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“Kuroo-kun is going to miss the beginning of practice today,” Nekomata said to the third years, “So, you two are in charge today. Why don’t you lead warmups once everyone is changed?”
“Yessir,” Kai said.
Kenma breathed out a sigh in advance. He knew exactly what was coming that afternoon. Kuroo had spent the day coming out to everyone as non-binary, and Kenma knew precisely what the fallout of that was going to be and wanted absolutely nothing to do with it.
By the time the team was a few minutes into their run and they’d all splintered off from Kenma, there had yet to be a chaotic shitshow. He knew it was coming; it was just a matter of when.
Normally, he would have ran as fast as he could but this time he slowed his pace. For starters, he always tried harder when Kuroo was there. Not because he wanted to impress his friend, but simply because he didn’t want to put Kuroo in an awkward position by having to ask Kenma to try harder. This time in particular, he was also taking a slower pace to attempt to avoid the incoming fiasco.
By the time Kenma finished his lap, out of breath regardless of the lax speed, the fight had already broken out. Luckily he was within earshot of the beginning, so he knew it was coming. It only caused him to slow down from his already leisurely pace.
“Where’s Kuroo-san?” Shibayama asked, “She wasn’t with us for the run.”
“He’s a man!” Lev interrupted.
“He’s non-binary, so his pronouns are they/them,” Tora corrected, “Don’t be a fucking transphobe bro. Not cool.”
“Pronouns don’t equal gender. He can use he/him and still be non-binary,” Kai said, politely, “Coach said he was sending him to recruit at the middle school down the block.”
“Uh, what are you talking about?” Yaku asked, “Xe just told me to use xe/xem.”
“Sorry, Yaku-san. I think you got confused,” Fukunaga said, apologetically, “It was with a ‘Z’ when ze told us. ze/zir.”
“Fuck,” Yaku said, “When’s Kenma finishing his run? He’d know.”
Kenma accidentally made eye contact with him as he rounded the corner, a fact he sorely regretted.
“Kenma, can you please tell us Kuroo’s pronouns?” Kai asked.
Kenma paused for a second, debating his next move. Much to their surprise he went with spite.
“Kuro does so much for you guys and this is how you act?” he said, crossing his arms across his chest, “The disrespect is unbelievable, you guys. It’s been a single day and you can’t even get your shit together for your captain.”
He started to walk away.
“Can you please tell us so we can know?” Yaku asked, “That’s the only way we can fix it.”
“No. I don’t even want to look at you guys right now,” Kenma said, still facing away, “I’m fucking out of here and you better not tell Coach or we’re going to have a bigger problem.”
Kenma stomped off, leaving the rest of them to stand around, staring at each other, cluelessly.
“He didn’t use a pronoun for Kuroo at all there,” Kai said, slowly thinking back through his words.
“Well, let’s go inside, I guess,” Yaku said, “We can work in the weight room and talk about this more.”
“Yo!” Tora exclaimed, dropping the bar to the ground, “I just PR’d. Where’s the book?”
Everyone paused to look at each other.
“Kuroo-san is usually the one who has it,” Shibayama pointed out.
“Where’d them put it?” Tora asked, “I don’t think I’m gonna be able to press that again.”
“He,” Kai corrected as pointedly as he ever got.
“I don’t know where ze keeps it, either,” Fukunaga said, “But I’ll check the volleyball locker. Does anyone have the key?”
“No,” Yaku said, “Xe has that too.”
“Of course Kuroo does,” Lev said, awkwardly.
“Alright, that’s it,” Yaku said, throwing his hands up in defeat, “We’re starting stretches early and having a talk. Got it? Go grab your mats.”
Everyone dejectedly listened, grabbing yoga mats and forming them into a circle as always. Normally Kuroo sat inside of it, leading stretches, so it took the other two third years a second to remember they were supposed to be doing it in his absence.
“Fuck. What’s first?” Yaku asked, looking at Kai.
“Deltoid,” he supplied.
“Already everyone, count,” Yaku continued.
They all sat silently for a minute. Nobody had led the odd numbers. Yaku had to appreciate just how much that asshole captain did to lead the team.
“Okay, you know what?” Yaku said, “Fuck stretching. We have more important things to figure out. Was anyone else with Fukunaga and I when Kuroo came out?”
They all shook their heads.
“Okay, so, Kuroo told us to use xe/xem pronouns.”
“Senpai,” Fukunaga said, “I asked zir afterwards how to pronounce it and ze said with a ‘Z.’”
“Alright,” Yaku said, “I must have misheard. Did ze tell you all that too?”
“Uh, no,” Kai said, “He explained that people can use the pronouns they were assigned at birth and be non-binary, but now that we’re talking about it, maybe that was just a general statement and not what he, ze, wanted us to use.”
“Maybe I did the same thing, but I’ve never heard of the pronouns you’re using, so I don’t think so,” Shibayama said, “She said that she knew she was non-binary because of her feminine side and to use she/her pronouns.”
“Okay,” Yaku said, “Tora?”
“They said to use they/them because non-binary means neither gender, and to think of it like there are two Kuroo’s because the grammar is confusing,” Tora said.
“Are you sure you didn’t just get confused because ze had to explain what being non-binary meant?” Yaku asked.
“Well, now that you say it like that. Maybe? I don’t really remember. I was too busy trying to pick up babes.”
Yaku pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, “Lev?”
“Kuroo-san didn’t come out to me.”
“Oh, great.”
Kuroo wasn’t even vaguelu surprised that Coach asked him to come back to his office the second he got back onto the high school’s property.
“Am I in trouble?” Kuroo asked.
“Yes,” Nekomata said, unlocking and then opening his door, “And so is-“
They both looked at Kenma, who was sitting on Nekomata’s chair with his feet up on the desk. He was also sucking on a lollipop.
“What did you do?” Kuroo asked.
“I caught him skipping practice,” Nekomata said, “Now, get up-“
“But, Coach, they were misgendering their captain!“ Kenma argued, “That’s not in the spirit of team bonding.”
“I’m aware of the situation that the two of you-“
“You’re enabling transphobia,” Kenma said, holding his ground.
“And you’re enabling my nerves,” Nekomata told him, “Get off of my chair.”
Kenma rolled his eyes, but got off of the chair. Kuroo had yet to figured out what the relationship between Kenma and his coach actually consisted of. Kenma got away with a lot of stuff he himself didn’t.
“Coach, if I may?” Kuroo started, walking into the room.
“You may not,” Nekomata said, moving around Kenma to sit as his desk, “Coming out as non-binary and telling everyone on the team different pronouns to use for you, while a delightful prank, has caused the team to crash and burn at a rapid pace, and you, Kenma, using the chaos to get out of practice isn’t a particularly lofty protest after all, is it now?”
The two of them looked at each other and snorted, unable to hide it. Kenma was the one who actually came up with the joke, but he said he didn’t want to be involved, so Kuroo was glad he ended up getting out of it more or less.
“Well, I am sorry that there was more collateral damage than intended,” Kuroo said, “If that matters.”
Nekomata sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Personally, I thought this was hilarious,” he said, “But you’re not out of trouble, so we’re going to go tell your team what you guys did and they’ll determine your punishments.”
“Oh, fuck,” Kenma said, “Anything but that.”
“Okay, the team’s punishment plus one lap for language,” Nekomata amended.
Kenma had to bite the lollipop in order to not swear again. He’d already ran that day. He didn’t want more laps.
“Yes, sir,” Kuroo said.
“Yes, sir,” Kenma said as well, nodding, getting the feeling that resistance wasn’t going to get him anywhere.
They followed him out of his office to go meet their executioners.
“Coach,” Kuroo said, “I think letting the team pick is actually kinda bullshit.”
“That’s a lap,” he responded.
Kuroo sent Kenma a wink.
“Everyone, gather around,” Nekomata said, bringing the other two with him, tails between their legs, “These two have caused you all some grief today, so they’re going to tell you what they did and then you guys can determine a punishment for them while they go run the lap I gave them.”
There was silence and some nodding.
“So, Kuroo-kun, you go first,” Nekomata prompted.
Kuroo cleared his throat.
“As it turns out, I may have possibly intentionally told you all different pronouns to use for me because I thought it’d be funny,” Kuroo said, “Just to set the record straight, I use any pronouns, so you know, whatever you’ve been using is fine.”
“Are you actually serious right now?” Yaku asked, “Is the death penalty on the table?”
Kenma snorted.
“Your turn,” Nekomata prompted and Kenma let out a sigh.
“I knew he was doing it so I used the chaos as an excuse to skip practice,” Kenma admitted, “He caught me, though.”
“Excellent,” Nekomata said with a clap, “These two are going to go for a refreshing jog in the rain. The rest of you may deliberate how you want to punish them. Note, there will be no retaliation of any kind allowed.”
“Was skipping practice worth it?” Kuroo asked, pushing his sopping hair back. He was keeping pace with Kenma, so his punishment lap was hardly a punishment at all.
“Depends on what the team is gonna come up with,” Kenma replied with a laugh, “Yaku seems pissed.”
“I can’t imagine putting a group of teenage boys in charge of disciplining their peers is a great idea.”
“They were about to kill each other over misgendering you,” Kenma told him, “I just thought you should know.”
Kuroo smiled, the rain dripping from his nose.
“Any last words?” Kenma asked, finishing toweling off his hair.
“Just hope they don’t send us right back outside,” Kuroo said with a laugh.
They put their volleyball shoes back on and walked out onto the court, ready to pay for their sins. Their team was waiting for them, joking around and laughing with their coach. It appeared the decisions had been made.
“Hey guys,” Kuroo said. Kenma walked behind him and waved his hello.
Nekomata nodded at Kai.
“So, we’ve determined your punishments based on the severity of your infractions,” Kai said, “Kuroo, you’re buying us all mochi after practice. Kenma, you’re giving us all a hug before we leave.”
“Are you fucking serious?” Kenma mumbled.
“Why don’t you hug us all now and then take another lap for language?” Coach Nekomata asked, “Then Captain can buy you your ice cream.”
Kenma looked like he was going to cry. Kuroo, on the other hand, was asking everyone where they wanted to go get their mochi from.
“Cruel and unusual punishment,” Kenma grumbled with a sigh.