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Domestic Moment
“Vampires shouldn’t have to do this,” Josef said firmly, eying the paraphernalia strewn on the counter with some trepidation and a heavy dose of distaste.
“C’mon, it’ll be fun,” Shane cajoled.
“They didn’t even have this kinda weird stuff when I was human.”
Shane patted him on the cheek. “You’ll do fine, I have faith in you.”
“What the heck is this?!” Josef demanded, holding the offending item up for inspection.
“It’s called an egg beater,” Shane told him with a laugh.
Somehow, the two vamps had been roped into helping Beth make several dozen cupcakes for some Girl Scout event or other. They weren’t totally clear on the details. Beth was in the middle of a big story and didn’t have the time, and Mr. Mom (Mick) was out of town on a case. Shane was already an expert at blending in with humans, so he didn’t find it a problem. Josef, well, Josef never could say no to Beth. So that’s how they came to be in the kitchen, recipe book in front of them.
“What if we poison the kids?” Josef asked.
Shane shook his head in amusement. “We’ll follow the instructions, we’ll be fine.”
“Follow the instructions, hmm?” Josef murmured with a grin that said he was up to something, and then he leaned over and covered Shane’s lips with his for a brief but warm kiss.
“Um, I don’t think that was in the recipe,” Shane said, a bit distracted.
“It says Kiss the Cook, so that’s what I did,” Josef said smugly, gesturing to the apron Shane was wearing over his clothing.
“Are you finished mixing the batter yet?” Shane peered into the bowl that Josef was supposed to be in charge of. “There are lumps. It’s not supposed to have lumps.”
“You’re a freak among vamps, you know that?” Josef asked. I thought Mick was abnormal.”
“Guess you love freaks then,” Shane told him, then dipped a finger in the batter and applied it to Josef’s nose. “You look kinda cute like that.” He tried valiantly to hold in the laughter at the look on the other vamp’s face.
“Them’s fightin’ words,” Josef warned. He nonchalantly scooped a handful of the nasty stuff into his hand and advanced on Shane.
“You wouldn’t!”
Quick as lightning, Josef grabbed the front of Shane’s shirt and dumped the batter down the front.
“All right, you asked for it!” Shane grabbed a fistful of batter with one hand and Josef’s arm with the other.
“Hey, this is an expensive suit!”
“I wonder if food stains come out of Armani?”
Josef managed to break from his grasp and armed himself with another batter bomb, lobbing this one across the room. Shane didn’t duck in time and was hit in the face.
The food fight escalated. Bombs sailed through the air, most of them hitting their marks. It might have gone on for longer, except for the interruption.
“What is going on here?!”
The two vampires both froze, turning as one to see Beth standing in the doorway.
“Uh, hi,” Shane ventured.
“See, the kids wanted to make them, but I was afraid they might get into a food fight.” Beth's message was clear. She surveyed the bowl that was now empty of batter, the mess that had spilled over onto various surfaces, and the mess that was the vampires. Then she sighed. “I guess it’s my fault for asking the two of you to help out in the kitchen. But, a food fight? Really?!"
“Hey, we never got to have ‘food fights’ like you modern humans,” Josef told her, trying to look sad and deprived.
“All right – out! I’ll take over," Beth ordered.
They didn’t have to be told twice, they nearly broke vamp speed records getting out of the room.
“This suit seriously needs to go to the cleaners,” Josef said sadly, inspecting the damage.
“You didn’t want to wear an apron,” Shane reminded him smugly. “You said it wasn’t manly.” He removed the apron to reveal that his jeans and T-shirt were mostly unmarred from batter spills. Josef’s suit hadn’t fared nearly as well.
“I’m going to have to go out and kill something now,” Josef declared, disgusted with the whole experience. “Just to uphold my reputation.”
“I ruined your reputation years ago,” Shane quipped, slinging an arm around his shoulder and giving him a kiss on the cheek. “C’mon, admit it – it was kinda fun. Our first food fight.”
“Well, if that’s true… that means it’s time to make up,” Josef declared.
“Sounds like a plan,” Shane agreed.
The end
1/9/09