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Maybe if Sothis were here, there would be a true answer for Byleth; if she were truly cutting her own path, or just following someone else’s and making herself believe it was her own.
But Sothis wasn't here any longer, and would it truly be Byleth’s own choice if she merely asked Sothis for an answer?
She was getting distracted. Amidst the chaos of Edelgard’s attack against Garreg Mach, she was supposed to be one of the driving forces. After all, she was sure Seteth, Catherine, Hanneman, Manuela, and even Cyril and Flayn no doubt laid ahead to face her and the former students, all of them allied with the Church of Seiros.
Yet, the unfamiliar uncertainty twisting Byleth’s chest was making her hesitate. Edelgard had forewarned her of the battle against her former coworkers and students. Everything that had happened within these last few months… losing her own father, the betrayal of Tomas, fusing with Sothis and losing her as well, finding out that Edelgard had been planning a rebellion and attending her own ascension to the throne as the new Adrestian Emperor… it had all been so much to handle, but everyone had just urged Byleth to push forward, to continue on without another moment to waste. Now, she was turning on Rhea and the Church, perhaps against Sothis herself, if Byleth thought too deep about it, and… all of her former students. Former friends. Against everyone who had not wished to join the Black Eagles, against Dimitri and… against Claude.
The Sword of the Creator weighed heavy in her hands as she advanced through the town with her class. Her eyes remained downcast, the sounds of war raging on from on high in the distance. Garreg Mach stood tall and proud against the mountain; once her home, now made her enemy.
And yet, could anyone say that they— that she — was in the wrong?
After everything that the Church had put them through, all the experiments that Edelgard and her family endured, and whatever Rhea had done to Byleth as a child that resulted in her muted, emotionless state and the loss of her own mother… The corrupt system of power and the hierarchy of Crests and bloodlines so dearly favored that children remained neglected and used as a means for money and power. All of it was wrong, and Byleth believed that Edelgard was in the right to begin shaping the world in a new way— but was it the right way?
The screeches of Wyverns roared above her, the cries of the horses and pegasus riders ringing out along with them. The clash of iron and steel, the bursts of magic, smoke and lightning rising up from the battle they approached swiftly. Was Byleth ready to face the Knights of Seiros? All the faces she had formerly called friends, now turned foe, as they sought her blood and the death of anyone rising against them.
Rhea had turned so cruel and cold the instant Byleth had taken her stance at Edelgard’s side. Her heart clenched at such a drastic switch being flipped. Never had she taken Rhea to be so.. Monstrous, but quite literally, as the Immaculate One, Rhea gripped her reigns of control and power tightly. The heart in Byleth’s chest that was not her own, the one Rhea had promised to rip out herself, still did not beat in the face of her own emotions; the possibility of her own death.
“My teacher,” Edelgard’s voice slipped through the haze of her mind and she glanced up, “We’re nearing the gates and we are all prepared to face resistance from the knights.” Byleth nodded to her, and her eyes turned towards the entrance to the Monastery. Edelgard gave her a long look for a moment, and smiled fondly before she spoke again, "I'm thankful to have you by my side, my teacher."
Byleth gazed at her for a long moment, eyes roaming her stance and the look in her eyes. Truly, Edelgard had grown so much since they first met. Byleth was happy to have been a part of her journey, and now, she had promised see Edelgard's hopes and dreams through to the end, right by her side.
This was it. Edelgard stepped up, Hubert right beside her, as her voice rang out over her soldiers, all prepared to die for her and her cause; to see her dreams to fruition. Byleth stood among them, and wondered where her place was. If it was right here among them, beside Edelgard like she'd vowed, or if perhaps she had chosen wrong, and Sothis was berating her at this very moment. Her fingers tightened around the hilt of the Sword of the Creator. No, Sothis had always encouraged her to carve her own path from the beginning. She had given all she had to Byleth; her trust and her faith was always there with her. "Whatever lies ahead, promise me you'll cut a path that is your own."
The gates were forced open, and Byleth leaped forth into the fray without another moment to think. She would show them the Ashen Demon, and fight for what she believed in.
“Claude, please wait! You can’t go out there, we need to return to the Alliance— Hey! Are you even listening to me right now?!”
Hilda’s shrill tone could not deter him as Claude rushed through the halls of the Monastery, past all of the nuns and soldiers racing into positions. The wounded were being hurried to where the priests and bishops could attend to them, but Claude could care less about anyone within the walls of Garreg Mach; the only one he wanted to see was fighting just outside against each and every one of them.
“Forgive me, Hilda,” Claude huffed, quite honestly amazed at how she was keeping up with him, “With all due respect, I’m gonna go ahead and tune you out. This is something I’ve just gotta see for myself.”
“But Claude,” Hilda’s breath turned whiny, clearly exhausted from running, “We all know she’s out there with them.” She muttered, distressed, “Who knows what kind of thoughts Edelgard’s been filling her head with.”
“Teach would never commit to something this serious unless it was what she truly believed in. She’s just not like that.” He reasoned, ignoring the shouts around him and the roaring cries of Wyverns and pegasus knights in the air. Damn, if only he’d thought about a Wyvern beforehand…
“Claude! You’re not this stupid, I know you— Right now, everyone who supports the Church is the Professors’ enemy. So who's to say she won’t cut you down as soon as she sees you? If you don’t get taken out by some Imperial soldier on the way!?” Ah of course, Hilda’s endearing way of showing she cared; insults. To be fair, Claude couldn’t blame her. This mess completely took them by surprise, so of course she was scared. Claude also wouldn't say that he supports the Church, per say, but that was for a later time.
“I know her,” Claude finally spared a glance back at Hilda, eyes hard, “Teach wouldn’t hurt me— not any of us.” At least.. Not now. Claude focused back on the entrance to Garreg Mach. Blood stained the stone, from the injured coming in and more soldiers seemed to pour out to meet the strike force of the Imperial army. He had to give credit where it was due; Edelgard had certainly given this years of consideration and careful planning, all while keeping it under wraps. It was a perfect trait fitting for the new Emperor.
So he had to know; Why would Teach be following her, after all that had happened?
This couldn’t just be the end of it. Claude had left so many things unspoken, things that he needed to tell her. His own dreams, just out of reach, now seemingly rapidly declining in their success rate… No, he would not just leave this wound to fester.
Byleth’s cold eyes roamed the bodies on the ground, left in the wake of the Black Eagle Strike Force. Her sword glowed red, illuminating her in an ominous hue as the blood dripped slowly from its blade. The very gift that Rhea gave to her, something unnerving behind that smile and those eyes as Rhea placed all of her trust and faith in Byleth, it made her almost not wish to use it, but the power it possessed would no doubt help their cause. As unfortunate as the casualties were, if those numbers on her own side were kept to a minimum, it would surely be for the best.
Another group charged her, with one mage remaining behind as they summoned a swirling yellow spell. Byleth’s stone face gave nothing away as she held tight to her weapon and met every strike swiftly. Even the armored soldiers stood no chance as she cut them down, and raised her arm with her own luminous red spell to counter the mage. Momentarily stunned, she rushed forward and closed the gap, making quick work of the poor soldier and flicking her blade free of the blood.
She remained still amidst the raging battle, and wondered, would her father be proud of where she stood now? He had expressed his dislike for the Church and for Lady Rhea… and he was even killed because of their ignorance, the rat that they welcomed into their ranks… Her jaw clenched and she gripped her sword tighter. Her father would never have been disappointed in her. He loved her, as much as she loved him.
Footsteps approached her rapidly, and she snapped her head up, knees bending as she raised her sword for battle once more. Her eyes sought the source, and a chill gusted down her spine at the sight.
“Teach.” Claude murmured, emerald irises fixated on her as she met his gaze. A small gasp fell past her lips as he stood, a bow in his hand and only a few arrows in his quiver. Clearly, he had no intention to fight, but had managed to make it this far into the battle unscathed.
Why?
“Claude,” She breathed, lowering her sword, “What are you doing here?”
“No, Teach,” Clade stepped out from the cover the few trees provided, “I want to ask you what you’re doing here.”
Her eyes fell downcast, the glow from the Sword of the Creator fading out. Claude was not her enemy right now. She never wanted to believe he’d be her enemy.
“I’m fighting, Claude.” She said softly.
“I can see that,” His eyes glanced around, wary of any who might attack him. Byleth knew Edelgard was expecting her at the front; there was no doubt Rhea was preparing as much as she could to face. “But why? What for?”
She frowned slightly, “Edelgard wants to expose the Church for all of its wrongs, and she wants to topple the corrupt Crest system. She wants to create a new, unified Fódlan.”
Claude sighed, dragging a hand through his hair as he shook his head. “Yes, of course that’s what she wants, but what do you want, Teach? Is this what you believe in? What do you want to fight for?” He urged, pushing for something deeper. His heart was hammering in his chest.
“I support Edelgard,” She told him, the breeze blowing through her pale green locks, “Of course I want to fight for this. Do you know what the Church has done to her? To the people?” She thinks of her father’s soft expression when she was shown her mothers’ grave. “Do you know what they did to me?”
She doesn’t know why but she feels as though she’s about to cry all over again.
Claude gazes at her, something unreadable glimmering in his eyes. His face twists, and Byleth has never been good at reading others.
“Teach,” His voice is soft, but even the battle doesn’t overshadow him. “I can’t even begin to fathom what could’ve happened to you, but I do know it’s most likely connected to Rhea and your own lack of emotion, not to mention the recent change you underwent.” At her slow nod, he sighed. He remained silent for a few moments, before he spoke again, “I can understand your reasons, but I ask— no, I challenge you to look inside yourself and say, ‘is this what I want?’”
Byleth’s tongue was heavy cotton in her mouth. She felt as though the only thing grounding her was the heavy weight of her sword in her palm.
“Yes.” She answered firmly.
“Why?” Claude shot back. He took a step forward, and another, voice filled with his drive. “Why, Teach, would you then not take it upon yourself? Why not take Fódlan in your own hands, and unify it with your own beliefs?”
“I am —” Byleth began, but Claude cut her off once more.
“Are you really, Teach?” He was approaching her ever slowly, his conviction ringing out in his tone, striking her to her core.
Claude… after all, he’d always been there. Curious and friendly, but never letting his guard down. Kind to her, and those around him, but always hiding something just beneath the surface. She enjoyed teatime and meals with him, small training sessions, and lessons he attended when he could, learning about each other and growing closer all the same. All of the time they shared together, and Byleth wondered why she had not chosen the Golden Deer in the first place; after all, she’d become so infatuated with Claude, and yet here she was, following her student in the pursuit of her dreams.
She was following, wasn't she? Or was she still leading them as she did when she was their professor? Choosing the Black Eagles back then had been… easy, perhaps. Because she had already connected to Edelgard, saving her life and bringing Sothis forth from deep within where she had been slumbering. If not for Edelgard, would Byleth have been standing here, right now? Or would she have thrown her life away for a noble she had never known?
Her mind thought back to the crimson flowers her class of Black Eagles had bought her on her birthday; the charming arm band they gifted her with. If those flowers had been from the Golden Deer instead, would they have shone a brilliant, warm gold?
She thought now, of all the mock battles that would now become real and true, the talk of old wars that split Fódlan into three, now a new one instigated in order to bring back unification. She thought of all the secrets untold by Lady Rhea and the Church, the blind faith that some had in the Archbishop, and the rebellions quelled by her hand. She thought of Ashe’s desperation when he’d heard his adoptive father, who’d raised such a kind and giving young man, was to be put to death. She thought of Sylvain and Miklan, two brothers whose lives were wronged solely based on one’s Crest, and the others’ lack of one. She thought of Lysithea, Marianne, Bernadetta, Ingrid, Felix, Dorothea, Raphael, Edelgard, all of the students whose lives had been altered all because of a Crest in their blood, or the fact that they had none at all.
The complexity was making her head spin. She missed Sothis so dearly, and she felt as though Claude, too, was slipping ever slowly away from her. Her eyes shut tightly and she clenched her fingers in a white knuckled grip around the hilt of her sword.
“I wish…” I wish I had chosen differently. I wish I had been able to save my father. I wish I could’ve met my mother. I wish I didn’t have to fight so much anymore. I wish things could be different. I wish I could go back. I wish I hadn't ever been corrupted by Rhea. I wish I didn’t have this crest, this power. I wish.. I wish.. Her eyes rose, glistening with unshed tears. “I wish I had chosen the Golden Deer.”
How far would Divine Pulse take her back, if she so wished it?
Suddenly, she was being swept into one of the tightest embraces she’d ever felt. Claude’s bow clattered to the stone, discarded, as he pressed one hand to the back of her head, the other tight around her back, keeping her close. In his chest, his heart beat so beautifully Byleth could hear no other sound. I wish my heart would beat as well, that it would beat with yours.
“Byleth,” He whispered, voice thick with emotion. “You have always done things your way. I have seen you struggle and thrive, even under the most crushing pressure. I would follow you anywhere, my friend, and I truly, deeply believe in you, and I care about you just as much.” Shakily, her hand rose up to clutch at his clothes, the other unrelenting in its hold on the Sword of the Creator.
“I only ask that you stay true to yourself. I would gladly stay by your side if you wanted to unite Fódlan under your beliefs. Your ideals. Not Edelgards’, not Rhea’s, not anyone else’s. Only yours, my friend.”
His words echoed deep within her chest, resonating through her mind, and a hot tear slipped down her cheek. Is this what Sothis had meant, so long ago? To follow her own ideals and her heart, her raw emotions that she had begun to learn how to show…
Was she making the right decision?
Surely, if she continued on this path, she would make enemies of those she cared for dearly. Claude… he would become her enemy. Byleth wasn't sure she could live with herself if she ever had to face him in battle.
Her dream of unity, against Edelgard’s.. Had she not already come too far to turn back?
Claude held her like he’d never see her again, and Byleth’s heart ached.
“I, too, wish for unity. I wish for Fódlan and Almyra, my homeland, to be together as one and to allow each citizen a life free of judgment and prejudice. It is my dream to see that come true for all people across this continent and the next. So, my friend, I ask you, what do you choose?”
What do I choose.. For myself?
Byleth did not regret choosing the Black Eagles. She did not regret saving Edelgard’s life, nor did she regret meeting her closest friends here. She did not regret choosing Edelgard’s side, and she did not regret much at all in her life.
Did she regret falling in love with Claude, when it was clear they were not destined for one another in this life?
No. The truth was that she could never regret her feelings for someone like him. Yet, only love could hurt like this.
“I’m sorry.” Byleth whispered to him, “But I can’t just let the Church continue to turn a blind eye to their atrocities. They must be held accountable.” Claude’s breath seemed to catch, but he didn’t release her just yet. Byleth wanted answers, and she wanted justice for all those who were wronged by the Church of Seiros and the system.
“I don’t disagree with you,” He murmured, “But.. I wish.. That perhaps it didn’t have to be this way.” Such sadness in his voice, Byleth had only heard once before, after her father had passed.
“I’m sorry, Claude.” She breathed.
“I’m sorry too, my friend.” He whispered back, and when she tilted her head back to glimpse his face, he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers.
This kiss was warm, but held so much hurt… pain and sorrow settling deep in their hearts as their choices pulled them away from one another.
It was delicate and everything Byleth had ever daydreamed about, and it ended far too quickly.
“No matter what,” Claude began softly, pressing his forehead against hers, “I have no regrets in meeting you, friend.” Her eyes remained closed. She feared that if she had to meet his tormented gaze, she wouldn’t be able to stop her tears. His voice was laced with a tightness, but genuine care for her still.
“Claude, I love you.” She uttered her confession only for him to hear.
“And I love you, my beloved.” He smiled softly, though sorrow etched its way onto his expression, and he left one last kiss on her forehead before he pulled away. Her heart felt like stone in her chest, more than it ever had, and her palm rested over her chest as Claude slipped away from her, in every sense of the word.
Perhaps one day, perhaps in another life, even, they could share the same sky, the same sun and the same moon, together in a unified land. They could be happy together, full of endless love for one another, as dreams came true and wishes were fulfilled. Byleth could only hope, but here and now, in this life, she would have to accept that it wasn't possible. That their fates, their destinies, were not intertwined.
As Byleth turned away, focusing on the battle at hand, the sight of Edelgard ahead of her, fighting for the world she wished to create, that perhaps one day there would be no more bloodshed. Perhaps one day, these crimson flowers could bloom gold.