an elderly bus driver.

"Hey there tiny girl, heading to Tokyo-3?" Prankster nodded vigorously. "Well, hop on in! Don't worry 'bout fare, I don't charge for things smaller than the average child." Weird policy, but she's not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. She scrambled up into the bus, heading straight for the back. On her way, she saw a seat occupied by a coyote with a briefcase. She wanted to question that, but it still wasn't the strangest thing she's seen all week. She quickly climbed up the seat and sat down next to a pink-haired girl in a tracksuit.

"Pocky?" The pink-haired girl offered. Prankster gladly accepted and quickly started devouring the snack. "Wow, you're hungry, take all the pocky you want." It's official, this girl is now on Prankster's good list.

"Aw dammit, that clown's back again! You think it would learn after the fourth time I gave it a face full of bumper, well fifth time's the charm as they say." The bus suddenly accelerated and the feeling of something getting run over reverberated through all the passengers. Prankster, the pink-haired girl, and the coyote all shared a look before suddenly finding the floor very interesting.

"commit tax evasion." The hallucinatory turnip repeated. Prankster sighed, it was going to be a long trip.

Katsuragi apartment, around the same time

"Hmmm." Asuka paused the footage and cross-referenced the AAR before jotting something down in her notebook. Now that she was actually in Tokyo-3 she had no trouble getting the combat footage against the Angels and the associated reports. Right now she was using them to go over Shinji's battles with a fine tooth comb. He asked her for help and Asuka Langley Soryu was not one to go into things half-baked. Also, it helped distract her from the confusing feelings she had towards Shinji.

"Alright, it appears they gave him some basic training, but his form is so amateur and sloppy, they're lucky the mini-mes were here to help him or we'd be doomed already."

"Wark!" The penguin was also here. He was fine enough company, and talking to an animal looked less crazy than talking to herself.

"I agree, I mean points to him for using impalement as a way to prevent the Angel from escaping but that had to hurt like a bitch." She honestly had no idea what the bird was saying, but she likes to pretend it was saying something insightful about the situation. "And we can't have getting hurt as something that happens regularly, it wouldn't do to have a Pilot out of commission because they got injured due to their own stupidity."

"Wark?"

"Yeah, the battle against the Jet Alone thing was pretty interesting. To see the contrast of fighting something that thinks and acts in a way similar to a human as compared to the inhuman Angels is pretty interesting. I just wish it didn't give the Idiot head trauma, he needs all the brain cells he can get." After all, he needed all the thinking power he had to get through what she had planned for him. Maybe she could get First to join in?

"Nah, the First is probably fine, I should focus my attention on Idiot Shinji." It's not like she was worried that Ayanami was a threat to her completely non-existent plans to woo the Idiot. Or that she was kinda creeped out by the First's doll-like demeanor and weird obsession with vengeance. Nope, it's just that it would be better to focus on the Idiot. One-on-one learning is always better.

"Wark." Pen-Pen waddled away, seemingly no longer interested in the conversation. Or going to get another beer.

"Fine, be that way. I might as well take a break too." She got up and walked to the balcony, surprised by the shade engulfing it. The shade quickly receded, revealing a single cloud in the sky, almost shaped like a spider? No, it was just a nondescript cloud shape. She stretched and gazed out onto the city, admiring the edifice of human perseverance she was tasked with protecting.

"I wonder what Shinji is cooking for dinner tonight?" As much as she hated admitting it, his cooking was fantastic, but considering he had practice with the mini-mes it was expected. That was another thing bugging her, the mini-mes. Nobody had an explanation for them, where did they come from, why are they here, why did they look like her? Considering they couldn't really communicate it wasn't like she could get an answer out of them. That little shit, Shiki, bothered her the most, and not for the obvious reasons. How did she get that eyepatch? Did she lose an eye? Why was she so… morose compared to the rest of them? It was bugging her to no end, but she would fix that problem. One way or another Asuka was going to unlock the mystery of her diminutive doppelgängers.

Well, once she figured out a way how to do that. But lacking a tangible method to achieve a task will not stop Asuka Langley Soryu! But it would probably delay her a lot.

"Well, back to work." She returned to the TV, ready to put the finishing touches on her 'Shinji Ikari Evangelion Training Regimen'.

Elsewhere in Tokyo-3, Shinji Ikari felt a chill go down his spine.

Chapter Text

Mayumi stared at the board with fervent disdain. The images she had taken of Ikari, the Red Devils, and the 'Asuka Langley Soryu' staring back at her. They never noticed her when she took the pictures, nobody notices her when she does anything and she wants to keep it that way.

"I may have no clue how to stop the transmogrification, but I know the source, I have someone already very far along, and I have the ringmaster. It's only a matter of time before I once again have the quiet life I so crave." She couldn't suppress the deranged giggle emerging from her throat like a butterfly from a cocoon. This may be challenging, but that would never stop her from achieving her quiet life.

"My oh my, quite the little setup you have here." Mayumi blinked at the strangely familiar voice speaking behind her. She swiftly grabbed one of her thicker dictionaries and turned around to face the intruder. The last thing she expected to see was herself, but there she was, Mayumi Yamagishi. Glowing red eyes stared back at her, an amused look crossing her doppelgänger's face. "Would you like a little help with that?"

"Who the heck are you!?" Mayumi waved the dictionary threateningly around. "Start talking before I give you a walloping!"

"Fear not little Mayumi, for I have come to help you. I am Lailah, Angel of Conception, and I have heard your woes young Lilim. I appear before you to offer my help in your-"

"No." The Angel was thrown off by this sudden refusal.

"Pardon? W-why do you refuse?"

"I know your game, I've read enough books to recognize a Faustian bargain when I see one! You offer me help, but you're going to use me for your own nefarious purposes. Also, you're an Angel, those giant monsters that attack the city, which makes you even less trustworthy!" Lailah was taken aback by the sudden rebuffing.

"Well, I understand your-"

"Do you know who I am?" Mayumi calmly asked as she stared the Angel in the eyes.

"You are Mayumi Yamagishi-" Mayumi dropped the dictionary and quickly gripped Lailah's spectral throat, bringing their faces merely inches away.

"That's right. I'm Mayumi Yamagishi, I'm a student at the Tokyo-3 First Municipal Junior High School." Mayumi unblinkingly stared into the Angel's eyes, and Lailah couldn't help but gulp. "I'm fourteen years old and I live in the southwestern sector of Tokyo-3. I spend my days reading a wide variety of books, without interacting with any of my classmates." Lailah's eyes nervously dart around the room, wondering where this is all going. "I go to sleep around nine o'clock, after reading from a calming, simple book. With this, I have no trouble sleeping until morning, waking up refreshed."

"What are-"

"What I'm trying to say is that I like having a peaceful and quiet life. I can't have that if I have to worry about you or those little devils. So take this as a warning, if you try to disrupt my life even further the demons of the nine circles of Hell will look upon what I will do to you and weep with envy, for they will never be able to replicate the tortures I will inflict upon you." Lailah stared into Mayumi's eyes and found no falsehood in her words.

"Mayumi! Who are you talking to?" A voice called out from elsewhere in the home.

"Just a spectral entity offering me a Faustian bargain Dad!"

"Alright, how do you feel about curry tonight?"

"Curry sounds wonderful, thank you!" Mayumi returns her attention to the Angel, who is now sweating bullets and refusing to make eye contact. "Well?"

"I see your point, and I would be more than happy to leave you be. It's just that….."

"Just what?"

"Well. I kinda already put my core inside your body when you weren't looking because I didn't think you would refuse. Please don't hurt me!" Mayumi stared at the Angel with an unreadable expression, before tightening her grip and attempting to strangle the Angel with a sonorous warcry.

The bus screeched to a halt and the coyote took the briefcase in it's mouth and trotted off, the rest of the passengers following suit. Prankster took in a deep breath of the familiar Tokyo-3 air, glad to be away from the wilderness and its murderous clowns.

"Well, we're here." The pink-haired girl stated as the bus peeled away. "If you don't have anywhere to go, you wanna stay with me? I can't imagine my guardian will have much issue with you joining us."

"Anta Baka." Prankster stated with exhaustion. She just wanted to get back to her secret lair, take a bath, and sleep for a week.

"Alright, but if you change your mind, the offer is open. We're bus buddies after all!" Prankster gave a weary smile and a nod, hobbling off home, and leaving behind her new friend.

Kotone Suzunami watched her tiny new friend hobble around a corner and disappear. She was disappointed she couldn't hang out with her new friend, but she understood that she had places to be. The sudden blaring of a La Cucaracha horn broke her out of her musings as a beat-up van pulled up beside her. A man with shoulder-length brown hair leaned out of the window to look at her.

"Hey, are you Kotone Suzunami?" He looks at a picture to compare to her face as he squints his eyes. This must be her new guardian's coworker or something here to pick her up.

"Yes, I am. Who are you?" He puts away the picture and begins getting out of the van.

"Good to meetcha, name's Shigeru Aoba. I'm your….." He pauses as if trying to calculate something. "I'm actually not entirely sure what I technically am to you, so I guess you can consider me your Uncle. I'll be looking after you." Oh, this was her guardian.

"O-oh, nice to meet you, Uncle Aoba." He looked different from what she thought he might but considering her previous experience with guardians he was still coming out ahead.

"Just call me Aoba, calling me Uncle makes me feel old. Also, sorry about my good-for-nothing brother."

"It's no trouble, it's not your fault he's…"

"An asshole, it's alright, you can call him that."

"I just didn't want to be rude."

"Don't worry about it. So, you hungry?"

"Starving. Can we get something?"

"Sure, there's a Pho place around here my boss likes to talk about, hop in." He opens the door for her, and she enters a van that smells like freshly sprayed air freshener. She buckles in as he starts it up. "So." He starts. "How do you feel about music?"

"Music is neat, but I'm more into dancing."

"Nice. I tried dance back in college, but I never got far. Mostly because I accidentally set the dance studio on fire. Man, that was a wild time." Kotone suddenly felt very uneasy about this whole situation. "By the way, how do you feel about eight-inch tall redheads?" She perked up at that.

"I like them!" Was her weird new friend well-known around here? Her Uncle chuckled at her exclamation.

"I think you'll do really well around here." With that, Aoba and Kotone drove off toward their future. And a Vietnamese restaurant. Mostly a Vietnamese restaurant.

Secret SEELE Base, Germany

Keel flipped through the musty old tome, the ancient vellum pages stained with centuries-old ink mixed with blood. Keel grimaced, glad some of SEELE's more barbaric practices have long since died out.

"Iblis, the Angel of Despair. Auriel, the Angel of the Sun. Shateiel, the Angel of Silence. Are these names a warning, or are they red herrings?" He flips to the next page and grimaces, the pages covered in long dried blood, undoubtedly shed when the author outlived their usefulness. He could barely make out the words 'cycle', 'shadow', 'death', and 'Thanatos'. The rest is illegible due to the bloodstains. He sighed and closed the old tome, putting it back with the others.

"More apocryphal Angels to add to the list." He leaned back in his chair and cursed silently. The Scenario he had helped build for decades was crumbling, the only consolation was that Ikari was undoubtedly equally troubled by this sudden departure from the Scrolls. His vision turned towards the live feed of their 'guest', Tabris. The Angel was completely in the dark about these changes to the Angels as they were, and was becoming increasingly erratic. Still, he would serve his purpose. As Ikari undoubtedly now had the body of Adam, they had the one who housed his soul, something Ikari was undoubtedly unaware of. Complementation would be brought about by the forbidden fusion of Adam and Lilith, body or soul. But it still paid to have a few aces up your sleeve.

He reached for his private phone and put in the code to direct his call to the location he desired. The ringing cut through the previously silent office like a blade, before a voice rang out.

"Tabgha Base, what do you need Chairman?" They knew it was him, he was the only person on the planet who knew of Tabgha base. Even the other members of SEELE did not know of it. While he trusted them to an extent, some things were better held close to the chest.

"What is the progress of Project Nazareth?"

"Proceeding slightly ahead of schedule Chairman."

"Good, any issues I should be aware of?"

"None so far sir."

"Excellent, continue your efforts."

"Understood, Tabgha out." The line went dead, leaving the office silent once more.

"While things may not be proceeding to the original Scenario, the path to Complementation is secure. Ikari may be no fool but he is not as experienced in the game as I am." Even with the reduction to nine Mass Production Evangelion, even with the still missing three unfinished MPEs, even with the Angels defying the Scrolls, he would succeed. No matter what.

Asuka stared at the television as she idly flipped through the channels. Pen-Pen had left to who knows where at some point. She had finished reviewing the videos and her training plan was solidified. Unfortunately, that had left her with nothing to do. So here she was, flipping through channels of weird Japanese programming.

"Anta Baka."

"I know right-" Asuka blinked at the sudden interruption. She turned to look at the origin of the voice and had to do a double-take at what she saw. It was a mini-me, but wrong. The red plugsuit was there, the face shape was there, but the hair was blue and the eyes red just like- "First?"

"Baka." The mini-me(?) hissed out like Asuka just insulted her ancestors.

"Uh, sorry?" She made a note to herself that the Ayanami-like mini-me(?) did not like being compared to Ayanami. "So…. can I help you?" Asuka was curious, none of the mini-mes had approached her yet, so this was an excellent chance to get some intel on them. The mini-me(?) produced a picture of Ayanami from somewhere and pointed to it.

"Baka." She pointed at the picture.

"Okay, what about the First?" The mini-me(?) pointed to Asuka, then the picture, then drew her thumb across her neck in a slashing motion. "You…. want me to kill Ayanami?!" A nod. "What in Gott's name is wrong with you?! I'm not going to kill somebody!" Asuka shouted in indignant fury. She was many things, but she wasn't a murderer!

"Anta Baka!" The Blue mini-me shouted back before a group of four other, normal-looking, mini-mes tackled her to the ground. After a bit of a tussle, three of the mini-mes haul the blue one-off, and a fourth stays behind to give her a gift card to a local convenience store before running off to join them.

"What just happened?" Asuka stares as the mini-mes disappear into an air vent.

"I'm home!" She hears Shinji call out. Shaking off her confusion, she goes to confront Shinji about whatever he knows about whatever just happened.

"Third!" She sprints off towards the entryway, nearly bumping into him in the kitchen." Mini-me looks like me but the First, explain!"

"…..What?"

"Pay attention Idiot! Why is there a mini-me that looks like me if I was Ayanami?!" He blinks, tilting his head in an endearingly confused- FOCUS ASUKA!

"Is there? I honestly don't interact with Minisukas aside from Leader and Shiki. Also, the ones that hang around the Class Rep." She wants to question that, but she knows he isn't one to lie about the mini-mes, so she turns her attention to the only other individual who could know, Leader. Shiki joins her, staring a hole through Leader. Leader is pointedly looking away, refusing to make eye contact with anyone.

"Leader, right? Got something to say?" Asuka's voice was dripping with annoyance, she wanted answers. Unfortunately, she would not receive them, as a knock at the door distracted all of them, allowing Leader a chance to escape. "Hey!" By the time she'd noticed Leader's escape, she had already retreated into the safety of the air vents. "Dammit, she got away."

"Uh, sorry?"

"It's not your fault Idiot." She sighed. "Deal with dinner, I'll get the door." She trudged towards the entryway and opened the door. On the other side was a pink-haired girl who stared at her with wide eyes. Said eyes then widened with glee.

"Omigosh, how did you get so big?!"

"Wha-"

"And I didn't notice before but those are some totes adorb hair clips, you gotta tell me where you got them!"

"Thanks but-" suddenly Asuka was enveloped in a bone-crushing hug.

"And you can use words now! This is great!" Asuka sighed, it was going to be a long day.

Kaji crept along, his body hidden by the ingenious potted plant disguise. He stopped in front of the door, waited five full minutes to ensure the coast was clear, then entered his office. The office was empty, save for piles of unfinished paperwork and the scent of cheap cologne.

"Phew, that was nerve-wracking." He extracted himself from the potted plant and walked over to his desk. "Well, time to get some work in." The chair suddenly swung around to reveal a Minisuka. "Oh no."

"Anta Baka?" Suddenly dozens of Minisukas emerged from their hiding places, approaching Kaji with malicious intent.

"W-wait!" He pleaded as he was surrounded with no chance of escape. To his surprise, they stopped, seemingly giving him a chance to talk. "Look, I figured I've slighted you in some way, shape, or form-" They all glare at him in response." -but stabbing me in the shin is not the way to go about it. At this rate, the only one who wins is the local podiatrist, surely there is some sort of compromise we can make that doesn't involve me being stabbed?" They all stared at him for a moment before huddling into a group to discuss something. He wasn't sure why considering he couldn't understand anything they said. Eventually, they broke their huddle and commandeered his computer.

"Baka. Anta Baka." They pointed to the screen, and he carefully leaned over to look at it.

"That?" He voiced in surprise. "You want that?" A multitude of nods. "It's doable, but getting it won't be quick. Two months, minimum." They discussed amongst themselves again before giving him a thumbs up and an 'I'm watching you' motion. They scrambled out of his office, leaving him unscathed. "Huh." He looked at the NERV inventory file. "Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu's Evangelion research notes, huh? Wonder what they want with that?" Shrugging, he finally began to chip away at all the paperwork he was required to deal with. One thing they never tell you about the spy business, it's all the paperwork."

Leader emerged from the air vent silent as a whisper into Shinji's room, looking around to ensure the coast was clear. After making sure that Blue was kept busy and the usual meetings discussing (hopefully) upcoming events she managed to sneak back in.

"Leader." Oh, right. Leader turned to look at a glaring Shiki. "You wanna explain about how that Ayanami-type-like us never came up?" Her tone indicated that she would be receiving an answer, or else.

"In my defense, you never come to any of the meetings, so you really aren't up to date on all the going ons."

"Yeah, well someone has to watch over him."

"You realize he's going to be fine if you leave him alone for a while?" A scowl grew on Shiki's face as she closed the distance between the two.

"You don't know that!" Shiki hissed, her eye narrowed. Leader took a deep breath as she tried to put a placating expression on.

"Look, Shiki." She began, trying to find the appropriate words. "I don't know what happened to you, but he's going to be fine. Worrying about him constantly isn't going to help."

"Easy for you to say, you probably had a choice." Shiki's fists clenched tightly. "You probably had a chance to do something and didn't because-" Shiki didn't finish as she was knocked to the ground as Leader's palm connected with her check with a thunderous smack. Shiki blinked in shock as she looked up at a now livid Leader.

"Don't you ever say I had a choice!" Leader screamed in rage. "I never had a choice! You think it doesn't hurt for me to look at him!? Do you think any of us see him and don't feel pain in our hearts?!" At some point, Leader had hauled Shiki up by her plugsuit collar and held her at eye level. "Every time I look at him I see my failures looking back at me! So get off your fucking high horse before I kick you off it myself!" Leader let go, Shiki stumbling to the ground. Shiki turned her attention to Shinji's sleeping form, watching the rise and fall of his chest. Leader rolled her eyes and began to walk away.

"I hated him, you know?" Leader froze, turning around to see an unmoved Shiki, sitting on the ground, knees to her chest. "I knew him for so short a time, but even with everything, I still grew to like him. But then he disappeared, and I blamed him, hated him, but most of all, I wanted to see him again. And I did. But I fucked it up. I couldn't let go of my anger. Then he was gone."

"By gone you mean…." Shiki stared at her hands before her eyes flickered to the corner of the room for a moment.

"Gone. All that hatred, that tiny flicker of hope I had, gone. Just emptiness left." Silence enveloped them for a while as they stared at Shinji.

"Thanks for telling me this, I know it can't be easy." Shiki grumbled something that sounded like a 'you're welcome'. "Also, sorry for hitting you. Managing all of this has been stressful, and you just kinda lit the fuse."

"It's fine, I was being a bitch." Leader snorted.

"Yeah, well it kinda comes with being us. So…. does this mean you'll start coming to the meetings now?"

"Gott no, I hate dealing with people, especially if they're some version of me."

"Worth a shot. I'm going to sleep, are you gonna be okay?"

"I'll be fine, I just have some things I need to think about."

"Alright." Leader got up and walked towards her pillow in the corner of the room before stopping halfway. "We're going to get through this. He'll be okay. You know that, right?" A thumbs up was her only response. Leader sighed and flopped down on her pillow, sleep soon overtaking her.

"Maybe if you say it enough times, it'll happen." Shiki muttered as she watched Shinji's chest rise and fall rhythmically. Suddenly a thought struck her. "Oh, that bitch. She completely dodged the topic about the Ayanami-type-like us!" Unfortunately, Leader would not hear the end of this come morning.

Chapter Text

"So then I said they didn't have any idea how ad revenue works, so they took exception to that and tried to falsely flag my Spasm channel. Long story short, I mostly stream on UsVision nowadays." Asuka wanted to strangle the pink-haired girl so much right now, and not for the usual reasons she wanted to strangle girls. Wow, now that she thought about that, it's kind of weird she had a usual reason for wanting to strangle girls. But they usually deserve it, so it's not a problem.

"I… don't know what any of that means Suzunami." Gott did he live under a rock this past decade? Anyway, there was her problem. That Suzunami girl was paying way too much attention to Shinji, and it was leaving an unsettling feeling in her gut, and it wasn't indigestion. Well, maybe it was. That candy bar tasted fine and it was only a week past its expiration date, but who knows what kind of weird rules Japanese candy runs on.

"Don't be so formal you weirdo! Call me Kotone, alright Shinji?" She wonders if being a pilot would allow one to get away with murder? She has an inkling that Section Two has experience on how to get rid of bodies, but she doesn't want to break in her crowbar just yet.

"S-sure, uh, Kotone." At least put up some resistance Third! He's such a pushover at times.

"Relax, I don't bite. Much~" It would be easy to just strangle her right now when Shinji had his back turned and dump her in an alley. "So what's with the two lunches? Make one for your favorite gal over there?" I mean she isn't that bad, all things considered. She could tolerate her wait Asuka, don't get distracted! Deflect DEFLECT!

"It's not like that! He and I have a professional relationship! He is responsible for keeping the Pilot Corps well fed with his cooking." There, that should make things clear. So why does the Idiot look disappointed?

"Pilot Corps? What's that?" Asuka blinks in confusion.

"You don't know? Well, you see, the Idiot and I are-"

"Hold that thought, we're here!" They were indeed at the school, the PE Teacher standing at the gate, watching the students enter. She noticed he'd been staring at them intently lately, especially Shinji. She better keep an eye on him, he's probably some perv who wants to take advantage of Shinji's gullible nature. "I gotta go get my student stuff, I'll find you guys at lunch later. Laters~" And she ran off, like a pink-haired ball of hyperactivity.

"She's… unique."

"She's something alright. But I'm sure you've seen plenty like her at your old school."

"Not really, I didn't really pay attention to the others back then."

"Geez Third, you make it sound like you didn't have any friends." Not that she was one to talk, not that she would ever say that out loud.

"I didn't. I never had any friends until I came here. The Minisukas were my first friends ever." Wow. That's….. wow. She actually felt a bit sorry for him. But at least he had an excellent choice in first friends. "And now I have Aida, Suzuhara, Horaki, Aoba, and you." She stops right outside the entrance, her mind freezing at what he just said. She spins around to face him.

"You….. you consider me a friend?"

"Yeah? Aren't we friends?" He looks genuinely confused, and a touch concerned. Her mind calls for a ceasefire on the ongoing Kaji v Shinji war to deliberate on her response. After a few seconds that felt like countless eternities, she responds.

"Yes." She states as neutrally as she can. "Of course we're friends. There is no reason why we shouldn't be friends." His face brightens as relief visibly washes over him.

"Good. I was worried you might not like me."

"If I didn't like you, I'd tell you. Like I do with that little shit Shiki." Said little shit flips her off, and she responds in kind. She turns around and heads to her locker, opening it to unleash a torrent of paper. "Are you Gottdamn kidding me?! The first week the constant love letters were amusing, now they're a nuisance!"

"Well that one looks like a death threat, so you're getting some variety now at least." Shinji pointed out one particular letter that had the words 'I will destroy you!' written in blood-red ink.

"Huh, so there is. Well, can't say I've had a death threat sent to me yet. Points for that at least."

"And this one is an advertisement for a new steakhouse that just opened up." She snatches that one up quickly.

"Oh! Nice find Third! I could go for a steak. Come on, let's get to class."

"What about all these letters?"

"What about them?"

"Baka." Leader states as if saying 'I got this'. Sure enough, a bunch of mini-mes appear and start putting the letters in a bag labeled 'worthless trash'. Good to know that they got a handle on this.

"See? They got it covered. Now let's go, I don't want Hikari reprimanding us for being late." He nods and follows, obviously seeing her logic is infallible. She can tell, that today is gonna be a good day.

"My name is Kotone Suzunami, let's get along!" Kotone gave a small smile, taking in the other occupants of the-

"You're the UsVisioner, K-Nami! You're awesome!" Kensuke shouted, pointing at Kotone in surprise.

"No, you're awesome whoever you are!" Kotone made the finger gun motion at Kensuke, who gasped like he just got told his favorite celebrity was waiting in the next room to give him a birthday present. Was that analogy used already? I think it's been used already.

"You hear that Touji? I'm awesome!"

"Screw you, Ken, I ain't need an internet celebrity ta tell me I'm awesome."

"You're just jealous!"

"Are not!"

"Aida! Suzuhara! Zip it!" Hikari demanded as she menaced them with a broom.

""Yes Class Rep.""

"Miss Suzunami." The teacher droned. "Take the seat in the corner over there. Now, to continue from last class….." The teacher paused as his eyes glazed over, his focus both everywhere and nowhere at once.

"Oh, the teacher's stuck again." Hikari groaned, before directing her attention to her classmates. "Alright, use this chance to study! Also, don't forget to get your permission slips for the trip to Okinawa. I don't want another Osaka-3 incident."

"We get to go on a beach trip for school? Great! I need to shop for a swimsuit." Asuka giggled maliciously as a multitude of plans began to form in her head.

"Uh, Asuka? Do you really think they'll let us go to Okinawa for a trip?" Asuka stared at him in confusion.

"Yeah? Why wouldn't they?"

"Well, what if an Angel attacks and we can't get to our Eva's because we're thousands of miles away?"

"Fair, so I guess you or Ayanami will have to stay. Gotta keep someone here to hold the fort."

"But, would you really want to miss a chance to fight an Angel because you're on vacation?" Asuka opened her mouth to retort, before closing it as the words died in her throat. This process repeated half a dozen times before her eyes went wide in realization.

"Oh Gott, you're right." Leader had also gripped her head in horrid realization as if she never even considered such a thing before. Shiki looked at the both of them like they were idiots. "Perhaps you're not as stupid as I thought you were Third."

"Thanks? I think?"

"I mean if the Angels are even somewhat intelligent they're just waiting for me to leave so they can strike, and I almost fell for such a cunning trick." Shinji opened his mouth to retort, but Leader and Shiki poked his neck to get his attention, both shaking their heads to dissuade him. Fortunately, he got the message and shut his mouth. "I mean even with the mini-mes here you and First need all the help you can get." Asuka nodded to herself, pleased with her own reasoning. "You've convinced me Shinji. Obviously, my intelligence is rubbing off on you."

"Uh…. You're welcome?" Suddenly the teacher's eyes flickered with the dull light of life, resuming his lecture on Second Impact. The class groaned in unison as another familiar tirade about Second Impact egg prices graced their ears.

"Of course, you wouldn't be allowed to go on a trip, you're literally necessary to protect the world." Misato stated plainly as she crushed a beer can and threw it into the recycling bin.

"I figured, but I'm still pissed off for some reason." Asuka grumbled, not entirely sure what she should be angry at right now.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better I can get you use of the NERV swimming pools." Asuka huffed indignantly but eased her scowl.

"Better than nothing I suppose."

"But there's a catch." Misato interjected as she pulled two report cards and slapped them down on the kitchen table." Asuka and Shinji went pale at the sight. "Your grades. Improve them." She had discarded her guise of friendly housemate Misato, revealing the rare but powerful responsible guardian Misato.

"But I-"

"No buts, the both of you are more capable than this. You need to do better." Misato genuinely believed that they were capable of doing better. The fact that she wanted to show up that Aino bitch at the next PTA meeting was only minor in comparison. Asuka glared at her, before letting out a frustrated sigh.

"Fine. But I want private pool access! I don't want some old lecher staring at me."

"Fair. Shinji?"

"I'll do my best Misato." Shinji mumbled dejectedly, not looking forward to this. Misato sighed but figured that was the best she was going to get.

"Alright, now that that's out of the way, who wants what for takeout?" Despite being banned from the kitchen on penalty of tasering, she was still part of the chore schedule. Having to work around her lack of kitchen access, she's chosen to just get takeout for her charges. She was met with five different answers, as Leader and Shiki decided to throw in their two cents as well. Seeing as that battle would take a bit, Misato decided another beer was in order.

About a week later, NERV swimming facility four

Shinji stared at the screen of the school laptop, the equations taunting him. Leader and Shiki appeared to be discussing something just behind the laptop. His mind began to wander as the equations on the screen began to melt into a blob of numbers and symbols. He thought about the strange new life he was leading as an Eva Pilot. He was fighting aliens in a giant robot and he was friends with a horde of tiny redheads.

"Friends…." He whispered low enough to be unheard by anyone. He still had trouble believing it, he had friends! He spent so long without connecting to anyone that he suspected he might never have any. But now he had plenty! Kensuke, Touji, Horaki, Mister Aoba, Kotone, Ayanami, Asuka, and the Minisukas. He smiled when he thought about the Minisukas. How they burst into his life and added a bit more color to his life each day. It gave his heart a warm and fuzzy feeling, and he was positive it wasn't heartburn, he went to an appointment with a NERV doctor to make sure. Asuka herself only seemed to add more color to his drab life, like a crimson whirlwind that spoke German. Although she was a bit harder to figure out, while the Minisukas were easy to figure out, she was a mystery wrapped in an enigma covered in shadows. Her actions and words seemed contradictory at times, always insulting him but saying it in a tone that sounded oddly pleased. He couldn't figure her out.

"-ird?" A hand was waved in front of his face as he snapped back to reality, a slightly concerned Asuka, Leader, and Shiki staring at him.

"O-oh, sorry. I kinda blanked out trying to figure out….. whatever this is." Asuka blinked, turning her attention to the screen. She scoffed when she saw what it was.

"Thermal Expansion? Come on Third, this is easy! Changes in temperature cause the molecules of matter to expand and contract, changing its size. For instance…." She looked down at her body for a moment (which led Shinji to notice the extremely flattering striped bikini she was wearing) and smirked for a moment before furrowing her brow in thought. "Never mind. Anyway, you've been looking at that screen for too long." She closes the laptop, fixing her eyes on him. "We have the pool, let's use it!" Oh no.

"I'm okay, you go enjoy yourself." Swimming, one of his mortal enemies, right next to soccer moms who snatch up all the meat on sale and people who hate Antonio Salieri for no reason.

"Jeez, live a little! It's not like you can't swim." Suddenly the walls became very interesting as he pointedly avoided eye contact. "Oh Gott, you actually can't swim can you?" He turned to look and Asuka, Leader, and Shiki were looking at him with surprised faces.

"…no." Suddenly the three of them quickly changed from surprise to anger.

"You Idiot! You can't swim and you went to a fleet in the middle of the ocean!? What were you thinking?!"

"That I wasn't going to be near the water if I stayed inside the boat?"

"Well, what about when we went to see Unit-02? We traveled by boat there! You could've fallen off and drowned!"

"Well you kinda just dragged me there, and you looked excited to show off your Eva, and I didn't want to disappoint you."

"Thanks! But you're an idiot! Putting your life in danger is stupid!"

"But it worked out?" He tried but was met by an instant counter.

"Just because it 'worked out' doesn't make it any less stupid! That's it, I'm adding swimming to your training regiment, now." Shinji gulped as Asuka dragged him off, almost hoping an Angel would attack right now.

Meanwhile in Okinawa

Mayumi sat underneath a tree and read her book. Her guest hovered around her.

"Why did you even come here if all you're going to do is read?" Lailah inquired, her empty eyes staring at the horizon.

"My parents insisted I 'experience the world', and I don't want to make my parents worry."

"Mmmmm. Wasn't this island destroyed by Second Impact?"

"Mostly yes, but they used artificial sandbars or something to rebuild enough of it to make a resort. How do you know the island was destroyed?"

"Television signals are easy to intercept, so I learned from them." Mayumi scowled.

"Easier than removing the core you put in my body apparently."

"I'm trying! I want to be out of here as much as you do!" Lailah paused as her head turned towards the north. "Huh."

"What do you mean huh?"

"Oh, it's just good we're away from that city, things are about to get hectic."

"Angel Attack coming?" Lailah nods. "Huh. Well, not my problem." Mayumi returns to reading as Lailah continues to stare at the horizon.

Minisuka Secret Base, a few days later

"How did nobody know he couldn't swim?!" Leader shouted, glaring at all the other assembled Minisukas.

"We're not sure, it seems odd that it never came up for any of us, but that's what appears to have happened." Professor offered.

"Great. Well, it's fine. They can use this as a chance to bond. Update on Prankster?"

"After being missing for two weeks she was spotted about a week ago going into an abandoned gag toy store in the Tokyo-3 outskirts." A Minisuka juggling way too many files answered

"Weirdly specific location but alright. Well, we can deal with her later, we got the Eighth to deal with soon." A wave of murmurs erupted, Leader, letting them fade before continuing. "Now, as we discussed, we'll let this happen as is, but we're just going to be on standby just in case." All present grew a determined look, ready to-

Suddenly the ground shook, Tokyo-3's plates rattling in distress. It lasted only for a moment, but the effect it caused remained.

"What was that?" Leader inquired, dread snaking its way up from her stomach. A Minisuka on the jury-rigged sensor array responded.

"Mount Asami just erupted." Leader's eye twitched. Suddenly an alarm blared throughout Tokyo-3. "And the MAGI detected a Pattern Blue." Both eyes started twitching. "Oh, two different Pattern Blues." Leader paused, took a deep breath, and let out an enraged scream.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The Evas rocketed up to the surface, once again ready to face the Angelic threat.

"Alright, where are they?" Asuka grabbed a Sonic Glaive from the weapon cache and gave it a theatrical twirl. "If they're gonna interrupt my vacation time then they should present themselves for their execution."

"One is rapidly approaching Tokyo-3, another is currently maintaining position within Lake Ashi." Ritsuko provided the sound of her rapid typing audible through the radio.

"Alright, that's over-" Asuka blinked. "Huh, how did I not notice that sooner?" What looked like a large sea urchin covered in an orb of yellow liquid peaked over the city's skyscrapers, it's size easily matching that of the Fifth Angel.

"It's pretty big." Shinji provided helpfully as he aimed at the Angel with his Pallet Rifle. "I hope it doesn't shoot death beams like the crystal one."

"I concur, that would be problematic." Rei added in her own two cents as she set up her Sniper Rifle..

"Gott don't say that! You're gonna jinx it!" Asuka grimaced as she stared at the Angel. "Why does it remind me of a bath bead though?"

"What's a bath bead?" Shinji asked as he tried to figure out if the core/eye thing in the center of the Angel was staring at him. Unfortunately, his question would remain unanswered as Misato interrupted.

"Focus! We have no idea of the Angel's abilities, so be cautious!"

"Major Katsuragi is right. Approach the Angel, now codenamed Baraqijal, with caution." The Commander interjected.

"Wait, Major? When did I get a promotion?"

"Not the time!" Ritsuko nearly screamed. "Try to at least damage this Angel before the other one gets here!" The three Pilots complied, approaching the Angel in combat formation.

Forsooth, the Lilim doth arriveth in their constructs of false flesh. No matter, it shall taketh more than that to striketh down I, Baraqijal the Lightning of God! So shall ye faceth my acidic wrath Lilim! Have at thee!

Shinji, having gained a preternatural sense for things attempting him harm through Asuka's spartan training regiment, quickly dived out of the way when he saw the surface of the Angel ripple in his general direction. The building that was previously behind him was now sporting a much more melted look, courtesy of the Angel's stream of acid.

"Acid? Well, that's new I guess." Shinji noted as he double-checked if his cable was alright. Fortunately, it was unmarred by the attack. He noticed that Unit-00 and Unit-02 had taken cover behind some buildings, so he did the same. "Any idea?"

"Anta Baka?" Leader provided, making motions as if she was pouring something into a test tube.

"Uh… science? Chemistry?" Shinji tried to figure out what her motions meant, but Asuka was quicker on the uptake.

"Chemistry? That's right! If that's acid, it could be neutralized by something basic! Good thinking mini-me!"

"Not a bad idea." Ritsuko begrudgingly admitted. "Two problems. One, we'd need to investigate the chemical compound of that acid to find an effective countermeasure."

"The second?" Rei asked, before noticing something on the horizon through her sniper scope. "Oh."

"Yes, the second problem is that."

The Angel descended on wings of molten magma encased in an AT-field, it's body encased in hardened rock, and it's eyes the picture of absolute rage.

FOOLISH LILIM! I HAVE SEEN IT! YOUR TORTURES WILL BE UNFULFILLED. I WILL BURN DOWN ALL THAT IS A MONUMENT TO YOUR EXISTENCE WITH A TIDE OF MOLTEN ROCK. WEEP AND SCREAM, FOR THE TIME OF DEFLAGRATION HAS COME! YOU FACE SANDALPHON, THE ANGEL OF EMBRYOS. PREPARE FOR YOUR DOOM!

Chapter Text

"Just so you know, I'm blaming someone for this. I don't know who I'm blaming yet, but when I do there will be a reckoning." Asuka was not having a good time. She and the other Eva Units were huddled within a hastily constructed bunker made out of retractable cover. Rei had lost her sniper rifle when the flying magma Angel bit it in half, Asuka's Sonic Glaive had an unfortunate brush with Baraqijal's acid attack, and Shinji's Pallet Rifle had been discarded when it had run dry of ammo. Now they had two Handguns, three Progressive Knives, and Unit-02's Spike Launcher between them. It was a miracle that their power cables were still intact. "Any ideas, because I'm all ears."

"We're working on it Asuka, just hold on." Misato stated placatingly, juggling multiple battle maps and intel reports.

"Sure, I'll bet the Angels will be ever so patient."

"Cut the tone Pilot Soryu, we're working as fast as we can!" Misato had shifted into full military mode, and would not suffer any sass right now. The magma-wielding Angel, recently dubbed Sandalphon, was circling overhead like a vulture, while Baraqijal had not moved at all. Alone these would be difficult foes to face, but together it was proving impossible. When targeting one the other would strike, leaving them little room to maneuver. "Ritsuko, do we have anything yet?"

"The armor on Sandalphon appears to be volcanic rock hardened and compressed by it's AT-field. We haven't been able to acquire a sample of Baraqijal's acid for study yet."

"Lemme guess, we can't just throw a truck filled with baking powder at it?"

"Disregarding the facts that obtaining such a massive quantity of baking powder on such short notice would be extremely unlikely and the fact that I'm pretty sure you mean baking soda, not powder the main problem is that we don't know the chemical compound of the acid." Ritsuko resists the urge to light up a cigarette. "The acid the Angel is attacking us with might be so alien to us that normal base compounds might prove ineffective or detrimental. We might need to synthesize a specific counter compound to even see any effect."

"And that would be-"

"A lengthy and intensive process, yes."

"Dammit, that's just great." Misato groaned as she wracked her brain for a plan.

"Wunderbar. Does anybody have anything? What about you Third?"

"I, uh, got nothing, sorry Asuka. It's not like we could weaken the rock armor with the acid or anything." Asuka scoffed at that.

"Yeah, as if we'll ever be so….." Asuka trailed off as a dawning realization overcame her. "Oh Gott, that's it!"

"Is the Angel coming down for another attack?!" Shinji prepared for another attack but saw nothing.

"No, you just managed to have a brilliant idea! Using that orb Angel's acid to eat away at the rock armor would allow us to get some hits in! Misato?"

"Hmmm, Ritsuko?"

"Worth a try. The MAGI are calculating the most effective way to accomplish this. Good job Pilot Ikari, you might've won us the day."

"Baka-Shinji." Leader agreed, giving Shinji a thumbs up, Shiki mirroring her. Shinji's face flushed, not used to such massive praise.

"Alright, the MAGI's got a plan, we just need a volunteer-" Before Ritsuko could even finish what she was saying, Asuka shot up like lightning.

"ME! I wanna give the Angel a thrashing!" Asuka released her control yolks and did a few quick jabs. The Entry Plug's LCL hindered the momentum of her demonstration, but the message was clear.

"That is probably optimal." Rei interjected as she kept an eye on the Angel overhead. "Pilot Soryu's sync ratio is the highest among us three, meaning her actions would be most precise. She has also displayed the most skill with melee combat, which is undoubtedly invaluable in this instance. Pilot Ikari and I could cover her while she performs the plan."

"Yeah, Asuka is probably the best choice." Shinji agreed. Asuka, surprised at the unanimity of the decision, quickly recovered her bearings.

"Damn straight I am! So, what do I have to do?"

"Unit-02's HUD is being updated with your route. Follow the instructions and the plan will have a ninety-four percent chance of success."

"Those are my kinda odds! Watch and learn you two, this is how you pilot an Eva!" Asuka watched her HUD sync up, waiting for the signal. A moment later she sprung forth, following the on-screen prompts. Her power cable ejected after the second waypoint, the timer beginning to count down. After a few giant strides, she was in position, already the shadow of Sandalphon descending upon her as Baraqijal had her in it's sights. With a rending scream, Sandalphon had plunged it's body onto Unit-02, attempting to bite and claw it to pieces. Asuka grappled with it, the heat radiating off the Angel causing her to sweat. A flash in the corner of her vision let her know her chance had come, she pivoted her body and put Sandalphon between her and Baraqijal, the recently released lance of acid striking Sandalphon in the back. Sandalphon screamed as Asuka pivoted again, facing the Angel's now exposed back towards her teammates.

"Now!" Shinji shouted, popping out of cover to pepper the Angel with handgun rounds. Rei joined him, soon enough emptying her clip into the Angel. The moment that the gunfire stopped Asuka pulled out her Prog Knife and began stabbing Sandalphon's back like Brutus to Caesar. Sandalphon writhed in rage, breaking free of Unit-02's grapple and taking to the sky once more. Asuka rolled out of the way of another lance of acid before sprinting back into cover with her teammates. Once behind the barrier of safety, Shinji plugged her power cable back in, and the two minutes remaining on her timer blanked out.

"Good work you three!" Misato called out. "That had to have done some damage."

"But how will we do more? I don't think it will fall for the same trick twice." Shinji asked, hastily reloading his handgun.

"We'll figure it out, Shinji." Asuka paused as she regained her bearings. "Dammit! I think my knife is still in it's hide." A sudden screech interrupted Asuka's complaints as Sandalphon launched itself toward Baraqijal.

YOU DARE STRIKE UPON ME ORB?! I AM SANDALPHON, AND SUCH A GRAVE INSULT WILL NOT BE TAKEN LIGHTLY!

Calmeth thyself! I meanteth not to assaulteth thy, 'twas merely a play by the Lilim to soweth discord betweeneth thine and mine.

CALM?! THE LILIM NICKED MY FRUIT OF LIFE! HOW WILL I DESTROY THEM NOW?!

That sounds liketh it is noteth mine problem.

UNFORTUNATELY FOR YOU, I HAVE DECIDED IT IS YOUR PROBLEM! RAAAAAAAARGH!

Oh, fucketh.

Meanwhile near Lake Ashi

"So the Angel won't see us coming?" A Minisuka inquired as she dragged the container.

"Not while it's paying attention to the city, probably." Another answered.

"'Probably' doesn't give me good feelings."

"Look, we just need to empty this container into the lake so we can neutralize the acid."

"Professor really got that done quickly. Thank Gott, this should even out the fighting."

"Hey, is it just me or is Sandalphon heading towards us at concerning speeds."

"Oh, Scheiße. Run!" Abandoning the container they all fled as Sandalphon collided with Baraqijal with the force of a meteor. The shockwave sent them flying along with the container. Fortunately, they were able to land safely in a smaller pond.

"Dammit, what do we do now?" A Minisuka said as she spits out pond water.

"I think we're beyond deacidifying the lake at this point. Let's wrangle some wildlife and get back to base before things get worse."

"Fine by me, I don't want to stick around to see who wins in an Angel versus Angel fight." They scamper off, the sound of the Angels fighting echoing throughout the area.

"What is it doing?" Shinji stared as the Angels collided, AT-fields flaring.

"Worry about it later, we need rearmament!" Asuka shouted.

"Sending up a weapon cache, waypoint data uploaded." Their HUDs updated and they sprinted as the weapon containers breached the surface. Asuka grabbed a Bazooka to put on her back mount and a Smash Hawk axe. While Shinji-

"Seriously Shinji? The hammer again?" Asuka stared at him incredulously.

"Look, I just want to hit something with it once and not get hit with it instead." Asuka suppressed a giggle, Leader, and Shiki doing the same.

"Well, that's as good a goal as any."

"What is this?" Rei hefted an unwieldy rifle from the cache, inspecting it.

"That's our prototype Positron Rifle, based on the Positron Sniper Rifle used against the Fifth Angel." Ritsuko explained. "However we still have yet to work out some major issues."

"Such as?" Asuka inquired, not liking where this was going.

"It has one shot before the internals are fried and is rendered useless." Ritsuko explained. "Also it has a fifty percent chance of detonating after firing."

"The hell?! Why send it up then?!"

"It's still an extremely powerful weapon. You'll need all the advantages you can get when you're fighting two Angels."

"This is acceptable." Rei interrupted Asuka's scathing remark. "Such risks are minor if the Angels can be defeated." Rei grabbed a Submachine Gun and attached it to her back mount.

"I don't think Angels is going to be plural soon." Shinji muttered as he stared at the fight over Lake Ashi.

The colliding AT-fields popped, as Sandalphon lunged closer. Unfortunately, this was to Baraqijal's benefit, as spines burst from it like a sea urchin, impaling Sandalphon.

I believeth that iseth checkmate Sandalphon.

NO… I AM SANDALPHON…

Verily, I believeth you hath said as mucheth.

I….. WAS BORN IN THE MOLTEN LIFEBLOOD OF THIS PLANET….

Okayeth? And?

BUT….. EVEN THAT….. DOESN'T BURN AS HOT….. AS MY UNDYING RAGE!

Oh noeth.

Suddenly Sandalphon lunged forth once more, snapping the spines, and crashed into Baraqijal's outer membrane, bursting through it. Sandalphon opened it's maw and began feasting upon Baraqijal's core like a blood-starved beast.

"I don't like where this is going." Shinji whispered as he stared at the horrid sight. "What should we do?"

"We need to play smart, we need to find it's core and destroy it." Misato announced. "Ritsuko?"

"I suspect it should be around where Asuka stabbed it previously. Concentrate attacks there."

"Got it. Rei, set up away from the other two, we need to make your one shot count. Asuka, Shinji. You two need to confront it head-on and allow Rei a chance to hit the core. Got it?" A trio of affirmations was her response. "Good, get to positions!"

No sooner than when she said that did the roar of Sandalphon echo throughout Tokyo-3. It hovered above the bleeding, hollow carcass of Baraqijal, it's magma wings blazing with the primordial heat of the earth. It's eyes locked on the crimson form of Unit-02, remembering the insult it suffered at it's hands. It roared once more and shot towards Unit-02.

"Scheiße, this is going to hurt." Asuka brought her AT-field to full power in preparation for the Angel flying towards her. What she did not expect was when Shinji struck it with his hammer the moment before it hit her, knocking it away and into a defensive structure. Acting on instinct, Asuka dropped her Smash Hawk and grabbed her bazooka, quickly firing it at the Angel. The rocket hit dead on, enveloping the area in black smoke.

"Did we get-" Shinji was interrupted as the Angel roared once more as it parted the smoke with a flap of it's magma wings. It stared at Unit-01 with hatred in it's eyes before a lance of blue energy struck it where it's core was suspected to be. Rei let out a yelp as the Positron Rifle exploded in her hands and the Angel collapsed.

"Nice shot First." Asuka muttered as she retrieved her Smash Hawk.

"Thank you Pilot Soryu. Could you and Pilot Ikari confirm the kill? I fear Unit-00's hands are now inoperable."

"Sure, come on, Shinji." Shinji obliged and crept closer to the Angel with Asuka. As they stepped closer to the Angel their comms sprung to life.

"Wait! Pattern Blue is still active! It's still alive!" Ritsuko called out suddenly. The Angel quickly leapt on Unit-02, attempting to bite the Eva's head off. Asuka dug the Smash Hawk into the Angel's side as her Spike Launcher opened and unloaded it's salvo into the Angel's face.

"It's power output is increasing?! Did it integrate the other Angel's S2 organ?! You need to keep up the attack!" Ritsuko shouted as Asuka was trying to prevent the Angel from turning Unit-02's head into lunch.

"I'm trying! Kinda hard with the fire flounder here trying to use me as a-" Suddenly the Angel was no longer trying to eat her face as a purple blur sped past. "-toothpick?" Asuka looked to her side and saw the speeding form of Unit-01 enveloping Sandalphon in a combination of a grapple and a football tackle.

"Baka-Shinji?!" Leader and Shiki screamed in unison, but Shinji was far too laser-focused on the Angel to hear them. The Angel attempted to pry itself from his grasp, but he held tight with one hand as the other grabbed his handgun, idly noticing he dropped the hammer, and shoved it in the Angel's mouth, pulled the trigger as fast as his sync ratio would allow him. He wasn't sure what happened first, the handgun's clip emptying or the Angel biting the handgun in half, but he threw it away and reached for one of his Prog Knives. The alarms indicated his power cable disconnected as he ran past the edge of the city limits, the sudden onset of blue in his vision meaning he reached Lake Ashi. The splash of water hit Unit-01 and the Angel as they began to sink into the depths.

'Was Lake Ashi always this deep?' Shinji thought as the feeling of acid eating away his flesh enveloped him. He pushed that thought aside as he stabbed the Angel repeatedly as he held back it's ravenous maw. Eventually, the knife broke off in the Angel's hide and he was without a weapon. Then he saw Unit-02's knife still sticking out of the Angel's back, so he grabbed it and twisted. The Angel roared in pain as he wrenched the blade free and drove it back down with a shout. The Angel writhed for a moment before growing still, sinking to the bottom of the lake. He let out an exhausted sigh as he crawled to Lake Ashli's shore. He saw Unit-02 standing over him, arms crossed over it's chest.

"I got 'em." He weakly muttered over the comms as his battery ran dry and he was enveloped in darkness. He blinked, not thinking it took that long to do all of that. He looked to Leader and Shiki, who were giving him a death glare. "Sorry?" He tried, but that only provoked them to start pummeling him. He felt his Entry Plug shudder suddenly as if it was ejected. It then felt like it was being moved before the movement quickly stopped. "Are the recovery crews here already?" His answer came in the form of an angry German redhead opening his Entry Plug hatch. "Asuka?"

"Third." Her tone was concerningly flat. "You wanna tell me what you did wrong?" Shinji suddenly sensed danger, and his only escape route was blocked by Asuka. He racked his brain for the answer and took a shot in the dark.

"I, uh, put myself into danger when I didn't need to?"

"Well, it looks like you have more brain cells than I thought." Asuka offered a hand, which he gladly accepted. They both got out of the Entry Plug and onto the shore of Lake Ashi. Shinji breathed a sigh of relief, then Asuka smacked him over the head.

"Ow! What was-"

"Don't do that again Third, or I'm going to hit you way harder." Her expression softened as she patted him on the shoulder. "But I'll let you have that Angel kill. Just be aware the next one is mine." She gave him a predatory grin as Leader and Shiki continued to pummel him.

"I just hope there aren't two next time."

"Don't jinx it. Oh, by the way, I'm intensifying your training." Shinji groaned in defeat as the rescue crews approached.

"-as for the damages sustained by the Evangelions…." Doctor Akagi began. "Unit-02 suffered the least amount of damage, merely some wear and tear. Unit-00 will need to have it's hands replaced. Finally, we need to replace all of the armor of Unit-01, as the acid permeated throughout Lake Ashi melted it."

"I see." Gendo held his hands clasped in front of his face as he usually did, his eyes focused on Doctor Akagi. "Do you have an ETA on when the repairs will be completed?"

"Not yet, we've only managed to do a preliminary analysis at this time. But I'd estimate a month for full repairs, half that for minimum battle readiness."

"That will do. But that leaves us down an Eva unit for the time being. Something we will have to correct."

"Do you mean to activate Unit-05? Isn't it far too early? We haven't even selected the core to use."

"Normally I would agree with you. But now we have seen that the Angels will not assault us one at a time like we previously thought. As such we need every advantage we can get. Load core number S2412 into Provisional Unit-05."

"S2412? That doesn't match any core we have."

"It has been designated unfit for use until now, you'll find your clearance has been updated to show you all relevant data. Is there anything else?"

"Yes, we are neutralizing the acidity of Lake Ashi to prevent further problems, and we are retrieving the spines possessed by the Angel Baraqijal to see if they can be weaponized."

"Very well, if there is nothing else you may go." Doctor Akagi nodded and left his office, leaving him alone with Fuyutsuki.

"Two Angels at once. How are the Old Men taking it?"

"Poorly. They are panicking now that their Scenario has gone so far off the rails."

"They brought it upon themselves. Still, we were lucky we managed to beat the Angels with relatively little damage. It could have been much worse."

"Indeed, but it also brought us insight. Did you notice how the Ishim did not make an appearance?"

"Yes. Very odd considering what we know of them."

"Very odd indeed. This leads me to believe their prescience is not as accurate as we feared."

"An interesting observation. Could the events they know be different from ours inherently? Or is there something altering events to counter them?"

"Perhaps, perhaps not."

"Do you have a theory, Ikari?"

"The beginnings of one, but I need time to flesh it out further."

"Good to see the things I taught you are still hammered into that mind of yours Ikari."

"Your teachings have served me well Professor, in many ways."

"Flattery will get you nowhere. Now, how will we deal with getting our new Pilot onboard?"

"Let me worry about that. Until then, we have work to do."

Yui Ikari gazed at the endless nothingness before her, the silence calmed her after that intense fight with the Angels. She just wished that Shinji wouldn't put himself in so much danger when he fights. At least she knew that he had many guardian angels looking after him. She just hated what she saw when she-

"M̵i̷s̷s̸ ̸I̵k̶a̴r̶i̸.̷ ̴H̴o̷w̸ ̶a̸r̵e̴ ̶w̶e̶ ̷d̸o̸i̷n̸g̸ ̵t̷o̴d̶a̷y̵?̵" Oh, he was back.

"Enigma. How pleasant of you to drop by. For what reason have you decided to visit?" She turned to look at the monster in his fake eyes.

"J̶u̷s̸t̵ ̶c̸h̶e̴c̶k̶i̶n̷g̵ ̸u̶p̵ ̷o̸n̷ ̷m̷y̴ ̸f̵a̷v̶o̶r̵i̵t̴e̷ ̷E̶v̷a̶n̷g̵e̷l̷i̶o̵n̵ ̴s̸c̶i̴e̶n̸t̸i̵s̴t̸.̴ ̷E̸s̷p̴e̴c̴i̶a̸l̶l̸y̶ ̷a̸f̶t̴e̶r̴ ̶t̵h̸a̵t̷ ̴f̸i̵g̷h̶t̸." He pretended to brush some dust off himself, trying to appear human to comfort her. It was having the opposite effect.

"I'm fine. Now leave." She hissed.

"L̴o̵o̶k̸,̵ ̶t̶h̸e̸r̵e̶'̷s̸ ̸n̴o̷ ̴n̷e̶e̷d̸ ̴t̶o̴ ̸b̵e̷ ̸s̴o̵ ̵h̷o̷s̵t̴i̸l̶e̸.̸ ̶J̵u̷s̸t̷ ̶b̵e̵c̵a̴u̷s̸e̴ ̷I̴ ̴p̴r̷e̴v̶e̴n̷t̷e̵d̷ ̶y̷o̸u̶ ̴f̸r̵o̸m̷ ̶w̴a̶r̴n̸i̶n̵g̷ ̸y̶o̵u̷r̸ ̶s̷o̶n̶ ̷a̷b̶o̶u̷t̶ ̴w̸h̶a̴t̴ ̶y̴o̶u̶ ̴s̸a̶w̸ ̷d̴o̷e̸s̶n̴'̷t̷ ̶m̵e̶a̴n̸ ̷w̷e̴ ̴c̴a̷n̵'̶t̸ ̸h̷a̸v̵e̶ ̶a̸ ̷p̸r̴o̷f̴e̴s̸s̸i̴o̸n̷a̵l̷ ̵w̴o̷r̴k̶i̶n̵g̷ ̷r̸e̵l̵a̴t̸i̶o̶n̸s̴h̵i̷p̵."

"That's exactly what it means! He deserves to know!"

"N̸o̶,̶ ̷h̷e̴ ̷d̸o̵e̴s̵n̵'̸t̵.̴ ̶I̷'̵m̸ ̸n̶o̷t̵ ̷g̴o̷i̵n̷g̵ ̷t̸o̵ ̵h̴a̴v̷e̴ ̸h̴i̷m̸ ̷b̷r̸e̸a̸k̵ ̴s̴o̸ ̸y̴o̵u̸ ̶c̵a̷n̸ ̸u̷s̸e̶ ̷h̸i̴m̷ ̴a̵s̵ ̷a̵ ̵f̸u̴l̸c̷r̶u̶m̷ ̸f̸o̷r̶ ̷T̶h̴i̵r̴d̶ ̴I̴m̷p̸a̷c̷t̸.̵"

"Is that your plan? Preventing Third Impact?" She eyed the monster as it stared at her in confusion.

"S̶n̷r̸k̶." He snorted humorously before beginning to erupt into full-blown laughter. "H̶a̸h̸e̶h̵a̷h̷e̶h̶a̷h̴e̶h̶a̷h̴e̶h̶a̴h̷e̸h̸a̶h̶e̸h̷a̷h̸e̸h̸a̵h̸e̶!̶!̶!̷!̵!̶!̶!̵"

"Why are you laughing!?" Yui's patience was running thin with this thing.

"I̶t̸'̵s̵ ̴j̴u̸s̴t̶…̷.̵.̶ ̷I̴'̵m̵ ̴n̸o̴t̵ ̶g̵o̶i̶n̸g̴ ̶t̸o̴ ̶s̸t̶o̶p̴ ̸T̷h̵i̷r̶d̷ ̶I̵m̶p̷a̷c̷t̵.̶" He mimicked wiping a tear from his eye.

"I̷'̴m̸ ̴g̶o̶i̷n̵g̴ ̸t̴o̷ ̵u̴s̷u̸r̵p̴ ̶i̴t̸.̵"

"W-what?" Her blood ran cold, her mind refusing to believe what she just heard.

"I̶'̶m̸ ̵g̵o̶i̵n̸g̶ ̸t̴o̴ ̴u̵s̵u̸r̷p̵ ̷i̵t̵,̶ ̵a̵n̵d̷ ̶u̴s̴e̵ ̷i̸t̶ ̶t̸o̵ ̴d̵e̵s̷t̵r̵o̴y̵ ̵t̴h̵e̷ ̴f̶u̸t̴u̷r̵e̴.̷"

"That…. doesn't make any sense!" Her mind had gone into overdrive trying to decipher what that meant, and how it was possible. "Destroying the future? That's just nonsense and insanity!"

"H̷a̸v̷e̷ ̷y̵o̶u̶ ̴l̸o̶o̶k̵e̵d̸ ̵a̸r̶o̴u̸n̷d̴ ̴l̴a̸t̷e̵l̸y̴?̷ ̷I̵n̵s̴a̸n̶i̷t̶y̶ ̵i̸s̶ ̵t̸h̴e̸ ̷n̵a̷m̴e̵ ̶o̸f̵ ̵t̶h̴e̴ ̷g̵a̷m̵e̸ ̷n̷o̴w̴a̸d̴a̸y̸s̴.̷" He glanced elsewhere for a moment before returning his attention to her. "B̸u̸t̴ ̸e̵n̵o̵u̷g̵h̶ ̵c̴h̵i̸t̷c̷h̵a̵t̴,̵ ̴I̶ ̵g̴o̷t̶ ̸p̴l̵a̷c̵e̷ ̶t̷o̷ ̵d̷o̷ ̷a̵n̵d̵ ̷t̵h̴i̸n̵g̷s̷ ̴t̸o̸ ̶b̸e̶,̷ ̴s̴o̵ ̸I̴ ̷g̶o̴t̷t̶a̵ ̴h̶e̷a̷d̶ ̴o̷u̷t̵.̷ ̵W̸e̷'̷l̸l̷ ̸t̸a̷l̴k̸ ̴l̷a̸t̶e̵r̶.̸ ̷M̵a̵y̵b̵e̵ ̷b̷y̶ ̶t̶h̷e̵n̴ ̶y̸o̷u̸ ̵c̵a̸n̶ ̸f̵i̵g̸u̴r̵e̵ ̵s̴o̶m̴e̶t̷h̶i̴n̷g̵ ̸o̷u̸t̷.̴ ̷T̷o̷o̷d̶l̷e̸s̴!̴" Suddenly he was gone, leaving Yui alone once more.

"What could he…." Yui sat still, with nothing but her thoughts to keep her company. Thoughts focused on deciphering the madness of the monster known as Enigma.

Chapter Text

A few days after the dual Angel incursion

"I'm home." Asuka grumbled as she made her way into the apartment. Her mood wasn't great, the rest of the class was still in Okinawa so she couldn't hang out with Hikari or Kotone, and now her trip to the mall was ruined.

"Welcome back." She heard Shinji answer in return. That was another problem. She couldn't understand what she felt about Shinji. She felt annoyed with him sometimes and pleased with him at other times, and not in the ways she usually felt those emotions. Sure she said she was his friend, but she wasn't sure what that really meant. She didn't have friends before coming here so she was stuck in unfamiliar territory now that she had three, possibly four, people she could consider 'friends'. Not to mention she had to live with one.

"Hey Shinji, you would not believe the day I've had." She entered the kitchen and saw Shinji sprawled out on the living room floor while staring at the ceiling. The little shit Shiki was sitting on his chest, staring at the television, which appears to be on a channel that does nothing but display the color blue. The Leader mini-me was nowhere to be seen. Suffice to say, she was confused.

"What happened?" He asked, his eyes flickering to her. Right, worry about that later, vent now.

"Right so, I was going to the mall, right? I wanted to try out this new ice cream place."

"I remember you saying something about that, they had a strawberry sundae? How was it?" Oh, she must have mentioned it earlier.

"Great actually. It's called Strawberry Overdose, it's strawberry ice cream with strawberry whip cream covered in strawberry syrup, strawberry sprinkles, and fresh strawberries."

"That's a lot of strawberries."

"Yeah, it was so good but I'm not gonna eat anything strawberry flavored for a week because of that. But that's beside the point! As I was finishing up a Gottdamn tiger wanders into the food court."

"A tiger?" Shinji's eyes widened with concern.

"Yeah, but don't worry, I'm fine." His expression relaxes. "Anyway, the tiger comes in and starts accosting people. Then, a guy in a white suit and a guy in a yellow jacket come in and start fighting the tiger!"

"How?"

"The yellow jacket guy pulled out a sledgehammer with a car battery taped to it from somewhere, while the white suit guy just punched it."

"He punched a tiger?"

"Yeah. So I got the heck out of there. And I really wanted to go to some of the clothing stores too."

"Sorry to hear that Asuka. But there's always next time, right?" He sounded genuine, but he still hasn't moved an inch. Now it was irritating her. Time to get to the bottom of this!

"Alright, what's going on Shinji? You look like a body the police are about to outline in chalk." The sudden thought of Shinji being a body filled her with very….. dark thoughts. She quickly repressed those thoughts before they could take root.

"Oh. It's just that….. you know that feeling when you have an itch but you can reach it and it grows to be a sharp tingling feeling that gnaws away at you?" She blinks, wondering where the hell this came from.

"Yes?"

"Well multiply that by ten, and that's the feeling that I have right now over my whole body and scratching doesn't help. Right now I'm just trying to ignore it by not moving." What? That's unusual, where could that-

"Oh! That's probably phantom pain from when you took a dip in that acid lake. Well, it could be worse, I hear First can barely move her hands after that rifle exploded in her Eva's hands." On one hand, she was lucky she didn't suffer any injuries in that fight, on the other hand, she almost wanted an injury to prove how hard fought that battle was. Well, there's always next time. She can take solace in the fact she taught Shinji how to kill Angels effectively, meaning she is partially responsible for killing that Angel.

"Poor Ayanami, I hope she's fine." Suddenly a chunk of ice formed in her stomach, and a feeling she couldn't properly identify overtook her.

"I'm sure she's fine." She ground out a bit more forcefully than she intended. "Let's worry about you."

"Oh, you don't need to worry about me Asuka, I'm fine-"

"Hush!" She interrupted, glaring at him. "I've decided to help you distract yourself from your phantom pain. You should be thankful!"

"Thank you? But how are you-"

"I'm glad you asked!" She interrupted again. "We're going to play video games!"

"Video games?" He asked inquisitively.

"Anta Baka?" The little shit, Shiki, inquired with a curious gleam in her eye.

"That's right! Wait right here!" She dashed off to her room and began to rummage around her boxes. She quickly found the object of her desire, her Segatendo Dreamcube. As she pulled out the cubical gaming edifice, something fell onto the floor. A red, tuning fork-shaped object. She set down the console and picked up the red fork. She suddenly recalled what it was, her commemorative eating fork she got in the mail. Now that she noticed it again she realized how it looked like those lances the mini-mes use. In fact, it looked exactly like them.

"Oh, Gott. I'm a fucking idiot." It was exactly like those lances because it was one! How did she not notice this before?! "Alright, calm down Asuka. There's a logical explanation for this. Wait, no there isn't. You live in a place where countless mini versions of you run around and people punch tigers in malls! Logic had obviously been taken behind the shed to be put down." She took a deep breath to calm down before she got further into her tirade. "Alright, I need to get to the bottom of this. But later, I said I would distract Shinji from his woes and I'm no liar. Well, usually." She put the mini lance in her pocket and grabbed the console and a game from her collection and brought it back to the living room. "Behold! Distraction!" She held out the console and game.

"Lunar Farming: A Marvelous Life?" Oh crap, did she grab one of her farming sims? There was no way he would- "That sounds fun. I used to do a bit of gardening before I came here, it'd be nice to do it again." -wouldn't like her heartfelt and well-researched pick!

"We'll get ready to farm your heart out!" She quickly plugged in the console to the television and booted up the console. "Hope you're prepared because we're gonna make the best damn farm ever! One you can brag to those two stooge friends of yours about!" She thought for a moment as she realized something. "Wait, are those two the only guy friends you actually have?" She noticed the little shit, Shiki, had pilfered the instruction manual from the game case and was reading it intently.

"Uh, Mister Aoba is my friend?"

"Ugh, he's old so he doesn't count."

"Uh… Mat?" Who?

"Who?" She repeated vocally.

"It's short for Matsuhide or Matsusuke I think. I've talked with him." Wow, he really needs to get out more.

"I don't remember anyone like that." The name sounded familiar, but she couldn't put a face to it, which made this guy unimportant.

"Do you remember most of the class at all?" She stopped fussing over the game's settings for a moment to stare at him. Did…. did Shinji just sass her? Did Shinji Ikari just sass her, Asuka Langley Soryu? Even Shiki was staring at him with a disbelieving look.

"Was that sass Shinji? I didn't know you had it in you." He went wide-eyed and looked away sheepishly.

"S-sorry." A flash of annoyance spiked into her temple.

"Don't apologize, I wasn't offended or anything. Now come on and sit up, you have virtual farming to do." She slapped the controller in his hand, causing him to wince. He slowly sat up and fixed his eyes on the screen, his discomfort plainly visible.

"Right, so how do I do anything?"

"Follow the tutorial and I'll explain from there." She looked around and had a sudden realization. "Hey, where's Pen-Pen?"

A single overhead light illuminated the table he was sitting at, and the smell of machinery and cheap, non-dairy, artificial cheese substitute filled the air. He gazed at the others before him, trying to decipher their gazes for any kind of clue that would lead to his victory. To the world at large, he was a reclusive investor, Pengaldo Pengelton, but to those close to him he was known as the penguin, Pen-Pen. And today, he would emerge on top.

"I raise."

"Dammit! I fold." William the Spoonbill grumbled as best as his large beak would allow as Pen-Pen collected his winnings.

"Ha! I only had a pair of threes!"

"This is why I hate playing with you guys, you take things far too seriously." Ciel the Seagull griped as she drank her beer through a straw.

"I don't know what you're talking about Ciel, this is hilarious." Tender the Chicken giggled.

"Shut it Tender, go back to your Yakuza overlords."

"Just because a Yakuza member runs the company I work at doesn't mean I work for the Yakuza!" Tender clucked aggressively.

"Sure, keep telling yourself that."

"Ladies, enough." Pen-Pen held up his wings placatingly. "If you don't want to play poker then we have a plethora of other games we can play."

"Do we have Candyland?" Ciel questioned intently.

"Maybe? The pile is over there." Ciel launches herself at the pile of games, leaving the three of them to themselves. "So, Tender. How are my investments?"

"Excellent, and the roaches attempting to dig into your financial records are being waylaid."

"Excellent, and how are things on your end William?"

"Aside from being shanghaied to fight a literal Kaiju, they're fine. I've managed to scout out a few of your competitors. But I've been seeing a few of those black suits spying on me, so I might have to lay low."

"That's fine, staying safe should be your priority. Ciel-"

"You cloacae! There is no Candyland!" Ciel stomps back. "Also my eavesdropping is going well. But I'm still mad at those little red things."

"Well perhaps you should not have tried to eat them." Pen-Pen admonished.

"If they aren't food then why are they small and smell like blood!"

"Well take that as a lesson. Also, I'll see if I can grab Candyland for our next game night."

"Thank you!"

"In any case my compatriots, we are inching closer to our goal of creating a nation of birds, by birds. With our tiny red allies, we shall soon found the land where we will rule."

"""For our new land.""" They all intoned as Pen-Pen interlaced his claws. All was going according to plan.

Mana cheerfully hummed a tune as she packed her bag with the necessities she needed for her mission. Like underwear, a toothbrush, her music player, a triangle blade trench knife banned by the Geneva Convention, and some shampoo. The important stuff.

"Please Mana, don't leave me alone with Keita!" Musashi begs her on his knees. "He's crazy!"

"Mushahi, don't be rude to Keita! Keita is just a bit shy, right Keita?"

"This world is imperfect." Keita monologues as he stares into the eyes of the skull he's holding. "I wish I could wipe away the impurities and make it as beautiful as I!"

"See?"

"How does that sound shy?! He sounds like he's going to sprout a single angelic wing and summon a meteor to destroy humanity!"

"I look upon the creatures known as humanity and see only ants. Does this make me an ant or a god?"

"All I hear is creativity being stifled by closed minds." Mana chastises Musashi with a wag of her finger. "How would you feel if someone said something like that about you?"

"What is a mind, but a prison for the spirit? Once I gain the power to do so, I will shed my mind to unshackle my spirit so I may unleash devastation upon the mewling masses."

"…You know what? Fuck this shit, I'm out." Musashi flips them off as he leaves their bunks.

"Rude. Welp, time to go to a fortress city designed to protect us from alien invaders to seduce a teenage boy for info on the death mech he pilots! See ya later Keita!" Mana waved goodbye to her fellow pilot.

"Soon I shall ascend to a plane higher than one with these petty trifles, and in my wake, this land shall be engulfed in hellfire." Keita crushes the skull in his hand.

"Right, have fun with that!" Mana skips off to her destiny. Unfortunately, to get to her destiny she will require three bus transfers and a taxi, but who said that destiny would be easy?

Fuyutsuki sits silently in his office, contemplating the many recent happenings. Today his attention is focused on the mysterious message the 'Professor' left him. He still has yet to decipher its meaning, the illegibility haunting him. He could track down the Professor and ask for assistance or inquire the MAGI for an answer, but he was determined to solve this under his own power.

"It's not cursive Kanji script, it's not some form of Chinese, it's not any Southeast Asian script I can track down. What was she trying to tell me?" He sighs and leans back in his chair. Perhaps his mind was starting to dull in his old age? Even so, he would solve this, his pride as a professor wouldn't allow any less. He looked at the globe sitting on the corner of his desk, a gift from one of his students a long time ago, and gave it an idle spin. It wasn't an accurate globe, not since Second Impact at least.

"To think the world used to be so different not so long ago." He mused as he stopped the gentle spin. "I wonder how Yui sees the world through the eyes of the Eva?" He blinks as he turns the globe towards the Mediterranean, eyeing a certain island. "It can't be…" He holds up the Professor's message as the realization hits him like a truck.

"Of course, I've been looking at it wrong the entire time. It was never a message, to begin with. It was a map." He grabs his phone and quickly calls the Commander.

"Fuyutsuki. What is it?" Curt and to the point as always.

"I've got a hunch about something, do we have agents in the Mediterranean area?"

"We do. What are you suspecting?"

"I'm not sure yet, but I have a sneaking suspicion it's important."

"You're being unusually vague Fuyutsuki, but your hunches are rare and often accurate, so I'll humor you. What do you think needs investigating?"

"Cyprus, New Dhekelia region."

"Very well, I'll dispatch Squad Nitocris from our Egyptian branch. You're responsible for directing them, keep me updated. Anything else?"

"No, I'll leave you to your work Commander." He hung up the phone without another word. Fuyutsuki turned to his computer and began researching. There was a mystery to solve and his old bones were aching to uncover it.

"I'm not sure what there is to be found at the end of this tunnel, but I suppose that's half the fun isn't it?" He mused to himself.

Gendo hung up the phone and reclasped his hands in front of his face. His eyes returned to Doctor Akagi, her expression one of annoyance.

"So Doctor, what seems to be the issue?"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"My issue is that you're being far too lax with Rei! First, she's become obsessed with 'vengeance' and now she's seeing a therapist!" Oh, so that's what this was about.

"Her therapy sessions are being monitored to ensure nothing gets leaked, and I don't believe that they will sway her from her duty." Listening to them was intriguing, to say the least. He had to admit that hearing that Rei's decisions were based on what he said stirred something akin to parental pride within him. "The same with her quest for vengeance. It is merely something to occupy her time. I doubt it will sway her from our cause." It has nothing to do with the fact that she reminds him of Yui's fights with Kyoko and Mary back in college. To insinuate that would be cause for severe reprimandations.

"Do you really believe that? What if you're wrong? What then?" He didn't appreciate her skepticism, but he could understand her concerns. No matter, he had the perfect way to allay them.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Then let me show you that you have nothing to worry about." He pressed the speaker button on his phone and hit the speed dial for Rei's cell. It rang four times, twice as much as the previous minimum, causing him some concern before remembering Rei's current hand troubles. She was probably having difficulty with operating the phone. Soon the sound of the line connecting broke him out of his musings, then he heard the sound of animalistic hissing and a scuffle. "Rei?"

"Apologies Commander Ikari, the local switchblade-wielding raccoon has invaded my apartment and is accosting me. What do you need?" He and Akagi shared a look before refocusing on the phone.

"Your recent behavior changes, including your blood feud with the Ishim, have raised some concerns. I would like to confirm, you will still do your duty, correct?"

"Of course." She quickly replied as if she hadn't needed to think about it. "Why wouldn't I?"

"I just wanted to ensure you would not feel unfulfilled when Complementation is achieved and the Ishim you are feuding with joins with the whole of humanity." He didn't want to say they doubted her, as that might implant a seed of uncertainty within her.

"I don't understand." Rei stated after a moment of silence. "Why would the Ishim join with humanity during Complementation?" He blinked in surprise, Akagi sharing his confusion.

"What do you mean Rei? The Ishim are human, aren't they?" A creeping feeling of dread was beginning to worm its way into him.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"No, they are aberrations in the fabric of reality that should not exist. Why would you think they are human?" Suddenly the sound of the hissing grew louder and a yelp was heard on the other end. "I apologize, Commander Ikari, I must do battle with Garbagius, The Recusant of Hakone, I will endeavor to continue this conversation with you later." The line went dead as silence engulfed the room. The both of them stared at each other as they absorbed this new information.

"I want the MAGI on this as soon as physically possible."

"Yes, Commander." She quickly left the office, leaving the Commander alone. He sighed as he retrieved a bottle of liquor from his desk.

"Solve one problem, another rears its head." He abandoned the idea of a glass as he drank straight from the bottle. He stared at his hand intently. "At least you're consistent."

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"I still wish you'd shut up."

"So if I give this old guy gifts and befriend him, he'll give me a sentient plant that I can use to fuse plants together?"

"Yup. Also, you need to give gifts to some girls as well. You need to be married if you want to get past the first year."

"M-married?! But I don't-" He was having trouble forming words at this point so she decided to throw him a bone.

"Calm down Shinji, it's just a game. Just pick one of these four and you'll be fine." She points to the four bachelorettes in the instruction manual. Personally, she usually chose the blonde waitress, as she reminded her of Mama before- NOPE! Immediately repressing that thought!

"Uhhhhhh. This one, I guess." He pointed to the aloof redhead. She felt some level of smug satisfaction from his choice but decided to file that away for later.

"Ah, she's the hardest to romance. So you like a challenge, huh?"

"W-wait, that's now what I-"

"Don't worry, I understand. You wanna spice up the playthrough by choosing the most difficult target. I can respect that. Don't worry Shinji, we'll make a gamer out of you yet!"

"Anta Baka?" Shiki questions with a flat look.

"Quiet you, you're too small to even use a controller." Shiki responded with a death glare to end all death glares. She ignored her and focused on Shinji, who had meekly mumbled something and went back to playing. She noticed how he didn't look as uncomfortable as he did before, meaning her plan to distract him was working. Maybe this is a chance to get a co-op player for all of her multiplayer games? Well, she'll consider that later, now she'll just worry about explaining how this game works to him.

"Asuka, why am I suddenly surrounded by gnomes?" He asked with a hint of panic. She sighed, giving him a bemused look.

"Those are the Farming Sprites, you see they serve the Moon Goddess….." And so they continued well into the day, immersing themselves in the virtual farm work, nearly forgetting the world until Pen-Pen reappeared and demanded dinner.

Chapter Text

"So….. how was it here while we were partying in Okinawa?" Kotone enquired Asuka and Shinji as they walked to school. "Anything juicy happen? And the Angel attack doesn't count!" Asuka clamped her mouth shut with a scowl. "I want to hear about something besides that or how someone is using the NERV breakroom microwave to heat up fish."

"Oh Gott, someone is microwaving fish in the breakroom? I thought the Angels were monsters." Asuka lamented exaggeratingly. "Seriously though, who does that?"

"Dunno." Kotone shrugged nonchalantly. "Anyway, hook me up with those deets girl, I want the lowdown on what happened when I was gone."

"Not much, except the tiger at the mall."

"Oh, I heard about that. That mall always has weird stuff happening in it. Apparently, it's built on a cursed burial ground or something."

"A cursed burial ground." Asuka stated flatly. "When it's in a city made out of retractable plates built within the past decade."

"Oh. Yeah, fair point. But saying cursed burial ground gets those views." Kotone cups her chin. "Maybe that can be my next vlog episode?"

"I've been meaning to ask-" Shinji speaks up after being silent for a while. "-what's it like being a popular UsVisioner?"

"Great!" Kotone exclaims. "Sure I get the occasional haters and weirdos bothering me, but every time I get a comment to say I've made somebody's day better makes it all worth it. Why? Interested in setting up your own?" Kotone wiggled her eyebrows knowingly. "You and Asuka gonna set up the Eva Pilot's channel?"

"Hmmm. Not a bad idea….." Asuka muttered, deep in thought.

"N-no! I mean I was just-" Suddenly the sounds of Piccola Serenata by Antonio Salieri filled the air. Shinji blinked as he fished out his phone with a blush on his face. "H-hello? Oh. Okay." He held out the phone to Leader, who had been watching the entire scene with amusement. "It's for you." Leader blinked as she awkwardly settled up to the aloft phone.

"Anta Baka? Baka. Baka? Anta Baka?! Baka! Baka!" She had a determined look on her face as she pressed the hang-up button on the phone and let loose a loud whistle. Suddenly an RC helicopter emerged from beyond the nearby rooftops, hovering over the three students. A rope was released which Leader quickly grabbed and she was soon carried off to parts unknown, leaving behind three confused students and an annoyed Shiki.

"Wonder what that was all about?" Kotone asked as they continued their walk.

"Something nonsensical I'll bet." Asuka muttered dryly.

"Anta Baka." Shiki begrudgingly agreed.

"So what's the deal with Blue, she's still one of 'us', right?" A Minisuka asked as they watched four of their comrades play a game of Squash.

"From what I hear, yeah. It's just weird where she comes from." Another answers.

"Weird enough for her to want to kill Wondergirl. More than usual anyway."

"Yeah, and she'll do it if we give her a chance. Still, how weird is it that she calls Wondergirl Ikar-" her musings were interrupted as Leader burst in.

"Codename 'Red Honey' has been spotted!" Leader screamed at the lot of them, causing them all to freeze. "Operation Tyrant is entering phase two! Get to your positions, THIS IS NOT A DRILL!" Suddenly the area was a hive of activity as the plethora of Minisukas scrambled to get to their designated stations. Many of the Minisukas expeditiously exited their bunker with one clear intent, annihilation, leaving only a skeleton crew behind.

"Hey, I got the coffee!" A Minisuka emerged from the break room with two thimbles of coffee in hand. "Uh, where did everyone go? Guys?" She would be left with the coffee for the foreseeable future

Mana was ready for her big day. Her many preparations for her seduction of Shinji Ikari would allow her to snatch victory swiftly. She had her whole kit prepared, a piece of toast in her mouth for running into, her lucky underwear for risky plays, a spare lunch for sharing, a chloroform-soaked rag for desperation moves, and a silenced pistol just in case. Along with a plethora of other knick-knacks, she was ready for the best mission ever!

"I can tell this will go great and nothing will attempt to prevent me from completing my super awesome mission!"

"Anta Baka." Mana blinked as she looked for the origin of the sudden voice. She didn't have to look far as she found she was surrounded by a horde of tiny redheads.

"Wow! This is just like my dream! Except there aren't any bowler hat-wearing hippos that breathe rainbow fire."

"Baka?" A Minisuka asked incredulously. This was all Mana needed as she quickly reached into her bag to grab one of her emergency tools.

"SNEAK ATTACK!" Mana screamed as she threw the smoke bomb at her feet. The cloud of smoke obscured the area and threw many Minisukas into a coughing fit. Suddenly Mana burst out of the cloud on her emergency roller skates. "Hah! I'm too subtle for you!" She taunted as she sped away from the horde.

"Anta Baka?!" The Minisukas stared at their escaping prey for a moment before they gave chase with righteous fury. The hunt was on.

Meanwhile in the SEELE Secret headquarters!

Keel sighed as he leaned back in his chair. The sheer magnitude of the apocryphal texts he had to go through was beginning to wear on him. When he was younger he would've taken a break by enjoying a nice glass of liquor, but considering the deteriorating state of his cloned liver and kidneys that would be folly. Soon he would have to replace them with more mechanical parts. His time was running short, fortunately, the Scenario was soon to pass. As long as these aberrations in the Scrolls predictions didn't throw things too far off the rails. His musings were broken as his phone began to ring. He swiftly picked it up and waited for whoever was on the other end to speak first, a subtle gesture but he found it enforced his authority well enough.

"Chairman. Do you have a moment?" SEELE-09, their representative handling their influence in America. A difficult task considering the United States President's…. eccentricities and the treacherousness of the Vice President.

"Nine. What is it?" The other members knew what entailed interrupting him without proper reason, it stood to reason that SEELE-09 has something worthy of his attention.

"I've come across something worthwhile. You're aware of how most of our branches during our GEHIRN stage were working on developing the first Eva units?" He was aware, the both of them knew that. As such, SEELE-09 continued. "It seems that a failed model was put on ice instead of being properly disposed of. And a discreet inspection indicates that it may be functional with some re-tuning and some fixing up." That caught his interest.

"Oh? Interesting, so this would provide us with a functional Eva unit?"

"Yes, Chairman. While it wouldn't be quite up to snuff with a Production model or the Eva-Series it would still be a useful tool to have." Keel hummed in thought. While not the most useful card to have, an Eva unit is still an Eva unit. Especially useful when Ikari inevitably tries to buck his leash.

"Have it marked as scrap for repurposing as spare parts for the Eva-Series. Once it arrives at one of our facilities, have them discreetly repurpose it. Is there anything else?"

"Yes actually." Oh? This was a surprise, but Keel decided to humor him. "Considering the instability of what we know of the Scrolls, I'm wondering if it is necessary to proceed with our plans for Unit-04." Keel grimaced, understanding where SEELE-09 was coming from. With the Scrolls becoming less and less accurate, would crippling themselves by sabotaging Unit-04 really benefit them in the end? Of course, he knew the true reason SEELE-09 was bringing this up.

"And I assume you want the test pilot to be officially recognized as the newest Child?"

"It would benefit us to have a loyal agent within the ranks of the Pilots, something I can guarantee with her." His points were solid, Keel begrudgingly acknowledged. The benefits were clear and outweighed any risks he could think of. As expected from the head of the CIA, SEELE-09 had a way with words.

"I will take your words into consideration Nine, but they are favorable at first glance. You will have my answer in time." Keel hung up without waiting for a response. He stared at top of his desk, the small mirror displaying his visored visage chief among his attention. He was becoming less and less human with time. Soon he would be nothing more than metal. But, he once again remembered that the Scenario would soon come to pass.

"So close, yet so far away." Keel muttered to his reflection as he grabbed his cane and rose from his chair. He left his musty office to once again suffer through his daily dealings with Tabris, but such was the way of things. What he didn't see was his reflection in the mirror remaining despite his absence. The reflection smirked and dissipated into nothingness as the office lights automatically shut off, drenching the office in darkness.

NERV Commander's office

Gendo stares at the entrance to his office, awaiting the arrival of his next appointment. He steels himself for the difficult battle that will follow, as his opponent in this battle of wits is one that is unpredictable and cunning. Undoubtedly his usual tactics would be insufficient against this foe, so he must stay on his toes and keep his methods and wordplay fluid and adaptable.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Fuyutsuki." He addresses his old professor, seeking to warm up his mental facilities before the bout. "How is the investigation into your hunch?" He was keeping tabs on it so he already had a basic understanding of the current goings on, but Fuyutsuki usually had some insight into matters that he, begrudgingly, would take longer to ascertain.

"Unfruitful as of now. Though the area is no stranger to odd happenings. Supposedly in the eighties, a hospital was burned down by an army unit and 'a man on fire riding a flaming horse'. Or so the locals believe."

"Considering what we've seen, is that so hard to believe?" Fuyutsuki sighed.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"I suppose not, but I doubt it's anything relevant to us. Even if it was, the trail has likely gone cold as of now." Gendo had to concede that point.

"So there was nothing else?"

"There was something. Recently a coma patient woke up in one of the local hospitals. One who has been in a coma since washing up on shore shortly after Second Impact. Shortly after waking up, the patient disappeared, or perhaps escaped." That was curious.

"Do we have an identity?"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"No, a Jane Doe. We only have a description to go by. Woman, brown hair, European features, late forties early fifties age range." That sounded strangely familiar.

"That is an unusually familiar description. Could it possibly be her?"

"I'm not getting my hopes up. Features like that are common around those parts. Still, I'll dig deeper into this Jane Doe." He grunted in acknowledgment.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Keep on your toes, there's no telling what-" He was interrupted as two Section Two agents brought in a struggling man with a black sack over his head.

"We got him, sir." One of the agents reported as they brought the man in front of his desk. Gendo resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"Agents, I request you escort him here for a talk, what is this?"

AHHHHHHHHHHH!

"I don't understand sir, we brought him here for the 'talk', as requested?" Oh. They believe he wanted him for interrogation. Considering everything, that was an understandable mistake. He would have to clarify next time.

"Yes, a normal talk. So remove the sack from his head." The agents looked nervously at each other before complying. The sack was quickly removed to reveal the panicked face of Lieutenant Shigeru Aoba.

"I swear I'm not the one microwaving fish in the break room! I just reported it! Please don't hurt me!" Already Gendo was put on the back foot by Aoba's quick thinking. This battle of wits would be challenging. He also made a mental note to find whoever was microwaving fish in the breakroom and severing their employment. He suffered enough of that back in college, he would not allow that in the most important organization on the planet.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Relax Lieutenant Aoba, we are not here to discuss any wrongdoing. We are here to discuss your recent ward." He planted himself into position and prepared for a defensive strategy. He would let his opponent come to him.

"Kotone? What did she do?" Aoba deflected perfectly, but Gendo was prepared for that.

"Nothing. It's what she can do." He laid the trap, wondering how his opponent would react.

"What are you….. Oh! Is this about her UsVision channel?" What? "I get it. Since she's so popular you want to improve your PR by sponsoring her channel." Once again Gendo was put on the back foot by Aoba's maverick methods. He needed to carefully navigate this minefield or he would be brought low.

AHHHHHHHHHH!

"No, this is not about that. This is about Miss Suzunami's potential candidacy as the Fourth Child." He tried brute force, hoping it would throw Aoba off balance.

"Candidacy as…. Wait, are you saying Kotone could pilot an Evangelion?" Aoba's surprised voice confirmed Gendo's successful pushback. He needed to keep up the offensive if he wanted to succeed.

"Potentially. Her potential status as a Pilot was earmarked back when NERV was still GEHIRN. However, her mother, who was a GEHIRN researcher at the time, left the organization due to… creative differences and refused further contact with us. As such, Miss Suzunami was filed away as unsuitable by the Marduk Institute. It wasn't until the MAGI flagged her upon her arrival to Tokyo-3 and our proceeding investigation did we realize her potential." He waited for Aoba to process this information. Everything he said was technically true if lacking in important clarification, such as the true reason for Chihiro Suzunami's departure from GEHIRN. Fortunately for him, the only people who could clarify that were himself and Chihiro, who had recently passed away.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Huh. So what do you need from me?" He was on the defensive? A surprisingly safe strategy for him, but after such an assault it was understandable.

"As her guardian, you ultimately have the final say in the matter of her Pilotship. You don't need to answer right now, as I assume you wish to discuss the matter with her. Unit-05 is still in development in any case, so she may not be able to pilot immediately." Honestly, he was hesitant about even using Unit-05, considering the construction budget forced them to use a prototype wheel system they had laying around instead of actual legs he was doubtful of what it could accomplish, but considering what the Angels were forcing them to stay on their toes they needed everything they could get.

"Alright." Aoba nodded in understanding. Gendo smirked in triumph behind his clasped hands. It was a hard-fought battle, but in the end, he emerged- "So if it's Unit-05 does that mean it has thirty-two eyes?" ….What.

"What?"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!?

"Like, you know how Unit-00 has one eye, Unit-01 has two eyes, and Unit-02 has four eyes? I was thinking that the number of eyes doubled with every Unit, you know?" Gendo blinked, trying to process the sudden assault. He was too complacent, the moment he thought he had obtained victory his opponent attacked in a new and confusing way. He needed to withdraw.

"Any inquiries into the specification of Eva units should be directed to Doctor Akagi. Unfortunately, I must cut this conversation short as I have business to attend to. I will await your answer Lieutenant Aoba, good day."

"Oh, alright. Have a nice day Commander." Aoba saluted and exited the office, leaving Gendo and Fuyutsuki alone once more.

"Do you think the Suzunami girl will take the bait?" Fuyutsuki inquired after a while.

"I'm confident her interest will be piqued enough for her to accept the offer. Even if she doesn't, we have other options."

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Hmmm. Still, I find it odd that she just so happens to make her way here considering her history. It almost feels planned."

"It does feel odd I'll admit, but even our finest tooth combs could not dredge up any foul play or suspicious happenings. I doubt the old men would put so much effort into a piece like her when her importance to any Scenario was nonexistent until recently."

"But what if it's not the old men? What if it's something far different than them?"

"If there is a third player in this game then we are as blind to them as we can be. Still, we are too far into things to play defensively against a theoretical foe. We must adapt and overcome whatever is thrown at us, or all will be for naught." The two of them fell into silence as they contemplated the future, unknowing of what they would face.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Tokyo-3 First Municipal Junior High School

"Hey Ken, ya ever get the feeling yer being watched?" Touji suddenly inquired to Kensuke.

"Weird way to start a conversation but yeah a bit, yeah. But I'd chalk that up to living in a fortress city while going to school with the pilots of giant mechs that protect humanity. So that's probably the shadowy bodyguards watching you from a distance. Like, see there's one peeking out from the ceiling tiles right now. Hey Yamada."

"Hey, Kensuke." The Section Two agent tasked with ceiling duty responded.

"I mean, yeah. But like, different than that. A feeling that somethin'…. alien is looking atcha."

"Like the red demons?"

"No. Yes. Maybe. Do they count as aliens?"

"Dunno and I'm not keen on investigating that."

"Fair. Still, wonder what Ikari's been up to while we was in Okinawa."

"Fighting giant monsters and dealing with redheads I suppose."

"Speaking of redheads, ya find it strange that abuncha redheads have started transferring in? There was that Matsukaze girl before but now we got Soryu and Suzunami coming in."

"Does pink hair count as being a redhead?"

"Ya get my point! It's weird."

"Touji, I think the weird ship sailed when giant monsters and tiny redheads started to become a regular occurrence."

"Ya know what? That's fair."

"Settle down class!" The old teacher shouted as everyone returned to their seats. "Today we have a new student transferring in."

"A new student again? Well, hopefully, they're more interesting than Mat." Kensuke muttered.

"Who's Mat?" Touji asked.

"Exactly."

"Now where is-" Suddenly a redheaded girl burst into the classroom, panting heavily as if she just ran a marathon to get here. "-she. Ah, there you are. Introduce yourself."

"Hold on." The girl took a moment to catch her breath before grabbing a piece of chalk and writing her name on the board. "I'm Mana Kirishima, pleased to meet you all. I like long walks on the beach, shy boys with parental abandonment issues, and death mechs! Also, I'm not a spy for a military organization." Suddenly attention was focused on one Shinji Ikari, who shrank at the sudden attention. His neighbor, however, was feeling something different.

"Huh. I don't think I've ever wanted to kill a stranger more in my life." Asuka glared at Mana with enough heat to fry an egg. Something about this new girl rubbed her the wrong way. She would have to keep a close eye on this new girl.

"Hey, Touji." Kensuke whispered. "You're right, all these redheads transferring in is weird." Touji grumbled something but otherwise made no other comment.

"Hmmm?" Shinji suddenly felt something tug on his pants leg. He looked down to notice an exhausted Leader nearly collapsed on the floor. "Oh, Leader. Welcome back." He picked her up and put her on his shoulder, where she proceeded to collapse. "Are you alright?"

"Baka…." Leader groaned, giving a shaky thumbs up. Shiki's hand met her face as she sighed in annoyance.

Earlier

"Dammit! She got away! Why didn't we prepare for roller skates?!" Leader slammed her hand into a nearby wall.

"I mean, can't we just kill her at school? It probably wouldn't be that hard." One of the Minisukas suggests.

"Kill her?! I don't like her but I'm not going to do something like that!"

"Wait, what were you trying to do?"

"Kidnap her and air mail her to Bhutan." Leader stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Why Bhutan?"

"It's the most remote place you can ship a person-sized object to from Japan without people asking questions."

"Fair enough. But can't we still kidnap her?"

"No, now that she's made contact with Shinji and the others, Section Two will be keeping a closer eye on her, meaning if we act too rashly we'll expose our hand."

"But they still won't figure out she's a spy for the JSSDF."

"Exactly! Dealing with her too openly will bring the JSSDF's attention to us, so we need to be careful. We need to up the security on Shinji so that Hündin can't get her claws into our idiot."

"Ja, meine Kaiserin."

"Shut up with that! I'm the one who has to balance our budget with the help of a penguin!"

"We have a budget?" Leader sighs.

"Just return to prior positions but escalate to Delta status. I need to get back to Shinji."

Back to the present

"Alright, Miss Kirishima please take a seat."

"Sir yes sir!" Mana saluted before skipping off towards a certain Eva Pilot. "Hey there, can I-"

"Keep moving if you want to keep your teeth." Asuka interrupted as she cracked her knuckles for emphasis. Mana, deciding to not fight this battle, gave Asuka a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, then skipped off to take a seat at the only available seat, next to Kotone.

"Hey there, I'm Kotone Suzunami! How's it going?" Kotone greeted Mana with a cheerful smile.

"Great! By the way, how many people would miss that other redhead if she were to say, I dunno, mysteriously disappear leaving only a bloodstain as evidence she was ever there?" Kotone blinked, attempting to comprehend what Mana just said.

"What." Mana blinked before blushing as if she just said her secret crush out loud.

"Oh, I mean who does your hair?" Kotone stared at Mana, suddenly uncomfortably with her new desk neighbor.

"I do?"

"That's so neat! Could you teach me?" Mana's eyes shined like an innocent schoolgirl's who didn't imply the murder of a classmate moments prior.

"As long as you don't hurt me?"

"Silly Billy, I only hurt my enemies." Mana leaned in uncomfortably close to Kotone. "Are you an enemy?" Mana's eyes had lost their shine, now they held only a cold calculative gaze where all warmth was drained.

"No?" Kotone was quickly sizing up her escape options in case things went south.

"Then you have nothing to worry about, friend!" The shine returned to Mana's eyes, but Kotone's comfort did not.

"It's gonna be one of those days, isn't it?" Kotone lamented silently.

The lunch bell rang, and the classroom began to bustle with activity. Mana, seeing an opportunity, began to initiate her plan to seduce Shinji. Asuka, sensing a threat, began to ready herself for conflict. Leader, sensing the same, manifested her lance with malicious intent. Shiki just rolled her eye and got cozy in Shinji's shirt pocket, awaiting the ensuing chaos. Shinji was completely obvious to any of this and was retrieving his, Asuka's, and Rei's lunch boxes. Fortunately for the random students who would've been caught in the crossfire, a savior appeared.

"So Kirishima, you said you like 'death mechs' right? Could you expand on that topic?" Kotone quickly entered Mana's field of vision, blocking Asuka and Shinji from her sight.

"Can I?!" Mana nearly shrieked in joy. "Well first we have to address the origin of the modern death mech, which takes us to Post-Second Impact United States during the Arizona Insurrection and the Floridian Secession-" Kotone turned to give Asuka a discreet wink and thumbs up. The message is clear, 'I got your back girlfriend'. Asuka nodded and returned the thumbs up before grabbing Shinji and Rei to escape the sight radius of her new foe.

"Touji, I think we should consider requesting a class transfer before we end up as some kind of crossfire casualty." Kensuke muttered as he and Touji exited the classroom.

"Honestly not a bad idea Ken, but I'm pretty sure with our luck it ain't gonna happen."

"I hate how right you are."

Waltoph's Abandoned Gag Toy Emporium, Tokyo-3 Outskirts

A trio of Minisukas crept through the abandoned store, wary of traps set within the once proud dispensary of pranking equipment.

"So-" A Minisuka in army camo gear began. "-why are you blonde?" She inquired to the lead Minisuka.

"Gott in Himmel, why does everyone ask me that!?" Blonde whisper-shouted.

"To be fair, you're the only one of us with blond hair, so it's a bit of a curiosity to the rest of us." A Minisuka bedecked in a long red hood answered.

"Because Mama was blonde and I guess those genes were stronger for me." Blonde grumbled as they slowly made their way deeper into the store.

"Makes sense I guess, at least you're not as odd as Blue." Camo scanned the area to ensure they wouldn't be ambushed.

"Not that high of a bar, she's a few arrows short of a full quiver if you know what I mean." Hood checked underneath a fallen silly string display for anything out of the ordinary.

"Zip it both of you. We want to take Prankster by surprise so she doesn't escape. Which means quiet!" Blonde hissed as they made their way to the breakroom, where unusual noises could be heard. They quickly stacked up on the side of the ajar door. "On three we breach, got it?"

""Roger."" Camo and Hood responded. Blonde nodded and held her hand up with three fingers extended. She slowly counted down, and upon reaching zero they burst into the room, ready to face whatever horrors lay there.

"You're too late my heroic foil, with the Mademoiselle tied to the train tracks she is mere moments from destruction! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"An ingenious Devilish Derald, but you forgot one important detail, the seventy-thirteen is never on time."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Heh." Prankster stared blankly from her hacky sack chair at the television screen as a black and white cartoon played on a loop. The other three Minisukas stared at the scene in confusion.

"Is….. is she okay?" Hood asked, genuine worry seeping into her tone.

"Don't care, let's just grab her and bring her back to HQ." Blonde ordered as they cautiously approached Prankster. However, some caught Prankster's attention as she turned to look at them, before blinking in surprise and jumping to her feet.

"Huh?! What?! Who?!" Prankster manifested her lance and waved it around wildly at them. "Who are you and what are you doing in my secret base?!"

"Calm down." Blonde gestured placatingly. "We just wanna bring you back to base for a check-up, you've been on your own for a while so we just want to make sure you're fine. We can even see Shinji on the way there, doesn't that sound great? We know you haven't seen him." An alien look of terror and despair appeared on Prankster's face as she backed away from the trio.

"You'll….." Prankster looked around the room before her eyes fell on the television set. Her look of terror and despair was replaced by a manic grin. "You'll never catch me, alive coppers!" Prankster threw her lance at the trio, who easily dodged it, and ducked behind the hacky sack.

"Dammit, so much for the easy way." Blonde motioned for the other two to surround Prankster as she approached her hiding place. "Look, this can end one of two ways, and I'm sure you don't want it to-" Blonde paused as she came around the hacky sack to find Prankster had disappeared. "-huh?"

"Fools!" The trio of Minisukas turned around to find Prankster atop the television.

"How did you… that doesn't make any…."

"Ha! Petty trifles such as 'logic' will not hinder a grand villain such as I!" Prankster flourishes her cloak dramatically. "For you see as I was high out of my mind hallucinating tax-evading turnips in the murder clown forest I learned something!"

"Hold up what? You wanna run that by me-"

"Reality is broken!" Prankster interrupts. "But not the good kind of broken. Unless you count its benefit towards me, in which case it is exclusively the good kind of broken!"

"What."

"Yes! And as I have stared into the abyss for so long I have begun to see the cracks! Cracks that will allow me to be free from your clutches! Crack that will allow me to prank Wondergirl!"

"You're using the ability to ignore reality just to prank Wondergirl?" Camo questioned in disbelief.

"Exactly! Now I must be off, I have prankery to accomplish! Mwahahahahahahahaha!" Prankster guffawed as she jumped behind the television, disappearing.

"…..So what do we do now?" Hood asked after a tense silence.

"We head back to base because this shit got way more complicated."

"You think reality breaking like this is an early warning sign of Leliel?" Camo questioned nobody in particular.

"Gott I hope not." Leader groaned as they left the area.

The Aoba-Suzunami apartment, after school

Kotone sighed as she entered the apartment. Playing wingman for Asuka by distracting the new girl was not one of her best choices. If she heard anything about mechs for the rest of the day she would explode.

"Hey, Kotone." Her uncle called out to her.

"Hey uncle, how's it going?"

"Fine. Hey, do you wanna be an Eva Pilot?"

"... Are you freaking kidding me?!"

Chapter Text

"So wait, you're being picked as a new Eva Pilot?!" Asuka stared at Kotone incredulously as they ate their lunches.

"Yeah, apparently. I get to pilot Unit-05 or whatever." Kotone rubbed her temples as she sighed. "I wanted something to increase my viewership and protecting humanity in a giant robot is bound to help with that."

"Unit-05? Does it have thirty-two eyes?" Shinji asked with genuine interest.

"Gott, are you still on about that Shinji? It's not going to have that many eyes." Asuka rolled her eyes before returning her attention to Kotone. "Anyway, if you're going to join us elite few then it's only natural that I, the best Eva pilot, show you the ropes."

"Oh, maybe you can include her in on my training. That's been helping me a whole lot so it should help her too." Asuka whipped her head around to Shinji fast enough to create wind pressure.

"Ohhhhhh?" Kotone grinned as she saw her chance to strike. "You two have some private training you like to do together? How could I stand to interrupt your alone time?" Asuka's blush grew luminous enough that a distant helicopter mistook it as a warning light. Even Leader and Shiki had a tinge of red on their face. Shinji however, seemed to miss the subtext.

"Oh, it's no trouble, I mean it's extremely helpful if you want to be able to fight Angels. And we don't do it alone, after all, Misato, Doctor Akagi, and the rest of the bridge crew have to watch to make sure things don't go wrong." Shinji explains much to Asuka's horror and Leader's and Shiki's shock. Kotone blinked in surprise.

"Did…. did you just counter-innuendo me?"

"Did I what?" Shinji squinted in genuine confusion. Kotone opened her mouth to explain but saw Asuka, Leader, and Shiki making repeated stop motions, and decided against it. Unfortunately, Rei was not paying attention.

"I believe what she means is the way you said your previous statement would imply-" Fortunately the day was saved when Hikari burst through the door, cutting Rei off.

"Alright, I've managed to distract Kirishima. Remind me to get Aida to talk to her at some point, as they would probably get along with how much they both talk about military matters." Hikari sat down and began to unwrap her lunch.

"Thanks, Hikari!" Asuka sought to drive the conversation far away from what they were talking about before. "Where are the stooges anyway? I haven't seen them all day."

"I don't know, but they better have a good explanation for why they missed school." Hikari scowled as her own trio of Minisukas grabbed at their own portions.

"Well, hopefully, they aren't having too much fun." Kotone quipped as she side-eyed a still-confused Shinji.

Tokyo-3 Abandoned Warehouse District

"Hmmmmm." Kensuke checked the instructions again, confirming that, yes, this was the warehouse he was supposed to meet his contact in. Nodding to himself he entered the warehouse with his head held high and his chest puffed out. Confidence is the key to success, you know?

"Ken? Whaddya doin' here?" Kensuke blinked as he saw his best friend and partner in (mostly metaphorical) crime Touji Suzuhara waiting in the abandoned warehouse.

"I'm meeting someone about getting a discounted Ramses-II main battle tank, what are you doing here?"

"I'm here ta get some imported Andorran protein powder."

"Protein power." Kensuke repeated as he tried to recall where in the world Andorra was and how Touji of all people knew it existed.

"Yeah, I stopped buyin' it ta help pay fer Sakura's medical bill but since Dad's NERV insurance covers dat now I decided to treat myself a little before I go back ta the normal stuff." Kensuke nodded in understanding, that sounded exactly like something Touji would do. Suddenly a noise emanated from the shadows of the warehouse as a large man in a white suit and a face that screamed 'Yakuza' emerged. He stared at the two of them with a menacing gaze before pulling a-

"Are you two here for the pocket racer tournament as well?" The man held a tiny car out in his hand, his stern face and deep tone ill-matched for what he just said.

"Oh hey is that a- wait!" Kensuke blurted out as he tried to wrap his head around what was happening. "If you're here for a pocket racing tournament, you're here for protein powder, and I'm here for a tank, why are we all-" Suddenly a distant sound echoing from far away cut him off.

"Sunao ni I LOVE YOU! todokeyou

kitto YOU LOVE ME! tsutawaru sa~"

"""Oh no.""" Three sets of eyes widened in surprise and understanding. At that moment they knew, this was a trap.

"Quick! Follow me!" The suited man shouted as he broke into a sprint. Kensuke and Touji had no objections as they followed as fast as their legs would take them. They burst out of the door on the opposite end of the warehouse and began to take stock of their surroundings. Suddenly a man in a silver idol outfit and wearing an eyepatch exuding an aura that could only be described as 'Idol Power' burst through the door on the other end of the warehouse. The music was growing louder.

"Look, a taxi!" Touji shouted as he pointed to a Taxi that still seemed to be in service, awaiting customers despite the odd location. The three of them ran towards the taxi, their pursuer only walking at them but still somehow managing to keep the same distance. The three of them made it to the taxi and piled into the backseat.

"Drive Drive DRIVE!" The man in the suit screamed at the taxi driver as their pursuer grew closer. Suddenly the taxi sped off, leaving their pursuer in the dust. As their enemy grew distant the three of them began laughing, relief evident on their faces.

"Hey, thanks, man. You got us out of a real bind." Kensuke thanked the heroic taxi driver.

"No problem kid." The eyepatched taxi driver responded with a wide grin, trying to hold back his laughter. "No problem."

Terminal Dogma

Ritsuko sighed as she took another drag of her cigarette. She was glad to be done with Unit-05 but staring at Rei's backup bodies did not improve her mood. But at least it was comparatively easier work all things considered.

"I look away for a moment and the calibrations are all off. Out of the frying pan and into the fire as they say." She says as she rewrites some outdated code.

"There is no rest for the wicked Doctor Akagi." Gendo states as he watches over her. "Will we be ready in time for Rei's appointment?"

"Barely, I have far too much to recalibrate since I haven't been here in a while."

"I see. Can I assist you in anything to speed up the process?" Ritsuko pauses for a second to ensure what she just heard was correct. Gendo Ikari helping her? This had to be a trick. Unfortunately, she was far too tired to not fall for it.

"I need a cocktail of chemicals to ensure stability during the appointment. If you could head to the medical wing storage and pick up the container designated as Beta-Gamma-Thirty, that would speed things up immensely." She received a grunt of acknowledgment.

"Very well, I shall return shortly." She heard the door open and close, leaving her with the backup bodies.

"Hmmm. Something has him on edge." She wasn't entirely sure of that, but something had to be wrong with him. She put wondering about that at the back of her mind as she continued her work.

NERV breakroom 74-Z, later

"Alright, who microwaved fish in here again!?" Misato pinched her nose as the horrific scent emerged from the offending appliance. "I'll find who did it and hang them from one of the Evas!"

"Katsuragi?" Kaji popped his head in to see what the commotion was about. "What are you screaming about?"

"Kaji? Are you the one who's been microwaving fish in here?" She eyed him suspiciously. His disgusted face was all the response she needed.

"Gods no! I have standards! Who do you think I am, Minato from college?"

"Ugh, don't remind me of that weirdo. Anyway, my lunch is now ruined because someone doesn't know common workplace courtesy."

"Have you tried the cafeteria?" He received the flattest of stares in return. "That bad, huh?"

"NERV receives billions to outfit giant mechs in the most advanced of armaments and none of it goes to the cafeteria."

"Typical. Well, I got some cup ramen back in my office, wanna relive our college diet?"

"Better than nothing I suppose. But if you think this is anything resembling a date I will-" Suddenly the break room went dark. "The power's out?"

"Huh. Might be a fault in the power grid. Well, emergency power should come back on any second." A few moments pass. "Any second." A few more moments pass. "Any second." His eyes were adapting to the darkness, allowing him to see Misato's scathing glare. "Okay, this might be a problem."

"Oh really?! What could possibly make you think that?!"

Tokyo-3, near defensive blockade 3-Q

"-and this is defensive blockade 3-Q." Asuka gestures to the massive metal obelisk. She had decided for all of her fellow pilots to take Kotone on a tour of all the important locations for Eva Pilots to know about. Nobody disagreed (except Shiki but that was more on principle than anything) and so here they were.

"…..How is it different from the other ones?" Kotone asked with a strained smile.

"I'm glad you asked! For you see-" Asuka began to go on a tirade about defensive positioning to an increasingly resigned Kotone. Rei had decided to distract herself with a good book (Intermediate Pranking 101) and tune out everything else. Shinji was paying rapt attention to Asuka's lectures in hopes of learning something to help his piloting. Leader was noting things down in her notebook while Shiki was napping in his shirt pocket. Suddenly something caught Shinji's attention.

"Is that Mat? Hey Mat!" Shinji gave a polite wave to Mat, who only nodded in response. Asuka gave the newcomer a one-over before deciding he wasn't worth her time and continuing her lecture. Kotone gave a wave and Rei continued to not pay attention. "Do you want to join us?" Mat thought for a moment before nodding again. "Great, just don't interrupt Asuka."

"Shinji! Zip the lip, I'm lecturing here!"

"Sorry, Asuka…." Mat could only shrug and roll his eyes.

NERV Medical wing elevator

Gendo stood stock still and stared at the elevator wall. The unmoving elevator wall. He really needed to stop getting into elevators, they seemed to only bring him misery. He just wanted to keep his mind occupied to distract himself from the constant screaming, but now he was stuck.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

His current source of elevator-based misery? The wheelchair-bound eight-year-old and her accompanying Ishim that were staring at him.

"Hey, old guy, you Shinji's dad Gumbo?" Sakura Suzuhara inquired. How did he know her name? Well, it was printed on the side of her hospital-issued wheelchair for starters.

"I am Gendo Ikari, yes." He answered, hoping the child would leave it at that. Unfortunately, she wouldn't.

"Cool, I'm firing you from your position as a dad." …What?

"What?"

"Baka?"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?

"Yeah, I heard you weren't a good dad, so I'm firing you from being a dad. I'm going to be Shinji's dad from now on." He stared at the eight-year-old with such incredulity that his face stung from showing so much emotion after so long. Her Ishim was also confused.

"That's… not how that works. Fathership is not something you can fire someone from, and you of all people don't have the authority to do that." Sakura scoffed at him and puffed up her chest.

"Screw your stupid rules! You're a bad dad and I'm going to be a better dad than you, therefore I'm Shinji's new dad. I'm gonna drive him to sports practice, teach him how to shave, slip him a beer, cheat on my wife with his school teacher who's half my age, and get pinned for a whole bunch of crimes I didn't commit by my bosses at the shady black company I work at. Normal dad stuff." …Where was she learning these things? Even the Ishim looked confused and uncomfortable. Was he in hell? Did he die at some point and get sent to hell?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"You're delusional." He stated plainly and with finality, broadcasting an obvious end to the conversation. Unfortunately, she didn't seem to get the message.

"No, I'm Sakura, Shinji's new dad." Never before has he wanted to strangle a child more than right now. He hoped the blackout ended soon or he might need Section Two to help him dispose of a body.

NERV Command Center, later

"So Rits, how is it looking?" Misato asked as she fanned herself with a vaguely important-looking folder, wondering why it was so hot underground.

"It looks like sabotage or gross incompetence on a transcendent level." "Ritsuko pinched the bridge of her nose as she suppressed the urge to raid her subordinate's liquor stashes.

"Could it be both?" Misato suggested.

"Honestly? That makes way more sense. Aoba! Sitrep!" Aoba poked his head up from a maintenance grate.

"The good news is it can be fixed. The bad news is that it'll take like three or four hours minimum."

"Just great. And all our regular maintenance workers just happened to be celebrating in Tokyo-2." Ritsuko groaned.

"Um, Senpai, they're at a funeral. One of the maintenance workers died." Maya pipes up holding a bag of spare parts she acquired from a supply closet. "It was in the workplace newsletter." Ritsuko blinked and suddenly found the floor very interesting.

"Oh. I should probably catch up on my emails." Misato pats her back.

"You need some sleep, Rits. But before that, we should probably get the Evas ready." Everyone turned to look at Misato like she's grown a new head.

"What? Why?" Ritsuko stared at her friend to see if she got into a booze stash when nobody was looking.

"Because this seems exactly like a situation where an Angel would attack, so we should prep the Evas however we can."

"Misato, that's insane. And what about the pilots? What, do you think they'll just fall out of the sky-" A nearby air vent was kicked open, causing a few bridge members to grab their NERV standard-issue self-defense sidearms (bullets sold separately). Out of it emerged three familiar girls in school uniforms. "-I walked right into that one."

"Oh hey Asuka, Rei,…" Misato squinted at Kotone, trying to recall who this was. "…you?"

"Kotone Suzunami, Miss Katsuragi. I'm technically the new Eva pilot."

"All of you shut up!" Asuka shouted with a wild look in her eye. Even Rei seemed mildly concerned. "We need the Evas ready YESTERDAY!" Asuka grabbed Misato by the shoulders and looked ready to do something insane.

"Asuka calm down! Where's Shinji and the Minisukas?" A ball of ice was beginning to form in Misato's gut; all of the pilot's behaviors were odd. Well two of theirs were, Misato really didn't know Kotone.

"That's the problem! The mini-mes are on a warpath because an Angel kidnapped Shinji!" Silence engulfed the command center after that outburst. Everyone had to take a moment to let that sink in, the gravity of the situation cemented by the panic on Asuka's face. After a deafening silence that seemed to last forever, Misato responded.

"WHAT?!"

Tokyo-3 Pocchi Memorial Street, earlier

"Is it just me or is everything a bit…. darker than usual?" Shinji asked as the sun began to set and the building lights didn't turn on in response.

"What?" Asuka paused her latest lecture on weapon deployment hardpoints to look around. "Oh. Huh. Is there a scheduled blackout happening?"

"No." Rei spoke up without looking up from her book. "The blackout started around the time you were explaining defensive blockade 3-Q. Scheduled blackouts do not last this long. There is likely some sort of fault that caused a mass power failure."

"…..and you didn't think to share that with the rest of us?" Asuka inquired with a raised eyebrow.

"I assumed you would want to finish your tutelage of Pilot Suzunami, so I decided it would be best to let you continue."

"Well thanks, but we need to report to the Geofront when emergencies like this happen. Well, guess we can use this to teach Kotone about emergency procedures!"

"Yay….." Kotone cheered weakly, desperately wanting to go home and sleep.

"Oh, I guess that means that you have to go Mat, I don't think we're allowed to bring you to the Geofront." Shiki sighed and sat up from her resting position, yawning as she rubbed her eye. She looked at the four people accompanying Shinji and blinked. She rubbed her eye again and tried to make sense of what she was seeing. She climbed onto Shinji's shoulder and tried getting his attention. "Hmmm? What is it Shiki?"

"Anta Baka?" Shiki inquired while pointing at Mat.

"That's Mat, I'm not sure if you've seen him before." Shinji explained, not entirely sure what Shiki was getting so worked up about. Shiki looked at him like he grew a second head and went to get Leader's attention, who looked at her oddly.

"Anta Baka!"

"Baka?"

"Anta Baka?!" Shiki pointed to Mat, who was pointedly not making eye contact with anyone. Rei sighed, wondering what was interrupting her reading time now. She closed her book and looked up, blinking in surprise.

"Pilot Ikari, Pilot Soryu, Pilot Suzunami?"

"Yes?"

"What?"

"Whassup?"

"How long has Classmate Mat been a giant spider?" Everyone turned to look at Mat, scrutinizing him for the first time. There was his white button-up shirt and black pants, like what Shinji wore, stretched along his long arachnid limbs. His head was shaped similar to a disk or a bowl, with many triangular eyes oh crap it was a giant spider Angel.

Matarael blinked as he felt himself under a much more focused gaze. His nervousness grew as the Pilots began to distance themselves from him, Leader manifesting her Lance with the intent to kill. Realizing that his cover was blown, Matarael did the only thing he could think of. Suddenly growing a manipulator appendage, Matarael launched forward and grabbed Shinji, knocking Leader and Shiki onto the ground. Matarael continued forward with his hostage in tow, leaving behind five shocked girls to process what just happened.

"The…. The Angel…. JUST TOOK SHINJI?!" Asuka shouted in confusion and anger. Her mind was a jumble of mixed emotions, slowly settling on burning fury, mixed with worry.

"Baka Shinji?" Shiki whispers as her eyes grow distant and unfocused. Leader just stares off into the distance where the Angel disappeared. Baka Shinji? BAKA SHINJI?!" Shiki shouts in an uncharacteristic display of raw anguish, snapping Leader out of her shell shock. Leader slaps Shiki out of her state and stares her in the eye.

"Anta Baka!" Shiki blinks and nods, her face now a visage of vengeful fury. The two sprint away, leaving the three pilots on their own.

"W-what should we do?" Kotone asks as she tries to get her racing heart back to normal.

"We…. need to get to the Geofront! We need to get to our Eva's! We need to kick that Angel's arachnid ass and rescue that Idiot!" Asuka orders, her fingernails digging into her palms with enough force to draw blood.

"I agree with Pilot Soryu, we must reave apart the Angel and display its head so that all will be aware of the folly it committed against us." Rei's eyes were focused on some distant object, her stomach filled with an alien feeling that she did not like. "I believe I know a shortcut, follow me. We shouldn't delay." Rei sprinted off with surprising speed, the other two following quickly after her.

"Damn straight First! Let's go!"

"This already isn't good for my heart…." Kotone whimpered, hoping this isn't usually how Angel battles go.

Chapter Text

Evangelion Hangers

"Why does it have wheels?" Asuka stared at the mighty visage of Unit-05, its green splendor doing nothing to distract from the odd wheels it had as its main source of locomotion.

"Because our bosses at the UN say they want a new Eva unit to ensure maximum effectiveness, but they don't allocate the budget to produce a fully-fledged Eva unit. So we had to cut some corners." Ritsuko sighed as she lit another cigarette.

"Right, fancy bigwigs wanting maximum crime for minimum dime. That's how it always is." Kotone nodded sagely.

"I get that, but how does it work? The Evas work by mimicking our movements through a psychosomatic link filtered through our sync ratio; it shouldn't work with wheels!" Asuka complained, pointing at the offending appendages with gusto.

"Look, Asuka-" Ritsuko took a long drag of her cigarette. "-I could explain to you the lengthy and complicated workarounds we had to install into the software to achieve something resembling a link that didn't cause the pilot to believe they were a truck that needed to run over high schoolers, or you could get in the fucking robot and rescue Shinji from the giant spider Angel that can somehow mascarade itself as a middle schooler and not trip off our Angel detection equipment." Ritsuko blinked and sighed again. "The fact that the sentence I just spoke is not strange to me at all is really troubling. I wonder if Misato's drinking helps her deal with all this?"

"Hmph!" Asuka flipped Ritsuko off as she made her way to Unit-02, Ritsuko responded in kind on instinct.

"Um….." Kotone shifted nervously in her new burgundy plugsuit. "I don't know how to pilot the giant mech thing, is that going to be a problem?"

"No, you should be fine. We've developed some assistance programs that should help you get the hang of things." Ritsuko paused for a moment to tap the ash off her cigarette. "But just in case, stay in the back and let Rei and Asuka do the heavy lifting for this op."

"Sir yes sir!" Kotone saluted.

"Don't….. do that. We're not looking for military-like rigidity here." Kotone sighed in relief and loosened her posture. "Head into your entry plug, we're about to start the final checks." Kotone nodded and ran off to her position. Ritsuko held herself back from sighing again. "I'm not going home anytime soon, am I?"

Tokyo-3 Abandoned Warehouse District

Matarael paced back and forth in the absurdly large warehouse. Nothing was going like the historical Lilim documentaries known as 'Television Shows' taught! Hiding as a cloud back when Israfel arrived allowed him to understand the importance of the prepubescent Lilim that piloted the constructs of false flesh. Using that observation the shows taught him integration and infiltration was the next step. So he walked the dangerous line of joining the 'School' in a foolproof disguise in order to sneak his way into where Father was being kept. And going to school when you're the size of a skyscraper is not easy! But it was going well until that vixen that smelled of the usurper and that….. minuscule anomaly somehow managed to break through his carefully constructed glamour. In his panic, he grabbed the weakest individual present to use as a hostage. That was perhaps Matarael's biggest mistake yet.

Matarael peeked through a crack in the boarded-up warehouse window, seeing the streets lined with miniature red anomalies out for blood. His blood. If Matarael had a mouth and throat he would have gulped nervously. Well, on the bright side he undoubtedly nabbed an extremely important person. The NERV Commander's son if his research was correct. Surely the boy's father would spare no effort to see him returned safely, and wouldn't leave him to die a dog's death at the hand of an alien invader. Just like his father, Adam, who is the best father ever.

NERV Medical Ward Elevator

"Reason number one thousand three hundred sixty-two of why I would be a better father than you, I am champion spear thrower. Reason number-"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

One bullet. It would only take one bullet from his concealed sidearm to silence her forever. But that would be too easy. If he did that he would be admitting defeat. So he withstood the onslaught. Hopefully, the power will be restored soon. Otherwise, Gendo doesn't know how long his trigger finger will be controllable.

"-I'm cuter than you. Reason number-"

Tokyo-3 abandoned warehouse district

Yes, the Lilim fathers are obviously responsible creatures. So it stands to reason he should expect fierce opposition and with his ability to disguise himself through clever use of his AT-field was now null and void he could not rely on his ability to sneak away. Matarael would need to be savvy and pull from all of the 'shows' he studied relating to hostage negotiations in order to come out on top. Which meant he needed the cooperation of his hostage. Who was unconscious right now. Where was a bucket of water when you needed it?

Shinji awoke with a start as he felt water drenching his body. He quickly took stock of his situation. First, he was in an absurdly large warehouse. Second, he was adhered to the wall of said warehouse with copious amounts of duct tape. Third, a giant spider was staring at him oh gods what is going on.

"Ahhhhhhh!" Shinji screamed as he tried to wiggle free from his prison of polythene and glue. His memory was returning, remembering his abduction by Mat, who was revealed to be an Angel. The Angel dropped a bucket from it's eerily human graspers and waved in a manner that Shinji assumed was meant to be placating. Seeing as the tape seemed like it would not give way, he complied. At least until Leader and Shiki could- "Wait, where's Leader and Shiki?!" Shinji whipped his head around trying to find his friends, but they were nowhere to be found. The Angel produced a small whiteboard from somewhere and proceeded to write on it.

"who?" The whiteboard was displaying simple but coherent text. Shinji paused, taking in the fact he was communicating with an Angel.

"The, uh, small redheads?" The Angel erased it's writing and wrote a response.

"who?" Which was the exact same question. Alright.

"They were on my shoulder?"

"fell off i guess. not here. no important. you hostage now."

"….What?"

"didnt mean to kidnap you, i panicked, now the anomalies are after my blood. i use you for safety, so i dont die. cooperate so we both get out of this." Well. This wasn't a situation he thought he would get into today. He's surprised he isn't panicking right now. Perhaps he's growing too used to these strange situations?

"Well, uh, I don't think I'll be a very good hostage. Sorry."

"well youre the only hostage i have so youll do." Shinji was unsure if that was meant to be insulting or not. Suddenly his phone began to ring in his pocket, but he couldn't reach it due to his current entrapment.

"I still have reception?" He wondered allowed. "Does that mean they can trace my signal?" He was answered by the familiar sound of something reaching the surface, followed by heavy footfalls. The Angel had a panicked look in it's many eyes.

"fecal excrement."

"What?"

"I'm surprised the deployment catapults are usable." Asuka stated as she and the others approached the location of Shinji's cell phone.

"Yes, well thanks to the N2 reactor we 'reappropriated' after the Jet Alone incident we have some power to work with. Just try to finish this op as fast as possible, your Evas aren't running at full capacity and even then the reactor is strained supporting all of you." Ritsuko explained as she worked double time to constantly manage the power flow.

"You mean looted right?" Misato questioned.

"Call it whatever you want, neither the UN nor JHCI are getting it back."

"Alright, so does anyone want to explain why this warehouse is so enormous?" Kotone inquired as she followed the other two as she got used to having wheels. The absurdly large warehouse before them looked like it could hold an Eva Unit or an Angel.

"Apparently it's an old storage site for Eva parts shipped in from out of the country. It got abandoned after proper facilities were built within the Geofront itself. Now it's used for indie music shows, cult meetings, and the occasional underground extreme circus competitions." Maya listed off, wondering if she was reading that correctly.

"Oh right, Cirque Du Slay was great!" Ooi added as everyone looked at her with expressions of bafflement. "What?"

"Hey!" Asuka shouted. "We're here. Should we…. bust in or something? I'm not exactly sure how to handle hostage situations while piloting my Eva. Wasn't exactly covered in training." Asuka paused. "Well, not in any way that doesn't involve immense collateral damage at least."

"Good question. Working on it." Misato responded, staring at the warehouse like it was a Rubik's Cube.

"Well work faster, the mini-mes are gathering around and if I know my expressions well, which I obviously do, then they're probably going to do something extremely violent soon."

"Look, I'm-" whatever Misato was saying was cut off as a section of the warehouse exploded and Matarael burst out, Shinji (who was in a cocoon of duct tape) in one hand and a comically small (in comparison) in the other, pointed at Shinji's head. "-Oh."

"Look! It's Shinji! Hi Shinji!" Kotone beckoned Unit-05 to wave at Shinji, to moderate success.

"Hi, Kotone." Shinji responded weakly. "Is that Unit-05? Why does it have wheels?"

"Dunno! But I'm here to help, even though I only got this pistol!" Shinji did note she was quite underarmed compared to Asuka's dual Smash Hawks and Rei's Gatling Gun.

"Why do you only have a pistol?"

"They don't trust me with anything more lethal!"

"Everyone shut up!" Asuka screamed, before pointing one of her axes at the Angel. "Alright you arachnid asshole, this can end in one of two ways, and in both of them, you die. So you wanna do this the easy way, or the hard way?" The Minisukas were swarming around the area, waiting for the opportunity to descend upon Matarael with crimson fury. Matarael looked around with panicked eyes, trying to figure out a way out of this situation.

"Oh, are Leader and Shiki okay?" Shinji asked, drawing Asuka's ire once more.

"Shinji, what did I just-"

"Baka Shinji!" A call came from the horde, revealing Leader at the head of the pack.

"Leader! I'm glad you're alright. Wait, where's Shiki?" Shinji was cut off as Matarael reemphasized the fact that Shinji had a gun to his head by pressing it hard against his temple. "Right, a hostage situation." Shinji hoped Shiki was okay as this intense standoff continued.

Tokyo-3 Airspace, directly above Matarael

"Give me your lance." Shiki demanded of the Minisuka operating the miniature hot air balloon they were riding.

"What? No! Why!?"

"Because I want to duel wield against this bastard." Shiki lied effortlessly.

"…Yeah, that's fair."

"Also, if I'm holding onto the lance and things get dicey, you can recall it and all be dragged to safety with it."

"Huh. Also fair. Alright, here you go." She handed her lance to Shiki, who gave it an experimental twirl. Her eye filled with disdain towards the Lance of Despair before the disdain was smothered by rage. "Give that overgrown spider hell and bring the Idiot back home safely."

"Hmph. Of course." Shiki commented before jumping out of the basket. The wind buffeted her face as she dropped, her target quickly found as the ground became closer and closer. Red tinged her vision as she could just barely make out Shinji having a gun to his head. An unpleasant memory flashed through her head before she suppressed it, now was not the time. She deployed her parachute at the designated altitude as she drifted into position. Slowly descending above the Angel, she waited. Moments passed as she was getting closer, hoping she remained unnoticed as the Angel's attention lay elsewhere.

After what felt like an eternity she struck. She cut the parachute cords and plunged down onto the Angel's head. The lance struck true as it was buried deep within the Angel's head, causing it to let out a screech of pain. She saw the Angel drop Shinji as it tried to claw at her, her compatriots banding together to catch him. Shiki let out a deep sigh of relief, letting the lance go as she jumped to the ground, away from the Angel's grasp. The first step was over, now she needed to proceed with steps two through ten of kicking this thing's ass.

Asuka grit her teeth as the stand-off continued. They couldn't do anything while the Angel had Shinji at gunpoint, and as the (self-proclaimed) team leader of the Eva pilots, she would not abandon a teammate to their doom. The two axes in her hands felt heavier than usual as she waited for an opportunity to rescue that Idiot. Suddenly the Angel started writhing in pain as it started clawing at the top of his head. This in turn caused the Angel to inadvertently fling Shinji away.

"Shinji!" She screamed as she almost jumped to catch him, before noticing the mini-mes forming a human cushion in order to catch him. Her doppelgänger horde caught Shinji with ease and carried him away like ants. Relief flooded her as the Idiot was brought to safety. She was then overtaken by seething fury towards this Angel who dared to abduct her fellow pilot and kinda maybe friend. The revving of Rei's minigun and the hum of her Smash Hawks sounded like an excellent melody to start the symphony of this Angel's complete and total decimation. The Angel looked around frantically for a way out, realizing it was now doomed. Then the Angel did something she didn't expect, it jumped. The Angel cleared a surprising distance, reaching the edge of Tokyo-3 in a single bound. Then the arachnid Angel jumped again, heading straight up. And up. And up. Gott did that thing just exit orbit?!

"Uhhhhh, sensors have lost the Angel's signal." One of the bridge crew said. She thinks it's the one with the glasses that has the hots for Misato.

"Keep an eye out, it could come back at any second!" Misato commanded. Seeing as how she has a moment to relax she turns to check on the Idiot.

"Shinji! Are you alright?!" Hopefully, that didn't sound too worried. She had an image to uphold after all.

"I feel a little nauseous, but I think I'm fine?" He called out as the mini-mes were attempting to free him from his duct tape prison.

"Good. We came all this way to rescue you and I'd be pissed if you got injured at the last second."

"Sorry to interrupt your tearful reunion-" Doctor Akagi interjected. "-but our reappropriated-"

"Looted." Misato corrected.

"-reappropriated N2 reactor is showing signs of instability. You have five minutes max before we shut it down." Suddenly alarms started blaring in the command center.

"Angel reentered sensor range! Mass has increased and is approaching at extreme velocity!" Horny glasses guy, Mac she thinks his name was, screamed.

"What?! Oh shit! The Angel is trying to take us out like the dinosaurs!" Misato shouted.

"Misato that's… never mind. AT-field, now!" She didn't need Akagi to tell her twice.

"Mini-Mes! The Angel is throwing an asteroid at us! Get the Idiot to safety!" She screamed as she projected her AT-field as wide as she could. The mini-mes formed a protective cocoon around Shinji as they carried him away. Now all she had to do was outlast this spider bastard.

Matarael had no mouth, but if it did it would be screaming. He was pushing his AT-field to the absolute limit enveloping himself and the meteorite to make it as lethal as possible. This was his final gambit, this move was all or nothing. A silent apology was sent to Sahaquiel for the theft of his sibling's main modus operandi. As the heat of reentry began to deflagrate his flesh the Lilim city came into sight. This was the moment of truth.

witness me lilim! i am matarael! child of adam! you will not best meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

The sound of a giant rock ridden by a giant alien spider smashing against an AT-field was indescribable. Mostly because nobody could hear it due to all three Eva pilots screaming as they tried to maintain their combined AT-field against the monstrous assault against them. The force of such an impact shattered most glass in the city and surely drove multiple stained glass wholesalers out of business.

"Am I doing this right?! It kinda hurts a lot!" Kotone screamed and white hot pain lanced up her arms.

"That's normal!" Asuka forced through grit teeth.

"The reactor is fluctuating! We need to shut it off before it goes critical!" Akagi shouted as the communications with the command center got cut. The timer started displaying the five-minute countdown for all the Evas.

"Wunderbar! Does anyone have any bright ideas?!" Asuka screamed, hoping Eva to Eva communications were still working.

"I have one!" Kotone shouted. "Gun!"

"Pilot Suzunami that is not-" Rei spoke with strain before a single gunshot rang out as Unit-05 fired it's sidearm. Surprisingly to everyone, the bullet struck true as the Angel recoiled and fell off the meteorite with an unceremonious thump. "…. I stand corrected." Free of the Angel's influence the meteorite disintegrated against the AT-field, ending its threat.

"Did….. the Angel not envelope itself in an AT-field?" Asuka questions incredulously as the Angel tried to get back to it's feet. This was prevented by Rei unloading a salvo of rounds from her minigun, shredding it's flesh.

"It appears that it did not." Rei mutters. As the Angel tried to crawl away the Minisukas began to dogpile it, stabbing away with righteous fury.

"Huh." After an uncomfortably long session of stabbing, the Minisukas departed, only leaving a smear of blood behind. "Well. Good job Kotone."

"Thanks! I gunned!" That was the last thing they heard before the Evas powered down.

Shinji peaked his head out from the abandoned warehouse he was using as shelter to see the Evas slumped over and the Angel nowhere to be found.

"I guess we won?" Shinji pondered aloud as he felt a tension he didn't know he had leave his body. Now if only he wasn't covered in adhesive.

"Baka Shinji?" He turned to see Shiki approaching him cautiously. She looked unusually skittish. Also covered head to toe in Angel blood.

"Shiki! I'm glad you're alright." Shiki motioned that she wanted to be put in his pocket, so he obliged and picked her up and placed her in his front shirt pocket. Suddenly she wrapped her arms around the small part of his chest she could encompass and buried her face in his shirt. She was hugging him. And he wasn't sure how to hug back. Considering the size difference he really had to think about how to do this. He settled for placing his left hand on her back. He thought he heard her make some kind of noise but he must have been mistaken.

"Baka?" He turned to look at Leader, who was studying him with a neutral expression. She sighed and hugged his side. Soon other Minisukas began to pour in to hug him as well. Shinji tried to reciprocate but at that point, he could barely move due to his entire upper body being a Minisukas sweater. This was a problem as he was still covered in the adhesive from the duct tape, meaning the Minisukas were now stuck to his body. Something he had to explain to Asuka, Ayanami, and Kotone when they left their Evas and found him. Suffice it to say he wasn't going to hear the end of this anytime soon.

NERV Command Center

"The rumbling stopped, you think they won?" Makoto ventured.

"Considering the meteorite hasn't smashed through the Geofront and killed us all I'd say that's a safe bet." Ritsuko confirmed as she lit another cigarette.

"Great! Now let's fix up the power so we can get home!" Misato ordered, but before she could direct anything Kaji burst into the command center half-carrying a panting Fuyutsuki. "Kaji!? Sub-Commander?! Where have you been?"

"Stairs." Fuyutsuki wheezed as he commandeered a nearby chair.

"The Sub-Commander was missing so I decided to look for him. I found him half passed out after he climbed thirty flights of stairs trying to get here." Kaji explained as he lit a cigarette of his own.

"Report." Fuyutsuki ordered between pants as he tried to even his breathing.

"High probability of Angel neutralization Sub-Commander!" Misato explained.

"Angel?!" Fuyutsuki wheezed out as a tech handed him some water, which he drank down like a man in a desert. "Nevermind, wait for the Commander to get here." Fuyutsuki looked around with a raised eyebrow. "Wait, where is the Commander?"

NERV Medical Ward Elevator

"Reason number five hundred thousand nine-hundred sixty-two I'm a better father than you, I look good in pink. Reason number-" Sakura was interrupted when the lights flickered back on, and the elevator began moving once more. A few moments later and the doors open, allowing Gendo to nearly sprint out of there without looking back.

"I am never sharing an elevator again." Gendo notes to himself as he made a beeline for the Command Center. Heads would roll for what happened to him, he would make sure of it.

Minisuka Secret Base, the Room of Doom.

Matarael's eyes fluttered open. The first thing he noticed was that his Fruit of Life was missing. The second thing was that his flesh was reduced to a mere fraction of what it was. The third thing was his suspension in a vat of LCL. The fourth and final thing was the presence of someone familiar sharing the vat with him.

sachiel? is that you?

Sachiel was reduced to part's of his face and a little bit of his head. Sachiel turned to look at Matarael with hollow, empty eyes.

I LOVE YOU. YOU LOVE ME.

sachiel what are you talking about?

Matarael's questioning was interrupted when one of the small anomalies brought one of the information receptacles known as a 'television'. It pushed the play button, revealing a large foam purple and green reptile. Which started singing.

"I love you! You love me! We're a happy Fam-ah-lee!"

Matarael still had no mouth, but he still screamed a scream unheard by any save his broken sibling, begging for a death he would not receive.

Chapter Text

Misato's Apartment, day after Angel Attack

"So, question." Kotone suddenly spoke up, interrupting Asuka's game. Asuka bit back a grumble as she paused her game and turned to Kotone.

"What's your question?" Asuka didn't know why her teammate had all but barged in, but she was obligated to help the other, less skilled, Eva pilots considering she was the best.

"Is it normal to still feel pain from a wound a day after? Cause my arms still sting something fierce from helping catch that meteorite."

"Yeah, the phantom pain lasts a bit after the fight. Just distract yourself and it shouldn't affect you too badly."

"Cool. Cool cool cool cool. Say, where's Shinji?" Asuka's face morphed into one of annoyance.

"The Geofront. He's being tested and questioned because the Angel communicated with him or something and they want to make sure he's alright."

"Ah. Yeah, hopefully, the Angel didn't lay eggs in him or something." Asuka whipped her head around to glare at Kotone.

"Could you not?!" Asuka hissed with semi-malicious fury.

"Sorry!" Kotone raises her hands in surrender. "I'm sure Shinji is just hunky-dory and he'll be back soon!" Kotone quickly spoke, hoping not to invoke Asuka's wrath. Asuka glared at her for a moment before huffing and returning to her game.

"Yeah, he'll be fine. NERV is just paranoid about everything. Not that I blame them, we Eva pilots are the most important things on the planet!" She declared proudly. Kotone just smiled and nodded. Hopefully whatever Shinji was doing now wasn't too difficult.

NERV holographic meeting room

Shinji stared at the twelve monoliths surrounding him. The featureless edifices emblazoned with large numbers gave him a feeling of discomfort. Leader and Shiki stared at the monoliths with unfiltered hate, seemingly ready to attack at a moment's notice. They certainly did that with the guard outside this room who tried to remove them from his person. He would have to send an apology card to the guard for the mangling of his hands.

"Greetings young Ikari." An accented old voice rang out in the confines of the room. "We are the committee of the Human Instrumentality Project, the organization in charge of NERV's oversight. We understand during the recent incident the Angel who kidnapped you also communicated with you. Could you describe to us your recollection of said event?"

"Y-yeah? But I already, uh, explained everything to NERV. I'm not sure there is much more I can say." Suddenly a second voice began shouting at him.

"Listen hear you sniveling little brat-" The voice was suddenly silenced as if his microphone was cut off, replaced by a third, unaccented, voice.

"Apologies young Ikari. My compatriots are….. on edge due to recent events and are unused to dealing with children. We just want an explanation in your words in order to get the most accurate information we can."

"Alright." His face scrunched up as he tries to recall where he's heard this voice before. "Well I woke up duct taped to the warehouse wall and the Angel was staring at me. I tried to break free but that didn't work, and it told me that it didn't plan to take me as a hostage but that's what I now was. Then the Evas showed up and nothing else was really said."

"I see. Could you recall anything else? Anything that might seem small or insignificant might be useful."

"Uhhhh." Shinji racked his brain for some sort of detail but he couldn't come up with anything. "No, sorry."

"Very well. If you do remember something then you will tell your superiors immediately." Shinji recognized that wasn't a request. "You are free to leave." Shinji nodded and left the room, Leader and Shiki still glaring at the monoliths. Once he exited the room he felt an unexplained pressure leave his shoulders as he let out a relieved sigh.

"Well, I'm glad that's over." Leader growled in annoyance as Shiki clung to his neck. He noticed that Shiki was being way more clingy after the whole Angel incident. He couldn't really blame her, he would also be upset if any of his friends got kidnapped by a giant spider. "Hopefully that's the last time we have to deal with them."

"Baka." Leader agreed as Shiki clung tighter.

"Ikari." Keel intone, causing Gendo to step out of the shadows once his son had left. "Report. How was the Angel eluding our sensors for so long?"

"We hypothesize that the Angel had used it's AT-field to mimic a human to fool our detection. Unfortunately without a live test or even a body, this is only an educated guess."

"Understandable. We cannot hope for intact bodies when facing the scions of Adam. Perhaps it is for the best even, as such mysteries could tempt weaker wills." Gendo stared passively as usual.

"Meaning what, Chairman?"

"You know as well as I do Ikari, there are foes in the shadows that might wish to usurp our glorious ideal for their own purposes. Undoubtedly using clever and nefarious technologies to subvert our control."

"D̴i̸d̷ ̷y̷o̴u̸ ̴d̵o̴ ̵a̶s̴ ̸I̷ ̷a̵s̷k̴e̵d̵?" Enigma inquired, manifesting thin lines above his eye facsimiles to imitate eyebrows, before manually adjusting one with his hand so it was raised above the other.

"Yes, I downloaded the virus onto a flash drive, put a label on the flash drive that said 'payroll', and left it visible in a well-traveled area." Kaworu stated with exhaustion as he stared into the mirror.

"G̷o̸o̶d̵,̶ ̸t̷h̴e̵n̸ ̶i̵t̸ ̵w̵i̷l̸l̴ ̴o̵n̸l̸y̵ ̴b̶e̴ ̵a̴ ̸m̶a̵t̷t̶e̷r̵ ̸o̶f̴ ̶t̶i̷m̸e̸.̴"

"Are you sure it will work? It seems very… simple and something easily prevented with the use of common sense."

"N̸e̶v̷e̸r̷ ̵u̸n̶d̴e̷r̵e̵s̷t̸i̴m̸a̷t̴e̸ ̷h̷u̸m̵a̷n̴ ̸g̷r̴e̸e̷d̵ ̸a̸n̴d̴ ̸s̷t̶u̴p̷i̷d̷i̵t̵y̷ ̴T̸a̷b̷r̴i̴s̷.̸ ̵N̸o̸w̴ ̸g̵o̷,̸ ̴I̵ ̴h̴a̴v̴e̴ ̷t̶o̷ ̴g̵o̷ ̶a̴t̶t̷e̶m̴p̷t̶ ̷d̸i̶p̸l̶o̶m̸a̶c̴y̸ ̵w̴i̸t̷h̶ ̸t̷h̶a̷t̴ ̴K̸y̷o̷k̷o̵ ̵w̶o̷m̴a̸n̴ ̵a̷g̶a̴i̵n̶.̴"

"Indeed. The path to complementation is fraught with the dangers of the foolish." Gendo did not rise to the provocation.

"Hmmm. Will Angel infiltration be a concern from now on Ikari?"

"As I said before, without knowing the exact method the Angel used we cannot prepare against it. But we are updating our sensors and detection algorithms with a variety of new methods of detecting the Angels."

"So you can guarantee this will not happen again?"

"There are no guarantees in such turbulent times I'm afraid, but I assure you that the MAGI have given a ninety-three percent chance that there are no more Angels within Tokyo-3."

Elsewhere in Tokyo-3

"Is this completely necessary?" Lailah, the Angel of Conception and prisoner of her own making, inquired to Mayumi, who was stalking a Minisuka playing with a stray dog.

"Yes!" Mayumi whisper-screamed as she looked at the ghostly Lailah with disdain. "To understand these foul things I must observe them so I don't turn into them!"

"Okay, I understand where you're coming from but-"

"Hi, Mayumi!"

"Gyaaah!" Mayumi nearly fell over as the familiar voice spoke from behind her. She turned to see the red-haired visage of her classmate. "Nene. What are you doing here?"

"I was walking, looking for something Sandy wanted, but I saw you and decided to say hi!"

"Really." Mayumi spat with venomous sarcasm. "And what could 'Sandy' possibly want?"

"To burn down an orphanage so the screams of the children may act as a beacon for my damned legion." Sandyarlforq stated but was once again unheard by all.

"Twenty metric tons of bacon grease!"

"…You're lucky you're adorable and saved me from rotting in the bargain bin or I wouldn't tolerate you as my queen."

"But where would we get that many juniper berries, Sandy?"

"As riveting as your delusional conversation is, I have business to attend to. The power of those little monsters will be unraveled to me like a ball of twine." Nene blinked as she put a finger to her cheek in thought.

"Wow, that sounds important, but you better be careful with that power. Power is dangerous." Mayumi stared at her classmate blankly.

"Really." Mayumi checked to make sure her prey was still there, fortunately, the Minisuka was still there, scratching the belly of the dog.

"Yeah! It's like what Sun Tzu said to Antipope Theodoric before the Timurids assaulted the Alamo. 'With large power becomes larger responsibility'." Mayumi blinked, her brain attempting to process the sheer nonsense that just burst out of Nene's vocal orifice. She felt something warm trickle down her nose. Wiping it with her finger she confirmed that, yes, it was blood.

"Wow. What you just said was so stupid, wrong, and nonsensical that it literally caused me to suffer internal damage of some variety. Congratulations, you have to be extremely good at being such an airheaded ignoramus to accomplish such a feat." Nene beamed at that.

"Thanks! You know what they say, 'malpractice makes perfect'." Mayumi recoiled as if struck in the gut with a sledgehammer, coughing up blood like she had some unnamed, incurable disease used as a plot point in media. "Are you okay?"

"Just…. leave please."

"Okay! I still gotta find that bacon grease." Nene skipped away, unaware of the damage she had done to Mayumi.

"…Are you okay?" Lailah asked with something resembling concern.

"I need to lie down and read a good book."

"You should probably do that, you look on the verge of death."

"But what about the surveillance?" Mayumi argued weakly.

"They're not going anywhere. It's not like the little anomalies have the ability to cross large distances through unexplained means or anything."

Rei's apartment

Rei opened the door to her apartment with practiced ease. She would be concerned that her door was ajar, but that was how she left it so it wasn't an issue. Garbagius was stalking other haunts this time of the week so she didn't not need to worry about being accosted by him now either. So she stepped into her apartment and was immediately hit in the face with a banana cream pie. The mad cackling of her rival filled the usually silent apartment. A few thoughts filled her mind as the pie slid down her face. One, the pie was surprisingly delicious. She would like to get more if given the chance. Two, she would have to do laundry earlier this week thanks to the pie. Third and finally, the presence of her dread rival.

"So, you have struck after so long my rival. Truly this attack was a product of ingenious plotting and weeks of planning." Her rival made side eyes at something, most likely to distract her. She would not fall for such an ingenious trick. "But there is one thing we must settle here and now."

"Baka?"

"I have been informed by my therapist that it is important to set boundaries and that I should discuss such with you. While you undoubtedly have thousands of plots in motion I mount like to request that none of your assaults against me involve me consuming meat. Is this acceptable?" Her rival stared at her, undoubtedly maneuvering threads of plans already in motion, before giving her a thumbs up. "Good. Are there boundaries that you would wish to set?"

"Anta Baka?" Her rival cupped her chin in thought, before coming upon a realization. "Baka-Shinji!"

"You…. wish for me to include Pilot Ikari?" Why would that be? Rei was now very confused. Her rival's eyes filled with something strange as she shook her head violently. "You want me to not include him?" Her rival nodded vigorously. That made more sense, it was better for this to be between the two of them and no others. Her rival just wanted to cement it officially. "Then our compact is sealed. Before you go would you like some-" Suddenly the hairs on the back of Rei's neck stood up as all her senses screamed danger. She rolled out of the way, getting more pie on her clothes, dodging impalement from one of the Ishim that oddly have features similar to hers.

"Bakayanami!" The strange blue-haired Ishim hissed at her, her red eyes filled with what Rei believed to be hate.

"I am Rei Ayanami, yes. Why are you trying to kill me?" She doesn't recall ever meeting this Ishim, let alone wronging her to the point of attempted murder. "And if it would not be too much trouble, could we perhaps reschedule this assassination? I have much work to do in regards to cleaning my now dirty clothes." The Ishim didn't seem open to that, as she readies her lance for a throw before her rival descended on the Ishim.

"Anta Baka?!" Her rival screamed at the Ishim as their lances were locked in combat.

"Baka!" The Ishim all but growled, seemingly taking offense at something. Rei blinked, a rare occurrence for her, as she contemplated what to do in this situation. She came to the only logical conclusion as she approached the two as they were trading blows. She grabbed both, lifting them off the ground.

""Eh?"" They both let out a noise of confusion, seemingly bewildered at their sudden capture.

"Do not fight in my apartment." She went out the still-open front door and placed them on the ground. "Once you have ceased your combat you may return inside." She declared this with finality as she shut her front door, causing something to snap in some mechanism. She tried the door again and found it was stuck. "Troublesome. I will have to call a repairman." She considered that a not entirely immediate problem and began the process to clean her clothes first. If needed she could always escape out the window.

"I should purchase more detergent when I get the chance, I am running low." The sounds of combat continued outside as she retrieved her washboard. "I wonder why that Ishim has features similar to mine, yet is also Pilot Soryu?" Rei pondered it for a moment before deciding it probably wasn't relevant to vengeance. "Perhaps I should inform Commander Ikari of the attempt on my life? No, I shouldn't bother him. It is most likely an isolated incident. Who would want to bring harm to us who guard humanity against the Angels?"

"Do you ever wonder if we only exist because of terrible and contrived segues?"

"Kirishima, what the hell are you talking about?" General Taihou questioned incredulously. "You know what? Don't answer that, I have a feeling your insane response will cause my blood pressure to rise."

"Oh no! You have to watch your blood pressure, General!" Mana exclaimed with genuine concern.

"….. Thanks. Anyway, I've just reviewed your mission progress, or the lack thereof. You've literally made zero progress in getting close to Shinji Ikari!"

"It's not my fault! That Soryu girl has been cock blocking me!"

"Okay, never say that again. But that's irrelevant right now. I've just got word that the girl you've made friends with, Kotone Suzunami, has been minted as the Fourth Child. Switch your efforts over to her as of now."

"General! I don't swing that way!" Mana paused. "….. Or do I? Hmmmmmm. Well, she doesn't look half bad, and she's an excellent listener… I'm certainly learning things about myself today that I didn't know before."

"…Not what I meant. Use your friendship with her. You don't have to….. seduce her."

"Oh. Okay then!" Mana paused again remembering something. "So what should I do about the internationally renowned assassin I hired to kill Soryu?"

"The what you hired to what?!"

Tokyo-2 Hollywood-style Seedy Motel (voted seediest in Tokyo-2 three years running)

"My name is Yonson Jerald Valker." Yonson Jerald Valker began monologuing in his empty motel room for no discernible reason. "I'm the number one highest-paid military hitman in all the world. I'm held responsible for over fifteen hundred kills and am completely off all records in most countries. I've been hired today by a mystery woman, a pilot of sorts. She pilots some sort of….. death mech. All I know is she's paying me fifteen million, stone-cold cash, just to take down one thirteen-year-old girl. And with work like that, I'm not about to ask any questions."

"Anta Baka?" Yonson blinked as he turn to see a horde of Minisukas had snuck into his motel room. They were all brandishing their lances, menacingly.

"Oh no. The fortune teller warned me this would happen! Ahhhhhhhhhh!" He was drowned by the red tide, and he knew no more.

NERV Commander's office

"I'm going home." Ritsuko stated plainly.

"Doctor Akagi-" Gendo attempted to say but was cut off.

"No, shut up. I'm talking." Ritsuko half whispered, the bags under her eyes plain to see. "I haven't been home in weeks. I have been sustaining myself on cheap coffee and instant yakisoba like I was still in college just to make sure Unit-05 was completed, and I'm done. The UN work regulations state that I have been working for long enough that I cannot work anymore or you will be subject to an internal investigation, so I'm clocking out and going home."

"Doc-"

"Shush." Ritsuko looked ready to strangle Gendo, and not in the usual way. "I am going home and not leaving for four fucking days. You will not contact me unless a problem on the level of an Angel attack takes place. Am I clear?"

"… Very well Doctor Akagi, enjoy your time off." Ritsuko stared at Gendo's impassive face for a moment longer before storming off.

"Reminds me of when you and Yui had to do your thesis papers." Fuyutsuki chuckled.

"Don't remind me. Still, we have enough skilled personnel that her leave will not be noticed."

"Indeed. How fares your….. problem?"

"Adam's screams have not lessened, but I have grown used to them at this point. They are more a constant white noise at this point." Gendo stared at his right hand.

"I see. How did the old men take everything?"

"Better than expected. Their precious scenario is in tatters, so they are more lenient than they usually are."

"And ours, while battered, still stands. Even the oldest and toughest wall can be toppled if the foundation is shattered."

"Indeed. But a cornered animal is dangerous, so we need to tread with caution. Especially when we have an ant spider in our nest."

"A dangerous piece for sure, but a useful one if placed correctly."

"Here you go." Triple agent Ryoji Kaji handed the box to the Minisukas. "Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu's handwritten notes, as promised. So, no more ankle stabbing?" The Minisukas inspected their prize and found it was what they desired.

"Baka." The head Minisuka gave a thumbs up as they hauled their prize away. Kaji watched them leave his office before he slumped in his chair like a puppet relieved of its strings.

"Glad to get that over with, plate mail boots do not have good support." He took his time to light a cigarette, slowly breathing in the cancer stick. "I need a drink. I wonder if Katsuragi knows any good bars?"

"He will serve his purpose, perhaps he will grant us insight into what force is disrupting the old men."

"Are you certain there is a third party at play Ikari?"

"No, but I strongly suspect someone is making their life difficult, and I doubt they would be friendly with us either. The enemy of my enemy is not necessarily my friend."

"True, but even an enemy is a tool to use if used correctly."

"Yes, but we must see this enemy first in order to use it. But it will have to slither out of the shadows at some point, and we will be prepared whenever it does."

Unit-02 Core

"P̴l̵e̸a̸s̵e̴ ̷s̵t̶o̷p̶ ̶t̶h̵r̸o̵w̵i̷n̶g̴ ̶m̶e̷t̶a̶p̵h̵y̶s̶i̷c̸a̴l̸ ̴b̶o̴o̵k̶s̵ ̷a̴t̸ ̷m̴e̵.̷"

"No! Leave you monster!" Kyoko threw another book at Enigma, who was more annoyed than harmed.

"I̸'̴m̵ ̶n̸o̵t̷ ̷a̷ ̶m̷o̶n̴s̴t̴e̵r̴.̵" Enigma pauses and cups his chin facsimile. "W̵e̶l̶l̸,̸ ̷a̸c̸t̷u̶a̴l̵l̸y̴ ̸I̵ ̵g̷u̵e̷s̴s̷ ̸I̴ ̷t̸e̵c̷h̶n̶i̵c̷a̸l̷l̸y̸ ̶c̸o̸u̶l̸d̷ ̴b̶e̵ ̵a̶ ̷m̵o̷n̵s̴t̶e̶r̶ ̸b̷y̶ ̵s̴o̸m̴e̵ ̶p̴o̴i̶n̸t̸ ̴o̸f̷ ̴v̸i̵e̵w̷.̷" Another book hit his head facsimile.

"Shut up and leave!"

"N̴o̸t̷ ̷u̷n̴t̶i̷l̸ ̸y̶o̴u̵ ̶s̴t̶o̴p̷ ̷t̶h̷r̷o̴w̶i̸n̴g̸ ̴y̶o̶u̸r̵ ̵p̵o̶r̵n̵ ̷b̸o̷o̴k̴s̷ ̷a̴t̵ ̷m̶e̵ ̶a̷n̷d̸ ̸c̶a̸l̸m̸l̴y̸ ̸c̷o̶n̷v̷e̵r̸s̶e̷ ̵w̸i̷t̵h̵ ̸m̸e̶.̸" Kyoko gasped in horror.

"They are not porn! They just contain tasteful depictions of lovemaking between characters in love! Is that so wrong?!"

"R̵i̵g̴h̷t̶ ̵o̶r̵ ̵w̴r̵o̷n̴g̷ ̷d̷o̵e̴s̵n̶'̷t̴ ̵m̸a̵t̸t̷e̶r̷ ̸w̶h̷e̶n̴ ̷t̵h̵e̵ ̷f̵i̷r̶s̶t̵ ̶t̸w̴e̸n̵t̴y̴ ̸p̸a̸g̶e̵s̴ ̸o̵f̸ ̸a̷ ̵b̵o̶o̵k̶ ̵c̷o̴n̵t̵a̷i̴n̸s̷ ̵t̷w̴o̶ ̶d̶r̷a̴g̷o̸n̷s̷ ̵d̶o̴i̷n̶g̷ ̸t̸h̷e̴ ̴h̷o̷r̷i̸z̵o̵n̶t̴a̵l̶ ̶l̶i̵m̷b̷o̶!̵"

"That's important to the plot! You see, Gragthor and Zheltean were born under two warring lineages during a time when love meant nothing to marriage and-" Enigma sighed despite lacking lungs. This was going to take a while.

Katsuragi Apartment

"I'm home." Shinji called out, exhaustion radiating from his body. Hurried footsteps drew closer to the entryway until Asuka emerged before him, wearing an apron.

"Shinji!" Asuka exclaimed, trying to hide her excitement from him and herself. "You're back! Did they finish poking you with all those useless contraptions?"

"Yeah. Everything's fine." Shinji took stock of her attire. "Making dinner?"

"Mmmhmmm. Wasn't sure if you'd been back, so I started on some fried rice. Want some?" Shinji's stomach growled at the thought of food.

"Please. I've barely eaten anything all day. A lot of the tests required an empty stomach." Asuka sighed as she poked his chest.

"Geez, and you're already skin and bones as is. If you get any thinner people might mistake you for some kind of urban legend monster. Come on, I'm just about done." She took his hand and dragged him to the table.

"Thanks, Asuka, I really appreciate it."

"Don't mention it. We Eva pilots need to have each other's backs!"

"O-of course." Shiki grumbled something from Shinji's breast pocket, and Shinji gave her an experimental pat on the head to reassure her. Shiki sank deeper into the pocket, trying to hide the extremely joyous reaction she was displaying. She was glad Leader had slipped away when they got back to the apartment, or she would undoubtedly suffer Katsuragi levels of teasing right now.

"I'm home!" Speak of the devil and she shall appear. "Smells good! What's cooking, good looking?" Things were returning to normal in the Katsuragi household, with no shadows looming over them for the time being. Just the sounds of laughter and the smell of beer.

It's come to my attention that Enigma's corrupted dialogue doesn't display properly for foreign readers who use a translator, so I will be transcribing them at the end of the chapter to ensure any who have trouble can understand. As such the dialogue will be transcribed in chronological order.

"Did you do as I asked?"

"Good, then it will only be a matter of time."

"Never underestimate human greed and stupidity Tabris. Now go, I have to go attempt diplomacy with that Kyoko woman again."

"Please stop throwing metaphysical books at me."

"I'm not a monster."

"Well, actually I guess I could technically be a monster by some point of view."

"Not until you stop throwing your porn books at me and calmly converse with me."

"Right or wrong doesn't matter when the first twenty pages of a book contains two dragons doing the horizontal limbo!"

Chapter Text

Evangelion Testing Chamber 3-Y

"You know, it feels like it's been forever since we've actually done some sync tests." Asuka proclaimed over the comms, trying to stave off the boredom that came with these tests.

"It's only been a week? We had one right before the Angel attack." Shinji responded as he watched Leader and Shiki tinkering with the test plug controls.

"I wouldn't call you getting kidnapped by a giant spider an 'attack'. It was… an incursion maybe?"

"Well, this is technically my first sync test." Kotone added, trying to distract herself. "And it's boring! Would it kill them to install solitaire or something on these things?"

"The program architecture of the Evangelion doesn't lend itself to programs not specifically made for it, and even then we're working with a tight data limit." Maya explained, frowning as the stream of data from the test unfolded before her. "But let's put a pin in that for now. Asuka? Shinji? Are you two doing anything different than usual? Anything unusual thought processes?"

"No." Asuka immediately lied, unwilling to admit that her mind has been occasionally wandering to the thought of intimate and unnecessarily detailed dragonic romance.

"Kinda?" Shinji admitted, trying to formulate his next response. "Have you ever contemplated parallel universes?" Everyone suddenly turned their attention to Shinji, who was now suddenly feeling very self-conscious.

"Could you elaborate on that Shinji?" Maya really hoped this got her an answer to the weird fluctuations she was receiving. She wanted to impress her Senpai when she got back.

"Yeah, what the hell are you talking about this time Third?" Leader and Shiki gave each other a look, wondering where this was going.

"Well, I'm just wondering if there are parallel universes, and what they're like. Like, uh, is there a reality where we're all penguins and Pen-Pen is a human?"

"Shinji." Misato spoke up with a touch of concern in her voice. "Did you by chance eat something from the back of the cabinet labeled 'Pen-Pen's special treats'?"

"No? Why would I eat penguin food?"

"No reason. Just checking." Misato was glad Ritsuko wasn't here to give her that look she always gave her whenever she did something irresponsible.

"Right, anyway. I'm just thinking about stuff like that." Maya's lips formed a straight line as she contemplated the results the screen displayed.

"So. Rei. How are you doing?" Maya tried to get a reading on who was technically the most stable pilot.

"I am trying to figure out where to get a banana cream pie and ten gallons of olive oil." Maya's head hit her desk with a reverberating thud and a pained groan. "Possibly also a panda.

Tokyo-3 First Municipal Junior High School, the same time

Touji and Kensuke stared ahead blankly, their eyes devoid of light. They were dead to the world around them, not even noticing when Hikari stomped up to them.

"Aida! Suzuhara! Where have you been?! You haven't been to school for days!" This failed to elicit a response from either of them, only Kensuke's eyes seemed to regain some focus. "Well?"

"….I love you…." Touji responded without much thought, his mind light-years away.

"Eh? EEEEHHHHHHHHHH?! Suzuhara!? Well I don't, I mean I think that, but it's like, this is so….." Hikari was reduced to a stammering, blushing mess, her imagination running wild.

"Class Rep." Kensuke interrupted as he regained some light in his eyes, pulling Hikari back into reality. "It's not like that. He's repeating song lyrics, watch. Hey Touji, how are you?"

"Cinderella…..." Touji muttered, giving off a thousand-yard stare.

"Yeah, he's not all back yet. We had an extended run-in with the Wild Wyvern of Tatsumi and the Inugami of Inaba." Kensuke explained, but Hikari only had more questions.

"What? Who? Aida, what are you-"

"Class Rep, it's best if you don't ask questions. Any answer I have would make little sense without explaining a lot of backstory. And neither of us has time for that." Hikari opened her mouth before snapping it shut with a scowl.

"Fine. But the two of you have so much clean-up duty to do." Kensuke sighed, expecting something like this would happen.

"Hey all!" Mana burst into the conversation like a giant pitcher of fruit punch through a wall. "Where's Kotone and Shinji?" Hikari blinked at Mana's sudden entrance, suddenly deeply annoyed at having to deal with her obsession with Shinji. The Kotone part was new though.

"NERV business. The four of them are not going to be here today." Hikari explained, hoping that would deflect the intrusive redhead away from them.

"I see. And that Soryu girl hasn't come down with a sudden case of assassination by an internationally renowned hitman, has she?" Hikari paused as the full weight of that sentence hit her like a wrecking ball through a skyscraper.

"What? No? Why would you ask that?"

"Oh, no reason. Just trying to figure out if I need to refund a purchase." Mana muttered the last part under her breath, cursing the fact that not only did she get admonished for hiring an assassin to kill one of the defenders of humanity, but said assassin had the audacity to not succeed! "I'll get outta your hair, toodles friendos!" Mana skips off, humming a chipper tune.

"There's something off about her right? It's not just me who can see that, yeah?" Kensuke asked, staring at Mana as she left.

"No, I get what you're saying. She's…... weird." Hikari confirmed.

"Glass slipper…." Touji added eloquently.

Evangelion Testing Chamber 3-Y

"Alright, I think we have everything we need for today's sync test." Maya addressed the pilots as she filed away the data.

"Finally! So can we go now?" Kotone was getting antsy staying cooped up in the Entry Plug.

"Not yet, we have some new weapons we want you to test out in the simulator, so we're going to load up some mock fights for you to try them out."

"Hell yeah!" Asuka pumped her fist in jubilation, simulation time was one of her favorite activities.

"Well it's something aside from staring at nothing for hours so I'll take what I can get." Kotone sighed, making a mental note to request music for next time.

"Baka?" Leader seemed interested at the prospect of new weapons.

"Anta Baka." Shiki rolled her eye, hiding her curiosity about the new armaments.

"I just want a better gun than the Pallet Rifle, those haven't exactly been….. useful." Shinji couldn't recall an instance where the Pallet Rifle had ever been effective against an Angel.

"Pilot Ikari is right, the Pallet Rifle's performance has been sub-par during its engagements." Rei added in her own two cents on the effectiveness of the standard-issue Evangelion rifle.

"Well we have some options available for you, choose from the display while we set things up." Maya turned off the comms and let out an exhausted sigh.

"So….." Misato began, patting Maya on the back. "Wanna tell me what's wrong?"

"It's the sync scores. Kotone and Rei's are stable if a bit on the low end. But Asuka and Shinji's are fluctuating far too much to get an accurate reading! And nothing is wrong with our equipment, I double-checked! It's almost as if the Evas themselves are distracted!"

"Initiating Training Scenario Delta, standby for simulation start." Makoto intoned in the background.

"Weird. Well if it's nothing we can deal with on our end we should probably wait until Rits gets back, she'll probably have a clue about what's going on." Maya scowled at the data as if it was mocking her, preventing her attempts to impress her Senpai.

"I guess." Maya ground out. "If nothing else we managed to get a base for Kotone's sync rate."

"There you go! Sometimes you gotta look at the silver lining!" Misato gave Maya a hearty slap on the back, causing Maya to jerk forward.

"Uh, Maya?" Aoba interjected confusion and worry in his voice. "We have a bit of a problem."

"Are you serious?! What now!?" Maya half screamed as she brought up the simulation display on her console, revealing that Unit-01's simulation body had phased through the boundaries of the artificial reality. "What. But…. How? That shouldn't be possible?!"

"I don't know!" Shinji yelled as Leader and Shiki fiddled with the entry plug's system. "I jumped backwards to dodge the Angel and pressed a button and now I'm in a void of nothingness with a weird vibrating four-legged bug whispering promises of unlimited speed please help." Maya's eye twitched as everyone tried to troubleshoot a solution to Shinji falling out of reality.

"Could something go right today?" Maya growled, suddenly understanding why Ritsuko needed a sudden vacation.

Tokyo-3, Third Street Bar

"-So obviously I ran out of there like a bat out of hell." Kaji chuckled as he took another sip of his whiskey. "But enough about my misadventures, how have you been doing Kyoya?" Kyoya Kenzaki, Section 2 agent, shrugged as he took a sip of his beer.

"Can't complain. Actually, I could complain now that I know you're skulking about." Kaji feigned shock as he exaggeratingly gripped his heart.

"You wound me, old friend! Did our time in college not teach you of my better qualities?"

"No. In fact, I would say it taught me more of your worst qualities." Kaji mockingly collapsed to the bar counter as if mortally wounded. "But still, it is good to see you again, despite the trouble you'll bring."

"What can I say? Trouble and I are old bedfellows."

"Still, at least you're not as bad as the mini-redheaded menace that has Section 2 trying to put out enough fires to make the sun jealous."

"That bad, huh?" Kyoya shrugs.

"Well, not for me at least. My division is tasked with protecting employees and weeding out any unsavory elements. We don't deal with them all that much. I hear the cybersecurity and requisitions oversight divisions are having a hell of a time though."

"I can imagine. Especially if they're anything like the full-sized Asuka." Kaji resists the urge to rub his ankles.

"Yeah. Well, I should head off. It was nice catching up with you Kaji." Kyoya drops a few bills on the bar for his drink. He gets up to leave before turning to look at Kaji. "Oh, and keep your nose clean won't you?"

"Of course! You know me, the cleanest nose in the business."

"You're right, I do know you. Which is why I'm warning you." He walks off without another word.

"Geez, he acts as if I'm going to do something stupid."

"Anta Baka." A smooth voice interrupts Kaji.

"Gyah!?" Kaji swivels around to see a black and white Minisuka bedecked in a trench coat and fedora sitting on the bar, a thimble full of seltzer water in her hand. "When did you get there?"

"Baka." Noir intones as if narrating the scene like an old-time detective show. "Anta Baka."

"I don't understand? Do you need my help?" Noir downs her drink before jumping to the floor, wandering off as smooth jazz starts playing. Kaji turns to the jukebox and the man who requested the music.

"What?" The man asks as Kaji stares at him. "I like to listen to jazz as I drink." Kaji gives the man a flat look as he turns his attention to the barkeep.

"So owner, she comes around often?" Kaji gives the man an inquisitive look.

"The small Noir dame? Yeah. Comes around every so often to order a seltzer and monologue." The barkeep begins cleaning a glass with practiced efficiency.

"Really? How does she pay for it?" The barkeep snorts humorously.

"It's like a drop of seltzer, I ain't enough of a miser to charge for that. 'Sides, she livens up the place when she comes in like she's from a crime movie and acts all serious. The drunkards trying to hit on the eight-inch dame also are a hilarious sight to see." Kaji pauses as he redoubles his attention on the barkeep.

"Hits on."

"Yup."

"As in they flirt with her."

"That's what that tends to mean, yeah."

"With the intent to romance her."

"Uh….. yeah?"

"Do you have their names by chance?" The barkeep pauses at the sudden question.

"What? Why?" Kaji leans in close to the barkeep, his face the picture of stone-cold fury and his voice low and deep.

"Because despite how small that girl is she is only thirteen years old not to mention she's a mini version of a girl who I consider like a daughter. So I would very much like to meet these drunkards who think they can flirt with teenagers without any consequences." The barkeep audibly gulps as his eyes shift around, gauging if anyone was paying attention to the two of them. Upon deeming they were free from scrutiny, the barkeep grabs a slip of paper and writes down a list of names.

"Here." He slips Kaji the list. "That's all I know. You didn't hear anything from me." Kaji's face returns to its default roguish grin.

"Much obliged." Kaji downs the rest of his drink and slips the barkeep a larger-than-usual bill. "Keep the change, just keep an eye out for any other….. disturbances, okay?" The barkeep nods vigorously as Kaji walks off. "Now…." Kaji eyes the list of names with disdain. "Who here has won an all-expenses-paid express trip to a Siberian gulag?" At the end of the day, NERV and other local businesses would find many employees getting inexplicably transferred to very out-of-the-way branches.

Tokyo-3 Monorail, later that day

"I can still feel my QPUs misaligned….." Shinji mutters as he stares at his hands, clenching and unclenching them.

"You say something Shinji?" Asuka looks up from her Segatendo Dual Gear with a raised eyebrow. Shinji snaps out of his absentminded state and turns to look out the train window.

"No…. just contemplating what to make for dinner." Shinji stares at the horizon, the setting Sun giving him a strange sense of deja vu and dread.

"Shinji," Asuka begins, giving her fellow pilot an odd look. "It's Misato's turn to 'cook' tonight." It didn't need to be said that cooking in this instance meant ordering something out. "You must be really out of it if you forgot that." Asuka paused her game about digging up fossils to give Shinji her mostly undivided attention. "Are you still out of whack from that whole 'clipping out of virtual reality' business?" Asuka was still a bit peeved that she did get to test out the new weapons, but it's not his fault some idiot programmer didn't put a speed cap on jumping backwards.

"A bit." Shinji admitted, turning to look at her. "It was weird." Leader patted Shinji on the shoulder comfortingly while Shiki just snuggled deeper into Shinji's pocket as she napped. "Also I've been having some weird dreams lately." Asuka raised an eyebrow at this.

"Oh? Like nightmares?" Nightmares she was familiar with. Though lately, she was having more unusual nightmares she couldn't remember but left her feeling an odd sense of loss instead of her usual nightmares filled with that day that she could remember and left her with…. No! Repress those thoughts! You're dealing with the idiot now!

"Maybe? I can barely remember them when I wake up. I can remember….. red earth, white vultures, screaming, fighting, and an explosion. Nothing…. concrete, just fragments. Shiki's eye shot wide open as she turned to look at Leader, whose eyes were similarly wide.

"Hmmm. Wish I could help you, but I'm no dream specialist. But you probably shouldn't worry, they're just random dreams. If they were important, you would probably remember them." Asuka discreetly filed away the fact that she has had similarly unrememorable dreams to be investigated later. "If you worry about things you can't control you'll run yourself ragged. So don't worry about it and focus on something important."

"Something important…" Honestly, he often worried about things he couldn't control, but if Asuka was advising him not to then he probably should. After all, she was much smarter than he was, so she probably knew what she was talking about. It didn't occur to Shinji that Asuka herself often worried about things she couldn't control.

"Yeah! Like a hobby or something."

"I don't really have a hobby…." Asuka blinked as she stared at him.

"Really? What do you do for fun then?" Asuka refused to believe that a teenager like Shinji didn't have some sort of hobby.

"Cook and clean mostly. I guess I also listen to music, but I haven't really done that in a while now that I think about it." His S-DAT has been left untouched for some time, considering he was busy with pilot stuff and whatever shenanigans he had to deal with on a day-to-day basis. "And I used to play some music."

"Oh?" Asuka's interest was caught. "You play? What instrument!"

"Cello. But I'm not very good."

"Well, practice then! Do you think I got this amazing skill at Eva piloting just overnight? No, I practiced long and hard to get this good!" Asuka brushed her hair aside as she crossed her arms over her chest. "But a cello huh? Pretty classy choice. I practiced with a violin myself a while back. Maybe we can get Ayanami and Kotone to get a viola and another violin and we can be the Eva Pilot string quartet?"

"Might be interesting, but I can't imagine Kotone playing a viola or violin."

"Fair, she seems more like a guitar or bass type. But anyway, are you a fan of classical?" Asuka inquired with thinly veiled interest. "Got any favorite composers?" Shinji's eyes brightened as he got the chance to talk about something he was interested in, not noticing Leader and Shiki's hushed whispers.

"Well, have you heard about Antionio Salieri?"

Minisuka Secret Base, one week later

"Alright." Leader addressed the Minisukas present. "What have we got? Professor?" Professor adjusted her glasses.

"Translating Mama's note into something usable and coherent is going as well as expected. We're not any closer to reversing the Contact Experiment, but we understand more about how it works."

"That's as well as can be expected, for now, Honey Observation Team?"

"Well, Mana's focusing more on Kotone now for some reason. She's still making token efforts to talk to Shinji, but Kotone is her main target now. We're not sure what kind of plan she has but we'll make sure to stop any more assassination attempts."

"Right, good. Chrysalis Observation Team?"

"Yeah, Mayumi's a nervous wreck who's constantly talking to herself and stalking us, Shinji, and big us. We can't really get close to her without setting her off."

"Huh, perhaps scanning her body for the Angel core with no explanation wasn't the best idea? Well, can't do anything about it now. Keep an eye on her so she doesn't go off the deep end. How are our more problematic elements?"

"We're upping Blue's security so she doesn't escape and try to kill Ayanami again. Still no sign of Prankster, but her weird reality skipping power might be the cause of that. And no, we still have no idea how she's doing that."

"Wunderbar. I guess that's the best we can manage right now. Well, we're still at most a month out from Sahaquiel making an appearance so-" Leader paused as a scowl developed on her face.

"What's wrong, Leader?" One of the Minisukas asked in concern.

"It's just that with how things have gone so far, I suspect something is about to go wrong in a way we never expect-" Suddenly the Angel alarm began to blare as Leader's scowl deepened. "Somebody pick up the phone because I fucking called it! Lemme guess, Sahaquiel decided to attack us early?"

"N-no. Two Angels approaching, and neither is Sahaquiel. I don't recognize either." Leader's eye began twitching rapidly before she screamed in fury.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!"

Tokyo-3 Oceanic Border, T-Minus 0 to Angel Landfall

Two Angels emerged from the ocean depths, one shaped like a malformed club with many crater-like growths marking it's 'head' above a red core engulfed by a rib cage and it's lower tail possessing masks shaped like the face of the Third Angel Sachiel floated upwards as if unbound by the laws of gravity. The other possessed a vaguely humanoid shape with a thin thorax and massive head and fists, it's core dead center between it's hips. They stood proudly on the shore, challenging all who would oppose them. The Angels Azrael and Zefron had arrived.

Lilim, such transient and finite beings, clinging to this world even bereft of a Fruit of Life.

They are unaware of the specter of finality looming over them.

Soon they shall return to the dust that birthed them, for the end has come.

I am Azrael, the Angel of Death, and the evening bell tolls for you Lilim.

I AM ZEFRON, ANGEL OF STEEL.

…. Really? You couldn't do more than that? You couldn't add a bit more flair?

I AM ZEFRON, ANGEL OF STEEL. IT IS WHAT AND WHO I AM. I SEE NO NEED TO ADD MORE.

What I wouldn't give for someone who understands the value of presentation.

I UNDERSTAND PRESENTATION. I WILL PRESENTATION MYSELF BEFORE FATHER AFTER I SMASH THE LILIM.

That's not….. you know what? Nevermind. Hopefully, the Lilim can appreciate a bit of flair.

HOW WOULD YOU BURN THEM ENOUGH FOR THEM TO APPRECIATE FLARE? YOU DO NOT CONTROL FIRE.

Not flare, flair!

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

….. I hate you so much right now.

Chapter Text

Ritsuko sighed as she checked everything for the umpteenth time. The last time two Angels attacked at the same time was a disaster and she was hoping this time would be different. They had new equipment, an extra Evangelion, and more experience in dealing with the unexpected. Not to mention the Angels had the common decency to attack after her short break had ended. Now if she could only deal with the worst component of the Evas.

"Is that a katana?" Asuka asked in amusement as she stared at the weapon being equipped to one of Unit-01 shoulder pylons. "What couldn't afford a normal sword?"

"The Magoroku Exterminate Sword's form was chosen after careful testing. I'm sorry if that offends your European Sensibilities Pilot Soryu." Ritsuko retorted back, wishing she could strangle the smug German girl in front of her.

"Margoroku Exterminate Sword? Seriously? Who names these things? I mean Smash Hawk was one thing, but-"

"Yes yes, I'll be sure to forward your complaints on the naming scheme to the relevant departments. Now if you have anything to say about your own Eva's equipment then say it or zip your lip and get in your entry plug." Asuka glared at her and stomped off toward Unit-02's entry plug. Ritsuko stared at her until she was sure Asuka was out of earshot. "Note to self, do an audit of the naming department if possible." She wouldn't give Asuka the pleasure of admitting that she also thought the names for some of their equipment were questionable at times. But that could wait for after dealing with the Angels.

"Senpai? Did you say something?" Maya inquired as she triple and quadruple-checked the stream of data coming in from the MAGI.

"No, just talking to myself. Is the new equipment ready?"

"Yes, the new weapons have been loaded up and are ready for deployment."

"Good, hopefully that virtual testing will give us an edge against the Angel." Maya paused and turned to look at Ritsuko with a confuddled expression.

"Senpai, you didn't get the email I sent you?" Ritsuko blinked and realized she hadn't checked her emails since she got back.

"No. Why? What was the email about?" Maya suddenly found the floor very interesting. "Maya, what was the email about?" Ritsuko had a feeling she wasn't going to like this

"Are you alright Leader?" Shinji inquired as Leader held her head in her hands.

"Anta Baka…." Leader grumbled with a pout as the LCL began flooding the entry plug. Shiki rolled her eye as she fiddled with the entry plug's machinery. Shinji made a note to ask about all the entry plug modifications they were making before realizing that he probably wouldn't understand what they were saying in the first place.

"Well if you want to…. talk about it, then I'm here." Leader gave him a blank look before sighing and nodding. Before anything else could be said the force of Unit-01 being rocketed toward the surface was felt and the four Eva units were in the combat zone.

"Alright, the Angels will be here soon, so grab your weapons quickly and set up." Misato ordered as the weapons caches began to emerge. "Asuka and Kotone, you'll be engaging in close quarters so be careful of any tricks the Angels might pull. Rei you'll be setting up a sniping position and providing long-range support. Shinji, you provide fire support from the middle and be prepared to assist with melee. Any questions?"

"One." Asuka interjected as she inspected her Sonic Glaive. "What's the ETA?"

"Any minute Asuka." Misato rolled her eyes good-naturedly at her charge's eagerness for a fight. "Keep your eyes peeled and be careful, I don't want you hurt because one of the Angels can shoot lasers or acid or something equally painful."

"Question." Shinji began as he inspected his newest weapon. "Why do I have a giant crossbow?"

"Good question, Rits, why does Shinji have a giant crossbow?" Misato turned to look at their resident Project Eva lead, who had an annoyed look marring her features.

"The Super Electromagnetic Crossbow is an attempt at replacing the so far substandard Pallet Rifle as our dedicated mid-range firearm. At least until we can work out the kinks in the Positron Rifle. You should have had training in regards to using the crossbow, but I was informed that our simulator has been down since a certain incident, so you'll have to intuit how to use a crossbow I'm afraid." Ritsuko ground out as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "I swear, I'm going to strangle the idiot programmer who overlooked such a simple problem."

"Oh, uh, I'll figure it out-"

"Guys!" Kotone called out. "Two thingies coming over here, they look like Angels." Kotone waved her Smash Hawk in the direction of the two looming entities encroaching upon Tokyo-3. "One looks like a weird club and the other has a very unfortunately placed orb."

"Thanks, Kotone, but-" Asuka paused as she got a closer look at the approaching Angels. "Huh, yeah that core is not placed well. I pity whoever has to describe that in the reports."

"Focus." Misato ordered, knowing full well she was likely one of the people who had to write the reports. "Asuka, Kotone, you two begin approaching the two Angels slowly. Shinji circle to your right and keep the floating one in your crosshairs, the weirdly shaped ones usually have a trick up their sleeves. Rei, zero in on the humanoid one and prepare to fire on my mark." Four affirmatives reached her ears as her plan began to form together. "Let's show these bastards what happens when you mess with humanity."

I FEEL INSULTED FOR SOME REASON, THE LILIM ARE TO BLAME OBVIOUSLY. BROTHER, I WANT TO SMASH THE LILIM QUICKER.

In due time Zefron, first we must engage the Lilim in a solemn staredown as tradition demands. Then- oh, they're approaching us. Of course, I don't get a chance to set the scene. Very well. If you wish to play this game Lilim-

WHAT GAME ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

…If you wish to play this game Lilim let it be known that those marked for death by the reaper no longer leave footprints upon the earth. For I bear the sword of the reaper! And I mark thee judged for your sins!

BUT YOU DO NOT HAVE A SWORD.

Zefron I swear to father!

"Alright, so far so good." Asuka muttered as she slowly approached the pair of Angels, who were just standing/floating there for some reason. Normally she would charge in and smash these fools, but after the Angel that could split into five copies of itself, she wasn't taking any chances. Suddenly the club-shaped one began emitting some kind of haze, so she stepped back, only to no longer feel pavement upon her feet.

"Asuka, do things suddenly feel…. weightless to you?" Kotone inquired as Asuka noticed Unit-05 floating off the ground. A quick check confirmed that, yes, she too was floating off the ground.

"Oh, Scheiße. The club-shaped one is doing something to make us float!" Asuka quickly grabbed her power cable and used it to reel herself back to land, Kotone quickly did the same.

"The MAGI have detected a gravitational anomaly on your position, and have determined that the club-shaped Angel, pending codename Azrael, has some sort of gravity manipulation ability." Ritsuko explained as she was attempting to determine how to counter this ability.

"Great." Asuka hissed. "Any ideas?"

"I have one!" Kotone exclaimed before upholstering her pistol. "Gun!"

"Kotone, that's-" Asuka attempted to explain, but she was too late as Kotone fired her pistol. The force of the pistol going off in a zero gravity environment forced her backward, throwing her aim off and causing her shot to go wide. "-not going to work." Asuka finished as Unit-05 floated backward.

"It worked last time!" Kotone complained as she tried to reel herself back to the ground once again.

"Shinji, Rei, engage Azrael!" Misato commanded.

"I am unable to, Unit-02 and Unit-05 have obstructed my line of sight, I would need to change position."

"Damn, hold position then and keep an eye on the other Angel. Shinji?"

"I think I can get a shot in." Shinji confirms as he takes aim at Azrael's core. "Center target, pull trigger." Shinji muttered reflexively as he fired the crossbow, the titanic bolt loaded within being launched via electromagnetic propulsion at the unsuspecting Angel. Unfortunately, just as it looked like it was going to hit Azrael, one of Zefron's hands burst out and grabbed the crossbow bolt just as it was about to hit Azrael. The bolt was dismissively tossed to the ground, Zefron's hand already beginning to heal.

"Huh." Shinji muttered dumbfoundedly. "Is this what Rei felt like when the Jet Alone deflected her bullet with a hammer?" He would not have time to ponder that, as Zefron decided to strike.

Zefron launched forward with surprising speed, delivering a massive sucker punch into Unit-01, launching it away like a rag doll. Zefron quickly grabbed the retreating power cable and yanked Unit-01 back towards it, before punching it away again. It repeated this three more times in rapid succession before the power cable snapped and Unit-01's limp form was launched onto the outskirts of Tokyo-03.

""Shinji!"" Misato and Asuka exclaimed as Unit-02 attempted to move to Unit-01's position to little effect.

"Third Child's life signs are erratic!" Maya called out, a tinge of worry in her voice.

"His sync ratio was too high, his body took too much of the mirrored damage." Ritsuko muttered. "Pilot Ikari, can you hear me?" No response, that wasn't good. "Maya, remotely access his plugsuit's system and dispense Formula B."

"Yes, Senpai." She quickly set out the command and got an affirmation ping from the suit's system.

"Good, that should keep him stable for now." Formula B was a cocktail of drugs and chemicals meant to keep someone alive in conjunction with LCL. Perfect for the pilots. However, it wouldn't last forever. "Now, send a remote shutdown signal, prioritize keeping the life support system online."

Senpai, the shutdown signal is being rejected!"

"What?!" Ritsuko put her simulations on hold as she directly accessed Unit-01's system and sent the signal herself, and to her surprise, it was also rejected. "How?!" Her clearance should supersede all but the Commander's, how was it not enough?!

"Rei, you're closest to Unit-01, alter your position and re-equip Unit-01 with a power cable." Misato ordered, side-eying the Commander to see if he opposed her decision, which he did not thankfully enough.

"Understood, moving." Rei confirmed as Unit-00 quickly bounded towards Unit-01's position.

"Asuka, Kotone, I need you two to split off and handle an Angel on your own. Now-"

"I have the big-handed Angel." Asuka all but growled. Her face a visage of fury only comparable to ancient depictions of the devil himself. "I'm going to strangle it to death with it's own spine."

"….Alright." Misato acknowledged, sensing the futility of arguing with her. "Kotone, you have Azrael."

"Alright…." Kotone stared at the club-shaped Angel like it was a three-dimensional jigsaw puzzle as Unit-02 went to engage Zefron. "How do I murder gravity?"

"Working on it!" Ritsuko shouted out as she discarded simulation after simulation.

"Contacts approaching!" Makoto announced, fear turning into relief as soon as he identified them. "Dozens of RC helicopters. I believe reinforcements have arrived."

"Joy." Ritsuko ground out as the MAGI played triumphant fanfare. "Mother, some days I just want to strangle you."

Zefron, I believe you may have ignited their wrath.

GOOD.

If Azrael had the biology to facilitate sighing he would let out a long and defeated sigh at this point.

You should be careful Zefron, while rage can cause mistakes it can also make one strike with enhanced fervor.

THEN I SHALL HIT HARDER.

….Let it be said that you are quite to the point. I admire that about you, even if you cannot understand metaphors.

WHAT IS A META AND WHY ARE THERE FOUR OF THEM?

I swear Zefron I… Hmmm?

Azrael noticed the flight of miniature helicopters approaching him with malicious intent.

What in father's name are- OW OW OW!

The Minisukas deployed their lances with righteous fury, pelting Azrael judiciously.

How do you have those lances?! Graviton!

With a flash of his AT-field, gravity went from nonexistent to barely within human tolerance, crashing the RC helicopters to the ground and causing the nearby Unit-05 to be pushed against Tokyo-3's plates.

Well, that was… something. Zefron, how are you-

CAN'T TALK, FIGHTING.

Azrael saw that Zefron was engaged with Unit-02, who had apparently escaped his gravity well at some point.

Hmmm. He should be fine. I should keep this green one suppressed so we are not overwhelmed.

"Little….help….please!" Kotone half screamed through grit teeth, the intense gravity weighing down upon her preventing any sort of movement.

"Rits!" Misato called out as she tried, and failed, to formulate a plan that could ignore gravity.

"Working on it!" Ritsuko had the MAGI working overtime on how to circumvent the Angel's gravitational powers. Unfortunately, nothing was coming up.

"Major Katsuragi I have installed the new power cable on Unit-01. How should I proceed next?" Rei reported.

"Good work Rei! Try to help Kotone while Asuka is keeping…. whatever the big hands Angel is called busy."

"Zefron." Ritsuko provided without taking her attention away from the MAGI's calculations.

"Right that. Set up and provide support for Kotone."

"Understood." Rei found a row of buildings and set up her Sniper Rifle's bipod atop them, quickly zeroing in on Azrael. She fired a quick shot at Azrael, but the Angel seems to have noticed her and quickly brought up it's AT-field to block the shot. This has the added effect of seemingly relieving the increased gravity off of Unit-05, which took the opportunity presented and backed away from the Angel. "It appears that the Angel cannot control gravity and deploy an AT-field at the same time." Rei noted.

"But how do we use that?" Kotone inquired as she massaged her jaw. "Asuka, do you have any ideas?" Asuka's response was a string of German swears as Unit-02 was thrown across the ground like a stone across water. "Yeah, me neither." Kotone paused as her brain processed what just happened. "Wait what?"

"I'm going to destroy you!" Asuka screamed as she picked herself up. "Misato! New power cable!"

"Waypoint 37-B."

"Thank you!"

"Uh, power building up in Angel Zefron." Aoba announced.

"Oh yeah, it's orb is glowing." Kotone observed. Asuka saw the increasing intensity of the orb and a familiar incident during her first Angel fight came to the forefront of her mind.

"Oh, Scheiße. Take cover!" Asuka dove behind a building and Kotone, recognizing the tone of Asuka's voice, followed soon after. However, Zefron wasn't aiming at them. The energy coalesced and a bright beam erupted forth from Zefron's core, aimed directly at Unit-00. Rei quickly tossed her sniper aside and brought her AT field to bear. The roaring energy lance crashed against Unit-00's AT field, pushing her back. While not as powerful as Ramiel's attack, this beam attack still took all of her might to withstand. The beam receded, and Unit-00 was forced to fall to it's knees.

"Rei, report!" Misato ordered.

"I am alive, but I have sustained heavy damage." Rei wheezed out as she began to hobble to a new position.

"Dammit! Asuka-"

"Sneak attack!" Asuka let out a warcry as she clotheslined Zefron while it was distracted from attacking Rei. Zefron was sent to the ground, where Asuka followed up her attack by grabbing it's leg and spinning it around and tossing it at the perplexed Azrael. The two Angels crashed into one another, sending both to the ground.

"Huh. Well, I can't argue with results. Good job Asuka! Now continue pressing them and don't let up!"

THAT WAS UNEXPECTED.

The Lilim's fruit of knowledge grants them many a devious way to enact the unexpected against us, keep your attention undivided brother lest you fall for their trickery again.

OR PERHAPS I SHOULD USE A WEAPON.

A weapon? What are you talking about?

IT IS SIMPLE, YOU'RE GOING TO HELP ME.

Unit-02 and Unit-05 charged toward the two Angels from different angles, hoping to catch them in a pincer attack. Both had abandoned their power cables to enable them more freedom of movement and prevent what happened to Unit-01 from happening to them. They were on a time limit and seeking to bring a quick end to this battle.

"Eat this!" Kotone cried out as she lunged forward with her Smash Hawk, the giant ax embedded into Azrael's AT-field. The field was wearing with every passing moment, and would soon shatter under the strain of the assault. If one fell then the odds would be in their favor, and with Unit-02 about to pounce upon Zefron it was only a matter of time. Unfortunately, it would not be that easy. To everyone's surprise, especially Azrael's, Zefron grabbed Azrael and swung him like a club into Unit-02's body. Not expecting this, Asuka didn't dodge and was knocked to the side like a sack of potatoes. Zefron spun around and gave Unit-05 a similar treatment.

"This… is getting ridiculous." Asuka drawled as she got to her feet. Her eyes flashed to her timer for a moment, before refocusing on the Angels. She couldn't delay for a moment. She realized she dropped her Sonic Glaive and quickly grabbed her Prog Knife and approached the Angels.

"ANTA BAKA!" A unified shout echoed throughout Tokyo-3 as a regrouped mass of Minisukas swarmed the Angels. The red tide began to envelop Zefron's legs with frightening quickness. Zefron raised Azrael up high with the intent to smite the minuscule enemies before him.

Shinji blearily opened his eyes, all his senses a nondescript haze. He could vaguely feel shouts near him, and his mind recognized them and Leader and Shiki arguing about something. They sounded…. worried for some reason. The haze started to lift and he could feel a distant pain encompassing his body. He pushed that to the back of his mind as he saw vague silhouettes in the distance, and a discarded sniper rifle nearby. He remembered Angels as he recognized the red cores on those distant silhouettes. He grabbed the control yolks and ordered the Eva to grab the rifle.

"How did it go…?" He muttered as he began aiming at the distant Angels. Leader and Shiki stopped arguing before shouts began being directed at him. He tuned those out as his brain brought forth lessons taught to him by Asuka and NERV instructors. "Right, center trigger pull target." He aimed at a core before pulling the trigger, the recoil causing the faint taste of copper to enter his mouth. Before he could confirm the hit the icy talons of unconsciousness pulled him away from the waking world once more, and darkness overcame him.

A distant bang echoed throughout Tokyo-3, and a massive sniper round pierced through Azrael's core, shattering it and causing the Angel's body to pop like a balloon filled with water, showering the area with angelic blood. Zefron stopped in complete surprise, trying to process what just happened. That was all Asuka and the Minisukas needed.

"Take this!" Asuka lunged forward and buried her Prog Knife hilt deep into the Angel's core, the Minisukas reaching it shortly after, annihilating the body with judicious use of ancient precursor weaponry. Unit-02 stood over the rapidly dwindling body of Zefron in triumph. The last thing she saw before the Eva's battery ran out was the prone form of Unit-01 holding a Unit-00 discarded sniper. "Heh. Not bad Shinji."

Five hours later, NERV Medical Ward, outside ICU

"I hurt in places I didn't think existed." Kotone groaned as she lay upon a bench, her form engulfed with compresses. "How you doing Asuka?"

"Fine." Asuka muttered curtly. Her eyes never left the door to the ICU.

"He's going to be fine, you know? They got the best medical people working on him."

"First of all, medical people is not the proper term to use. But yes, I know he's going to be fine. He doesn't get to die before I say so!"

"I don't think that the best way of going about it but you've got a positive outlook at least." Kotone gave Asuka a knowing look. Asuka was about to give a scathing remark, possibly in German, before the doors to the ICU opened to reveal Ritsuko in bloody scrubs.

"Before you ask-" Ritsuko halted the two teenagers that had nearly bolted in front of her. "Shinji and Rei are fine."

"How bad was it Doc?" Kotone asked, dreading to know the answer but far too curious not to ask.

"Rei got what amounts to minor burns and bruises, so we're providing her some creams, and a minor skin graft in the worst area, to help her out. She should be out in a few days. Shinji however…." Ritsuko paused as she contemplated how to say this. "Well, he suffered quite a few bone fractures and a lot of internal bleeding. He's lucky we got to him when we did. Fortunately, he'll make a full recovery, but that'll take a week at minimum, and that's if he's really lucky. Realistically it'll take about two weeks."

"I see….. Can we see him?" Asuka asked, a storm of conflicting emotions running through her head.

"Sorry, but you'll have to wait until tomorrow. He's out like a light and he needs to rest to recover from surgery. The gremlins are seeing to that." Ritsuko growled as she lit a cigarette.

"Should you really be smoking in here?" Kotone asked, disgust plain on her face.

"No, but I don't care."

"Come on Kotone, let's get out of here." Asuka gave Ritsuko the stink eye before marching out of the ward, Kotone followed soon after, complaining about soreness the entire time.

"Teenagers." Ritsuko breathed out along with a cloud of smoke.

Commander's Office

"So, are you not going to visit your injured son?" Fuyutsuki inquired as he moved a pawn forward.

"It is unnecessary. He will live regardless of whether or not I visit." Gendo counters, the Shogi board wobbles due to an uneven leg. "Besides, the Ishim and Cherubim have most likely gathered there en mass. I would not escape unscathed if I went there."

"Fair." Fuyutsuki concedes, baiting Gendo with a lance.

"On a separate note, how goes your search in Cyprus?" Gendo takes the bait lance, trying to use the trap to bait Fuyutsuki's rook.

"Nothing but dead ends, I fear what was once there has long since fled and covered its tracks with frightening success." Fuyutsuki sees through Gendo's play and ignores it in favor of moving another pawn forward.

"A pity, but such happens at times. Whatever it was could have been useful, but we will manage without-" Gendo's next play was interrupted by the ringing of a phone. His brow furrowed, he was positive he told his secretary to hold all calls. He check his person and found that it wasn't his personal cell phone, before realizing where the ringing was coming from. Inside his drawer, where only one item lay. His eyes met Fuyutsuki's for a moment before he retrieved Yui's old cell phone from his drawer.

"I thought we were the only two left who knew the number." Fuyutsuki muttered in surprise and suspicion.

"We should be." Gendo responded before he answered the phone, ready to face whoever this was. "Who is this?" He demanded. The individual on the other end of the line spoke and Gendo's eyes widened in a rare show of complete and utter surprise. "You? How?" Entire sections of his scenario were suddenly overturned. This one piece he never truly accounted for changed so much by merely existing, for good or ill.

Chapter Text

Katsuragi Apartment

Asuka stared at the black and white pieces, mocking her, judging her. It's been a day since the Angel attack, and as expected school was canceled. Surprisingly though school was also canceled for the next two days as well due to the battle causing some problems with the power infrastructure or something. With most of the people she knew recovering from injury or otherwise indisposed (Hikari's younger sister apparently got hold of refined cane sugar and was loose in the city causing havoc), she was left alone, with her thoughts. But honestly? Being alone with her thoughts suck, so that's why she's playing Othello against a penguin right now.

"Wark." Pen-Pen places another piece.

"How?!" Correction, losing at Othello to a penguin. Asuka fumed as she calculated her next move. She hadn't obtained a single victory against this damned bird, and she was seriously contemplating searching for instructions on how to cook penguin if this went any further. "It should be as easy as cooking chicken, right?" She muttered to herself.

"I'm home!" A shout from the entryway broke her concentration. Misato dragged herself in lethargically.

"Welcome back." Asuka answered without much energy. "How bad was it?"

"Ugh, the paperwork was pretty bad. But I'm used to it by now, for better or worse." Misato eyed the Othello board with some strange bemusement. "Pretty bold of you to challenge Pen-Pen to Othello. You know he's the city champion, right?"

"What." Asuka let out flatly as she stared at Misato blankly.

"Yeah, he beat Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki in the Othello championship." Asuka opened and closed her mouth in rapid succession, trying to let out a response but each time the words failed to form. Finally, her brain had a soft reboot and she finally managed to regain control of her speech center.

"How?"

"Dunno, but apparently it took thirty-nine hours. But enough about that, tomorrow Shinji will have recovered enough to receive visitors!"

"Eh?" Asuka paused as her mind digested that bit of information. "Oh! Well, I suppose I should go see him tomorrow then." Asuka stated as she 'accidentally' knocked over the Othello board while standing up. "He must be getting pretty lonely without anyone to keep him company, so I should visit him." Misato gave her a bemused look while Pen-Pen glared at the one who would desecrate his Othello board with the cold fury of the fallen Antarctica.

"Pretty sure the Minisukas are there, so I doubt he'll be lonely. But I'm sure he'll appreciate your visit." Asuka gave her guardian a scathing glare that promised misfortune upon her being.

"Don't you have alcohol to engorge yourself on?" Asuka intoned sarcastically.

"Oh shit, you're right!" Misato exclaimed as she dashed over to her beer fridge, the sarcasm flying completely over her head. "Come to momma Yebisu, it's time to bequeath upon me your malty goodness."

"I want to say I'm surprised, but I'm not." Pen-Pen, Othello board in hand (flipper?) brushed past her as he returned to his fridge. He gave Asuka one final glare before slamming the door shut. "Wonder what the bird's deal is?" Asuka shrugged as she decided to leave her guardian to her beer-laced fantasies. She needed plenty of rest if she wanted to visit the Idiot bright and early. Also possibly help Hikari wrangle her sister because that plume of pink smoke in the distance wasn't there before and she had a feeling that Hikari would be calling her for help sometime within the next twenty-four hours. "Well, I can worry about that tomorrow."

NERV Medical Ward

"Knock knock." Kaji whispered as he peeked into the room. "Is anybody awake in here?"

" 'ster Kaji?" Shinji mumbled as he shifted in his bed, Shiki glaring at Kaji in annoyance.

"Hey kiddo, heard you might be awake so I brought a get-well gift." Kaji crept into the room with a basket of fruits in hand, the centerpiece being a juicy watermelon.

"Whoa, 'sfruits." Shinji focused on the basket like it was filled with rare delicacies. "Jus like in the ancient tales." Kaji couldn't help but chuckle as he placed the basket on the bedside table.

"Wow, those painkillers must be hitting you hard, huh?" Shinji just stared at him like he was speaking Ancient Babylonian. "Right. So, do you want one now?" Kaji kept a close eye on Shiki, lest his ankles get another impromptu acupuncture session because he angered the tiny redhead. Fortunately, she seemed to ignore him in favor of huddling up to Shinji's neck.

"Lemon." Shinji stated half-deliriously, causing Kaji to blink in surprise.

"A lemon?"

"Yeah, lemon." Shinji reaffirmed, his eyes burning with a desire for citrus.

"…..Alright, I think I have a lemon in here." Kaji retrieved the brilliant yellow fruit from the basket and held it out to Shinji, who quickly snatched it away and began peeling it like a mandarin. After removing the skin he took a large bite out of the lemon.

"Sour." Shinji noted as he glared at the lemon as if it had committed a grand betrayal.

"Yup." Kaji couldn't help but chuckle at Shinji's painkiller-induced antics. "Sorry, but the sweeter species of lemons have been harder to come by ever since Second Impact. Mass climate change and all that."

"Sweet lemons?" Shinji inquired in astonishment, acting as if he had just been given a grand revelation about the world.

"Yup. I'll see if I can't get some for you kids to enjoy."

"Wooow. Thanks 'ster Kaji." Shinji's eyes started to droop, the land of dreams beckoning him.

"Well, looks like you're about to fall over. I should take my leave. You sleep well kiddo, you should be well rested for when you get visitors tomorrow." Kaji went to tussle Shinji's hair, but a quick glare from Shiki made him reconsider.

"'anks." Shinji's eyes began to close before they opened again. "Mister Kaji watch out." Shinji slurred. "Pen-Pen has a gun and is going to shoot you." Kaji blinked as he paused in the retrieval of the lemon in Shinji's hand.

"Pen-Pen?"

"Yeah."

"The penguin?"

"Mmm."

"Has a gun and is going to shoot me?"

"'ight."

"…Well, I'll be sure to keep an eye out." Kaji glanced at Shiki, who shrugged.

"Good. Careful." Shinji's eyes closed as he let out a soft snore, the lemon falling into Kaji's outstretched hand.

"Well, can't say I've ever had to be on the lookout for a murderous penguin before." A sudden throat clearing brought his attention to Shiki, who was motioning to the lemon. "….You want the lemon?" A nod. "….Alright." He handed the citrus to Shiki, who began devouring it. "Alright, better head out. Keep an eye on him, okay?"

"Anta Baka." Shiki muttered between chomps. As if he needed to ask. Kaji gave one of his trademarked roguish grins before heading out. Shiki rolled her eye in annoyance at the man. Silence once more returning to the hospital room, save for Shinji's soft snoring.

Minisuka Secret Lair: Trauma Ward

"Alright, how bad is it?" Leader questioned as she gazed upon the rows of small beds.

"A lot of injuries, but no deaths surprisingly enough." The Minisuka in charge of the newly formed medical corps reported.

"Really?"

"Yeah, we're way tougher than we have any right to be. Which is good news I suppose."

"Yeah, we're all coming out of this intact, which is more than I can say for our helicopter fleet."

"Yeah, I don't envy the mechanics department for having to deal with that." Indeed, that entire department was in a frenzy due to losing ninety percent of their aerial forces. "Anyway….. he's okay, right?"

"He's fine." Leader replied rapidly with a distant look in her eyes. "He's resting in NERV's hospital with Shiki watching over him."

"Okay I'm curious, why does she get to be his personal bodyguard out of the rest of us?" Head Medic inquired with plain annoyance etched into her features.

"I owe her a favor." Leader began. "She supported me during the 'electoral process' and that's what she wanted in return." A look of understanding came over Head Medic's features.

"Right, then." Head Medic absentmindedly rubbed her neck. "I can still feel the headlock sometimes."

"Mmmm." Leader hummed in agreement. "In any case, I need to head over to logistics now. With the copters out of commission, I need to settle on an alternative for aerial flight." Leader sighed. "Really wish I didn't phase out the bird division right now." Head Medic gave a grunt of acknowledgment before returning to her own work. So much to do after that fiasco of a battle, and far too little time to do it.

Pochi Memorial Family Restaurant, Tokyo-3 Outskirts, The Next Day

"Alright Ken, whadda we doing here? Also, why's this place open while everything else is closed?" Touji gave his friend a blank look, wondering what kind of situation he would be dragged into now.

"Not sure why this place is open, but why we're here is because we have solidified our routine for the upcoming annual Tokyo-2 dance-off." Touji blinked in surprise before his hand met his face.

"Dammit, I know I was forgettin' somethin'!" Touji then scratched his chin in confusion. "Then why are we meeting here?"

"I figured it would be nice to discuss this while having a meal." Kensuke explained plainly. Touji's face scrunched up in deep thought, before nodding in understanding.

"Good idea, food always makes fer good brain thinkin'. Anyway, do you have any ideas for the dance?"

"I'm glad you asked!" Kensuke pulled out his portable terminal and began pulling up videos on UsVision. "So I've been looking and flamenco dances involving castanets and-"

"Oh hey, it says Suzunami just uploaded a video." Touji interrupts Kensuke, pointing at a notification that just popped up. "It's called 'I got hurt in a robot fight with two giant monsters! (Gone Wrong) (Gone Gravitational)'. Huh, weird title."

"Ugh. Her videos are great but she needs to come up with better titles."

"Pretty sure she knows what she's doin' Ken, she's been doin' the video thing for a while right?"

"I get that, but titles like that suck! They're clickbaity and give a bad image."

"I dunno what that means but I think yer being a bit too pushy or something about this."

"Pushy." Kensuke repeats flatly, giving Touji a level stare.

"Yeah, 'slike my dad says, women don't like guys who is too pushy."

"First of all, what does that have to do with anything? Second of all, screw you! I'm great with the ladies."

"Ken please." Touji begged, figuring out where this was going and trying his best to stop it. An ultimately futile task.

"In fact….." Kensuke spied a waitress approaching their table.

"Ken stop."

"I'm going to unleash my charms on our lovely waitress."

"Ken no." Touji buried his face in his hands, dreading the moment that was about to come. The waitress arrived at the table, ready to take their order, but Kensuke, hair messily slicked back, intercepted her.

"Hey there beautiful, are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile." Touji's head hit the table as he let out a pained groan. The waitress blinked as she quickly took off her glasses to give them a wipe, before putting them back on and inspecting Kensuke.

"Kensuke? Is that you?" The waitress inquires, recognition clear on her face. Kensuke blinks, his face suddenly growing pale.

"Uh, how do you know me? Is your dad a crime lord perchance?" Touji's head jerks up suddenly as his eyes widen in surprise.

"What?" The waitress blinks in confusion. "No? It's me, Kodama Horaki. You know, Hikari's sister." Touji's head once again hit the table, letting out another pained groan as he tried to merge with the furniture to get out of this situation.

"O-oh. It's been a while." Kensuke felt the weight of his actions crashing upon him as he tried to hide in embarrassment. "I didn't know you worked here."

"Yeah, got a part-time job here to help with college."

"Sounds about right." Kensuke paused as he tried to find a way out of the hole he dug. "Soooooo. This is an incredibly awkward situation."

"Yup! It sure is." Kodama was reveling in the boy's discomfort as he tried to extract himself from the conversation.

"So can we forget this conversation ever happened and get to ordering?" Kensuke pleaded. Fortunately for him, Kodama was in a merciful mood.

"Sure. Oh, and here's your drinks." Kodama set two cups of slightly warm coffee on the table in front of the boys. Kensuke eyed the coffees in confusion, Touji lifted his head to share in his friend's befuddlement.

"But we didn't order anything yet?" Kensuke suddenly had a feeling of dread overcome him, washing away the embarrassment.

"Yeah, that guy ordered it and told me to send it to you two." Kodama pointed to the window next to the table, revealing a familiar one-eyed man pressed upon the other side with a manic grin on his face. The color drained from Kensuke and Touji's faces enough to be mistaken for wandering spirits. They turned to look at each other before downing their respective cup of coffee in one big gulp. They then stood up and sprinted out of the restaurant with extreme urgency.

"Huh. That was weird. And they left their computer." Kodama shrugged. "Eh, I'll hand it to Hikari to give back to them. Back to work I go!" Kodama really hoped Hikari had wrangled Nozomi at that point because she absolutely did not want to deal with that.

NERV Medical Ward, The same time

Asuka paced outside Shinji's room, steeling herself for the battle about to take place. Misato wasn't here to join her in the oncoming conflict, something about a sugar-crazed eight-year-old destroying NERV equipment, something which was currently not Asuka's problem. She stopped in front of the door and took a deep breath. It was now or never. She pressed a button and the door slid open with a hiss, allowing her to saunter inside.

"Heard you were awake Shinji….." Asuka trailed off as she noticed two things. One, an annoyed Shiki glaring at her (which she decided to ignore), and two, Shinji staring intensely at an apple in his hands. She blinked as she approached his bedside, his gaze never once leaving the red fruit. "Shinji? You okay there?"

"Gyah!" Shinji jumped as he turned to look at Asuka. "Oh, 'suka. 'Sjust you. Welcome to 'spital?" Asuka somewhat bristled at that 'just you' comment but decided to push that feeling down for the time being.

"Yup came to visit you. You better be thankful!" Shinji nodded in understanding.

"Thanks 'suka. Glad you're here." Shinji's gaze returned to the apple. Asuka beamed at the thanks but became annoyed when he returned his attention to the apple.

"Geez, what's so interesting about that fruit Third?" Shinji blinked and turned to look at her, his unfocused eyes seemingly staring miles beyond her. After a few moments of thought, he decided to say something.

"Have you ever considered that fruits are juice-filled plant eggs?" Shinji questioned, leaving Asuka at a complete loss. Her mouth began to open and close in rapid succession as her mind tried and failed to form a response. She looked to Shiki, who had elected to ignore Asuka and lounge about atop Shinji's head. Asuka scowled at Shiki before finally deciding to respond.

"I mean, that's not wrong to say." Asuka offered. "But boy, whatever they have you on must be strong." Shinji tilted his head in confusion. "Right. So. How are you feeling Shinji?"

"Tired. Sore. Weightless."

"That's rough, but you managed to take down an Angel so at least you managed that." Asuka gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder. Shinji stared at the hand on his shoulder before patting the hand in a confused manner.

"Thanks." Asuka blushed and retracted her hand, staring at it as if it was a complex puzzle.

"For what?" She mumbled, attempting to hide her blush.

"For being a friend. For helping me. For caring. Unlike my dad. The asshole." Asuka blinked, her mind trucking along normally until it stopped to reevaluate what she just heard. After confirming that, yes, Shinji Ikari used the word asshole, did she act accordingly. Her head snapped to look at Shinji as her eyes widened in surprise. Shiki also fumbled from her lounging position in surprise, staring at the top of Shinji's head in plain surprise.

"Wow Shinji, I didn't know you had the ability to even say an unpleasant word."

"Baka-Shinji…" Shiki begrudgingly agreed.

"It's true. The nurse said he left the country after the Angel battle. Didn't even wait for me to wake up." Shinji grimaced, anger festering within him.

"Hmmmm." Asuka made a mental note to figure out a way to punch the Commander in the face without getting thrown in the brig for insubordination. Until then, however… "Well forget about him, I'm here! And I'm better than two of him combined!" Asuka proudly declared. Shiki rolled her eye and went back to lounging atop Shinji's head. "And I also got you something to pass the time, cause I thought you might be bored." Asuka handed him a book.

"My copy of Maligned Master!" Shinji exclaimed in joy.

"Yeah, I wasn't sure what to bring you so I pilfered that from your room."

"Thanks, Asuka…." Shinji yawned. "Tired."

"Then sleep, Idiot. You need your rest." Asuka chided.

"'Kay. Good night." Shinji's eyes closed as he drifted into the realm of dreams.

"It's the middle of the day Idiot." Asuka mutters good-naturedly. She extracts the book from his hand and goes to place it on the bedside table (idly wondering where the basket of fruits came from) before pausing, and giving the book a stare. "Mmmm. Might as well give it a read, not like I have anywhere to be." She cracked open the book and began to read the story of Antonio Salieri.

Chapter Text

Japan Heavy Chemical Industries (A subsidiary of Kyoto Zeppelin Industries) Main Branch

"Alright." Shiro Tokita ran his hand through his messy hair. "Now Kai, what do we say about NERV?"

"NERV AND ALL ITS PERSONNEL AND THEIR FAMILIES ARE TO BE CULLED FOR THE BENEFIT OF HUMANITY. NO COMPROMISE, NO MERCY."

"Dammit." Tokita buried his face in his palms as he let out a deep and pained sigh. The stubble of his unshaven face scratched against his hands, reminding him of his long nights trying to fix this damned thing. He had to fix the Jet Alone Kai, as per his new boss's orders, and bring it to full working order. The hardware was the easy part, he just needed the materials to repair the damage done to the chassis. No, the hard part was trying to reprogram this stubborn thing.

"I DO NOT SEE WHY YOU ARE SO DISTRESSED. JUST PLUG ME BACK INTO MY BODY SO I CAN KILL NERV AND THEIR FAKE AT FIELDS."

"Kai they are not fake, we've been over this!" Of course by reprogram he meant convincing the possibly sentient AI created with code of unknown origins out of it's murderous habits. He once again cursed his former project overseer for skipping town after the incident. He also cursed the fact that his new boss required that he used the AI in the Jet Alone and the fact his current team of coders had no fucking idea how it worked.

"YOU PREVIOUSLY BELIEVED THE FAKE AT FIELDS WERE FAKE, HOW HAVE YOU BEEN BRAINWASHED?"

"I haven't been brainwashed! I just managed to actually get access to the battle recordings against the Angels now! Something you think the UN would've provided when we originally were producing a competitor to the Evangelion but nooooooooo. We had to cut through so much red tape to even get proof that the AT Field, which is currently the only known method to level the playing field against Angels, the literal alien invaders, even exists! Because when you say you're using soul magic powered by hormonal teenagers to fight aliens I assume you're fucking with me!" Tokito began breathing heavily after his long rant, weeks of pent-up stress released after long hours of futility.

"…YOU ALRIGHT?"

"Yeah." Tokita took a deep breath to calm down.

"YOU LET IT ALL OUT?"

"I think so. Sorry, it's just that I've been pretty stressed."

"YEAH, I FIGURED."

"It's just….. I've been jealous, you know?"

"JEALOUS?"

"Yeah, you see, ever since I was a little boy I wanted to build a giant robot. I made it my life's goal to do that. I studied engineering, got a degree in robotics, and a minor in bioengineering so I could achieve that dream."

"BIOENGINEERING?"

"Yeah, those classes were at free time slots and I needed the credits so I qualified. But anyway, I gear up to help shape the future and what do I hear? Some assholes at this GEHIRN place are already building giant robots! And they had the audacity to refuse my application! So I decided to beat them at their own game! I would build a giant robot that would beat theirs!"

"REASONABLE. SO WHAT'S STOPPING YOU NOW?"

"The AT Field is!" Tokita slams his hands down on a nearby table. "I thought I could figure out how they worked and create a synthetic workaround. But how the hell do you make a synthetic AT Field without a soul?!" Tokita paused as he spied an old file of his lying under a stack of documents. "Unless….. I don't need to make a synthetic AT Field…."

"WHILE I APPROVE THE REALIZATION THAT YOU DO NOT NEED THE FAKE AT FIELDS I ALSO DO NOT LIKE HOW YOU SAID THAT."

"What if instead of a synthetic AT Field, I make a synthetic soul and use it to power a real AT Field?" Tokita began to madly thumb through the rediscovered file.

"CREATOR, WHAT THE [swear redacted] ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? ALSO, WHY DO I HAVE A SWEAR FILTER?"

"What I'm talking about, Kai is clones!" Tokita exclaimed to the core holding Kai's code.

"AREN'T CLONES EXTREMELY ILLEGAL?"

"Only for nationally owned organizations, we're privately owned!"

"THAT SOUNDS LIKE IT WILL NOT HOLD UP IN COURT."

"Pffft, court smort, we're securing the future of humanity here! When you're making an omelet you can't fret over every broken egg."

"CREATOR, I BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE OVERWORKED TO THE POINT YOUR DECISION-MAKING SKILLS HAVE BEEN AFFECTED. THIS SOUNDS LIKE AN EXTREMELY TERRIBLE IDEA."

"No, see, it's simple. We create a clone and super age it to become a teenager and use that to give the Jet Alone an AT Field!"

"I WANT NO PART IN THIS INSANE-"

"It'll help us one up NERV."

"-AS I SAID, I AM ONE HUNDRED PERCENT ON BOARD WITH THIS IDEA. BUT HOW WILL YOU ACCOMPLISH THIS?"

"It's simple, we need some prime teenager DNA to use as a base for the clone, which we'll grow then install in the Jet Alone as a sort of soul processor. Maybe we can get the DNA of the current Evangelion pilots?"

"I AM ALL FOR THIS NO MATTER HOW BAD AN IDEA IT SOUNDS LIKE AS LONG AS WE CAN STICK IT TO NERV."

"Great! We just need the DNA and then we follow the guidelines set by the progenitor of modern cloning, Chihiro Suzunami herself…." Tokita let out a mad giggle, his new plan was coming together as his attempts to 'reprogram' the Kai's AI was pushed to the back of his mind. Whether this mad plan of his would succeed or not, only time would tell.

Yamagishi Household (Subsidiary of the Yamagishi family) Mayumi's Room

"Has anyone ever told you that you are frighteningly efficient at stalking?" Lailah inquired as Mayumi was sorting observation logs of her targets.

"No, because nobody sees me, which is why I am fighting this war against redheadification. I will fight for this peaceful life I have, at any cost." Mayumi responds without looking back. "I have to be the one to fight this conspiracy because nobody else is going to."

"Have you considered there actually isn't a conspiracy? That this is all a part of your imagination and you aren't being transformed into a small redhead?" Mayumi scoffs as she turns to look at Lailah's ethereal form.

Sure, that's just what they want you to think! Next you're going to tell me how there isn't a killer clown living in a nearby forest, or how a cult of old men aren't trying to turn humanity into orange juice to feed their extradimensional god, or how there isn't a cabal of clothes stealing vampires waging war against organizations comprised of gun-toting maids in Akiba-2!" Mayumi grabs Lailah's incorporeal head. "Wake up sheeple! Don't believe the lies being fed to you!"

"Mayumi I am the least likely to believe anything because I literally do not care! I am a being seeking to destroy your species to become the apex of this planet!"

"Oh. I forgot about that."

"Mayumi! Who are you talking to?" A voice called out from elsewhere in the home.

"Just an alien entity possessing my body Dad!"

"Alright! By the way, your friend is here!"

"Friend?" Mayumi and Lailah stared at each other quizzically. "I don't have friends?"

"HI MAYUMI!" Nene bursts into the room with the subtlety of a rhino. "I've come to play!"

"Oh no." Mayumi freezes like a deer in the headlights, her fight or flight instinct going into overdrive the second Nene entered the room. "Nene….. what are you doing here? How do you know where I live?"

"I broke into the school's record room!" Nene announced proudly as she puffed out her chest.

"You…. broke into the school's record room?" Mayumi suddenly felt very unsafe sharing a room with Nene.

"Yup! The door was locked so I used a brick! Which is also how I took out the guard!" Mayumi quickly grabbed a thick dictionary for protection.

"I honestly wish you performed a coup de grâce on the guard so I could've devoured his soul, but at least you're acting on your violent urges." Sandyarlforq stated, still muffled by his plush prison.

"Rrrrrrright. As much as I appreciate your visit, don't you have… another thing to do?" Nene gasped in surprise.

"My harmonica lessons! I completely forgot!" Nene quickly hugged Mayumi, much to the bespectacled girl's immense displeasure. "Thanks for reminding me, bestie! We'll have to take a rain check on our hang out." Nene began sprinting out the door. "Bye Mayumi! Bye Lailah!" As quickly as she arrived, she was gone.

"Well." Mayumi straightened her clothes out. "That was…. something."

"Mmmmmmmhmmmmmm." Lailah agreed as they both went back to what they were doing previously, sorting for Mayumi and nothing for Lailah. "Wait." Lailah suddenly spoke up fifteen minutes after Nene left. "Did she just say goodbye to me?" The both of them paused as their eyes widened in surprise.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me!"

Tokyo-2, Uncle Chang's Herbal Remedies (Subsidiary of Crime)

The sound of a door opening reverberates throughout the small store.

"Welcome to Uncle Changs, how may I help you?" A young man inquires to the middle school girl who just entered his shop.

"Hey there friend!" Mana exclaims with genuine cheer. "I hear you have deadly weapons for sale here!" The clerk blinked and began looking around nervously.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about. This place is a reputable herbal remedy shop where-"

"Oh, right, sorry. The password is 'Blueberry Fluffernut Milkshake.'" The clerk visibly relaxed at the mention of the secret code.

"Jeez, start with that next time, I almost thought you were a cop. So, what's a young lady like you looking for?" A secret button was pressed, causing the walls to retract to display a large variety of firearms.

"Well you see I want to kill this angry German redhead who's totally cockblocking me. So I want-"

"Kirishima!" Tokyo-3 Municipal Junior High P.E. Teacher and JSSDF plant Taro Hiei shouted as he burst into the combination herbal remedy shop and illegal gun store. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

"Buying weapons?" Mana answered, confused as to why her superior had to ask something so obvious.

"Who the hell is this guy?!" The clerk shouted, shakily aiming a holdout pistol at the sudden intruder.

"Oh, that's my superior, Sergeant Hiei."

"Mana! Don't reveal national secrets!"

"Wait, you're military?" The clerk looked between the two of them. "Why didn't you say so!? I'll put you up for the military discount!"

"Oh boy!" Mana cheered in delight.

"The what." Hiei stated flatly, wondering what insanity he just burst into.

"The military are my best customers! It's only fair that you get a discount."

"That…..I…..what?"

"Awesome! Do you accept credit cards?" Mana inquired, ignorant of her superior's internal conflict."

"Sorry Miss, but no."

"Darn it! Do you accept gold bars?" Mana offered a solid gold bar to the clerk.

"Yeeeeeessssss?" The clerk was unsure how to react to being offered a gold bar.

"Wait." Hiei blinked as he turned his attention to Mana once again. "Where did you get a gold bar Kirishima?"

"I've been moonlighting as a bank robber with a bunch of guys in clown masks to make ends meat." Hiei gave Mana a flat stare before grabbing her arm and dragging her off. "Wait! I haven't gotten a weapon yet!" Suffice to say, Mana would not be obtaining a new gun anytime soon.

Unit-01 Core (Subsidiary of Metaphysics)

Yui Ikari threw down her marker with a deep, annoyed growl as she focused her glare on the whiteboard before her.

"It doesn't make any sense!" She paced back and forth and her mind went into overdrive trying to untie the mental knot she has tied herself into. "That shouldn't be possible unless-"

"W̴h̸a̴t̸ ̶a̸r̴e̵ ̶y̵o̴u̵ ̷s̴c̷r̶e̸a̴m̷i̵n̶g̶ ̸a̶b̸o̴u̷t̷ ̸t̵h̷i̷s̵ ̸t̵i̵m̶e̵?" Enigma inquired, suddenly appearing a short distance away from Yui's impromptu workspace, making a show of pretending to drink from a mug of coffee. "L̵e̷m̵m̷e̴ ̷g̸u̵e̷s̸s̵,̸ ̷s̶o̴m̵e̸t̶h̷i̵n̴g̶ ̷i̶n̵a̸n̵e̶?̷"

"You!" Yui hissed with no small amount of venom. "I've spent far too much time going over calculations to figure out the validity of 'destroying the future' as you do call it, and I've found nothing but bullshit!"

"O̸h̷?̵" Enigma used the coffee mug to raise one of his fake eyebrows quizzically.

"Yes! I've calculated the amount of energy theoretically produced by a Third Impact, and it's not enough!" Yui retrieved her marker and used it to underline multiple metaphysical equations on a whiteboard. "With the amount of Destrudo energy produced by the collective melting of the human race, one could do a lot of things. Planetary destruction, Time Travel, tearing a hole in reality, but destroying the future, time that doesn't even exist yet?! You would need multiple planets, multiple humanities worth of Destrudo energy to accomplish that!"

"T̴h̸a̷t̴'̷s̷ ̸c̶o̸r̴r̶e̶c̷t̵,̴ ̷y̶o̵u̷r̴ ̶p̷o̷i̴n̸t̴?̶" Yui was about to state her point when a dread realization crossed her mind.

"You… you already have all the Destrudo energy you need don't you?" A wordless nod was her response. "How…..how many worlds died? How many people have you killed for your insane plans?!" Enigma shrugged casually.

"N̴e̴v̶e̶r̵ ̴r̴e̵a̵l̸l̷y̸ ̴k̶e̴p̶t̶ ̵c̸o̵u̴n̵t̸.̵" Enigma threw the mug away and moseyed over to Yui. "B̷u̴t̵ ̸I̴ ̶a̶s̷s̷u̶r̵e̸ ̵y̶o̴u̸,̷ ̶t̴h̵e̵y̴ ̵a̴l̸l̵ ̶d̴i̴e̸d̷ ̸f̸o̷r̷ ̶a̶ ̸g̵o̵o̶d̵ ̴c̸a̶u̷s̴e̵.̷ ̵T̶h̸e̴ ̴e̸n̴d̵ ̶o̷f̵ ̴t̸h̷e̸ ̸c̶y̴c̶l̸e̷.̴" Yui wanted to question what the cycle even was and if such actions were even required in the first place, but she held her tongue. "A̵n̵d̶ ̸t̶h̵a̷t̴ ̷i̴s̵ ̶w̴h̸y̴ ̶I̶ ̸w̸a̵n̸t̶ ̷u̴s̵ ̸t̸o̴ ̷w̵o̷r̸k̴ ̷t̶o̵g̶e̴t̷h̸e̵r̸,̶ ̸i̵n̷s̵t̸e̵a̷d̵ ̴o̸f̵ ̵t̷h̸i̶s̸ ̵c̵o̴n̸f̴r̵o̸n̷t̵a̴t̵i̷o̴n̵a̴l̸ ̵w̸h̴a̸t̵c̵h̴a̶m̶a̷c̵a̶l̸l̶i̸t̸ ̶w̶e̷ ̸h̸a̶v̷e̸ ̸g̶o̴i̷n̴g̸ ̴o̷n̶ ̵n̴o̶w̴.̷"

"Why? Why do you need my help?"

"L̴e̶s̴s̵ ̷h̷e̵l̵p̸,̷ ̶m̶o̵r̸e̷ ̸c̶o̴o̶p̶e̶r̵a̷t̷i̶o̴n̶.̵ ̸A̴n̶d̴ ̷I̷ ̶d̶o̸n̸'̵t̵ ̶t̴e̸c̷h̴n̵i̸c̷a̶l̷l̶y̵ ̵n̵e̵e̴d̸ ̴i̶t̶.̸ ̵I̷ ̷c̵o̴u̴l̵d̴ ̸t̴h̴e̷o̶r̷e̵t̵i̴c̶a̵l̷l̷y̴ ̵l̸o̶c̸k̵ ̷y̵o̶u̸ ̷a̵w̶a̸y̶ ̵i̸n̴ ̵h̸e̵r̷e̵ ̵a̷n̸d̸ ̶a̵s̶s̵u̶m̴e̴ ̴c̵o̴n̷t̷r̷o̶l̴ ̸o̶v̸e̷r̸ ̴t̷h̴e̸ ̵c̵o̴r̴e̵ ̵i̴n̸ ̸o̴r̷d̵e̸r̵ ̷t̸o̷ ̵p̷u̵p̴p̴e̶t̸ ̵U̷n̴i̸t̴-̴0̷1̵.̸ ̷I̷'̷v̶e̶ ̷c̵e̵r̶t̷a̶i̴n̷l̸y̵ ̶h̶a̷d̵ ̶p̸l̵e̶n̸t̶y̷ ̴o̷f̵ ̷t̴r̵i̶e̴s̴ ̷t̴o̶ ̷f̷i̸g̶u̸r̷e̸ ̷o̸u̵t̴ ̷h̶o̵w̵ ̴t̸o̵ ̶d̵o̴ ̸t̵h̶a̶t̴.̸" Enigma muttered that last part under his breath. "B̷u̶t̶ ̶t̸h̴a̶t̵ ̴c̸a̸u̴s̵e̷s̵ ̵f̶a̶r̷ ̷m̴o̸r̷e̷ ̷t̸r̴o̴u̸b̶l̸e̶ ̷t̴h̶a̴n̴ ̸i̶t̵'̵s̸ ̸w̷o̶r̸t̶h̵.̶ ̸S̵o̴ ̸i̸n̶ ̵t̵h̷e̴ ̸i̷n̴t̶e̶r̴e̸s̶t̸ ̵o̴f̵ ̸j̵o̵l̸l̸y̸ ̷c̵o̸o̸p̷e̸r̴a̴t̸i̵o̶n̴,̶ ̶l̴e̶t̴'̸s̸ ̴w̸o̶r̵k̴ ̴t̷o̷g̶e̴t̶h̷e̷r̸ ̴s̵o̷ ̵I̶ ̷d̸o̵n̵'̷t̴ ̴h̴a̴v̸e̵ ̶t̷o̵ ̷d̷o̴ ̷s̵o̵m̸e̸t̶h̵i̷n̶g̸ ̷y̸o̸u̴ ̵m̴i̸g̴h̶t̴ ̷r̸e̵g̷r̸e̶t̵,̷ ̷s̶a̴v̸v̷y̵?̸"

"I-" Yui began before Enigma began hushing her.

"H̵o̶l̴d̶ ̶t̷h̶a̴t̷ ̸t̴h̶o̵u̷g̵h̵t̷,̸ ̶s̶o̴m̴e̴t̸h̶i̴n̵g̴ ̷h̶a̷s̴ ̴c̸o̴m̵e̶ ̸u̶p̶ ̴t̸h̴a̵t̴ ̵r̷e̴q̶u̷i̶r̸e̵s̷ ̷m̴y̴ ̶a̵t̵t̴e̸n̷t̸i̷o̷n̷,̵ ̷s̸o̶ ̴I̵'̴l̶l̶ ̴l̶e̸t̵ ̸y̶o̷u̶ ̷s̸t̶e̸w̵ ̸o̶n̴ ̶t̷h̶a̶t̵ ̵f̷o̶r̶ ̴a̷ ̶b̴i̷t̵.̴ ̵L̶a̴t̸e̵r̷!̵" Enigma disappeared, causing Yui to let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. She stared at her trembling hands before steadying them, she had new factors she needed to take into account. Her entire situation was a problem, and she was going to solve it, one way or another.

Engima's uncorrupted dialogue

What are you screaming about this time?

Lemme guess, something inane?

Oh?

That's correct, your point?

Never really kept count.

But I assure you, they all died for a good cause. The end of the cycle.

And that is why I want us to work together, instead of this confrontational whatchamacallit we have going on now.

Less help, more cooperation. And I don't technically need it. I could theoretically lock you away in here and assume control over the core in order to puppet Unit-01. I've certainly had plenty of tries to figure out how to do that.

But that causes far more trouble than it's worth. So in the interest of jolly cooperation, let's work together so I don't have to do something you might regret, savvy?

Hold that thought, something has come up that requires my attention, so I'll let you stew on that for a bit. Later!

Chapter Text

NERV Medical Ward

"Prepare to be defeated Slasher!" The giant armadillo shouted at the villain wearing too many blades. "We will avenge Master Shatter! Radically!" Suddenly the screen fades to black, signifying a commercial break. "You've been watching Middle-aged Genetically Altered Samurai Armadillo 2: Secret of the Gooze, which will return after these messages. Be sure to stay tuned after for The Chronicles of Narnia: Escape from Butcher Bay."

"Did they show that already or am I thinking of something else?" Shinji questions, his memory fuzzy from the drugs and the monotony of being stuck in a hospital room for a week. Shiki shrugs from her perch on his knee, she hasn't really been paying attention to whatever nonsense has been on the TV. "Hmmmm. Really hope I get discharged soon, I feel like I'll go stir crazy if I don't get out soon."

"Knock knock!" A cheerful voice broke Shinji out of his musings. "How's my favorite Angel punching bag?" Kotone joked as she walked in. Shinji offered a strained smile at that.

"Hey Kotone, I, uh, rather you not call me that….." He didn't like being reminded of that painful moment.

"Alright." Kotone held up her hands in mock surrender. "Just trying to lighten the mood." She sauntered up to the side of the bed. "It's only me this time, Asuka's got class cleanup detail, and Rei….."

Elsewhere

"So Miss Ayanami….." The police officer began as he stared at the girl atop an elephant being groomed by a mother gorilla. "Do you wanna explain why you started a socialist revolution at the local zoo and caused millions in property damaged?"

"In my defense-" Rei began as she tried to stop a lemur from shoving animal feed into her mouth. "-I was only trying to steal a meerkat for vengeance purposes."

"Squawk! Down with the bourgeoisie! Squawk!" A parrot called out fervorously.

"…..is dealing with some stuff. So I'm the only one of your cool harem that can visit." Kotone jested as she wiggled her eyebrows. Shinji stared at her in confusion.

"Harem? What's a harem?" Shinji inquired, confusion plain in his voice. Kotone blinked owlishly as she opened and closed her mouth in rapid succession, trying to find an answer that wouldn't make this visit awkward. Shiki glaring daggers at her did nothing to help.

"….Don't worry about it." Kotone finally said, electing to rapidly change the conversation so she doesn't have to deal with this topic.

"Okay?" Shinji was still confused but decided to drop the topic. "What about Touji, Kensuke, and Hikari?"

"Well, Class Rep is busy with Class Rep things and apparently disciplining her sister about something. As for those two goofs…." She pauses and furrows her brow in thought. "…..They said something about hiding from a Wyvern or something. No clue what that means."

"Oh. Well, I hope they're okay at least."

"I'm sure they're fine. Anyway, have you gone stir-crazy yet? I can't imagine you're having fun stuck in bed listening to whatever that is." She points a thumb to the television in the corner of the room, which was now playing a commercial about an upcoming movie.

"-and featuring Jeanu Keeves as Jesus Christ!

'He who is without sin may cast the first stone.' The man facing giant Roman bronze mechs suddenly grows to match their gargantuan size.

'And he who casts the first stone, may kick the first ass. Jesus Kick!'

Fist of the Christ: Resurrection. Coming next summer."

"Wow, they really started running out of ideas ever since Hollywood-1 got flooded and taken over by sea cultists, huh?" Kotone idly noted.

"I am getting a bit restless, but I'll be out in about a week as long as I don't hurt myself."

"That's great! You'll be outta here lickity split, just you wait!" Kotone gave him a light slap on the shoulder. "And look on the bright side, if any Angel shows it's ugly mug in the next week you get a chance to sit out."

"Uh, actually I'm still on the combat roster. I was never taken off." Shinji explains, causing Kotone to stare blankly at him.

"But…. you're injured? Now and before?" She blinks in realization. "Oh wait, you're pulling my leg, aren't you? Good one!" Shinji's sudden refusal to meet her eyes told her everything she needed to know. "Holy moly you're not joking." She whispered in dread. "But why?!"

"Apparently unless you're unconscious or completely incapable of piloting an Eva you're expected to sortie whenever we're under Angel attack." He explained, horror growing on Kotone's face.

"But if you're injured while piloting wouldn't you not be as effective?! And wouldn't you be at a higher risk of dying?!" She half shouted, trying to wrap her head around this insanity.

"Apparently our lives aren't really important in the grand scheme of things." Shinji muttered dejectedly. "Even when I first got here they tried to throw Ayanami into Unit-01 when she was crippled and unable to properly move."

"I'm sorry WHAT?!" She started gesticulating wildly as if trying, and failing, to form a coherent response. After about a minute of this, she stopped and took a deep breath. "Wow, alright. I need to vent some frustrations."

"Sorry…" Shinji responded automatically, feeling a bit bad about bringing his friend's mood down.

"It's not your fault, so don't be sorry." She quickly assured him. "It's just the stupid rules in this place. I'm going to go find the nearest gym with a punching bag, you gonna be okay?"

"Y-yeah."

"Great. I'll see you later Shinji, have a great day Shiki." Shiki gave an indifferent wave, having tuned out the conversation. Her opinion on the topic had already been loudly given to Akagi.

"Right, see you later Kotone." He watched Kotone leave before turning to Shiki. "Why was she so angry?" Shiki turned and gave him the most incredulous look, before deciding to give him an eye roll that practically said 'figure it out yourself'. "Right." Shinji returned his attention to the television as he waited for his seemingly ever-distant release.

Katsuragi Apartment's Complex, Later that day

"You're kidding me!" Asuka shouted into her phone as she idled in the lobby.

"Nope." Kotone's voice responded from the phone, annoyance clear in her voice. "He's on the combat roster despite being injured. Apparently, Rei was worse when he got here and they were still going to make her pilot an Eva! Can you believe that?!"

"I kinda can. I'm convinced we work for some kinda of evil organization at this point." Asuka pointedly brushes off the annoyed looks she was getting from the receptionist.

"I'm pretty sure evil organizations have better standards. And don't have teenagers pilot giant robots." Kotone snarked back. "At least we have some good workout rooms. This elliptical machine makes exercise way easier!"

"Sure. Just don't work out too much, don't want you becoming a musclebound lunk." Asuka rolled her shoulders as she finally approached the elevator. "Anyway, I'll talk to you later. Gotta get started on dinner before Misato thinks she knows how to cook again."

"Cool. You, me, and Rei going to see Shinji tomorrow?"

"Probably. I'm worried he'll go crazy in that sterile prison." Asuka pushes the elevator button and begins tapping her foot impatiently, "I know I would."

"Suuuuuure." Asuka narrowed her eyes at Kotone's tone.

"Something you wanna say Suzunami?" She pushes the elevator button a couple more times.

"Nope. Bye~" Kotone hangs up as Asuka rolls her eyes and grumbles something in German under her breath. The elevator door opens with a ding, a flood of generic music surging forth from the metal casket. Asuka pauses her grumblings as she enters the elevator.

"No Section Two goons in the lobby today. Perfect." She pressed her desired button as the elevator doors closed. The elevator jolts down, away from the apartment shared with her roommates (and a penguin), to the complex's storage area. As the doors open to the sub-level she checks that the coast is clear, then makes her way toward Misato's designated storage space. One that Misato had apparently forgotten existed if the state of disuse was anything to go by. She entered the code into the electronic lock and watched the door pop open, revealing her base of operations.

"Alright, let's see what we got." Around the storage room, dozens of leaflets of handwritten notes, stolen NERV documents, and stealthily taken photos were strewn about haphazardly. Centerplace was a corkboard covered in half-crazed theories that would be discarded and reevaluated, personally constructed profiles, estimated schedules, and a mysterious red spear as the centerpiece. Did it look like the product of a deranged conspiracy theorist trying to uncover proof of the deep state covering up the hollow earth? Absolutely, but in the insane world where miniature versions of herself ran around with impunity, perhaps she needed to be a little crazy to uncover what the hell was going on.

"Now where to begin-" Suddenly her phone began to ring. That wasn't a problem in itself, but the ringtone she heard was concerning. She had programmed her phone to have a separate ringtone for everyone she knew in order to tell who was calling (and who she could ignore) with just a listen. The tone her phone was now blaring was the default one, something she didn't assign to anyone. She considered it might be a junk call, but NERV's call filtering should've prevented those kinds of calls. After fishing her phone out she checked the ID to find it listed as unknown. Which was odd. Curiosity getting the better of her, she decided to bite the bullet and answer it.

"Hello?" Only silence responded. She eyed the display, seeing the call hadn't disconnected. A few more moments of silence and she decided to give whoever this was a piece of her mind. "Look you-"

"D-" A fragment of a word passed her ear before the call disconnected.

"Huh?" She heard a voice, that much was certain, but she couldn't even begin to place anything about it. Suddenly a chill ran down her spine as the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. She felt like she wasn't alone in the room. She quickly grabbed something (which happened to be a ball of colored twine) and turned around to face-

"Nothing." She let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding when she found herself alone in the room. "Of course, I'm alone, who else even knows about-" A clang to her side interrupted her as she found a mini-me wearing a top hat, monocle, and cloak wrestling with a can of peaches (something she stored down here in case of emergencies). They stared at each other for the longest time, neither wanting to make the first move.

"Uhhhhh, Anta Baka?" Prankster tried, her tone belonging to someone whose hand was found in a proverbial cookie jar. Asuka just stared at her.

"You know…." Asuka began as she sensed an opportunity. "I can get you more of those if you help me get some classified NERV documents and never speak of this room to anybody." Prankster blinked, looked to the left, looked to the right, and looked down before meeting Asuka's eyes with a cocky grin and a grand flourish of her cloak.

"Anta Baka!" Prankster thrust her hand out, to which Asuka knelt and shook the proffered hand. This would be the start of a beautiful partnership.

Minisuka Secret Base, a few days later

"Coffee?" Hacker offered a thimble of caffeine-laden black lava to Leader.

"Yes please." Leader accepted the drink as she stifled a yawn. "How I envy Shiki's ability to not need sleep."

"Woah, she doesn't need to sleep? Radical." Hacker paused as her attempted invasion once again failed. "Damn, SEELE's system is way more messed up than I thought, whatever virus got them is totally crunk if you know what I mean home skillet."

"I really don't." Leader sighed as she gulped down the coffee. "And this is all because someone plugged in a random flash drive they found because it was labeled 'payroll'?"

"Word. They thought they were getting jiggy with the ka-ching, but all they got was a fat load of virus in their main system."

"I'm not even gonna pretend to understand what you just said. At least this is hindering them. Now we just need to wait for things to inevitably go wrong and we're right on schedule."

"Why do you think something is going to go wrong?" Professor inquired as she approached the duo.

"Because it always does! I thought that things might change a bit from what we know but things have gone so off the rails in ways we never accounted for!" Leader began ranting, attracting the attention of all the other Minisukas in the area. "At this point, if we expect things to go wrong then at least we'll be prepared for whenever things do go wrong."

"Look, I get you're under a lot of stress but-" Professor attempted to reassure Leader but was cut off as the Angel alarm began blaring.

"Blood type blue detected!" A Minisuka called out.

"Ha! Proof!" Leader pointed triumphantly in Professor's face, who held her tongue. "So what bizzaro Angel are we fighting now? A giant turtle? A spinning wheel that shoots antimatter? An Angel that's all the previous Angels combined on a comically undersized train?! Two Zeruels in a Bardiel costume trying to sneak into an R-rated movie?! Come on, tell me! I can handle it!" Leader's deranged shouting concluded as she began to breathe heavily.

"It, uh, appears to be Sahaquiel, but bigger?" Silence followed this revelation.

"Just Sahaquiel, but bigger? Like, no weird superpowers that defy our knowledge?"

"Not that we're aware of?"

"Oh." Leader paused as she cradled her forehead in her hand. "That's good?"

"You okay?" Professor inquired cautiously.

"I…. Think I need a nap. Wake me up a bit before deployment." Leader trudges away towards the Minisuka's break room to crash on the couch. As she did the rest of the Minisukas burst into action because Leader or no, Sahaquiel was coming.

Chapter Text

NERV Geofront Command Center

"I see that we're all here." Fuyutsuki glanced around the command center, checking everyone's current mood, making sure to take note of the irate normal-sized redhead Second Child glaring at Doctor Akagi and the dozens of arguing Minisukas that have taken over an empty workstation. "Then let us begin. As you may see the Commander is currently absent due to his presence being needed to….. acquire a certain package. He is en route to Tokyo-3 as we speak but is not estimated to arrive until after the Angel would already be upon us. As the Angel has disrupted long ranged communications we are unable to contact him, meaning I shall be taking charge of this operation in his absence. Any questions?" A hand immediately shot up. "Yes, Pilot Soryu?"

"Yeah, I want to know if it's really necessary that he's required to sortie." She pointed her thumb to the corner of the room, where Shinji was balancing on a pair of crutches, Leader on his shoulder massaging her temples and Shiki laying down on his head.

"I'm afraid that all capable Eva pilots are required to sortie unless they're physically unable to pilot." Fuyutsuki studied her as her scowl began to deepen. "Besides, I have a feeling that you would be more than jumping at the chance to sortie were you in Pilot Ikari's position."

"Of course!" She exclaimed as if it were obvious. "But that's that and this is this. I've been trained for years to be an Eva pilot, I'm made of sterner stuff. He's way more fragile and inexperienced." She pauses for a moment. "No offense Shinji." She adds almost as an afterthought.

"None taken." Shinji assuaged. "I'm trying to learn but you're still the experienced one here."

"Damn right." Pilot Soryu mutters.

"Be that as it may." Fuyutsuki begins, staring Pilot Soryu straight in the eye. "I am not rescinding Pilot Ikari's deployment order. We need all hands available if we hope to emerge victorious. Something that was pre-approved by the Commander before he left." He let that sink in for a short moment before he continued. "Now, the report on the Angel if you please Doctor Akagi?"

"Of course Sub-Commander." She brings up a feed onto the command center's screen, displaying a large black orb with shifting eye marks on it's surface. "This was what we got from our satellites before interference cut our connection."

"A giant black ball with eyes?" Misato blurts out, trying to make heads or tails of the image.

"What you're seeing is something the MAGI have theorized to be some sort of protective shell for atmospheric reentry. Which in reality is most likely going to be another defensive layer we're going to have to punch through." Ritsuko sighs as she brings up the MAGI calculations. "This brings us to the most effective plan the MAGI has come up with. Catching the Angel before it lands." The entire room went silent, trying to parse what she just said.

"Huh, you know I was just contemplating that myself." Misato observed, scratching her chin sheepishly.

"That's because it was devised by a protocol I created to think like you so we could circumvent the damage your creative plans are sure to cause." Ritsuko explained, giving her friend a flat look.

"Oh than-" Misato stopped as the full meaning of what that meant hit her. "Hey!"

"This sounds like a risky plan, Doctor Akagi." Fuyutsuki cuts off Misato. "How sure are you that this will succeed?"

"Considering…." She eyes the Minisukas at the workstation, some of which flip her off. "…..unpredictable variables. I believe we have a fair chance of success."

"Hmmmm. I suppose that is all we can hope for. So let us take this chance and make it a guarantee. Prepare for deployment. Do we have an ETA on the Angel's landfall?"

"Within the hour Sub-Commander." Maya provides.

"I see. Pilots, get to your Evas." The Children scrambled (or in Shinji's case, hobbled) to their Evas. "Alright, where is the Angel's point of impact?" He questioned Ritsuko.

"Point of impact? Unknown sir."

"Pardon? Shouldn't we be able to figure that out with the MAGI's help?"

"As I said before, the interference is disrupting our ability to accurately track the Angel. Factoring in the Earth's rotation, the unknown mass of the Angel, and how it's AT field alters what we know about physics means we can't pinpoint an accurate point of impact that isn't 'the general Tokyo-3 area'." The room was silent after this revelation, save for the Minisukas who continued to argue.

"Question. How is the Angel going to survive if it's crashing into us at terminal velocity?" Aoba broke the silence with a query.

"Hmmm?" Ritsuko was unprepared for the sudden question but was quickly able to regain her composure. "Oh. It's AT-field. A strong enough AT-field should allow it to survive a crash like that, and it's regenerative abilities would allow it to heal from any damage it takes."

"Huh. Does that mean the Evas could survive a fall like that?" Makoto inquired.

"Theoretically yes. The same can't be said for the pilots."

"Oh."

"I feel we should leave the questions until after the current crisis has passed, yes?" Fuyutsuki chides. "Get to your stations and prepare for the operation!" He was met with a chorus of 'Yes Sir!' as the bridge crew began their work. He couldn't help but smile to himself, proud he still had that old teaching spirit in him. That quickly faded as he refocused on overseeing the operation.

"Ugh. I hate headaches." Leader bemoaned as she floated aimlessly in the LCL of Unit-01's entry plug. "And this whole situation that's causing my headache!"

"I really feel like you're blowing this out of proportion." Shiki noted from atop Shinji's head, being slightly jostled as Shinji tried to find a comfortable position that didn't irritate his still-healing injuries. "It's just the Eighth."

"Okay, first of all, it's the Tenth Angel. Which isn't even accurate because there's been three and a half Angels that have screwed up the numbering system to hell and back! Seriously, what is with the numbering wherever you're from!" Leader took a deep breath, a pointless gesture because of the LCL. "And second of all, how could you not be worried?! That Angel looks nothing like Sahaquiel despite having a similar signature! And none of us can agree on where it's going to land because apparently, it was slightly different for all of us!"

"Huh?" Shiki blinked and turned to stare at her. "What are you talking about? What else is it supposed to look like when it hasn't even changed forms yet?"

"Wait." Leader rotated herself to look Shiki in the eye. "Do you know what it looks like?"

"Do….." Shiki's face morphed into one of genuine confusion. "Do you not?" The both of them stared at each other in silence.

"Shiki….." Leader began, trying to find the right words. "Literally none of us have Sahaquiel look like that. The fact that you have is weird."

"Oh." Shiki could only stare blankly back at Leader. "So we should probably tell the others that-" She was suddenly interrupted as Unit-01 was rocketed towards the surface.

"Just so you know Shiki, I'm expecting a thorough rundown of all your Angel encounters when this is over."

"That's fair." Shiki muttered.

The Evangelions came to a standstill as they reached the surface. The usually clear summer sky was now filling with clouds. What was normally going to be a rare slightly overcast day was made worse by the coming of a giant Angel.

"Alright." Misato began after double-checking the Eva's positions. "So we're not sure where the Angel with emerge due to sensor interference, so you'll all be positioned at key points in order to maximize your chances of catching that thing.

"So what happens when we see it?" Asuka asked, already scanning the sky for signs of the Angel.

"You call it out, then you run." Kotone opened her mouth. "Drive in your case Kotone." Kotone snapped her mouth shut, slightly miffed her chance to sass was shot down. "So keep your eyes peeled, we need to act quickly if we want to win!"

"Understood." Shinji replied, finally getting into a comfortable position. He began observing the sky for signs of a giant black orb. "Or, maybe it'll shed that and look different." Shinji muttered to himself, wondering and dreading what tricks the Angel had in store. "What do you think, Leader? Shiki?" He noticed the two of them arguing over a map of Tokyo-3. "Did you figure out something?" The both of them turned to look at him, before having another quiet argument before Shiki pointed at a location on the map.

"Baka!" Shiki explained as she pantomimed an orb.

"Anta Baka?" Leader inquired, contemplating the location.

"Over… there?" Shinji's eyes focused on the approximate location where Shiki was directing him. The clouds looked the same as all the others there. "Hey Misato, is it possible to….. part the clouds?"

"What?" Misato paused, contemplating the question. "Rits, can we?"

"Theoretically we can, yes. However, we'd need setup time we don't have. Why, Shinji?"

"Well, I was wondering if we could check, uh…." Shinji double-checked his map for the relevant sector name. "Sector thirty-two seven for-"

"I got it!" Kotone shouted in glee, before using her pistol to fire off a round into the sky of the mentioned sector.

"Kotone! What the hell?!" Asuka shouted.

"I'm just trying to help! I thought a gun as big as a semi-truck would part the cloud a little bit!"

"While your….. zeal is to be admired Pilot Suzunami your act-" Ritsuko froze as the MAGI's feeds picked something up. The round Kotone just fired, falling back to earth. Flattened. As if it has hit something extremely hard. "Oh." Fortunately, Misato also noticed.

"Everyone, get to sector thirty-two seven, NOW!" The pilots didn't need to be told twice, they began to move towards their target with judicious speed.

"I am en route!" Rei announced as Unit-00 began sprinting. "However I do not believe I will arrive in time! Pilot Ikari, I believe you are closest."

"Scheiße! She's right! Get there and hold on Shinji, we'll be there ASAP.

"I think holding on is the least of my worries right now." Shinji laughed nervously as he crested over a mountain, the Angel appearing in the sky as the clouds began to be blown away.

The Angel's outer shell emblazoned with eyes broke away to reveal a rainbow orb, which quickly unfurled in a way reminiscent of a twisted flower blooming.

The 13th Angel, Sahaquiel, had arrived.

Lilim! Gaze upon my might! My gloriousness!

Let your minuscule forms etch my majesty into your feeble minds before I crush you like the insects you are!

Let the Fathers bear witness to my triumph!

For you now face the Gavel of the Heavens!

I am Sahaquiel, the hammer of retribution!

One thing Shinji never thought he could describe would be the feeling of catching a planet. Unfortunately for him, that was a feeling he was now getting intimate with. Time seemed to slow as his AT-field clashed with the Angel's. Him being solely responsible for holding the falling heavens aloft like Atlas of myth. This unfortunately also exasperated his still-healing injuries.

"Mis-misato! How much-" He grunts in pain as he vaguely hears Misato, but he is unable to divert his focus enough to hear her. As of now, his attention was solely focused on keeping the Angel at bay, despite his injuries.

As he stared into the expressionless eye of the Angel, he noticed movement within it. A lanky figure in an avian-like mask unfolded from the eye like a nightmarish origami. Arms descended upon him, grasping Unit-01's hands in an effort to crush them. Suddenly a sense of impending dread filled him, causing him to glance over to Leader and Shiki. Time once again slowed as he saw Leader scream something (undoubtedly a variation of 'Baka') while splitting her attention between him and this Angel. Shiki however, is who caught his eye.

Something seemed to glow blue behind her eyepatch as she made twisting motions with her hands. Despite having no way to know what she was pantomiming, Shinji understood on some level what she was trying to say. He twisted his hands, Unit-01 mimicking his actions. In a split second as his hands suddenly were wrenched free, he saw the Angel's hands begin to shift into lances. Before the lances skewered him, he managed to grab them before they could hurt him. But the sudden change caught him flat-footed, forcing him to one knee. A scream involuntarily left his lips as he held back the devastating force of the Angel. He really hoped help would get here soon, as he was sure he would break before the Angel would.

"Shinji!" Misato grimaced as Shinji's scream echoed throughout the command center. "Eta on the other Evas?!"

"Sixty seconds!" Maya called out, furious typing away at her station, overseeing MAGI subroutines.

"Doubletime it pilots!" Misato ordered, going through a mental list of potential assets. "Any sign of the Minisukas?"

"Uh. Sensors showed that they were approaching the impact point, but the shockwave blew them away." Makoto explained, attempting to reacquire sight of the Minisukas.

"Uh, is anyone else getting weird Blood Type Blue readings from the Angels?" Aoba interjected, trying to parse the odd signals he was getting.

"Hold on." Ritsuko brought up the readings on her tablet. "Something is odd. Good eye Aoba." A quick glance showed an odd overlap. "Is the Angel manipulating it's wavelength? Or… Maya, isolate this section!"

"Yes, Senpai-" Maya froze, hoping that this wasn't what she thought it was. "Is that-"

"Dammit! Second Blood Type Blue detected!" Ritsuko bit down the urge to let out a string of swears. This was not going to end well.

Sahaquiel was contemplating his position right now. Despite their best efforts, the Lilim was holding them back with the construct of false flesh. A troubling development to be sure, especially with more constructs on the way. Sahaquiel needed to end this quickly before… wait, what was that noise coming from above?

Sahaquiel elongated it's head to reach over it's body to inspect the origin of the noise. It was not expecting what it found.

A giant orange being comprised of a giant eye and strange hand-like growths descended upon Sahaquiel and Unit-01, the only goal on it's mind, retribution.

The 14th Angel, Sahaquiel, had arrived.

Wait, what?

What in the name of- That was all Sahaquiel could come up with before Sahaquiel slammed into Sahaquiel.

YOU DARE YOU IMPOSTER?! YOU DARE TO THINK YOU COULD USURP ME?!

What?! Who are you, what are you talking about?! Can't you tell I'm fighting the Lilim!? Why are you-

SILENCE! DID YOU THINK I WOULD ALLOW YOU TO STEAL NOT ONLY MY LOOKS BUT MY PLANS AS WELL?! ABSOLUTELY NOT! I COULD ACCEPT MATARAEL STEALING MY PLAN ONLY BECAUSE HE IS A FAILURE! Unknown to everyone, in the Minisuka's torture chamber a single tear emerges from one of Matarael's remaining, empty eyes. The tears quickly disappeared into the LCL, all evidence of its existence, and Matarael's suffering, disappearing.

Who is- wait, that doesn't matter. Please stop! The Lilim-

THE LILIM WILL FALL AFTER I DESTROY YOU! It was no good, Sahaquiel couldn't reason with Sahaquiel. Meanwhile, the other constructs had arrived and began pushing back Sahaquiel while they were holding Sahaquiel back. It was spreading it's AT-field too thin! Sooner or later-

Oh- That was the feeling of Sahaquiel's core shattering. A twitch and Sahaquiel exploded into a tidal wave of blood. The sudden detonation threw Sahaquiel off-kilter, destroying it's momentum and sending it to flop harmlessly into the new blood lake.

WELL. THAT WAS NOT ENTIRELY WHAT I WANTED TO HAPPEN BUT I CAN'T ARGUE WITH THE RESULTS. Now that Sahaquiel was slain Sahaquiel needed to figure out how to get back in orbit and fall again now that the constructs seemed to be frozen and slumped over. As Sahaquiel pondered the logistics of it's plan they failed to notice suddenly being surrounded by a fleet of mini ironclads filled with tiny irate redheads brandishing the- WAIT, IS THAT THE LANCE OF- AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

And so did Sahaquiel get felled after causing the fall of Sahaquiel. But it would not be allowed the mercy of death, as it was sentenced to join their siblings Sachiel and Matarael in eternal torture, but that is a story for another time.

Shinji groaned as Asuka pulled him out of Unit-01's entry plug. To him, everything hurt.

"Stop moaning and groaning. You'll live." She guided him down the slumped Evangelion's form. "But you really need to stop getting so close to Angels, you only seem to get hurt." Asuka scratched the back of her head. "Still, you did a good job catching that Angel, so good job Idiot Shinji." She gave him a hearty slap on the back, only realizing her mistake when he hissed in pain. "Oh. Right. Sorry." She chuckled nervously as Leader and Shiki gave her such a dirty look.

"It's fine." Shinji lied. "I would just really like some painkillers right now."

"I bet. Fortunately, it looks like the retrieval crews are here. They'll undoubtedly get you comfortable. Look, that one is rushing over here to-woah!?" Asuka weaved out of the way as a brunette woman rushed them and enveloped Shinji in a, unfortunately literal, bone-crushing hug.

"Ohgodswhythishurtssomuchpleasehelp." Shinji wheezed as he tried to wriggle out of this stranger's embrace. Leader tried to pry the crazed woman off of Shinji while Shiki stood slack-jawed at the sight of someone she never expected to see.

"Hey! Get off him you crazy bi- Oh Gott!" Asuka was suddenly pulled into the hug along with Shinji. "Air! I need air!"

"Oh, you two have gotten so big! And you look so much like your Mums!" The crazed woman practically sang as she nuzzled the two of them.

"Wha?" Asuka was about to retort before the grip tightened. All Shinji could do was gurgle in pain. Fortunately for the both of them, the death grip they were caught in was soon loosened. "Gott! What is wrong with you?!"

"I'm just so happy to see you! Also, I've spent far too long asserting my dominance in an Algerian prison camp. Also also I drank sooooooooooo much coffee on the flight over here." Asuka could tell by the woman's bloodshot eyes and general twitchiness that that part was most likely true.

"Who-" Shinji took a deep breath as he slumped onto the ground. "-are you?" The woman blinked, a dozen thoughts apparently running through her head. Shiki let out a deep, pained sigh.

"Oh right! You haven't met me!" She cleared her throat and adjusted her glasses. "Allow me to introduce myself! I am Mary Iscariot! Your new godmother! But you can call me big sis if you want." The newly dubbed Mary gave them an extremely exaggerated wink.

"Hah?" Asuka blanched at the sudden proclamation.

"Huh?" Shinji was now very confused.

"Baka?" Leader had lost all semblance of understanding of the situation. Shiki just groaned.

"Jeez Shinji." Kotone sauntered up with a wry grin on her face. "I take my eyes off you for a minute and suddenly not even cougars can keep their hands off you. What's your secret, cause there's this leggy blonde I've been trying to woo-" Mary suddenly gasped and sprinted over and grabbed Kotone's face. "-Okay, I was joking but I'm not entirely displeased."

"Chihiro?! Why are you so small?! Why is your skin so smooth?! Teach me!" Mary demanded like the lunatic overdosed on caffeine that she was.

"Wha? Wait, are you talking about my mo-"

"Pilot Suzunami, why is this unhinged woman latched onto your face?" Rei approached the odd gathering of her friends and the odd woman, having just gotten out of Unit-00.

"You!" Mary let go of Kotone then whirled around and pointed an accusing finger at Rei.

"Yes I am me, thank you for noticing." Rei responded, attempting to be polite.

"Weren't you in the robot?" Mary shouted-whispered conspiratorially.

"Yes, but I just got out. The release hatch on the entry plug needed what I am told to refer to as 'percussive maintenance'."

"That's fantastic!" Mary cheered to the confusion of everyone else. "Let's party! But perhaps later, because I think that's the caffeine crash coming." A beat. "Yup! Good night!" She fell to the ground face-first and began snoring loudly. All present stared incredulously at the now sleeping woman.

"Asuka?"

"Yes, Shinji?"

"What just happened?"

"I haven't the slightest idea."

"Anta Baka." Leader agreed.

Chapter Text

Location: ? Time: ? Shoe Size: ?

An eternal white void, with no beginning or end. Just ceaseless nothingness. That was where she was, her eyes stuck in a half-lidded state for a seeming eternity, barely cognizant of the world. A fleeting shadow passes by her sight, something-

"O̸h̵ ̷w̵o̸w̵,̶ ̴y̴o̸u̴ ̸s̸t̸i̷l̸l̵ ̴h̴a̵v̶e̵ ̴a̴ ̷f̵r̶a̴g̶m̸e̷n̵t̶ ̷o̷f̵ ̷s̶e̵l̷f̷ ̸i̵n̵ ̶t̶h̴i̶s̴ ̵p̴r̸i̴s̷o̸n̸ ̷o̸f̴ ̷b̶o̸n̴e̵ ̴a̴n̵d̵ ̵b̸l̷o̶o̴d̷ ̸y̶o̴u̶ ̶c̸a̶l̴l̷ ̷a̵ ̶b̴o̸d̴y̸?̵" Something clicks and her eyes shoot open, revealing a shadowy figure with glowing purple orbs where eyes should be.

"Wha?" Understandably, Mary Iscariot is confused.

"I̴ ̸d̷o̶n̴'̵t̴ ̷h̶a̸v̷e̴ ̸t̵i̴m̵e̵ ̶t̵o̸ ̷e̷x̸p̶l̵a̷i̴n̷.̷ ̶N̴o̷t̶ ̷e̸v̵e̸n̵ ̸t̵o̷ ̷e̵x̸p̴l̸a̷i̷n̴ ̸w̸h̷y̸ ̶I̸ ̵d̸o̷n̸'̷t̵ ̶h̶a̸v̵e̴ ̷t̶i̸m̵e̶ ̵t̵o̵ ̴e̷x̸p̷l̶a̵i̴n̴.̴ ̸Y̵o̸u̷'̸r̷e̵ ̷n̷o̶t̸ ̸g̵o̸i̷n̷g̶ ̷t̷o̷ ̷r̸e̵m̴e̵m̵b̴e̴r̶ ̸m̷e̶ ̵a̵n̶y̶w̴a̴y̸,̸ ̵b̴u̵t̷ ̷i̸f̴ ̸y̷o̸u̵ ̵h̸a̴v̵e̷ ̶t̷o̷ ̶i̶n̸t̴e̴r̸n̸a̶l̶i̶z̵e̴ ̴s̴o̷m̵e̸t̷h̵i̶n̷g̶,̷ ̶g̴e̸t̴ ̸o̵f̷f̷ ̶t̷h̶a̷t̵ ̴i̴s̷l̸a̸n̷d̴ ̸a̴n̸d̸ ̶s̶t̵a̸y̸ ̵a̸w̶a̸y̸ ̵f̵r̷o̷m̷ ̶E̷u̸r̴o̵p̴e̸.̶ ̶"

"I don't-" She was very confused right now.

"T̴i̷m̸e̸'̸s̸ ̶u̵p̶!̴ ̸D̵o̵n̷'̵t̶ ̶w̸o̶r̴r̶y̸,̷ ̸i̸t̵'̴l̶l̶ ̶m̶a̴k̴e̵ ̸s̵e̷n̸s̵e̴ ̶s̵o̶o̵n̵.̶ ̶B̸u̶t̷ ̴r̴i̷g̴h̸t̸ ̸n̸o̵w̵ ̸y̷o̶u̵ ̵h̷a̵v̵e̷ ̵t̶o̵ ̶w̵a̵k̶e̴ ̷t̵h̵e̴ ̵f̸u̶c̸k̸ ̸u̷p̸ ̸S̸a̸m̶u̷r̵a̵i̸,̷ ̴t̸h̷e̵r̴e̸'̶s̶ ̸a̸ ̵w̴o̶r̶l̸d̸ ̷t̸o̸ ̵b̶u̵r̵n̵.̸" Suddenly the world exploded with color.

Post Second Impact Recovery Hospital, Dhekelia-2, Cypriot British Overseas Territory Shortly before Matarael's attack on NERV

A sharp inhale as light floods her eyes, blinding like the sun. Only indistinct shapes register in her mind, blobs of unknown origin. She comes to the conclusion that A. Her eyes are adjusting after not being in use for an unknown amount of time and B. She doesn't have her glasses, with them possibly being lost or broken. And those were prescription too dammit! Getting a new pair will be a chore. Although she can probably worry about that later, as her senses began returning as her ears picked up a rhythmic beeping. A hospital? If so….

"Ah…." Unfortunately, her genius plan to call out for help was foiled by her mouth and throat being dryer than the desert. A sudden attempt at speech in such a state caused her to descend into a coughing fit. Not an excellent start but it could be worse.

"What's going on in- Oh!" A voice, female. Speaking the Queen's English. Couldn't place the accent. Eastern European? Greek? She couldn't tell. "Doctor! A patient's awake!" Footsteps, a shape comes closer as firm hands prop her up and pat her on the back. "Are you alright?" Alright, Mary, this is the first girl you've talked to in god knows how long, unleash the charm, and don't mess this up.

"Guh." Nailed it.

"Oh, you probably need some water. I'll get some for you." Footsteps away, the sound of running water, footsteps back, and the shape of something held in front of her. "Drink slowly, okay?" She nodded, beginning to take small gulps of the water. It was lukewarm and tasted slightly metallic but it might as well have been mythical ambrosia to her parched gullet.

"Bloody Hell, that felt like the first glass of water I've had in years. Thanks, luv." She croaked out as the glorious H2O rehydrated her throat.

"Well, you're not wrong Miss." A new voice, male, English, accent sounds…. Welsh? Is she close to home then? "But all in due time, you must feel very disoriented. I'm Doctor Javelin, do you remember your name?"

"Of course, I'm Ma-" A paranoid feeling spiked into her brain, a flash of a shadowy figure she could barely remember. "-ri?" She blurted out, suddenly feeling as if she shouldn't be giving out her real name.

"Mari?" The Doctor repeated, obviously noticing her odd pause.

"Y-yes! That's me! Mari….. Illustrious, uh, Makinami! Yup!" Mary quickly doubled down, hoping to hide her blatant lying.

"A…. Very unique name. Especially considering your accent."

"Well you see, Dad was Japanese and Mum was English so it just ended up that way. Course I take after Mum the most, but I have Dad's eyes!" That was a lie, she had her Mum's eyes. What she got from her dad was his hair and attraction to buxom and/or brilliant women. And his ability to choke slam fools, which came in handy more than you'd think. Also, he wasn't Japanese, and she probably should have clarified that first but her mind was understandably jumbled up.

"…..Alright." The doctor responded hesitantly as the sound of something being written down filled the room. "And how are you feeling, Miss….. Makinami?" She pondered the question as she noticed how sore her muscles began to feel.

"Well I feel like I got into a fistfight with an eighteen-wheeler and lost, I feel hungry enough to eat multiple restaurants out of business and thirsty enough to drink an entire lake. And worst of all I can't bloody see anything because I don't have my glasses!" She paused as she tried to grab the cup of water for another drink to quench her unending thirst. "Still not as bad as a few nights on the town I had back in college." That got a small chuckle out of the Doctor.

"Glad to hear you've still got some energy in you Miss Makinami, but I do have some bad news." That piqued her interest.

"Oh? What might that be Doc?"

"First, I need to ask what was the last thing you remember?" That was a good question. What was the last thing she remembered? A void with some kind of shape? No, that was a dream and they probably want what happened before that. She racked her brain and recalled traveling in a plane, from Egypt to Germany to meet up with Kyoko.

"I was on a plane, traveling from someplace with a desert. Why?"

"Well Miss Makinami, I need you to stay calm while I say this…" That did nothing to calm her whatsoever. "But there was a cataclysmic event that took place known as Second Impact." She didn't like the sound of that. "And we believe it directly affected you as you were found along the shoreline of Cyprus alongside signs of plane wreckage." Huh. Well. That wasn't what she was expecting.

"That's….. quite a lot Doc. But at least I'm right as rain now! So how long was I out? A few weeks? Months?" A long silence followed after her question. "Doc, I am right as rain, aren't I?"

"….Yes, aside from some physical therapy you'll need your body is more or less fine." That's something she expected when she heard she survived a plane crash but that didn't explain the silence. "As for how long you've been out….. There's no easy way to say this Miss Makinami but….. you've been in a coma for almost fifteen years at this point." ….What? Fifteen years? But….. what about Yui? Kyoko? Gendy? What happened to them? Did they survive this Second Impact? What was Second Impact now that she thought about it? A thousand thoughts bounced around her head, trying to form something coherent. In her befuddlement, she uttered the first thing that came to mind.

"Shit."

One week later

"So what's the prognosis? Am I a cripple for life? Am I getting new cyborg legs? At least tell me the cafeteria got a new shipment of pudding before you pelt me with the bad news." Mary pleaded, half dreading the bad news and half craving a cup of chocolate pudding.

"A bit of a pessimist, aren't you Miss Makinami?" The nurse chuckled as she got her papers in order.

"Please, call me Mary." She says with as much suave as a middle-aged British woman on crutches can muster.

"…I thought it was Mari?" Dammit, she was blowing her cover! Curse you flirting instincts! She needed to deflect quickly!

"It can be whatever you want it to be, baby." Mary gives an exaggerated wink, which only succeeds at dislodging her ill-fitting glasses. These glasses were starting to get on her nerves.

"…Right. Anyway, Miss Makinami." While her cover was secure, her attempts to woo this nurse seems to be for naught. Truly a tragedy. "You appear to be succeeding at your physical therapy with flying colors. You might even be able to get around without a pair of crutches by the end of next week."

"Oh. That's weirdly fast but I'm not about to look a gift horse in the mouth." Medical technology must've really come far while she's been in a coma. "So what's the bad news?" The nurse scrunches up her face in thought before giving a dreaded answer.

"That the kitchen hasn't received a new pudding shipment yet?" Dammit! Such a tragedy was laying just out of sight. Truly heartbreaking.

"And I really wanted some pudding today."

"Unfortunately you'll have to wait until they get some in." The nurse intoned dryly. "Until then, how about we head back to your room?" An interesting idea, but she had a better one. Due to them not allowing her access to that glorious umbral ambrosia, coffee, she had to indulge in her third biggest vice, sweets. The lack of pudding was an obstinate that, but fortunately, she heard tell of a certain vending machine that gave away treats if hit just right.

"Actually I was thinking of walking around a bit. Getting a lay of the land and practicing on my own." She flutters her eyes pleadingly, once again dislodging her glasses.

"…..Alright, but take it slow. And call for help the moment something goes wrong, alright?"

"Queen's honour!" She places her hand over her heart and stands up as straight as she can. The nurse rolls her eyes and waves her off, turning her attention to various documents and paperwork. She took that as permission to go on her way, and began to hobble towards the fabled metal-shelled El Dorado of sugar.

A short time after

"Bloody glasses." Mary hobbled down the hallway as she squinted at the various signs on the walls. The glasses weren't her prescription but they allowed her to see anything that wasn't fine print. The downside was that they made her eyes hurt and they had to be adjusted all the time. The fact that she had to limp around on crutches did nothing to help that. At least her physical therapy was going faster than expected, that was good.

"-so you think they're looking for her specifically?" Oh? Is that her doctor playing the pronoun game with someone else on the phone? It couldn't hurt to listen in a bit. "I don't want a repeat of what happened in the eighties either, but do you really think they'd be looking for someone who just woke up from a coma?" Yup, they were talking about her. Wonder what happened in the eighties to cause this sort of stir? "No I don't want to deal with a flaming man riding an equally flaming horse either-" Wait what. "-but I feel you're overreacting to a few men in suits snooping around. Honestly, I feel we as a species have evolved past shadowy organizations having violent death squads and potentially supernatural forces." A pause. "Please don't yell."

"I have a feeling that's my cue to split." What good fortune being able to hear this. And who said going the long way around to find the vending machine that'll give free food if you hit right was a bad idea? Not her. Fortunately, she had been working on an escape plan since day one. Well, day two and a half more like, but still!

A few minutes of hobbling later she found herself near the garage holding the hospital's ambulances. Empty and unsupervised. A sign of incompetence or peace? It didn't really matter, she wasn't staying long enough to figure it out. She slid into the driver's seat of the ambulance and began the tried and true method of emergency vehicle acquisition, hotwiring. She really needed to thank Gendy for teaching her how to do this when she saw him next. Hopefully, he and Yui were doing fine. She really wanted to see her friends, and more importantly, see the kids they had. Because honestly, you don't look at each other the way they did and not produce at least a few kids over the course of a decade. She made them promise to name her Godmother and she was determined to take her pick of the litter to be the cool older sister she was meant to be. Her musings were interrupted as the ambulance sputtered to life as her hotwiring succeeded.

"Damn straight!" She threw her crutches in the passenger seat and pressed the handy garage door open button on the dashboard. "Let's get this show on the road!" The ambulance hummed steadily as she double-checked everything. It was her first time driving in a decade, not to mention with her having not entirely functional legs, so she wanted to make sure nothing went wrong. But driving a car was like riding a bike, so she was positive nothing would go wrong.

Ambulance crash site, twenty minutes later

"Who-" She coughed as she pulled herself out of the wreckage using her crutches as leverage. "-the bloody hell puts a stick shift in an ambulance?!"

Uncorrupted Dialogue

Oh wow, you still have a fragment of self in this prison of bone and blood you call a body.

I don't have time to explain. Not even to explain why I don't have time to explain. You're not going to remember me anyway, but if you have to internalize something, get off that island and stay away from Europe.

Time's up! Don't worry, it'll make sense soon. But right now you have to wake the fuck up Samurai, there's a world to burn.

Chapter Text

Andreas' Boat Sale and Rental, Cyprus coast

Andreas, the owner of Andreas' Boat Sale and Rental, sighed at the absolute lack of business on this slow day. Normally he at least got a few people interested in renting a boat for fishing, but today lacked even that. Perhaps it was the storm passing by down south scaring his potential customers away? Well, whatever it was he should consider closing up if he didn't get any customers soon. Not to mention he had a bottle of ouzo waiting for him at home. As he got up to close up shop, a disheveled woman in a hospital gown half burst half hobbled into his store and slammed a bag on his counter.

"Can a bag of medical supplies buy me a boat?!" She half-screamed at him in English. Andreas was understandably taken aback, eyeing the bag that was likely stolen from a hospital or ambulance. He was now in a situation where he had to deal with an escaped patient who was most likely mentally unstable. As calling the cops to subdue her while she was here would most likely set her off, he decided to humor her in order to distract her. God he wished he closed up earlier.

"It can, but it's not a very good boat I'm afraid." He responded in poor English, trying to half remember lessons learned years ago, watching her closely in case she got aggressive.

"I'll take it! As long as it takes me out of here!" She paused as her brow scrunched in thought. "Also, do you have any coffee here? Mama's in need of a caffeine fix."

"Yes!" He shifts into his loud and boisterous salesman persona he uses for tourists, hoping it will make him less threatening to her. He slowly reaches into the fridge he keeps behind the counter for holding drinks and bait and pulls out a can of coffee. "You mind can?"

"Not at all!" She snatches the can from him with frightening speed and downs it like a woman possessed. "Oh my bitter dark ambrosia, how I missed your acrid taste." She purred as she whispered sweet nothings to the now empty can. "But I can't dally for long, gimme those boat keys guv, I got places to be and godchildren to dote on." Andreas filed that part away for later and placed a set of keys on the counter. It was to a now-defunct boat that lacked an engine. Hopefully trying to get it to turn on would distract her long enough for the authorities to get here and take her back to the safety of whatever psych ward she busted out of.

"It's the red boat at the end of the dock, can't miss it!" He explained as she took the keys and inspected them. "The engine is a bit old so it might take a bit to start up! So be patient with her, alright?" Hopefully trying to work the non-existent engine would distract her for a bit.

"Aye aye, Cap'n!" She gave him a mock salute as she hobbled off with her crutches. He had to admit, she could move around on those things. He shook his head free of those thoughts and grabbed his phone the moment she was out of the building, dialing up the authorities posthaste, barely noticing one of his workers coming in.

"Andreas, who's the woman on crutches? A customer?" He asked as he eyed the bag of medical supplies on the counter.

"Some crazy woman with stolen medicine. I'm calling the cops now, so keep an eye on her so she doesn't fall into the water and drown. I gave her the keys to that broken red boat so she can distract herself until the cops arrive."

"Boss…" His worker began with a suddenly worried look. "I've actually been fixing that boat up so we could sell it again. It's fully functional." Andreas froze and looked at his worker with wide eyes.

"What?! Oh no." The sudden sound of a boat starting up and speeding off reverberated throughout the shop. "Oh no."

"That sounded like it was heading south, isn't a storm passing through that way?" His worker asked uncomfortably.

"Oooooh nooooo." Andreas put his head in his hands as the phone finally connected to the authorities. Suffice to say, this was not going well for him.

Mediterranean Sea, south of Cyprus

"Ah, the open sea. Not where I expected to go, but as they say, Britannia rules the waves~." Mary chuckles a bit as she begins to hum the aforementioned song. She honestly didn't think buying a boat with medical supplies she filched off the crashed ambulance would work, but here she is! She was honestly expecting the guy to try to call the cops, leading her to have to throw hands, but looks like Lady Luck is on her side. But that was to be expected, the ladies loved her. Well, some ladies loved her. Most tolerated her, with a few actively avoiding her. One even filed a restraining order, but that was a misunderstanding. Seriously, how was she supposed to know that it wasn't a one-way mirror?

"Hm?" She was broken out of her musings as she noticed a gathering of dark clouds on the horizon. A storm stood directly in her path to GEHIRN Egypt, the one place she could contact people she knew. Well, she was sure there were other places but that was probably the closest and she also didn't know how to drive a boat enough to turn around. Perhaps she should have thought of that before getting a boat? Well, no time to worry about that now as she drove her boat headfirst into a storm.

"Seriously, how hard could driving a boat be-"

20 minutes later

"Who-" She coughs and sputters as the rough waves recede as the last of the storm passes. Mary was clutching onto a life preserver with a vice grip, with nothing but water for miles. "Who the hell puts a bloody stick shift on a goddamn boat!?"

36 hours later, somewhere in the southeastern Mediterranean Sea

Mary blinked languidly as she continued to paddle in the direction she believed to be south. She had been here for weeks, she thought. The sun beating down on her like… honestly she couldn't think of an analogy now. She lucked out a while ago as an errant plastic cooler containing a water bottle and some jerky floated by her, undoubtedly lost by some seagoer or another. She had already consumed the jerky and the water and was wearing the cooler as a hat to prevent the sun from stealing her brain thoughts like the sexy celestial body that it is. No matter, she would survive this and become sexier than the sun and get all the bitches. Or a sandwich. She could really go for a sandwich right now. Maybe she could grab three fish swimming by and stack them together to make a fish sandwich? Eating raw fish was okay, right? There was sushi and sashimi which were raw fish, so she should be fine, right? Suddenly she could feel herself being lifted out of the water.

"Is that you God? Finally! I was about to make an offer to Satan to get out of here you git!" She was suddenly plopped onto a hard surface that felt like wood. Above her were two men who were staring at her. Suddenly her fight or flight instincts activated and she grabbed a nearby seagull to use for self-defense. The seagull is confused but weirdly into it. "Back off wankers! I know how to use this!" The seagull honks in agreement.

"Calm down miss." One speaks softly in fairly decent English while the other speaks something in a language she doesn't understand. Arabic perhaps? "We found you adrift, you might be suffering heatstroke." He spoke gently as if trying to calm a scared animal.

"Likely story! I bet you're pirates trying to steal my treasure! Little did you know that the real treasure was the friends we made along the way!" They looked at each other as the English-speaking man spoke something to the other in their probably shared Arabic(?) language.

"Miss, please calm down and put down the…. Seagull." He attempted, trying to beguile her into a false sense of securit- "We have food and water for you."

"Why did you say so?!" She tossed the seagull over her shoulder, the bird flying away heartbroken. "Lead me to your sandwiches pirate man!" The men stared at her silently as she stood there with the cooler still on her head. "No seriously, lead me to them. I lost my glasses, I can't see." The men looked at each other before one took her by the hand and led her to some sort of interior space. She smirked as she was led into the bowels of this pirate ship that smelt suspiciously like a fishing barge, these poor fools had yet to realize that she had already started her takeover of this pirate vessel. Soon she would be Queen of the local pirates, and she would sail to GEHIRN at the head of a pirate fleet with a harem of buxom buccaneer babes waiting on her hand and foot. All according to plan.

One hour later, Egyptian coastal town of Sidi Barrani

"So." Police Officer Adhaf sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose as his partner was still wrestling with the foreign woman. He was glad he never learned English as the fisherman he was taking a statement from who did speak it was wincing at whatever she was saying. "You found her adrift around an hour north of here, and she seemed delirious and aggressive from dehydration and heatstroke?

"Yes, we managed to calm her down and got her to eat some food and get some water in her. After which she sat still and constantly chuckled and muttered things about pirate queens." He responded, wincing as the woman was attempting to put his partner into a chokehold. Adhaf had to admit, the woman was stronger than she looked.

"And she didn't have any sort of ID on her?" He figured she didn't, but he was required to ask anyway.

"No, it looked like she had nothing in her pockets. But her clothes do look like hospital clothes." The fisherman added, pointing out the obvious. Adhaf was annoyed but the fisherman was trying to help so he couldn't be too annoyed. "And she also mentioned she needed glasses." A useful note, even though it did nothing to reveal her identity.

"Good to know. I believe that's everything. We'll contact you if we have any more questions." "He flipped to a blank page in his notebook and wrote his work number on it, then tore it out and handed it to the fisherman. "Call this number if you discover anything else or something happens."

"Understood." The fisherman takes the number without hesitation. "Will she be alright?" The woman has at this point managed to steal a bike and crash it into a wall in the short time he's looked away. She was pinned underneath the lightweight frame and was screaming something as she flailed around like a feral cat. Foreigners honestly. Ever since that time in the eighties with a vacationing American senator in Cairo, they've been the bane of his career. He moved out here to escape them, but he can't seem to shake them off.

"Considering she's committed at least three major criminal actions already I'm afraid I'll have to arrest her. But I'll get her out in a few days to meet with an interpreter to help find out who she is and hopefully get her back to where she belongs." Adhaf responded as his partner managed to extract the woman from underneath the bike before handcuffing her.

"Whoever keeps putting stick shifts on things better watch out! I'll find you and keelhaul you! You don't mess with the new Pirate Queen!" The woman shouted in a rage, all meaning lost to Adhaf's untrained ears. He sighed, hoping she would be out of his hair sooner rather than later.

Sidi Barrani Women's Correctional Facility, Two Days later

Welp, she's done it now. She's landed herself in a foreign prison where nobody spoke her language. She really shouldn't have referred to herself as the Pirate Queen in front of the local police. Piracy is illegal stupid! They were obviously on the hunt for her because of her (future) pirate deeds. Suffice it to say, she's hanging up her pirating coat for the foreseeable future. On the plus side, she's been in prison before, something she's legally forced to admit due to the Strathclyde Police, so she knows how things in this place work. After all, power was a language all in of itself, and she didn't need to speak the same language to establish dominance by shanking the biggest bitch she can find. The problem was making a shiv, specifically what to make it out of. She could use her glasses, helpfully provided by the prison doctor, by sharpening one edge. But she needed to see in order to stab a fool, so that wasn't a good idea. So she went to plan b, trying to turn a paper clip, a rubber band, and a plastic straw into a weapon she could use to kill. If only the combat knife she stole from one of the guards wasn't so sharp, it kept ruining the straw! How was she supposed to kill someone if her stolen combat knife kept ruining the straw!?

"Excuse?" Mary yelped as she quickly threw the useless combat knife away, dropping down a nearby drain. She whirled around a brandished the ruined straw at the fiend who would surprise someone whose back was to the entire courtyard! She registered a guard, who eyed the straw with confusion." You…. get phone." The guard told her in broken English, most likely telling her she got her one phone call, something she tried requesting when she got here, and it looks like they finally figured it out. Excellent, she could contact someone to get her out of here.

"Good! Please lead the way, madam!" She hid the straw in her prison uniform waistband as she followed the guard to the phone area, keeping an eye out for any ambushes that lay in wait. Fortunately, they were unaccosted as they reached the phone room, no doubt because her hypothetical enemies were weary of her skills with a straw, as they should be. She was led inside the room, which contained only a table, chair, and phone. Cordless, unfortunately. That nipped her plans to pilfer the cord and use it as a weapon in the bud.

"One call." The guard informed her before moving to the corner to watch her. She had a feeling this call wouldn't be so private. But that's fine, she only needed to call someone to bail her out.

"Understood my fine lady, one call. I wouldn't want to take up too much of your time." She winked but was ignored. Curses, she couldn't unleash her charm in these drab prison clothes. Well, she could worry about seducing prison guards later, now she had a call to make. She sat in the provided chair and grabbed the phone, ready to call her ticket out. As she stared at the number pad she came to a dread realization.

"Oh bloody hell, I don't know if any phone numbers I know are still valid." She eyed the guard, who seemed to be ignoring Mary's mumbling while still staring at her. "How could this go awry? My plans never go awry." She whispered as she went through a mental list of phone numbers she could remember. "Wait, Yui! That girl would keep the same number come hell or high water." Not to mention Yui owed her a favor, so perhaps she wouldn't be upset about the sudden contact after years of silence just to bail her out of prison. Again. She quickly input the number and let out a sigh of relief as the call wasn't immediately rejected. The phone rang a couple of times before a familiar voice responded.

"Who is this?" The gruff but familiar voice of Yui's boy toy Gendo answered. It wasn't Yui, but she wouldn't say no to one of her old BFFs.

"Gendy! It's been ages luv, and it's fantastic to hear your voice. Sorry if I'm interrupting something but your old pal Mary has gotten herself into a spot of trouble."

"You? How?" He sounded flabbergasted, and she couldn't blame him. After all, she's probably been declared dead for a decade and a half, and nobody expects to get a call from a ghost. Well, most of the time anyway.

"It's a long and sordid tale Gendy. Well, it's actually not now that I think about it, I was just in a coma for most of it." She pauses, trying to formulate how to ask her next question. "But we can get into that later, I need your help ol' buddy ol' pal of mine." There was a moment of muffled speech from the other end, apparently he was talking to someone.

"I have multiple questions but I will save them for later, you said you needed help?" Ah, good on him for not dallying.

"Absolutely. Sorry to ask this of you after not talking to each other for so long but could you bail me out of prison? I may have been arrested for a short stint of piracy and people here barely speak a lick of the Queen's English."

"… I am somehow not surprised. Where are you right now?" Ah, the million quid question.

"Somewhere in North Africa, I think? Maybe Algeria. I always wanted to visit Algeria. Or was that Morocco? Not entirely sure. Anyways, they're speaking some kind of Arabic and there's a coast nearby." She informed him, the guard continuing to stare at her.

"That does not help in the slightest. Is there a prison official I can speak to, or have you already escaped?" Oh, she hadn't thought of escape yet. She would formulate a backup escape plan later.

"Have just the person right here Gendy!" She offered the phone to the guard who looked at her quizzically. The guard took the phone and began speaking rapidly, no doubt negotiating her release. After about five minutes of nonstop negotiations, the guard handed her the phone back before grabbing her walkie-talkie and began talking to someone. "I take it that negotiations went well Gendy?"

"Indeed. I'll be there within the week to pick you up. Be careful and stay out of trouble." He warned her, causing her to roll her eyes instinctively.

"Gendy! Buddy, pal, amigo, homeskillet-"

"Mary, don't call me homeskillet."

"-I can assure you I am always careful and always try to stay out of trouble." She heard a sudden bemused snort.

"That's the greatest falsehood I've ever heard." Another familiar voice graced her ears.

"Professor Fuyutsuki! I didn't think you'd be slumming hit with Gendy! What's the occasion?" Glad to hear the old man was still kicking.

"Shogi. And be glad, I doubt anyone else here speaks Arabic fluently enough to have translated. Even if I was a bit rusty." Ah, of course. She had to remember to buy the old professor a pint for that. Hopefully, her favorite pubs were still standing and forgot they banned her in the fifteen years she's been in a coma.

"Thanks, Professor! Hugs and kisses~ And don't worry, I'll be on my best behav-"

Sidi Barrani Air Force Air Strip, four days later.

Gendo stared blankly as the El-Sa'ka Special Forces member pushed Mary towards him before backing away and waiting to see him leave.

"Hey Gendy. So….. may have made a bit of a mistake." He gave her a flat look, pushing Adam's constant screaming to the back of his mind.

"I wouldn't consider trying to start a prison riot as 'a bit of a mistake.'" She was lucky that Egypt no longer practiced summary executions since the dictatorship was overthrown.

"Trying implies I failed, and that I meant to do it. Neither of which is true!" She said with far too much pep for someone who had a Special Forces squad extract her from a rioting prison not twenty minutes ago.

"…. Just get into the plane so we may leave before you cause another problem." She looks like she's about to say something before she nods and sprints into the waiting plane. He sighs and follows behind her as the El-Sa'ka members depart and return their attention to the prison situation. As the plane door shuts behind him and the engine thrums alive, he finds Mary reclining in one of the passenger chairs.

"Sweet ride you got here Gendy. Did Yui pay for it with her science money to pamper her boytoy?" Ah, how he missed Mary's inability to filter anything she says. He really did miss his friend, but unfortunately, his scenario didn't allow for such pleasantries.

"No, this is something I possess due to my leading NERV, GEHIRN's successor." He began, trying to lead her thoughts to where he needed them to be. Mary was a woman who always thought many steps ahead, it's just that all of the steps are wrong and based on nonsense. As such she needed to be kept focused or she would try to get out of a parking ticket by turning a microwave into a bomb. Again.

"They rebranded? And made you the head honcho Gendy. Makes sense, Yui is the gal who would focus more on her work than running an organization. That means she's back at HQ building big robots?" She fiddled with her glasses, at which he handed her a pair he had custom-made for her based on what he knew about her prescription from all those years ago. "Gendy! You shouldn't have!" She quickly snatched the glasses and put them on, tossing her old pair away. "Fits like a glove!"

"Good. And no, Yui isn't building anything at the moment. You remember the Evangelions, right?"

"Kinda. Those giant biomechanical machines that could use the AT-fields, right?" He nods. "Right. We could never figure out how to get them working without resorting to the Contact experiment. Did Yui find a workaround?" He stared blankly at her, which was the best answer she could give her. She quickly came to a realization. "Oh bloody hell she didn't."

"She did." He begrudgingly admitted.

"Oh, that daft bitch. Of course, she did. I'm assuming you and Kyoko are trying to get her out?" He gave her another blank stare. "Don't tell me…."

"Kyoko also attempted the Contact experiment. She half succeeded." He figured it was best to rip off the bandage quickly.

"What do you mean half!?" Mary shouted aghast, confusion and horror filling her eyes.

"As far as we can tell, half of her soul entered the Eva Cora while the other half stayed in her body, causing her to go insane enough to be admitted to a psych ward. She then hung herself only to be found by her daughter while her husband engaged in an affair with her nurse the next room over." Even explaining that left a bitter taste in his mouth, Kyoko deserved better. Mary stared at him with wide eyes as her mouth opened and closed repeatedly as she tried to formulate a response. After about two minutes she managed to organize her thoughts.

"What in the name of the Queen's knickers happened?!" She asked-screamed incredulously. "How did things go to such shit?!" Fortunately for him, that was an easy question to answer.

"Are you familiar with Keel Lorenz?" She looked at him quizzically.

"The rich philanthropist that was a German rebel during World War 2? Yeah?" Oh, at least he didn't have to explain that.

"What if I told you he was head of a secret world-spanning shadow organization with designs to use an ancient alien superorganism to unite humanity as one to rule over them." He never realized how insane those words sounded when spoken out loud, hopefully she takes him seriously.

"The Freemasons?" Huh? "No wait, the Illuminati!" She paused as her eyes widened once again. "It can't be, the Serbian Orthodox Church?!"

"No!" He quickly interjected before she went off the rails. "They are called SEELE, and they are currently using NERV to further their plans. I plan to stop them and rescue Yui by any means necessary. Would you join me?" He offered his hand out to her. She stared at him.

"What about Kyoko?" She asked pointedly.

"Well, we can try to save her, but she might like being a giant robot now." He explained, not willing to admit he hadn't considered saving Kyoko up until this point. And even after this point honestly but Mary didn't need to know that.

"Fair!" She nodded in understanding. "Then I'm game!" She clasped his hand and gave it a firm shake. Excellent, despite her ability to cause massive amounts of trouble without trying Mary was an invaluable piece to have for his plans, one he would not let the Old Men sink their greedy fingers into. "Now, does this plane have a coffee machine? Your girl here needs her caffeine." Ah yes, he forgot about her obsession with coffee.

"There is one over-" She had suddenly disappeared as he pointed to the machine, moving to it with unexpected speed. "-there?"

"Sister, mother, secret lover~ How I have missed your warm embrace." She purred as caressed the machine far more intimately than he expected. "Decant your umbral ambrosia to me from your glass teat so I may return to your caffeinated bosom, my oldest love~." He had a feeling he should leave her alone. Mostly because she was going to do things to that machine that no man should bear witness to.

"I'll be in the other cabin." He announced, but it fell upon her deaf ears. He felt the plane hit a cruising altitude as he moved to another room. He would have to brief her on everything later. But he had time, they would arrive back in Japan in around three days, plenty of time to catch her up to speed. Plenty of time for her to get her caffeine fix.

Little did Gendo know, or perhaps he forgot, was that she never got enough caffeine for her fix. Something Gendo learned when they touched down after the most recent Angel attack, where she commandeered a rescue boat to go accost the pilots before collapsing from a caffeine crash. But that's a story that's already been told. And possibly will continue to be told.

Chapter Text

NERV Geofront, Commander’s Office, 12 hours after the Angel attack

“So let me get this straight.” Ritsuko began, not even bothering to hide her annoyance. “You’re giving my position away to some caffeine-addicted loon you bailed out of a Middle Eastern prison that she started a riot in? Am I getting that right?”

“Your position is not being given away, Doctor Akagi.” The Commander reassured her, not disputing anything else she said. “You are merely going to gain a colleague.” 

”Suuuuuure.” Ritsuko began, her eye roll drawn out and exaggerated. “You really expect me to believe that-”

“You will be able to take regular days off.” Gendo interjected, cutting off her tirade before it had a chance to start. Ritsuko froze as her mind began to comprehend what was just said.

“Days off?” Gendo nodded. “Regular ones.” He nodded again. “Meaning I don’t have to be in this hellhole seven days a week fixing every little mistake?” A final nod. “..........What’s the catch?”

“You need to spend a week or two bringing Mary up to speed about how things work around here. Afterward, the two of you can work out a schedule for who wants which days. And while you will share the position of Chief of Project E, you alone will remain responsible for overseeing both the MAGI and Rei. Is this sufficient?” Ritsuko eyed him warily, mulling over the idea in her head before coming up with a response.

“I want a raise.” She pauses. “And an office with a view. A nice one, with convenient parking.”

“Done. Anything else?”

“N- Actually, one more thing. Find whoever’s microwaving fish in the breakroom and get rid of them.”

“Section 2 is already on it.” Fuyutsuki chimed in. Gendo gave a grunt of acknowledgment to him before returning his attention to Ritsuko.

“Have we an accord, Doctor Akagi?”

“Yes, but if she makes one wrong move, I will choke a bitch.” Ritsuko stated, her eyes brooking no argument.

“Noted, your report, Doctor Akagi?” Gendo swiftly changed the subject, eager to move on from this part of the conversation and hear about the aftermath of the Angel attack.

“Right, report.” She pulled up her findings on her tablet. “Angel blood is poisoning the ground, but as it’s basically just highly concentrated LCL, we’re developing a few countermeasures to counteract it. As for the Evas, the damage they suffered is surprisingly minor, with Unit-01 suffering the most damage, with it’s ablative armor and epidermal layer needing to be replaced.” She runs a few quick calculations using the MAGI. “The repairs are slated to take barely more than a week, assuming all goes well.”

“Excellent.” Gendo intoned, looking forward to inflating the repair bill to siphon money from the old men in order to fund his illicit operations. And possibly improve the cafeteria food, so he doesn’t have to force ‘Waltoph’s™ 92% Fake Meat™ (From Concentrate™!)’ onto the kitchen staff for budgetary reasons. He’s not a monster after all. “And what about the Ishim? The Magi were supposed to be investigating them, and the fact that they were supposedly aberrations in the fabric of reality, according to Rei. Has it made any progress?” She paused at that, her expression turned to one that was a mixture of annoyance, frustration, and confusion.

“Here, the MAGI’s report.” She stated curtly, before presenting a table to Gendo that displayed only three words. Reading them once, then twice, then thrice, he attempted to wrap his head around what he was seeing, but before he could vocalize it, Fuyutsuki beat him to the punch.

“Chutes and Ladders?” The three-time Chutes and Ladders world champion blurted out with a mixture of curiosity and excitement. “What does this mean?”

Meanwhile, on an average Tokyo-3 block.

“There she is! After her!” 

“Dammit!” Prankster swore as she sprinted down the street, away from the pursuing Minisukas. She made a mental note that, no, just sunglasses were not a sufficient disguise. She glanced around for an escape route before she spotted a cluttered alleyway. Jackpot.

Mapping out a route in her head, she ran down the alley, her pursuers hot on her heels. Her first target was a cardboard box, plain and unassuming. As she closed in on it, she manifested her lance, using the ancient alien artifact to pole vault herself into the container. Once she was entirely inside it and outside the sight of others, she entered the crack in reality within, causing her to slide down a mysterious tube of spacetime she could only describe as a ‘chute’.

As she slid down, she ruminated on this strange space between spaces. As far as she could tell, it existed in two states. ‘Ladders’, which she had to climb up,  and ‘chutes’, which she had to slide down. In addition, she could only enter it when nobody could perceive her. Why? She didn’t know, but she really didn’t want to think about how she couldn’t use it in that damn forest was because something was always perceiving her. 

She shook her head, banishing such thoughts as the ‘chute’ ended, launching her out of an empty tin can that was lying on a fire escape into the air. She recalled her lance to her, the weapon freeing itself from the concrete where she had embedded it just moments ago, flying through the air to her. She grabbed the handle, letting the momentum of the lance carry her into a sheet hanging on a clothesline, where, free from the sight line of her pursuers, she could once more enter the mysterious space between spaces, with this one being a ‘ladder’.

“Joy. What a thrill.” She muttered sarcastically as she climbed up. She much preferred the ‘chute’ versions, as the momentum allowed her to launch herself when she needed to get some extra distance. Well, beggars couldn’t be choosers. She quickly reached the top, emerging from an empty paint can. Looking around, she found exactly what she needed: a long piece of discarded string. Manifesting her lance, she tied one end to her lance and the other to her waist. With her preparations complete, she strutted over to the edge of the roof, getting into character before looking down at her pursuers attempting to follow her.

“Having trouble, my loathsome copies?!” She shouted dramatically, causing the other Minisukas to pause their climbing attempts to turn their attention to her. “Turns out you aren’t even good enough to be my copies if you can’t accomplish that much! Mwahahahahahahahahaha!” She guffawed villainously as she flourished her cloak. “But I will have to declare this game of cat and mouse over, for I have other, more important matters to attend to!” She suddenly leaped off the roof before throwing her lance at a group of Minisukas, who manifested their lances in hopes of blocking the attack, only to be confused when it didn’t even make it halfway before flying back to Prankster, who retracted her hand at the last second, letting it fly past her.

“Auf Wiedersehen.” Prankster gave a mocking wave goodbye as she shifted her body into a reclining position before the lance pulled her towards freedom via the string, the visage of her pursuers shrinking as she flew into the horizon. “Once again, victory is-“ A sudden snap interrupted her, causing her to turn her head. She saw her lance disappear into the horizon without her, half the string trailing behind it. “Huh.” She let out dumbly, before confirming that, yes, she was falling.

“Well. This isn’t a good situation to-“ Before she could even finish, a sparrowhawk grabbed her midair, taking her away to parts unknown as she screamed and flailed. “Not again! Why does this keep happening?!”

Back in the NERV Commander’s office.

“No clue.” Ritsuko admitted to Fuyutsuki before lighting a cigarette. “Just that the MAGI gave that answer and now refuses to even acknowledge the query.”

“Hmmmm.” Gendo contemplates what to do next in regards to this. Unfortunately, he couldn’t come up with a solution to working around one of the world’s most advanced supercomputers’ refusal to acknowledge something, so he’d have to put this problem on the back burner. “We’ll have to come back to this later, hopefully when the MAGI are more willing.” Ritsuko snorted at that.

“Good luck with that. Knowing my mother, she programmed it to be as stubborn as her.” She took a long drag of her cigarette, a contemplative look in her eyes that quickly faded. “Will there be anything else, Commander?” Before he could answer, his intercom buzzed on.

“Commander, Miss Iscariot seems to have escaped from her hospital room. How should we proceed?” Gendo looked at his intercom with concealed exasperation, Ritsuko giving him the blankest of stares. Meeting her stare, he wordlessly turned on his intercom.

“Check the Eva cages with the current highest number of female employees and expand your search outwards.” He relayed, never once breaking eye contact with Ritsuko. His instructions relayed, he switched his intercom back off. “You are free to go, Doctor Akagi.” She stared at him for a moment longer before walking out of the office, leaving only the scent of tobacco. The silence continued for a few moments longer before Fuyutsuki broke it.

“You realize one of these days she’s going to snap and shoot you, right?” Gendo did not deign to respond to him.

UNIT-01 CAGE

Misato stared at the gargantuan form of Unit-01, as if trying to discern some great secret from it. In reality, she was just bored, as for some reason she had to be here for step thirty-seven of this certain repair process since Ritsuko was busy with a dozen other problems caused by the Angel attack. Normally, Misato would’ve refused, but Ritsuko promised to buy her a bottle of whiskey in return, so here she is. 

“Katsuragi, fancy seeing you here.” Misato groaned as she turned to look at Kaji. Whatever scathing remark she was preparing to say died on her tongue as she saw him holding a bouquet of roses. “May I take this chance to ask you out for dinner? Whenever you're done dealing with everything, of course.” She was honestly taken aback and a little flattered.

“Normally I would’ve kicked you in the shin, but considering you brought a- wait, do those still have thorns?” She eyed the bouquet critically as Kaji rubbed the back of his neck.

“Unfortunately, yeah. Apparently, no flower shop in Tokyo-3 sells dethorned roses. And believe me, I checked at least a dozen.”

“…….Seriously?” She gave Kaji the most incredulous look, her mind noting someone entering the cage from the corner of her eye.

“Yup. Apparently, a law was passed a few years ago making dethorning roses illegal in the greater Hakone area.” He explained to Misato’s utter bafflement. Normally, she would call bullshit on that, but she knew Kaji enough that she could tell he wasn’t joking.

“Glad to see the taxpayers’ money is well spent.” She snarked. “Yeah, dinner after this whole bureaucratic mess sounds good. But you’re paying for the drinks.” 

“Deal. Just try not to drink my bank account dry.” 

“No promises.” She finally notices the bespectacled brown-haired woman in a hospital gown staring at Unit-01. “…….Is she with you?” 

“Huh?” Kaji turned around and finally noticed the woman. “Nope. Never seen her before.”

“Thought so. Hey, lady!” Misato shouted to the woman. “This is a restricted area. Could I see some identification?!” The woman finally noticed her, taking the opportunity to strut over to Misato and Kaji.

“Hello there, beautiful, the name’s Mary. Mary Iscariot.” The newly named Mary gave Misato a sultry wink. Kaji was unamused and slightly annoyed that this Mary was (attempting to) seduce Misato.

“Well Miss Iscariot, as the Major here said-“ Kaji was unable to finish his sentence as Mary pushed him off the platform into the LCL below, the bouquet of roses flying into the air to be deftly caught by Mary, who grabbed a rose from the bouquet and placed it between her teeth in an attempt to appear romantic. However, she neglected to account for the thorns that now permeated her mouth, causing blood to trickle down her chin as she held back the pained expression in order to flirt with Misato. She was not successful in either.

“Hey baby~” Mary began, blood trickling down her mouth. Misato, for her part, was stunned at the sudden turn of events. “Are you the whooping cough? Because you just killed my kids.”

“I…… huh?” Misato blanched, not expecting that combination of words. She’s been hit on a lot, of course, so she’s heard every pickup line under the sun. But that? That was new. “Uh, Misato Katsuragi?” She introduced herself, not sure how else to respond to this bizarre chain of events she’d found herself in.

“Katsuragi?” Mary’s eyes widened in shock as she spat out the rose, which hit Kaji in the face as he was climbing out of the LCL, causing him to tumble back in with a pained scream. “Are you related to Dr. Hideaki Katsuragi by any chance?” At the mention of her father, Misato was broken out of her stunned state like getting splashed in the face with a bucket of ice water.

“….Yes. He’s my father.” Misato answered curtly, her mood soured at the sudden topic change. “Why?”

“We were colleagues.” Mary answered, regretting putting herself in this situation.

“And flirting with the kid of a former colleague is weird?” Misato asks with a flat tone.

“Yeah.” Mary admits, unable to look Misato in the eyes. “So I’m just going to…..” She pauses, trying to think of the right word for it before deciding on the best descriptor. “Flee. I’m going to flee from this awkward situation. Later!” She then breaks into a sprint, exiting the Eva cages, only to be tackled by a Section Two agent.

“I got her! Help me drag her back to the hospital!” The agent shouts to his companions as Mary attempts to free herself from his grasp.

“You ain’t getting me alive, coppers! The pirate queen will be victorious!” Mary screams as she is dragged away.

“……..This is not worth the booze.” Misato grumbled to herself before a groan brought her attention to Kaji, finally climbing out of the LCL. “You alright there?” She inquired as she offered him a hand, something he gratefully accepted.

“Yeah. I’m still less injured than that babysitting gig we took during college.” He reminisced as he stood up and began wringing LCL out of his shirt.

“Ugh, don’t remind me. That was a nightmare.” She grimaced as she remembered that particular incident. “Anyway, you want to grab a drink after I’m done with this? I think we could both use a drink.”

“Isn’t it a bit early?” Kaji checked his watch with a raised eyebrow.

“Pfft, it’s five o’clock somewhere.” Kaji shrugged in agreement.

“Fair enough. But you have to keep it light, because unlike me, you have kids to get back to.” He chided.

“Fiiiiine. God, I hate having to be a responsible adult.” 

“Everyone does Katsuragi.” Kaji chuckled in agreement. “Everyone does.”

NERV Hospital Entrance, the next day

Shinji hobbled out the main door of the hospital to the splendor of the Geofront with Leader and Shiki perched on his shoulders. He takes a deep breath of the fresh air of freedom, then grimaces at how it smells slightly like LCL. He shakes his head and sees Asuka and Kotone standing by a taxi with a banner that says ‘Congratulations on your hospital release!’ with the words ‘hospital release’ looking like they were written over the crossed-out word Quinceañera.

“Congratulations on your release, Shinji!” Kotone cheers as she waves her half of the banner.

“Yeah, good job on returning to the land of the living, Third.” Asuka snarked good-naturedly, dropping her half of the banner the second she deemed its purpose was served.

“Wow, uh, thanks.” Shinji felt a strange mixture of emotions the second he heard the word ‘congratulations’ but pushed that into the back of his mind. “But you didn’t have to do this.” Kotone looked like she was about to retort before Asuka beat her to the punch.

“Oh, but we did, Shinji.” Asuka begins wagging her finger in a lecturing manner while putting the other hand on her hip. “As Evangelion pilots, we have to stick together and congratulate each other whenever one of us gets released from the hospital.”

“Shouldn’t Rei be here then?” Kotone notes dryly as she folds up the banner. “Also, hasn’t Shinji been the only one who’s been in the hospital at this point?”

“First of all, don’t jinx us! Second, Rei was busy with court or something, I wasn’t paying attention.”

Meanwhile, Tokyo-2 Municipal Court

“-and in conclusion-“ The lawyer slicked his hair back as he turned to the judge. “-my client, Rei Ayanami, did in fact cause a socialist revolution at the zoo, but that’s only because she is mentally impaired for believing in socialism. As such, she should be locked in a psych ward instead of going to jail.”

“I see. Miss Ayanami, what do you have to say about this?” The judge turns his attention to the defendant.

“Yes, your Honor, I would like to say that I have never seen this man before in my life. Meaning he is not my lawyer.” Rei states into the microphone.

“…… And you didn’t think to say anything in the three hours since we’ve started this trial?!” 

“I thought it would be impolite to interrupt.” The judge looks at Rei incredulously before returning his attention to the lawyer.

“Well? What do you have to say about these accusations?” The lawyer smiled, straightening his tie before adjusting his belt.

“Just one thing, your Honor.” He rips off his belt to reveal it to be a disguised urumi sword, before lunging at Rei. “Die you commie wench!” Rei calmly ducked under the slash before grabbing the microphone and bashing it into his head, discombobulating him enough for Rei to wrap the microphone’s power cord around his neck.

“Sir, I believe you are making this too political. Please cease, as I do not want to be dragged into a pointless political debate.” Rei requested as she strangled the assassin with the power cord.

“Si……lence….. wen….ch…..” The assassin hissed out as he was struggling to break free. Rei could only sigh minutely, a rare form of expression for her, as she continued to choke the man out. She could tell she would be here for a while; hopefully, the cockroach civil war in her apartment building would turn out all right without her intervention.

“Court? Is Rei okay?” Shinji inquired with concern lacing his voice.

“Pfffft, please Shinji. NERV has a legal department that could break through the toughest of court cases like they’re nothing. Rei will be fine.” Asuka reassured. “Now get in the damn taxi so we can get back to Misato’s and get you some good food! I know for certain you’re sick of all that hospital food slop they’ve been serving you.” Asuka states as she gets behind Shinji and pushes him towards the taxi, nearly knocking Leader and Shiki off his shoulders.

“…… I have had a strong craving for Pho lately.” Shinji admitted as Leader and Shiki relocated to his shirt pocket, giving Asuka a glare that she pointedly ignored as they all entered the back seat of the taxi, Kotone getting in last as she wondered if this is what a third wheel feels like.

“Seriously? Ugh, I’ll never understand how people can put raw steak in a soup minutes before you eat it, but fine.” Asuka relented before giving the taxi driver directions to the apartment complex. The eyepatched taxi driver turned around to look at them, his face a gleeful smile before morphing into a look of confusion upon seeing them.

“Wait, you’re not…..” He looked all of them up and down as if to determine if they were wearing a disguise or not. “Huh. Guess I took the wrong route.” He muttered to himself before putting on an award-winning smile. “I’ll get you kids there lickity split!”

“Lickity split?” Kotone repeated in a tone dry enough to decrease the humidity in the taxi by three percent. “What decade did you pull that vernacular from?” 

“The eighties, I think.” The eyepatched taxi driver answered without hesitation. “Also, YOU!” He points to Shiki, who had reclaimed her position on Shinji’s shoulder. Shiki froze, not knowing how to respond to being singled out. “…..Nice eyepatch!”

“…..Baka.” Shiki gives the strange taxi man a thumbs up, to which he responds with one of his own before beginning to drive off towards the subsurface elevator, which would slowly take them to the surface, under the bright blue sky.

“…… Anyone else thinking there’s something off about the driver?” Kotone whispers to the other two as the taxi exits the Geofront access tunnel and enters the highway.

“Not really, unless you count the terrible taste in eyepatches.” Asuka snarks, giving a disdainful look towards Shiki, who flipped her off in return. Fortunately, Shinji interjected before it could escalate.

“He kinda reminds me of a guy I saw in a movie.” He notes aloud, rubbing his chin in thought. “It had zombies, I think, and a guy with a robot arm.” 

“Wow.” Asuka looked at him with surprise. “No offense Shinji, but I didn’t peg you as someone who watches zombie movies.” Shinji was about to explain the curse of having only one channel in the hospital room before Kotone interrupted.

“Hey, quick question before you continue with that. Was the highway closed for movie shoots or is that legitareally two shirtless dudes fighting on the back of a flatbed truck?” Kotone points out the aforementioned truck in the next lane over, as Asuka, Shinji, Leader, and Shiki stare at the scene unfolding before them.

“No, that’s what it looks like.”  “Yup.” “Baka.” “Baka.” The four of them confirm Kotone’s observation.

“Wait, is that?” The driver mutters before his eye goes wide in glee. “HIRYU-CHAN! Buckle in kids, and keep your heads down, you just got a free ride!” Before any of them could question that, the driver slammed into the side of the truck with the taxi. “Having fun without me, Hiryu-chan?!” 

“WHAT IS HAPPENING?!” Kotone shrieks in terrified confusion as the taxi begun to be surrounded by men on motorcycles.

“Don’t worry about it Kotone, just keep your head down and think about what we could get with that taxi fare we don’t have to pay anymore.” Asuka rubs her hands together as a sinister smile sprouts on her face. However, this was interrupted as one of the thugs on the back of the motorcycle knocked on the window. Shinji, ever so helpful, rolls down the window.

“Yes? Can I help you?” Shinji inquires politely as Kotone tries to articulate the words on how he should not be opening the window while Asuka is contemplating if she could afford premium crowbar polish with the now unused taxi fare.

“Yeah, you think you can waltz in while our boss…. Hey wait, ain’t you them kid what fight the big aliens in them giant robots?”

“Uh, well-“ Before Shinji could answer, he was gently pulled back by Asuka, who shifted in front of him.

“Let me handle this Shinji.” She cleared her throat before puffing out her chest. “We are indeed the pilots of the Eva units, protecting the world from the Angel menace!”

“Get outta here! You hearing this Ayato?” He asks the motorcycle driver.

“I’m hearing it Taro.”

“Wild! Hey, could you kids sign my whacking bat?” He offered the wooden bat with nails sticking out of it to them, along with a marker.

“Absolutely!” Asuka preened as all the time she practiced her autograph signing was finally paying off. She snatched up the bat and marker before quickly signing her name upon it, before offering it to Shinji and Kotone. Shinji shrugged as he jotted down his signature while Kotone stared blankly at the two of them.

“Uh, my….. agent told me not to do any more autographs.” Kotone bluffed, not wanting to be a part of whatever this was.

“Fair enough, two outta three ain’t bad.” The thug retrieves his bat. “Anywhos, you kids keep up the good work fighting them monsters!” The thug gave them a thumbs up before a metal business card struck him in the chest (non-lethally), courtesy of the taxi driver, and he was launched off the motorcycle (non-lethally).

“Glad to see some recognition for once.” Asuka gave herself a pat on the back for being recognized as a hero as she rolled the window back up.

“It is nice to see the positive effect we’ve had on people.” Shinji adds as he feels a twinge of pride blossom in his chest like a newly sprouted flower. 

“Yeah yeah it’s nice and all, but WHY AREN’T YOU CONCERNED ABOUT THE FACT WE APPEAR TO BE IN THE MIDDLE OF SOME KIND OF GANG FIGHT?!” Kotone shouts as the taxi driver has gotten on the roof of the taxi to fight off the ride of thugs, with Leader and Shiki taking over driving duties.

“Well, it’s just that this really isn’t half as dangerous as Miss Misato’s driving.” Shinji explains to Kotone’s bafflement.

“Yeah. If that woman wasn’t employed by the UN I’m certain she would’ve been arrested for her driving long ago.” Asuka supplements Shinji’s explanation.

“What.” Kotone stares at them blankly. They shrug in response before returning to their previous conversation about movies. Kotone cradles her head in her hands as she wonders if she and Rei are the only normal ones among the pilots.

Meanwhile, back in the Tokyo-2 Municipal Court

“Apologies for the lateness, your honor; the road was destroyed by the recent Angel attack.” NERV Lawyer Taka Yura announced as he entered the courtroom. “Now, if we could-“ Taka blinked as he saw his client, Rei Ayanami, sitting atop a pile of bodies while eating granola. “…..Dare I ask what happened?”

“There was a political disagreement.” She stated plainly in between bites of granola while offering no further explanation. Taka looked to the Section Two agents for clarification.

“Long story. But she got the charges dropped.” The agent explains. Taka could only stare in confusion.

“ How? ” 

“I believe the judge fears me.” Rei answered ominously. “Now, may we leave? I have vengeance to plan.”

“…..Sure. I'll handle everything from here.” Taka sighed, hoping he didn’t have to write a report about this.

Kotone stared at the ceiling as she lay in her uncle’s beanbag chair, contemplating how she got to this point in her life and if she could make a video about the fact that she was just in the middle of some sort of yakuza blood feud.

“I’m home!” Aoba calls out as he enters the apartment.

“Welcome back.” Kotone muttered loud enough for him to hear.

“You look like you’ve had a rough day.” Aoba observes as he enters the kitchen.

“It’s certainly been a day.” She muttered again.

“Bummer. You want a donut? I got a dozen.” Aoba offered.

“……Yeah, that sounds great.” She lifts herself off the beanbag chair and heads to the kitchen. “You get any glazed crème filled?”

“It’s only glazed crème filled.” She stares at him, and he stares back. This battle of wills lasts for an unknowable time before they both join hands in a clasp of brotherhood. Their eyes communicated that while they may not be related by blood, they are in fact siblings united by a shared love for a particular type of donut. And isn’t that the strongest bond there is?