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Tsaritsa invited Pierro, Capitano, Columbina and 8 others to the chat
Tsaritsa: You are to use this chat as means to communicate with one another.
Arlecchino: um
Arlecchino: no
Tsaritsa: Is it really that difficult for you to all get along? I swear, the last time I saw you all talk together was at Ajax's Welcome to the Harbingers Party.
Scaramouche: who tf is ajax
Tartaglia: bitch thats me
Scaramouche: wtf???? i thought ur name was childe
Tartaglia: ???? who names their child childe
Sandrone: I'm pretty sure the last time we all communicated was at Signora's funeral.
Scaramouche: SIGNORA'S DEAD???
Tartaglia: LITERALLY HOW ARE YOU SO OUT OF THE LOOOP
Scaramouche: HOW COME I WASN'T INVITED TO THE FUNERAL???
Pulcinella: I believe you're the one who's on the run with the gnosis we want, yes?
Scaramouche: oh
Scaramouche: right
Columbina: why don't you hand it over :)
Tartaglia: does columbina scare the shit out of anyone else or is that just me
Pantalone: No you're onto something
Arlecchino: i for one think columbina is great
Tartaglia: yea well youre gay so
Arlecchino: last time i checked i wasnt the one secretly banging the geo archon
Tartaglia: WHO TOLD YOU THAT??
Sandrone: He didn't deny it.
Tartaglia: fine whatever im dating zhongli and he is very beautiful to me
Capitano: Who is Zhongli?
Tartaglia: no one
Tartaglia: he
Tartaglia: hey
Tartaglia: hwo its going
Tartaglia: hows*
Pantalone: How's*
Tartaglia: i am not taking spelling advice from a bitch named pants
Pulcinella: Zhongli is also known as Morax, or Rex Lapis, Capitano.
Capitano: Tartaglia is dating an archon?
Tartaglia: HE KNOWS MY NAME !!!
Tartaglia: guys i am like so happy rn
Columbina: You know he can see your texts, riiiiight?
Dottore: What is this about our dear Tartaglia dating an archon?
Scaramouche: damn the whole chat knows now
Tartaglia: well not pierro i doubt he actually knows how to open the messages app
Pierro: h
Scaramouche: you were saying?
Dottore: Homosexuality is uprising in the chat
Arlecchino: i think at least 75% of it is coming from tartaglia and columbina and i have been dating for years now
Tartaglia: i hate this gc already
Columbina: Are you perhaps homophobic?
Tartaglia: NO
Sandrone: It is true that you mentioned your hatred for the chat right after Alrecchino talked about her long lasting relationship with another woman.
Tartaglia: NO GUYS I LOVE LESBIANS
Tartaglia: WELL LIKE NOT IN THAT WAY OFC
Tartaglia: BUT YOU GUYS ARE GREAT I SWEAR
Pantalone: I don't know sounds fake to me
Tartaglia: stfu pants
Pantalone: My name is not PANTS
Dottore: Your name is quite literally pants, sorry my friend
Pantalone: I too hate this chat
Pulcinella: Am I witnessing homophobia from Pantalone as well?
Pantalone: NO?
Pantalone: HOW IS SAYING I HATE THE GROUPCHAT AFTER BEING CALLED PANTS HOMOPHOBIC?
Pierro: h
Sandrone: Pierro agrees.
Pantalone: You know what? No allowance for Tartaglia for a month.
Tartaglia: WHAT DI DI DO???
Pantalone: You started this
Pantalone: This.... pants thing
Arlecchino: oh no how will he buy things for his precious little geo archon waaaaa
Capitano: Buy things for the geo archon?
Tartaglia: STSOP
Tartaglia: YOURE MAKING ME LOOK BAD IN FRONT OF CAPITANO
Arlecchino: lmao
Scaramouche: you always look bad in front of capitano ugly ass
Pulcinella: Is this when the youth say, you just got slayed?
Scaramouche: yes
Pulcinella: You just got slayed.
Dottore: Yes, Pulcinella, get it
Pantalone: *Pussynella
Tartaglia: ??? HELLO
Sandrone: Did everyone forget that the Tsaritsa is still here?
Columbina: If you're going to kill someone, Tsaritsa, please let it be Tartaglia.
Arlecchino: seconded
Scaramouche: thirded
Tsaritsa: No, this is too entertaining.
Tsaritsa: I believe we were talking about slaying?
Pierro: slay
Tartaglia: moving ON
Dottore: Actually, yes, I have a question I would like to ask the chat
Dottore: For scientific purposes.
Sandrone: Go on.
Dottore: Let's say, hypothetically, you had a clone of yourself.
Dottore: Would you fuck it?
Columbina: Yes
Arlecchino: no hesitation what so ever ok babe i see you
Tartaglia: no i am in a committed relationship
Scaramouche: and what if capitano was interested in you?
Tartaglia: i think if i convinced him zhongli could be down for a threesome.
Capitano: oh
Tartaglia: jsssssseuhdddbm
Tartaglia: IGnore evernting i just
Tartaglia: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Arlecchino: man down everyone
Pulcinella: Oh, no, you will be missed.
Pantalone: Will he though?
Sandrone: You make a valid point.
Tsaritsa: Alright, everyone, enough bullying Tartaglia.
Tsaritsa: Instead let us bully Scaramouche, that way maybe he'll get mad and come to us with the gnosis.
Scaramouche: bruh
Tartaglia: i have been waiting for this moment my entire life
Columbina: I guess we'll see how long it takes Tartaglia to stop typing hehe
Dottore: Everyone set your timers!
Arlecchino: in the meantime I will start the Scaramouche hate chain
Arlecchino: he's annoying
Scaramouche: im not as annoying as tartaglia tho
Arlecchino: damn hes good
Arlecchin: i got nothing else one of you go
Pantalone: Aren't you motherless?
Scaramouche: at least i don't sound fatherless and have a dumb fucking name
Pantalone: I think the Tsaritsa's plan is working, he is getting angrier by the second
Sandrone: You are the same height as a small Snezhnayan child.
Sandrone: And you look like one too.
Pierro: burn
Scaramouche: who taught pierro what "burn" means in this context
Pulcinella: Tartaglia taught me one day and I thought it would be wonderful knowledge to pass onto Pierro.
Sandrone: Do not ignore my height comment.
Scaramouche: i will not cave into my demons
Arlecchino: "my demons" head ass
Scaramouche: shut up gay bitch
Arlecchino: i wouldn't be talking.
Scaramouche: what is that supposed to mean??
Dottore: My guess would be, "if a pride flag could give birth it would have spit out your ugly ass"
Arlecchino: spot on
Scaramouche: whatever
Pantalone: Technically, no one gave birth to this sad being, hence the motherless comment from before
Sandrone: A puppet, if you will
Tsaritsa: I think it's working, the gnosis will be our soon. Cave into your anger, Scaramouche, come back to us and let it all out.
Columbina: Tartaglia is still typing
Dottore: Perhaps it will be his comment that will get Scaramouche angry enough to come and take his anger out on us?
Arlecchino: you guys are over-estimating him
Arlecchino: sure its been like 5 minutes but its tartaglia whats he gonna do
Tartaglia: the first thing you did upon being made was cry, so your maker deemed you weak and sent you away. that does in fact make you motherless, but not just motherless, fatherless too. isnt that sad? you couldnt handle the gnosis so now youre trying to prove yourself to make yourself feel better. you act all high and mighty, all mean and evil, but really youre soft and weak under all of that. under all of what? under around 4 feet eleven inches of height. you are short. will you do the fandango? thunderbolt and lightning very very frightening? you are stupid and mean, scaramouche. or should i say Kunikuzushi? thats right. i know your little name you have there. were you trying to be intimidating when you desperately wanted the electro archon to know your name? so much so that you tormented poor kaedehara? did i mention that youre short
Pierro: a
Scaramouche: ...
Arlecchino: i stand corrected
Scaramouche: im not dumb enough to come back to snezhnaya to let my anger out only to be jumped by you all, but i will be blackmailing some fatui agents into hunting you down and killing you
Scaramouche: good day, tartaglia
Pantalone: Uhm so anyways-
Sandrone: This chat has suddenly become awkward.
Arlecchino: quick someone change the subject
Dottore: Well
Arlecchino: someone other than dottore who indirectly started all of this
Columbina: I have an idea :)
Columbina added Zhongli to the chat
Tartaglia: first of all, that is fucked up on so many levels
Tartaglia: second of all, how the HELL did you get his number
Columbina: I have my ways :))
Zhongli: Hello?
Tartaglia: hi love
Zhongli: Oh, hello, Ajax. Who are all these people?
Tartaglia: they are my co workers
Zhongli: Oh! Lovely to meet you all.
Scaramouche: your lover is a bitch
Tartaglia: why are there like 30 fatui chasing after me
Scaramouche: i told you i did some blackmailing, i guess word travels fast
Tartaglia: WTF
Zhongli: I will assist you.
Arlecchino: o cmon thats not fair
Sandrone: Your revenge plans fell apart, Scaramouche.
Scaramouche: one day......
Pulcinella: I say we take this opportunity to talk to this Zhongli. He is an archon after all.
Dottore: That is correct
Zhongli: Sorry about that rude interruption, I am back.
Pantalone: That was fast
Arlecchino: thats what she said
Pantalone: You did not thats what she said me in 2022
Arlecchino: oh but i did
Columbina; @ Capitano
Tartaglia: no
Capitano: Hm?
Columbina: We would like you to meet Zhongli
Capitano: Is this the one we were talking about earlier?
Columbina: Mhm :)
Zhongli: Hello, sir, my name is Zhongli. It is nice to meet you.
Capitano: Likewise. I go by Il Capitano.
Zhongli: Are you a captain per chance?
Capitano: I guess you could say that, yes.
Zhongli: Very interesting. I know a captain back in Liyue, though I must say she is very different than you.
Capitano: Is that so? Interesting.
Arlecchino: i am falling asleep
Arlecchino: i think tartaglia has a type
Zhongli: A type?
Capitano: A type?
Tartaglia: GIRL IF YOU DONT-
Tartaglia: i do not have a TYPE the only person i love romantically is ZHONGLI OK
Dottore: Romantically, yes, but it isn't hard to believe you have a little baby crush on Capitano.
Tartaglia: IM LITERALLY IN A RELATIONSHIP I DO NOT
Pulcinella: You see Capitano as somewhat of an idol. You view him the say way a person does to their celebrity crush, for he is also most likely unattainable. It happens to most, therefore even though you're in a relationship, this "baby crush" is normal and not disloyal.
Arlecchino: tldr: "capitano-senpai pls notice me" = sus?
Tartaglia: guysssss :((( i think capitano is super cool butu i love zhongli ok :(((((((((
Scaramouche: werent you just talking abt a threesome earlier?
Tartaglia: I ACTUALLY HATE YOU
Tartaglia: if i had to rank all of you it would be capitano > pulcinella > dottore > pantalone > the rest of you > scaramouche
Tartaglia: imagien there is a big gap between pantalone and the rest of you
Pierro: oh
Tartaglia: can someone teach this man how to type
Pulcinella: I think he is beyond teaching, sadly.
Pantalone: No way I am below Dottore what is this bs
Dottore: ;)
Tartaglia: dottore is COOL you just have money
Pantalone: I fund like half of your dates
Zhongli: Our dates get funded by a guy named pants?
Pantalone: MY NAME IS NOT-
Pierro: pants
Tartaglia: well thats a start ig
Zhongli: It is alright, sir pants, my friend once told me of a woman in his country named Jean. One can only imagine blue jeans when they hear the name. You are not alone in this matter.
Scaramouche: s i r p a n t s
Zhongli: Did I say something wrong?
Tartaglia: no trust me pantalone is going to love the new nickname you gave him
Zhongli: Wonderful.
Tsaritsa: Oh hello, Morax.
Zhongli: Hello.
Tsaritsa: How is little Tartaglia treating you?
Zhongli: Little?
Zhongli: I wouldn't say he's little?
Tsaritsa: And I am leaving again.
Dottore: Fascinating
Arlecchino: no
Arlecchino: bye
Sandrone: Ignoring that. I have taken Tartaglia's invitation and have taught Pierro how to type. Show them what you've learnt.
Pierro: It all starts with William Afton, and his buddy Henry. Afton and his buddy were geniuses who created machinery, and started a new diner of which had two functional kiddie entertaining robots, those being fredbear, and spring Bonnie. They were pretty successful. Afton is also a psychotic murder.
Columbina: Claps
Dottore: I am getting war flashbacks
Tartaglia: was that teh fucking fnaf lore
Scaramouche: how do you know that that's the fnaf lore?
Zhongli: What is fnaf?
Tartaglia kicked Zhongli from the chat
Tartaglia: this was for his own safety
Tartaglia: i am NOT letting you guys taint my boyfriend
Columbina: Aw you're ruining the fun :(
Tartaglia: you are one sick mf
Dottore: You know, I myself was once interested in this fnaf you speak about
Dottore: Though, it was for different reasons...........
Pantalone: X Readers? Yea we've all been there.
Arlecchino: im sorry
Arlecchino: w ha t
Pantalone: I think I'd like to join Zhongli in being kicked right about now.
Scaramouche: me too
Scaramouche: i fucking hate you all
Pierro: its beeen so long
Scaramouche: no
Pierro: since i last have seen my son
Scaramouche: PLS ARCHONS MAKE IT STOP
Tsarisa: You called?
Columbina: Sandrone, what have you done???
Sandrone: This is out of my control now.
Pierro: lost to this monster
Pierro: to the man behind the slaughter
Tartaglia: ykw
Tartaglia: william afton tho.....
Arlecchino kicked Tartaglia from the chat
Arlecchino: i reuinted the lovers again
Arlecchino: i saved us all
Pulcinella: Girl boss!
Scaramouche: nah wtf
Capitano: What is a girl boss?
Arlecchino: me.
Capitano: Ah, understandable, have a nice day.
Tsaritsa added Tartaglia to the chat
Tsaritsa: I look away for two seconds. And Tartaglia is gone.
Pantalone: You know what, it was actually kinda boring without him
Scaramouche: i disagree
Columbina: We all know you enjoy Tartaglia's company better than anyone here.
Scaramouche: i do NOT
Arlecchino: its ok we know you have attachment issues
Dottore: Don't forget the trust issues
Pulcinella: Oh that was not pussy girl slay!
Scaramouche: ok grandpa thats enough phone for today
Tartaglia: IM BACK
Capitano: Welcome back.
Tartaglia: *blushes*
Arlecchino: wtf
Arlecchino: who tf
Arlecchino: w h y
Pierro: *sways hips*
Scaramouche: ?????????????????????????????????????? what the actual fuck
Sandrone: I think my teachings are working.
Columbina: Sure.
Scaramouche: I am going to kill you
Scaramouche: AND THEN kill you again
Sandrone: I'm so scared.
Sandrone: MUGA NO KYOUCHI E
Scaramouche: AHHH.
Sandrone: Gottem.
Tsaritsa: Anyways, I have a mission for all of you. It would be wise to get off your phones.
Pulcinella: Alright, well this chat was lovely.
Arlecchino: bye for now fuckers
Signora: yall weird as hell
Scaramouche: ????? I WAS LIED TO