Chapter Text
they couldn't help but think it was a cute idea. funny, maybe a little mean, yes but there was something strangely wholesome about their scheme.
seungmin hadn't suspected anything- not when his boyfriends would instantly cease conversation when he came in the room or even when they'd sent hyunjin and chan out one morning- during their schemes. he had to admit, the way hyunjin giggled as they were leaving paired with the way they'd denied seungmin joining left him more hurt than suspicious.
what he hadn't expected was to be approached with a present bag. he was mostly bothered they decided to interrupt his quiet time but that feeling was quickly replaced with curiosity. he stared with curiously parted lips at the bag being presented to him.
"sorry we didn't let you come out with us but-" chan extended his arm further towards seungmin. "it's yours."
seungmin bit the end of his sleeve- a common anxious stim of his- and looked between the bag and chan. he snuck a few glances to his other boyfriends who sat around the room, some curious and some expectant. "for me?" he asked after removing the sleeve from his mouth. "what for?"
the sofa dipped next to seungmin. "just felt like it. is that ok?" chan questioned, fully serious. seungmin reached a hand out, finally taking the handles of the bag between his fingers. "yeah, that's ok. sorry, i didn't mean for that to seem..rude," he responded in a moment of panic. chan waved a hand dismissively. "don't worry about it. it wasn't rude, minnie."
seungmin kept his hands cupped around the base of the bag to prevent it from falling as he sat it down. he gave a little nod and bit his lip. why did he have to be so anxious about accepting gifts? sure, he had trouble reacting to things, but they'd always understood that and had never taken personal offense to it. maybe it was a suppressed anxiety of his. nonetheless, he took great care in opening the bag and removing the tissue paper inside. he pulled the item from the bag, observing it. "what is it?"
a suppressed giggle from minho came from behind him. seungmin turned the toy in his hands, deciphering what it was as soon as he had asked. a dog toy.
it was a plush dog covered in a ribbed texture. the middle was round, surrounded by a hard plastic ball with holes big enough to fit a finger in. the limbs and ears appeared loose, flapping each time seungmin turned the toy. chan laughed- not in a malicious way- drawing seungmin back to the present. he lifted his head to meet his eyes. "we thought it'd be a funny little gift to give you. i originally said no but they thought it'd be a cute prank," chan explained, rolling his eyes. "you really don't have to keep it as a serious gift. we can give it to someones dog."
"no! it's ok," seungmin said hurriedly. "it's a cute gift," he mumbled, transfixed on the toy. "it'll be a fun memory whenever i look at it," he smiled at chan.
little did anyone know at the time, it was a little more than just a fun memory.
seungmin found himself awake at the worst hours of the morning. he'd been finding it hard to sleep for a couple days by then but never this hard. he sat in the middle of his bed, every blanket and pillow pushed as far from his body as possible- the feeling was just too much. sleeve bitten between teeth, he rocked forward and back, forward and back. he wrapped his left arm around his stomach, tensing and releasing the material of his sweater. he didn't fully realize anything was wrong at first, even with the amount of times he glanced at the clock to watch how much time had passed. when he did realize, it had been when rubbing his wrist against his temple turned into hitting.
he forced his hands underneath his legs after noticing his distress. his rocking increased in an effort to regulate how overwhelmed he was. it almost felt embarrassing how overwhelmed he was when all he had been doing was trying to sleep. he thought maybe he could go to chans room, would he be awake? chan could help him into petspace but was it worth risking when he could've been asleep?
following the 'chan' thought process, seungmins mind landed back on the toy that he now associated with him. he'd put it on a shelf across the room, slightly afraid of how much he enjoyed the texture and way it had moved in his grip. he had to be crazy, it was a fucking dog toy. still, he stared into the sewed-on eyes of the plush that seemed to mock him. no one was here- or even awake- right now. would it be so bad to let himself play with it?
seungmin slipped off the bed on wobbly legs. he found himself picking up the toy and sitting in his favourite spot on his carpeted floor. he left the toy for a moment of consideration, sleeve finding its way back between his teeth. what could it really affect if he just...played for a minute or two.
with a swallow, he ran a feather-light touch of his fingertips over the ribbed texture on the head. a shiver ran up his spine, ending with a shake of his head as if he were shaking something from his hair. seungmins eyes widened in surprise- and embarrassment- at his automatic response. ok, maybe this was an issue.
he picked up the toy regardless, running his fingers repeatedly over the texture and even finding himself enjoying scratching over it with his fingernails more. he took a moment to let it fall into his lap, opting to close his hands into fists and shake them and his head again. a grin fell easily across his features. with his embarrassment gone for the moment, he explored other ways the toy moved and felt. he found himself entertained by flapping the limbs and was more surprised by how much he enjoyed sticking his fingers through the yellow bars of the ball and removing them repeatedly.
the toy fell from his lap, rolling across the carpet for half a second. seungmin laughed to himself, maybe too loud for the time of night. he adjusted with his legs folded underneath himself. he then leaned his weight onto his knees and stuck his hands out, pushing the toy to roll further over the floor. seungmin laughed louder and clapped his hands. all too loudly.
a light shone under his door, signaling someone was awake and had turned on the hall light. the whole situation hit him at once. now that he was aware of his surroundings- specifically other people- he felt the anxiety rush back in too quickly. seungmin grabbed the toy, shoving it under the bed swiftly and clambering onto his bed.
there was hardly time to regulate how he felt- much less process what was happening- before the door creaked open. seungmin choked on a cry, sucking in a breath as chan opened the door fully and closed it behind him. "minnie?" his voice was hoarse. seungmin had never felt so horrified with himself.
seungmin pushed himself back across the bed, chest heaving with breaths that weren't coming in quick enough. chan kept his body language calm as he sat on seungmins bed. "hey, pup, what's wrong?" he asked in a soft voice. seungmin shook his head quickly, biting down on his sleeve. the tears continued falling from his eyes. "come here." chan motioned seungmin into his lap.
reluctantly, seungmin crawled into chans lap on shaky limbs. his arms folded around chans neck while his head ducked into it. chan scratched over seungmins back in quick circles- a stim he enjoyed with his boyfriends. "you're okay, puppy," chan whispered.
"can you tell me what you need?" chan asked once seungmin leaned back in his lap. seungmin scratched lightly at the back of his hand. "puppy," seungmin whispered. the word felt thick on his tongue. "pup okay?"
chan nodded. "of course, pup." he threaded his fingers into seungmins hair, pushing it back from his forehead where it flopped back down. seungmin hiccupped with the last of the tears in his eyes. "you can relax, puppy. i won't make you talk about it right now," seungmin nuzzled his face against chans hand once he registered the feeling of rough skin against his cheek. he whined to get chans attention, pawing at the base of his clothed stomach.
"want something?" chan asked. seungmin nodded. he pushed back off chans lap, holding onto him only for a moment to steady himself. he pulled his dog ears from a desk drawer. once on his head, he fell back into chans lap, snuggling completely against him.
chan looked at him in pure adoration. "cute." he wrapped an arm securely around seungmins waist and pulled both of them onto the bed. chan laid down with seungmin curling against his side. taking one look at the time, chan decided on petting seungmin until his breaths turned soft and slumber fell upon both of them.
the next time seungmin was awake, he found his bed surprisingly warm. when the memories of the previous night came back to him, he felt a combination of anxiety and fuzziness. he blinked a few times before shifting his head to look up at chan. still asleep.
seungmin slipped out of chans hold, completely disregarding the fact that he still wore his dog ears- too much fuzziness in the brain will do that for you. upon opening the door, the smell of food hit him as well as quiet chatter. seungmin trudged towards the kitchen in pursuit of whatever the nice smell was. everyones attention turned to the young boy as soon as he entered, hands hung loosely in front of his chest.
he blinked at them and sniffed the air. his eyes instantly fell on the food minho was making. he opened his mouth to speak but the harder he tried, the worse he felt- the more his brain fought back against him. he merely whimpered at the failed attempts. a hand was suddenly rubbing his back in gentle motions. "seungminnie, are you ok?" came a voice.
of course. they thought he was upset, bordering on a meltdown probably. which he was upset, but it wasn't the direct cause for his behavior. he inhaled sharply and took a quick step back, the person behind him having to move out of the way so they didn't fall. all too quickly again, he was realizing what was happening.
though the others were aware of seungmins petspace, they'd never witnessed it firsthand. chan had been the only person to ever properly witness it and now- standing in front of all of them- seungmin was once again horrified. what was it with him and doing things he'd never normally do? ever since that stupid toy-
"it's ok, minnie," hyunjin spoke softly. seungmin shook his head, placing his tattered sleeve in his mouth. he stepped back once more, hitting the doorway to the kitchen. "what's going on?" minho now asked after removing the food from the stove. seungmin could only cry softly in response. he wanted nothing more than to run and hide or at least speak. he remained frustrated at his lack of words.
"you're not talking," minho observed. he let out a hum before taking a glance at seungmins dog ears. he put two and two together. "where's channie, pup?" he asked. seungmins head shot upwards at the pet name. minho smiled so gently at him. "oh, right. i'm sorry puppy," he said, remembering seungmins lack of verbal communication. "you want food?"
it took him a moment- possibly to register what he was being asked but also to decipher if he was being tricked or not. a slow nod had minho holding out a hand and gently leading him to sit at the table. everyone tried not to stare but couldn't help sneaking glances out of curiosity. seungmin rocked slightly in his seat. never had he fallen asleep in petspace and woke up still in it, unable to pull himself out. why today?
minho fed seungmin bites of food which caused his cheeks to flush. eventually, he was done and bowing his head before scuttling away into the living space. chan emerged later with a confused expression. "where's seungmin?" he asked. minho pointed towards the living space. "he's uh- he's regressed i believe," minho said with caution. chan retreated to find seungmin curled up on the carpet with a blanket wrapped tightly around his body. pressure. he must be distressed.
deciding to leave him for the time being, chan approached the boys in the kitchen once more. "i fed him. we tried not to bother him too much, he seems really worked up right now," minho spoke before chan could.
chan sighed. "thank you for taking care of him. if i knew this would happen, i would've woken up sooner or at least warned someone."
minho handed a plate of food to chan who bowed his head as a thanks. "i'm sure it's ok. do you know why?" minho asked, sitting next to chan. a few of the other boys shuffled around them, putting away dishes and leaving the room.
"he had a small panic attack, i think," chan huffed. "i'm not sure what about but if he's still distressed, it must have been a big deal."
minho paused, a thought occurring to him. "you don't think it has something to do with the gift, do you?" a genuine question. chans face lit up at the suggestion. "i was going to make sure he was okay originally. i heard someone laughing and it was weird that he wasn't asleep." chan explained. "when i got there though, it was the complete opposite. the toy wasn't on the shelf when i got there."
the conversation ended there, both boys silently knowing what they had to do. after breakfast was over, chan and minho found seungmin curled into the end of the sofa with eyes locked onto the screen. the dog ears lay discarded on the floor. seungmins hair was tossled, not a good sign. chan slipped next to him, petting a hand over his hair to fix it.
seungmin did something he never expected.
he grabbed chans hand, pushing it away harshly. "don't pet me." his voice sounded rough- almost angry.
"hey," chan whispered. "talk to me." minho sat on the sofa across from them, making sure to stay out of the situation unless he was needed. seungmin sniffed. "what happened last night?" chan pushed.
seungmin shook his head. he rubbed his wrist against his temple, alarming chan. that was never a good sign. chan gently pried seungmins arm away with a protest or two from seungmin. he knew it was just a stim but that particular stim always turned into hitting and chan was willing to do anything to prevent that. "none of that. scratch my hand if you want," he offered instead. to his surprise, seungmin complied and began scratching as softly as possible on the back of chan hand.
"did it have to do with the toy?" chan asked. after what seemed like too long of silence, seungmin nodded.
chan gave minho a look, silently communicating to him to find the toy, figuring it would calm seungmin down. speaking of, seungmin let go of chans hand and took to scratching at the nape of his neck. a small whimper came from him when he dug too hard but still, he didn't stop.
"minnie," chan started out soft. he reached for seungmins hand but found he resisted with all his strength. "hey, hey, hey," he said, less soft. "minnie, stop."
chan eventually pried his hand away as minho entered the room with the toy. he passed it to chan who offered it to seungmin. he only looked between chan and the toy skeptically, like he didn't believe chan wouldn't make fun of him if he let himself find pleasure in playing with it. "we don't mind if you like the toy, pup. if it makes you happy, we're happy. we love seeing you happy and i would've gladly bought you so many more things like this if i knew you liked it."
seungmin couldn't help a small smile creep across his features. he hesitantly took the toy. it took him a few moments of watching them carefully for reactions before he was running his hand across the plush fabric and playing like he had the night before. seeing him so happy- wiggling in place and stopping his play to let himself stim from happiness- warmed something in chans heart. even minho smiled from across the room.
"i should get you some more of these, huh?" chan mused. seungmin clapped and shook his hands before throwing himself onto chan. "thank you for not making fun of me," he mumbled into his shoulder.
"of course, puppy," chan chuckled. "i would never when you're this cute."