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Chapter Text

“Everybody hates you.”

And with that, something final broke inside of her. What was the point? They would never understand. He would never understand. So she was done too. Done fighting. Because there was no point.

So she didn’t say anything, didn’t react as he stormed from the room. Kept her eyes on her plate and finished her meal. Azriel quietly finished his as well.

Once retired to her room she had sobbed until she fell asleep. And when morning came, she had met him on the roof of the house and agreed to training. She remembered the look of utter relief on his face. At least now he could brag to his high lord how he had broken her, how they had won. His hardened features had immediately softened when she didn’t argue, she had only nodded and did exactly what he had instructed her to do. Balancing and stretches.

He gently corrected her when she made a mistake, his brows had been furrowed as he watched. Confusion overtaking the relief.

“Why the sudden change of heart Nes?’’ He asked, voice low.

Nes. As if they were friends.

He wasn’t her friend. She didn’t even have it in her to scoff, to reprimand him for the stupid nickname. Because there was no point. She looked at him then, and he finally saw her red and swollen eyes. Probably took in the look of defeat on her face and rejoiced inside.

But his face had paled, his mouth drawn down in a tight frown. She immediately looked to the floor again. They wanted her to be submissive and quiet and obedient. So that’s what she would give them. Because there was no point. Not anymore.

It had been like this for three weeks now. She would eat breakfast, lunch and dinner slowly gaining back the weight she had lost. She would attend training, never responding to Cassians teasing, his attempts to make her angry, to get some sort of reaction. She never give him any but she always did what he told her to do. He hated it, that she knew. Probably because he couldn’t upset her anymore or perhaps because he had nothing interesting to report back to them. He had grown more and more frustrated at her utter lack of reaction to anything. He had even come to knocking on her door at night, offering cups of tea and pastries. Even offered to take her into the city to visit book stores after training.

She always declined. Politely of course, gods forbid she had another sort of the reaction.

He praised her constantly at training. Offering soft smiles. He was proud of her, he had said.

So different now, that she was doing what they wanted.

Both he and Azriel were trying harder and harder to make attempts at conversation during dinner. She would answer, but her voice was always low, eyes kept on her plate.

The only time she could really be free was when she could be alone with her books, where she could imagine a different life for herself in those stories. So she reminded herself of this during the day, during training and meals with them. She knew she could return soon to her room. To her books. This was the life she had resigned to herself.

There was no point in anything else.

Chapter Text

“I have loved you ever since I first set eyes on you,’”Esker confessed. He stroked his thumb gently along her cheekbone, such adoration in his gaze. Dyaness leaned into her mates touch, refusing to break eye contact with him. Finally she thought, they could be together at long last. 

Nesta shut her book with a happy sigh. She loved this part the most, when the couple got their happy ending. Despite what he thought, she did not read romance novels for the smut, although that was a bonus, she read them because at heart she was a hopeless romantic. She yearned for the type of love story she often read about. But that would never happen for her. She had accepted that. 

He was waiting with a soft smile when she made it to the roof. She always tried to be a couple of minutes early.  Not wanting to piss him off. 

She kept her eyes on her feet. 

“How are you feeling sweetheart? Think you’d be up for a little dagger practice today?’’

“Yes.’’ Nesta always said yes now a days. Whatever he wanted. 

She could feel him tilting his head at her, a frown had started to form on his handsome face. They had been practicing balancing and stretching for weeks now. He had obviously been expecting her to say no when it came to daggers, to put up some sort of fight. But she no had fight left in her. Hadn’t he realised this by now? 

“Rhysand is coming for lunch today, so you don’t have to help out at the library after training.’’ He attempted to smile at her but it was tense, he waited for the refusal to eat with them, waited for the insult against his high lord, his family. But she gave none, only stared blankly ahead and nodded to show that she understood her orders. 

His smile was completely gone now. And she began to tremble. Nesta Archeron. Trembling. What a pathetic sight she had to become. But she was frightened. Didn’t want to upset the general or high lord because gods know what else they would think of to do to her. 

Oh how she wished she had died in the war. 

“Whatever you want Cassian.” She forced out, her eyes remained on the floor, she knew her face was pale but her attempt to appease him only seemed to make it worse. 

Cassian stepped towards her, he looked like he was in pain. 

“Sweethe-“ 

Thunder boomed. The roof filled with darkness. Cassian let out a curse whilst Nestas heart clenched. 

Rhysand was here. 

He emerged from his cloud of night with as much dramatics as she had to come to expect. It was clearly meant to send a message, to intimidate. Little did the high lord know that he was just wasting his energy. He had won. She would not fight him anymore. Surely Cassian had already reported that she was no more than a broken shell. 

Cassian quickly stepped in front of her. Wings flared wide, a low growl sounded from his chest. 

Rhys’s eyes widened slightly as he quirked a brow. 

“Brother.” The high lord greeted but confusion laced his words. He looked at her then and she shrank back. The scent of her fear only seemed to piss Cassian off more. 

The two males continued to stare at each other. A silent conversation clearing occurring. Rhysand glanced at her then brows furrowed, surprise was etched onto his features. She tried to keep her eyes down. 

It’ll be over soon. I can go back to my room soon. 

Then she felt it. The claws lightly scratching at her mind, asking to be let in. No no no 

She was going to be sick. 

Cassian was snarling now and advanced quickly towards his brother. 

Like an animal protecting its favourite toy. 

The brothers collided in a violent crash. Both disappearing into thin air. 

Nesta attempted to catch her breath, tears were threatening. Why had Cassian reacted so strongly? He just told her that Rhysand was coming to lunch. She didn’t understand his sudden anger, sudden need to protect. Perhaps he felt guilty or possessive of his captive. But at least she no longer had to look at him. 

She quickly exited the roof, making straight for her sanctuary. 

Chapter Text

He couldn’t get her face out of his head. She wouldn’t even look him in the eye. Not for weeks.

“Whatever you want Cassian.”

All he wanted was her.

She had looked so defeated. So unlike herself that it made him to sick to his stomach. She had been like this for weeks now.

Hadn’t argued with him once, not fucking once.

His Nesta would have argued with him over what colour the bloody sky was.

He had been slowly losing it. He had tried everything to get some sort of reaction. Teased her during training or during the meals she attended with him and his brother. He had offered to take her to book stores in the city or to the market where they sold the candy apples he knew she loved.

She declined every time. But she always kept her eyes on the floor, always mumbled a polite response. And everytime she did that it his soul ached. Cried out to her. For her.

The guilt that festered in the pit of his stomach was something he desperately tried to ignore. But he was on the edge. The more submissive and obedient his Nesta had become the worse it got.

So when she started to tremble in training. His heart ached. He had reached for her, desperate to comfort her, to tell her that her being frightened of him made him want to destroy cities. But not her. Never her.

And then Rhys showed up. And Nesta had went bone white. Her fear stinging his nostrils.

What had they done.

Protect. Protect. Protect.

He barrelled into Rhysand. His only thought was to get him away from her.

An hour later. After they had pummelled each other black and blue, Cassian stood by the window in his high lords office. Staring blankly.

“She looked much better than the last time I saw her.” Rhys said, his voice unusually gentle.

Cassian was sure it was the guilt that had made his brother soften slightly in this discussion of his-

Of Nesta.

He had showed him. In his mind. What version of Nesta he and Azriel had been experiencing this last month. The pale faced, subdued, only spoke when spoken to female who they had utterly broken. Who he had broken.

Cassian was going to be sick.

What had they done.

“She won’t even read in the private library anymore. She loved to read there.’’ Cassian replied, his voice hollow. Eyes still staring blankly out of the window.

Rhysand placed a hand on his brothers shoulder. Cassian flinched and stepped away.

Rhys tried to hide the hurt on his features but it was to no avail. Cassian saw it all. But for once he didn’t care, his mind was somewhere else. On someone else.

“She’ll come aroun-“ Rhys started.

Cassian spun around. “Don’t! This is our fault. We did this.” Cassian sank to ground. “I did this.” His voice cracked on this last word. He had done this to her, his desperation to make her better had made him break her. Break the female he loved.

He was a bastard. No wonder she didn’t love him back. Cassian moves suddenly towards the window. Determined now.

“Don’t come by the house again. Not until Nesta says you can.” He snarled at Rhys. The sound rattled the room.

He didn’t wait for the high lords response. Then he flung himself out of the window and into the sky. His soul crying out.

Nesta. Nesta. Nesta

Chapter Text

Cassian had been gone three days. Nesta couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief each time he didn’t show up. At least she could read in peace.

On the fourth day she showed up. Mor.

Out of the entire inner circle, she hated Mor the most.

There was something about Morrigan which really grated on her. It was a different kind of hatred for which she had for the high lord. At least he attempted to reign in his sneers and insults, if only for the sake of Feyre.

Morrigan had been using Cassian as her personal buffer for the past five centuries.

Morrigan had wanted to dump her in the human lands.

Morrigan could go fuck herself.

Anger simmered inside her but she shoved it down. She fought back every single insult which rushed into her head.

“Nesta,” Morrigan greeted, that lovely smile, the one reserved for everyone but Nesta, was obviously absent.

Nesta only nodded in greeting. Keeping her vipers tongue behind her teeth.

“Your sister and Rhys sent me to fetch you,” she went on. “The others are busy.”

Fetch her. Like she was a thing. To them, she supposed she was. Nothing but a thing.

And Nestas heart, already shattered and broken beyond repair, refused to break anymore.

So she kept her head straight, walked to Morrigan and held out her arm so that they could winnow to whichever mansion her sister had chosen to have this meeting.

Mor, who had clearly been anticipating a fight couldn’t stop her eyebrows from reaching her golden hairline. She schooled her face quickly and with a surprisingly gentle touch, took Nestas forearm.

The study quickly came into view as they landed. Feyre was already sitting on the small couch, dressed in her usual sweater and leggings. She nursed what looked like a cup of tea. She smiled at Nesta but it was wary. It always was.

Elain sat beside her. Elain didn’t look at her, only looked at the floor. Nesta couldn’t find it in herself to care. She had made peace with who Elain had chosen.

Rhysand leaned against his desk. “Good, were all here then,”he went on “Cassian won’t be joining us this afternoon.” He looked at Nesta as he said this.

Like she was supposed to care where he was.

She didn’t respond. She could barely look at Rhys, her initial fear was still present from when Cassian had tackled him and they both disappeared into thin air.

Nestas legs felt weak. That’s probably why he called the meeting, Cassian wasn’t here to put himself in front of her. Rhys could do what he wanted. Force her to do what he wanted.

Someone passed a cup of tea into her hands. Nesta was too busy fighting a panic attack to know who it was.

Her sister was tense, so was Rhys, so was mor. The scent of Nestas fear was clearly pissing them all off. So she kept very still and just stared into her cup of tea.

Just get on with it. Get on with it.

“We needed help with scyring,” Feyre started, her voice shaking with what sounded like anger. Nesta glanced up to see her sister glaring at Rhys, who was wincing.

She couldn’t help but wonder what he did this time.

She stilled. Scrying. The last time she did that Elain had been kidnapped. She had gotten trapped. Nestas heart beat wildly in her chest, a cold sweat had broken out on her skin.

Feyre glanced at her then, pausing her internal argument with her mate. Her eyes softened, “It won’t be lik-“

“I can do it, I can try,” Elain said, but glanced nervously at Nesta. Waiting for her sister to rage and spit and protect her. As she always did. Not this time. Why the hell should she.

Nesta took a sip from her tea.

Shock overtook both of her sisters faces. She even caught Mor and Rhys glance at one another. Confusion scented the room.

Feyre recovered the quickest. “Thank you Elain, I know you haven’t done this before but you’ll be completely protected,” she placed a hand on her sisters shoulder and then looked at Nesta. “However, given this is Elains first time, if it doesn’t work..would you be willing to give it a go Nesta?”

“Of course.” Nesta replied, ever complacent and then took another sip of her tea.

Nesta couldn’t exactly understand the shock everybody seemed to be feeling. Surely Cassian had reported how agreeable she had become. The old Nesta was gone.

This is what they wanted. A soldier, who could take and carry out orders. She half expected Rhysand to pop a bottle of champagne.

So why did her sisters look so worried?

Chapter Text

“Why the hell was she so frightened?’’ Feyre demanded. She whirled on her mate, who wouldn’t look her in the eye.

Mor had winnowed Nesta back to the house of wind after she silently finished her cup of tea. The group continued to make small talk after the discussion of scrying, but Nesta had hardly spoke unless asked a direct question. It wasn’t highly unusual for her sister to avoid social situations like this, and whilst it was common knowledge that Nesta didn’t like any of the inner circle, something had felt very off.

“What did you do Rhys? She was close to tears when she came in here,” Feyre was seething. Her pale faced, frightened sister had set her teeth on edge. She had never seen Nesta like that, not even during the war.

Her mate was still casually leaning against his desk, but his shoulders were stiff.

“What makes you think I’ve done something? Nesta being unpleasant is hardly shocking.” He said it lightly, an attempt to be funny.

“That wasn’t unpleasant. She was scared.” Feyre was trying to keep her voice low, calm. She took a step towards him.

“Why is she scared Rhysand?”

The high lord stilled. She knew he would. She never called him that.

Rhys reached for her, but she stepped back.

Panic was beginning to show on his face now.

He sighed in defeat and showed her everything. Cassians reaction at training, then he showed her what Cassian showed him- of Nesta and her behaviour the last month.

Feyre stumbled. Her face white, she put her hands over her mouth and began to cry.

What had she done. What had they done.

It was almost finished.

Cassian had been working for multiple days straight with barley any sleep. Barley any food or drink. He still couldn’t get that broken look on her face out of his head.

It made him violent.

So he had began to build a cabin. It was small, but it had two bedrooms. A bathroom, a reading room, living area and a kitchen.

He would make sure it was warded so that only she could enter and whoever else she gave permission too.

She’ll never gave you permission. She’ll never want to see you again.

He ignored the cruel voice in his head. He would make this right. And someday, even if it was centuries from now, she might invite him inside. And the wait would be worth it.

She’s going to reject the bond you fool. Dont give her even more of an excuse to avoid you.

He had been ignoring Rhys and Feyre for the last four days or so. He didn’t care.

He hadn’t seen Nesta either. She’d probably been relieved that she hasn’t had to see him. Who would blame her.

His heart sunk at the thought.

He went back to working on the inside of her reading room. Painting it a duck egg blue, a large soft grey chair sat in the corner, facing the large window, with a small table in front of it, where she could rest her tea. Shelves upon shelves lined the walls.

He hoped she would love it, that it would make her smile. He couldn’t wait to see her smile again. The thought of it spurred him on with his work.

Soon. She would be happy and free soon.

Chapter Text

Nesta sat at the dinner table, her book opened in her lap whilst she slowly ate the bits of well done steak in front of her. It was nice to be able to take her time with her food, without having anyone watch every single mouthful she took.

Then she felt it. A tug just below her rib cage.

Gods-dammit.

She had enjoyed her week without him. She sighed quietly and inclined her head slightly to the left.

Cassian stood ten feet behind her and he looked awful. The dark circles under his eyes were prominent against his unusually pale skin. His hair greasy, wings slumped. He had a kind of wildness in his eyes, a crazed look that made her tense. Something was wrong.

And he was just staring at her.

Like she was the steak and he hadn’t eaten in days.

She stood slowly, nodded in greeting and quickly made for the door. He advanced towards her in what seemed like panic.

“Wait,’’ his voice was hoarse. “Please, just don’t leave yet. I have something to show you. Pack your things.’’

Fear flared inside her. An overwhelming amount of panic. Her knees buckled. They were taking her somewhere else. But where? Back to the human lands? Another massive house where she had no way of escaping. At least she had her books here. At least the house ran her baths and tucked her in and even sometimes left her slices of cake.

Just as her vision was beginning to blur, he made the mistake of trying to reach out to you touch her. To calm her perhaps? Or grab her and fly off more likely. She flinched back.

His face crumpled. He shook his head quickly trying to clear the look off his face and attempted to smile but it came off as more of a pained grimace.

“You’ll like it Nes, I swear. I know.. that I’ve lost your trust and rightfully so,’’ he swallowed. “But let me fix this, please.’’ He pleaded with her, his lips a tight line.

Confusion was overtaking the panic now.

Make it up to her?

Maybe he was taking her to a book store.. but why would she need her things?

But Nesta did as she was told now. No arguments. Not anymore.

She quickly made her way to her room and packed a bag long enough for a couple of days at least. Her stomach still churned in apprehension. In fear. She blinked to rid herself of the tears threatening and made her way back to where he waited for her.

She was hesitant about him touching her. She always was now. But he gently picked her up and cradled her against him, he was warm at least. She felt his face turn slightly, enough to smell her hair. And then they were off.

Nesta doesn’t know how long they flew for. If felt like hours. Her fear of flying, thanks to the high lord, had become so overwhelming that she was forced to put her arms around Cassians neck. His arms had only tightened on her when she did that, but he made no comment. Unusual.

They landed in front of a cabin. It was well built, the wood thick. Cassian still had not put her down so she wriggled in what she hoped was a hint.

A hint he ignored as he advanced towards the cabin with her still cradled in his arms.

The inside was beautiful she had to admit. It was cosy, but modern. A wood burner in the corner had a fire going but it was safely behind the glass so the sounds of it were muffled. The couch was dark blue, with a large cream throw and matching cushions adorning it.

She had eventually managed to wriggle enough that Cassian had to let her down.

“Why are we here?’’ Nesta asked him. Her voice was hoarse too.

He had been watching her, like usual. He spread his arms wide and smiled. ‘This is yours. If you want it.’’

“Mine? What the hell are you talking about?’’ She had whirled on him. “There is no way your high lord and lady approved this.’’ She finished blandly.

She had begun to walk around the cabin. There was two bedrooms, a bathroom, an adorable little reading room and a small kitchen.

Was this really hers?

No. It had to be a trick.

“This. Is. Yours.’’ Cassian whispered it. “I built it for you, you can live here, you can visit here, you can set it on fire if it’ll make you happy sweetheart. But it’s yours. I don’t care what Rhys and Feyre say.’’ he said, his voice angry. But not at her it seemed.

She couldn’t help the snort that came out of her.

And Cassian only nodded.

“I deserve that. I understand. But I need you to know now, that I am sorry. I’m sorry that I listened to them. I’m sorry I agreed to lock you in that house,’’ his voice broke, his eyes lined with silver. “I’m so sorry Nesta.’’ He went to his knees, grabbed both of her hands and pressed his lips softly to her knuckles.

Her heart hammered in her chest, she wanted to scream at him. How had he been so blind to it all? What had changed his mind? But she was also fighting back tears, the urge to fling her arms around him. This was her Cassian. She had wanted him after the war, to find her, to comfort her, to bring her to this cabin. She hadn’t wanted the male who agreed to lock her that house.

And so she wasn’t quite ready to forgive him.

The cabin was nice, she appreciated the effort. But it wasn’t quite enough for what he had done.

She removed her hands from his iron grip and watched as his features turned even more agonised.

“I will stay here for a couple of days I think’’ she said blandly. “You can go.’’

She turned on her heel and made her way to the bigger bedroom.

She shut the door without looking back.

Chapter Text

“Where the hell have you taken my sister Cassian?” Feyre snapped, it was the third time she’d asked him in the last 10 minutes.

 “I told you. Somewhere safe,” Cassian said, his jaw hardened. He was quickly losing patience, had been short tempered for the last week.

Nesta hadn’t granted him entry to the cabin yet. H’d been leaving supplies all week outside on the doorstep, consisting of food she would need, logs for the fire as well as small treats he thought she might enjoy like pastries, books, new gowns.. and yet she wouldn’t even open the door to greet him.

You deserve this.

Feyre continued to glare, as did Rhys on behalf of his mate. His high lord had tried to gain access to Cassians thoughts but Cassian would not yield. Would not risk unveiling Nestas location.

“You can’t expect us to just forget about her, we just want her saf-“

Cassian scoffed.

“Safe,” he muttered. “Sure she was safe. But she was fucking miserable.”

Feyre blanched. Rhys’s features hardened, an air of authority begining to swell In the room.

“She was hurting herself. She was hurting others,” Rhys said, his voice cold. Always so cold towards Nesta. “We did what was best for he-“

Cassian scoffed again. He couldn’t stand to listen to this.

“It was never about Nesta, was never about helping her, it was never about what was fucking best for Nesta,” Cassian stood, wings flared, he looked at both his high lord and lady, both of whom were sitting in shock. “It was always about Feyre. About making her happy. I see that now,” he trailed off, voice hollow.

Feyres face had completely paled now. Rhys stood, anger radiating off him waves.

“I let you lock up my mate like a fucking dog,” Cassian hissed. “and that’s not going to happen again. Ever. I want her happy, not terrified, and if that means keeping her away from you two, then so be it.”

Cassian braced, for it. For Rhys to attack, who was practically simmering.

Silent tears ran down Feyres.

“Nesta is not frightened of us.” She said quietly, more to herself than anybody else. “I would never hurt her.” Rhys stepped towards her, but she stepped back. The high lord went white.

“Maybe you wouldn’t,” Cassian murmured “but you took away her free wil-“ he paused. “We took away her free will.”

The weight of it sat heavy on his chest. He still hadn’t gotten that smell out of his nostrils. The scent of her fear.

“Whatever you want Cassian.”

He squeezed his eyes closed, trying so desperately to banish that memory. He stood suddenly, aiming for the door he ignored Rhys’s demands for him to come back. That their conversation wasn’t over.

He would go back to the book store and purchase more books for Nesta, he just wanted a glance of her face, she didn’t even have to speak to him if she didn’t want to.

He just wanted once glance.

Chapter Text

Nesta was currently curled up on the couch with a fur blanket and on her third book of the week. She was relaxed, and for the first time in a long time she felt not happy exactly, but.. peaceful. She still had bad days, when she would wake up in a cold sweat or not be able to lift her head from the pillow from pure mental exhaustion.

This was better than before though, without one of them hovering over her. Watching every mouthful of food she would eat, every breath she would take, everything she would say or do was always be carefully monitored, and of course reported back to her captors. Her own sisters.

The thought made her heart feel oh so heavy in her chest.

A small tug on her ribcage jolted her out of the dark place her mind was retreating to, and because she knew who that was tug was, her heart would remain heavy still.

He came every single day.

She never answered the door.

She remained tensed and waited, waited for the knock that make her heart gallop, the knock that would force her to lock her knees and remain sitting and not get up to answer the door. The knock that would force her to ignore the devastating ache in her chest.

The knock never came.

For the first time in two weeks, he spoke.

“Nes?’’ he called, voice hoarse, tired.

She squeezed her eyes shut and resisted the urge to put her fingers in her ears. She tried and failed to go back to the book in her lap.

“I’ve left you more supplies, sweetheart. Is there anything else you need? Are you alright?’’ he said softly.

She remained quiet. He knew she need she needed time, had told him she would be staying here for a while, why he insisted on pestering her every single da-

“Please,’’ his voice interrupted her train of thought. “Just talk to me.’’

He sounded so desperately sad, that she almost got up and moved to the door. Almost.

“Everybody fucking hates you.’’

Another weak tug in her ribs. One last attempt.

She could almost picture him, wings slumped, head low, an angry frown on his beautiful face, big hazel eyes empty and staring at he-

No. She shook her head, she would not go to comfort him. Not yet.

But still, as she listened to his footsteps retreating slowly in the snow, she couldn’t help but to hang her head and sob.

Chapter Text

Standing in her small kitchen and looking out the window to the dark forest beyond, Nesta took a small sip from her herbal tea.

She felt.. not happy exactly, but peaceful. Content. The numbness had started to fade, the dark thoughts were still present but less frequent, and for that she was grateful.

It had been two months since she had come to her cabin, and everyday someone left food and supplies outside her door, along with a small knock. She never answered it, didn’t care too. She was perfectly happy not to speak to any of them ever again. But she knew it would never last.. which is why when her sister, Feyre suddenly materialised in the kitchen behind her, Nesta only startled a little.

“Nesta’’, her sister croaked, her voice was small, hesitant.

Nesta did not move. Neither did Feyre.

“How did you find me?’’, Nesta mumbled. Pissed her time in her sanctuary was likely about to come to an end. Pissed that he had probably given away her location.

“Please. I just wanted to talk to you for a mome-“

“Your not here to drag me back?’’, Nesta spat, she stayed looking out the window but her shoulders were tense.

“No. Never. I understand that you likely never want to return home’’, Feyre said, her voice steady but somewhat sad.

Nesta snorted, “Since when do I get the choice to do what I want?’’

She felt her sister still.

Here we go.

“That is not fair,’’ she stated, starting to fall back into her authoritative role as ‘high lady’. “You we’re killing yourself. You were hurting us, hurting Cassia-“

Nesta whirled on her sister, “Do. Not. Say. His. Name,” She said through clenched teeth, her hands fisted at her sides.

Feyre took a step back and Nesta knew it was because her eyes were flashing silver. She quickly turned back to staring out her window.

“Fine,’’ her sister quickly composed herself. “But you should at least know that he’s a complete wreck. He won’t come to the house anymore except to give reports, he looks awful Nesta’’, her sister paused, her voice soft yet stern. “He looks like he’s barely sleep in over a month.’’

“I do not care.’’ Nesta said, her hand tightening on her teacup. “So, this is why you came then?’’ She laughed, “Not for me, your own sister. But for one of them. I don’t even know why I pretend to be shocked anymore.’’

Nesta shook her head, she had accepted that they were sisters family. She even understood why, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t still pinch at something in her cold heart.

“Don’t be ridiculous, of course I wanted to see you! I need to see that you’re ok, but you’ve been hiding for two godsdamn months.’’ Her sister practically raged at her, Nesta could her pacing back and forth, working herself up.

“That is because, sister, you locked me up.’’ Nesta hissed and then turned slowly, watched the colour drain from her sisters face, watched her eyes dart to the floor, lips tightening.

“I know I did. I’m so-“

”Don’t,’’ Nesta interrupted. She didn’t want to hear it, wasn’t in the place too. She just wanted a couple of more days in peace.

“I get it,’’ Nesta practically whispered.

“We have to talk, but right now, I just want to have a couple of more days in my cabin. I haven’t been drinking. I haven’t been with any males. I just want to be alone, just for a little while longer.’’

She need Feyre to hear her, even if it just this once.

Please. Show me you can let me be.

Feyres mouth loosened, her eyes softened and a look of determination crossed her features.

“I understand that you hate me Nesta, I do too sometimes’’. Her sister voice wavered. “Please, just come to the town house when you’re ready, we would all so love to see you. For a quick visit of course, that’s all.’’ A sad look flashed in her sisters eyes, but also acceptance.

With that, a flash and her sister, the high lady was gone. A piece of paper appeared on her kitchen table with the message stating to simply write when she was ready and she would be winowed there and back.

Was her sister finally starting to understand that Nesta was not isolating herself as a punishment to them or him, but simply that everybody copes in different ways?

She herself, understands that what she was doing before was not healthy either, that her sisters were probably worried by her actions- but nonetheless it was still her damn choice! Nesta shook her head to herself. But she had this, her little sanctuary. Her interaction with her youngest sister, although not exactly pleasant, was probably the most progress they had made since before the war.

For the first time, in a long time, Nesta felt it, a warmth in her chest, she felt lighter on her feet. Nesta Archeron was feeling hopeful.