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“-and her hair! That has to be the worst dye job I’ve seen, it was so patchy. I’d be so ashamed of myself if I went out in public like that! And the guy who went after her, the self-proclaimed ‘amazing’ vocalist, had clearly never heard himself sing. I swear my ears were bleeding when he was done.” Taemin’s boyfriend said, waving his fork around. Taemin thinks his ears might be bleeding by now too, having to listen to all this.
They’d just been to a charity hosted talent show, meant to raise funds for sick children, and now they were waiting for their meal at an expensive restaurant overlooking the river. It sounded like a nice night when his boyfriend mentioned it a few weeks ago, but he should have known it would end like this. Jongmin always took every opportunity he could to put down others, especially when it gave him a chance to act superior. Taemin was not spared either, except that he got told everything Jongmin thought he did wrong directly to his face instead of behind his back. It was boyfriend privileges, apparently. Letting Taemin know, so he’d never make those mistakes again and save them both the embarrassment.
Jongmin only went to the show in the first place because it was his job to write an article on it for the magazine he worked for, so he got in for free. He didn’t have a charitable bone in his body. So, of course, Taemin still had to pay for himself. His boyfriend certainly wouldn’t despite calling this a date, but he honestly didn’t mind since it was for a good cause.
“They should have advertised the entire thing as a comedy show, not a talent show. Especially when that dancing dude performed. How am I meant to bullshit something nice to say about that? It looked like he was just flailing around randomly, not dancing. You should know what I mean, you’re a dancer.” He paused here and looked at Taemin expectantly, waiting for him to hum and nod like he usually does when he pretends to be listening to the trash Jongmin spews. But Taemin wasn’t going to give him what he wanted, not this time.
“Actually-” He started, and with just that one word he could see Jongmin was visibly surprised, “he wasn’t bad. Especially for someone with no training. If he practiced a bit more he could be quite good actually, he definitely had potential.” There was a slight pang of regret when he finished speaking, he’d always hated conflict and Jongmin definitely wouldn’t take what he said well, but he didn’t think it was necessary to be so cruel to people who were just trying to do good things.
“That was good? Seriously?” he scoffs, “I have eyes Taemin, and unfortunately so did everyone else who had to witness that. It was like he had three left feet, even I could do better”.
“Just because you didn’t like it doesn’t mean it wasn’t” Taemin says, annoyed. He didn’t even say it was good, but trying to correct Jongmin was a waste of time. Taemin had tried, back when they’d started dating a few months ago, but he’d quickly given up. ‘It’s just semantics’ was something he had heard often.
“Nobody liked it.” Jongmin replied, rolling his eyes. “If that really was ‘good’ to you, then I’m beginning to question whether you actually earned your degree.” If Jongmin aimed to hurt Taemin with those words (which he undoubtedly had), then he had succeeded. He knew how hard Taemin had worked for his degree in dance, how much it means to him, and how hard he still works to prove himself to the company he works for.
Taemin pressed his lips together in an effort to collect himself while he thought of how to say what he wanted in the least likely way to make Jongmin mad. He really doesn’t want to fight, he should have just acted as passive as he usually does instead of trying to talk. But he was so tired of this. Kibum keeps saying he deserves better, and for the first time Taemin finds himself agreeing with him. Deciding to just be honest, he takes a deep breath and mentally prepares himself for an unpleasant conversation before speaking.
“I liked it. So saying nobody liked it is wrong.” He says firmly, “And even if you were right, that doesn’t mean you get to insult someone who was doing something for charity. At least he tried, which is more than you can say you did.” It was more than he meant to say, and watching Jongmin’s face redden with anger was slightly terrifying, but he meant every word. It was a lot milder than most of the things Jongmin had said to him, but he still felt a bit guilty because of how satisfying it felt.
“What’s with the sudden attitude change?” Jongmin spits back, fists clenched tightly around his cutlery, “Why are you suddenly acting as if you care about these people? It’s not like they’re here”.
“Just because they’re not here doesn’t mean you get to insult them. You always do this, and I’ve always hated it, the only thing that’s different is that I’m not staying silent this time. I’m just so tired of this…”
“I always do what.” Jongmin says flatly, looking like he wants to yell before seeming to realise where he was and settling for just glaring at Taemin and speaking through clenched teeth instead, “What do I always do, Taemin? I take you out to nice places, I pay for everything, and now you’re acting like this? You’re tired? I’m the one who should be tired. I talk because you don’t. You have the looks, but your head is full of air, it’s like talking to a wall. But hey, if you’re so tired of me, I guess you’ll be happy because you don’t have to be tired of me any longer. I’m done with you”. Jongmin stands up roughly, his chair skidding back and the loud clatter the cutlery makes on the plate making Taemin flinch. “I can’t believe I wasted months on you, you aren’t worth it.” He sneers before turning and walking out of the restaurant doors quickly.
Taemin can do nothing but stare after him in disbelief. That escalated so quickly, he’s not even sure what just happened. Taking a shaky breath, he slowly turns back to the table and their half-eaten food. He’s glad that it wasn’t completely wasted at least. Especially since Jongmin left without paying. ‘He pays for everything’ he said, what a fucking joke. Taemin can count on one hand the number of times Jongmin had paid for him, and every single time was during the first few days of their relationship before he gave Taemin a speech about how he believes in equality and expected Taemin to pay for himself going forward. Taemin had found that reasonable, he’d always thought the same thing when it came to dates. But in hindsight, it was just one of many red flags that he’d been too smitten at the time to see.
Kibum hadn’t missed them though, and he’d tried to warn him. But Jongmin was charming and persuasive, and Taemin was too caught up in the early stages of a new relationship. The time when everything seemed perfect, before you got used to the other person and were still trying to show the better side of yourself. He’d even listened to Jongmin when he complained about him spending so much time with Kibum and started talking to him less. He felt like such a fool now, he wishes he’d listened to Kibum instead.
The sound of someone attempting to clear their throat quietly startles him out of his thoughts, and when he looks up, he sees gentle brown eyes staring back down at him.
“Are you alright?” their owner softly asks him, his voice just as gentle as his eyes. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I was sitting right there-” he gestures behind where Taemin is facing, just out of his sight, “and you're uh… the man who was just here. He wasn’t very quiet.”
Taemin attempts to say “I’m fine”, but it wasn't very convincing with his voice cracking in the middle, so he amends to “I will be fine. It’s not unexpected.” with a wry smile.
The man nods awkwardly. “Okay, that’s… good. I’m glad”. He hesitates, clearly unsure of what to do next, and Taemin softens.
“Thank you, for asking. Not many would.” This man put himself in a position he was clearly uncomfortable with just to make sure he, a stranger, was okay. It may not have been his intention, but he did distract Taemin from his thoughts before they could spiral further. He was grateful.
“Ah.. Well, to be honest, I did feel a bit responsible.” Seeing Taemin’s confused blinking, the man elaborates with a self depreciating smile, “I’m Jinki, the dancing dude with three left feet”.
Oh. Oh. Now that he mentioned it, he did look familiar. The stage was too far away for him to see his face clearly, but his clothes and hair match. With dawning horror, Taemin realises just what he might have overheard earlier.
“Oh god, I’m so sorry” he sputters, “He’s always saying things like that, it’s not true, I swear. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about most of the time”.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to defend him. I’m sure there are people who agree with him, and that’s okay.” He pauses to smile at Taemin kindly, “But you didn’t, and I’m certain that must have taken a lot of courage, so thank you.”
“It was hard. It’s- I don’t- I’m not good at it. With disagreeing.” He admits shakily, unsure what prompted him to be so honest with this stranger. Staring up at him, he can’t help but feel comforted. The man, Jinki, has such a calming presence that Taemin sinks into wholeheartedly. It’s nice, not being on edge all the time around someone, especially if that someone was a stranger. “He wanted me to lie about dance, and I couldn’t. You were-” he clears his throat nervously, “Good. You were good.”
“Thank you.” Jinki said, smile widening and eyes crinkling softly, “I’ll make sure to practice more next time though~”.
Cheeks reddening at being reminded of what he’d said earlier, Taemin only manages a vague sound of acknowledgement before falling silent. They stare at each other awkwardly for a few seconds before Jinki clears his throat again.
“Right, I’ll uh… leave you be now. I’m glad you’re okay.” Smiling at Taemin again, he turns and leaves without waiting for a reply. He’s the second man in only fifteen minutes to do that to Taemin, but this one leaves him in a much better mood than the last.
Turning back to the food in front of him again, he grimaces. He’s not hungry anymore, and now it’s cold, but he forces himself to eat as much as he can. It’s expensive and he really shouldn’t waste it. He shouldn’t be eating here at all, actually. He’s not poor, but places like this are still out of his budget. Jongmin always insisted on keeping up appearances though, and Taemin never complained or asked to eat somewhere cheaper, so really it’s his own fault. After a quick check to make sure he had everything, he stands and reluctantly goes to pay, dreading the hit his wallet was about to take.
However, much to his confusion, when he mentioned his table number he was told it had already been paid for. He was sure Jongmin left without paying, but maybe he came back. He’d never come back inside after storming out like that, he’s too proud, but he might have felt bad and tried to apologise in the only way he knew how.
“The man who paid, was he tall with dark hair? Did he have a deep voice?” he asks the cashier, feeling hopeful.
“He’s over there, you can see for yourself” is all they respond, pointing back towards the inside of the room.
When he turns to look, he doesn’t see Jongmin. Instead, there’s only Jinki, sitting with two other men. Now he feels like a fool again for even daring to hope when he knew better. Jongmin said he wasn’t worth it, that his head is full of air. He was probably right. Only an airhead would make the same mistakes as many times as he did.
He stares at Jinki long enough that the man must feel it because he looks up, directly at Taemin, and smiles gently at him again. He doesn’t deserve this kindness. Feeling tears prick at the back of his eyes, he bows towards Jinki, hoping that was enough to convey his thanks, and steps out the door before the other man sees that he’s really not okay now despite what he told him. He only has himself to blame anyway, he really would have been fine if he wasn’t so stupid.
When he steps out into the street, he’s forced to come to a halt, his escape foiled. Because, of course, it’s raining. He really thought today would be a good day. And it had been, until it all went to shit because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut like he usually did. He had a rule he made for himself with Jongmin. Every time he wanted to say something he’d stop, think it through twice more, and then it would be too late to say anything, so he’d not say anything at all. It had worked too, he’d avoided countless arguments and demeaning comments aimed at him that way. But he’d broken it, and Jongmin had gotten mad and left, and this was why he had the rule in the first place.
Sighing to himself, he pulled his phone out of his pocket. Jongmin was the one who drove, always refusing to use Taemin’s car because it was too old, so he had no choice but to walk to the closest bus stop or subway. Which, according to the map on his phone, was at least a twenty-minute walk away and it was raining so heavily he couldn’t even see the other side of the street. Wonderful.
Tugging his favourite black jacket tighter around his body, he moved to rest against the wall and resigned himself to waiting for the rain to slow. He supposes he could call Kibum, but he’s not sure if he’s ready to face him yet. Even though he knows Kibum would come, and that he’d never say ‘I told you so’ even though they both know he did, he knows that if he comes he won’t be able to hold back his tears any longer. And he absolutely refuses to cry over Jongmin.
He’s not sure how long he stands there, staring out into the rain that refuses to slow. Long enough his feet begin to ache and he has to constantly shift his weight from one leg to the other. He can’t sit, though, because even though the awning of the building is enough to protect him from the rain, the water has spread everywhere except the highest step in front of the doors.
At least the threat of tears had passed. Now he just feels tired and numb, and he’s seriously considering just walking into the rain, even though he might get sick. It’s the middle of summer, he thinks he’ll be fine. Probably. Even if he’s not, this day is already the worst. What’s one more thing added to the ever-growing list of reasons why it sucks.
Just as he’s about to leave, he hears laughter and footsteps, and the doors slide open to reveal Jinki and his friends. Taemin flinches and shrinks back, trying to make himself as small as possible, hoping they won’t notice him. It turns out to be a futile endeavour, though, because Jinki is already staring at him, lips parted in shock. His friends stop laughing and stare at him too, and Taemin really wishes he’d left earlier. He feels pitiful enough already, he doesn’t want them to pity him even more.
Jinki notices his attempt at appearing invisible, just like he’s noticed everything else. Taemin thinks that might just be his thing, noticing. He’s only had one conversation with him, but he’s never felt this seen before.
“I’ll see you later, Jonghyun, Minho.” Jinki says to his friends, not breaking eye contact with him. Taemin wishes he would, but it’s like he knows that if he looks away for even a second, Taemin would run. Unfortunately, his legs are frozen in place as long as Jinki is looking at him like that. Sympathetic and kind, but not pitying like Taemin had feared.
The looks Jinki’s friends send him are definitely pitying, but thankfully they don’t say anything apart from goodbye’s before stepping out into the rain under the umbrella they had the foresight to bring.
Jinki makes as if to speak, but Taemin beats him to it before he can ask if he’s okay again.
“I was going to take the train home, but it’s raining… I’m just waiting for it to stop.”
Jinki hums understandingly.
“The weather forecast said it will continue all night” is all he says before falling silent.
Taemin looks back out into the rain to avoid Jinki’s stare, and they stand in comfortable silence that was only broken by the sound of the rain. Jinki seems hesitant to leave, and Taemin doesn’t know how to tell him that it’s okay if he does. Eventually, after what feels like forever but was probably no longer than a minute or two, Jinki speaks again.
“Would you like a ride home?”
Startled, Taemin stares at him, eyes wide.
“I know you don’t know me,” Jinki continues, shifting uncomfortably, “and maybe it’s a bit selfish, but it would make me feel better to know you got home safely.”
“Ah, I don’t- I can’t- You’ve already done so much. I can’t ask for more.”
“Then it’s a good thing I’m the one asking this time.” Jinki says, smiling at him brightly. It’s the largest smile Taemin’s seen on his face yet, and it’s so warm he can’t help but timidly smile back.
“Then, if you’re sure and it’s not too much trouble, that would be nice. Thank you”. It’s probably a bad idea to get into a car with a stranger, but Taemin can’t find it in himself to worry too much. Jinki seems harmless enough, and he’s exhausted and just wants to get back to his apartment and curl up in his bed where it’s dry and no one will judge him.
Jinki snaps open his umbrella and ushers Taemin closer. “We might get a bit wet, but my car isn’t too far from here, so if we run it shouldn’t be too bad.”
Jinki moves his arm behind Taemin and lets it hover there, an invitation waiting for Taemin to accept and move closer when he’s ready. The hesitation to touch him is sweet, Taemin thinks as he presses up against Jinki’s side. Entirely unnecessary, but it’s a small glimpse into Jinki’s character, which so far has been completely opposite of Jongmin. He likes it, a lot. There’s a small part of him that feels like he shouldn’t, that liking it means he’s betraying Jongmin, but he shoves those thoughts aside for now.
They stumble through the rain, walking as fast as they can pressed so close together, Jinki using the hand he placed at the small of Taemin’s back to guide him. The umbrella was large, but definitely not made for two grown men, so their legs are damp by the time they reach Jinki’s car, but at least they’d avoided being soaked. They shuffle a bit awkwardly as Jinki tries to open the passenger door to let Taemin get in without getting either of them or the inside of the car wet, but they manage.
While Taemin waits for Jinki to get in the other side, he takes in the interior of the car and thinks, mildly amused, that Jongmin would be very jealous. Jinki’s car was sleek and modern, and expensive enough to catch attention. Exactly what Jongmin would want.
“That wasn’t too bad” Jinki says as he gets in, “You didn’t get too wet, did you? Aish this thing-”.
A giggle slips out of Taemin’s mouth before he can stop it, finding the sight of Jinki struggling with the umbrella quite funny. He had somehow managed to get inside the car with it still open, and was now fighting to get it closed in the limited amount of space available, but it kept getting caught on the steering wheel.
Jinki freezes when he hears Taemin laugh and, looking at the mess he’d made during his one-sided fight, sheepishly says, “Ah… it looks like I made it rain inside too”.
Taking pity on him, Taemin helps hold the umbrella closed enough that Jinki can tie it up before he throws it into the back of the car.
Passing his phone to Taemin, he asks him to put in his address for the GPS while he gets his seatbelt on and the car started. Taemin thinks briefly that he should do what Key does whenever his dates insist on driving him home and put in the address of the convenience store on the corner instead, but only for a second. He’s already in a car with a complete stranger, which is precisely what they tell children not to do, but he’s not a child, no matter how often Kibum treats him like one, so he’s sure he’ll be fine. And it’s raining, he’s in this situation to avoid getting wet, and walking from the store to his building is a guaranteed way to get thoroughly soaked.
Taemin is instantly relieved when Jinki sees his address and says it’s not too far out of his way and will only add about fifteen minutes compared to the usual time it would have taken him to go straight home. If it was the complete opposite direction, Taemin might have just gotten out of the car and walked after all, rain be damned.
The beginning of the drive was spent in comfortable silence, but as more time passed and it became obvious that it would be a lot longer than expected thanks to some road closures due to flooding, Taemin decided to break it.
“I met Jongmin at a new year’s party.” Jinki shoots him an inscrutable look when he starts talking, and Taemin turns to talk to his reflection in the window so he doesn’t have to see his face. It’s easier that way. “I thought he was nice, and he made it very obvious he was interested in me. I hadn’t been in a relationship since college, I always prioritised work first. I love what I do, so it wasn’t like I was suffering, but it was a new year and my friend, Kibum, was always saying I should find someone to look after me so he didn’t have to all the time. He was joking, of course, but I kept thinking about what he said. I was finally at a point in my career where I felt like I could fit a relationship in as well. So, I didn’t say no when he asked for my number, and one date turned into more until he asked me to be his boyfriend.”
Taemin falls silent for a while, lost in thought, and Jinki, seeming to sense that he wasn’t done talking yet, waited patiently.
“I think that’s when it started to be obvious what he was really like.” Taemin continues quietly, barely able to be heard over the sound of the car’s engine and the rain, “I slept with him that night, and it’s like he got what he wanted, so he stopped being so nice to me. He always had something to say about what I wore, or how I acted around his friends. Every time I’d try to explain, he’d twist my words like I’d said something completely different.
“Kibum hyung hated him, they got into a huge argument the first time they were alone together. I don’t know what it was about, but Jongmin started to get angry any time I went out with Hyung after that. It was scary, so I started to spend less time with him and now-” Taemin breaks off with a shuddering breath, “now I haven’t seen Hyung in two weeks, when we used to be together almost every day. I was too afraid to call him earlier, before you came. I know Hyung would've come, I know, but I’m still scared I’ve ruined everything and he hates me now.”
Watching his reflection in the window, he sees a single tear escape his eye and roll down his cheek slowly. He blinks the rest of the water in his eyes away before more can spill and turns back to Jinki, who, seeing Taemin looking at him again, takes that as a sign that it was okay to speak now.
“I’m sure your friend won’t hate you. It can be hard to be the one to reach out first, especially when you know you are the one at fault, but I think he will understand.” he says gently. He hesitates for a second, before awkwardly asking, “When you said it was scary, did he, uh, act violently at all?”
Blinking at him, Taemin is quick to deny. “No! No, not really. He’d yell at me a lot, but he never touched me. I just don’t like arguments, or raised voices. They scare me.” He admits. “I don’t know why, I’ve just always been like this.”
“That’s good” Jinki pauses, frowning, before correcting himself, “Good that he wasn’t violent I mean, not good that he yelled at you, or that you were scared.” He pauses while he brings the car to a stop at a red light, then turns and looks into Taemin’s eyes, “It’s never okay when someone yells at you, okay? You did nothing wrong.”
Taemin stares at Jinki, feeling tears well in his eyes again. Unfortunately, despite his best efforts, he was unable to hold them back this time. He’s unsure how long he sat there with his head down, sniffling and breathing shakily into the sleeves of his jacket, trying his best to be quiet, but when he manages to lift his head again he recognises where they are, so it must have been a long time.
He remains silent as Jinki turns into his street. It’s darker than the one they were just on, with only the odd streetlight working. It’s been that way for as long as Taemin has lived here, clearly not a priority to fix. It makes the view of the full moon, visible now the rain has slowed to a drizzle, even more striking. Taemin stares at it until he feels the car slowing to a stop, too shy to look at Jinki after he just spent who knows how long crying. He expects the other man to be uncomfortable, he knows he would be if he was stuck in an enclosed space with someone who was crying (or just in the general vicinity of tears. He’s never known how to act around them), but when he finally looks, Jinki seems unbothered.
“Did you need a bit more time?” Jinki asks him softly, “I don’t mind waiting a bit longer if you need it”.
Taemin sniffs one last time and rubs at his eyes. “No, I’m okay now” he says, voice hoarse. “Thank you, again. For everything. And for paying earlier, I don’t think I thanked you for that yet… Is there any way I can pay you back?”
Belatedly, he realises that might sound like a proposition in his current situation, sitting in a car with a stranger in the middle of the night right in front of his apartment, but luckily Jinki understands.
“You don’t need to pay me back, one meal isn’t a problem.” Seeing Taemin’s frown, he hastily adds, “But if you rally wanted to pay me back, there is one thing you can do for me.”
Taemin’s mind instantly flits back to his accidental implication earlier, but he’s sure that’s not what Jinki means.
“It might be hard,” Jinki says once he realises that Taemin is waiting for him to continue, “but what I want is for you to treat yourself better.” He pauses, waiting to see how Taemin reacts.
“You want me to pay you back by… treating myself better?” he parrots back at Jinki, confused. “What do you mean?”.
Jinki moves his hand towards where Taemin’s is resting in his lap, before seeming to realise what he's doing and abruptly pulling away. He leans back in his seat, hands on his own thighs to keep them still, and looks at Taemin determinedly.
“Don’t let your boyfriend manipulate you anymore. Talk to your friend, explain what happened. Don’t blame yourself when you deserved better. That’s how you can pay me back”
Taemin bites his lip and looks at Jinki, considering. He looks serious.
“Okay” Taemin breathes, “Okay. I’ll try.” Hesitates. “And he’s not my boyfriend anymore.” he says with finality, startling a laugh out of Jinki, before he continues softly, “To be honest, and I didn’t realise it then, or even earlier today, but I think I was only with him for so long because I was lonely. I liked sleeping next to him, and having someone around all the time. I see Hyung a lot, but it’s not the same. I think I’ll miss that more than I’ll miss him”.
Jinki hums understandingly before replying, mischievously, “You know, I just thought of something else you can do to pay me back.” Not giving Taemin a chance to reply, he pulls out his phone and shoves it into his hands, grinning. “Give me your number.”
Flustered by the sudden change in mood, and after almost dropping the phone, Taemin sends a quick text to his own number.
“It’s still not the same,” Jinki says after Taemin returns his phone, “but if you ever feel lonely, now you have one more person to talk to.” He catches Taemin’s eyes again, continuing gently, “And I hope you do talk to me, I’d like that very much.”
When Taemin steps into his apartment, it’s just past midnight. He thinks to himself that, while yesterday might have been awful, today is already looking much better. And when his phone chimes with a new text message a few minutes later, he knows nothing will be able to ruin it.
From: Kibummie Hyung♥!~~
Happy Birthday my Taeminnie!!
Hyung made your favourite cake, so you better be here bright and early <3