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"Atsumu, can't ya be more like yer brother? Yer always talkin' and making everything about yourself" Atsumu's mother yelled at Atsumu.
He was only 10, he was just also sharing how he got a high mark at his test because Osamu shared his. Apparently Atsumu was already making everything about himself.
"Atsumu, yer getting fat. eat less." His mother nagged him as she gave Osamu more Onigiri with a gentle smile on her face.
"Samu, here ya go"
Atsumu at the age of 10, did not get the motherly lovd he yearned for. Some might say he died that time.
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"I can't believe that yer my fuckin' twin. Yer so stupid." Osamu said.
"Don't even come near me at school. Yer embarrassing me, ya know."
His own brother, who Atsumu cherished the most. Osamu just walked passed him as if Atsumu was not even alive. Osamu hated him.
Atsumu couldn't look at his brother in the eyes anymore. He hates getting up in the morning. His body felt heavy. He did not want to see anyone's faces.
A part of him died again but once he picked up his sharp razor and slashed his skin, he felt alive even if it was just for a second.
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"Omi-Omi~ Are ya free today?" Atsumu asked his boyfriend.
"Sorry 'tsumu, maybe tomorrow" Sakusa not even glancing at the latter.
"Ah ya must be bust, sorry~" Atsumu just smiled.
Atsumu stared at his calender, "1ST YEAR ANNIVERSARY". He forgot.
Atsumu's trail of thoughts was interrupted by Sakusa standing up, getting ready to leave.
"Yer leavin' already? Then I'll see ya later. " Atsumu smiled at his lover.
Atsumu thought that maybe Sakusa was planning a surprise for him or whatever. Sakusa can't possibly forget their own anniversary now can he?
Atsumu wanted to buy roses as a gift for their 1 year anniversary. Roses was his favorite flower and he thought it was a safe gift for Omi.
Once, he got to the flower shop. Atsumu bought the biggest bouquet of roses he could get that it covered his face.
As he went out he saw his own lover, leaving a fancy restaurant with a gorgeous lady beside him.
How did Atsumu not expect this coming? Why did he think Sakusa wouldn't get tired of him eventually? He was self-centered, idiotic and annoying. It was a given that Sakusa could never love him as much as Atsumu loved the latter.
Atsumu and Sakusa made eye contact. Atsumu smiled at him, Sakusa knew something was wrong with that smile. Sakusa did not know how to react that he immediately ran towards Atsumu but Atsumu shook his head and pointed at the lady beside him.
Sakusa felt his heart crack. Did his own boyfriend just tell him to stay with this woman? Why was Atsumu not angry? Why was Atsumu not crying? Why was Atsumu cheering him on?
Sakusa did not notice the big bouquet of roses at first but when he did, it made him think who were those for. He wanted to ask but Atsumu was already walking away and the lady beside her was asking Sakusa to lead her to his car.
Atsumu slammed his door shut as soon as he got home. He felt pathetic. He stared at the bouquet of roses and felt nauseous.
He called Osamu immediately, they're not in the best terms but they talk to each other now and then.
"What?" Osamu first said with an annoying tone in his voice
Atsumu just laughed but Osamu picked up how fake the laugh was.
"Hey?" Osamu asked this time his voice was gentle.
"Hmmm. How are ya, 'Samu?" Atsumu finally spoke.
"I'm good, but what about you? Yer scarin' me. Yer not annoying and it's weird."
"I'm just..... tired" Atsumu replied
"Do ya need somethin'?"
"Can ya get me roses?" Atsumu asked
"What?"
"Roses. They're my favorite flowers, ya see" Atsumu said with a laugh at the end.
"I don't care if they're yer favorite. Can't ya get them yourself?" Osamu was now annoyed
"Just bring them to me, once we can see each other again." Atsumu was now pleading.
"Okay, I will then" and then the call ended and the silence scared Atsumu.
He felt dead again for the third time.
He was Drained. Alone. Lonely. Scared.
He stared at the bathroom door. He really shouldn't do it. He shouldn't. He shouldn't. But he did. He did it.
Atsumu was on the bathroom floor, blood on his shirt. His wrist, thighs and stomach was filled with beautiful lines if Atsumu were to describe them.
He just stared at the ceiling and let the blood flow. Atsumu was numb. He was not crying, when he should be. He did not feel angry nor betrayed that his lover just cheated on him. Atsumu did not feel anything. He was dead the day he was born. He was breathing but he did not feel alive.
He let his own sorrows eat him alive. He had died four times.