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"Why are you full of rage? Because you are full of grief."
- Anne Carson, Grief Lessons: Four Plays by Euripides
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Earth was coming to an end. Or, at the very least. That is what it felt like. The aliens, Cybertronian's they called themselves. We're slowly tearing this world apart.
Although some do not mean it. Large meccanoids regularly coming back to fix towns and cities. Places they had a hand in destroying. They were more advanced than your kind. Helping rebuild homes stronger and more sturdy. Hurdling Earth's technology far ahead of it's time. No weapons though. Nothing that could possibly help you defend against them.
Nothing that you could use and hurt your fellow human.
You've seen the Autobot leader. You stood in the back if a small crowd. The sooty and tearstained faces of your neighbors looking to him. For what you didn't know.
Hope? Empathy?
He spoke as if he did. Gave you his name. His words. The promise to be rid of the Decepticons. "To have peace upon your world." You scoffed.
People began to cry out. A viscous growl if named. Venom and hurt.
The face of the Prime falls. His very being seeming to sink into the concrete ground. A pink feminine figure lays a hand in his shoulder.
That look he gave her. You knew that look. The very same your father gave your mother. So soft and full. When he was tired she brought him up. Just as the pink one was doing now.
So. They were capable of love.
Slowly you made your way to the front. Helping your fallen neighbors to their feet. As you do so, something dark blurs in the corner of your vision. It sends your head turning to where it came from.
Tamara. Sweet and kind Tamara. The elderly woman who could barley harm a fly let alone show any kind of violence. Her hand was coated in mud. The dark coating or dirt pulled from a nearby pot. The same mud that now coated the side of Primes wide eyed face.
"Leave us." Her voice shrilled and cracked. "You bring nothing but death to us." One of them. A large mech coated in red steps forward. The Primes stops him. Hand in his chest as he still looks at Tamara.
You go to her. Try to calm her. Instead she grips your arms. She stains your shirt with the mud. Her brown eyes are blown wide. Bright and shiney. They moved swiftly side to side as she studied you. Shallow breaths left her lips quickly and her body trembled. Loose ringlets if curls shook from her normal slicked back style. A whimper left her lips.
Scared. She was scared.
"I lost my grandchild because of them. They need to leave.
As if the group had been waiting for her final words they surged forwards. Hurling a manner of things to the group of four Bots. Drinks. Rocks. Mud. You swore you even saw Delilah's stuffed bunny hit the red one.
"Leave!"
"Your kind are nothing but monsters!"
"My wife-My son-My Daughter!"
"You are no better than the ones you claim to protect us from!"
The words hurt. You knew this. Saw it. Their frames seem to break and fall. But at the same time you connected more with your townsfolk.
Still. It is not there fault the Decepticons will not leave. And, in the end. No one deserves such cruelty. You've seen the footage on social media feeds. You have seen Autobots taking hits to the point of death to save humans.
Your feet move before your thoughts catch up. You get caught in the crossfire the closer you get to them. Mud slinging against your back. Coating your hair.
The Prime leans down. You look up. Hands trembling as nervousness overtakes you.
"What do you need young one?" Your chest hurts when you speak next.
"You need to leave. For your own safety. These people." You gesture behind you aimlessly."They're hurting. And you being here is making it worse. Please. We will be fine if you go." The tears fall. "Just. Leave. Take Morgan street then Looking Glass road. You'll be able to leave in peace." It pains you to send them away. It hurts worse to see your friends in such a state.
The Primes face falls. "Truly? Is there no aid I can offer? There are camps." You stood him there's wave your hand.
"My family is dead. Now go." You leave at that. All the kindness in your heart leaving. And truly, the man is still willing to help in the face of those who speak his name as poison. He did not deserve your cruelty.
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With time came change. And with change you grew. You mourned every loss. Celebrated every victory. Grew into a new person with others. Stronger and more willed. And yet, some lost the only true gift In This world. Their kindness. Their love. The ability to help without expectations.
Lost the meaning of being human in a crisis.
Your town had kicked you out over that. Showing kindness to their so called enemy. Nearly a year has passed since then. Still, the hurt had not ceased.
The group you were in now had been a serendipitous moment. It was also a choice born of desperation.
They said all they did was helped. Pulling people from the ashes of fallen homes. Helped them stand firmly on their own two feet after it all.
You thought that was what you were doing. Up until the point you saw one of your "teammates" demanding a young woman to pay them.
"I helped you. Know you help me." When she pleaded. Told him she had nothing. That her home had been burned and with it everything she had. He rose a fist to hit her. Only to be stopped when you pulled his arm back.
"What the fuck David?" He laughed. Let the woman go.
"What?" He asked. "We hell them and they don't own us nothin'?" He steps to you. Eyes bright as his lips curl into a ghost of a smile. "I don't know what you or Boss is on, but I ain't doin' this for free. So back off. Or I'll make you pay for it instead."
You step back. Disgust turning your stomach. "You're sick. You know that. Right?" You motion with no clear direction. "But if we had to "pay back" after we got help no one would be in a good place right now. You forget we were no different that her when Boss's crew helped us."
He seemed to mull this over. Then laughed. By now the young woman had left. Taking with her the water and canned goods you had give her.
"Then both of you are stupider than I thought." David spoke. "Think. We could be living lavishly right now. Not worrying about food. Drink. " He paused. "Bodies." He tagged that last bit on. Eyeing you up and down. You spat into the dirt. Ridding yourself the taste of ash and the rising bile from his gross suggestion.
"Greed will get you nowhere. Others will think the same. Do the same to you." David took offense to that.
"Do you really think you know me? I've lost things. People. I should be allowed to be selfish." He's in front of you now. Nose almost brushing yours. You could feel the heat rolling off of him. Almost fever hit in it's intensity.
"You're not the only one David. Everyone has lost something because of them. We need peace amongst ourselves. Not. Not this."
Your head swivels before the pain hits. Hot warmth cradling your jaw as you begin to regain your senses. You stagger back. Stop. Stare at David who is seething.
Blood. You taste blood.
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The fight wants long. A few minutes and most. It left David running to lick his wounds and you staring into the rubble of. the city that once was Portland. You leave to tell your boss your no longer helping.
The faith you once held in humanity now gone. Desperation born of ruin.
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Six months left you numb. Stumbling across more hurt than hope. More greed than selflessness. It left you ill.
Your travels lead you somewhere North. Snow overtaking the ground. Feet stepping into one of the few towns left intact. It is there you find some semblance of peace.
You live with them. A family kind enough to take you in until you could be in your own to feet. Long enough to be able to rebuild and abandoned house.
You do your part as well. Helping the young couple with cleaning and repairs in their own house. Offering to help with their gardens or over watching the twins. Carwyn and Arwen. Cute names. Adorable children. Although they did keep on sneaking your sweets away. It was cute thier laughter when they thought they got away with something.
The couple, Laura and Kate, were the ones to help you into your new home. It was small. Only three rooms. A bedroom a bathroom and the kitchen connected with the living room.
And it was yours.
The two made sure you had plenty of food. Pointed you in the direction of work to help earn your keep. Almost no one used money anymore. Instead choosing to fall back on old ways of commerce. It was nice.
You got comfortable. Got into a steady routine. Get up before the sun. Coffee. Get dressed. And then go work for the old man down the road. Finish there and help anyone else who needed it. You would go home then. Wind down. Eat dinner. And write. The only constant that has stuck in this life. A habit your not willing to let go.
It happens again in the summer. Early in the morning while your drinking your coffee. Still clothed in the thin shirt and shorts you fell asleep in.
You could smell it. The acid blend of ozone and what you've come to recognize as blaster fire. Your heart stops. Your breathing becomes short.
No. No. No.
It can't be. Not here. Not now. Not when everything was getting better. Not when you just began healing.
You do the first thing you think of. Lacing up boots and pulling in jeans as you run out the front door. Your coffee spilled all over the table on your back porch. The table the twins made for you. A table you may never see again.
"Laura! Kate!" Your voice shrills in the morning air. Cool misty air wets your warming face. Does nothing to calm your beating heart. People stop and stare at you. Running down the road. Panicked and frightened.
You could see it now. The bright red arcs shooting just outside the town.
You stood in the middle of the road. In front of Laura and Kate's home. You pull in a shuddering breath.
"Fuck." The curse repeats on your lips. "Everyone! We have to go. Now!" They say nothing. Watch you slacked jawed. For the longest time they had only knew you and cold and collected. A person who thought before they spoke. Only warming to the young kids and lending a helping hand to those who needed it. Never expecting anything back.
"Y/n?" It was Kate. The mousy haired women jogging out her front door. Still dressed in her blue nightgown.
"Kate. We need to leave. The town need to go." She looked out you. Bewildered.
"Y/n. There's nothing happening you. Are you okay?" She lays a hand on your shoulder. Eyes Darting to the sky above. Following the arc of light over the town. "Y/n?" Your hands shook. You looked to her. Mouth dry as you spoke.
"The Decepticons. They are here. We. We need to go. Everyone!" You looked to them. "We need to leave. This town won't make it. Pack only what you need. Food. Clothes. Camping gear." Your voice echoed down the street. No one moved. Your heart skipped a beat. That acidic stench filling your lungs. Stronger now as it got closer.
"Go!" Your voice was even and steady. And it seemed to be the first falling domino. The town flooded into a flurry. Neighbors waking those who were yet to rouse. Talking amongst themselves what was needed.
Your were winded by the time you made it home. Immediately throwing bags already packed out of paranoia into the back of an old Chevy. The truck you've been fixing since you got here.
You tossed a car seat into the middle. Left the other bare. Just incase. Just incase.
The first blast hit moments later. Tearing up the road and homes in an explosive burst of power. Heat rolled through the town. Hotter that any summer heat you may have endured as a child.
You got out of the truck. Began directing others to the other end of town. Telling them where to go. A path you went over and over again as the months passed. Just incase. Just incase this moment happened.
God you wished you never needed it. That your paranoia was getting the best of you.
Carwyn and Arwen we're terrified. Tired eyes full of quiet tears as thier mothers loaded then into their car. Laura came up to you as Kate loaded the last of their belongings in.
"Y/n?" You looked down at her. A faint smile on your face.
"You know. I never really got to say thank you for." She cut you off.
"No. Tell us when we make it out of here." Your snort.
"If Laura. I'm not fool enough to think everyone will make it." You push her to her car. To her wife. "Now go. I'll follow. I just have to be sure everyone made it out." Her face falls.
"Please. Be safe." You say nothing. Watch as she gets in her car. Watch the scared faces of the twins through the windows. Their eyes never leaving yours.
It's only after they're gone do you let yourself grieve. A few falling tears. The bitting of your fist. The explosion of breath leaving your lungs as your body shakes. Trembling still as you enter the Chevy. Tears drying as you slowly press on the gas. A slow cruise down the road as you watch for stragglers.
The second blast hits. Sending your truck careening forward. The horn screams as the truck flips. Your breath leaving you as it skids across the road. The large metal leg filling the windows as it's rolls to a stop.
The door opens. The belt catches. Loosens.
A third blast. Your hair singes. Skin burns. Old wounds resurface.
A fourth. A fifth.
A prayer on your lips.
A sixth. Seventh.
Homes burn.
Eighth. Ninth.
A fallen body. Either Autobot or Decepticon. You don't stick around to find out.
They spoke in a foreign tongue. Their voices filling your ears as you ran. Heart a battering ram in your chest. Your lungs felt as if they would collapse. Your body grew cold. Your legs numbed.
Tenth.
Your body flew. Hit the ground a few feet away. A shriek left your lips. A sob tore your throat. Your leg. Oh fuck your leg.
Move move move!
You couldn't. Your head turned. Tears blurred your vision. Heat rolled over your trembling body.
A final breath. Your vision tunneled. Then left.
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You woke to the sound of voices. No. Voice. Timbered and low.
"Human?" A nudge at your jaw. A low hum left your chest. You moved. A nearly screamed at the pain that followed. Your eyes shot open. A whimpered curse left your lips. "Human? Answer me." You looked to the source of the sound.
Oh you cursed every god in those start skies. One of them. One. Cybertronian. Was this one good or bad? Will. Will they hurt you? And. Were. Are that a cat?
"You're injured. Can you move?" And they talked? Did you hit your head. Your fingers brushed your brow. They nudged you.
"No." Came the raspy response. The cat hummed. Jeweled eyes roved over you.
"What is your name?" You scoffed. Spat.
"You first." They laughed. He? You think this one was a he. Talking cat or otherwise.
"Ravage." You let you head fall.
"Y/n. Although." You stopped. Coughed. "I don't see why you care so much." Ravage laid down next to you. Long body guarding you from cold winds that you just now noticed.
"I don't know why either, Y/n." His head turned. Looked down to you. "You humans. You fear us. I know why. But you. I watched you." His voice was a low rumble now. "Unlike others you tried to help. " He paused. Shifted. Looked to his left. Then back again.
"Your people are safe because of you. They left just as the battle reached here. You." He paused. Mulling over his words. Watched you as tears fell from your eyes. The starlight reflected in them. "You are loyal to those you care about. And we can always use another like that. You are not the first human. Not will you be the last of either sides I'm sure." You bared your teeth.
"And why would I help the people who have a hand in destroying my world." He grinned. Metal fanged glistened in the moonlight.
"You do not have a choice. Human. If you wish to have help. The Autobots will not come back for you. They think all the humans fled and instead are with them. You are alone here. Except my help." You coughed. Shivered despite his warmth.
"Fine. Just know. I'll be sure your world ends to. Despite whatever loyalty you think I have." Ravage laughed. Curled into you further.
"Oh believe me human. I know it will. But, I do know you will enjoy their company." His tailed arced over head. His head, large as it was, curled over yours. Warmth flooded I over you. Made your body grown heavy.
"Rest know. And trust me when I say no harm will come of you."
Despite not wanting to you did fall asleep. A mixture of fear and pain. Your body to tires to fight it. At the very least you will be rested for whatever was to come.