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On especially cold nights, Nico found it impossible to fall asleep. She could try everything to get warm and still be unable to keep herself from shivering. She would build a nest out of blankets and pillows, cozy up in front of the fireplace, and still be too cold. It was impossible.
She wasn't the only one either. Some of the people she had confided in with this had also experienced trouble with it. Nico had found a guilty comfort in that she wasn't alone. Rosetta, Neige, and Eileen had all told her they also struggled with cold winter nights.
Nico and Jester once comforted each other with the idea that sleeping would come easier after so many freezing nights spent in snowbanks. That illusion had shattered during her first winter back home. She'd realized that, on the coldest nights, her body believed it was still in an active combat zone. Her only comfort then had been that Jester wasn't around to experience that let-down.
Even tough, old Godwin, once a professional mercenary, found that razor-sharp instincts forged in an Imperial winter were not so easily forgotten.
So Nico sat on a chair by her apartment window, blankets untouched and on the bed in the next room. She watched the soft flurry of snow outside as it settled onto white-capped rooftops across the street. A couple passed by, helped along by a street lamp's warm, amber glow. Nico watched them as they hurried along, hiding beneath thick winter coats and an umbrella. They left a messy depression in the snow in their wake.
Her eyes followed them until they turned a corner. Her gaze drifted back to the amber street light, which drew power from new synthetic energy that eliminated the trademark blue glow of traditional ragnite-powered things.
She could see the individual snowflakes as their long journey ended. It was a serene sight. Gentle and calming enough to make her yawn, even as sleepiness remained out of reach. A smile pulled at her lips. It took a quiet night to remind her that snow wasn't always so bad. She had to know that. The alternative was unpleasant.
Nico's eyes settled into the depressions in the snow left behind by the couple. They reminded her of the makeshift trenches she'd dug into the snow a hundred times. Snow that was always somehow flecked with red.
Nico's breaths came in short, painful bouts. The cold had long since numbed her throat and nose, but she could still feel the sharp sting of it in her lungs. A clamor of cracks and whistles assaulted her ears. A bullet whizzed past her head as she struggled to keep a grip on her rifle. The fabric she'd wrapped around her hands to keep them warm had become a hindrance. Even so, she didn't dare take even a moment to lose them. A deafening explosion rippled through the air. The snow to her right erupted into a wave that crashed into her and knocked her to the ground.
Darkness engulfed Nico. An excruciating pain pulsed through her as she tried to catch her bearings. A freezing, suffocating mass pressed her down into the ice below the snowline.
'You have to get up,' she thought. But her mind was starting to fog. 'You have to keep moving,' she wanted to scream, but her lungs struggled to find any air to inhale.
'Never stop moving. To stop moving means death.'
But it was so quiet now. And dark. Nico could hear muted rumbling, explosions that sounded miles and miles away from her. And she was so tired…
Something moved against her, and she felt a pair of hands grab onto her. A moment later, the hands tore her from her dark acceptance by her uniform collar. She gasped and cringed at the sudden brightness. Her lungs filled with air again, a thousand shards of glass screaming in her chest. After a moment, she found who had grabbed her. It was Norid.
The sudden return of light and air had shocked her back to alertness. Norid wasn't supposed to be here.
"What are you doing here?" She shouted.
Norid helped her along until she could move on her own in only knee-high snow. He started moving forward, Nico following close behind. One of her hand wraps had disappeared, a small mercy in the moment.
"Lines broke," Norid managed to gasp out. Nico didn't bother to nod as they both forged ahead.
The run through the mountain pass was long and taxing. Enemy machine-gun fire was a constant threat, staining white snow a sickening red in places where bullets found their mark. Artillery fire punctuated the enemy's efforts, rounds pitching snow into a mist-like haze. Nico found herself buried, again and again, each time someone else pulled her out of the icy claws of death.
As she coughed up ice chunks from her latest fall, she felt strong hands yank her hard from behind and into cover behind some boulders. Machine gun fire rang out nearby, screaming fire into her soul and cracking off the rocks.
"God damn it," Godwin muttered beside her, "Does anyone have a bead on the machine-gun crew? She heard Emmy shout something in response from the other side of Godwin, grounding Nico in reality again. It must have been him who pulled her into cover. A half dozen other soldiers failed to find cover in time and fell into the snow. She looked away from the corpses and tried not to think about who they'd been.
"Claude, we're pinned down back about 17 meters from you. Heavy machine-gun fire," Godwin spoke into a radio transmitter, his voice a measured calm.
A garbled reply came back that Nico couldn't make out over the sound of bullets ricocheting off the rocks near her head. Nico turned around to look across the open space to another area of cover where other members of the squad were waiting. Nobody remained out in the open, but the enemy continued to spray their hiding places with fire. Nico flinched away as rock ships hit her in the face. She had begun to whisper a prayer when the unmistakable whine of an incoming mortar round caught her attention. A shiver of anguish replaced the comfort of prayer as the rounded struck a rock nearby. The explosion was close enough that she felt the heat from it. She cringed as the concussive force of the blast demanded her full attention.
Blinded and deafened, Nico desperately grasped for Godwin with her left hand while her right gripped her rifle so tightly that it hurt. She found him, or what she hoped was him, and grabbed his uniform. He grabbed her hand in his and held on tight. She latched on and squeezed it back.
Godwin held her close as the snow cleared, and her hearing returned. The hazy mist thrown up by the mortar cleared enough for her to watch Emmy leave her place next to Godwin and make a break from cover.
Someone else must have noticed because there was a volley of fire from their side as Emmy ran. She reached another rock in time to avoid enemy fire. When fire resumed from their side, Emmy moved again. She repeated the process twice. Three times. Then she reached for a grenade from her belt and tossed it from behind cover toward the enemy line. An explosion followed by screams confirmed she'd hit something.
When she left cover to return to the line, shots rang out. Emmy took three and dropped into the snow. Moments later, a mortar round whistled and struck near where she'd fallen, launching snow up and burying her. Emmy did not get back up. Nico wanted to scream out, but her throat was so tight she doubted she could manage even a squeak. She steeled herself, fighting the panic rising within her. They had to get moving.
Something hissed and then popped against the rock cover. Suddenly, their cover was gone, and Nico was hurled from where she'd been rallying. She hit the ground face first and sank again into the snow. She lay there, ear ringing and half-conscious, and prayed that Godwin was okay.
She felt hands grab her by the shoulders, then reach under her arms, dragging her out. A tank engine growled against the high-pitched whine in her ears. Her first thought was that the enemy had found a way to get their tanks through the traps and obstacles they'd left to stop them. But when she was turned around, she saw Karen's face. And behind her was the beacon of light that was the Hafen.
"Hey, stay with me, Nico. Come on," Karen kneeled beside Nico and urged her to get an arm around her shoulder. Nico, head pounding and dazed, felt herself grip Karen's uniform so that she wouldn't slip off as they moved, "That's it, hold tight."
Nico let Karen lead them to the Hafen. Someone reached down and pulled Nico up onto the side of the tank. Nico turned to them and was met with Fleuret's face, smiling at Nico with apparent effort.
Nico shivered again, suddenly aware of how cold she was. Fleuret was still there, hugging her close to her chest as the Hafen rumbled along. Nico could hear Rags barking and knew that Karen would be going back out to rescue others. Nico began to pray for her. And for Rags. After some time, Fleuret's hushed voice joined in Nico's labored whispers.
The Hafen moved up and away from the front line. A couple of men from the battalion helped Nico down from the tank. Her legs gave out after a few steps, so one of them picked her up and settled her down on some canvas laid out on top of the snow. The Hafen's engines receded; Claude was returning to help rescue others.
Somebody said something to her that she didn't register. And it must not have been too urgent because they left her alone. The men who'd helped her disappeared. Even Fleuret, who had stayed close by, had vanished in the chaos of the triage area. And where was Godwin?
Lost and exhausted, Nico did the only thing she could do right then. She brought her hands, dripping with blood, together and began to pray.
Something crashed into the window, startling Nico back to the present. A confused-looking snowy owl stared at her, wide-eyed, and ruffled its feathers in an attempt to regain some dignity. It gathered itself before opening its wings and taking flight, disappearing into the night.
Nico was shivering violently, and her face was freezing. Sucking in a labored, quivering breath, Nico reached a hand up to dry her wet face. After a few more calming breaths, she managed to lower her pounding heart rate. She took a moment to consider the owl. There was little doubt in her mind that God had sent it. She whispered her thanks as the full force of the memory she'd just relived settled over her.
That had been a tough day. But it hadn't been the worst.
Nico sniffed and mopped at her face with her sleeve. Her shaking began to subside, but a headache was settling in to take its place. She had headache medicine in the bathroom cabinet, but she was afraid that her legs wouldn't hold her if she tried to get up. Nico kept her gaze firmly inside the apartment while considering how to proceed.
She was still summoning the energy to try when there was a soft knocking at her door. Nico frowned but finally managed to stand up on unsteady legs and cross to the door. She peeked through the door viewer and smiled when she saw who was standing in the hall. Nico took a step back and paused to wipe her face again and compose herself. She opened the door.
"Hello, Godwin," She said and moved aside to grab a shawl from the coat rack and place it around her shoulders. It came more from habit than a means of modesty; She was wearing unflattering, warm pajamas, after all. Still, the shawl lent something to her sense of decency.
"Hey, kid," Godwin said, eyes lingering on hers when she turned back to look at him. If he noticed any indication that she'd been crying, and Nico knew it must be obvious, he didn't say. He only raised an eyebrow at her after a few seconds.
"Gonna invite me in?"
Nico furrowed her eyebrows at him and rolled her eyes, "Sure, yeah. Come in, please."
Godwin grinned, and only then did he cross the threshold into the apartment. Nico closed the door behind him as he shed his thick winter coat and hung it on the coat rack. He kept his other layers on; A thick, dark gray turtleneck and pants that reminded Nico of their battle uniform, but a solid color black.
"When are you going to stop asking me to invite you inside? You're more than welcome here any time, Godwin," She said.
"At least one more time," Godwin said, removing his boots and setting them beside the coat rack, "I'm just a humble merc, kid. Don't got much brains."
Nico rolled her eyes and pulled the shawl closer as she shivered again. Godwin and Rosetta both did that. They always insisted on getting her permission every single time. Nico watched Godwin cross to the small table she used for a dining table and set down a small package he'd been carrying. She hadn't noticed it before.
"What's that?" She asked.
"Early Christmas gift. It's a cold night, so I knew you'd be up. Figured I could give it to ya now," Godwin shrugged. Nico smiled, feeling some warmth return to her.
"I don't have anything for you yet," She said, joining him by the table.
"Godwin waved it away and slid the box toward her. Nico gave him a subdued look but picked up the package. It was heavier than she was expecting. Nico picked at the wrapping and found a lovely polished redwood box beneath. She noticed the hives on one side and opened it.
She set the box down and picked up the pile of photos that were inside. She flipped through some on the top, recognizing familiar faces and sights. Nico felt her lips curve into a wide smile.
There was a picture of Riley, covered in soot and grease, as she worked on a new upgrade for the other grenadiers.
And another of Jester, mid-laugh, and playing a rare lucky game of cards against some members of Squad D who were looking fairly put-out.
And one of Aladdin and Neige perched in a watchtower while Aladdin gave the younger girl some pointers about targeting.
Nico was smiling, but seeing Jester and Aladdin again like this sent a pang of sadness through her. It must have shown because Godwin cleared his throat to get her attention. She looked up to find him smiling as well.
"There are more recent ones further down. I ran into Miles during a trip to Gallia a few months back, and we got to talking about back then. I mentioned how he would take pictures of everything and all, "He rubbed at the back of his neck, "Asked him if he'd send me copies of whatever he could."
Nico laughed.
"Yeah," Godwin chuckled, "I've got about a thousand more sitting on the table at my place."
"Sounds like I'll have to come over and help you go through them some time," Nico said absently. She found where the war photos ended and the newer stuff began. She felt warmer with each one she flipped through.
"He included a bunch of the reunions and Laurent's wedding."
Nico found those next.
There was a photo of Mabel, Lilly, and some others sharing a drink at a tavern during their first reunion several years ago.
Another was Curtis and Eileen dressed in their Sunday best for Laurent's wedding, Curtis smiling wide with his arm thrown over his best friend's shoulder.
She laughed at one of Odin grinning like mad while a stunning woman with an equally big smile hugged him from the side and a little kid hung off his other side.
Nico's hand went to her mouth as she made her way through the stack of photos, relishing the memories each one contained. She even found several pictures from the reunion she had missed this past year. Pressure built up in her chest, and a lump began to form in her throat. The images filled her heavy heart with light. Still, she inevitably wandered back to the wartime pictures of soldiers goofing off during marches and advances or sitting around in trenches between skirmishes.
She came to one of Norid and stopped. His hat was spattered in blood from some sort of head wound he'd received. But his smile was so big that his eyes were practically closed. His rifle lay in his lap, halfway disassembled as he cleaned it. He'd been so fastidious when it came to that. He always used to say that if you took care of your rifle, your rifle would take care of you.
"These are amazing, Godwin," Nico managed to say but choked up on his name as tears slid down her cheeks. She drew Godwin into a hug before he could deny her. He stiffened at the contact but returned the hug after a moment, even if it was halfhearted.
"You're leaving for Christmas, aren't you?"
"Sharp as a tack. Got a client who wants me to look over an art collection. She lives in Prague, so she would rather I come to her."
"I see," Nico pulled away and sniffed. She leaned against the table and turned to look at the window across the room.
"It's a shame Emmy managed to avoid Miles so well," Nico said. Godwin didn't respond.
"I saw her so clearly this time. I'm not sure why. I wasn't even thinking about her or anything. But she got hit, and it was so clear. I saw Norid, too, for a moment."
Nico hadn't known either of them very well. Emmy had been abrasive and Norid aloof. No, she hadn't known them well. Not nearly as well as Jester or even Stanley, but their deaths had hit just as hard as the latter two.
Her eyes swept back to the photo of Norid. When had it been taken? Before or after the mountain pass? Based on the snow accumulated around him, it must have been right around the middle of their trek through the mountains. Maybe even right before the battle to take the train yard. If that were the case, he'd be dead within twenty-four hours.
"Hey, come back to me, Kid," Godwin's voice cut into her spiral. She looked up at him. His age was beginning to show on his face. He wasn't old yet, not at 43, but the stress of life constantly lived on one battlefield or another had done what time hadn't gotten around to doing. His face was thinning, though not quite gaunt, and his hair was showing signs of white in his beard and eyebrows. Wrinkles that shouldn't have been there for another ten years had sagged beneath his eyes.
"I'm back. Sorry," Nico said.
"Don't apologize. It's your house, for goodness sake."
Nico couldn't help but laugh at that. The phrase was something of a joke between them and Rosetta, and she appreciated his emphasis on the word goodness.
"I'll apologize all I want," Nico said, Rosetta's words repeating in her head as if she were there with them, "It's my house, for goodness sake."
Godwin made an amused sound and scratched his beard. Nico shook her head and felt her eyes go wide suddenly.
"Oh!" She started, "I'll put on some tea. Or hot cocoa."
She made her way over to the cabinets behind Godwin. He made no move to stop her busying himself with gathering up all of the photographs. They made some mild small talk while she prepared their mugs. Godwin brought the fire back from embers in the hearth. They took their drinks to the coffee table and sat on the couch opposite it while they went through the happier photos more slowly; Of the wedding and the reunions. They shared stories of their work, though there wasn't much to share that she hadn't already told him over lunch or included in letters while he was elsewhere.
"Oh right," Godwin said, and he got up from the couch and went to where his coat hung on the coat rack, "Keigel and Ryan wanted me to give you a letter from them."
"They have my address," Nico rolled her eyes, "They have to know they can send me letters themselves."
"They're old men. In any case, it forces me to visit," Godwin shrugged, scratching at the back of his head and handing her the letter.
Nico smiled. She found Godwin's excuses to be charming even after so long. She had her suspicions that Keigel and Ryan knew Godwin needed a reason sometimes. Old buddies provided covering fire for their squadmates even for something as trivial as a social visit.
Nico set the letter down beside her mug of cocoa. Reading it could wait until company was gone. Besides, she was beginning to feel properly sleepy. She sank into the couch and closed her eyes, reveling in the fire's heat and the warm drink in her belly.
"Thanks for visiting, Godwin," Nico said and failed to fight off a yawn. She felt herself tilt sideways and didn't care that she hadn't seen Godwin off. She was comfortable, her mind was quiet, and everything felt like it was going to be alright.
++++++
Nico heard the birds chirping outside the window before realizing she wasn't asleep anymore. The chill from last night had withdrawn, and the sun's warmth peeking in from the window compelled her to sit up and open her eyes.
She sat there, looking down at the blanket in her lap while she blinked the sleep from her eyes. Confused, she wondered why she'd fallen asleep on the couch. Her gaze drifted to the letter and the little box on the coffee table.
Oh.
Nico sniffed and looked around the room until her eyes settled on the coat rack. Her eyes dropped to the floor. Godwin's coat had vanished. So had his boots. When had he left?
Heat crept into her face as the memories from the night before returned. She had been so comfortable and warm. She'd fallen asleep while he'd been there.
Her eyes flicked back to the coffee table, and she realized another envelope was sitting beneath the little box. She moved the box aside and pulled back the flap of the envelope. She pulled out a scrap of paper with a hastily written note. She smiled as she read it.
Hey kid,
You went and fell asleep on me before I could give you the second part of your gift. Don't worry, I realize I must have stayed over for too long, but to be honest, I needed the company. So thanks for putting up with me. I went ahead and cleaned our mugs for you.
Anyway, I know you were saving up for a proper trip, so I pulled some strings and got you this train ticket. It's good for two trains so you won't have to pay for a train home.
See you after the new year,
Godwin
Nico upturned the envelope, and a small cardstock stub of a train ticket fell onto the table. She smiled and fell back onto the couch, letting the blanket fall to the floor so she could bask in the warm sun rays. Nico could go anywhere on the line with those tickets. But she knew what to do. First, she would make a call to Rosetta's bar in Randgriz and make sure her friend was free. Then together, they would make their way to Prague.
She could already picture Godwin's annoyed face when they showed up to bother him. And she very much looked forward to seeing the glint of amusement in his eyes that always accompanied it.