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I stare sadly at the picture but can’t help smiling. He looks so happy and relaxed. I sigh and put the picture back into its folder. I’ve been sorting through some old letters and papers I’d found in the back of my desk drawer. We are moving house and I’d decided to have a clear out of all my old junk. I hesitate, shall I put it on the “keep it” or “bin it” pile? I chicken out and start a new “maybe” pile. I’ll decide later…
“Come on! Come on! We’ll be late!” I shout at my friend Laura, who is fishing in her huge bag for her car keys.
“Ok! Got ‘em!” She holds up the keys in triumph. We run out of her house and jump in the car. We’ve got an hour and a half to get to the venue. Please, please let the traffic be ok. I check in my bag for the tickets. Still there! Laura speeds along and takes a short cut she knows. We arrive at the O2 with about an hour to spare.
We park up and start to walk over to the arena.
“Laura, do you think we might meet any of the guys?” I ask hopefully.
“It’s possible but they usually don’t want to be disturbed right before the show” Laura explains.
“Oh, I see” I reply, disappointed.
Many months before, I had tried unsuccessfully to get tickets when they’d gone on sale. Then Laura rang a couple months ago all excited and babbling about getting free tickets. Once she’d calmed down she explained that the catering company she worked for had selected her to be on the team which was going to be on the Take That tour! Laura was a chef and had only been with the firm for a short while. Apparently they could have complimentary tickets for one of the shows. We were both ecstatic. Then a couple of days ago Laura told me that she’d been able to blag a backstage pass for me! This was amazing. From not having a chance to even go to one of the shows to now having a backstage pass as well. I thought life couldn’t get any better at that moment.
We arrive at the stage door and show our id. I’m given a visitor’s pass to wear. Laura takes a picture of me as a souvenir and then says she’ll show me around.
We arrive at the catering area. There are several large tables with 5 or 6 chairs round them in the middle, with a long serving area to one side. It is quiet as most people are getting ready for the show. Apart from the catering team there are just few back stage crew, (so Laura tells me) having a break. She says hello to them and introduces me.
“Do you want a drink or anything to eat?” Laura asks me.
“Thanks, just a Coke please” I can’t eat a thing, my stomach is in knots.
I look around, I still can’t believe I’m here, backstage at a TT show. It’s just seems too surreal.
Laura comes back with my drink “here you are”,
“Thanks”, I sip at the Coke and feel the bubbles tingling in my throat.
Laura checks her watch, “we’d better get going if you want to have a nose around. We’ve got about 45 minutes to show time”.
“Ok, let’s go?” I reply.
Laura takes me on a quick tour of the back stage area. We arrive back at the canteen.
Laura looks at her watch “we’d better get to our seats, the show starts in 15 minutes”
“Thanks for the tour round.” I say.
“That’s ok Bel” Laura replies.
“I think I’d better find a loo before we go to our seats, that Coke, wasn’t such a good idea”, I laugh.
The loos are just down the corridor, first left, then the second door on your right” Laura explains to me.
“Ok…down there” I point, “first left, second door on the right” I repeat. Laura nods.
I hurry down the corridor and turn left as Laura had told me. Now second right? Or was it left. I stop and try to remember. As I’m about to walk off, suddenly someone walks out from the door to my right, which I’d not noticed and straight into me.
“Oh, sorry. You ok?” I recognise the voice instantly and look up into the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen.
“Um, yeah, sorry. I shouldn’t have stopped there. I’m just…” I stop babbling and see he’s grinning at me, trying not to laugh.
You’re not one of the dancers…or one of the crew? You’re not a stalker, are you?” He laughs and I just watch him, while trying to get my brain to work.
Oh what’s this?” He spots the visitor’s pass. He leans forward and takes hold of the pass and studies it intently.
I tear my eyes away from him and say to the air
“I’m with Laura, one of the chefs. She’s been showing me round. I hope that’s ok?”
He lets go of the pass and says, “Laura? Oh yes, she makes a great vegetable curry. No, that’s fine. Have you found it interesting?!”
“Yes, very, thank you.” I look up at him this time. I can’t help admiring his long dark eyelashes. Why do guys always have better eyelashes than girls? I laugh to myself. This day is getting more and more unreal. I’m chatting to Jason Orange backstage at one of their shows. He really is gorgeous, especially in that suit. I sigh inwardly.
Then I think “Oh shit! Laura, will be wondering where I am”
“Look, I’m sorry I’ve got to go, my friend will be wondering where I am” I apologise.
Jason gives me a heart melting smile and says, “That’s ok, I’m a bit busy too”.
I laugh, “Of course, sorry to hold you up, bye” I’m about to dash off when Jason says, “enjoy the show, I’ll be looking out for you”.
I look up at his face and I’m about to say thanks, when he leans forward and kisses me on the cheek. A tingle rushes straight through my body. I stare back at him and touch my face where he’s kissed me. Then before I can say or do anything, he stands back, to look at me again, his gaze mesmerises me, then he strides off down the corridor with that so on familiar swagger. I watch him disappear down the corridor. In the distance I see the others, a familiar voice calls out to Jason “Come on lad, show time!”
And that was it. The first time we met. The first time we talked. The first time Jason kissed me.
I stand here now, remembering that first meeting. I never expected to see him again. I wasn’t even sure if I liked that he kissed me, I thought he was being a bit arrogant, but I was astonished by the look he gave me and that a kiss on my cheek had sent a tingle right to my toes.
I stand still, wondering about the kiss. I touch my cheek again. I smile, cheeky beggar! I guess he thought I’d expect a kiss – being a fan. But there was something about the look in his eyes after he kissed me…then I laugh to myself, come on, stop fantasizing.
Then I remember why I was there. I see the door I was originally looking for and go inside. As I leave the loo and start back to find Laura she appears round the corner.
“There you are! I thought you’d got lost! Quick or we’ll miss the beginning of the show.”
“Sorry! I’ve just met…”
“You ok? Laura interrupts, looking concerned.
“Yes, yes, I’m fine, why?”
“You’re all flushed, are you sure you’re ok?”
I feel my face, it feels a little warm,
“Ok, if you’re sure. Sorry, you were saying?” Laura asks.
“I’ve… I’ve just met or rather walked into Jason, Jason Orange, you know one of Take That!”
Laura starts laughing, “Yes, I know who Jason is. So that’s why you’re looking all flustered”
Laura continues to laugh as she grabs my arm and we quickly retrace our steps back to the canteen.
“Right, lets go and find our seats.”
The intro music has started as we weave our way through the back stage area and round to the back of the tiered seating area.
We just about get to our seats, when the crowd all around us jump to their feet as the lads pop up from behind their podiums.
The show is amazing of course. I watch Jason to see if he keeps his promise but nothing yet. Oh well, it was probably just a throw away remark. But I feel strangely disappointed. “Get a grip”, I tell myself, he probably says something like that to lots of fans he meets on tour.
Then the guys start singing Rule The World, it gives me goose bumps. As I’m watching them cross the bridge to the b stage, I notice Jason seems to be scanning the crowds on the tiered seating. Then he looks over to our side, as he gets level to where we are, he seems to look directly at me and points, and with a triumphant smile waves at me! I smile slightly and nod at him. I feel strangely awkward about waving back, so I don’t. I don’t know if he really did look at me. It was too far to really be sure but I somehow feel he did indeed spot me, among the crowd. I feel a smile growing on my face and spend the rest of the show watching his every move and cheering myself hoarse when he sings Wooden Boat.
The show ends with Pray, one of my favourite songs from the first time round. Jason looks so good as he sings and dances. As the song comes to an end the crowd go even wilder.
They all wave, and then take their bow.
We pick up our things and start the slow trek to the car park.
I hear someone in the other room. “Jay, is that you? I call out.
“Yeah, what you doing?” he replies.
“Oh, nothing much, just sorting out some old papers and that” I shout back.
“Are you going to be long?” Jay asks.
“No, I can finish it later” I close the drawer.
I pick up the folder again, – and place it on the “keep it” pile.
“Come on, we’ll be late” he says urgently. “Ok, I’m coming.”
Laura’s mobile starts ringing. She fumbles in her bag, finds the phone and answers,
“Hey?...” She listens, her face looking at first puzzled then surprised followed by a big grin.”Ok, thanks, we’ll be right over”. She presses the off button and beams at me.
“We’ve been invited to an after show party” Laura exclaims excitedly.
“It was Mia, my team leader. They’re all going to a club as there’s no show tomorrow.”
“Oh, I see, that sounds great. I’m still buzzing from seeing the show.” I feel very excited, going to an after show party - another first.
“We’d better get a cab, I don’t think I’ll be fit to drive later”. Laura laughs.
We go outside and eventually find a cab. It’s only about 15 minutes till we get there.
When we arrive Laura asks one of the security where the others are. He points over to the far side of the club, where there’s a cordoned off area.
We walk through the main dance area and over to where the guy pointed.
When we get there Laura greets and hugs several people and introduces me to them.
We go and get a drink and we start chatting. I’m in the middle of our chat when I feel a tap on my shoulder.
I turn round, and find Jason smiling at me! “Hi, Bel, glad you could make it. I see you’ve got yourselves a drink”
He nods hello to Laura. Laura smiles back at Jason and says to me, “I’m just going to chat to Ben, I won’t be long. I’m sure Jason will be able to entertain you.”
“Oh ok, see you in a bit then” I say, a little surprised..
She smiles at us both and I’m sure she winks at Jason. What’s that about? But before I have time to wonder, Jason asks me,
“Well, what did you think of the show?” He seems really eager to know my opinion. He leans towards me, concentrating on what I’m saying. I try not to look at him too much. Every time I catch his eye, I feel drawn into his stare. His blue eyes looking at me intently. A lose track of what I’m saying at one point when I nearly drop my glass as I go to place it on the bar and Jason touches my hand as he goes to save it. I get that tingle again. We look at one another and I grin. Jason frowns a bit, “What’s so funny?”
“Nothing, I’m just happy, that’s all. I truthfully answer.
“Good, Shall we go and sit somewhere more comfortable?” Jason asks me.
“Yes, I could do with a sit down. I’m tired after standing most of the evening. You must be too?” I laugh, suddenly remembering of course he’s been on stage for nearly two hours tonight.
That seems like a different day somehow. Now, he’s not acting the showy pop-star, he’s relaxed and quiet, almost shy. He waits for me to go ahead of him and as we walk, I feel his hand on the small on my back, guiding me over to one of the sofa’s at the far end of the room. I shiver as that tingle goes through my body yet again. I smile to myself.
I sit down, Jason sits next to me, his leg slightly touching my thigh. There it is again, that tingling sensation. I shiver involuntarily. Jason notices and asks if I’m cold. I say” Well, I wasn’t but just then I did feel a chill”
“I noticed you shivered before when we were walking over here.” He looks at me, his head tilted slightly to one side, a quizzical look on his face.
“It must be the air-con” I offer as an explanation.
“Umm, maybe” he replies almost lazily. Then he stretches his arms above his head and lets out a sigh. I notice his tee-shirt rides up and as I see his taut stomach, I can’t help but stare and try to stifle a gasp of admiration. Jason looks over at me as he lowers his arms and grins sexily at me. I lower my eyes and look away suddenly embarrassed that he caught my reaction
“It’s ok, it’s nice to be appreciated” Jason reassures me, laughing to break the tension. I smile back at him. Why am I feeling so nervous? I try to relax and have a sip of my drink.
Jason looks at me and smiles the most gorgeous smile at me, then says
“I hope you don’t mind but I asked Laura if she’d be able to get you to come along to the party. I wanted to continue our chat.”
He stares at me waiting for my reaction. I just look back into his blue eyes, amazed, not quite believing that he would be interested in me, a fan?
“Oh,” I managed to say at last. “You enjoyed our chat then?”
“Very much, especially the end” His eyes widen slightly and he smiles cheekily.
He meant the kiss, of course.
“Oh, you did, did you?” I laugh. I start to relax and we continue to chat in this flirty way for a while.
“Would you like another drink” Jason asks later
“Yes, please” I reply.
“A dry white wine, wasn’t it?”
“Yes, thanks”
I watch him walk over to the bar. I love watching him walk, he is so graceful and sexy.
Soon he is back with our drinks. Jason has got himself a red wine.
“I’ve just thought. Where are your partners in crime then?” I joked.
“Oh, Gary and Mark have gone home to see their families tonight and Howard’s gone out for a meal with his girlfriend.
“Aww, so they left you all alone,” I tease.
“Not quite. I’m with you. You’re much better company than they are,” He laughs.
“Oh, really? Is they right” I question.
Yep and I don’t like kissing them as much as kissing you.” He looks straight at me as he says this. His gaze is completely compelling I can only stare back. Then he leans forward and kisses me on the lips. Wow! If the kiss on my cheek had me tingling to my toes, this kiss was on a completely different level. My whole body reacts, I feel stunned. I kiss Jason back and when he pulls away from me he looks a bit stunned too. Maybe he'd had the same reaction too?
I hurry out of the study. Jay is stood at the door waiting impatiently.
“We’ve got plenty of time. It doesn’t start for another two hours.” I say.
“Yes, I know, but the traffic will be bad and the press will be there too.”
“Oh, the press” I’d forgotten about them.
“Yes, the press, they’ll want some pictures, so that’ll hold us up a bit” Jay reminds me.
“Umm, well I hope there’s not too many of them”
I don’t like having my picture taken by the press - All the shouting that goes on and the flashlights from their cameras are blinding.
We get in the car, “Right, let’s get going.”
I turn on the radio. Greatest Day blasts out from the speakers. I laugh sadly. How ironic.
Much later, Jason walks me to the cab. After that kiss, something has changed between us. We have spent the rest of the night chatting away like we’d known each other for years. We find we have lots in common: the books we’ve read, the music we listen to – all sorts of things. Also we share a similar sense of humour. Plus, Jason has me in stitches telling stories about the old days in the band. Good job I’m not an undercover journalist. I could make a fortune! We arrange to have dinner tomorrow evening, as it’s their day off. I ask if he’s sure as it’s a precious day off on the tour, but he says he can’t think of a better way to spend it than with me! I’m so flattered and really happy when he says this.
The next day, I phone Laura and update her about me and Jason. I thank her too, because I’d never had met him without her help. She’s very happy to hear we got on so well. Also, curiously, she said that when she’d first met the band, she thought Jason would be a good match for me! How bizarre is that!
I am so looking forward to tonight. I can’t explain how happy I am. I just hope this evening goes as well as last night did.
Jason said not to dress up too much but no jeans. Umm, that meant a trip to the shops in my lunch hour. Fortunately I find a lovely tunic top in a delicate fabric which will go with some smart leggings I’ve already got and buy some new strappy shoes to match.
I’m ready early and spend my time checking my mobile for the time. Suddenly the buzzer goes and I let Jason in. I open the front door and he’s looking hot! He’s dressed in a dark casual suit with an white open necked shirt.
“Hi sexy,” Jason says looking me up and down. I blush slightly. He hugs me and then gives me a sizzling kiss, his stubble tickling slightly.
“Hello, you’re looking good too,” I manage to say, trying to think straight after that killer kiss.
“Right, are you ready? He smiles at me and holds out his hand.
“Yes. Where are we going? I reply and put my hand in his.
It’s a surprise. Do you like Italian food?”
“Oh, yes,” I nod.
“Great, then it’ll be a good night,” Jason winks at me.
This was the beginning of our life together. Everything just clicked. We spent as much time as possible together. Jason told me he’d never felt this happy or settled before.
After Christmas dinner at his mother’s house, we went for a walk and when we stopped to admire the beautiful countryside, Jason turned to me and just simply said,
“You’ve made me the happiest I’ve ever been. I love you Bel”
“I love you too Jason” I reply, as I tried not to cry, as I was so happy.
In a matter of months we had decided to live together.
I sold my flat and moved into Jason’s place. The press soon got wind of our romance. I didn’t like the press attention very much but Jason was very good at avoiding the press so it wasn’t too bad. We did one interview when we got engaged two years later and donated the fee to charity. The press made a big thing about Jason being the last of Take That to settle down.
Everything was going well with our life. We moved to a new house in West London, ideal for a family. The band was as successful as ever and Jason was so proud of their achievements and I was so proud of his achievements within the band too.
Then we were blessed with our first baby, a boy. Jason was so proud and such a great dad.
The next few years were wonderful and we went on to have a little girl to complete our family.
Jason had never liked flying despite all the hours travelling he’d done over the years. Then one day he suddenly said to me, “I’ve decided the only way to get over this fear of flying is to learn to fly myself. Maybe by doing that I’ll feel more in control of it.”
I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea and the insurance would be astronomical because of being in the band. But he was adamant.
So a few weeks later, Jason had his first lesson. He was so nervous beforehand; I seriously thought he would change his mind and not go. But he said to me
“No, I will go - feel the fear and do it anyway”
I spent an anxious couple of hours, till he got back. The change was amazing! He was so enthusiastic about the lesson, the instructor, even the plane. I couldn’t believe the change. I was very happy for him. After that he had regular lessons so he could eventually get his pilot’s licence. The lads were delighted for him but typically took the rise out of him about it. Gary calling him “Captain” and saying “over and out” when on the phone to him. Luckily Jason took it with good humour.
Then, one day about a year after he’d first started the flying lessons. Jason was going flying, the weather wasn’t very good and I said maybe he should leave it till next week, but he said he wouldn’t have time for a couple of weeks because the band were starting the early stages of writing for the next album. So off he went.
That was the last time I saw him.
The accident report said turbulence was to blame because the weather had suddenly got much worse while Jason was flying.
The police officers who came to give me the news were wonderful. But I don’t really remember much about the rest of the day once they told me. Apparently I just turned very pale and stood there shaking saying
“No it can’t be right!” over and over... My parents came and got the doctor to give me something for the shock.
Even worse was having to explain to the children that daddy wasn’t coming home again. They didn’t understand at all. How could they? They were only five and three years old.
We had a private funeral and a memorial service six months later.
The fans lined the streets four deep on the day of the memorial service.
The rest of Take That decided to disband after Jason died. They said they couldn’t carry on.
"Oh god! Look at all the press! I didn’t want to have to go through all them to get to the show".
“It’s ok mum, we can drive round to the back stage entrance.” Jamie squeezed my hand.
He looks the image of his father. I wish he was here to see him and his sister Gemma.
He would be so proud of them.
They have organised a charity concert for the Take That Foundation.
It’s in memory of their father as its 15 years since the accident.
They have even managed to persuade Gary, Mark, Howard and Robbie to appear for one song.
It’s the one and only time they will appear on stage together since Jason died.
I hope it all goes well.
“Come on mum” Gemma’s calling to me.
“There’s someone I think you’ll want to meet” I look across the car park, It’s Laura!
“Hi, Bel” "Hey, Laura”
We hug and there are tears in our eyes.
“This is where it all began” Says Laura. I look at her and nod,
”Yes, it is and thank you” We link arms and head into the arena to find our seats.
We have nearly the same seats as all those years ago!
I look across at the stage. I catch my breath.
There on the backdrop is the picture I was looking at this morning!
The concert is amazing. Jason would have loved it. Take That are the headline act
The familiar strains of Never Forget start and I sing and do the Queen claps through a fog of tears.
As the song ends, I look up, point and give a small wave with a triumphant smile on my face.
“For you babe, for you” I silently say.
THE END